#the belonging you seek
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I don’t like minimizing the importance and gravity of Laios and Toshiro’s fight into just being a childish squabble, even if to a degree it is framed that way, because to both of them it has a lot of personal significance and emotional weight and runs very deep to their characters… The fight isn’t nothing it’s a LOT, they made up but it’s not something easy to express and to get over for either of them which makes it all the more meaningful! I’m on both sides but there very much are sides, there’s no "they’re both having a ball, Toshiro and Laios hand in hand yay" side to the fight, that comes after
The fight with Toshiro WAS very scary to Laios, almost existentially so, but it’s moreso the "I thought I’d made a friend!!" bit and my god. My god actually
Like it’s not "just" about oh his friend liking him less than he thought, THAT IS SO MUCH. It’s a bond he thought he had being a lie it’s all the time and moments spent together either being a lie from his perspective or marred now looking back. It’s not only being upset at Toshiro for lying but upset at himself that he’s so easy to fool, it’s being upset that there’s something so wrong with you that you can’t even tell if your "close buddy" even actually likes you or not, it’s like. Holding my head. He can’t trust his own vision of events that happened do you see. There’s always this film of distrust that it could be a lie that should be there when he interacts with people there’s always this sense of cloak and dagger to expect backstabs out of nowhere because you CAN’T see it coming you CAN’T you CAN’T there’s something about you which makes it impossible so you CAN’T-
He’s so scared of not being able to read people. He knows it’s a weak spot he has, he’s always known. All of these bits are centered around social expectations and betrayals, the assumption that he doesn’t belong either in society or with other humans.
And Laios’ level of awareness is actually sort of complex to analyze, but it’s there, there’s how out of him and Falin he was the one sensitive to the ~aura of hatred~ he felt from the townspeople, there’s of course his nightmares whispering to him about the mocking looks, and how yeah actually he realizes that his gold stripper coworker was taking advantage of him. There’s of course the Winged Lion speech about his trauma and how he fundamentally mistrusts/dislikes humans to some deep seated degree, this distrust that he still keeps under control always. There’s how pre-canon he often wanted to suggest eating monsters but never worked up the courage to bring it up with the others. There’s how he gets across as stoic when he isn’t being enthusiastic…… We don’t know how aware and wary he is exactly in the moment but we do know he has some anxiety around social stuff, and looking back he does notice and aughh augh, the sense you have to hide yourself to not get hurt and be on your guard and shit and.
When you don’t know what to look out for and when to look out for it, the general ‘common sense’ of not always trusting people or noticing when someone’s messing with you becomes hypervigilance in social settings
"Man they really know what you hate huh". Being socially unaware literally plagues him, he knows, he knows it so well.
It’s so quick that it’s almost hard to digest how literal and blatant Laios summoning his monster to crush all the people who’ve hurt him is. His literal go-to coping mechanism for comfort in his literal monster-induced emotionally intense nightmares, saving him by taking away the upsetting element (the humans)
"Monsters are his coping fantasy, where they can whisk him away from humanity, all the hurt it’s caused him and its arbitrary rules" with the subtlety of a brick. Monsters are his comfort safe zone "because they kill humans" yes but no it’s because he pits them as the guardians against humans who to him are in the role of the agressors. To him they represent freedom from the shackles of what it means to be part of humanity, a fundamentally social species
#Fumi rambles#Was asked to post this but a lot of this is present in my shuro-Laios fight analysis from Laios’ pov#Bite sized fumi#Laios touden#Meta#happy nightmare chapter day#Character analysis#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#And humanity being a social species is ofc ultimately not shown as a negative.#Dunmeshi is about unity and coming together when seeking to understand that which you do not!!!#But yeah like imagine if you will that you can never really trust your own perspective of events because you literally can’t tell#Wether the person likes you or hates you and you just can’t tell. Even when they ARE being obvious about it#The nightmare scene is so real like I def have vivid memories where I’m like ‘Ah yeah they cringed here#that should have been a dead giveaway’. It wears on self-esteem and self-trust. Like “you don’t belong in society” in a way they’re#sorta like factually not wrong and like. Oh ok man. Sitting down#Just spitballing here obvi. Personal experience. Hey did you guys know that dunmeshi is good. Man. It’s good#Dungeon meshi#Analysis#Feeling The Owl House Gus meltdown episode in tha club tonight#Sobbing about how the flashbacks we see of Laios’ childhood are only happy when it centers around Falin or the dogs
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#fallen london#bertrand palomo#fallen london oc#his dire lordship#seeking mr eaten's name#smen#steal my cannibal son’s belongings i dare you#fallen London poll
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here's a hot take for today
the narrative function of sex is the same as the narrative function of fight scenes is the same as the narrative function of songs in a musical
no i will not explain
#taz talks#writing#actually i WILL explain but i'll do it in the tags#these each serve the same function within their respective appropriate genres#each one is a kind of revelation#they heighten the connection between 2+ characters and highlight relationships and feelings and needs#they are out of place in genres where they do not belong and/or as curveballs when the narrative did not provoke them from the start#but they have the same sort of emotional/dramatic build-up#talk -> sing -> dance (talk -> yell -> stab) ((talk -> flirt -> You Know))#and they are all expressions of intense physicality and intimacy through physical gesture and interaction#they are fundamentally empty and boring if there is not a deeper purpose or drive behind them#although they can still occasionally be entertaining on their own if your audience is specifically seeking that experience out#people who do not like them will be very unhappy to encounter one where it isn't supposed to be#it is very easy to ruin the mood with poor word choice#many people have an inherent sense for terrible ones but it's often difficult or complicated to explain precisely why a bad one fails#when executed properly they are a very raw and intimate expression of a character's most fundamental needs and desires#the fluff is stripped away and there is nothing left but a series of needs. conflicting or cooperating.#and even when you're lying during one it's still a form of truth#none of these things are remotely necessary to tell a powerful or compelling story but if you're going to use them you need to do it right#also all 3 of these things are difficult if not impossible to write if you are not both interested in them and personally invested#this post brought to you by me trying to write smut about my dnd characters and failing because i generally hate /reading/ smut#so i have none of the vocabulary or instinct for it that i do for. say. graphic violence (or lyrical poetry)
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#persona 4#p4#persona 4 golden#p4g#hanamura yosuke#yosuke hanamura#narukami yu#yknow when you think about how this comes shortly on the heel of yosuke bearing saki's thoughts about how he was such a pain in the ass#him trying to make light of it now is so heartbreaking because yes hes trying to play it off as a joke but its also him just....#trying to seek validation and belonging#“if you dont mind having me around” oh yosuke YOSUKE...#he's good with his queue
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“And to reward them, the gods carried their bodies into the night sky. Their bones turned into stars, and because we can see them, we still remember their stories.”
#jeeyon shim art#cmwge#natalia koutolika#the prodigy#home game fan art#chuubo’s#wip#the thing about being rewarded by the gods is that they never ask you if you want the reward first#the difference between seeking glory and having glory handed down upon you for you to bear#is like the difference between chasing a storm of your own free will#and being struck at random by lightning#and just as the gods say they love us#every hand that’s touching her in this image belongs to someone who loves her
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Staring down that weird feeling of feeling like too much or out of place or annoying if I say too much or say things too loud or too off-putting to be like- WANTED in any given social situation. To try so hard to socialize just to- idk. I’d very much like to stop defaulting to that scared kid that was pushed away or talked over until I got old enough and desperate enough to say any and every rapid fire thought that comes to mind. Like filling space when there’s dead air then wondering if maybe I did the Too Much™️ thing again and A. Scared everyone away or B. Pushed everyone away so it would hurt less when they leave BC of A.
Of feeling like I need to be useful or smart or talented or pretty or SOMETHING worthwhile so people want me around. I can just be but then it’s like just being has never been enough for anyone to like- stay. Or care. Running is always a mistake bc it’s like riiiight.. no one noticed you ran, babe. You’re not even at the top of their list people to want around. And just feel so low about it that I talk myself into feeling miserable again.
I’m happy, ive been so much happier lately and i dont take it for granted bc it’s so rare that things go okay or that there’s a sense of peace for a moment. I’m creating again and im less hard on myself about it. I have hobbies again, I’m making friends. And still I’m like seeing the other foot start to drop in real time bc it’s like. You’re in, but are you? That constant nagging voice that sounds so much like my own going “lonely again? Good you deserve it”
#me: there’s time..#also me: THERES NO TIME#now see the thing they don’t tell you about taking lexapro is that you’ll have the motivation and energy to reinvest in hobbies when you’ve#been in depression hell for so long#also thank god it makes the excessive worry thoughts thiiiiiis loud 👌#like nooo babe there’s time#there’s always time if I’m okay with the crushing feeling of splitting my attention TOO much that I don’t connect with either fandom#that’s spooky#shaking and screaming like ‘don’t look at the notes it doesn’t matter’#and it truly doesn’t#sigh#I just keep coming back to that Brennan/hank green clip#where Brennan is talking about feeling like you just /dont/ belong even tho u did commit to trying you’ll always have that scared little#kid at the back of your mind with no friends reconfirming that no one likes you#I don’t know..#in theory people like me#but /i/ can never be normal about it#and I keep like.. I dunno#it’s tough spending your whole life never being the one people seek out#never the one that people WANT to hear talk#constantly feeling like too much and wondering if I should pull back#for people to get weirded out when I pull back#it’s exhausting#and it’s lonely#and even after 24 years I’m still the same insecure kid talking in the group chat while everyone else is silent#like am I too much am I too desperate#even like talking to my mom- who’s opinion of me truly doesn’t matter anymore just constantly interrupt me or talk over me#or ignore me so I’m repeating myself over and over just to give up#personal#fuck
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I'm a simple little thing honestly full of love and need. Sad even how I don't want to be in the dangerous world to begin with. I wait like a puppy waiting to be adopted and taken home to somewhere that actually feels like home where I can feel taken care of for once and happily await my owners return. Won't you just find me and take me home.
#irl darling#darling blog#darlingcore#ftm darling#darling core#seeking#irl yandere#yanblr#actually yandere#actual yandere#actually obsessive#actually possessive#yancore#soft yandere#i belong home cleaning up and playing until you come home to coddle and cuddle smorher and adore me#im a good boy#i promise#ill be so sweet
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wow! 20 followers and 277 notes in my very first week of posting things here! ive never had one of my blogs get this much attention this quickly
im so happy! everyone tysm!
#i knew it was the right choice to make a jirai blog#i think i belong more here than in any other community tbh#i feel like i can truly be me without restraint or restrictions#as long as things keep up at this pace#with this blog#i will finally be... SUPER POPULAR!! /ref#ill log in every single day seeking attention and approval so im counting on you :3#noa.txt
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man im actually so sick of people thinking it's fine to be cruel as long as it's to ""them""
#chatter#you cant possibly fathom how a lack of community and constant belittling might drive someone to seek belonging in horrible places?#so-called leftists would rather bury themselves in a hole than associate with allies they deem less than perfect. fuck off man
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Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 5: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression
(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)
The winning option of yesterday's poll was that the adventurer should choose a suspicious egg as his gift ….
"He carefully plucks the egg from the gift pile, wrapping it in spare fabric and tucking it away inside a small wooden box within his backpack for safety. Not really wanting to stick around and get accidentally pulled into scary underground tunnels or something, he shakily bids the Well Creature farewell, and continues on through the forest, just following whatever he can find that looks vaguely like a path.. He makes an occasional stop to pick up a cool rock, harvest berries, or let the cat play in the grass, but mostly just wanders aimlessly, lost in daydreams and contemplations of how his New Fun Life Of Spontaneous Adventure is going so far......
Eventually, the forest tapers off into a more open area of land, hosting what seems like a humble little village. By this point, it's nearly nightfall, which reminds him that he's actually quite afraid of the dark, so he scrambles about town for a moment until finally finding the local Inn. After nervously stumbling inside, he rents the cheapest room available, then sits alone, snacking on some free leftover food scraps and plain water. It's been a tiring day, but in the spirit of becoming an adventurer and pushing himself to have as many experiences as possible, he figures he could hang around downstairs a little longer, perhaps get one more thing done before bed -- What should he do?"
#paventure posting#polls#choose your own adventure#Sorry I have the opposite problem to people who make characters who are too overpowered and good at everything lol#Everyone has to be fumbling around in roles that are not actually suited towards them that much (like a wandering#adventurer who is also afraid of the dark . not generally all that brave. instead of a trusty steed or something useful#he has like 5 coins and a piece of bread and a little cat. etc#) but that's the point! He wants to get out and try. He doesnt' actually know much what being an adventurer entails but he still wants to#go and adventure and see the world. leave whatever his old life was behind and just let himself be led by whatever paths happen#to present themselves to him - in the hopes that at some point along the way he'll end up with something fulfilling or know#where he actually belongs. blah blah generic adventuring stuff. so on and so forth. He can't have too specific of motivations really#just by the nature of everything he does being randomly voted on lol. So just 'generally seeking to be on a journey' works.#I wonder if that's the fantasy world version of a mid-life crisis. People reach a certain age and are just like 'I'm going to leave#my village and wander around and see what happens!!' and sometimes it works out and they become a famous#cartographer or a well known knight or work their way into a job in castle or etc. etc. and then others just return home after#like a week or something with no money and a broken arm lol#ANYWAY#I wanted to have so many options since an Inn is a good place where many branching paths could come from like. there could be such a#variety of people to talk to and things you could do there. but I'm still trying to limit it to 6 or less options each time#I wanted to have a second mysterious hooded figure described as trying very hard to look much more mysterious than#the first hooded figure but there isn't room for that with the text limits lol. but I thought it would be funny with like.. the fantasy#trope of there always being some shadowy guy in a corner in a tavern or something. but then you look and there's another even more shadowy#guy. then you look in the next corner and there's an even MORE shadowy guy. and sometimes they all stare at each other from#across the room. one of them pulls their hood down a bit and the other does it and they keep doing it until their faces are so covered they#cant see anymore. etc. etc. ANYWYA Ghbjhb#yeah! day 5!
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“
I never said it was easy to find your place in this world. But I’m coming to the conclusion that if you seek to please others, you will forever be changing because you will never be yourself. Only fragments of someone you could be. You need to belong to yourself, & let others belong to themselves too. You need to be free & detached from things & your surroundings. You need to build your home in your own simple existence, Not in friends, lovers, your career or material belongings, Because these are things you will lose one day. That’s the natural order of this world. This is called the practice of detachment.
” | Charlotte Eriksson |, Empty Roads & Broken Bottles: In search for The Great Perhaps
#brownsugar4hersoul#soul candy#sugar for the soul#eye candy#spilled ink#empty roads & broken bottles: in search for the great perhaps#charlotte eriksson#place in this world#conclusion#seek to please others#pleasing others#forever changing#never yourself#fragments#someone you could be#belong to yourself#free#detached#from things#surroundings#your surroundings#build your home#your own#simple existence#temporary things#things come and go#nothing is forever#natural order#natural order of this world#practice of detachment
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#i miss having friends who gave a fuck about me#or....friends period lol. remind me to never seek comfort in another human being lest they make me out for being s moron#that's probably one of the worst things you can do to me actually#aside from straight up betray me or break my trust#is make me out to be an idiot lol.#i guess i fucking am one if i keep thinking ill find comfort in people when theyre the only fucking thing that keeps hurting me over andover#''sorry?'' yeah sorry. majorly sorry for bothering you#i can't wait until the day everyone finally forgets about me and i finally fully fade away where i belong. anyway#know no one cares so im just going to play skyrim. good evening to anyone reading until the end of this
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I have an observation that may prove incorrect as I watch more but it feels like the three chibis... they don't feel like a trio, but more so that giroro and dororo get along really well and keroro is kinda third wheeling
#undeniably dororo looks up a lot to keroro but i feel a distance. especially because giroro is rightfully protective of dororo#i feel tensions#but it def feels like he doesnt belong in these comic strips... and hes veryyy often acting out especially in defiance to giroro#it wouldnt surprise me if it turned out keroro was like a little jealous of them#but you have to keep in mind hes young so he doesnt hve the emotional maturity to express that well#no doubt his acting out that even puts him in danger sometimes i see as a symptom of loneliness. attention seeking#you know when kids misbehave because that's the only way the parents and peers pay attention to them#in general hes loud and impulsive#musing#keroro#headcanon#we will see once i reach more chibikero eps how this looks
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Guess who found their biological father’s memorial page and guess who discovered that no one listed me as his family even after i got in contact with them and he and i had started talking again. And guess who left a message on there paying respects while adding I was his child. And guess who will continue to do that even if they delete it :)
#i'm pretty sure he had me listed on his will after we reunited#and it might be one of the reasons they all fucked off and refuse to acknowledge me#because they sold all his belongings#no offense dad but i wish i hadn't bothered finding you lol my heart is constantly broken about it#but i'll probably seek out legal stuff in the future because uh oh! bastard child has entered the ring#prawn posts
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Current worry about Starfall’s themes and Asha’s arc in particular is that it parallels the Darkrai arc a liiittle too well
#the world’s space is out of balance and causing distortions and cracks to spread#you are told you are the reason this is happening because you are a distortion/out of place in the world yourself#develops suicidal ideation as a result wondering if sacrificing themself for the sake of the world is for the best and that you dont belong#anyways so who would care#and then finally creatures associated with space are trying to kill you and are basically affirming that belief#the only differences ig are that asha is legitimately kind of a big distortion and her existence is a strain on their universe#(if only because that universe is at its limit when it comes to interdimensional anomalies and travels#and no one is telling asha to kill herself or anything she gets those thoughts on her own. mental illness#it sooorta goes in a different direction where asha has to seek help to stabilize themself for their own sake#cause living without any sort of treatment to handle their glitching is detrimental to them#and its not something that can be snapped away like how palkia works with hero and partner#like. asha at her core is an anomaly shes a pokemon that was never meant to exist. erasing the anomaly means erasing her.#i cant say its all a coincidence either tho cause asha’s glitch is directly inspired by hero and partner being considered anomalies in postg#postgame#it’s basically that combined with the gti postgame implications#echoed voice#starfall tag#pmd posting#suicide mention#jic
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sometimes i see takes on firebenders that are. not very well thought out.
#lok#i'm specifically talking abt legend of korra cause i never really seek out atla fics#okay specifically. people like to put firebenders as victims of hatred and discrimination in republic city. i've seen it a lot#and sometimes it makes sense#but sometimes. like you have to remember that they don't ever show this social dynamic in the show. for good reason#the history of republic city is that of colonization from the fire nation. and statistically many people have historically been heard by#individual firebenders even outside of the war#*hurt by#so obviously there's a societal distrust that can definitely be seen. and there's an attitude in the earth kingdom that republic city should#be returned to the earth kingdom. despite it no longer belonging to the fire nation either and being independent#but basically. both fire nation and earth kingdom people have been living in republic city for a long time#and in both groups especially more nationalist ones there is an attitude where they look down on mixed people#but basically in republic city especially it's not a one-sided conflict. there are those who get along with their neighbors#and those who don't#it's unfair to put firebenders and fire nation people as the sole targets of discrimination in republic city. republic city is very unique#like. fire nation people in ba sing se is a different story#but even then this attitude stems from the conflict caused by the war.#basically. cultural relations in republic city are messy#especially between fire and earth people due to the history of the land and the city itself#but it's not a thing where earth kingdom people (and those who look like them) get an automatically easier time than fire nation people.#that's not how that works. it's extremely situational.#mako and bolin's mixed identities are really interesting. but a few too many times i've seen#'everybody loves bolin cause he looks earth kingdom and everybody hates mako cause he looks fire nation' that's not it. there is more nuance#ANYWAY. i love the cultural intricacies of avatar and i'll talk abt them forever
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