#the beauty remedy edition

[soulprompts]

CARING FOR THE SICK PROMPTS.

i found this list and kinda fed into it each time i got the flu or a migraine, and u know what, it's just me revealing just how much i love the caring threads and the soft threads and the fondly exasperated "let me help you" threads! use at your pleasure, DO NOT ADD TO THE LIST NOR EDIT IT! i will be changing it accordingly!

" i found you passed out in the kitchen. you wanna stop working yourself so hard? or do i need to keep hitting the gym to carry you to bed every day? "

" you're burning up. "

" your neighbour called me and said you could use a nurse. looks like they were right, too. "

" you were told to take it easy, so... yeah. this is kinda on you. "

" you took a sick day. you NEVER take a sick day. so yeah, i got worried, and i figured i'd come over and keep an eye on you. "

" you texted me a long and incoherent text that held about 90% of the emoji list and about four different languages. figured it wouldn't hurt to drop by and see how you were doing. "

" how long have you been sick for? and don't lie. "

" you look like hell. "

" i brought you some soup; let me heat some up for you? "

" okay. it's time you went to the hospital. "

" hey… hello there, sleeping beauty. you gave me a bit of a scare yesterday. how are you feeling? "

" i swear, if you even think of getting out of that bed… "

" you know when i said to call if it's an emergency? a fever is most DEFINITELY considered an emergency! "

" if you think you're going to work like this, you better think again. "

" don't worry. my family swears by this remedy; just let it work its magic and you'll feel good as new in no time. "

" I don't care about getting sick. i'm not leaving you until you're back to full health. "

" you didn't stop to think that this might happen when you're burning the candle at both ends? "

" yeah, I can play the role of nurse AND say "I told you so" at the same time, actually. "

" you better drink every last drop of this tea, no matter how disgusting it is. "

" i told my boss it was an emergency so they've given me a full week to look after you. "

" quit being so stubborn and get into BED! "

" what part of doctor's orders hasn't sunk in yet? bed rest! for the WEEK! "

" right, where do you keep your saucepans? i'm going to make you my famous noodle soup. it's a cure-all, i'm telling you! "

" hey, unless you're going to the bathroom or the sofa, I don't want to see you out of that bed. got it? "

" when are you gonna start letting people look after you, huh? "

" i know, i know, i turned off all the lights once i figured you had the migraine. you want some tea? water? "

" don't be mad, but i saw your fridge, and... it frightened me. so i've taken you back to my place, and i'm gonna get deliveroo to bring some groceries to your place tomorrow. okay? "

" i know your appetite is a little off, so i ordered in a whole tonne of options. just try a little bit of something, please? for me? "

" i've brought half a pharmacy, enough movies and boardgames to last us a decade, and every single snack i could fit into the basket at the grocery store. so sit your butt down, eat your soup, and try and make the most of your bed rest for the next week, will you? "

ACTION PROMPTS ( SEND THE FULL LINE! and feel free to reverse if u wish! ):

[ TOUCH ]: sender gently rests a hand against the receiver's forehead to check their temperature.

[ DAMP ]: sender presses a cool cloth against the receiver's face, neck and forehead to try and lower their fever.

[ BLANKET ]: sender wraps another blanket around the receiver to try and stop them from shivering.

[ SPOON ]: sender gently coaxes spoons of soup into the receiver's mouth to build up their strength after an illness.

[ CARRY ]: sender, finding the receiver weakened/unconscious on the floor, immediately lifts them up and carries them back to bed.

[ AROUND ]: sender keeps a protective arm around the receiver to help them walk without the risk of stumbling or collapsing.

[ STAY ]: sender decides to stay by the receiver's bedside after learning that they're sick.

[ HAIR ]: sender smooths back the receiver's hair in a soothing gesture to try and help them go back to sleep.

[ TILT ]: sender tips a bottle of water up for the receiver to sip from.

[ HUM ]: sender hums/sings to soothe a sick receiver back to sleep.

[ BACK ]: sender gently rubs the receiver's back, either to soothe them or warm them while they're unwell.

[ SHARE ]: sender climbs into the receiver's sickbed with them, wrapping their arms around them to offer warmth and comfort.

[ SHOWER ]: sender, learning the receiver has a high fever, takes a cold shower with them in order to lower their temperature.

[ WAKEN ]: the receiver wakes up in bed, having been found unconscious by the sender and carried into the bed from the floor.

[ QUARANTINE ]: the sender and receiver, both being sick, decide to quarantine together and spend the recovery period with each other.

[bu-blegh-ost]

Something just occured to me. Circling through each beautiful moment in the campaign, I noticed a pattern. Gillion never initiates hugs. Every time, no matter if he is the one consoling or the one being consoled, he never is the first person to offer an embrace. And I think it says something.

When Jay wants to hug Gill, she always asks first. She opens her arms as an invitation and always gives him a clear sign that she wants to be close to him. And any time she offers, anytime Gillion gets permission, any time he feels like he is allowed one, he clings to her desperately and fully, starved for it, finding himself unable to let go too quickly, savoring it like he isn't sure when he is going to be allowed to have another.

Chip's hugs are unprompted and usually done with just as much desperation. They are completely controlled by emotion, and are a form of a language that Chip uses when love and appreciation cannot be expressed by words anymore. Chip never asks for hugs, he takes them. He needs them, so he is scared to ask like Jay does, cause asking means risking to be denied. It is safer to steal it. In contrast Jay is still asking cause she is still afraid of taking love for granted.

But they both, in the end, ask for hugs and comfort in their own ways. Gillion doesn't. He wants it, he needs it so often, but he never dares to ask for it. Cause he still treats love as a reward that he needs to earn, that he is not allowed to ask for, that can't be had, unless he does something that makes him worthy of being loved. Affection and love is a currency and Gill was taught that he needs to fight for it. That it's something he should never dare to request on his own.

How many times on their journey did he need to feel someone else's body close to his, but his lips were sealed, suffering in silence, thinking he Has not done well enough to be given the privalage of being comforted? How many aches and worries did he swallow down and burried deep inside? How many old wounds is he trying to fill with every single hug he receives, when someone else offers it to him? When he dares to take it, when he grips their clothes in an iron grip, trying to make the best out of it before it's gone? Cause who knows when someone allows him to have that again?

The only person Gill ever hugged first was Edyn, the first time in Allport. It was done with the same ferocity of a hurt child, of a little boy who Has been going through hell and his sister is his only remedy. The only person that always lets him have love for free. The only one he knows he can hug for sure. One who for so many years has been the only source of comfort.

The rest of the world is uncertain and even with Chip and Jay, Gill still strives to fulfill the unsaid cryteria of when he is worthy of their affection.

But I know that with enough reassurance and care, he will be able to ask for love himself and start treating his crew as people he can fall back on. And just so you know, the moment in which Gillion is the first one to hug Chip or Jay is going to make me cry like a little baby.

_______

Edit: more thoughts occured

Did you notice that Jay always seems to match Gill and Chip when it comes to hugging? She never asks Chip for hugs and takes them the same way Chip does, no matter if she is the one seeking or offering comfort. And the same goes with Gill. Regardless of whether she is the one in the need of comfort or she is the one comforting, she always verbally communicates a desire to hug first. Like she kinda feels that this is what Gillion needs from her to accept it.

So maybe Jay is actually always trying to search for the most effective way to get a hug, to increase her chances. She believes she has to, cause she cannot take love for granted anymore, not after Ava's death. She took her for granted and now she is gone. So now Jay struggles to freely express her own desires and instead clings to all the ways that she thinks guarantee her the affection she needs, an act of desperation in its own right. A silent plea for acceptance.

Each Captain on this ship treats each embrace as a treasure to savor and protect. It's a result of their past and their fears, but also a proof of unyielding love they have for each other. It's beautiful and one day the same love that they still dread to take, will heal them.

[kquil]

JAMES POTTER | 01:15 ⏤THE PRETTY MECHANIC

SUM. : james borrows sirius' new motorbike and ends up breaking down on the road, thankfully he remembers a mechanic shop nearby and heads straight for it - he doesn't expect to meet the prettiest mechanic there though

TAGS. : fluff ; modern au ; muggle au ; mechanic reader ; biker james ; reader is oblivious ; reader is just doing her job ; james being the love sick puppy that he is ; james is a loveable dork ; james breaks a promise ; sirius doesn't have to know ; legal vandalism? ; vandalisim is never legal kids ; don't try this at home ; james and sirius are BFFs!

LENGTH : 1.1k

NOT PROOFREAD OR EDITED

James was FUCKED!... 

He had borrowed Sirius’ new motorbike but now it was shutting down on him and he didn’t know what to do! This has never happened with his best friend’s previous bike before. That bike was easy to handle, not at the beginning, but over time, James had grown familiar with it and now that he was on a new bike, he didn’t even know where to begin with trying to remedy the issue – whatever the issue was! 

“Padfoot’s gonna kill me if his sweet new ride breaks down,” James’ voice shakes as he panics silently to himself, “and it’s all because of me…”

James remembers spending an entire week trying to convince Sirius to allow him the privilege of riding his new motorbike. A matte, all black Triumph Daytona 660. It was a beautiful ride, and one that Sirius was proud to own and made him promise to handle with the greatest care. Sirius’ love for the motor vehicle was contagious and made James just as much of a fanatic over bikes. James had his own Suzuki SV650 in red and black finish. 

Handling of Sirius’ Triumph was unparalleled, not only did it look artful on the road but it was also incredibly agile. The footpeg was well placed and, accompanied with the raised clip-on handlebars, the position it locks you in for a speedier cruise was so much more compelling compared to his Suzuki. The Triumph definitely didn’t shy away from staking its claim as a sports bike but that only meant it was more addicting to ride. 

And now, here James was…

After breaking down at the side of the road, he had been pushing and pushing the bike all the way into the previous town he had passed and was now on his way to the mechanic shop he had caught a small glimpse of when passing.  He worked up quite the sweat but didn’t pay it much attention; too worried over Sirius’ disappointment and anger. James made a promise to take care of his new motorbike and he had just broken said promise. Staring up at the mechanic sign, James took a breath and clung onto the slight hope that whatever happened could be fixed. 

“Damn,” the new voice makes James’ head snap towards the open garage of the shop, “is that your bike?” 

“Uh…” James struggles to form any words because, how could he when you were staring at him with such pretty eyes and sweet-looking lips? When you were dressed in the typical motorbike mechanic overall-type uniform, all black and clearly oversized, swamping your figure in the most adorable way. Just a moment ago his heart had been racing in fear of Sirius’ fury but now it was racing for an entirely different reason. You’re so pretty… pretty and with the kindest eyes. Your lips are moving… so you’re probably talking to him right now but he can’t hear anything when his eyes are so focused on the way your lips shape around different words. Oh! But he bets your voice sounds as pretty as you so he should probably start listening to you again. 

“--ou okay?” you finish with worried eyes and James could only guess what you were just saying. 

“Y-yeah!..” he bashfully turns away from your gaze, “Sorry about that,”

“It’s alright,” when he turns back to you again, James has to stop himself from sighing dreamily and openly drooling over just how pretty you were. But you were smiling at him! And so sweetly too that his insides melt around the butterflies fluttering around his stomach, “what can we do for you today?”

“My uhh…my friend’s bike. I was just borrowing it and it broke down a few miles from here,” he admits as a frown marks his features with guilt and despair, “I-I don’t know what could be wrong with it…”

“Don’t worry,” James watches you tilt your head in a gesture of welcoming him inside, “we’ll can take a look for you,” if James thought you were pretty before, now he think you’re angelic – he can’t help but believe in your words fully and feel all his worries wash away, banished by the shine of your bright smile and warm gaze, “I’m sure we’ll get you back on the road in no time!”

Forget melting into a puddle, James was evaporating into mist! 

The problem with Sirius’ Triumph Daytona 660 was that it ran out of fuel and James was too busy panicking and stressing over being a bad friend for breaking his promise. That was the good news, the bad news was that he totally just embarrassed himself in front of the cute motorbike mechanic AND now he has no reason to ever see you again! 

Desperate times call for desperate measures…  

…James faces his Suzuki SV650 with his well beloved hockey stick in hand. A sacrifice has to be made and he doesn’t mind it being his bike. Should he aim for the front light or the back? He read somewhere that submerging the engine in water whilst running it would get water in and the air intake wouldn’t be able to compress in the cylinders and end up bending the conrods and smashing the valves. The pool would work for that one.

James looks at his hockey stick again before making a final decision. He can do this for now and when you fix his bike, he can say he ‘accidentally rode his bike into his pool’. Yeah that would work! James raises his arms above his head, aiming for the front light of his Suzuki and takes a breath before swinging down—

“James!” Sirius’ panicked shout makes him seize up entirely, his powerful swing down paused mid-air, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” his best friend had been staying over and was wondering what he had been doing spending so much time in the garage and came walking into an unfathomable scene. 

“Uhhh…” I want to see the pretty mechanic again! 

“The ‘pretty’ what?” Sirius pulls a disbelieving face. This was all for a girl?... It’s not surprising considering the way James used to act around Lily but vandalising his own motorbike? 

Shit! I said that out loud.

“Yes, yes you did…” James can’t bring himself to answer. However, he didn’t have to as Sirius stalks over to the toolbox and grabs a wrench. He didn’t even need to explain himself. Both share a smile before beginning to do a number on his once very beloved Suzuki. 

“Thanks Siri,” panting, James wipes the sweat off his brow and faces his best friend with a boyish grin. Out of everyone else in the world, of course Sirius would have his back and not ask questions–

“Wait– why were you at the mechanics in the first place?”

“Uhhh….”

“James?...”

A/N : like most of my timestamps, i wrote this incredibly sleep deprived but inspired and couldn't wait so here you darlings go <3 please forgive any spelling or grammatical mistakes and i hope you enjoy the fluff hehe~

NAVI.

TAGLIST : @melinajenkins @aastonishment @until-i-found-you @corp0real @celestcies @lovelydoveval @inlovewithremusjohnlupin @calums-betch @futurecorps3 @hihihi1112 @simpingforthe80s @yrluvjane @chaosofmanyfandoms @storyofaromance @loving-and-dreaming @somewereinthegalaxi @ashreblogsficshere @cassandra-nerezza-black @stray-bi-kids @ttkttt

@notasadgirlipromise @desikudisworld @volturissideslut @arilxup88 @fallencrescentmoon @topaz125 @xxrougefangxx @starchaser-lily @probablypossesedbysatan @agent-tempest @veryberryjelly @th3-st4r-gur1 @sousydive @delusional-4-fake-people @linaax @girl-detective16 @riaa-moony @ericityyy @ahukk0 @ghostgardn @rosalyn-s @seungtelevision

[nefertitiacai]

Astro observations : "I GOT IT FROM MY DADDY" (AND MOMMY) edition

yk that one "DADDY" song by PSY sksksk

🪷 Venus in 4th house is an indicater of person being very beautiful and blessed with good looking genetics. They can also be conventionally attractive since 4th house also rules homeland, so they may be deemed as attractive where they live. A genetically blessed placement.

🪷 Jupiter in the 4th house is also an indicator for having a feature that may be "large" that runs through the family. Like being voluptuous or tall. Again a "genetically blessed" placement.

🪷 Sun/Jupiter in the 10th house individuals can learn a lot of stuff related to careers and build connections through their father.

🪷 Moon/Saturn in the second house may have some distinct facial features which resemble their parents. As both are considered planets that rule over parents and the second house rules over face.

🔴 (TW: Generational Trauma) ⏬

(also the observation and remedies which I've mentioned are purely based on generalization, if you may be dealing with it on a serious note then consulting a medical/health care professional is what is required💚)

🪷 Those who have Mars/Chiron/Saturn/Pluto in the 4th house/cancer/conj Moon may beat themselves up for a certain "flaw" which they consider themselves to have. This habit or problem may make them feel powerless. As if they are unable to change it. However, in actuality that "problem" didn't start with them but may be a generational thing/a characteristic which got inherited from a family member. [Our genetics play a major role in general with the way we are today (yes even personality-wise). But one can change it by will and if they indulge in self-improvement techniques like meditation, visualization, journaling with clear intentions, and other mindful activities]

📚 (PS. as a book enthusiast to others who are into reading self help books I'd recommend those who are dealing with such problems to read the book "It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle" by Mark Wolynn 😃)

(TW: mommy issues) moon conj Pluto placement and being notorious with mommy issues.

However, in my case, I have this placement and I don't feel it to be like that. My relationship with my mom is a very typical one. We have different views on certain stuff but we aren't toxic. Nonetheless, what I consider really to be toxic is my mom's side of the family and her childhood had also not been the best. So this placement actually may be something regarding the fact that your mum had to go through a lot and if you know that fact then it is easy to forgive her and give her a tight hug whenever you can.

This placement can also be an indicator of the child's mom going through a stressful phase during the time of the birth.

🟢 TW over, ok enough with sad stuff now 🤧

🪷 It is an observation but I've noticed Sagittarius, Pisces, Capricorn, Aquarius, and Leo placements folks may resemble their father's looks and personality-wise distinctively. Like there's that one feature that they may also be known for like, "you have a smile like your dad". It may be due to them being ruled by Jupiter, Saturn, and sun respectively, the celestial bodies which deal with "fatherly figures" in astrology.

🪷 Leo, Cancer, Aries, Gemini and Capricorn placements 🤝 acting all wholesome and cute when their mom is around.

🪷 If you and your sibling both have prominent mercury placements then you might hear someone saying this at some point "oh YoU BOth LoOk likE eACh otHer a Lot" and y'all will be like "b*tch no, from which angle, I am obviously more gorgeous 😤" 

🪷You know being a Sagittarius 🐎(also honorable mention Aquarius and Pisces) this proverb literally go with us for our parents 'You can lead a horse 🐎 to water but you can't make him drink '

📚[ PS.  if the horse is willing then only it'll drink, you can't drink water on its behalf. (That's the universal truth with life btw, you are responsible for your own tasks. Others can only guide you but in the end, it's you who will have to act, innit)]

Even though it is for our own "good" and "wellbeing" that our parents do and force these placements to be doing things in a certain way these placements will only "keep drink up to it" if it gives them a feeling of expansion and freedom. (That's why Sagittarius and Pisces placements are deemed to be "irresponsible" but that's not the case. And Aquarius placements have a reputation to be "rebellious" but that's unlikely. These placements most of the time may think ahead of their time and may have a bigger picture on things that's why they may consider certain tasks to be irrelevant (however it can also backfire and this certainly doesn't mean to be an excuse to run away))

🪷 Virgo and Libra placements tend to have good mannerisms which may be taught by their parents. They are big on punctuality. Also, they are well-behaved and sweet people. Often being talked about as "their parents raised them well". 

Virgo is associated with the 6th house which is also the house that rules over service so they tend to be helpful. Libra on the other hand is associated with the 7th house which is the house of partnerships, that's why they like to treat people with kindness and have a pleasing appeal. Like a comrade. (Although this also has a shadow aspect to it, this can make these placements to be perfectionists in unhealthy amounts and they may start to have people-pleasing tendencies. They may also grow pessimistic since many people may view their kindness to be their weakness, which is not true at all you guys, y'all are great and don't fall into what those low vibrational people have to say.)

It's 11:11 while I type this 💫 also, umaru chan is so adorable

[h0neysp1ce]

❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀ Tιɠԋɳαɾι

⋆˚✿˖° Character Parings : Tighanri , Fem! Reader Constellation: Head canons / series Warnings: Spoilers for Sumeru Archon Quests (small mentions) Spoilers for Tighnari's Character and Personality? Tags: Fluff, Romance, Established Relationship, Relationship Dynamics A/N: Next Fontaine Men?? No specific pronouns for reader, But I started the head canons series, with it being fem! reader so that's why its labeled that way. ⋆˚✿˖° (proof read sorta ) (edited sorta)

Word count: 955

✧˖°🌷⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚✧˖°🌷⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚✧˖°🌷⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚✧˖°🌷⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚✧˖°🌷⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

Nicknames he gives you include: Marigold, My Marigold, Dear, Daffoldi, Dandelion, Buttercup.

As a Forest Ranger, he definitely takes you on his forest watches and duties sometimes.

Tighnari knows his herbs like the back of his hand (he probably has a whole book on them that he keeps with him at all times).

He drinks tea and brews herbal tea for the two of you, such as mint, ginger, or peppermint flavors.

He's all about safety 100%. He will give you a lecture beforehand and a review lecture during the outings you both go on.

His love languages are Words of Affirmation . He'll verbally express his love and show it in every way he can, every day. <3

He has a sarcastic side and a serious side, a mix similar to Cyno’s but distinct in its own way.

Tighnari is both a compliment giver and receiver. <3

Tighnari: "You look as beautiful as ever, my Marigold."

You:  "Thank you, Love."

He is a respectful gentleman, a sweetheart, and a total sweetie to you.

You listen to him ramble on and on; it's comforting and kind of funny when he goes off on his usual tangents.

Your boyfriend has a Mom/Bodyguard Mode (he only does it to protect his most beloved, which is you :3).

He remembers the smallest details about you—favorite foods, colors, everything. He's that dedicated to knowing you, memorizing it all with ease because you are that important to him.

You two share his place in Gandarvaville and live together. <3

Collei was the first person to know about your relationship.

Sometimes you help Collei with tasks or act as an alternative if Tighnari is out on his travels and wants you to stay put until he returns. It varies honestly.

You are allowed to pet/touch his ears with his permission (you're the only person he lets do this).

He knows how to make medicine and herbal remedies for just about everything.

He loves kissing your forehead, hands, nose (and sometimes your neck), and leaves behind marks here and there as a way of marking you (all with permission, of course).

You are bonded for life, as his species (fennec fox) mates for life, so you are paired forever. <3

Like Kaveh, Tighnari would definitely bring a banquet of flowers home to you from all the places he visits each time he goes on his travels. He’s also gotten you jewelry before, like necklaces, earrings, or bracelets (Sumeru style??).

Tighnari: "Daffoldi, could you come in for a moment? Yes, come here please."

(He gifts you a flower-shaped necklace that resembles the flower on his outfit, almost matching.)

"Name": "I love it so much, thank you, sweetheart!"

He trained you how to use a bow and arrows (with his bow) and also taught you self-defense and various other skills.

He acknowledges you every chance he gets, always impressed and proud of your achievements.

Like the other Sumeru men, he knows more than one language.

He teases you sometimes and makes lots of funny jokes that make you crack up.

He’ll be that shoulder to lean on if you fall asleep.

Nap time is a thing for you both whenever you get the chance.

Hand holding, kissing, cuddling—he’s all for it.

He’s clingy right before you two go to bed, when waking up in the morning, or when he's about to leave on a trip. He always clings to you and gives you lots of kisses and compliments before he leaves, assuring you he’ll be back soon.

Like Kaveh, he’s always glad when his duties as a forest ranger wrap up or pause so he can return to you because he tends to miss you.

He finds his work as a forest watcher/ranger very important but always makes time for you in between (dates, quality time, etc.).

He also gifted you a locket necklace with a picture of both of you inside it.

He definitely picks you up bridal style or gives you piggyback rides when your feet get tired on a trip.

"Name": "Tighnari, I’m fine, you can put me down."

Tighnari: "I’m just letting your legs rest for a while, silly. We’ve been walking for a bit, and I can clearly tell you need a break."

"Name" "But—"

Tighnari: "Ah, ah, no buts. I’ve got you." He gently pulls you closer to his chest while carrying you, placing a kiss on your forehead.

Passionate and soft kisser, trailing kisses on your face, neck, etc.

When you walk together, he likes wrapping one of his arms around you, placing it on your side.

As serious as this fennec fox can be, sometimes he can be a bit goofy and silly.

He’s dedicated to protecting you, and no one will ever try anything while he’s around. :)

That time he got struck by lightning was a real scare. You scolded him a lot for it.

"Name" "You could have seriously gotten hurt worse!"

Tighnari: "Buttercup, I’m fine—ow, ow."

"Name": "Don’t move."

Tighnari: "I’m  really sorry, Marigold."

He loves to cup your face with his hands from time to time, thinking you’re just cute and adorable up close with his hands cupping your face.

You have dinner together almost every night unless he’s away on his job as a forest ranger.

You two take walks when it’s raining (not thundering or lightning), just when it’s raining with a leaf umbrella (I know that doesn’t exist, just bear with me).

At some point, he got you a piece of jewelry like a promise ring or a matching bracelet for both of you, as a sign of your union and how important your relationship is.

He’ll eventually ask you to marry him. Don’t worry—this fox sees a future with you.

[synnamonroll666]

Can you Josh x black female reader whose feeling a little insecure so they have mirror sex while he tells her especially and in GREAT detail what he likes about her??

Tell Me You're Beautiful

Pairing: Josh Washington x Black Fem!Reader Description: After a full day of no replies to his texts, Josh went to his girlfriend's house to find her hiding in her room. After learning that insecurities are keeping her in bed and none of the usual compliments working to cheer her up, he decided to show her how he sees her in a different way... Warnings: Angst, Reader Is Very Insecure, Self-Hatred, Smut, Soft Dom!Josh, Mirror Sex, Praise Kink, Unprotected Sex But No Creampie, Third Person POV, Specific Descriptions Of The Reader. (If I Missed Any Tags, Let Me Know.) Word Count: 2k A/N: I'm so sorry this too so long but if any of you follow me, you know I'm indecisive as fuck with editing. 😂 Also, someone requested another black fem!reader on my other blog, about Josh and the reader playing 7 minutes in heaven. They asked if I could make it spicy so I'm going to do that one on this blog instead since this is my smut one. So if that anon is reading this, just know that I did get your request and I am working on it. And to the anon who requested this fic, I hope you enjoy it. I may have went a little more dramatic with it than intended but I tried my best. 😅🖤 Main MasterList: 🖤 Synny's Angels: @lorebite, @koexchange, @yesitsloulou, @mistmoose, @jasonexo, @fortune-fool02, and @raven-the-cryptid. (If you want to be added to the taglist, let me know in the comments! 🖤)

𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐

She laid curled up in bed, a large hoodie covering her form and a look of sadness pulling down her features. Her phone had been blowing up all day. Friends asked her to go on outings, and her boyfriend, who was concerned by her absence.

It was 3 p.m. when she heard a knock at her bedroom door. Figuring it was only her mother, she gave acceptance to them entering, only to be left dumbfounded when her boyfriend, Josh, came through with a very worried expression on his face.

"Josh, please! I need to be alone right now." She expressed this while pulling the blanket up her chest, subconsciously wanting to hide away from his watchful eyes.

"What's wrong, (Y/N)?" He asked while stepping into the room, despite her protest.

He immediately came to her side, concern evident in his features. He was always one to care—always so quick to throw everything out the window and run to her beck and call. He was always her hero, even if he was the one who needed saving. But that wasn't important now. What really mattered was fixing whatever had her so broken down.

"Please, (Y/N)... Tell me what's wrong." He practically begged, just hoping it was nothing too big that he couldn't fix. Even then, he would go to great lengths to at least make it better.

"It's just..." She choked out, her voice barely above a whisper, as her brown eyes gazed up at him through her tears. He nodded his head while taking her small hands in his own, urging her to continue. And with a deep breath, she finally got what's been killing her inside off her chest. "I can't stand myself..."

Josh could only respond with a quiet "Huh?" not fully understanding what she had meant. She shook her head, not wishing to elaborate but finally finding the words after releasing a subtle sigh.

"I can't even look at myself. I'm not like those girls in the magazines. I'm not special." She admitted it shamefully, wiping her tears away with the sleeve of her hoodie as she did so.

Josh understood these feelings. Despite his confident demeanor, he was just as insecure as most people. Hell, maybe even more. He hated that she felt this gut-wrenching feeling. However, he knew he could remedy this.

"You're wrong." He stated it firmly, his voice now so strong and confident, it caused her to do a double take back in his direction. "You're the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Most guys would give their left nut to be with you."

She scoffed at his comment and rolled her eyes. "You're just saying that..."

Though she appreciated his efforts, it would take more to convince her just how beautiful she really was. Josh knew this and made a vow within his mind that he would do everything in his power to prove it to her—to make her see herself through his eyes.

"Stand up." He then demanded. The command took her by surprise, though she obeyed his order, standing to her full height. It didn't do much, though, as he still towered over her by quite a lot. His height was always something she admired about him. It made her feel safe.

He took her by the arm and pulled her in front of her full-body mirror. Her gaze dropped, reluctant to look at the image reflected before her. She didn't want to see it—the reflection of the girl she, unfortunately, was. Josh shook his head at this.

"Look." he demanded firmly.

A mere minute passed of her not daring to do what she was told before he grabbed her chin and forced her to look up. Though it was a startling gesture, his touch was soft and gentle, as if she were fine glass in his large hands. Her eyes began to tear up as she looked at herself, seeing nothing but flaws before her.

"Tell me what you see." His voice came out a little softer than before, but it was still nothing less than the demand he gave right before.

"Just a girl..." She responded, her voice barely above a whisper.

He shook his head again, slightly frustrated that she didn't understand what he was trying to show her. But he knew this would take more work. He knew what he had to do.

"Take your clothes off."

Her lips fell agape as she looked at his reflection, astonished that he would ask such a thing. Though she really didn't want to see herself naked, she was intrigued. Though the request was rather suggestive, the look in his soft, green orbs told a different story—one that told her that his intentions were not crude.

She pulled her hood back, the coils in her soft hair falling gracefully over her shoulder as she did so. His eyes lit up, and he reached out to tuck a few strands behind her ear to admire her face.

Then she pulled it over her head, revealing her white tank top beneath. His fingers grazed her soft shoulders as she toyed with the hem of her shirt, not knowing if she wanted to do such a thing at this moment.

"Show me," he coaxed her in a soft tone before pressing a soft kiss on her tear-soaked cheek.

With a shaky breath, she pulled her tank top over her head. Her soft breasts bounced slightly as they were freed from the confinement of their fabricated prison, and Josh couldn't help but smirk just a little as he watched. He was still a man, after all.

Then, she found the courage to remove her shorts and panties, throwing them on the floor in a messy pile with her hoodie and tank top. Without skipping a beat, Josh reached up and turned the knob on her lamp, putting her under what felt like a literal spotlight. Her stomach twisted into knots as she folded her arms across her chest, not wanting Josh to see her flaws that were so obvious under the bright light.

But then she felt his hands on her shoulders once more, squeezing ever so slightly. She looked up to see him watching her through the mirror, his eyes glimmering with love. He removed one hand from her shoulder, and soon, the sound of a belt buckle being opened was heard.

She didn't know how she ended up in this situation anymore, but something about it felt pleasant. She was with the man she loved. And though she was in this uncomfortable position, she knew she was in good hands.

Josh entered her from behind, letting out a trembling breath as he pushed every inch into her tight hole. She bit her plump lip, trying hard not to moan like a pornstar already. Though she knew it was something Josh loved.

Once he was inside her fully, he retracted his hips before pushing in again with more force. She almost fell forward—face nearly clashing with the glass before her—but Josh was quick to scoop an arm around her frame, pulling her close to his chest.

He found himself a steady rhythm and watched her reaction through the reflection, enjoying how her lips turned all pouty as she moaned or how her eyes went watery and lidded from the pleasure. That's when he decided to do his work. Of course, fucking her insecurities away wasn't going to work. He needed to do more.

He let his lips graze the shell of her ear and whispered, "Wanna know what I see?"

Her eyes opened at that, not knowing how to respond. She was still half-intoxicated by the arousal she felt to even comprehend exactly what he meant by that. Smirking at her distracted nature, Josh decided to continue anyway.

"I see a beautiful, strong goddess of a woman." He groaned, his breath hitching in his throat, when her soaked pussy squeezed him. It was clear she was enjoying the praise, so he continued on, wanting to show his girl just how amazing she was. "You're so soft—so tight. Everything about you is perfect."

Her cheeks warmed up from this treatment, flustering her mind and clouding it with something new besides pleasure. She wanted to collapse in his embrace—to just let go of all her worry and let him be the one to guide her to the light. Josh's words brought her back to reality for a short moment, only to send her crashing into bliss once more.

"The way your hair smells and feels," he said, burying his face into her soft coils, inhaling deeply to take in her scent.

"Your skin, the perfect shade of chocolate, and how it's just as sweet," he kissed her neck, his tongue swirling around the pulse, earning a heavenly moan from her trembling lips.

His hips faltered for a moment, as her sounds rang through his ears like the song of a goddess, the one he knew she was.

"How your gorgeous brown eyes reflect your warm personality." He grabbed her chin between his thumb and index finger once more to turn her head so he could gaze down into her orbs with a tender look to show his sincerity.

Her dark eyes brightened under the small light as she looked up at him, showing off all the beautiful shades of brown within her iris. They not only show the unique patterns but also her shimmering soul—like an angel in heaven's light.

"I love how they tell me your every want and desire." With that being said, he reached a hand down, two fingers brushing against her clit. The brief and subtle contact was enough to make her eyes roll into the back of her head, and his smile broadened, knowing damn well that he was successful. He pushed her face back to the mirror, holding it there to force her eyes on herself. "Now tell me how beautiful you are."

"I-I'm beautiful..." She murmured through ragged breaths, not realizing her words. It worked like some sort of hypnosis in a way, subconsciously putting the message into her mind through pleasure.

"Louder," he demanded, his fingers finding purchase on her swollen little bud to rub tight circles around it.

"I'm b-beautiful!" She groaned as her body began shaking under his intoxicating touch.

Josh gritted his teeth as his cock throbbed within her, begging for release. He was so close, but he knew she was as well. He wanted his angel to make it to the edge first, with the message of how amazing she was engraved in her mind.

"Louder!" He shouted through his clenched canines, pushing his cock harder and deeper within her with each sloppy thrust.

"I'm beautiful!" She cried out as tears streamed down her face.

And like a wildfire, that intense sensation burning within her core spread throughout her body. He held her close as she rode through her high on his dick, keeping her in his warm embrace as he worked her through it.

When she squeezed his member, he couldn't hold on any longer. He pulled out and released his load onto her ass, nearly cumming a second time from how hot the sight was before him. It was like marking her, in a way—claiming her as his.

As he admired her body while coming down from his high, her eyes remained on herself through that reflection on the now-steamy glass. She wiped her hand over the cool surface to clear her vision of herself, and she continued to stare as her chest rose and fell with each soft breath she took.

"I'm beautiful..." She whispered, now believing that statement as it fell from her lips.

Josh wrapped his arms around her frame after brushing a few stray coils from her face. He pressed a soft kiss on her temple and then rested his head atop hers while gazing into her warm eyes through the mirror.

"You're not just beautiful," He murmured, admiring the goddess in his grasp and all her stunning features. "You're perfect, babe."

⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒

[creativepromptsforwriting]

Fic Titles: Song Edition

Part I

Softly we tremble tonight - Cat and Mouse, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

We're so happy (we could die) - Blood & Glitter, Lord of the Lost

There′s no remedy for memory - Dark Paradise, Lana del Rey

Love is the warmest colour - Nara, alt-J

We gotta stop pretending who we are - Don't speak, No Doubt

A force more powerful than gravity - Satellite, Lena Meyer-Landrut

They turned to dust (all that I adored) - Things we lost in the fire, Bastille

Lose all sense of time - Coastline, Hollow Caves

Sometimes quiet is violent - Car Radio, Twenty One Pilots

I′ll show you mine (if you show me yours first) - Swing Life Away, Rise Against

So beautiful and wild - Tonight, Reamonn

See your face lit by starlight - Colorado Sunrise, 3OH!3

Misunderstandings and words unspoken - Don't waste my time, Victor Lundberg

When we stole the night - Another heart calls, The All-American Rejects

The way that we love (like it's forever) - Happy Ending, Mika

But it's home to me - Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Green Day

Like memories of dying days - Savior, Rise Against

Electricity between both of us - Landfill, Daughter

I slept in last night's clothes and tomorrow′s dreams - Uma Thurman, Fall Out Boy

There'll be a riot (cause I know you) - Robbers, The 1975

All of your flaws and all of my flaws - Flaws, Bastille

Crossing all the lines - Girls Like Girls, Hayley Kiyoko

Misery's your master - She's the blade, Sugarcult

But we go where we want to - Lane Boy, Twenty One Pilots

Between the lines of fear and blame - How to save a life, The Fray

There's a heavy cloud inside my head - Lemon Tree, Fool's Garden

A very common crisis - Fluorescent Adolescent, Arctic Monkeys

Turn the light out, say goodnight - Fake Empire, The National

Let′s write a song that we can dance to - Jersey, Mayday Parade

There′s strangers everywhere - This isn't everything you are, Snow Patrol

More titles!

[drewsbuzzcut]

Visceral In Doses

mat barzal x model!fem!reader

series warnings: mentions of sex, curse words, bits of angst, small age gap (5 years), mentions of nudity, mentions of alcohol, mentions of anxiety and other mental health related talk

series masterlist: continued masterlist

blurbs will be found in the “visceral in doses blurbs” tag

☀️: the summer series 🎞️: the vogue series🎄: holiday series

first weeks:

Nothing Like The Rain

Hook, Line, And Sinker

Dangerous

Losing Our Balance

months 1-3

Let The Chaos Begin

The Waiting Game

Something For The Pain And Something So I Sleep

Drama Isn’t Picky

months 4-6

13

Drunk Off You & ig edit

Haze

21

I Love The Sound, I Love The Taste ☀️

Summertime And The Living’s Easy ☀️

Pleasing ☀️

Cherries And Cream ☀️

Paradise ☀️

1 year

A Peek Behind The Curtain

No Home Without Me

Date Nights

I Wanna Stay Here Forever

Day In The Life

Angel

The Very First Christmas 🎄

Christmas Trees & Ice Skating 🎄

2 Years

Decisions

Daddy

Breaking The Internet

I Can Feel Your Heart Beatin’ With Mine

Bliss

Falling Fast, Breathing Slow

Stars All Aligned

Words We Don’t Mean

Words We Don’t Mean pt. 2

The Countdown Begins

Nolan Rhodes Barzal

The Beginning

Undying Love

Beach Bums

You’re My Remedy

Mother

3 Years

Kiss It Better

Boy’s Day… Plus Mom

Vineyard Adventures ☀️

Flicks From Italy ☀️

Surprise!

Countdown To The Wedding

Pre-wedding Requisites

Mother’s Day Special

4 Years

KUWTB

Only Light Up…

My Dear Devoted Delicate

I Love My Name Inside Your Voice

Introducing: The Barzals

Mrs. Barzal

You Can Hear It In The Silence

Won’t You Comfort Me

The Best Is Yet To Come

5 Years

Baby Angel

Grateful

Barzy’s Birthday Bash

Perfect In Denim

How It Started

Searching For Answers

We’ve Got A Problem

I Tore You Right Apart

X Marks The Spot

Forever Doesn’t Measure

Life Filled With Joy

Pregnant And Thriving

6 Years

Back Like We Never Left

Round 3

Midnights Like This

Babygirl Barzal

73 Questions 🎞️

Insight 🎞️

Beauty Secrets 🎞️

The It Girl 🎞️

24 Hours 🎞️

Preparations 🎞️

The Big Night

About Last Night

Pulling You Apart

Forever And Ever

GQ’s Couple’s Quiz

Mine

Body Electric

Barzal Film Reel

The Family Man

Don’t You Ever Grow up

You Can’t Slow Time

My Body Is Your Alarm Clock

I Feel You No Matter What

All Treats For The Barzals

Frustration

Thanksgiving Shenanigans 🎄

Under The Mistletoe 🎄

The First Christmas Party 🎄

[romihearts]

helloo(≧∇≦)/ can i request tbhk character hanako, akane, teru, and kou x tsundere reader??? 。･:*:･(✿◕3◕)❤

* ˚ ✦ MELTING | ft. hanako, akane, kou

— how they are with a tsundere reader ⋆ gn reader

— ngl i finished this like 2 or 1 month ago ish but i never got arounf to editing it ... !!! also while writing this i memorized the song "its not like i like you" to truly embody the tsundere ness,, also i couldn't write teru to this 😓😓 im sosorry

— hanako

Stationed at the school rooftop, gentle winds breeze through you, the radiant skies harbor a beauty that can be appreciated by millions. Yet to Hanako, none could compare to the sight before him—you. Staring eyes, that have been caught by yours. “Hey! What are you looking at?” you questioned him, in such a tone and expression which makes the common person think he’d made a grave mistake. Even so, hanako knew more, the lingering look harbored in your eyes tells a different story.

The boy dons a sly smile before answering your previous question, “ah, nothing really. I’m just admiring you. Did anyone tell you how charming you are?” Hanako knew all the right words to say. Your face heated up due to his answer, he just seemed to always know how to fluster you. Attempting to counter his compliment, you restated that you most definitely did not like him! 

Hanako’s face portrayed his dejection, before immediately looking somewhere else. “Awh, and i thought you cared for me like i do to you.” Hearing that made you feel a sharp pang of guilt, you just didn’t want to confess your feelings yet, not reject him!

Quickly finding a way to clear up the misunderstanding, you held on a small piece of fabric from his uniform, causing him to place his attention onto you once more. “Um.. it’s not like i hate you or anything but, i do.. I do care about you or something.” Hanako’s face lit up immediately, shining eyes and a big smile now present on his face. “So you do like me! Hahaha!” the boy cheered, yet you stood there, face burning up once more. No objection from you, considering it was true.

* ˚ ✦

— akane

Ignorance is bliss as most would say, yet to Akane, he simply couldn’t ignore all your wondrous and cute reactions when he teases you. He wasn’t mean, far from it. There’s just a certain type of delight your face exudes. Today was one of the particular days that akane would be tired from both supernatural and academic work, and he knew what person could remedy him; you.

Akane set out to look for you, and he’d found you at the school library. He could see from the look of your face that you were bored, spacing out on a book. He moved quietly, trying not to get you to notice him. Finally positioned behind you, he slowly slithered his arms around you, gaining a surprised look from you. “How are you doing, my dear?” he questioned, causing your face to heat up slightly; he knew how much those lovely nicknames riled you up.

You looked up to meet at eye level, taking a while to calm your mind before responding. “Oh! Akane, i didn’t notice you.” you retorted, placing a smile on your face. The boy looked at you, clearly studying your expression. “You seemed bored there, honey.” he said, pushing your buttons. Knowing how easily you fluster, you and akane were both well aware how you’d be embarrassed, stammering your words. “I-im not bored! Far from it, actually!” you said. Akane raised one of his brows, further questioning your expression. “Really? That’s nice to know, babe.” akane said, grinning. You ran out of anything else to say as your face heated up, mouth agape. “Cat’s got your tongue? You really are adorable, haha!” akane continued, still keeping that wide grin on his face.

* ˚ ✦

— kou

Soft footsteps echo throughout the corridors as you and kou walk alongside each other, heading home together now that your classes are done. No conversation was exchanged between the two of you, yet the silence was comforting. Not to mention, your hands were mere inches close together. Unfortunately, that comfort would be cut short when teru saw the both of you.

The tall boy walked towards the both of you, smiling and waving. Teru was aware of your feelings for kou, but he didn’t know if his brother reciprocated those feeling. Wanting to try and get his answer, a perfect idea popped into his head; to tease the both of you. 

Teru continued walking towards the both of you, placing on hand on his brother’s shoulder while his other hand was on your shoulder, which then presented a surprised look on the faces of you and kou. “Well what do we have here! I didn’t know that you two liked each other!” Teru said, with such a wide smile on his face. It was aggravating! You immediately knew he was teasing you. Your face still displayed a surprised look, but now paired with a longing look. 

Kou broke the silence between the three of you, “Ah.. brother. I didn’t expect to see you.” he said, now slightly flustered. “I was just accompanying [name], to protect them!” the young exorcist said. Teru took one last glance between the both of you before smiling, “ok then, i’ll let the two of you be.” he claimed. The tall boy finally let go.

Now left once more with silence, except now, the air felt unbearable. “You like me?” kou immediately questioned now that his doting brother was gone. Your face immediately heated up, mouth left agape as it seemed you weren’t able to respond; not sure whether to confess or deny. “I don’t… w-wait no, uh, i—” before finishing what you said, kou suddenly pulled you into a hug. Your face was really heating up, not knowing what to do. “You can say what you want to when you’re ready. I’ll wait.” he said, piercing an arrow through your heart. Oh how you truly did adore him..

[eepyuii]

frostbite — pt. 14

pairing ; childe x gender neutral!reader

content ; childhood friends to “rivals” to lovers, slowburn

cw ; mentions of scars (edit: im a fucking idiot i forgot they talk abt scars at the start of the chapter) and like… brief dottore mention, so u know it’s icky. also u guys will be mad at me.

notes ; AHHH!!!!! I LIVE!!!!! oh gosh so many hectic life events lately….. i hadnt been able to get my hands on this dang chapter for so long

anyhow, i was planning to publish this one early like a day or two ago with a reference to an arlecchino voiceline that was THEN a leak and not out yet, so i’m glad i waited and developed this one just a little more LOL

also good luck with everyone’s arle pulls!!! (better luck than mine i hope ;w;) just like childe and the reader at some point, WANTERS WILL BE HAVERS ‼️

previous | next | masterlist

“agh— be more gentle!”

“i’ll be more gentle if you stop flinching away. you’re a war machine who can turn into an abyssal beast, withstand how draining it is to use it, hold your ground against a champion duelist but you can’t handle a little cotton ball soaked in alcohol?”

“well there’s no adrenaline anymore to remedy this sting, now, is there?”

it’s almost comically reminiscent of your meeting with childe back in zapolyarny palace, where he got himself hurt just to come tell you that he was to leave for liyue— feels like it was ages ago. childe leans against the elegant marble counter of your hotel room’s bathroom, pile of bloodied cottons and tissues piling by his hands, while you clean the fresh wounds he’s just acquired from clorinde.

from how much he flinches and hisses, the wounds almost seem grave… but they’re no more than a few scratches, slashes and bruises. after his witty remark, you can only attribute his absurd resilience during battle to the mentioned adrenaline— otherwise he wouldn’t have gotten nearly as far as he has with those reactions of his.

“so did you get what you wanted from that spar? how was it in comparison to your other tries?”

childe pauses thoughtfully and proceeds to pout.

“…i think she was still holding back. i need another spar.”

“gh-! are you kidding?! childe tartaglia ajax, i am not letting you resplit the forehead i just fixed up anytime soon.”

he sighs melancholy like a grounded child, but nods in agreement anyhow. childe’s eyes remain downward, he mindlessly fiddles with the hem of your shirt as he awaits patiently for you to finish tending to his wounds. once you finish, you scan him up and down to certify that you’ve taken care of everything, until your gaze is caught by his scars.

his war medals.

he’s got an insurmountable amount of them scattered all over his body and not one is like the other— some are large lashes most likely caused by weapons like axes or claymores; some are finer lines caused by swords or daggers; a few of them even look like different types of burns, likely the work of varied elemental catalysts; and some look like small stars or circles, probably the result of arrows or the tips of polearms.

the inches of his skin that his scars don’t cover are littered with the tiniest specs of freckles… ones you’ve barely had the privilege to see over the years as a result of living in eternally cold lands. it’s only been since you’ve both been to warmer regions like liyue, inazuma and now fontaine that you’ve began to notice them.

and you’ve found that the intricate, graceful tapestry that childe’s scars and freckles weave is… gorgeous.

it’s so uniquely mesmerizing that you nearly struggle to find a worthy comparison within words or the world around you. the closest one would be to a starry sky— you imagine that his freckles become the stars that remain stationary and furthest away in the night sky, small and bountiful, while his scars are the shooting stars that flash by in a vivid explosion of light.

it’s beautiful. he’s beautiful.

you’ve realized that you’re less afraid to admit this to yourself now. perhaps spending so much constant time with childe after such a while of misencounters and diverging schedules, has made you become more comfortable around him— to the point where you barely minded him childishly playing with the hem of your shirt. it feels fine, domestic even… almost in the same way that a coup—

“hey, why’re you staring so hard? am i not gonna make it, doc?”

you flinch as you’re snapped away from your train of thought, taking in how childe’s eyes flicker worriedly over your face. unfortunately, your mind isn’t freed from the grasp of your thoughts of… admiration and your gaze quickly flies over his scars once again. the delicacy of the moment, unexpectedly, fuels you with enough confidence to raise forward a hand that lightly grazes a particularly eye-catching gash on childe’s neck— the stretched healed skin ever so slightly bumping against your digits.

“nothing… j’st looking at your scars.” you answer absentmindedly.

beneath your hand, you feel his adam’s apple raise in a hearty gulp. next, childe inhales deeply and exhales a shuddered breath, as if an attempt to ground himself.

“what about ‘em?” he whispers expectantly.

“i like them.”

it’s as if you’ve gotten the liquid courage of a drink while being entirely sober, you’re surprised that you’ve done so much as let yourself say that out loud. though perhaps… that bewilderment might just be your downfall— within the thought, you notice just how close you and childe stand before each other. he leans against the bathroom counter in only the deep red undershirt of his uniform, eyes laser-guided onto your every move while you’re only a hair’s length away from him. his absurd height doesn’t help the moment either, as he’s forced to hunch over and his figure arches forward into you— it’s suffocating.

you can’t allow yourself to crumble and panic right now, it would absolutely destroy you for the rest of your life, so you opt to breathe deeply. childe watches intently as you do and returns it with his own deep sigh, one that you feel hit your face warmly the moment it leaves his lips and so it further capitalizes on just how obscenely close the two of you are— to the point where you breathe each other’s air.

childe’s piercing azure eyes move from matching your own to slightly further down on your face…

to your lips.

“yeah?” he mumbles in the most delicate tone possible, it’s not like you’re too far to hear anyway.

it’s an inexplicable magnetic pull that brings you the smidgenmost closer to him, it has to be so. it must be that same pull that brings you to look at his mouth— plump and pink, likely still store from the split at the corner of his bottom lip. and there’s no other possibility other than that damned magnet as to why your hands slide up to wrap around his neck, childe’s shyly snaking around your waist in response.

you don’t feel like you’re in a bathroom in a hotel room in fontaine anymore, you don’t feel like the seconds pass anymore. it’s a pocket between space and time that has enveloped the two of you, away from everything else.

and there’s nothing in this world left to do other than to lean just a breath closer to each other… just a little more and—

knock knock knock knock!

you flinch away faster than lightning, heart thudding ironically like thunder. childe also seems to have been entirely spooked by the knocks on the bedroom door and he pretends to bring his hand up to scratch something on his face, but you know very well he means to hide his glaringly flushed face— you know that because you do the very same, only you briskly step away to open the door instead.

outside the room, two fontainian officers greet you, though they seemingly go wide eyed for just a brief second as if you’re not who they expect to answer.

“forgive me, friend, this is… mr. tartaglia’s room, is it not?” one inquires.

you frown in suspicion, and you plan to not directly confirm the question as to pry exactly what business two policemen would have with childe. unfortunately, the devil decides to announce it himself by coming up behind you, arms crossed defensively.

“and what might be the problem, officer?” childe asks pointedly.

both officers simultaneously eye the two of you, the blushing idiots opening the door together, and proceed to share a knowing look. the first officer sighs while the second clears his throat awkwardly.

“we apologize for… intruding so abruptly but— mr. tartaglia, you are currently being suspected of being the culprit behind the serial disappearances of young women case. for the time being, you are under arrest and must face trial at the opera epiclese to make your case.”

…what.

“what?”

coincidentally, both you and childe exclaim at the same time— though, childe’s tone is rather condescendingly skeptical while yours is laced with pure, unadulterated shock.

the harbinger scoffs. “well, i can very confidently tell you right now that i didn’t do it.”

yeah, great way to clear any and all suspicion, man.

frustratedly pinching the bridge of your nose in an attempt to help you process the last five seconds, you sigh.

“i-i think what he means to say, officer, is that it’s not plausible for him to even be a suspect in this case. i mean— if i remember correctly, doesn’t that case extend for over twenty years? we’ve only been in fontaine for a few weeks! you can check our travel tickets, they’re dated. plus, we haven’t done anything even remotely disruptive while we’ve been here, both of us have multiple reliable alibi’s regarding our whereabouts over the past few days, and—“

the officer puts up a dismissive hand, effectively interrupting you. “please, leave this for the iudex to hear.”

a metallic jingling catches your attention and you see that the second policeman wordlessly produces handcuffs from his tool belt, the panic bubbles in your throat even further. childe’s shoulders visibly tense and it’s clear that he’s intent on fighting back— with once again lighting fast reflexes, you put a hand on his shoulder and throw him a warning look as a means to discreetly impede him. childe sighs frustratedly but ceases anyhow, allowing himself to be guided out of the room. out of pure illogical desperation, you chase after.

“don’t say anything hostile or stupid until we find you a lawyer! i promise you i’ll be right behind!” you call out as the three are at the other end of the hallway and catch a final look from childe, the emotion behind it is indescribable.

your chest feels overwhelmingly tight.

—

who knew such a resplendent room could be so suffocating.

it feels as though you’ve been waiting for an eternity and the intended comfort of the opera eplicese’s waiting room only serves to unnerve you more. the most important person in your life has just been abruptly accused of being a serial kidnapper and you’re supposed to indulge in sickeningly sweet pastries and tasteless tea? it’s almost derogatory.

your leg has become sore from how much it bounces restlessly, your nail plates scratchy from how much you fidget with them, all the paper napkins on the table sloppily folded into failed paper stars. none of it helps.

you can’t even decide what to worry about, all of it swirls and spirals in your head like a rumbling tornado. is he okay? are the officers treating him well? who will defend him? will he go to prison? for how long? when in the tsaritsa’s name will arlecchino retur—

the door slams open and you jump, partially with the abruptness of it and out of sheer panic to get some news on the situation. your heart starts palpitating again and it takes everything within your willpower to seem more put together in front of the knave.

“s-so?” you ask with an uncontrollable shake in voice.

“it’s invariable, childe must face trial and defend himself. we can only count on the factuality that he is innocent and the oratrice will say accordingly.”

you sigh, at least… whatever in the archons’ name constitutes that machine is infallible.

“the trial starts in five minutes.” arlecchino adds curtly.

you nod and allow yourself to take a deep, grounding breathe before standing up to leave the waiting room. as your hand reaches out to the doorknob, there is a firm grip on your shoulder. you turn ever so slightly to find a pointy-nailed, stark black hand holding you back— another moment to analyze the hand reveals to you that… that’s her skin. black.

a chill runs down your spine.

“allow me, for a moment, to ask a selfish question in exchange for a selfish answer, sargeant.” she stands, voice dark and menacing. “as an asset of the doctor’s… do you share his ideals?”

the question takes you off-guard but it also… doesn’t. you’re not an idiot— you’ve heard of dottore’s letters to the house of the hearth suggesting the, err.. ‘rejects’ be sent to his custody so he can further his experiments. you remember how utterly appalled you were when you first came across the information. if the knave truly cares about the children in her orphanage, it’s no wonder how tightly she grips your shoulder, sharp nails just a breath away from breaking skin.

and so she asks you selfishly, a question not of loyalty but of morality.

dottore’s face flashes before your eyes and your hand subconsciously tightens into a fist, expression hardening.

“if his life were in my hands, i’d crush it in a heartbeat.” you whisper bitterly.

the grip releases you and it’s as if air is easier to breathe after that. arlecchino wordlessly steps ahead to open the door for you and gestures for you to leave first, expression neutral as if nothing had happened.

the courtroom looks like no courtroom at all, rather you feel as though you’re about to watch an opera in a grand theater— the rumors about fontaine seem to be true after all. in the rows of cushy seats, people whisper and gossip endlessly until you find yourself a seat and the booming sound of a gavel being struck echoes through the court, all sound ceases.

“court is now in session for the case of serial disappearances of young women, today we will hear both the prosecution and defense’s arguments regarding mr. tartaglia of the fatui’s alleged involvement.”

a baritone voice echoes through the silent courtroom, the direction it rings out from reveals a white-haired man in proper blue robes, sitting in a balcony that floats above the courtroom’s stage. you recognize him as the iudex, the chief justice, monsieur neuvillette. his tone is elegant and intellectual, with complete considerate professionalism—- its cadence almost reminds you of zhongli in a sense. but that’s not all that reminds you of zhongli… you can’t quite put your finger on it though.

what follows is merely formal introductions from the prosecution and the defense and you take the opportunity to become distracted and ponder over just how catastrophic your morning had turned out. it all happened so quickly too— one second you were… ah… canoodling with childe and the next he was being escorted out the room by law enforcement. had you been cursed by the gods? would they be so cruel as to make every peaceful moment in your life just merely bedding for the next major inconvenience? would they be so frustratingly taunting as to let you get that close to the one you have feelings for only to rip you two away from each other right afterwards?

“it would appear i must repeat my question, mr. tartaglia.” neuvillette says firmly, catch your attention and breaking you from your daze.

“do you accept the charge that you are the true culprit behind the serial disappearances case?”

“to be perfectly honest, i don’t understand your country’s complicated court systems, or the reason why i’m being charged with something i’ve never even heard of.” the harbinger answers bluntly.

“however, i did hear that people who have been charged can choose to participate in a duel to clear their name— is that right? in that case, as long as i accept the charge, i can have an all out fight with that champion duelist clorinde, right?”

…

how can the supposed love of your life be this stupid?

“when i privately sparred with her last time, she was obviously holding back… real disappointing.”

“hey, don’t you understand? you’re currently the prime suspect for a major case! this isn’t the place for you to be looking for fights.” a female voice calls out from the balcony directly above where you seat— while you can’t see who it is, you can only assume from the bossiness of her tone that it’s lady furina herself, the hydro archon.

“oh? sounds like the hydro archon wants to lecture me on the ways of the opera house…” childe taunts. “then why don’t you duel me too? i’m the kind of students that learns best in the heat of battle.”

you’ll kill him, oh you’ll kill this idiot one day… does he want to rot in prison for the rest of his days? this time you truly cannot hold yourself back from subconsciously standing up in panic, limbs urging to get up there and try to amend the situation yourself by arguing like a normal, sane person— but the judging stares of the other spectators hinder you glued to your seat out of sheer embarrassment.

“alas, it would appear that communication with the defendant is going poorly, and we have made very little progress.” neuvillette intervenes. “in that case, let me explain everything from the very beginning again. the goal of this trial is to determine the culprit behind the serial disappearances case—“

“that case had nothing to do with him! you’ve got the wrong man!”

huh? …who said that? did that not come out of your own mouth? seems like something you’d blur out… instead it comes from a flamboyantly dressed blonde woman who bursts into the courtroom at that very second. to you, she nearly seemed angelic in the moment.

“miss navia, this is the second time you’ve interrupted the court proceedings. i only tolerated your behavior last time because you were able to provide the court with a key eyewitness. but that was exception rather than standard court protocol— i can very well charge you with contempt of court for your interjections.”

“oh please, did you ever think i had any respect for this place’s pointless theatrics?” navia scoffs.

“we can put aside that discussion for now, i’m not here to argue with you. i’m here to charge the true culprit behind the serial disappearances case. and if my charges prove true, the tartaglia here will be proven innocent by default, correct?”

neuvillette proceeds to dismiss childe from the stand to make way for navia and allows him to seat in the audience and you feel like you should owe this lady your life. childe’s eyes scan through the seats and when he spots you, he visibly lights up and beelines to the seat next to yours.

“challenging the hydro archon? really?” you whisper playfully.

childe contains himself not to laugh loudly. “can’t say it wasn’t worth the shot.”

it’s as if a wordless conversation settles between the two of you, silent glances and deep sighs that express the mutual hopefulness for a good outcome of this trial. after a solid few seconds of staring at each other like fools, childe’s gaze drops down, you follow it to see his gloved palm sat in the armrest between the two of you— it faces outward in an invitation. your hand joins his without thought and the second your skin registers the warmth that radiates from his hold, it’s like an electric shock runs through your veins. one so buzzing that makes you two simultaneously face away from each other to hide your burning cheeks.

you’d like to pretend that you’re paying attention to the trial, but the ever so gentle squeezes childe hand gives yours periodically seem to take up all of your focus and cause it to short circuit. suddenly, there’s another burst of the courtroom’s doors and there stand the traveler and paimon, because of course they’re somehow also involved in this.

“naviaaa, we’re back!” paimon calls out.

“as expected of my partner! i just knew you’d come back in the nick of time!”

“just how often do you intend to flout the rules of this court…” neuvillette mutters disappointedly.

the traveler’s appearance contributes new evidence towards navia’s favor, who expertly disperses all of the oppositions statements. the culprit is revealed to be a man by the name of vacher, who was intent on bringing back his dear vigneire to the point where he began dissolving innocent young women with primordial seawater. as overtly ridiculous as fontaine’s spectacle culture seemed to be, you couldn’t say that watching this trial play out wasn’t extremely entertaining.

but speaking of innocent…

“at this point, the verdict of this trial is clear. with mr. marcel’s conviction, the charges against mr. tartaglia no longer hold any basis.”

you giddily look over at childe, who seems as aloof as someone who didn’t worry for a second. your fingertips tingle with excitement and you can feel the stress evaporate off your shoulders in real time. neuvillette summarizes the entire case once more and submits the verdict to the oratrice— the machine hums loudly and flashes a blinding blue, producing an envelope finally confirming his guilty status. much to unspoken disappointment, childe lets go of your hand to stand with his chest proudly puffed up.

“well now, hasn’t this been the most delicious piece of drama? the villain has been caught, justice has been served, pas wrongs have been righted and it’s a bit ol happy ending… since it’s been such a great show, i’ll just let the false accusations against me slide. either way, i’ve still got some business to attend to, so if you’ll excuse me—“

the harbinger looks back to offer you his hand once more and you happily take it before childe begins to lead you two out of the room. unfortunately, the guards at the doors of the courtroom remain unmoving as they block the doors and you frown in confusion.

“please wait just one moment, mr. tartaglia.” says the iudex.

“oh, what now? none of this has anything to do with me.” childe groans.

“according to court protocol, since this trial was initiated due to a charge against you, a verdict must also be made regarding the initial charge before the trial can conclude.”

you sigh out of selfish frustration, but opt to respect the proceedings anyhow— it’s not like the verdict will change now. childe, on the other hand, voices his annoyance like a petulant kid.

“please respect the laws of fontaine. this has always been the rule.”

“it’s fine, we’ll just have to wait here a few little seconds more.” you whisper to childe coaxingly.

he sighs. “alright alright, but this has been a lot of hassle. all i need is to stand over there, right? let’s just get this over with…”

“through evidence presented in the public trial that was just held, it has been established that mr. tartaglia has no direct connection to the serial disappearances case. the guilty party has been established and thus, it is logical to suppose mr. tartaglia is innocent of the charges.”

the machine whirrs once more, stirring some curiosity within you as to what exactly makes it tick or give accurate verdicts at all. as the envelope reaches the chief justice’s hands, he seems to stutter for a moment as he reads it. neuvillette’s ever so stoic face falls slightly into a vexed frown and he hums in confusion.

“according to the judgment of the oratrice mechanique d’analyse cardinale, mr. tartaglia is— guilty.”

taglist ; @kentply @osaemu @rain-and-a-nice-nap @koichirana

[chaifootsteps]

Hi Chai,

Since I know you are not a transmisogynist, what are some of your favorite transfem characters or characters you hc as transfem?

Btw this is the Malva anon again, I've been sending asks more than once but I realized I may be a regular asker now lol

GL with Bluesky

*Rubs hands eagerly*. Gladly! Let's talk about some ladies!

Rachel Bighead from Rocko's Modern Life

My friend and I were watching this in VC the other night and Rachel's probably my favorite example of how to "trans" a character, especially one that's been around for a long time, right. Nothing about it feels shoehorned or asspulled or like it was done to appease a board somewhere. Ralph's defining characteristic throughout Rocko's original run was being absolutely miserable all the time, no matter how much success in life he achieved, and so when we learn that he went off soul searching and discovered Rachel was the answer? It made perfect, beautiful sense.

Rachel's just...amazing. She's dry as ever, but unflappably confident. She's Ralph at perfect peace, and the journey we see the Bighead family go on? Bev's immediate acceptance, Ed's tearful epiphany that that little tadpole who damaged his retina is still right in front of him, and the three of them hugging? God, this part of the special was so good. Rachel's so good.

Also, I ship her with Rocko like whoa.

2. Grell Sutcliffe from Black Butler

I freaking love Grell. She's absolutely nuts, has an awesome design and a kickass weapon, and was surprisingly poignant and not-meanspirited considering the time period the show came out in. I love how the English dub has her give a kind of orgasmic bird squawk every time something goes right for her. 10/10, would support every last one of her woman's wrongs.

(Incidentally, Grell's one of the reasons it annoys me when people call me transmysogynist based off my opinions on Arcee, because let me tell you, I did my tour of duty back during the Grell Wars.)

3. Jerry/Daphne from Some Like it Hot

First of all, this movie's amazing and if you haven't watched it and don't know the very famous ending, go remedy that right now. And then chase it with this fic. I'll wait.

I'm firmly in the camp that believes Jerry/Daphne is genderfluid, and holy cow, is this a lovely little story of self-discovery and falling in love. It's just so special to me. It makes me smile like a damn fool every single time.

4. Fem!Shep from Mass Effect

Okay, this one's kind of cheating because Shepards are customizable and can be anything you want, but I loved the idea from the get-go. That's in part because fem!Shep's model still moves like male!Shep, and it's especially noticeable when she sits, but it also just kind of feels fitting with a lot of the dialogue options. In conclusion, my Shepard was great and I need to replay that game with Legendary Edition because I miss her deeply.

5. Maevaris Tilani from Dragon Age

Mae's wonderful on so many levels and she's a character I'm very excited to meet face-to-face in Veilguard. She's stunning, an absolute powerhouse, she's good friends with my my beloved Dorian, and her relationship with her late chubs hubby was beautiful. I'm pretty sure she's not going to be romanceable, but if she was, I think my Rook would be doomed.

6. Hana from Tokyo Godfathers

This movie's a treasure and so is Hana. I like that she's old, she's stubbly, she doesn't pass flawlessly, but by god, if anyone deserves to be a mom, it's her.

7. Angel from Rent

Another genderfluid character! At least, that's my best guess. I've always loved that we have no fucking clue exactly what flavor of genderqueer Angel is, that not even the cast seems unanimous on it.

I loved Rent when I was younger, thought it was so deep and profound, and it's kinda not but Angel was easily my favorite character. Still is.

8. The Laughing Cow and the Lactaid Cow

They're cows that don't have udders and they're gay and in love, I don't make the rules.

9. Anode and Lug

Transfem lesbian bots from RiD's (the comic run IDW Arcee is from) much more competently written sister series, they're a demonstration of how to do it right. I like that one transitioned medically and the other didn't. Anode features very prominently in my Arcee fix-it fic and I grew very attached to her while writing it.

10. Marco from Star vs. the Forces of Evil

I'm gonna level with you, I never actually watched this show. But I was very invested in this one back in the day and disappointed when it never came true.

Honorable mention: Art the Clown from Terrifier

While I don't exactly headcanon Art as transfem, there's a fic on ao3 that explored the idea and I kind of dug it. I could see Art much younger, with many possible futures laid out, and that being one of them. I think if something fundamental hadn't broken in his soul/brain, he would have been either trans or a fruity old drag queen, happy as a clam.

Mind you, this is all fanon talk. My jaw would hit the floor with horror if this became canon and Art would go straight on the pile of characters I get yelled at for "misgendering" because if I refuse to swallow rotten food.

[wonfilms]

STRAY KIDS & HOW THEY COMFORT YOU ( hyung line edition )

genre : hurt/comfort, word count : 3.7k

warnings : tears, overworking, body insecurity

includes : bangchan, hyunjin, lee know, changbin  

CHAN knows how it feels to never feel like you're enough. hell he's been there himself, multiple times. he knows how much it stings and how painful it is. he knows how fragile people are in that state. he's careful... as if he'd break you if he touched you too hard. he knows when to leave you alone, to let you regain yourself because he knows you can get through this. you're so strong. 

he finds it amazing how you can pick yourself up after a fall, it's one of the many things he admires about you. you work so hard and he knows you do. he'll wait for you. as long as it takes for you to get that light in your eyes back, those eyes that he fell in love with all those years ago. 

he'll sit with you through it all, fingers intertwined with yours, just to let you know he’s there.  if you need him he'll ALWAYS be right there for you. waiting with his arms open and that sweet smile you, oh so loved, on his face. he promises.

HYUNJIN will always remind you that you’re beautiful but he knows that sometimes you don’t believe it, but he always will. he’ll say it every morning when you wake up and it’ll be the last thing he whispers before you sleep , if that’s what it takes to help you love yourself.

he knows you compare yourself to other people. he sees that small grin on your face morph into a soft frown when you see all the beautiful people popping up on your pinterest feed.

he’ll say it louder, and louder because he means it every single time. you’re so beautiful, he wakes up everyday next to you and wonders how he got lucky enough to end up with you. every time you smile at him it’ll like he’s falling in love with you all over again. so every time you think you’re not good enough, he wants you to know. there’s no-one prettier than you in his whole world. you’re the only one he’ll ever have eyes for.

CHANGBIN’s  heart seems to break in two when he hears you cry. he starts to panic, what could’ve gone wrong?  he knows you overwork yourself, you’ve always been like that. you expected nothing but the best from yourself.. but sometimes your idea of best is quite far-fetched, if he’s being honest.

you want to reach higher than the stars, but that’s quite simply not possible. not for you, not anybody. changbin’s love is loud. it’s loud, it’s big and it’s soft... just like him.  he’ll come and wrap you up in his arms and hold you close, until your sniffles die down. he’s built to comfort, the warmth of his body and the soft skin of his cheek against your forehead is enough to lessen your sobs.  he’ll stay with you till you’re okay again. until he coaxes that genuine smile out of you that he learnt to treasure so much.

MINHO can’t help but tear up at the sound of your sobs. he hates seeing you sad but seeing you cry makes his heart hurt in places he didn’t know he had.  he inhales sharply trying to hold himself together. this is about you. he needs to be strong for you.

he’s not the best at words so he’s always preferred to show his love through actions instead, but all he can do at that moment is just hold you. 

he holds you as close as he possibly could, pressing sweet kisses to your lapel as he whispers sweet nothings against your skin. he wishes he could just take away everything that’s hurting you, anything if it stopped the tears from streaming down your face. 

he’d pat your back and rock you back and forth as you straddle his lap until your crying amounts to small hiccups and sniffles. in his opinion , sleep is the best remedy for sadness so he’ll lay down with you to have a short nap to clear your head,  “i love you so much” he whispers, as you feel you eyes getting heavy. it’s hard to talk about you feelings but minho let’s you know that you can speak to him at any time. he’ll be here when you’re ready.

a/n- i need them rn, just a cozy little recycled fic for you guys 

[rinwritesfics]

Please

Plot: When a vendor at a market blows a mysterious powder in Echo’s face, a series of events happens – and not all unwelcome between the two of you.

Warnings: pollen, pollen blown into face by a person, feelings confessions, creampie, slightly dom Echo, a single (light) spank, fairly vanilla, aftercare insinuated, fade-to-black second round, unprotected sex. Wrap it before you tap it, folks! (I hope that’s all.) MDNI!!!!!

Word Count: 3,589

Author’s Note: I have tried and tried to edit this to where I feel I want it, but I was down from COVID and then lost a family member, so that is where it has finally ended up. No use of Y/N. I hope you like it!

The sun shone comfortably on the village as you walked with your favorite person. Echo.

This beautiful, wonderful man had volunteered to accompany you into the village on a supply run, and you couldn’t have been happier. The warmth in your heart sure enjoyed the fact that he had spoken up so quickly.

“We need only one more thing, right?” you asked Echo.

“Just the gasket grease rated for high vacuum situations.” He nodded, his helmet modulating that voice you like so much.

You looked up at him and shook your head, snickering.

He tilted his head, the afternoon sun shining off the helmet a bit. “What?”

“What do you mean, what? It’s a gorgeous day and there you are pretending it’s raining out.”

“But, I always wear my bucket,” he protested.

“You were just talking this morning about the dangers of lacking vitamin D. I distinctly remember because we had to stop Wrecker from making a lewd joke in front of Omega.”

Echo chuckled and you smiled. Even through his helmet, you enjoyed his laugh. It was always a breath of fresh air.

Sometimes, he would immediately decide to put his helmet on, even when you two were just stepping outside briefly and then he’d seem flustered when you asked him about it, like he was embarrassed he forgot about it. You liked seeing his face. It was his, and no one else’s. He may share genetics with thousands and more other souls, but that face? His alone.

“Alright, you’re right,” he said, caving like he usually does. He couldn’t seem to say no to you, but that was nothing you were going to take advantage of.

He took off the helmet and breathed, greeted with fresh air instead of that stale recycler in his suit.

“Besides, it’s not for very long. You won’t get a sunburn.” You grinned, teasing him slightly.

A small smile appeared on his lips.

Yep. That beautiful, perfect face of his.

You both turned a corner in the market, nearly to the last stall you needed to stop at.

The closer you got, the louder a voice became on your right, yelling about her wares. You started to pass her stall and she called out about having the perfect remedy for a boring couple’s night. The sign above her white-haired head was a play on the term “Love Potions” in the native language which didn’t translate as cleverly into Aurebesh. Echo was closest to the stall and traded a suspicious glance with you.

“Ah, you two look like you could use something to spice up your love life! Try my newest concoction! First try is on me! I guarantee you’ll like it, and you’ll come back for the full-strength dose!”

“Oh, no ma’am, we’re not -” Echo began correcting her, but she cut him off.

“I insist!” she cackled, then, before anyone could stop her, held up a small piece of folded cream flimsy in her hand and blew a red dust into Echo’s face. Echo stumbled back, coughing and spitting out whatever got into his mouth as he bent over. The crazy older woman cackled gleefully and turned away.

“Hey, you can’t do that!” you yelled, suddenly enraged. You wanted to give her a piece of your mind, but Echo continued to cough and struggle for breath and you dug into your pack for your canteen. “Echo, Echo hey, use this to rinse your mouth when you can.”

He took the canteen as his coughing settled, took a swig from the canteen and spat out the water twice, then chugged part of the canteen. You waited for his breath to settle before asking if he was okay. In response, he wiped away the tears on his face and poured more water over his eyes, which you could easily guess were burning.

“Echo, talk to me. Tell me how you’re feeling.” You looked up at him, worry in your eyes.

“Yeah,” he said, his voice hoarse, “yeah, I’m okay. Let’s just keep going.”

“I’m going to, after I give that shopkeeper a piece of my mind.” You scowled at her stall, which had gathered quite the customer attraction in the past minute or so. Obviously, they hadn’t seen Echo get assaulted.

“No, she could do the same thing to you. Besides, if the security around here didn’t do anything about it, then apparently it’s a normal occurrence.”

“But Echo, that’s wrong!”

“It’s not our planet.”

“But -”

“Hey.” He grabbed your arm and turned you to face him and not the stall. “Hey, I appreciate what you want to do, but there’s nothing we can do now.”

You sighed heavily, seriously contemplating agreeing, then turning around anyway. But there was a look in his eyes that was unfamiliar. You frowned and he blinked and it was gone. You saw it, you know you did, but you couldn’t identify it. “Alright. Let’s hurry, then, and get out of here.”

Quickly, you got the last item on your list and began making for the exit. The last shopkeeper said nothing about the events that transpired with the last stall, which only served to confirm Echo’s theory that it happened often here. You made a mental note to not return to this village if you could help it.

Everything was progressing fine on your way back, and you almost swore that Echo looked like normal before he collapsed to his knees on the cobblestone path about a block from the exit of the main center of the village. His helmet rolled a couple feet away from him.

“Echo!” you cried out, rushing to his side. He shook his head, as if dazed, then flinched as you placed your hands on his upper arm when you tried to help him up. He groaned and you froze, kneeling beside him and looking at his face. There was a rosy coloring in his cheeks and his pupils were wide, almost blown. “Echo?”

He let out a shuddering breath. “I-I don’t feel very well.”

“Can you get back to the ship?” you asked softly. He placed his hand over his face, then shook his head.

“You go back, I’ll just wait here.”

“Echo, I’m not leaving without you.”

“You have to. Go. If you start off now, you should be able to make it before the sun sets.” His voice was very strained and he didn’t move his hand from his face.

“No. I’m not leaving you. Come on.” You helped him up, scooped his helmet off the ground, and led him to the village’s version of a bed and breakfast. You paid for a room and helped Echo up to safety so you could look him over, the room door shutting just behind you.

“You need to lay down so I can examine you,” you said gently.

A tiny whimper escaped his lips and both yours and his eyes widened.

“I-I don’t think that’s necessary,” he hissed, squeezing his eyes shut.

You said softly, “Echo, I have to find out what’s going on.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s the stuff she blew at me.”

“All the more reason for you to lay down. Armor on the floor and lay. Down.”

You started to dig through your medpack and his armor hit the floor with multiple clunks at slightly hesitant intervals. The bed let out a small protest at his weight as he sat down. You stood up and saw him laying back, but with the leg closest to you up.

“Alright, what is bothering you the most?” you asked as you approached. His cheeks, slightly flushed, darkened. And so was his gaze, you noticed as you got closer.

“I’m not sure you want to know,” he almost whispered, his voice cracking a bit.

“What? Why?”

He paused, looking at you with fear and something else.

“Echo, please,” you said softly.

“That woman’s powder was an aphrodisiac,” he gasped, squeezing his eyes shut, and he laid his leg down on the bed. The tent in his blacks was prominent.

You blushed. “E-Echo?”

He sat up and started to reach for you, but he stopped himself despite his wide pupils. “I… I understand if you turn tail and leave now.”

You had often imagined going from friendship to a romantic relationship with Echo, but not this fast. An unwanted aphrodisiac, even one at partial strength, could be dangerous to him, and even to you if you stayed. You could help him. You could be there for him. But how could you leave him when this could hurt him? How could you let him suffer?

“I….”

How could you even think about how much you wanted him when he was suffering?

He groaned and the decibel stoked the growing fire in your lower belly. “Mesh’la, save yourself. I don’t know what I’m capable of. And I don’t want you to get hurt in the process.”

You cleared your throat and sputtered, “I-I have to find the antidote.”

“Do you think she has one?” he asked, pushing his head back against the bed, his face screwed up in something you couldn’t identify. Pain? Pleasure? Both?

You sighed, then shook your head. “No, I don’t think she has one.”

“Maybe… maybe it’ll wear off?” he suggested, then gasped loudly.

“Uh, maybe....” I say, the faltering hope in my tone unconvincing.

Both of you knew it wouldn’t be that easy. It could get metabolized by his system, but there was no telling how long it would take, or how life-threatening it could be, especially since he was beginning to sweat and his heartrate was likely climbing if his breathing was any indication.

He arched his back as he tried to get comfortable.

“Echo, let me help you,” you finally whispered.

He finally looked at you, wide-eyed. “Cyar’ika, no. This isn’t right.”

You felt like you had your heart scooped out by a melon baller. He didn’t want you. “Oh. I-I see.”

“No!” he shouted, sitting up. “No, wait, that didn’t come out right! Please, no! I-I-I’ve wanted to be with you for so long, but I’ve never thought you saw me that way, and now… this isn’t the way I wanted to tell you.”

Your heart sped up and joy flooded your veins. You wanted to leap and scream out in victory, but now was the worst time to celebrate your returned affection. “Echo,” you breathed, stepping closer and he looked ready to bolt. “Let me help you. Let me show you how I feel about you by helping.”

He whimpered as you took off your shoulder pads, then your belt. “It’s… it’s wrong….”

It certainly wasn’t maintaining dignity, but this drug in his system was certainly not helping with that. “Would you rather wait it out? See how long it takes to clear from your system? If it clears from your system?”

He shook his head, then his eyes squeezed shut again. This time, the noise he makes is definitely pained.

“Echo, do you trust me?”

He mumbled your name, then sighed and said, “Alright. Please. Please help me!”

“Okay.” You began to strip off your clothes and he whined, watching you, and scrambling to get his off, too. When he stood up, naked and trembling slightly, you paused as you worked to get your socks off. Your eyes drank in his form with a soft gasp. Where his prosthetic legs ended, his delicious thighs began, muscular. The scars and stretch marks stretched up them, breaking through the gorgeous tan skin. He had stretch marks and scars, faded, all over his torso, too. The metallic ports sunken in his skin did nothing to detract from his desirable form, and your eyes roamed the shapely abs and pectorals that heaved with each breath. His biceps, strong, looked like they could hold you against the wall with enough ease. The veins that ran down his left arm were noticeable enough and you bit your lower lip before eyeing up what you saved for last. His length was standing fully and looked almost painful, and his tip was already shining with precum.

He watched you eye him up and you blushed, seeing the blown pupils and the flex of his hand like he was holding back. You stood slowly and his eyes drank in your form, a small whimper spilling out of his lips that made your cheeks warm.

“Are-are you sure you want this, mesh’la?” he asked, his voice a little higher-pitched from the nervousness peeking through the desire.

“Yes. I want to help you, and I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t like you like that.”

“L-like what?” he asked, but you had a feeling he had figured it out by that point. He just wanted you to say it.

“I love you, Echo. I’d do anything for you.”

Whatever held him back inside snapped and he strode across the room and wrapped you firmly in his arms, pushing his lips against yours. It was desperate and hungry, but not painful. He kissed you, open-mouthed, and you returned in fiery favor, feeling the heat of his breath through his nose on your cheek as his hand went from your waist to the swell of your ass and started to press his hips into yours, rolling a little for friction against his hardness. His hand began to squeeze your ass and play with it, including a playful smack. You gasped, then moaned.

“If you let me, next time, I’ll worship you and your body,” he groaned as his lips left open-mouthed kisses down your neck, his hand reaching up to hold the back of your neck.

“Oh, Echo,” you moaned, the heat in your core upping itself.

“I’ll do it, I swear to you, but right now I-I can’t hold back.” He continued his assault on your neck, leaving marks, then moving to your collarbone and sucking and biting at it. The hand on your neck moved down to one of your breasts, massaging it and twisting your nipple. His mouth kept at your skin and you hadn’t noticed when, but his hand had moved to your butt, then migrated between your thighs and was starting into your slick from behind. The contact of his calloused fingers and the wetness between your lips almost made you crumble. He began to rut against you as his finger pushed in to the second knuckle and you moaned loudly.

“Oh, mesh’la, did I make you this wet?” he asked, his voice low. It was a tone you didn’t often hear from him. In fact, you didn’t believe you had ever heard it before. It sounded a little dark, and you squeezed your thighs together as best you could, partly trapping his hand at the apex of your thighs.

“Yes. Yes, Echo. Please, Echo, it’s all for you.” You began to babble as he started to walk you both to the bed. He let go of your body just long enough to move his arms to your ass and lift you against his body before throwing you on the bed under him. Your legs splayed open further than when they were against his hips a moment ago and he looked from your eyes to your glistening sex. A growl left his lips and he ran two fingers roughly through your slick to spread over his length. If the feeling of his fingers running over your bundle of nerves wasn’t enough to get a whine from you, the sight of him stroking his length was.

“All for me, huh? Do you think about me this way, mesh’la?” He started to drag his tip through your folds and you looked up from the show to his lust-filled eyes.

“I-I have, but I’ve tried not to.”

“Why?” he asked a bit roughly.

“Because thinking about you that way wasn’t right without you feeling the same.”

He paused, the look in his eyes clouded by guilt. “I’ve been the same.” Then, his eyes changed again, and he spoke in a controlled but strangled tone, “Once I get started here, I’m not going to be able to stop.”

You nodded.

“Words, cyar’ika. Beg me.”

“Yes, Echo, I’m yours! Stars, please!”

He began to push in. “Oh, kriff, you’re so tight,” he moaned. His hand moved from your hip and started to tease your clit. Your moan ripped from your throat and he grinned.

“Oh, Echo,” you groaned, your walls stretching as he pushed at a steady pace. It was a little painful, but as he ran his fingers over your clit, playing with it, you were able to accommodate his size as you grew more aroused. “Oh, stars!”

“Good job, taking me so good. Kriff!”

He finally sunk to the hilt and he moaned loudly. Your walls began to tighten around him again as he manipulated your clit and then ran his fingers up the inside of your hip to grab it. He didn’t say a word as he began to pull out, then push back in. The whines and groans you both made mixed with the slap of sweaty skin and squelching as he thrusted into you, the bed squeaking and creaking. Every ridge and vein prominent against your walls, you could feel the coil in your stomach tighten. Suddenly, he raised your right leg and started to thrust at a different angle, and you knew it wouldn’t be long.

“Come for me, baby. Come right on my cock. Oh, Maker, you feel so good!” he growled.

“Oh, oh kriff,” you groaned, which was no match for the deep and sinful moan he gave you before you yelled, “Echo!”

Your walls clenched, euphoria washing over you, and he rode you through it, his voice cracking as he yelled your name. Your veins filled with stars, your body set alight, and your vision went white for a moment. His thrusts began to get a little sloppy as he chased his own orgasm. Somehow, he was able to form words and ask permission.

“Where?”

“Inside?”

“Oh, you sure?”

“Yes!”

“Kark!” he swore as his hips faltered and his cock twitched. His breathing came in quick gasps while he came, still thrusting, then he almost collapsed on top of you. You kissed his sweaty forehead that was near your face and he chuckled breathlessly. After a couple seconds, he pushed himself up and went to pull out, but you stopped him.

“Leave it there, it’s okay.”

He chuckled again, then moved to your side, your legs still around his hips, laying down beside you as you turned to look at him. The shifting of his softening cock inside you felt overstimulating and arousing, but you tried to ignore it.

Something from earlier stuck out to you, but you pushed it away. He hadn’t said he loved you back.

His eyes roamed your face, finally clear of the lust, but lit by his smile. “You’re so gorgeous.” His hand reached around your face and tucked a few strands of hair behind your ear. The touch felt so nice, but was tainted by your realization. Was he just trying to be nice?

He went to kiss you, but you resisted and he pulled back, frowning. “Cyar’ika?”

“Am I?”

“What do you mean?” He pulled his softening cock out of you and you shuddered at the loss, the drag on your walls feeling good and you had to hold back a moan.

“Am I your sweetheart? Or is this only a one-time thing?” you asked quietly.

“Wait, I-”

“Because I love you, Echo. And I didn’t say it to convince you earlier. I truly love you. But I’ll back off if you don’t.” You sat up and started to stand. Your legs felt like jelly.

“Cyare, wait.” His voice cracked.

You turned around to look at him, and he got up from the crumpled comforter.

“Sweetheart, I do love you! You’re so kind to me and beautiful and smart. We’ve been through so much together. And I realized months ago that I was falling in love with you. I just didn’t… I didn’t want to scare you off.” He held out his hand for yours and you slowly placed your hand in his. He brought you closer and wrapped his scomp around your back. “I’m in love with you, cyare. I’m sorry it took me this long to admit it.”

You rested your forehead in the dip of his neck. “I love you, Echo. You mean everything to me.”

“And I love you, too.” He kissed the top of your head and you could have stood there forever if you hadn’t felt a little drip from your core. You clenched your thighs together.

You chuckled, a little embarrassed. “I, uh, hate to break the moment, but I need to clean up.”

He grinned, a little of that lust darkening his eyes again. “Can I help?”

You smirked, then trailed a finger up his chest. “Maybe, but it might get me aroused depending on how you do it.”

You felt him begin to harden against you again. “Would that be such a bad thing?”

You squeaked in surprise. “N-no.”

“Are you sure? Because that didn’t sound sure.” He began to nibble on your ear, his voice deep and seductive again.

A gasp escaped your mouth. “A-are you still under the influence of that powder?”

He shook his head, lips starting to ghost over yours. “No, cyar’ika. I’m thinking pretty clearly, now. And I’m thinking I need to worship you like you deserve.”

You murmured against his lips, “Well, Corporal Echo, I’m all yours.”

Taglist (open!): @trixie2023

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Fire in the Water: Chapter Five

Summary: You had thought dating a vampire would be the most complicated thing you'd ever done. But as it turns out, becoming one is even more complicated. The boys are determined to make your transformation as smooth as possible while each fighting to maintain the relationships they once had and those they now lust for. Author's Note: As always, I'd like to thank the lovely @gretasmokerising for inspiring me and encouraging me and @earthlysorrows for editing and helping me piece everything together/brainstorm Content Warnings: swearing, brief mentions of suicide risk, talk of blood, oral sex (m. receiving), penetrative sex (18+ minors do not interact) Word Count: 9.3k

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You'd been lingering around the greenhouse more and more as the days went by. Things with Josh felt strange, things with Jake even stranger. So instead of facing either of them, you preferred to hunt with Sam and hole up with the plants in your free time. It seemed like a good balance, despite being the cowardly thing to do.

It wasn't just the tie, though. On your hunts with Sam, you never really felt any true remorse for the things you did. The person you became when you were hungry. And more and more, it seemed you were that person regardless of your state of hunger. You weren't entirely certain Sam didn't regret signing up to teach you. He was a good teacher, you just weren't a very good student.

You ran cold most of the time but on a moment's notice, you'd thaw hot. Sam was getting more used to it the more time you spent together. He used touch to bring you back to him. It was the only thing that seemed to ground you without pulling you too far in the opposite direction. But really, it just distracted you. It was no true remedy. Sam assured you it would just take time. You weren't so sure.

The truth was, the longer you spent apart from the twins, the more you came into yourself. You were finding yourself in that forest, even if what you found wasn't very pretty. It was a whole other thing entirely to contend with but you were set on understanding yourself better. At least you could make progress on something while you formulated a plan to miraculously fix your love life.

You and Sam never spoke of your love life, not after that first day in the woods when he had confronted you on the matter. You suspected he knew sometimes. It wasn't as though your thoughts were devoid of the subject completely. But if he did know, he never let on. Silently, from the confines of the greenhouse when Sam was nowhere to be found, you sometimes wondered if he didn't bring it up because he didn't want to think of you that way, having hurt his brother the same way Adele had hurt him. Maybe he didn't bring it up because he didn't want to know if he was right. Maybe he'd have no choice but to look at you differently if he knew.

You didn't tell him for those same reasons. If Sam were to turn your back on you, you felt certain you'd wander into the forest with no intention of ever returning. You'd grown to need him, in your own way. But even so, you seldom let yourself hope he needed you back.

He was getting used to your routine, so much so that one night, when you had emerged from his shower after a particularly brutal hunt, you'd wandered into the greenhouse to find a makeshift pillow fort amongst the plants. It was nestled snugly in between tables that looked recently cleaned and the stringed lights that illuminated the little glass house looked fresh, like they'd been replaced. You'd even noticed the paper garland that now hung in tandem with the lights, tiny gold foil stars that reflected the twinkling sparks even better than the glass did. You never thanked him out loud for it. But he had heard what he needed to hear.

It was such a beautiful place to hide out. It almost eased the guilt over the fact that you were indeed hiding. You weren't even sure who you were hiding from more: Josh or Jake. With Josh, you ran the risk of saying something you couldn't take back, maybe even recoiling from a touch that would leave a scar deeper than anything your gifts were capable of. But with Jake, you ran the risk of doing something you couldn't take back, something that would lead to more. And you weren't exactly good at stopping when it was more that you wanted.

So it was the greenhouse that comforted you while Sam was busy doing whatever it was he did when he wasn't hunting. It was the plants that you confided in. Grieved with. Even sometimes laughed with.

Actually, maybe you were just going crazy from lack of interaction. That was a possibility too.

Regardless, you were beginning to lose time. Days blurred together when you didn't sleep and hardly noticed the cadence of the sun and moon alternating in the sky. So when Danny showed up amongst the glass walls, it almost startled you, and the five o'clock shadow on his upper lip seemed to be the only indication of passing time.

When you heard him enter, you sat up and folded your legs underneath you. He moved silently to sit in front of you, pulling an unused pot to the edge of your blanket and overturning it to use as a makeshift stool. You'd half-expected Adele to be glued to his side, had barely seen them apart since you'd arrived. But he was alone, his usual soft smile adorning his lips but looking much less mischievous now that his other half was elsewhere. Maybe Josh had sent him to come find you.

"Where’s Adele?" you asked, not meeting his eyes but instead casting yours downward to fiddle with a fray in the hem of a purple velvet blanket you'd been using. If Josh had sent him, you'd rather not see that hurt on Danny's face, a message from his brother.

"She likes to take advantage of the heavier storms and walk along the cliffs overlooking the ocean. Only makes me a little nervous," Danny chuckled lightly.

"Do you ever go with her?"

"No, she needs her alone time."

"Yeah, I'm starting to feel the same," you mumbled under your voice.

You brought your knees to your chest and rested your chin against them, ignoring the beautifully sympathetic laugh Danny let out.

Him and his perfect match. Danny and Adele made everything look so easy despite the messiness you'd heard tales of. You'd still only seen remnants of the aftermath. If you didn't know any better, you would have said it had gone smoothly, that they were always meant to be. Even knowing how it had happened, your human self would have agreed. Danny and Adele were always meant to be. But you'd seen the memory Sam had shown you. You had seen the way Adele had once looked at Sam instead of Danny. How they managed to waltz about the house and ignore what they had done, you weren't sure. Maybe one day you'd understand but it wouldn't be understanding born out of your own willingness to give in to it. In fact, you quite hoped you'd never understand. You couldn't bring yourself to put Josh through such hurt.

"How's the super hearing?" Danny interrupted your thoughts and pulled you back to the physical walls surrounding you.

"Pretty annoying to be honest," you admitted, "although it's not so bad out here. Mostly just hear the forest."

It was secluded enough to make you feel mostly alone, only a glimpse or two of the noises of life carrying on inside the home audible when you let your focus wander away from the forest.

"It takes a lot of work to tune it all out but it’ll happen eventually."

You might have rolled your eyes but truthfully, it was hard to be annoyed with Danny. Even for you.

"I’ll have to take your word for it," you said instead, earning another laugh from him where he sat now leaning down with his elbows on his knees to bring himself closer to you, make himself a little smaller.

"When Jake turned, it was almost too much for him. There was a stretch of time where we thought he was going to…well, try and die for real." There was a sense of reminiscence in his voice as he recalled it, his fingers absently fiddling with a rope bracelet slung around his wrist and pulled taught. It must have been a painful memory for him; he almost winced as he remembered it. "With the hearing and his gifts, he could barely even have a conversation with someone sitting right across from him. It took time but he learned how to focus on one thing at a time. Just feel something or hear something, and focus on that."

You couldn't imagine Jake as anything other than what you had seen so far, the picture of control. Even the glimpse you'd stolen of him with his women had painted an image of a vampire who had mastered his own urges and kept them under tight rein in order to live the life he wanted. He couldn't afford to be careless and lose control. But knowing that there had been another version of him, and one who had struggled so greatly with his own control, admittedly you felt a little less bad about your own lack of it. It didn't make your current circumstances any more favorable, but at the very least, it made you feel a little less alone.

Although loneliness wasn't exactly the issue. When it came to Jake, there was an entire chasm of problems to venture deep into. Not that you were feeling adventurous.

You cleared your throat and moved the topic from Jake to the brother you'd now spent far more time with.

"You and Sam. You don't talk anymore?"

Danny sat back off his knees, putting unmissable distance between you as he sighed. You knew what that meant. It wasn't an easy topic for him to discuss. But he answered your question with a resigned shake of his head that sent his curls bouncing in their place.

"Not the way we used to," he said simply, a rather quiet resolution to the mess that you felt every time you entered a room with Sam or Danny.

"Do you regret it?"

"There's nothing to regret. It wasn't a choice I really made. I would do anything for Adele, no matter the consequences and how badly they hurt."

You weren't all that sure you felt the same, although supposedly that would change. It was those consequences and that hurt that drove you away from the idea of it altogether.

You sighed heavily as you continued to pluck at the fraying edge on the blanket, effectively worsening its state. "Do you think you'll ever fix things?"

"I hope. Losing him was the hardest thing I've ever done. He's just a ghost of who he was before." A smile grew on his face, no doubt at some memory of Sam that he was recalling. "You would have loved him."

He hadn't meant it in any bad way but you couldn't help but feel it was unfair. You didn't dislike Sam, not even close. Even if he was different from how he'd been. Of course, it probably helped that you'd never known him before. But in your time with him, hunting and talking, learning and listening, he had been gentle. He had warmed to you like a cat resting on hardwood floor in the only sun spot it could find. And as a vampire now, you'd drawn to him like moth to flame. You were one in the same, forever changed by things outside of your control. Forever angered by those things.

It made you think about your own losses, the ones that still burned in your throat and clawed at your chest when you weren't looking.

"I'm not very good at losing people," you offered out of the blue.

Danny stood from where he'd been sitting on the overturned pot, catching your eye as he stepped onto your blanket and folded his legs beneath him the way you had situated yours.

"I think you handle yourself better than you think you do. Maybe present situation excluded."

His eyes shone brightly and you couldn't help but chuckle with him at his comment.

You shook your head, remembering back to how deep you had fallen after your parents and how desperate you'd been for a reprieve when you had met Josh. He hadn't fixed you by any means but he had distracted you from the harsher realities you hadn't quite been ready to deal with. Realities you now had no choice but to face, despite the way you still fought it.

"I pushed it down when I was human. I don't think I'm capable of pushing anything down now though."

"Everything will bubble to the surface eventually. But the good news is, you have a lot of time to learn to manage it all."

A lot of time. That was hardly the half of it.

"I know you're struggling," Danny started again. "You've been out here for three days. Josh is starting to worry. Hell, we're all starting to worry. Sam keeps reassuring us you're doing okay but…"

God, had it been three full days since you'd been in the house?

"I don't want to be around anyone right now. It's better that way." You held your knees tighter to your chest.

"You don't deserve to go through this alone," Danny answered softly. "I've been where you've been. I didn't go through it alone. I wouldn't have made it if I had."

When you met his eyes, you saw a glimmer of recognition, like he knew more than he let on. Maybe he had seen it already, something within you that he recognized as being within himself. Maybe it was the look you had given Jake that had given you away. Then again, maybe he hadn't seen anything and this was all just a recon mission for Josh. Surely if he knew, he'd have said something about it by now.

Regardless, he knew better than anyone what you were going through. Well, anyone other than Adele, that was. But maybe he had some wisdom to impart that would make your world seem a little less foggy to you.

"I…I've been feeling something…strange." You struggled to form words despite Danny's kind eyes resting on your face ever so gracefully.

"What is it?" he asked softly, encouraging you.

"I'm different…I mean, I feel different…" You trailed off. It was a hard thing to admit, the feelings you suddenly had for your boyfriend's twin. How could you say that out loud?

"That's normal-" Danny started but you quickly stopped him.

"No, not just the normal different. And not just the…the crazy mood swings and the anger but…"

He noticed your hesitation and cocked his head to the side, his brows furrowing in harder the longer you rambled. Finally, with a sigh, your shoulders sank.

"I feel like such a bad person," you admitted in a whisper.

Danny's hand found yours where it hugged your leg, prying it away just enough that he could take hold of your fingers in his palm.

"Whatever it is, I promise you I will never judge you."

He knew what it was, you were certain of it now. Just the way he looked at you made it evident without him uttering so much as a single word on the topic. But he clearly wanted to hear it from your mouth before he lobbied any allegations.

"Things haven't felt the same between Josh and I." You stared at him intently as you spoke, bracing for any sign of judgment. "I'm worried…that I might have…tied-"

It was the image of Jake suddenly appearing in the doorway of the greenhouse that cut your words off sharply, your eyes darting over to him and Danny's following suit.

“Am I interrupting?" Jake asked. He looked even more disheveled than usual, the bags under his eyes having deepened in color since the last time you'd seen him.

"Clearly-" you started, but Danny spoke over you.

“Not at all, we were just talking about super hearing.”

Jake looked past Danny as if he weren't even there, addressing you only when he spoke.

“We need to talk.”

You said nothing, watching silently as Danny glanced back and forth between you both once before standing to his feet and wiping his palms on his jeans.

"Adele will be back soon so, I'm just gonna…" He gestured with his thumb toward the door, signaling his exit.

You watched him leave with a disapproving look melted into your face, freezing there for Jake once the two of you were alone.

"Do you plan to hide out here forever?" he asked finally after a long tenured silence.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” you said flatly, turning your eyes back to the tattered trim of the blanket in your lap.

“Don’t do this, don’t hide from me.”

“I’m not your little human anymore, I can hurt you now."

He shook his head. “You were always capable of hurting of me.”

You stared at him incredulously, disbelief now crossing your features. It felt like this was all some sort of cruel joke that wouldn't end.

You stood to confront him, crossing the greenhouse and weaving around plants simply so you could cast your judgment over to him instead, pushing your finger into his chest hard enough to leave a dent had he been human.

“You did this to me," you accused angrily. "This is your fault.”

"Yes, this," he gestured to you, "this is my fault. But this?"

He reached his hand up to cup your face gently, staring into your eyes like he was staring into your soul. When his fingers wrapped around to graze against your neck, you felt the immediate draw, that immediate yearning to pull yourself into him and let his lips glide against yours.

"I didn't create this," he whispered.

It must have been stronger for him, feeling his own desire and his own attraction as well as yours. It must have been twice as hard for him to stay away from you, to ignore the fact that you'd been staying mere feet from him in the greenhouse. He hadn't even had another woman over since you'd hunkered down there, maybe since you'd tied at all. And when he touched you, you remembered why. It brought back the strength of the feeling that had dulled in his absence.

Your eyes felt heavy as he stepped closer, dragging down to his lips where they sat plump and pink, like they were pillow soft and waiting to prove it to you. He seemed just as fixated on your own when your gaze flickered back up to study him, to watch his movements carefully.

It was an attraction that you could feel growing stronger by the second and how you would ever deny him one day, you weren't sure. Even now, after only a few measly days, you wanted to crash your lips to his. You wanted to taste him, to be tasted by him.

The feeling was strong. But for now, you were still stronger.

"Enough. I get it," you broke the tension quickly, physically pushing him off of you to sever the contact. And when you did, that feeling dissipated almost instantly and dwindled down to just a mere spark, one akin to what you had felt for him as a human. It was only a matter of time that it would exist that way, but it bought you time to figure out what to do. If there even was anything to do.

"You need to stay away from me," you reiterated as you turned from him to gaze at the plants you'd taken in as your own, left in their solitude that now comforted you.

"It won't matter, not for long."

Your fingers dug into the table in front of you and your eyes wound shut while you tried your best to hold your composure close. He was right and you knew it but that didn't make it hurt any less. And it didn't do anything to subdue your anger.

"Josh cannot find out about this," you whispered in a tense hush, your teeth gritting and grinding against one another.

"You can't even bring yourself to see him."

It was the thought of Josh that incited moisture to spring up from your eyes, the thought of leaving Josh and living without him while he led a life as miserable as Sam. You couldn't bring yourself to do it to him. You couldn't condemn him to such sorrow.

You turned sharply back toward Jake. "You can fix it, you can take this away."

He stepped toward you slowly despite being the only one mostly shielded from your gifts. Not that he could avoid feeling your hurt as easily.

“I can’t-” he started, brows furrowing in on that sympathetic look he seemed to always be wearing around you now. It infuriated you, seeing him that way. Acting helpless, like this was just something he was going to accept.

“Bullshit, you can't,” you screamed back, the sound piercing the air and sending birds which had previously been resting comfortably in the surrounding trees scurrying up into the air to flee.

He looked devastatingly helpless. Maybe he'd never encountered a feeling he couldn't fix or tinker with just enough to make the person feeling it feel better. But you couldn't forget that he would feel Josh's hurt at the end of it all too.

"It'll only be temporary," he answered reluctantly as he met you where you stood. It must have been the tears now cascading down your cheeks that prompted him forward as you pressed the heel of your hands into your eyes.

"I'm not supposed to want you, I'm not-" It came out as a choked sob now, having crept up on you the way it usually did. You were quick to anger, but the hurt that drove you to tears? That one hunted you in the night, stalked you like a silent predator and only attacked when you realized you were backed into a corner.

You didn't see him wrap his arms around you but you felt him there and instinctively buried your face into his chest as you cried.

"I know," he attempted to soothe you with his hands cradling the back of your head, letting his fingers dig into your scalp to hold you tightly, like a weighted blanket engulfing as much of your body as he could. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did this, I'm sorry I turned you. I couldn't let you die, I couldn't."

"Did you know?" you choked out against his chest in between muffled sobs.

"No, of course I didn't know." He sounded almost offended by what you had accused him of and suddenly you were pushing him away again.

Always so hot and cold.

"Is that why you were taking me out to dinners? Staying up late at night talking to me while Josh was out-" The accusation burned in your throat, scalding him on the way out as he shook his head vehemently in his defense.

"I was just trying to make you feel like you had a family again-"

"And now you're taking it from me! The thing I wanted so badly and you snatched it up like it belonged to you! You knew! I know you knew!"

Maybe it had been a baseless accusation before but when you watched him go quiet and saw the pained look fold in his brows as his lips pursed into a tight line, you suddenly wanted to hurt him. It made you rethink those nights you had spent together, him cooking for you, playing games with you, talking and listening to you, all while Josh was out feeding. That last night especially, the memory of it warped in your mind until it was unrecognizable.

"Say it!" you all but screamed through your tears and your anger.

"Danny always saw Josh turn you," he said finally, much more calmly than you. "But even then, he never saw anything past that. We never really knew why. Sam was trying to talk him out of doing it just in case. And then after I met you, I…I don't know. I wondered."

It was embarrassing how heavily the tears began to fall, even if the admission made no difference in the way of inevitability.

"You should have just let me die," you sputtered.

He shook his head in disbelief. It was the most wounded you'd ever seen him.

"You'd rather have died than be tied with me?"

"I'd rather have died than become what I am! I cannot deal with losing myself and Josh too!"

"Josh will understand. It isn't your fault-"

"Get out!" You finally snapped. Too many mentions of Josh, too much dwelling on the circumstances that you begged the universe to change. You could barely look at Jake. "Can't you feel how badly I want you to get away from me?"

"Baby, please just talk to me-"

You couldn't argue with the tingle that pet name sent surging through your bloodstream but you could brush it off and pretend it never happened. Even if he had felt it.

You pushed past him in an angry huff. If he wouldn't leave, you would.

"Where are you going?" he asked from behind you.

You knew he longed to grab your wrist and pull you back into him and with one touch, you would have caved in his arms instantly. But he didn't reach for you. He let you go.

"I'm going to make things right," you called back to him as you went. "And you might want to pay real close attention to what you're about to feel because it's what I should be feeling and what I will be choosing to feel."

It was your rage that carried you through the house, up the steps and down the hall until you pushed open Josh's bedroom door to find him nose deep in a journal on the bed he'd bought for his human girlfriend.

When he caught sight of you, the worry that had creased his forehead and sent his fingers buzzing with restlessness was suddenly a thing of the past. He practically jumped off the bed to greet you with arms open wide.

"Danny knew he'd get you out of there. I was going to send Adele in next-"

It wasn't a hug you wanted. It was Josh. Some tangible proof that what you'd had before still existed between you. So you said nothing, only crashed your mouth against his. He accepted you instantly, his hands finding your body the way they always did. He pulled you into him like he wanted to become one with you.

You moaned against his mouth when his tongue slipped past your lips. He was eager. You couldn't blame him; you'd been avoiding him for days. But his eagerness was exactly what you needed. He couldn't hurt you anymore, at long last. You'd take his eagerness and devour it.

You weren't gentle when you guided him backward and pushed his back up against the glass wall framing his room, sending a dangerous crack splintering through the glass at the impact. A whimper started deep within his chest and worked its way up through his throat until you were swallowing it down like it was your communion for some unholy ritual you were performing with him.

His mouth worked against yours, never once pulling away even as your hands moved in a frenzy to tear at the material of his shirt, letting it fall away in tatters. You moved to his pants next, his usual khakis with his belt looped through. Too many obstacles to get to him. But his hands wound around your wrists, holding them still as he pried his mouth away and struggled to speak with your mouth now against his neck, never missing a beat.

"What is this?" he whispered, his breath catching in the end when you nipped at his skin hard enough to send a shot of pleasure up through his body but not hard enough to break skin.

"I just need you," was all you replied.

It seemed to be enough for him because he let your wrists go without any further questioning and took your hips in his hands, pulling your pelvis into his. You each moaned at the contact, feeling the other so close and tempting the control the other had. But you needed more. You needed him fully to assure yourself you still had a choice, still had some say in what happened to you and who you'd spend eternity with.

He practically growled against your mouth when your hands teased his erection through his pants, rubbing painstakingly soft lines up and down his shaft straining in his tight khakis. He was so mouthwateringly big. Surely your desire for him could never change.

Your own passion seemed to ignite that same Josh that had demonstrated himself the last night you'd spent with him as a human, only now, there was nothing he could do that would hurt you irreparably. He could be himself with you, fully, finally. He could use his strength without worry, drink from you without worry, encompass himself in you without worry. And you hoped he would.

His hands weaved their way into your hair, pulling your head back sharply the way Jake had the night at the bar. It seemed like such a distant memory but it was that memory that the sensation brought back to the forefront of your mind. How dark his eyes had been. How badly you'd wanted to give him a hard time even when your breath had failed you.

You tried to shake the memory of Jake from your mind as you took in his twin now, eyes almost entirely black with lust and need. He was practically gone, only a shell of your regular Josh, replaced almost fully by the creature that he was. That you both now were.

You couldn't help the almost evil smile that spread on your lips as he held your head back, not letting you near his lips where you wanted to be.

"Don't hold out on me." You whispered the tease.

He smiled back, a devilish smile that overtook his face.

"Never," he answered.

He pulled your face back into his, this time biting your lip and drawing blood when he felt your fingers tease the imprint of the head of his cock still sheathed in his pants. And the moment your blood touched his tongue, you couldn't help the moan that escaped your body. It wasn't like being drank from as a human. When he had bitten you before, it had hurt. But this time, there was no hurt to be found. This time, when he drank from you, you felt like you'd taken ecstacy. It heightened every sensation within your body. Every touch that was electric before now seared into your flesh. It numbed your mind into an almost orgasmic-like state despite how little you'd even done up until that point.

You could only imagine what it would feel like to have Jake's lips in his place, his fangs instead of Josh's puncturing your skin. An already strong feeling in and of itself, he could make it feel like more.

Your mind did a dangerous dance between the two brothers, your body lusting after the one who now touched you while your mind lusted for the one who didn't even need to touch you. But each time you felt your mind wander to Jake, you fought harder to suppress it. It wasn't anything real, after all. It was a chemical reaction created by some ancient ritual that you really knew nothing about.

It wasn't real.

You maneuvered Josh until his back was pressing into the mattress. There was something to be said for the integrity of the bed frame, too, groaning uneasily under the weight of the force you used to push him backward. He tried to pull you down with him, urging you to put him out of his misery and straddle his cock already but you splayed his arms out on either side of his head, using your strength to hold him down by his biceps as you indulged your tongue in a delicious path down the icy skin of his torso.

You only moved your hands when your chin met the waistband of his pants, giving him a stern enough look to hold him in his place while you ripped the belt loops of his khakis removing his belt and tore the remaining fabric down his thighs. He looked lost in his lust as you stared down at his cock, having sprung up from its confines and now bobbing eagerly against his abdomen. Waiting for you.

When he lifted his head to watch you and you met his eyes, for a fraction of a second it was Jake you saw, casting his lustful eyes down at you as they practically pleaded with you to take his cock into your mouth. But almost as quickly, the image of Jake evaporated and left you staring a little too intently at Josh.

You blinked it away, trying to bring yourself back to him, trying to focus.

"What's wrong?" Josh asked softly from above you, the eagerness and desperation melting away the moment he became concerned for you.

You shook your head to ease him back into it.

"Nothing." You gave him a smile, one you hoped was convincing, and dipped your face down without another word to press a light kiss against his thigh.

His skin was so soft and plush, even where the muscles laid taught just beneath the skin. His body always begged to be touched. It was made for it.

Your lips worked their way over to his hardened length leaking desperation. You had always loved teasing him but now it served another purpose. The lingering touches, the whimpers they elicited from Josh's lungs, it helped ground you. It kept you there with him while your mind fought to float out and find his brother.

You don't want him, you told yourself. You repeated it back in your mind, over and over. You wanted Josh; you were sure of it. You would always want Josh.

You did away with the teasing to finally take him down your throat, noting your lack of a gag reflex as you nuzzled your nose against the soft hair tickling his pelvis at the base. And his moan in response was loud, maybe louder than you'd ever heard him. He was letting himself go. He was moving without worry, feeling without caution. Every movement freed him a little further. But to you, it felt like each brought you closer to the entanglement. Each movement brought you closer to something you couldn't avoid.

You focused on the way he tasted resting heavy against your tongue, the way he sounded, too. Those sounds which were distinctly Josh. Not needing to breathe was a nice addition; you could pump your mouth around him forever without any breaks, working him up faster than you ever could have as a human.

He leaned up onto his elbows to watch you take him, each bob of your head taking him deep into the back of your throat before you retreated to swirl your tongue around the head. He tasted like Josh, a beautiful mixture of salty and sweet that laid so nicely on your tongue. He felt like Josh, too, thick and pulsing against your tongue. And he sounded like Josh, whimpering in that way that he did that made it sound like he'd do absolutely anything you asked of him, if only you'd keep going.

Everything was right and yet somehow it all felt so wrong.

"You take me so well," he whispered as he watched you, in awe of the way your tongue lapped along his shaft as you suctioned your mouth around him, the head of his cock hitting that soft tissue at the back of your throat with each downward movement.

You wanted it. No, you wanted to want it. Was Jake paying attention? Was he jealous? Was he out there with his women, paying no mind to what you were doing?

Your rhythm faltered and you pulled off of him quickly, moving to straddle him instead.

"Such a rush…" he whispered.

You knew Josh preferred slow but he was certainly never one to complain. And you would have happily gone slow with him if it weren't for the fact that you now felt you were in a race with your thoughts as they devolved into something you weren't proud of.

Josh helped you out of your jeans at the pace you had wanted, his hands making quick work of the material of both your top and bottoms to leave you in only your silky undergarments. Neither of which you bothered to remove. Instead, you simply yanked the material of your panties to the side and slid down onto his length with a sigh of relief. He was where he belonged.

He still felt good; at least there was that. His cock buried deep inside of you still felt as mind numbing as it always had, and even more so when he lifted himself up to let his fangs sink into the spot just below your breast.

You drew in a sharp breath when you felt the pull of your blood from your body into his mouth. You didn't realize that part would be different as a vampire, the cold blood stagnant in your veins and probably not satiating but somehow incredibly sexual.

You used his hair as your anchor, holding him close to you while you began to raise and lower your hips.

"Oh my god," you gasped. You could have spilled tears at the sensation of riding him while he drank from you.

Josh's mouth pulled away from where he had latched onto your skin to kiss lower, bending his torso to bite further down.

"Fuck, Josh!" you gasped at the way the feeling had dissipated and suddenly resurged through your body.

You rode him faster, taking advantage of the enhanced muscles in your legs to work up a pace that would have incited the meanest of burns in your legs as a human. But as a vampire, it was easy. It was easy to ride him into oblivion as he struggled to keep it together.

He pulled away from your body again to bring his lips up to your ear, one arm still holding him upright while the other curved around your back and pressed you closer to him.

"I don't need the soul tie," he whispered. "I have you. That's what matters."

It hit you all at once, the weight of the lie you were keeping from him. Your hips faltered and an intense shame pushed through your body like it owned you.

"I'm sorry, I can't-" you sputtered, pulling yourself off of him and practically flying backward until your back hit the wall behind you and he was left lying on the bed, confused and concerned.

He stared at you stunned for only a split second as the tears began to fall down your face before he was at your side, pants pulled back into their place and crouching low next to you where you had sunk against the floor.

“Hey, what’s wrong? What did I do?” Concern dipped his forehead, creating lines of worry deeper than his face usually held. Although that seemed to be a trend, as of late.

“I don’t-I don’t even know how to-” You stuttered, unable to form your thoughts into words and further unable to say what it was you clearly needed to say.

“It’s okay," he urged in that soft voice of his that had talked you out of one of the darkest times of your life, "you can talk to me. I'm sorry for whatever I did-”

“You didn't do anything. I’m just…I’m different, Josh.”

You were different. That was really all you could get out? That hardly explained the half of it.

But he nodded confidently. “I know, sweet girl, I know.”

It made you sigh, suddenly frustrated that he wasn't understanding even though you weren't giving him anything to understand. You were still hiding from him. And now it felt like you were flat out lying to him.

“No, no, I’m not…” You trailed off, burying your face in your hands and hoping the disgust didn't seep through your fingers for him to see.

“What?” he urged lightly.

You didn't know how to say it. You weren't certain you could even bring yourself to say it if you did. So instead, you opted for the next best thing. And it was just as truthful.

“I don’t deserve you, Josh. I’m not…I’m not good.”

His concern only deepened.

“What are you even saying?”

You struggled to meet his eyes, afraid he might see more of the truth there than you meant for him to. Afraid he might even coax it out of you himself with only the sadness behind his own. He could always shake you with just those big brown eyes. Of course, he never really needed to. You'd always just been putty in his hands and happy to be it. But things were changing.

“I’m not who I was and I don’t know why things are so different but they are.” Just enough to tell him you were changing but not enough to really explain anything at all. You'd look back on this conversation and regret holding him at such arms length.

But to your surprise, he nodded. And he looked like maybe he actually did understand, although how deep that understanding went, you weren't sure.

“You think I don’t know things are different? Trust me, I know." He chuckled but it wasn't a happy sound. More defeated than anything else. "I know you’re going through things you don’t want to talk to me about and I’m trying not to pry and give you your space but maybe I haven’t done the right thing. Fuck, I almost asked Sam earlier to tell me what you've been thinking but I couldn't bring myself to." He chuckled again, shaking his head as he stifled his rambling.

"Has he…said anything?" you asked cautiously. There wasn't much that Sam knew either but you weren't exactly careful with your thoughts, especially not when blood was involved.

"Just that your hunts have been going well and not to worry."

It was your turn to shake your head, your hand smearing against your forehead in exasperation. You might have had a headache if you'd been able to feel that type of pain.

"Maybe you should be worried," you whispered.

You hadn't even meant to say it aloud but once you did, you couldn't take it back. He had heard it and it set those lines deeper into his forehead. They'd be permanent wrinkles before long if you had anything to do with it.

"I just mean I can't control the things that I'm feeling…" It wasn't exactly a save by any means but it did seem to ease him a little.

He settled into a sitting position on the ground in front of you, like he was hunkering down there for as long as he needed to. He let his hand rest on your knee, careful not to go any further but keeping the contact to assure you that he was there, in whatever capacity you needed him to be. It should have made you better but it only caused a swell in the feeling of dread that seemed to have nested a permanent home in your chest.

"What do you need?" he asked softly, his thumb grazing along your skin. You knew that if that little finger had the power to ease all of your pain, it would. "I'll give you anything you need to get through this.”

There was no doubt in your mind of that. You only doubted what it would be worth in the end. If he would regret ever giving himself to you fully. It would cost you a lot but for him? It would cost him everything.

“What if I don’t get through it?” you asked just above a whisper, not meeting his eyes but instead fixing them to the movements of his thumb, movements that once would have incited fire deep inside your belly.

“I’m not going to leave you behind. Never.”

Never. It was like Sam and Adele's forever. He meant it now but he wouldn't mean it for long.

“What if…" you gulped hard, forcing yourself to continue. "What if we don’t get through this?”

You placed the emphasis where it was due and braced yourself for an overly supportive boyfriend, insisting that wouldn't be the case. It might have been the worst thing he could have possibly said in that moment but you should have known Josh better than that. You should have given him more credit for the things he saw, even when no one would give him a straight answer.

He pursed his lips hard, forming them into a tight line that they hardly ever agreed to. You were testing out his ability to frown, to morph wrinkles into his perfect skin, to look anything other than how he had been born to look: happy.

No, he didn't look happy. He didn't look like the Josh you were so familiar with. But he at least looked sincere. He was never capable of looking anything less than that.

“You are a part of this family now," he answered. And this time, the concern in his brows seemed to be concern that you may not believe him. But he pressed on. "That will always be the case, no matter which path you choose. And Jake…Jake can help you, you know. Help you control what you're feeling in a way the rest of us can't.”

Control. Would you spend the rest of your life without it? Eternity was a long time, surely you'd learn how to better manage. But the idea of someone else controlling you, even if that someone were Jake and his illustrious gifts, left a sour taste in your mouth. You didn't want to leave your fate up to someone else, constantly experiencing life through a haze of emotions you didn't create. It might have sounded appealing when you were a human but now that everything was intensified and you took pleasure in the things you shouldn't have, you wanted to be the keeper of your own emotions, erratic as they were. If it was manufactured chemicals you wanted, you wanted to choose it. And if it really was Jake you wanted, you wanted to choose him too.

You said nothing but after some time spent on the floor, the top of your head pressed into his chest while you slumped over on yourself, he picked you up quietly and carried you to bed. Not to sleep but to hold you.

You knew it was likely to be the last time you'd find any comfort in his arms the way you once had. And silently, against the cover of his chest, you mourned the loss of it.

—

At some point when the sun broke over the horizon and signaled dawn, you slid out of bed while Josh refreshed himself in the shower, aiming for the bottle of aged whiskey Jake kept in the liquor cabinet tucked away in the kitchen. Something to keep you company throughout the day, you had decided.

You heard Sam descend the stairs and enter the kitchen as your fingers found the familiar curve of the bottle.

"I'm not hungry." You didn't even turn to look at him as you straightened and uncorked the bottle, taking a swig directly from it. It didn't burn the way it might have as a human but it still tasted like gasoline. You weren't entirely sure how Jake stomached it. Maybe that was his version of self-inflicted torture.

“You’ve practically been screaming your thoughts to me,” Sam said as he settled with his hip jutting into the counter next to you.

You could feel the lecture you were about to get and it angered you before it even graced his lips and fell upon your ears.

“You and Jake. Making sure I'm never fucking alone.”

“I like to think I've been a little kinder about it than Jake.”

He had been. But you were keeping more and more secrets with each passing second and you were struggling to want to admit that to him.

You slammed the liquor cabinet door shut, closing your eyes and breathing deeply as your fingers sank into the wood and left little crescent moon dents in the surface. You were working on your anger. It wasn't going all that well.

"Oh so now you're coming to cash in on all of those moments you could have been shitty to me but chose not to?" you accused. "How noble of you."

"I'm flattered by the incredibly low opinion you have of me so why don't I make this easy for you. You tell Josh or I will."

You had known it was likely he had heard your thoughts the previous night, the breakdown you'd had in Josh's room despite it being the first time you'd faced him in days. Of course, you had hoped Sam would continue on in his silence. There had been nothing other than your initial look at Jake to give you away. If you had only stayed put in the greenhouse.

You tell Josh or I will.

It made your blood run cold.

“What did you just say?” You turned to him in utter disbelief, praying you had somehow magically heard him wrong.

"Do I really need to say it again?"

“You Kiszka’s and your invasive fucking gifts, throwing around judgment about things that are none of your business.”

“You have to tell him, honey." He said that word, honey, with such disdain. "You have to tell Josh the truth.”

“There’s nothing to tell, Sam!” It was a quiet whisper but spoken without any hint of calmness as he unraveled the tale you had woven so delicately inside of you, keeping your relationship carefully held together with threads criss-crossing every which way.

“There is and we both know it," he spat back. "Jake knows it too. Even Danny and Adele fucking know it, Danny could see it on your face the second you turned and laid your eyes on Jake. And now you have no choice, isn't that what they say? It's inevitable?”

You could have hit him for making you face it.

"Maybe it's not!"

"Then why did you want it so badly with Josh?" He saw through your paper-thin lie instantly. "You're telling me now you're choosing not to believe it has to be this way?"

"Nothing happened, Sam. Stay out of it." You struggled to keep your voice down but Sam didn't even seem to be trying.

"You told me you didn't know what happened. I believed you."

"Sam," you warned dangerously, feeling that familiar spark of anger that flowed through you so deliciously. You didn't want to hurt him again, not if you could help it.

He leaned in closer, speaking his words in a hushed but urgent whisper. "I can't ignore this any more than you can."

"Yes, you could," you pleaded, "if you would just please-"

"You're not hearing me," he snapped, the words almost silent as he grabbed your arm and pulled you into him.

You didn't fight it. You only met his eyes, the anger having subsided for the moment as you took in his face. You realized it in the honey brown of his beautifully droopy eyes, always so filled with expression you could never distinguish until now. He was hurt.

"You're going to give up everything for him anyway so just do it already," he breathed. "Make this less painful than it has to be. Please."

You weren't sure what you would have done had Jake not entered the kitchen to see Sam's hand holding your bicep with a bruising force, even for all your strength.

"What the fuck is going on?"

When he heard Jake's voice, Sam's hand fell back to his side and he retreated several steps. His face turned expectant as he waited for you to give the answer he knew Jake didn't need. It was like he just wanted to hear you say it but not the way Danny had. It felt vindictive.

"Nothing." If it hadn't been for the super hearing, your single word answer might have been impossible to hear. But the scoff Sam let out in return was far less quiet.

"Everyone in this fucking house seems to think they can keep secrets from me."

"Sam," his brother let out a warning similar to the one you had uttered and it seemed to exasperate the youngest.

"Oh what, you don't want to talk about it either? At least Danny had the fucking decency to not try and hide it from me."

His eyes were scathing on yours and you might have cried had the anger bubbling up inside of you not prevented those tears, effectively evaporating them before they could cascade down your skin.

"Sam, that's enough!" Jake held his arm out to his brother, his palm resting on his chest like he was holding him back from leaping at you.

That was the scene Josh had walked in on, dripping wet from his shower cut short. It was a scene impossible to explain away without being honest.

“What is happening?” he asked. He already looked concerned and part of you wondered how much he had even needed to hear to piece it together.

Sam and Jake exchanged a glance, and you were caught looking between them, hoping no one would say anything.

When Josh received nothing but silence, he spoke your name. Your eyes snapped to his, brimming with hot tears, but still you said nothing. It was like your mouth had been taped shut. You couldn't bring yourself to say it.

“Somebody tell me what’s going on now," he demanded finally, looking irritated and like he was losing composure by the second.

And finally, it was Sam who broke the silence.

“Jake has found himself his soul tie.”

“That’s not funny, Sam,” Josh answered without any pause.

Sam kept his eyes on you when he answered.

“No. It’s not.”

He looked at you the same way he had the first day he had met you. Loathing.

“It’s not true,” you whispered.

God, you couldn't even grace Josh with a look. Instead, he turned to Jake, pleading with him.

“Please tell me it’s not true.”

Jake met him with the same silence the rest of you had practically bludgeoned him with. It somehow knocked you out of your staring contest with Sam. Josh was your boyfriend, after all. Didn't you have any fight in you?

“Tell him it’s not true," you suddenly pleaded with Jake, turning to grip his arm. "Tell him I don’t feel anything for you!”

When he met your eyes, desperation-filled, he only looked sympathetic.

“You may not now, but you will.”

“No. No, I won’t. How dare you. How dare you-” The first was directed at Jake but the second was directed at Sam.

You flung your body at him, the physical urge to hurt him, not with your gifts but with your own two hands, overwhelming. It was Jake who caught you and stopped you, Jake who flooded your body with a fatigue you hadn't felt since you had been human, and one that lulled you into a sleep-like state in his arms and against your will.

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[kitchen-light]

To read Keats in a time of plague is to confront the same question asked in his unfinished epic 'The Fall of Hyperion': "what benefit" do poets offer to a world in which so many people suffer so much? This question obsessed Keats, who never quite shook off his guilt at having abandon medicine for literature and its more subtle ministrations. Whenever he tried to convince himself that a poet is "physician to all men", he ended up thinking he was hardly a poet at all, but rather a self-destructive fantasist who "venoms all his days". As he drew nearer to his own death, Keats was sure he was more patient than healer, more venom than remedy. The argument of this book is that Keats was wrong. Needless to say, plenty of readers have found comfort in the vitality, wit and aesthetic amplitude of his poems; a thing of beauty is perhaps a joy forever. 'Keat's Odes', however, locates its subject's social genius at a distance from his reputation as a card-carrying Great Poet. It identifies Keats as a radical writer and his poetry as a radical expression of the art. More controversially, it claims a resemblance between Keats and Karl Marx, who was likewise preoccupied by the deformation of all aspects of human life under capital. Everywhere in his poetry Keats seeks both to describe that deformation and to undo it, to create a language of such lavish and uncompromising passion that it drives home the outrage of what we have become and the grandeur of what we still might be.

Anahid Nersessian, from Preface to the UK Edition, “Keats Odes | A Lover’s Discourse”, Verso Books, 2022

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Domestic Bliss Masterlist

A love that grows (ao3) - krissyxlove

Summary: Prompt: Dan and Phil with a daughter.

a thousand words (ao3) - marina_rocher

Summary: Looking at Dan through the lens of Phil's camera is its own form of art.

baby blue and bubblegum pink (ao3) - phantasticworks (steddieworks)

Summary: Dan paints his nails. Phil wants to try it.

easy for you to say (ao3) - phantasticworks (steddieworks)

Summary: Phil tries to convince Dan to throw away the grey shirt. Dan can’t do it.

Five Times Dan Got Jealous… (ao3) - JenCollins, WordsAblaze

Summary:  …And the one time jealousy was the last thing on his mind, ft. collabs, puppies, misunderstandings, unbuttoned shirts, twitter selfies, and a happily ever after. Enjoy!

food fight (ao3) - MiniGoose

Summary: A lazy morning that involves pajamas, food fights, and sticky kisses.

Forever (Can Never Be Long Enough) (ao3) - phantasticworks (steddieworks)

Summary: Phil wakes up on the morning of his 33rd birthday with sleepy cuddles. He and Dan make plans to make plans.

home remedies (ao3) - t_hens

Summary: Dan fixes the haircut phil gave himself

i'm half doomed and you're semi sweet (ao3) - dolcedeath

Summary: “Does it sound pathetic if I say I missed you?” Dan murmurs into his skin, his hands flirting with the hem of Phil’s shirt and pushing it up his back.

“Not anymore than usual.” Phil teases, running a hand through Dan’s hair and tilting his chin up with the other. Dan kind of looks like he wants to slap him across the face, but he brings their lips together and feels Dan melt against him. He grins into it, feeling triumphant.

“Say you missed me back.” Dan pouts, crossing his arms in front of his chest and falling back on the bed petulantly.

Just Need A Light (ao3) - dandrogynous

Summary: “Cuddle me,” Phil says. Sleepy, petulant, drunk. Dan loves him. “Cuddle me, let's get drunk, stay longer in Florida or I’ll miss you,” he teases as he pulls his shirt up over his head. “You are so needy.” Phil makes a face at him without opening his eyes.

Let Go Of The Reins (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Dan did not want to go home to his parents’ house the summer after his first year of studying law - which he was failing at - so when a friend suggested a simple job that would keep him busy for three months and give him a place to live, he couldn’t say no. Granted, shovelling horse shit wasn’t glamorous and he was afraid of horses, but the Lester Stables had other things going for it.

Phil was newly graduated with a video editing degree and moving home to his parents’ horse stables, even if he still would not get back on the horse since what happened earlier in the year. He had a complicated relationship with horses to begin with and he had decided he was done riding. When the new stablehand help arrives, Phil finds himself going out to the stables more often despite trying to stay away.

Letting Someone in Can Change Your Life (ao3) - winstonlives

Summary: “Fine. I will let you in. But I am not buzzing you in I'm coming down. And bringing my phone and a weapon.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

Dan shoved his phone in the pocket of his hoodie and grabbed the tennis racquet he had by his front door for protection. Once downstairs he looked out to see one of the most beautiful men he had ever seen. He very much regretted not putting on actual clothes. He ran his fingers through his hair trying to smooth out the unruly curls he knew were there from his shower. He pushed open the door and the man smiled, his bright blue eyes flashing.

“Thank you so much! I thought I was going to be locked out all night!” He said, shaking the rain off of himself as best he could while clutching a soggy pink bakery box. “I’m frozen. Sorry, uh my name is Phil. I live in 301.”

“Dan, 503.” Dan said as he followed Phil up the stairs. “So when did you move in? I haven’t seen you before.”

Of Dogs and Disobedience (ao3) - jestbee

Summary: The five times they tried to have rules for their dog, and the one time they gave up.

Pressing Business (ao3) - TeddyAsInLupin (Medliwaith)

Summary: Dan and Phil iron some clothes as they pack last-minute. Banter occurs.

soft silence / softer lips (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: A short, simple and self indulgent one shot in which Dan and Phil enjoy a lazy summer morning.

But Dan quietly reflects on how he can never hear his lover laugh, moan or cry, and Phil wonders how he stumbled upon such a beautiful person.

The city is so loud (but you drown out all the noise) (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Phil's pack might have kicked him out for mating with a human, but his love for Dan was much stronger than anything he'd ever experienced before. It wasn't easy to adjust to living with Dan in his - now their - small flat in London, but Phil would do it again in a heartbeat. With Dan by his side, Phil was sure he could get used to all the weird things humans did.

The Perfect Pizza (ao3) - sakurainrain

Summary: "This is the ultimate pizza order. Okay. We have decided this over years, and we always get this because it's the best thing."

A fic in which Dan and Phil decide what it takes to make this ultimate pizza order.

your love is my turning page (ao3) - buggieb

Summary: the one where dan and phil get a dog