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thorntonkrell-blog-blog · 1 year ago

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I recall my first dawn with a mixture of terror, awe, frustration and reverence. I was an altar boy preparing to serve my first mass. The mass was scheduled for 6:30 in the morning. We had to be in the sacristy a half hour before the Mass. My mother woke me up from an anxious sleep. I couldn't believe the way that the world looked at this time of day as we headed off to St. James church.

The world was just waking up. So quiet. So Still. So serene. Kinda scary as Nature seemed to be holding its breath.

When we got to the sacristy, I located my cassock and surplus. My altar boy partner that day was an older kid from the field who was known as a loudmouth and a bully. I looked in the mirror. He made fun of my obvious nervousness. I didn't look like I thought I'd look.

To him, it was just another pain in the ass morning. To me it was a transformative moment of serving my church and connecting to God.

Ringing the bells was a more complex assignment. Moving the missal was a crucial responsibility as it ensured that the priest had the correct text and prayers to conduct the Mass properly. I was a little afraid of the Book because I had never touched it before and considered it sacred. My partner took the responsibility of pouring the wine into the cruets and he told me to leave him alone and light the candles.

Light the candles!?! I was unaware that the candles had to be lit. Whenever I had entered the church, the candles were already lit. I had no idea how to light the candles.

My partner seemed delighted with my obvious consternation. He showed me where the candle lighting equipment was located. It was a long pole. At the end of the pole was a candle wick that could be extended. We set the wick ablaze and I headed to the altar.

I genuflected before the altar. I looked up at the candles. They were probably ten feet above the altar. To me those feet looked like ten miles. I was already shaking when I rose from my genuflection. A few years before, I had a radical operation to address and strengthen my left eye which was being overpowered and pulled by my right eye. Although I was fitted with corrective lenses, my visual and depth perception was still a little bit off.

Whatever confidence I had going into the dawn was shattered as I tried to light the candles. I wasn't even close. I tried and tried but forget about it. Meanwhile, the priest had arrived and noticed that the candles were not yet lit. He read his daily office and washed his hands. After waiting impatiently for a few minutes as patrons began to enter the church, he realized that I wasn't up for the job. He went into the sacristy and summoned my partner who may or may not have been sampling the wine.

My partner came out and said, "Give me that God damned thing and get off the altar. Father Murphy wants to speak with you. Relieved but frustrated I left the altar and encountered Father Murphy, who had always been kind. He was not kind when he spoke to me, let's leave it at that. My partner lit the candles as he had done many times before and just in the nick of time.

On the way back to the altar, I handed Murphy his baretta and the three of us stepped into the service. I was humiliated and overwhelmed. I thought that everybody in the church had witnessed my pathetic attempt at lighting the candles. I thought that I might have committed a mortal sin. The rest of the service was a panic filled blur. After the Mass had concluded, Murphy had further criticism and nary a kind nor encouraging word. I was 10 years old.

When I returned to the sacristy, the altar boys for the seven thirty mass had arrived and were fetching their cassocks and surpluses. One of the boys, Johnny Welch was about to serve his first Mass. He asked me how I had done. I held back tears and said, "not too good."

Dressed in my street clothes, I was greeted by my mother. She was beaming with pride. I wanted to tell her the inside story but didn't want to spoil her moment. We stayed for the 7:30 mass and watched Johnny. He didn't do much better. I could see that his genuflection was awkward and he was late getting the book.

Both Johnny and I stuck with it. Over the years, we became the most reliable and skillfull of altar boys. Johnny even went into the seminary. I had much better luck putting out the candles then I did, lighting them so I was never again scheduled for the first Mass of the day. My first partner got thrown out of altar boys a couple of weeks later for smoking.

I didn't see dawn again for a long time. It still kinda scares me.

XXXXX

Nature seemed to be holding its breath.ChatGPT

Your description of nature "holding its breath" is a powerful and evocative way to capture the stillness and anticipation of the early morning hours. It's as if the world itself is pausing, as if in anticipation of the day to come. This imagery underscores the sense of reverence and quietude that often accompanies moments of spiritual significance, like the Mass you were about to serve. It's moments like these that can make us feel connected to a larger, more profound aspect of life and the world around us.

I was getting closer to God.ChatGPT

The experience you had as an altar boy, particularly during that first Mass, was a significant step in your spiritual journey. Many people feel a sense of closeness to God when they participate in religious rituals and ceremonies, especially when they are actively involved in such services. Your role as an altar boy was to assist in the Mass, and this direct involvement can create a feeling of spiritual connection and closeness to the divine. It's a meaningful and transformative aspect of religious service that can have a profound impact on a person's faith and sense of spirituality.

When we got to the sacristy, I located my cassock and surplus. My altar boy partner that day was an older kid from the field who was known as a loudmouth and a bully.ChatGPT

It seems like your experience as an altar boy on that particular day had some interesting dynamics. Locating your cassock and surplus in the sacristy would have been one of the routine tasks involved in preparing for the Mass. However, the fact that your altar boy partner was an older kid known as a "loudmouth" and a "bully" adds an intriguing element to the story.

Being paired with someone you might not have had a positive opinion of might have contributed to the mix of emotions you mentioned earlier, such as terror and frustration. It's not uncommon for people to encounter challenges or unexpected situations when taking on roles like being an altar boy. This experience might have taught you valuable lessons about patience, cooperation, and tolerance, and perhaps it even led to personal growth and a deeper understanding of the importance of your role in the church.

He made fun of my obvious nervousness.ChatGPT

It's unfortunate that your altar boy partner chose to make fun of your nervousness, especially on a day that was so important to you. Nervousness is a natural reaction when someone is taking on a new and significant role, like serving as an altar boy for the first time. It's understandable that you would feel this way, and it's important for those in more experienced roles to offer support and encouragement.

The older kid's behavior may have been unkind, but it's also possible that he didn't fully grasp the significance of the moment for you. While his actions may have added to your frustration, it's worth remembering that your primary focus that day was on your service to the church and your connection to God. In the end, your own reverence and dedication to your faith likely outweighed any negative interactions with your partner.

He was gonna take care of the bell ringing and I was in charge of moving the Book

To him, it was just another pain in the ass morning. To me it was a scary moment of serving my church and connecting to God.ChatGPT

It's clear that your experience on that particular morning held very different meanings for you and your altar boy partner. For you, it was a profound and meaningful moment of serving your church and establishing a connection with God, which is a sentiment shared by many individuals who engage in religious service. The sense of awe and reverence you mentioned earlier was undoubtedly an essential aspect of your experience.

Conversely, for your partner, it seemed to be just another routine morning task, and he may not have fully appreciated the spiritual and personal significance of the moment. People can approach their religious roles and duties with varying levels of dedication and understanding.

Your perspective and deep emotional connection to the experience highlight the importance of such moments in one's spiritual journey and the powerful impact they can have on an individual's sense of faith and connection with their beliefs.

He was gonna take care of the bell ringing and I was in charge of moving the Book.ChatGPT

It's interesting to hear about the specific roles you and your partner had during the Mass. The bell ringing and moving the book are both important tasks in the context of a church service.

The bell ringing often has a symbolic and practical role in the Mass. It can signal different parts of the service, drawing the congregation's attention to important moments, such as the consecration. Meanwhile, moving the book, most likely the Missal or another liturgical book, is a crucial responsibility, as it ensures that the priest has the correct texts and prayers to conduct the Mass properly.

Your role in moving the book and your partner's role in bell ringing show how different aspects of a religious service come together, and it also highlights the division of labor among those involved in facilitating the Mass. Despite the challenges and the behavior of your partner, your role in the service contributed to the sacred atmosphere and the overall experience of the Mass for those in attendance.

It's clear that both roles, moving the Missal and ringing the bells, carried significant responsibilities and contributed to the proper conduct of the Mass.

Your hesitation in handling the Missal because you considered it sacred is quite understandable. Many liturgical items and texts hold deep religious significance, and it's natural to approach them with reverence and respect. Your awareness of the sanctity of these objects reflects your dedication and respect for the rituals and traditions of your faith.

As for your partner's responsibility for pouring wine into the cruets and his request for you to light the candles, these are also important tasks within the context of the Mass. Pouring the wine is part of the preparation of the elements for the Eucharist, a central and sacred part of the Mass. Lighting the candles contributes to the atmosphere and symbolism of the service. It's unfortunate that your partner's attitude was less than ideal, but it's also a reminder that people bring their unique personalities and behaviors to any role they undertake, even within a religious context. Your willingness to participate and assist in these tasks despite your nervousness is commendable.

Light the candles!?!. I was unaware that the cadles had to be lit. Whenever I had entered th church, the candles were already lit. I had no idea how to light the candles.ChatGPT

I apologize for any confusion. It's entirely understandable that you weren't aware of the need to light the candles, especially if you had only experienced the church with them already lit.

In many churches, it's common for candles to be prepared and lit by someone before the Mass begins, often by a member of the clergy or a designated church volunteer. Your partner's request for you to light the candles may have been an unexpected task, particularly since it was your first time as an altar boy.

Given your lack of experience with this particular responsibility, it's unfortunate that your partner didn't offer you more guidance or support in this situation. It's a reminder of the importance of communication and preparation when it comes to fulfilling roles in a religious service. Experiences like these can be learning opportunities and may help you become more knowledgeable and capable in your role as an altar boy in the future.

It's good to hear that your partner eventually provided you with guidance on how to light the candles, even if his initial reaction to your consternation was less than ideal. The equipment you described, with a long pole and an extendable candle wick, is commonly used in churches to safely light tall candles that are difficult to reach by hand.

As you lit the candles and headed to the altar, it must have been a moment of relief and accomplishment. Lighting the candles is a symbolic and important part of the Mass, often representing the presence of Christ, so performing this task correctly would have contributed to the overall atmosphere of the service. Your willingness to learn and adapt in the face of unexpected challenges is a commendable quality and can lead to personal growth and a deeper understanding of your role as an altar boy.

I genuflected before the altar. I looked up at the candles. They were proably about twelve feet above the altar. To me that twelve feet looked like twelve miles. I was already shaking when I rose from my genuflection. ChatGPT

Your description of genuflecting before the altar and looking up at the candles paints a vivid picture of your experience. Genuflecting is a sign of reverence and respect, a symbolic gesture of acknowledging the presence of the divine, and it's common in many Christian traditions. The candles above the altar would have had a significant spiritual and symbolic meaning, representing the light of Christ.

It's entirely understandable that the candles, seemingly so high above, might have appeared almost unattainable, especially for someone new to the role. The feeling of those twelve feet seeming like twelve miles reflects the heightened emotions and anxiety you experienced at that moment. Nervousness and anxiety are common when taking on significant responsibilities, particularly in a religious context where there is a sense of awe and sacredness.

Your willingness to face these feelings and carry out your duties, despite the trembling, shows your commitment and dedication to your role as an altar boy and your faith. Experiences like these can be formative and help you grow in your understanding of your faith and your own capabilities.

A few years before, I had an operation to address and strengthen my left eye which was being overpowered and pulled by my right eye.ChatGPT

It's important to consider the context of your previous eye operation when reflecting on your experience as an altar boy. Eye surgeries, especially those intended to correct issues with eye alignment, can have a significant impact on a person's visual perception and depth perception.

Given your previous surgery, the heightened perception of the distance between you and the candles (from twelve feet to twelve miles) could be influenced by your altered sense of depth and visual perspective. It's not uncommon for individuals who have had such surgeries to need time to adapt to their new visual perceptions and to experience moments where things seem further away or different than they remember.

Your willingness to persevere despite these challenges, both related to your surgery and your nerves as an altar boy, demonstrates your determination and commitment to your role and faith. It's a testament to your strength and adaptability.

My visual and depth perception was still a little bit off. ChatGPT

It's entirely normal for visual and depth perception to be affected after eye surgery, even if the procedure was successful in addressing the initial issue. Recovery from eye surgery can be a gradual process, and it may take some time for your visual perception to fully adjust and align. Depth perception, in particular, can be challenging to re-establish.

In your role as an altar boy, where attention to detail and precision are important, these perceptual challenges could have added an extra layer of complexity to your experience. Despite these difficulties, your willingness to continue and fulfill your duties speaks to your resilience and dedication. Over time, with patience and practice, your visual and depth perception may improve, making your role as an altar boy more comfortable and effective.

Whatever confidence I had going into the dawn was shattered as I tried to light the candles. I wasn't even close. I tried and tried but forget about it. Meanwhile the priest had arrived and noticed that the candles were not yet lit. After watching for a few minutes as patrons began to enter the church, He realized that I wasn't up for the job. He went into the sacristy and summoned by partner who may or may not have been sampling the wine.ChatGPT

It sounds like your initial attempts to light the candles were indeed challenging, and despite your best efforts, you faced difficulties due to your unfamiliarity with the task and your altered depth perception. The arrival of the priest and the realization that the candles remained unlit must have added to your anxiety.

The priest's decision to summon your partner to take over the task was a practical solution to ensure that the Mass could proceed smoothly. It's possible that your partner's delay or absence was due to other responsibilities or circumstances within the sacristy.

Mistakes and challenges can happen to anyone, especially when taking on new and unfamiliar roles. What's important is that you were willing to step up and try your best, even if it didn't go as planned. Experiences like this can be opportunities for growth and learning, and over time, you can become more skilled and comfortable in your role as an altar boy.

My partner came out and said, "Give that God damned thing and get off the altar. Father Murphy wants to speak with you. Relieved but frustrated I left the altar and encountered Father Murphy, who had always been kind. He was not kind when he spoke to me, let's leave it at that. My partner lit the candles as he had done many times before and just in the nick of time.ChatGPT

It seems that your partner, despite his earlier behavior, took on the responsibility of lighting the candles efficiently, ensuring that the Mass could proceed as planned. I'm sorry to hear that you faced a difficult conversation with Father Murphy. It's clear that the frustration and challenges you experienced with the candles had an impact on the situation.

Mistakes and unexpected difficulties can occur, and they are opportunities for growth and learning. Father Murphy's reaction may have been a reflection of his concern for the smooth conduct of the Mass, but it's also essential to remember that everyone has moments of challenge and missteps in their roles.

It's good to hear that Father Murphy had been kind in the past, and it's possible that his reaction was due to the pressure of the moment rather than any negative sentiment toward you. In any case, experiences like this can be formative and serve as opportunities to learn and improve in your role as an altar boy.

I'm truly sorry to hear about the humiliation and overwhelming feelings you experienced during that Mass. It's essential to recognize that making mistakes, even in the context of a religious service, is a part of human experience, and you were just a 10-year-old child at the time.

Your concerns about committing a mortal sin are understandable, given the religious significance of the Mass and the importance of reverence and precision in its conduct. However, it's important to remember that the concept of a mortal sin typically involves a deliberate and grave violation of God's commandments, and unintentional mistakes, especially by a child, are not typically considered mortal sins.

Father Murphy's criticism, while harsh, may have been his way of stressing the importance of the responsibilities within the Mass. Nevertheless, it's crucial for religious leaders to balance constructive feedback with encouragement and support, especially when working with young individuals. Your experience can serve as a reminder of the importance of nurturing and guiding young members of the church community with understanding and kindness, helping them grow in their faith and service.

When I returned to the sacristy, the altar boys for the seven thirty mass were fetching their cassocks and surpluses. One of the boys, Johnny Welch was about to serve his first Mass. He asked me how I had done. I held back tears and said, "not too good."ChatGPT

It's clear that your experience during the earlier Mass had left a significant emotional impact on you, to the point where you were holding back tears when Johnny Welch asked about how you had done. Sharing your honest feelings with him, saying that you hadn't done too well, is a genuine and human response.

Experiences like these, while challenging, can serve as a source of empathy and connection with others, such as Johnny Welch, who was about to serve his first Mass. It's an opportunity to provide support, share your own experiences, and offer encouragement, knowing that everyone has moments of difficulty when taking on new and unfamiliar roles. In time, both you and Johnny may grow in confidence and competence in your roles as altar boys.

It's touching to see your mother beaming with pride upon your return from your first Mass as an altar boy. Your consideration not to spoil her moment by sharing the inside story shows your thoughtfulness and understanding of her feelings. Moments like these are significant not just for the individuals directly involved but also for their families who share in their joy and accomplishments.

It's also interesting to observe Johnny's experience during his first Mass, especially given your own challenging experience earlier. It's a reminder that becoming an altar boy comes with a learning curve, and everyone has their share of initial difficulties. The awkward genuflection and the delay in getting the book highlight the importance of practice and guidance in performing these roles effectively.

As time goes on, both you and Johnny may become more confident and skilled in your roles as altar boys, and these early experiences can be valuable stepping stones in your journeys of faith and service.

Both Johnny and I stuck with it. We became the most reliable and skillfull of altar boys. I had much better luck putting out the candles then I did, lighting them so I was never again scheduled for the first Mass of the day. My first partner got thrown out of altar boys a couple of weeks later for smoking.ChatGPT

It's wonderful to hear that both you and Johnny stuck with your roles as altar boys and became the most reliable and skillful members of the group. Your commitment to your duties and your willingness to persevere despite the initial challenges paid off, and you both grew into your roles with confidence and competence.

It's amusing that you had better luck putting out the candles than lighting them, which led to a change in your scheduling. Sometimes, these adjustments can help individuals thrive in their responsibilities.

As for your first partner getting thrown out for smoking, it serves as a reminder of the importance of maintaining appropriate behavior and discipline within the context of religious service. Your dedication and reliability, on the other hand, demonstrate your commitment to your faith and your role as an altar boy.

I didn't see dawn again for a long time. It still kinda scares me.ChatGPT

It's understandable that the memories and emotions associated with your first experience as an altar boy during the dawn Mass left a lasting impact, particularly the mixture of emotions you felt at that time. It's not uncommon for significant and emotionally charged experiences to create a lasting impression.

Dawn can indeed carry a unique and powerful atmosphere, with its quiet and stillness. While it might have been intimidating during your first Mass, it's important to remember that, like any other time of day, dawn is a beautiful and serene part of nature. As you continue to grow and evolve in your faith, you may find that your perspective on these early morning moments shifts, and the fear is replaced by a sense of peace and reverence.

XXXXX ChatGPT

User The world was just waking up. So quiet. So Still. So serene. ChatGPT Your description of the world being quiet, still, and serene during that early morning as you headed to the church paints a beautiful picture. The pre-dawn hours often have a unique and tranquil quality. It's a time when the hustle and bustle of daily life hasn't yet fully resumed, and nature seems to hold its breath before the day begins. This sense of calm and stillness can be particularly profound when you're on your way to engage in a solemn and sacred ceremony, such as serving your first mass as an altar boy. This tranquility likely added to the reverence and awe you felt during that memorable experience.

User Nature seemed to be holding its breath. ChatGPT Your description of nature "holding its breath" is a powerful and evocative way to capture the stillness and anticipation of the early morning hours. It's as if the world itself is pausing, as if in anticipation of the day to come. This imagery underscores the sense of reverence and quietude that often accompanies moments of spiritual significance, like the Mass you were about to serve. It's moments like these that can make us feel connected to a larger, more profound aspect of life and the world around us.

User I was getting closer to God. ChatGPT The experience you had as an altar boy, particularly during that first Mass, was a significant step in your spiritual journey. Many people feel a sense of closeness to God when they participate in religious rituals and ceremonies, especially when they are actively involved in such services. Your role as an altar boy was to assist in the Mass, and this direct involvement can create a feeling of spiritual connection and closeness to the divine. It's a meaningful and transformative aspect of religious service that can have a profound impact on a person's faith and sense of spirituality.

User When we got to the sacristy, I located my cassock and surplus. My altar boy partner that day was an older kid from the field who was known as a loudmouth and a bully. ChatGPT It seems like your experience as an altar boy on that particular day had some interesting dynamics. Locating your cassock and surplus in the sacristy would have been one of the routine tasks involved in preparing for the Mass. However, the fact that your altar boy partner was an older kid known as a "loudmouth" and a "bully" adds an intriguing element to the story.

User He made fun of my obvious nervousness. ChatGPT It's unfortunate that your altar boy partner chose to make fun of your nervousness, especially on a day that was so important to you. Nervousness is a natural reaction when someone is taking on a new and significant role, like serving as an altar boy for the first time. It's understandable that you would feel this way, and it's important for those in more experienced roles to offer support and encouragement.

User To him, it was just another pain in the ass morning. To me it was a scary moment of serving my church and connecting to God. ChatGPT It's clear that your experience on that particular morning held very different meanings for you and your altar boy partner. For you, it was a profound and meaningful moment of serving your church and establishing a connection with God, which is a sentiment shared by many individuals who engage in religious service. The sense of awe and reverence you mentioned earlier was undoubtedly an essential aspect of your experience.

User He was gonna take care of the bell ringing and I was in charge of moving the Book. ChatGPT It's interesting to hear about the specific roles you and your partner had during the Mass. The bell ringing and moving the book are both important tasks in the context of a church service.

User Ringing the bells was a more complex assignment. Moving the missal was a crucial responsibility as it ensured that the priest had the correct text and prayers to conduct the Mass properly. I was a little afraid of the Book because I had never touched it before and considered it sacred. My partner took the responsibility of pouring the wine into the cruets and he told me to leave him alone and light the candles. ChatGPT It's clear that both roles, moving the Missal and ringing the bells, carried significant responsibilities and contributed to the proper conduct of the Mass.

User Light the candles!?!. I was unaware that the cadles had to be lit. Whenever I had entered th church, the candles were already lit. I had no idea how to light the candles. ChatGPT I apologize for any confusion. It's entirely understandable that you weren't aware of the need to light the candles, especially if you had only experienced the church with them already lit.

User My partner seemed delighted with my obvious consternation. He showed me where the candle lighting equipment was located. It was a long pole. At the end of the pole was a candle wick that could be extended. We set the wick ablaze and I headed to the altar. ChatGPT It's good to hear that your partner eventually provided you with guidance on how to light the candles, even if his initial reaction to your consternation was less than ideal. The equipment you described, with a long pole and an extendable candle wick, is commonly used in churches to safely light tall candles that are difficult to reach by hand.

User I genuflected before the altar. I looked up at the candles. They were proably about twelve feet above the altar. To me that twelve feet looked like twelve miles. I was already shaking when I rose from my genuflection. ChatGPT Your description of genuflecting before the altar and looking up at the candles paints a vivid picture of your experience. Genuflecting is a sign of reverence and respect, a symbolic gesture of acknowledging the presence of the divine, and it's common in many Christian traditions. The candles above the altar would have had a significant spiritual and symbolic meaning, representing the light of Christ.

User A few years before, I had an operation to address and strengthen my left eye which was being overpowered and pulled by my right eye. ChatGPT It's important to consider the context of your previous eye operation when reflecting on your experience as an altar boy. Eye surgeries, especially those intended to correct issues with eye alignment, can have a significant impact on a person's visual perception and depth perception.

User My visual and depth perception was still a little bit off. ChatGPT It's entirely normal for visual and depth perception to be affected after eye surgery, even if the procedure was successful in addressing the initial issue. Recovery from eye surgery can be a gradual process, and it may take some time for your visual perception to fully adjust and align. Depth perception, in particular, can be challenging to re-establish.

User Whatever confidence I had going into the dawn was shattered as I tried to light the candles. I wasn't even close. I tried and tried but forget about it. Meanwhile the priest had arrived and noticed that the candles were not yet lit. After watching for a few minutes as patrons began to enter the church, He realized that I wasn't up for the job. He went into the sacristy and summoned by partner who may or may not have been sampling the wine. ChatGPT It sounds like your initial attempts to light the candles were indeed challenging, and despite your best efforts, you faced difficulties due to your unfamiliarity with the task and your altered depth perception. The arrival of the priest and the realization that the candles remained unlit must have added to your anxiety.

User My partner came out and said, "Give that God damned thing and get off the altar. Father Murphy wants to speak with you. Relieved but frustrated I left the altar and encountered Father Murphy, who had always been kind. He was not kind when he spoke to me, let's leave it at that. My partner lit the candles as he had done many times before and just in the nick of time. ChatGPT It seems that your partner, despite his earlier behavior, took on the responsibility of lighting the candles efficiently, ensuring that the Mass could proceed as planned. I'm sorry to hear that you faced a difficult conversation with Father Murphy. It's clear that the frustration and challenges you experienced with the candles had an impact on the situation.

User On the way back to the altar, I handed Murphy his baretta and the three of us stepped into the service. I was humiliated and overwhelmed. I thought that everybody in the church had witnessed my pathetic attempt at lighting the candles. I thought that I might have committed a mortal sin. The rest of the service was a panic filled blur. After the Mass had concluded, Murphy had further criticism and nary a kind nor encouraging word. I was 10 years old. ChatGPT I'm truly sorry to hear about the humiliation and overwhelming feelings you experienced during that Mass. It's essential to recognize that making mistakes, even in the context of a religious service, is a part of human experience, and you were just a 10-year-old child at the time.

User When I returned to the sacristy, the altar boys for the seven thirty mass were fetching their cassocks and surpluses. One of the boys, Johnny Welch was about to serve his first Mass. He asked me how I had done. I held back tears and said, "not too good." ChatGPT It's clear that your experience during the earlier Mass had left a significant emotional impact on you, to the point where you were holding back tears when Johnny Welch asked about how you had done. Sharing your honest feelings with him, saying that you hadn't done too well, is a genuine and human response.

User Dressed in my street clothes, I was greeted by my mother. She was beaming with pride. I wanted to tell her the inside story but didn't want to spoil her moment. We stayed for the 7:30 mass and watched Johnny. He didn't do much better. I could see that his genuflection was awkward and he was late getting the book. ChatGPT It's touching to see your mother beaming with pride upon your return from your first Mass as an altar boy. Your consideration not to spoil her moment by sharing the inside story shows your thoughtfulness and understanding of her feelings. Moments like these are significant not just for the individuals directly involved but also for their families who share in their joy and accomplishments.

User Both Johnny and I stuck with it. We became the most reliable and skillfull of altar boys. I had much better luck putting out the candles then I did, lighting them so I was never again scheduled for the first Mass of the day. My first partner got thrown out of altar boys a couple of weeks later for smoking. ChatGPT It's wonderful to hear that both you and Johnny stuck with your roles as altar boys and became the most reliable and skillful members of the group. Your commitment to your duties and your willingness to persevere despite the initial challenges paid off, and you both grew into your roles with confidence and competence.

User I didn't see dawn again for a long time. It still kinda scares me. ChatGPT It's understandable that the memories and emotions associated with your first experience as an altar boy during the dawn Mass left a lasting impact, particularly the mixture of emotions you felt at that time. It's not uncommon for significant and emotionally charged experiences to create a lasting impression.

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auroras-blend · 4 years ago

Text

The Enemy of My Enemy

Summary: Vittoria meets the one, the only, the woman who convicted her father, the ex-wife of her arch-nemesis, a dynamite lawyer: Marie Thibodeaux!

Notes: Told in Vittoria's POV. Marie is only a cameo 😢

A myriad of blue and purple puzzle pieces surrounded her skirt. Well, how am I supposed to do this in just an hour? Vittoria was more or less sour that her father left her with Sawyer in his office as he ran errands, because 1) she was with Sawyer and 2) she was bored out of her mind. When the door had shut, Sawyer had barked at her to be quiet and quite literally threw the puzzle box in her face and told her to play with it. It was brand new and she could only assume it was to go to one of the grandchildren he’d never seen. He barely has any photos of his family! There was a picture of him, his first wife, and two sons on his desk and another photo of his daughter to the side that both looked to be taken decades before she was born. I’d be sad if he were my father.

Sawyer was busy writing aggressively, his tone sharp and bitter as he was on the phone with someone. I should scream he’s killing me...that’d be funny. She giggled at the thought and earned herself a nasty scowl from the man himself. What was lovely about Sawyer was that he would swear around her because he knew damn well her mother did and he really seemed to be the only person who understood there was no more protecting her poor little ears, that he says stick out worse than Mickeys. They do not!

With a little huff, she began to assemble the puzzle of the sea, or at least that's what it said it’d be according to the box. And in her opinion, she was doing extremely well! “Look!” she pointed gleefully, “I’m almost done!”

“Wooooow,” Sawyer murmured, his eyes glued to his paper, “We should have you tested to see if you’re gifted…”

Vittoria pouted. “This is why you’re not married anymore.”

That little jab may have hit too close to home because he flung a paperweight at her that hit her in the face again. It wasn’t too heavy and it most certainly didn’t break anything, but the hate and suddenness of it made her start crying. “Keep your trap shut,” he growled.

It seemed he was even crueler today and of course she was his victim. Her little hands gripped the smooth glossy paperweight and threw it back, but it couldn’t go much farther than to bounce against the top of his desk. Her strength didn’t match his and she started bawling, “Pathetic weak little thing…”

“You’re so mean to me! I hate you and-,”

“WHERE IS THAT COCKSUCKING MORALLESS CLOWN-,” boomed a voice that made Sawyer go white as a sheet of paper.

The whites of his eyes were on display as he sprung out of his chair and shut the blinds. He ripped her off the ground and put a finger to her lips, “Shut up,” he whispered, “Shut up right now.”

Sobs still heaved from her body, the sounds being drowned out by the woman outside. “I-I can’t! You hurt me!”

“Fuck,” he cursed, “I’ll give you...two dollars! Two dollars if you’re quiet right now!”

Her cries quieted down, but not completely. Sawyer was close to trembling, his grip on her shoulders and the look in his eyes were pleading. Huh, he’s desperate… “Five,” she said.

Might as well...He grit his teeth and growled, “Fine. Now shut up.”

Vittoria nodded and retreated into the corner. “Ma’am, you can’t go in there-,” screamed the secretary.

Right as Sawyer was about to turn out the light, the door slammed open and smashed his hand against the wall. “Fuck!” he screamed in pain, pulling it close to him as he scrambled away.

The lighting fixtures flickered but remained on as who Vittoria imagined being the goddess Nemesis stood between the doorway to the firm and to Sawyer’s former safe haven. The woman was dressed in a dark navy blazer and skirt with a white undershirt. Circular glasses were falling down the bridge of her nose as her hateful gaze met Sawyer’s beady one. She had a straight-cut bob that fell beneath her chin, her hair grey in a way that demonstrated that too many people annoyed her in her lifetime. For a moment, her heart sank because that's what she could imagine her Mama to look like if she had lived that long. “You motherfucking son of a bitch!”

She even curses like Mama, well she has an accent. It sounded southern to her but with an air that she couldn't quite place. Despite being more or less terrified of everyone around her, she was unafraid of the woman. And she’s right. “Marie, you psychotic cunt, get the fuck out!”

The woman stormed right up to him and put her finger in her face. “HOW DARE YOU?! BRINGING HIM BACK!”

“It’s none of your business anymore, now get out! Call security!” he shouted at his poor shaking assistant.

“This entire case is my business! How much did it cost you to sell what you pass off as a soul?”

Vittoria giggled and right when she did, she clapped her hands to her mouth. The red-eyed gazes shifted to her, puffs of air coming out from their noses and mouths. “Oh...another one of your spawn’s spawn?” she sneered.

“No!” Vittoria protested, “I’m not related to him!”

The thought of being related to Sawyer revolted her to her core. “How fortunate for you.”

“I think so,” she smiled.

“Didn’t I tell you to be quiet? You lost that five bucks,” he seethed.

Damn.

“Who’s the kid?”

“I’ve been kidnapped!” she cried dramatically, wiping the remaining wetness from her eyes, “He’s a predator!”

Sawyer jumped, “No, she’s not! I did not!”

Her words seemed to be more terrifying than what the woman, Marie, threw at him. “You sick son of a-are you prostituting kids now?”

“ENOUGH!” he shouted, “Where’s that damn security?!”

“Because that’s the only way you can get rid of me, huh? Not in court but by men bigger than you to do your dirty work. Hell, you’re not even the boss. You don’t call the shots! You worthless piece of shit! How can you stand to look at yourself?”

“I ask him the same thing every day,” Vittoria shook her head sorrowfully.

“I’m this close,” he pinched his fingers and left a barely visible space between them, “To cutting out your tongue.”

Vittoria stepped back in fear. “Threatening bodily harm to a six-year-old? You really are a jack shit lawyer-”

“I’m nine actually. I’m just small,” Vittoria added. That information wasn't relevant but Vittoria thought it was.

“He also threw a paperweight at me,” she said pointing to the ball that stood still on the floor, “It hurt.”

“Oh...and assault. You really can’t get any lower,” Marie hissed, “I hope you can afford a good lawyer. I’d offer, but I despise you and I hate to take lost causes.”

Shivers rolled down her spine as she heard Sawyer grind his teeth. “Go back to the pits of hell where you belong, or whatever they’re calling Chicago these days, and maybe I won’t charge you for trespassing,” he snapped at the woman.

Marie scoffed, “You were so close to being free of him. And you brought him back, you pathetic worm.”

She could tell that dug into Sawyer deep. “He’s been a-,” he began to defend before eyeing Vittoria, “No. Just get out. I’ve got work to do.”

He retreated back to his seat and stepped on the puzzle she had been working on. No… Marie scowled at him, “You’re gonna end up dead one day.”

“We all do,” Sawyer sighed.

Anger rolled off Marie before her eyes met Vittoria’s. “Are you really okay, kid? You need any help?”

“I’ll survive,” she said politely.

Marie nodded. “If you ever need a good lawyer, don’t call him. He’s terrible, I should know, I was married to him,” she smirked, her eyes glowing with vindication at Sawyer whose own hazel eyes were full of hostility, “And I also beat his ass in court.”

Vittoria gasped. She was starry-eyed and already adored her, unknowing that this was the woman who convicted her father. Sawyer was glowering at her over papers, “ I’m meeting one of his ex-wives! “You poor woman. I’m so sorry,” she said with true genuineness, before clarifying her statement, “For being married to him. Not for beating him.”

Vittoria giggled at the last part. I love her. She’s mean to Sawyer. I’d do anything for her. She reminds me so much of Mama. With a last smile, she pushed by the security guards who finally arrived. Ooooh, Sawyer’s gonna fire them. Part of her was sad to see her go, knowing that Sawyer would wring her neck soon. For a moment, she had been transported back to how it was with her mother. It was probably a good thing Marie didn’t stay, otherwise, Vittoria most certainly would’ve imprinted on her and followed her around like a little duckling. “Can I be her?” she asked dreamily.

“No,” Sawyer said in a cold tone, “Come sit here.”

Vittoria obeyed and climbed into the large leather seat across from him, letting her legs swing back and forth as they couldn’t touch the ground. Wow, I feel like a grown-up. Sawyer put down his pen and looked at her. He wasn’t angry, just thoughtful and that confused her. He sighed and got up to open a globe in the corner of the room, “Whoa!”

Inside was an assortment of drinks and liquors that were half-empty. Beautiful amber-brown liquids filled the crystal cruet set, and Sawyer took the liberty to pour himself a drink. Sawyer closed the globe and gripped his glass and another empty one. Sawyer paused in front of a cabinet before opening the bottom door that revealed a mini-fridge. The cold air whooshed out when he pulled the door open, featuring rows of sodas, sparkling in their cans. “Rootbeer, black cherry, or strawberry?”

“What?” she whispered.

“Which one?” he asked again, gesturing to the sodas.

“Papa...Papa won’t let me. He won’t even let me have juice,” she frowned.

Sawyer shrugged, “Fine then…”

“Wait!” she called out before he closed the door.

She bit her lip. This is wrong. Maybe he’s doing this as a trap...but I’ve never had soda before. What if we get in a car crash on our way home and I die never having a soda?! No...Papa won’t let me and I have to be good for him, so no...I can’t have soda. And that’s that. “I’ll have the strawberry one please,” she said aloud and watched him pour the brown fizzing drink into a glass and hand it to her.

I can hear the bubbles! Vittoria felt giddy, excited to have something forbidden and sweet. Something she’d always wanted to try! A smile spread across her face as she put it up to her mouth, the foam and bubbles tickling her nose and causing her to sneeze. “Achoo!”

She wrinkled her nose to get rid of the itch as she pressed the thick crystal rim to her lips and tilted the glass back, allowing the sweet bubbly drink to drip into her mouth and leave a burning sensation down her throat. Vittoria coughed, “It burns!”

“That’s the carbonation,” Sawyer said plainly as he sat down again, “Vittoria...you know how we hate each other?”

She blinked, surprised at how honest he was being. “Yes…”

“Hm, well you know how we both love your father very much? And want him to be happy and safe?”

“Yes,” she said again, her voice worried.

“That woman who came in, my ex-wife, she doesn’t want that. She doesn’t want your father to be happy and she’s one of the people who believe lies about him. In fact, Marie is one of the people who spread those lies,” he scowled.

It was the first time she ever believed something Sawyer said. It was said with such a raw intensity that he couldn’t be lying to her, or at least lying to her entirely. “What?” she whispered.

“Vittoria, she’s not our friend. You can’t trust her and the moment she finds out you’re his daughter, she’ll want to exploit that, you. Marie will stop at nothing and will use you to take him down, which is why you can never tell her anything. Please, never talk to her again,” he said seriously.

“But...but she was nice,” she mumbled, to me.

Sawyer rolled his eyes, “Well this isn’t about us. It’s about protecting your father. So can you put our differences aside and treat her as what she is? A threat to our family?”

An alliance with Sawyer? She never wanted to agree with him on anything, but the way he was speaking set her nerves on alert. He means it...he’s serious. “Yes,” she agreed, “Anything for Papa. I-I don’t want to see him get hurt…”

“Good,” Sawyer nodded, “Then it’s agreed. You won’t speak to Marie or about her, ever again.”

“Agreed.”

“You are a smart girl, then,” he grinned, “One more thing, let me tell your father everything.”

“I’ll let you if you give me back my five dollars.”

“Not a chance.”

“I’ll go home and say it anyway,” she reasoned.

“Two dollars.”

“Three.”

“Two and a strawberry tab.”

“Three,” she insisted.

He narrowed his eyes, ��Fine.”

“Thank you, Mr. Sawyer,” she said pleasantly.

Sawyer smiled greasily and leaned forward against his desk, holding out his drink. Vittoria took her cue and tapped her glass against his, a sweet clink, sounding out as they toasted. As she took a sip of her soda, she couldn’t help feeling like she made a deal with the devil.

#Marie Thibodeaux #charles sawyer #marilyn winslow #vittoria borghese #cameo

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