#the ask itself wasn't worded aggressively but this person also put at least one reply on a post to the same effect

[broken-hearted-butterfly]

I suppose I'm mortified, in a sense; being so seen puts me in an unwillingly vulnerable position. It also makes me feel as though I haven't done enough of a job to seem as "on top" of everything as everyone else. We've all got our shares of issues, but I also remind myself that most people don't cope with the scale or depth of my personal issues.

What I'd perceived in myself as edgy banter was perceived as a potential cry for help, at the very least as something meant to be brought to attention. I didn't see the scope of my behaviors and, while I had the dim notion of it beginning to get worse, the scale of it wasn't clear until it was actually brought up with me.

I'm reading aggression where there simply isn't any; I fear that if my service relations don't improve, my job may be at risk. It was repeatedly stressed that I wasn't in any trouble, that there was merely concern for me, but that alone left me feeling like I'd made a huge mistake. Masking isn't the right choice, as much as it would be a solution for the immediate issue; it would burn me out very badly.

The customer service persona itself makes me feel like an ass, I can't talk to a grown adult as one would a child; pitching my voice up plays hell with my dysphoria. It's so clearly fake, the enthusiasm fake, the smile fake, and yet people eat it up. I've been overly aggressive on register, playing up the saccharine to an almost frighteningly comedic degree and the actual venom underneath has never been commented on - it's in high favor with everyone I've used it on.

The communication feels like natural autism issues, magnified. Expected to read minds and interpret queries based on singular words or phrases I've never heard in my life, I feel like an anthropologist trying to navigate this job and the clients in it. I don't know if I want technician work, it's a constant flow of customer service and I already know I'm not a good fit for it. No one expresses a need for help, just a mere expectation to be catered to. Incapable, one singular item, needing a person to perform the role of a machine and treated as a machine would be.

After 5 1/2 months, I'm still living paycheck to paycheck. I just learned the days I'd taken off for a medical procedure could have been put in as sick days, meaning I wouldn't be $200 short on my current check. No one had told me. I didn't know, and no one had told me. I have another doctor visit approaching, and still have to schedule with another. I know what I likely need to help my body, I'm just not in a position to fully have access yet.

I could tell it wasn't getting any better when I realized how much I was beginning to detest coming home to roommates. One becomes aggressive when their methodology is questioned or if they're asked to attend to chores, while the other suffers under the weight of her own success - how will she be able to prepare for her 6 month internship when she has to attend a wedding and a cruise in the same month? Everyone is so loud, I just want to be left alone, and that was one of the early signs that something was wrong.

I have been offered three consecutive paid days off. I am considering the offer. I would like to be given at least a week each 3 months, just for my own sake. For my mental health, for my physical health, for my overall wellbeing.

I don't want others to see this and assume that it's the new normal and become unwilling to engage with me because they're expecting friction. They will want to avoid me.

I suppose the fact that it's become visible upsets me in part because I was taught to keep my head down and my mouth shut. I was nearly baker acted in high school once the curtains began to lift on my abuse situation, and it made the abuse escalate. Doctors seeing some conditions and commenting on how they could be due to stress, my father replying sternly that he had no idea what could possibly stress me so badly. I don't feel like I fully know how to cope with my stress - the gentle self care methodology doesn't feel fully in line with the emotions I feel. I didn't even notice my stress, telling myself to try again try again without actually seeing ways to effectively reduce my stress. Being singed out for not being able to manage it is embarrassing, even when it comes with a message of other people being willing to help. I feel as though I don't want the help, I don't want the pity. I want the pity, I want others to see the stress I'm under. I don't want to be pitied, I can manage my own self. Sometimes I wonder about that. I want the recognition until I actually receive it and then it becomes upsetting.

[the-ghost-of-jason-todd]

right! so. i got a message in my inbox, i've screenshot it just because i'm not sure this person would want to be interacting with me based on their DNI and as we all know DNIs make me anxious as all fuck. IN ANY CASE, the message still brings up an interesting point!

i ran across another post in the murderbot tag that i lost in my likes somewhere that i think is interesting and related to this. basically what it said was "a lot of people in the text of the series use it/its for murderbot, and murderbot has never corrected them, ergo, murderbot MUST use it/its"

which is a valid take, but it isn't the only one there is. because i don't honestly think i could claim to know what pronouns murderbot prefers just based on the fact that there's been no pushback thus far with it/its (though my memory is definitely dysfunctional, someone correct me if there is actually a preference stated) (also yes i DO know that in fugitive telemetry there's that scene where murderbot marks their feed intro thing as basically gender=N/A, which isn't the question here, because you can use any pronouns for any gender and it all comes down to preference).

the reason i don't think murderbot not telling people to stop using it/its is a definitive answer is because as a trans non-binary person who would exclusively use they/them if i could, there are still a LOT of circumstances where i don't speak up about people using other pronouns for me. i exclusively use the pronouns associated with my agab at work, for instance. and yes, you could argue that people using those pronouns still misgenders me, but if i don't correct those people and they have no reasonable way of knowing that i don't really like those pronouns, then hey, can i really blame them? it's very possible murderbot is in the same boat--we know how much anxiety is packed into that construct, and also how little human conversational aptitude is in that same space, so the pronoun thing could VERY EASILY be a case of "murderbot doesn't care enough to correct the humans about this thing in particular when there's so much other shit to worry about"

aside from that, one thing that i DO know about murderbot is that identity and personhood are big, complex, and interesting themes/issues when it comes to the character arcs and interactions we've seen. we can have so many fascinating discussions about queer characters and how queerness relates to humanity relates to identity, and i think the fact that the murderbot diaries raises a lot of questions in that vein is, frankly, awesome. i have a lot of personal opinions about how murderbot's arcs might go moving forward, and yes, one of them is that [they] will eventually realize that the extra distance from humanity the it/its pronouns gives [them] is unnecessary. of course this won't be the case for every bot (sorry miki, i think i only referred to you with they/them once but maybe i shouldn't have), and of course not everyone who uses it/its is trying to find distance from humanity, but in my personal world i find it very comforting to imagine murderbot using the pronouns i myself use and as of right now, there's nothing particularly explicit in the text saying i shouldn't.

and as an aside... this is getting very long already, but there's also the fandom factor here. people have all kinds of headcanons and all kinds of reasons for supporting/using/talking about them. when i use they/them for murderbot it does not change the actual text of the series. if you find the way i interact with this series and/or interpret the text to be grating, then don't interact with me. it's okay to block me. it's a good thing in many cases to raise these sort of concerns, because yes, there ARE shitty people who misgender others intentionally or out of ignorance. but in this particular case i'm going to say that i'm not necessarily wrong, and even if i WAS it might be more productive to just block me than to continue to interact with me. at the end of the day, murderbot is a fictional character, and it doesn't hurt the construct to use they/them over it/its.

[erensproudsimp]

Work out

Armin Arlert x reader Oneshot

⚠ Sexual Content Ahead ⚠

Summary : I woke up, thought of gym sex and wrote it

Word Count : 2.3k

"Come on y/n, going to the gym is not that bad plus Mikasa would be joining us too", Annie encouraged you.

"Working out seems so much of trouble that I certainly don't want to partake as I'd rather spend my energy to binge watch anime", you replied flatly eyes not moving away from your phone.

Snatching your phone Annie said with a serious face, "Y/n how do you expect to pull any of your anime crushes looking like a potato? "

"Hey! Give me my phone back and even if I do look like a potato Sasha would love me and don't bring my husbands in this topic!" you ran after her to retrieve your phone.

"Alright then, I'll pay you a KFC meal if you come for one day to at least try it out", Annie suggested.

"I don't know why you're so adamant about taking me to the gym but if there's free food involved, I'm in", you gave in.

"I just want you to stay fit you know and we're starting tomorrow so go to sleep", your roommate said preparing her gym bag.

"Whaaat nooo", you complained unaware of the impact that a stranger you're going to meet will have have on you.

The next morning both Annie and you hopped into Mikasa's car to go to the private gym owned by Mikasa's family and family friends.

"That's actually a relief to be able to work out without fearing strangers looking at you", you reassured yourself.

"Yeah it's gonna be really comfortable and I also would like to introduce you to some of my friends y/n, I know you're gonna like them", Mikasa added.

"Well can't say I'm not excited to meet them", you replied looking at your phone reading a fanfiction.

Couple of minutes later you reached your destination. From the outside the building looked very modern with transparent glasses through which you could see the inside and barely any life around made the place peaceful.

When you went inside, Mikasa took you both to the changing room where you left your stuff on the shelf to change your outfit.

Putting your towel on your shoulders followed by Annie, Mikasa led the way to her friends who were lifting weights.

"Hey guys", Mikasa said to get their attention, "This is y/n and Annie and this is Eren and Armin", she said pointing at each person respectively.

"Pleasure to meet you two", Armin said as Eren nodded with him.

You swore that the moment you saw the blonde boy, your heart skipped a beat. He was so effortlessly gorgeous.

"Same here, hope to have a good gym buddy relation with you two", Annie replied as you were lost in your reflection. Snapping yourself from your thoughts, you agreed with her.

After that y'all left the boys to let them do their previous activities and went to train yourselves. With your unfit body you were tired from the first exercise itself and was laying on the ground trying to catch your breath.

You failed to understand how could Mikasa and Annie keep going but you were not going to give up and decided to look at it as a new challenge for yourself.

Picking yourself up, you went to do something easy as a starter which was skipping ropes.

Little did you know that the blonde guy had been sneaking peeks at you from time to time smiling to himself.

One hour later, everyone decided to take a break to refuel their energy.

"So, what are we going to eat", you questioned.

" Why not soup? I've been craving miso soup for a while," Armin proposed, everyone settling on soup.

Getting into the car, Eren drove us to the nearest fast food restaurant. Inside you sat between Annie and Armin. Filled with anxiety of Armin being so close to you, you fidgeted with your hands to keep yourself stable. Armin noticed your restlessness and asked if you were okay but you couldn't possibly tell him that you were crushing hard on him so you just replied with a 'I'm fine' and concentrated on your food.

"What are your majors?" Eren asked you and Annie to make conversation.

"I am doing engineering and y/n's an art student explaining why she's so lazy", Annie responded.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Annie, I am not lazy", you said passive-aggressively looking at Annie with murder in your eyes.

"Says the girl who could barely run to take her phone from me yesterday", she coughed smirking.

"No- I - bye-", you stammered making Armin erupt into a fits of laughter. His laugh gave the impression as though angels came down on earth to bestow you with blessings which in this case was the cute sound of his voice. You didn't realise that you were staring at him until Armin spoke, "Is there something on my face?"

"Yes," you said casually swipping the little ketchup stain near his mouth with a tissue. His cheeks were a light pink colour because of your action and he thanked the heavens for not letting his friends noticing what just happened.

"Th-thank you", he bashfully thanked.

"Sure", you said looking away to hide your blush.

Finishing your meals, y'all returned to the gym to continue training then took your leave after two hours. Saying your byes to the boys, Mikasa gave you both a ride to your dorm.

Throwing your body on your bed you heaved a sigh of relief that you were able to survive this first day of going to the gym.

"Tired already y/n ? Too bad we're going to do this routine everyday", Annie commented.

"I guess time to fill the fridge with energy drinks", you jumped out of bed to buy bundles of different brands of said drink.

The only thing that would be keeping you going about working out was that you were able to see Armin everyday.

Due to your classes running late one day you reached the gym at 06 00 pm. Everyone was still there; you greeted them and went to use the treadmill. At around half past seven your friends were hungry and decided to go to a nearby takeout to bring food to the gym because you didn't want to come out of exhaustion.

"You guys go ahead, I would keep y/n company", Armin told them.

Soon you were left alone with Armin and not knowing what to say out of shyness you excused yourself to the bathroom.

There you freshened up yourself to make yourself look more presentable to your crush. Luck was in your stars as you were wearing leggings that gave your ass a nice curve with a matching colour sportsbra.

When you came out, you saw that Armin was missing. You assumed that he too went to the restroom and decided to do squats. A little while later the man indeed returned from the wc. His breath was caught in his throat when he saw you.

He came up to you and asked if you needed any help regarding your training.

"Actually I do, would you assist me in doing sit ups?" you requested.

"Yeah sure, I'll hold your shoes while you're doing them," Armin accepted.

Laying your body on the mat, you watched Armin going in front of you to your feet and held them down. You began to lift your body with your hands on the back of your head as you realised how close your faces were being when you were raised up. You never realised how broad his shoulders were until then and you gulped hard.

"How much do you plan on doing?" Armin asked.

"I'm setting a limit of thirty but let's see if I manage to exceed it." He nodded. Gosh, how does someone manage to look cute and hot at the same time?!

At your 15th sit-up you lifted up your body to make eye contact with him as you were with the previous sit-ups but this time it lasted longer because you stayed still. Both of you gazed into the eye of each other without saying a word your faces becoming closer. You didn't realise what you were doing. It wasn't long until both of your lips touched each other. When your senses were brought back to you, you pulled back so quickly. For a second you saw a frown on Armin's face.

"OMG! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do this, I swear," you apologized frenzily.

"It's okay, I don't mind at all," Armin just chuckled at your reaction. He came closer and tucked your hair to your ear.

"Have you ever realised how beautiful you were?" he whispered in your ear making all your blood rush to your head.

"I - I- mmph," you were cut off by Armin

colliding his mouth with yours. He sucked on your lower lip asking permission to let his tongue enter your mouth. You opened it a little only for him to stuck in his whole muscle.

You left out a small moan feeling his tongue roaming everywhere while his hand untied your hair and was playing with it.

He had the most tender lips that you ever felt in your life. Giving you a forehead kiss, he held your face in his hands stroking it with his thumb.

You crawled to sit on his lap as he continued to shower you with affection. His head pats were so gentle, you were melting under his touch. He bowed to gain access to your neck and gave it a subtle lick and then proceeded to find your sweet spot kissing you everywhere. A small mewl left your lips when he kissed a certain spot. The man was proud of himself to have found it and attacked it with hickeys. At this point you were shaking on his thighs and in his embrace.

Your hands reached the bottom of his shirt and pulled it off him. His sweaty body glowed in the light yet he looked so heavenly. You couldn't help but lick his collarbones leaving your saliva on his skin.

The fear of getting caught by your friends during this sinful moment turned you on.

Armin's hand gave your ass a tender squeeze before making you lay your whole body on the mat as he left a trail of kisses from your neck your stomach. He grabbed your waist to kiss your on your bellybutton.

"Is it okay if I remove it?" he said hinting at your leggings. You lifted your lower body to help him remove it and threw it away. He gave your core a kiss then carried you in bridal style to place you on the bench press.

He spread your legs and buried his face between them. You wouldn't have never expected such an innocent face to do such unholy things to your body in your life. He sucked your clit which sent electrics all throughout your body. He ate you out as though you were the most tastiest meal he's ever had. You crushed his head with your thighs but he didn't seem to mind that as he continued doing his job. You were pulling his hair so hard screaming his name making sure people passing nearby could hear how good he was making you feel.

His soft hands ran through your thighs making small circle motions on them to soothe you.

"Ar-Armin, I-,"

"It's okay love you can spill it on my face, I want every single drop down my throat," Armin panted.

What he said set off a trigger and the knot in your stomach snapped. All your juices went on Armin's face and he ensured to have swallowed everything.

He retreated away from your opening swipping your cum with his fingers and licking them off. While you were collecting your breath, Armin took off his sweatpants and let his hardened dick free.

"Do you mind if I -," he insinuated with his dick at your entrance.

"Please Armin don't hesitate," you were practically begging him. You expected him to slide it in but instead he was stroking your folds with his swollen member. This felt so good it sent you in a rollercoaster of immense pleasure. You could feel his veins pulsating against your own pulsating clit.

While he was caressing your cunt, his hands went to grab your boobs and fondled them.

His up and down motion continued as he was mixing his precum with your wetness.

Your overwhelming neediness pushed you to grind on him as he was moving so slowly. With instinct you lifted your hips as shivers were sent through your spine. Noticing this Armin picked up speed and with his hand rubbed your clit hard. He bent over to give you a kiss on your nose then to make out with you.

"Ah-ah, y/n-I'm going to cum," Armin moaned.

"Cum with me Armin," you breathed.

Suddenly he picked up more speed and thrusted faster. His dick was moving so quick on you, the lewd sound of your pussy's liquids filled the gym. Armin held your hands and intertwined your fingers. He let out a grunt as he came on your stomach and you on the bench.

He looked at you with such love in his eyes and reached out to wipe your tears and kissed your hands.

He fetched your leggings while he also cleaned the bench leaving no marks of this incident. Since your legs were shaking so much you could barely walk, Armin carried you to the bathroom.

After you went to pee, he made you sit on a stool and he tied your hair back in a ponytail. Hugging you from the back he asked, "Are you feeling okay now beautiful or do you need anything?"

"Water?" you replied.

"Anything for you," he went to fetch the requested item.

Just at that moment your friends returned.

You thanked the universe for not making them arrive while you were making love with Armin and you kept your cool acting as though nothing happened.

Thus, this was the start of a wonderful relationship.

End.

Thank you for reading. :)