#the amount of times I have drawn this rogue from various angles

[vampiresi]

Siffrin is lucky he is so fun to draw

[blog-jadeartist-blog]

Critical Evaluation

Observations

At the beginning of the advanced practice sessions I originally had my mind set on working with military personnel who had/have suffered from PTSD due to their jobs. I wanted to raise awareness of how PTSD affects emergency service men and women not to mention soldiers. I wanted to show that the preconceived ideas we are brought up to believe might not necessarily be true. That despite our jobs we are all human and we should be allowed to react to certain situations. I hoped to bridge the gaps between art, service men and women with mental health issues.

After extensive research into artists and previous projects it has led me to the conclusion that perhaps my story is one worth being shared, as it is very rarely mentioned. Being surrounded by families who have their lived their lives waiting for someone to return, by having someone missing, yet no one asks the opinion of the child. The fact that we (as children) are brought up without one of our parents being present. To have to live life reading letters and never really knowing where in the world they were other than the brief glimpses of details in the text. How this formed a life for me and so many other children like myself. This is a life we have grown accustomed to, moving place to place, school to school. We take the same subjects more than once. We meet new people but may not necessarily make vast amounts of friends but still we prevail.

The absence: After many wrong directions and hints of ideas an idea came forth. When an object has remained in the same place for a period of time it tends to leave a mark (both physically and metaphorically). The idea that when a picture frame has remained on a wall for its lifetime, when it comes time to remove said frame/object the area that was “protected” from outside influences such as light will remain the same as it had originally been before the object was there. Almost like you can remove something but the “mark” or “memory” will remain. It will leave a story.

This concept evolved into an idea that my father may not have always been present for most of my life. That we lived in magnolia houses/accommodation that was all the same so as not to allow for “special treatment”. Every house looked the same no matter where in the world you were. You were allowed (within reason) to hang or decorate the houses you were placed in however you would incur a fine/fee when it came time to leave for “damages” to the property. Most families didn’t bother as they would most likely be relocated to a new base within the year.

From this idea and multiple module lectures/tutorials I found a vast interest in community projects that deal with difficult subject matters. And upon hearing of works such as Dianna Popescu’s talk on Performing memory in relation to Holocaust memorial I instantly found someone who is interested in tackling similar projects to those I wish to approach, those ideas and concepts that may or may not be difficult to work with. Through large amounts of research I investigated how artists made their projects socially engaging, I wanted to look into how artists have done this for themselves, so over the course of all my studies I thoroughly enjoyed researching the social art projects in regards to memorial art. Its been incredibly interesting learning about how artists have approached said topics and will be very useful to my own art based practice both now and in the future.

Through my own personal work I originally wanted to shed some light on this subject through extensive research and an exhibition piece. I have personally used art to have some form of release for my Anxiety and depression, so I liked the idea of using art to show just how effective art can be when it comes to talking about difficult issues such as this. Because of how much I enjoy research I looked into artists who have backgrounds in installations, artists who are predominantly painters, storytellers, artists who create art from conflict, photographers, portrait artists and many many more as you can see from my research. I will admit that I did get engrossed into my artists research and how other artists have created things. But that is how I was taught across all my courses, to research thoroughly and then progress into physical work. I tend to have a habit of never starting to physically make something till I know that it will work. I guess that’s the military side of me.

So, after all the setbacks I decided to take a look at an earlier idea of belonging(s). The contrast of belonging to a group or community but also the belongings I have kept from my birth/childhood to the lack of objects themselves. There aren’t many. Which to me seemed normal but when mentioned in a group tutorial most seemed shocked by this. But that’s the idea of being in an army family, if it’s not easy to move constantly you don’t keep it. So there it was, something I could get working on. This idea of belongings or absences of belongings. Things that should have been there but weren’t. E.g my father, generic childhood moments, objects etc. All the while living life behind fences, fencing something or the lack of something in.

Evaluation

This project has opened my eyes to an understanding, that less can definitely be more both metaphorically and physically. By using acetates and moving panels this has a level of interaction. I created the frame to show the idea of confinement within a small space, that our world is separate to everyone else. That even though you as a viewer are from the outside you have the ability to come inside (push the panels to open the closed exterior frame) to fully understand our lives and stories. That it all becomes clear when you push the panels open. You can see the images of a happy child (original pictures from my childhood) and the letters that built my childhood. The structure itself resonates this idea of solidarity, that being an army child makes me feel unique amongst people who had a “standard” upbringing. It stands alone in the centre of the room without help from other structures. People are drawn to interact with it. To gain understanding of how it works. The panels are painted magnolia to represent the blank empty walls within the military accommodation. It also makes a great blank canvas to project onto.

I chose to use mdf panels but in hindsight these are very heavy and difficult to place, they are fine for this structure however if I want to make the structure bigger another alternative will have to be found. Something that is lighter but still keeps the rigidity to deal with people manipulating them.

I used two projectors to project onto the frame although if more become available id like to see how the project would transform with more projections from various angles. Due to the fact I was only able to obtain 2 OH projectors from the university av department, I would like to keep using OHP’s as it reminds me of being at school singing hymns, there is some almost tradition about that. The use of acetate allows the audience another element they are able to interact with. The fact that they are two different types of OHP works really well as they have represented different places I live so they are different strengths of light.

There is still more ways to progress this project further by using other ways of projecting the images onto the frame work. Making the frame bigger so that people can physically stand inside of the framework itself. I am excited to see how far I can push this project. I really want to engage people with the subject of being an army child.

Overall I feel I am at a stage I am reasonably happy with, although everyone else in my group has lots of drawn experimental work I am exactly where I planned for myself to be. Despite some hiccups with contacts and rogue ideas. Although my research may seem excessive it is just how I work as an artist. I like getting my teeth sunk into an idea and researching about what others have done and how to make a project truly unique. I will admit at times I can get a little caught up in ideas but that’s who I am as both a person and an artist. However I embrace the challenge. I am happy with how the project is going and am very excited to maybe try some voice over monologues to add another dimension to the instillations, which is something I haven’t done before.

By no means do I feel that I am doing perfectly I need to keep up on my blog work and testing new ideas rather than being a perfectionist.

I have learnt to not rely on people to get back in touch with me and stop being so precious or critical in regards to my ideas, I need to use my time from here wisely and work hard to achieve an outcome. But in the same breath not try to envision a final outcome because the project so far has been full of twists and surprises that were very unexpected but have inevitably been the best ideas. I need to remember to not compare my work so closely to others as we are all different and have different ways of progressing our projects.