#the amount of emotions he went through pLS

[exopelagic]

talking to him more very much achieved. we just talked for like 4 hours in the kitchen holy shit I need to sleep

[heeliopheelia]

LACY (p. jay)

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

includes: oral (f receiving), fingering, crying, insecurities, soft dom! jay, praising, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, creampie, hate comments

word count: 3.4k

synopsis: 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘤 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘫𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩

guts event masterlist ⋆♱✮♱⋆ main masterlist

Looking at your phone makes you want to throw up. 

“out of literally everyone he pulls… that? gotta be a joke”

“jay deserves sm better”

“if that thing got a chance with him that means i’d be unstoppable”

“pls tell me this is a joke”

“girlie gotta have a crazy head game cuz ain’t no way lmfao”

As if you don’t feel bad enough about yourself already. 

Ever since the photo of you and your boyfriend coming back from a date leaked to the internet, there’s been nothing but a ridiculous amount of hatred directed towards your clueless self. 

In the morning Jay’s text saying please stay offline today baby was enough to make your stomach churn without even knowing what was actually happening. And against his words and your common sense, your fingers instantly went to the first better social media app on screen’s your homepage.

And so with every single comment put out on the internet, you feel your confidence and self-worth slowly crumbling down until they have eventually worn you out and you’re nothing but a sobbing mess ever since the morning. Your head hurts from all the crying yet the slightly masochistic part of yourself doesn’t let you tear your gaze away from the screen.

Maybe it’s because deep down you’ve always felt like you’re not good enough to be dating such a man as Jay, and the insecure thoughts he’s worked so hard to bury six feet underneath your feet have just resurfaced once again. 

Knowing he’s surrounded by almost literal embodiments of the beauty standard on a daily basis and then having to come home to a plain nobody like you can’t be good for no one’s mental health, that’s for sure. 

“Baby?”

The lump stretches your throat too painfully for you to make any other sound than the whimper you let out, and soon you hear Jay’s footsteps approaching your suffocatingly silent room.

“Are you there, love?” 

You press your trembling lips together and nod your head, trying to force yourself to stop being so emotional for once. The last thing you want him to do is deal with… this, whatever your current state is. 

“You’ve been reading the comments,” he points out quietly, but not with accusation – only worry. His heart squeezes with desperation to somehow make you feel better, yet you take his silence as a sign of disappointment in you. 

And somehow you can’t bring yourself to look into his eyes, too swallowed by shame. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper eventually after a couple beats of silence. Your head drops lowly onto your bunched up knees. “I just had to see it myself.”

“Hey, no more twitter, no more instagram – no more,” Jay pleads softly as he carefully takes your phone out of your weak grasp and sets it on the bedside table, only to thread his fingers through yours and intertwine them together. “Don’t do this to yourself. Please, stop crying, beautiful. They don’t deserve your tears, hm?”

A sob rips out of your throat and echoes through the silent room, simultaneously breaking your boyfriend’s heart in two. “It’s just… I-,” you’re unable to finish your sentence with the hundreds of thoughts running around your mind, not giving you a moment of peace since hours ago.

“I know nothing I say will make you feel better now,” Jay whispers, shuffling closer on the bed until his chest is pressed against your shoulder and he envelops you in a protective embrace. He presses a warm kiss to your temple. “I love you. I hate to see you like that, honey.”

You nod your head, sniffling loudly and choking on your own sobs. “I love you too,” you cry quietly, moving your head to rest against his chest. “I just don’t feel good with myself right now.”

Jay hums. His hands blindly reach to your face to wipe your tears away, fingers gently caressing your damp face. “I know.” His words are muffled by your hair as he nuzzles his face in it. “I’m sorry.”

You can clearly hear the violent beating of his heart from your position and the insides of your stomach twist with sadness because you know well he’s blaming himself for everything. He promised to protect you at the beginning of your relationship, forever and always, and yet he’s failed at the one thing that should’ve been of the highest importance to him.

He felt conflicted about his job more times than he would like to admit. The constant restrictions, always having to watch his words and actions, the almost non-existent privacy – it was tough, annoying, but he could take it. 

But he’s never hated being who he is more than he does right now. Seeing the person he loves the most, the person who holds his entire world, being in such a miserable state because of his job makes him feel just so helpless.

Swallowing his self-pity, Jay soothes you as gently as he can. His fingers thread through your hair, waiting patiently until your heavy sobs turn into hiccups and eventually small whimpers. 

“I chose you, YN,” he finally says softly, hand pushing the hair sticking to your face away as the other one cups your cheek and brings you to look at him. “I chose you and I’d choose you over everyone else. It’s always going to be you. Always.” 

You blink your lashes heavy with tears, cheeks stinging from the excessive amount of them that has dropped down your face. He nudges your cheek with his nose before pressing a gentle kiss to your brow bone. This tender gesture and his words finally allow the smallest smile to appear on your lips. 

“There’s my pretty girl,” Jay giggled. His arms wrap tighter around you before he lifts you up and pulls you onto his lap. “You know, it’s okay if you don’t fully love yourself yet, I can do it for the both of us for now, baby. Please, believe me.” 

You nod your head, now choked up for a whole different reason. You let him lean in and join your lips together in a sweet kiss. His knuckles caress your cheeks and chin as he plants a chain of pecks on your swollen mouth.  

He tries to break the kiss but you don’t let him get too far away, pulling him back in by his neck and crashing your lips together again, this time more desperately. Jay’s fingers slip into the loopholes of your pants, bringing you closer and closer until there’s no space left between your chests. 

The hushed I love you’s coming out from both of your mouths, his warm lips sucking a kiss after kiss on yours, his hand that drops down and sneaks underneath your top to linger over your skin – you’re becoming dizzy from the overwhelming love you’re being given.

“I’ve achieved everything because of you, love. I am who I am because of you,” he breathes out into your lips, forehead bumping against yours. One last time, he kisses the whatever is left of your tears away, then goes back to your hungry lips. “I’d give you the world if you asked me to. Let me take care of you, like you always do for me.”

With a strong move, he pulls you off his lap and lays you down on the plushy bedding. You shiver when the warmth of his body leaves you, only to catch your breath when he drops to the ground with the dull sound of his knees hitting the wooden floor. 

His warm hands rub your thighs soothingly, palming your inflamed skin before his lips follow their lead and pepper small kisses all over them, gradually traveling higher. You can hardly breathe from the tension, impatiently waiting for his every next move, the exhaustion in your body making you feel everything tenfold. 

The whisper you let out is strangled because of the prominent tingling in between your thighs. “I need you, Jay.”

With a hum of acknowledgement, he unzips then takes off your pants along with your underwear, discarding the clothes somewhere on the floor blindly.  Breath hitches in your throat when he leans forward and finally buries his face between your legs, lips softly grazing your warmth.  

His hands push on your inner thighs, holding your legs wide open as he leans down and presses a kiss to your pussy. A jolt shoots through your body when his teeth brush over your clit before he ducks his head down and engulfs it with his warm mouth entirely.

A shiver runs down your spine when his tongue runs flat against your clit, another but longer lick following right after. Your fingers clench on the duvet beneath you as you pant and whimper with every move that he makes. 

Jay’s thumbs circle and press on the smooth skin on your thighs, he himself humming and grunting into your pussy as he slurps you up. 

You’re perfect, so perfect in his eyes, yet the angle is still not satisfying to him, constantly searching for a better access to your quivering hole. Suddenly, his arms wrap around your knees and he swiftly lifts your legs further up, almost folding you in half as he sinks his mouth in your wetness again, groaning at how much better he can eat you out now. Properly. 

A loud moan ripples from your throat and you jerk in his hold violently, not expecting him to just manhandle you like this. You’re just there, mind blank and eyes fluttering shut when Jay pushes his tongue into your hole, fucking and stretching you with it as best as he can. He’s being so loud with it, so nasty that you can’t help but surrender yourself to him completely, losing yourself to him over and over again. 

Two of his warm fingers circle your weeping hole before letting them sink inside slowly, gently. With the addiction of his nose brushing over your clit, his tongue never halting its movements and now working in harmony with his fingers, you’re barely responsive. 

You mewl and whine breathlessly, sweat starting to create a thin layer on your worked up body. Jay pulls away to take a breath and admire your blissed out face, long fingers curling up, and he ducks his head to cover your sensitive thighs with marks and bites. 

“Aah, s’ good,” you slur out, arching your back off the bed slightly. 

“Yeah? You like that, baby?” Jay asks, sucking one last hickey on your inner thigh before moving back to your needy cunt. You can only hum in agreement, the noise quickly turning into another string of moans and wails as you feel your approaching high. 

Jay cranes his neck to get to you at the best angle, one that will help you reach your climax the fastest. He didn’t even realize when his now hard cock started rutting against the bed slowly, only focused on you and you only, restraining his own pleasure. 

You open your mouth to warn him of your incoming release but before you can do that, Jay speeds up the movement of his fingers and has you coming within a second, a loud cry of his name on your lips serving as honey for his ears. 

He drags his face away from your glistening pussy to take a look at your face.

You’re so beautiful, so perfect, soft and all his.

“My prettiest,” he murmurs, planting a bunch of kisses against your thighs and stomach before lifting himself on his arms and crawling to get you to face him, laying breathlessly beneath him. 

He lowers himself to kiss you right on the lips, the slick from his face smearing against yours slightly but you’re too far gone to pay it any mind. 

“I love you,” is all you’re able to choke out in a whisper. Jay smiles and brushes his nose against yours, kissing you once, then twice and thrice before letting you fill your lungs again. 

“I love you more.”

And as much as you want to protest at first, you realize that he might be actually right. There’s no doubt of your feelings or devotion to him, you gave him your entire heart a long time ago, entrusted him with all you are and had enough faith in him to never make you regret your decision.

But no one loves like Jay does. His love is pure and raw, coming from the depth of his heart and overshadowing all other feelings you’ve ever harbored to another man. 

That’s how you also know that no matter anything you’ll always end up together, overcome everything. 

His gentle hands grab the bottom of the t-shirt you’re wearing, his actually now that he takes a better look at it, then lifts it up, revealing your perky breasts to him. He plants kisses against them, simultaneously unzipping his pants and kicking them down to the floor. His boxers are discarded next and you help him unbutton his shirt with your shaky fingers. 

“Make me yours,” you say into his lips once you’re done with that, hand pressed against his cheek. 

Your words are enough to send Jay’s patience out the window, and he’s lifting your leg to hook it over his waist before sinking his hard cock inside you, your walls instantly sucking him in to the hilt. He groans at the warmth that engulfs him, squeezing him so tightly he can barely move. 

Your heart pounds in your chest, blood rushing to your cheeks at the intimacy, his eyes boring into you lovingly. Because that’s what he is. Utterly, hopelessly lovesick. 

His chest heaves above yours for a moment as he lets you adjust and relax around him before settling for a slower and deep pace. Your breaths get ragged quickly, listening to the filthy squelching whenever he pulls out of you only to sink in further each time. 

“See, baby? It’s all good now,” he rasps, sweaty hair beginning to cling to his forehead because of the stuffiness in your bedroom. “You don’t need anyone else. Only me. I’ll take care of you.”

“Only you,” you repeat after him, watching his eyes sparkle and eyebrows furrow.

He lets out a chuckle, out of breath. “Good girl.”

His hold on you tightens as he fucks into you, his large hand slipping to the back of your head and pressing your face to his neck. His thrusts grow faster, more erratic and messy, and the only thing you’re able to do at the moment is whine desperately into his skin and wrap your other leg over his hips, thighs clenching his sides even tighter.

You feel better. You feel heavenly. You feel loved.

He bullies his way so deep inside you that you feel as if on the verge of blacking out. It’s so good. You’re pretty sure you’re going to leave a drool stain on your boyfriend’s toned shoulder once you pull away from there as you’re just unable to close your mouth for a second, too fucked out to have any control over it now.

“Can I go a little faster, sweetheart?” Jay asks.

You whine into the junction of his neck. “Mhm.”

And so he does, his touch growing in intensity as well. He lets go of your neck and your head falls back onto the pillows and you finally get to look at his face, expression so soft and tender, and a stark contrast to the way he fucks you. 

Your stomach sets ablaze with every loud clap of his hips against yours, his precum making a mess on your thighs. 

“Fucking hell,” he moans lowly, not being able to get enough of the doe-eyed look you’re giving him. He didn’t know it was possible, but he thinks he loves you even a little more than yesterday. 

The sloppy sound of your wet skin colliding with his ricochets off of your bedroom’s walls and your eyes water again – this reason completely contrasting to the earlier heartbreak. Jay is here to kiss all of your tears away, his warm lips tracing your cheeks and collecting every salty droplet that falls on your skin. 

You throw your head back, nails digging into his shoulder blades. And then he reaches down with the one hand that’s not holding you, pressing his fingers on your swollen clit and rubbing circles on it, making you grow lightheaded again. 

His never ceasing thrusts keep hitting your g-spot, without even giving you a second to breathe. 

“J-Jay,” you whimper, voice wet and small, and he knows exactly what you want to communicate to him. 

You fall apart in his arms as your orgasm hits your sensitive pussy even harder this time, making you squirt with a shallow gasp for air. You feel completely owned by him at the moment. 

Jay’s eyes roll to the back of his skull for a hot minute, his cock aching and twitching as your walls spasm and squeeze him mercilessly. He buries his face in your neck now, nibbling under your ears and panting heavily against your skin.

Jay cums hard, probably harder than he ever has before – all because he knows he’s fucked you so good you can’t stop shaking in his arms. His own thighs begin to quiver a little as he ruts his emptying cock into your warm pussy, filling you up so nicely.

It’s the choked up wail that leaves your throat that spurs him into pushing more of his throbbing length into your sensitive self. His warm cum fills you to the brim, seeping slowly onto your thighs, yet he keeps snapping his hips against you slowly. “That’s it. Take it, baby. Take it all.”

Your lips part and when he pulls away from your neck, he immediately slides his tongue against yours. His kisses are sloppy and hot and wet but that only pushes you even further into the state of bliss, completely losing your mind for the man above you.

Your back is arched, making you press your chest into his forcefully as you jolt and twitch from overstimulation as he pulls out his soft cock out of you carefully. 

Jay’s lips press to your temple warmly with a soothing intention. You try to catch your breath, body sweaty and clammy just like your hair. Yet you look just as pretty as ever to him. His prettiest girl. 

 He collapses onto the bed next to you and lets you cling to him for as long as you want to, holding you tightly to his chest and drowning you in praises and compliments. It’s only when he notices that your eyelids are growing heavy that he gently pulls you away and up from the bed, steadying your wobbly self on the rug beside your bed. 

You look at him in confusion, eyes misty and tired and he can’t help but giggle and kiss you one more time. “We should probably take a shower first,” he flicks your nose when you scrunch it up slightly but then you nod your head.

When you start walking into the direction of the bathroom, goosebumps spiking your skin despite the hot temperature in the room, you turn around and frown when you notice that Jay has stayed behind you.

“You’re not coming, love?” You ask but he shakes his head. 

“You go first, baby. I’ll be right there in a second.” He nods his head to the ruined bedding. “Gotta change the sheets first.”

You flush as you take in the mess you’ve both made. “Right,” you mumble and then disappear behind the door. 

When you’re both showered and back in the bed together, you’re propping yourself on your elbows, trying to reach the switch of the lamp on the bedside table. You don’t get far when Jay’s arm wraps itself across your torso and brings you back down, right into his chest.  

“Stay,” he mumbles, nuzzling his face in your hair.

You giggle quietly but give in and lay comfortably, half on the bed and half on your boyfriend. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Jay hums lowly. “I mean forever. Stay with me forever.”

You look at him, eyes slightly widening despite how tired you are, and his words take your breath away when you realize he’s dead serious. You’re at a loss of words, looking at the man by your side, stunned, yet he only smiles lazily and brings your hand to his lips to press his warm lips against your knuckles.

“Marry me.”

Lacy, oh, Lacy, I just loathe you lately

And I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you

Yeah, I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you

taglist: @luvkpopp @yannew @hoonxclsvly @jongseongslvr @beomgyusonlywife @starggukies @koizekomi @ineedsomezzz @starl1ghtsinthedark @enhastolemyheart @seokseokjinkim @parksunghoonsgf @skzenhalove @somekpopshiteu97 @enhypens-hoe @alpha-mommy69 @jwnzlvr @wondipity

permanent taglist: @bambisgirl @arizejkt19 @luvmura @milisabunny @cathy-1997 @dilucsleftshoelace @ramenoil @jenjnk @jaylaxies @yoongspi @nichoswag @s00buwu @mon2sunjinsuver @goreconsumer @i4kt @heehoonsnemo @seongslutt @criminalyun @kissestojapan

note: i actually really like how it turned out xx

[doromoni]

The Tip Off | MV1 , LN4

Off Time : A Spin Off (Max’s Pov)

Ships : Max Verstappen x F1 Presenter! Reader, Lando Norris x F1 Presenter Reader

Genre : Angst

Subtags : Unrequited Love, Untold Feelings,

A/N : SURPRISE! bet you didn’t expect this huh? 🤭 pls do let me know your thoughts. Also, I’m sorry in advance 🥹🙏

Summary : Off Time - retold in Max’s perspective

Masterlist

Series : Off Time , On the Defence , Playing Offense

Max couldn’t exactly pinpoint where he started seeing Y/N L/N in a new and different light. Max always saw you around but he didn’t exactly pay attention to your presence. But now? he was hyper-aware whenever you were near or when someone said your name.

Max knew that nursing feelings for you was not smart, not at all. Everyone knew that you were Lando’s girl — even when Lando himself gave you no time of the day. Even more so he, himself was in a serious long-term relationship!

Maybe it all started a year back when the rain had been pouring in Silverstone and you were stuck in the Red Bull motorhome after your one-on-one interview together.

Everything was all smiles and the mood was cozy and warm, the two of you were just lounging waiting for the rain to subside. Till suddenly you looked at your phone, and your smile fell.

Max was about to ask what was wrong when you suddenly stood up, held his hand and pulled him up from the couch.

“Max come play in the rain with me” Max was taken aback. Not by your request, but by the amount of emotions that filled your eyes. It held pain, but your smile held courage and bravery.

To Max, you looked dazzling. He admired the strength you held. A strength that he wished he had when he was still a young boy.

Max indulged your craziness. As the two of you stepped out into the rain and the water soaked you both, Max couldn’t take his eyes off you.

Your arms were spread wide as you ran circles around Max, then suddenly stopped and squatted down. It reminded Max of the ducks from his childhood; one of the few good memories he had then.

“What are you doing Little Duck?” Max couldn’t help but ask as he squatted down beside you. People were looking at the two of you weirdly — but that didn’t matter.

“ Max, would you date me?” Your question stirred something in Max. He knew that he shouldn’t entertain such questions or thoughts, but he did.

“What do you mean?” Max asked carefully examining you, while you still stared at the ground.

“Hypothetically, would you date me?” You asked again, now looking deep into his eyes.

“Never mind, don’t answer that”

Max was thankful that you cut him before he could answer because it scared him how much the answer was an astounding “YES”.

You suddenly stood up and looked up at the sky— feeling the rain pelting down on your face. Smiling at nothing in particular.

Max was once again mesmerized at the sight of you. His heart beating faster as you gazed down at him and offered your hand for him to hold.

“Thank you, Max… I needed this” You thanked the Dutch.

“Always, Y/N. Always” Max smiled back and it was now his turn to pull you back into the Motorhome — where soft and warm towels were waiting for you.

Or maybe it was during the FIA gala when you both came dateless. Max without Kelly because she was off on a photoshoot in Milan, and you… well, you were hopeful that Lando would’ve asked you.

Max saw you gazing at Lando and the date that he came with; you looked like a kicked puppy as you tried to smile through the pain.

Max knew that he needed to do something and take your pain away. Max stood from his seat and went to you. People were once again giving lingering glances at the man of the night, The year’s World Champion who was looking determined as he pushed past the crowd.

When Max offered you a hand, your eyes drifted up to meet his. Your eyes were glazed with unshed tears and your brows scrunching up with confusion. Max only smiled and offered his hand once more, which you reluctantly took.

He led you to the middle of the room, as the live orchestra started playing “I See the Light”

Max saw how your eyes shone as you recognized the song. A soft smile gracing your face as the two of you swayed together to the beat as Max held you gently.

“Thank you, Max. Really” You whispered as your head tilted up to look into the blue eyes of the driver.

Max was awestruck with you. Your dress made you look even more beautiful under the dimmed lights. You were an angel sent amongst mere mortals here.

“ He doesn’t deserve you” Max had suddenly voiced out, surprising you both. He didn’t mean to say that out loud, but he did and Max stands by what he said.

“I-, I know, but I can’t help it you know?” You said as you gazed at Lando once more. Max felt an uncomfortable feeling settle in his gut, but paying it no mind as he focused on you. Only on you

Max then twirled you out and back to him, successfully distracting you from the British driver.

Max Verstappen knew that what he was doing was dangerous and he was asking for heartache — it was clear as day where your heart lay. But he did not care because having you in his arms now was more than enough.

The night ended with Max dropping you off at your hotel door. You gave him one last smile, bid him goodbye and thanked him for everything — then laying a peck on his cheek. It was meant to be friendly— but to Max that was a sign that he needed to confirm to himself. Max Verstappen had fallen for you.

Max’s drive back to his hotel had him all over his thoughts. He needed to end things off with Kelly— it wasn’t fair for her when Max knew that someone else held his heart.

And break up with her, he did. But not before the news of his dance with you during the gala caught Kelly’s ears. She was furious, but she saw it coming … she did know Max; their years together allowed her that. Kelly knew that she was losing him even before Max knew himself.

Even then when Max was free to pursue whoever he liked, he chose to wait for you. Max had hope that you’d give up on Lando. Yet he would never pressure you to move on from the British driver who was also Max’s closest mate on the grid. Because it was your happiness that was the most important.

But Max was only patient when it came to you. When it came to other matters — Max was his usual assertive and hardheaded self. If he can’t rush you… he had other ways.

“Mate, are you not interested in Y/N?” Max quizzed Lando.

“Even you mate?? Why does everyone ask me that? No, I don’t like Y/N. I’m seeing someone else. Happy?” Lando could only shake his head in denial.

Happy? Indeed Max was happy. Lando was out of the picture and it was only up to Y/N. And the heavens had heard Max’s prayers— when Y/N had then started to distance herself from Lando.

Yet that only lasted for a while, because just like the rest of humanity — Lando finally saw Y/N in the same light that Max saw her.

Max knew that Lando was still the same person he knew, he was still one of his best mates— but Max couldn’t help but hold grudges against him.

Lando had now started being possessive with you— as if he owned you. It was as if the past where he didn’t care for you was erased into nothingness. Max remembered every tear you shed for the British driver.

Yet, Max’s heart was set on whatever you decided. You held his heart even though you didn’t know. It was yours to crush. Max was ready for you to break his heart into pieces just as much as you’d like.

And break it you did, even if you weren’t aware that you did — Max’s heart broke nonetheless.

You were late for your interview with Him and Checo. Although it has only been minutes, Max was worried about you; much so that he looked for you himself.

And there you were, In front of McLaren’s Motorhome. Max felt his heart crack — but he smiled nonetheless as he went near you.

“What are you doing, little duck??” Max asked. But he knew exactly what you were doing.

“I came looking for you, dummy! you’re late. What are you doing here just standing” Max lowered his head by bending his waist— leveling his eye with yours.

Max pretended to act dumb for a second, as he glanced at the glaringly orange motorhome.

No matter how much control Max had, he was just a man whose frustration was impossible to avoid.

“Oh, I see. It’s Lando again. Oh…Y/N. I wished you weren’t this blind. Others’d love to have you” Max muttered — it appeared that you didn’t hear the last part that he said. Max wasn’t sure to be thankful or annoyed.

“ What?? speak up, dude! I don’t know how Kelly puts up with you.” You asked. Max felt like he was punched in the stomach. Not from hearing the name of his Ex — but at your lack of awareness. Here he was offering you his heart, and there you were thinking that he was committed to someone else.

“Y/N. Kelly and I broke up months ago.” Max could only say; as he forced his face to put up a casual facade — and it came easily from the years of practice he had.

“What?! how?! why?!” You could only ask startled by the revelation.

BECAUSE OF YOU! Y/N L/N. YOU! FUCKING HELL, I LOVE YOU! Max wished he could scream it to the world. Max wished that he could scream it to you.

But he didn’t. Instead, he said “Never mind that you nosy little thing. We’re late!” and he pulled you in the direction of their motorhome.

Apparently, Lando wasn’t as ignorant of Max’s feelings towards you.

“Mate, do you like Y/N?” Lando asked without any added words.

“Yes, I do” Max replied directly to Lando not holding anything back.

“What?? What the fuck Max… how could you?! I love her!! I was here first” Lando was suddenly all up in Max’s space - demanding an explanation.

Max could only scoff as he pushed the McLaren driver off of him and away from his space. He couldn’t believe the audacity of the man.

“ Bullshit! you were only there because you were afraid that someone else wanted her!” Max exploded, as the memories of you crying because of the man in front of him.

Lando was speechless for some time; he knew to himself that was true. He only saw you when he lost you.

“ That may be true, but I love her now! and she loves me. You and I know it! Don’t make things harder for Y/N, don’t make her choose … because I’m not backing down.” Lando shouted his monologue then left right after — not even waiting for a reply from the Dutch Driver.

Max knew that his love for you was true and he couldn’t bear for you to be in pain. So if choosing between Him and Lando would do that — he was willing to give the chance up just to see you smile even if it wasn’t with him.

Max says that, but he didn’t expect just how much it hurts to see from afar. Max saw everything and he couldn’t look away because even if you were with Lando … at least he could still see you happy. Even if it wasn’t him who made you smile.

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[nexadarling]

Trigun Explicit Recs!

So it turns out there are too many good fics in this fandom and I maxed out the amount of links allowed in a single post (it's 100 btw) so I decided to split the E rated stuff from everything else, cause it makes sense to me.

I offer you my list of smut, organized by wordcount! Most of which will also give you so many emotions cause what is Vashwood with out self-loathing and biblical references. This is a living document and I update it regularly, so come check back for more recs!!

I tried to tag all the authors who have tumblrs, but if I missed someone pls tag them/let me know!

Any fic that features "+" after the word count is on-going/uncompleted, and they are all listed at the end. As they finish, I will add the final word count and place them accordingly.

Check the tags yall!!!

a softer world by Harubo ( @helloharubo) - 2k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Painter Vash; Doctor Wolfwood; Reincarnation vibes; Wolfwood has regular dreams of Vash where he's covered in scars and full of a deep, aching sadness. When he wakes up, he needs his husband to reassure him he's still in one piece

not dying, then by amaiyo - 2k; Vashwood; E; Tristamp (I think? iirc); Plant Heat; Vash goes into heat and Wolfwood does his best to help, but man is he kinda lost; this is so fucking good, Vash is such a mess, and honestly so is Wolfwood but he's just trying to keep up, poor guy

Ask Without Speaking by ChenamaReel - 2k; Vashwood; E; Trimax; Wolfwood comes to Vash's room to wake him from a nightmare, and stays. Halfway through the night they both wake up to a very compromising position; Listen I've read this an embarrassing amount of times, the feelings packed into this tiny fic are amazing and it's really hot okay????

la petite mort by @babeyxiao-art and expertfool - 3k; Vashwood; E; Trimax; Vash and Wolfwood get drunk and argue in an alley. A threat turns into… something much different; this did something to my brain chemistry for sure, I fully blame it for my newly found gun kink

My Body's Moving Into Retrograde by Sacramental_Wine - 3k; Vashwood; E; Wolfwood makes Vash want something for himself for once

you'll leave me lonely at best by @procrastinating-bookworm - 3k; Vashwood; E; Post-Badlands Rumble; You know the fucking drill, it's time for some widow Wolfwood reunion sex; God I love the way this fandom explores the hell Wolfwood went through before Vash pops back up like "Jk guys, I'm not dead!"

Heat Waves by @revenantpoet - 3k; Vashwood; E; Tristamp; Vash is having more regular plant heats because of Wolfwood. Wolfwood helps him out (in the car lol) and tries really hard not to think about the fact that he triggers such a reaction from Vash; I like my smut with a side of angst and Vashwood brand repression! This is that exactly, and it's really fucking hot. Blowing so many loving kisses at Rev for this

when your stitch comes loose by @starkillling - 4k; Vashwood; E; Vashwood's relationship with Vash's wings

Your Beauty Never, Ever Scared Me by Sacramental_Wine - 5k; Vashwood; E; Wolf shifter Wolfwood (if you've ever seen Wolf's Rain it's like that); Vash helps an injured wolf, the next morning a man shows up at his door; no cause this is so cute Vash is so baffled at first by Wolfwood’s appearance I love them so much???

Strange Powers by @tenshinokorin - 5k; Vashwood; E; they accidentally get high and fuck about it; I laughed my ass off reading this, pls, it's so good

when I picture you by @pinklicour - 5k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - College; This is just a silly little fic about Vashwood hooking up, but Wolfwood's pining is so precious and I've reread the scene where they actually become a couple several times cause it makes me so happy; Mack always keeps me so well feed with all the cutesy vw concepts

Little Pieces of the Nothing that Fall by starkstateofmind - 5k; Vashwood; E; Tristamp; it rains and Vash manic pixie dream girls himself into bed with Wolfwood; i kinda stared at a wall for a little after reading this, it's really beautiful and I might also be a manic pixie dream girl

Sing Pretty Melodies on the Motel Bed by @amphetamine-keen - 5k; Vashwood; E; Trimax vibes; Wolfwood convinces Vash to try a vaginal plug; this is just smut but I did read it at least twice. idk what that says about me, but it does say that it's a good fic. And that I have a new toy I need to buy– ANYWAY

fire, nicotine, and iron by quietfaun - 5k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Dirtbag Wolfwood, cause it's a weakness I have; Vash gets Wolfwood shot and feels really bad about it. After all, he was really just picking up a stranger for a good night, he wasn't looking to get pulled into Vash's world; Wolfwood is so fucking nasty in this and I am exactly as into it as Vash is, lord help me

Sing, Sweet Salvation by Bohemienne - 5k; Vashwood; E; Trimax/98; Vash ignores his feelings for Wolfwood just a little too long, and his body decides to Do Something about it. It gets... monster-y; You I'm a sucker for some creature Vash and some monsterfuckery!! Hell yeah

Nothing but Neon by just_a_lil_shipmate - 5k; Vashwood, E; Trimax/98; Vash and Wolfwood go to bed like normal--totally normal, nothing wrong with sharing a bed with your friend no matter how much Vash wants it to be more. Vash wakes up with Wolfwood hard against him and maybe gets a little carried away; I fully blame this fic for me liking somno, but it just manages to be the right amount of soft and hot

what you need by amaiyo - 6k; Vashwood; E; sequel to Not Dying, Then; Vash wants to make up for falling asleep after Wolfwood helped him the first time with his heat; Bottom Wolfwood supremacy!! Man gets his shit wrecked, physically and emotionally

disarm you with a smile by gloriousporpoise - 6k; Vashwood; E; Canon-verse; Friends With Benefits; 5+1; It gets harder and harder for Wolfwood not to kiss Vash; You will--and I mean you will--spend this entire fic chanting 'kiss him! kiss him! kiss him!' and be disappointed when he doesn't despite knowing it doesn't happen until the clearly labelled +1 scene

welcome to the beautiful place by @pinklicour - 7k; Vashwood; E; Vash watches Wolfwood interact with a kid for too long and has Feelings about it, turns out Wolfwood feels the same; biting them, shaking them like dog toys, let them have a family goddammit

Nothing Left to Hide by GGumdrops - 7k; Vashwood; E; Wing fic wing fic wing fic; Vash is clearly uncomfortable but doesn't want to tell Wolfwood why. When he finally convinces Vash to show him, he preens his wings for him

in other words by riverenne - 7k; Vashwood; E; Tristamp; Triple-amputee Vash; Unsurprisingly, Vash and Wolfwood are running, and Wolfwood learns a lot about the whirlwind that is Vash; listeeeennnn they're so desperate for each other

when you've laid your hands upon me by amaiyo - 7k; Vashwood; E; Vash gets feverish and delirious, and Wolfwood wants so badly to help. It's not until he's really out of it that Vash realizes what's happening: a heat that can only be triggered by intense emotion linked to an individual; Vash loves Wolfwood so much it sends him into heat and he's so worried about driving Wolfwood off but he needs him so bad

you tear down my reason by halfdemonvash - 8k; Vashwood; E; .... trimaxVashwood/stampedeVashwood; yeah it's selfcest, i'm not sorry about it, it's so fucking good

Bind Your Faith in Scars and Tape by just_a_lil_shipmate - 8k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - College; Vash pines after Wolfwood, and then properly falls for him when they're forced to spend time in the university greenhouse regularly; Meryl is my favorite

perfect world by outdoorcats - 8k; Vashwood; E; sequel to Water Supply; less drunk but more (beautifully) emotional; "What if we ran away and got married" vibes

bad moon rising by crocodile - 8k; Vashwood; E; Urban Fantasy AU; Vampire Vash; Werewolf Wolfwood; Hunter Wolfwood; T4T; The author describes this as slice of life between vampire and vampire hunter and like yeah that's exactly what this is and it fucks

water supply by outdoorcats - 9k; Vashwood; E; they get wine drunk and get like emotionally horny; this is so fucking beautiful they’re so in love I hate it here

Holding My Breath by @nekotachis - 9k; Vashwood; E; Canon-verse; Vash tells Wolfwood he's never been on a date, so Wolfwood takes him on one. Feelings are definitely not had during said date

the perfectest herald of joy by riverenne - 9k; Vashwood; E; Tristamp; Vash has a lot of self-soothing habits that drive Wolfwood absolutely insane; I am so unwell about how River writes Wolfwood for real

Dark evil ocean, I’m craving more by Albedothighs - 9k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - Mer; OrcaWood; Human Vash; Vash and Wolfwood work together so Vash can temporarily be a mer, that way they can be together when storms would otherwise keep them apart. Of course, instead they have a lot of fun exploring Vash's new body together

Trial and error by Anonymous - 10k; Vashwood; E; Vash has freaky plant parts and is pretty sure he can't orgasm, but he's happy to be with Wolfwood however he wants! Wolfwood is determined to prove Vash wrong; Literally cannot get enough of unconventional, incompatible plant stuff for Vash, so this was very fun

like the holding of hands (like the breaking of glass) by @flowercitti - 10k; Vashwood; E;  Tristamp; Vash wakes up after the sandsteamer and faces Wolfwood's full knowledge of his inhumanness; (spoilers WW still thinks Vash is beautiful)

Where The Delicate Stops (Show Me) by @nexadarling - 10k; Vashwood; E; Trimax; Creature Vash; Predator/Prey; Wolfwood sets off Vash's competitive nature and gets chased through the woods. He likes it more than expected; shameless self-plug, I'm just real proud of this one

corsetry, couture, and how (not) to court your coworker by Umbr_el_on - 10k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - Fashion; Fashion Designer Wolfwood; Model Vash; Wolfwood chooses Vash to debut his new creation, and he really does try so very hard to be professional about it; oooohh boy what a way for Vash to realize he has a huge thing for breathplay, damn

geoplant medicinals by @avoidingavoidance - 11k; Vashwood; E; Tristamp; Wolfwood accidentally gets soooo fucking high. Vash joins him and they have some frankly awesome sex; Wolfwood spends this whole fic being sickeningly in love with his boyfriend and thinking about how pretty Vash is and I love it

the sun is warm (i miss your smile) by mor (mornin) ( @bakubaji) - 12k; Vashwood; E; Vamp Vash/Vamp Hunter Wolfwood; Modern AU

with the same sweet shock of when Adam first came by feelingfoxylmao - 12k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - BDSM Scene; Wolfwood fucks up at the BDSM club and Vash (consensually and pre-scripted) teaches him his lesson; Dom Vash, Sub Wolfwood; Vash makes Wolfwood bark, what more could I possibly say to make you want to read this??? It's wonderful; slight secondhand embarrassment warning for the beginning where Wolfwood fucks up, but it's worth getting through, trust me

take my breaking heart (and tear it all apart) by johnnyfucksup - 12k; Vashwood; E; Wolfwood tries not to let himself want. Enter Vash, who ruins those plans

Late Night Confessional by ValiantRose ( @sleepyartcryptid) - 12k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU I think?; Trans Wolfwood; Priest Wolfwood; Vash comes to confess his sins... he technically commits more instead, but who’s counting?

and our walls fall like jericho by thechaoscryptid - 12k; Vashwood; E; Canon-verse; Wolfwood doesn't want. He doesn't. He doesn't. (He does); Every time Wolfwood tries so hard and fails at keeping down his affection for Vash I lose my goddamn mind

Like Eden by @RevenantPoet - 12k; Vashwood; E; Tristamp; Vash takes Wolfwood to the bio-dome on Ship 3, and they open up to each other a little more than he was expecting; Rev's poetry is so nice and the way they handle the intimacy between these two melts my brain a little. Both the sexual and emotional

Within Us An Orchard by plumtoad - 13k; Vashwood; E; Vash is a sad plant boi, so Wolfwood cheers him up feat. fruit

to control against the pull by catchatter ( @needlab7) - 13k; Vashwood; E; A/B/O; "Wolfwood tries to help out the bro and gets consumed with The Longing"; It is my personal mission to make everyone read this. Please, even if you don't like omegaverse just give it a chance I am begging you

I know I'm gonna die of this by @orcelito - 13k; Vashwood; E; T4T; Vash doesn't like to be touched during sex. He does, however, desperately want to fuck Wolfwood. Wolfwood shows him exactly how much he appreciates it; THE Strap Fic; the fact that this is part of a series based on Nothing But Thieves' song Impossible has me incredibly fucked up; Nico, darling, thank you for writing this, it was delightful

Give Me Mercy No More. by hollyleighannee ( @wytchsbrew) - 14k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Bodyguard Wolfwood; During a sandstorm, Vash spends a special night with his secret boyfriend; OH MAN OH GOD WOW; first of all this Wolfwood... I gotta go sit down for a second, damn; the sex is hot, but the emotions are hotter, Wolfwood is so careful to give Vash everything he wants and cares so much, they are both so in love; Holly your fics give me so much joy, I'm so sorry for decimating your notifications

sunshower by crocodile - 14k; Vashwood; E; Reincarnation AU; Friends With Benefits; Age Gap; 500 years later, Vash finds Wolfwood... kind of; look this is so good Vash has so many feelings, but Wolfwood is his own person, but he's also definitely Wolfwood and everything is different but nothing really is and aaaaaaahhhh

resurrection men by spicecandy - 14k; Vashwood; E; Reincarnation AU; Post-Trimax; Vash has a pull to him that Wolfwood can't ignore, something that makes him hang around town much longer than he normally would. He doesn't want to examine that too much; All the little hints of memory in this that Wolfwood doesn't catch and Vash balks over are my favorite

Amarillo Sky by just_a_lil_shipmate - 15k; Vashwood; E; Cowboy/Angel AU; Vash makes Wolfwood realize maybe he's not better off alone; this fic set off my obsession with cowboy Wolfwood…

try my hardest (if you ask me to) by nbagenda - 15k; Vashwood; E; the team stays at Ship 3, and Wolfwood has Feelings about everything being so clean (and so much gay panic about Vash);  this one uses he/they interchangeably for Vash which I really really love

in love with my own sins by spicecandy ( @gaycowboyjesus) - 15k; Vashwood, Vash/Vash, Wolfwood/Wolfwood; E; Trimax VW meet Tristamp VW; listen the everything between everyone is so good but the romantic tension between Tristamp VW is so cute

Gun Barrel Red Hot by varelsen ( @cloudstrifing) - 17k; Vashwood; E; plant heat plant heat plant heat plant hea-; Wolfwood notices Vash is gone and goes to check on him. Naturally, he gets way more than he expected and lets go of some feelings in the process. Vash… maybe makes a little mistake about that later; eating this whole, just absolutely devouring it

Long Goodbyes by ChenamaReel - 17k; Vashwood; E; Trimax;  After the Arc and before the orphanage, Vash and Wolfwood talk about the what-ifs of the future. With the knowledge of their respective missions, their normal flirting banter turns to something more real; crying sobbing, shoving this in your face

waking up in vegas by kae_karo - 17k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; They wake up married to each other in Vegas after a night they barely remember. They try to track down the chapel they got married in, but kinda don't wanna undo it by the end of the day; listen this is just so cute they’re so into each otheeerrrr

if you were church (I’d get on my knees) by iokanaan - 18k; Vashwood; E; T4T; Actual Priest Wolfwood, feat. trimax Vashwood as guardian angels (I have no excuse for this one but it goes really hard)

so i'll sing to the grave (put you back together) by desertblooms - 18k; Vashwood; E; Canon-verse; Wolfwood doesn't feel worthy to touch Vash, so Vash shows him that's not true

you'll never get enough by tagteamme ( @phaltu) - 19k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - Boxer/Gym; Wolfwood owns a gym that is under Nai's thumb, Vash is a regular at the gym and should be off limits; I have read this at least twice and it occasionally haunts my dreams

just a holy fool by @avoidingavoidance - 19k; Vashwood; E; Tristamp; Wolfwood is so upset about how much of a soft spot he has for Vash and Vash somehow makes it worse all the time always; sure Wolfwood, we all believe that you're annoyed with Vash and not stupidly in love with him

a kind heart to haunt by littleghost ( @ghostlandtoo) - 20k; Vashwood; E; Cowboy/Western AU; Wolfwood is an outlaw, Vash left that life a long time ago and doesn't want to get wrapped up in it again

laughter lines by @beesinspades - 21k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Ace Vash; Grey Ace Wolfwood; Knives sends Wolfwood to bring Vash back to him. Vash doesn't want to go. Wolfwood kind of doesn't want to make him; crying go read this i love it so much all of Bee's stuff brings me such joy

i’m here in search of your glory (there’s been a million before me) by @sascake - 22k; Vashwood; E; Post-Trimax fix it feat. Wolfwood's entire orphanage

I'd Get Rid of the Sun in Favor of the Moonshine by FlowerFed - 22k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - Coffeeshop/Cafe; Milly asks Vash to vouch for her ex so he can get a job at the same cafe as him, Vash meets a handsome stranger at the beach; surely there is no connection between these events…; (spoiler, there totally is and they’re super cute)

a tide of tender mercies by @gloriousporpoise - 23k; Vashwood; E; Wolfwood and Vash are on the run after July, chasing bounties; Wolfwood finds himself in a bad way without his serum and gets taken care of (ha, take that, WW!); I'm a sucker for Wolfwood pining hopelessly after Vash and this is just the perfect mix of pining and his snark

sun comin' up by amaiyo - 23k; Vashwood; E; Mermaid AU; Modern AU; Wolfwood is a priest assigned to a tiny island, and sometimes he stands on the pier at night to listen to the strange songs on the ocean wind; Vash is just uncanny enough in this to sate my need for creature Vash, and they’re just so gone on each other

today, and all of the days by @pushclouds - 24k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Vash owns a donut shop, Wolfwood owns a smoke shop/bar; Vash doesn't realize they're definitely dating; pls Vash spends the whole time being like “ah yes a business partnership” meanwhile Wolfwood is like… just trying to go on dates with his boyfriend? They’re so fucking stupid

Wanna be your sin, I wanna be a preacher by oh_imintrouble - 24k; Vashwood; E; Trans Vash; Modern AU; Dirtbag Wolfwood tbh; Vash is on the run from Knives and meets Wolfwood, who takes care (and takes care) of him when he's attacked and helps him run; Look okay, Wolfwood is so gross in this, like objectively, I don't think he's ever not been high on something and his mattress is on the floor, he carries a hammer for fuck's sake, just to bash people's heads in, but damn if I wouldn't do some questionable shit for a shot with him

Ascension Day by farseersfool ( @birdadjacent) - 26k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU (but still Plant powers); Wolfwood is a hitman hired by Nai to protect Vash. Surely keeping his mark as close as physically possible is only the logical thing to do. Right? Right.

stop me if you've heard this all before by molotovhappyhour - 27k; Vashwood; E; Canon Divergence; Time Traveler Vash; but only in like small increments; Vash has Rules to avoid trouble with his power. Wolfwood makes him want to break... maybe all of them; Eating this whole, shoving it into my mouth; The way Wolfwood is handled here and how his backstory is changed makes me crazy, I love it

Deep Cuts by megumiblues - 27k; Vashwood; E; Tristamp; Trans Vash; Vash is used to carrying many monikers. El Diablo, Humanoid Typhoon, the things he is called are never good. Wolfwood seems to see him differently for some reason; Get understood and cared for, idiot; Love a touch-starved VW

dance in our catastrophe by @pushclouds - 28k; Vashwood; E; Post-Trimax fix it; Wolfwood and Vash are stuck in a safe house together, what could possibly go wrong?!; Wolfwood's inner monologue in this is so delightful and sad, they (definitely totally platonically) cuddle to keep the Horrors away, and there is at least one (1) playfight that Wolfwood has to end in a panic cause he gets horny about it

The Lord Won’t Forgive Me (But My Angel Will) by natumn - 28k; Vashwood; E; Eriks Vash ❤️; Two years after July, Wolfwood drunkenly stumbles right into Eriks and Lena, and they take him home so he can recover. He stays with them for a while, but Vash never could run from the EoM forever; Eriks feels always fuck me up, I love making Wolfwood face his desire for domesticity, and Lena is perfect and precious

four suns by Joelene - 31k; Vashwood; E; Trimax Vashwood and Tristamp Vashwood meet in the middle of the desert!!; This is genuinely very cute as well as hot, I reread this immediately after finishing it lol; Trimax Vashwood being competitive and then getting lost in themselves is so precious; Wolfwood begging will always be my downfall; They all fuck, but they don't fuck each other. Like each version Vashwood stays together. They do all make out with their own alternative versions, so do with that what you will I guess

you're a canary (i'm a coal mine) by PotatoButt ( @rubyredgh0st) - 32k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Zoo keeper Vash; Orphanage Worker Wolfwood; Wolfwood brings his kids to see the tomas show, but sometimes he comes alone to watch the cute handler; Brad is so protective here I love him actually

Amazing Grace by jjAfterHours - 33k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU- Ranch; Rancher Wolfwood; Livestock Vet Vash; When Wolfwood calls his normal vet, they tell him she's out of town, but they can send a replacement. Wolfwood kinda maybe finds every excuse to get him back on the ranch; Once again my favorite flavor of VW!!! Wolfwood is fucking in it, and Vash is trying and failing to hold him at arm's length

Angiosperm by somarysueme - 33k; Vashwood (background and later chapter Polygun); E; Post-Trimax; Wolfwood is brought back with some fun... extras, courtesy of the Plants. He and Vash now also have regular... heats? Mating seasons? There are eggs involved; Look okay, hear me out! If you don't like the idea of oviposition, maybe skip this one?? But if you do.... It's Egg Time

blood in the badlands by eviscerates - 34k; Vashwood; E; Vampire Vash/Vampire Hunter Wolfwood on NML; the Eye of Michael is a hunter group, Wolfwood is not supposed to have feelings for Vash

I'm not a Psycho (I'm Just Trying to Get Laid) by @inkfishie - 34k; Vashwood; E; Tristamp; Various times Vash and Wolfwood have... encounters. Feat. Vash's emotions and awkwardness; this is so cuteeee

At the Top of the World by Insomniac_with_dreams - 35k; Vashwood; E; Cowboy AU; Wolfwood follows a help-wanted ad and finds himself at the Saverem ranch for the summer. He gets... more than he bargained for; God above please read this it's so beautiful and heartfelt and wonderful and they love each other so much fuck

CAUSE OF DEATH (See instructions and examples) by neatrogenous ( @floofyfluff) - 39k; Vashwood; E; Post-Trimax fix it, but Vash runs faster than the Flash from every single Emotion he's ever had (body horror cw for the first chapter)

i think that we should go and get you out of here by molotovhappyhour - 39k; Vashwood; E; Exorcist Wolfwood AU; Wolfwood travels to July to help rid them of a haunting that's taken root there for years, Vash is, of course, at the center of it; the writing in this is so beautiful and haunting and perfectly disorienting during the spookier parts it’s so good

inter paradisum et infernum by itsacoup - 39k; Vashwood; E; Wild West AU; Preacher Wolfwood; Outlaw Vash; Wolfwood takes protecting his flock very seriously, and when Vash rolls into town, he is determined to do just that. Damn if Vash being so attractive and such a match for him doesn't make that difficult though; The way canon elements of their story and background are mixed into the world-building of this is so delicious; They really are drawn to each other in every life

Saturdays at 6 p.m. by maginot - 42k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Vash reaches out to professional Dom Wolfwood to ask if he's taking on new subs. Wolfwood realizes he's fucked as soon as Vash walks through his front door; Okay yes this is kinky in the sense that it is an actual, structured BDSM relationship, but it's actually not the kinkiest thing on here??? It is absolutely delightfully spicy and sweet though. And watching Wolfwood fall apart about actually falling for Vash is so fucking GOOD; also vash's pain kink has me on the fucking floor dear god

sugar rush by corvidcaper ( @not-miss-marple) - 42k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Vash owns a candy shop; Friends with benefits to lovers; Everyone knows they’re dating except the two of them, and goddamn does Wolfwood try to keep it casual; Spoiler, it is anything but casual lol

in the woods somewhere by halfdemonvash - 42k; Vashwood; E; Fantasy AU; cottagecore; Vash finds Wolfwood injured in his forest and takes him to his home to nurse him back to health. Wolfwood... kinda really loves it. Even if he wasn't entirely there on accident

giving in to your fever touch by honeyseeking ( @sweetyuris) - 46k; Vashwood; E; Trimax/98; Wolfwood finds Vash as Eriks and gives him three days to make up his mind; *violently shaking this fic* it's so full of emotions

Pillow Talk by fantasy_stupid - 47k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Nai sends Wolfwood to secretly trail Vash and make sure he's safe while Nai is gone. Vash clocks him immediately and they try to make the best of it; bodyguard Wolfwood you have my heart and soul

by the time the apocalypse began by everythingeverything (yiqie) ( @englishsub) - 50k; Vashwood; E; Sci-fi AU; Spaceship Mechanic Wolfwood; Wolfwood's crew picks up what they think is a distress signal and follow it to it's source; I really can't do this fic justice with a summary without spoilers but like!!! Vash and Wolfwood stuck on a planet together!!! I love them!!!!!!!

The Lighthouse by EloFromMars - 51k; Vashwood; E; Lighthouse guy Wolfwood; Eldritch Horror Vash; legitimate lovecraftian level eldritch horror but like.... Vash is still a baby girl and Wolfwood is still into it; honorary mention for Kuroneko

Citronella by @canyondotcom - 58k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Vampire AU; Creature Vash; Woodworker Wolfwood; Wolfwood wakes up in the middle of the night to something--no, someone on his porch. Against his better judgment, he lets them in... Things get... Interesting; Uuggggghhhhh God this is so good I love creature Vash and the vampire lore is so unique and non-traditional I love it so much

song of solomon 4:7 by ellisisntreal - 68k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Trans Vash; A cute new neighbor moves in across from Wolfwood, one who he quickly realizes is the hottest DILF ever and exactly his type; listen. LISTEN! This is so good, Vash's kid is 13, so he's old enough to be funny and snarky, Vash and Wolfwood's banter is amazing, and scenes with all three of them (and eventually Livio) are actually so funny I was wheezing. Idk how you write dialog so real and hilarious, but I had a grand fucking time

Strawberries & Cigarettes by Umbr_el_on - 71k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - Tattoo shop/Flower shop; "No, seriously, Livio, it's just casual, it doesn't mean anything, stop"; several days later: *calls Livio crying about how much Vash makes him feel*; and that's it that's the fic; I like that they're both broken and fucked up here, and they make mistakes and piss each other off, but they continue to choose to try together. It just makes me really happy. They aren't perfect but they're perfect together

A Step By Step Guide to Love and Peace, Written by Vash Saverem (Co-Authored by Friends, Family, and Nicholas D. Wolfwood) by calandos - 71k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - Fleabag; Trans Vash; Priest Wolfwood; It's fucking.... it's a fleabag AU idk how much harder I can sell this I clicked immediately when I saw the tag; yeah, it has the confession scene; this made me want to cry. I may have actually cried; god I relate to Vash so much

someone to last your whole life by catchatter ( @needlab7) - 73k; Vashwood; E; Post-Trimax fix it, with deep attention to the realities of mourning and what it means to have mourned someone who is no longer dead; genuinely one of the most beautiful things I have ever read

Trillium and Ivy by @shastafirecracker - 80k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Funeral Director Wolfwood; Garden Center Vash; Wolfwood works at a funeral home across from the garden center, and notices the cute co-owner; this one is a personal favorite it makes me feel insane if I think about it too long

Someone's hand opens (I hold it) by tytonidae - 80k; Vashwood; E; Post-Trimax Alternate Timeline; Wolfwood and the girls don't meet Vash until long after the events of Trimax; the world building 🤌🏽 the bonding 🤌🏽 the EoM lore 🤌🏽

Wildflowers by @shastafirecracker - 103k; Vashwood; E; Dark Fantasy AU; cottagecore; Trans Wolfwood; Wolfwood is sent to kill the Beast Lord of the forest and gets far more than he bargained for; dear fucking God please read this holy shit I cannot overstate how good the world building is

How Easy You Are To Need by @nexadarling - 10k+; Vashwood; E; Plant Heat; Vash goes into heat when he's in the middle of the desert with Wolfwood. He really does try so hard to keep him from finding out

Daylily by @needlesknives (bakusboi) - 10k+; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - Tattoo shop; Vash comes to Wolfwood wanting to get his scarring covered with tattoos, Wolfwood realizes this project entails a lot more than he anticipated. In several ways

honeysuckle red by @beelzebby666 - 43k+; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Line Cook Wolfwood (yes it's important shut up); A one night stand turns into Wolfwood spending so much time with Vash and his fucking garden (why does he like bees so much I love him????); Wolfwood just wants to be kept. He just wants to be kept!!!

la vache! by @skittidyne - 28k+; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - Sex Work; Sex Worker Vash; Trans Vash; Wolfwood needs to learn French very quickly since he promised Livio he would and then procrastinated till the last moment. He finds his solution in Vash's... unique way of teaching (it might involve dildos); I'm rabid over the fact there are not more chapters of this

save a horse by ofxanadu - 37k+; Vashwood; E; Western AU; Trans Vash; Wolfwood saves Vash from getting mugged by the Bad Lads Gang and has a night so memorable he's hung up on it for almost a year when Vash shows up again; i cannot even put into words my thoughts on this fic I'm just making feral sounds about how much I love it

If you know me no you don't!

Come tell me your opinions about all of these my DMs are open I promise

[shecriestotheclickingoftime]

it'll be ok

patrick x reader, 11.2k words

(basically, this fic is what happens when you let a songwriter have an unlimited word count with no narrative skills but a lot of feelings...)

this is a long one, and an intense one, and the plot is kind of convoluted and a mess and a lot of and im ngl reader is very specific and also very mentally ill and struggling the whole time (and is also def a flawed character but pls go easy on her)

an insanely angsty, moody, sad, but hopeful ending Patrick Zweig x reader fic (with a lot lot lot of Art Donaldson mentions though, like he is a main character just not a romantic interest)

set during Stanford era, reader goes to Stanford with Art

TWs: quite a bit of drinking, vomiting at one point from drinking, a lot of mental illness is present here ngl, reader has a really bad relationship with family (but there are not too many specifics), and some moments where reader cannot eat or sleep because of anxiety!

Freshman year of college was hard. You’d been so excited to finally get away from your family, and attend Stanford, but the adjustment was hard. You’d already been there a couple months, and you’d made friends, your closest one being Art Donaldson, a tennis player who just kind of… popped up in your Psychology 101 class, and then just stayed in your life.

The second you walked into the massive lecture hall, you knew you had messed up signing up for an introductory science class. You were an English major, this class wasn’t even required for you, but for some reason, you were here. You scanned the room, trying to not look as nervous as you were, and sat down in an empty seat. The class still didn’t start for a few minutes, and students were still filing in, getting set up for class. As the lecture hall started to get more full, you looked back down at your notes, trying to get everything ready for today. There were still a fair amount of empty seats left, so it took you by surprise when a blonde, athletic-looking boy came and sat down a seat away from you. He smiled at you, and you smiled back, and he introduced himself as Art Donaldson. You nodded and looked away, trying to look disinterested, but for some reason, this kid was hell bent on getting to know you. 

Eventually, you reluctantly decided to give him a chance. As much as the alarm bells in your mind went off, reminding you that it was definitely a bad idea to let yourself get socially involved, something about Art completely disarmed you. Though you tried your hardest to resist getting attached, especially to a guy, Art did everything he could to be a stable figure in your life, and for some reason, he cared about you. He didn’t mind your quiet, sharp exterior that you guarded yourself with; it seemed like he cared about you more because of it- from the first time you two met, it felt like he saw straight through you in a way that no one else ever had, like somehow he already knew you the first time you two met. 

You did everything you could to protect yourself, keeping your struggles and emotions to yourself, like you had been taught to. The hardest part about Stanford was being away from your family. All you had ever wanted was to be away from them, away from their mistreatment, but even after everything they had put you through, you couldn’t help but miss them. You missed your parents, as much as you didn’t want to, and you felt so alone without your family. You didn’t want to be alone, but you knew you couldn’t go home either. You just felt so alone. 

The only thing that felt worse to you than being completely alone, was actually trusting someone and then being left. But despite your resistance, you slowly found yourself starting to trust Art. At first, you tried everything you could to push Art away more. But every time he saw right through you, so you tried to be icier and more distant, so you could get him away before he even got the chance to hurt you. But Art had this careful kind of persistence, somehow not really minding that you pushed him away- He wasn’t trying to sneak closer to you, or get you to let him in, he just wanted to be there, wherever you were comfortable with. And as independent as you tried to be, you had to admit that maybe sometimes it was good to have a friend. 

You revolved your life around school. But nothing you did could help the loneliness that had been tearing you apart from the inside since you were a young teen. You were haunted by the thoughts that no one could understand, or care, and even if they did you knew that no one ever stayed. You were too much for anyone to handle. So you had no choice but to let the loneliness fester, and to just hide the pain from everyone else. But the emotions hurt more than words could describe- so you looked for distractions. So you studied. Obsessively. And your first midterm season was no exception- you put so much pressure on yourself that on the nights before your tests you couldn’t sleep or eat, your anxiety making you feel so restless and sick that you physically couldn’t do anything besides just studying and spiraling. 

–

It was not an exaggeration to say that by Friday night, you felt like death. After finishing your last midterm, you felt beyond empty. Your test adrenaline that had kept you going the past few days had suddenly worn off, and the consequences of your own actions had finally started to catch up to you. And without studying and anxiety to obsess over, you could no longer avoid your chronic loneliness. You were tired, and hungry, and completely alone. 

So when Art Donaldson showed up at your door to invite you to the frat party tonight, and added that his best friend was in town and he wanted us to meet, you knew it was a terrible idea, and you should definitely not drink in this condition.

So naturally, you agreed. 

You’d heard about his best friend Patrick Zweig before, and to be honest, he seemed like a cocky, self-centered idiot. But Art was insistent on introducing you two. You didn’t have much interest in meeting him, (but to be fair, you didn’t have much interest in meeting anyone right now). But, when Art asked you to just give him a chance, you couldn’t say no. 

So, in your zombie state and all, you went to a fucking fraternity party. Completely out of any energy, you poured yourself a strong drink, downed it, and repeated. And repeated. And repeated until losing count. 

And there you were, severely sleep deprived, practically hallucinating, and already wasted. 

And that’s when you met Patrick fucking Zweig for the first time. 

Even drunk, you could tell at first glance that Patrick was a player, just based on his cocky demeanor (and the fact that he was tall and hot. like, what girl wouldn’t want him?) So, you gave him a tight-lipped smile, closing your walls again before you’d let some womanizer guy take advantage of you.

Why had Art wanted you to meet him anyways? This guy seemed completely incompatible with you, and to be honest, you were surprised that he would be such close friends with sweet, gentle Art. So, you introduced yourself quickly, slipped out of the corner you’d been hiding in for the past half hour of this party, downed your way-too-strong drink, and went to go make another one. Now that midterms were over, you couldn’t use your obsessive studying to distract you from your family and loneliness, so getting fucking wasted seemed distracting enough. 

But of course, Art had to notice. And he had to get worried about you, making sure to stay close and keep you in his eyeline. He’d noticed your sadness, and having seen Patrick go through the same complicated family feelings throughout his years at Mark Rebellato’s, he could tell enough of what was going on. 

He was initially drawn to you because he saw Patrick in you. However, instead of shutting people out by acting overly confident and social like Patrick, Art watched you shut yourself away. And even though he had only known you for a couple months, he couldn’t help but care about you, recognizing Patrick’s sadness in you. 

So, when he saw you drinking so much at the party, he knew you were just coping with loneliness. He’d seen Patrick numb himself with drinks enough time in high school, trying to fill the emptiness with liquor and meaningless flings with the girls around him, trying to escape the desperate need to feel cared about and loved. Art knew Patrick like the back of his hand, and he knew that you two were scarily similar. 

As you got drunker, you migrated back to standing near Art, who was practically attached at the hip to Patrick, and you somehow end up rambling about the English paper you just finished. As douchey as Patrick seemed, something about his demeanor seemed gentle towards you, nodding and smiling softly, actually listening to you as you sipped drink after drink and had pointless conversations with Art. You tried to avoid his eye contact and ignore him- you hated to admit it, but he was good at being charming, and even after drinking this much, you still knew that you couldn’t let yourself fall for that. You’d already been dumb letting Art in so much, and you were still scared by how much you trusted him, and so there was no way you were going to let yourself develop some delusional crush on his douchey best friend. So you tried to ignore how tall he was, and how he towered over you, and how he somehow seemed actually interested in your idiotic drunken ramblings. You wouldn’t fall for his tricks.

You were incoherently drunk. And meeting Patrick fucking Zweig at the same time. You weren’t one to lose control, you wanted to tell him and Art, but at this point it didn’t even matter anymore. Because now, here you were, stumbling over your words and pouring all of your thoughts out before you could even stop to think about how embarrassing this was. It couldn’t get any worse than this. 

Actually, you soon learned that it could get worse. Finally, the countless drinks that had been churning around your stomach finally started to catch up with you, and you could tell that you were absolutely going to be sick. You tried to excuse yourself quickly from the boys, stumbling through the crowd outside as quickly as you could, just trying to reach the fresh air outside and hoping that it could refresh your senses. But of course, your escape plan was useless, because Art and Patrick trailed worriedly behind you. And as they followed you out, you prayed to forget all of this tomorrow.

You breathed in the cool, smoky air, wishing to vanish or something, anything to get out of what you knew was bound to happen.“I think I need to go back to my dorm,” you blurted out, turning around to face the boys, and slowly backing away, trying to conceal your wobbly steps, praying that they leave you alone before you got sick. 

But of course, you wouldn’t escape that easily. 

“Hey, let us walk you back,” Patrick said gently, stepping carefully towards you.

“Yeah, it’s really late, and my building is near yours anyways,” Art followed up, offering a comforting smile.

Even in your drunkenness, you could already tell that the two were worried and definitely wouldn’t be letting you walk home alone this late. And as much as you didn’t want them to see you like this, you didn’t trust your ability to get back home right now. So, you gave up on getting them to leave, and you finally nodded, letting them catch up to you as you accepted your fate of possibly having the worst first impression in the history of ever. 

You’d barely walked for 2 minutes when the inevitable feeling hit you… you were gonna throw up. 

So, this was how you introduced yourself to Patrick Zweig. Instead of hiding behind your cold, quiet demeanor that you tried to maintain, you ended up getting embarrassingly drunk, and now fucking throwing up. You scolded yourself in your head, trying to breathe slowly and calm the sickness, but the ground felt like it was spinning and you lost control. You quickly made yourself stumble towards some bushes as you vomited. (sorry guys i know this is gross but it's part of the plot </3)

You tried to conceal your face from Art and Patrick as much as you possibly could, not wanting them to get grossed out by your display (if you could call it that)- although there wasn’t really a way to hide when they’re standing next to you. Nonetheless, you tried, wishing to yourself that they would somehow forget about this, and just leave you alone to die in the bushes out of pure embarrassment. 

You continued to be sick, and everything just hurt at this point. But you suddenly felt a large, calloused hand gently lowering onto your back and rubbing soothing circles along your spine, as another hand gently brushed your hair away from your face, holding it back with a soft hold. Even in your dizzy state, you could tell that it wasn’t Art doing that- Art’s hands were always smooth and, like, way too well kept and soft for a college athlete. So, this must’ve been… Patrick?

God, this is your first impression? Throwing up at a fucking frat party? With him holding back my hair?

You can’t even tell how long you were standing there, throwing up into the damn Stanford bushes. But you do remember Patrick’s gentle touch never leaving your back or your face, as he whispered little “you’re ok”s into the night air as he comforted you. 

After you got back up, the rest of the night passed by in a dizzying blur, your vision making everything around you look like a stop-motion movie. You could feel your drunken memories as they evaded your mind and disappeared from consciousness just as quickly as they happened. You generally remember the idea of walking back to your dorm, trying to accept what just happened. You briefly remember Art and Patrick still walking with you after that, Patrick arm floating around your waist, as he tried to keep you steady. Both Art and Patrick seemed completely unfazed, and even understanding of you, like they had experienced this a million times before. 

The boys walked you all the way back up to right outside of your dorm door, making sure that you got all the way back home safe and intact. You whispered a feeble sorry and good night to them as you slipped back into your room, shutting the door and not even bothering to turn on the lights, letting yourself fall into your dorm’s shitty little twin bed. To be honest, you kind of knocked out after that, escaping from the chaos of the night and letting everything go black 

The next morning, you woke up with the golden San Francisco sun peeking through the half-open blinds on the windows. Despite not remembering falling asleep the night before, you could tell that you had knocked out cold soon after you got back to your room, seeing that you had fallen asleep outside of the covers and still in your party clothes and makeup… and even your shoes were on, damn. 

And, of course, you woke up with a headache. And a stomachache. And so tired, and so thirsty. But the pain in your body felt almost nonexistent compared to the horror that completely washed over you as the memories of the night before flooded back… at least enough of them to remember meeting Patrick, who was way too tall and cute to be embarrassing yourself in front of, as you recalled talking, and talking, and talking, and drinking, and talking, and then… throwing up. And then walking home. 

God, not only did you embarrass yourself in front of Art’s best friend, but you also did that in front of Art… your closest friend at Stanford… and god, he probably was disgusted by you and never wanted to see you again. 

At least, that’s what your mind told you, as you could help but feel nauseous again as the last night played back in your head. That’s what you get for going out right after skipping so many nights of sleep and proper meals because of midterms stress… God, you were dumb. Why did you listen to Art, and why did you agree to meet his best friend?

You still didn’t fully understand why Art had been so insistent on you meeting this Patrick guy, anyways. Did he want to set you up with a douchebag player? Like, what was the point?

Your mind flashed back to the feeling of his hand on your back, gently holding you while you were sick, and his careful, almost nervous hand floating around your waist, stabilizing you as you walked back to the dorm. That was Patrick, not even Art. And something about his featherlight touch and sweet silence made you feel like he understood you, and somehow he knew how you were feeling, even though you had never met before.

You shook the thought off, figuring that it was just your drunken mind making up this feeling between you. He was probably just giving you that smug smile that he flashed at you when you first met, and you perceived it as something gentle and kind in your pathetic loneliness. Ugh, you felt dumb. Your shame of the past night felt like a weight tied to your ankles, keeping you imprisoned in your dorm room. You didn’t want to see Art anytime soon, your mind crowded with thoughts about how he probably thinks you’re so dumb at this point, and he wouldn’t want to care about you anymore after seeing how you acted. (And to be fair, your thoughts were definitely irrational and untrue, but the Sunday (or technically Saturday) scaries can seriously be haunting sometimes).

Oh, and you could definitely never face that Patrick guy again. He doesn’t even go to Stanford, so if you can avoid Art enough, then you’d probably never have to see him again anyways. Hopefully.

But… you could almost still feel his hand on your back, rubbing circles, taking care of you while you were sick, and it just felt so… affectionate. No one had comforted you like that in a long time… Even at home, when you got sick, you’d lock the bathroom door and turn the faucet up to drown out any noise you’d make, so you didn’t “burden” your family with your illness. You took care of yourself. Like you always did, and you always would. But in that moment, even just recalling the hazy, embarrassing memory, you could still feel that safety and care from him… 

You snapped yourself out of this mental spiral- God, you were delusional. And probably also eternally pathetically lonely. 

And you were most definitely not leaving your dorm room for the rest of the weekend. 

–

You spent the rest of the weekend hiding in your dorm, feeling like fucking Dracula not being able to bear the outside light. You tried to push down your shame, blaming the hangover for your anxiety, but you still decided that distancing yourself from Art would be the right thing to do. There is no way you could let yourself be that vulnerable with a guy, especially since you couldn’t stop thinking about Patrick, and how he took care of you. And maybe this was a strange thing to ruminate on so much, but something about it felt so personal. It’s like something is pushing you towards him, that you have no control over, making you want to just be near him again. 

God, you were pining. For Patrick Zweig? You were getting attached to a guy you had met for one damn drunken night. Fuck you, Art, for introducing you to Patrick. You were fucked. And spiraling. 

– 

After a successful weekend of avoiding the world, you finally had to leave your room again. You had classes to go to. You took a long shower, composed youself, and got ready to get back out in the world- there was no way you were gonna let a dumb embarrassing moment in front of fucking Art Donaldson and Patrick Zweig interfere with your academics. And besides, you needed to distract yourself, and filling the void of loneliness with countless tasks and books to read sounded perfectly fine. 

You saw that Art had texted you that Sunday morning asking how you were. And you ignored it. And of course, he had to text again on Tuesday, asking if you wanted to grab coffee before Psychology lecture like the two of you usually did. Like everything was normal or something. 

And again, you didn’t respond. And then you skipped your Psych class. You emailed an apology to the professor, and watched over the class recording he sent you, taking notes on it. But there was no way you could face Art Donaldson yet. 

Your avoidance of him almost got irrational- you knew you were blowing things out of proportion, but you were so scared that if you got close to Art again, you’d see Patrick again, and… you couldn’t do that. You made a commitment to yourself- from now on, you definitely fucking hated Patrick Zweig. You didn't need to justify yourself with a reason why. You just needed to hate him.

–

Avoiding Art got more and more difficult as the weeks went by- you skipped another Psych class and practically snuck around campus to go to your classes, paranoid that he would see you around. So you broke, and decided to talk to him. Well, not really talk to him about your 2-week avoidance. He didn’t have to know what was going on with you. So, you came up with the most bullshit excuse you could. You claimed you’d been sick, and coincidentally also your phone had been broken, and that’s why he didn’t see you and you also didn’t text him at all. Pneumonia was really going around this year, right? 

Somehow, you actually showed up to your next Psych class. You sat on the opposite side of the row as Art, burying your face in a novel and pretending to not even notice anyone around you, not even him. You stared at your notebook for the entirety of the lecture, obsessing over your notes that were definitely way too detailed, and made sure not to look over at Art. He couldn’t be mad at you if you simply just didn’t see him, right? And as soon as class ended, you dove back into your novel, not even looking up on your walk out.

You knew you were acting irrationally. But you’d been acting like this for so long that you knew you’d dug yourself into a hole with Art, and there was no use trying to crawl out and explain yourself. So you just let it continue. 

– 

However, your seemingly flawless avoidance plan (predictably) didn’t last very long. It only really ended up lasting until that same weekend, when of course, you had to cross paths with Art Donaldson on your walk back from your favorite, cute little bookstore. You had almost made it back to your dorm without bumping into anyone, and you almost forgot about all of your anxieties- 

Until you looked up and found yourself looking straight into Art Donaldson’s eyes, as he walked the opposite way as you, your eyes widening at the sight of him in his tennis uniform, with his giant racket bag slung over his shoulder. You instantly remembered: he always leaves for his Saturday tennis practices at this time. Fuck, you shoud’ve known not to be here at this time, but you just wanted to go to the bookstore so much that you had to forget literally everything else. 

So, here you were, face to face with Art Donaldson, after ghosting him completely for over two weeks, because… you threw up in front of him at a party. You stopped walking as you approached him, guilt flooding your mind as you realized that you had completely shut him out for… god, almost three weeks today. 

“Hey”, he said as he approached you, his voice soft, almost like he was testing the waters, as you froze in place, unable to look away from his eyes. “Where have you been? I haven’t heard from you since… like the day after midterms. You said you got pneumonia? And your phone broke?”

Your face flushed in embarrassment as you tried not to visibly cringe at how illogical your actions and excuses sounded in his words. 

“God, Art, I fucked up,” you blurted out, unable to filter yourself… and now that you’ve started talking, you knew you couldn’t stop… “I’m so sorry, Art” you said, trying to breathe and compose yourself, the shame for your actions threatening to swallow you whole. “I… Ok, I’ll just be honest. I felt so embarrassed after getting so drunk at that stupid frat party, that I started avoiding you, and then I guess I… Once I started, I couldn’t then go up to you and talk to you, so I let myself dig further and further into this hole and it just felt too bad to climb out and… Well, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I should have texted, and you did nothing wrong, I just was embarrassed-” You stopped yourself from rambling further, forcing yourself to take a breath and let Art respond. You looked down, as if you were trying to gaze straight though your shows and into the ground, as you braced yourself for the worst- you had been told a million times by people around you that you were too much to handle, so you pushed away and broke every relationship, and you knew that you had just done that again. And now you talked way too much, and he

“Listen… I get it” Art almost whispered- and when you looked up, you were met by a sympathetic smile and a worried stare that looked like it could read your mind. “I know how stressed you were because of midterms, and it definitely wasn’t a good idea for me to drag you out to a party right after we took them- and I’m sorry if I overwhelmed you by also introducing you to Patrick too, I know that he can be… a lot. And I’m not mad at you. But next time, just let me know if you’re not doing well. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, just… be in contact.”

You were almost taken aback by his words- you were expecting Art to give you icy stares and bring out words so sharp that they pierced straight through your skin, and you felt like you would have deserved it. But he actually thought about you, and apologized? You stood there for a moment, your mind still processing his response and unable to form words, when he spoke again, this time softer and more nervous:

“Just… try meeting Patrick one more time? You don’t have to anytime soon, but at some point, just get to know him a little. And then you can never talk to him again, but… this is important” he insisted, his tone anxious and almost a little awkward. He offered a comforting smile, still noticing some fear lingering in your eyes after the entire conversation. 

– 

Looking into your expression, Art’s mind went straight back to the one night in 10th grade at the academy, when he and Patrick had stolen a joint from their young guest tennis instructor’s bag, and decided it would be a great idea to try getting high together for the first time. It started fun, as Art and Patrick settled into a half-conscious recalling of embarrassing childhood memories, laughing at themselves and at old classmates, until they had somehow gone into talking about family memories, when Patrick broke down crying while confessing about how much he didn’t want to go home for the holidays. In the 5 years that Art had known Patrick before that, he never heard him talk like that. The two of them talked for a couple hours, eventually joking around and laughing too hard at everything, like high teenage boys would do, but something in Patrick had melted away- like some barrier that he had held up for so long that neither Patrick not Art even fully realized it was there the whole time- and Art suddenly saw a glimpse past Patrick’s self-centered persona, and say what was behind his loud words and bold actions. 

But, by the time Art woke up the next day, Patrick had realized how much he exposed himself the night before, and completely shut down. Of course, with this being Patrick, it didn’t last more than a week before he and Art started joking around again- but from then on, Art could see through Patrick’s actions a lot more. And even though Patrick never explicitly mentioned that night again, and he still probably wouldn’t, even years later, he did open up a little more after that: he started calling his parents when Art was in the room, and starting skipping his own family’s events to stay at Art’s grandma’s house during the winter holiday breaks- and although Patrick never showed this side to anyone else, he let Art see it; he had almost memorized the hurt in Patrick’s eyes after rough phone conversations with his parents, the loneliness that Patrick tried to cover up so desperately, and finally could see straight through Patrick’s words, when he pushed people away because he was afraid. And when he met you, despite the fact that you seemed cold and almost kind of mean, Art instantly recognized the distinct kind of sharpness in your voice, and the fear hiding behind your judgey stares. And since then, he couldn’t help but want to take care of you and protect you, the way that he wanted to protect Patrick- but even more than that, he could tell that Patrick would see straight through you too, and soften him up a little. Neither you nor Patrick seemed like the type to admit that you cared, but something about the two of you seemed intertwined, like there was some sort of invisible string between the two of you that was obvious to Art the moment he met you.

–

Stupidly enough, you had actually agreed with Art that you’d meet Patrick again. But maybe not yet. Art understood more than you thought he would, and didn't bother you about it as you warmed back up to a friendship with him. You stopped feeling like you had to sneak around campus and you went back to sitting with Art during Psychology class. And even though things still hurt, the weight that your family had left on your shoulders seemed to slowly get lighter, and you stopped missing home so much. Between Art, your other English major friends, and some kind professors, you have started to feel a bit more independent. However, even as you let yourself let go of home a little more, you could still feel the loneliness gnawing at you- you liked being independent, and you had gotten used to being independent- you had been independent your whole life, figuring out how to cope with things yourself and not letting yourself need anyone. However, even as you became more content with your college life, you still felt a desperate part of you wanting to feel a little cared for and wanted- maybe just someone to understand, to share the hurt sometimes. But you just blame that on your family issues, praying that the empty feeling would eventually fade away- it was better than trying to find someone to fill it, you couldn't let yourself trust anyone to stay. 

But in the meantime, you focused on yourself. At least you tried to. You tried to take care of yourself, you worked hard in classes, and you didn’t force yourself to call back home. You tried to be more social, actually attending some frat parties with your girl friends (and the nights didn’t end terribly for you anymore), but you still strictly maintained a lot of your coldness and quietness- you liked having friends, and you felt like you fit in, but you made sure to lock away any sign of neediness or pure vulnerability- you didn’t want to let your past drag you down, so you shut it out, and shut everyone away from that part of you. And you did a pretty good job- but of course, Art saw right through it. But he didn’t say anything, he just tried to help from the outside as much as he could without overwhelming you. He started bringing over coffee or dinner when he noticed that you were shutting yourself in your room, and quietly helping you out on the simpler things, like helping you out with laundry or helping you out with your desk clutter on the days that it was hard to get things done without some motivation. 

The next few months of the semester floated by, as you learned to balance your schoolwork with the rest of your life, and you buried your sadness deeper inside until it was almost invisible- although you could feel it tearing into you a little more. You felt it when you were alone, and even worse when you were in a group or a crowd, still feeling lost and like despite even being friends with all of the people around you, none of them actually could touch the pain inside of you- and you felt too guilty to tell them, not wanting to place your burdens onto them as well. 

You ended up staying at Stanford for thanksgiving, telling your family the excuse that it was just too far to fly all the way home for less than a week of vacation, and had dinner alone on the floor of your dorm, drinking through a bottle of wine and watching trashy reality tv. You didn’t tell anyone that you did this- you didn’t lie, but you also dodged any conversation about it. Although you told yourself that you loved the cozy nights alone, you couldn’t fully ignore the loneliness ripping you apart further. As much as you tried to cover it up with a quiet and guarded personality, you still found yourself in bed at night replaying the distant, fuzzy memories of Patrick Zweig on that one drunken night- and even though you tried to hate him during the day, you still found yourself curled up on late, anxious nights, letting yourself remember and cling onto a feeling that you felt for less than a second that night, finally allowing yourself just a brief moment to be weak, no longer holding onto your defenses, and for a silent moment letting your mind be cradled by that untouchable, unexplainable feeling that somehow, for some reason, someone had understood you. He understood you, and he saw straight through you, and he still held onto you. 

(But, by the morning, you had already pushed that idea so far back down, that you would have forgotten how real it felt, when you let yourself feel it. But, by the daytime, you were sure again that you were imagining these things about Patrick Zweig, and you allowed the familiar pull of loneliness tearing you apart just a little more, crying for something that didn’t exist. And inside, you kept a secret from yourself- that all of you was hoping for just one more night that you would let yourself be held by the memory again.)

–

You saw Patrick again in passing on the few times he came to visit Art. He always seemed to try and talk with you, despite you brushing him off every time. Once, much to your dismay, he came with you and Art to grab your usual coffees before your lecture together, and Art basically struggled to hold back his laughter at Patrick, whom he had always seen as the charmer who moved on from girls almost instantly, seemingly try his hardest to try and get you to break a little. And while Patrick respected your space, and left you alone when you brushed him off, he seemed like he was longing for some sort of conversation with you.

And the truth is, Art would’ve advised Patrick to fuck off a long time ago after you ignored him for the first time, if you had wanted him to leave… but Art knew you, and based on the way that you always blushed whenever Patrick’s name was brought up, and you always fidgeted with your jewelry and hair anxiously even as you openly ignored Patrick, Art knew you were just pushing him away. Art had seen you do it before, and while he allowed you to push Patrick away over and over again, part of him just loved to see how much Patrick actually let his guard down around you. For the first time in Art’s life, Patrick was really nervous about a girl. So nervous that his cocky, charming alter-ego completely fell when you were there. Because Patrick understood what Art had noticed in you- you were also hurt, and really really persistent in protecting yourself, hiding any vulnerability. And Patrick was the same- but something about you made him ok with showing that he cared. With you there, he couldn’t help it. 

Patrick visited Art a total of 3 times that semester (not that you were counting, definitely not), and for each visit, Patrick tried to approach you at least one time, wanting to really talk to you, but always giving you space whenever you signaled for it. He felt bad being so persistent, constantly trying to understand and follow any rules or boundaries you were setting, but it felt like you were being purposefully vague with him. So, he followed your lead as best he could.

And to be honest, you didn’t even know what you wanted either. Your mind told you that you needed to push him away. But you just couldn’t let him go completely either. But it just couldn’t work out. Everything was confusing, and nothing you could do felt right. You didn’t like him, you couldn’t. You didn’t. 

Unfortunately for the both of you, Art could easily tell that you and Patrick were both way too into each other- but there was just no way to get you to let your guard down in front of Patrick. You seemed terrified to let him care about you, even though Art could tell you had a soft spot for him, and how much you forced yourself to block him out. But every time you told Patrick to leave, he made sure to leave you alone and give you the space you wanted… but you always just ended up looking depressed whenever he left, no longer talking and shutting down even more than when he was there. And by the end of Patrick’s third visit, after you spent the whole time trying to push him away, but you then always stayed around Art’s dorms and tennis practices when Patrick was there. Always near him. Art couldn’t help but notice how you locked yourself in your room for a few days, and looked unusually and consistently sad every time he saw you for at least the next week. 

God, you two were absolutely, undeniably lovesick, and it was getting more obvious in every interaction. 

—

As you neared the last month of your first semester of college, you almost forgot about the yearly Stanford tradition that was inching closer and closer- family weekend. 

Well, actually you didn’t forget at all. How could you, when you got like at least twenty reminder emails in the past week, and saw the flyers for the activities that were planned for all of the students to do with their parents. You were fully aware that family weekend was nearing…

And you just didn’t tell your parents about it. You didn’t have to. And honestly, they were so focused on taking care of your older sister at her school, that they didn’t even keep up with any Stanford news. (and, even if they had seen one of the many emails that were sent, they didn’t mention it, because they ended up making plans to visit your sister over the weekend). And so, you were going to be alone on family weekend. 

You crafted a plan for this weekend nearly identical to the one you had for thanksgiving- ask for a couple bottles of wine from your sorority friends, order a shit ton of food to your dorm, and hide inside and pretend that nothing else exists from Friday to Monday. 

And that was the plan. Sure.

Until Art had a different idea.

“You know, since my grandma’s house is only like an hour away from here, and she’s gone for the weekend, I was just gonna stay there for the weekend. And I have spare bedrooms, and air mattresses in the basement, so like last minute now I’m hosting boys and girls tennis teams, and we’re partying all weekend. I guess a lot of tennis kids don’t care to see their folks this weekend either,” Art grinned at you excitedly, looking a little too excited to explain his plan. “And you know… you haven’t told me about what you’re doing, but on the off chance that you were free this weekend I saved a room for you in my house if you’d want to come. No pressure,” he says, and you definitely don’t miss the glimmer of excitement that flashes in his eyes when you nod your head, deciding to just let Art win and not try to put up a fight. To be honest, it’s not like you were doing anything good locked up in your dorm room, so you might as well go to Art’s house. Worst comes to worst, you’ll just hide and read your novels in the guest room there anyways. 

“By the way,” Art says, looking slightly nervous but also clearly holding back a smile, “Patrick’s gonna be there this weekend too, if that’s ok. You don’t have to talk to him at all, it's no pressure at all.” 

–

The rest of the week passed by you like a breeze, and by Friday morning you were packed for the weekend and ready to go. You had packed a combination of casual cute clothes and some sweats as well, since Art had claimed that this was all gonna be chill and casual. 

All of Art’s guests had to organize rides for themselves, but since you weren’t part of the tennis teams, Art had immediately offered you to go with him. Art was always weirdly good at identifying what was making you anxious, and trying to find a solution if he could. So, after an hour car ride of you blasting your favorite songs with the windows while Art drove you both down to his house, and you realized how much you missed obnoxiously loud music**** and speeding down highways while you were living at Stanford. 

****(Irrelevant author’s note: in my mind, I’m imagining listening to the Jeff Buckley songs Gunshot Glitter, Nightmares by the Sea, and What Will You Say, specifically the live version from the Theatre de Fourviére, Lyon, France. Yes, it being this specific exact live performance is very important to me! And for bonus points, the Radiohead songs Airbag, Just, and How To Disappear Completely (depressing but heavenly at full volume), and also for something fun and loud, the song Closet by Fleshwater. Trust me that song is so good omg. Ok thats it from me byee <3).

It seemed like no time at all until you and Art arrived at his (insanely oversized) house, and as you pulled into the smoothly paved driveway, you felt a breath of relief escape from your lips. You didn’t fully let yourself process just how much you were dreading the Stanford family weekend until you realized that you actually, officially escaped it, and the relief washes over you like a cold rainstorm finally breaking through a heat wave so long, you had forgotten that the burning feeling wasn’t normal. 

While the thought of your family not even noticing, or more likely not really caring about, the family visiting weekend burned in your chest, it at least felt good to get some physical distance from the festivities going on back at school. And even though you loved Stanford, and it started to feel like your true home, you knew it would do you good to be physically forced out and away from your beloved dorm room, after trapping yourself in it so much (which you had also been planning to do again this weekend). And besides, you knew that Art was going to set you up with a cool guest room, which, although you didn’t want to admit it, would definitely be way nicer than your cramped little single dorm and rock-hard twin bed that you had grown used to. (No hate to the dorm room from this story we still love u queen <333)

Walking through the front door of Art’s house felt like another sigh of relief, a pestering weight being lifted off of your shoulders, even if just for this weekend. Since you traveled with Art you two arrived a little before everyone else, so you two share a bottle over overly-expensive sparkling rosé (that is definitely too fancy to be consumed casually like this, but Art clearly doesn’t care), while the two of you hang around as people start to arrive and leave their stuff in their rooms.

It’s only like 7pm on Friday night when the party has already seemingly started, all of the guests having arrived and just too excited to wait to have fun until later that night. You find yourself more relaxed at this party than at the usual frats, sipping on some other expensive champagne that Art opened for you, actually savoring your countless glasses you’re drinking, instead of your usual chug of overly strong liquor-filled complete mind-escaping drinks. You queue up songs and walk around the ground floor, the kitchen, the living room, and the game room all filled with different groups of tennis kids playing games and hanging out. It feels a lot more low stakes than the usual frat rager, and you enjoy the slight warm and fuzzy feeling you're getting from the alcohol, instead of drinking until you stumble around and your head feels empty. 

You almost get surprised when a song that you’re sure you didn’t mean to queue up, Lover, You Should’ve Come Over by Jeff Buckley, the live from the Cabaret Metro in Chicago version (yes it being this live version is important to me) starts flooding the room. The song is definitely too gut-wrenching to be playing at a college party, you think to yourself, but you also don’t make any effort to skip the song or turn it off anytime soon. Hearing this song blasted over the speakers, surrounding you in its emotion and vulnerability, feels almost like a complete catharsis. And of course, as if in a queue, you spot him across the room…

Patrick. fucking. Zweig.

He looks up at the same time as you, the bridge of the Jeff Buckley song blaring and the timing feels too in point, like some sort of dumb set-up. And you almost want to roll your eyes, but you can’t move your stare away from his eyes, and without even trying you feel like you can read straight through his intense gaze, like you’ve both been hypnotized by each other’s expressions. And as you hold eye contact for far too long to be normal, you see a break in his expression. For a single moment he looks completely fragile, and his walls have broken straight through. And in his eyes, you see a glimmer of sweetness, and even though he’d tried approaching you several times before, he had never looked this lovesick and cute before. And though you’d only met a few times, and you tried to convince yourself you didn’t care, something in you broke down from the way he was looking at you… and for a passing moment, you could read the loneliness behind his expression, and you could feel it tearing him apart too, the same way it did to you. And for the first time you let yourself notice a concealed sadness in his eyes that felt so familiar, a thought crossed your mind that said that somehow, you must have known each other all your lives.

The moment only lasts until you blink, and you realize that you had fully stopped breathing for the past 39 seconds, looking at him. Your mind swells with a hailstorm of countell words, your thoughts connecting and swirling into tornados, and you couldn’t help but just sit there and feel them breaking down your strength and burning doubts through your memories. You felt as old memories started echoing through your body, and your mind was filled with alarms blaring, begging you to not let the past happen again, screaming at you to run or hide.

You tried to pay back attention to the music, which had moved from Jeff Buckley songs and was now playing some old SZA that Art must’ve cued up, and you tried to focus on the music, wishing that it would drown out the noise of the alarms that still tortured you, and your thoughts were so loud you thought they might overflow. Needing to get out, especially before Patrick saw you like this, you rushed over to Art, desperately needing to reach the nearest escape route.

“Hey Art, which guest room is mine?” you ask, trying to press a fake smile on your face, willing your face to look happy, but your voice chokes as you desperately hold into the tears threatening to stream down your cheeks. Everything is too overwhelming for a second, and while you try to focus just on the music, the random groups of friends hanging out around you start to feel like they’re closing in on you, and their drunken giggles and chatter start to sound like they must be talking about you. All of a sudden you feel suffocatingly claustrophobic, and you can’t help but choke on your breathing. Just praying to the tears and sobs you’re clinging onto can stay back for just one more minute, at least until you get to the stairs. 

Art looks over your face, almost worried but trying hard not to press into you and make you feel worse. “The stairs are through there”, he says, gesturing to a hallway on the right, “and your room is the third door on the left. There’s a little sticky note with your name on it up on the door, I put one on yours and Patrick’s rooms to reserve the best rooms for you guys,” he explains, trying to give you a comforting smile, trying to show his understanding without making you feel delicate, even though you look like you could break at any moment. He’s never seen you like this, so opened, and it’s like someone completely tore down the walls and guards you always keep around you. The coldness that usually sits in your eyes is gone, and while you may just look kind of upset to most people, Art can tell how unprotected you feel right now. He nods and guides you over to the hall that leads to the stairs, but he lets you walk up alone so that you don’t have to cry in front of him. Despite his instinct to comfort you, he knows that you want to be alone right now, so he lets you go. 

Your conversation with Art goes mainly unwatched and you sneak out of the party pretty successfully, as you’re finally out of sight from the crowded living room, stepping slowly up the soft beige carpet that drapes over the tall spiral staircase. Once you’re completely hidden from the party, you finally let yourself lose control over your spilling tears and silent sobs, rushing up the stairs and into the room that Art had labeled with your name. The guest room looked regal, an ornate white cabinet standing against the wall and a huge, soft bed sitting in the room, the towering white bed frame adorned with a transparent, light blue canopy that draped over the bed, turning the bed into a fantasy-like cove that looked like it belonged on a cloud, not in a spare bedroom of the Donaldson’s mansion. You somehow don’t even have the energy to change out of your jeans before you flip off the lightswitch and crawl straight into bed, letting yourself get swallowed up into the blankets as your tears and mascara silently stain one of several white pillows stacked around the bed. If you weren’t in the middle of crying you probably would’ve laughed at how extravagant and detailed the Donaldson’s guest rooms are, the whole mansion feeling like it should have been more out of Downton Abbey than the house of Art Donaldson. There were also somehow like 5 other bedrooms scattered around the house, and you didn’t even want to imagine what the rest of them looked like. 

Sniffling, you close your eyes and do your best to breathe, pushing away the thoughts that you feel eating at you, echoing around your mind, waiting for answers- what the fuck happened there with Patrick? You took one good look at him and wanted to cry, like what the fuck. 

The familiarity in his expression is haunting- you’ve spent so much time feeling alone and misunderstood, and you’d just figured that no one would really get how you feel, and that was ok… But he understood it. He understood the loneliness tearing you apart, and maybe somehow he felt it too. But why would some random, rich, popular tennis player kid understand you out of everyone? How could he understand feeling unwanted, when he looked like that? And the memory of his brash, cocky smile makes you want to cry even more, you can’t believe you’re getting attached to someone who clearly wouldn’t care about you. You had tried too hard to push him away, and not let yourself get close to him whenever he came to visit… but something about tonight made you feel completely powerless. What scared you the most was that during all of it, you could feel that all you’d really wanted in that moment was to be wrapped in his arms, and told that everything was ok. You just wanted to feel cared for- you didn’t want to feel the pain by yourself. And feeling like that was genuinely terrifying.

And as much as you hated the truth, you also felt so relieved to admit it. To maybe be ok with it, even though it seemed terrifying to trust someone like that again. But despite how much you hated the truth, it felt freeing to stop forcing yourself to deny it, even if it was just for a moment.

You let yourself sink into sleep, and despite the night being hard, it somehow felt necessary- and while you know that your guard won’t stay down forever, it at least felt good to let yourself past the walls for the first time in a while. 

–

The next day you woke up to an intense beam of sunlight pouring straight through the windows and onto your bed, and the tension that you’d been holding in your body doesn’t feel so tight anymore. 

As you climb out of the sunlit bed and step onto the cold wooden floor, you can’t help but cringe when you realize you slept in yesterday's clothes. And jeans. You really were completely drained, and you must have also been crazy tired yesterday- maybe that’s why everything felt so intense, and your little moment with Patrick was not as terrible as you thought, right?

You changed into a new outfit for the day, fixing your hair and redoing some makeup, and you went down to find an already populated kitchen. You ate breakfast and made small talk with some friendly tennis girls, checked in with Art, and curled up on a couch and read for a couple hours- you tried to not hide in your room, but you definitely were also not going to waste all of your energy before the night even began.

By the time you had gotten up that morning it was already past 10am, and the rest of the day seemed to just breeze past you, as you alternated between reading, hanging out in the backyard with Art and some of his teammates, and you even passed by Patrick a couple of times without psyching yourself out too much.

You were curled up on the couch the first time he walked through the living room, and he smiled at you when you looked up. But the proudness and obnoxious confidence that he usually bared in his smile was absent, his expression just kind of cute and soft, a stark difference from the usual intimidating mask he has on. He ends up just passing through the living room and going to the kitchen, but his smile sticks in your mind for a little longer, your slight surprise as the pure softness of his look still present in the back of your mind even as your mind wanders away from him and back into your reading.

You two pass by each other a couple more times that day, and you notice how even when he greets you in public, his guard falls for just a minute when he looks at you, his loud facade falling just for you. Art clearly notices too, and you can see the amusement on his face whenever Patrick looks over at you, stealing small glances at you when you don’t notice. He’s told both you and Patrick enough about each other that you two don’t seem like strangers despite this being your second time meeting. He can’t help but let out a laugh when he sees the way you look back at Patrick though- your stare back at him is cold, and even though Art knows that you’re not doing it on purpose, you never really smile back- you seem more focused on reading Patrick’s smile than focusing on your own face. And no matter what, you consistently look away from him first, and your cheeks burn a little red every time you look away.

You two continue your silent game for the rest of the day, and you let it happen. Patrick Zweig was pining.��

Even after your constant pushing and pulling, and avoidance, and dismissing of Patrick, he was still there. After fucking months. And for some reason, he understood you. And he fucking waited, he waited for you to open up, and he didn’t even know if you every would. And he cared for who you were. Even when you were really fucking embarrassing. And maybe, possibly, he isn’t just trying to hurt you, and, like, someone could actually care. And you wanted to let him. You did. 

But you stayed quiet.

-

By the time the sun had set, you had decided to accept your fate as completely hopeless. And you were completely exhausted. And you decided that you should just talk to Patrick and tell him it’s over, and you don’t want him. And you knew it would be a blatant lie, and he would know it was a lie, and even fucking Art would know it was a lie, and you didn’t know why you were doing it. 

And you could again feel yourself being ripped to shreds on the inside. And you knew it was your fault, and you were making it happen. And to be honest, all you could think about was how you wished he was holding you. And you wished for things to slow down, and for the constant alarms in your mind to quiet down, and you just wished that everything could just cease to exist for one moment, so maybe for once you could have a break. 

You and Art were the only ones left outside, surrounded in a total silence that was more vulnerable than anything you had ever said to him. And you tried to tell Art about how you really, truly, didn’t want Patrick. But the words just didn’t make sense. How could you end things with someone you had never even started with? How could you even explain to Patrick that, even though you had always rejected him, that you actually wanted him the whole time, and now you don't? And how could you even admit to Patrick that you wanted him in the first place? And how can you explain a feeling this complicated? 

“It’s fucking torture. Even just thinking about him is fucking torture,” you say, your words piercing the silence that had laid so comfortably over you before. 

You watched as Art turned his face, looking at you, but not saying anything.

You let out a shaky breath before continuing, “It’s just… I don’t even know anymore. I don’t understand why I can’t let myself be happy for once. For the first time, I feel like I’m just completely breaking. Like, I can’t protect myself anymore. It’s like I’m fucking killing myself keeping people away, and I feel like it’s what I need to do to protect myself, but I’m fucking dying maintaining this. And I don’t want to be like this. I want to be different.”

And you just… cry. 

And for the first time, you don’t hide, and you don’t try to run away. You sit there, and cry. And you just let it happen. 

You look over at Art and break a small smile- “Can we watch a movie?” You ask, your voice still a little shaky.

And, of course, Art grins and nods- “Yeah. of course. We can go to the little lounge upstairs,” he says, getting up alongside you as you both walk indoors.

Just like last night, the entire ground floor of Art’s house is filled with the tennis kids partying. But you don’t spot Patrick anywhere as you and Art cross through the living room and reach the stairs, and as you climb up, Art breaks the silence. 

“Patrick’s probably in his room,” Art says, looking straight at you, practically having read your mind.

You roll your eyes and let yourself smile, softly responding, “could you maybe invite him?”

Art nods, pointing to the TV lounge room, saying “there’s the lounge room. I’ll ask Patrick. Meet you there,”

The wooden floor planks make a slight creaking noise as you walk down the hallway, entering the little room that Art had pointed to. It’s just a little lounge room, with a sofa and an armchair facing a tv. You pick up the remote and start fiddling with it, sitting down on the big couch, sinking into the cushions. Your heart rate goes up a little as you hear footsteps coming near the door, and Patrick walks into the room, followed by a grinning Art. Patrick sits on the other side of the small couch, while Art snatches the remote from you and claims the armchair. 

“Any requests?” Art asks, flipping through the different streaming options. Neither you nor Patrick answer, so Art ends up flipping through the options before picking some random, terrible looking horror movie off Netflix. He turns off the room lights as the movie plays, and you curl into the couch. You can’t help but look over at Patrick, watching him stare at the screen, clearly deep in thought. 

You watch Patrick for a long moment, and although you can feels the alarms in your head waiting to go off, you just stay still. And you feel scared for a second, realizing just how unguarded you feel, and how easily you could just fall into Patrick’s hold. 

And for the second time that night, you cry. The tears stream silently down your face, and Patrick looks over as you wipe them off. And you just cry. You cry because you’re lonely, and you cry because it hurts that you just want to feel cared for so bad. And you cry because you wish you could’ve told Patrick or Art about your family, and you hate that you feel so damaged. You cry because you hate how Patrick and Art understand you so well, and you cry because you know that Patrick understands you because he feels it too. And you cry because you hate how much you’ve resisted Patrick, and that you didn’t let yourself even talk to him. And you cry because you regret pushing Patrick away so much, and you cry because you watched him open up for you, and you couldn’t do it for him. And you cry because you miss the way he touched you on that first night you met, and you cry because you feel dumb for crying.

And Patrick can’t help but just look over at you, your knees curled into your chest as you cry. And he doesn’t know what you’d want him to do. He’s never seen you cry like this, and he can tell how much it hurts to cry in front of him. “Hey,” he whispers, looking over at you, your face tucked into your knees, and for the first time, you seem so small. His gaze softens when you look up at him, letting him see your tear-stained face. And in that moment, the couch seems so big yet so small, and he just wants to hold you.

And Patrick can see Art out of the corner of his eye, observing the scene. And Art almost looks frozen in awe, looking at how his best friend looks at you, and how you look back at him. 

You and Patrick look at each other for a beat, when Patrick almost inaudibly whispers, “can I come closer?”

You nod, letting go of your knees pressed against your chest, and move closer to Patrick. And you can't help but meet his gaze again, as he leans in and scoops you up into his lap. And you’re curled up against him, your head his chest, as he wraps his arms around you and just holds you there. Patrick looks over to Art, who is now watching the movie intently, as he glances down at you, trying to make sure that you’re ok.

Art looks over at you two and can’t help but smile at the scene, seeing both Patrick’s tough act and your cold defenses just completely let down. But it’s really late, and he quietly gets up, whispering to both of you that he’s going to sleep and good night.

And wrapped up in Patrick’s arms, you let your eyes close and you nuzzle your face into the crook of his shoulder. And he holds you tighter. Patrick leaves a kiss on the top of your head, as you whisper, “Can we lie down? I’m tired”

Still refusing to let go of you, Patrick adjusts to lay across the couch, and you lay over him, as he holds you flush against his chest. As his arms wrap around you, he rubs circles across your back with one of his hands, and holds you tightly against the other. 

And you feel safe in his arms. And as you drift off to sleep, you feel that maybe, from now on, you won’t have to go through everything by yourself.

[yerimacoustic]

𝙢𝙞𝙭𝙩𝙖𝙥𝙚 ♡ joshua x reader

when your childhood friend, joshua finds an old mixtape both of you made years ago, he gets inspired to craft the perfect plan to tell you how he really feels. 📼🎧🥤⋆·˚ ༘ *

content warnings: roadtrip au, childhood friends to lovers, strong language, gossiping about losing the v card, literally everything goes wrong but it’s cute, fluff, soft angst since it talks about stress during college, joshua hong x gender neutral reader. both of you are graduating university! no smut but 18+, mdni! 4k wc

additional notes: this probably seems so rushed but idEC bc i needed some joshua fluff & i’m a proud supporter of the gentleman joshua agenda. also pls comment which songs you’d put on your mixtape with him, i left it kinda open to your imagination minus three songs <3 not proofread, sorrows, prayers

the end of joshua’s final semester in college came with its fair share of mixed emotions. among the many sentiments was crippling stress, seemingly the most commonly occurring one. it was nothing he wasn’t used to, being a full-time college student with a part time job and mostly insufferable roommates. four years prior, he began to dread the day he would have to pack up all of his belongings and move across town, where his own apartment was waiting.

and of course, he was right to rue the day.

it was a nightmare trying to schedule the move in date to line up with the time the u-haul had to be dropped off, especially since he couldn’t get access to his garage until a few hours after he had to turn in the keys. another $50 down the drain. luckily, he started packing his side of the dorm weeks in advance in order to spend a decent amount of time on his finals. even if he had a job lined up already, he wanted to leave a lasting good impression.

just as he was going through the last of his belongings, he found a small box hidden under his bed. judging by the cobwebs scattered along the small crate, he’d forgotten all about its existence until now. he checked the digital clock, the only thing left on his nightstand- he’d been cleaning for hours. he was entitled to a break.

so he opened the box, smiling to himself as he took in all of the souvenirs and knick knacks from years before. there were ticket stubs to the first ‘frozen’ movie, a few pieces of his favorite candy (which were beyond expired at that point), two of the lego avengers figurines, a few polaroids of him, seungcheol and jeonghan along with his mother, and..

“shut up.”

he had completely forgotten that he’d made this mixtape with you. ‘shua and y/n’s epic road trip.’ the year before you both started college, the two of you took a roadtrip across the town together. the night before you embarked on the spontaneous journey, the two of you spent hours meticulously crafting a playlist that would perfectly recount your trip. he always thought he’d left it in his car and you’d never mentioned it to him after the trip, so it simply left his mind.

but now that he was staring at the small disc, he wondered how it was even possible to forget something he cherished so fondly. it was the first trip the two of you went on together alone. you’d spent time together on school trips, even getaways with jeonghan and seungcheol, but you never seemed to get enough time alone together for joshua’s liking. even if it didn’t end with a kiss like he was hoping, it was still a memory that he held close to his heart.

that was when he devised a plan.

he reached across the floor for his phone, which had just barely finished charging. luckily, your contact was one of the only ones pinned on his phone, so dialing your phone number was a breeze. he held his phone to his ear, biting his nails in anticipation as he listened to the dial tone drone on.. and then he remembered you were in the middle of one of your lectures.

fuck.

‘hey this is y/n. i can’t reach my phone right now so leave a message or text me. bye.’ how was it that something as simple as a voicemail greeting from you could make his heart flutter?

“it’s joshua. call me back asap, i want to go on another road trip with you.”

—------------------------

going on a road trip near the end of the semester with deadlines and fees stacked upon both of your to-do lists probably wasn’t the brightest idea. there were probably a million better, more productive things both of you could be doing to prepare for the next chapter of your lives. even so, joshua waited in the parking lot of your apartment complex while tapping a nervous rhythm onto the steering wheel.

while he was waiting for you, he kept going over all of the contents in his dufflebag to ensure he had properly prepared for everything. unlike the last road trip you went on, this one would be an overnight holiday. toothbrush, shampoo, deodorant, phone charger.. he knew fully well he had everything he could need; he’d checked his overnight bag multiple times before he stepped out of the door. not only that, but he stuffed his hand in his jacket pocket multiple times to ensure the mixtape was still there.

“just calm down,” he sighed to himself after confirming, once again, that he had everything he needed. “it’s just y/n, just the one you’ve been crushing on since middle school. no big deal, you’ve done this before, you’ve gone on a trip with them before..”

he was quickly pulled out of his thoughts and mutterings once he saw you walking down the stairs. he noticed the way your eyes lit up once you noticed his car, causing his heart to race. he stepped out and ran to you, an infectious grin spreading across his lips as he pulled you into his arms. “thank you for coming with me. you have no idea how much i need this.”

you laughed as you threw your arms around his neck and hugged him just as tightly in return, his grip on you practically suffocating. in the best possible way, of course. “trust me, i’ve been needing a break too,” you sighed. “i can’t believe this is it. we’re graduating college.”

as for what that meant for the two of you, neither of you had a clue. you made sure to stay as close as possible during your time in university, planning as many get togethers as your schedules would allow, but halfway through your third year, your individual priorities seemed to outweigh any other extracurricular activities. while you weren’t able to see each other in person as often as you did when you were kids, joshua was just grateful that you kept in contact.

“i know. it’s a lot more stressful and anxiety inducing than i thought it would be.” he tried to hide his disappointment and dread as he broke from your embrace, keeping that warm smile as he led you to his car. after gently taking the bag that was slung over your shoulder and carefully tossing it in the backseat, he opened the passenger door for you. as always. “but enough about that,” he snickered, climbing into his seat and cautiously slamming the car door shut.

“you’re right. no work talks while we’re on vacation,” you giggled and shifted in your seat so you could face him, a mischievous glint in your eyes. “so, what’s first on the itinerary, mr. hong?”

“well, first things first-” he made a dramatic show of pulling the mixtape out of his jacket pocket, the corners of his eyelids wrinkling as his smile grew brighter. “look what i found.”

your eyes widened as you gently snatched the cassette from him, your hand brushing over the tape where the title had been scribbled in permanent marker. “oh my god, i forgot we made this! where did you find it?”

“under my bed,” joshua laughed, shrugging. “i thought it seemed appropriate, with new beginnings and all... we don’t have to listen to it if you don’t want to, though.”

“not at all! i’m up for a trip down memory lane,” you laughed.

joshua began to pull out of the small parking lot, feeling particularly eager to get on the road. especially since it was early in the morning; he knew it would be a beautiful view as the sun would peek from its hiding spot behind the trees. “i was hoping you would say that. because.. i was thinking we could just follow the same exact itinerary as last time.”

“really? down to the number?” you sent a knowing smirk in his direction, even if he was too focused on the road to pay any mind to it outside of his peripheral vision. you watched him nod his head as his smile grew and grew, his cheerful grin as contagious as ever. “well, since we’re following tradition, i’ll buy your chai latte again this year.”

“guess that means i’m covering dinner again,” joshua chuckled lightly, the sound going straight to your heart. as per usual, of course.

“what a gentleman,” you mused while cautiously inserting the cassette tape into the car’s rather finicky slot. you always knew joshua’s car was ancient and worn down, so you were impressed, to say the least, that it had lasted throughout the entirety of his college career. “i forgot which songs we put on here. this’ll be fun.”

“me too, actually. but.. i do seem to remember someone was constantly begging me to add taylor swift to the playlist.”

“it was a phase! everyone was a die hard fan at one point in their life.”

“sure, we’ll go with that excuse,” joshua teased you without a hint of mocking or scorn in his voice. it was more like amusement.

it was nothing short of serendipitous, the way the sun began to rise to a more comfortable resting position for the rest of the day and light up the path for you and joshua just as ‘here comes the sun’ began to play. the song was slightly muffled, the speakers in the car radio being on their last leg- it was a picture perfect moment, regardless.

you rolled down your window, letting your hand drift along the current of the breeze passing by as joshua began to pick up speed. you heard him humming along, his soothing voice fitting perfectly with george harrison’s. and you smiled to yourself- if joshua wasn’t dead set on his current career path, you knew he could easily make a name for himself as a singer.

for whatever reason, the way he muttered the endearing term ‘little darling’ so gently before each chorus stood out to you most. his sickly sweet voice added so much more meaning to the lyrics. in that moment, really all you could do was hope that he didn’t notice the way you were trying to stop yourself from smiling like a fool.

but he did. out of the corner of his eye, he noticed you bashfully bowing your head.

he finally arrived at the coffee shop, which was a tiny shack just off the main road. it was a convenient little spot for any travelers that needed a caffeine boost on their journey. except..

“oh no.” it was closed??

indefinitely??

“it’s okay!” you were quick to assure him and pat his shoulder. “there’s a gas station just up ahead. we can probably just get some coffee there, my treat.”

joshua nodded in an effort to keep up the faith. “you’re right! it’ll be a bit watery but that’s fine- right?”

“right!” you agreed with a chuckle. honestly, to you, missing out on a delicious chai latte wasn’t the end of the world but joshuasuspected it was only the beginning of a series of setbacks.

and he proved to be correct: the coffee machine in the gas station was broken, leaving the two of you to settle for some canned nitro cold brews. while joshua’s paranoia grew, you looked at the glass half full; so it didn’t go exactly according to plan.. but at least the two of you had caffeine.

“so, what was the second thing we did?” you asked, taking the smallest sips of your coffee at a time. just as a precaution.

“picnic over at that rest stop. hopefully it’s not blocked or something,” he joked, all the while secretly praying that the universe wouldn’t twist his words. it seemed that the gods were in a playful mood that day; too bad it was at his expense rather than in his favor.

by now, you were near the end of ‘side a’ and ‘feeling good’ was playing. you could only hear michael bublé’s voice very faintly at this point, but the catchy song still brought a smile to your face. “i always liked this version the best,” you told joshua.

he beamed. “that’s because it is the best one. i taught you well.”

you helped your friend pull the basket and blanket out of his trunk once he’d parked the car near the top of a hill that overlooked a lake and a series of trees surrounding the body of water. it was a quaint spot, one that seemed to put the rest of the city on display for the two of you. and like many spots in the town, it came with its fair share of legends and stories.

“did you hear the rumors that vernon lost his v-card here?” you snickered between bites of your peanut butter and jelly sandwich that joshua was gracious enough to make for the two of you.

he nearly choked on the remnants of his sandwich, shaking his head as his fist flew to cover his mouth. he looked mortified, eyes growing nearly twice their size. “what?? no! how come no one ever told me about that?”

“are you kidding?? i could have sworn someone told you,” you snickered and reached over to repeatedly pat his back. “anyways, no one knows if it’s true or not.”

“he’s a chamber of secrets, that one.”

“he certainly is.”

once joshua had finally composed himself, a sigh of contentment left his lips. he took a deep breath, basking in the fresh mountain air and sunlight. there were a few clouds in sight, nothing that should have caused too much panic. just something to give the two of you the right amount of shade.

comfortable silence passed between the two of you and you laid back against the blanket in mirrored positions, propped up by one elbow. you looked over to joshua after feeling fixated on the small lake, focusing intently on his features, instead. his eyelashes, the curve of his lips, the way his hair fell so neatly over his face.

he truly was so naturally beautiful.

you only felt pressured to snap out of your daze when he began to tilt his head towards you. your gaze fell to the blanket smoothly while your finger began to brush along one of the patterns on the fabric. his mom had made it for him, along with several other quilts that he held very dear to his heart. “i guess it would be a pretty nice place to seal the deal.”

joshua laughed out loud, “y/n l/n, i’ve never heard you say something so scandalous in my whole life.”

you tilted your head back as his words brought upon a laugh of your own, “well, this year is all about new beginnings, isn’t it? we’re changing, we’re growing..”

“i guess so,” he mused once your voice trailed off. when you looked up, he was the one fixating on your features. it brought a heated sensation among your cheeks and a dumb smile to your lips. you noticed him swallow, attempting to be subtle while shifting to rest on his elbow more comfortably. “y/n, can you promise me something?”

“of course, joshua, anything.”

“can you promise that we’ll always try to stay in touch? no matter what?” there was a pang of sadness in both joshua’s tone and in his eyes. suddenly you felt guilty for taking your lifelong friendship for granted; the last thing you wanted was for someone so dear to you to feel undervalued.

“shua- of course i will.” feeling particularly bold, you reached out to grab his hand. “i’m sorry if i’ve been.. distant lately. i feel like we’ve both had a lot going on. and it’s not going to get any better once we’ve got our nine-to-fives, but.. you mean a lot to me. i want you to stay in my life.”

just then, the man in front of you appeared as if a large weight had been removed from his shoulders. you couldn’t believe that you witness his eyes actually light up in real time, his entire figure perfectly displaying how much lighter he felt. “i want you to stay,” he repeated after you.

the two of you weren’t directly confessing your true feelings towards each other just yet, but somehow.. those five words were enough. ‘i want you to stay.’

you stayed silent, as if to let them echo between the two of you. the fact that you weren’t sure how you were supposed to follow such a simple yet beautiful statement was also a contributing factor. after a moment, you parted your lips while still waiting for the right words to show themselves to you but instead, there was a loud crash of thunder.

the two of you were so mesmerized by the pair of eyes in front of you that neither of you noticed the air around you growing gray. joshua looked up towards the dark clouds with a sigh of disdain, “of course.”

you chuckled, helping him gather the napkins, paper silverware and dishes and the blanket. by some miracle, you were able to gather all of your belongings and hop in the car before the rain started falling down at an alarming rate and substance. “wasn’t michael just singing about how the sun was in the sky?”

“i guess its opposite day.” at that moment, joshua began to wonder if someone out there genuinely had it out for him. as he turned the key in the ignition, all he could hear over the raindrops clattering against his windshield was a loud sputtering noise. maybe.. maybe he was just imagining it? he tried twisting the key again, but it proved to be fruitless.

you chuckled awkwardly, “oh.. uh…”

“oh.. that’s fine!” joshua giggled sheepishly, keeping a calm presence that wasn’t alarming or unnerving in any way. there was no point taking his stress out on you when you were not the one at fault. no one was at fault, really, except maybe the man who truly believed a car that was around when dinosaurs roamed the earth could withstand another long roadtrip. after a few more tries, he gave up and pulled the key out of the ignition. “do you.. happen to have a signal?”

“out of battery?”

“yep,” he rubbed the back of his neck with an awkward grin, unable to make eye contact with you. “usually i have a portable charger but..”

“It’s okay,” you cut him off gently. “i don’t think i’ll be able to call anyone until the rain stops, but i’ve got a full battery.”

“cool. cool, cool.” joshua chuckled, trying not to upset you by showcasing his disappointment. he tried to look on the brightside and tell himself that the two of you were on an adventure, that this would be a great story to tell your friends and family when you got back, but any positive thought was quickly replaced by looming, dark ones instead. like how he wished that in possibly one of the most stressful times in his life, he wished that just one thing would go right. that he wished this getaway was as picture perfect as the last one.

“shua, you okay?”

he was alarmed by how well you seemed to have gotten at reading his countenance; especially since he thought he made great efforts to hide what he was truly feeling. he smiled immediately, nodding in reassurance. one thing he was not going to do was ruin the mood. “yeah, yeah i’m okay. you doing okay?”

you nodded, “yeah, i’m doing great.” you paused, hoping that you weren’t pressuring him to answer. one thing you were not going to do was pressure him into broaching a topic he wanted to avoid. so your tone grew hushed as you spoke again, “but i feel like there’s a lot more that you’re not telling me.”

joshua nodded faintly in understanding. he should have known that you would have been able to read him without any troubles, considering how long you had both known each other. “i just.. wanted this to be perfect. i know you’ve been stressed lately and well, i’ve been stressed lately so i thought this would be a nice, low stakes kind of trip. but.. I guess not.” he ended his thought with a light hearted chuckle and shrug of his shoulders.

you stayed quiet for a moment, focusing on the sleeve of his jacket while pondering his words. he had put so much effort in both of these road trips and you knew his heart was in the right place. frankly, you couldn’t care less if you didn’t get your chai lattes or if your picnic lasted about ten minutes or you might not make it to the hotel.

what mattered was that joshua was there with you through it all. and through it all, he kept an adorable smile and a cheerful attitude. when your gaze shifted to the windshield, raindrops hitting the glass in record time by now, you were reminded of another song that you added to the now unattainable mixtape.

and suddenly, you got an idea.

opening up spotify, you searched through taylor swift’s discography until you found the song that you thought was perfectly fitting for the moment: fearless. you knew it was a long shot but you pressed play and turned the volume all the way up before placing your phone in your jacket pocket, where it would be shielded from the rain. then, you stepped out into the downpour.

joshua furrowed his eyebrows out of worry but perked up once he saw you motion to follow in your footsteps. just as he slammed the door shut, he could have sworn he heard the lyrics very faintly, even if they were muffled by the rainfall. ‘and you know i want to ask you to dance right there…’

you took both of joshua’s hands in yours and twirled in three or four circles, giggling the entire time. both of you tilted your heads back, feeling the cold rain against your face. it was beautiful, soothing.. unconventional, maybe, but it was perfect. once the two of you stood upright, you took it a step further.

it was just like clockwork, the way his arms fell gracefully around your waist after yours were linked around his neck. you’d hugged him several times before, you knew of his warmth- but things felt different today. the two of you swayed to the upbeat melody with stupid, giddy smiles. neither of you said a word as the rain started falling faster and harder, the lyrics inaudible at this point.

but that didn’t stop either of you.

suddenly, joshua removed one of your hands from his neck and laced his fingers with yours. he skipped around the car with you while keeping a firm grip on your waist, guiding your movements. the two of you laughed and laughed until your ribs felt tough, until it was hard to breathe. your shoulders were hunched as you held on tighter to his shoulders, bringing yourself closer to him once he finally came to a stop.

neither of you had felt so free in a long time. for that one moment you two abandoned your inhibitions and responsibilities of the real world, everything felt perfect. even something as inconvenient as the rain was beautiful.

you remembered more of the lyrics. up until that moment, you’d never thought about how perfectly they encapsulated your feelings towards joshua. growing up with him and watching him run his free hand through his hair with a firm but gentle grip on the steering wheel, the calming and reassuring presence that he provided in your life, performing any mundane task or saying such beautiful things with such a casual tone.

absentmindedly making me want you.

he really didn’t have to do too much to be the perfect man, did he?

ignoring the nagging thought in the back of your mind about how cliché your actions were, you captured his lips in a gentle, chaste kiss as the rain fell harder around you. you hoped that it would properly communicate to him your true intentions and feelings while words were momentarily lost to you.

joshua, meanwhile, felt as if he was on cloud nine. maybe this trip didn’t go according to plan, maybe there were bumps along the road- but this trip had one thing the one from years before didn’t.

[rowiewritesstuff]

Hallo! Yandere Poly TFP Soundwave and Shockwave Romantic Pls?

TFP Yandere Poly Shockwave and Soundwave X Reader

whoops much longer than I meant it to be-

You had been working with the Decepticons for some time. You knew that they despised humans, but they at least respected you- unlike a lot of people on Earth. 

You often had a hard time expressing your emotions and often came off rude or cold. You were actually a very emotional and caring person- but no one ever tried to get past your cold-seeming exterior. That is, until you met Soundwave.

He was trying to hack into your computers because the Vehicons believed you had something on the Autobots. Soundwave was shocked when he couldn’t hack into your computers remotely, so he went to attempt in person. 

You walked into your huge garage to see him standing there. He noticed you immediately and snatched you up off of the ground. Instead of the fear he expected, he was met with a blank stare. He tilted his head curiously at you.

“Yeah, good luck hacking that buddy. You’re not the first to try and you won’t be the last.” 

Soundwave felt that his pride was threatened so he held onto you as he continued his work. He was instantly frustrated to find that you were right- he couldn’t get in. Somehow, this small human’s technology and code bested his Cybertronians. He placed you on the ground and pointed at the computer.

“What are you looking for?” You popped the gum in your mouth. Soundwave showed pictures of the Autobots and their alt-modes. “Oh. Those guys. Yeah, I don’t have much on them. I don’t care enough to bother.” 

Normally you humans were so nosy- the amount of humans he has had to kill being in the hundreds. He watched as you typed in a few things that he recorded for future use. You pulled up the few images on the Autobots.

“There. You’re free to use the files, but make sure to shut the door behind yourself, thanks.”

He was dumbfounded as you walked back through your garage door to the kitchen. 

When Soundwave went back to the Nemesis, he couldn’t stop thinking of you. While he always got his work done on time, Megatron still noticed his distracted state. 

“Soundwave, has something been bothering you?” The silent mech shook his head only to be met with a scowl. “I’ve known you for over six million stellar cycles. You cannot lie to me.”

Soundwave’s shoulders slumped as he replayed the interaction between the two of you. “You couldn’t access it?” Megatron looked on with a mix of curiosity and confusion. “That’s… unusual.”

Soundwave looked down in shame. He was supposed to be the one who could get into anything. The one who was Megatron’s most trusted and reliable ally. 

“Bring me this human.” Megatron ordered. 

Shockwave heard about the human through the ‘grapevine’. He was ordered to make arrangements for the human’s stay. He did so, although begrudgingly. He’d much rather have been working on the Predacon Project.

It was a few days later when Soundwave came to grab you. You were watering your garden as he transformed in front of you. You looked up again at him with the same expression you had when you first met. Instead of just snatching you up, he offered you a hand which you stepped quickly onto. The next thing you knew you were on a giant alien spacecraft. 

“So you’re the infamous human that beat Soundwave’s hacking skills.” Megatron looked at you from your position on Soundwave’s shoulder.

“I guess so. I didn’t think it was a big deal.” 

Megatron studied the straight-to-the-point human. You were unusual-even by his standards. “How would you like a place among our ranks?” Megatron offered. 

“I mean, yeah I guess. I’m not doing anything after 3PM everyday anyway.”

With that, you began visiting the Nemesis everyday from 3PM-12AM. You would often sleep on the Nemesis when you got your work done early- and Megatron couldn’t be more pleased with you as you strengthened their encryptions and even listened in on the Autobot’s transmissions. 

Soundwave and you had become closer too, with him making it a point to ferry you to and from work everyday. Whenever anyone badmouthed you or threatened you he was there to loom over them threateningly.

Shockwave kept hearing of you, and how ‘helpful and intelligent’ you were from Megatron and some Vehicons. He was irritated- how could anyone from your species be that useful? He’d studied and experimented on many humans, and all had base intelligence of a primitive species. He had eventually had enough, and stormed in to see what the fuss was all about. 

You were sitting at your computer that had been so graciously gifted to you by Megatron when you heard the door slide open. “Soundwave, can you grab me that big USB you gave me? I wanted to do a data transfer.”

“A data transfer?” Shockwave echoed. You turned to him with a nod.

“Yeah. I updated all this set of files with stronger encryption.” Shockwave looked over to your computer. He was impressed. For a human, you were pretty interesting. You both had eventually grown a mutual respect for each other over science. You would often banter back and forth, when something he had said made you laugh. 

Hearing your laugh shocked both Shockwave and Soundwave who was watching through the cameras. That sound was like music to their ears and they tried to get you to laugh more. Whenever they managed to get you to laugh, Soundwave would secretly record it.

Soundwave and Shockwave (who hated each other even before you came into the picture) began competing to see who could make you laugh more.

Over the course of a few months, you went through all of their files and put heavy encryption on everything. You also made them a code that would do it for them, and another code that could pick up on transmissions. You informed Megatron that you’d be going back to your normal schedule, but he could call on you anytime that he needed you. 

Because he knew that you were a person of your word and you had more than proven your loyalty, you were allowed that privilege of leaving until he yet again called upon you. He assured you that when he conquered Earth, you would be given a life of luxury. You figured you’d see Shockwave and Soundwave again, so you hadn’t bothered saying goodbye.

Shockwave and Soundwave found out when they were on the bridge together with Megatron. Megatron had offhandedly brought it up, and both of them looked at him in shock.

“My lord, is that wise?” Shockwave raced his words out. “The autobots could capture them.”

Megatron looked at Shockwave. “You seem almost concerned, Shockwave.” He noticed Soundwave’s tentacles swaying- something he often did in irritation. “Ah, I see. You both want the human. Because you are both my most loyal Decepticons, I’ll allow it- but hear this. No harm can come to this human. They may have future use.” 

When Megatron waved them off, Soundwave left to get you while Shockwave made small repairs to your living space. You weren’t that shocked to see Soundwave there, except when he grabbed you without your consent. You were pretty much quiet the entire trip back to the Nemesis where Shockwave explained you’d be staying with them indefinitely. 

“You know you’re going to have to buy me food, clothes, and toiletries, right?” 

“We have more than enough.” Shockwave gestured to the semi-trucks that had been stolen. 

You shrugged.  “Alright, at least I don’t have to go to work anymore.”

And you’ll never have to do any job for a human ever again- because you were never leaving this ship. Not that you wanted to. Shockwave and Soundwave got you anything you wanted.

[kneelingshadowsalome]

ok tbh…fellow readers don’t kill me but i feel like konig is still using readr for sex…or like actually doesnt love her yk…like anyone can fill that role and she is cause there’s no other woman around 😭 IDK i can’t put my finger on it

Ok, this is a tricky one and I'm glad you asked! Because... (and I also hope my readers won't kill me for this) like I said in my answer to this ask, I profiled König as a sociopath. And I can and I will put my finger on it 🫠

The following are my thoughts on the subject & antisocial pd (otherwise known as sociopathy). I hope you read about this m. disorder if it interests you, pls do not take my words as gospel! I also wish to remind that this is fiction and I'm practically ready to bend the laws of physics if I have to, to force even the most disputable, unstable and corrupt of characters give and receive love because that's just my cup of tea. 🩷

First of all, sociopaths are typically viewed to be incapable of love and empathy. They use manipulation to get what they want. Being in a relationship with a sociopath is described to feel incredible and passionate one moment, and confusing and scary the next. If you know what's good for you, you wouldn't even want to be special to a sociopath.

Sociopaths themselves often claim they do love those selected few they respect, just not in ways "normal" people regard as love. And this, I think, is where it gets interesting.

The definition of love as unconditional, sacrificial and selfless care for another person is not a sociopath's definition of love. They might care about a tiny amount of handpicked people, to some extent. For a sp, love is when they refrain from harming those few they care for. That's pretty cold, right?

Still, sociopaths are not devoid of emotion even if the most common emotion they feel is rage. They are not narcissists even if they are manipulative, emotionally cold, and act entitled at times. There seems to be dispute over whether sociopaths feel empathy or not (psychos don't, they simply can't because of an impaired mirror neuron system). Their defense mechanisms consist of manipulation, extreme detachment and extreme impulsivity; it's been their only way to survive in a disorganized, unloving and unstable environment.

König is someone who has been neglected and abused, who has never been shown what love even means. Everything has been conditional. He's lived in constant fear and anxiety; he has never had a loving or a stable father, his mother practically denied the abuse he had to suffer by not intervening, he has never had any friends (like he says himself in ch. 1), has only ever received attention through fear and disgust. The only dream he had in this life, the only possible redemption arc, so to say, went to shit.

It's not anyone's job to fix this kid, sure. But when, from where, or from who would he have learned to love?

When reader comes along, she shows kindness to him, forgives his trespassings over and over again, and chooses to trust in him even when afraid. If we only talk in terms of sociopaths/manipulators and their victims, then yes, this is a horrible setting, because it is the perfect setting for abuse.

And it's true: there is no one else around. All the yearning and thirst and starvation is immediately projected onto the first and only person who finally shows him some kindness, even after all his drastic shortcomings. So she isn't "special". But in a way, she's more than special: she's world shiftingly, groundbreakingly special 😐

What we know is this: König asks if he is harassing her and if she wants him to stop. He vows multiple times he would never hurt her. He assaults someone who, in his mind, mistreats her (and who reminds him of a person who mistreated him and his mother when he was a kid), leaves reader eventually alone when she shows signs of not forgiving him/wanting him in her life anymore.

These are all toxic breadcrumbs, and this whole setting is unhealthy and problematic. A sane and cynical person would say that this is manipulative and abusive. A sensitive, overly compassionate person might say this is a sociopath's only way to love.

Reader may not have been special when she first came into König's life. He saw her as a plaything first, but can you blame a touch-starved man for trying to get some intimacy? König doesn't trust anyone, doesn't know how to give or get comfort other than through sex, so of course he would opt for sex first. (Also, let's be real: who would suffer this kind of man if he wasn't so hot? No one, for goodness sakes)

The connection that blooms afterwards, I imagined and wrote as real, no matter what or who he is (because I'm a naive romantic at heart 🥰). He's not a green flag man by any means, but he's trying his best (which will never be enough). Had I wrote him a psychopath, the story would have been way more darker, and even the minimum amount of empathy and true love that is, at times, present in this fic, would not have been there at all.

König also sacrifices himself for reader at the end of the last chapter. A through-and-through sociopath would not perhaps deem it in their best interest to go that far, even if the "gains" were abundant (reader's deepening attachment and eternal gratitude). This is why this particular scene is important, because it poses the question: is he really a sociopath? Why would he do this? Because at this point, reader is indeed very goddamn special :D

I'd also like to entertain the question: how special is König to reader? I mean, don't we all just want to take these broken men like Ghost and König home and "cure" their sadness by giving them some— ahem, *gunshots*, this was a little off topic, but you get the idea. Savior complex is real, too!

If König is ever diagnosed with APD, reader would probably educate herself and find that sociopaths cannot love, and they cannot change because there is no cure: the damage is already done. These people will only use and abuse those who don't get out of the relationship. She would also find that there are sociopaths who are still in touch with their families, who have kids and partners and who have learned to "behave" for the sake of their loved ones. Either because they actually care or because it serves their interests (of being loved? Don't we all want to be loved?).

Again, this is fiction. I don't wish to justify this character's actions nor condone this kind of abusive behavior (should go without saying but perhaps it's best to state it at least sometimes to be clear ❤️). Nor do I want to condemn the reader for having feelings and empathy for this big, abused wreck. And the reason why I can't give you a clear answer on this is because there is none :')

If you people have thoughts on this, something you wish to share, I would love to hear and chat and just…*pls* this is such an interesting topic! Don't be shy 🩷🤗

(Also pls don't kill me)

[cacoetheswriting]

heyy

can you do a angst with fluffy ending with eddie x reader on reader birthday (but not that he forgot pls 🙏🏻) you can decide the rest

thank you so much!! 💖💖

gosh i am sooooo sorry for only getting this out to you now! it's been sitting in my drafts, half-finished for far too long! again, super sorry for the delay - and i hope you enjoy 🤍

-

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader word count: 2.3k content warnings: talk of breakups / heartbreak (eddie & reader are exes), adult language, use of pet names, mentions of alcohol consumption, - very much unedited - pls let me know if i missed anything!

Birthdays weren’t really your thing.

Celebrating getting older stopped being fun when the gifts turned from colourful toys to cards with generic wishes, and when parties went from having bright bouncy castles to drinking cheap wine alone in a messy apartment at the end of an even messier night. From pure, unfiltered joy, to misery and feeling like your life was slipping through your fingers, fast.

There were a few expectations over the last few years — four lucky birthdays to be exact. And these happy memories came into existence thanks to a certain curly-haired, brown-eyed boy.

Eddie first asked you out a few days before your nineteenth birthday and even though the two of you never really talked prior, there was no denying he was really fucking pretty and you had a big fat silent crush on him for quite some time before that faithful afternoon.

He invited you out for burgers, and in the midst of natural conversation, when you let slip that it was your birthday, Eddie also got you ice-cream, asking the waiter to place a single candle in the colourful sundae.

Till this day, it was the most genuine thing anyone has ever done for you. The most romantic too.

And every birthday that followed, every birthday you spent together with the metalhead was beyond special. He made them special.

From balloons and love notes, to heartfelt gifts, various activities during the day and dinners at his trailer or out in town. He even rallied your friends and threw you parties that no longer ended with loneliness. No year was the same. Eddie made them unique and memorable — which you adored him for wholeheartedly.

Unfortunately, the genuine love you shared was not enough and the relationship came to an unforeseen end.

Eddie had big plans of one day becoming a rockstar, practicing guitar in his free time till his fingers bled, and you were studying day and night, working towards your dream degree. Your lives were heading in completely different directions and there came a point where you only saw each other once every fortnight, while your already irregular phone calls were often cut short.

That was three months ago. A breakup as natural as breathing, yet equally as earth shattering.

Even though it was a mutual decision, the pain was ever present and you cried yourself to sleep for weeks after. Eddie took a piece of you when he left and your whole body was in mourning. It didn’t help that everything in what remained of your life reminded you of him. Physical items like the printed t-shirts in your drawer or the mug he branded as his and you never let anyone else use. A Dio song you’d hear randomly or the diner he took you to on your first date. Then there was the emotional side, the soft glimmer in his eyes you remembered when you closed yours and the sound of his laughter you wished you’d hear again.

Things eventually got easier ‘cause it’s not like you saw Eddie often when you were together. Plus studying for an ungodly amount of hours kept you busy, distracted. And after giving yourself an appropriate time to feel everything, there was honestly no more time for heartbreak.

That is until your birthday rolled around.

When you opened your eyes late morning, you wanted the ground to open up and swallow you whole — which in Hawkins was more than likely to happen. The last four birthdays were nothing short of perfect and now…  

The nausea followed shortly after.

Your plan was to stay in bed all day, and it was going quite well since at six o’clock that evening you were glued to the same spot, until Robin barged into your room, Steve close on her heels, with a glass of water and a poorly decorated cake. Their singing gave you a headache, but you were still grateful for their attempt to make this day end on a better note.

“Now, go get your ass dressed,” Robin orders, glancing at Steve for his rehearsed words of encouragement.

He’s wide-eyed at first, nose buried in icing, but quickly nods at Robin’s words and looks in your direction.

“Y-yes, yes! We have an evening of fun planned!” Steve exclaims after swallowing a mouth full of vanilla cake.

Your roommates, however sweet they were trying to be, failed to realise the one place you really didn’t want to spend your birthday was The Hideout, and that’s exactly where they brought you.

The Hideout, presenting its usual lurking charm from the moment you stepped inside, was the one place in Hawkins you knew guaranteed an awkward bump-in with Eddie. Or maybe a needed interaction? Seeing him in his element could possibly bring some sort of closure after three months of no contact… No. No. Seeing him would only bring back the pain you tried real hard to bury.

A stench of old man sweat mixed with spilled booze hits your senses while you hurry closely behind Robin and Steve. In the dim light, your eyes are focused on the floor below, partially because you’re trying not to slip or trip over your own two feet, but mainly ‘cause you’re fearful of catching a glimpse of a certain head of wild brown locks. You only look up when the three of you approach a table closer to the back, away from most of the noise, and are greeted with hugs from Nancy, Jonathan, and Argyle. 

Settling yourself on one of the chairs, you exchange pleasantries with the rest of your friends while Steve orders a round of shots for the group. They all raise a toast to your health, their cheers attracting some attention in the process, but you don’t think anything of it, starting to instead feel glad you agreed to this.

“Birthday girl isn’t allowed to pay for her own drinks, got it?” Robin addresses the group and they all nod in unison. You wanna protest, but she swats at you from across the table before the words escape your lips. Her eyes saying that you need this, your eyes saying that you’re grateful she’s your friend. I know, Robin mouths as Jonathan takes everyone’s drink order.

Every shot you take, you chase with a rum and coke. The liquid burns down your throat. Third, fourth, fifth round down. You’re feeling buzzed, happy. Most importantly, no longer thinking of the boy that would normally also be hanging out with this group — blissfully unaware that he was actually watching your every move from the other side of the bar.

Eddie hadn’t initially planned on going out tonight. After a long day of working at the garage, then band practice right after, he really just wanted to smoke and fall asleep. As he got out of the shower however, instead of jumping into bed, he reached for a clean t-shirt. He couldn’t really explain why. It was stupid to think something inside of him was urging him to come to The Hideout tonight. He was wrecked beyond belief, yet his feet carried him here.

Then he heard it. Your name, followed by a mini-eruption of woohoos.

Head snapping in the direction of the sound, Eddie’s gaze found the source of the noise and then scanned the small group until he reached your relaxed frame. Christ, he thought, palms getting clammy. To say you looked gorgeous would be a vast understatement. And to say he didn’t realise just how much he missed you until this very moment would be nothing short of the truth.

Sure, after the breakup, Eddie found it hard to get through the day-to-day. Constantly distracted, thinking about you and second guessing the decision you both made. But then he reminded himself this was for the best, convinced himself that people can have more than one great love in their life, and things got easier.

There were days he hoped he’d accidentally run into you. At the store, out for coffee, or just wandering the streets of Hawkins. No such luck. When he started working at the shop to save some extra cash, he thought maybe you’d come in with your clunk of shit car since he was always telling you to get it looked at, but again, it never happened. 

Three months passed like nothing.

Eddie would’ve never thought that today, your fucking birthday of all days, would be when he saw you next.

Cold beer in hand, he thought about walking up to the table you sat at with your mutual friends. And he was about to, but then you laughed at something Argyle said and the honey-like sound froze him in place. Clearly, you were having a good time. Eddie didn’t want to ruin that, so he opted for watching you like some fucking creep. 

Four beers later, he’s still in the same spot.

Nancy takes over the jukebox duties. Billy Idol’s White Wedding starts to play as she pulls you to your feet, an excited squeal escaping her lips when you don’t protest. Swaying your hips to the music, you feel elated. Even more so when Robin joins in, singing along as Nancy twirls around the two of you. The boys clap, grinning like idiots, and you know you’re going to remember this moment forever, or at least until you unintentionally go over your drink limit and black out.

A smile tugs at the corners of Eddie’s lips as he continues to shamelessly stare at you. Carefree, is the word he’d use now to describe you and in all honesty, he hasn’t seen you like this in a while. Then his smile falters before it really fully appears ‘cause he finds himself wishing he was the reason for your current mood. Was ending things a mistake?

Mid-song, you spin and as you do, your eyes skim the bar, passing a set of curly hair. The air hitches in your throat as you double back. Just to make sure your drunken gaze wasn’t deceiving you, you tell yourself, but the reality is much different. Please be him, please be him, please be him…

When your eyes do lock with his, your tummy burns.

The copious amount of alcohol trifling through your veins right now gives you that extra push you need to start a short strut towards your ex-boyfriend. Someone’s arm is on you, attempting to pull you back slightly, but you don’t pay attention to it. Then you hear Steve say, “let her go, she needs this.”, and you’re free to continue your journey. 

In a trance, gaze glued to Eddie’s chocolate one, you push through the people until you’re leaning against the bar he was sitting at, observing as his features turn from awe into something you couldn’t quite decipher.

“Hey, pretty girl.” Eddie greets nonchalantly, as if no time has passed, as if nothing has changed between the two of you.

So you follow in his footsteps, carefully hoisting yourself up on the stool next to his, bare knee brushing against his denim-clad one. 

“Wanna order me a drink?”

Eddie smirks. “Straight to the point, as always.”

“Well, since it is my birthday, Robin said I’m not allowed to pay for my own poison,” you tell him, shrugging lightly, “So if you have a problem with that, you gotta take it up with her.”

He huffs out a laugh. 

“I’d rather not go against Buckley.” And with that he orders a shot of tequila each.

When the small glasses are in front of you, accompanied by a lime wedge, he takes your hand without asking, then licks between your thumb and index finger, doe-eyes never leaving yours. 

A shiver runs down your spine at the sudden contact and you try to play it cool, but in reality your heart is racing. Though Eddie doesn’t give you time to think about what he’s done with no warning, pouring salt in the spot he’s just salivated. He then hastily repeats the action on his own hand and pushes a shot glass in your direction. 

“Happy birthday, sweetheart.”

The toast is short and sweet. He raises the glass in front of his face as the words escape his lips, licks the salt off his own hand (which you’re a little disappointed in, unsurprisingly already missing the sensation that was his gentle touch), and downs the liquid in one go.

You quickly follow suit, not wanting to seem like he got you all flustered. But as the two of you sit and stare at one another while sucking on the lime wedges for a little longer than normal, you realise he’s just as rattled as you are — good.

“I hate tequila,” Eddie announces, discarding the wedge.

“I don’t mind it,” you say, wiping the corners of your mouth.

His gaze drops slightly, to where your finger presses against your puffy lips, and he bites down on his own rather shamelessly. There is a brief moment of silence in which Eddie thinks back to seconds before, when his tongue caressed your soft skin. He hates himself a little ‘cause he doesn’t wanna mess with your head, but fuck did that feel good. He’d like to do it again, if not more. Is that crazy?

And while you continue to look into his eyes, the butterflies in your stomach are going wild since you know exactly what he’s thinking. The only problem is you don’t know how to tell him because there’s so much else to be said first. Three months of catching up, to be precise, but did exes even do that?

“How about we get out of here?” Eddie offers, voice nothing short of a murmur.

You nod. Of course you nod. You’d go to the end of the world if he’d ask.

Before you know it, Eddie’s hand is on the small of your back, leading you through The Hideout crowd and out the front door. You don’t say goodbye to your friends, you can apologise tomorrow for leaving without a word. Instead, you inhale the fresh air, a wobble in your step as you turn to once again look at your ex-boyfriend.

“Where do you wanna go?”

Eddie throws his arm around your shoulders, pulling you in as close as he possibly can. He tilts his head to meet your gaze and smiles. A genuine smile.

“There’s this diner not far from here,” he answers simply and your heart swells. Then once again, tenfold, as he places a kiss to your crown before whispering in your ear, “Back to where it all started, pretty girl.”.

as always, thank you for reading! pls don't hesitate to reblog & tell me what you think - ily!

eddie munson masterlist | main masterlist

[devilbeez]

Hi

Pls tell me more abt the overlord assistants au 👀

So how about I tell you a little story of how the Quintessence were formed (if you have better name please tell me. I based this off of how the four of them are the classical elements and ‘Quintessence’ is the fifth element and I’m shit at naming)

Disclaimer; this is MY version of the Au, this is not what all HellSerVants au is like just my own version of this au because Stacy Mango Li and other have their own version of this au as well

Let’s started with titular bitchular Vox’s assistant/Eelliot/Peppermint/whatever tf you wanna call him, for simplicity imma called him “Eelliot”. So Eelliot was a regular Joe not much of a power hungry type of guy, man just scrapping by and want someone to care cause his last relationship landed him in hell. He found this guy, a charmer, a flirt, one could say a bad boy other would say a Chaz. They dated and Eelliot was head over heels, want a whole ass life after death with him. But you know how they are, eventually ‘Prince Charming’ cheated and when Eelliot found out the guy laughed. Saying things like “you really thought I would settle for you? A nobody? Ha! I thought you were easy to fool but this is ridiculous!” And something in Eelliot just snapped, his whole life he been the Veronica Sawyer to other’s JD, the Eliza to other’s Hamilton, the Jane Seymour to other’s Henry VIII, why are all these musical couples? Did you expect any less from me? Point is he’s always been the support and people taken advantage of him in relationships. That day he decided he wouldn’t have it anymore and set an example, starting his now headless, lifeless, ex boyfriend.

Meanwhile, Kitty, best girl is going through a Detroit become human arc, she’s a defective, they were gonna destroy her to study where they went wrong. She was supposed to be the most advanced RoboFizz out there, being versatile and adaptable to any job the people want. Something in their programming just make them— more humane I guess, like they feel rage, they feel scared, they can feel or at least imitate feeling and emotions. So obviously when they learn they was going to be torn apart, they run and the factory worker been hunting her down.

How Kitty and Eelliot met: One day, Kitty was running away from the factory worker and bump into Eelliot who at this time have started a company that will soon be a tech&media empire and collected a reasonable amount of souls. They argued for a bit cause 1. How dare she bump into him and 2. Eelliot never saw a robofizz before, much less alone without an owner and when the people trying to take Kitty back, they begin to babble on about how special Kitty’s model is and truth to be told Eelliot was intrigued. So he decided to do some charity work and help Kitty with the offer that she’ll work for him and he’ll protect her. Kitty obviously did not like this, she saw how deals like this ruin sinners lives but she didn’t had a choice. She agreed but she refused to sign any contract or shake his hand. She might be desperate but she’s not dumb. Eelliot liked that in his new business partner, at least he know they won’t be dead on arrival when he put them to work.

While Kitty and Eelliot make names for themselves, slowly but surely on the other side of the Pentagram city we have we Travis, doing everything he can to get his work off the ground, lie, cheat, bribe, he done it all. The people in his life always underestimated and belittled his scripts writing skill and now it is his turn to show the fuckers who’s the king of film. He became a small time overlord, climbing up the rank just like Kitty and Eelliot.

How Travis, Eelliot and Kitty form a trio: The three met occasionally at the overlords meeting, Travis immediately did not like Eelliot’s whole facade. He doesn’t believe anyone could be an overlord with such— pleasant demeanor? He seem so harmless and yet this guy is slowly becoming the same level as HIM? This gotta be a joke. Then there was Kitty a goddamn machine collecting human’s soul. The duo confused and frustrated Travis a little, though he HAVE to admit they were kind of an eye candy. One day, out of nowhere Eelliot offer him partnership, to much of Kitty’s dismay. Travis denied at first because his ego is too high, why tf would he need anyone help? He doesn’t need one before. That is until Eelliot offer him everything and more, building this vision of what could be to him and Travis was sold. If this goes south he could at least maybe get the benefits before he leave and attempt to get Eelliot or Kitty into bed for a night

And just like that the group was form. Eelliot, the leader, King of Media who work in the shadow rather than putting all the spotlight on him. Kitty, Monarch of Tech, using their robotic knowledge to use and create the most advanced technology hell had ever seen. And Travis, King of the Porn Industry, his script might be bad but he work his workers to the bone to get the degenerates off, one could say game recognizes games.

But there was one member missing. Melissa. She came way later in the time line, it being 2000’s something and she just freshly died and already caused a commotion in the city. Some sinner wanted to take her home but she was a quick learner and an observer, she can tell citizens of hell, these “sinners” have power so they must get it from some where. She cornered a random, weak looking sinner and forced them to tell her everything she needs to know about hell. Just a few weeks she was able to learn how to use her newfound power, creating poison flowers and vines to fend off anyone who crosses her.

How Melissa joined: Melissa intrigued Eelliot, a sinner, freshly dead and already have this much control of her power? He’d rather have her working with him than against him. He goes to Melissa, offering a deal for her soul and Melissa denied, how dumb did he think she is? Eelliot immediately intrigued by her even, so he throws out the soul deal offer try to get her to join the team saying “smart little one like you deserve much higher position than those idiots who sell their souls” Melissa insisted on fuck no, so Eelliot leave her a business card After a few days Melissa think about it and figured it’s better to have a place to stay and if anything happens she could try and fight, overestimating herself and show up at Assistant’s door step.

And with Melissa, The Poison Rose of Fashion added to the group, the Quintessence complete.

[bitchofdarkness]

The plot hole of how Eun-hyuk ended up in Bamseom is not great, even worse is his condition that is unexplainable to the Sweet Home rules of monsterization. Also, why tf is he looking like that if he already went through the cocooning?? He should be evolved in one way or another. Pls, this annoys me more than anything. I can live with my faves dying (barely) but stop with the fucking plot holes, it hurts my brain.

In the webtoon, when they come out of the cocoon, they are humans without emotions. They die just like every other human.

In the show, that is obviously not the case, because it looks like they become human looking monsters with super powers. But if he has the super powers, why the hell can't he heal properly??

Please, I need it to make a tiny amount of sense. Just a little. You can't put up rules in your story and then produce complete chaos where nothing goes by the rules. I can accept a lot, but if someone writes themselves into a corner and calls it a day by making up new shit, that's just pissing me off. Not just as a writer, but also as the audience. It's insulting to think your viewers are too stupid to notice several plot holes.

[boysbellyrubs]

Hello!! I don’t know if this is too specific, but I would love for you to write something like it!! (Only if you want to tho ofc!!) Btw, I know their is no sickness in the ask, but you could put in an upset tummy from A.

A comes home after an incredibly rough day and is almost on the verge of tears. All they want is a hug and cuddles from their partner B. But B doesn’t pick up on their partners trouble and makes a snide remark or snaps at them mindlessly. They don’t realize anythings wrong until A bursts into tears . . . End in fluff pls!!(I think this would be so cute for Alistar and Nikau!! - sorry if I spelled it wrong) Thank you if you decide to do it!! ❤️❤️

here is the fic I promised before :D, it's quite long almost 3000 words. the ending is mid, i hope i have met both of your expectations with your asks. thank you very much for both of them hehe.

---

Alistair, being Alistair, had made his day ten times worse than it already was. He had already anticipated a bad day, and his manifestation seemed to actually come true, just to spite him. His mood was down the drain, his outfit was shit, his classes were boring and everything about him felt awful. His stomach was terribly upset, he didn’t know if he was hungry or the stupid thing was getting sick, so as a result he was starving and bloated, belly pushing into his pants. Thankfully, his last class was wrapping up, an hour long tutorial that he didn’t contribute anything too; rather he sat in the corner leaning against the wall. He was sure he didn’t pick up anything the tutor was saying, let alone take any notes. 

However, moving along he packed up his stuff with the sluggishness of a sloth, and dragged his feet out of the classroom. The person in front of him dropped the door on his face too, just his fucking luck. He scowled at their stupid haircut and started walking towards the bus stop. Oh, that was another thing, Nikau had needed the car today so he had to walk to University and now he was destined to go on a packed bus with a bunch of business men and crying babies. Joy. 

The walk to the stop, Alistair reflected on how much of an awful day he had. It was downright laughable, he could’ve been on a sitcom with the amount of things that went wrong. His laptop was low on battery, the library was packed full of people, and he had only one hour breaks between all of his classes and lectures. And he was already pissed before his stomach even started to riot. So, on top of everything, his stomach gurgling away at him all day was like an incessant fly that wouldn’t stop flying around his ears. 

As he walked, he found himself unconsciously holding his belly. He didn’t care what he looked like, other people be damned, all he wanted was to feel better. The walk seemed to take forever, the smell of tarmac, the sight of construction, the noise of city life, Alistair felt like his brain was melting. He zeroed in on the bus stop sign, willing himself to move faster. 

It was empty. The lone bench was blissfully quiet as he heavily threw himself down on it. He shucked his bag off, sitting it against him, and threw his head back. His hair was sticking to the nape of his neck, gross, and his legs felt like jelly. Hot electricity coursed through his hands and arms, raising goosebumps and sending warning signals to his brain. He was sick. So sick yet so far from home. The bus was coming in ten minutes, the ten most agonising minutes of Alistair’s life. He wrapped both arms around his middle, holding it in place as it grumbled away incessantly. 

His thoughts began to wander then. To his assignments, his boyfriend, the birds singing their annoying songs, how sick he felt. It was all coming together in Alistair’s mind, and in all honesty he wanted it to stop. His own brain almost made him break down at that bus stop. He ducked his head and sucked in harshly between his teeth, forcing the tears back into his tear ducts. Sickness floored him every time, broke down every emotional defence he had up, like a crack in a dam that grew and grew until a huge wave finally broke through. The pain in his belly, the overstimulating noise, the knowledge that every assignment would have to be pushed back for him to recover, was too much existentialism for the bus stop. 

He gathered himself. Alistair turned to stare at where the bus would appear. He sat back on the bench, needing to feel the solid wood behind him. The gurgling hit a sharp note, his measly breakfast rumbling through the pit of his stomach. The organ twisted on bits of bread, trying to digest something that wouldn’t move past his stomach. He rubbed a hand over the tight spot. 

Focusing on his own body, he didn’t notice the bus finally arriving. It pulled into the stop and Alistair had to force himself up, feeling his back slouch and his knees wobble, he stepped up onto the bus and sat on the closest free seat. He stared out the window, pulling a deep breath into his lungs. He closed his eyes, hoping the bus ride was the smoothest of his life. 

—

Alistair trudged through the front door, groaning loudly to announce his presence. He pretty much threw his bag onto the ground, slamming the front door with his foot. The bus messed up his stomach even more, the churning getting worse and morphing into a nauseating mess inside him. He wrapped his left arm around his bloated belly, hunching over and went searching for Nikau. 

The house was quiet, the only sound were Alistair’s heavy footfalls. God, he hated being sick. He groaned again when his stomach bubbled, the bug getting angrier by the second the longer he ignored it. 

He got tired of searching, “Nikau! Are you here babe?” 

There was a muffled reply that came from the bedroom. Alistair smiled to himself, excited to see his boyfriend after the day he’s had. His legs were heavy as he climbed up the stairs; the landing felt like it kept stretching further away from him like an oasis in a desert. His head pounded as he ascended making him shut his eyes as he finally made it to the second floor. Alistair pretty much threw his hand on the knob, knocking it down as he pushed his way inside the bedroom. 

Nikau was on the bed, headphones in and laptop resting on his lap. He immediately brought a finger up to his lips, silencing Alistair’s planned complaint. Nikau’s face was very serious as he went back to staring at the laptop screen. The redheads mood decreased further, no longer feeling as excited as he was before, realising that he was going to have to wait. 

Nonetheless, he sat down on the bed, flopping backward onto the pillow. His stomach rolled, making him groan deeply with the movement. Nikua shot him a look that withered the seed of hope in his chest. Alistair stole a look at the computer screen and saw the all familiar squares of a Zoom meeting. He frowned, Nikau hadn’t mentioned this at all so it must have been sudden. No wonder he was so pissed off. 

Alistair closed his eyes, throwing his forearm over his eyes. The darkness was incredibly comforting, the tension in his eyebrows and jaw releasing. His other hand was rubbing along the harsh lines on his lower belly where his jeans had been cutting into him. Alistair’s tummy rumbled, nausea increasing as he sat in darkness. He almost hoped Nikau was taking notice without him having to utter a word. 

The room was quiet. Alistair heard the little taps of Nikau’s keyboard flowing into his ears. It was like ASMR, quieting the anxious little voice that wouldn’t shut up. He couldn’t wait till Nikau’s Zoom was over. He conjured up an image of both of them on the couch, Nikau’s hand rubbing soft circles into Alistair’s belly, muting the upset gurgles, with cups of tea and something stupid on the TV to distract him. Getting into bed and falling asleep with Nikau’s strong arms wrapped around his middle, magically getting better by the morning. 

Alistair caught himself smiling at the thought. So dramatic. He huffed at his own voice. He breathed deeply, stomach inflating with breath. After everything, he almost fell asleep. However, Nikau had decided to slam his laptop shut, sighing angrily and pushing himself off the bed with a huff. 

The bed shook and Alistair’s stomach sloshed, a heavy gurgle spreading across his middle. He threw his arm off his eyes, watching Nikau pace around the room and finally coming to a stop at the windowsill, leaning on it like he was in a period drama. Alistair sat up, 

“Nikau?” 

“What?” The word was spat out like a curse. Alistair immediately wondered what the Zoom had been about. 

“Are you alright?” Alistair didn’t notice how shaky his voice sounded, and neither did Nikau apparently. He turned around with a stormy look in his eyes, the setting sun outlined him. Alistair had to squint to look at him. 

Nikau shook his head roughly, “Don’t worry about it. I don’t want to talk about it.” 

Alistair sighed, now nervous about telling him his own problems. He didn’t have the chance though, Nikau already moving out of the room. Alistair got up to follow, vertigo crashing into him. He lost his footing a little, stumbling towards the dresser. He moaned as the world tilted sideways. Nikau turned around, 

“What is wrong, Star? I don’t have the energy right now.” His words stung, but he knew Nikau didn’t really mean them. 

“N-nothing.” As soon as the word left his mouth Nikau turned around and disappeared from sight. Alistair leaned against the dresser more, taking deep breaths in and out. His stomach was spinning, echoing his head. The more he stood there, the more anxious he felt about throwing up. It was definitely on the horizon and he felt tears prick at the corner of his eyes. Alistair made his way to the bathroom, vomiting inevitable. 

His hand never left the wall, hunched over himself as the nausea increased the closer he got to the bathroom door. He slapped a hand over his mouth as he gagged, vomit filling his mouth and burning his tongue. He burst into the bathroom and leaned over the toilet, vomit spilling from his lips. He coughed harshly, a heave bringing up another fierce wave as he almost fell forward. His stomach gurgled, a wet burp preceding another gag and a mouthful of vomit. He had a moment of reprieve and he sat himself down, knees slamming into the tile. He wrapped his arms around his stomach, leaning over the toilet now that he had more stability. 

His stomach brought up another wave, and Alistair was surprised at the amount of vomit coming up. Coughing, panting and groaning was all that was heard around the walls of the bathroom. Alistair thought he was being loud, but apparently not loud enough for Nikau to notice. He groaned, his neck losing its strength and his head fell forward. The gurgling noises coming from his insides weren’t letting up, it almost felt like they were getting louder. He forced up a burp, which only made him gag, spitting up a chunky mouthful. Alistair moaned, arms squeezing tighter. 

“Fuck.” He whined, clearing his throat and hating the feeling of his saliva dangling from his lips. His knees ached on the floor. His headache grew, a pulsing right behind his eyes. His mouth filled with saliva again, jaw tingling, and another wave was brought up into the mess in front of him. His gut finally started to calm down a little so he took the time to catch his breath. Everything was aching, he was freezing, and now he was hiccuping. He sighed, running a hand down his sweaty face. His hair was sticking to his forehead now and he felt disgusting. 

He sniffled, spitting out the last remains. His hands shook as he flushed away the mess. He shakily stood, washed his hands quickly and threw some water over his face and swirled some in his mouth. He hoped Nikau had calmed down a little, it was already bad enough he felt like shit he didn’t want to feel even worse by making Nikau upset. 

Alistair left the bathroom with a heavy gait. His journey down the stairs was thankfully uneventful, but by the time he made it down he felt weaker than he did immediately after vomiting. He felt like he was about to pass out. Making his way slowly to the living room, he kept his arm wrapped around his middle and found Nikau scrolling on his phone. 

He cleared his throat, “Nikau?” 

The man hummed, not even looking at Alistair. Alistair sagged a little, a bit defeated that his boyfriend was paying him any attention. He moved on then, to the kitchen where he fixed himself a healthy meal of ibuprofen and water. He gulped down a mouthful, wary of drinking too much. He leant back against it, staring out at the back of Nikau’s head. He still was curious as to what had upset him so much, but he knew he needed to let Nikau deal with it on his own for a bit. 

All this thinking distracted him from his condition, but a cramp hit his belly right as he relaxed a bit too much. He gasped, his hand clutching his tummy, the ibuprofen coming back with a vengeance. He powered through it alone, fever addled brain making him feel worse that Nikau hadn’t even got up from his seat at Alistair’s noise. His pitiful thinking brought on more tears, but these were unable to be stopped. They made tracks down his cheeks, meeting on his jawline and falling to the ground. His belly cramped again, Alistair hunching over himself and using the bench as a support to not fall immediately to the ground. 

He clamped a hand over his mouth when a sob broke through, desperately trying to make himself quiet. Nikau didn’t need extra worry. Nikau didn’t want extra worry. Nikau didn’t want to help. 

No matter how much he tried to be silent, Alistair’s cries weren’t unheard. Nikau turned his head, noticing right away the state Alistair was in. He got up in a rush, throwing his phone down and approached his sickly boyfriend. 

His hands landed on Alistair’s upper arms, “Star, hey are you okay?”

Alistair fell forward, his forehead landing on Nikau’s shoulder. His cries got louder then, “No, I feel like absolute rubbish, Nikau. My belly hurts.” He whined, arms winding tighter around his middle. 

“Oh, love, I’m so sorry for not noticing. How long have you felt like this?” His hands moved to Alistair’s warm back, moving up and down his spine. 

“Since lunch. I thought I might have just been hungry but it just got worse,” He paused, unsure if he should say this, “I threw up before.” 

Nikau reeled back, eyes desperately searching Alistair’s face, “For real?” 

Alistair nodded, a few more tears slipping past his eyes. Nikau sighed, pulling Alistair back into a gentle hug. The heat from Alistair’s body made Nikau feel warm, and he connected the dots as to why his boyfriend was so upset. He felt terrible. But, now that he understood he knew exactly what to do. 

He pulled back more slowly this time, watching Alistair’s eyes flutter with another cramp. He hissed in sympathy. 

“Okay, sweetheart let's get you settled. I’ll get you feeling better in no time.” He tried to peel Alistair off the counter as gently as possible, coming around to his side and wrapping his arm around his shoulders. They moved as one towards the living room, Nikau depositing Alistair on the couch and reaching for the nearest blanket to lay over his lap. He leant forward and got Alistair’s attention by cupping his hands on his jaw, 

“Be right back.” 

Alistair watched him leave, sinking down into the couch. His thoughts were still running, but as he sat down he admittedly felt a tad better. His stomach calmed down a little, and his legs were thankful that he was sitting down and resting. Alistair leaned his head back on the couch, hand resting on the crest of his swollen stomach. 

He barely moved when Nikau returned, he heard a bucket be placed on the coffee table, and he felt the couch dip as Nikau sat next to him. The man touched his knee, 

“You feeling okay? You don’t look so good, babe.” 

Alistair shook his head, “I really don’t feel good.” Turning his head he met Nikau’s eyes, a pitiful expression on his face. Nikau made a clicking noise with his teeth, sitting a little closer to put his hand on Alistair’s belly. He leaned forward and kissed his cheek as he started to rub Alistair’s upset stomach. 

Alistair moaned, the cramps coming back with the touch of Nikau’s fingertips. He pushed his stomach out, needing the pressure and comforting weight. Nikau quickly got the memo, pushing a little deeper into his belly. He burped, covering his mouth with his hand. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart. If you need to let them out just do it.” 

The man groaned at the feel of another burp forcing its way up his throat. His hand joined Nikau on his tummy, rubbing the underside as it swelled with pressure. His stomach wasn’t perfectly flat, yet the softness of his belly was completely overtaken by the bloating of this illness, the skin stretched tight as it worked its way through his guts. His throat jumped at a wet burp, chest lurching. Nikau paused, 

“Are you gonna throw up?” 

Alistair shook his head, “Just gassy.” 

Nikau hummed, kissing his cheek again. The room fell silent bar Alistair’s stomach and burping. There was a tension in the air though, Nikau was the first to break it. 

“I’m sorry about not noticing how sick you were before. Also, I ignored you when you were clearly ill. I’m sorry, Star.” 

Alistair didn’t really know what to say. His brain was too muddled to come up with a response, too much pain and exhaustion, so he just shook his head and leaned into Nikau, hoping that was enough to get Nikau to relax. It felt like he did, his hand was still rubbing along the swell of his belly and his other hand was playing with the wavy strands of hair at the crown of Alistair’s head.  ---

pls don't flop

[bratshaws]

through the hourglass 111. brb x oc

a/n: OHOHOHO yeah. YEASH YEAAAAAHHHHH stuff is going to happen and I CANT SAY ANYTHING YET

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: none. ROOSTER IS THE BEST HUSBAND

goodness gracious (pls read this one to know more what this fic is about!!)

chapter

1/

50/51/52/53/54/55/56/57/58/59/60/61/62/63/64/65/66/67/68/69/70/71/72/73/74/75/76/77/78/79/80/81/82/83/84/85/86/87/88

/89/90/91/92/93/94/95/96/97/98/99/100/101/102/103/104/105

/106/107/108/109/110

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-

Beatrice’s week was better, she wasn’t feeling sick anymore which was a great thing considering she’d hate to feel sick during Marcus’ party. Rooster always asked her about it too, he even made her tea that Saturday morning.

And it made her a bit emotional, not being able to hold back the tears when he placed the pink mug in front of her.

“It’s peppermint tea.” he smiles, kissing her temple, “Don’t cry,pretty girl.”

“You are just so sweet.” she sniffles, trying her best to wipe her eyes while smiling, “I don’t know why that made me so emotional.” he chuckles quietly before kissing her cheekbone and sitting next to her, Nicole was nestled against Beatrice’s chest after her breakfast, light eyes lazily moving around since she had her tummy full and was completely rested.

“Because you are sweet.” he says, drinking his own coffee, then humming while gesturing to Nicole, “Give her to me, so you can drink without worries.” she knew he just wanted to hold Nicole and she wasn’t complaining at all. Carefully she picked her daughter up from her chest, then handed her over to Rooster, making the hoodie of her dinosaur onesie drop down on her nape, “She looks so cute…we should get her a Pokémon one.”

Beatrice blinks while blowing her cup, “I didn’t know you liked pokémon.”

“I only remember the first generation.” he says, tucking Nicole on the crook of his arm and kissing her forehead, “She’d look adorable with a Pikachu or a Vaporeon one.” Rooster being a secret pokémon fan was something she’d never expect…but she wasn’t complaining, it was pretty adorable.

“We can look it up.” she smiles, sipping a cautious amount of tea and wiping her nose when the steam hits her nostrils, “I can call Carmen, she knows where to find stuff like that. Cosplay queen that she is.”

Bradley just hums, gently rocking Nicole in his hold and watching as those light green eyes disappeared under her eyelids, her little chest rising and falling the second she fell back asleep. Neither of her parents cared, she could sleep as much as she’d like, it wasn’t something crazy after all she was just six months old and her energy went out in a matter of seconds.

“I got every Christmas decoration we had.” he says, “Every single one,we can start on the outside.”

“That’s okay, those are the hardest ones to put anyway.”  Bea smiles at him, holding her head up with a hand, “You sound really excited.”

Bradley huffs out a gentle laugh, looking down at a sleeping Nikki, “...it’s been a while since I spent Christmas with you…and now we have Nicole, so, yeah I’m pretty excited,gorgeous.” he says, “I know it’ll be good,I’m just…well,I kinda want her to experience a lot,I’m sure she won’t remember much but we can always record stuff and show her in the future,right?”

“Of course.” she smiles more, still holding her head up with her hand, sipping her tea carefully, hoping it wouldn’t burn her tongue anymore, “She loves colors so she’ll have a full on blast once she sees everything.”

Nicole hummed in his hold, turning her head to bury her face against her father’s shirt, one of her tiny hands clutching on the white fabric of his tee and Beatrice bit back her smile over her husband’s pained face, “Oh God.” he whispered, “I’m going to die, she’s so cute. She’s the cutest baby I’ve ever seen.”

“And we aren’t biased because she’s our daughter.”

“We aren’t because everyone agrees.”

She laughs softly, looking over at her favorite people in the whole universe with her heart filled with joy…and her stomach turning as she thought about the party later tonight. There won’t be photographers or anything, so why was she nervous? She was no longer sick, she didn’t have to worry.

She chewed her lower lip for a second, “Roos.” he looks up from Nicole with a little smile, “Are you…nervous about tonight?”

“About Marcus’ party?’ she nods, “....I dunno, maybe? I mean, he never treated us bad, we don’t have to be nervous.”

“Yeah…”

“But you are nervous, any reason why?”

Beatrice places her hand in front of her mouth as she thinks about it, furrowing her brows, “Maybe it’s just…my own self-doubt. You know…I’m not…a model per se. I have a job, I am a mom and I am a wife…what if there are people there I’ve only seen in magazines? Like fashion designers and whatnot?”

Rooster watches her wring her hands, using his free hand to hold his head up pretty much how she did moments before, “And?”

“I-I mean…I don’t know, I never- I don’t…how do you act around people like that?”

He purses his lips then shrugs,”Normally? Who cares about them,Bea? If they are pompous pieces of shit, let them be pompous pieces of shit, it’s that simple.” she made a disheartened noise, deflating in her seat a bit, “You will do fine, besides, Marcus adores you too much to let anyone put you down…and if anyone does, haha, there’ll be problems and not only with Marcus.”

“You’ll fight some famous brand designers for me,Roos?”

“As if there was any doubt.”

Beatrice’s cheeks turn red and her smile widens, her feet dangling below the table because that was so sweet. She stands up from her chair to shuffle over to him, her husband only giving her a confused look before her hands cupped his cheeks, tilted his head up and pressed their lips together in a gentle yet promising kiss.

She broke away with the gentlest smack between their lips, her eyes shining at his enlarged pupils, ‘You are so sweet.” she whispered, kissing him one more time, “I can’t handle you.”

“Yes you can.” he whispers back, trying to follow her lips when she walks away, licking them and tasting the faint peppermint, “You know you can.”

“You know what I mean.” she smiles, sitting back down and taking a larger gulp of her tea, closing her eyes happily, “Oh this is so good. Don’t the guys at work bother you?”

“About?”

She shrugs, “About the things you do with your wife, you know it’s not the most um…” she air quotes, “ ‘Bro Things’ to do.”

Bradley frowns a bit, then chuckles confusedly, “Well, if they have issues they can keep it to themselves because I really don’t give a flying fuck.” he shrugs, “I love doing things with you. My pastimes before were: bar, gym and maybe going out somewhere or watching movies. Baby, I have so much fun with you.” he moves Nikki to his other arm so he could move his body closer, scooting the chair towards Beatrice’s, “You are the best person to hang out with.”

“...yeah?”

“Hell yeah,” he smiles, “Plus, you are always open to enjoying some of my interests too. So, what’s there to complain?”

Beatrice’s smile couldn’t get any bigger and yet it did, she tried to hide it behind her mug but it was futile because he could see the corners of her mouth lifting, “I love your interests.” she says, ‘They are fun and they make me happy too, because you are happy.”

“Stop being cute or I’ll kiss you again.”

“Oh no! That’d be terrible!”

He smirks, pulling her closer by grabbing the chair’s leg and dragging Beatrice over, pressing soft little pecks against her lips while being careful of a sleeping Nicole on his hold, but their daughter was - once again - oblivious and happily dozing, still holding onto his shirt, ‘You are so cutie.”  he smirks against her mouth, “No wonder Nikki is cute too, she got it from you.”

“You are cute too.”

“True, but,” he kisses her one more time, “There’s this…weakness of mine when it comes to green eyed brunettes.” Rooster smirks, pressing their foreheads together, “I just melt whenever I see my two favorite ones.”

Beatrice’s green irises appear greener sometimes, almost unreal, like a mossy hill and he’d never tire of looking into them, “Thank you.” she whispers, kissing his lips one last time, “I’m just going to finish my tea then we can start– wait,I can finish it while we decorate the house.”

He blinks, tilting his head, “The outside?’

“Let’s start here first,” she says, “I think Nicole would appreciate it. Even if she’s asleep now.”

Nicole made a little sound, snuggling closer to Rooster and trying to get even more of her father’s warmth, which the pilot could only smile and tug the dinosaur hoodie on her head, “That’s okay. I think it’d be interesting…but I can set the tree up.”

“You sure?’

“Yeah,I’m sure.” he finishes the last drops of his coffee, smacking his lips, looking down at Nicole as he carefully stood to his feet, “I can set her on the bouncer while you open the boxes?” Beatrice nodded, being as silent as he was, the three of them leaving the kitchen with the dogs following their movements with their heads, Jolene being the first one to follow them out.

Rooster carefully set Nicole down, both him and Beatrice watched in hopes she’d stay asleep and sighed in unison when she just turned to the side without opening her eyes, “I can stay next to her,” Beatrice said, “Grab the boxes and open at a safe distance so the dust won’t hit her.”

“Good,I’m going to grab the tree.”

Yes it was a fake tree, neither of them felt it was needed to have a real one when the one they bought was as big and nice…plus they preferred it, it was easier to take care of, just shuck it back in it’s box and worry about it only months later. Beatrice sits down next to the bouncer, petting Jolene when she lies next to her and smiling at Eleanor who just nosed the boxes closest to her, filled with decorations, “Ellie, it’s not food.” Beatrice says gently after setting her tea aside and opening the first one, “Oh, Christmas balls.” the ‘B’ word immediately caught the pups’ attention.

Eleanor just shoved her head inside the box for a few seconds, with her brother watching curiously a few centimeters away, choosing how to react based off his sister….so when Eleanor just lifted her head and walked away, leaping onto the couch with an indignant ‘huff’ he followed right behind, “It’s not one of those balls Ellie, this is for decoration.”

“Jesus Christ.”

Beatrice turns her head towards Rooster, who’s just yanking piece by piece from the box, “Everything okay?”

“Yep! Just!” he grunts, tugging the base off the box and throwing it on top of the branches, “Just dandy, whew this shit is hard to come out.”

The ruckus didn’t wake Nicole up, she just turned her head the other way and sighed in her sleep, her little fists on top of her body as she slept soundly. Both of her parents shared a look of relief yet again, but they both knew how amazing Nicole was when it comes to outside noises. 

So they managed to do a little bit of everything, Beatrice eventually told Rooster to stop being so stubborn and let her help him. He agreed as long as he got a kiss out of it and of course she complied, several times. 

When they were putting the decorations however, they heard Nicole stir, the little noise from the bouncer made the two look over to where their daughter was. Light eyes finally opening up and trying to find them, luckily they were right in front of her, seated in front of the Christmas tree. At first their daughter looked horrified at this huge, triangular shaped thing in the middle of their living room, but she didn’t cry.

She just looked confused.

Her little brows, that were getting darker now making it easier to see her expressions, furrowed and they could swear she gave the tree an once over, trying to figure out what the hell that thing was, “Hi Nikki!’ Beatrice’s voice makes Nicole’s eyes drop from the tree to her mother and her expression went from confused to delighted in a matter of seconds, her gummy smile greeting her, “Hi baby, come here!” 

Nicole was wide awake when Beatrice took her from the bouncer, the little baby gurgling and squealing when she saw her father…only for it to slowly diminish the closer they got to the tree. “This is a Christmas tree,Nikki.” Bea tries to explain while Rooster holds Nicole’s little hand, kissing the miniscule knuckles as their daughter is trying to understand what this was.

“Aa?”

“Yes, Christmas tree, isn’t it pretty?’ from Nicole’s face, probably not. The little baby furrowed her brows again, making a disgruntled noise, “...well, um, okay it is a bit weird, but, look at this.” Nicole followed her mother’s hand as she leaned down to pick something out of a box, something small and colorful, something that Nicole’s eyes immediately latched on, “Look at this, do you see it? It’s a Christmas bauble!” in reds and blues, with details in gold glitter, when her mother moved it in it’s axis, it twinkled.

And Nicole was now caring only for that.

“Here,” Beatrice brings the bauble closer to their daughter, “Look! Isn’t it pretty?”

Nicole’s little slap when she touched the ball was enough to make both of them chuckle, their daughter looked so focused it was adorable, “Ooohhhh…” came out of her, in amazement and surprise, even more when she pulled back and saw the bits of glitter sticking to her little hand.

“Okay, this is not good for you.” Rooster says, licking the end of his shirt and gently wiping it off her fingers, groaning when some still clung to her soft skin and he was only able to remove it using his nail gently. “There, but yeah, pretty,huh?”

Nicole is too busy admiring the many colors it had. “Maybe she could put something on the tree.” Bea suggests, looking at the boxes “Like hm���oh! I know!” she leans down again,rummaging a bit until she finds what she’s looking for: the dawn charm she got during their first year together, “I think this works.”

“I think so too.” he said, smirking at Nicole, “...and she appears to be really happy, look at her.” in fact, Nicole’s eyes were wide looking at the little deer charm, her tiny hands reaching for it until Beatrice moved it closer, another double slap as her hands clasped around it. She brought it up to her forehead, eyes crossing to look at the inside.

“Abahbah!” she vocalizes, shaking it a bit, “Baah! Mama!”

“Yes,I know,honey, you can put it on the tree, look.” Beatrice opens the thread hoop enough for her tiny fingers to pass, then moves it to a branch, gently pushing it so it stays within a safe length on it. Nicole watches it move without blinking, her little mouth parted in a perfect ‘o’ because she was so amazed by it. Beatrice gives Rooster a look, only to see him putting his phone aside, “Core memory?”

“Hell yeah,” he smirks, “Core memory.”

Beatrice nuzzles Nicole’s neck, sighing into it and then finally frowning after a while, “...Roos,I’m still nervous.” she whispers, “I…I don’t know,I’m just…what if I do something wrong?...I don’t…want to embarrass Marcus with his friends all around us.” 

Rooster tsks quietly, kissing the top of her head, “You won’t do anything of the sort.”

‘I just…I don’t know why I feel so nervous. It’s like I’m…” she moves the hand not holding Nicole,trying to find the words, “Like I’m deep in my mind…I don’t know. It’s weird,I never felt like this when it comes to Marcus. He’s my friend and he invited us…so…I shouldn’t…feel so bad.”

“You are also nervous about leaving Nicole.” he says sweetly, “I can see it in your eyes.”

Beatrice groans, “I don’t want to get home late.” she murmurs, “I want to get back before my parents fall asleep so we can pick Nicole up.”

“Baby…”

“I know.” she kisses Nicole’s cheek, smiling at her amazed expression, “I just…I don’t know,I know we left her with them many times but I don’t know why I want to be close to her tonight. It’s weird…maybe the birth control shots are messing with me.”

“You took it three months ago, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Do they act up like that after so long?”

“...I…don’t know.” she frowns, “I need to check.” she sighs again, nuzzling Nicole, “I’m overreacting, aren’t I?” he only smiles sweetly at her, “You are going to say I’m not.”

“Yep.”

Beatrice could only snuggle close to him, enjoying how their daughter’s happiness over the Christmas tree and hope, really hard, that she’d feel better later.

[pinkrelish]

hi!!! absolutely adored chapter 8. I went through every emotion you could think of while reading it. felt so heartbroken & angry for him. eddie didn't deserve any of that. Please, tell me if im wrong, but I think you said something about 2 chapters of angst and back story before whatever smut is to come (looking forward to that bc eddie & reader deserve it. But pls know that this story would still be incredible even if there wasn't any smut) in chapter 10. So, are we looking at more angst in the next part too? Or did I read that wrong?

I hope this doesn't come off rude at all! just curious :)

next chapter is a ton of sweetness! and an excessive amount of drunken flirting, like, they really should get a room before gareth barfs. i wanted them to have one normal chapter after the heaviness of the last one where they're just together; where they've shared their pasts, accepted everything that comes with it, and are just hanging out and getting drunk together before moving on to the next step.❤️

“We should do this again. The whole.. dancing thing.” He gestured with the tape. “I’ll pick the music next time, too.”

<3

[runningfrom2am]

extremely late chapter 14 thoughts:

1. sejanus as much as i love you- maybe not throw yourself inside the house when coryo is having an existential crisis.

2. i love lennox because there should be at least one person who thinks the right way. i hope lennox keeps him on his toes so he thinks three times before doing anything.

3. “Unless you still didn’t see it that way.” ohhhh… the drama.

4. “the back cover of an old book about a man who hunted humans.” is the book “the most dangerous game”?

5. trying to materialise her morals with her prize must’ve been awful. only having money to hold as you’re in a train for that long with that many thoughts, i can’t even imagine.

6. i truly love the family r has and how even that makes her different than lucy gray. the latter was the oldest in her unit, as far as i know, while r isn’t meant to take care of anyone. also you are doing an excellent job at not casting them aside, as side characters usually exist for a quick second in fanfics.

7. Coriolanus Snow Being Honest To A District Woman? It’s More Likely Than You Think.

8. well, ladybugs bring luck.

9. thank you so much for not making her jump to his arms in a few seconds. she went through hell in that arena and at least half of it could be traced back to coryo. the emotional weight of that isn’t something that will lift quickly. she is bound to him by something greater than her feelings.

10. “I am yours for the walk and especially when I walk away.” MA’AM IS THIS FORESHADOWING IN A WAY?

welcome back bestie!! also i hope you had such a great birthday !!

1. yeah he was not thinking LMAO he was just like “on my way to see my friend !” and lucy gray was like “bro cmon read the room”

2. yes i love him :’) he was ready to swing immediately. i really love writing sibling relationships bc with my brother i’ve had so many different perspectives on it through the years haha, but now it literally doesn’t matter i’m like “this person is annoying” and he’s like “i’ll fight them rn” lol. i really think lennox needs to bring that energy bc r is WAY too gentle for her own good, even after all that she went through. he’s a good kid, of course, raised by the same parents, but he’s not nearly as timid and i love him for it.

and ANOTHER thing ab lennox- him and lucy gray both know more than her parents do, and both are clearly protective of her but she is still willing to give coryo a chance. he sees coryo as untrustworthy and a threat to r even though he knows she cares about him, but lucy gray is more optimistic ab it. idk, i feel like they see the situation clearly but in very different ways.

3. he’s like “shit i came all this way to be shut down didn’t i-“ lol

4. yes ma’am 🫡🤭 i mean i know it’s a short story but i have seen individual prints of it too (i had someone on wp be like “but that’s not a book it’s a short story” like girl i know pls-

5. no literally i would lose my damn mind. like you’re staring at an amount of money that can change your life and trying to convince yourself it is somehow worth it (which i know she could never do) would be actual torture i think.

6. i love her family so much, like realistically i can’t imagine r being the person she is without having a loving and supportive family.

also thank you! i love lucy gray and the covey too much to neglect them. especially maude ivory!! we deserved more of her in the movie!!

7. no literally. especially r’s mom. i think he doesn’t consciously know it either but r had talked about her mom quite a bit while she was in the capitol so i think he trusts her more than he would care to if he didn’t feel like he “knew her”. also i think important to mention that his fathers death also affected her so deeply and even physically.

8. that they do 🤭

9. AH you are so welcome. like as much as that would have been cute or whatever i seriously don’t think that was even an option for her it wouldn’t have made even a bit of sense. honestly, she was more likely to bolt back out the door and make a run for it hahahaha

10. IDK WE’LL HAVE TO SEE

[homemade-clones]

💥💤☕️🌌 For Cheese and Gaze if it’s not to much pls <33

Of course, of course! Thank you for the ask! &lt;;3 OC emoji asks

💥 - What emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

CHEESE Guilt is the emotion that weighs the heaviest on his shoulders. He can laugh away his fear, and pick a brother (or partner, or massiff) to cuddle away the anxiety. But the guilt of all the lives he's not fast/skilled enough to save is something that keeps him awake at night, slowly chipping away at his resolve to face another day in this endless war. GAZE Loneliness. All the trauma this boy went through before finally settling into the squad left scars he's not sure how to heal nor deal with. It's the most apparent during missions, when – because of his position as sniper – he needs to split from the rest of the squad. He can manage it (so far), but the separation anxiety is always there, dancing in the back of his mind.

💤 - do they fall asleep easily? what helps them sleep?

CHEESE Usually, yeah. He's got the ability to fall asleep quickly - and to stay that way until the sun rises again, if no there's no emergency. But then The Horrors and Losses of War™ bring forth bouts of insomnia. When he can't sleep because of anxiety, Aid puts his training to work - either with cuddles to ground him, or herding every available squad member (including his massiff siblings) for an impromptu cuddle pile until he's calm enough to sleep. Or, he may choose to keep pulling shifts and all-nighters in the med bay until he blacks out in exhaustion :) GAZE As long as he's not alone, Gaze is the guy that, if left idle for five minutes, will nap. Doesn't matter how awkward or uncomfortable the surface (or lack of it, he's fine with napping standing up too), it's Nap Time. And because he doesn't snore, most of the time people won't even know he's offline – he doesn't really have the need to blink as his eyes don't dry out (he only does it out of habit).

☕️ - do they prefer hot or cold drinks? what is their favourite drink?

CHEESE Hot drinks, all the way! For him, nothing cold can ever beat the amount of comfort brought by a good cup of tea, caf, or hot cocoa. GAZE He's ambivalent about it, both cold and hot drinks have their merits! He is very fond of iced tea, though, so he may favor cold drinks a bit more than hot ones.

🌌 - what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?

CHEESE He was the last one of the squad to be created. At first, he was supposed to fill the “sunshine golden retriever, emotional glue” spot in the squad, but then – as it goes with ocs – he took over my brain and turned into a very much fleshed out character! And the first thing I decided about him? That he's a redhead 😅 GAZE Ah, Gaze, my beloved chew toy, my poor wet cat babygirl. He came to me in a vision while I listened to “The Horror and the Wild” by The Amazing Devil. I have to admit, he's still being worked on, and may have strayed a bit from the original 'vision' of what he was meant to be - but no complaints, I very much like the shapes he's taking inside my brain. And the first thing I decided about him was how did his eyes work and affected his (lack of) quality of life and demeanor.