#the adderall is wearing off if you couldn't tell by the rambling and excessive words

[rissa-explains-it-all]

Captain’s log, Stardate something something: 

In the past two days I have:

had five out of six meals

and today’s dinner was kale feta pasta that I made (my roommate minced the garlic but still!! 

applied to two jobs

edited and uploaded a friend’s pre-wedding photos

updated my photo insta links/ the links they lead to

got my meds and not missed a single one yet

quit being a bridesmaid for my former best friend who broke my heart bc the girl who has actually been a great friend to me all this time might have to move her wedding day to the same as the other one, and I wouldn’t know until it was too late with the dress, and I know where my loyalties lie and if someone was gonna get hurt, it wasn’t gonna be the girl who actually cares about me and I care about

her reaction was so hypocritical, I was living, but moving on, I won’t be petty too much longer

I put up a canvas my sister painted me of Kero from Cardcaptor Sakura in the corner and it’s my favorite thing, forget the ocean poster from my fave photographer

speaking of my sister, we always get on her for sharing too much with strangers, but here I am...

don’t tell my mom lol

 I also, on the not so great side:

have this weird like shaky unfocused vision for the last like 45 minutes that may or may not be related to taking all my meds, stay tuned

it could also be because I starved myself last week and now that I’m trying to take care of myself, my body might be screaming at me more now that it knows I’ll feed it and I was just hungry

(I don’t know if I can finish my pasta lol)

Or I’ve been staring at a screen too long doing the job apps and cover letters

wait what if I need a new prescription?? it’s been over a year!!

I got two hours of sleep from the overproductivity last night and my body wakes me up early for no reason all the time

The anxiety of the job applications of not getting them is like insane bc bills am I right

Things to look forward to:

I have more jobs to hear back from since, see point two, I put my name out there!

I’m getting the fanciest camera of my life, most likely on Monday, plus some beginner business stuff because my dad just wants to support my dreams since he never got to study photography like he wanted (what a dude, no pressure though, he’s being really sweet and knows I shut down with pressure)

and the equipment will help me improve my reel and be a Real Photographer™️ (I know, I know, the equipment doesn’t make the photographer but it sure does help)

if by some terrible luck (of which I have so much, Catholics may not believe in luck but I’m latina so we get both), I don’t have a job, my mom and siblings and I are doing a three day RV trip in August!!

night photography and local business marketing material anyone?

But please I need a job and money, anyone need photo editing or adobe tutorials or graphic design

My roommate and I will be playing Mexican train the right way very soon

maybe even bananagrams????

AND I set up an appointment with my therapist for the first time in months!