#the actual therapist doesnt get a word in because theyre just playing off each others stupid jokes the whole time

[shitty-davesprite-daily]

ooc John And Davesprite Go To Therapy

https://youtu.be/3w1wwGcu0Dk?si=VidsF9AeCu669fxd

OOC

you. you did this to me. id *finally* gotten over my obsession with that song and then you had to go and make me listen to it again and now here i am. listening to it on loop for however long its been. i have no clue time isnt real anymore its just beautiful mind and davesprite now

[autisticbillpotts]

dont want to be a human with a job, dont want to sleep, want to think about fictional characters

idk if tbs is going to end up having the sticking power in my head for me to consider it a special interest but hoo boy am I thinking about nothing else right now ! like uh to the point Ive had to stop myself a couple times cause I realised I was getting so intense about it I was driving towards a panic attack lol ✌️

torn completely between actual thoughtful analysis and just being like :3 caleb drinks green tea with honey + has anger issues hes just like me fr

but also it makes me insane Ive been thinking a LOT about how the characters treat damien especially in contrast to how rose and caleb also having manipulative abilities is percieved like its the whole thing about only respecting neurodivergent people if theyre nicey-likable-personable. rose immediately ditching damien even though he doesnt even have his powers anymore simply on the word of strangers is completely fucking mental to meeee every time joan calls someone a psychopath I get sooo mad like what! shes a therapist.. BUT ALSO deeply compelling fucked up way for people to behave and like I get it but also! I get him! I want to be his friend. also helens

Ive genuinely been enjoying tct less than the main show because there are noooooo women in it. despite the fact that I just did a caleb-eps-only relisten and that hes my favourite little guy and it does make me dizzy levels of giddy. but theres no women! complete turnaround from the immensely invigorating fucked up dynamic in tama between sam/joan/helen/anabelle that shit was SO good. even if I did spend the whole thing waiting for them to acknowledge that It Was All Joans Fault cause that would have made it all extra fucked up. SO much fun listening to variously traumatised and stressed out women play mind games and fuck each other over love that.

okay new train of thought I have not been able to stop thinking about caleb + perception since I started listening which ffjdjv was only a month ago whoop. but the way he sees himself vs how strangers vs his friends see him (and then now Im thinking about how thats changed in tct which I am actually not finished with yet) but like! loner who avoids parties and doesnt have any friends vs star athlete vs literal empath vs Meathead vs the big brother vs how adam talks about him vs Jock vs Nice Young Man vs ARGH I love him

also I love joan. shes soooo fun and also hot like hi dr bright r u single I like ur morals warped by recieving the approval youve sought ur entire life and ur single minded dedication to protecting people + inability to prioritise around that devotion. I like when she is catty and mean with people and ALSO when she is being very silly and smart. teasing sam and the balance in her relationship with vanessa and also the uh zachvalenticharacter episode. and her rage. LOVE her rage. and that shes silly and obsessive and scientifically minded and likes musicals and puzzles and how hard it is for her to turn off therapist brain. shes so so good I like when she does bad things because she Just Wants To Help but forgets other people are people when shes too focused on something.

my brains stopped working now Im stopping this post here. at some point I will become capable of eloquence Im sure

actually no do you hear me damien cant trust any interaction he has with another person do you hear me!!! hragh

[gargoylepastures]

so get this: URBAN WITCHCRAFT DATING SIM

-you’re a human who stumbles into this neighborhood of just a bunch of witches/wizards/magicky peoples

-as you play through the different witches teach you their magic types

-tarot witch teaches you how to read cards, queue in cute reading options including lovers cards, and something about fate, if you choose this route then you start collecting cards on your dates that represent how well they went       - the reading on the final date is like destiny for them to be together       - that entire story line would be called “signs point to yes” or something  -the cooking witch who you totally try to bake a love cake for and he’s just like honey no. this is how its done.        - owns either a bakery or no kidding a five star restaurant/ is a cook somewhere really cool        -FOODTRUCK COOKING WITCH BABE -Green witch who’s a florist, teaches you flower meanings, if you do really well on some of the dates, will send you different flowers, last date you arrange a bouquet for them <3 -chakra witch massage therapist. really cheesy scenes. just imagine it. “you look like you’ve had a bad day, I can fix that if you’d like. you hold a lot of tension in your vishuddha.” meditating while holding hands “you balance me.” -Potions witch owns a bar, really chill. offers you different drinks for different moods.  teaches you some ultimate mixing techniques, you go on an errand to get some obscure ingredients and then give her them and shes just head over heels “i was totally joking oh my gosh how did you find this!??”  -Inscriptions Witch three words: MAGICAL LOVE LETTERS. also librarian or an editor or an AUTHOR     -A POET -Lunar Witch moonlit walks through the central parks. “excuse me are you insinuating that i dance naked in moonlight?”      “would it be awkward if i said yes??”       “I mean, you wouldn’t be wrong.” -Water witch  LIFEGUARD, professional swimmer, etc. HAS MERMAID FRIENDS. CUTE SWIMMING STUFF. A DATE TO THE BEACH. SWIMMING POOL AFTER HOURS -Necromancer COLLECTS DEAD THINGS. finds like roadkill and has a whole bunch of undead cats and trash cats running around her apartment. really doesnt like seeing anything die. total sweetheart, spends all her money on food for animals shes resurrected. -Psychic KNOWS YOU’RE GONNA TALK TO THEM BEFORE YOU DO. You get to try to be unexpected when you ask them out and they just think youre the cutest the more you try.and then you catch them off guard and its super super super sweet cause they freak out and start blushing from head to toe      -shows up at your door with your favorite snacks when you have a bad day         -or to pick you up for lunch when you finally decide to ask them out -Pyro Witch  who owns WAY too many candles, and somehow has them all lit, all the time and hasnt burned anything down in a while. SUPER WARM. ALL THE TIME= great cuddles on a date that gets unexpectedly cold and no one has a sweater and shes just like ive goT THIS.       -serious tobacco aficionado, 3edgy5me smokes like shes on fire       -ORANGE HAIR. that lights on fire when shes mad, smokes when shes embarrassed, sizzles etc.       - FIRE FIGHTER BABE -Fauna Witch co-owns an antique store with a, secretly keeps a pet dragon in there who poses as a statues when there are unfriendly guests. the backroom is a portal to a fucKIN ZOO no its actually just her house. she has 300 acres and enough animals to fit there.      -takes care of chimaeras and wounded magical animals with some help from white witches and the brothers at the apothecary.      -imagine a date to find nessie.     -literally camping trips to meet big foot because she’s a huge fan of his work.        -RIDING A PEGASUS INTO THE SUNSET -Crystal witch GEOLOGIST SWEETHEART. sneaks crystals home from dig sites if she determines theyre not necessary to the find. one time convinced her superiors to let her bring home a dino bone.      -she keeps it above her mantle,       -somehow crystals are growing all over her apartment in unexplained places.          - *pours milk for tea* “oh dear would you look at that, it’s crystallized again.” “again??? what do you mean again?” “it just sort of happens sometimes.” -Apothecary Witch BROTHERS  you can literally date either of them.  own an apothecary, they’re twins, they pose as each other and run errands around town and play pranks, constantly blaming it on the other.       -totally gonna be a sick treating boi trope.        -ironic nurse outfit for halloween. -White Witch actually a neurosurgeon/ medschool student trying to get her doctorate. NEEVER SLEEPS but doesnt need to because shes really good at enchanting health shakes and a balanced diet so she has energy for DAYS. (great friends with the crystal witch and potions witch- they have a coupon club for the reagent stores.) (i’m prolly gonna try to make this my thesis project.) ((add to this if you like if you have ideas?!?!, I’ll update this later too <3 <3))

[irregulardiaryposts]

00:53 21/06/2021

Hello again <3

so i think im gonna write about my mental health today because i dont feel like i have anyone who understands fully apart from myself maybe so i need to Organise my Thoughts. as a kid i had a pretty normal childhood, a mum a dad and a brother - pretty nuclear right. but as a child i felt like my family maybe wasnt quite right, that this wasnt supposed to be what family is? perhaps. - i was scared of my mum a lot because she wasnt very understanding of me - and i was a great kid, never getting into trouble, very good at school, no issues whatsover. the thing that really shows how i thought of my relationship with my mum was when i was like maybe 8 or so having a parents night and at it my teacher had nothing bad to say apart from i was kinda bossy in group settings (im sure i dont need to explain how misogynistic that actually is- i was not bossy i was a natural leader) and when i got home my mum told me off for that and i felt like she was kinda cold to me and not taking all the good things about me into consideration when telling me off for that.

i feel like thats a really defining moment in my life when i realised i cant expect adults to Understand me, realised how people treat young girls, also started my defiant behaviour maybe or was kinda one of the key moments that made me dislike certain authorities in my life, that if people wont understand me regardless of how i explain myself then i wont bother trying to be understood by people who wont matter to me. anyway yes i was scared of my mum-like petrified sometimes- but my dad wasnt great either, he also had his shortcomings. i feel like he never really cared about me like he was kinda apathetic towards raising me like a parent - i feel he would be better suited as an uncle to someone rather than a dad - the funny childish guy that makes kids laugh -not the uncaring dad that cant be bothered to really learn about his kids. and i feel im sitting here complaining about my parents when the fact is that a lot of adults should never be parents, society has conditioned people into thinking the only way to be fulfilled in life is to live vicariously through your kids when life gets to such a boring and monotonous place where you feel the need to create a new life to spice things up lmao. i feel a lot of parents regret having kids but they cannot express that regret because it was their choice and they should deal with that, also saying you regret it would be pretty horrible to the kid.

so while yes i am complaing about my parents i dont think they were Bad in any way just not that great yaknow. also i just notice all these things growing up and i feel its been pretty impactful to understanding myself and my parents. also just some anecdotes from my childhood - i used to watch my dad play video games like the uncharted games i think theyre called, and whenever i got scared i used to hide behind the couch until the scary part was over (usually a lot of guns and high energy fight scenes thats too much adrenaline for a 7 yo) and sometimes when i would take out my dad/brothers game i would get them to fo the hard parts and do other stuff myself - i dont remember many games i played apart from one of the spidermen games where u could just web around the city and not progress apart from sometimes you would come across some strippers and i accidently got into a fight with them (also hot women with umbrellas they use to fight- maybe i went near them on purpose) i would yell to my dad and get him to do it for me. also on new years eve whenever my mum was working and we werent going to any family parties we would make a bunch of food and put it out in the kitchen - wed make like homemade onion rings, chips, have crisps and dips, and a bunch of junk basically and watch like austin powers or some shit and genuinely miss those times they were so simple. but a lot of thats tainted now from what happened. also my brothers always been annoying as shit but when we were kids we couldnt be in the same room without arguing which like whatever thats how kids are esp brothers and sisters for some reason.

i think thats majority of the background needed for the rest. wait this is a little addition but i meant to mention this here so ill put it in- basically sometimes on holidays i would geniunely think my parents hate each other/ were getting a divorce like once when we were in florida in 2012 my dad convinced my mum (as well as me and my brother convinced her since we liked them) we convinced her to go on a water slide thing that u had to walk up the stairs for, it was outdoors, and it was kinda tall and then we got in one of the big donut things and it swooshed from side to side a lot and was generally pretty scary i suppose for someone who doesnt like rides esp since you had to hold on to the handles there were no buckles or anything, and so when we got off the ride my mum was big mad at my dad and like wouldnt talk to him and stuff like that which was pretty uncomfortable to have to be the 8 year old mediator of that but there was also another occasion i think (maybe also at florida) where they were made at each other and i asked my mum if they were getting divorced and all she said was 'ask ur dad' like???? no sort of consolation to this child who thinks their parents hate each other nooo just petty 'ask him' and theres also been other times when they fight/ are mad and they dont feel the need to hide it from us so i felt quite anxious around my parents sometimes.

so ahnyway . yes. when i had just turned 13 my parents split up and it fucked me up in a multitude of ways. also i cant beleive i stopped being a proper kid at 13, like as soon as i turned a teenager life hit me like a fucking truck. so the context as to why they split is still kinda lost to me ngl but they didnt tell me much anyway since i was young but my mum basically said my dad didnt love her anymore and he wanted to separate. its kinda funny because leading up to this my dad had been sleeping in the living room for like a few weeks and there was on and off fighting i could hear and i basically thought they were fighting over me and that i was in trouble and it kinda used to keep me up coz i could hear loud voices when they thought i was asleep- which is probably the cause of why i get veryyyy mad and angry when i hear my mum at like 1 am downstairs when shes drinking and im trying to sleep, probably something ive internalised (is that the word?) and made me respond so strongly to those type of noises.

anywayyyyy yes i thought i was in trouble when they were actually just getting a divorce so ... yeah you can really tell i was young and didnt understand adult issues or really couldnt figure this out myself from all the arguing and him sleeping downstairs lmao. anyway my dad moved out and it was just me my mum and my brother now and at this point my brother wouldve been about to turn 18, so although still kinda shit, not really as affected my it as a 13 yo, just to keep in mind. so i was devastated obviously and my whole world was kinda shattered but i had to hold it together a bit, also i was sometimes my mothers own therapist having to say things like 'everything happens for a reason' 'itll get better' in response to her deteriorating mental health and her questions that would be really hard for me to answer like 'why did he leave' etc (bish im a child be there for me not wallow in ur own pity, u have ur whole life to sort this out youre an adult, im a 13 you and only months away from wanting to kms hun think of ur CHILD please) anyway this left me feeling like a burden if i were to share my mental state because when my mum shared her stuff she was burdening me (AGAIN i was 13 she is an adult) so that made me bottle a lot of things up also the fact that i had no one to share it with because she works as a nurse and now shes a single mother and so she works almost all hours of most days and i dont see her much, my brother was either working at this time or just didnt give enough of a shit about me to make sure i ate.

i went from being catered to for every meal because i didnt know how to cook to suddenly no one being there for me so i had to learn how to do it myself. needless to say that lead to a bunch of unhealthy eating habbits like eating the same things every day - frozen pizza, cheese toasties, i cant think of anything else probs because i didnt make anything else just ate chocolates or didnt eat breakfast coz i woke up at 2pm. just general unhealthyness both in substance and like how healthy that was for my head yk. also this is during the summer btw so it gave me the option to be incredibly depressed - im not saying that as an edgy teen thing to say im being 100% genuine i was very depressed like textbook style - not eating or overeating, not showering/ taking care of myself, extreme lack of energy and hated doing social things coz i had to put on a farce that i was okay meanwhile i couldnt wait to get into my bed and sleep the next day and a half away.

i very vividly remember at the start of the summer holiday my friend asked me if i wanted to go out and do something and i rememeber just crying at that because i had no reason to say no but i just didnt want to and felt like i couldnt do anything and so i lied and said i wasnt feeling well and then put my phone down and curled up in my bed and cried coz i was frustrated and upset and i couldnt really understand what was wrong with me and why i was Like This.

god i didnt take into account how tired i was and how late it is when i started this huh, this isnt even half of it, but i have obligations in the mornign, the last until uni or whatever so ill put this in my drafts and finsih it somethime. alrigtht it is 02:08 btw z_z. also ive just now decided im gonna re organise my tumblr so if this ends up being an actual blog thing i can navigate it easier by adding tags and such. anywau goodnight.

20:21 30/06/2021

MOTHERFOIUHIFIUDVMKCVKM V

MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWE IN THE MIDDLE OF THSAT SO ITS ALL GONE BASICALLY I WAS DEPRESSED BURTNOUT GIFTERD KID AND IT SUCKED YADDa YADDSZ ANYTWAY

so

23:01- well. yes earlier i wrote a little about the ages 13-16 and how they sucked but whatever it got deleted the more pertinent stuff happened in the last year or so anyway.

um yeah so i started the last year of highschool as a 16 year old with a fucked up brain and never having learned any study techniques or work ethic in the slightest. i took 3 uni-level courses only one i actually wanted to do, most people take 2 at most or even 1/0 but do other classes. honestly it fucking sucked this year for school but i scraped all passes so thank god for that. so i started the year quite optimistic, or as much as i could be and in all fairness the content of this year wasnt actually that bad considering i was doing 3 hard classes but corona really truly fucked everything up and by November i had mentally dropped out of my classes but of course i still had to go to them. i feel like im an oddly independent teen because ive never had a solid parental presence in a while, like i had to do a lot for myself and maybe i should thank myself for getting me through it all because i really did pull through.

my thoughts keep drifting from what im writing coz i wanna talk about different things and im just thinking maybe i shouldve just posted the last one then added a reblog when i could be bothered to write and not force myself because if theres ever a reoccurring theme in my life is that if i force myself to do anything i will hate it with my entire being, so maybe i should just do a short synopsis and write about something else afterwards.

so i took 3 hard classes, slowly lost all motivation because in jan it switches to online classes and i could Not deal with those it was horrible, and i became more of a "troublesome student" in one of my classes *cough* maths *cough* and almost got "kicked out" of taking the class just because the teacher was a control freak but like wanted to control all of our actions and behaviour, also i think i may have adhd and another kid in my class i think he does too and surprise surprise the teacher "dislikes" him too but its only a farce because he doesnt actually dislike him its only so that i cant call him out for singling me out when other students behave "badly" too. but anyways maybe ill come back to this in a while when i can be arsed explaining my complicated relationship with my parents.

the only reason i wanted to write this today was so that i could tag the post with like june 2021 or something and not june/july, but i might make another post later, Anyway happy end of pride month i supose, hope u figure it out me!