#the PANIC i had when i couldnt find one of ur accs

[kitanas-lastkiss]

LOL my old user..... Serasavoureux ewwww

I WILL CHANGE IT ... I AM SORRY FOR USING YOUR DEAD(USER)NAME /J

[emieks]

ill have u know i left u because of how u were fucking abusing me NOT because u were emotional over ur dads death

its normal to get emotional

its normal to have issues

u put me in fucking danger of myself day in day out because of what u were doing to me and for u to chop up the end of our relationship to me leaving u cause u were sad and not because u were doing what u were is fucked up

i dont feel great abt leaving u when i did and i think about u literally every fucking day and i wanted to impulse message u but i knew it was in both our best interests i didnt

i was living day in day out triggered because u were acting so similar to my abusive step dad

i couldnt see my friends

u thought they were all out to get us, same

with my family. u fueled my paranoia

u had a drinking problem u wouldnt face

u were driving wrecklessly with someone in ur car u know has severe car anxiety and got mad at me when i would ask u to drive safer

u were wasting all our fucking money on alcohol impulsive buys

u left me with like $6 in my bank acc the day we fought and i broke up with u

i shouldnt have let u buy the alcohol

i shouldnt have given u my card

i just didnt want u screaming at me

i didnt wanna be in a panic attack all night because u didnt want to get help

u were ableist, u made me feel bad all the time for my autistic traits and even told me it was embarressing i needed ear defenders

u sexually took advantage of one of my alters and im sure u know that

u forced me into sex by basically guilting me into it cause its the only way u felt loved and u would not accept my flunctuating sex repulsion

u would just badger me about how i made u feel bad abt urself for not "desiring" u

u insisted i didnt find u attractive or that i cound u disgusting or something u would not listen to me

sex became a performance because even when i was genuine ud have fits where ud do ur damndest to convince me id like someone bigger and would leave u for someone bigger but refused to listen when i said u were actually hurting me with ur size

so much more went on

i understand ur hurt and u have every right

but dont chop it up to me leaving u because u were emotional

i left because i tried to support u for as long as i could before it became legitimately dangerous and triggering for me to be there

i really did try - but u were abusing me, i know ur dad died but that doesnt make it right

i hope ur able to heal

i do miss u, i wish i could have stayed but honestly i think u would have rathered the option "i left u" instead of the option "i stayed and then killed myself because of u"

ud be more fucked over dealing with that

im sorry