#the Giovanni is the only one without a real sense of community because they Fucking Suck

[chiss-ticism]

What if the Giovanni just weren't like that?

[badass-at-fandoming]

Just Little Malkavian Things ~

Malkavians these days can do nothing but de-conceptualize, Dement, eat hot chip, and lie.

Since people seemed to enjoy the #JustLittleVentrueThings VTMB adventure, here's a matching Malkavian one. Though I'm gonna be real with ya here, I had less fun D:

I finally figured out why I have such trouble wrapping my head around depictions of Malkavians in VTM media. Books, Storytellers, and fans say it's like having a mental illness and being linked to a massive group chat. But, listen, I've lived around and with mental illness all my life. I've been in massive group chats. Being Malkavian ain't like that.

It IS like being an early-twenties English major in the midst of an existential crisis, over-worked and cross-faded outta your skull and watching horror movies to Cope(TM)

So it's like drugs. It's like you had too much weed and too much wine and are let loose on Los Angeles. Which. My friends and I have and we, coincidentally, also "fought" a stop sign. The Malkavian PC never really seemed like a character to me: she's like a collection of cliches and dude-bros doing blunts while watching slasher movies. I named her Liotta after the Psychic Shop owner, and I'm sad Liotta didn't really get to be a person.

I wasn't surprised by any of the dialog. It's a pattern. Alliteration, allusion, animal joke. Alliteration, allusion, animal joke. It lost its charm.

Often, I didn't know what the FUCK I was saying. Which is the Malkavian Experience(TM), according to Rosa.

Anyway

Nonsense time

Most characters have an extra paragraph of dialog to Acknowledge That You Are A Malkavian. Some get an extra conversation branch. For example, there's lots of new Bertie dialog and he was all impressed Liotta knows about Gehenna and Thin-bloods <3. The Anarchs characters, especially Skelter, get a lot more. Skelter, Ash, and Liotta totally vibe.

If you sneak around the Santa Monica drug house, they talk about Mercurio?? Hello?? Mercurio, you bent Masquerade by not getting beat up real good.

Zero pretense about Voerman. Yes, I have DID; yes, I am making it your problem.

When Liotta talked to Beckett, he said the DID was "something to look forward to." Goddamnit, Beckett. That's not how the Bane or mental illness works! >:-(

I've never sneaked before!!! Did you know that the Tong AND the American gang downtown have fakes in their suitcases??? Like, Full On, "it's just stuffed with newspapers, brah." They were going to kill each other over newspapers. For some reason the Tong brought the REAL suitcase along too, but I'm so past having VTM make any sort of sense. It's fine.

Accidentally pissed off Nines. I meant farmer (affectionate) and Nines thought I meant farmer (derogatory). :(

The Dementation powers are (a) pretty purple loop-de-loops, (b) not as effective as Dominate (reaaaallyyy missed a good AOE attack), and (c) oddly enough, gave more compassionate dialog choices. I mean. In the pen-and-paper version, Dementation isn't conflict-focused, so the devs had to jigger it to use as attacks. But I was touched when Liotta made Hannah believe she was Paul, so Hannah got to say goodbye. Making Samantha believe Liotta was a pet turtle was funny and spared her the pain of her friend vanishing a second time. Heather thinks her entire experience was a dream and returns to her life, more or less unscathed.

Boris?? Asked Liotta to kill Venus for him???? DUDE, WHAT. I didn't know he could counter-offer!! What happens if you take up his offer? Who controls Confession? Does it close down??

Pro Tip: don't trust the pale woman in a cowboy stripper outfit who comes out of your vent and tells you everything's fine.

I went through an ENTIRE Ventrue playthrough without puking and Liotta ate one (1) unhoused person and blew chunks. I didn't realize Diseased Blood was a threat. What happens if you skip the Plague-bearer quest? Should you just never chomp on the Downtown unhoused community?

Strauss called Liotta "young one" and I was like, sir. You're not Beckett, you can't trick me.

A rat dances in the Downtown sewers and tells Liotta that the grass is greener in someone else's asshole.

And also will take you places.

Do you know what it's like for a Capri Sun to suddenly start speaking and offer taxi services.

LaCroix: how did Bach find me??? also LaCroix: [names his company after himself] [lives in Ventrue Tower]

Liotta told Beckett that Kindred are a joke and I got extra EXP for being so sneaky.

DMP produced snuff films even before Andrei???!!!! I thought all the blood was from the lil geo-dudes.

Liotta agreed with Andrei that Caine is here and boot-scooting around in his lil Angst Mobile. :D

As bad as Liotta was in group fights, she repeatedly made bosses cower and stand quietly while she beat them to death. Andrei had a full on lay-on-the-floor temper tantrum in his war form and Liotta just. Smacked him until he exploded. She didn't even take damage!

Imalia's computer password is ALSO "cleopatra." Just like Tawni's! Dual reference to the Embrace type

IDK why I never asked this before, but, um, who does Mitnick share the bunk bed with? Barabus..?

I went back to the Empire Hotel Penthouse suite to fetch the educational book and the Russian mob dudes were still there?? Hello, sirs, your leader is dead. You can leave now.

Liotta heard the real thoughts of the Red Dragon hostess...and also some debate about the Dark Father's presence in LA, heehee.

I thought it was fun that one of the "take me away, Cabbie!" taxi replies mentioned riding in a car like father and child. :D

"Why is the Mandarin giggling at me" is a sentence that came out of my face.

With the different dialog options, sometimes it's impossible to be polite to NPCs. For example: Liotta could only call VV "dolly/doll/toy doll" instead of her preferred names; the Chinatown gun seller felt frightened, thinking we were Police or Immigration.

Some great fourth wall breaks in the dialog: "I don't want to get involved either, but tell that to whoever is playing me!" to Beckett after the Giovanni Mansion.

"You can't spell success without whatever the hell my name is."

"If I cannot win with effort, I will cheat my way to victory. I am gone." Funnily enough, this was my first run where I didn't hack in to boost stats.

"I just want it to end. I feel like I've been playing forever."

Some nice wider lore references: "I devour knowledge like the great worm devours the corpse of society" could refer to how Salout, in tapeworm form, is devouring Tremere's body and destabilizing the Clan and/or Kindred night society.

"They should have a channel devoted to you in my head" to Beckett. In his Diary, Beckett witnesses Malkavians devouring Malkav and may or may not join the Cobweb (PS check out this great fanfic where he does).

This made me stare into space for a minute and question my life choices. During the Sabbat massacre, Liotta didn't snack on any of the blood doll ghouls (ya know, the ones with the eyes gouged out). She had such high Inspection + Finance that she had $4k in her wallet and could buy blood. I wanted to test a rumor that if you don't feed on the blood dolls, you get extra EXP. You do. BUT anywAY, right before the Tremere miniboss, Liotta was sword-fighting some goons and the blood doll...attacked him for her? Like. He moved on his own. When the goon was dead, the blood doll asked if Liotta was all right. This might have been a glitch but...the horrific implications that those men are still conscious, still willful, still feeling. ACK. I hope they got out the next morning.

RIP Ming Xiao. Flamethrower right to the tiddies.

I stole @ryttu3k's idea and noclipped through the werewolf section. Liotta still killed the Garou, but I didn't want the stress.

Caine is very Caine. "Don't you get it? We've already been judged!"

Liotta went Anarch because what little backstory I came up for her was she considered Smiling Jack her sire. Nines complimented her ability to murder.

Sheriff got sooooo dizzy that he fell over right onto Liotta's sword 27 times.

Dancing werewolf ending! Seemed fitting. :D

[skamamoroma]

All done.

I’m going to struggle IMMENSELY to summarise the past few hours.

I just used many tissues to dry my ridiculous tears, hardly able to see the screen. If this is the end completely then I’m satisfied. My heart doesn’t know what to do with itself but I feel contented.

But, LUDOVICO FUCKING BESSEGATO. Dude. I don’t know what to say about the talent of that man. The original s4 was fraught with issues with the odd true magic and beauty in there. It broke my heart at the time. I cherish those moments that truly were special and done to perfection. But I thank Ludo so much for what he tried to do, for the many MANY changes he made that made so much sense, that changed the story to fit his world, that made more messes that were ultimately more meaningful and for the surprises I didn’t expect. He has done this since day 1 and I am genuinely stunned.

Sana was and is beautiful. She was breathtaking from start to finish. She was human and difficult and gentle and funny and weird and intelligent and sensitive and so so much. Her mistakes didn’t feel unusual, her reasoning was impassioned and never once was she treated by the writing with anything other than affection even when she behaved wrongly. She was surrounded by beauty and at every turn she was just truly truly wonderful to behold. I didn’t know what to expect from this season but this? This genuine and total adoration for her. Ludo, that has you written all over it.

I have so much to say about the individual characters and moments and issues and THAT LAST EPISODE but as ever, if Skam It can be held up for one thing alone it is the dynamics between the characters and how they’re written with warmth and humanity and total deep affection. There was no dynamic went untouched, no moment wasted even in the background. Everyone was given their time and I didn’t feel it took away at all from Sana’s story... it always added to it. Rami/Sana, Filo/Marti, Fede/Sana, Luchino/Silvia, Gio/Marti, Eva/Gio, Sana/Ele, Filo/Sana, Marti/Sana, Marti/Eva, Sana/Malik, Elia/Gio, Filo/Ele.... every single one.

Mess and emotion and mistakes and difficulties were written in such an honest, blunt way and felt so true, so real as if these characters were exceptionally genuine. Especially Sana’s voicemail and her talk with Marti.

Every single shot was just fucking beautiful. I mean there’s no other way to say it. It was all achingly gorgeous, tiny little moments like the sound of a storm of the glare of the light or the steam from those hot baths (WHERE DID HE FIND THOSE). GOOD GOD.

The music. Hands down my favourite soundtrack of any Skam season and there have been MANY I’ve adored but this took the bloody biscuit. A perfect mixture and fitted each scene so beautifully, often adding to it so seamlessly like when Nico was playing seeker in hide and seek or when Sana was praying or the street procession’s voices...

And religion. I am not religious and I don’t speak for anyone who shares Sana’s experiences. I want to hear from you so so much. What did you think? As someone from outside that beautiful community and religious experience, it felt utterly breathtaking. It felt casual and normal as a way of life (whereas religion can often be portrayed as a burden) and it also felt celebrated and lit up from the inside to show the truth of it and the beauty within, the values it holds... not to mention the difficulties. Sana being able to speak to Marti the way she did or explain in her voicemail. Her anger. I felt it and I learned from her words. She just wanted to be seen, to be considered as herself and watching Malik look at her like he did and Marti being upfront with her but all because he likes her and their personalities fit and seeing her with her Mamma navigating being a teenager alongside the idea of a future.

I can’t finish without a mention of my boys. They were, as always, heart and bloody soul. My Marti was so present and overwhelming for me. I will 100% want to write god damn essays about him and about Nico but I didn’t feel he was out of character for a moment despite the major tests they threw at him, mainly because they laid the groundwork before it kicked off. We saw him from an outside view and his brutal honesty, his lashing out through fear and his sarcasm and stubbornness was explored in such depth... but his love for Nico was everywhere. All over it. As two young, complex guys and Nico with a past and vulnerabilities... both felt so raw and desperate at all times without ever losing the foundation they have. The effort to allow Nico to have as much of a voice as possible while still keeping that solid POV on Sana... I’m grateful. We all want to see more but the way it played out didn’t leave me feeling TOO wanting (EXCEPT FOR THAT UNDER THE BED SCENE... oh the desperation to see that). Testing them in that way was a brave move by Ludo but I am so pleased he did because they weren’t reduced to background models. They were woven into Sana’s story and given respect and real moments of beauty and honesty. I will NEVER BE ABLE TO GET MARTI’S HEARTBROKEN RED PUFFY TEARY EYES OUT OF MY HEAD. And the fact Gio was the one to lock them away...! Also. Hands down one of the best Marti moments was that snuggly hug on the beach, the fact that Nico looks at home and they’re both a little fragile but comforted by each other and then Marti and his god damn mouth asking if they can throw the guy in the water... hahahahaha. And Nico smiles. Because he knows Marti and loves him exactly as he is. Also a moment for Luchi and Silvia because I have a LOT to say but to see him trusted and to see his heart alongside his Luchi side was so meaningful and they were this refreshing special surprise.

And Gio. Gioooooo. Yet again. No matter which season, he felt fundamental despite not being the main. He is warm and navigates between them all with this sense of solidity and support. He’s just LOVELY. He was never missing. None of them were. I loved seeing him settled with Sofia (who was never belittled - only by Eva and hahahahaha yes they included her rolling her eyes again) but also clearly still entirely in love with Eva. That moment he told Cannegallo to get in line I was a weepy mess. The ending. Oh the god darn ending. That voice and hearing Eva’s words spoken back to him, hearing how loved he is and also reflecting on life... seeing them get back together so naturally. I honestly couldn’t have asked for more.

Also a moment for Federica. STRIKING AS ALL HELL. Fierce and willing to learn. Honest and she dazzled me.

I am unable to summarise properly as I’d write all day and it’s 4am! I have so much to say. I was bowled over by emotion watching the entire thing. But I was absolutely reminded of what a gift this show is and how precious I consider it to be. This season has wildly surpassed every expectation I had and god damn soared into the distance. I am stunned and I want to live, as always, in those orangey glowy scenes of warmth. It’s like being wrapped in a big blanket with someone telling you - “life is going to be hard but you’re ok, you’re going to be ok”. That’s how Skam Italia feels. Written, performed, edited and delivered with affection and love and i genuinely couldn’t be more grateful for it as I am this morning (did I mention it’s 4am).

I will write tons more. You know me. I will be talking endless about this season and you won’t shut me up but, for now, I hope you all enjoyed it as much as me. I don’t think I’m quite prepared to hear anything but love at the moment so I shall see you all tomorrow.

And, I hadn’t a clue if season 5 is a thing or even a possibility of any magnitude. Whatever happens, I want Ludo Bessegato with his hands all over it, loving these characters and taking us with them as Eva said though messes. I hope they don’t leave each other either ❤️ AND GIVE ME 10 EPISODES OF GIOVANNI GARAU FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. The world wants it.

Aaaaanyway, WHOEVER DECIDED IT WOULD EVER BE A GOOD IDEA TO BINGE A SKAM SEASON. Too many emotions. This shit needs time to digest in between. I feel like I just pushed off an emotional cliff. And on that note. I sleep. I love you all and I’m not even sorry for my meltdown! I’m classing this as my Italian revision. Job well done 😘

[giovanniis]

what  is  UP  my  pals  ,  mis  amigos  .  my  name  is  dab  and  i’m  ur  new  bff  .  besides  that  ,  i’m  also  twenty  ,  use  she/they  pronouns  ,  and  am  kickin’  in  over  here  in  pst  !  under  the  cut  ,  i’m  gonna  ramble  probably  a  lot  about  my  son  ,  giovanni  .  (  spoiler  alert  :  he’s  a  dumbass  who  only  ever  wants  to  talk  about  hockey  .  )   DMISMDA  anyways  .  pls  give  this  a  LIKE  if  u’d  like  to  plot  and  i  will  come  RUNNING  !  my  d*scord  is  𝒅𝒂𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒊_420#1971  if  u  wanna  hmu  there  !  i’m  gonna  shut  up  here  now  so  i  can  start  babbling  more  below  hehe

chicago’s very own GIOVANNI NARCISO has been spotted on madison avenue driving a range rover , welcome ! your resemblance to shawn mendes is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-second birthday bash  . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re stubborn , but being ambitious might help you . i think being a leo explains that .  3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be the sharpened blades of a pair of ice skates, hockey memorabilia everywhere, and late night escapades . 

╰  *  MINI STATS  !

FULL NAME  :  giovanni  noel  narciso  

NICKNAME(S)  :  gio  ,  g

AGE  :  twenty - two

GENDER  +  PRONOUNS   :  cis  male  +  he  /  him

ORIENTATION  :  bisexual   /   biromantic

ZODIAC  :  leo  sun  ,  gemini  rising  ,  pisces  moon  

BIRTHDAY  :  july  26th  ,  1997

PLACE  OF  BIRTH  :  toronto  ,  ontario  ,  canada 

LOVE  LANGUAGE  :  physical  touch  

OCCUPATION(S)  :  professional  hockey  player  for  the  ny  rangers  ,  socialite  

DRINKING  /  DRUGS  /  SMOKING  :  hell  yes  /  no  /  only  weed

TRAITS  :  stubborn  ,  hotheaded  ,  dramatic  ,  standoffish  ,  brash  ,  overemotional  ,  facetious  ,  distant  ,  provocative  ,  inconsistent  ,  unpredictable  ,  gullible  ,  sympathetic  ,  charming  ,  loyal  ,  hypocritical  ,  protective  ,  talented  ,  ambitious  ,  passionate  ,  affectionate  

LIFE  GOAL  :  make  it  to  the  hockey  hall  of  fame  and  be  remembered  as  the  G  O  A  T  

╰  *  BACKGROUND  INFO  !

giovanni narciso was born in toronto, canada on july 26th to a world-renowned hockey player and his socialite wife. needless to say, gio lived his life in the spotlight from the moment he was born, and he’s always had everything he’s ever wanted right at his fingertips.

from a young age, gio was encouraged to be active all the time. he started skating almost as soon as he learned how to stand up by himself. it’s no wonder that he had such a knack for it with his father being a hockey legend and the fact that he got so much practice. when his father realized that gio had a natural affinity, he put him onto a club hockey team as soon as he was old enough, and started making gio work with a private coach to give him a one-up on his teammates and everyone else on the ice ( despite the fact that he was only seven when he started ).

because of this, he always felt a lot of pressure to be the best he could possibly be… how could he not ? there were sports reporters showing up to his games to get the scoop on how he was doing, and how he compared to his father, and if he’d ever actually make it in professional hockey.

his parents divorced when he was eleven, and his mom moved to marry a much older, wealthy man in chicago, illinois. so, much to his despair, gio lived his life switching from toronto to chicago. the only constant in his life was hockey. so even though it stressed him the fuck out, it also made him feel at peace. he knew no matter where he was, he could get on the ice and kick everyone’s ass. he spent most of his time in chicago with his mom, and attended school there too, but during holidays or the summertime, he spent his time back up in toronto with his dad.

this really took a toll on his mental health because his mom ?? sorta just forgot about him :/ like … she fought for custody just to spite his dad ? she didn’t actually want gio. this sounds kinda dumb but like … sorta think about cinderella ( #gioella ) and how he suddenly got thrust into an entire new family that didn’t really like him or know how to connect with him. he felt really alone more often than not.

luckily, at sixteen, he was signed to a minor league hockey team in chicago. because of this development, he stopped going out to visit toronto as often ( especially when it was game season ). this caused a lot of buzz in the hockey community because oh my god giovanni narciso, son of a hockey legend, was breaking onto the scene

and it SHOULD’VE STAYED THAT WAY !!!! BUT NO ! gio’s dad had other things in mind. demon.

you see, pretty much all throughout high school, gio was dating kylie. she is the love of his life. there’s never been an ounce of doubt about that fact. the sky is blue and gio loves kylie. like ???

gio proposed to kylie when they were eighteen. fresh out of high school. this made gio’s dad LIVID. he didn’t like kylie or her family or anything about her. gio’s plan, of course, was to say a big fuck you ! and marry her anyways. but it didn’t end up working out like that.

sadly, giovanni’s father did not approve of her. was he a little salty that gio chose to stay in chicago and not visit anymore (even if it was because he was signed there) ? yes. was he incredibly greedy and wanted to cement the narciso name in history too ? aaaabsolutely.

as soon as he was eligible at eighteen, gio had multiple offers from nhl franchises to come play for their teams. he could pick and choose whoever he wanted, basically. he was a real hot commodity. but suddenly, the offers were being ripped right from his hands. and it was all because of his dad’s influence in the hockey world. he basically gave gio an ultimatum: marry kylie, and there was no more hockey. or do as he said, and he could have it all.

it was rushed, haphazardly chosen decision, but gio chose hockey. it had helped him through every rough patch in his life, and it was the one thing he knew he was good at. it’s not like he was exceptionally smart or good at anything else. if it wasn’t hockey, then he wasn’t worth anything. that’s something he honestly believes to this day.

so instead of TALKING THIS THROUGH WITH HER LIKE ANY RATIONAL PERSON WOULD ! he straight up left. packed his shit and left in the middle of the night when kylie was asleep. completely ghosted her. didn’t answer her texts, her calls, nothing. blocked her on everything.

he did as his father told him to, and started dating carolina graham, a nice girl that his father liked a lot better

their relationship was reminiscent of p*te dav*dson and ariana grande’s. they very quickly got engaged and they were the talk of all the tabloids. there wasn’t a moment where they could step out without cameras being shoved in their face. this sky-rocketed gio to socialite status. everyone that didn’t already know him from hockey wanted to know the handsome young man now engaged to carolina

ok now lightning round

when he was twenty-one , he secured the bag with the ny rangers DJSIOAJDOA and got a multi-year contract — one of the biggest contracts in the nhl history, and became one of the youngest captains ever .

* more fun facts about gio n hockey : he plays first string center and is #2 !

since his career was actually stable, he decided to stop having to pretend to be in love with someone, and immediately just broke up with carolina. he said goodbye wifey JDSAODSA  aaaaand now , a year later , he’s livin it up !

also ? 1000% still in love with kylie but THAT is a completely different story he is a #simp

╰  *  PERSONALITY  !

hockey is a rough-around-the-edges type of sport, and that’s reflected in gio’s personality. he’s very charming, and is typically a pretty nice person ? he doesn’t go out of his way to be kind or anything but he’s not gonna start a fight for no reason DSAIJDSADSjDI

he’s terribly stubborn, and once he’s set his mind on something, it will happen no matter what or who he has to do. this could be good because in a way, it just means he’s very ambitious, but it’s also bad because he will do and say things without a thought about how it makes someone feel

narciso is a fitting last name because he’s incredibly full of himself. how could he not be ? he’s the son of a hockey legend, and he’s made a great name for himself too. he’s an amazing athlete, and he knows he’s good looking too. it’s no secret that he’s a little big-headed sometimes.

he has a very short temper. he blows his lid very easily, and will say things he probably doesn’t mean just because he wants to hurt you.

he just??? doesn’t think. he doesn’t have a filter literally at all. will say the first thing that comes to mind always and it’s usually fucking stupid sdjdjas… he’s also a big jokester and very sarcastic 

also has a problem with being honest ? lies about everything? the type of person to smile in your face while he stabs you in the back? will lie when there’s no reason to? you could be like “gio did u eat breakfast” and he’ll be like “ya.” even if he didn’t like… dumb shit. don’t ever trust him about anything

ok so he comes off as cocky like… externally… but inside, he’s really insecure? like he believes that love exists because he’s felt it but he doesn’t…. think it was meant for him, if that makes sense. because every time he loves someone, he fucks it all up. because of this, he has a really poor vision of love n everything. uhhhh can u say trust issues?

he’s also a wh*re . i’m so sorry. lowkey craves affection and fills that void with meaningless hookups and one night stands 

most people think he lives up to the ‘dumb jock’ stereotype, which is something he’s also really insecure about. it’s not that he didn’t try in school. he did to a point, but then he just flat out stopped caring. school was always really difficult for him. he was diagnosed with dyslexia when he was 7, and it always made him feel really out of place in school… to the point where he just stopped caring because all it did was made him feel frustrated and dumb when all he needed was some extra help?

he’s misunderstood

and also just… a whole mess tbh djsaios….

u can find some wanted connections here 

[leonawriter]

I dunno what made me do it, but I went looking in the redorb tag again, and it’s really kind of nostalgic? 

I used to love those characters, those pairings (not all of the same ones everyone else did, though...) and I still see May’s character design as a flat-chested young adult in her twenties, and I still love Dawn as being either a precocious 14 year old or a patient and compassionate yet outspoken 22 year old. Serena’s still around 21 for me. 

And as an adult playing these games I just... it makes it really able to come alive for me when I’m playing these characters and able to see them as my own age? 

Admittedly I’m now 28 instead of 18-25, but given I never really feel as old as I do (I feel like maturity-wise, I’m more along the lines of 16-22 sometimes because of various reasons), but even so. They’re closer to something that I can relate to.

In games such as RBY/FRLG/SM/USUM I’m more likely to see them as, well... kids, though. They look more like kids. I feel like they act more like kids. But by running the risk of having people coming into my inbox or replying going “but it’s a KID’S game, of COURSE they’re kids!” I just... it’s harder for me to have fun with it? If that makes any sense? 

It just works better when making them into a child is my option, not what I’m forced to do.

Up until ORAS I kinda went through with the player avatar being an extension of me playing the game - I was controlling them, and these were my Pokemon, and those were my achievements, which is great for a game but I’m not just a gamer, I’m a storyteller. I don’t truly live without a story to see in a thing. And making the characters into people, into real, distinct personalities based on assumed and implied background as well as the things they go through in the course of the game, is so much more fun!

It’s not even always to do with shipping, either, even though that’s how it kinda started. I saw someone ship May with Maxie and I was like? Up until then I think I’d just assumed that everything was the same as the anime with the exception of one or two. And then- they can be my age? They can be relatable?

Suddenly there was an entire new sandbox to play in. 

May now comes from Olivine, has friends she’s known since she was as young as most people see her as (twelve, or younger) and although she’s never trained a Pokemon, she knows about them just by living alongside them.

Dawn’s a researcher, hasn’t really left home before her adventure but wow is she good at learning from the Professor who visits every so often, and the books in the library, and she’s smart enough scientifically to keep up with everything Cyrus spouts out. She was happy with things as they were, content to just have Pokemon as pets until she gets roped, unwittingly, into an adventure.

Serena’s the eldest of the group she’s travelling with, playing the role of Team Big Sister, along with Calem’s big brother role. I’ve thought of scenarios where she has no good feelings toward Lysandre (past a bit of ‘wow, he looks/sounds amazing’ right at the beginning) until feelings start in a slow burn way post-game, with a still-alive Lysandre on community service, where she doesn’t change him but she grows to like him better the closer he comes to understanding ‘I did some real fucked up shit and I want to make up for that’. And scenarios where she crushes on the guy from the start only to have him dash her hopes and expectations of him being better than he is each time they meet, and she actually ends up in a close friendship, possibly ending up romantic, with Calem instead, which is a lot healthier. 

And on other characters - there’s still a great story? Like I once started writing about Leaf, who ends up in a friendship that ends up a relationship with a Team Rocket Grunt who helps her at one point, who’s a few years older than her but just sticks around well after Team Rocket is disbanded. 

And like...

Even with SM I ended up creating my own version of ‘Moon’ (have I ever said I hate that name? Because I hate that name. It’s not really a name. We can call her Luna Moone, if we prefer, and we shall from this post onwards) where she’s a 14 year old who everyone assumes is younger because everyone on the islands takes the trials at (what was it, 10? 12?) a younger age. She ends up with a scar over her lip after a certain battle (a result of a wonky line on a drawing that made me go “wow, cool character design!”) and who is very possibly bi but with no real positive leaning toward any of her current friends, though that might change. (yeah, I know some people ship her with Guzma, but I just... don’t. I’ve never seen it. *shrugs*.)

So like. It’s not about “but the game says this so this is canon” it’s literally a role playing game where it’s your own character and you get to create the backstory in order for you to relate to them more and feel more immersed in the storyline and if my way is to mess around with ages? In order to at least feel like these aren’t literally just tiny children who cannot look after themselves who are going off with no parental supervision?

Then all the power to me, and those who do likewise. 

.

(There are some ships I won’t touch with a bargepole, though. Sometimes because the age difference can’t be fudged (looking at Leaf and Giovanni cannot make me believe she’s anywhere near his age, I’m sorry but I can’t, she’s closer to his son’s age, and the same goes for BW with Hilda and Ghetsis) and sometimes it’s because no matter whether the age of a character can be fudged or not, there’s no way that relationship could be healthy, because... well, for me, Ghetsis is an irredeemable, manipulative, outright abusive piece of shit. I wouldn’t put him into a relationship with anyone. It makes me shudder to think the damage he canonically did do to someone - his own son - so why inflict that on anyone else? Relationship stuff should always (at least for me) be about ‘can these two bring out the best in each other, love each other, and can I create a situation where that’s all possible without any abuse of power or other morally dubious things going on?’ and if that’s not possible, I’m not going for it. Same goes for any fandom.)

[geek-patient-zero]

Part 1, Chapter 11

Or: Oh Boy, Here I Go Killing Again

Blood War: Masquerade of the Red Death Trilogy Volume 1

Washington DC—March 12, 1994

We’re back with Makish as he continues his contract work for the Red Death.

Normally, a city the size of the nation’s capital could support a dozen Kindred comfortably.

It’s implied any more than that and people will start noticing the disappearances, or all the people waking up with less blood in them than the night before and no memory of why that is. I think it’s also a holdover from the tabletop game, where you’ve got the established canon characters living in a city, the player characters, and a few of the storyteller’s OC’s. You don’t expect the poor storyteller to come up with a whole functioning Kindred community, so your average game might have about a dozen or so vampire characters. Though, that population number makes many vampire conflicts seem sillier and pettier. All that political maneuvering and deception just to rule over about eleven other dudes.

Despite half of the city being a warzone where even the police fear to tread, the city still gets over ten million tourists visiting a year. Disaster tourism, I guess. Combined with the regular political changing of the guard resulting in a constantly shifting population, a city that can usually fit in a dozen vamps can fit several dozen.

Last night, the Red Death had lowered that number by two. This evening, Makish planned to continue that trend. Following the instructions of his grisly employer, the Assamite intended to wipe out more than a quarter of the Kindred residing in Washington. It was an ambitious plan, but Makish enjoyed challenges. The Red Death had proposed a sliding-scale bounty for each vampire slain. The greater the number killed, the larger the reward per Final Death. Tonight, Makish was feeling very greedy. And quite lethal.

Makish’s target this chapter is in a “popular private men’s club” called The Deadlands, located in Anacostia.

It was located east of the Anacostia river in one of the worst neighborhoods in Washington.

Hopefully Anacostia’s being portrayed like this because it’s the World of Darkness, a Harsher, Crueler Version of Our World, and not because it’s a low-income black neighborhood.

No one visited The Deadlands without a bodyguard. Or tried to enter without an invitation.

The club’s owned by an eighth-generation Toreador named John Thompson, a Camarilla liaison with the U.S. government who controlled several powerful politicians by, well, pimping to them.

Well connected with the most corrupt power mongers in the capital, Thompson worked hard to satisfy the most decadent wishes of his establishment’s exclusive membership.

Unfortunately for his “employees”, Thompson’s pimping style seems to be a Littlefinger as Jeff Epstein kind of deal, his services ranging from offering your typical vanilla paid sex to crueler fair.

No desire was too extreme for those who frequented the Deadlands. Sex and drugs were the norm. Orgies took place every night. Sadism, torture, even ritual sacrifice could be experienced—for the right price. More than one tax increase had been passed to help pay Thompson’s fee for a Congressman’s outrageous request.

You know what’s sad? In this real life hellworld, if politicians were paying to torture and murder prostitutes with their constituents’ tax money, would we even be surprised at this point? Plus, a chunk of the country would suddenly become openly pro prostitute murder and pay more money in taxes to “trigger the libs.”

Despite being Camarilla, Thompson’s business practices sound like something a Toreador antitribu would do, those guys finding beauty in the suffering of others. Makish seems to agree.

Makish was, in his own twisted manner, a highly moral individual. He considered Thompson a necessary but unfortunate link between the world of the living and undead. To ensure their safety, Kindred needed control over important people in government. That much Makish accepted. The assassin, however, found extremely distasteful the constant pandering to the basest instincts of the politicians. He felt such acts put the Camarilla on the same level as the hated Sabbat. Removing Thompson promised to be an enjoyable artistic endeavor.

Makish arrives at the club just after 1:00 am, with a bag full of handy assassin gadgets. He’s already in high spirits because he killed three racist thugs who tried to jump him on his walk to the club.

Before attacking, they had stupidly made several insulting remarks about the color of his skin and the nature of his ancestors. It had been bad judgement on their part. The Assamite had strangled the trio with their own intestines. Makish considered the horrified look of stunned disbelief in their eyes as they choked to death adequate repayment for their affronts to his dignity.

The club’s front entrance guarded by a half-dozen brick shithouse ghouls openly carrying AK-47′s.

No police patrolled this section of the capital. None dared.

More likely the ghouls look white enough to carry assault rifles in an American city, so the cops leave them alone.

Makish smiled and shook his head. Like too many of the Kindred, Thompson had grown complacent. He believed himself invulnerable. Dealing with ordinary humans had dulled the edge of his wits. Ghouls were stronger and faster and deadlier. However, they lacked imagination and realization what a truly powerful Kindred could do if provoked.

The Red Death mocked Kindred who depended on basic technology like security cameras. Madeleine Giovanni tore through the Mausoleum’s defenses and criticized its dependence on ghouls. Now Makish is doing the same. Is there any kind of security method these undead pricks don’t smugly look down on? I’m starting to think Vampire: The Masquerade should have kept the “vampires need to be invited in” rule.

Wait, I remember now. Madeleine couldn’t infiltrate Don Caravelli’s hideout. ‘Course, what defenses he has, beyond Kindred bodyguards, are suspiciously unmentioned. Maybe next book.

They were no match for an Assamite assassin. Especially this particular Assamite assassin. A direct assault would take too much time and give Thompson a chance to escape the surroundings. But there was more than one way to enter a fortress. Any fortress.

The Assamite Clan was renamed as the Banu Haqim in V5, and the term “Assamite” was changed into a disparaging nickname. At first I thought this change was because Assamite may have been a slur, but every google result leads to something V:TM related. It looks like Assamite’s just the word “assassin” changed up, making phrases like “Assamite assassin” sound redundant. No insensitivity in this case. Just a stupid name.

Makish does some rooftop hopping to get to The Deadlands.

The club was less than thirty feet away. The ghouls never looked up.

John Thompson exclusively ghouls stealth game NPCs.

The Deadlands is a rebuilt and reinforced Victorian mansion. Pretty extensively rebuilt too, since it’s five stories tall and Victorian homes typically had only two or three. It has alarms and motion detectors embedded in the roof and gables, which don’t go off when Makish lands on it.

The Assamite had mentally locked them into their present setting. Makish possessed incredible powers over machinery.

This again. I did some digging and learned there’s a branch of Thaumatergy called the Path of Technomancy. It could allow Makish to do this, but it was introduced in the Revised version of the Camarilla sourcebook released in 1999, four years after Blood War was published. It could also be a form of telekinesis. Whatever the case, it’s still a bullshit power to bust out so casually. It isn’t even unique to Makish.

Sensing that the only people on the top floor are two humans “engaged in an act of passion,” he hardens his fingers, peels off a section of the roof, and jumps down.

Thompson was two levels down, talking business with a pair of potential customers. Running on a tight schedule, Makish had no time for subtlety. He planned leaving no survivors of his attacks. While he disliked killing innocent bystanders, these lawmakers could hardly be described as guiltless. Murdering them was probably doing their constituents a favor.

The moment Makish enters, his stealth rating is immediately ruined. Those two mortals banging in another room? The ones Makish specifically noted and decided were unlikely to notice him entering? Makish was so busy fantasizing about killing corrupt politicians that he didn’t notice one of them, a high-priced prostitute, rush out of the room until she starts screaming. He quickly reads her mind, because he didn’t have enough powers. Look, he’s a thousand years old, so he gets a shmorgishborg of disciplines. He learns that her john, an old fuck of a senator, had a heart attack during his throes of passion. Classic scenario, I know. She ran out to find help, only to find this random Indian guy breaking in through a hole in the roof.

I’d like to say things go well for the woman. That Makish can also erase memories and wipes her mind so she forgets ever seeing him, or that he just knocked her out. But this is a dark fantasy story, and typical of dark fantasy, the sex worker dies.

“My apologies,” said Makish regretfully and slapped the screaming woman hard across the temple. The blow instantly shattered her skull and she collapsed on the floor in a pool of blood.”

Oh Makish. You were almost the most heroic character in this book. But hey, at least he feels sorry about it, eh? Eh? Eh.

He then checks on the senator in the room she ran out of, dragging her corpse along with him.

The senator lay on the bed, clutching his chest, gasping for breath. He had suffered a minor coronary. Enough to incapacitate him, but not to kill. Makish completed the job by tearing out the man’s heart.

Unnecessary, but I’m not going to judge him for that one.

“Casually, he threw the woman’s body across the politician’s. United in life, he felt it proper that they should be united in death.”

This I’ll judge him for. You already killed the poor woman, you don’t have to make it worse by trying to symbolically link her with the gross old guy she was paid to fuck. Friggin’ artists...

Alarms, activated by the girl’s screams, were ringing throughout the house.

You ask me, scream-activated alarms aren’t a good idea to have in a whorehouse.

Seriously though, a guard must have heard the screaming and sounded the alarm. Makish doesn’t use his maybe-tehcnomancy to turn them off.

He preferred minor chaos when he worked. Confusion served him well.

See? He meant to blow his cover the instant he entered the building.

Makish hurries downstairs and bumps into three armed ghouls. Pretending to be a terrified innocent bystander, he points them upstairs, telling them the now-dead senator might be dying. Then he tears out there throats as they run past him.

There aren’t any more interruptions on his way to Thompson’s office. He slips in, nods pleasantly to the two politicians inside, then kills them by smashing their heads together.

Thompson, a short, squat man with a huge handlebar mustache, gaped in astonishment.

Toreador are stereotyped as the Beautiful Vampires, but for every sexy male Toreador you get an average-looking schlub like Isaac Abrams and this guy. And no, I’m not giving him any points for the mustache. People with handlebar mustaches after 1900 are compensating for having no personality.

“Who-who are you?” he asked.

“I bring justice,” said the assassin, aware of the hidden camera and tape machines recording his every word and action. His rather stilted dialogue had come directly from the Red Death.

On the one hand, I love that Red D.’s canonically a bad writer. On the other, this is coming from an actual writer who’s allergic to contractions, and it’d be hard to notice when the dialogue is intentionally stilted without us being told so.

“For too many years your presence in this city has offended the Sabbat. Tonight that insult ends.”

You’d think being recorded claiming to represent the Sabbat would cause Makish future trouble getting Camarilla contracts, but he doesn’t look worried about it.

Thompson tries to stall for time, saying they can make a deal, but Makish already read his mind and knows about the already-pressed security button under his desk, and the hidden emergency escape passage nearby.

Makish toyed with the idea of letting Thompson escape into the passage, extending the hunt by a few minutes. It appealed to his sense of irony. But business was business and he had numerous other killings to perform tonight. Sometimes art had to be sacrificed in the name of expediency.

And sometimes expediency is needed to get an artist to make art at all. Am I right or am I right?

Makish reaches into his assassin bag and pulls out a big-ass wooden stake. Thompson shrieks and tries to escape, but Makish quickly stakes him in the heart.

Contrary to popular belief, a wooden stake didn’t kill a vampire. However, it did paralyze the Cainite until removed. Thompson was unharmed, merely immobilized. Which was exactly what Makish wanted.

I’d like to thank Weinberg for not subjecting us to yet another one of those “everything the movies say about vampires is bullshit” speeches that’s in every other vampire story. Even Bloodlines couldn’t resist one.

Also, “unharmed” like stabbing someone in the chest with a big wooden spike leaves no mark.

Next out of Makish’s bag is a roll of gray tape and “a small circular device two inches in diameter.” He also technomances all the recording devices off.

He preferred not displaying his special toys to the eyes of either the Camarilla or the Sabbat. His fondness for Thermit was well known. Death by high explosives was Makish’s favorite artistic expression.

This is one of those scenes that’s stuck with me since I first read this book all those years ago. The way Makish kills Thompson is actually pretty awesome, and is a better example of an “artistic kill” than just disemboweling someone in one quick blow. Just ignore how he’s able to do all this before the ghouls Thompson summoned reach the office.

“Open wide, please,” said Makish politely, and with one hand forced the round ball into Thompson’s mouth. A thin strand of wire connected the device to the stake buried in the vampire’s chest. Carefully Makish wound the heavy-duty tape around his victim’s mouth and upper body. Reinforced with optical fiberglass threads, the tape was nearly indestructible. It could not be torn, only unraveled. Taking it off required hours of hard work. Removing the stake, though, took much less effort.

“Your ghouls should arrive shortly,” declared Makish cheerfully. “Seeing you frozen on the floor, they will immediately think to withdraw the cause of your anguish. You will not be able to tell them not to. Unfortunately, when they pull out the stake, the action will activate the trigger of the plaything in your mouth. It is a small but extremely powerful Thermit bomb. The resulting fire should burn your body to ashes in seconds. The colors will be spectacular. It will be an artistic finish to your existence.”

Taking his bag, Makish stepped into the secret passage. It was a quicker, easier escape method than returning to the roof.

“Goodbye”’ he said to the unmoving Thompson. “Thank you for your cooperation. Enjoy the wait.”

Funny story about this scene.

Like I said, this kill made such an impression on me I still remembered it twenty years later. But over that time, I forgot certain other details about the story. Like Makish. As in, I forgot the character existed at all. The same thing happened with Mad-Eye Moody between Harry Potter books. I read Order of the Phoenix when it came out, several years after The Goblet of Fire, and thought “Wait, who’s this guy with the fake eye? Is he important?”

While I was forgetting details about Blood War, I’d been reading online discussions about Bloodlines after it came out. I’d never played the game before 2019, but I knew a bit about the plot, characters, and notable events... I’d say through cultural osmosis, but let’s be real, Bloodlines was hardly popular enough to be called part of a culture. I was just good at remembering useless geek crap with no real-world applicability. The stuff I knew about the game included a character in it who also made an impressive kill using explosives. 

What I’m saying is, memories blurred together and for several years and until now, I would have sworn the killer in this scene was Smiling Jack.

Now I know Jack was introduced in Bloodlines, but just a year ago I’d thought that maybe he was a character from the tabletop or an early novel, like Beckett. Also, I misremembered his name as Mad Jack. Long story short, I read the book, learned about Makish, went “oh”, remembered that my family has a history of senility, and sunk into existential despair.

The explosion was so loud that Makish heard it two blocks from The Deadlands. He nodded in satisfaction, deciding it was an excellent beginning for the evening’s endeavors.

[snailkitfilmreviews]

Star Wars: The Last Jedi, 2017 - ★★★★★ (contains spoilers)

This review may contain spoilers.

A common criticism of The Force Awakens is that it lifted its structure and emotional resonance from A New Hope. This failing was used to critique the method by which intertextuality has been increasingly used in blockbuster filmmaking as a replacement for basic story functions like "creating emotional stakes", but many Star Wars fans used it as a meme to point to in lieu of their own argument.

Intertextuality is just a tool, though. Its misuse elsewhere does not inherently make it "bad", just misused. Rian Johnson's application of it is an intentional doubling down on the concept of a film in a series echoing its predecessors. (An idea which, I'll point out, was not new to Star Wars when J. J. Abrams used it, either.) And, to put it in hyperbolic local newspaper critic terms: Abrams took inspiration from A New Hope and made a great Star Wars. Rian Johnson took inspiration from Empire Strikes Back and made a great film.

That's what this series needs. That's what Empire was, back in the day. It didn't start from nothing, sure, and there were certain marks its ending had to hit in order for its sequel to work. It was not a transition, though. It was a story. A story about failure. About hubris. About human connection.

The Last Jedi's a story about failure, too. And about hubris. And about human connection. What's stunning about this film is how it uses the language of film and the language of Star Wars in order to weave that story together.

Think about the first time the technique of cross-cutting was described to you. I'd bet money that, for a lot of you, the example was Empire. That sequence—Luke on Dagobah, the rest on the Millennium Falcon—informs The Last Jedi. Johnson's film keeps a frankly astonishing pace for a 150-odd minute film by filling it with dozens of meanwhiles back on dozens of ranches. More to the point, though, it uses those juxtapositions to create meaning.

Most notably, the conceit of the Force-enabled contact between Rey and Kylo Ren is formally cross-cutting but narratively an emotional connection, a conversation. Notice how judiciously this is shown. Only two shots actually involve the two of them "bridging" that gap in space. Do you think this is an accident? In 2017 it'd be very easy to use any number of effects in order to create a "middle ground", as it were, where the two could interact in each other's spaces. Johnson, however, elects to shoot the two from inside their interaction, facing outward. In their own singles. They couldn't be more separated visually, but because of the Kuleshov effect, because of juxtaposition, because of our familiarity with shot/reverse-shot, we believe this connection. We don't need to see Kylo's perspective of Rey, divorced from her surroundings. We just need a cut.

And now, the more controversial element: the script. The humor.

Something that's unfortunately missed, in a race to "legitimize" that which has been seen as childish, is the true nature of Star Wars as a work of art. There's a desperation with which it's held up as a "serious movie". Accolade upon accolade is thrust upon A New Hope by its fanbase, in a feverish worry that someone will commit the grievous sin of telling them their hobby is dumb. And yeah, y'know. I get it. We want the things we like to have legitimacy. But you wanna hear a secret?

STAR WARS CAN HAVE LEGITIMACY WITHOUT BEING A "SERIOUS" MOVIE.

Star Wars is fucking camp, dude. That's George Lucas' wheelhouse. (Spielberg too, you see it in their collaborations. Indiana Jones is camp as hell.) The villain of Star Wars is a magic black-clad bemasked space fascist. Vader is a symbol. He is the faustian bargain incarnate. As the stepchild of an opera singer I resent misunderstandings of what "opera" is formally, but Star Wars is, perhaps more than any other space fantasy film, a Space Opera. Characters representing ideas and emotions. Human stories. Han Solo doesn't make asides to the audience—oh man, could you imagine if he did—but the function of the dialogue is the same: the conveyance of those ideas, those emotions. How does a person who's built up walls to avoid bettering theirself react where they're in real danger? They sputter. "We're all fine up here...how are you?" It's why Obi-Wan Kenobi's wisdom sounds so wise within its context and so absurd without it. It doesn't matter if it's splitting hairs in "real life"—in a world of melodrama, "a certain point of view" really does make a difference. Anakin Skywalker really was dead. Darth Vader really did kill him.

My point is, what makes a film good is not its "realism", whatever that means. (You shouldn't have to convince someone Darth Vader is scary because of some verisimilitudinal justification. He's plenty scary symbolically.) It's in its Truth. Does a film have something to say? Does it succeed in saying it? Do you believe it? Star Wars at its best functions as a representational work, a melodrama that plays in extremes to tell human stories. A man struggles to embrace healthy coping mechanisms. A woman deals with the death of her family and the context in which she lived her life. A son uses compassion to reach his absent father. A fascist government destroys lives for empty political gain.

The dialogue in The Last Jedi is absolutely more functional than poetic. The film is deeply funny, often in ways that can seem to undercut the "seriousness" of the affair. But if I've managed to communicate my point at all, I hope you can recognize that dialogue and tone do not exist in a vacuum. They exist in context. And here, the context is camp.

So, I'll amend my earlier jokey statement: Rian Johnson took inspiration from Empire Strikes Back and made what is not only a great film, but a great Star Wars film.

In a transparently A.V. Club move, here's some stray thoughts:

If you're still salty about this film having a lot of comedy in it, go rewatch A New Hope. It's not a dour film. Along similar lines, it's helpful to remember that Han shooting first is not just a character moment, but also a joke. Star Wars is no stranger to undercutting itself.

There is nothing like the collective catharsis of an audience watching a scene like Snoke's death. Nothing.

One of my favorite ways in which this film plays with the intertextuality/"echoing" of earlier films is the way that it positions Canto Bight as another "wretched hive of scum and villainy". Sure, Mos Eisley is exploitative, but this place is on another level.

In the Opera paragraph I very nearly tried to draw a link between Darth Vader and the Commendatore in Don Giovanni, but 1. it's way too tenuous and contradictory a link to hold up to scrutiny, even if the statue is a vengeful and wrathful thing and 2. I would've been drawing a link between Darth Vader and the Commendatore in Don Giovanni, which I have enough self-awareness to understand is a bit overblown.

After making my joke about how I wish Han made asides, I realized that his running commentary—his private jokes to nobody except him (and the audience)—does essentially function as a type of aside. Regardless, the point I was making was that neither he nor the other characters make asides in the theatrical sense. He's not talking to the audience directly. That, I'd love to see.

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[shayne-or-something-blog]

Episodes 17-20

The reason why Pikachu runs through the random Lass' legs in the theme song is because of a mistranslation of the theme song where the original says something along the lines of "under a girl's skirt"

Can Gyarados use Dragon Rage solo or does it always require 5 of them?

Krabby decides to just pinch the fuck out of Jesse and James' thighs while they're stuck head first in sand. Mouth foaming, they didn’t forget <3

Jesse got Ekans for her birthday last year and James got Koffing for Christmas? Is that a normal thing? Who did they get them from? Did they not have Pokemon before that? How long have they been trainers and how long did it take them to become villains?

How did Pikachu just know these were Ash's Pokeballs? Could it smell the Pokemon inside again like it did with Caterpie?

WHY IS THIS THE ONLY EPISODE THEY CAPTION THE POKEMON'S SPEECH?????

I fucking love Slowpoke.

Did they just leave the Pokeballs on the beach? If so, can you just put a Pokemon you own in another Pokeball if you lose the first one?

Why are Ash's Pokemon intelligent but Ekans and Koffing talk in "You not master, master is master" types of speech.

There are no bad Pokemon only bad trainers is one of my favorite ideas from this entire franchise.

Bulbasaur is such a Debbie downer, fuck that guy.

Are these fruits or berries from Gen 2 forward?

Giant Rhydon is unexpected.

Did the giant Zapdos know Ash and co. were under it or was it just shooting lightning for the yolo?

Giant Moltres shot fire at Jesse and James like it knew they were there but just kept going anyway? I'm confused on the motives of these giant Pokemon.

Why is there a ramen shop in the middle of this forest ran by a Slowbro?

Bulbasaur is sloshed and yelling at Squirtle.

So Giovanni's voice is always distorted for some reason?

Are Ekans and Koffing portrayed that way because they're Team Rocket's Pokemon or because they're poison-type, or?

These giant Pokemon are awfully hostile.

Bulbasaur is such an edgelord, holy.

This singular rail cart is able to drag the massive Kabutops without even slowing slightly.

Now it's dragging Kabutops and giant Pikachu with it, what is this rail cart made of?

It's dragging all of the Pokemon now. This is the most powerful force in existence.

Giant Pokemon are all machines so are they programmed to be aggressive toward bystanders?

Giovanni owns Pokemonland, makes sense.

The sexualization of Misty in her bathing suit is weird as she is 10.

Ash, Misty, and Brock steal a boat and then ram it into Team Rocket, crashing the boat into a dock. What a bunch of hooligans.

Whoa, creepy old guy gets perv blush when he sees Misty in bathing suit and says "you remind me of my granddaughter" that went over my head when I was younger.

So the Team Rocket vs Ash and co. in this episode will be over the restaurants they're working at.

Brock thinks Jesse looks hot in her waitress outfit. Pretty sure she's like 14. This series is weird.

Someone got paid to use the word twerpateria.

These are the most effective banana peels of all time.

Why does Moe owe Brutella so much money?

Oak is here with Ash's mom? Get you some, Prof!

How did Brock become the announcer for the beauty contest if he just learned about it the same day?

Oak and Ash's mom talk an awful lot for just platonic homies, just saying.

Starmie can just float apparently.

GARY OAK IS HERE HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE

Holy he just called Ash out for literal no reason.

What is this rivalry even based off of? What did Ash and Gary do to even become rivals?

Why does the Gyarados submarine have tank treads?

This episode made negative sense.

Ash's mom has a nice butt.

Horsea ink spurts art of Tentacool and Tentacruel and Misty can only think to catch it.

How can Staryu and Starmie fly?

Nastina brings up eating Pokemon again, so I have to assume that this is a real thing people do. All meat must come from a Pokemon in this world. How do you find out if a Pokemon is better for battling or for eating? Do you sometimes do both?

When did they get the Horsea and put it in this random pool with Pikachu? Why was that done offscreen?

Nastina and Brutella are the same person but in one of those weird anime kind of ways not the same person.

The undersea horde of Tentacool is actually frightening to think about.

The stun sauce somehow made this Tentacool evolve into the world's largest Tentacruel for reasons.

Tentacruel is known as the gangster of the sea...but how?

I wonder if Godzillacruel and Godzillanite ever meet up and talk about what it's like to be 10x larger than the rest of their kind.

Tentacool and Tentacruel do the "tentacles on head to communicate through the vessel" thing from Independance Day.

Do Pokemon inside Pokeballs see what's going on around them? If not how did Pidgeotto know where Horsea was when Ash sent it out with only the command, "Catch it"

So Bulbasaur had to wrap vines around Butterfree to be carried but Zubat with no appendages is able to carry Squirtle just fine?

Why is Goldeen even ever sent out? It's more useless than Magikarp so far in this series.

The Staryu and Starmie kind of gripping Tentacool and throwing them into the water looks so disturbing.

So what makes guns acceptable in this episode and not the Porygon one? Where is the line drawn?

Nastina blasting of agaaaaaaaaaaain.

Nastina and Brutella are cousins it turns out.

Brock feels me on swimsuit season.

Misty keeps being called scrawny and honestly she dumb thicc for a 10 year old.

Holy shit that painting is over 2,000 years old? It held up miraculously well.

Oh wow, there's a bedtime curfew for Pokemon Trainers? Why is that a thing?

Jesse does a solo rendition of Team Rocket's Motto and this might be the saddest moment of the series so far.

Anti-Ghost Stickers, aren't these just charms or seals? I guess that was too occult for a kids show?

Jesse shot a bazooka at a ghost. This is a thing that just happened.

Gastly as a giant mongoose wearing a gas mask stepping on Koffing is an image I didn't think I'd ever see tbh.

Venusaur and Blastoise fusion dance into Venustoise, hmm.

So Gastly can only pull this act once a year? Why? He says he hates the sun but there's night literally every night?

So the ghost of the maiden is real and Gastly just pulls this shit so no one forgets?

Misty looks so much better with her hair down.