#the 'pick up my hat' scene is a perfect example

[boydswan]

Absolutely free, so everyone can see.

Shia LaBeouf as Clodio Pulcher in MEGALOPOLIS (2024) dir. Francis Ford Coppola

[amoveablejake]

Album of The Week: ‘Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse’ (Original Score) By Daniel Pemberton

Stand out song: ‘Spider-Woman (Gwen Stacy)’.

2018′s ‘Into The Spider-Verse’ became an instant classic among its fan base and what that fan base is, is quite hard to describe. It is hard to describe because it is by no means limited to one section of fans or people. There were lifelong Spider-Man fans who fell for it head over heels alongside people brand new to the character to rather characters. There were then fans of superhero movies or just admirers of films in general who due to the heart, storytelling and design choices of the film because rather mesmerised by it. And, rightly so. ‘Into The Spider-Verse’ was a breath of fresh air and showed not only what super hero films can be but also what animated films, hell, what films can be in general. One of the elements that really stuck around in the years following its release, was its soundtrack. The songs that were written for it graduated from being on the film’s soundtrack to being regular radio hits and rightly so as the tracks deserved to exist in their own right. It was therefore, the licensed songs that took centre stage for the first films musical scene however, Daniel Pemberton at the second time around has produced a score that by far eclipses the songs that were written for the film and ‘Across The Spider-Verse’s key player is its original score which is nothing short of perfect. Then again, the rest of the film is too. 

The opening of ‘Across The Spider-Verse’, don’t worry I am not going to spoil anything here, is very heavily reliant on music. It uses the music to drive its opening gambit forward and to build momentum that really, never lets up. Its also more than that. The music is a reference to the source material for the character in question, see no spoilers here, and by using it it is not only demonstrating a key awareness of the character and their origin from the comic book world but is also tipping its hat to those readers of the comic books who have been with the character from their inception. Because ‘Across The Spider-Verse’ is at its core, a comic book film rather than a super hero film and its art style is one clear example of that. It is also shown through again, this relentless score that is repeatedly throwing in tracks that quickly pick up speed and make you lean forward in your seat. By their nature, comic books are read quickly and they do, for the most part, have a dynamic perspective attached to them with their formatting so there is an inherent momentum built into their very design. This design work for the art form is reflected through the musical choices for the film here and it is a masterstroke and one that surely cements Daniel Pemberton’s place among the most thoughtful and considered composers on the scene at the moment. 

Within the opening few minutes of ‘Across The Spider-Verse’ I felt like I was going to cry and that feeling didn’t go away fro the rest of the film. That feeling was there because for me, they nailed the tone of Spider-Man and the heart of it. All of the things that have made me a lifelong Spidey fan were there and seeing him or rather them have that portrayal or portrayals was very special and did mean a lot. And as an extension from that, giving the characters associated tracks that feel perfectly in tune with their core identities only elevated the viewing experience even more. Some of the character tracks are very similar, but there are slight variations on them which works brilliantly considering the film is a multiversal one looking at the same character, well, the same but different. ‘Across the Spider-Verse is going to stick with me (I didn’t plan that but you best believe I am oh so happy with it) for quite some time. It, like its predecessor, was a breath of fresh air and one that I didn’t realise I needed so much. But perhaps more than the film itself, what will become an even more key part of my day to day for the foreseeable future will be its score. In an age where film soundtracks are the stand outs and perfectly worked scores whilst still out there, don’t take centre stage quite as often as they once did, it is fitting that a film as original and noteworthy as ‘Across The Spider-Verse’ features a score that matches its brilliance. Perfection doesn’t do the film or its score justice. As a certain man would say, ‘Nuff Said. 

-Jake, a man always ready for his call up to be Spidey, 12/06/2023

[writerthreads]

How to write a gripping beginning

by Writerthreads on Instagram

Personally, I find beginnings to be one of the hardest parts of the whole book because it's so important. The beginning is what makes or breaks your book. It's what keeps readers interested after they pick it up at a store, or when they first download it on their Kindle. Below are some tips, as well as some analyses, on how to perfect a story's beginning.

Introduce your main character and the setting: Mrs. Dalloway

By "introduce", I don't mean a giant 10-page info dump on royal family tree or the ten kingdoms the world is made up of. Rather, I'm thinking of a character in a place, or doing something. The best, and one of the most famous examples would be how Virginia Woolf started Mrs. Dalloway:

Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself.

Already, you have the titular character, Mrs Dalloway, introduced. She's doing something, too. She's saying that she's going to buy flowers herself, setting up a scene later where she's probably going to, or back out of, buying flowers. The pronoun "herself" suggests to the reader in Woolf's era that she's of a middle-class background and that somebody (eg. a servant) would normally be running errands for Mrs. Dalloway, but the character wanted to do this simple task herself.

I could go on forever about how each word in this simple sentence has implicit meanings and my ex-A Level Eng Lit teacher will probably be very proud of me, but that's not the point. The main idea is that in just a single sentence, a lot is being revealed to the reader without the writer having to info dump anything.

Allow me to continue to the second paragraph of the book:

For Lucy had her work cut out for her. The doors would be taken off their hinges; Rumpelmayer's men were coming. And then, thought Clarissa Dalloway, what a morning-fresh as if issued to children on a beach.

More characters are introduced now: we have Lucy, Rumpelmayer and his men. Mrs. Dalloway's full name is revealed, and so is her personality through her thought. It's childlike, whimsical and light, and that's why her name "Clarissa Dalloway" is used here instead of the stiff "Mrs. Dalloway".

In just two paragraphs, we are introduced to the titular character and some minor characters are mentioned. We also know bits and pieces of what's going to happen. Woolf artistically starts off the book with simple prose. Everything is well thought out, yes, Virginia Woolf is a literary genius, yes, but this is something that we can all do: write a simple introduction without weighting readers down with lots of detail we don't need, and get straight into the story.

Start in media res

Fun fact: "in media res" is also the name of our Discord Server!

When you start in the middle of an action, readers are transported straight to the story, hooking them in. For example, if you were writing a rom com, you could start with the main character bumping into a long-lost friend:

Emma saw a familiar cowboy hat bobbing in and out of the crowd in front of her. Emma found herself pushing through sweaty limbs into the crowd, trying to catch a glimpse of the person who wore the hat, trying to see whether it was really her friend who had ghosted her five years ago.

Obviously this isn't the best beginning in the world, but you get the point.

Try something interesting

A strong story opening makes you want to know more. Donna Tartt does this perfectly in A Secret History:

The snow in the mountains was melting and Bunny had been dead for several weeks before we came to understand the gravity of our situation.

What is up? Who is Bunny? What's so serious about their predicament? Tell us more!!! Bunny's death makes us want to know what has happened, while mentioning the characters' situation wants us to know what's going to happen. Tartt forces us to continue on to find out the full story.

Lead with a strong statement

A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy:

Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

Tolstoy’s first line introduces the domestic strife that drives the story’s tragic events, using a bold, sweeping statement, while Dicken's catchy first sentence introduces us to the book's main themes.

There are way more examples of good beginnings that you can only learn from by reading. If you're a beginner, literally comb through a library shelf of the genre you're writing in and see how published authors have written their beginnings. Alternatively, you could go check out our post on the best story beginnings for more ideas!

[dojolarusso]

daniel larusso's outfits megapost

hello, loves! i'm just gonna go through the movies and make a few comments on all of daniel's outfits. give or take a few that i may have missed, but i tried to get them all. they will also (mostly) be in chronological order.

so here goes. if you wanna read my ramblings, look under the cut!

okay, here goes. the first time we see our daniel. not my fave. but when i first watched thses movies, i was instantly attracted to him lmao. he was my first celeb crush at like age 12/13 and he still is as a 59 year old man now..

the beach wear is nice but not one of my favourites. 

v cute when he adds the red hoodie though. definitely his colour

this look is one of my favourites, vvvv nice and he does actually look really cool. the red checkers are real nice - i am very much a fan of anything plaid/checkered/flannel, so i always love it on him. i would wear this for sure, glasses included

his gym wear, we see twice.. another fan favourite, i believe. i prefer it without the jacket though

probably my least favourite out of the movies. not a fan of the orange, daniel

the yellow shirt was really nice, he looks very good in this with his very pretty bruise too. we only get to see this outfit for like a minute though :(

the red jacket -  very very nice. he is stunning in this scene

this one always has a lot of different opinions. personally, i really like it and it's one of my favourite outfits of his. he makes the colliding patterns work, right? and the whump adds to the look. he wears the same pants when he's trimming his bonsai tree with miyagi too.

this is another one of my faves but we see it for literally 4/5 seconds because he's trying to avoid ali. it's vvv cute.

he usually wears his flannel buttoned up, but here, he wears it open and i get writer or artist vibes from him here too

another fave.

look at himmmmm. or...... it. lmao

hi beautiful boy

okay, and this scene after the fight, wearing the same shirt and looking so so comfy and cosy (despite the whump). i just wanna cuddle him so bad in this scene

guess what? another favourite outfit.. in fact, the rest of the outfits from part 1 are in my favourites. he looks v good. the blue and white checks are one of the best ones he wears.

this little moment where miyagi puts on the headband... doesn't it feel like some very monumental moment? like when someone in your family passes down a watch or piece of jewelry, or just any kind of item with meaning. it feels special and it's very nice too. the fact that this scene was improvised by pat oo, and then the headband became a statement.. amazing. also, i was curious about the pattern, and looked some stuff up, so if you didn't already know - it's a japanese hand towel or handkerchief, called a 'tenugui'. they are usually used to dry hands, sweat, etc (never for blowing your nose though), but they can also be used to wrap things, to give gifts, as belts etc. so hopefully that's something new for some of you to learn today. also! how sweet that ralph still has one of them!!

okay, enough on that.. the next one.. the green/navy kinda flannel, also very nice on him! the whump!!!

the date night outfit is basically and example of how i dress whenever i'm not working or living in hoodies. very lush

this could be my top favourite if there wasn’t so many. the headband around his neck, the plaid, the smiles, the background... it all adds up and it’s stunningly gorg

this one is like, probably one of the most popular, no? it's like one of the first pictures you see if you search daniel larusso on anything. he looks angelic

this one is pretty too! it's like he knew he would be painting or something because the outfit sort of gives off artist vibes again

these are probably the same shorts that he wore to the beach party, right? listen, he was the same age here, that i am now and just, like... turn around, daniel, pls :)

okay, fine..

look at that background.. so pretty.. and so is the main subject :)

his birthday outfit is him in a sweater, so of course, i love it very much. the hat just makes it that much more adorable too

then he tries on the gi for the first time.. gorgeous

this jacket is really nice.. one of my top faves! i would probably buy a jacket like this

the plaid he wears just before the tournament.. pretty pretty

the gi!! it's very hard to pick an all time favourite, but this is very close to being it. idk what it is but i just really enjoy him in it.

and the patch is really really cool

first outfit of part 2... a top fave. another outfit that is pretty much an example of what i wear a lot

not a fan, not a fan. the colour of his prom suit is nice, but it's not his best look

it looks slightly better without the jacket though

not a fan of this striped shirt either

it seems like part 1 was a lot of plaid/flannel and part 2 is a lot of stripes.

he wears this shirt a few times throughout this movie..

the pink shirt is quite cute, and he's a lil cutie during this scene meeting yukie

this scene is very sad, but the outfit is very good. wish we'd seen this at some other point

one of everyone's favourites. yesyesyes. very, very nice.

damn, he looks good. the peaking shoulder and the shirt blowing in the wind. yesyesyes. very, very nice.

just... yes.

he wears that tank top again a little later too!

more stripes, very cute

i've realised that a lot of you love red on him and i happen to very much agree.

gorgeous

then here's the shirt that kumiko gifts to him. also, very very nice

the pink checkered shirt - he wears this for the cermony, then through the storm, up until this moment.. again, it's another that i really like

bet you've been waiting for this one, huh?

or maybe you scrolled down to it because you wanted to see what i would say.. hm? haha

it's actually shiny just so nice. the bonsai is so cool too. and it matches with miyagi's grey version

anyways, if he didn't have so so so many good outfits then this would be my all time favourite. he is radiant. the little bonsais on the front are so sweet!!! ugh, i just love bonsai trees too, i guess

this is like the only full shot of it, unless you use something from the actual fight

had to include this glorious, perfect smile and moment. ugh, just look at him.. stare at it for a moment and enjoy his beauty and the very nicely done whump goodness

okay, you done staring? good, because we're onto the final movie... part 3

these three shirts are some of the few that i like in part 3. the blue is cool

the yellow is nice

the red is pretty

this puffy jacket appears a lot in this part, and i don't really like it

this shirt is one that miyagi gifted to him, very nice.. and i think it's actually very similar to one that miyagi wears in the first movie too

the sweaters. oh, the sweaters. he looks so good in them. this grey one with the red pants.. gorgeous

such a pretty man

he just looks so comfy and cuddly, pls

ugh, precious angel

i can't decide if i like the grey or dark blue one more, but they are both really nice and two of my favourite colours which is part of the reason why

come and cuddle me, pls

this has to be the same outfit he worse while running with jessica, only with the joggers rolled up a little.. v cute

this was a nice outfit! despite the heartbreaking moment that comes right after. i think he really suits red.. and blue 

this jacket, he wears it a few times with different shirts. i actually love this one. it has like a plaid/check inlay which is really cool - i want it.

i prefer it like this though, with the collared shirt and sweater

and finally, we have the gi again. a classic, one of his best best looks ever.

if you would like to use these screencaps, please feel free, but just tag me somewhere because it truly tok a long time to get them all/edit/sort etc :)

[tilbageidanmark]

Movies I watched this Week #91

The Quiet Girl, a subdued Irish film, spoken mostly in Gaelic. It tells a heart-felt, modest story about a withdrawn 9-year-old girl from a large and neglectful rural family. When her mother becomes pregnant once again, she is sent to spend the summer with some distant middle-aged relatives, where she experiences a loving home for the first time in her life.

I am a sucker for warm stories of little girls like this, and I loved this gentle, extremely well-crafted film. The performance of the young, expressive actress Catherine Clinch as little Cáit was sensational. (Photo Above). 100% “Fresh” on Rotten Tomatoes, and 10/10 with me.

🍿 

“I’m not a tailor, I’m a cutter"...

If The Outfit opening reminded me of ‘The Phantom Thread’, it quickly evolved into a completely different story: a “nail-biting crime thriller of an aging master tailor who must outwit a dangerous group of mobsters in order to survive a fateful night”. The most fascinating surprise of the week.

My only beef is the poor casting of ‘Francis’ and ‘Richie’, the two younger thugs. Otherwise, there were only 4 other players, stage-acting in one location, a small tailor shop, and these four were all riveting. 8/10.

🍿 

My first film from Bhutan, Lunana: A Yak in the Classroom. A young self-centered teacher is sent against his will to Lunana, population 56, the most remote village in the country, but with time he learns to appreciate the simple traditions of its dirt-poor inhabitants. No surprises in storytelling or execution, but beautiful to see a mature, self-contained work by a first-time director from a really-different part of the world. 7/10. It was nominated for last year’s Oscars. (So by now I've seen all five best international films for 2021: ‘Drive my car’, ‘Flee’, ‘The hand of God’, ‘The worst person in the world’, and this.)

🍿

Another “exotic" first, The Bra from Azerbaijan, a slight soft-core Cinderella story, where the prince is a retiring train driver whose caboose snags a bra from a cloth line as it passes through a village. And so begins his quest to search among all the young women in town whose breasts fit the lost bra. The decision (by the German director) to exclude all dialog and rely on pantomime and music only is irritating. 3/10 for uniqueness.

🍿

American Icon and genius animator Don Hertzfeldt had uploaded to YouTube for free World Of Tomorrow, his 2015 Oscar nominated masterpiece. This "One of the greatest short films in the history of movies" is about an innocent 4 year old girl who meets an absurd grown-up third-generation clone of herself. I saw it at the beginning of the year, and I had to see it again. It’s my favorite science fiction film of all times. 10/10. 

🍿 

2 with actor Tsutomu Yamazaki:

🍿 High and low (= "Heaven and Hell"), Kurosawa's only adaptation of a modern novel with a contemporary setting. Toshiro Mifune is a wealthy director of The National Shoe Company, and his son get kidnapped, just as he tries to take over the business. A moral parable of crime and punishment, selfishness and altruism, good and evil.

It had a special surprising visual effect: a plume of pink smoke from a trash incinerator, in the middle of this crisp black & white masterpiece. This is the moment when the film descent from the hill-top villa of privilege to the depth of depravity below.

🍿 “...Keep eating! It's the last meal your mother cooked! Eat while it's hot! Eat!..”

In the “Ramen Western” Tampopo, he played Gorō, the cowboy-hat-wearing truck driver who comes into town looking for ... the perfect bowl of noodles. The main plot line is interspersed with various food-related vignettes, for example, the gangster who teaches his lover new erotic ways to enjoy egg yolks, and the final close up scene of a baby blissfully sucking on his mom’s breast.

🍿

A randomly-picked, typical 3-hour, Bollywood soap opera, the funnily-named Chori Chori Chupke Chupke from 2001. On its face, it’s a standard story of a wealthy couple who fall in love, and hire a young prostitute as a surrogate mother, when the wife cannot conceive. But apparently it became nationally associated with the whole topic of surrogate childbirth in India. Also it played on a subtext of romantic threesome between the husband, the wife and the hooker who was invited into their life. It includes half a dozen - and not enough - joyous and colorful song-and dance numbers like this No. 1 Punjabi. 7/10.

🍿

2 More with Juliette Binoche:

🍿 As she grows beyond middle age, the voluptuous Juliette Binoche had been embracing her sexuality in many of the characters she seeks (’Non Fiction’, ‘Let the sunshine in’, ‘Clouds of Sils Maria’, ‘Elles’, ‘Certified copy’, ‘Dan in real life’, many others). So in Who you think I am she plays a divorced 50-year-old who creates a fake farcebork profile of a young woman in order to lure a much younger lover. Vulnerable, deceptive, human. I am smitten no matter who she plays.

🍿 The Wait, however, is a 2015 Italian drama about a grieving Sicilian mother who cannot acknowledge the sudden death of her son, and who cannot bring herself to tell his visiting girlfriend about his death. But it’s too drawn out, too thin, and even the beautiful Binoche can’t fill its empty core. M’eh.

🍿

The Lady Eve, only my 3rd screwball by Preston Sturges, with scheming con-artist Barbara Stanwyck and naive, romantic sap Henry Fonda. Roger Ebert called the scene where she seduces him by playing with his hair “The single sexiest and funniest of all romantic comedies”.

🍿

2 by Jean-Pierre Jeunet, both with his collaborator Dominique Pinon: 

🍿 His first fantastic short Foutaises ("Things I Like, Things I Hate”) from 1989. Starring rubber-face Pinon as a shopping list of things he likes and dislikes. 7 minutes of cinematic joy, worth watching again and again. [Copy is in French with no English subtitles].

🍿 The same list-making trick was used extensively at the first half of his happy Amélie, a whimsy tale of romantic Paris, drenched in red and green color filters, and accompanied by sentimental accordion music throughout. Re-watch.

I am getting ready to revisit the rest of his French films (’’The City of Lost Children’, Delicatessen’, ‘A very long engagement’, Etc.).

🍿 

Alice, my first subversive acid trip by surrealist Czech crazy man Jan Švankmajer (Still alive today at 88!). A nightmarish, disturbing and often icky retelling of Lewis Carroll's ‘Alice's Adventures in Wonderland’. Kafkaesque stop-motion, disgusting taxidermy, squishy raw meat, symbolic transformations, and foreboding assortments of old-fashioned tools and bizarre objects. No cute Disney makeover for kids here.

🍿

“Parasite or symbiote?...” Sputnik, a creepy Russian ‘Alien’-sci-fi-clone from 2020. It tells of a cosmonaut who returns from space in 1983, unaware that he’s hosting an extraterrestrial, parasitic drooling “creature” which escapes at night to feed on live humans. Also, there’s a female psychiatrist who is brought in to “treat” him. 3/10.

(Russian filmmakers must have a huge selection of large Soviet era structures, real or imagined, to choose from when staging period stories!)

🍿

First watch: Pixar’s Brave, rated 21 out of their 26 features. A noisy, too fast, too busy, Disney-style myth-building fantasy for ‘emancipated’ little girls with big, red hair. An obvious commercial money grab with no heart. Even Kelly Macdonald’s exaggerated Scottish accent doesn’t save it. 2/10

🍿

“I see you shiver with antici ...”

I guess you had to experience The Rocky Horror Picture Show as a pre-teen in order to best appreciate its campy appeal. Because seeing it for the first time 50 years after it exploded on the scene, I find this Glam transsexual musical comedy baffling at best. 4/10.

🍿

“...Maybe you'll learn a little something about yourself...”

Another first watch: John Hughes’ acclaimed hi-school drama The breakfast Club, the quintessential 1980s film. It must have captures adolescence accurately when it came out, and it’s as if it didn’t age. 8/10.

🍿 

Anthony Hopkins X 2:

🍿 Hannibal Hopkins & Sir Anthony, a standard, a series of interviews plus a fawning biography that doesn’t gets deep or insightful. It centers around his portrayal of Hannibal Lecter, and reminds us that he only had 20 minutes screen time in it.

🍿 I’m not usually fond of biographical fiction about real, dead figures, and the recent Hitchcock is no better than most. Hopkins with prosthetic masks / Make-up and a fat suit and Helen Mirren as his loyal wife Alma. His best tool as always is his voice, here mimicking Hitchcock’s famous terror-inciting accent. The story focus on the year 1959 when they were pushing the envelope and taking personal risks making Psycho. Best scene was at the end, watching the audience reaction at the premiere - this was worth the admission price.  🍿

So this is the 3rd time in a year that I’m watching J. C. Chandor’s directorial debut Margin Call. And just as I wrote 4 months ago, it’s a perfect financial ‘halogencore’ drama for me. I really can’t find a single false note in it. 10/10.

“...So you think we might have put a few people out of business today. That its all for naught. You've been doing that everyday for almost forty years Sam. And if this is all for naught then so is everything out there. Its just money; its made up. Pieces of paper with pictures on it so we don't have to kill each other just to get something to eat. It's not wrong. And it's certainly no different today than its ever been. 1637, 1797, 1819, 37, 57, 84, 1901, 07, 29, 1937, 1974, 1987 - Jesus, didn't that fuck up me up good - 92, 97, 2000 and whatever we want to call this. It's all just the same thing over and over; we can't help ourselves. And you and I can't control it, or stop it, or even slow it. Or even ever-so-slightly alter it. We just react. And we make a lot money if we get it right. And we get left by the side of the side of the road if we get it wrong. And there have always been and there always will be the same percentage of winners and losers. Happy foxes and sad sacks. Fat cats and starving dogs in this world. Yeah, there may be more of us today than there's ever been. But the percentages - they stay exactly the same...”

🍿

From my “So-bad-I-couldn’t-finish-it-films”: Bullet Train - Had to quit it after 17 min. Unfunny, whitewashed Tarantino-lite mess.

🍿 

Throw-back to the art project:

Amélie Adora. 

The Rocky Horror Picture Show Adora.

🍿

(My complete movie list is here)

[plasticnightmaredoll]

Mortal Kombat (2021) Review

Well, well, well....here we are, a Mortal Kombat movie -- not the first, obviously. I will say, it's much better than both films from the 1990s. I will also say that, for the most part, I enjoyed it more than "Mortal Kombat 11" and its garbage DLC "Aftermath."

Come for me all you want, but I am standing by my thoughts on that game and its DLC.

Overall, I did like this new "Mortal Kombat" movie. It was entertaining. However, I have...a lot of issues with it, too, pertaining to lore, acting, and special effects.

What was the best part of this movie? If I had to pick one? Oh, definitely Hiroyuki Sanada as Hanzo Hasashi/Scorpion. He is one of the best Japanese actors working today. He's one of the best actors working today. Having him play such an important character was probably the best choice the producers made.

Also, quick side note: Hiroyuki is 60 years old. HOW?! I mean, he doesn't look 20, but 60? I have my doubts.

Also, this is the first time I've heard him speak English. Interesting.

Another wise decision the producers made for this movie is casting Josh Lawson as Kano. I don't like Kano. He's a dick, but Josh gave the idiot a sort of douchebag charm that you couldn't help but be amused by.

So, what did I like, broken down:

Josh Lawson and Hiroyuki Sanada

The opening scene and final fight were the best scenes in the movie. Fantastically done, both of them.

Some cute little references to MK lore: a picture of Nightwolf, the use of "flawless victory," the use of "fatality," some suspiciously MK-sounding music cues, the massive statue of Shao Kahn...There were some nice fan service moments.

The fights, even the training ones, were all entertaining. Kind of like with "Godzilla vs Kong," the action is one of the strongest points of "Mortal Kombat" (2021).

The concept of the dragon brand to indicate who would fight in MK tournaments was actually a great choice. It does give the writers an excuse to not worry about including EVERY MK character; only the ones who have been "chosen" can fight at this time. It makes sense, it works, it's intriguing.

Kung Lao slicing Nitara in half (Sorry, Nitara -- love ya, Girl!) with his "spinning hat" technique was probably the most Mortal Kombat kill of the movie. It was extremely graphic, bloody, gross, over-the-top...it was perfect.

Hanzo toasting Bi-Han with his classic fire breath was a badass move if I ever saw one.

I did like how Mileena's mouth "worked" in this movie. She had sharp teeth and reddened skin(?) around her mouth to indicate that there was something not quite right with her face. Then she gets pissed later in the movie and opens her jaw completely, revealing an almost snake-like mouth, the skin tearing in the process. It was pretty badass. I liked it.

I actually liked Raiden a lot in this movie. I don't particularly like him in the games (don't come for me -- it's just my opinion) but I thought he was awesome in this movie, a truly intimidating but wise presence. His lack of full assistance made more sense in this movie, too (again, don't come for me because this is just my opinion).

The special effects were sometimes quite good. Sub-Zero's ice powers were well made, for example. Another example is Goro, who was fantastic (so much better than he did in the 1995 movie).

The backstory behind the main weapon of Hanzo was a pleasant surprise: it was a gardening tool to being with, and he just so happened to find it and turn it into a weapon.

Mixed thoughts:

The acting was decent overall. The only two I thought did great were Josh Lawson and Hiroyuki Sanada, but everyone else was ok. Some of the performances got a little hammy at times, but...I'm not going to take too many points off for that.

I liked Mileena but also was disappointed. She wasn't as malicious and flirty as she normally is; like she was watered down in this movie for some reason. However, she still was a dangerous fighter and her mouth was crazy! 👄

What I didn't like:

Some things didn't look so great. When Jax lost his arms, it looked...well it looked like blatant CGI. The lighting barrier Raiden created to protect his fighters from Shang Tsung looked pretty cheap as well. Some set pieces looked a bit too much like set pieces. I know we're on a set because this is a movie. However, when it looks kind of obvious, it really distracts you. I know this is a Marvel movie or something, but I think the special effects and sets could have looked a bit more refined.

I preferred the Quan Chi twist in regards to the death of Hanzo's family. It provided a much more complicated revenge story, and...I just think it was a better choice than making Bi-Han the murderer, like in this movie. I get that if they did use the Quan Chi twist, this movie would have become, like, 5 hours long or something, and would have had yet another character to develop (or attempt to develop). Still, it's not my favorite take on the Sub-Zero vs Scorpion story. So...meh.

Reptile looked impressive. He was more like a ... reptile than usual, you know, as opposed to a humanoid reptile creature. However, he didn't speak and didn't wear any armor, and his role in the movie seemed forced. It felt more like a badly executed fan service moment, like, "Heeeyyyy, it's Reptile, Guys! Ok, kill him because we have too many characters already...."

Cole was a likable guy, but I didn't see a point in his character being in the movie. He isn't an MK character from the games, and this just doesn't seem like the time to make a new character for the franchise. There are so many more MK characters to choose from, I think they could have avoided making up someone.

At the same time, though, this movie does suffer from having too many characters to focus on: Cole Young, Kano, Sonya Blade, Jax Briggs, Liu Kang, Kung Lao, Reptile, Mileena, Reiko, Kabal, Shang Tsung, Raiden, Hanzo Hasashi/Scorpion, Bi-Han/Sub-Zero, Goro, Nitara...I mean, damn, that's a bunch of characters to cram into one two-hour film. People who know little to nothing about MK may not be bothered by this, but fans like myself most likely will feel disappointed with how certain characters were handled in the movie.

Reiko, what...did they do to you? Did...he even need to be in the movie? I mean, he was just.....there.

Having the concept of "arcana" was just...I don't know. It wasn't a terrible idea but it also made things even less believable. No one got their unique traits due to some sort of weird-ass prophecy or whatever in the games. I suppose the writers used this "arcana" thing as a way to keep the movie flowing and avoid having it be hours long. However, it just didn't sit right with me.

I know this movie is only two hours but I would have liked a little more development for Mileena, Reiko, and even Kabal. Kabal gave us the short version of what happened to him but, again, it was so quick. Like, blink and you'll miss it. I think Mileena and Kabal are two very interesting characters in MK, and having them be so one-dimensional was disappointing.

Hanzo was barely in this movie. It seemed....weird to me. Bi-Han was out there wrecking everyone's shit and Hanzo was somehow trapped in the Netherrealm until Cole was forced to fight Bi-Han one-on-one? I mean, eh? They chose the absolute best actor to play Hanzo but didn't use him much.

I was so disappointed to see Kung Lao killed off. I mean, characters that die in MK games don't always stay dead but still....he was so much fun in this movie (as he should be).

I didn't care for the portrayal of Nitara at all in this movie.

I didn't hate "Mortal Kombat" (2021), but I didn't love it, either. I'd watch it again, and I would watch a sequel, but there is definitely room for improvement. There is a lot of potential for the next MK movie(s) to be much better (this movie had clear potential, too, to be honest). I just hope that maybe the writers will realize this if a sequel is made.

Final grade: C+

[unbridgeabledistances]

ok i have an inbox full of prompts, but i was making valentine’s day plans & all of a sudden felt very inspired to write some valentine’s day gallavich! featuring uncle mickey, homemade cards and a lot of domestic fluff- i’ll probs have a part two up sometime this week!<3

--

It was a lazy, slow-paced Sunday afternoon at the Gallagher house. Mickey had been lying on the couch passively watching trashy reality TV for god knows how long—and apparently at some point he’d fallen asleep, because now the TV volume was just a low hum, and he was being woken up to the startling crash of the kitchen back door slamming shut, and the rustling of shoes and coats being taken off and discarded by the front door.

“Alright Franny, let’s set this stuff up on the kitchen table.” Mickey heard Ian’s voice sail across the room, his eyes still closed to block out the cheery sunshine teeming in the living room.

Mickey tried to doze off again, attempting to block out the bright light infiltrating his eyelids, but it was no use— whatever Ian and Franny were doing, murmuring and clanging in the kitchen, there was no way for Mickey to escape the sound now and drift back into his sunwarmed sleep. He begrudgingly shoved the scratchy crocheted blanket off of his lap, stretching as he rose and stumbled into the kitchen.

He wasn’t expecting the carnage that he saw when he turned the corner; the kitchen table was covered in an explosion of sheets of multicolored construction paper, all reds and pinks and whites, with tiny multicolored stickers and tubes of glitter and shiny ribbons arranged and spread wide across the countertop, scattered with glue sticks and pairs of scissors and an exploded box of crayons. There was a small mountain of cut-out hearts piled high on the table, smattered with glitter-glue and blocky handwriting.

Mickey rubbed his eyes, taking in the scene. “What’re you two Picassos up to?” he asked drowsily.

Ian looked up, his eyes light. “Look who’s awake!” He gestured at the table emphatically, like it was Christmas morning. “Isn’t it great? Me and Franny grabbed all this stuff at the dollar store for less than ten bucks. The glue sticks definitely kind of suck, but I think it’ll get the job done.”

Mickeys eyes scanned to Franny, who was hard at work trying to cut a shape out of a piece of red construction paper, her brows furrowed in concentration. Ian kept chattering on as he unwrapped another sheath of the paper.

“Debbie left Franny with me since some rich lady called her with a weekend handywoman emergency that popped up at the last minute, so now I’m helping Franny make her valentines for school.”

Mickey scoffed. “Fucking valentines?”

Ian rolled his eyes as he contentedly started to glue together two pieces of paper. “Yes, Mickey, valentines. You know, those nice things that normal people give to each other on Valentine’s Day, along with a box of chocolates or some shit and a note about how much they love each other—”

“Yes, I know what they are, smartass. Don’t know why you didn’t just buy the little cardboard ones at the store though.”

Ian smirked, his eyes still focused on the paper beneath him that he was smudging glitter on. “Yeah, well. Franny wanted to make them, and I thought it’d be kind of fun.”

Just then Franny gasped triumphantly, raising a lopsided and crumpled paper heart up for Mickey to see. “Look, Uncle Mickey! I cut a heart! Uncle Ian showed me how!”

Mickey raised his eyebrows at Ian, who had a sheepish look on his face. “Didn’t know you had so many hidden talents, Gallagher.”

Ian flashed a grin. “I used to be really into art class in elementary school, what can I say.”

Franny looked up at Mickey with wide eyes. “Do you want to make valentines with us? We have to make twenty-seven, because that’s the number of people in my class.”

Mickey faltered. Sitting here gluing fucking glitter to pieces of paper was not exactly what he’d had in mind as his plans for the weekend…

“Uh. That’s okay kiddo. I think you two’ve got it covered.”

Franny seemed to readily accept Mickey’s answer, instantly looking downward again and grabbing a fistful of crayons from the table to continue enhancing her masterpiece. Ian, on the other hand, tore his gaze from his own valentine.

“Oh c’mon Mick, you don’t wanna help?” Ian asked, his voice goading and his eyebrows raised.

Mickey rolled his eyes. “Yeah, thanks but no thanks.” He turned, walking over to open the fridge and grabbing a beer from the top shelf.

“C’mon, just one valentine. Franny can show you how to cut out a heart shape, right Fran?”

Franny nodded vigorously. “Yes, I know how!”

Mickey took a swig of his beer and sighed. “Jesus, fine.” He pulled a chair between Ian and Franny, slowly scraping it on the linoleum, and then perched on the edge uncomfortably. “Alright Franny, show me what you’ve got.”

“Okay, so the first thing that you have to do is pick which color is your favorite. What’s your favorite color?”

Mickey had taken another sip of his beer, and now he sputtered slightly. “I don’t know Franny, you pick for me.”

Franny’s face melted into a pout. “But you have to pick, Uncle Mickey, it’s your favorite color!”

Ian bit back a laugh, his eyes still bright and cheerful. “Yeah, Mick, c’mon. What is your favorite color? We’ve never gotten this deep in our relationship before.”

Mickey gulped again from his beer can and flipped Ian off in the process. “I don’t fucking know. Never thought about it before.”

Franny held the stack of construction paper up to Mickey. “Look! There’s red, and yellow, and blue, and purple, and green—”

Mickey cut her off. “Uh, give me a green one.”

Ian smirked. “Green?”

“Fuck you, it was the first color I thought of.” Of course, that wasn’t really true—if Mickey needed to have a favorite fucking color, it was obviously going to be green, like the green eyes that met his gaze every morning and were the last thing he saw before he went to sleep at night— even if he would never be caught dead admitting that sappy bullshit to Ian.

Ian looked like he was holding back a smile. “Right,” he mused. “Hey, Franny, pass me a blue paper? Cause y’know, that’s my favorite color.”

Mickey gently shoved Ian in the square of his chest. “You’re being fucking soft.”

Ian let a crooked smile burst onto his face. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

Mickey leaned back in his chair, holding the piece of thick green paper in front of him appraisingly. “Okay Franny, what’s step two?”

Franny stretched her body across the table to reach for one of the strewn pairs of scissors. “Now, you fold the paper in half, and then you cut out the shape of half of a heart, like this.” She drew an example of the curved pattern on the backside of Mickey’s paper with the tip of her finger. “And then you unfold it and it’ll be a perfect shape!”

“Sounds easy enough.”

Mickey took the scissors from Franny’s grasp, and held them up to the paper. It was just a fucking half circle with a little indent at the top— this wasn’t going to be too difficult. Ian and Franny went back to being absorbed in crafting their valentines, while Mickey started to botch and slash at his piece of construction paper.

When he was finally satisfied he unfolded the shape, the outer shell of the paper falling away. It was… well, it was kind of a heart, with two slanted sides and a wonky top half. It looked more like a blob attached to an angle than anything else.

Ian looked up from where he was doodling on a glittery heart and snickered.

“That’s uh… that’s a good first try, Mick.”

Mickey slammed the piece of paper down onto the table. Fucking arts and crafts, he was never good at this shit even when he was little—he fingers were always too fumbling, too clumsy for him to make anything delicate and pristine. Ian’s hands should have been as ungainly as his, but instead they were quick and nimble, smoothly cutting perfectly-rounded circles and gluing neat lines of glitter.

Franny noticed that Mickey was done cutting his shape. “Good job Uncle Mickey! Now you just have to draw on it, and put on stickers and glitter.”

“Yeah Mickey, let’s see those artistic skills.”

Mickey aggressively flicked some flecks of glitter from the table in Ian’s direction, then picked up a crayon and gripped it with an iron fist. What the fuck was he supposed to draw? This was a valentine for kids at Franny’s school, the fuck did kids like anyways? He started to draw some sort of stick figure, but the arms were too long and the head was too small, so he tried to color over it and make some sort of tree or some shit…

As Mickey scratched at the paper, he looked over at noticed suddenly how content Ian looked—how blissed out and settled he was, just running a crayon over the colorful paper and shaking bits of glitter onto pools of glue. If Mickey was being honest, he hadn’t seen Ian this light and happy in a while; he’d had a hunch in his shoulders for months after the wedding and the pandemic and all the minimum-wage job bullshit, the shadows of expectation hanging over him and causing a deflated weariness in his gaze that was impossible to ignore. But right now, Ian looked like he was having as much fun as Franny was, practically vibrating with satisfaction as he put the finishing touches on his drawing and reaching to place his completed valentine in the growing pile.

Mickey snatched the paper out of Ian’s hand, slightly crumpling it around the edges. “Wait a second. How the fuck did you do that?”

The valentine was immaculate, the heart symmetrical and traced in a thin outline of glitter. In the center of the paper there was a perfect little cartoon of a dog in a top hat, with an air bubble that read “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Ian shrugged. “Watched a lot of cartoons when I was little. And I’ve always kind of liked to draw.”

Mickey shoved the valentine back in front of Ian. Goddamn perfect fucking husband who’s good at fucking everything. He crossed his arms and leaned back in the chair, suddenly losing all motivation to play along.

Ian smirked, then reached to rest a hand on the back of Mickey’s neck. “Giving up already?”

Mickey rolled his eyes. “Fuck you, Gallagher.”

Ian’s smile just widened. “Here, how about I cut the fucking shapes and you glue stuff onto them. That’d still help me and Franny a lot, right?”

Franny nodded. “It’s okay Uncle Mickey, I was bad at cutting the shapes too at first.”

Mickey huffed. Okay, so maybe he was horrible at this shit, but the least he could do was suck it up for Franny’s sake. “Fine,” he muttered, and grabbed a glue stick and a bottle of glitter.

A few minutes passed and they settled into a comfortable silence, enveloped in the sound of the scissors gliding and Franny scribbling on paper.

Suddenly, Franny looked up as Mickey reached across the table to grab a pad of stickers.

“Hey Uncle Mickey, what do you and Uncle Ian do for Valentine’s Day?”

Mickey didn’t really know how to answer that question— he darted a glance over at Ian, trying to signal as much. Could you ruin the spirit of Valentine’s Day for kids in the same way you could fuck up Christmas? “Uh, nothing really.”

Ian chimed in. “We used to like Valentine’s Day when we were little like you Franny, but now that we’re big we don’t really celebrate it. Right Mick?”

“Yup.”

Franny’s brows were furrowed again, this time in contemplation. “But. You love each other, right?”

“Sure, Franny. But we don’t need a special day for us to remember that,” Ian explained.

Franny seemed appeased enough by that answer to resume her drawing. “You don’t give each other valentines or candy or anything?”

Mickey almost laughed. Of course he and Ian had never celebrated fucking Valentine’s Day; if he was being honest, he didn’t remember even really thinking about Valentine’s Day before now, other than it being a day when Mandy came home crying in middle school because the boy she liked didn’t ask her out, or buying all the half-priced chocolates in red and pink wrappers at the drugstore a week later with his brothers. With all the shit in his life the past few years, frilly fucking holidays like Valentine’s Day were just… not on Mickey’s radar.

But maybe— maybe this year was different. This year, for maybe the first time in his life, Mickey felt secure and steady in a way that he never had before, like the ground was solid beneath him and wasn’t going to cave in at any minute. He had a fucking husband that he loved—why couldn’t they celebrate Valentine’s Day like a normal goddamn couple? Ian didn’t seem to be too bothered that they both didn’t give a fuck about the holiday, which was all the more reason to catch him off guard. He kept pressing stickers down onto the construction paper, his mind starting to churn.

By the time they’d made the twenty-seven fucking valentines, Mickey had made up his mind; this year, he and Ian were going to celebrate Valentine’s Day.

part two here!

[sexshopshenanigans]

Things I’m really enjoying about Story of Seasons: Pioneers of Olive Town now that I’ve had some time to play it

You choose your appearance and everything before setting your gender so nothing is gender locked

Same sex marriage woohoo

Cute and lovely graphics!!

Fishing is so simple (looking at you, Stardew Valley)

You get to pick your wedding outfit (which is, once again, not gender locked!)

So many cute animals

You get a camera??? To take pictures of your animal friends????

Bridget why are you so cute shut up and marry me (as long as the cow is ok with it ofc)

Multiple-harvest crops have three harvests and then go away instead of being permanent until they die (look I have commitment issues and the permanent plants stress me out! This is a perfect compromise between the financially advantageous permanent crops and not having to plan my field layout for a whole season on the first day)

The gardens that let you plant seasonal crops all year are pretty easy to access (I’ve got one unlocked and I’m in early Autumn of my first year). Another good compromise! Instead of a greenhouse that gives you access to all seasonal crops year round that only becomes available in late game, you get to pick seasons to have access to fairly early on with the trade off of limiting it to specific seasons.

Gimme those makers babeyy

Gimme those outfits babeyyyy

Wait I unlock different animals by just meeting them in my field? And making friends with them?? Yes please I love it

The anniversary edition was only five dollars more than the regular version so I got a little yak doll and a cloth poster aw yiss

Things I’m not enjoying about Story of Seasons: Pioneers of Olive Town now that I’ve had some time to play it

Wait why can’t I romance Beth

Wait why can’t I romance Lars

Wait why can’t I romance Jacobo

Wait why can’t I romance Jeanne

Ralph why does the music in your scenes sound like that :/

Hang on my house is HUGE why can I only decorate this teeny tiny square in the corner

Why can’t I put “countertop” items on top of a table

Wtf why can’t I put ANYTHING on top of a RUG

The graphics that exist are lovely, but I feel the lack when certain graphics aren’t there. The museum isn’t very interesting to look at, there’s no model for things exchanging hands in a cutscene, just the base gesture for five/receive (at least throw a wrapped gift box in there!) and you can see where corners were cut (for example, when I move with long hair there’s animation for beginning the motion and ending the motion, but the hair just stays stiffly in place the whole time I’m moving - which is especially blatant in the opening cut scenes on my moped/motorcycle)

Why doesn’t goat milk become goat cheese? Aside from just having multiple cute animals, there doesn’t seem to be much point in having “cow and brown cow and goat and alpine goat” instead of “cow and cow and cow and cow” if the end result from maker products is going to be the same.

These trees and weeds are growing back wAy too fast damn gimme a chance to breathe

I unlocked my motorcycle and discovered that “mounts” seem to be basically useless? There’s just not that much distance to cover compared to other farming sims (since your farm expands into what would be the forest/foraging wilderness of other games), you don’t move that much faster and you can’t interact with people on the bike so it’s really more hassle than it’s worth

Wait there’s really not much space to explore in this game is there? Or much interaction with the Spirit or sprites. I want to give presents to my local goddess please and thank you

There is an upsetting lack of pretty dresses in the clothing options

Hats do NOT look good on my character

Minimal deviation from character scripts. When I proposed to Bridget none of the other characters - or Bridget herself - had dialogue to go with it until after the wedding.

I’m still in my first year and the game is still only recently released so I don’t wanna lay down any final judgements just yet, but it does feel a little bare-bones and unpolished. That might be from deadline issues, since I think it was released to coincide with the harvest moon/story of seasons twenty-fifth anniversary. When there’s a specific date the game has to be out for, there just isn’t time to add the levels of polish you would see in other games. This might be solved with dlc or updates down the road, and the game itself is fun even without the bells and whistles, but it is noticeable. I dunno, maybe my expectations are a little high since I picked it up right after replaying Stardew Valley, which has the benefit of both a long time in development to polish it up as well as a long time since it came out so more features and polish got added with later updates. As it is, I’m enjoying playing it for now but I have a feeling I won’t pick it up again once I finish it the way I have with really good HM/SOS games of the past. I’m open to changing my mind though! I would be delighted to be proven wrong here.

[a-crash-in-time-collection]

Chapter 8: Ghost Dad Worries

The morning sun shone through the forest's leaves, a gentle breeze removing some weaker leaves from the trees. It was mostly quiet in this part of the woods, outside of the small things that came each time the hoof would make an impact with the earth. The young prince sighed as he took in a breath of the fresh air, and slowly, the laughter of children in the village he was approaching. It felt so great to finally be home.

AJ pulled back on the reins gently after they had past the bridge, the horse slowing to a stop gently as he prepared to get off. He hop to the ground, grabbing the reins and tied them to a nearby post. "Take a quick rest, Bay. I will return once I get the flowers." He said, petting bay's brown fur. The horse let out a slight huff, looking to the side as the prince smile, leaving as he took a glance around the town.

He felt so wonderful to be here again. While the place his school was located had quite the beauty, it could never match the feeling of being home. Nor did it have the same wonderful people. He caught a group of three children playing with a ball. He chuckled as one pointed him out, him waving with a smile as he walked past. He found himself staring up at the sky, the warm sun like a ray of life and hope.

He soon spotted his disation, the florist shop. There he would garb flowers for his lovely Vanessa and- he froze slightly. Something was wrong. Things weren't going to turn out right. Even if he just picked flowers from somewhere else, she would still accuse him. His legs became shaky as he tried to calm down. It's ok, you're ok. Don't let what already happened ruin the light for you. Just-

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" The scream was like shattering glass in the middle of the night, waking the ghost jolted right awake from his dream that had been becoming a nightmare. After he got himself to slow his breathing, his eyes instantly laid to the source of the scream, a shaking figure wrapped in the best blanket he could find. Glowing yellow tears falling onto the ground. "NO! PLEASE! I DON'T WANNA DIE!"

"Shadow Kid!" He said, quickly picking her up and pulling her into a hug. "It's ok- ow!" He said, when the child's reaction was to punch him in the chest in confused terror.

The child glanced up at him with a gasp, her eyes shaking slightly as more tears fell from them. "Snatcher?" She asked, her voice so small and meek compared to how it was just seconds before. Snatcher nodded as he floated back to his chair where he was sleeping, holding her close. "I-I.." The child stumbled. "I-I s-saw you frozen. T-The evil queen froze you then shattered you in front of me! S-"

"It's alright kiddo.. just a nightmare." Snatcher sighed, trying his best to stay calm. A small part of him was pounty he had to be woken up early, but he shoved it to the darkest corners of his mind. "That witch is still in the manor. She can't get to us now. She never will."

The child's breath slowed after a small bit. Her tears did as well. "I don't like nightmares.. they feel too real.." And sleeping in a closet was probably not helping with that. In Snacter's defense, he was slowly working on getting a 'second floor' grown into the tree for the child's bedroom, but it's only been a few days since he adopted her, so things were going slow. "What should I do to make them stop?"

"Well, you could always scare someone so you get the mindset you're in charge of scaring!" Snatcher piped up, it helped him out every now and again after all. The child looked confused by his request and just glanced to the side. "Right... sorry. You're not.. crazy like me. That won't work."

"I don't think you're crazy." Shadow Kid said, wrapping his ghostly tail around herself. Great, now he's got the kid trying to consuel the adult. Another great example of his parenting skills. He was so sure Shadow would just be another Hat Kid once the manor scares passed, allowing him to get a Dad plan ahead of time. But he was blind. Shadow was so different. Not that it mattered to him that she was...

"I am compared to before. But let's not talk about that..'' He could see the child look up at him, mainly as the words 'before' left his mouth. Peck, she was going to start asking questions. "You shouldn't worry about that after all. I'm your Dad. I watch and worry about you. I steal the souls of anyone who dares try to harm you. You don't need to worry about me at all, kiddo." He said, a small smile on his face.

"But what if I need to.. steal a soul?"

Snatcher froze for a moment there. On one hand, a part of him was happy by the idea. He could teach her soul stealing, it'd be great bonding time, and it could protect her later on! But at the same time, he knew it likely wouldn't be something she liked. The way the question was phrased was enough to tell that. "You don't need to worry about stuff like that right now, alright?" He asked, tilting her head up slightly.

Shadow Kid nodded. "If you say so... I just want the nightmares to stop.." she said, wiping at her eyes before any tears can form. Snatcher felt upset at the scene. And useless. After watching over the dwellers and minions for the last he didn't know how long, he just assumed he would be a great dad to any ghost child. He was wrong. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't be bugging you about it. I just... want to be happy."

"Boss?" A young voice piped up, Snatcher glancing at the minion who appeared. "Is the princess ok?"

"Yeah.. Yeah she's ok. She's my daughter, why wouldn't she be!" Snatcher playful chuckled, holding Shadow Kid in a more casual way. When he first introduce the child to the other ghost children, the minions quickly latched onto the fact that she was now, techoanlly, the princess of Subcon. They had been calling her 'princess' ever since. He honestly wasn't sure how to feel about that nickname...

"Oh, well, I heard a scream so I felt I had to check it out!" the minion claimed proudly, getting a chuckle from Snatcher in response. There was a small yawn, and Snatcher looked to see the child in his lap falling asleep. "You know, not to be rude, boss, but we noticed you've been struggling with your new responsibility the last few days."

Snatcher sighed slightly, waiting in a few minutes of awkward silence until he was sure Shadow Kid had fallen back asleep. He didn't want to say something that might upset her by mistake. "I would be lying if I tried to deny I have been. I thought having a kid would just be a piece of cake, especially since Shadow here doesn't need to eat or drink. Yet... it's been harder than I thought. I wish I had an idea how.. from someone other than a child." He gave the minion a knowing glare.

The minion shook their head slightly, with a yawn. "Well, you're the boss of things, so I can't make any good calls. Maybe there's someone who may have any idea out there... Welp, night!" The minion waved, before leaving the tree. Snatcher sighed as he looked down at his daughter. Maybe the minion was right... Maybe there was someone out there who would help him.

-------

Snatcher watched from his chair, letting his daughter play in little pool of water the tree had become surrounded in over the years. He was a bit paranoid when he first found her in it, but it wasn't deep enough for her to be stuck. And although she likely wasn’t the best swimmer, she seemed to know enough of the basics to stay afloat. Still, he kept an eye on her, rolling his eyes as a minion splash in the water beside her. It was a nice small distraction from everything. Although he couldn't stay distracted for long.

"You found what-" The DJ's voice brought Snatcher's attention back to the phone he summoned out of thin air. DJ Grooves was the only person he could think of that morning who might help him, so he had reluctantly given the penguin a call. "You're saying that all this time, the little darling had a piece of her own soul stuck here. And we've never known?"

"Don't get any ideas, Grooves. She's my daughter and you will need my consent before you throw her into any of your movies. Don't worry, same for Conductor." Snatcher warned, his slight finger wag could be heard over the phone. He sighed as he floated up, beginning to pace with the phone in hand. "But yes. Apparently she hid from me all these years and only came out recently." He found her, but he wanted to make her sound brave.

DJ Grooves chuckled on the phone. "Well, it's good the little superstar finally came to you, then." DJ Grooves, as one may expect, didn't know too much about Snatcher's past or the manor. But he knew just enough to know what the ghost child's fate could have been. "I do have to say, I'm really happy for you! Having a daughter is one of the most wonderful things in this world, after all." He chuckled.

"That's part of the reason I'm calling, actually.."

"Huh? How come?" DJ Grooves asked. Before Snatcher could respond, he heard a small giggle in the background, and felt a small pain in his soul. He could hear the Penguin place the phone down briefly, likely going over to share a small moment with his own daughter. He only saw the child a few times, but the relationship between the two of them seemed so perfect... "Sorry about that. Also, you seemed so happy about the idea of having her when you first called."

"Well... it's just... I'm failing as a Dad!" He nearly shouted, having no other real way to put it. Hopefully he didn't blow the Penguin's eardrums out. "I kept trying to bring my 'ghost that makes people sign contracts and then kill them' ways to her. I know it's dumb, but the other minons and dwellers seemed so used to it that I thought it'd be ok!"

"Well... I'll be honest, that isn't the smartness move on your part." DJ Grooves said, and Snatcher gave a slight glare to the phone. He knew the penguin was judging him for even thinking about bringing those topics up to her, but he just couldn't help it! Then again, that was the reason he was calling, so it wasn't like he could judge him in return. "She's just a child after all, if she does want to do those things with you, it'll likely be in the far future."

"Assuming she ages... but that's not all..." Snatcher amdited, sighing as he sat back in his soft chair. "Even when I try to treat her like I treated Hat Kid when she was young." As in treated her like a timeline version of Hat Kid where he didn’t try stealing her soul. "She doesn't seem too interested in other stuff! She... hasn't even called me Dad yet.."

"Relax, darling, she will be alright." DJ Grooves said, trying to calm the phantom over the phone. He never really saw this side of the ghost before, the closest he ever got was the last time they all saw Hat Kid back when she was first on this planet. Back when she swept them away from her spaceship. It was strange to see this side of the ghost, even a little unsettling. But he stayed claimed. "It took Dineanna a little over a year to call me Dad. Or to talk at all."

"I suppose..." Snatcher sighed, quickly waving his hand slightly at a minion who noticed him. "But I just... I don't know what to do. I was... hoping you might be able to give me some father pointers?"

"Well, I'm honored that you thought I would be your best choice." DJ Grooves chuckle slightly, as Snatcher rolled his eyes. He was the only father he knew personally. Well, that wasn't fully true. He glanced at the shadow child slightly, smiling faintly as he heard her giggle faintly. "But I'm not sure I can do much to help. She's 7 or 8 and Dineanna is only three. I don't know much about taking care of a child that age."

"Great..." Snatcher sighed, feeling tired slightly. "Is there anything you can tell me, anything? I need to... be better for her."

"Well... Maybe you should learn how Hat Kid was raised. Maybe that will give you some ideas?" As soon as those words came over the phone, Snatcher already knew what was going to be said. He didn't want to deal with them, especially the one...Looking over to the side, he got ready to hang up the phone. "Maybe go ask her, like what things helped her through hard times. What things calmed her down. Or you could-"

"You can say ask her Dads, but I'm not doing it." Snatcher said, glaring at the phone.

"Well... I don't see why you don't." The penguin asked. "They raised her ever since they found her, the little darling must have had some truma they needed to help her get over. They're bound to know the right things to do for someone like Hat Girl or Shadow Kid to be happy, and see you as a father as well. Besides, if- huh, oh right. I need to go darling, I have to head to the studio as soon as breakfast is finished, and I don't want to waste time with my family."

"Fine..." Snatcher sighed, using the opportunity to hang up the phone. And to resist the urge to throw it at the wall nearby. "They'll be the one who knows what's best for her? Yeah right, that kid was covered in scars when she got here! They couldn't have had her in a safe place when the rocket of thier's crashed!?"

Although, he really didn't have much of a choice here, did he? He sighed as he floated to the exit of the tree, watching Shadow Kid poke at one of those glowing mushrooms. The fact he tried to kill something so much like her before was crazy to him... the fact it was crazy to him was insane. He sighed and glanced to the side. "She deserves the best possible from me... Minions! Watch Shadow while I'm gone!" He shouted, to the surprise of many nearby.

The first one to snap out of the shocked state sluted him. "Yes boss! We promise nothing in rain, snow, or fire will come and harm our princess! You can count on us!" A few others shouted in agreement as he just nodded his head. He gave a small smile and wave to Shadow, who looked slightly confused, before turning away and beginning to head through the woods. To the one place where he could get help.

-------

"What do you mean Reg-Hats is busy?!"

"'e's T'e c'eif, did you expect 'im to not be busy?" Right Hand Man sighed, adjusting his position on top of the station.

Snatcher sighed as he looked around the place faintly. The toppats were doing a decent job of things, at least as decent as they could this early on. The kids and teenagers were close together, Snatcher having to glance away once he saw Hat Girl talking with her brother. He glanced back at the cyborg. "Look, I don't know how your clan works, but I need his help so do me a favor and call him here."

"Can't do t'at" Right Hand Man said, shaking his head with a sigh. "'e's In a meetin' wit' some of t'e ot'ers about 'ow exactly we can repair t'e station. You know, make it to w'ere we can go 'ome? W'atever you need 'elp wit', surely it can wait."

"Look, techally I can ask you it, but I rather speak to him about it." Snatcher admitted as he look at the cyborg, who rose a brow faintly. He glanced down at the ground, well, there was no way getting out of this now. The half metal man would just push him to answer if he tried to hide it, after all. "It's... with Shadow Kid... I may or may not be needing some help with her. And was hoping you could help."

"Only a few days and yer already gettin' the tried dad moments?" RHM chuckle, taking in the simple information.

"Shut it." Snatcher said, giving the cyborg a glare. How dare he assume that he would get tired of his own daughter. She was the most perfect and pure thing and she... deserved so much. Especially after everything that happened to her. He looked to the side, then backed at the man. He didn't like looking at him for too long. "I'm... having issues raising her right, I can't seem to get her to see me as a Dad."

"Really? That's the issue?" RHM asked, a little surprised when he heard that.

Snatcher sighed in defeat. "Yeah... I figured that since you two raised Hat Kid and she came out fine, that you would help me get her to see me as a Dad." And to be a better father overall, but he didn't want to admit that aloud. He was trying to act like he didn't care too much about it all, he couldn't let anyone see him acting kind... weak. "So, I suppose I should ask what stuff she would like."

"'ow Am I supposed to know t'at?" Right Hand Man asked. When the ghost first showed up and came to him, he found himself wanting to do anything else. Now he found himself wanting to see how this would go. "Can't tell ya what yer daug'ter would like or not like after all. 'er 'nd Hattie, despite t'eir connection, are two completely different people at t'e end of t'e day."

"Perfect, just perfect!" Snatcher stated in frustration.

The cyborg signed, shaking his head to the side. "Look, I can't give a better answer t'en t'at, ok?Even if she acts similar to 'ow Hattie was now, she's goin' to c'ange into 'er own person. T'e second she took 'er own form, 'er and Hattie were set on two completely different paths. Any tricks I've learnt over t'e years as a fat'er isn't goin' to be of any real 'elp to ya." Right Hand Man said. "'nd Don't go buggin' Reg for a different answer, 'e would tell ya t'e same."

"But... Hattie seems to care so much about you two!" Snatcher said, and now his desperation was becoming noticeable in his voice. "You two seemed to do a perfect job of raising someone like her. And you say it won't work for me... What should I do then." He sighed as he grabbed his head, trying to think. "I shouldn't have just adopted her on instinct. I should have prepared myself before I..."

Right Hand Man chuckled at that. "Bold of ya to assumed I was prepared." The ghost gave him a confused look. "It was a few days after we first found 'er. 'ad To go 'elp Sea Division for one day. T'e second I came back Reg told me 'e adopted 'er. 'nd S'e was already callin' 'im Dad, so t'ere was no goin' back."

Snatcher let out a chuckle. It felt nice to hear about the man's struggles. But, in a sense, it felt relieving to know the man had similar issues to what he had. "Really?"

"Yea'. I t'ought it was 'opeless, to be 'onset." Right Hand Man admitted. "I'm a fig'ter. I could easily be a murderer from 'ittin' cops wit' my bat alone! I didn't see myself as a good fat'er figure. I didn't brot'er tryin' to c'ange because I knew I couldn't."

"If you didn't change, how did you get her to see you as a dad?" Snatcher asked.

Right Hand Man sighed, a small smile formed on his lips. "Well... I guess I slowly tried to get us used to eac' ot'er. Allowin' 'er to bug me wit' questions to me looking for her if Reg got worried. I t'ought that was all our relationship would be. But one day, she came up 'nd asked 'Papa. Can ya 'elp me finis' t'is one puzzle.'" The cyborg chuckled. "'nd As soon as those words left 'er mouth, I knew I was doin' t'ings right. And it instantly became one of t'e best moments in my life."

"So... I should just... let us both try and get used to each other." Snatcher asked. The cyborg gave a shrug in return, allowing the ghost to sigh. "Well... for a man that got turned into half machine, you do seem to know a lot.. thanks."

"Anytime, I suppose..." he glanced back where the teens were, seeing Platinum backup from that 'Van' kid while Hat Girl was laughing. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but the ghost wasn't as bad as he thought... Still, he wasn't going to drop his guard around him anytime soon.

The two were there silently for a few moments, before Snatcher let out a clearly fake cough. "Well I suppose I should be going! Have to make sure those minions didn't get into trouble with Shadow..."

"Sounds good. I need to go check on how the solar panel repairs are goin'." Right Hand Man stated to the ghost. He hop off the top of the station, blasters under his feet activating and keeping him in the air. He floated to another side of the station, not even bothering to say goodbye to the phantom.

Snatcher didn't let that bug him... he had a job to do after all.

-------

"Snatcher!" The young girl's voice brought worry into the phantom's soul as he approached where his tree was. He speeded up his pace, worried inside. Until the sight entered his vision. "One of the Minions got themselves stuck in the ropes!"

"Again?" Snatcher sighed triedly as he went over to the hanging minion. He ignored the nouses' calls and gently poke the minion free. "You all need to stop going up there. You can't die, but you can still get hurt!" He schooled as he floated down to the ground.

"Sorry boss. The princess just wanted to see how strong it was, so I volunteered to-!"

"I didn't tell you to do anything." The shadow child corrected meekly, glancing at the monon in confusion. "You told me 'Wanna see a trick I can do' and got yourself stuck."

Snatcher chuckled a bit, a small grin forming on his face. "Well, looks like you are guilty, aren't you?" He asked. The minion just nodded his head, before beginning to walk away. Snatcher smiled at Shadow Kid. "Good on you, kiddo. Best to call out people like that as soon as you can. Make them know it's not smart to try and lie their way out of everything!"

Shadow Kid giggled slightly. She then glanced over at the tree she and Snatcher called home, looking up slowly. Her eyes seemed to gain a bit of awe to them, and a look of mystery. She looked back at the ghostly prince. "I wonder how things look from the top of the tree."

Snatcher glanced up at the tree. With how tall most of the trees in the forest were, he forgot his was a special case. Going beyond the human, and ghost, eye. He looked down at Shadow Kid, a smile forming on his face as an idea popped into his mind. "Why don't you and me go find out?" He asked, picking her up.

She let out a gasp. "Really?!" She asked, as Snatcher reached behind himself, placing the child, his child, on his back.

"Let's go!" He said, and began to float up. Admittedly, he could probably just float right up to the top right away if he wanted too. Would only take about 12 seconds. But he decided against that. It would be better to take things slow. Shadow could end up having a fear of heights, and he wanted to be as close to the tree for when he would need to make a quick turn around to get back onto the forest floor.

Shadow Kid glanced around in a bit of awe. Everything somehow felt bigger, but also smaller from all the way up here. She felt like she was as powerful as Snatcher! She found herself reaching for a purple mushroom, when her eyes caught onto an orange glow. She looked in the distance, and saw a tower that looked like it was filled with fire! Tilting her head a little more, she soon saw one so similar, but with ice poking out in every direction! "Woah! Snatcher, what are those!"

Snatcher paused when he heard her voice, glancing around to see the two towers. "Oh! Well, to be honest. I don't fully know.”

"Wait, there's something here you don't know!?" The child asked, her surprise making Snatcher flich.

He chuckled faintly as he turned so she could get a better view. "They've been there as long as anyone can remember." Snatcher explained, a calming tone to his voice. "But no matter how close you try to get to them, you never can get there. It's almost like they exist in a different reality altogether. Some even say they might be the remains of the Moonjumper's work."

"Moonjumper?" Shadow Kid asked, as Snatcher started to float up the tree again. "What's the Moonjumper, is it like a cow or something?"

Snatcher had to hold back a laugh at that. "No, no Shadow. He was a figure of Subcon folklore that supposedly protected the forest years ago, until one day he was just... gone" He shrugged slightly. "Who knows, one day I might get around to telling you those stories.."

"I think that would be nice. He sounds almost as cool as you!" Shadow Kid called, allowing a small smile to form on the phantom's face.

It took about half a minute to finish the trip up the tree, the phantom having sped up faintly since Shadow Kid didn't seem bugged by the idea of heights. He soon floated on top of the giant mushroom top that grew from the tree, placing Shadow Kid down. The child let out a gasp, spinning around like the mist and snowflakes around them. She soon stepped a bit near the edge, sitting down as she looked at the, a bit foggy, view.

"The forest looks so beautiful from up here." She said, a soft smile and faint blush appearing on her face. She looked over as Snatcher went beside her, mimicking how she was seated the best he could in his current form and size.

"Yeah... I wish you could have seen it when it was alive..." Snatcher sighed, as he looked at her. "Such a beautiful kingdom... that might be yours one day."

"Huh?" Shadow Kid asked, tilting her head to the side faintly. "But.. you can't die?"

"No, I can't. Already done that after all." he chuckled slightly. "But I could still have the chance to move on one day. Now, I don't see that happening anytime soon, especially willingly. But, if it does happen, I need someone to watch over the forest for me. Someone who won't let the dwellers and minions get hurt." He looked at her, giving her a small smile. "And who better to watch over it than my own child."

"But... I'm not like you.. I want to be but I can't." Shadow Kid sighed, looking at her hands. Not noticing the surprised look that dawned Snatcher's face. "I can't steal souls or cast spells or anything that you can do. What if.. I can't do a good job?"

"My little Shadow..." Snatcher said, reaching for her, gently pulling the chipped soul into a small hug. "You're kind, bright, and full of hope. That alone is enough to make you the best Queen Subcon has ever had one of these days." He glanced to the side. "Although, when you're a little bit older,I suppose I can try and teach you some tricks. Would that work?"

Shadow Kid let out a gasp, nodding happily. She quickly hugged him. "That would be perfect! Thank you Papa!"

Snatcher's world slowed from a moment, everything became a blur except for his little bundle of joy he held in his hands. A bundle of joy he could no longer see himself existing without. She called him Papa... she called him Papa.... He smiled as he wrapped his tail around her faintly. "Of course, my little shadow."

It was the best moment in Snacther's entire existence.

[jockvillagersonly]

2020 Drama Round Up!

Jock’s Alphabetical Watched List

~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~

Ancient Detective

Rating: 🧣🧣🧣🧣🧣 5/5 cozy winter garments

Watch Status: done! ✅

The Good Stuff:

The MC is, objectively, the coziest man alive

MC said “simp rights” and honestly...good for him

I guessed the ~final twist~ really early, but it didn’t dampen my enjoyment of each individual case or the show as a whole!

Any Bad Stuff?

The last few episodes are like...oddly homophobic? With a queer-coded character presented in a somewhat grotesque stereotype? SAD!!

🌸 more reviews under the cut 🌸

Ever Night (S1)

Rating: 🌂🌂🌂🌂 4/5 inexplicably magic umbrellas

Watch Status: ...like 30% done

The Good Stuff:

Some of the BEST fight scenes I’ve seen

Lots of interesting world building!

My queen Meng Ziyi 👑

Any Bad Stuff?

God the MC’s hair is UGLY 😔 pour one out 😔

Guardian

Rating: 👬👬👬👬👬 5/5 gays

Watch Status: done! ✅

The Good Stuff:

It doesn’t get any gayer than this folks

Really this is some of the queerest media I’ve ever seen

Also the main and ensemble characters are all endearing and fun 🐍

All I know is have diarrhea and be hindrance

Any Bad Stuff?

The middle portion of this show DRAAAAGS

Also ZYL’s hair makeover is awful and someone needs to say it !!!!!

Legend of Fei

Rating: 🌰🌰🌰🌰🌰 5/5 dog safe chestnuts

Watch Status: still airing

The Good Stuff:

The pure yibotonin in this show could power a city or at least one depressed viewer (me)

Zhou Fei could and frankly should kick my ass

I love her your honor

Any Bad Stuff?

Has the odd effect of each plot arc feeling both way too long AND like you’ve been crammed way too full of information

Maiden Holmes

Rating: 🕵️‍♀️🕵️‍♀️🕵️‍♀️🕵️‍♀️🕵️‍♀️ 5/5 superior detection skills

Watch Status: one night and 15 episodes in

The Good Stuff:

The main pairing is so fucking cute guys. He loves her so much. He thinks she’s so smart 🥺

Includes one of the purest archetypes of a himbo on screen today 🤌

Crime solving! Hidden identities! Bisexual panics!

Any Bad Stuff?

One episode includes a pretty long assault scene / near r*pe of a main character - the scene is flashed back to throughout the episode, as well

Oh My General!

Ranking: 💪💪💪💪 4/5 beefy lady biceps

Watch Status: like 25% done because FUCK it’s long

The Good Stuff:

Literally EVERYONE in this show is bi. I have the screenshots to prove it. It’s glorious

call me old fashioned, but i was raised to serve my general. clean for her. cook for her and everything i do is for her. and if she cheats? that is on me! she caught me slipping and i will apologize and do better.

Any Bad Stuff?

My only complaint so far is the romance takes awhile to pick up? I’m pretty tired of the main love interest being rude to his objectively incredible wife >:(

S.C.I.

Ranking: 🐭🐭🐭 3/5 mouse archetypes

The Good Stuff:

The pacing is quick! Sometimes too quick? I got lost a lot @___@

Bai Yutong is simply TOO ripped

Any Bad Stuff?

Honestly this show is a bit of a poorly edited, problematic dumpster fire with not even a passing understanding of what psychology is

...but god if it isn’t fun to watch

Silent Criminal

Rating: 🥸🥸🥸🥸 4/5 conveniently disguised emperors

Watch Status: done! ✅

The Good Stuff:

They’re gay and in love your honor

Honestly the two leads really grew on me! I found myself wanting to rewatch their interactions

Not a whole lot of actual crime solving :(

Any Bad Stuff?

Yet another example of the tragic underutilization of female characters with potential 😔 justice for the ladies of this show

There is an assault scene (a character straddles a main character and forces a kiss while he protests). Easily skippable and not referenced again

Sword Dynasty

Rating: 🐛🐛🐛🐛 4/5 divine silkworms

Watch Status: just started (like 3 eps in)

The Good Stuff:

The fight scenes are very wuxia and very fun

Idk what the fuck is going on, but I’m pretty sure the emperor deserves to be stabbed, so go off I guess!

Any Bad Stuff?

Honestly I have barely begun this so ... idk yet!

Tale of the Nine Tailed

Rating: 🦊🦊🦊🦊 4/5 immortal foxes

Watch Status: mostly done

The Good Stuff:

Lee Yeon is very hot and that’s a fact

Nam Ji Ah (main female lead) is SO powerful and SO amazing and LITERALLY my queen

She stabs her fake mom when she’s , like , 5!

The communication b/w the leads??? Iconic

Any Bad Stuff?

This is just me, but I truly cared so little about the Imoogi. I just. Wanted an episodic monster of the week with all the same characters. Pls

The Lost Tomb Reboot

Rating: 👨‍🦰👨‍🦰👨‍🦰 3/5 bad mustache disguises

Watch Status: I stopped watch once [SPOILER] Wu Xie was cured, because I just ... don’t care about the mob politics? So for me that was where the show ended

The Good Stuff:

Zhu Yilong is like ... way too fucking pretty

Also the Wu Xie & Pangzi friendship is so FUN in this show!!!!

Everyone is 2 hot 2 handle

Any Bad Stuff?

Not nearly enough Iron Triangle hangouts >:(

Shockingly large amounts of white collar crime, shockingly few tombs

Every lady is CHRONICALLY underused and/or murdered. Yawn.

The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty

Rating: 🎩🎩🎩🎩 4/4 detective hats

Watch Status: I’m always on / off with this show 😔 I’m like 2/3 done now

The Good Stuff:

Crimes !! Solving crimes !! Gay domesticity !! What more could you ask for

One of the best OT3 set ups in the business

Any Bad Stuff?

Silly hats

For folks with secondhand embarassment issues, the main lead can be ... hard

The Untamed

Rating: 🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰 5/5 soft bunny metaphors

Watch Status: Done! ✅

The Good Stuff:

Everyone in this show is so pretty I’m convinced it’s illegal

Like if this didn’t pass censorship it wouldn’t be because of the obvious gay longing but rather because it’s setting unrealistic expectations for beauty

Also: the gayest longing around. And murder!

Any Bad Stuff?

Nothing this show is perfect in every way

(Except like maybe don’t kill or write off all your women ... thoughts)

[sleepymarmot]

Public Enemy

It’s been really pissing me off that if you save the cop in the first chapter and never die as Connor, you meet him in Public Enemy and Connor is unambiguously touched when the cop thanks him for saving his life. It was completely against the character I’ve been trying to play! I was on the brink of calculating how I could have died earlier in the game without messing up my narrative and especially Hank’s approval, since, as previously discovered, I was exactly one minor disapproval (the kind you gain whenever you die) from being hostile...

Then I actually played the chapter and discovered that you can actually avoid the interaction. I knew where he would stand and was very careful to give him a wiiiide berth while entering the kitchen... And it worked! Yet another instance I successfully walked away from a “humanizing” moment — I’m very proud of myself of doing it by complete accident in Russian Roulette when I walked right past the prompt to pet Sumo without even noticing.

Another thing I’d been worried about that turned out fine was the kitchen vs roof choice. Roof has always seemed like a better lead, but I needed a justification to avoid it. I started examining the evidence from the bullet holes and the blood, and for a moment it seemed like going to the roof would be the only logical follow-up. But then I picked up the hat from the floor, and went to look at the CCTV, which revealed that Markus’s team had a sympathiser among the crew. That immediately became a priority, and as I was told right away that the suspects were held in the kitchen, it made perfect sense to immediately go interrogate them.

The interrogation didn’t feel exactly as I planned. Honestly, the deviant was being so obvious that I should have apprehended him as soon as possible. But I had already planned the order in which I would do the final round, so I went ahead and did that anyway. Let’s say Connor was making sure there wasn’t more than one deviant.

I’m kicking myself about the very ending, though. I knew that I was going to use the gun, so when I arrived at the final choice, I just looked in that direction and immediately did it. Kind of ruined the drama for the recording! It would be more meaningful to see Connor consider the alternatives and decide that, for example, he would prefer not to “save Hank” despite his 40% survival probability. And the chapter has only one checkpoint between the zen garden and the tower, so I don’t want to replay the entire thing immediately just for this one small change. Maybe later? If I decide to cut the interrogation short after all? I also wanted to replay to see the outcome where you’re too late to stop the massacre — I couldn’t find it on youtube.

Speaking of annoying mishaps — at the very beginning of the zen garden scene I didn’t notice the QTE required holding a button instead of pressing it, and dropped the oars. I was like “Oops, when I make the video, this scene will have to start a bit later than I planned...”

[nyerus]

His Royal Highness, the Crown Prince of XianLe -- Xie Lian

I wanted to do a little meta for Xie Lian to celebrate his birthday, about why he’s an incredible and unique character! One of my absolute faves. Happy Birthday Lianlian! ヽ(o´∀`)ﾉ♪♬

(Spoiler Warning!!!) (Also: massive length warning--get snacks!)

Xie Lian and The Hero’s Journey

One of the most interesting things about Xie Lian is that his personal arc starts near the end. Meaning that he is already nearly fully-realized by the time we meet him in book 1. He has only a few steps left in his classical Hero’s Journey, since TGCF starts in media res. A lot of his growth has been completed--which we witness more first-hand in books 2 and 4--so by the time we meet Xie Lian, he is already endured the most painful of his trials. It leaves him with the traits readers first pick up on: calm, confident, humble, and kind.

The main steps he has left to complete in his journey are the quintessential “atonement with the Father” and his “return home.” These stages of the Hero’s Journey are actually played somewhat straight in TGCF, and the former stage is actually the main plot of the novel. The stages are not meant to be literal, but metaphorical tools for literary analysis, as most books we read employ them in one way or another. TGCF does so as well, just out of order. So Xie Lian’s confrontation with Jun Wu (atonement), then getting his happy ending with Hua Cheng (return home) are the respective stages we see play out in the “present” narrative.

(However, he does have a “call to action stage” nestled within the present-time plotline. One can almost think of this as one Hero’s Journey nestled inside another.)

Xie Lian and The Heaven’s Will

The Heavens shook spectacularly when Xie Lian ascended. Each ascension, the Heavens greeted him with grandeur, even on what he considered his “fluke” of a second. And on his third ascension, the Heavens announced his return in a way that no one had ever seen before--by astonishing all its residents; bringing down the gilded palaces of other gods, and having the ancient clock sound off so fervently that it broke free of its hinges.

There is a lot of symbolism in this alone.

While Xie Lian’s narration (and the reactions of the other heavenly officials, including Ling Wen) paints his third ascension as a mix of comedic and tragic, we can interpret this scene differently. Xie Lian is the only one to have ascended thrice. He is the only one for whom the Heavens shook so powerfully. It isn’t because he’s a disgraced laughing stock--it’s because the Heaven know his true character, and his true strength.

(As an aside--see this post of mine about Heaven as an entity, separate from the Heavenly Capital and gods therein.)

It isn’t a big stretch to conclude that the Heavens show Xie Lian a particular amount of favoritism that it doesn’t to anyone else. One of the explanations for this could be that Xie Lian is the closest thing to the physical representation of the Heaven’s Will™.

This isn’t to say that Xie Lian is perfect. He isn’t, by any means. But he doesn’t have to be. Further thinking of the Heavens along the classic Taoist principles that TGCF draws from, the point is that Xie Lian tries. He works hard with what he has, embraces his fate and destiny, and makes the best of it as much as he can. Xie Lian himself doesn’t set out to be perfect. That is not his goal. His goal is to be a good person who is able to help people. He is morally upright, sincere, and humble. He seeks to maintain balance. These are treasured qualities.

Ultimately, he is human. He makes grievous mistakes, he makes bad decisions, and so on. But at the end of the day, Xie Lian lacks no conviction about his ideology. Even though he endured hell, and very nearly succumbed to darkness, there was always a part of him that held onto that notion that people were worth saving. Even at his worst, he still hesitated before causing harm. And when the man with the bamboo hat helped him--just a single gesture--it was enough for Xie Lian to rediscover that part of himself. His beliefs were re-affirmed, and he found the strength he needed to carry them.

The Heavens did not penalize Xie Lian for needing help. In fact, they rewarded him with ascension itself. When Xie Lian accepted his grief, he began to overcome it. He refused to fall into total despair--and while the actual nature of his second ascension are ambiguous, it’s probable that this is why he ascended. Not because he fought against Bai Wuxiang (because he wasn’t even the one to “win” that battle physically), but because he stood against him in the first place. Xie Lian’s grief, subsequent resolve, and decision to ultimately oppose everything Bai Wuxiang represented--THAT was his Heavenly Tribulation. And he passed with flying colors (much to Jun Wu’s intense fury).

[CONTINUED UNDER CUT DUE TO LENGTH.]

What it fundamentally comes down to, is that Xie Lian chooses to be compassionate. He does so even and especially in the face of adversity. Choosing to be kind when it is the hardest path of all is the mark of true courage and strength. It can’t be said it enough: Xie Lian very consciously makes the choice to do good even when it is hard for him. Even when he doesn’t want to. Because being a good and moral person doesn’t mean that you never have negative thoughts, and for sure Xie Lian gets frustrated and upse. It doesn’t mean you never make mistakes or never hurt people, because Xie Lian has done all those things before as well. After all, he is human, god or not. Things are not black-and-white, and never will be. But staying true to one’s ideals is what matters.

When Xie Lian made the decision to help Yong’An during the drought, for example, he knew it may be futile. He knew that he was breaking rules, going against what everyone else was saying. But he knew in his heart that it was the morally responsible thing to do. He is not the type of person to sit by quietly when there are people in need. He cannot see injustice and despair, and turn a blind eye to it. It also isn’t necessary (or even possible) for him to help literally everyone--as he learns the hard way. But doing what he can, where he can--that’s more than enough for Heaven to favor him. Because that’s the sign of someone who is genuinely compassionate and just.

So it’s no wonder that the Heavens favored him more than others. With a pure heart and strong sense of justice, while still being humble and patient--that’s all the Heavens need.

It’s even ironic that Xie Lian spoke out against the very “Heavens” themselves in book 2, at the height of his pride. But he was actually speaking out against the institution of heaven, and the overly-conservative beliefs that the gods (Heavenly Officials) held. Xie Lian has an extremely non-traditional view of looking at things.

His ideas go against the grain of what has been held true to the people of the world for centuries, but are actually in line with many modern philosophies--that one should not give much importance to idol worship, and instead focus on doing good deeds. That gods, being immortal ascended humans, should display the same humility and temperance; that they not hold themselves in higher regard or expect others to be subservient or fearful. This could very much be in line with what the Heaven’s will actually may be. Why the Heavens favor him so--because Xie Lian understands, in every sense, that gods are only human.

Xie Lian’s Character Growth

“I WON’T CHANGE! EVEN IF IT’S PAINFUL, I WON’T CHANGE. EVEN IF I DIE, I WON’T CHANGE. I WILL NEVER CHANGE!” (ch.239)

That’s the big thing about Xie Lian. It’s what sets him apart from many other characters. From the beginning to the end of his journey, his motivations and beliefs do not change. Only the nature of his motivations, and the basis of his beliefs change. That is to say, he believed that helping others was the right thing to do when he was 17 years old. 800 years later, he still feels this way. It’s just that he approaches the concept differently.

As a teenager, he was naive and coming from a place of high privilege. He was unable to understand the true plights of the common man, and his concepts of helping them--while still noble and morally just--were often somewhat patronizing. His heart was in the right place, but he was simply too young and too sheltered. He also fundamentally overestimated his own capability to help others, while underestimating the negative forces at play that would actively work against him. But 800 years later, Xie Lian has gone through hell and back. He knows better than anyone what it means to struggle, to suffer, to hope, to persevere. He still wants to help the common man, but now it comes from a place of understanding and humility. (The tragedy is, if he were allowed to grow up “normally,” he very much may have grown out of his naiveté and youthful arrogance anyway, after gaining more worldly experience. He was robbed of that chance.)

So Xie Lian chooses to be optimistic about life in general. He knows that he will get hurt by doing this. That people will take advantage of him. He knows, and yet, he continues to hold true to his principles. He neither asks nor expects people to thank him for it, or even understand him (as many people simply don’t). He does it because what other people think or even deserve is not his concern. It comes down to what he believes. That’s just the type of character he is--which is to say: fantastic.

TLDR; Xie Lian Best Boi!!!

[stillness-in-green]

Idk if anyone told you but the MVA OST leaked, with themes for both the League and the MLA. If you haven't listened to it yet, please do! And if you have, what are your thoughts? I think Mine Woman and RE-DESTRO slap for 2 characters that got shafted hard by canon so I appreciate them a lot.

I have listened to them, and I like several of them! I feel like I need to lead with that, because I'm about to add some criticism about my previous responses to BNHA's score for context, so it's important to know that I genuinely do enjoy quite a few of these.

So, I haven't listened to a lot of Yuki Hayashi's scores, but he's definitely done work I've liked! He composed the music for several of the more recent PreCure shows, including their movies; I particularly loved his finale for the 15th anniversary film, which prominently featured a truly delightful medley of every team's opening theme. I'm also very fond of some of his pieces for Kiznaiver and Welcome to the Ballroom.

His BNHA work, though, I feel like suffers from two main problems: the tracks are too short to work up a good head, and yet, despite that short length, they sometimes feel exhaustingly over the top. (Did Shigaraki's theme really need crying children to get across the point that he's bad news?) I've long felt that the BNHA anime wants me to feel like everything is way more Epic and Stirring and Dramatic than I actually find the material to be, so curiously, the music winds up having a distancing effect rather than drawing me in. This is frequently compounded by placement choices that feel so staggeringly poor that I'm often left wondering whether the staff chose the music out of a hat! (Seriously, why does a fairly rote test of character in Nighteye's office warrant doom choirs?)

As to the MVA tracks specifically, I wish there could have been tracks that sounded a bit more fun or heroic, given that the League in MVA really are the heroes for the arc, complete with Shigaraki suddenly having access to Shonen Nakama Tropes and getting all these little comedic reaction takes. It'd be nice if the music could cue in and let the League have some aural triumph without being all doom all the time ("Oh, no! The villains are winning!" Yes, they are; let them have this for one arc, would you?)

But that said, I do rather like most of these! There are some that I do suspect will fall prey to the This Is Too Much Drama, Would You Please Ratchet Back? problem, but there are also some that I can imagine playing better in the context of the show than they do in isolation, and some that feel like they could even be exactly what I was dreaming about, if they go where I hope they will. For some individual thoughts, see below:

The Mission of the Stealth Hawks: A reasonable enough little tense atmospheric piece. Doesn't jump out at me.

Different Ability Liberation Army: I always approach the MLA as styling themselves as an army, but in reality being more of a sect--far more cult than militia-- I appreciate that if they can't have a good dramatic march despite having Army, like, right there in the title, I'm glad I could get church bells instead. On the whole, though, this is a good example of the first problem I mentioned having with Hayashi's work for BNHA--his pieces tend to be pretty short, and it takes them so long to land on a melody that by the time they find one, there's hardly any time to develop it before the song ends. Even a lot of the hero pieces are like that, and the villain songs, even more so. That said, I do like the horror strings that creep in around the 1.25 mark, blossom at 1.45, and float on through 2.10. I just wish they went on longer. Admittedly, "erratic church bells and horror strings" is still not the choice I would have made for the MLA's main theme. I really would have preferred something with a more militant air; as it is, this sort of feels like it scores a creepy prologue that plays before the opening credits kick in and then the episode proper starts. Which isn't a bad description for the way the dinner scene played in the manga, but thanks to the anime's decision to reshuffle everything, I don't think that dinner scene's going to maintain that feeling of "prologue" when we finally get to it.

My Villain Academia: Better on the melodic front; I enjoy the drama at .43, the dancing tension at 1.05, and particularly the minor strings from 1.25 that just keep climbing until everything else drops out around 2.10. I do wish it found a better place to end rather than noodling on for a further thirty seconds, but the melody will get a more central, and more bombastic, treatment in the final track, so it's probably okay for it to trail off here. (It's also apparently a reprise of a villain theme from the very first season's OST, which is rad. More on that in the Track 11 blurb.)

Second Coming: This is a bizarre one because, while I complained that Hayashi's BNHA tracks are usually short, this one is a full six and a half minutes--except that it falls clearly into movements of about a minute each, with clear lulls in between. I wish it was twelve minutes and everything was twice as long! As it is, I'm highly doubtful that we're going to hear this one played in its entirety anywhere, since I can't imagine what scenes would require this specific sequence of musical passages at this length. 0.00 - 1.01: I love that the song kicks in comparatively quickly; the first minute's passage has a great, thrumming drive that very nearly hits major key towards the end. 1.02 - 1.53: The drive picks up pace in the second minute before the chorus arrives, and for once, I am very prepared to love a BNHA choir piece. I hope this is what plays when Deika's going up in ash. 1.54 - 3.01: I love the melodic line being carried by the intentionally hard to distinguish violin and whatever brass instrument the violin's trading off with in the third minute. It's bit out of place with the rest of the track, but I like it quite a bit on its own, and it does have a similar sound as some of the "dirty" brass in RE-DESTRO and Mine Woman. It's probably too long for RD's childhood flashback, but I wonder if it'll play for an MLA character somewhere? 3.02 - 4.07: The fourth minute has some very fun drums, but otherwise doesn't jump out at me as much of the rest of the track. I'm very curious to know when this will play, though. 4.08 - 5.32: The fifth minute, god bless, has some proper march drums--I like this passage a lot, particularly when it come back in the sixth minute accompanied by the choir. I like this because the key is minor but it's not "oooo scaaaary" minor; it's more dramatic, a bit tragic, but triumphant too--pretty much perfect for Re-Destro, Spinner and Machia's moment of revelation in the crater. I wish it were longer. 5.33 - 6.36: And here for the end we're back to the driving guitar and some fun low-thrum strings and percussive chain sounds. Like the fourth passage, it's fun, but jumps out at me less, particularly as the song's finale.

Gigantomachia: This is an extremely boss kaiju song. Seriously, that brass in the opening could come right out of a Toho flick. Extremely good walking calamity number, love that distorted synth stuff towards the end. It's going to sound great when (if) it plays over Machia leaving the villa, the hand rising up through the floor behind Toga, Momo and the other students surveying the desolation left in his wake, and so on. (I know that's all Season Six material, shhhh. I hope they use this piece there.)

Mine Woman: This is so fun. And so extremely superior that that awful Christmas insert song! I'm glad Curious got this at least, and I love the moment the beat drops at the one-minute mark, and that interwoven sax. So good. It's hard to imagine the fight between Toga and Curious being paced to this song, mind, but it's real good, anyway.

TOGA's Nature: This one showcases the other problem I have with Hayashi's BNHA work, especially his stuff for the villains: it feels very on the nose in a way that tips over into being Too Much. The birdsong, I think, is on the nose but in an effective, playful way, with the natural beauty of the birds undercut by the lovely but ominous piano/synth melody. I am considerably less kindly disposed to the creepy child laughter, which just feels on the nose in a thuddingly obvious way--though I do like the way it slides in when the birdsong fades. I like, too, the sort of cloudy roaring reprise of the melodic line that kicks in around the 1.10 mark. It feels like an effective echo of Toga--cute but creepy as a young girl, and then, after she snaps, creepy in the same way but now you can't ignore it.

Symbol of Fear: The beginning doesn't do much for me, but I enjoy the howl that gives way to the organs at 1.15; while it's too action-heavy to be Tenko, the transition does still put me in mind of Tenko wandering the streets, internally crying for anyone to help him, and the person who finally does is--well. I like that the organ nurtures that howl into something considerably more dire, though you still get a return to that guttural cry periodically. While it is, again, difficult to imagine this scoring the scenes between AFO and Tenko's first meeting and Tenko being formally named Tomura--it's much too bombastic--it does still feel like an excellent representation of AFO sculpting Tomura's formless, aimless rage into something that really could tear down the world.

I Don't Kill My Friends: It would have been really nice if they'd let the most significant, unadulterated personal triumph of the arc sound actually fun. Why does the Sad Man's Parade song sound so upset?? @aysall predicts that it'll play over Twice's confrontation with Hawks and death scene, and I can see it working extremely well there, but it's a pretty weird call for the Dead Man's Parade bit, if that is indeed what this is intended to evoke. Quibbling about the title aside, I do like the way this pulses and throbs, something like an exposed wound, which is not a bad description of poor Jin's mentality. I still hope this isn't what scores his breakthrough, though. As I said previously, the villains are the heroes for just this one arc, and it'd be nice if the score could reflect that at least a little.

RE-DESTRO: I like this one a lot. I love the interwoven layers of that dirty sax and the Big and Dramatic orchestral strings + brass, but both of them undercut with that regular, machine beeping that could almost be a heart monitor, but mostly isn't--right up until the long beep at 1.52/1.53. It feels like a strong illustration of the titular character's different personas--his attempts at casual, friendly villainy (like menacing Giran or chatting with Shigaraki on the phone), him when he's thundering full-volume about the weight of his legacy at people (THE BLOOD OF DESTRO FLOWS THROUGH THESE VEINS I AM RE-DESTRO), and, beneath it all, the constant little thread of stress that Rikiya can never escape (right up until Shigaraki). I probably wouldn't love it so much in isolation, but I'm easy to win over with the right character association. XD

Paranormal Liberation Front: Very fun grubby guitar intro. It also has much the clearest melodic throughline, which inclines me towards it. What inclines me to it even more is the knowledge (per @aysall again) that it's the same main melody as the track Villains Theme from the very first season's OST. That track already having used its allotted Doom Choir quotient, this track makes do with less synth and a lot more orchestra and chunky bass backing, which is much to its benefit, I feel. I do wish it had any of the MLA's theme in it, to represent the merger, but admittedly, it'd be hard to make that very audible when the MLA theme has…next to no central melody, percussive rhythm, etc. Still, as an evolution of the League to something bigger, classier, and far more dangerous, it's real good--just long enough to develop into itself and explore its central leitmotif. Probably my favorite track simply on its own merits.

Thanks for the ask, anon! I'd listened to the tracks once driving around for work, but sitting down with them properly gave me a greater appreciation for them, and now I'll definitely have an ear out for them when we get to this material in the anime…

….whenever that winds up being. *sob*

[carmenxjulia]

Showrunner Duane Capizzi did an informal Q&A session with some fans in a CS chatroom. There are several question askers, all marked by name. Get some insider knowledge on the show, after the break!

Duane Capizzi:

Just checking things out! Feel like I'm poking my head through a door at a party I'm crashing haha.

Fun to see everyone hanging out and talking all good things Carmen

Can't stay long - I should have taken the code name "Crimson Phantom"

Crimson Phantom - I like the sound of that (if it's not already taken haha)

Carmen:

It's an awesome nickname! Personally I'm more of a Scarlet Santa Rosa person myself- I love that little interaction with Jules and Carmen in the special

Duane Capizzi:

Scarlet Santa Rosa! Yes, that was really cute between them. Too cute in fact.

Coach Brunt had some names for her too if i recollect

Arden:

Lambkins

Wren:

Didn't Brunt also call her Monica Santa Monica once?

Mage:

Yeah in the Boston episode

Also Josie San Jose

Arden:

I personally prefer Fedora the Explora

Duane Capizzi:

Josie yes hahaha

I can't believe we got away with Fedora the Explorer! I thought that would be noted but I'm glad we did. So funny!

Carmen is amazing! She "owns" whatever she wears, doesn't she?

Carmen:

She definitely owns Carmen Brand Outerwear

Duane Capizzi:

I'll share another tidbit though (along the lines of Carmen being a love story where everyone is in love with Carmen).

It was important for obvious reasons that the show be (among other things) about female empowerment. And we wanted to celebrate fashion of course. But it was super important to me to not fall into the "male gaze" trap. That was something I imparted to the storyboard crew and directors. It's a fine line, I know, but I think we succeeded.

Arden:

You sure did. What I adore about Carmen Sandiego is how unsexualized all the characters were while still being inclusive to different body types and races

Duane Capizzi:

Well artists love to sneak things in! So it was a little rule I had

They were mostly great about it - in all the 32 episodes, I think I asked to change only two shots for that reason. Where I had to go "ahem"

"Outerwear" sounds so peculiar but I think that's what made it work. I kept changing it back and forth and sometimes I'm surprised to see/hear it in the show. For the longest time it was "Carmen Clothiers." Did I make the right decision? Sometimes you can rework things too much and lose sight - it happens!

The one shot that leaps to mind was Shadowsan carrying her fireman style at top of 202, as they were escaping through the tunnels. Her, um, fundamentals were just a little too front and center to not fall into the "male gaze" trap. Nothing awful! It was borderline. We just adjusted the angle a bit

Julia:

My favorite most definitely has to be her formal wear from the "need for speed caper"

Duane Capizzi:

I'd have to think about my favorite outfit or top five. All her evening gowns of course!

Maybe "witch." We couldn't make it red because it would not have been a very good disguise (plus, you know: "Scarlet Witch" haha).

But let's not underestimate her signature hat/coat - I continue to be enamored with how we updated her look from the old trench coat thing.

Arden:

Not me suddenly motivated to draw Carmen in a scarlet witch outfit

Duane Capizzi:

Then you have to draw Zack as Pietro!

(or Player? Only his fingers are speedy)

Arden:

Idea: what if player (or Shadowsan) was Pietro

Duane Capizzi:

Shadowsan IS Pietro. He's so quick you never see him move.

Wren:

Shadowsan's fight with Brunt where it went slowmo and he moved fast was so cool!

Duane Capizzi:

Hey, Shadowsan is quite the fashion plate too - am I right?

I love the outfits on the show. So good! So perfect! But, I'm not being very modest am I

I really love SS in the dark trench coat. So. Bad. Ass.

Carmen:

Any thoughts on the Fashionista memory thing?

Duane Capizzi:

Fashionista, sure! What do you want to know?

Carmen:

Give me a second-

Duane Capizzi:

Thank you for noting the aesthetics on the show! Much effort, passion and vision from all involved - Chromosphere, our directors, animators, composers, sound mixers - everyone gave it all they had, it was so inspiring for all involved.

Carmen:

Was there any significance to that specific memory- Carmen defending Julia in the Fashionista Caper- being chosen as the first memory she remembered when she went outside? Like, why that scene specifically over any others for example?

(referring to the finale)

Duane Capizzi:

Oh, that! To be honest, not from me: we were just trying to do the "swirl of confused memories" like we did with Gray earlier in the season. We wanted to show that the ACME device had jostled some old memories loose and that "the girl agent with glasses" was now taking root in Carmen's rush of memories/emotions

But that specific memory, not necessarily from my POV - it could have been any number of Julia moments, like their first meeting on the train (for instance)

The director Jos Humphrey must have picked it. It worked for me!

Carmen:

We all loved that it was that specific memory that was chosen out of all Julia and Carmen moments, the fact that she remembered defending her was an added emotional experience to the already emotional finale

Duane Capizzi:

Well let's talk about the original scene in 204! On the surface just a light fun episode, but so many things came together there: Shadowsan connecting with Player; SS getting his new clothes; but the key thing was switching Julia back from doing Chief's bidding back to Carmen's side. The episode was built around the moment that Carmen pulls Julia on stage with her (I'm not kidding). That was THE moment

Carmen:

We have MANY questions... we should probably set a limit

Duane Capizzi:

Ask away - I don't mind. Honestly, Carmen is my favorite topic! I've been living, breathing, dreaming Carmen for the last 5 years! I don't think there's much to say, I think it's all there on screen. But happy to talk about it because I love to

Cam:

I have a question, what about the color theory in Carmen Sandiego? What do you think certain colors mean as in, blue, yellow, green, and red.

we have our own ideas about the colors but it would be interesting to hear from your perspective

Duane Capizzi:

Color theory! Well chromosphere color scripts every episode (!). If those haven't been shared publicly yet remind me, maybe I can get permission to do so or have them do it. They are lovely to behold.

But basically Carmen = red (duh); Vile = green; Acme = blue. That's the simple version. We started talking about that early on.

color scripts = they do thumbnail art of key scenes to share mood/emotion

we tried to NOT use red for non-Carmen scenes; and scenes where she was significant the color red would be dominant or sometimes symbolically precede her (for instance).

If you google color scripts I'm sure you will see some come up. Try Pixar color scripts for instance. There's a great Art of Pixar book with their color scripts.

Arden:

Do you think Julia is blue or purple?

Duane Capizzi:

Haha, Jules definitely purple! Cute.

Mage:

You've just confirmed the whole color theory these guys have been working on for a while.

Duane Capizzi:

I was actually being funny - is she actually color scripted purple in the series? Wow, my mind might be blown

Garfield:

Now I have a question!

Julia has great admiration and respect for Carmen. Do you think Carmen has as much respect and admiration for Julia as Julia does for her?

Duane Capizzi:

I think Julia might just be a little infatuated with Carmen (even if she hasn't fully articulated how to herself - remember, the show may be sophisticated but it's still a kids show). But mostly Julia just knows/intuits/deduces Carmen's a good guy, pretty much from the beginning. I think the two have a connection that defies space and time in some ways - look at how much they work in tandem without being in the same scenes together much of the time. I love that!

As for Carmen, of course she respects Julia: she knows Julia "gets" her, and respects Julia's smarts and mutual love of history/respect for cultures.

I love how Chase is the ultimate buzzkill for whatever might be stirring in Julia as she's watching Carmen fly away in the Pilot. She's like, "whooaa ..." Then Chase falls onto the windshield. Hilarious!

Nina:

I was actually wondering if Carmen and Julia were meant to have opposing color schemes? With Julia's original outfit I mean

Duane Capizzi:

Oh, good question about Julia's original outfit: I'd have to think about that or ask Jos or Chromosphere. J's colors ARE sort of a drabber distant cousin to Carmen's, aren't they? I think mostly we just wanted "drab workaday" colors for Interpol, knowing that both of them would eventually be slicked up as ACME Agents.

Nova:

Devineaux is immune to injuries it is the only reason why he has lasted so long in ACME and Interpol

Duane Capizzi:

Devineaux, one of my favorite lines: "I did not know you two kept in touch."

Am I right?

SelinIndigo:

I have one question:

Will we ever know Carmen's given name? Also, if you don't mind when is her birthday in this reboot?

Duane Capizzi:

Carmen's given name: never say never! But for where our series ended, I thought it would just interfere. That's not how I wanted you to remember her. It would have just been a label and spoiled her mystique IMO

Player, however: we totally messed with you! "Mr. Bouchard."

Carmen's birthday?

Hmmm.

Maybe month and day but not year: would hate to date the show

I also don't like naming ages in shows because it just gets weird with timelines and such. Or can be.

Carmen:

I made a post about this a while back— how did Carmen end up getting Julia's apartment address? did she just text her for it or straight up ask? did she find out on her own in the least stalker-y way possible? I just have so many theories- do you have any thoughts on it?

Duane Capizzi:

The apartment in the IA special? Oh that whole story was like one big dream sequence ;)

Arden:

What does the wink mean? Does Julia even live in an apartment?

Nina:

Does that mean Carmen dreamt she gave Julia roses or-

Duane Capizzi:

We played things faster and looser for fun there

Okay, I just saw what time it is. Yikes! Time flies when you're having fun. Well THANK YOU EVERYONE (for loving the show, for building this site, for being you.

[im-just-trying-to-get-bi]

(Black screen with text; The sound of buzzing bees can be heard) Narrator: According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. (Barry is picking out a shirt) Barry: Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Janet: Barry! Breakfast is ready! Barry: Coming! Hang on a second. (Barry uses his antenna like a phone) Barry: Hello (Through phone) Adam: Barry? Barry: Adam? Adam: Can you believe this is happening? Barry: I can't. I'll pick you up. (Barry flies down the stairs) Martin: Looking sharp. Janet: Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Barry: Sorry. I'm excited. Martin: Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Janet: Very proud. (Rubs Barry's hair) Barry: Ma! I got a thing going here. Janet: You got lint on your fuzz. Barry: Ow! That's me! Janet: Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. Bye! (Barry flies out the door) Janet: Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! (Barry drives through the hive,and is waved at by Adam who is reading a newspaper) Barry: Hey, Adam. Adam: Hey, Barry. (Adam gets in Barry's car) Adam: Is that fuzz gel? Barry: A little. Special day, graduation. Adam: Never thought I'd make it. (Barry pulls away from the house and continues driving) Barry: Three days grade school, three days high school... Adam: Those were awkward. Barry: Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. Adam: You did come back different. (Barry and Adam pass by Artie, who is jogging) Artie: Hi, Barry! Barry: Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Adam: Hear about Frankie? Barry: Yeah. Adam: You going to the funeral? Barry: No, I'm not going to his funeral. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. Adam: I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. (The car does a barrel roll on the loop-shaped bridge and lands on the highway) Adam: I love this incorporating an amusement park into our regular day. Barry: I guess that's why they say we don't need vacations. (Barry parallel parks the car and together they fly over the graduating students) {♬ Playing "Pomp and Circumstance" ♬} Barry: Boy, quite a bit of pomp...under the circumstances. (Barry and Adam sit down and put on their hats) Barry: Well, Adam, today we are men. Adam: We are! Barry: Bee-men. Adam: Amen! Barry and Adam: Hallelujah! (Barry and Adam both have a happy spasm) {♬ "Pomp and Circumstance" Ends ♬} Announcer: Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Dean: Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of......9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Adam: Will we pick our job today? (Adam and Barry get into a tour bus) Barry: I heard it's just orientation. (Tour buses rise out of the ground and the students are automatically loaded into the buses) Tour Guide: Heads up! Here we go. Announcer: Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. Barry: Wonder what it'll be like? Adam: A little scary. Tour Guide: Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. Barry: This is it! Barry and Adam: Wow. Barry: Wow. (The bus drives down a road an on either side are the Bee's massive complicated Honey-making machines) Tour Guide: We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Everyone: Honey! (The guide has been collecting honey into a bottle and she throws it into the crowd on the bus and it is caught by a girl in the back) Adam: That girl was hot. Barry: She's my cousin! Adam: She is? Barry:

Yes, we're all cousins. Adam: Right. You're right. Tour Guide: At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. (The bus passes by a Bee wearing a helmet who is being smashed into the ground with fly-swatters, newspapers and boots. He lifts a thumbs up but you can hear him groan) Adam: What do you think he makes? Barry: Not enough. Tour Guide: Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. (They pass by a turning wheel with Bees standing on pegs, who are each wearing a finger-shaped hat) Barry: Wow, What does that do? Tour Guide: Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Adam: (Intrigued) Can anyone work on the Krelman? Tour Guide: Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. (Everyone claps except for Barry) Barry: The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. Adam: What's the difference? Tour Guide: You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. Barry: (Upset) So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. (Everyone on the bus laughs except Barry. Barry and Adam are walking back home together) Adam: Wow! That blew my mind! Barry: "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. Adam: I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. Barry: But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Adam: Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. Barry: You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Adam: Like what? Give me one example. (Barry and Adam stop walking and it is revealed to the audience that hundreds of cars are speeding by and narrowly missing them in perfect unison) Barry: I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Announcer: Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Barry: Wait a second. Check it out. (The Pollen jocks fly in, circle around and landing in line) Barry: Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! Adam: Wow. I've never seen them this close. Barry: They know what it's like outside the hive. Adam: Yeah, but some don't come back. Girl Bees: Hey, Jocks! Hi, Jocks! (The Pollen Jocks hook up their backpacks to machines that pump the nectar to trucks, which drive away) Lou Lo Duva: You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! (Punching the Pollen Jocks in joy) Lou Lo Duva: I love it! Adam: I wonder where they were. Barry: I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can't just decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Adam: Right. (Barry and Adam are covered in some pollen that floated off of the Pollen Jocks) Barry: Look at that. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. Adam: It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Barry: Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. (Barry waves at 2 girls standing a little away from them) Adam: Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Barry: Distant. Distant. Pollen Jock #1: Look at these two. Pollen Jock #2: Couple of Hive Harrys. Pollen Jock #1: Let's have fun with them. Girl Bee #1: It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Barry: Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! (Slaps Adam with his hand to represent his scenario) Girl Bee #2: Oh, my! Barry: I never thought I'd knock him out. Girl Bee #1: (Looking at Adam) What were you doing during this? Adam: Obviously I was trying to alert the authorities. Barry: I can autograph that. (The pollen jocks walk up to Barry and Adam, they pretend that Barry and Adam really are pollen jocks.) Pollen Jock #1: A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Barry: Yeah. Gusty. Pollen Jock #1: We're hitting a sunflower patch six

miles from here tomorrow. Barry: Six miles, huh? Adam: Barry! Pollen Jock #2: A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. Barry: Maybe I am. Adam: You are not! Pollen Jock #1: We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? Barry: I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. (The scene cuts to Barry looking out on the hive-city from his balcony at night) Martin: Hey, Honex! Barry: Dad, you surprised me. Martin: You decide what you're interested in? Barry: Well, there's a lot of choices. But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Martin: Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. Barry: You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. Martin: You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! Janet: Barry, you are so funny sometimes. Barry: I'm not trying to be funny. Martin: You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! Janet: You're gonna be a stirrer? Barry: No one's listening to me! Martin: Wait till you see the sticks I have. Barry: I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! (Barry's parents don't listen to him and continue to ramble on) Martin: Let's open some honey and celebrate! Barry: Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! Janet: I'm so proud. (The scene cuts to Barry and Adam waiting in line to get a job) Adam: We're starting work today! Barry: Today's the day. Adam: Come on! All the good jobs will be gone. Barry: Yeah, right. Job Lister: Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... Bee in the front of the line: Is it still available? Job Lister: Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Congratulations! Step to the side. Adam: What'd you get? Bee in the front of the line: Picking crud out. Stellar! (He walks away) Adam: Wow! Job Lister: Couple of newbies? Adam: Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Job Lister: Make your choice. (Adam and Barry look up at the job board. There are hundreds of constantly changing panels that contain available or unavailable jobs. It looks very confusing) Adam: You want to go first? Barry: No, you go. Adam: Oh, my. What's available? Job Lister: Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. Adam: Any chance of getting the Krelman? Job Lister: Sure, you're on. (Puts the Krelman finger-hat on Adam's head) (Suddenly the sign for Krelman closes out) Job Lister: I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. (Takes Adam's hat off) Job Lister: Wax monkey's always open. Adam: The Krelman opened up again. What happened? Job Lister: A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Adam: Oh, this is so hard! (Barry remembers what the Pollen Jock offered him and he flies off) Adam: Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? (Adam turns around and sees Barry flying away) Adam: Barry! Pollen Jock #1: All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... Adam: (Through phone) What happened to you? Where are you? Barry: I'm going out. Adam: Out? Out where? Barry: Out there. Adam: Oh, no! Barry: I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. Adam: You're gonna die! You're crazy! (Barry hangs up) Adam: Hello? Pollen Jock #2: Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Barry: Hey, guys. Pollen Jock #1: Look at that. Pollen Jock #2: Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Lou Lo Duva: Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. Pollen Jock #1: It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. (Puts hand on Barry's shoulder)

Lou Lo Duva: (To Barry) Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Bee with Clipboard: (To Barry) Sign here, here. Just initial that. Thank you. Lou Lo Duva: OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! Barry: That's awful. Lou Lo Duva: (Still talking through megaphone) And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Pollen Jocks: (The Pollen Jocks run into formation) Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Lou Lo Duva: Black and yellow! Pollen Jocks: Hello! Pollen Jock #1: (To Barry)You ready for this, hot shot? Barry: Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Pollen Jocks: Wind, check. Antennae, check. Nectar pack, check. Wings, check. Stinger, check. Barry: Scared out of my shorts, check. Lou Lo Duva: OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! (The pollen jocks fly out of the hive) Barry: Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! (Barry flies through the kite) Barry: Wow! Flowers! (A pollen jock puts on some high tech goggles that shows flowers similar to heat sink goggles.) Pollen Jock: This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! Pollen Jock #1: 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. (The pollen jock fires a high-tech gun at the flower, shooting tubes that suck up the nectar from the flower and collects it into a pouch on the gun) Barry: That is one nectar collector! Pollen Jock #1: Ever see pollination up close? Barry: No, sir. (Barry and the Pollen jock fly over the field, the pollen jock sprinkles pollen as he goes) Pollen Jock #1: I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. Barry: That's amazing. Why do we do that? Pollen Jock #1: That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Barry: Cool. Pollen Jock #1: I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. could be daisies. Don't we need those? Pollen Jock #2: Copy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Pollen Jock #1: Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Pollen Jock #2: Affirmative. (The Pollen jocks land near the "flowers" which, to the audience are obviously just tennis balls) Ken: (In the distance) That was on the line! Pollen Jock #1: This is the coolest. What is it? Pollen Jock #2: I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Pollen Jock #1: Yeah, fuzzy. (Sticks his hand on the ball but it gets stuck) Pollen Jock #3: Chemical-y. (The pollen jock finally gets his hand free from the tennis ball) Pollen Jock #1: Careful, guys. It's a little grabby. (The pollen jocks turn around and see Barry lying his entire body on top of one of the tennis balls) Pollen Jock #2: My sweet lord of bees! Pollen Jock #3: Candy-brain, get off there! Pollen Jock #1: (Pointing upwards) Problem! (A human hand reaches down and grabs the tennis ball that Barry is stuck to) Barry: Guys! Pollen Jock #2: This could be bad. Pollen Jock #3: Affirmative. (Vanessa Bloome starts bouncing the tennis ball, not knowing Barry is stick to it) Barry: Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. (Barry is being hit back and forth by two humans playing tennis. He is still stuck to the ball) Pollen Jock #1: You are way out of position, rookie! Ken: Coming in at you like a MISSILE! (Barry flies past the pollen jocks, still stuck to the ball) Barry: (In slow motion) Help me! Pollen Jock #2: I don't think these are flowers. Pollen Jock #3: Should we tell him? Pollen Jock #1: I think he knows. Barry: What is this?! Ken: Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to EAT IT! (A pollen

jock coughs which confused Ken and he hits the ball the wrong way with Barry stuck to it and it goes flying into the city) Barry: Yowser! (Barry bounces around town and gets stuck in the engine of a car. He flies into the air conditioner and sees a bug that was frozen in there) Barry: Ew, gross. (The man driving the car turns on the air conditioner which blows Barry into the car) Girl in the car: There's a bee in the car! Do something! Dad driving the car: I'm driving! Baby Girl: (Waving at Barry) Hi, bee. (Barry smiles and waves at the baby girl) Guy in the back of the car: He's back here! He's going to sting me! Girl in the car: Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! (Barry freezes as well, hovering in the middle of the car) Grandma in the car: He blinked! (The grandma whips out some bee-spray and sprays everywhere in the car, climbing into the front seat, still trying to spray Barry) Girl in the car: Spray him, Granny! Dad driving the car: What are you doing?! (Barry escapes the car through the air conditioner and is flying high above the ground, safe.) Barry: Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. (Barry sees that storm clouds are gathering and he can see rain clouds moving into this direction) Barry: I gotta get home. Can't fly in rain. Can't fly in rain. Pollen Jock #1: You are way out of position, rookie! Ken: Coming in at you like a MISSILE! (Barry flies past the pollen jocks, still stuck to the ball) Barry: (In slow motion) Help me! Pollen Jock #2: I don't think these are flowers. Pollen Jock #3: Should we tell him? Pollen Jock #1: I think he knows. Barry: What is this?! Ken: Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to EAT IT! (A pollen jock coughs which confused Ken and he hits the ball the wrong way with Barry stuck to it and it goes flying into the city) Barry: Yowser! (Barry bounces around town and gets stuck in the engine of a car. He flies into the air conditioner and sees a bug that was frozen in there) Barry: Ew, gross. (The man driving the car turns on the air conditioner which blows Barry into the car) Girl in the car: There's a bee in the car! Do something! Dad driving the car: I'm driving! Baby Girl: (Waving at Barry) Hi, bee. (Barry smiles and waves at the baby girl) Guy in the back of the car: He's back here! He's going to sting me! Girl in the car: Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! (Barry freezes as well, hovering in the middle of the car) Grandma in the car: He blinked! (The grandma whips out some bee-spray and sprays everywhere in the car, climbing into the front seat, still trying to spray Barry) Girl in the car: Spray him, Granny! Dad driving the car: What are you doing?! (Barry escapes the car through the air conditioner and is flying high above the ground, safe.) Barry: Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. (Barry sees that storm clouds are gathering and he can see rain clouds moving into this direction) Barry: I gotta get home. Can't fly in rain. Can't fly in rain.(a raindrop hits him, but before he can recover, another hits him) Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! (Barry sees a window ledge and barely makes it there, then crawls through the open window.) Vanessa: Ken, could you close the window please? Ken: Huh? Oh.. Hey, Check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Barry: Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. (tries to fly out the window but bounces off of it) Oof! Ow! What was that? (tries again) Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This, this, this, this... Drapes. (taps the glass) That is diabolical. Ken: (showing off his resume:) It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. Andy: What's your number one? Star Wars? Ken: Nah, I don't go for that... (mimics lasers firing) ...kind of stuff. Barry: No wonder we’re not supposed to talk to them. They're out of their minds. Ken: When I walk out of a job interview, they're flabbergasted. They can't believe the things I say. Barry: There's the sun. Maybe

that's a way out. (flies towards the light near the ceiling) I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. (bounces off it and starts falling, landing in a bowl of chip dip) Ken: I gotta tell ya, I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. (Andy scoops up some of the dip with a tortilla chip, including Barry, and brings it towards his mouth) Ken: Wait! Stop! Bee! Anna: Kill it! Kill it! Ken: (grabs something to kill it) Stand back. These are winter boots. Vanessa: Wait! Don't kill him! Ken: You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Vanessa: Well, why does his life have any less value than yours? (Vanessa places a lass over Barry) Ken: Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? Vanessa: I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. (Vanessa rips Ken's resume in half and slides it under the glass) Ken: My brochure. Vanessa: (carries the glass with Barry inside over to the window and release him) There you go, little guy. Ken: I'm not scared of him. But yeah, it's an allergic thing. Andy: Hey, why don't you put that on your resume-brochure? Ken: It's not funny. My whole face could puff up. Andy: Hmm, make it one of your "special skills". Ken: You know, knocking someone out is also a special skill. (later, as the rain stops and the sun comes back out) Anna: Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. Ken: Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? Vanessa: Ah, yeah, sure, Ken. You know, whatever. Ken: You could put carob chips on there. Vanessa: Bye. Ken: Supposed to be less calories or somethin'. Vanessa: Bye. (the last of her guests have left. She shuts the door and begins cleanup.) Barry: (sighs) I gotta say something. She saved my life. I've got to say something. All right, here it goes. (Barry flies back into her house through the almost-closed window and stops in front of a can of Bumble Bee Chunk Light Tuna as Vanessa walks by, stopping right in line with the mascot. He starts to walk away and looks back. Says, "Huh" and turns back around to look at the mascot, then says "Nah" as he dismisses the picture and continues walking.) (Barry resumes flying and lands on a postcard from Coney Island taped to the refrigerator, again in a position where Vanessa doesn't notice him.) Barry: What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. (begins debating with himself) I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Come on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "Ya like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Barry: (to Vanessa:) Um, hi! (Vanessa gasps and drops the dishes) Barry: I'm sorry. Vanessa: Hah, you're talking. Barry: Yes, I know, I know. I'm so– Vanessa: You're talking. Barry: I know. I'm– I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Vanessa: No, it's okay. It's fine. It's just... I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Barry: Well, you know, I'm sure this is very disconcerting.... Vanessa: Yeah! I mean, this is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! Barry: Yeah. Vanessa: Yeah. Barry: Yeah, I am a bee. And, uh, you know I'm not supposed to be doing this, but... (Vanessa makes a small "Oh" and "uh-huh" noises while Barry's talking) Barry: ...they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I mean, I had to thank you. It's, it's just the way I was raised. (Vanessa grabs a fork and stabs herself in the hand, then cries out) Barry: Oh! That was a little weird. Vanessa: I'm talking to a bee. Barry: Yeah. Vanessa: I'm talking to a bee. Barry: Anyway... Vanessa: And the bee is talking to me! Barry: Um, I just want to say I'm grateful, and I'm going to leave now. Vanessa: Wait, wait, wait, wait! How did you learn to do that? Barry: What? Vanessa: That- that- that- that... The talking thing. Barry: Oh, same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. Vanessa: (laughs unconvincingly) That's very funny. Barry: Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal

with. Anyway... Vanessa: Can I uh... get you something? Barry: Like what? Vanessa: I don't know. I mean.. I don't know. Coffee? Barry: Well, uh, I don't want to put you out, unless you're making it anyway. Vanessa: Oh, it's no trouble. Oh, it takes two minutes. Barry: Really? Vanessa: It's just coffee. Barry: I hate to impose. Vanessa: Don't be ridiculous! Barry: Actually, I would love a cup. Vanessa: Hey, you want a little rum cake? Barry: I really shouldn't. Vanessa: Have a little rum cake. Barry: No, no, no, I can't. Vanessa: Oh, come on! Barry: You know, I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms here. Vanessa: Where? Barry: Well... these stripes don't help. Vanessa: You look great! Barry: I don't know if you know anything about fashion. (Vanessa walks away and begins pouring coffee onto the floor, a coffee cup in her other hand) Barry: Are you all right? Vanessa: No. (fade to Vanessa and Barry on her roof terrace, talking and having coffee) Barry: He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. So he finally gets there. Vanessa: Uh huh. Barry: He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on... Vanessa: Yeah? Barry: ...and he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan." Vanessa: Uh huh? Barry: Why would I marry a watermelon? (Barry laughs) (Vanessa's more confused than amused. Barry gestures, indicating his joke is done.) Vanessa: Oh, Is that a... a bee joke? Barry: Yeah, that's the kind of stuff that we do. Vanessa: Yeah, different. So, anyway, what are you gonna do, Barry? Barry: About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I, I can't do it the way they want. Vanessa: I know how you feel. Barry: You do? Vanessa: Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. Barry: Really? Vanessa: My only interest is flowers. Barry: Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Vanessa: Oh, huh. Barry: Anyway, you see if you look... There. There's my hive right there. You can see it. Vanessa: Oh, you're in Sheep Meadow! Barry: Yes! You know the turtle pond? Vanessa: Yes? Barry: I'm right off of that. Vanessa: Oh, no way! I know that area. Do you know I lost a toe ring there once. (behind them, a janitor comes onto the roof and begins working on replacing a light bulb) Barry: Really? Vanessa: Yes. Barry: Why do girls put rings on their toes? Vanessa: Well, why not? Barry: I don't know. It's like putting a hat on your knee. Vanessa: Maybe I'll try that. Janitor: You all right, ma'am? Vanessa: (realizing how it must look, talking to herself:) Oh, yeah, fine. Just having two cups of coffee. (she laughs) (Vanessa and Barry share a little quiet time) Barry: Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Vanessa: Oh, yeah, it's no trouble. Barry: Sorry I couldn't finis it. If I did, I'd be up for the rest of my life. Are you... Umm. Can I take a piece of this with me? Vanessa: Sure! Here, have a crumb. (She passes one to Barry on her fingertip) Barry: Oh, thanks. Vanessa: Yeah. Barry: All right, well, then... I guess I'll see you around, or not, or... Vanessa: Okay, Barry. Barry: And thank you so much again... for before. Vanessa: Oh, that? That was nothing. Barry: Well, not nothing, but... anyway... (Barry extends his hand. Vanessa touches it with her finger and they gingerly shake. The janitor looks over and continues tightening the bulb in the socket. It shorts, causing him to lose his balance and fall backwards.) (The next day at the Honex building, hurricane survival testing is in progress. A bee wearing a parachute is in a wind tunnel.) Testing bee 1: This can't possibly work. Testing bee 2: Well, he's all set to go. We may as well try it. (via intercom:) Okay, Dave. pull the chute. (Dave pulls the cord and is immediately blown backwards. He slides down the wall and shakily gives a thumbs up signal. Barry and Adam walk by the outside of the testing chamber.) Adam: Sounds amazing. Barry: Oh, it was amazing. It- it was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Adam: Humans! Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant scary

humans! What were they like? Barry: Huge and crazy. They talk crazy, they eat crazy giant things. They drive around real crazy. Adam: And do they try and kill you like on TV? Barry: Some of them. But some of them don't. Adam: How'd you get back? Barry: Poodle. Adam: Look, you did it. And I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see out there, You had your "experience", and now you're back, you can pick out your job and everything can be normal. Barry: Well... Adam: Well? Well? Barry: Well, I met someone. Adam: You met someone? Was she Bee-ish? Barry: Mmm. Adam: Not a wasp? Your parents will kill you. Barry: No, no, no, not a wasp. Adam: Spider? Barry: You know, I'm not attracted to the spiders. I know to everyone else it's like the hottest thing with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. (Barry grimaces and makes a noise.) Adam: So, uh, who is she? Barry: She's... uh... a human. Adam: Oh no, no, no, no. That didn't happen. You didn't do that. That is a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. Barry: Her name's Vanessa. Adam: Oh, oh boy! Barry: She's so-o nice. And she's a florist! Adam: Oh, no. No, no, no! You're dating a human florist? Barry: W-w-well, we're not dating. Adam: You're flying outside the hive. You're talking to human beings that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s. That's one-eighth of a stick of dynamite. Barry: She saved my life. And she understands me. Adam: This is over. Barry: (pulls out the rum cake crumb) Eat this. (pushes it into Adam's face.) Adam: This is not over. What was that? Barry: They call it a crumb. Adam: That was so stingin' stripey! Barry: And that's not even what they eat. That just falls off what they eat. Do you know what a Cinnabon is? Adam: No. Barry: It's bread... Adam: Come in here! (opens the door to the office where he works and guides Barry inside) Barry: ...and cinnamon, Adam: Be quiet! Barry: ...and frosting. They heat it up– Adam: Sit down! Barry: Really hot! Adam: Listen to me! We are not them. We're us. There's us and there's them. Barry: Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning... Adam: There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. (another bee joins in:) Thinking bee. (and another joins in:) Thinking bee. (all bees in the office begin chanting:) Thinking bee. Thinking bee. Thinking bee. (Outside his house, Barry sits on a raft in his family's hexagon-shaped honey pool, legs dangling into the honey. Mom and dad approach, wearing cabana-type outfits, sun shining behind them.) Mom: There he is. He's in the pool. Dad: You know what your problem is, Barry? Barry: I've got to start thinking bee? Dad: Barry, how much longer is this going to go on? It's been three days. I don't understand why you're not working. Barry: Well, I've got a lot of big life decisions I'm thinking about Dad: What life? You have no life! You have no job! You're barly a bee! Barry: Augh. Mom: Would it kill you to just make a little honey? (Barry rolls off the raft and sinks into the pool.) Mom: Barry, come out from under there. Your rather's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Dad: Barry, I'm talking to you. (Barry keeps swimming downward through the honey, which clears and leads him to a park where Vanessa is waiting for him, reclining on a picnic blanket. "Sugar Sugar" by The Archies is playing in the background. She swats a mosquito that lands on her leg, then looks at Barry for his reaction. Both are surprised, but then laugh about it.) Vanessa: You coming? (said in a sultry way) Barry: Got everything? Vanessa: All set. (She gets into a one-man ultralight plane with a black-and-yellow paint job and puts on her helmet. She and the plane are now Barry's size.) Barry: You go ahead. I'll catch up. Vanessa: Don't be too long. (The plane takes off. Barry soon catches up and they fly together.) Vanessa: Watch this! (The plane does a loop, trailing red smoke that forms a heart, then crashes into the side of a rock pile, bursting into flames.) Barry: (yelling in anguish:) Vanessa! (his cry changes to bubbles escaping

his mouth) (Barry breaks the surface of the pool, gasping for air.) Dad: We're still here, Barry. Mom: I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond when you yell at him. Dad: Then why are you yelling at me? Mom: Because you don't listen. Dad: Ah, I'm not listing to this. Barry: (dries himself and puts on his sweater) Sorry Mom, I've got to go. Mom: Where are you going? Barry: Nowhere. I'm meeting a friend. Mom: (calling after him:) A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Barry: Bye! Mom: I just hope she's Bee-ish. (Vanessa exits her florist shop, flipping the sign over and locking the door.) Barry: (he see the Tournament of Roses Parade poster) So they have a huge parade of just flowers every year in Pasadena? Vanessa: Oh, to be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream. Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. Barry: Wow, a tournament. Do the roses actually complete in athletic events? Vanessa: No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? Barry: It's exhausting. Vanessa: Hmmm. Barry: Why don't you run everywhere? Isn't that faster? Vanessa: Yeah, okay. I see, I see. All right, your turn. Barry: Ah! Tivo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane. Vanessa: What, you don't have anything like that? Barry: We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Vanessa: Oh my. (They turn a corner onto a busier street. People start swatting at Barry.) Man: Dumb bees! Vanessa: You must just want to sting all those jerks. Barry: We really try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. Vanessa: So you really have to watch your temper? (they enter a supermarket) Barry: Oh yeah, very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. You work though it like any emotion– anger, jealousy, (under his breath) lust. (Barry lands on cardboard boxes in the aisle. A stock boy hits him with a rolled-up advertisement.) Vanessa: (to Barry:) Oh my goodness. Are you okay? Barry: Yeah. Whew! Vanessa: (to Hector, the stockboy:) What is wrong with you?! Hector: It's a bug. Vanessa: Well, he's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep. (She slaps him with the advertisement and he leaves, muttering.) Barry: (shakes off the hit) What was that, a Pick and Save circular? Vanessa: Yeah, it was. How did you know? Barry: It felt like about ten pages. Seventy-five's pretty much our limit. Vanessa: Boy, you've really got that down to a science. Barry: Oh, we have to. I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. Vanessa: I'll bet. Barry: (he stops when he sees the rows of honey jars) What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Cute Bee? Golden Blossom? Ray Liotta Private Select. Vanessa: Is he that actor? Barry: I never heard of him. Why is this here? Vanessa: For people. We eat it. Barry: Why? (he gestures around the market) You don't have enough food of your own? Vanessa: Well yes, we– Barry: How do you even get it? Vanessa: Well, bees make it... Barry: I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating and cooling, and stirring... you need a whole Krelman thing. Vanessa: It's organic. Barry: It's our-ganic! Vanessa: It's just honey, Barry. Barry: Just... what?! Bees don't know about this. This is stealing. A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, our schools, our hospitals. This is all we have. And it's on sale? I'm going to get to the bottom of this. I'm going to get to the bottom of all of this! (Barry rips off the label from a jar of Ray Liotta Private Select Honey) (Later, Barry's infiltrating the supermarket loading dock by covering up his yellow stripes with a Magic Marker and putting on war paint. Hector's opening more boxes of honey jars.) Man: Hey, Hector. You almost done? Hector: Almost. (Barry steps in some honey. Hector stops and turns.) Hector: He is here. I sense it. (he grabs his box cutter as Barry hides) (Barry hides behind a box again) Hector: (talking loud to the open room as he opens a jar of honey from a box:) Well, I guess I'll go home now, and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around.

(pretends to walk away) Barry: (he steps out into the light) You're busted, box boy! Hector: Ah ha! I knew I heard something. So, you can talk. (Barry flies at him, stinger first, backing him against the wall. Hector drops the knife.) Barry: Oh, I can talk. And now you're going to start talking. Where are you getting all the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier?! Hector: I don't know what you're talking about. I though we were all friends. The last thing we want to do is upset any of you... bees! (Hector grabs a push pin. Barry begins fencing with his stinger..) Hector: Ha! You're too late. It's ours now! Barry: You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword. Hector: You, sir, are about to be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! (The fight continues. They cross swords and get nose-to-nose.) Barry: Where is the honey coming from? (Barry knocks the push pin away and put his stinger up to Hector's nose.) Tell me where! Hector: (points to a truck) Honey Farms. It comes from Honey Farms. (Barry flies after the departing truck, dodging a bus, taxis and a messenger on a bicycle. One driver yells at messenger, "Crazy person!") (Barry continues his pursuit, using the elastic strap on a bicycle messenger's helmet to launch himself towards the truck. He lands on the windshield, pressed against it by the wind. He sees himself surrounded by dead bugs, then works his way around them.) Barry: Oh my. What horrible thing has happened here? Look at these faces. They never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere. (a mosquito opens his eyes) Pssst! Just keep still. Barry: What? You're not dead? Mooseblood: Do I look dead? Hey man, they will wipe anything that moves. Now, where you headed? Barry: To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. Mooseblood: I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood. Crazy stuff. Blows your head off. Ladybug: I'm going to Tacoma. Barry: (to a fly:) What about you? Mooseblood: He really is dead. Barry: All right. (the driver's hand moves to the windshield wiper lever) Mooseblood: Uh oh. Barry: What is that? Mooseblood: Oh no! It's a wiper, triple blade! Barry: Triple blade? Mooseblood: Jump on. It's your only chance, bee. (They hang onto the wiper as it moves back and forth. Mooseblood yells at the driver through the glass) Mooseblood: Why does everything have to be so dog-gone clean?! How much do you people need to see? Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! (inside the cab, the radio's playing) Announcer: For NPR News in Washington, I'm Carl Kasell. Mooseblood: But don't kill no more bugs! (he is flung off the wiper as the washer fluid sprays onto the windshield) Beeeeeeeee! Barry: Moose blood guy! (Barry gets flung off, grabs ahold of the radio antenna. A cricket flying by grabs ahold of the antenna. Both scream are screaming.) Driver: You hear something? Passenger: Like what? Driver: Like tiny screaming. Passenger: Turn off the radio. (The driver turns off the radio and the antenna retracts. As it lowers, the cricket and Barry work their way to its top. Barry wins and the cricket has to let go, but then so does Barry, and he's sucked into the air horn on the top of the truck.) Mooseblood: Hey, what's up, bee boy? Barry: Hey, Blood! (inside the truck horn, later during the drive) Barry: ...and it was just an endless row of honey jars as far as the eye could see. Mooseblood: Wow. Barry: So I'm just assuming wherever this honey truck goes, that's where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours! Mooseblood: Bees hang tight. Barry: Well, we're all jammed in there. It's a close community. Mooseblood: Not us, man. We're on our own. Every- every mosquito is on his own. Barry: But what if you get in trouble? Mooseblood: Trouble? You're a mosquito. You're in trouble! Nobody likes us. They're just all smackin'. People see a mosquito, smack, smack! Barry: At least you're out in the world. You must meet a lot of girls. Mooseblood: Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly.... Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. (A bloodmobile passes them.) Mooseblood: Whoa, you have got to be kidding me.

Mooseblood's about to leave the building. So long bee. (he leaves and jumps onto the other vehicle, saying to the bugs on its windshield:) Hey guys. I knew I'd catch you all down here. Did you bring your crazy straws? (At Honey Farms, the truck stops. Barry flies out of the horn and lands on the nose of the truck. Two beekeepers walk around the back side of the gift shop. Barry follows, landing in a tree.) Freddy: ...then we throw it in some jars, slap a label on it. It's pretty much pure profit. Barry: What is this place? Elmo: A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. Freddy: They are pinheads. (both laugh and Elmo says, "Pinhead". Freddy opens a smoker box after they arrive) Freddy: Hey, check out the new smoker. Elmo: Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. Freddy: The Thomas 3000. Barry: Smoker? Freddy: Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. (both laugh again) Freddy: Couple of breaths of this, knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. (Barry flies onto Freddy's hat and onto the brim.) Elmo: "They make the honey, and we make the money." (Freddy and Elmo walk onward. Freddy opens an apiary box and sprays it with smoke. Inside, the bees start moaning and gasping.) Barry: Oh my. (Barry flies into the open box as Freddy leaves and makes his way into an apartment. Two bees are just waking up.) Barry: What's going on? Are you okay? Howard: Yeah, it doesn't last too long. Barry: How did you two get here? Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Howard: (points to a picture) Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. Barry: (looks at the picture) This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes. That's a drag-queen! (The walls separating the apartments are removed, revealing hundreds of them.) Barry: What is this? (Flies through the apartments and out into the open air. He hovers high above a tree, where he sees even more apiary boxes on the farm. He begins taking pictures) Oh no. There's hundreds of them. Bee honey, our honey, is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale. (Back at home, Barry's talking with his parents, Adam and Uncle Carl.) Barry: This is worse than anything the bears have done to us. And I intend to do something about it. Mom: Oh Barry, stop. Dad: Who told you that humans are taking our honey? That's just a rumor. Barry: Do these look like rumors? (Barry throws his pictures on the table) Uncle Carl: That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. Barry: Ugh. Mom: Barry, how did you get mixed up in all this? Adam: 'Cause he's been talking to humans! Mom: Whaaat? Dad: Talking to humans?! Adam: He has a human girlfriend... Dad: Oh Barry. Adam: ...and they make out! Mom: Make out? Barry? Barry: We do not. Adam: You wish you could. Barry: Who's side are you on? Adam: The bees! Uncle Carl: I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Man, those crazy legs kept me up all night. Hotcheewah! Mom: Barry, this is what you want to do with your life?: Barry: This is what I want to do for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees. Dad, I remember you coming home some nights so overworked, you- your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop them. Dad: Ehhh... Mom: (to her husband:) I remember that. Barry: What right do they have to our hard-earned honey? We're living on two cups a year. They're puttin' it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever. Dad: Even if it's true, Barry, what could one bee do? Barry: I'm going to sting them where it really hurts. Dad: In the face! Barry: No. Dad: In the eye! That would really hurt. Barry: No. Dad: Up the nose. That's a killer, heh heh. Barry: No. There's only one place you can sting the humans. One place where it really matters. (The scene cuts to the title sequence of the "Hive at Five" program. The title sequence shows news events covered in the past: a Pollen Jock coming in for a crash landing with a stinger that's on fire, a protest about bee beards, and a bear destroying a hive. Next are the newscasters.) voice over: Hive at Five, the hive's only full hour action news source. With Bob Bumble

at the anchor desk, weather with Storm Stinger, sports with Buzz Larvi, and Jeanette Chung. Bob: Good evening, I'm Bob Bumble. Jeanette: And I'm Jeanette Chung. Bob: Our top story, a tri-county bee, Barry Benson is saying he intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it, and profiting from it illegally. (Broadcast shifts again to another studio in the building for "Bee Larry King Live".) Bee Larry King: Don't forget, tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we're gonna have three former Queens, all right here in our studio, discussing their new book, Classy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. (to Barry:) Tonight, we're talking with Barry Benson. Did ya ever think, I'm just a kid from the hive. I can't do this? Barry: Larry, bees have never been afraid to change the world. I mean, what about Bee-Columbus? Bee-Ghandi? Be-geesus? Bee Larry King: Well, where I'm from, you wouldn't think of suing humans. We were thinking more like stick ball, uh, candy stores. Barry: How old are you? Bee Larry King: Well, I want you to know that they entire bee community is supporting you in this case, which is certain to be the trial of the bee century. Barry: Thank you, Larry. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world, too. Bee Larry King: It's a common name. Next week on Bee Larry King... Barry: No, I mean he looks like you. And he has a show with suspenders and different colored dots behind him. Bee Larry King: Next week on Bee Larry King... Barry: Old guy glasses, and there's quotes along the bottom from the guest you're watching even though you just heard them... Bee Larry King: Bear next week! They're scary, they're hairy, and they're here live. (he exits) Barry: Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes.... Very Jewish. (Nighttime at Vanessa's Flower Shop. Law books and legal forms are piled up.) Ken: Look, in- in tennis, you attack at the point of weakness. Vanessa: But it was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Ken: Huh, honey, her backhand's a joke. I'm not going to take advantage of that? Barry: Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. Ken: Is that that same bee? Barry: Yes it is. Vanessa: I'm helping him sue the human race. Ken: Wha? Barry: (enters room, sees Ken) Oh, hello. Ken: Hello, bee. Vanessa: This is Ken. Barry: Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Ken: Why does he talk again, hun? Vanessa: Listen, you better go because we're really busy working. Ken: But it's our yogurt night. Vanessa: (she pushes him out the door) Oh... bye bye. Ken: (from outside the now-closed door) Why is yogurt night so difficult? Vanessa: Oh you poor thing, you two have been at this for hours. Barry: Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. (Adam is asleep inside an empty Cinnabon box, covered in frosting and muttering in his sleep about it.) Vanessa: (referring to the coffee:) How many sugars? Barry: Just one. I try not to use the competition. Ooh! So, why are you helping me, anyway? Vanessa: Bees have good qualities. Barry: Si, Certo. Vanessa: And it feels good to take my mind off the shop. I don't know why, instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Barry: Yeah, those are great... if you're three. Vanessa: And artificial flowers. Barry: Oh, those just get my psychotic! Vanessa: Yeah, me too. Barry: The bent stingers, the pointless pollination. Vanessa: Bees must hate those fake plastic things. Barry: There's nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Vanessa: Well, maybe this could make up for it a little bit. (they exit the flower shop and go to the mailbox) Vanessa: You know, Barry, this lawsuit is a pretty big deal. Barry: I guess. Vanessa: Are you sure that you want to go through with it? Barry: Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty. (Outside the courthouse, a reporter begins her segment, talking to the camera.) Reporter: Sarah, it's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan where all eyes and ears of the world are anxiously waiting, because for the first time in

history, we're going to hear for ourselves if a honey bee can actually speak. (Inside, Barry, Vanessa and Adam sit at a table.) Vanessa: What have we gotten into here, Barry? Barry: I don't know, but it's pretty big, isn't it? Adam: I can't believe how many humans don't have to be at work during the day. Barry: Hey, you think these billion dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? (Back outside the courthouse, a policeman announces though a megaphone, "Folks, everybody needs to stay behind the barricade." A very expensive car drives up with a license plate saying "ALIBUY" and the initials LTM on the hood ornament. The lawyer gets out, sees a bug and steps on it. Inside, Barry shudders.) Vanessa: What's the matter? Barry: I don't know. I just got a chill. Layton T. Montgomery: Well, if it isn't the B-Team.. (waves a honey packet he picked up from the saucer holding his drink) Any of you boys work on this? (he chuckles) Bailiff: All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. Judge Bumbleton: All right... Case number 4475, Superior Court of New York. Barry Bee Benson vs. the honey industry, is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five major food companies, collectively. Layton: A privilege. Judge: Ah, Mr. Benson. You are representing all bees of the world? (Inside and outside the courtroom, everyone is waiting to hear what he will say.) Barry: Bzzz bzzz bzzz...Ahh, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Yes, your honor. We are ready to proceed. Judge: And Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Layton: (clears throat and speaks in a very heavy and exaggerated Southern drawl) Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. My grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we were to live in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, j-j-just think of what it would mean. Maybe I would have to negotiate with the silk worm for the elastic in my britches. Talking bee. How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion picture capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams, robotics, ventriloquism, cloning...for all we know, he could be on steroids! Judge: Mr. Benson? Barry: Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. And as a bee, honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it, we make it, and we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take whatever they want from us 'cause we're the little guys. And what I'm hoping is that after this is all over, you'll see how by taking our honey, you're not only taking away everything we have, but everything we are. (Vanessa smiles and silently claps and the bees in the courtroom are moved by his words. Back at their house, Barry's parents are watching on TV.) Mom: Oh, I wish he would dress like that all the time. So nice... Judge: Call your first witness. Barry: So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms. Pretty big company you have there? Vanderhayden: I suppose so. Barry: And I see you also own Honey-Burton, and Honron! Vanderhayden: Yes. They provide beekeepers for our farms. Barry: Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term, I have to say. I don't imagine you employ any bee free-ers, do you? Vanderhayden: Uh, n-no. Barry: I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you. Vanderhayden: (louder) No. Barry: No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. And not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey? Vanderhayden: W-well, they're very lovable creatures. Uh, Yogi Bear, Fozzy Bear. Oh! Build-a-Bear? Barry: Yeah, you mean like this?! (Vanessa and a man enter, guiding a giant grizzly bear restrained by a collar with chains atttached to both sides. They bring him in front of Vanderhayden. The bear lunges at him and roars.) Barry: Bears kill bees! How would you like his big hairy head crashing through your living room? Biting into your couch, spitting out your throw-pillows...rowr, rowr! Bear:

Rowr!! Barry: Okay, that's enough. Take him away. (Vincent stops roaring. He and the man depart without incident, leaving Vanderhayden trembling with the Judge glaring at him and Layton angrily growling himself.) (Later, Barry questions another witness.) Barry: So, Mr. Sting. Thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me, I have to say. Where have I heard it before? Sting: I was with a band called "The Police". Barry: But you've never been a police officer of any kind, have you? Sting: Uh, no, I haven't. Barry: No, you haven't. And so, here we have yet another example of bee culture being casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Sting: Oh, please. Barry: Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say, Mr. Gordon M. Sumner? The jury gasps Layton: (to his assistants:) That's not his real name? You idiots! (later on, Barry's questioning another witness) Barry: (reading from the base of the statue the witness is holding) Mr. Liotta, first may I offer my belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on E.R. in 2005. Ray Liotta: Thank you. Thank you. (he laughs maniacally) Barry: I also see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome, but with a churning inner turmoil that's always ready to blow. Ray: I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Barry: Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you, Mr. Liotta? Exploiting tiny helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part, and learn your lines, sir? Ray: Watch it, Benson, I could blow right now! Barry: This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Ray: (suddenly upset, he tries to smash Barry with his Emmy statue) Why doesn't someone just step on this little creep and we can all go home? You're all thinking it. Say it! Judge: Order! Order in this courtroom! Order, I say! Mr. Liotta, please sit down! (The reaction from the press is harsh. The headline of the New York Telegram has "Sue Bee", the New York Post reads "Bees to Humans: Buzz Off", and the Daily Variety reports "Studio Dumps Liotta Project. Slams Door on Unlawful Entry 2.") (That evening, in Vanessa's apartment.) Barry: Well, I just think that was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. Vanessa: I'm telling you, I think the jury's on our side. Barry: Are we doing everything right, you know, legally? Vanessa: I'm a florist. Barry: Right, right. (he raises his glass) Well, here's to a great team. Vanessa: To a great team. (both toast and Ken enters the apartment) Ken: Well, hello. Vanessa: Oh... Ken. Barry: Hello. Vanessa: Ah, I didn't think you were coming. Ken: No, I was just late. I tried to call. But, the battery... Vanessa: I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily he was free. Barry: Yeah. Ken: Oh, that was lucky. Vanessa: Well, there's still a little left. I could heat it up. Ken: Yeah, heat it up. Sure, whatever. Barry: So, I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. I find the ball a little grabby. Ken: That's where I usually sit. Right there. Vanessa: (from kitchen) Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that "eating with chopsticks" isn't really a special skill. Ken: (to Barry:) You think I don’t see what you’re doin'? Barry: Hey look, I know how hard it is trying to find the right job. We certainly have that in common. Ken: Do we? Barry: Well, bees have 100% employment, of course. But we do jobs like taking the crud out. Ken: That’s just what I was thinking about doing. (Ken reaches for a knife but pushes it off the table. He bends down to pick it up.) Vanessa: (from kitchen) Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. (Ken hits his head on the table as he straightens back up, then presses the apple cider bottle against his temple to soothe it) Barry: I’m going to go drain the ol' stinger. Ken: Yeah, you do that. (Barry flies a couple of loops in front of Ken as he heads to the bathroom, causing Ken to shake the bottle and get cider in his eyes. Barry grabs a small section of Variety

Magazine as he goes.) Barry: Huh, look at that. (tears off a small corner off Variety Magazine as he goes in.) (as Barry finishes up and washes his hands, Ken enters carrying a large magazine) Ken: Y-yo, you known, I've just about had it with your little mind games. Barry: What's that? Ken: Italian Vogue. (he curls the magazine tight) Barry: Mamma Mia, that's a lot of pages. Ken: It's a lot of ads. Barry: Remember what Van said. Why is your life any more valuable than mine? Ken: That's funny, I just can't seem to recall that! (He whacks Barry with the magazine. He misses and knocks everything off the vanity. He grabs a can of air freshener.) Ken: I think something stinks in here! (He sprays at Barry) Barry: I love the smell of flowers. Ken: Yeah, How do you like the smell of flames?! (He lights the stream) Barry: Not as much. (Barry screams) Barry flies in a circle. Ken, trying to stay with him, spins in place. There are flames outside the bathroom door. Ken slips on the Italian Vogue, falls backward into the shower, pulling down the shower curtain. The can hits him in the head, followed by the shower curtain rod, and the rubber duck. Ken reaches back, grabs the handheld shower head. He whips around, looking for Barry. There's a water bug near the drain. Water bug: Water bug! Not taking sides! Barry is on the toilet tank. He comes out from behind a shampoo bottle, wearing a chapstick cap as a helmet. Barry: Ken, look at me! I'm wearing a chapstick hat! This is pathetic! (Ken is turning the hand shower nozzle from "GENTLE", to "TURBO", to "LETHAL".) Ken: I've got issues! (Ken fires the water at Barry, knocking him into the toilet. The items from the vanity (emory board, lipstick, eye curler, etc.) are on the toilet seat. Ken looks down at Barry.) Ken: Well, well, well, a royal flush! Barry: You're bluffing. Ken: Am I? Barry: Surf's up, dude! Ken: Poo water! Barry: That bowl is gnarly. Ken: Except for those dirty yellow rings! Vanessa: Kenneth! What are you doing?! Ken: You know what, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! Vanessa: We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Ken: Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? Vanessa: No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Ken: Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Vanessa: Goodbye, Ken. Ken: Augh! Vanessa: Whew. (Ken exits, then re-enters frame) Ken: And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! Vanessa: I'm sorry about all that. Ken: (re-enters again) Ken: I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! Barry: I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Vanessa: Are you going to be okay for the trial tomorrow? Barry: Oh, I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. Layton: We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Adam: Now that's a good idea. You can really see why he's considered one of the very best lawyers... Barry: Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Layton: Oh don't worry Mr. Gammil. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Layton: Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? Barry: We're friends. Layton: Good friends? Barry: Yes. Layton: How good? Barry: What. Layton: Do you live together? Barry: Wait a minute this isn’t about... Layton: Are you her little...bedbug? Barry: Hey, that’s not the kind of? I've seen a bee documentary or two. Now from what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children in the hive? Barry: Yeah, but... Layton: So those aren't even your real parents! Dad: Oh, Barry... Barry: Yes, they are! Adam: Hold me back! Layton: You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson?

Adam: He's denouncing bees! Layton: And don't y'all date your cousins? Vanessa: Objection! Adam: I'm going to pincushion this guy! Barry: Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Layton: Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Judge: Order! Order! Please! Layton: The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! Judge: Mr. Montgomery! Layton: I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! Barry: Adam, stay with me. Adam: I can't feel my legs. Bailiff Take it easy. Layton: Oh! What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? Judge: Please I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn - against the bees yesterday when one of their - Thank you! legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. Now here’s Don with the 5-day. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. The important thing is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria they got it from downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was that like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think that was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What do you think the humans will do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Say, could you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. Adam that's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Barry: No, Get up, Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. You get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step 29 correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. You know Bees are trained to fly kind of haphazardly, and as a result, quite often we don't make very good time. I actually once heard a pretty funny story about a bee... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer are we going allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who have all run perfectly legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Barry: Members of the jury, look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to these smoke machines in man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we going to do? - He's playing the species card. Barry: Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Barry: Vanessa, we won! Vanessa: Yay! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. Barry: I'm OK! Vanessa, do you know what this means? All the honey is finally going to belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey do you think is out there? All right. All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing?

My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What are you demand as a settlement? First, we're going to demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop.We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, big-headed bad-breath stink machine. I believe We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nausea for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Can't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting down honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on around here? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - No, they’re just home. They don't know what to do. They're laying out, they're sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Yeah, but sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... And now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. We have so much now. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. Barry:What happened here? Vanessa:That is not the half of it. Barry:Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And who's fault do you think that is? You know, I'm going to guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I guess I didn't think that bees not needing to make honey would affect all these others things. And it's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. Well, that's our whole SAT test right there. So you take away the produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? And I know this is also partly my fault. Barry: How about a suicide pact? Vanessa: How would we do it? Barry: I'll sting you, you step on me. Vanessa: That just kills you twice. Barry: Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I got to get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it up to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just want to say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, and it's all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. and I wanted to help you with your flower shop. Intead, I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. Nonetheless I have another idea, and it's greater than all my previous great ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, here’s what I’m thinking they have

the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we got do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. Vanessa: Bees. Barry: Park. Vanessa: Pollen! Barry: Flowers. Vanessa: Repollination! Barry: Across the nation! Barry: Alright Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, California. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. That a's nice brooch by the way. Thank you. It was a gift. Then once we're inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? Yeah! I could be the princess, and ...yes, I think You could be I’ve- The pea! Yes, I got it. - Sorry I'm late Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It’s supposed to be under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I’m going to go talk to the marshall. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby will do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. And once we’re at the airport there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - Did you and your insect pack your own float? - Yes. Has this float been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes and everything in your pockets?? - Can you remove your stinger. Sir? - That's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is going to work Vanessa. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. I'm afraid we have a bit of bad weather in the New York area. And looks like we're going to be experience a couple of hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I've got to get up there and talk to these guys. Be careful. Hey, can I get some help with this Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Excuse me, Captain, I'm in a real situation here. - What did you say, Hal? - I didn’t say anything Bee! No, no! Don't freak out! There's a chance my entire species... What are you doing? Stop! - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain speaking. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? I tried to talk to them, but then there was a Dustbuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded Now one's bald, one's in a boat, and they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Is there anyone onboard who has flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait a minute, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a very suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh off his stunning legal victory... That's Barry! ...is now attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! Well, we have an electrical storm in the area, and two individuals at the controls of a jumbo jet with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute Mr Ditchwater. There's a honey bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson's work and his no-account compadres. Haven't they done enough damage already. But isn't he your only hope right now? Come on, technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. The wings are too small their bodies are too big... Hey, hold on a second.

Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass doesn't make sense." - Get this on the air! - You got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. Mr Ditchwater, the way we work may be a mystery to you. Because making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you something about a small job. If you do it really well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to doing what we do best working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow.Black and yellow! - All:Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. You know what, This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait a minute, I think we were on autopilot that whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! Well, then it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I would do, and you copy me with the wings of the plane! You don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We happen to be in a lot of trouble here. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I don’t think I can do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. Listen to me You have got to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! You snap - Hold it! - Why? Come on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Hey Benson, have you got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. Alright you two, what do you say we drop this tin can on the blacktop? What blacktop? Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Adam: Come on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. But it's strong, and it's pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose of the plane down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready boys? Give me full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other flower! - Which flower? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant black and yellow flower pulsating made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Bring your tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This is the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid of it. Smell it. Full reverse! Easy just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Come on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius man! Genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Barry: Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're going to survive as a species, this is our moment! So, what do you say? Are we going to be bees, or just Museum of Natural History keychains? Bees: We're bees! Male bee: Keychain! Barry: Then everyone, follow me! Except Keychain. Pollen Jock: Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. (places a pollen jock jacket on Barry and the 3 pollen jocks cheer while Vanessa gives him a thumbs up) Vanessa: Yay! Barry: I'm a

Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I got to do are the sleeves. (The pollen jocks toss Barry a nectar pack) Barry: Oh, yeah. Mom: (proudly) That's our Barry! (Martin nods proudly in agreement) Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Yes, can I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate here will be able to help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order for a wedding, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. Vanessa:You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? Who's next? Barry: All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Vanessa: Thank you, Barry! Ken: (Sees a sign that says "Vanessa and Barry: Flowers, Honey, Legal Advice" and becomes disgusted) Ken: Ugh! That bee is living my life! Andy: (guiding Ken protectively) Let it go, Kenny. Ken: When will this nightmare end?! Andy: Let it all go. Barry: Beautiful day to fly. Pollen Jock: Sure is. Barry: Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. Adam: You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! Barry: Me? Adam: Thinking bee, thinking bee! Get smart and start thinking bee! Barry: Gee! Adam: Flying here and buzzin' there. Barry: I'm lovin' the views. Adam: Listen to me cousin, every buzzer must use to be a bee! Barry: Or not to be. Adam: Start thinking bee! Adam: Barry, you got no occupation. Barry: What, you mean like pollination? Adam: Hey now! That's thinking bee! Barry: Start thinking bee! Adam: Listen to me fella, ain't you been on a tour? Can't cha' stripes of Black and yella. Barry: I just want to be sure! Adam: To be a bee! Barry: Start thinking bee! Can't I wait and see? Adam: No, Barry that's not to be! Be a busy little bee not a tizzy little bee! Barry: Alright, hold it, hold it, hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. (Adam: What it's like to be a thinking!) Barry: I'm sorry. Adam: What? Barry: I'm sorry, everyone. Can we stop here? Adam: Oh, Barry. Barry: I'm not making a major life decision in the middle of a huge musical production number! Adam: Alright, alright. Barry: Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

Omg

[kaediisarchive]

Final thoughts on the 2021 Mortal Kombat movie.

LOTS of spoilers under the cut! Do not look at this post if you don’t want to see spoilers!

And remember, this is all just my opinion. It’s not like an actual in-depth review because I’m not a film student; this is just my perspective on what I saw as a fan of this franchise.

POSITIVE

Sub-Zero and Scorpion were great. Opening fight was great.

“Eddy Tobias” namedrop lmao

I love the snow preceding Sub-Zero’s attack. Very foreboding.

Score is AWESOME. My favorite soundtrack is probably the one that plays when Sub-Zero is attacking them in the city towards the beginning.

Sonya rigging her house with a secret bunker and trap doors is smart and fits her character.

I like that the dragon logo has an integral meaning to the story.

Loved Jax vs Sub-Zero. Not mad about the origin change of Jax’s arms. I like that he had to work through his feelings of inadequacy and failure; people don’t just immediately bounce back after something that traumatic. I also like that his arcana manifests to protect Sonya rather than in the heat of battle. It shows his emotional priorities and what separates him from people like Kano who manifest their arcana in a fit of rage.

Sonya “Throw Hands on Sight” Blade lmfao. They nailed her fighting style too and I am happy.

Kano is the best thing about this movie. No competition.

Kotal reference!

Nightwolf reference!

Shang Tsung’s soul magic being black and wispy and foreshadowing Noob Saibot.

KANO DID THE HEART RIP

CHEKOV’S GNOME I’M SCREAAAAAAMMMMIIIIIINNNNGGGGGG

I love Liu Kang in this. He is 1000000% a Wholesome Boi. I like that he’s younger and unhardened and not the fully realized champion version of his character yet. Let him grow into it so it feels earned later on. I like that he’s the underdog, and I like what they’ve set up for him in the future. Also, the casting for him was perfect and they nailed his fighting style, too.

That little “the FUCK” that the Kano actor improvised(?) in the middle of Liu Kang’s lines made me laugh more than it should have. I don’t know why that moment got to me so much but it did.

I love Kung Lao. And they nailed his fighting style, too! Great to see variation that represents the characters (though there were less shining examples, which I’ll touch on later).

LOW SWEEP! LOW SWEEP! LOW SWEEP!

Egg roll scene is best scene.

Kabal! I love his dry humor. And his voice reminds me of Duke Nukem, which I’m not mad about. It complemented his dialogue well.

Not mad about Kung Lao’s death because it was meaningful. His fatality on Nitara was sick, too.

Liu Kang taking the ribbon from Kung Lao’s hat and wearing it in his honor, giving an origin for his signature headband is FANTASTIC.

THE PIT!

FLYING BICYCLE KICKS!

LIU KANG’S DRAGON FATALITY!

SONYA’S ENERGY RINGS!

Sub-Zero was a GREAT final boss. They really built him up appropriately to make him feel like it.

Scorpion’s fatality! And his skull face!

NEUTRAL

Not sure how I feel about Sub-Zero being wholly evil and there being no involvement from Quan Chi. It’s more straight forward for sure. It makes him an interesting (and badass) character, and I’m really behind this portrayal in that he is one of the most believable characters in the movie, but I’m not sure if I like the implications for later films in how this has simplified the dynamic in the entire Shirai Ryu vs Lin Kuei plotline. Having Quan Chi be the Machiavelli was always one of my favorite MK twists. And how do we eventually end the feud now? If Bi-Han / the Lin Kuei were wholly responsible, why should Hanzo EVER make peace with Kuai Liang down the line? The complexity feels like it’s been stripped down a bit, but I do love this iteration of Sub-Zero. I truly do. That’s why this is in the neutral category and not the negative XD.

Why didn’t Jax tell Cole when he saw the mark? Why wait until his family gets attacked? Maybe he didn’t want to do it in front of his family to keep them out of it, but that ends up endangering them more. Not a gripe, just a curiosity.

Sound editing was a bit too intense at times for my taste. I have tinnitus, so...big boomy bass with very mild voices is a chore for my ears to switch between. My ears were ringing within the first twelve minutes.

Torn between “fuck you Reiko” and “Reiko deserved better”. He deserved just a little bit better, but Skarlet says “get fucked” anyway.

I don’t like the “shaky cam” used in the fight scenes. Not my cup of tea. Very hard to visually process at times.

Whatever cosmic force is picking the champions for Earthrealm is doing a shitty job at it.

Why did they change the location of the Sky Temple to a desert? Again, not a gripe, a curiosity.

“We will not see another full moon before the tournament begins” THEN WHERE IS THE TOURNAMENT BUDDY???

Not sure how I feel about the “arcana” concept. It’s an okay plot device but kinda hammy.

Kitana’s fan! But why? Why is it there? I could understand the Kotal and Nightwolf references because Sonya has been researching, but why is Kitana’s fan randomly in an Earthrealm temple? Purely cheap fanservice.

Nitara was really cool. Shame she had to die, but her death was cool and there have to be some characters that get killed off. Wish she had more screentime though; feels like another instance of fanservice just having her show up basically as a namedrop and a quick kill.

The phrase “Are you okay?” was said WAY too much in this film. So much that I actually notices how often it was said, and I usually don’t pick up on these things.

Pretty sure a camera operator fell at one point in a Sonya scene because the camera jerked around violently all of the sudden then stabilized. Whoops.

How did Sub-Zero know to take Cole’s family to the gym? WHY did he take them there?

NEGATIVE

Opening scene was awesome, but it’s emotional impact felt stunted. I feel like the order of events should have been twisted a bit. Hanzo find his wife and son should have been the big emotional climax of the scene, but it felt like a passing moment and gave him no time to mourn and no time for the impact to truly set in with me. It was an “oh no they died” moment instead of an “ OH MY GOD THEY DIED THIS IS SO FUCKED FUCK YOU SUB-ZERO” moment. I dare say that the Legacy web series did it better in spite of their lower budget and overall quality; the series of events had better pacing and gave more emotional impact because of it. I said what I fucking said don’t @ me.

Wish we got more Scorpion. I love Sanada, I love him as Scorpion, but they didn’t give us the time we needed with his character to truly get a grasp of him.

Cole Young is like white bread in a parade of decorative cakes.

Raiden, a normally passionate and protective character whose fatal flaw is that he involves himself too much in events because he cares about the people in his realm and ends up fucking things up because of it, now seems to not care in the slightest. He feels completely uninvolved save for an occasional pop in to give a nod of disapproval. I don’t like this unemotional take on one of the most emotional characters in Mortal Kombat.

Small complaint from my perspective as a martial artist but uh...”Throw your uppercut!” was a bullshit line in a bullshit scene. If you’re locked up with someone like that and the guy has his arms around your neck, you physically cannot uppercut. You cannot fit your arms between his arms because they are cinched tightly around your shoulders/neck. YOUR HEAD is between your fist + bicep and HIS HEAD. In that situation, the guy has also left his body completely unguarded, so the most logical thing to do since you CANNOT reach his head is to go for BODY BLOWS. Beat him until he lets go to protect himself, catch his floating rib with double strikes, or punch the dude in his fucking liver as hard as you can to DROP HIM. Cole is supposed to be an experienced fighter, yet he makes one of the most rookie mistakes a fighter could ever make. Normally I wouldn’t care to point out mistakes in fight choreography or whatever because it’s MK and I expect ridiculousness, but this is the WRONG kind of ridiculous. It’s just NONSENSE.

I have SO MANY issues with Mileena. I’ll make this as short as I can. I don’t like the design of her mouth. I don’t like her weird stacked voice. She shows NO personality, not in her acting or even her fighting style, just an evil minion that got angry because she almost got her ass kicked. The turned one of the principle characters of the entire franchise and a fan favorite into a GRUNT. There is NO mention of Kitana outside of literal “fan”-service. Not even a reference to one of the most important plotlines in all of Mortal Kombat. And then they KILL HER OFF!!! When they do inevitably bring in Kitana WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY GOING TO DO SINCE THEY KILLED OFF MILEENA???? I’m heated and biased and they did my girl dirty.

Speaking of doing characters dirty, poor Reptile. They turned him into an actual animal. What a waste.

Why are they so mean to Sonya if she doesn’t have a mark? She wouldn’t be as much of a “liability” if they would take the time to prepare her and teach her how to defend against fighters that have unlocked their arcana. Mind-numbingly stupid logic.

This movie relies A LOT on prerequisite knowledge to work. It’s like they want fans to fill in the blanks for them. But not everyone watching is already a fan; this isn’t an obscure release, this is a blockbuster movie released worldwide. These gaps in lore and prior knowledge don’t make sense for such a broad audience.

Cole Young literally could have just been Johnny Cage.

Where was Raiden when his temple was being assaulted?

Cole’s arcana is LITERAL PLOT ARMOR IM FUCKING DONE

No but for real that’s the most boring decision they just ripped off Jax’s MK11 heater effect and Baraka’s blades (I know they’re tonfa and they aren’t attached and I DON’T CARE). Also, now he’s suddenly good at fighting again? After being dog shit this entire movie??? And tanks Goro?????

If Raiden is an Elder God in this continuity, why is he allowed to help Earthrealm AT ALL? It seems like favoritism and bends the rules that the Elder Gods are supposedly bound by way too much. They really just shouldn’t have made him an Elder God; I honestly think they just said it to introduce the concept without a fuck given towards the actual lore of the Elder Gods.

WHY DID RAIDEN TELEPORT KANO TO SONYA’S HOUSE AFTER HE BETRAYED THEM I HAD TO REWATCH THAT SEVERAL TIMES TO MAKE SURE I JUST SAW WHAT I SAW  WHAT THE ACTUAL NONSENSICAL FUCK

Cole REALLY should not have been involved in that last fight. Especially not after Scorpion shows up. It should have been Scorpion vs Sub-Zero ONLY for the final fight. Cole tag-teaming Sub-Zero with Scorpion cheapens Scorpion’s revenge.

Camera work in the final fight was not good, especially in the first portion. At one point Cole gets thrown into a fence, but it cuts to an awkward inverse angle that makes him look like he’s bouncing off of a trampoline. This continues to happen and ruins several shots for me.

Honestly Scorpion should have just possessed Cole. Permanently. No switching back and forth. No more Cole, only Scorpion.

PREDICTIONS

Lots of dead characters come back as revenants and / or with upgrades.

Kano comes back with cyber eye.

Mileena comes back with full teeth.

Liu Kang becomes MK champion, wins tournament, and kills Shang Tsung. As it should be.

Cole Young helps Liu Kang become champion somehow idk maybe he sacrifices himself or something just please don’t make Cole the champion I will start a riot.

Next movie will start IMMEDIATELY at the tournament since there was supposedly less than a month until the tournament starts in this movie.

New characters coming in will be Kitana, Shao Kahn, Jade, Quan Chi, Kuai Liang, Noob Saibot, Ermac, and Johnny Cage.

OVERALL

This movie was good, bloody fun! It’s not an A++ Oscar-winner, but if you expected that going into it, you played yourself. It was Mortal Kombat; it was stupid, it was gory, and I had a blast watching it. Kano and Liu Kang were the best parts of the movie for me, with Scorpion and Sub-Zero tied for third. Also I popped a lot for the cheap nostalgia hits. I’m overall satisfied with what we got in spite of my complaints, and I only complain so in-depth about the things I love lmao so trust me when I say I’m not actually mad, just nitpicky. I’ve watched it twice now, and I would watch it again. It’s like a 6.8/10 for me.