#thats what i said about emo lashton and then i never did

[clumsyclifford]

hello my dearest so i'm unsure if you're taking requests right now and if you're not (or just don't feel like writing this) feel absolutely free to ignore this!! anyway i would really really love to read about a spiderman kiss happening in the spiderman au 👀 i have absolutely no excuse for requesting this kinda silly thing except that i love spiderman kisses as a prompt/trope (? idk what the correct term is) and also spiderman au so bye love you loads -fiancee

hello !!! this was an absolutely inspired prompt so i am glad i finally got round to writing it thank you. also thank you @cringeycake for the editing/con crit/validation

better tags/info on ao3 but this takes place shortly after the end of the malum spidey fic and it does have a gun in it for a sec, is that something that needs a tw? well anyway now you know

read it here on ao3

-

Ashton and Calum are ten minutes from home when it starts to rain.

“Of course,” says Calum. Ashton quickly pockets his phone so it doesn’t get wet. “This is your fault.”

“How’s this my fault?”

“I don’t know, but it obviously is.” Calum’s just in a sour mood because Ashton had completely destroyed him in all three rounds of bowling. 

“Shut up,” Ashton says, rolling his eyes. The rain falls faster, cold and piercing through the thin fabric of Ashton’s t-shirt. It had been nice for most of the day, but it must have gotten overcast while they were inside. Predictably, neither of them had had the foresight to check the forecast.

“Whatever,” Ashton says. “A little rain never hurt anyone.”

“A lot of rain,” Calum says. It is a lot of rain now, coming down in buckets. Naturally the sky would choose this moment to open up. 

“A lot of rain never hurt anyone either,” Ashton points out. Which is not true, but they’re not going to catch hypothermia or anything. Probably. And it’s only ten minutes. Eight if they really get a move on. 

Calum sighs. Still, when Ashton glances over at him to make sure he’s not really upset, he can tell it’s all for show. After all, it’s only rain. A lot or a little, there’s only so much harm that comes from being soaking wet. They’re on their way back to Ashton’s anyway, where Ashton will be gracious enough to lend him the usual Green Day t-shirt and whatever hoodie Ashton himself isn’t wearing. 

They make nonsense conversation as they walk, both curled into themselves to keep warm. Apart from the occasional passing car, nobody is out and about in this weather, just the two of them in a slowly darkening neighborhood. Unease prickles at the back of Ashton’s neck. Or maybe that’s just the rain.

“Hey, you kids. Hey!”

Ashton and Calum spin around and see two figures approaching them through the downpour. The uneasy feeling returns full-force, this time accompanied by Ashton’s heart ramming against his chest as a spike of anxiety — or adrenaline? — courses through him. Next to him, Calum mutters, “Fuck, fuck, Ashton, he has a gun,” and Ashton realizes with growing panic that the bigger of the two does, in fact, have thick fingers curled around a gun.

“Stop walking,” the armed guy commands. Ashton really, really doesn’t want to, but he doesn’t think they have another choice. Something tells him flight won’t get them far, and trying to fight will just get them both shot.

They come to a halt as the figures come closer, crowding them into the alley they’ve stopped outside. Better place to die, Ashton’s horrible mind supplies. The armed guy holds up the gun and Ashton’s heart stops mid-pulse. He can’t seem to come up with any coherent thoughts, nothing that will get them out of this situation or even postpone it. Helplessness floods every inch of him, and all he can think is how awful it would be to die feeling helpless.

“Money, valuables, whatever you got,” sneers the guy not holding the gun. “If you don’t want to cooperate —”

Ashton’s prepared to say something along the lines of we’ll give you anything you want, loath though he is to be that cliché, when the gun vanishes out of Armed Thug’s hands. There’s just enough time for all four of them to blink in bewildered surprise when a far more reassuring figure appears out of nowhere, flipping both thugs onto their backs on the pavement and swiftly knocking them out. For good measure, he webs their limbs to the ground, and then he turns back to Calum and Ashton, who both stare.

“Spiderman,” Ashton says breathlessly. Luke seems just as surprised to see them.

“Ashton?” He’s on them in a flash. “Calum? Holy fuck, I didn’t realize it was you guys. Are you okay? Did they take anything from you? Are either of you hurt?”

“We — we’re okay,” Calum says, looking a little dumbstruck. “Thanks.”

“What the fuck are you guys doing out right now?”

“Just walking home,” Ashton says defensively. “We went bowling.” He inhales deeply, trying to get his heart rate back to normal. The shock is still coursing through his veins, though the relief flooding him is helping him regain his balance. 

“You’re sure you’re okay?”

“Fine, they didn’t do anything,” Ashton says. Shaken, but ultimately unhurt. “Uh, good thing you were here.” He quirks his lips. “Our hero.”

“Thank fucking God I was.” Luke shifts on his feet. “Well. Okay. If you’re sure you’re okay.” He shoots a web to the roof of one of the buildings enclosing the alley — how do those stick even in the rain? — and leaps up into the air like he’s going to go. Ashton frowns.

“Hey, don’t just leave,” he says. “I haven’t heard from you all day.”

Luke hangs from the web upside down, possibly flexing, and says, “Sorry, sorry, I know. Been very busy. Lots of crime. You know how it is.”

“Did you take any breaks?”

“Of course I did,” Luke says, offended. “I had a churro. It was delicious. Just didn’t have time to stop at home.”

He leaves his phone at home when he’s on patrol — that must be why he’s been MIA. Ashton really doesn’t like that, even if he understands. It’s just. He hates that something could happen to Luke and he’d have no way of knowing. They won’t let Ashton be on comms, even for moral support — Michael claims he’ll only be a distraction, and while Ashton’s not sure if that’s true, he’s definitely not practical enough to be helpful in any Spiderman-related situation. Unless Spiderman happened to encounter evil watercolors or something.

“Okay, well.” Ashton sighs. “I just. Worry.”

“Tell me about it,” Luke says, though from the smile in his voice, it’s clear he’s teasing. “There’s no room in your brain for anything else at this point.”

“Alright, don’t feel like you need to stay and chat, Spidey,” Ashton loudly announces, talking over Luke’s contagious giggles.

“Don’t be like that,” Luke says, reaching for Ashton. His fingers close around Ashton’s drenched shirt and Ashton allows himself to be pulled closer, as Luke tugs the bottom of the mask up so only his mouth and chin are visible. He’s stopped wearing the lip ring underneath it, much to Ashton’s chagrin.

As Luke tugs Ashton into a kiss, Ashton decides he can’t complain.

The rain makes their mouths slick, and it’s strange enough kissing someone who’s upside down that it’s a little difficult to get lost in it. Ashton’s smiling before he can stop himself, the taste of rainwater mixing with the familiar taste of Luke. He’s never really tasted rainwater. Or kissed anyone in the rain. His heart’s still beating hard, but now it’s for a different reason.

“Um? What the fuck is going on right now?”

Ashton breaks away from Luke, who flips over and lands on his feet. They both face Calum, who looks more confused than the time Ashton tried to teach him to draw three-dimensional shapes.

“Kissing my boyfriend,” Luke says. 

“Your? What? You — I thought?” 

Ashton takes in Calum’s face and tone of voice and puts two and two together. “Oh my God,” he says, wincing. “You didn’t know.”

“Know what?” Calum demands. “That you’re — what — I don’t even know what to think.” Although that quickly changes with his expression, which becomes more incredulous as he reaches a conclusion. “No, never mind. I’ve got it. If that’s not Luke under there, you and I are going to have a very serious talk.”

“It’s Luke, I’m Luke,” Luke says quickly, pulling the mask the rest of the way off — though not without a quick glance to each side. Upon reflection, he shoots a web towards each fallen thug, giving them both very fashionable web-masks that cover their eyes. “Though let’s maybe not throw my name around.”

Calum stands and stares. Ashton remembers when that had been his reaction.

“Don’t fucking expose yourself in public on my behalf,” Calum says finally, gesturing. “Put the mask back on, Christ. I’m not— I’m— I just need a minute.”

“I told Ashton he could tell you,” Luke says as he pulls the mask back on. “Ashton, you didn’t tell him?”

“I thought Michael would have!”

“You don't think if he had, I wouldn’t have immediately called you to make fun of you for spending weeks pining after both Luke and Spiderman only to find they were the same fucking person? And that, oh yeah, your boyfriend's fucking Spiderman?” In his indignance, Calum’s gotten louder.

“Shh,” Ashton says, glaring meaningfully. “I know he is. That’s a secret.”

“From me?”

“No, okay, I meant to tell you,” Ashton says, dragging a hand through sopping wet hair. “I was trying to figure out how, but then Luke said he told Michael and I we could tell you, and I thought Michael would do it. Because he’s your boyfriend and he’s known Luke way longer. And then, I don’t know.” 

Maybe a part of him had hoped Michael would tell Calum. If only to avoid the mockery Ashton knows he’ll be subject to in coming days regarding his emotional crisis over Luke and Spiderman. 

“I hate you more than I’ve ever hated you,” Calum informs Ashton, although he’s never really hated Ashton, so that’s not a very high bar. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

“Yes! I swear.”

“I thought you already knew,” Luke volunteers. “Damn, Ash, good thing I kissed you or Calum would never have found out.”

“Shut up,” Ashton says, rolling his eyes. “Look, Calum — I’m sorry. This was, uh, not a great way to find out.”

“Yeah, no fucking shit,” Calum mutters. His lips pull upward in a smile far too dry for the weather, and finally he laughs. The hilarity of the whole situation catches up with all of them, and before long the three of them are howling with laughter as rain comes down in sheets, encasing them in a chill that Ashton barely feels.

“This is all so fucking insane,” Calum manages, wiping at his eyes. He’s still squinting through the rain. “I can’t believe I’ve been friends with Spiderman all this time. What the fuck is my life? What is our life? You’re dating Spiderman, Ashton. Do you know that?”

“What fucking part of secret identity do you not understand?” Ashton says. “Stop exposing all of his secrets.”

“You just kissed in the middle of the alley!”

That’s fair. They did just do that. In Ashton’s defense, though, Luke started it. Ashton is merely a victim to Luke’s whims. Shenanigans. Whatever. 

“I was just trying to save some lives,” Luke says, shaking his head ruefully. “My Spidey-sense was tingling.”

“I hate when you say that.”

“Spidey-Meter, would you prefer that? Spider Radar? Spider Scale?”

“Just call it intuition.”

“It’s more than intuition,” Luke insists. “You just don’t get it because you’ve never felt it.”

“Whatever you say, Spidey.”

“Well, I hate to cut this short, but it is raining a lot,” Calum says, like maybe they’ll have forgotten. “And considering I am going to see you” — with a significant look at Luke — “at school on Monday, I think we can probably catch up later.”

“Let me walk you home,” Luke says, ever the gentleman, or possibly protective. “It’s not far.”

“What are you going to do with these two?” Calum asks, jabbing a thumb at the thugs passed out in the mouth of the alley. “Leave them?”

“Uh,” Luke says. “Let me handle them. I’ll catch up to you.”

Calum tilts his head suspiciously. Ashton just starts walking, jerking his chin to get Calum to join him. “It’s fine. He’ll catch up.”

After a moment, Calum follows. They’re both soaked through, yet the rain is as relentless as ever. Calum falls into step as they start down the pavement.

“You really thought I already knew?” Calum says doubtfully. 

Ashton sighs. “Okay, I was a little tiny bit hoping that I wouldn’t have to be the one to tell you.” He inclines his head. “But I realize I dropped the ball here. I should have told you sooner. I would’ve eventually.”

Calum is quiet for a moment. “I mean, it’s fine,” he says defeatedly. “When did he even tell you?”

“Um, the day before Luke and I started dating,” Ashton says. “Originally we really were keeping it from you, but then Luke realized that wasn’t going to fly with, you know. How important you are in my life. And Michael’s, I guess.”

“Don’t try to flatter me into forgiveness,” Calum says. Ashton snorts.

“That’s literally what happened, though. And then I was trying to figure out what would be the best way to tell you, because, uh, it’s kind of insane? And then Luke told me that he told Michael that Michael could tell you — God, I feel like a twelve-year-old girl — and I kinda thought I would let Michael do it. Which was a bad move on my part. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Calum says again. “I don’t really care. Like, I get it. Yeah. It’s kind of insane. And I don’t know Luke as well as you or Michael, so.”

“But I’m glad you know now,” Ashton says firmly. “Sorry you had to find out like this, but I’m happy that you know. I’m sure I’d have said something stupid sooner or later and you would’ve figured it out.”

“Yeah, now that you mention it, this makes a lot of things make sense,” Calum says. He huffs a laugh. “My God, Ashton, I can’t believe you genuinely had a crush on the same boy twice without knowing it was the same boy. Your life.”

“You’re telling me.”

“Anything else you want to tell me while you’re at it? Anything you conveniently neglected to mention?”

“Yeah, actually, one thing. I’m also a superhero, completely forgot to say —”

“Oh, fuck off.”

 Ashton laughs, clapping a hand onto Calum’s shoulder. A wry smile overtakes Calum’s face, chuckling despite his best efforts, and Ashton knows they’re okay.

“Hey,” says Luke, dropping down beside the pair of them. 

Calum jerks. “Motherfucker. Don’t do that.”

“Sorry,” Luke says. If it were just Luke as himself, Ashton would take his hand, but this Luke is still Spiderman, so Ashton dutifully keeps his hands to himself, crossing his arms over his chest and tucking his fingers underneath his arms in hopes of preserving some warmth.

It doesn’t work. “You’re shivering,” Luke tells Ashton. 

“I know that,” Ashton says. “It’s cold. I don’t know if you noticed, but it’s raining.”

“If only we’d remembered to bring our supersuits from home,” Calum dryly contributes.

Luke makes a face at them both. “You guys are so funny, you know that?”

“Thank you,” Calum says. “You’re also funny. But, you know. Looks aren’t everything.”

A pause as Luke processes this. Finally: “Hey!”

Ashton laughs. “Just wait, he’ll make the same joke until you stop setting it up for him.” Something Ashton had learned the hard way.

They chat amicably until they reach Ashton’s building, at which point Luke says, “I better go.” It’d be nice to get a kiss goodbye, but Ashton figures they’ve already pushed their luck on the kissing front. Luke backs away from them, shooting a web up at the roof. “I’ll see you on Monday. Call you tonight, Ash.”

“You better.”

“And will you please tell Michael to call me as well?” Calum says, crossing his arms. “Unless he’s giving me the silent treatment.”

“No, he dropped his phone in the sink,” Luke snickers. “So it’s been in rice all day.”

Of course he did. For someone who’s virtually a genius, Michael sure does have an idiotic streak. He’s a lot like Calum in that way.

“Thanks for walking us home,” Ashton says, smiling fondly. “And, you know, saving our lives.”

“All in a day’s work,” Luke says, warmth bleeding into his voice. “See you guys later. Be safe. Stay warm. You know.”

 Between one blink and the next, he’s gone.

“‘Stay warm,’” Calum echoes disdainfully, looking up at the roof onto which Luke had disappeared. “Do you think he knows that human clothes don’t retain heat the way superhero suits do?”

Ashton laughs and follows Calum into the lobby.

[calumcest]

oh my god it's such a relief to hear it's looking good for this fic rn i'm really invested and i'll definitely yell at you if it ever looks like you're going to abandon it 🙈 it truly is a vibe and i mean great music, malum and also when is any variation of romeo and juliet not a vibe. shakespeare made some points. also i'm so glad you know songs for liam and yaaas they are great i mean technically i only listen to like 4 kraftklub songs bc of my ex but these are great 😅 (pt 1)

(pt 2) i don't really listen to german music either but recommendation: annenmaykantereit you might have heard pocahontas from them when you were here it's a very good song and was/is pretty popular (also barfuß am klavier and bitte bleib are great) I AM SCREAMING YOU KNOW TOKIO HOTEL listen i already wanted to ask about them but i was too afraid 😅 also a MOOD major tom is such a good song did you watch atomic blonde that movie has a fight scene with it and it slaps.

(pt 3) and yes we do have hexenbrennen though i had to google it i only know it as walpurgisnacht 🙈 it's truly the worst bohemian rhapsody is not a great experience in german 😅 also like so many jokes get lost when movies are dubbed i HATE it and also emotions.. the amount of times i had to watch a dubbed movie with my parents and was like 'believe me this scene is so much better in english' 😅 ugh.. i wish i could forget i ever watched hulk.

(pt 4) well i can't tell while reading that you don't know yet where exactly it's going 🙈 as i said i'm currently rereading it and it's sooooo good. i love how you write it and how the story is set up and the pacing and i feel like i'm repeating myself but it's amazing 😅 i honestly don't even know why i don't own these movies.. like i even had a wilde kerle t-shirt but not the actual movies? very weird. -spoiler twin

SDLKFNSKDJF honestly u have full permissions because i REALLY need to finish thsi fic have i ever actually completed a chaptered fic on softirwin i dont think i have . whoops ! 

EXACTLY i’ve written 5k already i’m like...buzzing i’ve literally never been this inspired to write a fic i swear to god its absolutely shocking and definitely nowhere near my best work but i’m vibing and thats what matters right

omg YES i actually do know some of their songs i’m p sure ich geh heut nicht mehr tanzen is by them too? ALSO IM LOSING MY MIND YESSSS i’m pretty sure schrei was one of the first albums i ever got and i cant lie to you it STILL bops and humanoid too?? i do like some of their newer stuff but i massively prefer the stuff they sang in german komm is still on all my playlists and you got me fucked up if you think im not gonna have durch den monsun on my emo playlists...god i fancied tom so much when i was a kid i wonder what hes up to now. WHAT THE FUCK HES MARRIED TO HEIDI KLUM???? fucking hell

yes!! you’re absolutely right and it also just looks so weird like especially with gemran i have to say bc the german sentences are always 400 times longer than the english so the english actor will be like 😐 while the german voice is still talking its so jarring to watch 

PLEASE ur so sweet but thats wild to me i cant believe u cant tell i have no idea where its going i have ONE idea that i want to work in so far but other than that all i know is theyre gonna end up together . let me list you just SOME of the things i made up in this fic literally AS i wrote them: literally everything about the soulmate experiences (that they exist, malum’s one, both of lashton’s), luke and ashton bumping into each other, the tattoos growing, the study, them going to london for the study. there are definitely more things i made that whole semi mugging scene up on the spot for starters but literally NO plan to this fic NOTHING its all completely made up as i go along i’m an absolute menace to literature 

omg...my brother had wilden kerle everything im p sure we still have a mug somewhere he was obsessed i was also obsessed but he was like the exact demographic they were aiming for . god i miss those films i have like zero recollection of what happens in them except VERY vague scenes but the plot? no idea 

[clumsyclifford]

leftover spaghetti sounds like it would really slap rn im still so hungry lmao. yes fingers crossed that both of us get jobs and make bank!! tbf i am not that like,,,knowledgeable about archery but i did really enjoy it and i do enjoy watching it and all that!! so!! also im trying to keep writing my it x 5sos au but im so tired from this week i just want this fic to exist and for people to read it already, what if it’s not even good lmao gosh i hate having doubts -😍😍😍

yes if i am hungry in an hour (although i probably won’t be im not feelin hungry tonight) i will get spaghetti or more likely just a cheese stick i have a brand

fingers crossed !!!  am sending you good, sexy, employable vibes i hope u get it

bro ive never felt anything more i have like a whole fuckin laundry list of fics that i want to write and like i want to write them. i want to be writing them but my brain’s just OFF like the only things ive succeeded in writing in the past week are i think Maybe emo lashton part 3 was this week and then i wrote a totally incoherent existential mashton thing and added Some Stuff to a fic im writing WHICH HAS A DEADLINE and thats it. also when i say it like that it actually sounds like a fair amount but it’s just so much less than i want to have written

that being said people are gonna like it so don’t worry about that there’s a market for everything i tell you if i can write a mirry fic in 2020 you can write an it!sos au