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thegreenishhues · 6 months ago

Text

AAAA thank you for the tag starri I totally didnt forget to do this shhhhhhhhh

1. Who is/are your comfort characters?

All of the qsmp eggs my absolute beloveds <3333333

2. Lighter or matches?

matches ig???

3. Do you leave the window open at night?

yes whenever its nice enough out!

4. What cryptyd being do you believe in?

bigfoot (/j)

5. What color are your eyes?

Brown yippee we matching starri >:D

6. Why did you do that?

Im not sorry

7. Hair ties or scrunchies?

Hair ties :D

8. How many water bottles are in your room?

3 I think XD

9. Which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

Hot coffee although I really like both

10. Would you slaughter the rich?

I will consider it

11. Favorite extra curricular activity?

I did one called Art Around the world once upon a time and I really liked it!

12. What kind of day is it?

decent :)

13. When was the last time you ate?

oh like a few hours O.O

14. Do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

HELL YEA

15. Are you a parent? (All answers qualify)

I have a dog so yes

16. Can you drive?

I can do anything once

17. Are you farsighted or nearsighted?

Nearsighted

18. What hair products do you use?

Shampoo, conditioner, and leave in conditioner (not sure if thats what it is but sure) because it makes my hair soft

19. Imagine were at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

Yes but it will be a mess

20. Do you say soda or pop?

Soda because 'murica

21. Something you’ve kept since childhood?

My stuffed animals (same as starri)

22. What type of person are you?

Difficult to answer questions but I am definitely on the less energetic side, fairly outgoing, I do a lot of art stuff, pretty gay, a nerd in the sense of I play and watch a lot of minecraft?

23. How do you feel about chilly weather?

Yes to a point but also no because where I live it can get down to like -40 celsius sometimes and that is to cold

24. If we were on a rooftop together what would you do?

Are these questions coming from OP or the person who tagged me because it depends? I wouldn't be on a roof with you OP because you are a stranger <3

25. Perfume/body spray or lotion?

Perfume C:

26. A scenario you’ve replayed multiple times in your head?

God I don't know, my first interactions with mutuals tend to replay in my head a lot XD

27. About how many hours of sleep did you get?

8-9 yippee!!

28. Do you wear a mask

no :)

29. How do you like your shower water?

warm/hot

30. Is there dishes in your room?

yes...

31. What type of music keeps you grounded?

Most of my music is somewhere in the folk indie section :D

32. Do you have a favorite towel?

No??

33. The last adventure you’ve been on?

I went to a conference recently and far overestimated my ability to interact with humans 24/7 for 4 days XD I would call that an adventure

34. Is there a song you know every word to by heart?

Too many but also let it go from frozen one because childhood lmao

35. What’s your time zone?

not going to share that :P (some of my moots know but not just moots have access to public posts so no. <3)

36. How many times have you changed your url?

once only a few months after I made my twitch, haven't changed it since

37. Someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve know for 10+ years?

Oh god, no one really ;-; there are a few people I've technically known my whole life but I'm not close to any of them, damn I hate moving.

38. A soap bar that smells good?

Any fruit or flower scented ones :)

39. Do you use lip balm?

Not often

40. Did you have any snacks today?

I had a muffin!

41. How do you like your coffee?

typically just black because I am in a family full of bland monsters /lh

42. An app you frequent besides this god forsaken site? discord, twitch, youtube, and pinterest!

43. What’s your take on spicy food?

I love it so much AAAAAAA

44. You get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

no one probably. killing someone isnt the best way to resolve any conflict in my opinion (yes, there are exceptions)

45. Can you remember what happened yesterday?

Not much XD I played a lot of minecraft and spent the morning with friends :D

46. Favorite holiday film?

WALLEEEEEEEEEEEE

47. What was the last message you sent?

"Alright!"

48. When did you first try an alcoholic beverage?

When I was fairly young my grandma gave me some of her wine as a toast to my late grandpa I think

49. Can you skip rocks?

Sometimes

50. Can I tag you in random stuff? Absolutely!! although sometimes I will be an idiot and forget to respond for a while so my apologies

going to retag some lovelies tbw :D @lilghostlettuce @sarcastictissy @tiger-willow @theivorycoloureddonut @ssmartliineemartline @annimator @alteiriaa anyone else feel free to join!!

here’s weirder asks

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

lighter or matches?

do you leave the window open at night?

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

what color are your eyes?

why did you do that?

hair-ties or scrunchies?

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

would you slaughter the rich?

favorite extracurricular activity?

what kind of day is it?

when was the last time you ate?

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

can you drive?

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

what hair products do you use?

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

do you say soda or pop?

something you’ve kept since childhood?

what type of person are you?

how do you feel about chilly weather?

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

perfume/body spray or lotion?

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

do you wear a mask?

how do you like your shower water?

is there dishes in your room?

what type of music keeps you grounded?

do you have a favorite towel?

the last adventure you’ve been on?

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

what’s your timezone?

how many times have you changed your url?

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

a soap bar that smells good?

do you use lip balm?

did you have any snacks today?

how do you take your coffee?

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

what’s your take on spicy foods?

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

can you remember what happened yesterday?

favorite holiday film?

what was the last message you sent?

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

can you skip rocks?

can i tag you in random stuff?

#ask games :)

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amyelevenn · 5 months ago

Note

heyy any chance i could request 25 ("Don't get in my way") with Max and Red Bull driver!reader?

winner of what?

PAIRING; Max Verstappen x Red Bull driver!reader

SUMMARY; Max thinks you are going to ruin his chance at a fifth World Driver's Championship, and he can't let that happen. set in 2025, but doesn't necessarily follow the schedule

WARNINGS; small description of violence of a crash, angst, manipulative Max

A/N; thank you so much for this request! I hope I did your idea justice:)) also the longest fic I have ever written? thats crazy

not proof read

3.7k words masterlist

.・。.・゜✭・✧・✫・゜・。.

.・。.・゜✭・✧・✫・゜・。.

You were new here. You were an outsider. You knew that, and you hated every moment of it.

Despite knowing most people on the paddock by now, you couldn’t get rid of the lingering feeling that some of the mechanics or others despised you for taking Checo’s seat, even though you had rightfully won it. You knew that no one actually thought that, but the idea always sat idly in the back of your mind.

The season had barely begun (if you count pre-season testing as the start of the season), and yet here you were, already finding new ways to doubt your own abilities.

After a rough season with RB and Daniel, you were more than ready to actually be in the fight for podiums and wins, rather than measly points. Even with a one-year contract, you were determined to make this season yours, proving to Red Bull that they should keep you around for a little while longer.

Your new teammate, Max, was just coming down from a high of winning his fourth DWC and constructors’ with Red Bull, and you couldn’t be more excited to join the likes of these champions.

You hadn’t really met or had a chance to interaction with him, despite the many team meetings and social media outings you did together. He never really introduced himself; was there really any need too anyway? You knew he was Max Verstappen, 4-time world champion, and that was all you really needed when it came to him. You had raced with him on the grid for a few years now, so it brought you a little comfort to be able to say you at least were familiar with the surface level version of him.

From what Daniel had told you, the persona the media had given him was far from the truth; he wasn’t a villain, a monster out to make everyone’s race a living hell. No, Max was a pretty stand-up guy. According to Daniel, he was “just your type” and the two of you would “vibe like crazy” when you finally spoke to each other.

In fact, it was your ex-teammate who was the one to take the first initiative and introduce you to each other. You were at a season launch lunch, sitting by yourself at your table when Daniel, dragging Max along behind him, sat himself down beside you.

“It had recently been brought to my attention that you two have not been formally introduced, so I am going to do it for you,” he grins, almost proud of himself. Patting the seat on your other side, you look up a Max, silently offering him a seat.

He politely refuses, but the glare Daniel gives him is enough incentive for him to quietly take the seat.

“Now talk to each other.” The Aussie stands, taking his leave. “I am going to go back to the bar an get some more drinks, but I better see both your traps yapping or I’m not gonna be happy.”

An awkward silence entails, neither of you knowing where to start after he walks away.

“…He can be very bossy when he wants to be,” Max chuffs, being the one to break the silence. You laugh quietly in agreement, and the conversation flows pleasantly for the next few hours.

It isn’t until the sun begins to set that you realise how long you had been talking, and that Daniel never did come back. In the most subtle way you can manage, without disturbing Max who was looking on his phone for the best photos of his cats, you peer around the luncheon in hopes of finding your ex-teammate. Spotting him sitting at the bar, he was already looking your way; smirking, he taps his watch, and you can almost hear him say I told you so.

It’s the opening race of the season, and what a stellar start it was for Red Bull; a front row lock-out in qualifying, and a 1-2 podium, Max triumphing for what was the first time this year. It was exhilarating, being up on the podium with the others, especially considering it was your debut race with your new team. It wasn’t your first podium, of course, but this time around it felt much more earned, like you were finally getting recognised for your achievements.

At the debriefing, Max off-handedly mentioned the team going out to celebrate the win and asked if you wanted to come along. It was a stupid question, and he knew it; who were you to turn down the opportunity to commemorate your maiden podium?

You were out all night, not officially going back to your hotel room until the sun had risen the next morning. Although you didn’t remember much, there were multiple accounts recounted to you that you had been glued to Max’s side for majority of the party, including from the man himself. Photos of the two of you swarmed your messages and social media; his hand on the small of your back, yours grasping his shoulder for dear life.

He bought you drinks; you bought him drinks. It was a sweet cycle that had you both wasted within a couple hours, you more so than him. Even with your foggy recollection of the night, you knew that Max and you were getting closer, and you didn’t mind one bit of it.

The second race saw a similar fate; P1 for Max and P2 for yourself again, and the afterparty leading to very close proximity for the pair of you. Whilst you didn’t drink as heavily this time, you still felt just as intoxicated from the mere presence of him so near you.

“I know it’s only two races into the season, but you are already by far my favourite teammate that I’ve had,” you laugh, sure that he would barely be able to hear you over the blaring music.

He laughs too, leaning closer to you to be able to whisper in your ear, “same goes for you, Liefde.”

You didn’t even know what the nickname meant, but it sent chills down your spine. You didn’t question it, letting the mystery of his native language sway with you to the bass of the music.

The next few races would follow the same pattern; Max would finish the race above you, he would invite you to a party, and you would dance together much closer than two friends ever would. Even after coming second to Charles in the Monegasque’s home race, Max kept up this new tradition you had created.

Outside of the clubs and bars, he never acknowledged his behaviour. And because he didn’t, you didn’t either. No one asked about it, so it never got brought up, but people knew enough to expect it during any afterparties.

Interviews, podiums together, and in the cool down room, all that the public would see is two teammates celebrating each other’s achievements.

It wasn’t until you were actually able to give Max a run for his money for P1 after he had a poor pit stop that there was a falter in the routine. It all came down to the final lap; you overtook him at turn 1, he retaliated into turn 3, you got a better jump from the hairpin, but ultimately, he was the one who crossed the line ahead of you, even if it was only by a couple tenths of a second.

The cooldown room was tense, a state it had never been before. Even Carlos, known for his non-stop yapping, was quiet, knowing that something wasn’t quite right between the two of you. Of course, he didn’t know what it was, but honestly, you didn’t either – to your understanding, you were just having a good, competitive race, but Max must’ve thought otherwise.

He didn’t invite you to any celebrations afterwards, but others did. It made no difference either way who you went with; he was nowhere to be seen.

You didn’t talk to him much during the doubleheader, focusing more on the want to finally get your first win. With how well the car had been performing, and the statistics showing that you were closing in on Max more and more every race, a win this week was well within the realm of possibility.

With 5 laps left in the race, Max was leading with you hot on his heels, and Lando hot on yours. But all it took for everything to spiral into a flaming hot mess was for Max to cut you off, not leaving you enough room. It resulted in sending you spinning and crashing hard into a wall. Max, struggling to regain his composure, was overtaken by Lando. Red flags were waved, and the Brit was the first to see the checkered flag, trundling along behind the safety car.

To say you were heartbroken was an understatement. Nothing could describe just how angry and devastated you were that you didn’t even get to finish the race, and how willing your teammate was to just blatantly cut you off, all but forcing you into the wall.

Honestly, you wanted to cry, but you held yourself together throughout the media conferences, restraining yourself from diminishing Max’s performance today. As much as you wanted to, and boy did you really want to, a manager pulled you away before you could express your true feelings.

For whatever reason he thought it was appropriate, it was the Dutchman who invited you to celebrations of his win. You declined, being as polite as you physically could, claiming you just wanted to go back to your hotel room and sleep the night away.

He muttered some sweet nothings about ‘it not being the same without you,’ and ‘the party will be such a bore if you aren’t by my side,’ as if nothing had happened between you.

The stark contrast between his personas almost gave you whiplash, but regardless of you left by yourself. You tired and tried your hardest to convince yourself that the reason you weren’t partying tonight was because you just wanted to forget about such a poor end to such an amazing weekend. But in your core, you knew it was because you didn’t want to be with Max, to fall into his traps, be seduced by his niceties.

Were they even real? You weren’t sure what they were anymore.

You were in a new country within a day of the last race, completing videos for Red Bull’s socials, some even with Daniel by your side.

Naturally, he questioned your relationship with your teammate once the cameras were off.

Stunned silence was the only answer you could give him. With some gentle coaxing, he gets some information out of you.

“It’s just… I don’t even… I’ve never delt with anything like this in my life. Normally I can separate my outside life and racing, but he is just there. Always there,” you sigh, not realising how heavy the situation was weighing on your chest.

He hums in understanding. “I think you need to talk to him about it all.”

“I tried, once. He just pretended like he didn’t know what I was talking about, as if there was nothing happening between us,” you say. “It isn’t like a want a fully committed relationship with him or anything, I just… I’m so confused, I don’t know what to do. I really like him Dan. I don’t want to stop hanging out with him, he’s become a good friend, but I also don’t want to keep being led on like this. If that is what this even is?”

You collapse on your chair, covering your face in shame. The Aussie doesn’t have much to offer except some quiet consolations, softly rubbing your back in hopes of bringing you some comfort.

Your confidence had taken a hit, and it showed in your race results. Finishing P5 behind Max’s P1 wasn’t exactly a poor result, but for consistently being on the podium this season, you were not happy. You wanted to blame the car, or the slow pitstops (they were actually the two fastest of the race), but you knew deep down it wasn’t either of those.

A knock on your driver room door made you falter, unsure of who even knew you were in there.

“Who is it?” you ask, not bothering to move from your position.

The door creaks open, and you look over your shoulder to see the handsome smile that belonged to the one and only.

“What do you want, Max?”

“‘Congrats on the win Max, you had a great race.’ That’s so sweet, thank you,” he mocks your voice, laughing as he leans against the doorframe.

You don’t laugh, finding no humour in the situation.

“We are going out again tonight, to Frankie’s. you heard of it?” he continues, as if you weren’t glaring daggers at him.

You turn yourself to face him. “Who’s we?” you ask, ignoring his question.

“You and I, of course,” he says, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world.

“I’m not going out with you tonight.”

“Sure you are, we have to celebrate my win!”

“No, Max. And that’s final.” You stand, grabbing the door to usher him out.

“I’ll pick you up at 8, sound good?”

“No.”

“I’ll see you then,” he grins, walking away to his own room.

And true to his word, he is at the door of your hotel room, three minutes to 8. You don’t bother answering the door, leaving him knocking and calling your name. He leaves not long after, and you’re left to spend the night alone.

Finally, it was time for the Spa Grand Prix, the reigning World Driver’s Champion’s home race. You knew this race was important to Max, and what better way to one up him than to beat him in his home country?

You out qualify him in every possible way – free practises, Q1 and Q2. When it came time for Q3, you wish him luck as he jumps into his car. He grants it in return, but you know it doesn’t hold much value to it.

You complete your timed lap first, clocking the fastest time the last two days have seen. Max is on track to beat it, but understeers around one corner, leading him to…qualify the same time as you?? No, that couldn’t be right…

You sit in shock, looking at the checkered flag was waved. You. In P1. You would start the race up the very front for the first time in your career. You would start ahead of Max. in his home race.

He didn’t have much to comment on it, knowing that the actual competition would come during the race.

The night was a blur, and before you could prepare yourself, the five lights were out, and you were racing in Spa.

You lost the lead before the first lap was even over, and of course it was to Max. You tried to not let it damper your hopes for the win, fiercely fighting him for first place. Halfway into the race, the pair of you were over 30 seconds ahead from Charles, running in P3. You couldn’t remember how many cars you had lapped, but it had to have been at least half of the grid.

With only tenths between you, he crossed the line first. Your heart shattered, but at least you had the fastest lap, right?

Content with the weekend, you took Max up on his offer to go to a party together that night. It didn’t take much to convince you to have a few drinks, and it wasn’t long until you were out on the dance floor. The Dutchman accompanied you, not nearly as drunk as you were.

You let him run his hands down your waist, eventually resting your hips. It made you queasy, how easily he could control every thought you had. You wanted nothing more than this night to ever end, and that was only aided by the sweet nothing he would whisper, only for you to hear.

“I missed having you here with me,” he murmurs, barely audible over the drone of the packed bar you were in. “You’re the only reason I enjoy celebrating my wins.”

A blush creeps up your neck and cheeks, pulling him closer to you. The proximity has you weak, supported only by his hold. You let him sway you side to side, enjoying this side of him. This side you only saw when he was drunk, and you were too.

You couldn’t help but fall back into the rhythm of your relationship with Max. His sickly intoxicating words were music to your ears, leaving you wanting more and more every time. It never escalated into anything physical, but the illusion that it might had you holding onto this faux reality so tightly.

The season was coming to an end, only a few races left on the calendar. One of which was your home race, and you had never been more excited to be a driver in your life. Qualifying saw you on pole for the second time and, a surprise twist for everyone, saw Max sitting in P4, behind the likes of both Ferrari’s.

The thought of him being so many cars behind you brought some comfort to the nerves racking your body. You had never felt so anxious in your life, not even when you were on pole in Spa. You were so, so desperate for this to be your first win.

Red Bull were secure in their Constructor’s Championship, winning for the fourth year in a row. The Driver’s Championship, however, was still anyone’s game. It would be hard for Charles, who was sitting in third, to come back and win it, but it was still a possibility. Sitting in second, you were miraculously only 24 points behind Max. That was close enough to give you hope, determined more than ever. He, on the other hand, was not a happy chap.

On the racetrack, he didn’t really acknowledge you unless he had too. Off the racetrack? Max was a completely different person, never one to break the routine that had begun again.

During the formation lap, you felt the nerves and cheers radiating off of the crowd, supporting you in their wake. Being their only representation, you had a lot sitting on your shoulders.

The lights flicked on. One by one, taking what felt like forever to finally disappear. And when they did, you got the best jump of the group, leading the grid into the first, second, third corners and what would be the next 30 laps of the race.

Max had made up positions, closing in on you in first. It wasn’t until he made a stupid, irresponsible decision to try and overtake in a corner that was not made for two cars, causing a collision that his car couldn’t walk away from. Yours was in much better shape, only having damage to the front wing.

Whilst yeah, you lost multiple positions, his DNF sparked so much hope in your chest that there was almost nothing stopping you from winning this race.

Within record time, you jumped from ninth to first, giddy at the idea of actually winning for the first time in front of your home crowd. With only 1 lap to go, you were crying. You couldn’t lose it now, with whoever was running second so far behind you there was simply no chance of them catching up. You vision was blurred, but you could still see the checkered flag clear as day. People were screaming over the radio, but it all muddled together.

Stepping onto that first-place podium and hearing your national anthem was a dream come true. Literally. Sweat mixed with champagne, and for once you didn’t dread being sprayed. Revelling in the cheers of the crowd, you were overwhelmed with emotion that you couldn’t even form coherent sentences.

Someone, you aren’t quite sure who, mentions that because of your win, you were now first in the Driver’s Championship; Max’s DNF cost him the lead. How ironic.

Back in the team garage, you’re pulled away before you can get a big team photo.

Surprise is the last thing you feel when you see your teammate being the one to lead you away from everyone.

“What are you doing? We need to take the photo, Max. I don’t want to miss the photo,” you whine, laughing from the absurdity of the situation.

The door of whatever room he’s pulled you too slammed behind him, a loud bang you weren’t expecting.

“What the hell were you doing out there?”

“…what?” you ask, confused on what the hell he was talking about.

“Your shitty driving pushed me into the wall. Your shitty driving cost me the championship.”

“No, Max, the incident was your fault. Not mine.”

He looks like he’s holding back from strangling you. “No. I told Christian that you would ruin everything, and here we are. What a surprise, I was right.”

“There is still like 3 races left in the season, and I’m only a couple points up. You could very easily come back. No need to freak out.”

“Do not get in my way of my fifth championship, or else I’ll make sure you never race for any team, ever again.”

He had never been this mad, not in front of you.

“Fuck you, Max. At this point in time, I hold the title. Not you. It is not yours to claim,” you retaliate, fed up with him ruining your day.

“I bet you grinding your ass on me every night was a manipulation tactic, wasn’t it? To get in my head, fuck with my races.”

“What?? You were the one asking me to come with you, not the other way around. Do not try and turn this around on me Max.”

Down the hall, you could hear people calling out for you. He notices it too, opening the door with much gusto. “This isn’t over. Get in my way again, and I will personally see to you never getting in a car again.”

He stalks off, nowhere to be found for the photo. You tell the team not to wait up for him, knowing he would not be coming.

Safe to say that this weekend, this race that you had dreamed of for your whole life, was ruined.

Yeah, you were a winner, but a winner of what?

.・。.・゜✭・✧・✫・゜・。.

as always, feedback is appreciated!

#x reader #reader insert #formula 1 #formula one #max verstappen #angst #max verstappen x you #max verstappen imagine #ames writes ! ☽

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nex-os98 · 1 year ago

Text

🗡-Bored so im doing this ask game thing from here

🌫️- How many people are in your system

from what I(🗡) know about 18 at the moment.

🌊- What's everyone's favorite colors?

I like black, green and red, one little like pale green and another likes pink, i know 🌿 likes greens, blues and white/cream and for anyone else i think most of them like red

☂️- Most common fronters?

its hard to tell bevause its been changing so much and been pretty quiet recently but i think 💉,🚭 and 💥 seem to be the most active or atleast come around more frequently besides me since im the host

☔- Collective pronouns?

they/them just to keep it simple

💦- Everyone's pronouns?

fuck this is ginna be a nightmare to list

🗡(me) they/he/metal/grunt/it or no pronouns

🚭he/they

💉he/it

💥she/he/they/it/any (yes she likes all of them listed)

🌿it/he

⚓️he/they

⚫️no pronouns/neutral terms

and theres a few more i dont feel like listing since theyre inactive

💧- Most common age group?

ageless or atleast adult orientated

💨- Do you have any fictives?

most of us are fictives or introjects of some sort

❄️- Are there any romantic relationships in your system?

its complicated, a mix of yes and no.

🌧️- Does anyone have a favorite number?

not really. besides 🚭 and 💥 who likes the classic 69 and 420 for obvious reasons. 💥 also likes 666

☁️- Are any of your alters neurodivergent?

all of us are, but I hold alot of the autistic traits along with 💉, and 🚭 has a lot of out adhd and then 💥 is almost always triggered by our manic episodes and other shit

🌤️- How many people are LGBTQIA+

i dont thinkt heres a single non-queer guy in here

☀️- Do you have any non-human alters (including hybrids)?

none of us are human

🌈- What are some common hobbies?

art, animations, gaming. i know I have the most hobbies though.

🌪️- What is the most liked food between everyone?

meat and sweets i think

🔥- Current hyperfixations?

madness combat for the most part, but thats more of a special interest at this point.

☄️- Do you guys have any collective interests?

madness combat, old tech, 1.0/old web, minecraft, roblox, biology and science related shit, and other things i cant remember atm

⚡- What is your headspace like? (If you have one)

its really hard to access but so far its just a small building with a couple rooms

✨- Does anyone have a pet?

we have a pet named Sadie, I love her very much. dont know if this means a headspace pet or something but ive never heard of that before, migjt look into it.

⭐- Does your system have a name?

not really, just nexus operating system and just nexus for short. we usually just go by the bodies name or my name(🗡) deoending on if its someone irl or online. not many people know we are a system.

💫- Does anyone wanna share something about their source? Feel free to ramble, anyone can answer too!

most of us come from my source, i have several memories of that place the texture of the ground, all the times ive died, vauge memories of interactions, and generally just missing my body and my voice (even if i never spoke, or atleast when i did which was very rarely)

🪐- Most chaotic group?

not really group but i know 💥 and 🚭 are chaotic

🌎- Any demon/angel/god alters?

mainly ⚫️ is like an omnipitent being and 🌿 kind of is, and 🩸is aswell to some extent even if ive killed him before(source wise)

🌙- Who is the oldest?

for existence wise, 💥 is the oldest and longest lasting who hasnt gone dormant/inactive but i think more agewise i think ⚫️ is? not sure we dont really have agrs so its hard to really tell.

🌓- What type of system are you?

not sure, used to think we were osdd-1 but concidering new information and learning shit its more likely that we have DID

🌗- (For traumagenic systems only) Are you diagnosed? If yes, was getting one difficult? If not, do you want one & why or why not?

god no, we arnt diagnosed at all. we arnt out at all to anyone irl let alone anyone whos working eith our mental health. I dont think its wise for us to try and get diagnosed concidering how we are still grappling with it and how difficult it is tk get diagnosed. I dont want our right taken away and have to deal eith the lains of the mental health system anymore than we already do.

🌕- What is your system dynamic (ex, family, friends, complete strangers, etc)

weird mix of friends or semi-strangers. its hard for us to communicate but we're friendly to eachother (besides 2 assholes)

🌻- What's a normal day for you as a system?

trying our hardest to exist, dissociating a lot, taking our medications the best we can and lots of dissociation. latrly been going to therapy more often and sometimes experiencing seitches but latrly its been inactive and just me(🗡) fronting for the most part

🌸- How do you keep track of your system? (Members, switches, etc)

entirely with SimplyPlural, its easy for us to remember

🥀- Any childhood things that should've tipped you off to being a system?

not exavtly childhood but more teen / young teen, having tons of alt accounts and stumbling upon accounts we dont remember at all. changing usernames and personas and havung ocs that have "pocesssion" related things. the ocs werent negatively pocessed for the most psrt it was usually like guardians that eould sometimes take over the body if the oc to protect them.

💐- Do you like being a system?

mixed feelings, feels good to know whats "wrong with us" but still in heavy denial and struggling with the doubt and etc. onky discovered it a few months(??) ago

🐚- Do you know any systems IRL?

not at all, barely know anyone irl from moving so much recently hard for us (at least me) to make friends and socialize in the first place.

🍄- Do you prefer in-system dating or out-of-system dating?

im more on the aromantic/asexual side(most of us are) but more out if system since communication between us is so so difficult.

🍁- What's the most annoying thing about being a system?

the memory issues for sure, its a fucking pain needing to write down everything while also forgetting everything all of the fucking time and then being punished in some way for having a terrible memory whike si many people expect us to have a better memory.

🎍- How bad is your amnesia?

im not sure, still figuring out the amnesia part.

🌿- Best quote from an alter?

too many to list, most of them are from 🚭 and 💥

🌳- Do alters have separate accounts for games or do you all share an account?

some of us have different discord accounts and tumblr blogs but for video games its usually shared

#\💾.txt

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baubuttercup · 4 years ago

Text

Mini Garcia pt1/ Spencer Reid

Summery: Y/N is the new Tech Analyst intern under her mentor Penelope Garcia and has just started her first day at the BAU. During a case Y/N get a few calls from a not so familiar boy genius who seeks her help...or does he seek more?

Spencer Reid x Reader

Warning: Fluff/none

A/N: This is the first of many stories i will be writing and i look forwarding to writing more. I haven’t fully edited it but hope you enjoy it :)

Please Interact for more Spencer Reid/ MGG fics!!

“you will be fine trust me, you are already a natural and thats coming from yours truly” you were so nervous because today was your first day working at the BAU as a Tech Analyst Intern. Penelope was the one who got you the job working along side her. She was your teacher, mentor, and even your close friend and you knew working with her would be nothing less than entertaining. “P what if they don’t like me or I don’t fit into their group, you told me that they were like family” you followed the women wearing a floral dress with glittery high heel through the halls of the FBI coming to a stop next to two glass doors. “Y/N before we go in you are going to take three deep breathes and snap the hell out of it, cause you my little prized protege, will fit in just fine, so stop over thinking and pull yourself together”. I inhale three breathes before she pulled the glass door opened guiding me into a large room which from memory i think she had called it the “Bullpen”. As we walked in i noticed in the corner of my eyes a man and a women eyeing me up and down. The man was large and muscled, he was appealing to the eye, just not preferably my type “Babygirl who is this fine little thin-” Penelope put her hand out barricading me from the man “cool it hot cakes, she is pure” I chuckled under my breath at her immediate response “This Derek chocolate thunder Morgan is the new Intern, working beside me as i mentor her into become the next best Garcia, Y/n meet Derek Morgan” we both extend our hands to go in for a friendly handshake “Oh and this fine ass piece of women is Jennifer Jareau” I smile shaking the pretty blondes hand “JJ for short its lovely to meet you” she hesitated for a moment before continuing “You seem so young, if you don’t mind me asking how old you are” I nervously try not to stutter upon my words “Oh um-m yeah i’m 20, but I got into the early acceptance program for computer programming and coding at Georgetown and now i’m here” Derek and JJ both exchange stairs before Derek opens his mouth “you, princess should meet our resident genius, i’m sure you two would get along quite well” JJ chuckles before giving Derek a smirk “OH YES how could I have forgotten about boy genius, where is he by the way” A tall dark haired man and a slightly shorter Italian looking man appeared from behind us “Reid and Prentiss are at a conference they will be meeting us in San Francisco” He looked intently at the group surrounding me then turned to look at me “You must be Y/N L/N, i’m Aaron Hotchner but please call me Hotch, and this is David Rossi, we are happy to have you on board, Garcia has spoken very highly of you” both men shake my hand firmly “I’m glad to be on board sir and thank you for this amazing opportunity” Hotch goes to say something before he was cut off by a text message appearing on his phone. “Wheels us now, they need us down their asap, Garcia brief us on the plane” and with that they were all making their way to the elevator. “Come on little Einstein we have work to do”

Garcia had just finished briefing the team on the case they were assigned to. From what i could catch it was about a Zodiac killer who had been killing over a decade ago and has recently just started up again. I tried to listen in and take note on everything Garcia was doing because god knows this job is fast past and i don’t want to fall behind on my first day. I found myself continuously zoning out thinking back to what that Morgan guy said about a “resident genius”. Who was he and why was Morgan so sure we would get along. So many questions were crossing my mind, before i heard Garcia’s voice continuously saying “Earth to my little oracle, hello, Y/N come back down to earth little one” i snap back to reality seeing Garcia waving her hand in front of of me “oh sorry- P who was that resident genius Morgan spoke about earlier” she spun in her chair making eye contact with me smirking “Oh my god yes Reid, how could i forget again. So you didn’t meet Emily Prentiss she is a total kick ass babe who is super cool and Spencer Reid who is a total genius with an eidetic memory and a whopping I.Q of 187″ i began to open my mouth to say something when Garcia interrupted “you guys would totally be so cute together, i need to set you two up, it would be a match made in heaven” I blush, a little taken back by the abrupt comments made by Garcia who is now really cheery “P calm down i haven’t event met the guy and i think you are a little in over your head” she looks at me still smirking “you are already intrigued by him aren’t you” just as i was about to stop her, the computer phone began to ring and the caller I.D was most clearly someone i didn’t even know yet but for some reason already was under affect by “ANSWER IT” Garcia motioned to the headset on my head “no i don’t even know what to say” she pointed at me with her fluffy unicorn pen “answer the phone i trained you for this” I reluctantly answered and within seconds i was met with a masculine yet soft voice on the other line “Hey Garcia I need you to track the ISP of the user who entered the spam comment to an internet cafe” I immediately got butterflies in my stomach, no stop Y/N you have never met this person and Garcia is just getting in your head, you continue to remind yourself. “U-mm i’m sorry I-I’m not Garcia i’m Y/N L/N the new Tech Analyst intern” I began to fidget with my figures staring between the plasma computer screens and Garcia “Oh Hi, I’m Reid, I mean I’m Spencer, let me start over I’m Dr Spencer Reid but you can call me Spencer or Reid, nice to meet you” my nerves begin to calm at the sound of his voice and the fact that he sounded just as nervous as me. I look to Garcia as she was smiling and motioning her hands to continue the conversation “Oh um-m sorry, you needed me to track the ISP of the user who entered the spam comment to an internet cafe...right?”I patiently await his response, which seemed like forever “Yeah, if you can do that, that would be great, thanks” I look to Garcia once again as she gives me a reassuring smile of encouragement before i turn to the monitors and type away, I remember everything Garcia taught me about the bureau system and was surprising easier to manoeuvre once actually assigned to a task “Hey um Reid, you still there?” thinking maybe he hung up “still here buttercup...um i mean Y/N” Garcia nudged me overhearing what Reid had just said and was cheering in the air, I quickly regained focus “so yeah unfortunately the unsub used a prepaid credit card, so I don’t have an I.D, i’m sorry” i felt my nerves regain their position in my stomach as i thought i didn’t do a good job “Thats okay, thanks for your help L/N and am excited to meet you in person, hopefully soon” I blush quickly at his comment, this going unnoticed by Garcia who is in her own world of happiness at the moment. “Yeah same goes for you, take care and if you need anything else you know where to find us” I end the call not wanting to make anymore of a fool of myself than i already have “BUTTERCUP, HE CALLED YOU BUTTERCUP” I groan at Garcia’s response already embarrassed by the ordeal “Y/N i know Reid and i have know him for many years, never in my time of being in boy geniuses presence have i ever heard him call someone BUTTERCUP” a million things swoop through my mind in that moment, why did he call me that, was it a fluke, was he just trying to be friendly, what am i saying i have literally never met this guys before its for sure nothing. I turn my head to Garcia giving her a please stop looking at me face, before she puts her hands up in defence” Okay okay i’ll stop, but you guys would make cute babies” she whispered the last part just loud enough for me to catch it.

As time goes on I observe everything Garcia continues to do in order to find the details of the unsub. This job although seeming like fun is very high pressure and i made sure i noted down everything that Garcia done so i didn’t seem like the biggest failure in front of the team, or one team member in particular. The phone rang once again causing Garcia to answer it “He who seeks the queen of all knowledge, speak and be recognised” I chuckle under my breath at the witty response before i felt a tap on my shoulder “Pretty boy wants to speak with you” I give her a confused look “Boy genius, girly” I straighten up and answer my headset “Hello L/N speaking” i try to analyse why on earth he would want to speak with me and before he got a chance to answer a million conclusions were rushing through my mind “Hey L/N, long time no speak” there was a pause in the background before i heard a male chuckle and whisper “thats one way to get the girl Reid” he cleared his throat before continuing on “So i just thought i’d give you more training so can you run something for me” I physically prepare myself for what he is about to ask, ensuring i don’t screw this up “I need you to compile a list of people with I.Qs of 160 and above in the region” I type away trying to speed up so i don’t slow the team down “I’m checking with the bay area mensa society which is kind of slumming cause folks can get in with a measly I.Q of 130″ Reid chuckled at my statement making me feel more comfortable about what i was doing “try and check old school records, we’re looking for someone who is in his 20′s or 30′s” as I am intensely try my best to recover these names it appears in front of me “BINGO, Caleb Rossmore and Harvey Morell, they both have I.Qs over 160 and get this they both use to write about the Zodiac in their junior high school newspaper” I smile at myself, kinda proud at what i just accomplished on my own “thats amazing, thanks Y/N and tell Garcia she has the best intern” I smile to myself satisfied that i done something right and that Reid thought so too. “Yes that’s my little Einstein, ah you are moulding into a beautiful little Garcia, how proud i am right now

The team had just got back from catching both Caleb Rossmore and Harvey Morell and Garcia had gone to greet Morgan at the elevators. I had stayed behind packing my belonging as i was ready to head home to my fluffy dog Milo and sleep for hours. A knock on the door startled me. I abruptly turn around and was met with a tall figure who had beautiful brown eyes and shaggy hair. “Hi, I’m so sorry to have startled you, I’m Spencer Reid the one that kept annoying you on the phone” I feel my cheeks heat up from the sight of how pretty this boy was “um yes, i mean no you weren't annoying at all if anything you gave me the training i need, so i should be thanking you, and I’m Y/N L/N” Reid stuck out his hand which took me by surprise because according to Garcia he was not a handshaker and refused to shake hands with anyone, stating that even kissing was more sanitary “Well, in that case i’m glad to be of assistance and its nice to officially meet you Y/N” we stared in each others eyes for a few moments before we were met by Penelope and Morgan “Hey guys you have met, yay, okay now can we go this princess is getting bags under her eyes and those aren’t the kind of bags i want” we all laugh at Garcia’s remark as we start to head towards the elevator. “So I heard you went to Georgetown” i look up at the brunette boy who was gazing down at me “yeah, I actually graduated this year, which i’m kind of sad” “oh why’s that” I look straight into his eyes “I like educating myself, and expanding my field of study is something that i genuinely enjoy, so i’m kind of sad its over, but i’m looking at going for my PHD in Computer engineering” Reid looked me deeper in my eyes without saying anything, just then i heard a murmur “they will make such cute babies and i’m going to be the best godmother” and with that the elevator doors open and we all began to file in.

I may have just met Spencer Reid but i have a feeling we are definitely going to be getting along.

#matthewgraygubler #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid smut #spencer x you #spencer x reader #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds smut #mgg x y/n #mgg fanfiction #mgg pics #criminal minds x reader #mgg x reader #penelope garcia #derek morgan

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billionairesitgirl · 4 years ago

Note

Do you have any tips to help someone who keeps failing? I have been trying for several years now to get started and feeling more and more hopeless every year. I have attended $$$ events, lost weight, moved closer to major cities. Then of course COVID struck and made things worse. Is there something I can do that can help me gain an "in" or are certain things just not meant for some girls.

KEEP TRYING !!!

Yes i screamed it... but that’s because thats the most important thing in succeeding.

Secondly Congrats on taking the steps and trying.....

(THIS MIGHT MAKE MAKE YOU NEUROTIC.... If you already are then DO NOT DO THIS)

The following is also important

1.) Have you asked your self why you keep failing?

Take a pen and paper and spend an entire day by yourself. Think, play things over in your head and Analyze.... This is probably the only time i truly suggested, over analyzing the crap out of your life, decisions, faliures and successes.

(a) What mistakes, do you keep making? or What mistakes do you think you keep making.

(b) what makes them mistakes

(d) who and/or what would this action work on

2.) List your obstacles ... Every single one you could think of...

Make 3 categories

.....Obstacles you have gone through - What caused it? who caused it? (Regardless of who caused it... You owe some responsibility... so still own up to it... But remember BE KIND to yourself...)

There is a fine line between being kind to yourself and completely absolving yourself of any responsibility when owning up to the responsibility of things gone wrong

......Obstacles repeated - How do you NOT repeat this Again?

.......Obstacles Imagined and Obstacles that could still happen (based on different things, character flaws, finances, men’s personalities, race, looks, nature) Get as detailed as needed.

Man plans and God unplans ...

However, as humans we have ability to at least create contingencies... try to come up with possible contingency plan and POSSIBLE action on how to still not stand still when one of those obstacles appear... Basically figure out another way to scale through, wiggle through, swim through... whatever way (As long as there is life, health and will... there is a way.... After all people have clawed out of dungeous using only a stick or even their finger nails)

3.) What have you tried that didnt work? or keeps failing... List it

4.) What ever #3 is that didnt work... What is the alternative that you haven’t tried.

5.) Clearly you see this as an investment if you have lost weight, moved etc... What is missing in the picture? (I don’t know you, nor have I spent time with you or know your thinking process or views... So this is something even if you dont know what is missing... You have to sit and think... Sleep on it, give it time but remain introspective but be mindful to know when clarity presents itself.

Being brutally Honest with yourself is the only way to know what is missing and where you are missing.

Example: I met a gorgeous black girl A few months ago. From the get go, I knew she was hypergamous... The men also knew. But there was something missing and i couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Until we were all talking with the men present.

She carried herself as a pretty girl, sweet and bubbly... But she made the mistake of trying to emulate the white woman’s countenance... So she could be doted on same as a white woman... I can’t explain this in detail.

But while it is good to emulate things noteworthy in other people... She lost her self and her own personal spark. As a black woman... She avoided the pitfalls of a stereotypical black woman (quote on quote)... in the process, she mistakenly lost her goddess quality and blended in with the rest. The men moved on from her.

My Point is: WHAT IS MISSING... Are your run of the Mill? What is your core

6.) Standard -

Do you have set standards? expectations of yourself and of the Men and of your surroundings?

Do you keep it? Do you up hold it or do you switch or lower it under pressure?

Not to give too much information... I refused to live in the poor neighborhood when i moved off college campus. I lived in a condo and lived Smack in the center of the wealthy part of the city. I was not in this lifestyle then... But it was simply my standards... And even though it meant staying on campus longer till i got it... I did that.

Example 2: I have friends who do not care what hole they enter to get entertained (granted you can meet people anywhere)... But I am not the type that goes out very often... So why will i waste my few outings in some frat boys bar or club. So I go to high end places.

Example 3: I met a man who recently sold his company with upwards of $80 Million... I wasn’t told... I was aware of the process and listened to him through the proceess complain about delay in the closing and trying to avoid tax etc

He was deperate to meet me in person. As a matter of fact the day he closed. He flew me to his city (I went cause i was bored). Long story Short... He is the type of man that got lucky... There isn’t much in terms of comparison... Thinks he knows everything, thinks himself black people’s savior and makes comments such as “If there were black women like you”... Has some racists views he doesn’t think is racists... I met his friends... I liked one (But he just recently got remarried and was the smartest of the bunch). They had pissing games who had thr most rolex collection etc... He was crazy about me... Still is even without so much as a kiss and i spent a weekend there. (Had my own hotel room)

But, I knew while the money was there, he was generous and was crazy about me... It would drive me nuts being with him and interacting with his friends... My standard here is that I won’t deal with any man who so much as stresses me mentally especially as I am a black woman... I won’t take nonsense.

My Point is : What do you compromise on that you do? It is a long road being steadfast to your standard... But it has been worth it for me.

Do not use anyone’s standard... Create your own and work on keeping it... Men will despise you for it... But respect you all the same.... It is a weird placed to be.

7.) What type of events do you attend. When you attend events, go out etc... What do you do? How do you approach these events? Do you wing it? Do you plan it? Are you fearless and confident or shy or just pleasant enough to exchange pleasantries alone? What vibe do you give off?

How do you dress? Different styles can come across different ways... Some ooze Sexy, some ooze elegance with a hint of sexy, some basic, some regular, some say just another event person

8.) Closer to Major cities : what part of that do you live? Even if you are not in the center of things... Where do you go when you go out? How often to do go to wealthy areas, who do you interact with there?

There is a plethora of questions who have to ask yourself.

With Covid I have met people (but then, I work for myself and have more freedom to move around and also take mini vacation in other cities) And I already have a network... So, I have a leg up -

But, I know girls here and people are also still meeting people.

What is stopping you? What avenues and methods have you tried? Have you thought outside the box?

Hopeless? No... Wrong direction... As you fail you learn things that dont work so that should make you hopeful.

Also, I am a big beliver in manifestation and law of attraction. Feeling hopless will only make things more hopless...It will attract more faliure...

Find ways to think more positively, ways to turn negative things into potentially positive things... In this case you do not have to be rational... Imagine everything negative happening has a positive...

e.g : A man cancelled on you = It wasn’t meant to be... It might have turned into a terrible situation for you... Thank God or the universe for saving you from whatever it is you arent aware of.

eg : Covid happening : Time to make more money, invest. Brush yourself up, level up some more, learn new ways to meet this men and become more resilient so you come out fire when, the world isnt tupsy turvy

e.g : Getting older: Perfect, the more sure and certain you become in yourself, the more you actually find out what makes you stand apart, the more you find out who you are and realize that whatever amount a man was going to give you last year, you’ve outgrown it with age, maturity, acheivements etc.

You get the gist.... NEVER FEEL HOPELESS

You can feel sad... But not hopeless... Dust yourself up and try again...

Maybe one day i will take time out to share some of my own short comings and faliures... Cause i think we share the successes much more; that people think there aren’t mistakes and faliures and short comings... I have had them, and I continue to work and fix them.

The only thing is after my introspection... and brow beating myself and figuring it out...i don’t like to dwell on the faliures... I put my self to work updating myself. Besides I think sharing more good news brings more good news and vibes... But, there isn’t anyone that can claim to not have had obstacles and faliures.

Finally: My sister beleives everyone has a destiny... But everyone is also capable of changing theirs...

With regards to your question... About certain type of girls ...

The Answer is NO...

Some people might find it harder, or lack the resources and know how

But trying, pushing ones self, acquiring knowlegde and doing whatever it takes (of course within reason and comfines of morality ) Is what makes the difference.

As i write... I know women who took their entire savings to go to ST Barts for New Year... (Would I? NO) But some would... My point is.

You will go as far as you are capable of seeing yourself go.

So if you want a change in your pattern... You have to break the wheel... Try something new you haven’t tried yet... And a new approach.

Question for you: “Gain an in?” Into what circle do you want an in? What type of man

#hypergamy, #datingtips #sugardatingtips #sugardatingadvice #levelup #levelupadvice #sugardatingtip #sugardating

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linopetal · 3 years ago

Text

photograph. chapter one

pairing : na jaemin x reader

genre : angst , fluff , best friends to almost lovers , hanahaki disease au

word count : 5k

warnings : heavy cursing , mentions of blood , throwing up , dying , death

synopsis : so you can keep me inside the pocket of your ripped jeans holding me closer 'til our eyes meet you won't ever be alone

note : this heavily based off of ed sheeran’s song photograph ! ( it will make more sense in the later chapters ! ). this is also based on jaemins love for photography since he is always taking pictures of the members !

one.

At nine years old , Jaemin was gifted his first camera by his mother on Christmas morning. His mother always saw the look inside his eyes when they landed on the nice and expensive cameras in the mall. He always found nature in itself so pretty. His mother decided that a white disposable camera would perfectly fit him for his Christmas present. “ Jaemin it’s time for you to open your gift “ , his mother said in a soft voice. He remembers anxiously running up to the colorfully light christmas tree and bending down to pick up a present with his name largely written over it in black ink . The wrapping paper had pretty white snowflakes and snowmen printed all over. Quickly grabbing the present , he ripped open the box only to reveal a camera. He remembers this warm and happy feeling flowing throughout him. Most children his age would want toys and things like that , but that was not Jaemin. He didn’t see what was so important about toys that you would soon get rid of once you found a new and cooler looking toy. Grabbing the white camera , he hugged his mom. “ Thank you Mom! This is my favorite gift “ , he said smiling.

At ten years old , Jaemin was taking pictures of different things he ran across of during his walks in the neighborhood park. He vividly remembers taking a walk in the near by park that was recently built in his neighborhood. He stumbled across this little pond. Jaemin was fond of animals. Whether it be a dog or a goose , it didn’t matter to him , he thought they were all such beautiful creatures. He quickly grabbed his camera out of his back pocket to take a picture of the ducks swimming in the pond before they swam off. Jaemin wrote on the palm of his hand , “ Pond. Nice spot for photos “ as a reminder to come back to that exact spot another time to take photos. He still had the same old disposable white camera that he was gifted one christmas ago.

two.

At fifteen years old , Jaemin had just entered the ninth grade. Jaemin was always a quiet student. He didn’t interact with many students. Though , Jaemin was popular amongst some because of his looks and nice personality , he preferred to stay out of the crowd. He never liked being the center of attention in any context. He was fine with his one and only friend , Renjun. Huang Renjun had been Jaemin’s best friend since the second grade. They had met during the first day of school. Jaemin’s mom had made him a small creeper necklace.

Renjun had notice it and engaged in a very long conversation with him about how Minecraft was the best game to ever exist. And since that day they were inseparable. Renjun was basically Jaemin’s brother. He was always invited to family events. It was the same for Renjun aswell. They did everything together. Jaemin was very appreciative of Renjun. He had never had a friend like him. They stuck together throughout elementary.

Jaemin had just moved to a new neighborhood. His mom had recently got promoted to a higher placement in the company she worked at so they had to move a little ways over to be closer to her job. Renjun’s parents worked at the same branch of the company that Jaemin’s parents worked at meaning that they both would still go to the same school.

During the first day of nineth grade , Jaemin had decided to take his new green disposable camera with him , which he bought with money he saved up from doing chores. He bought it with him for on his way back to his house from school. There was a pretty park and he just felt like he had to capture the beauty he felt it held.

Jaemin was intimidated easily by people , though he was careful with the emotions he showed. He was to busy placing his camera into his backpack to notice the visibly taller and scary looking guys approaching him “ Hey what is that in your hand ? “ , the middle one asked sarcastically. “ Uh uhm its just a uh camera “ , Jaemin said nervously. “ Oh well mind if I see it for a second ? “ , the middle one asked with a fake smile on his face. Jaemin got a weird feeling in his stomach yet he was scared to say no so he simply nodded and complied out if fear of the strong boy. As he place the green camera in the boy’s hand , he heard the two other boys chuckle. Jaemin had attempted to take the camera back out of his hand but he failed in his attempt. Right then and there the middle boy took the camera , threw it on then ground , stomp on it and broke it into pieces. He looked at Jaemin and said , “ Thats what you get for being weird camera boy “, he said. Jaemin was upset. He spent six months saving up money to afford that camera. All the photos he had taken and all the memories stored were simply gone. He held back his tears and then all of a sudden he heard yelling. “ You asshole , why would you do that ? Fuck you , there was no point in that. “ you said angrily. “ Hey, Y/N you better calm down now “ the middle boy said in a mad voice. “ Fuck no “ , you said as you slapped the boy. Jaemin was caught off guard. No one had stood up for him when things like this occurred. Renjun was too much of a coward to stand up , and Jaemin understood that. He watched as you walked up to him and asked him , “ Hey , are you okay? I’m so sorry Jihoon acted that way to you. I’m Y/N by the way. If you want, I could by you a new camera ? “ , you said to him in a worried yet sweet tone. Jaemin was embarrassed. Eyes were on him and you which made him feel weird. You had notice his sudden discomfort due to the people staring and you looked at them and glared. When they turned their heads around you looked back at him with a soft smile. He realized it had been a good 20 seconds and he hadn’t answered you yet. “ Oh uh I’m Jaemin. Thank you so much. You don’t have to buy me a camera. I can just save up some money to buy another one “ , He said. “ Oh no don’t worry. It’s no bother Jaemin! “ , you said in a soft tone. He liked the way you said his name. And ever since then ,you two became best friends.

About a week after the incident that occurred on the first day of school , you and Jaemin had miraculously became friends. In the spam of seven days you both managed to find out you both live right beside each other , you both love peaches , and you both have an addiction to horror movies. You were both practically made to be best friends. From that day on it was you , Renjun , and Jaemin. You all had became best friends. It was you three against the world. You couldn’t ask for better friends.

One day , Jaemin had just woken up on a Saturday morning to the sound of his doorbell ringing multiple times. He thought he was going to catch a headache. He was a little annoyed but his annoyance quickly disappeared when he opened the door to only see you. He smiled so widely while looking at you that he didn’t even notice the item in your hand. Your were so cute , how could he not ? As you walked inside his nice and comfy home , you handed him the small box in your hand. “ What is this Y/N ? “ , he asked. “ Just open it Jaemin , I’m positive you will love it “ , you said smiling. You had a nice smile , he thought. You had known each other for eight months now , why was he thinking such things ? He shook the thoughts away and slowly started to unwrap the box. A camera. No. It wasn’t just any camera , it was a real camera. Not a disposable camera , a real one. He was shocked that you spent so much money on this. But he was beyond happy. “ Y/N , you really didn’t have to you know ? “ he said , still in shock. “ I know but , I wanted to. You love photography and I thought it would be a nice appreciation gift. Plus , when we hung out here a month ago , your mom showed me all the photos you’ve taken. They’re beautiful Jaemin. It’s artwork. So I thought you deserve this kind of camera. “ , you said sweetly to him. Why were you so perfect ? And why were you the most kind hearted and selfless person he had ever met ? And why was he feeling things he had never before ? It was that moment he realized , he had liked you. He didn’t realize it then , but to put it simply , Jaemin was fucked. When he became conscious of how he felt , he only watched those feelings grow stronger.

three.

Junior year had now arose. During sophomore year he met Chenle , Jisung , and Dongyhuck who all became an addition to your now expanded friend group. Jaemin had met them during try outs for the soccer team. He had been acquaintances with Hyuck prior. They had both met in ninth grade biology but they all didn’t become close until sophomore year. You were all inseparable. Friday movie nights were a frequent thing. You loved hanging out with them. But recently, everyone besides you and Jeno , had notice a recent change in Jaemin’s behavior. It had all came about when the two new boys , Mark and Jeno , had transferred to your school the beginning of junior year ( which they quickly became an addition to your friend group ) . The boys didn’t understand why Jaemin always sent Jeno an envious look. Jeno and Jaemin had naturally hit it off when they first had met. Jeno felt understood by Jaemin and Jaemin felt the same exact way. But what Jeno and you failed to realize was that Jaemin slowly had become envious of him in these recent months. The rest of the boys didn’t want to pry on Jaemin because they , themselves , didn’t understand the underlying situation and potential problem. So , they had let it slide due to the well being of their friend group.

Donghyuck had invited the whole group to his house for the usual friday movie night. On Monday , Hyuck sent out a text to the ‘ barbie’s life in the dream house ‘ group chat ( name was Mark’s choice , of course ) the list of food needed and who was to buy what. Donghyuck was never one to care about relatively anything BUT when it came to food he was one specific human being.

“ Did you all get the EXACT food I told you too ? “ , Hyuck said with a raised eyebrow. “ Yes , Yes we did Donghyuck “ , Chenle said. “ And before you ask , I didn’t forget to buy you tteokbokki “ , Jaemin said. “ You’re my favorite Jaemin just so you know “ , Hyuck said , sending a finger heart Jaemin’s way.

When Jaemin saw you walk through the door , he couldn’t help the way his heart had begun to beat so incredibly fast. Jaemin was one to observe every detail of a person. He noticed every small to large detail about you in that moment and he admired it all. He wanted to rush to you and sit right beside you but he saw the way Jeno beat him to it. Jaemin let out a sigh which caused Renjun’s attention. “ Hey you okay Jaemin ? “ , Renjun asked Jaemin. “ Yea uh just stressed “ , he replied. Renjun only nodded , turning away to focus on Chenle who had a bunch of movies in his hands. But Jaemin attempted to move his eyes away from the flirtatious scene infront of him.

“ Hey Jaemin “ , mark said , pulling Jaemin out of his thoughts and trance , “ Did you bring your camera ? We should take a group photo right now like we always do ! “ , mark suggested and everyone cheered. The camera. The one you bought him. You. You. You. Always fucking you. Jaemin shook his heading and grabbed his camera , signaling everyone to gather around. Of course you were right beside Jeno. He pushed a painful feeling down his throat. He clicked the timer button and went to join the photo. After the photo was done he put the camera in his bag and sat beside Donghyuck. And you , of course you were by Jeno.

Chenle suddenly placed all the movies infront of him on the carpet. “ Okay , We need to choose what we are going to watch right ? “ , he said and everyone nodded. “ So that means , Close your eyes and when I call out a movie name , raise your hand if you want to watch it okay ? The movie with the most votes is what were are going to watch. “ , Chenle explained. “ Since when were you so bossy Mr. Zhong Chenle ? “ Jeno jokingly asked. And there it was , your beautiful giggle. But again , was it for Jaemin , was it directed towards Jaemin because of something funny he said ? No. Never was it. It was for Jeno as always. Jaemin felt something poking at his throat. Ouch. It hurt but he tried to suppress the pain in order to focus on picking a movie.

“ Okay close your eyes everyone “ , Chenle ordered. “ Zootopia “ “ Rio 2 “ “ The Nun “ “Chucky “ , Chenle named out. “ Okay open now. We have the movie! “ , Chenle announced. “ What is it ? Tell me Tell me “ , you said in the softest voice ever. Jaemin suddenly wanted everything to stop. “ Chucky!” , Chenle said . “ Yay! “ , you cheered , Jeno smiled that perfect eye smile of his , and hugged your arm. This wasn’t good , Jaemin thought. He then felt a pain in his throat and motioned to the others that he was going to the bathroom and would be right back. What is this pain ? It hurt so damn much as if he was going to throw up something unusual.

He was right. Very unusual. Terrifying. Fucking scary. He felt like he was going to faint. Petals. Fucking petals. He threw up goddamn petals. Not just any petals. They were pink carnations. Fucking hell. Jaemin memorized many meanings of flowers. He always thought flowers were beautiful. He loved the fact that each of them had their on individual meaning and significance. But pink carnations, they symbolized “ I’ll never forget you “. Jaemin couldn’t stop freaking out. His hands had begun to uncontrollably shake once he realized what was happening. Hanahaki disease. Fucking hanahaki disease. He hoped this wasn’t it. He really hoped. He tried to pick up his phone and look up what was happening. And damnit , it fucking was hanahaki disease. A disease where a person falls in deep love with someone but the person that their inlove with doesn’t return their feelings so they start throwing up the petals of the favorite flower of the person their inlove with. And if they end up never returning the feelings , you die. A flower will form in your throat causing the thorns to kill you. But there is always chance that they might love you back , a very small chance. And he was throwing up pink carnations. How fucking relevant.

Jaemin quickly realized that if he didn’t clean up the bathroom quick and go back to the living room , they are all going to start worrying. But he knew he couldn’t stay. It hadn’t fully hit him that he was going to possibly die soon , but he was aware and there was no way in hell way he going to go back there and quicken the process. He quickly ran out the door to the living room and attempted to give some shitty ass excuse to get the hell out of there before something bad happens.

“ Hey guys , I just don’t feel well. I think I am just going to go home and get some rest “ , He said apologetically. “ Oh bye Jaemin! I love you “ you said smiling. That hurt. It hurt so much but he bottled it all up. “ Yea we love you! Get home safe “ , Jeno said waving bye with the other boys. That hurt worse.

Why was the world so unfair to Jaemin ? Why was the world such a shitty and unfortunate place ? And why did Jaemin have to live on a time limit ? Jaemin couldn’t do this. Three years of his life he has spent liking you and now he finds out he is going to die because of it ? How much more shitty could life possibly get ?

The sky wasn’t completely dark. There was enough light to take photos. Photography was his forever safety. He grabbed his camera and took pictures of every beautiful thing he could find. But you were the most beautiful thing of all. Yet he couldn’t obtain you. He could only imagine you both in an alternative universe.

He suddenly remembered all the photos he took of you on this camera when you both hung out. He sighed , “ What am I going to do “.

Jaemin didn’t even realize then , life could get even more shitty than it already was.

four.

A month had passed. All weekend long , Jaemin was restless. At this point , he could say he was officially sleep deprived. His mind was filled with you. Of all things it had to be you , always. But Jaemin knew it was not the same for you. He could see the platonic love you held for him in your eyes.

Jaemin was dreading Monday. School in general felt like a waste of time , but you being there made the petals in his throat grow.

Throughout the weekend he realized how the petals gradually got worse. On Saturday you had asked him to facetime you so he could help you pick out an outfit for dinner with your family. Of course Jaemin agreed but seeing you look so effortlessly beautiful just increased the pain in his chest. But by Sunday it was not as painful. He spent the whole day off of his phone trying to avoid you. But Monday rolled around and he was not prepared. When was he ever ?

“ Jaemin wake up you have school in 30 minutes! “ , his mom yelled across the house. “ I’m getting dressed mom “ , he yelled back. He quickly threw on a simple and comfy outfit. He ran to the kitchen , grabbing a quick breakfast then headed straight to his vehicle to get to school. The whole way there he could feel his phone vibrating with messages which he assumed were from the group chat.

After he arrived at school he took out his phone and read the messages.

y/n 🌺 : hey !! do you guys want to go for boba later this week ??

ducky : yes madam 😏⁉️

markie mark : YES ?? OFC ?? 🙃

He turned off his phone , finding the conversation irrelevant in the moment , and headed to his first class , algebra. Jaemin wasn’t as fond of math as he was of other subjects. It quite frankly frustrated him. He never seemed to guess the answers correctly , though he was thankful to be passing the class ( thanks to Chenle’s help of course ). Jaemin was fond of art. Primarily because photography was incorporated into art and he was able to portray his talent in there. He counted down the class periods he had up until art class. 2. Two more classes left until art.

When English and History had passed , he made his way to the art classroom . During the day , he managed to speak to you and the other guys a little but he seemed off to them. But Jaemin was not the type to give in even if people keep on bothering him with questions, so they gave up. But Renjun was slowly catching on to something. Why would he ever let this odd behavior be unattended to ? This is his best friend after all , but he didn’t want to bother so quickly yet.

Jaemin loved and hate art class in this moment. The pros were that he got to pursue something he loves and be transparently himself. But the main con was , you shared this class together.

“ Hey Jaemin! “ , you said happily. “ Oh hi Y/N “ , he said nervously. You frowned at his sudden awkward behavior but let it go when the teacher walked in.

He could feel a petal threatening to be coughed up but it took all his power stored in his body to shoved it back down.

“ Good after noon class! Today I have assigned you all with a task. This project is due within 2 weeks time. Last month , if you remember , you all took a vote on what your next big project will be based around. The results were photography! I discussed with some of my colleagues that are photographers what would be best to have this project be on. We decided each of you will be assigned a partner. You and your partner will be give a specific theme. This will count as an exam grade , Understood ? “ , she concluded and everyone nodded. Jaemin was beyond happy to be given such a project.

Mrs. Choi , the art teacher , was going around the class calling out who was paired with who and what their theme was. She gradually made her way to you snd Jaemin’s seat , you both so happened to sit right beside each other. How ironic.

“ I have decided to pair you to together for this project. You both seem to work together very well and accomplish tasks extremely well. Your theme is beauty found within each other. I suggest finding a landscape which best suits you both individually as that can help you find what beauty is stored within you. Try your best to portray what you both think is beautiful in each other while incorporating a landscape which suits you both! “ , she said. “ Good luck!”

Funny thing is , Jaemin had already made a mental note a long time ago of every thing about you that was beautiful. He already knew what best suited you. He could name everything about you and tell you how it was so incredible to him.

Could you do the same ? Jaemin had already been aware of the answer to that question since he became aware of his own feelings towards you. His thoughts were so incredibly crowded that the only thing that broke his inner voice was the petals that were about to arise because of the overwhelming feeling of love for you pumping throughout his chest.

“ I’m going to go to the bathroom right quick. “ , he said. You only nodded , watching him rush out of the classroom quickly.

He tried his best to maneuver through the halls as fast as he could without drawing any attention. Luckily , when he reached the bathroom , no one besides him was present. He began throwing up the petals that were grown inside of his chest. He hated this life.

Jaemin had already walked back to the classroom after five minutes. Only a few minutes after arriving to the classroom , the lunch bell had rang.

“ Hey , Jaemin just text me when you are free next week so we start on this project , okay ? I am so excited ! “ , you announced.

Jaemin didn’t go to lunch. Instead he sat in the bathroom waiting for the last bell to ring.

Thursday had came around the corner fast. You had been blowing up his phone with messages for him not to miss the gathering at the local boba shop or he would ‘ get the boot ‘.

Jaemin quickly grabbed his grey hoodie you bought him , how ironic again , and headed out the door.

Upon arriving at the boba shop , he couldn’t help but notice through the clear glass window how you and Jeno were so close , flirting even. His heart ached even more but he pushed it aside and decided to put on a mask and walk in.

“ Oh Jaemin ! You are here , finally. “ , Jeno said hugging Jaemin. “ Yeah sorry I am a little late. My mom needed help with some yard work “ , he said. lie. Jaemin was extremely hesitant about coming. Why would he want to ? It hurt too much , but he did it for you.

One hour had passed and all Jaemin did was here Marks stupid jokes and about how Donghyuck had “ accidentally “ thrown Jisung’s ipad into a wishing well one summer vacation. And oh , let’s not forget you laughing at Jeno’s horrible jokes. They weren’t even that funny , he thought.

And then he saw it. He heard Jeno whisper , “ If you kiss me on the cheek , I will buy you some more boba!! “ , to you , while smiling. And then you had kissed him on the cheek.

It was immature for Jaemin to feel upset , but he justified his emotions by the fact he felt a petal about to come out. He again , like always , motioned that he was going to the bathroom.

And again there was a petal from a pink carnation. How fucking nice. Needless to say , Jaemin got out of there with an excuse before he could near his death more.

He didn’t bother showing up for the weekly Friday movie night. But no one asked questions. He felt alone , yet again. But who could he tell his tragic ending to ? It only felt as if it would make worse of his situation.

About a week passed and it was Wednesday. About this time last week you had arranged for you and Jaemin to meet up and the park at around 4pm for this art project. You both were equally excited , maybe Jaemin even more. He just couldn’t express it.

By the time he arrived , he saw you were already there , playing with the ducks. He took this opportunity to capture a picture of you in this moment. You were so beautiful , he thought.

Once you felt a presence behind you , you turned around but softened your gaze once your recognized it was him.

“ Oh hi! Are you ready to start ? “ , you asked.

“ Oh yeah of course ! While you were playing with the ducks , I took a photo of you. It fits you. Maybe we could use it ? “ , he shyly said.

“ Let me see Nana! “ , you said excitedly. His heart was about to fucking burst. “ Oh okay here “ , he showed his camera your way.

“ It’s so good ? You truly have a way with cameras. Okay now take some more of me over here by the pond! “ , you stated. He aimed his camera at you , clicking the button. You were perfect.

“ Nana let me take some of you! “ , you said , reaching out your hands to grab the camera. “ Okay “ , he replied while walking to a tree and posing. click. You smiled at the photos you had taken while handing him the camera back.

Two hours had passed and he could feel that this was about to come to an end today , just not in the way he had anticipated.

Your phone had started ringing and he could see a certain realization had hit you. You quickly picked it up and hung about after about a minute.

“ Oh that was Jeno. He called me to remind me of our date tonight. I am really excited! But unfortunately I need to head home to get ready. Good night ! Don’t forget to send me those pictures of you for the project ! Bye bye , Love you Nana “ , you said apologizing while waving bye. He couldn’t make out words. He was caught off guard. He zoned out for a second and then realized you were gone.

All these emotions had hit him. He didn’t know how to process. You were going out with Jeno. Not Jaemin , Jeno. Fucking Jeno. Why him ?

Jaemin felt everything crash down. He couldn’t breathe probably. Petals were threatening to come out and he couldn’t help but hide behind a tree in the dark while letting them come out. He was so hopeless. He had no idea how much he had left. Why was the world so cruel to Jaemin ? What had he done to deserve such a fate ? Why suddenly did he have to live on a time limit ? He thought again it couldn’t get worse.

Yet he was always proved wrong at this thought.

Out of nowhere , Renjun appeared and said , “ Jaemin ? Is that you ? Are you okay ? “.

In fact it got worse. He was fucked, big time.

#nct #nct angst #nct dream au #nct dream imagines #nct au #nct imagines #jaemin #na jaemin #jaemin imagines #jaemin au #jaemin angst

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nepenthendline · 4 years ago

Text

Trust - Tsukishima

wow is this actually part 2 of what I started like two months ago? mental

this is what was going to be the reality series but honestly, we all know thats gonna take ages for me to actually find motivation to do so im just doing them as and when I feel like it lol

Summary: Your relationship with Tsukishima isn’t going as strongly as you wanted, but Tsukishima is struggling to trust that you won’t hurt him (angst but it doesn’t end badly, 2.7k)

Tsukishima had been part of your life for the last two years, you both now being in your third year of high school. You had been in the same class every year, and little interactions such as brushing past each other to get to your desk, and asking him for a pen every now and then, turned into a budding friendship that left you both feeling safe and settled. You’d become close friends with Yamaguchi who was also in your class, so spending more time with Tsukishima was unavoidable. You were thankful for it though; both of you were.

Tsukishima was difficult; you either loved him or hated him, and unfortunately most of those who loved him were girls who thought he was hot and had never actually spoken to him, but his cool persona alluded them. Even you at first found his personality a little too prickly, not knowing how to deal with his teasing or aloofness, but slowly and subtly, you began to see these little parts of him that drew you closer.

Like the evenings where the three of you would hang out and his walls seemed to fall a little to the point where you’d see him smile and let out little giggled that he hid behind his hand, the time when you went to a museum together for a school project and watched as he beelined for his favourite exhibitions and spent hours reading every single informative poster, or how he would present you with small encouragements whenever you were getting overwhelmed. He was more than his teasing, his remarks and the detached role he played. There was a warmth to him that sparked at times; this particular quality that surfaced whenever you needed someone to talk to or take time away with.

He hated that you had become such a big part of his life, but he didn’t want it to end. You were so different from him, yet so similar. There was a brightness to you that he could never emulate, but you understood him. You never got pissed off with his, sometimes rotten, personality; you listened to him and you never once pushed him further than he was comfortable with. He appreciated it, but he had no idea what to do with that. Slowly, he noticed how his heart would race slightly whenever he was around you, how his palms got a little sweaty and the way you plagued his thoughts way into the night.

Late into your second year, you confessed your feelings to Tsukishima, someone accidentally as you had been ranting to him about your thoughts recently one evening. Shockingly to you, he accepted your confession. Even more shockingly was that he didn’t tease you at all for your feelings towards him, but instead offered you a nod, and a ‘me too’.

You were nervous, but excited at how your relationship could progress and deepen with him. There was a sense of pride in you about how this distant boy had chosen you, that maybe there was someone good enough for him and that would be you out of all the others. And that you would get the be the only one that heard about his secrets, his deep thoughts, his happy moments where he couldn’t help but smile, and darker ones. That you would be the one who could warm his heard and show him a life of light.

It was never like that. After 6 months together, it was as if nothing had changed between the two of you. Sure, you hung out together away from Yamaguchi at times, and you still talked to him when you needed to offload at points, but it was like you were just friends. The relationship wasn’t bad by any means; he was never nasty to you and he showed you nothing but respect. It was as if his walls were being rebuilt, one brick at a time.

He rarely told you how he was feelings or his thoughts, he never showed any sign of vulnerability to you, but he also rarely showed love. You didn’t want to get ahead of yourself, after all you hadn’t been together for that long, but it felt like any previous feeling he had for you had disappeared. But maybe not? There were nights were you’d be talking, sitting on his bed together, and his hand would brush over to yours, lightly trailing over your skin as his eyes focused on you. He seemed so settled with you, so calm, and he would talk to you, tell you things about his past and his struggled. But then the next day he would keep his distance, barely laying his eyes on your or sharing his mind. You’d walk into class and he’d simply place his headphones on, turning his head away from you.

His mind was tormented, and you knew that. He had told you on a couple nights about the haunted thoughts that spiralled in his brain often, of the anxieties that built up in him that he wasn’t worthy, that there was no point trying because it was already decided for him to fail. Even if he didn’t tell you, it wasn’t so hard to figure out when you actually paid attention to him. Often at school or around his club members, he’d mention how he could never compare to anyone else and that he was merely an inferior being.

And so he pushed. He pushed people away with his quick quips and his disinterest in anything or anyone. His brother, his team and even you. He removed any chance of himself getting hurt, or rejected, or used. He wasn’t going to make a fool of himself and put his heart into things that were only going to hurt him in the end. If it wasn’t for the way his heart twisted in pain at the idea of leaving you, he would have never let you into his life. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt you, but he knew how things were going to play out, so he did the next best thing and pulled himself away from you. Every day, he tried to drown out the thought of you in his mind, the idea that, possibly (almost definitely), he wanted to be your everything. Because if you hurt him, he would have nothing left. It would simply prove every worry, every excruciating thought he bottled up for the past many years.

You two were sitting in his room, somewhat late into the evening, with him laying on his back on his bed with his headphones on, reading a magazine, and you sitting sideways on the bed too with your back resting against the wall. You were reading a book before, but your attention on that bad been long gone, and now deeply set on your thoughts. You looked over to Tsukishima, you boyfriend, although you’d never have guessed if it wasn’t for that fact that you were the one that asked him out.

His expression looked so gentle though, something you didn’t see too often expect the odd times where you’d catch him looking at you. His honey eyes moved side to side as he flicked through the magazine, and his fingers often drummed against the pages in what you assumed was the beat of his music. You really couldn’t blame half the girls in your class that gushed over how attractive he was.

“What?” His voice suddenly jolted you out of your stare. You quickly looked away with your cheeks burning a little.

“Uh-nothing,” you stuttered in a low tone, picking up your book again and doing your best to just look like you were reading.

“You were going to burn a hole in my skull if you had stared any longer,” he teased, raising his brow.

“Sorry,” your voice was quiet, weak, as you barely acknowledged what he said. You were too focused on this wandering worries that swirled around inside. You felt him shuffle beside you, putting down the magazine and lifting the headphones off. He sat up, pulling his legs to his chest and wrapping his arms loosely around them.

“What is it?” The frown on his face and the way he searched yours was mismatched to the annoyance in how voice, but you were used to it. Honestly, if you said nothing, or didn’t speak, he wouldn’t make you go on and you knew that, you could easily make it out to be nothing. He knew you were lying when you did this, but he wasn’t going to make you talk, and he didn’t want to seem like he cared too much to get it out of you.

“Kei, what do you think about us? About me?” You asked hesitantly, turning to look at him. You couldn’t back away anymore.

“Huh? What do you mean?” His eyes widen a little, and he sat up a little stiffer than before.

“Do you have feelings for me, or not?” As much as you wanted to tiptoe around this, Tsukishima was the master of getting out of difficult conversations and bluntness was exactly what he needed.

He turned his head away from you, looking at the floor beside his bed and took a deep breath.

“I’m with you, aren’t I?”

“That doesn’t answer my question. Do you have feelings for me, or not?” You repeated. He turned back to look at you, his eyes small as he squinted at you from behind his frames.

“Yes, I do,” he replied, letting out a sigh. Hearing that should have made you felt comforted, loved even, but it set fire to this anger in you.

“You don’t act like it,” his brow raised at you, as if edging you to continue, “we’ve been together for 6 months and what? I probably speak to you less than I did before we were dating, and you don’t seem to care at all.” You let out a heavy breath, looking away from him and staring at his wall. “I’m used to you being distant, but I thought things might change when we agreed to this. I feel like you’re just pushing me away. If you don’t feel anything for me when why lead me on instead of break up with me?” You spoke with a little more hostility than you intended, but you’d been overthinking this for a while now, and it felt good to say aloud.

“I said I do have feelings for you, so can’t we just leave it at that?” He stood up, walking over to his desk and leaning over it, one arm holding himself up and the other picking up his water bottle.

“Then why don’t you show me that? Why don’t we talk more than we do? Why don’t you hold my hand or hug me, or even kiss me? Why do you barely even acknowledge my existence when I’m around?” Your voice grew as you spoke, flooding the room. The room was plummeted into an awkward silence after you spoke; Tsukishima said nothing, and stood over his desk. All you could hear with the thump of your heart and your breathing.

“What do you expect me to do?” He spoke, a bitterness in his voice. Your sight became blurry with tears that threatened to fall, what you expected of him? As if this some transaction that the two of you were involved in?

“I don’t expect anything from you, but if you do have feelings for me then surely you’d want to show me that? And let me show you too?” You lifted up from the bed, quickly coming to his side, “we could be so good together if you let us.” Your lip quivered; thoughts filling your head that maybe this was it, this would be the end of you together if Tsukishima decided he didn’t want this anymore or that he never did. Standing beside him, you saw his close his eyes, his head falling down towards the ground.

“We could be. And then what if we aren’t?” You barely heard him as his muttered, laced with a poison you’ve never experienced before.

“Huh?”

“What if you decide you don’t want this and then leave? What if we both put all our heart into this, and it goes to shit? What’s the point?” He turned to you, his eyes wide and flaring.

“W-well we can work things out. It’s not going to be perfect but we can deal with issues when they come up.” He pushed up from the desk, standing inches above, looking down towards you. His eyes glowed in the dark of his room, but it wasn’t a bright one, more like the light of a raging, agonised flame.

“And what if you decide I’m not enough?” The silence returned as you stared at him, your jaw slack and left speechless. You saw him swallow hard as his throat wobbled, but he remained stiff in his spot. “The more I love you, the more it’s going to hurt when you leave.”

Confused, your brows knotted together and your head titled as you looked at him. “Leave? I’m not going to leave you.” The corners of his lips curled upwards into a sickening grin as he let out a dark, sarcastic chuckle.

“Of course not.”

“I’m not going to hurt you,” you said, firmly, your hands tightening into fists as you watched him. “Look, I can’t promise you that everything’s going to be perfect between us because it probably won’t be, or that we’ll be together forever because neither of us know that, but I can promise you that I’m not going to intentionally hurt you, and that I will do anything I can to make us work. But I need you to trust me.”

His head turned to the side, looking away from you as his fingers fiddled together. You moved forward, slowly brushing your fingers against his, then taking his hand when he didn’t flinch away. “I know it’s going to take a while, I understand. I came into this knowing that, but if you want this too then I need you to try.” You lifted a hand and gently placed it on his warm cheek. You felt him ease ever so slightly into your touch, and you guided his face to look towards you. “Yeah, it’s going to hurt if this doesn’t work, but it could be so amazing, and we won’t know that until we try,” your voice cracked, and you bit your lip to hold back your tears.

His eyes were glassy, empty-looking as he stared back. You both stood still, quiet for a few moments. You were just wishing he would say something, do something. You didn’t expect him to start gushing his love to you, but just something that would show you he wanted this, and that you could both move on together. You searched his face but it was as if he wasn’t even there, simply an empty shell of a body that had already been devoured by the demons in him. A single tear rolled down your cheek and you let your hand fall from his face.

Just as you were about to take a step away, he pulled you into his arms, trapping you close to his pounding chest. One arms wrapped around your waist and the other holding your head close, shaking a little. You let out a gasp, but relaxed into him, hugging him back.

After a few moments, you let yourself nuzzle into his chest, tightening your grip around him for the first time. It felt so comfortable, so natural being in his hold.

“Please, just let me in,” you croaked, tears staining his shirt. His fingers tangled themselves into your hair, the other hand digging into the skin on your hips as he rested his head on yours. “If you think you could, let yourself love me, please.”

He nodded, tilting his head down to place a kiss on your head, leaving his lips to rest there as he shut he eyes, breathing in your scent.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be enough for you, but I’m too selfish to let you go.”

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu scenarios #haikyū!!#Haikyuu x reader #Tsukishima kei #tsukishima kei x reader #Tsukishima x reader #Haikyuu angst

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rjhpandapaws · 4 years ago

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A Hand in the Matter

Ch5: I May Not Know You Well But...

//Warning(s): implied obsessive-compulsive behavior, graphic-ish description of a depressive espisode, and poor self image.

Gavin wasn't the best with people, he never had been. Social cues were hard and he tended to miss them anyway. So, he couldn't exactly be blamed for the amount of time it took him to realize Richard wasn't his usual self. They'd known each other a few weeks and hung out pretty consistently, be it to study or just kick back at Gavin's apartment. In the past few days, the silence that accompanied Richard seemed heavier. The joke of tall, dark and brooding now seemed less a joke and more of a new normal. Gavin was at a loss.

Richard wasn't exactly the most expressive person. His smiles were little more than a slight curl at the corner of his lips that Gavin quickly learned to look for. It was rare for them to show in his eyes. Gavin had seen that smile once, three weeks ago at the cafe when he had signed his order for the first time. Since then Richard had been more withdrawn. Gavin had believed it to be the usual of Richard playing his cards close to his chest, until today. Today Richard had cancelled their study session, and the ones after.

Gavin: we still meeting at the cafe today?

Gavin: asking because I'm running a little late

Gavin: you're gonna need to grab the table

Tall Phcker from Psych: i think you should find another tutor

Tall Phcker from Psych: its nothing personal Gavin.

Gavin stared at his phone in shock, in the hall outside his apartment, grocery bags on his arm and probably looking like an idiot, but he didn't understand why this was happening. They were friends right? That couldn't have just been in his head.

Gavin: was it something I did?

Richard had said it wasn't personal, and Gavin wanted to believe him, but this had come out of no where. Gavin shook his head to clear it, he had things to do today. He could manage studying on his own, probably. He opened the door to his apartment, calling a greeting to his cat before heading to the kitchen. He set the bags on the counter and began to unpack them and put the contents away. He tucked the plastic bags under the sink.

Gavin checked his phone, but he had no new messages, no explanation for the sudden cut off. He sighed and grabbed his backpack and flopped onto his old beat up couch. He put the backpack beside him on the couch, taking up the spot where he would normally find Richard. Pushing that thought back down where it belonged, Gavin fished out his textbook and flipped to the chapter they were covering that week.

Richard had suggested reading the chapter over first, giving it time to sink in, and then going over it again to take notes. So Gavin settled in to read, playing music quietly through the smart speaker on the end table. He made progress, for a while, but at some point it devolved into him just staring absently at a diagram, none of it registering. He was drawn into his own thoughts, trying to pick apart where he had gone wrong. Trying to figure out what he had done that had caused Richard to pull away from him.

Richard at least seemed to enjoy talking with him, or, at least listening to Gavin talk. He would respond with dry jokes of his own from time to time. Whenever Gavin started something it turned out he couldn't handle Richard usually came to his aid, pulling him from fights, or playing peace keeper, and on occasion simply being damage control. Outwardly at least, Richard hadn't seemed to mind, but Gavin was beginning to worry that maybe he did. Richard was calm and quiet, a constant to Gavin's rowdy and combative, and he had probably decided that Gavin was too exhausting to keep around. He was violently startled out of his thoughts by his phone vibrating loudly against the end table. He had messages from a number that wasn't in his contact list, which was odd.

3132483175: is this Gavin?

3132483175: my name is Connor. Richard is my younger brother.

3132483175: I would like to talk with you

3132483175: if you have the time that is

Gavin read the texts, and then read them again to make sure he had read them correctly. He added Connor to his contact list before replying.

Gavin: hey

Gavin: is Richard alright?

My Name is Connor: I was going to ask you that actually

My Name is Connor: he has been acting very distant the past few days and I can't figure out why

Gavin: you and me both

Gavin: he sent me a couple texts earlier one saying I should find another psych tutor and the other saying that it wasn't anything personal

My Name is Connor: hmm

My Name is Connor: my break is almost over. Mind swinging by Hand Brewed Hope so we can talk?

My Name is Connor: I'm off at 3

Gavin: alright. See you then

Gavin stared at his phone for a long moment. Then scrolled to the top of the short conversation to read through it again to make sure that it had actually happened. Richard hadn't pulled away from just him. He was happy for a moment, but that was soon eaten alive by guilt. Connor was clearly worried. Enough so to reach out to a stranger to see if they knew anything. Reassured that it (probably) wasn't his fault, anxiety gave way to worry.

What was it that was hurting Richard so badly that he would withdraw from Connor? He'd spoken of him in such high regards before, that they had seemed close. Richard had been at least opening his messages, even if it was just to clear the notifications. It wouldn't hurt to send another.

Gavin: text Connor please, he's worried about you

He sent it before he could worry if he had stepped out of line. Even if he had, it was from a good place. If he didn't ever come to talk to Gavin again, he at least wanted Richard to have Connor to lean on. He didn't like the thought of Richard being alone, even the most composed needed someone to lean on when things got difficult.

As it turned out, time flies when you're worried. He didnt get much more studying done and by the time it was creeping up on three o'clock, Gavin was grabbing his jacket and keys for the second time that day. Has he headed down the hall to the lobby he shot Connor a text.

Gavin: headed your way coffee boy

He eyes his motorcycle in the parking lot for a moment, but decided walking to the cafe would give him more time to gather his thoughts. He wasn't sure why Connor wanted to talk. Mutual worry seemed to be part of it, but it also felt like Connor was trying to do damage control.

In a way, Gavin was doing the same thing. Trying to gage what was wrong and see what he could do to fix it. He just couldn't figure out what it was. Maybe with Connor's help they could get it figured out and try and get a handle on it.

It was after three by the time he arrived at the cafe. He scanned the place for Connor and found him at the corner table where he and Richard sat to study. Connor met his eyes and waved him over. There were two cups on the table, when he sat down Connor slid the bigger one over to him.

"Thanks." Gavin said trying to relax some in the chair, "So you wanted to talk to me?"

Connor was still in his work uniform and his expression was friendly, but the worry was still showing through, "Yeah. If thats okay. You're a friend of his and he thought he might have told you what was wrong, but since he didnt I thought we could compare notes on what's been going on."

Gavin took a drink for the sole purpose of stalling the conversation, at least the drink was his usual. "That makes sense. I didn't notice until a few days ago, but looking back on it, it started just after the day I first signed my drink order. He seemed really happy that day, but after that he started pulling away from me."

Connor nodded keeping his eyes on Gavin, but it felt like he was looking through him rather than at him, "He really seems to like you. I've never seen him go out of his way to interact with someone before."

Gavin took a moment to let that sink in. Richard didn't seem the type to have a lot of friends but Gavin had thought he was one of a few.

"Seemed to." Gavin found himself saying, "He decided today that apparently he's better off if we don't talk."

"He didn't say that!" Connor snapped with enough venom that a few other patrons looked over at them, "According to your own messages he said you should find a new tutor, not that he disliked you." Both Connor's voice and expression were sharp as he defended his brother, "Anyway, its like you said. After that day he started to pull away. With me at least it started with him not returning my texts, then yesterday he asked me to stop calling him, and I haven't heard from him since. He's at least reading the messages, but that doesn't make me feel much better."

"Because he doesn't like having the notifications hanging around." Gavin said with a nod. Richard was odd with organization and clutter. Gavin had actively started keeping his apartment clean after Richard's first visit resulted in him having a panic attack, "It's not exactly reassuring."

"No." Connor sighed, "its not." He drank from his own cup and then sat forward, "the only thing that has changed in his life recently is you." Connor held up a hand silencing Gavin's building argument, "I'm not blaming you. It was a positive change, he was coming out of his shell. But I can't help to wonder if it was too much at once."

"Maybe we should go see him." Gavin suggested, "we don't know what's going on and he isn't answering our messages. He doesn't want to come to us, so instead we should go to him."

"But what if he wants to be alone? He's a very private person you know." Connor argued though it sounded weak to Gavin.

"Should he be alone though? By your own words he's almost always been alone. What if this time it's different Connor? What if he needs someone and doesn't know how to ask?" Gavin paused to breathe, "he's used to being relied on, relying on others may be new to him."

Connor just stared at him, like Gavin had said something he hadn't thought of. His brown eyes narrowed before he stood like the devil himself was on his heels. He looked down at Gavin the determination of the rest of his expression only just masking the worry lingering in his eyes, "Well? Are you coming or not."

Gavin took a moment to collect himself before standing. He grabbed his cup and followed Connor out of the cafe. The brunette took his apron off as he walked, a skill Gavin was genuinely impressed by, and folded it under his arm keeping it close. Gavin trailed behind Connor trying not to lose him in the crowd but he was cutting a fast pace. He'd never personally been to Richard's apartment but knew he at least lived close by. He often mentioned walking to the cafe. Connor turned down a side street Gavin almost missed. Connor slowed down some so Gavin assumed they were getting close.

"Have you ever been to Nines's place before?" Connor asked, not turning to face Gavin.

"Nines?" Gavin asked, unsure if it was a nickname or another person all together, "uh no why?"

"Nines is Richard's nickname, the number always seems to bring him good luck." Connor elaborated, smiling at some memory Gavin wasn't privy to, "ah, then he may not like you showing up uninvited."

"Well he should have thought about that before he decided to drop off the fucking grid." Gavin responded a little defensively, "look I'll apologize after all of this is fixed, buy him something fuzzy. The whole bit."

Connor stopped to look over at Gavin, "how do you know about his texture sensitivity? He never tells anyone about that."

"If it makes you feel better, I just found out about it from you." Gavin remarked, "I just figured he liked fuzzy shit because I have a cat at my place and he takes her hostage evertime he comes over."

Guilt settled into Connor's features and he began walking with purpose again, "oh. Please don't tell him I told you."

"Don't worry, I wont."

The silence settled over them again, but it was less suffocating this time, the urgency still remained but they were no longer being smothered by it. Connor lead him into a parking lot, not the main one from the look of it and headed for the building marked A3. Gavin followed, only slightly less sure of himself than before. There had to be a reason Richard hadn't opened his apartment to Gavin, and now that Connor had mentioned it; he wondered if showing up was breaking some unspoken rule. Gavin's worry won out over his guilt. As the saying went, it was easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

Richard lived on the fifth floor at the end of the building opposite the elevator because of course he did. Gavin was winded by the time they reached their stop, and mad because Connor wasn't. The bastard continued down the hall like they hadn't just climbed five fucking floors worth of stairs. They arrived at apartment 509-A and Gavin was relatively certain that Richard could hear his breathing from wherever he happened to be in his apartment. Connor took a key from his pants pocket and much to Gavin's surprise opened the door without knocking. He had figured Connor to be more polite than that, but as it was looks could be deceiving.

"Richard?" Connor called into the silent apartment as he entered, "Its Connor. I brought Gavin with me. We just want to talk alright? We're worried about you."

Connor had taken his shoes off at the door and set them aside, so Gavin copied the action. He knew they wouldn't receive a verbal response, but the lack of movement worried him. He let Connor take point because he knew the apartment better, and Gavin figured seeing his brother might keep Richard from freaking out too much.

The living room and kitchen areas were both empty. The items and furniture in them in such specific places that they looked sterile and unlived in. Not even a dish out of place. No wonder his first visit to Gavin's place had made him panic. Connor continued down the hall, the first two rooms were empty, one was a bathroom and the other a makeshift office. Both as clean and sterile as the rest of the apartment, it was unsettling. There was a third door at the end that was closed, this one Connor knocked on before opening.

The lights were off and the curtains closed though they weren't thick enough to block out the light. There was a lump curled up under the covers that was most likely Richard.

"I'm going to turn the light on." Connor warned gently, giving Richard time to acknowledge it, though he didn't respond, before turning on the light.

The room was a mess, not just in relation to the sterile clean of the rest of the apartment, but an actual mess. Clothes were scattered on the floor and piled on the bed, pulled from the closet and dresser from the looks of it. Not that Gavin had too much time to observe it. After the light came on Richard sat up in bed, blue eyes locked on Gavin, pain and anger fighting for control in them.

'Get Out!' He signed, 'Leave!'

Gavin flinched and took a half step back, but otherwise held his ground, he didn't understand why Richard was angry with him. It was the most emotion he'd ever seen from him. It wrapped his whole body, darkened his eyes and made him look dangerous. Being the cause of such a visceral reaction cut Gavin to his core. It shook his resolve almost to the point of shattering it. This was personal after all, the text to the contrary was Richard trying to keep the peace like he always did. Gavin should have listened.

"Can... can you at least tell me what I did wrong?" Gavin was looking everywhere but in Richard's eyes, settling on his hands as he began to sign.

'You Lie. Not My Friend. Only Want Teacher.'

Hurt flared even more violently in Gavin's chest and he shrank in on himself, "I... you're my friend Richard. I never meant for you to feel like this. I want to fix it."

'LIAR!' Gavin's eyes snapped up to Richard's when he heard a choked off sob. Tears were spilling down Richard's cheeks and it was Gavin's fault, 'Not My Friend. Now Leave.'

"Alright. If you want me to go, I will." Gavin's voice wavered, tears pressing at the back of his eyes threatening to spill over, but Connor cut him off before he could continue his apology.

"No Richard, he stays." Connor had moved to the edge of Richard's bed at some point and was holding a notebook, reading whatever was on the page, "he was the one that said we should come by. He cares about you and is worried for you."

Richard seemed to notice what Connor had in his hand and lunged for it. Connor stepped away from the bed tucking the notebook to his chest.

Richard signed something at Connor that Gavin didn't see enough of to catch or understand. Connor didn't respond right away walking toward Gavin instead.

"I am going to show him Nines, it is about him after all." Connor's tone wasn't condescending, but it still sounded like he was speaking to a child, "you have said your piece. Gavin deserves a chance to say his."

Connor handed the notebook to Gavin and he held it like it was something precious. He turned it over so he could read the page, and immediately wished he hadn't. There. In Richard's near perfect handwriting was 'he doesn't like me' written repeatedly, getting less legible as it went down the page, tear stained in some places. On the bottom most line 'Gavin hates me' was written in blocky capital letters. Gavin shook his head like that would somehow change the words. He looked back at Richard and the dam broke, his tears spilling over and down his face.

"I... I dont hate you. And I'm so, so sorry for whatever I did that made it seem that way." He sniffled disgustingly and wiped at his eyes with his sweatshirt sleeve.

Richard's hands were shaking badly and Gavin couldn't read his signs, he looked at Connor desperate to understand what he was being told. Connor spoke once Richard's hands came to a stop.

"You stayed, no one ever stays. Not for me." Connor paused, sounding as though he was on the verge of tears himself, "I'm not worth the effort. Its too difficult to communicate with me. So no one stays. People don't like me. I am not worth knowing."

Gavin balked at that. Sure Richard wasn't friendly outwardly, but he showed his kindness in other ways.

"I stayed because I like you. You're smart, quick with a joke and nice to have around." He took a breath taking a few tentative steps toward the bed keeping the notebook close, "I'm not the easiest to get along with either, and people aren't quick to hang around. But you did."

'You Taught Me Your Language.' Gavin signed hoping to convey how much that act alone had meant to him.

Richard's hands went flying, signing at a speed Gavin couldn't hope to understand. He was apparently operating under the assumption that Connor would continue to act as their translator.

"You don't know me." Connor paused letting Richard sign more of his thoughts before continuing, "I am not my brothers, I am not kind. People are difficult and they cause me stress. You do not, being around you is nice. I'm not used to it, it scares me."

Gavin set the notebook on the bed and Richard was quick to grab it.

"You're right I dont know you all that well, but I still let you into my home, showed you my cat and let you eat your way through my fridge. I only tolerate that kind of behavior from my friends." He took a breath having found his footing and barreled forward. He would lose his nerve if he stopped now, "you're right. You aren't Connor and that's what I like about you."

Connor let out a sound that was something between a laugh and an offended scoff. Gavin kept talking.

"You're Richard. You leave me on read until I send you pictures of Frankie. You text me at ass o'clock in the morning because you think that if you're awake I need to be too. You come to my rescue when I get in over my head. You push me to be better, and I need that more than you know. So you're absolutely right, I may not know you well, but I wouldn't be adverse to trying."

Richard stared at him owlishly in a way that did remind him of Connor. Gavin was beginning to get uncomfortable, he wasn't good at talking about his feelings and he didn't want Richard to feel pressured by his apparent diarrhea of the mouth.

Richard picked up the notebook turning to a clean page. He shuffled things around on his nightstand until he came away with a pen. He wrote something down quickly and showed it to Gavin.

'Do you mean it?'

"Of course I mean it dipshit." Gavin cracked a watery smile, "I may be many things, but a liar isn't one of them."

More writing, scratching out whatever he had put down, not liking it and then trying again. Gavin ignored the previous two attempts, and read the third.

'Thank you Gavin. It means more than you know. I am sorry I worried you but having friends is difficult and scary. I will try not to do this again but I can't promise anything.'

Gavin shook his head, "then dont promise. Ask for help. Connor is here for you, I havent met your other brother but I'm sure he is too, and so am I. You aren't alone. Not anymore."

Richard still looked unsure of himself. He looked between Gavin and Connor as though he expected one of them to take it back, when neither one did he gave a phantom of a smile. Things weren't better and it might be a long while before they were. Richard was fighting something big and he'd been fighting it for a while. The difference now, was that he wasn't fighting it alone.

#A Hand in the Matter #reed900 #gavin reed #dbh gavin #d:bh gavin #rk900 #nines #dbh nines #nonverbal nines #dbh #d:bh #dbh connor #rk800 #connor rk800

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iridescentides · 4 years ago

Note

dia i have been thinking about waterparks using FANDOM to make a statement about parasocial interaction for 12 hours please tell me ur thoughts

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

every time i receive a waterparks related ask i gain 10 years onto my life. thank you natasha.

fandom is literally my favorite album and i think about the words a lot but like. its comparatively much more honest and direct than any other parx release (ex: imsbalidwda, watch what happens next), so theres not as much that has to be interpreted. normally mr waterpark shrouds 8 layers of messages into unhinged lyrics but this release said what it needed to say.

personally (and i get that this may be an unpopular opinion but) the single most off-putting thing about waterparks to me, and something i disliked immediately when i first started getting into them, is the way that awsten knight talks about fans. hes always complaining about people saying rude stuff online, calling fans little gremlins or other shit that implies that theyre annoying, and taking direct offense to the actions/behaviors of stan twitter as if those fans can be considered a normal example of fan behavior??? the parx fandom already has a bad rap bc of 14 year olds on twitter, but he actively contributes to it with his dismissive words/actions towards the people who are literally paying his bills. and then he turns around and engages heavily with the twitter fandom, reads fanfiction written about himself on his podcast, and gives shoutouts for things like fanart or people putting up parx flyers around their hometown. like dude make up your mind, you cant hate the people tweeting weird shit about you but love the kids who send you pretty drawings bc guess what!!! theyre the same people!!!!! and they literally pay for your apartment and give you the endless attention that you feed off of all the time.

all of this to say: an album like fandom would be more groundbreaking and cool if it came from a band besides waterparks. once again, this is literally my favorite album, i love every single song. but fans and media outlets wanna give awsten a big pat on the back for saying something so controversial yet so brave, ignoring the fact that he says pretty much the same things in every single interview, theyre just set to music now. he was openly shitting on equal vision records before watch what happens next came out, he was criticizing fans for crossing boundaries before imhsbalidwda, and he was complaining about unrealistic expectations before dream boy. he gets praised a lot for his honesty, and thats cool, but at times he comes off as disrespectful or ungrateful. and in a recent rocksound interview, he said fandom didnt really change anything. all those twitter stans pointing fingers at each other saying “this is why he wrote [song], to call out people like you!!!” only to completely overlook their own behaviors. fandom didnt accomplish anything. its full of absolute bangers, but it wasnt revolutionary with its takes.

initially, fandom gives people a lot to think about bc its all edgy and witty and clever, but once you wade into the actual shitstorm of parx fandom, you realize its exactly on brand and on par with things that have been said a million times. and even then, its hard to fully validate awstens perspective in these songs bc he often encourages certain behaviors from fans by inviting himself into their spaces and just generally showing that he sees everything they say about him. he exacerbates the “problem” by complaining about it so much, and at some point we all can recognize that he thrives off of obsessive attention and knowing that people are dying to hear him talk or sing or watch him cut his hair or leak demos.

tldr; fandom makes some points. however, those points would be better said by anyone but awsten knight, given his willingness to feed into obsessive fan behaviors and then openly complain about them later. also i hate waterparks, and i say that as sincerely as someone with 14 pictures of them on her wall can say it. im staring at them all right now and theyre staring back at me. i would fight mr waterpark unprompted.

#me: haha yeah fandom is my favorite album!!!#also me: fuck fandom fuck this band fuck mr waterpark in particular #i had to resort to calling him mr waterpark instead of mr highlighter since he sometimes has normal colored hair now #anyway thank you for sending this ask i love being a clown on main #answered asks #natasha tag #bo-obama

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nightswithkookmin · 4 years ago

Text

WHEN JIKOOK ARE SHADING EACHOTHER:2020 Japan Comback Interview Analysis

WARNING: Full on angst ahead.

If you believe Jikook are holding hands chanting Kumbaya all the time while they walk into a purple sunset this is not for you. Jikook is real. At least to me and as a real relationship they have their fair share of ups and downs.

DISCLAIMER: Everything expressed in here is my thoughts, observations and opinion. It is not meant to offend any of the members involved or anyone else.

A Little Background:

Its my and a few other Jikookers observation that Jikook fight. A lot. They separate or breakup from time to time too. You may or may not have caught these moments as they happen but doesn't mean they don't happen all.

For me, 2018 and 2020 have been the pinnacle of such moments. Jikook are having issues- have been having issues. They are still going through a rough patch unfortunately. But not to be alarmed, they are working through it.

Now I can't say with certainty when such said issues began. I can only speculate. I started noticing some sort of tension between them right before their vacation somewhere between March/August 2019 to date.

I'm talking about their Bon Voyage 4 moments, the tattoo girl scandal, Jimins Paris scandal, Jingle, MMA, Jin's Birthday Vlive moments and all those moments that had us raising our brows.

And when I say started noticing I mean from across the various means they've been communicating with us- across their Weverse posts, Twitter, Vlives, interviews etc

I like to look at all these moments combined to see the bigger picture and not just dwell on individual moments as and when they are presented to us because BigHit do not feed us their moments in real time.

I know what you're thinking and no, Jimin flying all over to South Korea to celebrate Jks birthday wasn't him making a grand gesture for the sake of it. It is my opinion that that was just him extending an olive branch to fix things between them because... More on that later.

To understand the shade I'm referring to you'd have to understand why they are shading eachother to begin with:

Jeon Jungkook. To put it simply, Jeon Jungkook hates not being with Jimin 24/7. HE HATES IT. He hates when Jimin is not with him. When Jimin is not around him. When Jimin is with anybody that is not him. Bless him. He has proven this time and time again with all the times he's cheated to be in the same group as Jimin during Runs. His 'Jimin hyung and I will sleep here' his 'thats the friendship' statements he throws at people when Jimin has a moment with any of the members that remotely resembles anything other than friendship, SateliteJeon, and my personal favorite TeleporterJeon etc

Now I suspect this is just due to his personality as an INTP. He has the tendency to latch on to things that feels falimiliar to him and would fall back to it so he feels safe and anchored. He has latched on to Jimin and uses him as his emotional anchor and safe zone and we thank him for that. Thanks to him we've had all those amazing moments as well as the Jeonlous and now TeleporterJeon moments that only proves to us crazy Jikookers that we aren't that crazy and that Jikook is real. Bless him.

Now Jimin is like that too, don't get it twisted. This man is so deep into Jk he won't even hear anything we say. Call him by his JK. Bless him. Jimin is also very possessive of JK if not more possessive. Its just his slytherin ass does a better Job at hiding it.

The problem is, this differences in their personalities may have likely created a lot of tension and problems in their relationship with each other as well as in the relationship they have with their friends and bandmates.

The difference here being while JK latches onto Jimin because he is an introvert and have anxiety issues and isn't exactly the social type; JM is the very opposite of that.

Jimin is a highly extroverted person and loves to maintain other relationships besides his romantic one and there is nothing wrong with that.

See that face on Tae here? Now that's the face of an angry man right there. Tae literally held his breath when JK came to stand next to him because he was afraid JK was gonna ask him to move so he could stand with Jimin instead like he does with the other members like Hobi and Suga most times. To me, this was him feeling like his little bromance moment with his soulmate was being threatened and intruded on.

EXHIBIT A:

Jimin of course noticed what JK was up to. JK was being territorial. Jimin glanced at Tae through the corner of his eyes and moved to stand behind Tae. Later he tried to cheer Tae up by dancing with him.

We've seen moments time and again where JK has moved to physically block Tae from interacting with Jimin on stage and during fansigning events etc and mind you Tae is Jimin's best friend and soulmate.

This face right here! Thanks for attending my Tedtalk. Have a nice day!

Tae said it not me. It seems JK has the tendency to isolate JM and keep Jimin from his friends most times both on and off camera.

In this video, Tae's expression after he said JK was keeping JM from coming to do the live with him said it all.

Why would Jimin do that? Because I believe Tae had complained to him several times how he feels about JK keeping him all to himself and interfering with their moments most times. Frankly, I'd do same if my friends' partners kept interfering with our girls night.

And also because Jimin likes to reassure people of his love and loyalty when they feel their bond with him is being threatened by someone else. We've seen him do this with JK too a couple of times like when JK saw RM wrap his hand around Jimin during that live and he ducked and later did a heart for him. You know which VLive I'm talking about. Moving on.

Do I need to say anything here? Hobi is JMs roommate and even he complained in this VLive how he was missing JM. So the question is, where the bloody hell had JM been?! Why is everyone he is supposed to be close to missing him? His Bestfriend/soulmate and now his roommate? Fo you see the pattern?

This is not much of a stretch if you think about it because Tae has literally said this to Jimin before when he told him on the live he was missing him and JM had to apologize for that.

Truth is, Jeon Jungkook can be a bit of a bully sometimes when it comes to his position next to Jimin. That's his spot and he won't hesitate to claim it no matter who is in the way.

And for JK, we all know he doesn't interact much with the members off camera. Tae has said once that JK ignores him when they aren't filming which is why when JK was given a secret mission to Ignore Tae, Tae didn't even notice.

Now we all know KBS Gayo is Vmin land and so having JK try to stamp his Jikook stamp on it must have been tough for Tae.

RM has also said how JK doesn't even call him and Jin has said JK barely answers his calls and texts. This is not to say JK is a bad person or hates his other bandmates. He loves them all. He is just an introvert.

Now this is getting longer than intended so I'm going to break this post into two parts.

EXHIBIT B:

But to sum up everything I have been saying and to get to the point of this post, JKs possessiveness over JM for sometime has been taking a toll on JM and the group in general as it has been putting a lot of stress on JMs relationship with others.

To the point, some of the members have even been seen to side eye JK sometimes when he comes around JM and some do try to separate them or put JK in his place, acting like they don't approve of their relationship etc.

Now, I won't name names or point out such moments because it can be a bit controversial and I don't want anyone twisting my words around and calling me names. That would hurt my feelings because I love them all and my intentions are not to be malicious in any way. I'm just pointing out an observation and of course I could be wrong about everything.

I don't know for sure, but it's my belief that Jikook have been advised to spend sometime apart because perhaps people had noticed their codependent tendencies have been reaching exponential heights. It could have been their therapist or their friends or loved ones but since March/August 2019 through late 2019 to date is when I noticed they have been trying to spend time apart.

By this I mean, their vacation apart last year, JM staying with Tae for sometime this year, JM visiting his family in Busan this year, spending time with his friends and JK on the other hand taking much time to himself, picking up new hobbies such as reading, posting on Weverse about how he misses JM which I analyzed in my previous post, JM responding with how he was drinking alone watching the rain;

JK not knowing JM had taken up pop dancing, not knowing JM had taken up boxing- PS: Jikook live together, ride together, do everything together, JM calls Jks Mum Mum etc. They are super close and have proven they know every intimate detail about each other like the food they like, the briefs they wear, how long they shower, when they go to bed, what time they wake up, what song they have on their alarm etc. So when suddenly they don't know certain less intimate detail about eachother it is usually a sign that that information/detail came to exist at a time they were separated and weren't filling eachother in on what they've been up to when they are temporarily apart. Like during the recent Jikook Vlive when Jimin was surprised JK had eaten Gimbap. He seemed really shocked by that information and I wonder why. *smirk

TO BE CONTINUED.....

Signed,

GOLDY

#jikook analysis #jikooktheories #jikook #kookmin analysis #kookmintheories #kookmin #jungkook angst #bts angst #vmin #jikook fights #kookmin fights #nightswithkookmin #teatime #bts #bts jungkook #bts jimin #bts fluff

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47cityordinances · 5 years ago

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In This White House

alright listen up this is going to be a long post. i spent a lot of time on it but yeah. enjoy.

okay so i just rewatched s2e4 “in this white house” of west wing and VFCDTYHJNFBVCH.

first off, “ginger, get the popcorn” is the best line EVER.

but i kept watching and noticed things i’ve never noticed before.

starting with ainsley. oml i love this girl. she presents a different view of things but the show needs that counterbalance and she is just amazing and I love her. her “they are righteous, and they are patriots. and i’m their lawyer” speech is SO GOOD. she doesnt agree with them, but she understands that they are good people, and i think thats something we’ve lost in recent years

so besides the whole ideological lesson to be learned, josh and sam’s interaction is just priceless. (I love “hold on, im still on he offered you the job”) anyway, ainsley is chewing them out and listing the reasons that she doesn’t want to work for them. at first, they’re intrigued. sam is kind of taken aback

but look at josh’s face. he likes her. he sees her side. he’s realizing just how brilliant and amazing this woman is.

then, ainsley brings up the second amendment. she says “this white house that loves the bill of rights, all of them, except the second one”

now, josh’s reaction to that is like quiet resignation. his smile vanishes. he doesn’t say anything. he just kind of stands there and takes it. honestly, im pretty sure he’s a little shocked that she would bring up gun control. this is only two episodes after the shooting. he just got out of recovery. he just looks shocked. he looks at sam, then kind of makes a move with his head. he doesn’t want to talk about this. he doesnt want to argue with her about it. he looks like he just wants to disappear.

sam, though, is furious. “this is the wrong place to talk about gun control right now” he goes OFF on her, but what i noticed when watching wasnt him and it wasnt ainsley. (although when ainsley realizes what she said and how seriously they take it she looks a little regretful and i love her even more for it.)

the person whose reaction is PRICELESS during sam’s rebuttal is josh. josh and sam’s interaction is just amazing.

when sam talks about how “but for a brilliant surgical team and two centimeters of a miracle, this guy’s dead right now,” josh just looks at him like “thanks man.” honestly one of my favorite parts is i think josh couldnt argue with her but he appreciates sam taking what he wants to say and actually saying it.

LOOK AT THEM. BABIES. the look they exchange is full of so much meaning, but what i get most is thank you for everything. i think it might also be a little of a warning like “dont go too far”

but then josh seems to get a little tired of it. i think its partly his ptsd. he just doesnt wanna talk about what he went through. he tries to separate himself from the conversation and walks away, but not before this.

he bumps into sam in a kind of “calm down, it’s okay, back off a little.” it could also be a “thanks, but im outta here” and i think its both, but he just touches sam a little because theyre best friends and he knows that sam needs to chill out a little and knows how to make that happen.

meanwhile, sam is pissed as hell

you can see it in his face, in his body posture, in his words, in everything about him. he almost LOST josh. theyve been friends for years, since before the campaign. he almost lost him, and ainsley doesnt realize how scared they were and how much they care about each other until then

but look in the background. while sam is mad and talking about personal freedom, josh goes and leans against the doorframe and rubs his face in his hands

he’s so tired. he just doesnt care anymore. i dont even know how to articulate the feeling that this scene made me feel when he did that. he loves sam. he loves his job. he’s just a touch overwhelmed and needs to clear his head. he removes himself and composes himself again.

the next thing josh says is to toby when he asks where leo is. he has a grip again, but he’s so tired. he’s so, so tired.

they all care about each other so much and other people dont realize just how much and this scene is possibly the best josh and sam scene ever. the acting and writing in it is just superb and they bring the characters to life. josh doesnt even know he has ptsd at this point, but he feels overwhelmed and doesnt want to talk about gun control. thats all he knows. he tries to block it all out but its too much.

then of course there’s a crisis and he has to jump into action quickly but just. aaron sorkin. this was josh’s first episode really back and his ptsd was already showing itself. this is GOOD WRITING. josh’s ptsd slowly builds up until noel, when he breaks down, but this is the first, most subtle nod to josh not being fully okay after the shooting.

anyway, i just really love this scene. i love the whole episode, but this scene just really hits home for me. if anyone notices anything else, please tell me. i spent a lot of time just analyzing this and would love to hear what other fans think

#seriously this whole scene is GOLD #tww #sam seaborn #josh lyman #ainsley hayes #the west wing #josh and sam

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fictionalmenmistress · 4 years ago

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Writing prompt I just came up with, since this has been on my mind recently with certain stuff going on:

Aren't I enough?

So here we go. A self insert, korean idol oneshot. (FILL IN your own name, and the idol of your choice) *gender neutral*, ANGST, but redeeming ending with touches of fluff. A rollercoaster of emotion and pain, but you'll feel better in the end. Real relationship struggle stuff right here, realistic for the industry.

"Aren't I enough?" You muttered.

The words just kinda slipped out, as you stared up at the stars. You had been hearing your boyfriend talk about how depressed and purposeless he's been feeling without the cheers of his fans surrounding him. For months and months, he's been this slinking shell of himself, admittantly and utterly void at the loss of interaction with his fans.

"I need to know that they love me." He would say. "I need it. I'm empty without knowing if they really love me."

Those words kept echoing through your mind. And the lack of response in his eyes, the emptiness of emotion when you confessed your love over and over again, as sincere as ever. It was like they were all he thought about.

But... he had always said you were his world before. That all he needed was you. So to hear that he felt empty without the screams of millions of other women filling his ears... it made you... sad. Like, that intimate promise was broken.

"What?" He asked.

"Aren't I enough?" You repeated, glancing at him sitting on the porch beside you.

"Its not that simple, baby..." he murmured, with confused and defencive eyes, searching your own with his gaze to find the root of what caused you to say that.

You kind of understood. You always did your best to understand. After all, he was a trainee fresh out of sophmore year of highschool. This was how he was trained to function. He's always been popular, he's always dealt with acceptance from large crowds... and you hadn't. You were alone, used to being alone. You never liked it, but it was just the way your life panned out. You were the outcast... no particular reason other than feeling socially awkward.

And when you both fell in love, you felt like you finally had someone. Someone worth spending life with... who understood you.

Just him, thats all you needed. And, you wanted to accept it, for him, that he needed gratification from others... especially being an idol, with that being his only source of love intake for so long. But why was it so hard?

Why did you choke on your tears, feeling like your existance had no weigh on his life?

That the shallow, worshiping, fleeting screams, of a handful of meaningless faces, was more meaningful to him than looking into the eyes of the one that loved him? The one that he supposedly loved?

The one who knew him intimately, inside and out, emotionally and physically? Was he taking you for granted? Were you being as selfish as you felt you were?

You were so hurt... guilty about even feeling hurt. But at the same time, a part of you fought the guilt, feeling justified and angry.

This is about him, not me. I need to be there for him. He's hurting... but how could he actually feel this way if he loved me? I have a right to be upset! But... how could I say that? Ugh...

I... I'm hurting too...

He stared into your eyes, with a searching, meticulous gaze.

What do I... do?

"Tiger... I want to be here for you." You began, with a waver in your shaky voice. "But... its clear that I can't help you anymore."

"What do you mean?" He asked, leaning forward in his chair. "Why do you look so upset?"

He really didn't know... but, would it be selfish to tell him? It just burst out after that, as you broke down.

"I tell you I love you every moment of every day. I worship the ground you walk on, I make your favorite food so your never hungry, I gaze into your eyes and assure you everything will be alright, I CUDDLE you close in the night, I MOVED IN WITH YOU ACROSS THE WORLD, AWAY from my family... I WANT TO SPEND EVERY MOMENT of my LIFE, with YOU!" You shouted, before taking a deep breath.

"I thought I meant something to you! I thought it was..." you sniffled, as he sat silently, eyebrows intensely furrowed. "I thought it was us against the world. Bonnie and Clyde. I was the only one that understood you the way you understood me..."

"You know I love you-" he casually began, like its a cold, statistical fact, and not an emotional promise.

"I'M NOT DONE!" You shouted, finding it harder to contain the tempest of emotions bottled inside. "I wanted to MARRY YOU! Have your babies, GROW OLD WITH YOU! And... I can't even fill the void of you not being able to perform infront of people. Those women don't even know you... AT ALL. You never see the same fans twice, there's no intimate, REAL connection, to a specific person there." You rambled, picking anxiously at your cuticles to try and cope with the confrontation. "But, we had that. And yet its like you preffer them OVER me! Like, you could live without me fine, 'focusing on your career', as long as you had your fans. But the moment you actually met someone to spend your REAL LIFE WITH, you couldn't LIVE without your precious audience!"

"Wait, you're JEALOUS?" He defencively yelled.

"YEA! I GUESS I AM JEALOUS! Because I clearly CAN'T give you what you need!" You shouted back, sobbing.

The two of you stood to your feet as it escalated.

"I NEVER SAID THAT!" He barked.

"YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO! You said enough!" You snapped back, turning to leave the porch.

"WAIT A SECOND!" He demanded, pulling you back to face him. "What do you mean, WANTED? You DON'T ANYMORE??"

"DO YOU?!" You snapped, whipping back around to face him.

He froze, as you slowly approached him, maintaining a cooler composure in your voice.

"What would you do? If I birthed us a baby, and you ended the fame life, like you promised?" You calmly said, as you stared intently into his eyes, as tears continued to pour down your face. "You'd sink into depression, and hate your spouce. You'd resent your baby, and you'd collapse into a man who sees his life as one that ruined what he could have had. You'd be a shell of yourself. All because you don't have the cheers of your DOTING fans... NO. The love of the people who care about you most would never be enough."

It felt like you spit a knife. You were satisfied, rushed with the adrenaline of saying what you wanted to say, even though you regretted it as soon as it left your lips. This wasn't about winning an argument though...

Oh no... what had you just done?

His face was blank with shock. You could see tears well in the corners of his eyes, as he gently removed his hand from your arm, dropping it to his side.

He finally brought himself to glance away, rolling his jaw with a dropped open mouth, as he took in a shaky deep breath.

"I... I shouldn't have said that..." you whispered, glancing down in shame. "I..."

"No, don't apologise. That's how you feel, isn't it?" He calmly said.

It was always a little concerning, the way he seemed so calm when he was the most upset. That was when you knew you really screwed up.

But his voice... it was gentle, not direct, like it usually was.

Things were silent, as you mustered up your strength to continue.

"If I can't fulfill you in the way you need most... perhaps we weren't as perfect for eachother as we thought. I can't keep seeing you suffer... it makes me feel helpless when I have no way to soothe you. If I'm not enough, I'm just... not. And, that's okay. Someone else will be... just... it will destroy me if I stay. You're being torn apart. I'm being torn apart."

You didn't want to say it, but... it was what would be best, at least, for now. For the both of you.

"I'll call up your OTHER soulmate (*his best friend and bandmate*), to come be with you, since that always seemed to help before I came along. But, I think its best... if we..."

You hesitated, about to say-

"I don't WANT space." He interrupted, reading your mind and gulping. He glanced down into your eyes. "I don't." He whispered.

"Tiger..." you shook your head, refusing to get stuck in those deep eyes, that would make it 1000 times harder to leave.

"What I WANT, is help. I need... professional help, Y/N." He vulnrably whispered, glancing down before you shamefully.

"What?" You whispered, completely lost at the confession.

"I DO love you. I love you more than life itself. And you complete me in ways no one else will... I guess, I've just been talking more about my problems than showing you how much it means to me that I have someone I can share my problems with, and walk with." He began, blushing a little. "I never thought..."

He cleared his throat, gathering his courage to take your hand into his own.

"I never stopped and realized how this was hurting you too. The show doesn't mean more to me than you do... and I'm sorry that I've led you to believe that."

"Hon... no. I've failed you." You murmured, taking responsibility.

"NO, Y/N, I've failed YOU." He corrected. "I'm... broken. I have an unhealthy attatchment to fame, and I didn't even realize it until you told me that."

"I've just been stuck going through the motions, isolating from you." He whispered.

"No, I should have been there for you more, I should have done whatever it takes. I made this about me," you muttered, not wanting him to take all the guilt and responsibility. You wish you could have handled it better than you did.

"You WERE." He assured, placing your hand against his chest, as he stared deeply into your eyes. "Your breaking point was a wake-up call... it should have never gotten that far. I'm sorry I did this to us... to you. Please, I don't want to lose you..." he whispered, full of sincerity.

You held your breath.

"But... what if I'm not enough? Later on?" You sniffled, trying to hide your quivering lip. "I don't want to hold you back from being fulfilled, if I'm not the one for you... if someone can do better than me and we just don't know that yet..."

"You're rambling," he whispered, as a bitter-sweet grin pulled into his tear-trailed cheeks, tucking your hair behind your ear. He always had loved it when you rambled...

It had been so long since he's looked at you like this... touched you like this... you forgot what it had felt like.

"You are the one I love. You are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm just... struggling." He cried, hesitantly breaking down. "I'm... I just need some help and time, baby. I see that I need to work past this."

The fact that he saw missing the crowds as something that needed to stop so he could keep you... it suddenly hit you. That was enough to fully grasp that you did, in fact, still mean something to him. That you weren't less important, since he chose to keep you, instead choosing the crowds over you walking away.

"Please... let me have another chance. To make things right, to heal back to where I once was. I want to take care of you, I want to stop feeling this detatchment anxiety... I want to be free from this so we can have a private life together." He pleaded. "You're right... it does feel like a rush to be on stage. But its fleeting, and empty after. I got addicted like a drug, the high then the massive low. You... you're my rock. I am comfortable and secure with you. I love you, and that lasts. I took you for granted because of that... and I'm so sorry."

You stared into his eyes, as the rising sunlight began to illuminate the sky. After a moment of taking in his words, you pulled him closer and kissed his lips. The both of you kissed so intimately, so desparately... like it had been years. He kissed you deeply, as you kissed him. It was apologetic, and loving, and hungry, and desparate... and it was beautiful.

After a moment, you slowly broke away, gently leaning forehead to forehead.

"I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I lashed out on you." You cried, pulling him into a tight hug. "I love you, of COURSE I'll give you another chance!"

He began to cry too, quieter than you, since his personality was more reserved, but just as emotionally. And you held onto eachother like that for the next couple of hours. Just... together. Mending. Healing slowly.

Its going to be a long road, but as long as you walked on it together, you felt reassured that it would all be worth it.

Important lesson:

Its not your job to fix them. Its just your job to love them. Communicate. Be forgiving, but remember that you need to feel loved too. Don't neglect yourself if your certain there's no end in sight, but be there for eachother through your seasons of hardship. You can make it, if you both truly love eachother and try.

I hope and pray the best for you and your significant other. I hope you'll keep fighting and make it through, if its worth fighting for.

#mental illness #korean #kpop idol #bts imagines #bts x reader #fictionalmenmistress #bts angst #relationship #bts fanfic #love poem #bts reactions #bts fanfction #bts reader insert #bts x you #bts x gender neutral reader #bts x male reader #bts fic #bts scenarios

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rideboldlyride · 4 years ago

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ZW 2020; Reunion

So it begins.... This is a Modern/Gym AU. I swore I would never do a modern AU, but, as Edna Mode would say “and yet, here we are.” My plan for this week is to make these prompts all one story. As this is my first Modern AU of any kind, on top of my first Zutara Week, please feel free to leave all sorts of feedback. I will be adding an AO3 link in an edit in the fresh morning. I’m posting this tonight, because I have way too much crap going on in the morning tomorrow. Anyway. No more intro/distraction from my crapstorm. Here it begins.

[EDIT 1: I forgot to mention-- I aged them up realtime. This means that Zuko;Sokka are 31, Katara;Azula are 29, and Toph;Aang are 27, and all the correlating ages of the other characters accordingly. EDIT 2 will be the AO3 link, I promise.]

[EDIT 2: HERE’S the AO3 - finally. I’ve been super busy all day with a screeching toddler.]

It's the smell, Katara decides. It definitely wasn't the music - she always piped in her own mix of high-tempo, hard hitting music through her headphones. It's not the taste of the crappy tap water from their generic doctor's-office-standard water fountains. It wasn't for the sights of the people who were there.

Well, most of the people that were there. There was one or two…

No, she decided. It was entirely the smell that, no matter where in the world she landed, got her moving. A blend of sweat, rubber, and disinfectant, every gym she had ever walked into had the same smell. This realization settled over her as she entered the old gym. She had recently moved back from one of the old Earth Kingdom settlements at the coast, and was now participating in a research project with Ba Sing Se University, her old alma mater. Fortune had been on her side, however, when her old gym’s membership was reciprocal back again to one in the city.

It had been three years since she had left Ba Sing Se for Selin Harbor, fresh from the university, a master’s degree in Marine Biology in tow. Now, she had been called back due to a troubling disease emerging in the dark, mysterious waters off the coast of the city.

She had begun her workout running intervals, hopping from treadmill to resistance training to machines, and back, forcing the stress and worry of her new work out of her mind. Falling into her rhythm, time began to slip away. As was common, during her physical exertions, she felt the outside world fall away, and a single-minded focus overtook her thoughts, caught up only in the heavy beat in her ears.

Somewhere in between a few of her runs, she stepped away from the treadmill, took a pause to swallow down some more water, and turned to the next step in her pattern. She stopped suddenly. In her next station - a gym mat stocked with medicine ball and resistance bands - a fellow gym member was actively using her set up. A moment of frustration passed through her, but she swallowed it down. Instead, she moved away, trying to preoccupy herself with her next exercise, determined to come back after his set. But as she finished up and returned, she found him still in her spot, this time in between sets. Irritation pricked at her lips, but she sucked in a deep breath and plastered her best “people are oblivious” smile across her face. Pulling her headphones down, she rounded him.

“Excuse me,” she knew her voice was sickly sweet, but she didn’t care, “I hate to be that person, but…”

A glint of gold in his eyes shot towards her motions, in contrast with his light skin and dark hair. It was obvious that he was no stranger to the gym himself, and it took a moment for her to remember what she was going to protest. (About those sights at the gym…? She ascertained that he was one of those exceptions.) Swallowing down the startling nature of his side eye, she pulled her indignation back to the forefront. He still didn't turn to her fully, preferring to shoot her a glare sideways.

"But," she continued resolutely, "you're kind of interrupting my intervals. I need to use this spot before--"

"I'm not interested."

"...what?" It was only then that she noticed the white at his ears- headphones. Did this prick really think she was hitting on him? Her face turned sour, her voice rising. "Now, you listen here, you--"

He sighed, and pulled out the earbud closest to her. The music was just as loud as hers, she noticed abstractly.

"Listen, I'm not in--"

"You're in my spot!" She spat out aggressively.

It was his turn to be confused. "What?"

"My spot. You are literally in my spot. You've interrupted my intervals, but still managed to keep my blood pressure up. Congratulations."

He looks flustered for a minute, and Katara curses the spirits. The red on his cheeks only seemed to make him more striking under the iridescent lighting. She uses that disconcerting feeling to fuel more of her frustration.

"I don't see your name on this particular spot."

A bitter laugh escaped her, and she flipped the edge of the mat up.

"Ka-ta-ra." She emphasizes the syllables as she points them out, written in her tight hand, on the bottom of the mat he was perched upon.

For a second time, he flustered.

"Oh." This time, however, he quickly moved off of it, a hand to the back of his neck. "I'm- I'm sorry. Didn't realize…"

She snorted, still not done with his brand of arrogance.

"You must be pretty narcissistic," she snarls, "to think that any girl who nears you must be ‘interested’."

"It's not- I'm not-," he stutters for a moment, before regaining his composure. “Anything I say is going to make me sound like more of an asshole, isn’t it?”

A brow raised over a sea-blue eye, and he sighed.

“Sorry. I didn’t realize you were here. I just figured somebody left the equipment after they were done.”

Her frustration fizzled a little under his apology.

“Oh. Yeah, I guess I could see how you would think that.” Her eyes scanned the free weight area, strewn with discarded equipment like dirty tissues.

Sighing, she deflated. Blue eyes looked up at him, finally catching a honest look at the man she was unexpectedly not as frustrated with. His dark hair was cut relatively close, seemingly unaware of any attempt to tame it’s aggressive angles. Amber eyes followed her motions, one of them wrapped in an old, angry scar that ran back into his sideburn, hairline, finishing on the other side of his ear. Dressed for the gym, she was able to appreciate his evident focus on lean versus bulk. And appreciate, she did. She dropped her eyes again, reminding herself of his protest when she first approached him. Jet had been enough of a narcissistic asshole for her lifetime. She didn’t need a new one.

But he had apologized and did seem properly chastised. Looking around, she noticed that there was no other open spaces for him to work in.

“Listen, I don’t mind you using it. Just- just let me run my sets? Not, like, sit here in between them?”

“Really?” a small smile pulled at one corner of his lips. He seemed genuinely surprised. “Thanks.”

She waved it off, keeping her head down, as she took over the space, and he moved on to another machine.

An hour later, she wrapped up her mat, replaced the equipment, and moved towards the door. He was on the treadmill near the door, and as she passed him, she nodded. A small smile pulled at his lips and he returned the expression.

Buzzing filled her pocket, and she glanced at her phone.

Toph.

“Hey, Sugar Queen, we still on for tonight?”

***

He was a bit breathless. It was hard to tell if it was from having been sick for the week prior and thereby out of practice, or if it was the brilliant blue eyes of the woman slipping out the door. She had nodded at him, and a glimmer of hope clung to him. Maybe he hadn’t completely screwed up that interaction.

“Yeah, we are. I’m excited! We going to meet at--?” her voice was clear, since he had kept one earbud out since they had first crossed paths. Incredulousness laced her words. “You’re picking me up? I’m hoping you’re not the one driving…”

Her voice faded away, and he couldn’t help the smile that stayed on his face, even as he replaced the second earbud and continued his workout.

***

“So where is it we’re heading?” Katara glanced at her passenger in the front seat, but the young woman’s eyes were unfocused and hazy as she stared blankly ahead. When she spoke, however, her tone belied her strength.

“I already told you, Kat-uh.” Her emphasis merely snapped the blue-eyed girl’s dark brows together, but she continued. “It’s an old friend of mine- he’s playing at some small bar. The one we used to go to on Thursdays when we were all in college together.”

“I’m guessing he’s a new addition to the line up?”

“Nah.” A smirk pulled at her lips. “I just never found a reason to go see him before.”

“Thats… sweet, Toph.”

“I know. So considerate, right?”

A sigh escaped the older woman’s lips. “At least tell me if it’s on the milder scale for your music?”

Toph wasn’t known for having the most laid back choices in music. Her worries were slightly alleviated when the blind girl scoffed loudly.

“No, he’s more your speed. Likes some of the heavier music, though, but only plays the nicer stuff.”

“So, covers?”

Her head cocked to the side. “Maybe one or two. From what I hear, his original music is actually starting to get popular.”

As she pulled into the parking lot, Katara bit back a groan. Had it always been this busy? She found herself asking Toph that. For the asking, all she received was a head shake back.

“Nah, but we also came on Thursdays. Fridays are a whole other beast. And besides, I told you he’s getting more popular.”

Suddenly regretting her decision to come out that night, Katara turned the car off, but only started to move to get out of it when she spotted Sokka and Suki waving frantically after her. They had arrived earlier, and together. As she reached them, Katara sighed, and Sokka wrapped the arm he didn’t have around his girlfriend, to pull his baby sister closer.

“You’ll have fun, Katuh. I know it’s stupid busy, but it’s going to be fun. Just, ya know, relax. Have a drink. Listen to decent music.”

As the doors slipped open, her eyes suddenly grew wide as she instantly recognized the chords. Katara slipped away from her brother’s arm. The words to the songs were already on her lips, and she was surprised to find that she knew this band. She wasn’t one to obsess over the musicians, but their music was a whole other thing. They were an indie band, unknown, unrecognized, so she had never expected to come across them live. Despite her desire to bob and weave to see and get closer to the stage, it seemed like the crowd pushed in on them more, and she was impeded. A shot of disappointment shot through her as the music died off, and the drummer announced a break. Turning back to her friends, she dejectedly joined them.

“Oh Katara, don’t get so down.” Toph smirked, propping her dirty sandals up onto the table. “You know that was their first set. Besides, the lead singer is coming this way as we speak.”

Blue eyes rolled hard into her skull, and she let out a scoff. “Toph, you know I don’t care about the musicians. I just love their music.”

“Uh-huh. Well, we’ll test that theory right now. He’s headed this way”

“Your friend?” Sokka asked.

Toph nodded in response.

Katara turned in time to see a dark head dip and weave through the crowd, along with flashes of a dark button up, sleeves rolled up, and fitted jeans. However, when he finally slipped out of the crowd to join them at the high top they had claimed, it took all of her willpower to bite back the laugh that threatened to escape.

“Hey Toph.” His voice had an interesting grate, she had to admit, but she wasn’t sure she was quite over the way they had been introduced before. But if that was anywhere on his mind at the moment, he was good at not showing it. Instead, he followed the line of their friends as Toph introduced them. When it wrapped around to her, the closest to them both, she found herself sitting straight.

“And this is Ka--”

“We’ve actually already met.”

A cocked head told her of confusion, and his eyes scanned her for a moment. Something like a glimmer of recognition started to blossom in the gold of his eyes. With a motion that was more abrupt, she gathered up her loose curls and pulled them back, as if to put them up into a ponytail. His eyes widened. It was impressive the difference a hairstyle could have on recognition.

“Oh. Yeah. Hey again. It was… Katara, was it?”

“You never did give me your name, you know.”

#zutara week #zutara #zutara is my new hell #atla #atla is my new hell #zuko x katara #katara x zuko #I promised writing for zutara week #SO I GIVE YOU WRITING #I NEVER PROMISED IT'D BE ANYTHING MORE THAN SELF-INDULGENCE #zutara week 2020

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donnieluvsthings · 4 years ago

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very random question here, but what's your opinion on Roman and Logan after LNTAO? cuz I think you have some interesting notes on logince and all+their relationship changed significantly after the ep!

okay this got really long (i know, what a surprise, everything i say is usually so short and concise /s) so i put a read more. honestly idek if this answers ur question but its basically just me overanalyzing every interaction they’ve had since that ep lololol

this is actually a very interesting question because now that i’m thinking about it they haven’t really had many major interactions since LNTAO. like they kinda had their moment(s) of understanding & compromise in WDWGOOBITM and also Crofters The Musical. they realize they work well as a team and that theyre more similar than they think.

but then in LNTAO Roman like fully apologizes to Logan for antagonizing him, and beyond acknowledging his own mistakes, Roman actually communicates to Logan that he feels pressured and stifled by Logan’s criticisms!!

And in return Logan says that he doesn’t mean to emphasize schedules and technicalities over Roman’s creations—in fact he thinks the quality of Thomas’ work is a priority—but that isn’t his specialty. He isn’t good at that; Roman is.

I think that’s a big moment for both of them: admitting that they’re struggling and/or feel like their input is devalued by the other. It isn’t just Roman saying “whoops i messed up sorry!!” It’s also Roman being open about the fact that it isn’t entirely his own fault. And he isn’t accusing Logan or calling him out, they’re just having a healthy conversation about how to do better for each other.

Also I think it’s nice how, in my opinion, even though Logan doesn’t say the words “i’m sorry,” he still apologizes, and Roman understands that. Logan asks how he can make it up to him and Roman gives him a way to do so that also shows he isn’t angry with Logan. It’s a mutual understanding that they both have struggles and have made mistakes and will work on it.

Embarrassing Phases is more Virgil-centric, and Logan and Roman are back to bantering but it’s not malicious or them lashing out, theyre just friends teasing each other. Thats just how their friendship works. They are the Banter Buddies aldkaldla

Logan’s not really in much of SvS. When he is Roman does kinda make fun of him/insist that he stay out of the conversation but to be fair Roman is struggling with the “selfless” choice of the wedding or the “selfish” callback during basically the entire episode. Also that little smile Roman has when Logan appears at the end....I think theyre fine. Roman wasn’t necessarily RIGHT to keep Logan out of it but I don’t think Logan holds it against him.

In DWIT Roman is knocked out for almost the entire time, but at the end there are some quality moments when Roman first wakes up. Roman calls Logan “Nerdy Wolverine” and then INSTANTLY apologizes for it, and Logan responds with a slightly confused “It’s...quite alright, Roman.”

Logan was (I’m assuming) not actually insulted by the “Nerdy Wolverine” comment because again, that’s just how the two of them interact. Roman is overcompensating but that’s, again, probably because he’s got a lot going on with his brother emerging from the depths and all.

In ATHD they lowkey just team up to tear Frozen apart and tbh I love that for them. Let them be movie critics together🥰

Then in POF Roman is back with his existential crises and cuts Logan off, doesn’t read his lowdowns, etc etc but he ALSO makes an effort not to insult Logan’s 8-bit German guy with the mustache, and also DOES try to read the lowdown at first but its A Lot (not that it stopped ME but thats besides the point aldkaldk)

When Janus reveals himself during the Lilypadton scene, Roman is all like “what have u done with Logan!!!” so like protective friend alert!! And then Logan’s got his angst at the end but Patton does try to protest when Logan says “i will do you all a favor and spare u my compant,” and Logan cuts him off, so I don’t know if Logan would have wanted to listen to any reassurance from Roman anyway.

Basically right now I think they’re both dealing with their own issues but the bond between the two of them IS stronger. They’ve honestly been two of the sides that communicate most with each other, even if they need a little push to get there. They’re friends, and they’re trying to not hurt each other as best they can!!

Thank u for giving me an excuse to go back thru the most recent episodes to find Logince moments its free serotonin adkaldls

#also disclaimer that this is just my intepretation and no one has to agree lol #sanders sides #roman sanders #logan sanders #logince #i guess technically. i mean in canon theres no ships obviously but yeah lol #ts logan #ts roman #thomas sanders #donnieanswersthings #anon #donnieluvsrambling

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gg-astrology · 5 years ago

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Hey. I really love your work and admire you for all the work you do🤗. I wonder if you think that Scorpio rising people have a hard time making friends/ or people are reluctant to befriend them? Or is just a syndrome of this century when people choose to be rather superficial and kinda for themselves more? I found that Scorpio rising people can be rather direct with their words and prefer to speak the truth. Could that be an issue?

HELLO! 💘💗💖 Sorry this is so late but hello I am here now!! 💘💗💖 ;v; Thank u so much aahjdjasn 💘💗💖💘💗💖

For the Scorpio ASC and Scorpio Placement Person ⬇️

🚫long post🚫

Y know… I’m actually a Scorpio ASC with a Scorpio stel in 1st with my side-real and I’ve been exploring that more recently. It’s not about the amount of people that approaches you or accepts you, but rather the amount/quality of people you slowly become friends with and learn to appreciate?

Like, sometimes you can end up talking to someone and hitting it off. But you don’t really know shit about them, personally. Things that makes them them besides what you’ve seen/interacted with for a specific context. That might not exactly make you friends, but it’s when you’re willing to listen and understand/accept them and validate them as they are (ofc like, u do have to genuinely see them as they are). That you truly begin to connect and bond with someone on a ‘friend’ term (there’s people like this out there as well).

I don’t think it’s so much as a hard time making friends as people being intimidated and might not have approached. Because no one likes to be told straight to their face that they’re wrong on certain things or being judged so critically in general. But this is especially sensitive (and we should probably all take note of) when they’re just trying to be your friend, we are NOT friends yet, we do not have that connection/acceptance of one another - and that can be jarring/ruin the atmosphere if we don’t understand this nuance in relationships and how to be better at it (we’re literally detriment in Venus, why are we trying to prove them right - when people assume that we suck at it in a non-sexual context. Do better)

This doesn’t really mean that Scorpios are out to get someone when we learn not to put ourselves and our opinion first like a – selfish person? Sometimes it’s knowing when to let things flow (like the water that we are) and when to gently steer/correct someone without being intrusive/like they expects us to be - that’s truly the point of trying to interact as a Scorpio.

Being flexible which is the key? to just being chill with someone existing with their opinion even if we don’t necessarily agree with it thats the matter. This definitely does not mean having to shut up or stay complacent with it - but to think about learning about others, focusing on them, navigating them towards a better stance and being quietly supportive of that energy in the long run by not putting ourselves first (self-motivation for the other person to see better things) - that, I think, is a Scorpio who’s learning how to not let their emotional receptivity control them or dictate their martian nature/action (I’m literally a Leo Mars, come on. If I can do it, others can.)

Scorpios being direct doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re mean or will ‘explode’ if we don’t like something. I think it’s just a matter of technique and how we put it - the way we observe and speak about certain issues, bring it forward to the other person matters in how we’re perceived by them (motivational, if they perceive us as a friend and not a foe who’s always willingly going to go strike them down) – this, long-term, will reflect on how they implement what we said/is receptive to it as well. The goal is to establish clear and transformative points, but we have to be transformative ourselves. Our strength is that we stand for things we truly/genuinely like or believe in. But we don’t reflect that most of the time, and attempts at doing so at the expense of letting our action get misinterpreted, misdirected or simply not thinking smartly about how we focus/work with that (outside context of ourselves, i.e. context of others/social relationships bc we think we can control ourselves and our genuinity but not others) - is our detriment most of the time.

If we want others to do better, self-motivate, improve themselves without our contribution in the future, then we have to think smarter than just get frustrated at everyone who’s not on it. We want them to individuals who don’t need us to constantly point out the wrongs, but to be able to discuss and stand on equal ground to appreciate each other’s strength. We like to be appreciated, but attacking someone (yes, attacking) isn’t going to help us get the validation or the friends we need if we don’t learn how to do better ourselves.

There’s no point in us trying to point out something for the sake of pointing it out (which is, i guess, acting selfishly for our own self-interest but not the long-term self-satisfaction we desire/deserve- ultimately to get what we said implemented or made an impact on someone) - but the other person not taking it because they are hurt or unable to accept the information - there’s a point in which we do have to do better. And that I guess? Is the message I’m trying to talk about in this whole extended answer. ;; Sorry its so long skskjdn 💘💗💖 But I hope this? helps 💘💗💖💘💗💖

#scorpio ascendant #scorpio rising #for the scorpio placement person #astrology asks #anon #asks #scorpio

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