#thats one of my favourite clips its SO fucking funny

[hostilemuppet]

It seems like you’ve been posting less about Trollstopia than you did about TBGO so I’m glad you’ve found something to enjoy about it (bizarrely complex shipping chart)

oh ive been posting a lot about trollstopia but mostly on twitter! and originally my trollstopia livetweeting was only on priv (while posting the occasional funny clip to main) but recently ive started posting on main just because. but ive been enjoying trollstopia a LOT! the first season was kinda meh, mostly bc they made val such a deeply unpleasant character while acting like she was totally fine AND having her in so many of the episodes, but it picked up really quick after s2!

SOME people (alex) lead me to believe trollstopia was gonna be bad 🙄 but its really good! yeah sometimes the plotlines are kinda meh (which i know is bc i am NOT the target audience! i am a full grown adult watching a kids cartoon. i am self aware) and sometimes the morals fall flat ("you can only respect a foreign culture if it is identical to your own" was a highlight) but most of the CHARACTERS are amazing and theres so many great little bits between them. if you sit back and enjoy trollstopia as a character focused comedy show instead of "dreamworks movie cartoon spinoff for parents to sit their kids down in front of and ignore them" its a FANTASTIC time

[james-is-here]

EHEM I need to rant about this and you're my favourite kpop writer so-

Imagine member reader who just CAN NOT be serious about his social media. He has 3 accounts on every platform, 1 for that's literally just him being an idol and shit, and 1 where he stalkes stays edits/posts about him and comments as if he's a fan and occasionally posts memes. One time he fucked up and sent a post that was supposed to be on meme account on idol account and fans go absolutely insane like "wtf is this??".

But on the 3rd one he's sooo troll-y. He pretends to be a fan account of himself and or the group and just randomly takes videos of himself or the group to post, again, acting like a fan. So stays are like "OMG DUDE WHERE DID YOU GET THIS STUFF FROM" and "OMG SOURCE?!?!" but people get suspicious when he's just like 🤷‍♂️. And they keep asking where these videos/photos are coming from and he's just like "just trust me bro🙌" until he gets like scolded by one of the members.

(I'm so sorry I didn't mean to rant like this I just thought it was so funny and needed to tell SOMEONE)

Omg wait that is so adorable and hilarious. Also knowing I'm your favorite makes me so giddy.

So Mn has three pages, his page he posted with the others, a private account, and a fan account.

He had just posted a slideshow of photos from an event he went to then ended up in a scrolling spiral, just watching random videos and he comes across an edit of him and Felix being sassy together and he giggles softly as he opens the comments and he's reading the comments and one said "Sass Kings" and Mn couldn't help himself and commented his reply "We slay." and then he just goes on to the next video.

A few minutes later, his notifications are going off and people are replying to his comment and that's when he realized what account he used and without giving context he just...deleted the comment.

Then people started making memes about the "Mn Comment moment" like someone created a "I was there for the Mn comment" ticket meme.

I have an idea for the third one, he posts videos of him bugging the members or sneaky videos he took when the others were cuddling with him.

His most watched video with a butt-ton of comments asking for the source is a clip of a video he recorded of him sitting sideways on the couch and back hugging Chan who was on his laptop, a blanket over both of them on Chan's lap and Mn's face isn't visible since it was resting on Chan's shoulder not facing the phone. Fans could see Chan leaning back into Mn's body and in the clip Chan turns his head and whispers something that has Mn tightening his hold around Chan. His most liked photos is a candid shot of Hyunjin looking back over his shoulder while painting, brush still hovering over the canvas.

People were commenting how cute it was but also where it came from and how this unknown user kept getting these videos and photos.

His third page (I'm gonna name SKZ Archive) made its way to a few of the boys and at first the ones who found it were confused as hell and worried until they realized and payed more attention to the photo or video that they remembered where it came from.

Mn was responsible though! He didn't post invasive photos of the others, he posted a shirtless photo of himself every now and again but thats it.

He got scolded by his dad but he was told he could keep the account since it's not all the harmless.

I have a social media maker, I could actually make this. Would y'all want media posts?

--Can I insert an idea I had with Ateez?--

Mn posting a video on his third account in his room and it starts with him struggling to prop up his phone and once it's set, he steps back and Wooyoung is attached to him on his back. Mn takes his hands off his legs to show that he was no contribution to holding the male up, it's all Wooyoung. Then Mn looks off screen with a smile but then it falls when whoever he's looking at is suddenly in frame and Mn has to catch him. Now he has Wooyoung on his back while slowly loosing grip on Seonghwa and a second later, Seonghwa is going down with Mn and Wooyoung in tow, crashing to the floor and Wooyoung lets go of Mn but the way he landed when he let go had him kneeing both Mn and Seonghwa at the same time and when he realized and heard the both of them groan he started spewing apologies between his laughter.

Mn was semi curled up on top of Seonghwa and both couldn't stop laughing, Mn eventually slowly rolled off Seonghwa and now all three of them couldn't stop laughing at the events that happened.

Fans found the whole thing hilarious and a lot speculated something happened at Mn and Seonghwa's combined groans and Wooyoung's apologies, some were more focused on the laughter and others were trying to figure out where this video came from.

[that-one-enby-ranger]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROGER TAYLOR

It is Roger Meddows Taylor's birthday today so of course I have to make it all of yours problems and yap about it.

We've gotta start off with how talented this man is. He is the KING of drummers in my eyes and will always be. Watched a full concert today to celebrate, and I was just focusing on how fast he could move, and he wasnt always looking at the drums. And his little solo in the Montreal concert and I was staring at him and oh my gosh he can move fast. He looked tired afterwards. And his voice is amazing in its own unique way. I love it. I love listening to live songs and looking out for his baking vocals. I died everytime. My favourite song to hear live is Crazy Little Thing Called Love just because of Roger's rEaDy FreDdIe 🤠. I die every single time I hear and go insane you don't even know. His backing vocals are just *mwah* CHEF'S kiss 🤌.

And his high pitched screaming in In the Lap of the Gods is amazing. Theres a video of Roger Taylor blessing your ears for an hour and a half and it's just him screaming in that song and it really does bless your ears.

Plus he's got solo albums. And unless I'm horribly wrong, he has the most solo albums out of the entire band. I don't have a favourite album but a couple of my fav songs are The Key, Man on Fire and Strange Frontier.

He's written lots of hits and great songs including Radio Gaga, A Kind of Magic, One Vision, These are the Days of Our Lives, The Invisible Man and of course, I'm in Love With My Car.

Then there's the underrated songs that I love like Drowse, Action This Day, Ride the Wild Wind and others that I forgot and I cant be bothered to look up.

He also studied dentistry in uni. I don't know if he would have actually ended up being a dentist if he hadn't joined. But just think if he did.

THIS MAN RIGHT HERE COULD HAVE BEEN YOUR DENTIST SHOVING HIS HANDS IN YOUR MOUTH.

I just watched a video while writing this called the genius of Roger Taylor and they talked about how good he is on drums and used drum talk that even though I play drums, I haven't been playing long enough to understand, so they go into more depth on how talented he is on the drums. Its called The Genius Of Roger Taylor by Drumeo.

And you've gotta talk about his heart warming lyrics.

"With my hand on my grease gun,

Ooooo it's like a disease son."

Magical.

And what makes that even better is that sometimes during concert he would mix the lyrics around, whether on accident or purpose, I don't know, but he would say "with YOUR hand on MY grease gun." Life changing.

But seriously you wanna know some good lyrics listen to the whole of These Are The Days of Our Lives. And then try not to cry.

Moving on from talent, we gotta talk about some more amazing things about him.

He's a funny little boy. Watch some clips of him and you'll see what I mean. I don't care if you don't agree with me, I know he's a funny little boy.

"He threw my best fucking pair of maracas. Great sounding maracas, took me HOURS to steal them, and he just..." I can't write the next part without it seeming like it's a roleplay because it's a motion he makes of throwing stuff away in the air.

Anyways, it was his idea to dress up in drag for the I Want to Break Free video and that was one of his best ideas ever. Rogerina looked amazing.

What a goddess. And when I Want to Break Free got canceled in America, he would help stand up for the video and wouldnt feel ashamed that they did it and said they had a great time and it was fun.

And somewhat similarly, but more importantly, after Freddie died, and the press were being homophobic perverts and saying stuff like Freddie had it coming, or he lived a promiscuous life style, Roger (and Brian) would go on TV and stand up for Freddie and would be like "thats not true at all, you fucking pricks." That's not what they actually said. And he would then go on about how the press were massive dicks to Freddie while trying to get into his private life especially towards the end.

Hes adorable. Sweetie. My love.

"I'd like to make it.. naked 😏, and raw."

"1 and 3/7ths sugars please." "No one and 3/7ths 😠"

"I've just written this new one, WHICH IM REALLY EXCITED ABOUT"

"ITS PERFECT"

Just some quotes there.

Also, APPARENTLY, my sources are shit, I've only heard this once, has not been backed up, but I'm including it anyways, but apparently when Roger wasn't allowed to have Stone lions out the front of his house, he thought outside the box and put up hundreds of glow and the dark gnomes.

He also apparently had to legally fight his neighbour to keep his giant statue of Freddie Mercury he had in his backyard because the neighbour APPARENTLY thought that it was "rUiNinG tHe laNdScApe"

He kissed Brian when he was drunk.

He was called sex on legs.

Grew a beard because people kept mistaking him as a girl.

His eyes.

"There was lots of sex and drugs. Actually there wasn't that much sex and ... Well there wasn't much drugs"

There's also some lovely sad stories with him. Mainly the 300 yards and I don't feel like crying again so I'm not gonna write it out.

I'm gonna stop this here because my finger feels weird from having a plaster on it for three days and I wanna focus on more Roger videos that I've been watching in the background for about an hour now. I'm just gonna say he is shemxy.

And then you've got this:

Love him. Appreciate him. I'm gonna marry him one day, mark my words.

There is a lot more on him. This is all I've got. For now.

[volivolition]

ok so. just curious but omg what are your favourite Unus Annus moments/quotes?

We rewatch compilation vids of unus annus vids alllll the time because Fuck we miss it so much BFNDSNDNDJS and some that have gotten burnt into our head recently areee:

Like that Whole first video with the sex toys. but especially the part where a guy just shows up at Mark's door and they're in fucking bdsm gear and cat ears eating breakfast FHDJXJDJD

The video with them making a sensory deprivation tank. "Mark, what's the main ingredients in sensorary deprivation tanker?" lives rent free in our head tbh we quote that so much. Same with that bit where Ethan accidentally unplugs the tub lmao "WHere's the drain??" ".... By your feet." ".... What do I do with it :)?"

This one's like HARD to find in compilation vids but I swear at one point Ethan was doing something with a knife and Mark was like, verbatim, "If you cut me I bleed oooouuutttt :)!!!" And the AMOUNT OF TIMES WE QUOTE THAT ONE. IS SO MUCH AUSJSJSJSDJXJXJDJ

Other moments that live in our brain rent free include but r not limited to That time Ethan was singing Mark's songs in the car ("I don't gonna VOOOOOOOTE"), That time Ethan started singing fuckin Eminem out of nowhere, and the egg toss scene where Mark threatens to kill Ethan (THIS one we can find a video of easily here it is). Oh also that one bit where Ethan was fucking.... Just talking nonsense which narrows it down very little actually. but he was saying shit like "Have You Ever Been Bitten by a Frog? Have you ever been bitten by a Log? Have you ever been bitten by a Dog? Have you ever been bitten,,, By The Fog??" that scene fucking kills us FJFJDJDJFJD

-Anti/Tulip

HI HELLO!! (this is a month old im so sorry hkjh) I ALSO MISS IT HKJGH it was such a good concept, i love the meaningfulness of life and death behind the channel, contrasted with the silliest fuckin videos imaginable, i thought it was so fun?? let's try new things! let's be weird and wild EVERYDAY!! it doesn't need to be complex, we can just shoot the shit because theres still worth in the mundane moments, and our time on earth is limited anddd my god i think its so nice hgkjh <33

THE FIRST VIDEO IS SO FUCKING ICONIC HJHGKF to think of making breakfast with sex toys in the first place, the execution, the GUY WHO SHOWS UP AND THEIR FUCKING PANIC THATS SO FUNNY HKJHG

QUOTES YOU CAN HEAR AS YOU READ THEM KJHGG, "Mark, what's the main ingredient! In sepfruary desperation tanker :)" unplugging the tub like, Ethan oh no hkjhg… Ethan noooo…

i don't think i remember that one but my god hkjhg i will bleed ooooouuuttttt :)!!

I LOVE THE SINGING IT'S DEAR TO ME hkjg suddenly just "TOAST!" in the middle of the lyrics like HGKJH I DON'T THINK THATS RIGHT BUT I HAVENT DONE ENOUGH OF HEIST TO DISPUTE IT HKGJH

"knees weak, arms are heavy, mom's spaghetti... HES NERVOUS,,!!!!"

"I get to kill you now!! I'm going to kill you!! :)" HAKJSH THE THREATENING AURA...

I KNOW THAT LAST ETHAN QUOTE BUT I DONT REMEMBER FROM WHICH VIDEO HKJHG but i know the exact intonation he's saying it in hkjhg

personally enjoyed like, basically every time they sang, and also like. so many ethan moments hkjh i was an unus for real <33

i was still singing the disclaimer song for like, MONTHS after unus annus ended hkjh "Don't try this at home~ If you do you might dieee~!!" and the dance of italy still makes me laugh and the drive to camp with vocal warm ups were REALLY FUN, reminds me of my choir days <33 also "diggin my friend a grave~!! DIGGIN MY FRIEND A GRAVE~!!!!!!"

THE DRUM DATE DO YALL REMEMBER THE DRUM DATE?? theres a point where it actually sounds surprisingly good and im INCREDIBLY FOND OF THEM JAMMING OUT hfhj

this clip of ethan in the hot tub burbling is me whenever im in ANY water source ever hfjgj

im also fond of the real sensory deprivation tank experience, that was really fun getting to see the real deal compared to the. bathtub hkjhg

"Siri, call us daddy." "I couldn't find a father in your contacts" [TWIN LOOKS OF AGHAST SHOCK] FUCKGIJGN????? OH MY GOD... FUCK, MAN HGKJH

"a ski... skee... skipple... skiiiir... skirtle... skrittle... A SKITTLE!! no wait..." <- BIG FUCKIN MOOD HKGJH

i think the last video (other than the stream) that i rewatched from them was Ethan Teaches Gymnastics because i really do love just Ethan showing off all the moves he knows. COMPETENT GYMNAST!! THE BACKFLIP GUY HKJGH <333 the part where ethan talks about having to see how many fingers his instructor was holding up and mark flipping him off was really funny to me hgkjh that video holds a place in my heart hkjgh

ohhh theres probably so much more but these are what i remember hkjh <33 thank you for asking this, and thank you for sharing your favorites too hehehe!!! :3 <33 <22 i love reminiscing about this, i miss this channel jhkjgh <333 memento mori!!! :D

[jadebread64]

time for me to post my bullshit ramblings on the new doctor who episode in no particular order like a maniac lol

(SPOILERS AHOY, DONT CLICK ON THE READMORE IF YOU HAVENT SEEN THE EPISODE)

obviously seeing tennant and tate back in their roles is so cool, they feel exactly as they should, it doesnt even feel like 15 years have passed when you watch them its great

DONNA CANONICALLY HAS A NONBINARY DAUGHTER AND IM SO FUCKING HAPPY ABOUT THAT

NOT ONLY THAT BUT HER ALSO BEING PART OF THE METACRISIS TIME LORD SHIT IS SUPER COOL

lmao im not even joking when i first saw the meep™ i literally thought "aww it's so cute i hope it doesnt end up being evil" and LO AND BEHOLD

OH MY GOD DAVID TENNANT JUST SUDDENLY PUTTING ON A FUCKING JUDGE WIG AND DOING A COURTROOM SCENE WITH THE MEEP AND THE WRARTH WHILE DONNA AND HER CONCERNED FAMILY JUST OBSERVE

also i think the wrarth voices are so funny cause in the trailers they're like *auurhghghg scary monster sounds!!1!* but in the episode they just sound british like every doctor who space alien should

i think the new TARDIS looks really cartoony and i think it's kinda fun, idk if ncuti is gonna end up with this TARDIS set (i'd imagine the bbc doesnt have the budget to make a whole TARDIS set for 4 episodes then just make a new one lol) but i think it looks kinda plain at the moment? idk if they added some chairs and bookshelves n shit like the capaldi one and make it look more lived in overtime it might be one of my favourites just for the whole classic who vibe it has. either way it's perfect for david he gets to run around like a little kid in there and thats all that matters lol

also tennants new suit looks so fucking good and honestly wish he just had that in series 2-4 instead of the brown suit

i think it's so funny how literally not even 5 minutes after entering the TARDIS donna just fucking spills her coffee on the console and the whole thing just explodes and goes to shit immediately lmao

ALSO WE'RE GETTING A FULL ON TENNANT/TATE ADVENTURE NEXT WEEK???? AM I IN 2008 OR 2023 I CANNOT TELL ANYMORE TIME HAS NO MEANING

im really hoping we get to see whoever the fuck neil patrick harris' character is in the next episode, im 99% sure it's gonna be the celestial toymaker but only because the doctor who youtube account kept posting celestial toymaker clips and i think they're being cheeky bastards lol (/positive)

(/sarcasm) i cant wait to see all the queerphobic assholes shitting on this episode for having the few pronouns/binary lines in it and going "dOcTor wHo iS wOkE nOw yUcK" even though doctor who has been progressive since literally 1963 with the daleks (which got a fancy new colourization that i need to check out still but thats a whole OTHER THING LOL)

oh yeah and david's acting is really fucking good in this, like when he thinks wilf has died and he just sorrowfully says "i loved that man." like MY HEART CANT TAKE THIS

plus when he thinks he has to sacrifice donna to save everybody, holy shit his perfomance is incredible

this is just a me thing but seeing a doctor who episode live as its broadcasting is so cool, i've been watching this show for like 8 years (i think??) and i usually just ended up finding it on dailymotion or some shit like a day or two after the episode aired so i'd always be late for it lol (btw for the people coming after me i dont pay for disney+ at all lol) so watching it the at the same time as everyone else was very cool especially since i nearly slept in through it lmao

anyways i think thats all if i remember any more things i'll add em in lol

plus some bonus ramblings before the episode aired

[syresdcthings]

I might be a bit insufferable and talk about my OTHER DC au where there are humans and weird ass fucking creature people.

For now, here's a list of who is what (do far, I haven't thought of everyone yet. I'll put a question mark in brackets if I'm not 100% on a decision)

BATFAM

Bruce - Human, because a man's gotta love the 'Human guy taking care of monster children' trope.

Dick Grayson - Weasel, he can shift between the two forms. The sight is adorable (?)

Jason Todd - Born an Eagle able to shift between forms, after death becomes a phoenix because I find that incredibly funny.

Tim Drake - Raven, can't switch between Forms. Only apparent characteristic is the clipped wings he got from a couple of kids when he was younger.

Damian Wayne - Born half Vampire, Ras Al Ghul turned him half Werewolf too (long story). Unable to switch into a wolf when it isn't a full moon, though its possible. Only becomes a vampire on blood moons (to make it more simple, he is always a werewolf unless it's a blood moon, when he's both werewolf and a vampire. Keep locked up when this happens!)

Stephanie Brown - Parrot, can switch between Forms. Can't stay in bird form too long. So colourful it's amazing.

Cassandra Cain - Alkonost, rarely switches forms but is capable of doing so. This is also an amazing but eery sight to behold. (?)

Duke Thomas - Enfield, can switch between forms but hasn't learned how to yet.

SUPERFAMILY

Clark Kent - Alien, wasn't born on earth so got no earthly traits like that.

Lois Lane - Human, parents are both of unknown animal species, one was most likely a farm animal.

Kon el - Just him.

Kara Danvers - Alien, same as Clark.

Jon Kent - Goat, can switch between Forms but doesn't know how to fully, only able to show his ears/horns/tail. Damian has thrown many batches of hay at him.

VILLAINS

I haven't thought about them alot ... sorry.

Joker - Snake, can switch between Forms, does it frequently.

Harley Quinn - Rabbit, can't switch between Forms, always has the ears and tail. (?)

Poison ivy - Venus fly trap, it sticks out of her back when she wants it to.

Riddler - Fox, can switch between Forms, chooses not to. Sometimes switches instinctively when he is relaxed on the rare occasion.

Penguin - Take a guess, tells people he can't switch between Forms, but does so when startled.

Two Face - Human, one of the reasons him and Bruce bonded was due to their lack of abilities compared to their peers.

THATS ALL!! Can you tell I have favourites

[shoezuki]

wow ive been digging into connoreatspants lore bc of this blog and did he?? genuinely leak the biggest minecraft update of all time?? w/o consequences????? a powerful man why did they trust him with the caves and cliffs update

HE DIDDDDDD HE DID HE LEAKED THE CAVES AND CLIFFS UPDATE LKJAGHLSHGOLISGB;PSIGHS[OIGHOIH

ITS. SO FUCKING FUNNY. it was during that Wedding with him and minx on some server and was Before it and. its . so funny. its so fucking funny. 

one of my favourite clips. thats my whiteboy. 

and yea he got No like. beef for it. was talkin that he Actually even got an email afterwards saying it was all good and he didnt know. so the only retribution he got was hardcore minecraft sweats being pissed at him sklghlshg

[bathroomgirl0024]

Yoo what were some of your fav scenes involving monokuma in any of the games :0???

ALL OF THEM!!!! but im going to talk about personal favourites soo (p.s: this is not ranked btw) its also pretty long so it will be under the cut, so be careful!

1.Scrum debates from NDrV3

I really liked the scrum debate parts, it has really good music, everyone gets a side view, and best of all: it has monokuma. His appearence in this part is really good because Monokuma sounds like hes countering someone (especially because ive had this idea where monokuma becomes a kiiling game participant, like a protag or antag) also the voice clips are really good in these parts (my personal fave is the 'two in one truth special!' one) And the cutscenes where he takes out the key and stuff is also really great cuz its smooth and cool!!

2.The part where he talks to the mole in DrTHH

Im not sure why i like this scene, but I really like how monokuma looks here. The way he's sitting makes him look like a really serious boss (i think, idk what its called) and (again i really like the voice and dialog here (The sound he makes when he goes 'Guhaah!'. especially that sound. beary cute) (i also like the parts where the traitor fights him, that cutscene was great too)

3.The dancing Monokumas scene for DrA: UDG

LOOK AT THEM GO!!! LOOK AT THEM!! Amazing scene also contains 'mr monokuma tutoring' which is a ginormous plus. (also the fact that it goes with any song is also great) its in 3d also i love it. Look at him go, absolute bastard

4.Evey time he appears in all three main games (using sdr2 image here because i didnt use that part much)

I really love these parts. The speeding up of the cutscene for dramatization, the 'momomomonokuma!' soundtrack, and him jumping onto the podium (very high too) were really great scenes. its kind of a shame that they only happen once in sdr2 and ndrv3 but i apperecitate all of them!

5. This one scene for SDr2

idk why but this scene is really funny. The only time he realizes (or pretends to realize) that he fucked up. Idk i just really like the thought of monokuma showing more emotions like panic, fear and worry and stuff (i mean actually feeling that way , i know this doesnt really make sense in this part, but this is also a bullying page yknow.) Yea i jus really like this part for some reason.

And now, a bonus!: The opening of Danganronpa: The Animation:

I haven't really watched the anime yet (i will watch it tho, monokuma looks alot cuter there) But i did watch the opening. So here, monokuma is dancing again, but its a really sexy dance. A really great scene, was amazing, this is probably one of the reasons to how monokuma ruined my life.

Yea thats all, There are more parts but that would be too long (in trials and everytime he compliments himself and stuff). But then i sort of appreciate every time he apears on screen (or when the other characters talk shit abt him) but yea thats it. Thank you for reading this! (hoped you liked it!)

[shotosimp1]

How i personally think the haikyuu characters would react to their kid asking "where do babies come from?"

✒•••Pairings with:

sugawara x gn!reader, hinata x gn!Reader, tendou x f!Reader.

↪ P.s: the reader isn't really going to be involved its just the character and the kid :)

✒•••Genre🎭:

fluff, comedy?

✒•••Warnings⚠️:

marriage, kids idk 😐, time skip spoilers!!

✒•••authors note📄:

I took inspiration from one of my favourites ever @dokifluffs ♡

✒•••General notes📝:

🔴D/N = daughters name

🟠S/N = sons name

Also the child is between 5-7

✳Sugawara koushi✳ :

》 I feel like sugawara would just be VERY awkward like "heh um.."

》probably lie and say that he doesn't know how

》 or say it in a way a kid would understand and not get traumatised

》 he's a teacher he knows that this would happen but it just came from no where yk?

"Dad?" D/n and suga were sitting in the living room watching TV everything was going smoothly until d/n decided to ask an unpleasant question. "Yes sweetheart?" Suga answered "where do babies come from?" Sugawara almost choked on the tea he was drinking. That was very unexpected to say the least. "Uhm that.. is? Actually I dont know heh" d/n looked at him straight in the eyes "dad im 6 I know your lying just tell me please?" "Fine fine ahm ahm its like something magical! Only big people can do it tho thats why its a big secret." "Wait bu-" "OKAYY LOOK AT THE TIME ITS 9:00 BEDTIME"

Its definitely something fun to witness

❇hinata shoyo❇:

》he would simply pass away

》he DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY

》"😕😟😦🙁"

"Hey, dad?" hinata and s/n were sitting in the living room watching a Disney movie. It was MSBYs day off which you were so happy about! But Of course you couldn't spend all day with them. Not just because of your job and all the work you had to do but because of pregnancy. Your doctor had told you that you need time for yourself, to relax take a nap or a bath just anything that would make you feel relaxed. Its good for you and the child. And from that you had to excuse yourself to follow the doctors orders. The boys were left alone watching Disney movies. "Uhh yes?" "Where do babies come from? How did mom get one?"

Mf took a screenshot istg.

"Uh so you see...😕"

"Mhm??"

"Its like? Very big"

"What? What's very big?"

"The yk heh 😆"

"Why can't you just tell me?"

"You're way to young to know sorry buddy"

Basically kinda ignores the question until the kid just stops asking about it lmao (ik its a terrible idea to ignore such question but he'd tell him when he grows up just a bit more.)

✳tendou satori✳:

》 ngl it would be a very funny conversation 💀

》 he's still scared he would say something that may traumatise the kid so yeah

》 extra points for creativity 👏

"Ugh why cant you let me win at least ONE game?" You were out with your friends leaving tendou with D/n. They just came home from the grocery store after buying shit tons of sweets and snacks. Both of them were sitting on the living room sofa playing random video games. "Not my problem you don't know how to play the game" "its not fair! You actually know how to play it" tendou laughed "are you going to eat these chips or not?" "No thank you, im full" tendou got up and took the bag of left over chips and close it with a chip bag clip. While tendou was putting the extra sweets and bags of chips in the tapestry D/n had a question in mind.

"Dad, do you know how babies are made? Where do they come from?" Tendou smiled as he rested his body on the counter that was near him. "you see, when two people are ready to have kids they would make a spell that only they can master. Most important thing when doing this spell is that you have to keep the window open at night. If the spell works the universe would send strong light to mommy's stomach and boom! Baby" "wow, that's alot of work.." "uh yeah 😳"

Hnnng hello!! I was actually working on this for like two fucking days and TODAY I WAS SUPPOSED TO FINSH IT but my body said no. Not only i got sick very badly for no reason but I was on my period ☺

I really wanted to add tsukishima and kita but i couldn't :(

But other than that I hope its okay sorry if there's any errors :D

[ajokeformur-ray]

I watched Joker tonight and typed out my thoughts as they occurred to me. Unedited; typos are guaranteed. I did this a few months ago and really enjoyed looking back at my thought process and I wanted to do it again so that I can look back and know that what I feel is real and true in my darkest times.

You're welcome to skip this; it's under a cut for ease of doing so. Warnings for occasional sexual comment lmao. There’s no self shipping in this, I don’t think.

word count: 2, 575.

I’M SOBBING and I’ve only just pressed play.

Heart squeeze Chest much ow

THERE HE IS

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Nooooo baby omg don’t pretend - let yourself hurt if it hurts. Don’t pretend. 

Carnival Carnival Carnivalllllllll 😍😍😍😍😍

I am a Simp for one clown and his name is Carnival

Someone help him, I????

That sign hit Arthur as hard as my love for him did ksksksk

MY EYES BE LEAKIN💔💔💔💔💔

bb nooooo

Oh honey let me kiss those bruises and replace the marks of violence with love, hm? You’re safe with me.

Breathe, my love. Don’t fight the laughter. Let it out, let yourself go. 

Screams into a pillow because????? much sad must kiss

“have you been keeping up with your journal?” LIKE HE HAS TIME

oHHHHH boi’s close to losing his shit

Do it, Artie. Give ‘em hell.

“I think I did” YOU TELL HER!!💖💖💖

I want to be his cigarette. Where’s Satan??? I got a new deal for my blackened soul which he took at half price😂😂😂😂

I’d have my hand between the door and his head so fuckin fast I swear

“I just don’t wanna feel so bad anymore” yep SAME

ohhhh peekaboo🥺🥺🥺

this makes me giggle ksksksk i watch this scene when i feel sad bc it always makes me happy for the time it’s on

he’s so good with kids; he doesn’t have to try and think about what’s funny, he just does it, he’s himself and it works

FUCK OFF LADY CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S STRUGGLING????

give

him

back

his

card

casually wrinkling my nose against tears lmao

ohhh the way he looks up at those stairs from the bottom

i can feel his exhaustion

me too, my love

step step step step

god i wanna get him the fuck outta gotham

and into my arms and a soft, warm blanket

“eat. you need to eat” LITERALLY WHAT I TELL MYSELF EVERY DAY IN HIS VOICE BC OTHERWISE I JUST WOULDNT EAT???? I’m losing so much weight asdfghjk its not enough tho

SUPAH RATS

Did Arthur come up w that joke or was it actually a Murray joke????

HIS VOICE IS SO SOFT IM CRY??🥺🥺🥺🥺

“I WAS PUT HERE TO SPREAD JOY AND LAUGHTER”

YOU DO BABY, YOU DO!!!! EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!

go deepthroat a cactus randall - youre already a bit of a prick so🙃🙃🙃

“THE GUYS THINNK YOU’RE A FREAK BUT I LIKE YOU”

HOYT. YOU CAN GO SIT ON A CACTUS TOO

FUCK OFF

😡😡😡😡

“WHY WOULD ANYONE STEAL A SIGN”//”WHY DOES ANYONE DO ANYTIHNG?” HOYT YOU’RE SO FUCKING ILLOGICAL HERE IM????? ERIKA DOES NOT (ALSO WILL NOT LMAO IM A STUBBORN BIITCH) COMPUTE

Can arthur fuck me like he pounds the trash/????🥵🥵👀

those dark curls.... that crooked tooth... must kiss.🥺🥺🥺

pennys casual cruelty makes me so fucking angry

foreshadowingggggg ~  *JAZZ HANDS*

ugh the way he dances with that gun im👀🥵🥵🥵

he enjoys the power of it and his breathing gets deeper asdfghjk

clumsy baby omggggg i just COOED 🥺🥺🥺🥺

okay maybe im stupid but i genuinely dont understand this “senior who needs to graduate” skit i’m??? how is being an intro to western civ student funny im???? someone explain???

but also dont bc fuck that guy lmao arthur’s hilarious

true millenial humour (and brit humour lmao we’re dark asf)

THE WAY ARTIE TWIRLS HIS FINGERS AROUND HIS HAIR AND DANCES IN HIS SEAT IM???🥺🥺🥺

wanna curl up on his lap at night when hes writing and go to sleep with a 

blanket around our bodies🥺🥺🥺🥺

when arthur wears a shirt at home you KNOW it’s a daydream

THAT CROOKED TOOTH IM WANT KISS.

WAIT IS IT CALLED STAND UP COMEDY BC YOU STAND UP... AND ITS COMEDY???

23 FUCKING YEARS, PEOPLE... TO REALISE THAT🙄

WHEN CARNIVAL CAME ON SCREEN I NTHE HOSPITAL I MADE A PORNOGRAPHIC NOISE LMAO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, SHOOT MURRAY

WOOPS WRONG LYRICS

😂

“doctor of laughter”🥺🥺🥺🥺

doctor i have a case of the Big Sad can you... do an exam? 😉😏

NO BB DONT BEAT YOUR HEAD UP THERES PRECIOUS CARGO IN THERE

in what world does chucking cold greasy chips in a girls hair being “nice”???

lmao fuck these guys

ohhh honey breathe. dont fight it, my love, just breathe.

my heart’s breaking for you, you sweet thing🥺🥺🥺

i love you so so so so so so so much ugh you’re an actual fucking angel

just breathe darling

i need to get you a cup of tea with honey in it, your throat must be so sore

ohhhh baby im so sorry

i’d take every single punch if i could

i’d die for you

i wish i could protect you

i wish i could look after you

and take all those hits

and kill those guys for you

im so sorry

sobbingggg

YES GOOD MAN THANK YOUUU

KILL THOSE ASSHOLES LMAO DESERVED IT

yeah i have a grey morality... im similar to deadpool in that way tbh

carnival comin’ to kill your insecurities

8 bullets in a 6 chamber???? mm-hm

DONT FORGET YOUR BAG THATS EVIDENCE

AND THE WIG

RUN BABY RUNNNNNNN

GO GO GO GOOOOOOOOOOOO

RUN LIKE THE WIND BULLSEYE

THE SOUND OF HIS FEET SLAPPING THE PAVEMENT IM👀

OOOOOH JOKER’S WAKIN’ UUUUUUP

fuck he’s so hypnotic

the way he runs his hand down his lower stomach asdfghj🥵

must kiss the inner tendons on his wrists and lick the blood off his face 

must kiss

he moves like water

fuck hes so fluid

bathroom scene = the scene in which my heart and vagina clench at the same time

im WANT

T POSEEEEEEEE

“i still owe you for that, dont i?”

PUNCH OUT IS MY FAVOURITE THING E  V  E  R

D O N T S M I LE

UGH I FUCKING HATE being told to smile if i don’t fucking want to so BIG mood

PLEASE SHUSH ME THE WAY YOU JUST SHUSHED PENNY IM???

but also dont lmao bc i’ll think you’re mad at me and i’ll hide in the bedroom for the rest of the day lmao i’m sensitive✨✨✨

i wanna sit on his lap and still his bouncing knees

“thats not funny”

fuck off penny yes it is

I JUST CHOKED ON MY COFFEE IM???

“but i do” god the  P O W E R

ugh that fucking sexist piece of shit comedian can choke “women look at sex like buying a car” 🤢🤮🤢🤢🤮

chauvinistic pigs can die thanks

his lil trip upstage im cry🥺🥺🥺

ohhh baby. just breathe, darling. it’s okay to be scared. dont fight it. just breathe. 

he and i both cover our mouths when we laugh/smile in the exact same way and it makes me feel closer to him

how can they think hes laughing at himself when hes literally gagging????

people only see what they wanna

the Penny imitation is👌👌👌

s m i l e

i remember when i came home from seeing this for the first time, i got home and dropped to my knees to cry in the bathroom. it was such an emotional release and so much love and i played smile to try to make myself smile but i only made myself cry harder lmaooooo ~ 

smile and thats life are my go-to songs if i gotta cheer tf up

danger sign = neither works

he looks so soft after his “date”🥺🥺🥺

“thats life” yeah but murray you dont even leave the studio so how do you know????

ngl arthur’s anger scares me.

anyone so much as raise their voice at me and i’ll cry really bad and i will shut myself away for the rest of the day and quiet anger terrifies me so his banging abt in the kitchen would freak me tf out😲

angry bb😭

he controls his anger so fast though omgggg ~ 

that soft please sends me

idk where it sends me lmao

down below probably

BARE FACED CARNIVAL OMG THIS SCENE IS SO CUTE

I LOVE THE MATCHING COLOURS ON ARTHUR AND BRUCE TOO ???

okay but the implication that arthur always carries a clown nose on him is🥺🥺🥺

hes such a good clown im?????

lmao im enjoying the show more than bruce is skskskk

arthur’s lil chuckle makes me🥺

his HUMMING im??? soft?????

his brows are so strong and dark omggg ~ he’s so beautiful

OKAY i’ll be honest i’ve seen this alfred/bruce scene and the thomas bathroom scene later on and the penny flashback scene a 100 times and i still dont fucking understand what did or didnt happen regarding arthur’s parentage im????

 ive seen interpretations to say he is thomas’ son and some to say he isnt and i still cant decide so? im stupid i guess 🙃

“a clown thing?” the  s a s s

“it’s exit only” yeah so’s my ass🙃

if i was there in the hospital room i woulda turned that tv off as soon as i realised what clip was gonna play

murray’s cruelty is d i s g u s t i n g

lmao hes an asshole

arthurs lil clap from joyyyyy ~ 🥺🥺🥺

did i say murray???

i meant  m u r r a t

🙃🙃🙃

sneaky baby

wayne hall either has super bad security or arthurs v quick on his feet

🤔🤔🤔🤔

he looks so good in red omggg ~ 

f o r e s h a d o w i n g

arthurs smile when hes watching chaplin is how he smiles when we all gush to each other abt him and ourselves!!!

hes so cuuuuuute🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

“told me what” 

ohhhh honey🥺🥺 im so sorry. “crazy” is a trigger word for arthur; it made him start laughing in the bathroom with thomas

“touch my son again ill fucking kill you” yeah?? touch my arthur again and i’ll fucking kill you🙃🙃🙃🙃

^^^ that ones a joke do not come at me

the clerk in arkham was nice to arthur - he, gary and sophie are the good gothamites.

none of it was enough to stop his descent into joker, though, and i’d even say it was too late right at the beginning of the film, too... 

his sock puppet thingy “they cut all those” is such a Joker thing to doooo ~ 

the way arthur’s laughing in the hall at arkham turns into sobbing is gut-wrenching omg the poor thing😭

i wanna hug him and protect him and help him to process this in a healthy way

sweetheart, if i could take all of your pain and put it onto me... i so would. i’d do it in a heartbeat.

i wanna get you into a hot shower, make you some food and sit and listen to you. we can either sit in silence or you can talk to me, my love, and you will be heard and understood and loved.

“i had a bad day”

IT’S OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY OMG YOU POOR SWEET INNOCENT THING IM LOVE YOU🥺💔

THAT ENTIRE LATE NIGHT SCENE LAUGH/SOBBING GOT ME -

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i just wanna hold you and protect you and help you and love you

I’m so fucking sorry, darling. i wish i could take it all away from you

“i havent been happy one minute of my entire fucking life”

NO ONE SHOULD LOOK THAT ANGELIC AFTER COMMITING MATRICIDE IM????

get

that

fucking

gun

away

from

your

face

boi dont test me ill fucking go feral or - no, tell you what, i’ll point the gun at me and see how you like it

im looking respectfully at the green speckled undies scene....👀👀👀

“coming” 😏😏😏

“my mum died im celebrating” and “i stopped taking my medication” and you STILL stayed in the apartment with Arthur????? dudes those are 🚨🚨🚨 signs

woe betide anyone who underestimates arthur fleck lmaoooo

randalls death scene makes me laugh every time omg i feel so vindictive

get WRECKED

i wanna lick the blood off his face. i really want to

ngl i think i have a blood kink... 

“dont look just go” ME WITH MY ACNE WHEN I SEE IT IN THE MIRROR 😂😂😂😂

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER 

ASDFGHJKL

J

O

K

E

R

ERIKA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERRRRRR

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 MY BABY MY MAN OMG THERE HE IS IM CRY???????😭🥺😭🥺😭🥺

my mind is literally blank rn im just staring and crying and smiling so hard my face hurts????? im love him so so so so much

sweet thing’s so used to pain he gets HIT BY A CAR AND KEEPS GOING????

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

hghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

euirrrrrrgkjbgkfbirsghigrbugr

*incoherent keyboardsmash to portray utter love*

ohhh baby no dont cry. oh honey😭 i wanna sit on your lap and kiss your tears away

“i love dr sally”

you have a WIFE at home

“DO YOU REMEMBER?” THAT WAS YOUR CUE TO APOLOGISE LMAO GET FUCKED MURRAT

he’s so CUTE

omgggg ~ 

my hearts gonna give out its SQUEEZING SO HARD IT HURTS

YOU MOCK THEM, BABY!!! THEY GOT IT COMING

“i wanna get it right” hes so passionate

my comments have deceased in number bc im just too starstruck and in love to even think clearly lmao

jokers all i know rn and this is the most peaceful ive felt in WEEKS

im sobbing

ugh fuck this hurts so BAD

youre speaking the truth, darling. im so so proud of you and i love you so much

“THEY COULDNT CARRY A TUNE TO SAVE THEIR LIVES” LMAO INSIDE JOKESSS

literally sobbing right now ugh what the fuck youre in so much pain and in the middle of a breakdown and no one saw you

ugh baby im so sorry, you deserve so much better

you tried so hard and you were gonna fall no matter what

IN THE WHITE ROOM

“hi” baby they cant hear you but im COOING 🥺🥺🥺🥺

you’re so fucking cute

say the word and ill burn gotham to the fucking ground for you

i wanna sit atop that car and cradle your head in my lap and wipe the blood off your face and help you stand up and be there for you and and and😭😭😭😭😭😭 i love you so so so much. 

i’d be so much worse off without you in my life. you brought a splash of colour which has never dimmed or faded. it never will. 

b l o o d    s m i l e

=

im wearing my inside on the outside now and it still hurts

angel💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i see you and your pain. i love you.

i see you, angel. 

his genuine laughter is🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

that cute lil “ksksks” he does im🥺🥺🥺

i always laugh with him omg the two of us are laughing together ugh its the closest i will ever get to sharing in his joy

 t h a t ‘s    l i f e

i love the hallway daaaaaaaaaaaaaance ~ 

them hips dont lie😉😉😉

i love you i love you i love you i love you omg the sun’s like a halo ugh i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you im singing along to thats life while i type out how much i love you at 220am lmaooooo ~ 

i   l o v e    y o u

[annqbthchse]

🍓

Why hello there aggiexteddy! how are ya? doin good? ahhh thats great to hear sir, shall we start? yes ok first of all everytime i see your pfp i am reminded to watch she-ra because you know what? you're right she is very hot and nowadays thats reason enough for me to watch something, i even added it to my netflix list and thats very sacred territory nowadays,,, that pinned post of that edt you made of them dancing.. the gay that it radiates 😳... yea i need to watch it 

 THAT TAGTHA EDIT YOU MADE HOLY SHIT THE VIBES>>>>>> that song you used? yea i added that to my sleep playlist, then my downloaded songs playlist, then my favourites playlist and now i listen to it religiously and i love it and its all thanks to you so thank you for giving me gift of great music (best gift ever i swear) and the edit itself IS ADORABLE AND CUTE AND ARGHRJGBG THE COLOURS AND THE CLIPS YOU USED OFTHE GIRL IN THE TRAIN STATION I LOVE IT SM! DEF ONE OF THE BEST TAGATHA EDITS IVE EVER SEEN,, seriously you don't know how much i want to live in that video 

 don't think I haven't forgotten about how you iconically added onto @essaofcamelot post about never!agatha and ever!tedros. i still think about how much that pains me the angst and the way i want that i can confidently say... a cultural reset. i think i reevaluated my entire life at that point becuase of how personally that affected me andthe deals with the devils prologue?? WTF MAN i can't wait for it!! i love me some enemies to lovers tagatha especially if its going to be anything like that. know that whenever your ready to post it I WILL BE THERE AND WILL READ THAT SHIT WITH ALL MY HEART your incorrect quotes BEST HJSDHG although i love the lad i have to admit your incorrect quotes about tedros and his trauma & himboness are so fucking funny they’re my fav kind of incorrect quotes and yyou do them s o.  w e l l . also you don't know how much your red school review made me laugh! on such a day i wish didn't exist it was a shining light amidst the darkness that was the traumatising no one denies me... it was great and i would go through the horror that was red school again just to read your review for the first time again. BASICALLY YOURE SO TALENTED AND FUNNY; a rare combination i might add

 that ask you sent me a wee while ago actually, quite literally made my heart sOAR. THAT IS the NICEST things anyones ever said to me and someone once said i was mysterious in primary school. I cannot believe that someone like YOU would think ANYTHING like that about me holy shit. but thats also like the kind of vibes you give off tho??? absolute sweetheart but also bad bitch which is a very impeccable combination that you pull off VERY WELL MA'AM. i feel like you would give great hugs but also ready to cut a bitch, if i ever had to nominate someone to defend me in a fight, you're the first person i would call in this hellhole. also tedros stan??? we stan taste here in this 2am wendys 😌thats also another reason why i have to stan! your tags are always so nice!! SO suportive of everyone and you know what??? we love to see that energy and it just furthermore proves that you're a great ass human and whenever you show up in my notifs... i cant wait to see what you tag with because you're sO HECKING NICE WTF MAN 

 anyways you're so talented, and i love the vibes you give off and i now want to watch shera :D 

 have a great day (or night shbsjg i remembered different time zones were a thing)

[zepdeans]

there’s not a lot I can say about s3 that hasn’t already been said (and articulated 200x better) but! here are some of my (albeit dumb) thoughts :~)

ep1 -isak leaning against the bathroom wall gets me EVERY time its such a powerful scene esp introducing you to s3 and tarjei..... spare some talent for the rest of us please -LiTeN gUtTeN fRa StRaNgEr tHiNgS -isak rly ties his pants w a shoelace...... -isak noticing even for the first time bc of his laugh.. whew.... also. i love this intro SOOO much bc its so non-monumental? theres no dramatic music or whatever but its not subtle.... like you know right away o shit love interest!! hello sir!! bc isak’s expression watching him :’) i could go on -isak is a bad liar HOWEVER this only applies to stupid nontrivial things e.g. the black sweatshirt. but when you look at him lying about like, his sexuality, he hides that shit well -”c00l” isak. i hate u so much -honestly all u have to do is look at even for .2 seconds and u can tell this boy has had a crush for a solid month bc he just looks awestruck (HOWEVER henrik’s acting is *chef’s kiss* bc its subtle enough to go undetected b4 you actually know eVEN SAW HIM ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL) -even isak and emma all sitting on the bench together is funny enough on its on but then a song called threeway comes on and like. julie sdshjsfdjfkjskd ep2 -there’s something so endearing about even’s handwriting idek what -i LOVE even’s video w mikael it reveals so much about him to us- how weird (ok we saw how weird he was w the paper towel thing but) and dorky he is? and his love of film! his view on love stories and how he sees the world :( but it also shows a lot abt isak because he saw even making stupid jokes about vladimir putin and was like yeah we about to fall in LOVE love -isak not using headphones to watch even’s video or r+j?? bde or general incompetence what’s the verdict guys -the isak watching r+j scene hits so hard like yall ever think about isak lying in bed at 3am staring at the ceiling probably thinking about how he’s never gonna get a beautiful world-shattering romance like that like ..... also him changing positions skam get out of my life go away ur too realistic -not to make this even more self-projection-y but isak simultaneously being the least emotionally vulnerable person ever but crying during r+j > -i made a post abt this already but even’s INTENSE staring vs isak’s “i have never looked anyone in the eye in my life” gets me it says so much about their characters -even said i see your bde move (asking me to buy you beer) and i raise u with my own (inviting you to my house after faking not having my id) -”if you listen to music” even is such a dick fsdjhsdff -when the message comes on...... i rlly do owe julie my life huh -”have you heard about my rapping?” “I have actually” have we talked about this enough????? 1. isak finally feels comfortable enough w even to flirt and his first move is to RAP for him jesus christ. keep in mind this is the same man who pulled that smooth af ibuprofen line w emma like...... 2. even has heard about isak’s rapping. either this means im-not-on-social-media even went out of his way to go thru homeboy’s instagram OR isak’s rapping is actually talked about. i- -the group chat messages. cant believe i forgot about the 2016 clown epidemic

ep3  -mahdi is a good friend and i love him. thank u -even wearing isak’s cap until he chucks it at him sjksfjsdjsd -how much yall wanna bet isak’s been listening to illmatic on repeat since last friday thinking abt even (even tho meeting sonja shattered his heart a lil) [also kinda an aside but i think a lot about how isak n even bonded over rap and how some homophobic lyrics in 90s etc rap might have impacted them? or how that little detail ties into julie’s story? e.g. halftime by nas, which is on illmatic] -whats worse. even staring into isaks soul wearing a size xs see-through white t shirt or isak staring at even for five (5) seconds before chugging his beer and immediately making out w emma. OR even crashing that party before it can start “i think you guys are bonding too much” cheesy ass shjhfsdhskdf -yall act like evak didnt invent hands. did even shaking isak’s shoulder telling him his apartment is nice mean nothing to u -im convinced robyn wrote call your girlfriend for this scene specifically bc how could anything fit so perfectly by coincidence -is anything better than egging isak on- even bech naesheim (2016) -idk if yall have read the scripts but i love the sock thing so much bc its soo true to how isak thinks and it makes everything so much more interesting and !!!

ep4  -i will never get over even sending isak bad seinfeld memes -even smacking open isak’s locker. first of all whew second of all u think as soon as he got into the stairwell he lowkey cried bc ow -parallel of isak saying “it’s 2016, why are you religious?” to sana vs. emma’s “it’s 2016, get out of the closet” to isak anyone :( -”takk sanasol!!!!” thank u isak for my life -I wanted to be with you aloneeeee -even’s face when he sees the pool like we get it youre a director -how many times do i need to say even is such a dick sjkfsd “does it look like i care about my hair?” “usually but not right now” like this would only work on isak i love soulmates!! -even just.. fully choking isak out ssdhgfd got em -when the first notes of im kissing you start ooh boy -even going in for the kill kiss and isak going from huh to oooo shit and pushing his lips out at the last minute. phenomenal 

ep5 -ngl as soon as im not in love comes on my heart goes uwu bc like!!!! that song the meaNING.... them......... i jus love this scene sm like theyre in their own little bubble and they both feel so comfortable and at peace :((  -even leaving isak comics about an inside joke of theirs like yall mind if i scream -isak feeling left out from the conversation and his friends whew i felt that... and having them talk about how gross it is to makeout with a girl w facial hair?? blease :( -taking stock of isak’s nicknames: issy k, isabell, izzy, baby jesus, -im not even gonna bother trying to articulate thoughts on Pause bc it’s a literal masterpiece. thank u tarjei henrik and julie for inventing television with this one  -MAGNUS SDFKJSDFJKDSHK "oooh my name is Jonas and I love idealism and reading klassekampen and I don’t like plastic and I skate on a skateboard made of sustainable wood and wear old clothes because new clothes are bad for the environment and I only drink recycled water” screAMMM -what i said abt pause also applies to pride ugh its such a powerful scene and!! the beginning of kicks to isaks stomach. honestly what i fucking love about this episode is how it goes from hell yea best day w even ever to crying in the street within one week (s3 had the best balance of angst and payoff thanks) -even’s Soft Party Flannel... forever tainted by this scene rip -not knowing why even kissed sonja keeps me up at night -speaking of. how used and stupid isak must’ve felt when he saw even completely unbothered, hooking up w his ex at this party?? whew :( -bros is one of my all time favourite clips solely bc of the music?? lift me up gives me chills and when hold my liquor starts i LOSE it -ep5 and 6 remind me of that quote “to see what your characters are really made of you have to break them” because julie rlly goes all in and god it hurts so good

ep6 -never have i ever seen insomnia portrayed as accurately as tarjei did here and i remember when i first watched the cantina scene i was like. winded bc its SO true to sleep deprivation whew -i really like that isak wasnt together with even when he reached out for help and came out to jonas. bc it was him, on his own, being strong enough to talk to his friends and then eventually he was confident and secure enough in himself to be in a good place when even started reaching back out!! -i have no idea what its like to come out to someone, to be afraid of your friends rejecting you, everything isak went through. but tarjei’s acting of when, like, you have something you KNOW you have to tell someone, and youve put yourself in the position where youre going to have to tell them, but youre terrified and eventually just force yourself SAY the words??  -and isak’s smile when he realizes jonas is gonna be his bro no matter what :’)))

ep7 -weirdly one of my favourite isak looks (black t-shirt grey snapback c-c-c-combo) -”what’s your name again?” have i mentioned i love sana and isak bc i love sana and isak -jonas truly is the best friend oh man. perceptive, thoughtful, loving, laidback, a friggen BRO. tbh i was wary of him in s1 and thought he didn’t treat eva well (tho I recognized he loved her a lot, he was just bad at being a boyfriend) but jonas in s3?? just goes to show how powerful your perspective of someone can change viewing them in a different role!! because while jonas was a crappy bf, he literally is SUCH an incredible friend and his actions and words and just! him! in s3 completely redeemed any illwill I had towards him :’) -maybe im a little gay (up there with other s3 comedy classics such as “thats a boys name”) -mahdi season WHEN ugh a legend -’when someone asks isak if hes going to a family party’ literally what other reason for living do i have if not to read the boy squad text convos -isaks locker finally opening and his smile at evens drawing whewwwwwww!! also even rlly is that guy who wont text you back but will leave hand written love letters in ur locker -also. another stellar look from valtersen -slutt a meld meg is a whole masterpiece like what other piece of media has the RANGE -eskild: play hard to get. jonas: no smiley!!! isak: nah fam im good B)

ep8 -this episode is BEAUTIFUL bc you feel practically euphoric?? like hell yeah theyre finally together!! isak is out and accepted and even is done with sonja! but theres also this unsettling undercurrent of worry bc you know deep down something isnt right? why is sonja calling isak? why is even acting kinda strange? whats going on? yknow?? -literally never going to get over 5 fine frokner :~) even is such a goddamn nerd and he’s the man of isak’s dreams can u believe!!  -sana’s little speech is SO important in so many ways ooo i love her so much -also have we discussed eskild making evak do a photoshoot for him. highkey those are my favourite pictures of ALL time u can tell even was like hm strange but im down while isak was more omg guys stop🙄 omg haha eskild i cant believe youre making me cuddle with even for a photo🙄 i cant believe ur making me snuggle this dude for a pic!!!! definitely would not have done this otherwise!!! -magnus only realizing it’s THAT even after seeing how isak looks at him. whew -isak is so brave i rlly love that kid! his text to his mamma <3 -no r*make will EVER nail text conversations like mari/julie did w evak’s this week thanks for coming to my ted talk. i'd quote the best ones but it would literally double the length of this post (ok ill cave. “hahaha shut up❤️” GETS me) -you dont know whats in store but you know what youre here for. hallo -isak running around oslo with even’s clothes looking for him :( his heart is so big he cares about even so so much -when Part II (on the run) comes on in the credits its like a kick in the teeth honestly

ep9 -ive already screamed enough about cherry wine but god it fucks me up -cannot put into words how much I love eskild and how good of a person he is, he just has so much love in his heart  -”wait they have waffles here? see ya” -this convo is why i love skam so much!!!! magnus giving insight and good thoughtful advice to isak was such a brilliant move by julie (also truLy heartwarming) bc like. magnus is a flawed layered character! he’s dumb and ignorant and not very careful with his words BUT hes also such a sweet guy. i genuinely dont think he would hurt a fly and him talking about vilde (in ep10) is ;-; bc he really likes her and respects her and wants to be a gentleman! hes so loving and just. yeah. also i wonder if isak and magnus (and vilde) ever talked about having mentally ill parents and lent on each other for support bc like....<3 [sidenote- this is why i HATE b***** like they absolutely massacred magnus’s character and magnus did not deserve that!] -det er bare slutt........ very cool of tarjei to invent acting here. also the character development makes me WEEP like at first isak lied and told his pappa it was over bc its easier to brush stuff off and say you were joking than be vulnerable especially about 1. having a boyfriend and 2. saying youve already broken up?? but then isak was like hey im done with lying about who i am bc i want my life to be REAL and he told his dad the truth even if it was hard and even if he was trying rlly hard not to cry  -isak reaching out to even<3 standing up for even<3 -o helga natt. another scene i genuinely cannot comment on bc u cant really put into any written language how magical and breathtaking and heartbreaking and powerful and brilliant this scene is. so. -jk. obvs i cant say anything intelligent enough to give this scene justice but probably the most stunning piece of television i have ever had the privilege of watching. even’s text breaks my heart every gd time (esp since we never really see this side of him before finding out he’s bipolar? his guilt, insecurity, feeling like a burden, being scared of losing everyone in his life because he thinks he’ll hurt them). the music is SO beautiful i cry real tears as soon as the strings start. also the brilliance of JUST o helga natt playing and no dialogue except for isaks one line? isak’s realization when he sees the cross. him RUNNING across oslo to go to even. the FLASHBACKS all going backwards in chronological order until them smoking on the bench. isak looking at the bench and not seeing even and u can feel his heart breaking and urs breaks too! but then he remembers the bathroom and he turns and theres even and whewwww. du er ikke alene<3

ep10 -minutt for minutt is THE most healing clip im telling u. and like.. seeing even depressed really is hard and as someone who was very very depressed for 4-ish yrs of their life it rlly hits me? like when youre in an especially bad funk and you cant get out of bed and youre just numb and exhausted and feel so shitty and u want to be alone but you really dont???? could go on but literally i owe henrik holm my life for his portrayal of even  -not to be a soft bitch on main but when isak tucks the blanket over even and it keeps getting pulled off his back so isak just. covers that spot with himself? -i do love that call between sonja and isak bc once again! a flawed (realistic) human being -and isak thinking its his fault even is depressed? it means a lot that sonja told him its no ones fault, even is just bipolar. and i wonder if isak felt that way about his mamma as well, guilty for her being ill, and if what sonja said made him feel better about that situation too :( -lowkey random but when isak is rambling really fast and he goes “maybe we’ll get bombed tomorrow and talking about all this is a waste of time” it continually punches me in the throat bc that is /exactly/ how i ramble and think like tarjei........ pls -like eskild said. there really is so much love in isak’s little grumpy teenage body<3 -isak no longer just passively accepting life as its given to him, now he fights for him and even!!!!!  -isak is such a forgiving person and seeing him able to just accept things and move on? incredible -i remember when i first watched ep1 i was like oooo even and isak are gonna be kosegruppa partners and thats when theyll first get together, cooking food or smth!! but lmfao after episode 3? kosegruppa whomst???? also hilarious vilde thought isak of all people would willingly sign up for kosegruppa just to go to revue parties -even and linn friendship!!!! -cannot articulate how mf heartwarming it is to see even smiling and being more himself after being depressed (also thank u julie for having ups and downs coming out of his depression- its so true to life having one day when youre feeling awesome and then the next you feel awful again for no reason and its SO frustrating) -I had to stop watching passe pa meg cause it made me toooooo crazy! it would just be like: “I like seeing you laugh” and I was like: *SCREAMS* -im the fucking master of lying 😤 -literally don’t know why isak and even ragging on kosegruppa is so funny but “did you think I joined to have fun” gets me every time -I SAW YOU THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL -also even literally radiating love @ isak watching get snarky w vilde on the phone bc it reminded him of the first time he saw him! even rly is that boyfriend who thinks isak being pissy is the Best Thing he has Ever seen -halla boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiz -literally the glo up of isak telling his friends the order in which he’d bang them -No filter! wow I love symbolism -so nice to see the girls together for a lil bit :) -the boys hyping up mags while also telling him to be respectful awwwwww -take desperate to a whole new level- Confucius  -who’s going to show isak how to properly hold a beer can -literally evak banter gets me thru the day. thank u tarjei and henrik for having phenomenal chemistry + improvisation skills + making isak and even the dumbest nerdiest boys i have ever seen -biology partner. and friend. ;-; -even literally is the biggest stoner blease -isak’s talk with eva is just sooooo<3 and not to be emo on main but every single word of the last few sentences he says hit me so gd hard because i feel the exact same way in my BONES -livet er nå 💛

final thoughts :( <3 -this season is so special. it feels like one really long oscar-worthy movie or smth?? i cant even exblain, its just magical. ALSO very dear to my heart. -julie really said you guys have seen isak sad and alone and repressed for the past two seasons so heres him falling in love with the best person in the world and coming to terms with who he is and being brave and opening up and finally being happy and living a real life -this season definitely feels different from s1/2/4 to me editing or production or music smth wise? as in, its got a lot fewer aesthetic shots and the cinematography seems a bit different if that makes any sense???? I also think this is the season most focused just on the main (i.e. not many- if any? sideplots going on) -literally will never get over the thought, love, and detail put into this season. when i say there is literally nothing i would change about it, i mean it and coming from my nitpicky ass??? means a lot lmfao. the acting, directing, music choices, symbolism...... sublime -s3′s cold rainy autumn aesthetic makes me ACHE for fall and also nostalgic for a highschool experience I never had lmao?? also. all the nighttime clips >>> -don’t know what else to say except thank u skam for my life

[unendeligtid]

11 questions asked and answered (SKAM edition)

1. Always repost the rules!

2. Answer the questions given to you by the one who tagged you!

3. Give 11 questions!

4. Tag 11 people!

I was tagged by @matteoohno (lil shit) so i guess i have to answer things

1. If you could Assemble your girl and/or boy squad (can be more than 5 girls/boys)?

I need David and Matteo on my team that’s a must... Other than that we’ll throw in Even, Sana, and Amira bc i Stan

2. Which remake did you watch first, and which remake is your favourite and why?

I watched Skam France first bc I’ve been around since og skam lol... skam france was the first remake that came out and i watched the clips as soon as they came out... for the first little while lol. i was originally really excited bc i speak french so it was a skam i could finally understand but s1 was meh for me. my favourite remake is druck bc they said trans rights (also like... the storytelling, cinematography, etc)

3. If you could have anyone’s wardrobe from the original who would you have?

Isak for sure bc he’s probably the closest to what i wear generally

4. A scene from the original that you believe is underrated and from one of the remakes?

og: tbh at this point i dont even know whats underrated anymore bc ive watched the show so many damn times... i guess maybe the scene from s1 where eva yells at her mom. it feels so real and raw, and you can tell that she’d been bottling up so much for so long.

remake: honestly im gonna say any interaction between shay and tyler from s1 of skam austin... i just love their dynamic so much also mlm/wlw solidarity hell yeahhhh

5. If you could ship any character from a remake and/or the original together who would you do? E.g. Edoardo x Alexander, Engel x Eva Mohn or Sana B x Mohammed (German Yousef) etc

oh jeeez well i cant even think about crossing universes like that it, but if i could put any of the characters together i would put eva and noora together

6. If you could be best friends with any or the characters who would you pick?

i would want david to be my friend bc us trans dudes need to stick together... except im a loser lol he’s much cooler than me

7. Favourite cast members?

alrightyyyyyy well ive actually met some of the cast members so... henrik is literally the kindest person ever, so is rocco (nico)... as for the ones that i havent met, i am currently stanning lukas alexander so hard rn its not even funny

8. What have you learnt from skam and its remakes?

im not alone. through this fandom ive met so many people that i consider family, as well as my gf (that loser who tagged me to do this).

9. Favourite social media account?

hmmmmm if you want like artsy stuff then definitely david or joana’s ig pages... if you want shitposting then matteo hands down 

10. An artist you frequently listen to now because of SKAM

funny that you mention that, bc im gonna pull the total hipster move and tell you that i fell in love with ry x long before i started watching druck.... but they made me fall back in love with him

11. Which remake do you feel features the best music?

I mean generally i fell in love with og soundtrack first, but in terms of music that best fits my taste thats definitely druck. like yeah okay im biased bc druck has a trans character and im trans but legit im convinced that whoever picks the music has the exact same taste in music as me. i do actually quite like the skam italia soundtrack too (although i only watched the first two seasons lol)

As for the people i tag uhhhhhh,,, @setholiver @skamfairy and ah fuck it anyone else that wants to do it (wyo you already tagged the other people that i know lmaoOOO)

[jewelsunrays]

Its been a while since I posted in my diary. I’ve been quite busy, and been doing quite poorly the last few days. Even though the sole intention of a diary was to write in it whenever I felt downcast for some reason I haven’t been succeeding. It just seems like a chore to write lots of paragraphs on my phone; I wish I had a keyboard.

Dad’s pension came in though, a few days back, so mum says I can get a laptop soon for school with some of the money he left. I would prefer to buy myself a Macbook, I told mum this myself, but she never listens so we’ll see how that works out. I told her about wanting to get rid of my TV yet she proceeded to buy another one with the money dad left? In my opinion it was a fucking waste. What the hell am I supposed to do now. Why does nobody in this house have a sense of priority or just generally not listen to me?

I went to see Mitski (and Harry Styles) in concert a few days after my last entry. The heat was excruciating, and everyone there had such nice outfits that I felt really insecure about the way I looked. When Mitski came on it took everything in me to not cry too loudly, but at the beginning of every song I was sobbing. Embarrassing considering I felt like I was the only person there listening to the opening act, bar these two girls I saw in the crowd that were dancing their hearts out (I loved them, I hope in another life I was friends with them). When Harry Styles came on obviously I wasn’t as interested but he was funny and a few of his songs were good so despite my complaining and typical stoic exterior I was having a good time those two days.

Concerts stress me out because I always feel obligated to be screaming and laughing and crying and just openly showing my enjoyment by being loud. Thats really not me. I don’t tend to show my emotions that way, even when I’m screaming with excitement on the inside I will be sat still and straight-faced on the outside and I’m afraid people will perceive it as me being bored or annoyed, when in reality I’m just not a very exuberant person.

Umbrella Academy season3 and Stranger Things V2 dropped. I have liked a great many shows more than I like Stranger Things, its not very high up on my list of favourites despite me being a fan. But I swear I’ve never reacted to any death the way I reacted to Eddie’s/Max’s. At movies and other shows I will have sat there shocked and sad obviously, maybe crying gently if its really heartbreaking, but I’ve never really openly bawled and screeched the way I did at that. I dunno, I think the anticipation of it, and watching it live, and seeing it at the same time as everyone else in the world and not having it spoiled made it so much sadder as opposed to everything else I watch where its already been out for years and I know whats happened. Sole exception to this is Doctor Who. But Christ almighty every time I see a clip or screenshot of Eddie laying there I feel sick to my stomach and have to scroll quickly, that’s never happened even with characters I cared more about. I assume this is how my mother feels about Eleven’s regeneration. I don’t think I could rewatch this if I tried to.

28th June was my interview as I believe I’ve mentioned a great many times. I wore my smartest clothes, fretted for ages while frantically googling what questions I’ll be asked and rehearsing my answers, only for it to be a five minute interview with one teacher, many other people in the same room being ‘interviewed’ at the same time, just to go over exam stuff. All they needed to know was if I’ve already done my GCSE’s, if I had extra time, whether I studied at another sixth form before, my exam scores, stuff like that. I think it would’ve been more complicated had I not already done my GCSE’s. Alas all that happened that mattered was the man taking a glance at my scores and saying, ‘oh you should be fine to get in to the lessons you want with those scores, just bring that to enrolment in August, you’ll receive an email’ which by the way, I haven’t yet. So yeah, I have to go back again, jesus christ.

The last few days have been completely terrible. I feel so hopelessly lonely despite having friends. I’ve realised that the people who feel comfortable coming to me with their problems will often do so without asking if I’m even emotionally stable for that. Worse, I can’t even go to them for the same thing, you know? Like I’ve realised whenever I talk to them the way they talk to me, I don’t receive the same energy back, they wouldn’t listen or try help the same way I would try to do with them - it just gets brushed aside, dismissed with a ‘damn’ or ‘same’ or some other shit like that. I dunno. It never really affected me before but now I’m just realising that I feel like I have absolutely no true friends. Everything in me wants to leave the friends I’ve got when they haven’t even done anything wrong, they’re technically nice to me, but talking to them makes me feel miserable and I don’t even know why. I dunno. I want a therapist or something.

I will try to write in here more consistently. The whole intention was to vent here as nobody else was listening but alas somehow I forgot that

[bubblebeeb]

HORNY ASKS FROM THE REN YEEHAW

having a weird dancing-around-each-other-please-just-fuck-already-everyone-knows-but-you-two relationship with vilbur??? being bffs, him calling you his right hand throughout his presidency. during one of the debates schlatt hit on you/smacked your ass while you walked by and you physically had to pull wilbur out of the room to keep him from decking the guy n the debate got cut short- THATS where its at but anyone asks and both of u are just like "No just friends smile :)"

Because,, friends sleep in the same bed at sleepovers, ofc. And when one of them wakes up hard, or has a wet dream, they help each other out, duh! That's just friendship! It's a lot easier to tell yourself that when you're the one on your knees with Wilbur's cock down your throat rather than when his hand curls around your body and jerks you off as you grind back against him, hazy mind only able to think about how good it feels. Friends offer to help each other out, right? It's what a stressed-out wilbur tells himself as he pins you against the wall of his room in pogtopia after you pull him aside to offer to let him... relieve his stress. It's what you remind yourself when wilbur slows down and fully stops, pulling away from you to ask you to give him clear consent before anything else happens, and to tell him if you're uncomfortable at any point. It's what he reminds himself when he's pounding into you with abandon, curling over your back and growling praises in your ear as his hips stutter and he almost ascends right then and there when you grab his arm and try to pull him closer, begging him to cum inside you.

Because after all, you're just friends. It's why you both just laugh when the exchange ends with you holding your hand up for a high five, which Wilbur of course obliges.

-ur mom lol (im signing all my asks with 'ur (parental unit name) lol' now)

GHAHAHWHJDJWJF PLEASE WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY??? also getting horny asks with "-ur mum lol" is VERY VERY FUNNY TO ME OMG

to say you were lovelorn was...well an understatement. But you get your fill with Wilbur,,,, literally. You want to tell him that you're like utterly in love with everything he does and the way his hair falls and the way he looks when he smiles just makes you want to cup his face in your hands and kiss him but as you're thinking about all this, you're snapped out of it by the sound of Phil's voice "You 'right m8" you smile weakly and tell him "Yeah I'm good, just...distracted" he pauses knowing something's wrong and he's about to ask about it when he's interrupted by Techno stalking up and handing you a letter. It's from Wilbur. He wants to meet. You gulp and it feels like you're swallowing a fucking rock, your hands are too shaky to open the letter so you stuff it in your pocket and continue to needlessly shovel snow until it gets way too late to be outside. You go inside and have a shower and you try not to cry due to sheer anxiety but trying not to cry usually never works for you so you have a...could you call it good?? cry then feel the brisk air hit your body. Ofc you immediately think of him, why wouldnt you. But you shouldn't. He's a friend stop it. You were just sad what is WRONG with you. You open the letter, your hands still shaking and its beautifully hand crafted it smells like your favourite scent and attached is a little clipping of your favourite flower and little drawings of your favourite things that look to be in both Tubbo and Tommy's handwriting as well (they wanted to help, you're all like siblings after all :] ). When your eyes fell on the words they filled with tears, you never knew he felt this way

(HI HELLO I WANT A PART TWO TO THIS U BETTER ADD ONTO IT REN I SWEAR)

like I'm not saying a series but maybe I am.

I just need a name.

Something to do with flowers and yellow.

[mysisterclaire]

Claire’s everlasting bucket of kindness.

Apologies in advance for not sticking to either past or present tense, my brain is fried. I’m not entirely sure I can read it & edit it again... 

I try hard not to dwell on what I am missing out on, not having Claire around. What her interactions would be as Judy has gotten older & the relationship she would have had with Ada (For the record, she would have snorted gleefully at Ada’s cheekiness, egging it on & making my eyes roll - they would have got up to terrible fun together.) It’s a pointless heart wrenching exercise.

And whilst I find it easy to write about Claire’s bravado & gusto. Her sunshine energy, some silly funny story, what I struggle to write about is her innate kindness & softness. Because this is where I feel her loss the most. This is what kills me about her not being here. And to give time contemplating that, I tend to have to hold my breath to stop myself from hyperventilating. 

I need to write this particular blogpost. It is important I post it. I need everyone & Claire to know how much I needed her too, and how I wish I had said it when she was here. 

The place I want to go to is hers. I want to sit in her light green living room, take my shoes off, sit on my feet on her couch & be surrounded by the scent of green fig (’Smell it Sarah, SMELL IT, It’s green fig, its frigging green friggidy fig it smells amazing. I fucking love it. Look I’ve got the candle, the pot pourri, the sticks. Do you love it?’ Shaking each item with excitement & then forcefully sticking that shit so far into my face I can taste it.). I want her to ask me what brand of wanky tea do I want today. (She had a load of tea samples especially for wanky old me in her cupboard). I want her to make me Heinz Mushroom soup and fat sliced white bread or the egg mayo she had prepared in advance because she knew I was coming. She understatedly made a fuss of me. She always made my sandwiches. From when we were in secondary school, even when we both worked out in the big wide world. And I would always eat them at first break or by 10am because I couldn’t wait. She had put the love into them and a multitude of gooood ingredients. They were proper amazing full sandwiches not just a wafer thin slice of ham stuffed between two slices of dry bread because I couldn’t be bothered. I want to sit all cosy in her living room or loiter in the doorway of her kitchen & chitter chatter or tell her my current issues & for her to look at me with her huge empathic brown eyes, as she felt what I was going through & knowing that if she couldn’t make it better she could make me laugh just by saying something ridiculous or belching (she could sing ’Its all about the money, its all about the dum dum diddy dum dum’ in one burp). Hers would be the one place I could go to to make everything better. It is kind of where I need to go. But she isn’t there anymore.

I miss having her place to go, where I could fully be relaxed & myself, not care about offending, but perhaps even purposefully doing so. Just going somewhere to irritate someone. You can get away with that when it is your sister. And I miss being able to give that to Claire too. I miss her frequent pop ins, with the 10 minutes it took her to park her car & her silly faces at the window met with my silly faces walking to answer the door to her. The ability to talk about absolute boring weird shit or just sit in comfortable silence watching a film, legs entwined on the sofa, slapping her hand out of the sweets. I miss retelling a story & adding ‘and then I called BULLSHIT on everything they said & left’ and her face lighting up, asking ‘NO! Really?!?’ & me responding ‘No, but I wanted to.’ and we’d laugh and laugh and laugh. And then, in practisced synchronicity, we’d add a funny line from Todd in Neighbours from when we were 11/12 that made us laugh hysterically -  ‘Cos thats the kind of guy I am’ & dramatically turn on our heels. She just had to look at me & we’d laugh.

I miss the unedited unfiltered texts & messages. I miss the ‘tling tling tling’ of her sending me direct messages on facebook - her not writing paragraphs, she’d irritatingly press send after every fricking line - oh god it was annoying - especially at 6am when she was out walking Banjo & I was snuggled & rejoicing that Judy was sleeping in. But I miss it. I have wanted to tell her about Judy’s disappearing, reappearing outtie belly button - I’m not entirely sure why were so obsessed with belly buttons... but they always made us giggle, especially as Claire’s was so cavernous. I wanted to text her after giving birth to Ada ‘Ive done my first poo & haven’t frank & beans’ed my stitches - hooray!’. I mean - you can’t put that on Facebook (and there you were thinking I didn’t have a filter - I really really do!!) & you definitely shouldn’t tell your husband - but I did, because I didn’t have Claire - sorry Jamie! Songs, film quotes & impressions, shared memories just aren’t the same with out her. Its just another blow, huge emptyness washes over me. It’s shit. 

I am a little socially awkward & don’t really know what to say at parties etc - I always relied on Claire to balance that out. Always. I felt confident knowing she was there & I could call her over as soon as I started internally panicking with the conversation She was always so bubbly with something funny to say. I didn’t realise how much I relied on that. At her funeral talking to her friends & getting a bit tongue tied I was scanning the room for Claire. The amount of times I almost said ‘Claire will be here soon’ & had to stop myself whilst smuggling a gut kick was laughable. Perhaps with every single person I spoke to. I didn’t wise up to the permanence of it. Even when the subject was her loss. 

I miss the confidence of having someone who always has your back. Who will not give a shit & contraversially or not - go up to the person who had been subtley been making my life hell & have it out with them because I couldn’t do it. Even if its at my wedding party, under the radar, with a smile on her face - attack like for bloody like. POW! She was amazing. You can pretty much guarantee if anyone has a bad word to say about Claire, its because she’s had it out with them & they know they deserved it & they didn’t like it. Its a good feeling having someone who will stick up for you when you are down. Who will not let you take shit. Its actually great feeling & Claire was brilliant. She was Scrappy Doo.

It’s also the small things, like me being so concerned with sunscreen & sun hats for Judy, I forgot my own & that’s particularly stupid, being ginger & all. Claire turns up with a Factor 50 for me that won’t make me feel like I’m wearing a jumper as she has heard me complain about this all my life. She sees I’m constantly in a quandry about the baby’s dummy falling on the floor & whether I need to steralise it, so she gets a clip for it & now it won’t fall- I never even knew those existed. Every time she visits she brings me my favourite sweets & every couple of months she comes with a pink pen & the newest photos of Judy printed to put in her Baby Book. I get frustrated by the constant questions like who was the best sportsperson of 2012 but simultaneously there is so much love & thought & effort being put in. I feel ungrateful, I was ungrateful & took everything for granted. She had paid attention to every little passing comment & one especially where I had said the smell a particular handwash/handcream reminds me of my nan & I can’t stop sniffing my hands, it makes me feel nice. Months later that is what I unwrap as a birthday present. I gushed with tears at the time & again, now, recalling it. Practically, emotionally, spiritually, she was there for me. It was impossible to be incompetent with Claire catching the balls I regularly dropped.

Coming up to Judy’s birthday I’m reminded of my time in hospital being induced. Claire had turned up with bags of stuff for Jamie & I. Her brilliant sandwiches in her own home made soda bread. My favourite sweets, lucozade for energy, chocolate of every description, an ipod with a playlist she had put together especially for me giving birth. ‘Listen to this one Sarah, it has a lot of energy for pushing’ handing me an ear phone, everything had turned to zigzags & I strain ‘fuck off’ mid contraction. I quickly apologise after. She had put in some pretty crap womens weeklies which were there to remind me that no matter how shit I feel during childbirth at least I’m not in a sexual relationship with the family dog. (I mean what the hell with these magazines? hahahaha). Making Jamie & I a weeks worth of food to put into the oven once we are home with the baby. Fantastic stews, pasta bakes, breads. She was right there all the time with support & fun.

Our wedding party night. She got Jamie & I a nights stay in a posh hotel. My mum & aunt looked after Judy. Claire had made us a picnic for the hotel. Again, home made sandwiches with homemade bread, crisps, champagne, wine, chocolate, coke for our hangovers. She was always treating us, always looking after us. Always there to make everything 100% better. 

As part of my hen do celebrations, where it is becoming maybe customary to provide a photo & memories of time spent (or misspent in youth!) with the hen or indeedy some marriage advice, Claire had decided instead, to ask people for poo stories for me!!! Ask some of you for poo stories, some of you she didn’t know too well & asked anyway with no filter or hesitation. Imagine getting an email out of the blue from your mates sister asking for an embarrassing personal poo story!!! She asked family too, including my 85 year old nan in Ireland! ‘Nan, Sarah LOVES poo stories, c’mon you MUST have one’ All the stories collated & put with photos of my friends & family & presented to me at the most amazing Hen do ever! I could barely read it for tears, tears of laughter but also tears of recognising how much work had gone into this & how much Claire knew how much I’d love this! It was amazing! I had won the lottery with this gift.

I’ve described my tantrums in a previous post where dealing with the frustrations of Claire’s illness was the cause of some of them. There was one caused by work exhaustion. It was 2010 I was senior designer to a new music festival. The pressure was crazy, other members of the team had broken down already, left entirely, the hours were crazy, the sheer amount of work for months in advance of the event was horrendous (16 hour days 7 days a week in those last weeks) but it was also perhaps one of my greatest achievements. I am surprised I held it together - well I did until we were physically in the throes of the festival having fun. I couldn’t find Jamie & that was it, the straw that broke the camels back - the panic that induced was enough to send me over the edge. There I was in my red rain coat and wellies, wobbling forwards & backwards whilst simultaneously gathering pitch to a scream. I threw myself on the floor just outside of the crowd of the main stage (!!) & was pounding & kicking the ground. My brother picked me up, I was a sobbing mess. Claire, who ran to look for Jamie came running over & said she had found him, she was giggling & beckoning to me with her finger. I follow her with those loud hiccupy gasps & she leads me to this, humungous black guy - nothing like Jamie! He opens his arms & smiles this huge smile & tells me ‘I am your Jamie, come, give me a hug’. My sobs turn to uncontrolled laughter - It was a great hug - I can’t imagine the amount of snot I put on this guy! Finally, a very happy smily oblivious Jamie came bounding over & everything was grand. And this, just another funny mad story about how great Claire was. Below is the photo of the gang trying to cheer me up & me all soppy.

The hole she has left is indescribably immense. We were spoiled by having such a giving selfless person in our lives & I was lucky to have been so close for her 31 years. I have to tell myself that her love was so huge & generous that the effect will touch me forever more. And our relationship is something that I can only encourage my own two girls to have with each other.