#thats more an issue for outside dirt when can be real fucked due to the way housing developments build

[pancakeke]

one last reddit bitch and I'll stop omg. but the plant misinfo on that site drives me so nuts cause whenever people post non-bug-related plant issues and ask for a diagnosis, 99% of the time the issue is over/under watering or lack of adequate light.

but people will suggest plant multivitamins (not real?), zinc supplements, neem oil, fake antifungals, etc. even though the person's pic shows that the plant is under a $20, 20 watt amazon grow light meanwhile blackout curtains beside it are pulled mostly closed over a window beside it. are we really unable to figure out why OP's plant is so pale??

it make me wonder if people are reluctant to say anything that implies blame or something? like rather than telling people that they're severely over watering their plants, it's less confrontational to tell them to buy a cure-all to solve their problems?

but then again once when someone posted a droopy and dying plant in a huge pot that was visibly soaking wet I told them the pot was too big which allowed the soil to retain water extra long, making overwatering worse. but I got downvoted and someone who said to give it a copper supplement was upvoted.

maybe I'm dumb and the other guy was right. but reddit is the only place i see people talk about "supplements" for plants rather than calling that shit fertilizer like normal people, so I'm suspicious.

i kept reading people on reddit say you can put monstera deliciosa aerial roots in glasses of water until they produce aquatic roots and then lop those off the mother and grow them into new plants. so I looked it up cause it sounded fake and I was right.

where did that idea even come from. you clone those things from nodes, not rhizomes.

[remotely-radical]

i found it so interesting, that when i tell people about my last relationship, i dont sugar coat it, i explain all my wrong doings and what she said i did, and how horrible i was and made her feel. But also I get to express how i felt, what she was doing, id say word for word things she said, and yet, they always say its not okay. It's taken me a while to accept it, to stop defedning her and excusing every thing she did and how she made me feel. Though ill always most likely have a soft spot due to her past and trauma, im always going to be sad for the little girl who got put through so much. I genuinely wonder what kind of person she'd be without that upbringing.

But trauma is not an excuse to treat someone badly. Which is ironic as she'd often tell me those things. Say how because I've got issues, im now doing all these horrible things to her. I tell people that too, alot just find those normal relationship issues and can be worked on.

Which I wanted, but i couldnt get the time to work on myself because all my time was for her now. I have talked to strangers who dont know either of us. Said what happened, how i felt and what things made me feel. and people are shocked and just not okay with it,

Even now its still hard to paint her as a bad person, because how could someone so close be like that? I have to keep hold of hope she wasn't the way people see her. Then i feel bad, when someone speaks badly of her, calls her a narcissist, that she's manipulative, she's xyz and abusive. Because I still doubt myself at times. Since she called me those, am I just twisting the story and making it that way? How could I be doing that when these are my raw and genuine feelings? How could I of been all that when nothing in that relationship was benifitting me. All i was was hurt and on edge all the time in the end. Yes our relationship was beautiful at first. Which is so confusing and conflictng. Was any of it real? Did any of it mean anything to her? Or was all this just to have someone obsessed with her and boost her ego? Surely not..

But she is so egotistical, i used to like that and think the confidence was hot. But i realise its not just confidence, its genuinely thinking shes better than others and puts herself above. Because thats how i viewd it, thats how i was so okay being treated like dirt, because she was above me, i didnt deserve to be loved the way i loved her. That i needed to put her above me. which was hard, as sometimes id defy that, and want to do something for myself. Which usuallly ended in tears and fighting and being called selfish, so i learnt not to. Until the end, I started standing up formyself much more and sticking to my truth and reality and didnt let her alter it.

Makes me feel shame that i let her treat me that way, before meeting her, I had alot of self worth and progress, i was adamant i wouldnt be treated less than again. But she managed to get me there again, had me begging for her, and for what?

I did leave sometimes, or was going to, the time she told me to fuck off, im horrible and wished she never met me. I packed and started to leave, then she guilts me into staying by saying how hurt she is that im leaving instead of staying to fix it.

I thought it was done and over, i didnt think i could fix it. So it made me feel I had a chance, that shes willing to let me stay to fix, and so i did, for so long. Like fuck i stayed outside her door in the cold for 8 hours begging her to stay and how sorry I am. I feel so pathetic for that, but i was determined to prove my worth, to prove ill stay and fix it, to prove i wont leave. Because i thought thats what she wanted, when she said to leave, I should alawys find a way to stay, because otherwise she is hurt that im leaving????

But then she tells me im being domestic voilence everytime she says to leave and i dont. HOW DO I WIN, WHAT THE FUCK COULD I OF DONE. WHAT WAS THE RIGHT WAY AND ANSWER.

Like fuck me, the rules changed so much, i really wasnt enough, i always felt that, and its true. No one is enough for her, she needs to date a clone because no one is better than her. I feel she wont ever be happy with someone whos not her. Which is sad and makes me sad if thats true. Because after everything, i do want her healed and happy. I do want her to find someone that is perfect for her, meets her standards BUT not at the expense of them. Someone who is equal. Can call her on her shit, not let her walk all over them and control them. I think she needs to learn and to be comfortable in not controlling everything. Because its impossible to. It's how she can find peace.

She'd say that about me, that I need to be in control, that im causing everything wrong in the relationship because of it. I didnt feel that or resonate with that tho, as I know not everything can be controlled. But she was projecting her own thing on me.

I realise now that pretty much high majoirty of things she was accusing me of, was projection. Yet she had me so under her spell that I took it all into consideration and that I might be all these things. Even tho anytime i lookd up gaslighiting, manipulatin, narcissism etc, alot described her and what shes said.. was unsettling but i convinced myself its all me and that im actually even gaslighting myself into that and i really am this horrible person.

Was just so confusing. Especially the gaslighting, I had no clue what was going on half the time. She was so adamant I said xyz, but i genuinely hand on my heart had no memory of it or memory of saying something else. But mostly i just went with it, just caved in, submitted to it and just "admitted" it just to apologise and grovel and try and do better and make sure i dont do it again. But kept happening, i kept saying all these things according to her then lying about it. I felt so crazy, like actually crazy and scared I was blacking out and doing these things.

One im so so soSO adamant about is how she told me i told her she was over reacting. I did not, I said how i was understanding her reaction to the situatuon. Never once said it was an overreaction. Because i know those are damaging words and i was always so damn careful and alwyas tip toed around phrases like that. So i know it didnt say it.

but ofcourse she would of known her saying i said that id of contested it and called out on it and say i didnt say that. Which obviously turned into a full fight, her bawling her eyes saying im gaslighting and lying and making her feel awful.

Did she genuinely believe thiss?? what if this was so real for her, that she did think i said it, and did think i was gaslighting? Or was she legit manipulating the situation knowing how id react and used it as a way to get me to obey her.

idk man, this will always conflict me. If she did think this, then im so sorry for her as that would of been such a horrible feeling. Because i felt exactly that and wouldnt want to make somoene else feel that. So how could someone else intentionally do this ?? Scares me people like this exist. My friend who had a guy in her life be the worst person ever and was lying and manipulating her the entire time. Some things she said he said.. hit to close to him, or how he made her feel. Made me unsettled as there was some simular things. Surely not tho, maybe some traits, but i know she wouldnt be like him fully, since he was downright evil. I think she was just traumatised and having al0t of trauma responses.

but she really does love herself, or atleast presents herself that way, someone showed me her current dating profile. Just screams "im so hot and better than you" its way worse than when i matched with her. She's got these eyes, but they arent friednly eyes, they are scary. She was scary. I genuinely hadn't feared someone like that in a relationship.

even my abusive relationship, where my first gf would be voilent and hit me, It was a different kind of fear. I really dont know how to explain it.

As much as i want her to be a good person and infact it wasnt an abusive relationship, i cant deny the facts and motions i went through. Ive had several realtionships since my first DV. Not a single one had made me feel like my last one did.

She brought back alot of feelings from my past relationship, tho not all was exact the same. But i didnt feel that bad in myself for a long time. Even started to have dreams where my first was in it or something about her, yet I hadnt dreamed of her for years.

funnyily enough, I even told her about it, before i could even finish what i was saying and expressing how it made me feel. She already decided what it meant, I cant remmeber word for word, but was along the lines of "yeah youre treating me so bad to the point ur ex is showing up in ur dreams"

i was like.... right.... okay.. anyway, and actually told her how im feeling some simularties in this relationship and really opened up about it.

Ofcourse it became about her, and how DARE i compare the two and now ive made her feel bad bad and im being a bad person again yardyya ya.

Ive typed alot, first time properly using my tablets keyboard. So nice i got this, ive enjoyed doing digital art, very nice. :)

[almasidaliano]

Almasi for President

so in about 12 to 16 years, i am running for president. i do not believe the world will have ended then, though i do believe things will be different. hoping for better, not, not expecting worse. our system is broken. all of the systems are broken. the government is corrupt. the justice system is corrupt. those in charge are turning blind eyes, covering things up, and allowing the fall of our country. i will not be surprised if a civil war commences; although i'm also thinking they are going to really create and push for a purge. we are in real trouble then. that just goes back to what i said, are you standing for something or dying for nothing?

people were excited for biden to win. and i have to say, i was not one of them. biden seems like another puppet to me. obama was a puppet. he was his vp. crazy how biden is president and he has a black female vp now. that sounds like a win huh? wrong, she contributed to the failed prosecution of the officers who murdered Oscar Grant. that went over everyone's head during the election though. trump was just so bad had to get him out. biden is anti LGBTQ+. everyone wanted to put it on trump folks getting rowdy and such however, biden won and nothing changed.

trump's slogan was "make america great again." personally, i think he could have. trump's a businessman and to say the least, entertainment. they gave trump four years, why do you think they didn't renew his contract? because he was playing them. trump is a classist. he doesn't like poor people. personally, i think he just believes hardwork pays off, his did and so he just holds everyone to the standard he held himself. there are circumstances, however i think that's fair. he said all this racist shit everyone got mad. yet, he won by a landslide because the country said they would still rather this "bigoted, racist, sexist, classist asshole" than a woman. then the country complained the whole time. he exposed america and instead of society shining light and doing something they continued to do what we have been doing; pointing blame.

the system has failed us. the system failed us a long time ago. all trump did was present a call to action. the one thing i can give rednecks is they patriotic as fuck. they want the america they invision type shit. i feel like melanated people in general struggle with that because america never felt like home. america never wanted us here. but the fact of the matter is, this all we know. this is home now. there are 3 real options. 1. go back to where your bloodline stems. 2. sit and conform, hope they dont get you. 3. defend your rights, your home, and your people; come out on top or die trying. you have to pick something though. we have to do something because they those set to protect us are out to get us.

we do not have a democratic government not even a representative democracy like we once thought. sorry if you were today years old when you found out. we operate out of a republic; a constitutional federal republic. what's the difference? in a democracy, all that voting that we do, matters.  even if it was a representative democracy. we would have representatives to disclose our decisions. the electoral college makes final decisions on elections.

a constitutional federal republic means that the constitution which is the law of the land governs the land. if this is the law of the land, why do we have sub laws? the constitution needs to be amended. want to fix the race and inequality issues? let me tell you how, real easy fix. call a convention. take out any amendment that gives rights to people AND reword the beginning anyway folks see fit so that women and americans from all ethnic backgrounds get the same level of respect and rights. there will always be an unspoken division until things like that are rectified. before black people got rights we were not even counted as complete people, simply 3/5s of a person. life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. these are unalienable rights. my very existence guarantees me these rights.

the judicial system coupled with the criminal law system are hopeful, and still in need of reform. prisons are privately owned institutions, which are supposed to be forms of rehabilitation. instead, they are condemning people and treating them inhumanely; creating the same environment they were in on the outside, on in the inside conditioning them to be stuck in these ways as means of survival and then continue to place blame on them. officers need to take crimes more seriously. people are people, bias, prejudices, and profiling have no place in the workplace. officers are corrupt, arresting kids for selling, who just are trying to help their mother with the bills, then turning around and selling it back out on the streets. officers are wrongfully convictind and killing predominately (as far as the media is broadcasting) though not only melanated people. on top of that, they are walking free. lives are being lost and they arent even losing their jobs. tax dollars are going towards keeping them safe. however, if a civilian shoots a cop. up the river for them.

lawyers aren't fighting hard enough. especially defense attorneys. it is fairly simple to get a conviction with the right information, proving innocence is always a bit more complicated. the problem is that attorneys get too big eyed. they looking at how to get their clients off, accountability is another taboo in this society. there are a multitude of people who are innocent behind bars, as well as those who received heinous outrageous sentences. that is not right.

people factor more than necessary when trying to make a decision, yet they ignore the things that remind them a person is human. its this art contest over who can paint the best picture of the defendant. which story is easy for a jurors bias to sway? how people look matters. and it shouldn't. our government since the building of america, has created dividing markers.

just like with royal kingdoms, the wife couldn't have things of her own. her role was cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kids, and whatever else was asked of her. if there was a divorce, the woman got nothing. they had no rights. imagine being the first born as a female in a royal family and being told you can't have your kingdom, correction you can but you must marry to get it. then if you get married the new king running things not you. what is that? its called patriarchy. our government is run off a patriarchy as well.

so i never really believed there could be like a true separation of church and state because every law and decision made was based on people's morals and beliefs. there is supposed to be a separation of church and state yet, due to people's religious beliefs gay marriage had to get legalized, despite there being no law for heterosexual marriage. would that not make it illegal? since gay marriage had to be legalized though there was not a law for it either? then on top of that, how do you make it a law, and still for religious reasons, ministers and such can refuse? there are always stipulations and hinderances for the rights of those who are not white men.

ABORTION: i really do not know why we are still having this conversation. its literally conversations like this that have me looking at americans like--- seriously? once again there should be a separation of church and state. so religion cannot be a reason to outlaw it. how can you put out a law that dictates what someone can do with their body? all of life, i mean every part of life should be pro-choice. its just that simple. Pro-Choice. i am all for the right to decide for yourself. and men want to feel a way about women making that decision on their own. and while i do stand behind the fact that ultimately it is the womans decision, that does not mean she can't listen to an opinion. it is a part of the woman, literally grows inside of her an entire being. and fathers can just dip out and folks will just look at the mom and suddenly she should just become super woman. the pressure that comes with having a child is enough on its own. like thats a being that is dependent on you. some people are honest with themselves and know they arent ready or dont want it. all they need is support. the mental toll life takes on us is huge as well. still people do not consider that at all.

there is no point of incarcerating people, if they have still lost a chance at a decent life once they get out. jail is for rehabilitation. they go, do their time and then they are supposed to be allowed to try again. our government knows nothing of redemption, that's why all the top leaders go through so much to hide their dirt. they crucify civilians trying to make themselves seem superior, really they are just like you and i. almasi for president. im going to save the world.

-Almasi