#thats like when girls try to justify why they like an ugly guy

[jhlvogue]

bring back lovable villans !!

there is a reason why penelope as a character has the fandom so split and its because she is not a villain that is easily lovable.

look at characters such as daemon targaryean, klaus mikaelson, or blair waldorf, these are characters that are written to be the antagonist. they are written for us to not root from them. they don’t hide behind their actions, they stand ten toes down in it. if either of them were in penelope’s situation, there wouldn’t be any back and forth or plot holes to justify their actions.

klaus deadass told tyler what method he recommends in order to k*ll him by retelling tyler how is OWN MOTHER died by klaus’s own hands…and people (me included) STILL rooted for this man. that man was so in love with caroline he made it his mission to be tyler and mystic falls public enemy #1 just so he could be around her.

blair was not a perfect friend. she was the typical mean, rich , white privileged girl who could not understand other peoples wants or needs unless it benefited her. blair was not perfect but she never claimed to be perfect. she never claimed to be nice or some martyr. she was blair and she was loyal to her group even when that group wasn’t loyal to her. people went from hating her in season one to rooting for her to win in the end.

daemon targaryean is not a hero. that man is about to say a ‘son for a son’ and you know what? he is going to have the whole team black fandom rooting for the war crimes he is about to ensue. not once did daemon say he was the good guy or excuse his actions. that man took the definition of standing on buisness during the dance of dragons. he is a morally gray character that is loved by the fandom and does not waste his time trying to be some disney prince.

penelope & polin fans find the incessant need to have an excuse for every single one of penelopes actions. whether it be her being a wallflower or ‘saving’ her loved ones by writing about them, there always is an excuse for her selfish actions. penelope is not given the space to relish in the villain that is LW. she could have been so much more as a morally gray character that admitted to writing shit about people while also growing into a woman who is known to tell it like it is and not hide behind the glitter and pastels of the ton. i mean isn’t that what LW is meant to do? uncover the ugly truth behind the dances and courtships of the privileged society?

but she cant fufill this because yall want her to be the good guy! you want her to be the heroine so bad when her writing and personality isnt set up for that. thats why people are pissed with every character bending backwards to be ok with what she does-yall want the new lady bridgerton to have everything and be the poster child of that family. thats why yall have all of these think pieces about how eveyone around penelople sucks & has something they need to work on while she is perfect. be so for real penelope does some nasty stuff & she would have been great doing that stuff and owning it like a true boss and not this cookie cutter princess ending where she continues to write gossip as penelope bridgeton.

[catos-wound]

Hi, no pressure to answer but also feel free to rant! Would genuinely love to hear your take on Madeline Miller's SOA/Circe, as my own opinion is quite conflicted. (if you're tired of discussing it that's totally understandable tbh)

ahh oh boy fair warning im not going to even try to be academic and objective about this

i read tsoa, liked it > read iliad (twice), liked that more. > read tsoa again, didnt like it anymore. i think as an introduction to greek myth/homer its fair. fine's fine. she's got it kind of down. the irritating part is just how awful some people are when discussing why x is good or bad and its clear theyre basing it entirely off modern retellings. <- especially so when its about gods. doubly ignorant to me

circe i liked even less than tsoa, although that may be because my favourite guy is odysseus and that i hated the telegony. my main gripe was how often circe needed a 'reason' to be the villain. she needed to be the ugly sister, the rejected girl, the rape victim (did that happen? ive forgotten) to justify all the 'man-hating' stuff she did. and her portrayal of odysseus - again, biased pov - was less than enticing. odysseus isnt a saint but theres a tasteful way to interpret just howww much of a predator he can be to this woman in particular, i believe. i will say if youre looking for a feminist odyssey retelling i recommend atwood's penelopiad. it has its own issues (god help me) but i mostly liked penelope, and i really liked penelope and odysseus.

and to be clear i think its disingenuous to write off the telegony just bc it sucks (it does suck). to me thats like beefing with apollonius for saying that achilles was fucking with medea lmfaooo. my unhappiness with many retellings is usually less about plot solely/'origin' adherence and more about why are we still writing like thissss. like its not necessary to overvillainise men for being. men in an ancient time. much less young men (pyrrhus was in his early teens i believe). I think you can be feminist without being irritating. which circe is majorly. tsoa... i wont even try to argue about it being feminist. quite clear its. not.!

[1kook]

some way, some how

jeon jungkook x (f) reader

Summary: Maybe you don’t know Jungkook as well as you thought you did. Maybe he doesn’t know you. Warnings: emotional constipation, toxic ex, internalized misogyny, jk has bad experiences w/his ex’s dad, one scene where jk throws up, brief episode of panic, mentions of terminal cancer (minor); smut; fingering, praise kink, face fucking, spitting kink, cunnilingus, unprotected sex on top of a car im sorry Misc: autoshop owner!jk, businesswoman!oc, slice of life, childhood crushes, friends to lovers, ex gfs, pining, country bumpkin pjm w/crush on oblivious oc, ex-bf kth but it’s not real lol Wc: 19.4k (wow!!!)

the spirit of auto shop jk possessed me n next thing i knew i was 11k into a drabble. if ur curious: the 1975 corvette, car at the end, the tweed suitskirt (not actually chanel ☹️sowwyyy) also: this is the longest fic I've written!!!!! clap for me!!!!! i proofread the first few paragraphs n was like thats enough professionalism for the day

inspired by ain’t no mountain high enough one of my fave songs ever🥺 the title is a lyric from the song bc i love it so much enjoy !!

The garage is mostly dark when you enter, the faint hum of a radio quietly filtering through the stagnant room, its source coming from the back wall, where the only light is. It’s a rolling lamp, shining down an ugly yellow glow onto the figure of one man.

Jungkook’s sitting in that same rolling stool he always is, the metal one that’s rusted beyond repair, the cushion so uncomfortably flat. He’s caught up in whatever paint job he’s been tasked with this time around, a classic muscle car from what looks like the 80’s. He’s humming along to the radio, so caught up in stenciling out his design that he doesn’t notice you creep behind him until you’re very purposefully rattling the tool cart beside him, a teasing “boo!” making him jump.

“Fuck, you scared me,” he gasps, rubs over his chest as if to check if his heart is in fact still there. You grin, brandish your bag of takeout out for him before he can lecture you on the dangers of startling people who work around very complex machinery. Instead, all he says is, “you’re an angel.”

Once you’ve got the food carefully scattered across his work bench, your cherry cola tucked next to a canister of gasoline like that’s the safest practice, Jungkook wastes no time diving into all the details of his project, the 1975 Chevy Corvette behind him. The longer you look at it, the more you feel you’ve seen it somewhere. Probably a car show, you presume.

“Purrs like a kitten,” he sighs dreamily, completely ignoring the way half his toppings slide out from the opposite end of his cheeseburger. You don’t, and you swipe a fallen pickle from his tray before he can catch you.

“A kitten?” You ask, glance over at the car. It’s desperately in need of a paint job, and you only realize this now as you stare at it more in depthly. The niggling feeling that you know this car is still there, but you ignore it in favor of indulging your best friend. “Don’t people usually compare cars to bigger, better cats?”

There’s a taped stencil running alongside the car, a thick stripe followed by a thinner one, and you suppose Jungkook’s trying to spice her up, give her back the same youthfulness she probably had in her prime. What better way to do so than by adding some classic stripes alongside it.

Jungkook hums, gulps down his soda noisily. “Not this one. Never heard an engine as soft as hers.”

You roll your eyes. For a minute, the two of you quietly chew through your burgers, the radio filling in the gaps while you analyze the car. You know this car, but you can’t remember where. Jungkook coughs into his palm, probably from trying to inhale his fries too fast like he does every time you go to the diner you’re eating from today.

The diner.

A mouthful of braces. A pretty waitress. A strict dad.

“Holy shit, this is Sojin’s dad’s car,” you inhale, the memories from high school suddenly hitting you full force. Jungkook chokes, out of surprise this time, and furiously goes to deny your claims. “This is totally his car. The one he tried to run you over with when he caught you trying to put her on the back of your bike.”

“He didn’t try to run me over,” Jungkook whines, and the tips of his ears are red from your revelation.

You glare. “Why are you fixing that asshole’s car for him?” You interrogate, the last quarter of your burger forgotten in favor of squeezing the truth out of him. You’d had enough of that treacherous woman and her equally deranged father causing Jungkook trouble, and to catch him still helping her now, almost ten years later, was enough to make a brain vessel pop.

He shrugs, avoids your eyes as he picks through his fries. The radio is still on, some tune you recognize from those old days at the diner when Jungkook had become so unbelievably smitten with the part timer that served you milkshakes every Wednesday afternoon.

He had been in love with her the moment he saw her, and the look in his eyes was only magnified by those dorky glasses he wore pre-lasik. You'd been his friend long enough, recognized the jump of his scrawny thigh beneath the table. Like a bunny, thumping in excitement at the sight of her.

Sojin was... full of surprises.

She was nothing less than a supermodel, long legs carrying her around the diner as if it was her runway. She was nice too, so you hadn’t originally had an excuse to dislike her. She was nice, and so endeared with your best friend that it was inevitable when they began dating. Her presence consumed the end of your high school careers, overtook the time that should have been yours and Jungkook’s last year before being thrown into adulthood. He decided on studying at a technical school nearby—per your encouragement to save money—while you travelled five hours out for your degree in business. That last year, when you had finally come to terms with your feelings, had been so painfully ripped away by Sojin and her never-ending list of teenage drama, and by Sojin’s dad and his overbearing need to police her and Jungkook every chance he got.

Jungkook still hung out—“Sojin was busy, do you wanna do something?”—but more often than not those hang outs consisted of Jungkook telling you about her and her dad, about how hard he tried to get into his good graces.

The bike incident had only been one of many. Times where Jungkook would put his heart—and life—on the line for that girl only for it to be in vain every time she broke up with him over the simplest things. You’d heard stories from Jungkook, all told with a tight smile, of a handshake that would bruise, a man chasing him with a bat, of a car following him to school. All things he put up with for a girl who didn’t care for him. One day, after Jungkook had grudgingly sat through an hour long dinner with her family, the stare of her father piercing through him, she broke up with him because she didn’t like how long his hair had gotten.

(If anyone were to ask you, he was handsome with long hair. Dreamy even.)

He cut it that same day.

As her childishness grew, you quickly came to dislike her. She strung Jungkook around, you thought, and just when you thought she was finally done toying with him and making his life difficult in the sneakiest ways, the damn kid started hitting the gym. His growing frame, toned arms and now straightened teeth had turned him into a heartthrob, and Sojin was just as aware of this as you were. “Don’t we look perfect together?” She’d ask, twirl around him like they were on the cover of a magazine and not standing on his chipped front porch.  

Needless to say, by the time graduation had rolled around you despised the woman. You absolutely disliked how she treated Jungkook, how she let her father treat Jungkook without ever stepping up and defending him. Granted, you didn’t know exactly what went on in her household behind closed doors, you’d seen enough of her uncaring attitude to want to ram her and her dad’s head against the hood of the car.

Which is why seeing the old car, in Jungkook’s shop nonetheless, was rekindling a boiling hatred in your chest. “That man should rot in hell for all he put you through,” you huff, glare at the car like it holds some magical connection to him and he can feel the intensity of your stare.

“___,” Jungkook scolds, swirls his cup around to distract himself. “He was just trying to protect his only daughter,” he defends, quietly, like it’s what he tells himself to justify all those years of mistreatment. Even when he and Sojin had continued through college, it had never stopped. You, being five hours away, couldn’t do a damn thing. “Besides, the guy’s old as hell now.”

You snort, finally breaking your staring match with the car. Glancing at Jungkook, he’s got that same forlorn expression on his face, the one he started wearing when he first came to terms with the fact that her dad would never like him. There was a time it was stuck permanently on his face, the pressure and the discomfort that came from the father of the girl you’ve dated for five years looking at you like you were nothing more than a speck of dirt on the bottom of his shoe.

When you came back from school, educated and confident, you almost didn’t recognize your best friend. Tall and broad, tattoos splattered over his arm. Hair long like you loved it, but eyes still as round and wondrous as they’d been when you were kids. He had his own place now, he told you, and you vaguely remembered all the times he mentioned him and Sojin moving in together, mentally preparing yourself to see that wench for the first time in a while.

Much to your surprise, there was no Sojin in sight. No lingering artifacts of her presence. Nothing that showed she existed in this space besides an ugly orange mug she’d given him for his birthday one year, tucked into the very back of his cabinets. They’d broken up, he explained. Almost immediately after graduation.

After stringing him along for the better part of five years, she had decided this wasn’t what she wanted. No, what she wanted was a man ten years her senior with an abundance of cash to flow. Jungkook hadn’t cried. Hadn’t even looked the tiniest bit upset when you ordered pizza and drank some beer, watched your favorite episodes of The Simpsons like you were seventeen and avoiding your homework again.

You stayed the night, a little too tipsy to drive home. Besides, Jungkook had a spare bedroom. It was a room beside his, just a full bed with a chest of drawers. You liked it, liked the scent of him surrounding you after only seeing each other for a couple weeks in between months of distance. You liked it, because when he shifted in bed you realized the beds were pressed against the same wall, and you liked it until the shared wall spared you no secrets, and you listened to him quietly sob into his pillow.

“Old or not, he’s still the devil,” you murmur, snapping back to the present where Jungkook is wheeling himself closer to the car again. “Where did you find that thing anyway?”

He stays silent, quietly pretending like he still has something to do on the car besides paint it. Then, “I bumped into Sojin at the store.”

You sigh, drop your head between your shoulders. You can only imagine what whirlwind of a sob story she had to throw on him to win this favor.

“Kook,” you start, gauging his reaction only from his backside. His muscles ripple beneath his dark t-shirt, his usual red jumpsuit knitted around his waist. “What happened?”

Again, silence.

You say nothing, let him sort through the hurt on his own while you creep up behind him, sliding your hands over his shoulders and pressing down on the cricks behind his neck. He melts into your touch, head lolling forwards as a quiet sigh escapes him.

“She told me she was low on cash, and she needed the car to get to work,” he confesses, and from his ducked position, his voice trembles. You roll your eyes.

“And the paint job?”

A particularly rough press of your fingers has a whimper escaping him. God, this boy needed to see a chiropractor and a masseuse soon. All that hunching over and under these cars was doing a number on his back.

“I… I figured I might as well fix up the exterior too.” Of course he would, you think, Jungkook’s heart was stupidly big and easy to manipulate. He would get so swept up in it sometimes, trying to do the best he can for everyone’s benefit that he’d ignore himself.

You sit in his confession, fingers digging into his skin for a few minutes as you consider what to say.

The mature adult in you, the logical half of you, wants to hit him upside the head, scold him for letting that wench into his life again so easily. You were going on twenty-six now, all three of you, and you didn’t have time to be fixing him every time that childish woman decided to toy with him. Granted, it’s been four years since you last saw her, since you heard him muffle his cries on the other side of the wall, and you liked to think Jungkook was a respectful adult of society now. He didn’t have time to get dragged around by self-absorbed women with insane fathers.

The other part, the best friend since childhood, wants to run away. Wants to pack Jungkook into a suitcase and take him far away from here and from her. Unlike you, who now lived in the city, Jungkook had stayed in your small hometown, a quiet place just outside the bustling city. It was difficult to ensure his happiness when you were always forty-five minutes out of reach. It would be so much easier to just take him and fly to another province, maybe on the beach, Jungkook loved the beach.

“Listen,” he says, successfully pulling you out from your spiral. “I know what you’re gonna say and I just wanna tell you it’s not like that.”

You blink, hands stilling on his shoulders. Your lack of movement allows him to spin around on his chair, gaze up at you with the same shiny gaze he’s given you ever since you were kids. “I’m just doing her this tiny favor. She looked...” he trails off, face scrunching to find the words.

“Like shit?” You propose, and he smiles. “Like flaming dumpster shit behind a club?”

Jungkook laughs, loud and beautiful. You want to kiss the mole beneath his lip.

“She looked bad, okay?” He settles, reaches forward to take your palm in his. You’re standing between his thighs, and you wonder how he would have acted if you were Sojin. “Don’t think things worked out with that CEO she was dating. I’m just giving her a push.”

You sigh, try to push those crestfallen sobs to the back of your head. “Okay,” you agree, briefly glancing back at the damn car. “You fix her car, and that’s it,” you state. Jungkook nods, makes a little X over his heart. He knows how much you hate that woman. “No funny business.”

“No funny business,” he agrees, then reaches down for a white spray can. “You wanna spray some dicks on it before I paint it?”

“Please,” you laugh, taking the face mask he offers you with a grin.

—

One day your car starts making a weird noise as you pull out of the underground parking garage of your building. It’s somewhere between a pig squealing and metal scraping. You’ve been around Jungkook long enough to know this is probably something to do with your breaks, something about them being loose or old, one of the two. You have a short day at work today. There’s repairs being done to the office you work at, so everyone’s been spending more time working from home.

You leave work a little after two pm, head pounding from the hour long meeting you sat through, the mediocre business proposals your boss had asked you to look through and file. There’s a hefty load of emails waiting in your inbox, mostly the interns requesting you write them a recommendation letter. You’ll have to look through those later, pick out the good ones and write them each a unique piece kissing the ground they walk on.

The scent of freshly fried donuts hits your nose as you pull into your old town; the bakery down the road from Jungkook’s has their windows open. You can already taste the sweetness on the tip of your tongue, the iced coffee cooling your insides as you sit and watch Jungkook work on your car.

Jungkook’s shop is on the corner of the street, takes up a huge chunk with it’s massive garage and driveway; the office area is tiny compared to the sheer size of the actual work floor. There’s music blaring through the overhead speakers, and when you pull in you recognize it as Jimin’s playlist.

“Morning, Miss,” the country bumpkin says, leaning against your car door as you rifle through your purse. “What’re you in for?”

“Hi, Jimin,” you reply sweetly, take his hand as he helps you out the door. You very vaguely explain the noise your car had made that morning, glancing around the shop as Jimin gets to work inspecting it. “Where’s Jungkook?”

Jimin’s waving over some other employees, all greeting you in their matching red jumpsuits. “Kook’s in the office,” he tells you, and it’s almost sensual the way his hand glides over your palm for your keys. God, you needed to get laid. “Has some lady friend in there with him.”

You pause, the bustling of the crew behind you fading into the background. Something inside you snaps, and you whirl around the garage, before catching sight of a 1975 Chevy Corvette, almost unrecognizable from how you’d last seen it. It’s bright red now, a color you only briefly saw before you’d left the other night, with two, lightning bolt racing stripes decorating each side. It looks new, almost in mint condition, and the fact it’s still here has you storming through the garage.

Your heels clack loudly, the crew moving to the side as you torpedo straight into the offices. You barely remember to greet the receptionist before you’re stomping straight into the main office.

There’s no knock, no warning given, before you’re flinging the door open, seeing exactly what you’d expected. 

“___,” Jungkook stutters, jumping onto his feet from his position on the couch. He looks frantic, wide eyes flickering between you and the woman sitting in front of him, her back turned to you. But you’d recognize that silhouette anywhere.

“Did you say ___?” She says, and she’s still as tall and as beautiful as you remember her. Had it not been for the heels you wore, you don’t doubt she’d tower over you. She flashes you a killer smile, lips carefully painted red. It almost looks murderous. “My! ___, you haven’t changed a bit,” Sojin exclaims, rushing around the couch to pull you into a tight hug. You don’t return it.

You let her cling to you for a second, before pushing her away as gently as you can by the shoulders. As much as you’d like to rip her in half, tear her apart for all she did to Jungkook, you won’t. You’re older now, elegant in all the ways you weren’t before. It would be a huge disservice to your maturity if you shoved your heel up her ass right now.

“It’s lovely seeing you, Sojin,” you smile, taking her hand in yours.

Besides, being a woman in business meant you knew better, more creative ways to strike.

“And your boyfriend?” You ask, tilting your head in staged confusion. You even glance around the office, like you’ll find the geezer hiding behind the potted plant or Jungkook’s frozen figure. “The rich one with the huge company? Did he come with you today?”

Her smile tightens, red lips pursed as she gauges you with those cat eyes that haunt your nightmares every now and then. “My ex-boyfriend,” she corrects after a minute, pastes a forlorn expression onto her features. “We’ve separated, and you know how it is for women like us,” she jests. “We need a man to push us along—“

“Do we?” You ask, think back on all those years of school, of studying and working and pushing yourself, all the time you spent investing in yourself for yourself. “I don’t think so,” you contemplate. “It’s really embarrassing if you can’t care for yourself without the help of a man. Almost like you don’t trust in your own abilities, and ride other’s coattails instead.”

A beat of silence. Two completely different worlds, and Jungkook hovering awkwardly beside you.

Two palms grasp your shoulders from behind, and when you turn Jungkook is smiling at you, forced and stressed like he can’t stand to be in this uncomfortable situation any longer. “Well,” he announces, pushing you behind him as he guides Sojin towards the door. “There was an issue with her car, so I’ll just check on it real quick, okay?”

You nod, feel empty as he takes her by the wrist, and not you. He hands her her purse, palm on the small of her back as they exit the office. When the door clicks shut behind them, you throw your own handbag at the ground, barely stop yourself from stomping like a child.

Instead, you breathe in, hold it, and exhale, just like your Tuesday yoga instructor taught you. By the time you’ve collected yourself a few minutes have passed, so you kneel down to gather your fallen lipstick tubes and cellphone from the floor, scooping them back into your purse.

Tugging the door shut behind you, you mindlessly wander down the hall, until you reach the small receptionist area and nearly get jumped by Kim Taehyung. “Holy shit, you won’t believe this,” he gasps, takes you by the shoulders and nearly shakes you until your brain falls out through your ears. You would have slapped him, had this been any other man, but he’s quite possibly the only man besides Jungkook you’d let jostle you like this. “You’ll never guess who just left the office with J—wait,” he pales, suddenly connecting two and two, your exit from said offices definitely a key factor in whatever conclusion he’s drawn. “You were in the office with Hwang Sojin and you didn’t kill her?!”

You huff, let him shake you again until you’re nearly tripping in your heels. “Yes, I know,” you groan, finally slap his hands away when you begin to feel this morning’s breakfast bubbling from all the motion. “I’m surprised too.”

“Wow,” Taehyung marvels, leans back against the receptionist desk even though the poor girl has told him time and time again not to. He ignores her, something he can do as second best friend to the boss. “Remember when she showed up crying outside his mom’s house and you threw a potted plant at her? Oh how the great have fallen.”

Rolling your eyes, you drift over to the plexiglass window in the office that looks out across the entirety of the garage floor. In the corner, Jungkook’s got the hood of the Corvette open as he works away on something, Sojin tapping at her phone beside him. “Why are you here, Tae?”

He steps beside you, tuned into the same scene. “Can’t visit my ex-girlfriend every now and then?” He teases, you groan.

“We dated for three days, dude, let it go,” you whine, and watch with rapt attention as Jungkook motions for her to start the engine. She does, and it purrs to life, soft and silky just like Jungkook said it does. She squeals and claps, launches herself into his arms in thanks. You look away.

“Yuck,” Taehyung gags and you couldn’t agree more. “Can’t believe you ended the best 72 hours of my life for that pinhead and the hussy attached to his hip.”

He shrieks when you pinch his side, and you take great satisfaction in the judgemental stare half the crew sends him through the glass. After all, they weren’t soundproof. “You embarrassed me and my brand,” he huffs, crossing his arms as the two of you return to watching Jungkook and the hussy.

“He’s not a pinhead,” you softly retort, watch him wipe a bead of sweat off his forehead as he waves her off. Sojin sends him a brigade of air kisses, none of which he catches. A sick sense of glee consumes you at the sight, but then he’s turning to stare directly at you and Taehyung through the glass, and the both of you quickly whirl away.

“His ability to find you in less than a second is so weird,” Taehyung shivers, and you ignore it, taking the candy from the bowl on the receptionist desk. She doesn’t care, having heard these conversations more than enough times to get the general gist of what you and Taehyung gossip about. You’re surprised she’s never mentioned it to Jungkook before.

Regardless, you listen to Taehyung complain about his life for a few more minutes, before Jimin’s sweet voice pops into the room. His ash blonde hair is all ruffled, and there’s something dark smeared over his otherwise perfect skin as he tells you your car is fixed. Taehyung bids you goodbye, and Jimin walks you back to your car out on the garage floor.

“All set, miss,” Jimin grins, puts a hand against the car so you don’t hit your head as you go in. You thank him, and don’t miss the way he lingers by your window.

“Is something wrong?” You ask, tilt your head quizzically. Jimin’s cheeks flush, and he looks shyly at the ground.

“Actually, I was wondering if—“

“___,” Jungkook calls, jogging over beside Jimin, who looks almost ashamed to be caught doing...whatever it was he was gonna do. Jungkook glances at him, catches him in some weird staring contest before crouching down to your window. “You needed your car fixed? Why didn’t you tell me?”

You blink, don’t know how to politely tell him he was too busy kissing the ass of his toxic ex-girlfriend to help you out. “Jimin helped me,” you smile, the same practiced expression you’ve mastered since college. You usually get by, usually trick people with that look, but not with him. Jungkook knows you too well, knows that look, and knows you’re holding yourself back. “You were busy.”

His lips part in surprise, tugged downwards with the hint of a frown. “I,” he stutters, looks at Jimin, who doesn’t seem that impressed with him either. “I… I would’ve came if you called.”

You tug your sunglasses out from their little case, slide them over the bridge of your nose as you strap your seatbelt over yourself. “Would you though?” You ask, flash him another polite smile before shifting your car’s gears. Jimin walks off, clears the path for you to exit, and with just Jungkook standing there, you speak freely. “I would hate to distract you from something important.”

—

Some of the proposals end up being better than expected, and after carefully sifting through them, your boss asks you to sit through presentations for the next few days. Your time gets consumed in graphs and budgets. There’s a multitude of businesses you have to look into, some big and well-known, and others small and local. You drive around the city one day, visiting business after business, until your ankles hurt in your heels and your cheeks hurt from all the smiling. Your only comfort is the nice Chanel skirt suit you’re wearing that makes you feel like the most important person in the room wherever you go.

By the time the week’s over, there’s a thin cut forming on the back of your ankles from all the walking you’ve done in your heels. You slump against your front door, tossing your heels in the vague direction of the closet before padding through your house.

You nearly scream yourself sore at the figure in your kitchen, hunched over what looks to be a hastily made cake with a number three candle. “Oh my god,” you seethe, turning the overhead light on to illuminate Jungkook’s grinning figure, dirty and sweaty from work. You glance at the clock on the stove; it’s only been about an hour since his garage closed.

“Surprise!” He exclaims, and you’re not the slightest bit amused when he begins humming the happy birthday song on a day that is definitely not your birthday.

When he’s done, you don’t clap and his beaming smile doesn’t waver. “It is not my birthday,” you calmly state, placing your leather padfolio on the counter.

Jungkook blows the candle out for you. “It’s the birthday of when we first met,” he explains, and gets to cutting the cake. How he remembers such a day, you don’t know. You do know that this is his mom’s birthday cake recipe, and you love that. “Can you believe it? Friends for almost three decades.”

“Almost,” you repeat, dutifully sitting across from him and taking the plate he offers. He nods at you like a bobblehead. 

His eyes are sparkly and big, like he’s drunk, and it’s only then you notice the red wine on the table, bottle open and halfway done. You set your fork down, grasp the neck of the bottle in your hand. “Have you been drinking?” You ask, even though the answer stares you right in the face. You frown. “You hate drinking.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes, shovels more cake into his mouth to delay his response. “Needed it,” he offhandedly explains, nearly eats the candle but you jump forward to snatch it off his fork before he can.

“What do you mean?” You inquire. You’re not hungry anymore, too interested in whatever’s going on in his head to make him think he needs to be drunk around you.

Jungkook gulps, reaches forward for more wine but you cradle the bottle to your chest. You nearly gasp when he levels you with a real, stony glare, the expression out of place on his face. “Cuz you’re mad,” he huffs. “At me.”

There was a time you would coddle Jungkook’s every mistake, never let him think he was at fault for anything. You’d grown out of it shortly before high school, recognizing boys were stupid no matter how much you tried to prove otherwise. Since then, you’ve watched him get into trouble time and time again—Sojin being the prime example—and only intervened when absolutely necessary. Some part of you, the half that hates seeing him upset, wants to tell him you’re not. The mature part in you, however, doesn’t let that happen.

“I am,” you agree, watch his eyes widen almost comically at your admission. You set the wine bottle back on the table, leaning your chin on your palm as you level him with the most unimpressed gaze you can. “I’m furious, actually.”

He whimpers, actually whimpers like a kicked puppy, and you can almost see the metaphorical ears pressed against his head and the tail tucked between his legs. His lips are big and pouty, stained from the wine. You’d love to know what they feel like.

Jungkook’s vulnerability lasts all of three seconds, before he’s shaking himself out of whatever emotional pit his foggy brain has him in. “Well, it’s dumb,” he spits, and it’s your turn to sit in shock. “You can’t tell me what to do.”

“Excuse me?” You ask, incredulously, because this has never happened before. Are you overprotective and sometimes overbearing? Sure. Has Jungkook ever voiced discomfort with that before? Never. “I’m not telling you what to do,” you sneer, crossing your arms over your chest.

He rolls his eyes, pushes away from the table like a moody teen. You know it’s because he’s drunk, because he’s not himself, but you have to remind yourself that he obviously felt this way somewhere in his heart to voice it to you now. “You’re not my mom.”

You choke. “I’m not!” You angrily agree, pushing away from the table as well.

Jungkook snarls, “well you sure do love acting like her.” He picks up his plate, glances over at you with a look in his eyes that can only be likened to that of a sneaky cat, and then purposefully shoves the bread and frosting down the garbage disposal in the sink. You shriek, fly around the table and shove him away.

“What is wrong with you?” You seethe, push him away rudely with a hand on his face. Jungkook stumbles back, slips on the floor and nearly cracks his head on the corner of the counter. “Oh my god,” you exclaim, abandoning the sink in favor of watching the way his face twists up at the sudden motion, stomach contracting beneath his black t-shirt, cheeks puffing. “Oh god, oh god,” you stammer, tugging him to his feet with the strength only a panicked individual about to see an entire cake regurgitated onto their kitchen tile can have.

You’ve barely kicked the door to the bathroom open when Jungkook begins throwing up, gooey vomit spewing from his mouth and onto the floor. It touches your arm, and you shriek before shoving him in the general direction of the toilet.

“Ew, ew,” you freak, shoving your hand under the sink faucet to get that gross feeling away. You wanna vomit yourself, but you tell yourself there can only be one sick person at a time, and right now it’s Jungkook.

He’s got his head in the toilet, disgusting sounds echoing off the ceramic of it. By the time you’ve calmed down and washed your arm thrice, you move over to pull his bangs away from his face, letting him hurl in peace.

“I’m sorry,” he mopes, spews another round of birthday cake into the toilet.

You look away, blindly reach out to turn the bathroom fan on. “Mhm,” you nod, rubbing a hand over his back. Jungkook nods sadly against the toilet seat.

“‘M sorry,” he repeats, gags around nothing but the gross feeling left in his throat. “I-I know you just want…” a pause as he considers throwing up some more, “...want what’s best for me.”

“I do,” you agree, wipe a hand down the side of his face that he leans into. “Not trying to be your mom,” you assure him, and he snorts.

“Be a good mom,” he murmurs, so soft you don’t hear him. You hum, leaning closer and he repeats it. “You’d be… a good mom.”

Not knowing what to do with that information, you just pat his back until he falls asleep, cheek against the toilet seat.

—

“Woah, the sexual tension in this garage is off the charts,” Taehyung blurts from behind you, and you smack your clipboard against his chest. “Oof,” he grunts, rubbing his chest like it actually hurt. “You doing finances for him again?” He asks and you nod.

In an ideal world, Taehyung would leave upon finding out you’re busy. In this world, he simply leans into your personal space, nearly knocking you into an empty tool cart. “Oooh, an extensive list of all the money Jungkook’s stupidly blown this month. How much did he spend on neon signs this time?”

You relent, showing him the shop’s finances. Anywhere else, revealing a business’s finances without the consent of the owner would be a federal crime. Here, it’s the equivalent of showing Taehyung Jungkook’s browser history. “He spent how much on window tint?!”

“A lot,” you say.

There’s a whistle from across the garage, the shop’s resident country bumpkin Park Jimin standing at the huge garage doors with his hand on his hip. “No fraternizing, please.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes. “Boooo,” he shouts, peels himself away from you to flick an impolite finger Jimin’s way. “He’s just jealous,” he tells you, and you frown.

“Of what?” You ask, and Taehyung nearly loses his shit.

“My precious ___,” he sighs, leans his forehead on your shoulder. “So beautiful and smart, yet so slow.” You flick the side of his forehead just as Jungkook strolls by and, seeing your attack, slaps the back of Taehyung’s neck. “Why do you guys hate me!” Taehyung exclaims, jumping at least five feet away from you and Jungkook’s giggling forms.

“How’s it going?” Jungkook asks you, completely ignoring Taehyung’s soulful cries as he glances over your shoulder at the clipboard. You tilt it his way, but he stands close anyway, until you can feel his breath huffing against the back of your neck.

“Okay, but you’re spending a lot of money stockpiling on things that haven’t shown signs of running out yet,” you explain, pointing at the window tint that had astonished Taehyung only a moment ago.

Jungkook grimaces, pink tongue swiping across his lip as he looks at the total amount he’s spent the last three months. “Well, it’s a good thing I have my accountant,” he grins, throwing an arm over your shoulder.

“Not your accountant,” you correct, “just a friend who doesn’t wanna see you run your business to the ground from overspending.”

Jungkook waves you off, and Taehyung tries to sneak into the receptionist office behind you, but Jungkook catches him with his free hand. “This is the life,” he sighs, wistfully gazing over the garage floor. It reeks of motor oil and car paint.

“Count me out,” Taehyung snorts, voicing your disinterest toward such greasy and smelly work. He tries to wiggle out of Jungkook’s hold, but the muscle bunny only straps an arm around his neck, until Taehyung’s squirming and clawing for air against the red sleeve of his jumpsuit.

“My own successful business, a shitload of sexy cars, and of course,” he pauses, squeezes the two of you tighter until you’re both groaning. “My two best friends.” The sap has the gall to peck the top of your heads, and that seems to be the final straw for Taehyung who rips himself away.

“Have this lovefest somewhere else, man,” Taehyung says, flattening his rumpled clothing down. “You’re really putting a nail in my reputation around here.”

Jungkook cackles, mindlessly goes to wrap himself around you from behind. “Your reputation has been trash since that scream you let out the other day,” he informs him, swaying the two of you back and forth. Your heart thunders in your chest, and you just barely manage to avoid Taehyung’s pointed stare.

“Whatever, I’m outta here.” With Taehyung peaced out, you’re left in Jungkook’s arms, gazing over his business like two old lovers. It makes your chest tight, so you quickly go to shake him off.

“We’re okay?” Jungkook murmurs, so soft you almost don’t hear. He’s got his hand wrapped around your wrist, thumb massaging over the bone there like he’s afraid you’ll bolt the second he lets you go.

You nod, tuck the clipboard to your side. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

Those sad puppy eyes, pouty lips turned southward. You want to wipe that look off his face. He sighs, glances at where your skin meets and gives it a squeeze. “I’ve been an ass lately,” he settles on saying. “Said some mean things and ruined your bathroom rug—I’m sorry.”

You don’t know what to say.

Jungkook takes your silence as understanding, reaching down to hold both your hands in his slightly dirty ones. “It won’t happen again. I’d rather lose a million friends than lose you,” he confesses, and something about it feels too real, too raw. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

You nod, the constricting feeling in your throat only tightening when he smiles at you, those gentle eyes and plush lips for only you to see. You want to kiss him, swallow him whole. Right here on the garage floor so everyone knows he’s yours.

But you can’t because he’s not.

You settle on swinging your arms between you. “Just don’t do anything stupid,” you warn him, narrowing your eyes playfully. There’s a heavy feeling in your heart, something akin to anguish, but you could never voice it out loud.

“I won’t,” Jungkook promises.

—

Jungkook visits again on a weekday, and you nearly send him straight home when he brandishes another bottle of wine in your face. “It’s nonalcoholic!” He exclaims before you can shut the door on him, foot lodged against the frame. You give in.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” You ask, curling up on the couch in just your shorts and huge t-shirt. Jungkook pops the bottle open, pouring the wine into two limited edition Shrek 2 cups you pulled out from the depths of your cabinet.

“Can’t hang with my bestie?” He throws back at you, snatching the remote from your hands before you can click on another episode of that dumb housewives show. You end up watching National Geographic, some documentary about the role of bioluminescent shrimp in the sea.

“Aw look, they’re kissing,” he cooes at a pair of seahorses that wander across the screen halfway through a shot of some school of shrimp. “How romantic.”

“Wonder what that’s like,” you comment, not thinking too much on the meaning behind your words until you can feel Jungkook’s stare pierce your cranium. “What?”

“You’ve never been kissed?” He blurts, and you choke on your wine.

“You were my first kiss,” you remind him, flush at the memory of the two of you sitting criss-cross applesauce on his bed, knees knocking in what was probably the worst first kiss in the history of first kisses.

Jungkook blinks. “Oh yeah,” he laughs. “With the Tony Hawk poster behind my bed, right?”

“The one and only.”

Jungkook hums, and the two of you melt back into the silence. Nice aquatic sounds fill the room, the camera panning over more colorful fish that Jungkook oohs at appreciatively. You don’t really pay attention, more interested in the way the wine swirls in your cup and the way you can feel Jungkook’s thigh pressed against your knee, like when you were thirteen and trying something new.

You know it doesn’t mean a lot to him. Just another silly childhood memory of you. Not like you have hundreds, thousands of them with each other. By the way he’d blurted the question, you doubt he even remembered it most days. But you did.

It plagued your mind all the time, the soft feel of his mouth and the trembling hand that had held yours. You wonder if he kisses the same still, lips gently puckered. He’s had years to learn, half a decade to get creative with Sojin, and the past four years of being a bachelor to explore more.

You’ve kissed too, plenty of guys who had no meaning and ones you thought would replace him. But it’d been a long time since you’ve let anyone into your bed, more content to please yourself without the overbearing weight of feelings and emotions to wrap around your throat.

Jungkook coughs, and you shake yourself from your thoughts.

He’s looking at you inquisitively, like he can’t get his usual read on you and would rather just ask what’s wrong. “You don’t,” a pause, “hang out with guys?”

It’s devastatingly cute, the way he asks if you’re fucking, and you want to pinch his cheeks. Instead you shake your head, try to hide the grin on your face from his inquisitive expression. “Just you and Taehyung,” you admit.

Jungkook nods. “Do you and Tae…?”

You shake your head furiously. “No! God no, we don’t do anything like that,” you clarify, the thought of Taehyung in your bed enough to make you want to gag.

Jungkook says nothing, just turns back to the documentary to watch more Nemos and Dorys flit across the screen. You polish off your cup of wine, leaning forward to settle it back on the coffee table. As you settle back into the couch cushions, Jungkook speaks again. “So you take care of yourself?”

You freeze.

“Yeah,” you admit after one complete meltdown in your head. Where was this coming from? Why did he want to know? You and Jungkook were close, but you never did this. You never divulged the details of your sex life, never bragged about who you slept with or how many there were. What was going on?

Jungkook doesn’t say anything after that, just turns his attention back to the tv screen, where you’re almost certain the sea horses from before are fucking. Not that you know what it looks like, but you hope at least someone in this room was enjoying themselves and not drowning in the mortification of having their life long crush ask them if they masturbate.

“So, do you use your hands or a toy?”

You choke, slap your chest to ease the pounding of your heart at Jungkook asking such a question. “E-Excuse me?” You ask, scandalized that Jungkook, your sweet and caring childhood friend turned Fabio, could ask you such a bold question about your personal affairs.

“What?” Jungkook says, like he truly doesn’t see the inappropriateness of the situation. He even raises his eyebrows at you, as if urging you to answer the question.

You sigh, fight the flush of your cheeks and stare idly at the cups on the table. “A toy. Hands don’t feel good,” you curtly reply, crossing your arms over your chest and straightening your legs off the couch, hoping that’s the end of his curiosity. This was enough to fuel your 3am anxiety meltdowns for the next five years.

Jungkook nods, and you can feel his penetrating gaze on the side of your face again. A great white shark swims across the screen. Jungkook strikes. “My hands feel good.”

“Jungkook!” You exclaim in horror (and excitement, but you’ll pretend it wasn’t there). “What has gotten into you?”

“What!” Jungkook defends, Bambi eyes looking at you like you’re the unreasonable one here. “We’re having a civil conversation in which I’m trying to open up your worldview.”

You’re flabbergasted. “This is not a civil conversation, what are you even talking about?” You scold, tug your arms around yourself like it’ll actually protect you from the words that don’t seem to be filtering out of his mouth properly. “Why are you so concerned about that?” You interrogate, hope your forceful tone will scare him away.

It doesn’t. Jungkook shrugs, some noncommittal i dont know sound. “I can’t be interested in what you get up to? What my best friend gets up to?” It’s the obvious emphasis on best friend that makes you step down.

“No,” you sigh, rub a hand down your face. “You can be interested,” you tell him gingerly. “We just never really… talked about... those kinds of things,” you rush out, turn away from him as the narrator on screen dives into the intricacies of bioluminescent shrimp in the animal food chain.

As if sensing your discomfort, Jungkook softens, scooting closer to you. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, too close and too warm. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he says, places a palm on your knee.

“I’m not!” You rush to assure him, facing him head on again. His eyes are big and implorative still, and you wonder why he became stuck on that of all things today. “It just surprised me.”

His lips quirk to the side, an unsure grin that has you leaning into his shoulder. You sit in silence, the rise and fall of his body with every breath lulling you into a sense of comfort.

A false one that Jungkook zeroes in on.

The documentary’s wrapping up, soothing ocean sounds and wind instruments playing as the credits roll across the screen, when the hand that had been laying so comfortably on your thigh inches up. At first, you don’t notice it, writing it off as Jungkook just shifting around. You tell yourself it’s just that, until his pinky makes contact with the end of your shorts.

Slowly, you turn towards him, catch his mocha irises lustfully lidded as he toys with the hem. “Kook?” You murmur, so soft, barely there.

“Hm?” He replies, continuing to play with the edge of your shorts, until he gets brave and his fingers slip beneath, index finger just barely grazing the panties underneath. You gasp. “This okay?”

Stuck between your arousal and your common sense, you flounder for a response. He’s so close, and smells so good, curls brushing against your temple the closer he gets. You want him so bad, want him to find his place between your thighs and put those pouty lips to use. But you know it’ll make things different, change whatever it is you’ve had for the past almost thirty years, and you’ll never bounce back. Another brush against your panties, pointer finger wiggling it’s way beneath the fabric, and you’re choking out a “yes.”

“Good girl,” he murmurs, and something in your core tingles at the name, thighs clenching together. “Uh uh,” he chides, nudges them open. “Stay still for me,” he commands, and you do, for all of ten seconds, but then he’s pressing his finger on your clit, panties and shorts muting the sensation. Still, it makes you squirm, fingers clutching the couch cushion beneath you as you struggle to keep them open. “Too much?” He asks, and you shake your head no.

“I-It’s fine,” you whisper, and Jungkook smiles.

He pets you, almost wondrously, for a few beats, watches the way the muscles in your thighs twitch with every press against your mound. Eventually, he decides it’s enough. “Hands don’t feel good for you?” He inquires, your words from earlier obviously having left their mark on him. Slowly, you shake your head. He glances down at the fist you have on the couch, composed features sliding up your face. “Well, yours are so small, princess. Of course they don’t feel good.”

He manhandles you around, tugs you onto the couch until you’re laying down, legs sprawled on either side of him. Pleased with the arrangement, Jungkook glances back down to your bottoms. “These have to go,” he tells you, hooks his fingers in the waistband and abruptly yanks down, leaving you just in your t-shirt.

You go to shy away, but Jungkook stops you, palms resting on the insides of your thighs, thumbs pressing into the skin soothingly. “My fingers are long, see?” He says, raising a hand to wiggle his fingers at you. You nod, heartbeat thundering in your ears. “They’ll feel nice inside.”

You know they will.

You can tell he knows his way around a woman’s body just from the way his hands glide over yours, carefully like he’s mapping you out. Ever so slowly, one hand grows closer, until his thumb is gently circling your clit, and you inhale sharply.

“So wet,” Jungkook hums, his other hand traveling further down, until he’s spreading your pussy lips with two fingers, trailing them through the arousal that gathers there.

You’ve never been so attentively cared for, never had a man zero in on your cunt like it was his first meal in ages. Jungkook’s eyes are clouded with lust, tongue peeking out from between his lips as he watches your pussy lips flutter at his touch.

He swirls his hand over your clit, pressing down. The first sound escapes you, a soft whimper that has you clamping your hand over your mouth in embarrassment. Jungkook grins down at you, shifts closer to press a kiss to the knuckles over your mouth.“Don’t hide from me,” he purrs, pulling away and pressing a kiss to your neck.

You cry out when he gets back to it, massaging your pussy with gentle hands and a thumb against your clit to placate you. “Jungkook,” you choke out, and he beams at his name, takes it as a sign to finally slip two fingers inside. “A-ah,” you whine, arching beneath him.

He basks in your noises, leans close again to press a kiss beneath your ear, against your jaw. “This okay?” He murmurs, curling the fingers inside of you. You mewl, throwing your arms around him as he begins working you open. “How does it feel, baby?”

“G-good,” you pant, turn your head until you can bury your nose in his hair, drown even more in his all-consuming aura.

Another kiss to your neck, before he’s suctioning his lips right below your ear, nipping and sucking at the skin to brand you his. “You like my hands?” He husks, and the patch of saliva he leaves on your neck feels cold without his mouth there. You nod, and Jungkook rewards you with a soft smooch over the hickey he’s left.

His fingers inside you curl and scissor, brush against every inch of your walls until you’re quivering beneath him, gasping his name out. You could melt if his fingers weren’t holding you together. “So tight,” he groans, curling his fingers. The movement touches upon something sensitive within you, and you moan his name loudly.

“O-Oh,” you pant, wiggling beneath him as you try to feel that again. Jungkook lets you, watches you desperately rut into his hands. He drifts away, lets his tongue mouth over your breasts, licking until there’s a damp spot on your t-shirt, the flimsy house bra you’d worn and the t-shirt combined not enough to hide your pebbled nipples.

The drag of his hands against your pussy isn’t enough, the motions not quick enough. Jungkook glances at your twisted features, your quivering pussy, and then, ever so gently, ducks over you, puckered lips letting one, long glob of saliva touch down on your pussy, trickling around his knuckles.

“Fuck,” you choke, watch his tongue swipe over his lip to break the thin bridge that connects you too. Suddenly, everything is smoother, the combined lubrication of your arousal and his spit making the glide of his fingers sinfully slick.

Frantic for release, you lose yourself in him, ready to free fall into your pleasure so long as Jungkook is there to catch you. “That’s it,” he encourages, picks up the pace of his fingers inside you. “Come on, beautiful, let me see that gorgeous face of yours when you come.”

“K-Kook,” you sob, and he smiles against your neck. His fingers work fast, until your muscles are all pulled tight, waiting for that final push to unravel. You make the mistake of glancing down, only to be caught by that pearly smile and adoring gaze. You’re in heaven, you know you are.

There’s no other explanation for this—the way Jungkook holds you like you’re his, hands so gently caressing your most intimate parts. You’re almost convinced you’re having a fever dream, a sick, too realistic dream, but then Jungkook’s biting down on your shoulder through your t-shirt, subtly rutting against your thigh.

“Cum for me,” he purrs against your neck, and you do, sobbing as your orgasm rolls over you, the heavy weight of his cock against your thigh. “Jungkook,” you cry, so pitifully, it has him lunging forward, a kiss pressed to the corner of your mouth.

You feel sweaty and gross, unbelievably tired from the gentle way he opened you up. Blindly, you reach down, feel the hardness of his cock beneath his sweatpants, but Jungkook nudges you away. You huff. “Let me,” you whimper, reach for him again even though you can see the slowness in your movement. “Need your cock in my mouth,” you drawl, almost sleepily. 

“Shh,” he soothes, lips pressed against your neck, where he’s still licking and sucking over every inch of you. You whine. “You don’t have to do a thing, gorgeous,” he assures you, “just wanted to make you feel good.”

—

Work gets stressful shortly after. There’s a new batch of interns coming in this season, new faces who will mess up your coffee orders and jam the printers for a good few weeks. There’s normally a team of employees who train them, a mix of relatively older people from different departments who show them around; a girl in the finance department, the one who usually trains them, is on maternity leave. With no one else to fall back on, the head of the department pushes the duties off on you, claiming your flexibility and work ethic make you the perfect candidate for such a role.

Normally you’d thrive at the praise, eat up every single word like it sustained you. In a way, it did. It was nice to be appreciated and recognized for your hard work, to be thought of so highly, especially in a male-dominated company. However, this time, you know it’s out of convenience that the head kisses up to you, and you end up begrudgingly taking the role.

The gaps in your schedule you’d normally spend relaxing or catching up on other projects are filled with bumbling interns, calling for help every chance they get. It’s like they’ve never done anything on their own, this group, always asking you the correct way to do this, the right way to do that. You haven’t mentored interns in a while, so you spend the first day breezing over old powerpoints and print outs you made years ago. You remember why you’re not fit for mentoring when one of them asks you how to navigate Excel. You nearly rip their head off.

There’s so much going on, you barely get time to see Jungkook, let alone text him. You saw him once the morning after, stack of pancakes on your kitchen table as he rushed you off to work. The shop didn’t open for another hour. He was sweet, kissed your forehead as you left, but he’s always done that. You didn’t have time to talk about whatever the night before was, or what that made the two of you now.

On Friday night, one week into your nightmarish role, you pull into the shop. You'd like to convince yourself it was routine, visiting the shop, but that’s a lie. You desperately miss Jungkook. 

 Most of the garage doors that are usually pulled open during the day are shut, save for one. The last of Jungkook’s employees are leaving, bidding you adieu as you step out of your car. Park Jimin is there, repairing some rickety car in the back corner.

“Boo,” you call playfully, and Jimin doesn’t flinch, merely pulls his head from out of the hood to flash you an easygoing smile.

He whistles at the sight of you. “You look like you’ve been through one of helluva week,” he says, and you, despite your strong personality, feel yourself blush at his comment. Jeez, did you look that bad? Jimin doesn’t elaborate, just pulls out a stool for you to sit on beside where he’s working. “Penny for your thoughts?”

You glance at the plexiglass, the offices hiding down the hall. Jungkook could wait, you presume, settling down beside him. Your skirt tugs up as you settle onto the pleather seat, so you cover your legs meekly with your purse. “Work’s been crazy,” you explain, and Jimin laughs at the obvious.

“You’re telling me,” He hums, and you roll your eyes playfully. “What’s going on at work?”

What hasn’t been going on, you think to yourself, before launching into a full retelling of your new horrendous position, of all the interns with their clueless eyes and useless notebooks. Jimin chuckles, indulges you in a few comments here and there that only fuel you on. He’s just about done with whatever he’s doing to the car at the same time your story wraps up, explaining how you found yourself here, desperate for Jungkook to whisk you off to that arcade you loved as kids. “Jungkook?” He asks, and you nod. “He left a while ago.”

You freeze. “Huh?” You say, dumbly. You almost want to laugh at your own impulsiveness, for showing up without sending him a text or a warning to let him know you were coming. You almost do laugh, but then you remember you and Jungkook never did that anyway. Hell, he showed up at your house a few weeks ago unannounced and drunk. The two of you were hardly the type to plan ahead, so it was weird for him to not be here. He’s been at the shop almost every night since it’s opened, the days he’s not usually a holiday.

“Jimin…” you begin, glancing at the receptionist window once more. “Where’s Jungkook?”

Jimin shuts his tool box, kicking a cart off to the side. “He left with that lady,” he tells you, doesn’t hear the way your heart rips straight out of your chest. No way. “Tall, pretty. Had that nice Corvette he fixed up a while ago.”

“Sojin,” you mumble, and Jimin nods.

“Think that was her name.” As if sensing your tumultuous thoughts, he steps closer, one hand reaching out to steady you. “You alright?”

“God,” you exhale, pushing yourself away from Jimin and the garage and the window. The stool rolls away, almost hits the side of another car but Jimin catches it. He rushes over towards you, watching you wobble in your heels.

“Honey,” Jimin says, steady and warm beside you. “Sit down for me, yeah?” He guides you to a row of seats against the wall, nailed into the floor so you can’t push them away and make even more of a mess. Not that that’s your concern, your mind and heart too preoccupied with thoughts of Jungkook lying to you, going out with that woman again, despite your obvious hatred for her and his promise to you.

Jimin disappears, rushes over to the other side of the garage before returning with a water bottle for you. He cracks it open, presses it into your hands, and then against your lips when you don’t move. “Drink,” he encourages, watching you with worried eyes that only grow more and more concerned the deeper you fall into your thoughts.

You want to cry and beat Jungkook up at the same time. You want to scream at him for lying to you after treating you so nicely, holding you so warmly. Instead, you gasp for breath, clutching your face in your hands like it’s the only thing that grounds you.

There’s a beep outside, chirpy and cute in the way only older models are, and you whip your head up, the headlights of the Corvette painting you in shades of yellow as it rolls to a stop, the tears you hadn’t felt glistening under the light.

Jungkook flings himself out of the driver’s seat, and a sob catches in your throat when Sojin steps out of the passenger seat. Jungkook shoves everything in his path to the side, carts flying into the few automobiles on the floor, tools clanging loudly onto the cement, and just as those arms you love so much are reaching out for you, there’s a hand on his chest stopping him.

“What did you do to her?” Jungkook snarls, pushing Jimin roughly to the side. Jimin, smaller but not weaker, holds his ground, clutching Jungkook by the material of his jumpsuit a second time. “Let— go!” Jungkook shouts, finally worming away from his employee.

He nearly trips before you, stumbling to his knees as he takes your quivering hands in his. “What’s wrong,” he asks, throwing a nasty glare back at Jimin who watches silently from the side. Sojin is still by her car, leaning across the driver’s side now. “What did he do, what did he say?”

You shake your head, dropping your head to tuck your chin against your chest. You hate this. Hate letting him or Jimin or Sojin see you cry. It’s not the person you are, not the self-made woman you claim to be as you cry over the same man who is unknowingly defending you from himself.

“Let go,” you whisper, hoarse and choked. You shake your arms, but he doesn’t let up.

“Tell me what's wrong,” Jungkook pleads, inching closer to you. His breath is warm and he smells like oil, just like he always does. He also smells sweet and floral in a way only a woman could. He smells like Sojin.

You sob, rip your hands away from and scurry blindly towards Jimin, who catches you in his arms despite the shock that paints his face.

Jungkook watches with an expression of hurt, watches you snuggle into the arms of another man over an issue you won’t tell him about. Jimin says nothing, just rubs his palm over your back. He gestures towards the red corvette, the woman standing by it and Jungkook takes the hint.

You hear the kitten-like purr as it pulls off, the silence that follows afterwards. You don’t know where Jungkook is, if he’s here or if he left with her, and you don’t want to. “Tell me he’s gone,” you beg Jimin, quiet gasps against his neck.

He nods, slowly lets you untangle yourself from his arms as the two of you stare over the empty garage. The Corvette is gone, and so is Jungkook. Before Jimin can tell you where he is, you’re wiping a hand over your face, embarrassed at the moisture it comes back with. 

“I take it he’s not supposed to be with her?” Jimin tries to joke. 

Neither of you laugh. 

You sniffle, process what just happened, how you acted. You’ve never felt that way before, never experienced such brutal heartbreak. 

You don’t know what you expected from Jungkook. In your heart, you convinced yourself what happened in your apartment was the start of something new between the two of you, a natural result of your long friendship. Realistically, you know you should’ve waited until the two of you spoke, discussed whatever happens next. But you’d spent the past week comforted by the fact you’d finally gotten to experience something like that with him, daydreaming about him every chance you got. 

Somewhere in your mind, you had convinced yourself your involvement with him would finally be what broke his connection with Sojin, the final nail that would make him forget about her. It’s painfully funny how such wasn’t the case. 

Jimin breaks you out of your thoughts. “You okay to drive home?” He gently inquires, and you turn your gaze over toward your car. 

Did you trust yourself to make it home without shedding a single tear? Absolutely not. But between Sojin and Jimin, you had let enough strangers see you fall apart over a man tonight. 

“Perfectly okay,” you tell him. 

—

The interns pick up on your sour attitude the week that follows. They don’t ask dumb questions, and don’t mess up your order. You talk them through a presentation, show them how to properly organize finance charts. There’s a slide that has clip art, a goofy dollar sign with a smile and shoes. Jungkook put it there when you first made the PowerPoint. After the little lesson, you go to the bathroom and try not to cry.

A week later, and the interns don’t need you anymore. They do well, and your boss praises you for being such a good mentor. You thank him and he lets you go home early.

Home is empty. Jungkook doesn’t show up unannounced, mostly because you’ve changed the number lock on the door. You want to eat salad today, for some reason, but don’t have any of the ingredients for it, so you walk to the supermarket a few blocks away.

The supermarket feels the same as it always does at night. That ghostly feeling of being watched in an empty aisle, the scratchy tune of whatever Top 50 radio station they settled on today. You get there and decide you don’t want salad anymore, so you buy ingredients for a stew instead, all of which you probably had at home.

When you step outside, the air around your bare thighs is cold. Summer was ending, which meant Jungkook’s birthday was coming up. You ball the receipt in your hand and fling it at the trash. You miss, so you hobble over to pick it up.

The trash is beside a red Corvette with two racing stripes.

“Hey,” Sojin says, arms crossed over her chest as she walks up behind you, sizing up your crouched form beside her car. “What’re you doing to my car?”

You breathe in, shake the crumpled up receipt at her, before stuffing it in the garbage. She says nothing as you stalk by her, and you’re back on the main road when she pulls up next to you, window rolled down to speak to you. “Get in,” she gestures, “it’s gonna rain.”

“No,” you say, and a fat raindrop falls right on your nose.

The door unlocks and you climb in, plastic bags crowded by your feet.

The drive is silent. You only live a few minutes from the store, and you point out an empty spot by the sidewalk for her to pull up to. A dry thanks is on the tip of your tongue, but you never get to say it.

“My dad has cancer,” Sojin says.

“That sucks,” you respond, feel bad right away and say, “I’m sorry.”

Sojin doesn’t seem bothered by it, shifting the Corvette out of drive and cutting the engine. “He’s probably not gonna see Christmas,” she adds, and you don’t know what to say. You don’t care about her or her crazy father.  “I wanted to do something nice for him before he, y’know.”

“Died,” you fill, and at that she glares.

“Yeah,” she huffs. “Before he died. So I fixed up his car. But the place I took it to didn’t know how to fix an engine so old, and ended up fucking it up even more.” You nod, she continues. “Then I bumped into Jungkook and—“

“Took advantage of his kindness,” you finish, remembering the twinkle in his eyes when he’d told you about their encounter, that day in the empty garage that seemed lightyears away. “Well congrats. Hope your dad liked it,” you sigh, push open the door and get soaked to the bone immediately.

“Wait!” Sojin calls, hopping out after you. She’s still as beautiful as she was when you were seventeen, even with rain soaking her entire being. “I didn’t ask him to repaint it, but that’s what my dad loved the most.”

You want to go inside, make your stew, and cry in it.

Sojin doesn’t seem bothered by the bangs that stick to her forehead or the water that washes down her spine. “When I told him Jungkook did it… he wanted to see him. Apologize and stuff.”

You snort. “Apologize,” you repeat, tightening your grip on your shoppings bags. “For what, Sojin? For almost killing him with this car or for treating him like shit for five years?” She says nothing, stares at the hood of the car like she doesn’t know what you’re talking about. “He was crazy for you, you know that? He would have done anything for you and not once did you stand up to your dad for him. You let that man call him worthless, stupid, a waste of space. And for what? For you to break up with him for some rich asshole who would never treat you half as good as Jungkook did?” You sneer.

The rain feels cold and your groceries feel heavier, so you whirl on your heel and make for your building entrance.

“He never liked me,” Sojin calls out, and you wonder if she even heard the second half of your emotional outburst. You turn to face her with fire in your eyes, and are only a little surprised at the sadness that paints hers. “He never liked me the way he said he did.” You could knock her teeth out.

“You’re stupid,” you spit, and she rounds the car at an insane speed until she’s glaring down at you over her perfectly sculpted nose.

“He never liked me,” Sojin repeats angrily. “He was always busy looking at you—for approval, for attention, I don’t fucking know. He would hold me and touch me but it never felt real. It always felt like practice for him…” she sniffles and your breath hitches in your throat. “We dated all through college,” she says like you don’t know, like you didn’t stress about it for years. “Everyday closer to graduation felt like a ticking bomb. Like he was just waiting for you to come back. To come home.”

You remember it.

The excited texts he’d send you everyday, the plans he made for you. Jungkook was more excited than your parents about you coming home. The five hours had done a number on him, and after four years all he wanted was to have you close again. You remember the hug in his driveway, the way his mom had told you he’d waited all day for you. It’s weird hearing it from Sojin.

Too overwhelmed, you decide to deflect. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” you murmur, and you’re surprised she hears it over the pouring rain.

A loud scoff. “You’re stupid,” she repeats back, jabbing a finger at your chest. You glare, and so does she. Like two animals in a cage you size each other up. “You’re stupid and ugly and I hate you,” she spits, and you drop your shopping bags to lunge at her.

You don’t swing, just grab her by the shirt and move to slam her against the wall, but she’s tall and a little strong, bony fingers wrapping around your wrists like spiders. “Why can’t you see how much he likes you?” She screams, like it hurts to admit it. “He’s been in love with you since forever, and all you’ve ever done is run away!”

“I never—“ you gasp, pushing her away from you. Sojin stumbles, but she doesn’t fall. “I’ve never run away,” you defend, heart beating in your chest too fast to be normal. “Some of us have careers and lives we want to live—I don’t want to depend on a man for the rest of my life!”

She growls, tugs at her wet hair like you’re giving her a headache. Stomping up to you once more, she pushes you hard with both hands, and you barely catch yourself in time. “He would have followed you to that fucking fancy school, but you told him it was better to save money here! Told him to not waste his time and just settle there! You did this to us—to all of us!”

You choke. Lightning flashes behind her, and for a moment all you can see is your gentle prodding, sitting behind him as he filled out applications, big wannabe business brain telling him the easiest way to save money for his auto shop was by going straight into technical school. The small frown on his face that day you’d packed for college, and the way he’d stood in your parent’s driveway until you couldn’t see him anymore, a little spec in your rearview mirror.

Sojin, sensing she’s made her point, says nothing. She scoops up your fallen grocery bags and shoves them into your trembling hands, stomping back to her car and pulling off with a roar, loud and ferocious, and nothing like a kitten.

The groceries in your bag end up in the trash.

—

Taehyung invites you to lunch one day, and you go. You’re starving and desperate to get away from work, where you’re paranoid everyone knows there’s something wrong with you. You meet up at a cute little bistro, and he smiles and hugs you when you arrive. You sit in comfort for all of two seconds before he jumps into his interrogation.

“What’s going on with you and Kook?” He asks, casually flipping through the menu. Your hand stills around your glass of water, and you eventually set it down without ever taking a drink. Your mind instinctively maps out a lie, but Taehyung has known you a while now, knows the quirk of your lips when you’re about to lie your ass off. “Don’t lie to me. I haven’t seen you at the shop in almost a month. And he doesn’t go out,” he mentions. “I think he spent four nights at the shop before I made him go home.”

You deflate.

Too embarrassed to explain, you flip through your own menu, and when the waitress comes you order the first words your eyes focus on. Taehyung doesn’t push you, just patiently gazes out over the bustling street.

Finally, you break. “We… did a thing.”

“Uh huh,” he nods, reading some ad on the side of a bus that passes by. “Need you to elaborate, babe.”

You squirm. “We… fooled around,” you say for lack of more appropriate wording. There’s a family sitting beside you, and you’d rather die than let some nooby pre-teen listen to the details of yours and Jungkook’s night.

“You fucked?” You choke, make a loud sputtering noise like it’ll drown out Taehyung’s voice to the other patrons. “What’s wrong with that? We all knew it’d happen sooner or later,” he shrugs.

“No,” you seethe. “We didn—I didn’t.” Taehyung rolls his eyes, the same way Sojin did that day on the sidewalk. You almost throw your glass of water at him. “We…” you sigh. “We did a thing, and then the week after he went out with Sojin.”

Taehyung scowls at the mere mention of her, so the glass of water is returned to its coaster. “Really? He went out with her right away? He’s cancelled.”

You nod, rubbing your hands over your face. “He… her dad has cancer and is literally on his deathbed so she wanted to fix up his car for memories sake, which he loved, so he wanted to apologize to Kook and thank him for fixing up his car,” you rush out, and now Taehyung chokes, water spewing out of his nose. You shriek, drawing everyone’s attention as you pat down your soaked blouse. “Tae!”

“I’m sorry,” he cries, wiping at the sting in his nose. “He-she, what?!” You ignore him, focus on battling the damp spot on your blazer. “God, that’s crazy,” Taehyung snorts, winces at the feeling in his nose.

After the two of you have settled, the manager kicks you out for your inappropriate conversations and childish behavior. You leave with your tails tucked between your legs. Taehyung holds your hand as he walks you back to your workplace, you quietly fill him in on all the other details surrounding yours and Jungkook’s fallout, from your breakdown in the garage to your weirdly dramatic confrontation with Sojin. “Well,” he claps, slamming a hand down on the traffic light button, even though both of you know it doesn’t work. “That explains a lot of things.”

“Yeah,” you agree, pushing down the crosswalk when the light finally changes of its own accord. “Do you,” you pause, feet glued to the sidewalk. “Do you think she was right?”

Taehyung glances back at you, so small and unsure in the midst of a bustling crowd. He smiles, sweet and soft. Rare coming from him. His free hand ruffles the top of your head, and he brings you into his chest. “Babe, the hottest guy in your grade was intimidated by scrawny, pre-muscle bunny Jungkook. I’m pretty sure he feels some type of way towards you.”

Your lip wobbles dangerously, and you bite down on it to stop. Taehyung pats your head, barks at some old guy when he yells at the two of you for standing in the middle of the sidewalk.

When you’re outside your office, you speak again. “You were not the hottest guy in our grade, by the way.”

Taehyung snorts. “I totally was.”

—

You hideout for the rest of the week.

On Friday night, you finally have the balls to show yourself again, and you hop on the highway leading out of the city before you can overthink it. The buildings slowly melt away, replaced with cozier homes, tinier shops, and by the time you’re pulling up the street, you’re deep in doubt again.

It’s not that late yet, only a little past sunset, but the garage doors, usually open to the street, are all shut. You frown, pull around the block, reverse into a spot across the street. Locking your car, a gust of wind nearly trips you as you cross the street. The front office is dark, metal shutters pulled over the entrance.

Eventually, you stumble around until you find the tiny backdoor squeezed beside some dumpsters, grateful for the key Jungkook had given you so long ago.

Just as Taehyung predicted, a pair of red jumpsuit clad feet stick out from beneath a car. A nice car, an even older Corvette than Sojin’s dad’s, still shiny despite the model it is. It looks like a show car with the way it glints at you, black paint almost glossy. The only light in the entire garage is a lamp, positioned over the area where the legs are working, and a flashlight that occasionally beams at you when the holder loses his grip. No music today, just the hum of a rotating fan. You creep over.

Jungkook’s humming a song when you get to him, foot tapping idly on the ground. You suck in a deep breath and nudge his foot with the tip of your heel. You have exactly two seconds to jump away when he abruptly rolls out from beneath the car, concentrated features scanning quickly around until they land on you.

The garage is still, until Jungkook jumps into action. “___,” he stammers, stumbling to his feet. The rolling board drifts away, bumping into the corner of the metal table beside you. “Hi, um,” he flounders, brushing his fingers through his hair, palms wiping over the front of his pants. Finally, “hi.”

The bad bitch Chanel skirt-suit you’d worn today fails you for the first time in a long time. Your hands feel sweaty, so you clutch them behind your back. “Hi, Jungkook,” you exhale, and all the emotions you’d swallowed for so long, the feelings that tightened around your chest and throat like boa constrictors, come oozing out, until all you can see is his puckered mouth and twinkling gaze.

He coughs, tries to casually lean against the car, but greatly miscalculates the distance. “What, um, what brings you here?” He asks, foot tapping nervously against the ground.

There’s a box of takeout on the floor he tries to subtly kick beneath the car, and a plastic bottle of soda that makes a loud noise when he tries that too. You twist your lips, watching the anxious shuffling of his feet. You breeze over his question, plaster a tight smile into your face, and ask your own question; “how long have you been here?” Tentatively, you lower yourself onto a rolling stool. “It’s late,” you state the obvious.

Jungkook’s leg bounces, and he pats his hand over it nervously. “Um, an hour? Just working on something,” he answers, cheeks warm as his eyes flicker everywhere but you. “What brings you here?” He repeats, and you know you can’t deflect it this time.

Shrugging half heartedly, you wait for him to finally look at you. When he does, he almost looks away but the glint in your eye stops him from doing so. “We need to talk,” you finally say. Jungkook visibly deflates, lips pulling into a thin line. You contemplate letting him relieve his thoughts first, but you came here with a point to make, for questions that needed answering, and you’re scared one word from him will wash them all away.

“Listen,” you start, smoothing your hand over the edge of your skirt. “I know something weird happened between us, and then I kinda freaked out on you, but… I need you to tell me the truth.”

Jungkook doesn’t hesitate. “Always.”

You swallow, try to push back the frustration that builds in his throat. “Did you ever even like Sojin?”

Jungkook blinks. “Huh?” A snort. “You’re joking,” he snickers, wipes at faux tears in the corner of his eyes, before your unsmiling face registers and he’s schooling his features. “___, I did like her. I dated her for five years. How could I not like her?”He says seriously, like he can’t believe you would ever question such a thing. 

You exhale, pick at your fingernails. “I met her,” you admit, and Jungkook’s face twists in confusion. “At the supermarket last week. She said you never liked her.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “Of course she’ll think that—we’re exes. I doubt she remembers all our best memories,” he sighs, turning back to organize his tool cart like he’s done with this conversation.

Raising to your feet you call his name again, and he hums absentmindedly. “Sojin said you never liked her because you were always chasing after me,” you accuse, laying all your cards out on the table. Your claim startles him, and you watch as he jostles half the tool cart with his surprise.

“She, what?” He huffs, cheeks as red as his jumpsuit. He forces out a laugh, airy and tight like you’re starring in your elementary school play again and the nerves are eating him up. “I-I don’t know why she’d say that.”

He’s flustered, obviously so, as he scoops the metal tools back onto the cart, bumping into three other things before settling back down on the floor to roll under the car. He pushes himself under, and you sternly call out, “Jungkook.” He freezes.

You strut over, brush your hands behind your skirt as you crouch beside him. “Always,” you quietly remind him. Jungkook says nothing. For a moment, you wonder if you’ve grossly misread the situation, if this was just another one of her schemes to drive the two of you apart.

Slowly, Jungkook appears from under the car. There’s a new stain on his cheekbone, brown and slick. He sits up, wide eyes tracing over your features likes he’s trying to seal them in his memory. “Yeah,” he admits, lips twisting as he watches the surprise take your features, before he’s lolling his head back to stare at the ceiling, leaving you to stare at the column of his neck.

“I do,” Jungkook admits, pushing through his emotions. It’s hard for him to confess, you realize, watching the way his Adam’s apples contracts and his jaw twitches from having to say so. “I like you so much it hurts.”

His confession leaves you feeling weird. On one hand, you want nothing more than to spring yourself on him and kiss his face until the stray oil marks are gone and replaced with the outline of your lipstick prints. You want to smother him and hold him, let him know he’s yours, always has been.

On the other hand… it’s sad. Going on thirty years and never did the two of you guess your feelings for each other. You doubt either of you are good at hiding them, with the way everyone seems to have known except you two. Maybe you don’t know Jungkook as well as you thought you did. Maybe he doesn’t know you.

A hand touches your knee, and you return your attention to his downtrodden appearance, chin tucked against his chest. “Please,” he murmurs. “Say something.”

You say nothing.

Tentatively, you reach a hand out, run it along the side of his head, through his mane, chocolate waves touching his cheekbones. He almost looks like when you guys were kids, round eyes watching your every move. Your hand continues down the back of his head, cupping the nape of his neck comfortingly. Jungkook leans into the touch, even though his shoulders are tense. You soothe your fingers over the tight muscles in his neck.

“Since when?” You inquire.

Jungkook blinks, lets your palm trace along his jawline and cup his cheek. “Since you dated Taehyung when we were sixteen.”

Mentally, you curse every deity in existence for putting Kim Taehyung in your life. “God,” you groan, burrowing your hands in your palms. Jungkook, surprised by your reaction, rolls closer, moves around until you’re crouched between his long legs. “Since me and that pinhead dated for twenty minutes?” You repeat.

Jungkook shifts closer, rubs your back. “It was 65 hours, actually,” he corrects, and the exact duration of your relationship makes you cringe. “I… counted.”

Small and shy, almost embarrassed. You glance back up at him. “Why?” You prod, and Jungkook’s cheek flush, palm stilling.

“Uh,” he starts. “I was nervous? That you two were in it for the long run. And I, I don’t know. It was easier to just count,” he lamely finishes, and his dangly earring whips around with him when he avidly avoids your gaze.

You sigh, catch his hand in yours. “Tae and I would have never lasted,” you tell him, remembering all the times the guy made you pick him up from one night stands in the last few years. “He wasn’t who I wanted.”

His foot jumps, toe tapping against the wheel of the car next to you. He wants to ask, you know he does, but Jungkook was quite possibly the only other person on this planet who could overthink something more than you.

Deciding to ease his worries, you give his hand a squeeze. “It was you,” you confess, feel like an elephant lands straight on your chest. “It is you,” you correct.

His forehead knocks against yours, hard, and you hiss at the bump that probably forms. “What the fu—“

“Tell me it’s not temporary,” Jungkook pleads, eyes crinkled in worry. You’re going cross eyed from trying to look at him like this, so you flit your eyes off somewhere to the side. His hand is heavy in yours. “Tell me you’re not just doing this for closure, or because you want to see what it would have been like, please,” he begs, “that would be so fucked up, because I’m so in love with you I actually think I might die.”

The dramatic confession makes you painfully warm. You nod, your lower lip trembling at the way he looks at you, like you single-handedly controlled this entire world with a flick of your wrist. “I-I love you too,” you parrot back, the first time you’ve ever said it, the millionth time you’ve ever thought it.

Jungkook visibly relaxes, pulls away from you to drop his head on your shoulder instead. Your legs are starting to cramp from the tight crouching position, ankles wobbly in your heels. His hair smells good still, despite the hours he’s probably spent beneath a car, and you gingerly pat the back of his head.

“I love you,” he murmurs, and you repeat it. “I love you,” he says again, and you repeat it. “I lov—“

“Me, yes, I’ve heard,” you cut him off, smile at the snort he releases, and when he turns his head, his lips brush against your neck. You’re instantly thrown back a few weeks, to that night on the couch with the limited edition Shrek 2 cups and the wine; the gentle touches that left you trembling for weeks. You inhale quickly, grabbing him by the shoulders and pushing him away.

His eyes are too soft, face too relaxed as he stares at you. “My legs hurt,” you tell him, quickly getting up. You whirl around, facing the car and digging through your purse like you suddenly have something to do.

“Oh,” you gasp, watch two arms wind around your waist, the dirty red jumpsuit contrasting against the tweed material of your high-end Chanel jacket. Jungkook sighs lovingly by your ear, snuggles his face into your neck. “W-we should go out,” you blurt, nerves jumping when he squeezes tighter, burrows closer. “To celebrate!”

Jungkook hums. “Yeah?” His voice is too low. You’re in trouble. “Celebrate what?”

You squirm, breath catching in your throat when he presses you closer against the hood of the car. “Um,” you shakily exhale, hands splaying out over the sleek surface of the black hood to steady yourself. It’s so shiny you can almost see your reflection. “U-Us!” You finally manage to exclaim.

A kiss against the side of your neck, and your spirit just about exits your body. Your knees feel weak, and you're just about ready to throw another mediocre excuse his way, when something warm and wet traces up the column of your neck. “Kook!” You gasp.

“Shh,” he murmurs, deep voice instantly soothing over your nerves. His hips nudge against your behind, and you jump at the bulge that presses against your lower back. One hand unwraps from around you, gliding down your arm sensually until he’s trapping your fingers on the hood of the car with his own. A swift kiss against your ear. “You owe me, remember?”

You flush, remember the filthy promises your list-addled brain has spewed that night at your house, the almost erratic development of your thoughts as you became consumed in the thought of him. Reminisce on the prod of his fingers against your cunt, his hot breath against your ear.

Suddenly, Jungkook whirls you around, traps you with his gaze as two hands flutter to rest on the small of your back. He’s looking down at you with those lovesick eyes, hooded with lust as they trace over the dip of your Cupid’s bow. “You’ll do that for me, won’t you?” A soft brush of his mouth against yours, pouty lips guiding you through a kiss, until you’re sighing against him, and he’s pulling away.

Numbly, you nod, almost hypnotized by the soft smirk that overtakes his features as he pushes you down, watches you sink to your knees before him. The concrete feels cold and hard beneath your knees. His jumpsuit is knotted around his waist, and you shakily unravel it, the elastic waistband staring you in the face afterwards.

“Take your time,” Jungkook croons, hand coming to rest on the side of your face, knuckles brushing over your skin delicately.

You tug it down, and one flash of that underwear band has your nerves flying out the window. You shove his t-shirt out of the way, let your hands trail over the ridges of his abdomen in your haste. He helps you by tugging it over his head. With that gone, his black boxers stare you in the face, and you yank those down with no hesitation.

“Jesus, baby,” Jungkook chuckles, though it’s choked off when you grasp his engorged cock in his hand. You should be surprised, marveling at the sight, considering it’s the first time you’ve ever seen him like this. But you brain is working overtime, too immersed in the vein that runs alongside it and the tip that throbs back at you. Later you can worship it, you think. Right now, you needed it down your throat.

The tip is flaming and swollen, his cock still growing plump in your hold, your hands slowly dragging up and down the length. You lean forward, press a gentle kiss below the mushroom head, trail kisses down the length until you're meeting your knuckles, and trail them back again. Jungkook sucks in a tight breath, leans to rest his palms on the car behind you, as he watches you on him.

A head of precum escapes, and you lunge for it, swirl your tongue in and around the slit on his cock, until his entire body tenses up. “Fuck,” he grunts, watches you ease his cock into your mouth. You groan at the stretch, the drag against the corners of your lips making your eyes roll backwards. “___, baby, a little more?” He asks, voice hoarse as he watches you sink down further on his cock.

You comply, close your eyes and focus on relaxing your throat. There’s a hand on the back of your head, impatiently pushing you down his length. “Shit,” he cries, unconsciously ruts against you. You gag, and he shushes you with a caress against your cheek. “Sorry,” he huffs, “just a little more for me, okay?”

Eyes squeezed shut tightly, you let him push you down until his cock hits the back of your throat and you can’t take anymore. The prod against your throat has tears springing to your eyes. “Gonna move now,” Jungkook announces, thumb brushing away the tears that collect in the corners. “Be good.”

He drags himself out, your saliva coating every inch of him, and when just the tip is resting on your tongue, he shoves back in. You whimper, palms digging into his thighs. Jungkook brushes a hand down your hair, soothes you for all of two seconds before he’s pulling out and doing it all over again. He picks up the pace, loses himself in the feeling of your hot mouth around him, tongue dragging over his cock.

The feeling in your throat burns, each thrust of his hips against your mouth making your jaw more and more sore. But god, it feels good to have him so close, his scent swarming your sense, groans like music to your ears. You want to please him, want him to feel as good as you did at your place. You want it even more now that you know how he feels, know he’s probably thought about this before.

A brutal thrust has you gagging, throat contracting around his length. “Shh,” Jungkook sighs, the fingers buried in your hair flattening out to run over your head. “Doing so good for me, beautiful.”

You bask in the praise, let a hand flutter down to the apex of your thighs, pressing down to relieve some of the pressure. Jungkook groans, rolls his hips against you and keeps you there for a second. Your throat spasms, his dick pressed hotly against it, and you feel your panties grow embarrassingly sticky. Eventually, he draws back out.

“You like this?” He hums, rutting against you faster now, nose brushing against the sparse hairs on his pelvis with every slam of his hips. You nod around a gag, eyes clouding with tears, lips slippery with saliva and precum. One particular thrust is so hard, it nearly sends you knocking back into the car, Jungkook’s hand on the back of your head barely saving you. “Fucking hell,” he spits, “look so pretty with my cock shoved down your throat, princess.”

You moan around him, feel a subtle twitch against your tongue before he’s pulling himself out. “Shit,” he cursed, pushing you away as he goes to grab his own dick in his hand, tugging at it like a madman. “Wh-Where?” He asks, and you stare dumbly at the sight of him playing with himself, almost don’t realize he’s asking you a question.

You take too long, scramble for words too long, and even if you did have one your throat is far too sensitive yo answer. Jungkook grows impatient. Pulling you closer by the collar of your Chanel suit jacket, tugging it open until the flimsy buttons snap, and the tank top you wore beneath comes into view. He aims the tip of his cock towards your sternum, and a few jacks later, he’s coming, cum spurting against your chest. You watch the cum trail down between the valley of your breasts, until the feeling comes to rest against the inside wire of your bra, sticky and gross, sliding along the underside of your boobs. “Shit,” Jungkook repeats, eyes furrowed over you.

Your knees ache, and you nearly trip when you stand up, steadying yourself against the side of the car. Jungkook seems to regain his sense by then, hand trailing around your waist. You meet his eye, and almost immediately turn away, the blood in your face rapidly rising.

Jungkook laughs. “Don’t get shy on me now,” he teases, gets too close and your noses bump. “Sorry,” he smiles, too shiny and bright for the sinful acts you just committed in an auto shop.

“Put your dick away,” you huff, let him nuzzle closer to you, and when he doesn’t move to tuck himself into his pants, you go do it for him.

Jungkook frowns, swats your hand away. “This dick has places to be,” he informs you, and you scoff.

“Refractory period,” you remind him, and he rolls his eyes.

“Well I’m not exactly gonna stick it in you this instant,” he drawls. “Gotta stretch you out first.”

You go to complain, tell him he doesn’t have to over exert himself. Truthfully, with Jungkook you feel like one good session was enough to sustain you for weeks. After last time, your skin had flowed for an entire week. But then his hand is slithering up your backside, sneaking under your skirt to grab a handful of your ass.

There’s quickly drying drool collecting at the corners of your mouth, saliva from when he’d fucked your throat just a few moments prior, that he kisses away. His mouth slots over yours, and your heart and pussy both flutter at the kiss.

It’s gentle and sweet for all of ten seconds, his mouth moving against yours until you feel the wet press of his tongue against your bottom lip, tracing along until you open your mouth. He wastes no time shoving his tongue past your lips, letting it dance with yours as he pulls you closer, hands gripping the globes of your ass. You let him lick his way into your mouth, more and more saliva catching in the corners of your mouth until he’s pulling away with a wet pop.

He pulls away, doesn’t stray too far, proud smirk crossing his features at the sight of your slicked lips. “You liked that, didn’t you?”

“Huh?” You ask dumbly, tongue mindlessly swiping over your lips.

Jungkook’s eyes track the movement. “The saliva,” he clarifies. “The spit. You liked it at your place too,” he reminisces, moving in on you again. “Liked watching me slobber and spit all over your body. Isn’t that right, baby?”

You blush, discreetly rub your thighs together. “I-I do,” you admit, willing the warmth of your face away because at this distance he must certainly feel it.

Jungkook nods, doesn’t say anything else as he captures your lips a second time. He doesn’t bother with the gentle prodding anymore, jumping straight into tongue right away. He’s messier, letting his saliva coat your lips and drip down your mouth, and as messy as it is, you love it. You whimper when he pulls away, but gasp when his hand tugs at the hair by the nape of your neck, pulling you back until you’re looking up at him.

“Open,” he murmurs, and you do, tongue pressing against your bottom lip.

It should be disgusting, the rev of his throat, the sound of his saliva collecting, and the way his jaw shifts when he’s got enough. It should be filthy, the way he shoots it down your open lips, the way it splatters against the back of your throat. It should be gross, but god do you love it. “Swallow,” Jungkook commands, and you do, feel his spit drip down your throat like it’s your own, whimpering at the feeling. A quirk of his lips. “Good girl.”

You have to bite down the pride that grows in your chest.

Jungkook’s hands continue their mapping out of your behind, eventually ending with a hard squeeze that has you squealing. Automatically, your back arches in surprise, breasts pressing against Jungkook’s chest. He smirks down at you.

“Bet you taste good,” he says, pressing a kiss against your cheek. “Let me taste?”

“Please,” you beg, nearly losing your shit when he lifts you up onto the car, the cool metal making you jump, heel on your foot nearly kicking the side view mirror clean off. “Wait, Jungkook,” you sputter, glancing down at the sleek metal. “This is someone’s car.”

Jungkook ignores you, pushes your legs apart to slot himself between them. His palms run up your legs, over your thighs, until they’re toying with the hem of your skirt. Mocha eyes glance up at you, as if daring you to question him again, so you promptly zip your lips shut. The skirt goes, ever so slowly, over your thighs, bunches up at your waist until he’s staring at your lace panties.

He presses a kiss against the inside of your thigh, nose faintly brushing against your skin. The kisses trail over your skin, until he’s hovering over your panties, and he’s staring like a man starved. He gives no warning, suddenly leaning down to press his mouth over your party-clad folds, nose flush against your clit. “Kook!” You squeak, hands flying to clutch at his hair.

Jungkook mouths at you, drags his tongue against your panties until they’re soaked in both your essence and his saliva, just how you like. A hand slithers around your leg, wrapping around until he’s got a firm grip on it that he uses to hold it open.

“J-Just take them off,” you gasp, squirm when his mouth moves towards your clit, lapping against you. “Please,” you cry.

He doesn’t.

Jungkook tortures you with those kitten licks, muted through your panties, until you’re begging him to stop, to take them off and do it right. He loves it, you can tell, dazzling smile peeking up at you every time you tug against his hair, until finally, he’s had enough.

The underwear comes off, dangling uselessly by your ankle, and then the show really begins.

“Wait,” you choke, head falling back against the hood of the car when he finally gets his mouth on you, suctioning his lips around your swollen clit. The niggling reminder that this is some stranger’s car he’s eating you out on rings in your brain, and perhaps that’s what makes it more exciting.

His mouth is warm, tongue flicking over your sensitive bud like it’s candy and he needs the sugar. The sounds are so loud and wet, the squelching of your pussy every time he pulls off a pop that resounds throughout the garage. He pampers your clit for what seems like hours, switching the movements of his tongue every time he gets the chance until you’re quivering.

When you think he’s done, he’s not.

Fingers slide up your thigh, featherlight, as they reach your drenched cunt. They drag over your lips, and you mewl, feeling the muscles jump and tighten at his touches. “Jungkook, please,” you moan, rolling your hips against him, but it’s hard and everytime you move, you feel the sweat on your skin weigh you down, glued to the metal beneath you.

The first finger breaches you, just the tip of his index slowly wiggling inside. You muffle a moan in your palm, and Jungkook pulls away with a huff. “No hiding,” he warns, slowly lowering back to your cunt with a stern glare. You nod, but can’t help it when his second finger pushes its way in and you bite down on your knuckles.

“Oh,” You sob, body quivering as he begins scissoring his two fingers inside you. With your attention focused on the digits sheathed inside you, he pulls away from your clit, bestowing one final kiss against it that has your foot kicking out wildly. “Th-there.” His other hand catches your palm in his, presses it against the metal by your head.

Jungkook smiles, curls his fingers around until he finds the soft spot inside you that turns you to jelly. “There we go, beautiful,” he purrs, pushing himself to his full height, leaning over your trembling form. “So sweet for me,” he sighs, licks his lips like he’s remembering your taste.

“I'm gonna,” you choke, become hypnotized by the dark cloud in his gaze, the arrogant smirk on his lips. He curls his fingers, palm brushing against your abandoned clit. The touch makes you jump, nerves tingling.

“Cum for me,” he encourages, silky tone swarming your head as your pleasure slowly washes over you. It’s probably the most relaxed orgasm you’ve had in your entire life, his low voice and delighted eyes guiding you through it, until your entire body clenches, dissolving in a puddle of contentment. Your arousal surges around his fingers, trickling down onto the metal.

“Oh, Jungkook,” you pant, overwhelmed from the touches and the kisses. Jungkook’s smile gets swallowed by your greedy mouth, desperate for more kisses now that he’s made you feel like this.

The kisses only placate him for so long, and when he presses his body against yours, there’s an awfully hard cock that slides against your dripping cunt. “Think you can go again, gorgeous?” He murmurs against your jaw, nipping at the skin on the way down. You nod, eyes falling shut at the warmth you feel in your bones.

Jungkook kisses your neck one last time, before leaning back once more to line himself up.

This was a scene straight from your teenage fantasies, a dripping, shirtless Jungkook at full mast between your thighs, looking at you so lovingly. It makes your heart thunder, imagining how long you could have been doing this if you weren’t both so stupid. As if reading your thoughts, Jungkook rubs a palm over your thigh, eyebrow quirked. You nod his concern away, squirm closer until the tip of his cock nudges against your hole.

“Fuck,” Jungkook sighs, moving his hands to your hips as he slowly pushes in. His fingers, bless their intentions, could have never prepared you for the size of Jungkook’s cock, thick and veiny as it pushes inside. You whimper, clawing at the hands on your waist that stop you from impaling yourself on it fully. “Waited so long for this.”

“Then fucking do it,” you beg, nearly pass out when he shoves in harshly at your tone. “J-Jung—“

“I got you, baby,” he assures you, jostles you until you’re flush against his cock, clit brushing against his pelvis. Your back arches, and Jungkook slips his arm around you, the other lingering on your waist.

Every subtle shift has him brushing along your swollen clit, and you sob at the sensation, begging him to move. He complies, changes his stance to make it easier, and finally begins thrusting into your throbbing pussy.

“So good,” he huffs, eyes zeroed in on where the two of you meet. You would have looked too, if your body hadn’t felt so completely boneless beneath him, the grinding of his cock sending shocks of pleasure up your spine. “So pretty and mine.”

“Yours,” you choke, heart swelling in your chest at his words. It’s almost animalistic, the way he ducks down to bite at your neck, like some animal staking its claim, and you like it. You like it because it’s all you ever dreamed of for so long. “Faster, Kook,” you urge, wrapping your arms around him.

He does as you say, slow and careful thrusts transitioning into a fast piston that would have had you bouncing out of his reach if he wasn’t holding you so tightly. “Fuck,” he chokes, lost in the way you clench around him, lips dragging against his cock with each thrust. “Baby,” he grunts, sweat trailing down his temple, eyes furrowed shut. Eventually, his head falls into the crook of your neck, his weight pressing down on you uncomfortably, subtle ridges on the hood making you ache. At this point, you’re too far gone to care. “All I ever wanted,” he gasps.

You could cry, right now and he’d pull out right away, big heart fretting over your emotional well-being. Which is exactly why you hold your emotions in, let yourself get fully immersed in the feeling of Jungkook pounding you against some stranger’s car and not the inevitable emotional crash you’ll have later.

He fucks like he’s waited all his life for this, and you guess he sort of has if what he’s saying is true. You have no doubt it is, and when his lips suck a mark against your neck, you feel like you’re in heaven. “Almost,” you pant, legs wrapping around his waist tightly. Jungkook nods, his hair tickling your jaw and neck, as he picks up the pace. Your cunt swallows him up every single time, suctions him in until he’s shaking, and so are you.

It can only last for so long, your heart and body eventually reaching their peak, and you unravel. His arms are there to catch you, to pick up the pieces and hold you together. You want to cry, you really do, and when the coil in your stomach snaps, you finally do. “I love you,” you sob, and Jungkook shudders, glances at your tear-struck face to push himself off.

“Love you too,” he mumbles, grinds his cock against your spasming folds one last time, and comes mid-thrust, cum spurting inside you. He holds you, just like you knew he would, as you come down from your highs, hot breath fanning across your skin.

You feel warm, loved, and in love, body trembling in sensitivity afterwards. He’s pulled out since, soothingly rubbing a hand against your side. You’d like to say you wouldn’t be anywhere else, but one shift reminds you of where you are.

“Shit,” you groan, taking in your surroundings before letting your head fall back against the hood. Jungkook hums, round eyes looking your way. “We really just confessed and had sex on some stranger’s car.”

Jungkook snorts, leans away just the slightest to look you in the eye. He’s lost in thought, chocolate irises swirling as they drink you in. “Say thanks to Taehyung,” he finally says.

You roll your eyes, and when you shift beneath him, your sweaty skin sticks uncomfortably against the metal hood. “Yeah, let me thank Taehyung for dating me for three days and awakening your crush,” you huff sarcastically, resigning yourself to your new life stuck against the hood of some classic automobile from the 50s. Jungkook laughs, tucks himself back into his underwear. “Thanks Taehyung, for your noble sacrifice ten years ago that allowed me to fuck Jungkook on some stranger’s car—“

Jungkook hums, snuggles closer to you. “Tae’s car.”

“—after confessing our—Taehyung’s car?” You shriek, sitting up with the strength of three football players, Jungkook toppling off you. “Oh my god. No.” Jungkook rubs his elbow where he knocked it against the hood, looks at you with solemn eyes. Slowly, a smirk crawls over his features. “No,” you gasp, mortification crawling up your spine. “We didn’t.”

He tugs you off the car, tugs your skirt down when you wobble on unsteady heels. “Yup,” he says, pops the end of the word like a child. “Say hello to Taehyung’s new car!” He exclaims, patting the hood you just defiled. “Straight from the car auction he went to this morning,” he beams.

“Oh my god,” you groan, covering your face with your hands when you finally spot the puddles of... something on the black hood. “This is terrible.”

Jungkook ignores you, wipes up the mess with some napkins from his takeout bag, but there’s already some that's dried, only fueling your mortification. “Not like he’ll find out,” he shrugs, then narrows his eyes at you. “Or will he?”

“No!” You stutter, carefully rounding the car as if inspecting it for any more signs of the treacherous things you and Jungkook did on or around it. “I-I won’t tell him.”

“Uh huh,” Jungkook teases, settles on that rolling stool and pushes himself towards you. There’s a hand easing itself around your waist, tugging you between open legs. Still in shock, your hands flutter around his neck, muscle memory causing you to immediately begin massaging the skin there.

Jungkook sighs into the touch, eyes falling shut. “Too bad Jimin’s not here,” he sighs, and you visibly see his nose grow in arrogance. 

“What? Why should Jimin be here?” You ask, pushing your fingers against the knots in his neck. 

Jungkook levels you with an unimpressed, one-eyed glare. He scoffs, “maybe you are as dumb ad Taehyung says.” And then, “hey!” when you tug his ear. He isn’t upset, just tugs you closer until his face is buried against your stomach. “You know country folk like him marry on the spot right?”

“What are you even saying,” you huff, burying your hands in the hair at the nape of his neck, tugging his head back to properly look at him. “Why do you care who Jimin marries?” He doesn’t bother answering. 

Instead, Jungkook sighs into the touch, an easygoing smile thrown your way, and for a moment you forget about the trauma Taehyung will have when he inevitably learns about this. “This is the life.”

[windschildfanfictionwriter]

The Post War Draco Arguement

It seems like everyone is weighing in on the idea of Draco Malfoy’s post book arc that apparently makes him a ‘good person’ because he ‘grew up’ and no longer tried to murder people or delight in their torture/death. 

Yeah. No. 

Harry, Ron and Hermione literally saved Draco’s life in the room of requirements and not even an hour later Draco is telling Death Eaters he is one of them in order to try to spare his own life. 

Draco didn’t become good. He just realized that he would go to jail and be punished for his misdeeds if he didn’t put on some good boy pants. He’s not pretending to be good, he is a coward who is too afraid to be the bad person that he was. 

There is nothing in the books, in all seven books, to suggest otherwise. There are moments when he is terrified, traumatized, unbearably scared of the negative consequences he has wreaked upon himself, but there was no point where he felt compassion for others or regret. There was no moment where he went to Ron and was like... hey bro, you know how I poisoned you? You know, almost murdering you? Like, I’m totes sorry about that. I regret not only trying to murder Albus Dumbledore, but all the terrible side accidents that happened because of it. That must have been really painful and horrible for you, choking and suffocating and all that. 

Hey, Katie Bell, you know that horrible curse I put on you? Yeah, my bad. Knocked you out for your last season of Quidditch and nearly murdered you too, and destroyed all semblance of joy for your graduating year, but uh... totally wasn’t aiming for you? 

Nope, no remorse or regret, just gonna cry like a little fucking bitch in the bathroom about MY problems. Totally points to redemption. You betcha. 

The fact that people treated Ron like he was being immature for holding a grudge against him? Made me fucking livid. 

No, no, no, we don’t forgive people for trying to murder us. That’s just not healthy. “Forgiveness is not for the perpetrator, it is for the victim.” Some people will say. “So that they themselves can move passed the past and live a healthier life.” Sorry, but there’s a hard pass on that. 

Things that can be forgiven with time? 

A bully. 

If Draco had only bullied them, then sure. You’re both adults now. Maybe they’ll never be friends, but some hurtful words and such can be forgiven. 

But Draco Malfoy demonstrated time again to go passed simple bullying. He’s demonstrated pleasure at the thought of someone else’s death, has shown that he himself would want to be the cause of it, he attempted to murder Dumbledore- in the process nearly killing two students, and showed no remorse what so ever for either events. For either person. 

Only for himself. 

Draco Malfoy is a coward. He should have gone to jail for attempted murder, assault, endangerment, AND for being a Death Eater. Say all you want about him being a ‘child.’ He was well passed childhood. He was a teenager who was one year away from being an adult in the eyes of the wizarding world. Young enough to be forgiven for mistakes (because everybody makes them) but not young enough to be forgiven for attempted murder. 

And before anyone comes up with any weak ass arguments about him having his parents held as hostages... are you out of your god damn mind? Draco was thrilled to be made a Death Eater. He practically glowed with the joy of it on the train ride. Your little head cannon is just that. An imaginary thing that doesn’t exist. No one was a hostage. 

No. Voldemort gave Draco a job he couldn’t possibly handle and sat back to watch the shit show unfold. Daddy was in jail and Mummy was off and making deals with Snape and her sister so they were no where near being held hostage by the dark lord. 

It was only when Draco realized how outclassed he was, how much of an idiot he was for thinking that he could do this, that his fear of not being able to complete the task (not the task itself, mind you) overwhelmed him and made him realize that his life was truly in danger.  

One of the failings of the books, I always thought, was allowing Draco Malfoy to (essentially) get away with everything. His family remained alive. He was safe. Free to get married and have kids, apparently. It was only the disdain of the the wizarding world he had to deal with and that seems to have been all but forgotten by the time the epilogue rolled around. 

While people like Tonks and Lupin, Sirius and Cedric, Fred and Colin and many more died... this motherfucker got to live. 

Its quite sickening. 

And then good people like Ron are just expected to shake his hand and let things just... be? Fuck that. Draco Malfoy deserved to be poisoned and cursed and dropped off the Astronomy Tower with the entirety of Hogwarts applauding his death before heading off to the Great Hall for tea. 

The trope of Draco Malfoy being ‘misunderstood’ is as unjustifiable as the one that states Ron Weasley is a bad friend. These tropes are born out of a problem with culture. The idea that the ‘bad boy’ no matter how terrible he is, no matter abusive or sickening his behavior can always be justified by a shitty passed or other excuses (Draco). On the other hand the idea that a genuinely good person who stands beside the hero is unforgivable for having moments of weakness, of being human, and who is not perfect is also apart of society. The sidekick who has one bad trait is considered to be unworthy while a bad guy is considered misunderstood for having one line in one book that wasn’t absolutely bad. 

Romance Novels are filled with Draco Malfoys. They glorify his type. My best friend (who adores the trash) went on an on about an assassin who kidnapped this woman against her will (but for her own good, apparently). This assassin forces her to stay on this island with him. Yet he is misunderstood. He was horribly abused as a child and had these malicious terrible things done so despite the fact that he is holding her against her will, he is the good guy. 

Another book summary from my bestie? This guy ignores this girls safe word and goes too far. Repeatedly. But no, its not his fault! Because he was raised this way. He’s a good guy. Really. 

Again and again and again she tells me about these romance novels and it truly sickens me. That woman are so into this concept. That the guy who is abusive and horrible and mentally fucked up is more desirable and interesting than the well rounded, genuinely good people in the world. 

She has never, not once, described a healthy relationship in the hundreds and hundreds of books she’s read. Its all equally sickening. 

Which is why people find Severus Snape to be good. It’s why people prefer the Draco Malfoy’s to the sweet Ronald Weasley’s. They have a fascination with the mentally fucked up. They find a thrill with unraveling the reasoning behind it and for trying to draw out the good in all that fucked up-ness. 

The Romance Genre is the highest grossing Genre in all of literature. More than Sci-Fi or fantasty or Young Adult. This Genre, primarily bought by woman, is filled to the brim with abusive, terrible behavior that is glorified and giggled over. 

Because its popular. 

Because it sells. 

That is why Draco Malfoy is popular even though he has no right to be. It is vicious and ugly and sickening, but true, none the less. People like abusive assholes and they’ll fall over themselves to give them excuses. 

#Anti-Draco #HarryPotter #DracoMalfoy #Bully 

[beary-tired]

hey yeah whats new not a whole lot.

when i moved to this account among other changes i wanted to try to avoid the trend of tumblr venting because it’s not healthy?  especially not if its a regular thing - at least in my opinion.  when you just talk to yourself into a void where there ARE people but only have yourself to talk to and no responses it really solidifies a lot of negative energy that you might have against yourself.  

but wow gee it kind of sucks to not feel comfortable actually approaching your friends and talking to them about your issues or feeling like your problems aren’t being listened to?  im not saying i dont trust my friends but i have this weird rule with myself that if i complain about the same thing more than like 3 times then its just complaining for the sake of complaining and i should just suck it up and figure out how to solve it.

but this whole trans thing really REALLY isnt that easy.  I dont know how people are doing it or pushing themselves to their transition how do you ignore all the people around you that dont support you how do you ignore the amount of hate and lack of understanding?  How do you find enough energy to love yourself enough to make the choice to make yourself happy at this fucking COST of discomfort of others.  i’ve been so SO fucking envious and its such an ugly feeling when i see just friend/acquaintance after friendquaintance coming out and starting their transitions.  I AM ALSO SOSOSOSOSOSO HAPPY FOR THEM AND KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET THERE but im also not there.  and I feel like i should be or should have been ALREADY.  

its been more than half a year since i came out to my parents with no progress.  I’ve been making excuses to not see a doctor because the guilt i feel about my parents not supporting me haunts and weighs on me.  I cant get over the feeling that im ruining their lives.  I cant get my head out of that spiral where i start thinking about extended family and family friends and all these people that are close to my parents and how much im ruining their reputation.  I cant stop thinking about how normalized it is for asian parents to not support their queer kids. im tired of coming out to people in general because im tired of hearing I LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU only to have said person ive come out to just continue to use the wrong pronouns and justify themselves with ITS HARD or I DONT SEE WHY IT MATTERS GIRLS CAN DO GUY STUFF AND GUYS CAN DO GIRL STUFF.  I’m so tired and all this mental garbage has me shutting down again at school and thats really fucking scary because i feel like im reverting back to when I was last in school and I did SO WELL last semester.

im scared of dating because cis gay guys can be among some of the worst people in general.  all my coworkers think im a lesbian.  I also dont think I will ever be ready to date in general????  I still have too much self hate and baggage??? my mom is crazy????  I’m??? crazY????? maybe????? I still feel fat and ugly and am falling further and further out of the cosplay community.  

I think I am doing better than before I came out.  I think I am doing better than I was back in 2017 and that is really important and I need to keep reminding myself that but wowee its still really fucking rough right now

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 42 - 43

I AM ACTUALLY SPEECHLESS HOLY FUCKING SHIT

Manon Blackbeak cracked open eyelids that were too heavy, too burning, and squinted against the flickering lantern light that swayed upon the wood panels of the room in which she lay.

HHHH I’VE BEEN DREADING THIS. Please kiss the Manon we know goodbye, because we’re likely gonna never see her again after this chapter.

[Manon] bolted upright. Abraxos. Where was Abraxos—

Unghhh their relationship is too pure and wholesome for this shitty novel. I seriously want Manon to leave this series and go to HTTYD, it’s what she deserves.

(...) the chains now around Manon’s wrists, around her ankles—anchored into the walls with what appeared to be freshly drilled holes.

FRESHLY DRILLED HOLES. What did they use to drill those holes? Don’t tell me they popped down to Home Depot and picked up a brand new screw gun I am l aughing

Alien is there and already I’m seeing red please SJM i am begging u keep Alien’s crusty ass 100000 miles away from Manon

[Aelin] jerked her chin toward the floor. A pitcher and cup lay there. “Water’s next to the bed. If you can reach it.”

YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE YOU’RE GOING TO LET MANON DIE OF HYDRATION IF SHE CAN’T REACH THE WATER?? FUCK YOU, ALIEN, YOU MASSIVE PIECE OF SHIT.

And as it turns out, Manon can’t reach the water and passes out soon afterwards. Fuck Alien I can’t think of one character I hate more than her fucking selfish ass.

Even unconscious, Manon’s every breath, every twitch, was a reminder that she was a born predator, her agonizingly beautiful face a careful mask to lure the unwary to their doom.

idk this seems weird... Manon is passed out from pain but they’re all splooging over how hot and dangerous she is... idk...

They were nearing Banjali now—and Dorian had tried and failed not to think of his dead friend with every league closer to the lovely city. Tried and failed not to consider if Nehemia would have been with them on this very ship had things not gone so terribly wrong.

*sobs* I miss Nehemia.... she deserved so much better....

“Hello, witchling,” [Dorian] said. [Manon’s] full, sensuous mouth tightened slightly, either in a repressed grimace or smile, he couldn’t tell.

What the fuck is up with SJM making all her men horny for the women’s lips during situations that are in no way sexual?? Like Manon is a prisoner tied up and dying of hydration, why is Dorian thinking about her mouth this is so fucking weird

Dorian didn’t feel like mentioning that he’d been the one who’d jumped into the water [to save Manon]. He’d just … acted, as Manon had acted when she’d saved him in his tower. He owed her nothing less.

Ungh SJM is totally gonna make this a thing ain’t she. Like Dorian is just repaying her here but you know, you just know SJM is gonna use this for them to hook up.

Manon asks Dorian about Elide and the Thirteen and Dorian is like “who the hell are those guys” and Manon gets all sad and I’m :(((((

Whatever had happened, whatever [Manon] had endured … Dorian draped an arm along the back of his chair. “It’s coming in a few minutes. I’d hate for you to waste away into nothing. It’d be a shame to lose the most beautiful woman in the world so soon into her immortal, wicked life.”

Heh, that’s typical Dorian for you. Hey, maybe this ship won’t be so bad! Maybe they’ll become really good supportive friends who bond over all the trauma they went through and-

“I am not a woman,” was all [Manon] said. But hot temper laced those molten gold eyes. [Dorian] gave her an indolent shrug, perhaps only because she was indeed in chains, perhaps because, even though the death she radiated thrilled him, it did not strike a chord of fear. “Witch, woman … as long as the parts that matter are there, what difference does it make?”

WHAT

THE

ACTUAL

FUCK

SJM. ARE YOU EVEN FUCKING KIDDING ME. DO YOU KNOW TRANSGENDER PEOPLE EXIST?? THAT NOT ALL WOMEN HAVE VAGINAS??? ARE YOU FUCKING SAYING TRANS WOMEN ARE LESS OF WOMEN IF THEY DON’T HAVE BREASTS AND VAGINAS??? BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT FUCKING LOOKS LIKE TO ME.

I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE THIS IS IN AN EPIC FANTASY SERIES. SJM WROTE THIS, EDITORS EDITED IT, AND THEN IT WAS PUBLISHED, AND NOBODY THOUGHT “oh hey, the implications of this are reaaaally bad, let’s cut it”

DJFHSJDFHAFJ THIS IS SO BAD THIS IS REALLY REALLY BAD HOLY SHIT I THOUGHT THIS WAS JUST A BOOK WITH SHITTY PLOT AND WRITING AND CHARACTERS BUT NOW WE CAN ADD TRANSPHOBIA TO THE LIST THATS JUST GREAT.

Sorry about that little tangent but my jaw actually hung wide open when I read that line. Holy fucking shit this novel is going to put me in the ground six feet under.

Dorian offered a lazy grin in return. “Believe it or not, this ship has an unnatural number of attractive men and women on board. You’ll fit right in. And fit in with the cranky immortals, I suppose.”

I’m so heartbroken but... I have to disown my baby boy. Dorian was once one of my few favorite characters but SJM has killed him and replaced him with a transphobic asshole. I’m so sorry my baby boy, you flew too close to the sun. You are hereby demoted to Dorito.

Assdion rears his ugly ass head to be rude to Manon and kiss Alien’s ass before leaving. Bye bitch, hope you fall off the ship and drown.

“Then I suppose you and I are both heirs without crowns.”

Remember last time Alien said this and I defended Dorito, saying he deserved his crown? Oh, how I took those earlier chapters for granted......

The rest of the chapter is Manon angsting about all the shit she’s been through lately. Since I like Manon and she has reason to be upset, I don’t have anything to make snarks about so next chapter.

Lorcan was still wondering what the hell he was doing three days later

Oh fucking great, I just witnessed the murder of my son Dorian and now I gotta read in Lorcan’s POV? Just keep kicking me while I’m down why don’t you, SJM.

“It’s going to rain.” [Elide] slid a flat glance at him. “I do know what thunder means.”

Just fucking stop. This isn’t entertaining at all to watch two people bicker and made snarky remarks 100% of the time to one another and yet we’re supposed to believe they’re bonding I want to d ie

“Drink,” Elide commanded him. Lorcan debated telling her not to give him orders, but … he liked seeing this small, fine-boned creature in action.

What the fuck does that mean?? Fine boned?? Is that really a way people describe others???? What the fuck am I reading???

So Lorcan drank and watched [Elide] while she watched others. So many calculating thoughts beneath that pale face, so many lies ready to spill from those rosebud lips.

I’m so tired like. You guys have done nothing but argue and avoid each other and now Lorass is getting horny at the sight of Elide’s lips I’m so tired.

[Elide] was going to leave. Tomorrow, whenever the carnival rolled out. She’d likely hire one of these boats to take her northward, and [Lorcan] … he would go south. To Morath.

:(( the girl I emotionally abuse is going to leave after we both lied to one another :((( this is so sad can we get 100 likes

Elide talks to some people inside a tavern about Alien.

“Seems like the queen has a habit of showing up where she’s least expected, unleashing chaos, and vanishing again.

FINISH HER

Elide walked out of the third tavern, Lorcan on her heels. They hadn’t spoken once since she’d gone into that first inn. He’d been too lost in contemplating what it would be like to suddenly travel on his own again. To leave her … and never see her again.

I am utterly baffled you two have been nothing but assholes to each other!!! Like seriously you haven’t done anything nice for each other!!! Like wtf SJM is trying make us all :’((( about them splitting up but I can’t wait until this stupid subplot ends!

Elide reveals she can’t read to Lorass and he tries to compliment her, but...?

He wondered if he would have ever noticed if she hadn’t told him. “You seem to have survived rather impressively without it.”

I mean, good on him for not judging her, but like, she was locked up in a tower doing maid work? Reading skills really wouldn’t have made much of a difference there.

Turns out their carnival co workers ratted them out and sent guards after them. Lorass hauls Elide over his shoulder and makes a run for it.

“The gates at the city entrance,” [Elide] gasped as muscle and bone pummeled into her gut. “They’ll be there, too.”

Holy shit that sounds painful. She’s not a sack of potatoes Lorass, try some gentleness.

Lorcan pocketed the axe he’d thumbed free

You literally just took out your axe like two paragraphs ago on the same page. What was the point of this?

They find some rando and force him to get them the hell out of dodge on his boat. Elide hears a splash but doesn’t think anything of it until she sees Lorass again.

[Elide] glanced at the hatchet at [Lorcan’s] side as he strode out of the cabin. “You killed him, didn’t you?” That was what the splash had been. A body being dumped over the side.

So, just to recap, according to Lorass.... killing an innocent man who helped you escape the guards; completely justifiable. Stealing something you suspect is bad from a woman you don’t even like; evil, unacceptable, crossing a line. 

“He might have had a family depending on him.” [Elide]’d seen no wedding ring, but it didn’t mean anything.

I was about to get tilted but SJM corrected herself. I hate the mentality that if you don’t have a spouse, you clearly can’t have a family who depends on you. Kids from previous relationships, parents, grandparents, siblings, they’re family too y’know.

Lorass finds out the Wyrdkey he carried is a fake and loses his shit.

Then Lorcan flung open the door, so violently it nearly ripped off its hinges, and hurled what looked to be the shards of a broken amulet into the river. Or he tried to. Lorcan threw it hard enough that it cleared the river entirely and slammed into a tree, gouging out a chunk of wood.

I enjoy his misery tbh. Lorass is so pissy he reveals to Elide that Alien was Celaena, or as I like to call her Celery, at one point.

“You knew, and you didn’t tell me. Why?” “You still haven’t told me your secrets. I don’t see why I should tell all of mine, either.”

I mean, yeah, hate to agree with Lorass but fair enough. You’ve both done nothing but lie to each other’s faces, why would he tell you that? I want to like Elide but all this shitty drama and bickering is making my affection for her wear thin.

Then - holy fucking shit, there’s like a bunch of huuuuuuge paragraphs of Lorass and Elide bickering and they’re so fucking big. This hurts my eyes to look at. I’m gonna screencap one of them, just to show you how fucking huge they are.

HOLY SHIT SJM BREAK UP YOUR BIG ASS BRICKS OF TEXT PLEASE. My eyes started to cross trying to read this, it took me like three tries.

tl;dr because of some bullshit Lorass is staying with Elide because they both have business with Alien. Fuckin’ great, I love everyone’s agendas revolving around the main special snowflake, just fuckin’ great.

There’d been nothing inside the amulet but one of those rings—an utterly useless Wyrdstone ring, wrapped in a bit of parchment. And on it was written in a feminine scrawl: Here’s hoping you discover more creative terms than “bitch” to call me when you find this. With all my love, A.A.G.

Maybe I’d find this amusing if Alien wasn’t a walking shitstain, but... I’m tired. I’m so goddamn tired.

[Lorcan]’d kill [Aelin]. Slowly. Creatively.

Damn wish you would fam, but Alien’s got plot armor bigger than her fuckin’ ego. Lorass ends the chapter by saying he’ll kill Alien, which we all know won’t happen. I’m betting money that there’ll probably be a Lorass/Rowboat/Alien love triangle once Lorass sees what an ~uhmazing~ queen Alien is. Don’t give me that look, you know SJM would.

[tumblunni]

Also it still makes me Super Sad to know they were at one point considering giving Viera a similar remake to the Mithra and having them be a both genders race with like.. actual normal people and it being the player’s choice if you wanted to wear sexy armour or not. Seriously i hate ‘they are sexy race’ as a concept for a ‘culture’, it’s like finding the planet of everyone has the same job in some star wars thing, except the creepy version...

Tho also these more ‘sexy race’ designs for them still work MILES better than FF12 when they have sexualized dudes too! Apparantly this concept evolved into (ugh) the Au’Ra, so you can kinda see here how they decided to go ‘nah, extra buff power fantasy dudes and even more over the top fanservice women that also look 12′ instead of like.. fanservice kind of muscly man, at least... :( srsly he looks like that sexy armour guy they censored in that spinoff game or that sexy armour they censored for Ringabel yet nobody seemed to care and instead whined about 1 singular additional belt being added on the sexy costume for girls T_T why do the worst of the worst internet douchebros always throw a fit at the slightest bit of equal ass for all??

wow this ended up going into a big ol lol image heavy post so lets have a cut!

also this sexualized lady armour at least has a different and visually interesting design, and they were thinking of more hairstyles too! like the FF12 viera were even more bad for how they all looked like the same person in 1-3 minor variants of the same xenomorph lookin metal thong atrocity. (and like.. one robe model for npcs that somehow managed to still sexualize a robe?? wtf?? leav whit mag alon)

Another beta viera design that just appeals to me a lot, somehow! I think its the interesting idea of having a fully furred head and then just a quiff of human hair on the top, it feels more like an actual animal man instead of a human in cosplay. Same for the idea of them having big black cute button eyes!

Also look at these other really cool designs for different beast races, even stuff thats not based on anything we’ve ever seen before It’s hard to believe that the Au’ra were even conceived as a ‘beast race’ concept, like holy fuck it should be illegal to throw out 47 Actual Designs and just go with Human Again But More Fanservice...

also they made this april fools thing as a fake Au’Ra reveal and like... it doesnt say much good about your designers when this could legit pass as real like the joke here is apaprantly just that Sexy Bangaa looks ugly, not that having a race with a monsterish man and a sexy lady is a dumb idea, cos they just went ahead and did it anyway...

the au’ra concept art shows pretty much EXACTLY the same ‘sexy bangaa’ principle and I’m glad they at least fuckin toned it down to the man having AN ACTUAL HUMAN FACE, even if its also a lazy fuckin design change. i’d be so fuckin mad if we got a legit cool only-nonhumanoid-race-in-the-game and it was men only!

also like Wow, I am actually getting excited about just the same super tiny demure unfitting lady to a massive man except Less Sexualized And More Magical/Ethereal ...unless that isnt meant to be a dragon familiar but actually another design for the men or something, that’d be going WAY too far! XD

Hello Welcome To Bottom Of The Barrel With Bunni, wouldnt it have been nice if the weird succubus-y ladies like.. looked in their 20s or something i am actually advocating for big fanservice titties cos it would be 99% less disturbing than the same damn camera angles on a ‘childish’ design... also seriously 99% normal fanservice lady with bigass actual monster horns on top would be better than same thing sans the horns

oh sorry they do have ‘horns’ but they look like fuckin this

and i fuckin can’t even.. i jsut fuckin... they don’t even let us have THE MOST BASIC TINY BEASTIE THINGS! why does it bug me so much that male au ra get to have black schelera along with the black horns like even this super minimal actual dragon trait isn’t allowed?? even when removing it makes no sense?? even when its supposed to be a nationality indicator in-universe cos you put a really nice amount of worldbuilding into each ‘race’ having actually two races of sun and moon based designs. which are EXACTLY THE FUCKIN SAME FOR FEMALE AU’RA, seriously why not just make horn colour an option in the editor then... actually is this a thing that has ever existed in any real world country, is there a place where men have [visual trait] and women don’t? I mean aside from like.. cultural or religious outfits, where only one gender’s is different to the west but its not like the west is default anyway lol. But seriously imagine EYE COLOUR! Imagine if blue eyes only happened to american men and like.. american women couldn’t have blonde hair and all looked identical to.. I dunno.. west indian women. Just a whole country where dudes have all the abstract concept of ‘race’ and the women don’t. That’s how nonsense it seems when you make a fantasy species where only the women look human!

tho also i’m still pissed off too that the human nationality thing actually comes with a different body build (FOR DUDES AT LEAST) and different hairstyles and starting outfit, instead of only a colour change. it stands out a lot that they only did this for their first attempt at the concept. also it makes male au-ra make even less sense cos you can already have a muscle human and an even more muscle human who has a dumb ogre face and also elf men are muscular somehow and you kinda only have miquote if you wanna be a skinny dude.. or even just an average dude...

also it kinda sucks that you can’t turn off or choose anything about the weirdly complicated scale patterns on their neck and upper arms only. like why is that even there except to be like ‘hey we did the bare minimum to be considered a dragon’...

ALSO LIKE EVEN MORE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL I would have STILL been happier if we got this fuckin terrible fanservice lady design but she at least had ears and claws as well as we-say-its-horns-but-it-looks-like-cute-hair-decs. like seriously throw me a fuckin bone here, give them SOMETHING to justify the ‘beast race’ category... also did i mention that its really fuckin stupid how they did the worldbuilding too? these guys are meant to be nomads and warriors yet the women look like this. its just.. never explained. its just that all the Lore applies to the dudes and the women are just for ~cyooooot anime girl who does the stubborn kiddy pose with her tits hanging out~ (SERIOUSLY THEIR ANIMATION SET IS REALLY CHILDLIKE AND ITS SO CREEPY! theyre like the sex appeal of miquote with the lalafell animations...)

seriously holy shit looking at this pic makes them it look like dads taking their daughters to soccer practise like seriously fuckin christ

and ALSO on top of fuckin everything else we get to see they even had designs for the same creepy loli fanservice ladies but if they had Some Sort Of Actual Unique Features and Cool Aesthetic Choice like wtf you even abanded like 40 cool horn designs and just gave them plain gross triangles in only one of two colour choices... T_T also like.. that loli lady at least gets to wear an actual gothic lolita fashion style, and i love the aesthetic of armor plates hanging as accessories on a non armour outfit. Do they jingle like windchimes? or does this mean Au’ra were meant to be fully scaled below the neck, so this kinda IS a skimpy outfit but you cant tell? XD

Also l kinda like this aesthetic of this other equally lame and super humanoid design with overly sexualized females. Like i dunno if this is just shading but if they actually had this colourscheme it would be super distinctive! And it reminds me of amarant’s trance form, The Amazing Battle Banana Hammock. Even if it also suffers from the same problem of technically showing a man in a skimpy costume but like his design is supposed to be monsterous and badass instead so it still doesnt deliver the same as the female equivelant. The top left version could kinda be a fanservice guy but like.. only if he was naked like that? like drawing someone in a style that’s supermodel body shape and has giant boob outlines and super sexualized poses and doesn’t look monsterous despite being a monster and ET CETERA, that’s what we mean about a character design being sexualized rather than just sexy. If you put some pants to cover this guy’s impressive bulge then he’d just be another scary boss guy. I mean Ifrit is a nearly naked guy with horns in every damn game but he’s very VERY rarely sexualized! The FFXV version is like the first damn time, except when we had a female version of him. It sucks cos ifreeta has a pretty damn cool design but still its really weird how she’s so much more humanoid and has attention drawn to her having boobs in a way they never did with ifrit’s constantly-on-display pecs and loincloth... Man why is it so hard to explain these weird nuances of how people draw ‘topless monster’ characters like this? its like they go out of their way to try and backpedal on the fact they made a topless guy. he can show more skin but its supposed to be less appealing by the artist, thus its less offensive cos it isnt boxing a character into this one sexualized role while the plot says ‘no, they’re a monster, honest!’ YKNOW?? god am i making ANY sense here? XD

nakey man, not meant to be arousing to audience

nakey lady, suddenly just because she’s ‘the lady version’ she looks like this

the same nakey man, redesigned, this time indeed meant to be just as sexy

and like it sucks that there aren’t many good examples of nakey ladies who ARENT meant to be arousing in this series cos I mean that lady ifrit design is so much more sexualized despite being in a chibi art style game for kids?? this was really not the right time or place!

Also it sucks that ‘is nakey’ is a common trait of monster man characters, because well there’s been an established history of dudes being topless and you’re not meant to be aroused. So then whenever they try and make ‘monster man race’ they go for a topless dude and are like ‘then the woman needs to be topless too!’ except the only way they can draw them is sexy??? except its like a false premise to begin with, you can totally make a beast race that isn’t topless, you guys! or even a beast race that isn’t buff, so you don’t need to be all ‘what’s the female equivelant of buff? oh yeah, sexy!’. or, yknow, just draw a buff woman. it could work... or like just have neither and make a beast creature that’s supposed to be cute or mysterious or comical or whatever.

completely random moment of interjection to say that nu mou are pretty neat

Actually, FFTA’s version of the ivalice races was pretty good about this, aside from the dumb thing of ‘theyre all male except viera, and just coincidentally viera are the only humanoid and sexualized race’. (Tho it was funny that somehow they accidentally made all humans male only too??)

Also another reason the Au’ra’s version of fanservice bothers me more than the simple option to wear a bikini as both genders for every other race: like none of them are DESIGNED FROM THE GROUND UP to be ‘they are all biologically born in an idealized supermodel shape and also look twenty years younger than they really are and also all culturally do j-pop poses for fuckin everything’. Even if you picked the sexy catgirls and catboys race you can choose to play a perfectly covered up version of either. And none of their animation sets or voice lines were inherantly fanservicey. Thats kinda what bugs me more than the Au’ra’s designs, its that they’re all ~uguuu senpai~ anime fanservice lady poses and squeaky voices even if you make their design not sexualized in the customizer. Even tho like.. at least a character in full armour doing j-pop poses is kinda funny/cute, so that’s one consolation. But couldnt you have just made them simple emotes for all the characters instead? I WANNA SEE IDOL ROEGADYN OMG :D

ANYWAY UHH BACK ON TOPIC

we almost got a dreadlocks hairstyle? That looks cool

ok.. okay.. I’m done Okay I’m Done sorry i just saw these concept art pics and got really fuckin wistful for what we could have had...

[shakespearerants]

Why Modern Y/A Literature Is Shit - Five Lists, A Rant, And A Conclusion

Let’s start with the lists, shall we? First, we have the typical overused y/a protagonists. There are:

1) the incompetent-but-pretty female protagonist. I’m talking about that “oh I’m not like other girls I hate makeup and I’m sooooo clumsy and also a nerd because I don’t like to party” girl, the one that always says she’s ugly but is described as stereotypically attractive. Usually white. Always gets the insanely attractive guy in the end. Relatable ™.

2) the mysterious bad boy that every girl wants a slice of. Usually either rich, a supernatural being, or involved in some sketchy shit. Has a Tragic Backstory™ that is unlocked by the female protagonist after little-to-none probing, maybe some bambi eyes, when the story is at the point where he would look like a real douche if his shitty behavior was left unexplained.

3) the female Leader of the Revolution. Usually white. Fights for Freedom and What Is Good, would actually be pretty ok in my books, if there weren’t…

4) the male love interest of the female Leader of the Revolution. Usually very flat character. We know exactly two thing about him: a) He’s Sexy b) He’s In Love. Sometimes there’s a small bonus and we also know that he has a Tragic Backstory™, usually involving something that is supposed to show that he and the female Leader of the Revolution are Soulmates or at least that they have History Together. And then there’s…

5) the Love Triangle. Im counting this as “one” main character because, lets be honest, most (read: all that I know) love triangles don’t have enough depth to justify analyzing all three parts separately. It goes like this: girl was Normal and had Best Male Friend who was In Love With Her since Forever, but Never Said Anything. Then Something Happens and Guy Two (the mysterious bad boy) shows up, usually quite out of the blue. He is Mysterious and Experienced and Interested In The Girl, who is suddenly Very Important for a Higher Cause. Then Best Male Friend Gets Jealous and Confesses His Feelings when confronted by the Girl. Then all there of them go on an Epic Quest together. A common variation of this is Girl meets two boys. One is Nice™ and one is Sexy™. HOW WILL SHE DECIDE???!11?? (also epic quest in the backround)

And then we have the supporting characters. Who are usually either…

1) the gay OR the racially diverse Best Friend of the Protagonist. Especially if it’s a male protagonist. BUT CAREFUL!!!!!111! He has to be a) male b) EITHER gay OR racially diverse, and c) ok with casually used homophobic/racist stereotypes

2) the Nerd Friend of the (usually male) protagonist. Wears glasses. Doesn’t know anything about sports. Easily hurt. Thankful™ for their Cool Protagonist Friend. Usually bullied. Knows stuff about: a) Star Wars b) Comics c) Lord of the Rings. If the author is really adventurous he also cosplays, usually as a LOTR character

3) the Best Girl Friend of the incompetent-but-pretty female protagonist. Usually very flat character. Comes out of nowhere to Give Advice and disappears back into the void. 

But the most annoying thing is that literally almost every y/a novel or series that you pick up in literally any bookstore/library can be assigned one of these general storylines:

1) the Your Are Different storyline. Girl is Normal™. Maybe has a Tragic Backstory™, but nothing too bad. Then Something Happens and she learns that she is Not Normal, by which I mean that she either has some sort of supernatural powers or that she is The Long Lost Princess or at very least The Chosen One. Then some love triangle comes to spiel, she has to Leave Her Old Life Behind and Save The World. Book ends with some sort of sappy love confession or her deciding which part of the love triangle she chooses. Sometimes seen with a male protagonist, but without the love triangle. 

2) the Love Triangle storyline. Well. I think it’s self-explanatory.

3) the Supernatural Shit Going On storyline. Someone (usually a guy) is the Chosen One. Chosen One has to fight in order to save some recently discovered world/their own world. Meets some friends who are usually two or more dudes and one super badass girl who is only there because Equality™ and is either the one who gets Possessed By The Evil or is the only one who has to be saved at one point in the story. If we have a female protagonist then she and the girl Hate Each Other For Literally No Reason until the protagonist Saves The Girl in some very dramatic way and they realize that the other is Actually Not That Bad. Female protagonist usually teaches girl about Feelings and maybe sets her up with That One Guy In The Group that she’s had a crush on for Literal Years but never made a move because Feelings Are For Babys or she was Scared And Didn’t Know What To Say To Him. 

4) the This Book Isn’t Like Other Books storyline. Some shit that doesn’t have anything to do with interpersonal relationships or at the most bullying is going on. Usually features a Controversial Protagonist™ (read: the one who started the deeply illegal or at least sketchy shit that’s going on and is also the muggle version of Voldemort, character wise). The (usually male) protagonist, who is also a social outcast, now has to work to Stop The Sketchy Shit that he started, but he Can’t Do It Alone. A group of three people (two boys, one pretty girl), who are also a part of the Popular Group At School, are somehow pulled into the shit and help the Controversial Protagonist™ Fix His Mistakes and Become A Better Person. Sometimes they become friends in the end. 

AND, because I can, have some shitty shitty plot devices.

1) the Love Triangle. It’s shitty and unnecessary in every way because it always features at least 3 of these things: bad writing. Heteronormativity. Exclusively white people. Disregard of the feelings of the female lead by at least one of the guys. Use of past traumatic experiences of one of the male leads to justify predatory and/or dangerous/possessive behavior. Related to that: use of mental illness/trauma solely to gain sympathy of the audience. Characters’ (specially the guys’) lives and decisions revolve around romantic/sexual relationships. Related to that: romanticization of unhealthy relationships. Enforcement of gender stereotypes. Objectification of the characters (especially the male characters). 

2) Miscommunication. I don’t even have to say anything, do I.

3) The One Friend In The Group That Betrays Them All And The Subsequent Fallout. WHY. WHY do authors feel the need to have one person in a close-knit group of friends betray everyone. I mean, it would even be THAT bad if most authors didn’t use it as a cheep method to create suspense for the final showdown, or kill off a character, or to distract from the fact that most villains in modern y/a literature are really flat characters with no real motives for their plans for world takeover or whatever it is they’re trying to accomplish by giving them a radicalized follower. 

4) the Love Confession When The Guy Either Thinks She’s Chosen Someone Else Or Is Being Separated From The Girl. Like. NO. Just no. Thats like THE cheapest way to create emotional conflict. Or to subtly manipulate your readers. Because that is essentially what the author is doing: guilt-tripping you into supporting a relationship, because unless that guy was a real douchbag, and if he WAS, 99% of the people who read that stuff will be like “OH MY POOR BBY JUST GOT HIS HEART BROKEN” and BAM, no one’s gonna argue that his feelings aren’t genuine, or say that he doesn’t deserve her, bc bitch did you read this he confessed to her when he thought he was never gonna see her again  

5) the Love Confession From Her Jealous Best Friend. Again, a cheep way to create emotional tension and gain sympathy from the reader. 

6) the Vaguely Sexual Encounter. Usually something comparatively innocent, like a heated kiss or make-out session, usually used to intensify emotional dilemma, either because of a love triangle (I really can’t stand love triangles) or because she shouldn’t be kissing the guy or something. And the thing is, it wouldn’t even be a bad thing if it weren’t completely misplaced (like, a day away from the final battle misplaced) in most cases, or worse: slutshaming. Or, worse still: the cringey sex discussion that ends in either slutshaming or kinda just fizzles out.   

7) the We’re Gonna Die But It’s Okay Because I Love You talk, usually delivered by the male lead to the female lead before all goes to shit. And honestly I have never read a book where this shit happened where they knew each other for more than four weeks. And lemme tell you there is nothing more unrealistic than a teenage dude giving a two-page talk about why he loves a girl that he’s known for a maximum of four weeks. I once read a book where this happened and they knew each other for three days and made out once and he literally gave that speech twice (no, I’m not taking about Romeo and Juliet). Like, do you authors understand the people you are writing books for? Do you have any idea how teenage relationships work? 

8) Bulling That’s Used As A Plot Device But Ultimately Stays Unresolved or, even worse, The People Who Bully Me Are (A Part Of) The Group I Have to Join To Save The World And Suddenly We’re Best Friends. THIS. THIS is almost worse than the fucking love triangle shit. Because lemme tell you something: If bullying isn’t stopped, if the bullies don’t face consequences for their actions, then guess what? IT’S NOT GONNA FUCKING STOP, THATS WHAT. It’ll continue on and on and on until someone won’t take that shit anymore. Yeah, sure, it might seem like it stopped, especially if you’re seeing everything from the view of a character who was suddenly not bullied anymore, but let me tell you: that is an illusion. They just shift to the next victim. And it’s so so toxic to write it like everything is suddenly ok, oh my gosh. Because it’s not, it doesn’t stop, it just shifts to somewhere else, and thousands of bullied kids that read these books are gonna think that it does. And they’re gonna go and look at their bullies and start feeling sympathy for them because they read a hundred and one books where the bullies are actually good guys, so their bullies can’t be that bad, can they? And voila, thats the first step to excusing toxic behavior. The first step to make sure that these kids never speak up against oppressors. 

Some things that I am really sick of in general but even more when seen in y/a literature: 

1) bad and/or lazy writing, especially when it comes to character development

2) casual sexism

3) underrepresentation and/or stereotypization of LGBTQIA characters

4) underrepresentation and/or stereotypization of non-white characters

5) lack of female supporting characters

6) little to no character development seen in male characters, especially love interests/supporting characters

7) reinforcement of stereotypically masculine/feminine character traits

8) little to no explanation offered concerning culture and other specifics of fantasy worlds (also known as WHY WRITE FANTASY IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA INCLUDE SOME ACTUAL FANTASY)

9) romanticization of toxic relationships

10) hypersexualization of teenagers, because no matter how good looking he is, you shouldn’t describe a sixteen year old boy the same way you would a twenty five year old porn star

And the thing is that this isn’t some kind of one time thing. I didn’t just finish a series that i really disliked or read a few bad books in a row. This rant is the product of literal year-long frustration because I literally cannot find anything in the y/a section of bookstores and libraries and publishing companies websites that doesn’t feature at least one of the above mentioned main characters, one of the above mentioned supporting characters, and some variation of the above mentioned storylines. And I am honestly so sick of it, and so are many many more young adults, because in the beginning you just read that shit, you know. And then it comes to the point where you get so sick of seeing the same stories repeated over and over and the same characters used over and over that you start really searching for books that are different. But these books are so rare, and so hard to find! And after some time you start feeling like you’re being bullshitted by authors and publishing companies. Because most of y/a literature is not only cliche and stereotypical and just plain boring after some time, its also often very badly written. And I’m not just talking language here, though that is a part of it. I’m talking major plot holes, complete lack of character development, period novels or novels that feature time travel being so cringe-worthily historically inaccurate that you actually start wonder if the author did it on purpose, a suspense arc that would, drawn, look like a squiggly line or, even worse but sadly even more common, just a downward sloping curve that maybe, if you’re really lucky, curves slightly upwards again in the last five chapters. There are so many y/a novels out there that I seriously can’t imagine ever having been edited or beta read. And lately it seem like most publishing companies out there just don’t care what they publish any more, you know? Its just one love triangle after the other. And honestly society is moving forward at an increasingly fast pace, the current generation of teenagers and young adults is becoming more tolerant and open minded by the second, and the literature that is written for us, marketed towards us is still dominated by heteronormativity, all-white characters, a lack of male protagonists in the romance and of female protagonists in the action/adventure genre, and sexism. Like, okay, if you think a love triangle is necessary for your story, why not write in a bit of representation for the LGBTQIA community and make it a polyamory in the end instead of having your heroine decide between two hot guys? Or just feature a bi protagonist instead of the cliche straight girl? If you wanna write that stereotypical high school romance why not feature a protagonist who is not white for a change? Also there is a huge difference between books written for boys and books written for girls that is honestly, in my opinion, incomprehensible. Especially if you factor that most boys between the ages of 12 and 20 just don’t read novels because they think reading in general is stupid or they can’t relate to the characters that are portrayed. And this is honestly so concerning because most boys are behind their female classmates when it comes to reading and language skills, which scientists say is a result of boys reading less for enjoyment in their free time, especially less fiction. (sources: (x) (x) (x)) And honestly I can see where thats coming from, there is a) very little literature written for boys, and lets be real, how many boys do you know that would voluntarily read something thats explicitly being marketed for girls and b) the literature actually written for boys is tremendously boring and even more stereotypical and redundant than literature written for girls, plus, you sometimes get the very paradox impression that sex is a kind of tabu theme in boys literature. Like in girls literature its ridiculed and treated in some sort of prepubescent giggly way even though most of literature written for girls revolves around sexual and romantic relationships, but it is addressed, even if its done in an immature way. But boys literature is all about action and danger and bros before hoes. Most books written for a male audience don’t even feature a love interest. And again, this is paradox and kind of weird or even ridiculous because boys are expected to be sexually active from a very young age and the teenage years are the years of (sexual) self-discovery, so in almost all media boys are portrayed as very experienced and sure in their sexuality, except for literature aimed towards them, where they are treated the same way little children are treated: you just don’t talk about sex. How can you expect boys to be sure of themselves when you just leave them in the dark about what they are supposed to be sure about? And don’t even get me started on hyper masculinity portrayed in almost every male character I’ve ever seen in a book (honestly, I won’t start on it because I think that a) my point is clear and b) no one would actually have the patience to read this till the end if I did).

So what’s my conclusion? Well, mainly that y/a literature is currently a lot of shit, and it needs to change to fit the needs and interests of the group that it’s trying to reach. The current development in literature aimed towards young women that features a growing hyper-sexualization of teenage boys and a shift to almost exclusively straight romance literature combined with a gradual decrease of writing quality is very concerning, as is the lack of development in literature aimed towards young men, which seems to be stuck in three genres: mystery/thriller, sports, and action/adventure.

[misterbitches]

Im not intelligent at all. In the conventional sense. The ramblings of a girl who just has sooo much going in in her head it's constant. But im not a genius. Or that confusing.

It just sounds like I am bc fandoms have this issue where they can JUSTSO point out the issues in soletiing. They can pick and prod and go oh problematic! But then you go to name the problems and the difficulties within society like for ex: the idea of representation in general. Salivating over it. How fucking sad that is. How we are trained to accept it. So in a BL and also RACE in the bl genre they exploit viewers naivete both domestically and internationally. Ive seen tons of people liken being asian to being a person of color. However, in their predominantly homogenous society (or intentionally publically homogenous society), they are not "poc" (also name the of color; i dont use bipoc idc if u do but it's called being asian guys cos yall aint talkin about black ppl lmao)

They as humans seeing other humans who look like them everywhere, engage with the world differently than an american in asia or asians living outside of their home country (like bae doo nanwhen she worksnin the US is not the same as the bae doo nanworking on a korean program) I dont complain about it in everything i see bc ppl say it ALL THE TIME. but it is NOT the same. Being a person of color is very distinctly an american concept. This is all stuff people will get to know on their own if they choose to dig more.

I do my best to underline what my ugly little eyes process. How i figure things out as a black female american artist too! Im hard on shit cos i should be. I take it seriously. And even if i dont take it seriously bc THEY dont then thats their problem.

I know this is a complaint that I am not alone in. I know it's the internet. I just don't get how people can write really heavy analysis but they refuse to actually probe the underlying issues. Not everyone is me, or like my friends, but if there's way fewer people talking about this stuff it seems absolutely glaring when theres few people engaging in the way i do. It seems like im the glitch but I am thinking just as much just differently.

I really loved where your eyes linger but there was little deep class analysis. I remember few convos a bout it. I know a lot about korea (sigh being a black ex kpop fan lol mess) and i love the history but all ofnit matters! Korea's relation to labor!

People bringing up thai actors snd actresses leaving the industry and doing acting as something quick. As an artist~ who went to film school with insanely wealthy ppl and isnin tons of debt you have to understand how shitty that is. People have monetary access and they just fucking do whatever just because they want to. Meanwhile you have young people being coerced into this bullshit mainstream life to LITERALY just make money bc they dont come from a rich background. The wealth gap in thailand is BAD, theres a dictatorship, they had a fucking coup. The governments like here do not respect their people. Their marginalized groups. Trans thai women, black thai ppl, poor thai ppl. And it LITERALLY CANNOT DO ANYTHING EFFECTIVELY IN CAPITALISM. No nothing can be perfect but if it's going into our eyeballs and we can view the worlld critically then why the fuck not!???

I dont say the things i see are wrong always. I reply when i think i need to. I try and engage with others but not to kuch avail. I just want to rb stuff and tdhink lajfhhdjwhjej.

But like yea theres a lot of just wrong or misguided stuff. A lot of the times it is just historical inaccuracy in framing or idk. A refusal to think outside the box. I dont care. Theres more to life than just sort of looking and not thinking especially for othrr artists.

Idk im sorry. I dont see how i can change how i view things. I really wish people would expand their palettes too and go deeper into other means of art from places! Things not in the mainstream! Theres a lot of good thai artists and a lot of them critical as fuck about their country as they should be. Authority, austerity, patriarchy, capital, racism etc like that is central to a power thats interested in growing gains and fiscal and social power. Theres rly radical or left leaning etc ppl out there in the world and these countries in these communities. So they exist. No people in these countries dont have NO clue whats going on. Cultural relativism is alsos something people should understand. I had a good talk with ppl on here a while ago about that. Talking about shit, critiquing, but being respectful to a group. Part of thay is realizing these groups CLEARLY know their own issues and all our cultures share the same goal. Guess what it is. It rhymes with acquiring wealth. Money means you hurt people. In the post, we talked about use of "wife" and "husband" which is a stupid joke that has been "explained" a billion times and yet the explanations still dont seem to answer or justify a minor problem (it's very funny to me that a language that doesnt have gendered pronouns is now very specific about two men. Hmmm wonder why. It is annoying.)

So im not the only person on the planet doing this. Or the few ppl ive seen that do. Im not new my thoughts arent new. Ive gotten to see another side to a culture i knew not much about and that means i can put the context of my beliefs and life and try and understand thheirs. For ex i learned from ITSAY because of a sign that said 'french food' that they were the only country to not be colonized back then. Do you know how integral that history is to their region? That was an interesting detail (i didnt finish itsay bc ihad a lot going on and i was rly upset that i would see hownrich they are and i hate that.)

Anyways thats my complaint. It used to feel like a sting of rejection. I left online for months in 2019, i started organizing more, joined a union, trying to do some panther work shit like that. I learned a lot in those months and it changed my life! But when I came back, I felt so isolated. It wasnt my true friends tho sometimes theyre ANNOYINGGGGG (love u) but it was me being like "if we are going to complain guys then lets put our money where our mouth is" lets be fucking serious about it then. No say it with your chest dude. It isnt difficult. Go with the fucking flow, talk about it, critique it, think. You can still fucking like itnor love it.

I am BLACK ok and i love rap. I am a black woman. I will continue to clown black men that cant seem to not clown themselves and listen. No i wont support monetarily: drake is a creep and i hate him but i bump that niggas song. Thats fucking LIFE. I got so sick of hiding myself and it became clear that it wasnt that i wasntthinking well or hard enough. They just didnt like that i said we need to commit class suicide and inspect out middle class sensibilities and middle class wealth hoarding (google it) if thats what we engaged with. Every part of you, antagonize it. I still have my privileges; class, skin color, even my father being a nigerian immigrant, me being cis, im not str8 but not a lesbian and those are differences.

Insecurities in general but some shallow thoughts (?) on discussion in "fandom" space. FYI, this will most likely stay the same. I tend to stay in my own bubble socially IE me and my friends are similar in our views. During this awful year while running my union's account, im surrounded by like minds. Me and my friends? We changed together. We grew up and saw what we didnt like and what we want. We do our best.And i CHOOSE my life to be that way bc it should be. There is no solution. I dont believe in solutions because the solution is to abolish capital or just divest. Abolishing capital and labor are a huge one and i will die before that happens (but so help me as long as im alive? Black women to FREEDOMMMM is my motto!) so making your own path in life is the best thing an artist can do IN MY OPINION.

However with technology and stuff this puts another layer onto things. Tech, social media, this shit....it THRIIIIIIIVESSSSSSS off of conflict and shallow readings of the world. We are literally primed for it. Engagement in bites. Impossible for me with my brain; i got used to it and i paid for it by limiting my scope. Not being encouraged to THINK AND READ before just speaking

(For ex i am in iww, i helped form a branch here. It is a radical union. Unionism is imprative to me-if ur interested u should read up on some. Look up peter cole! Google inthesetimes Ilwu. Gives you some understanding. Ive always been progressive and now i am....very left idk ic ant label myself. But even in my progrssiveness i had the gall to tell my white friend, whoa has her privileges but i had mine with our class disparity, that we dont need unions, i have WORKED retail. Ive done barista work for sonoing and i do gig work. So i wasnt out of touch. I had been stiffed even with a shoot i was working on by rich kids. So i had a frame of reference . But i didnt know what the FUCKa union was and why it is imperative. Then learning about anarcho syndicalism and all these other things. It changed my fucking life but two years earlier i was this idiot spouting shit like that making one of my best friends fucking upset. We DO AND CAN CHANGE. Think!!!!)

So were i a creator for tv id just constantly try and push the buttons if i need big money. Make them sell into me (thank you sonic youth!) theres Endless possibilities guys which means theres SO MUCH TK EXPLORE!!!! When i wanna have fun with it i just have fun. When i want to think i do. I dont understand why we are so dedicated to upholding things and doing mental gymnastics to end up in a space you dont need mental gymnastics for. What about these critiques makes you uncomfortable? Saying we're all part of the problem as spectators? Im sorry but we will always be. Thats LIFE. God fuck. Fuck me. I feel so fucking worthless and stupid sometimes. I know I am not. I know i am talented and intelligent. I know my friends and family. I know how to approach ppl. I know how to tell people if they are rich but want to be progressive whatsup. I choose how i live part of that is being ok to say what i want.

Ironically consrrvatives say this shit alot. But they arent ever alone bc their ideology is default. But yea it does feel shitty. It even feels shitty when ur in left circles but people STILL dont even wanna do that. These perspectives really arent ss many as they should be. I dont want to feel so alone with it. I know there are more. I just love art and the world so fucking much, endless possibility. Endless pain but endless good.

[what-is-left-is-lust]

I am very ugly

Soul and outter appearance and all. Whenever anyone would compliment me I would initially feel happy that its worth mentioning to me. Queue 3 minutes later and I feel disgusting. Like " no stop saying that , thats just cruel. Thats a cruel cruel joke." I had always assumed they were lying. Maybe they sensed I was sad and in their lame attempt to get me to feel better about myself brings them self gratification. I remember a lot of the times where someone has commented on how I look or my weight. Always struggled with my identity and image. Hearing it from other people didnt make anything easier. ' hey you lost weight you look so much better'. One of the dress fittings for my sisters wedding - the tailor told me I was pretty but id be prettier if I was thinner. He said I would never get married with how i looked. He said there was still time for me to change. He said what a shame. He said dont let it be a loss. He said things Id never forget. My sister said not to listen to him afterwards. That he said that to other people before. That hes outdated and he attempted to make it seem sincere or that he cared. My friends , to the best of my knowledge have never outwardly called me fat. But I definitely did feel like the ugly fat friend. Just brought around to enhance their self esteem. I felt pretty at times but only when I rarely ate. Those were the times where guys looked at me or when girls wanted to be my friend. Whenever I wore makeup when going out with my friends. Old flames or people I grew up with try and talk to me. They talk to me like they were introducing themselves for the first time. " Ive known you for 6 years.." " Im sorry i didnt recognize you. You look healthier!!" I was not. I was never healthy. Not at my biggest. Nor at my lowest. My current best and only friend has said things...jabs at my weight. He probably doesnt even know. While we went out to eat at a cafe and I ordered 2 appetizers and a meal he commented to the waiter about it. ' Sorry we're just really hungry we will probably take everything back with us home.' But he didnt order yet. I ate my meals too. Finishing it felt taboo like I wasnt supposed to. He mentioned 2 weeks ago that I was a catfish. That i take pictures from angles that make me look better. I know he avoided the word ' thinner' I knownit too. Maybe thats how i started my self online. Ive lied about my weight online before. Since I was younger I always tried acting like how I thought I was supposed to be. Since I was 10-11 years old i would say things for shock value. Never letting anyone come near the true me. Id say absurd things to even hurt other people. It never made me feel better. That was never the reason. I wanted to hurt myself. I was a coward. I wanted to hurt people with my words so that in return they would hurt me. And that is what I felt like I deserved. So when they leave..it is justified. Id repeat this process my entire life. Ive exiled amazing people. All due to my insecurities. Lying about my true feelings. Hiding behind a persona. I will never be 1/4th happy this way. I really wanted my best friend to be the first person to accept me at this..weight. I realized when my first 3 yr relationship ex saw me for the first time. He didnt care what I looked like. Thats why it was so hard to let him go. I felt he truly doesnt care about my weight or how I looked. I felt pretty and he didnt even have to say it. I felt beautiful again around my best friend almost every single time. Until..he would make slight comments like that. " He left you because you advertised yourself as someone better than you actually were IRL." He has said those words to me time and time again. I dont even know why anymore but it did hurt every single time. My ex bf the one who sparked ( if i could even call it that ) a change in me which resulted in some soul searching and ended up doing it for me- called me gorgeous one night when I was drunk. I felt beautiful then too. Only to have it shattered 2 months later by my best friend ( hes not awful i owe a lot to my best friend but in this aspect it really did mess me up) saying those words to me. I had my best friend carry me once for like 5 seconds. Id never let anyone do that to me. Never. But I let him. I trusted him. He knew what it meant to me and that made me happy. Zoom past 3 -4 months later he opened up to me that ever since then he was working out every day to get bigger and stronger. He said hes never done that for a girl before but he did it for me. My best friend wanted to get stronger...in order to be able to hold me. The gesture meant a lot to me but it also put in perspective..all of the females in his life are petite and somewhat thin and a few curvy ones. But I was the first. the biggest. I hadnt realize how my depression made me get to this point. I weighed myself. And i saw. I was gaining weight again. A lot more. Although he stopped i refuse to let my weight have this hold over me. Its not even just about that. I hate my shape. My ex hates it too thats another reason why he would never consider me a friend. My best friend even said im not his type and im not his ideal girl which is petite in that regard among other things. My best friend still loves me despite this. It still hurts to know how he truly feels. I wanted to wait till i saw him again ( been planning since December) that he was the only one in my life right then that wanted to talk to me and not have it related to my looks. Until he said all of that ^ until i realized he was initially obsessed with my ' thick thighs.' I know theres more to this. I know I know. These thoughts iscolate themselves from the bigger picture. I just never want to fool myself for a second that there will be someone who sees me like "this" and truly wants to help me get better. Or love me the way I am. I wanted it to be my ex at the time so bad. Little did I know it was the complete opposite. I know my bestfriend DOES love me how I am but i cannot help to silence the demons in my head that tell me otherwise. That he wishes I was different. I feel like he liked my shock factor personality. That he liked how ambitious or random i could be. I tried showing him another side of me..a truer side in which we could just chill and do nothing and we could be content. But he explained to me he hated it. " you always say you wanna do adventurous things with me but when it comes down to it you dont want to do anything." ...thats not true. I didnt realize he wanted it all the time. He always wanted things to be spontaneous and hot and heavy and extreme. I did not think there wouldnt be any room to breathe. To just chill with the person i held dear. I didnt know i was that person to him. I didnt know I would be replaced in that aspect. I didnt know i finished my service.. my plans to tell him how i felt in May have diminished because I dont feel that way anymore. He said after that incident he had fallen out of love for me due to me telling him to move on. I had been telling him for months. Why did he decide that then? Because i didnt want to do those things? I wanted a firm line between what is ok and what wasnt. Theres so many things I would do with him had I felt more comfortable in my own skin..I want to be able to do them one day but for some reason it doesnt feel right with him. A lot of other things do..of course. I love him dearly. Maybe even more than he does to me. Theres so much he doesnt understand and doesnt want to hear. Theres so much ive been going hot and cold on for so long i still havent decided my feelings on a lot of things. I dont want to lose my best friend but i do not want to be belitted in the process i dont want to lose myself. So right now ive decided to be numb. Go with the flow but be numb. Dont let things get to me. All these thoughts i have written on this blog will remain but I shall move on. I might tell him one day and maybe even my ex if he will ever care enough. I never meant to hurt you that way. I meant to hurt me. I didnt mean to lie to you to hurt you. It was meant to not hurt me. I wanted to be something greater than i was. I didnt mean to belittle you and i hope you can forgiv eme one day. Now i can finally stop hoping you would find me truly beautiful one day. Like the first time you saw me. My best friend and past lovers. I will become better. I will not let my past haunt me. To my family I will always love you no matter where I am. I love you even if I say I dont. I am stubborn sometimes. I will change. If not for me then I shall for all of you. Thank you. Please please, i will never leave you again. So do not leave me. Remember me..okay? Just remember me.

[da1udr3amof-blog]

IsabellaAthenaRose Hi do I know you?  2 months ago IsabellaAthenaRose–NO REPLY ? 2 months ago IsabellaAthenaRose–JUSTIFYING WHO SHE IS BEFORE SHES BEEN ASKED; Your Darius wife and I know his daughter 2 months ago Hello hru ntmu :) hun 2 months ago Just adding new friend because I stream is all–[THROWING A SNAKE OF THERE GAME] 2 months ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m good and yourself 2 months ago Im great thank you for asking😊 2 months ago IsabellaAthenaRose yw 2 months ago Im toni btw if you stream. I could like and comment on your pictures and I would appreciate if you did the same love, thank you 2 months ago IsabellaAthenaRose You are really beautiful 2 months ago thank you bella,  You are so kind 2 months ago IsabellaAthenaRose yw 2 months ago IsabellaAthenaRose—TRYING TO STROKE MY EGO hey beautiful a month ago Hello there bella hru? a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m good a month ago That is good 2 hear🌹 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose yes a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose what you unfriend me or something?? a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose ? a month ago [HONESTY][throwing the bait] Yes i did Bella, i cant do the back and forth I told you something, and you brought it back to Darius…I’m not going to say to much about it anymore because I understand that some things are better left unsaid a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I got mad at him a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I didn't  get mad at you tho a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose—O'KAY I TOTALLY MISSED THIS PART WAIT WHAT?😱 just told him, he shouldn’t  bring me into ya’ll guy relationship a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose Whatever, being mad at me tho a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I done with people on here a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose just told him he shouldn’t bring up girl into your guys relationship a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hey my bad a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose lol a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose all said was girl don’t want to hear about other girl in a relationship a month ago You know your truth and that is all that matters at the end of the day. a month ago Huh? a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m not bad person a month ago Unclear message a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I was looking out for you a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose whatever a month ago I didn't say you where, I just said when it comes to Darius, I will keep my thoughts to myself because how things pan out in the end when talking to you. I don’t engage in drama a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I would kick his ass a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose If he start anything with you tho a month ago And sometimes you have to look out for yourself before you can look out for other. Everyone intentions always come to the light at the end of day.🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose OK a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose sorry a month ago 👌👍 a month ago No worries a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose OK a month ago Oh in the future please do not post anything @ in that natural to my stream, @asking me did i block? my inbox is available. Thank you a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose ok a month ago Gm thanks 4 the likes on my stream💋 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose yw a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose ugh a month ago what wrong hun are you okay ^^ a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I don’t get guys a month ago What happen love you want to talk about it? a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose well I met someone and he got mad at me  because  I have a  picture of me and  Zac and  sadia🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose he think I was grabbing Zac cock in the  picture🤔 a month ago Damn but its just a pic & if you took that picture before you meet him why do he care? a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I know right and zac is my bestie  and  he family to me a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hows is your love life doing🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 a month ago We good all is well. He prolly territorial. Thats  the way sounds to me a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose He been hurt a lot a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m happy for you guys work thing out a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose xoxo a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose thank you hunni a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose ❤❤ a month ago Anytime love💋 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hows u a month ago I’m blessed hun💝 a month ago Hru? a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose that’s good a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose eh I’m ok a month ago Eh I’m okay, don’t said like it, you said it like you lost your best friend or something😟 a month ago I am taking a imvu vacations, I am mentally broken I’m sorry i unfriended you. But this man he got me on a mental lock n key. I tried to block him but it seems the more harder i try. The worse his behavior get towards me.🙍 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose it’s ok a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hugs a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I will miss you a month ago Thank u for understanding bella n im so sorry love. All I want is to feel like my old bubbley self again (he has mentally broken me)🙍🙍🙍🙍🙍 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I know hows you feeling right now a month ago I will miss you 2 💋 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose please add me back when you feeling better a month ago Thank you for understanding a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose we are girl we supposed to understand a month ago Lol you sound more n more like the unbroken me. I miss her so much (Amen 2 that) a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose lol a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose well being in love suck balls a month ago Yes i agree, this why I morally stay single a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose yea a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hey hunni a month ago hey there sweetie, wanna come hang out @ my place for a bit, seem like we can use each other company :) a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose be on soon a month ago okay love cya when you get here a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I like have a close girl friend who can talking to a month ago @who can talking to, not sure what you meant when you say this? a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose meant I never have have friend who is a girl🕵 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose can be like lets talk boys and makeup a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose or idk a month ago Because its rare here this why the ones i find i cherish them a month ago Oh on the post? a month ago Someone did made up hmm? a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I agree  on that’s a month ago What about purses a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I love makeup a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose ooo girl dont get me start on purses a month ago Well put on your need i love shoes a month ago I cant live without a good shoe, ik what you mean a month ago 😂 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I agreed on that’s a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose good morning beautiful a month ago Good Afternoon, 🌺Beautiful🌺 Have a safe and Blessed day a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hey beautiful a month ago Good morning love, have a safe n blessed day XD a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose you too hun a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hey mommy to be a month ago Hey there bella hru a month ago Hey there beautiful wyd a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose nothing much a month ago Sounds good quiet is always a great thing😊 a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose yes a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hows was your day a month ago great a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hey hunni a month ago Hey beautiful hru a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m good and you a month ago Im bless ty 4 asking a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose that’s good a month ago IsabellaAthenaRose hey 25 days ago Hey wassup 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose watching my  bae with someone 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m Honry as  fuck 25 days ago What im lost why are you watching? Join them @ horny 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose no he is fight with someone 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose dude if I saw thats happened I would kill the bitch 25 days ago Oh i didn't know they where fight now it makes more sense. you didn't say what you were watching, than you added you were horny, so i just assumed what even you were watching him do was causing that. Ikdr 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose lol 25 days ago 😁😁😁😁 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose bitch is ugly 25 days ago Who? 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose girl who he fight with 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose lol 25 days ago Why is he fight with her? 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose she insult him because  of his race 25 days ago Idk his or her face, but it sound mean 25 days ago And why you watching her disrespect your dude in the first place. Drag her and make shut up 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I did thats 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose told her to keep her opinions to herself 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose and told him to  stop and leave the room 25 days ago She must be miserable and need some attention than 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose yes now he  pissed off with me  because  he think I don’t  understand and  when I do  understand 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose older guy look at me like a sex toy🤔💭🤔💭 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose now he mad at me 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose ugh I can shoot myself 25 days ago wait what? 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose can I shoot myself 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m done with bullshit 25 days ago what bs im lose child you killing me -tell me whats going on 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose 😭 I’m try my  best with this  fuck guy🤔💭 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I never can please him or make him happy🤔💭 25 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose hows did I spy on you 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose ? 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose greeze relaxing 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I want come in to said  hi to you🤔💭🤔💭 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose are you really try to make  me look like a creeper because  I’m not 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose all try to do being a  friend to you🤔💭 24 days ago🤔💭 IsabellaAthenaRose but whatever 24 days ago Friends respect each other  space and by you popping in n leaving that made me feel like you was spying.🤔💭 I have trust issues when it comes to people on imvu due to my past. Idk if your understanding this but real friends don’t do weird stuff n say whatever like they dont care. But it only take me back to how i meet you and maybe that is your reason to say idc whatever🤔💭 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose hows would I spy on you 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I don’t care what’s you do 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I have mine own problems right now🤔💭 24 days ago You to young to understand, you being selfish. & you are not listening to what i just said, you listen to reply without understand where I’m coming from….its was simply to say you wasn’t respecting my space. im sure you read the room before entering. 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose ok 24 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose hey hun 23 days ago Hey there bella hru 23 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m alright 23 days ago Thats good to hear 23 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose yea 23 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose hey beautiful lady 22 days ago Gm love 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose hows was your pool date with Rico🙄🤦‍♀️🕵️‍♀️ 22 days ago :) its wonderful❤ 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose that’s good 22 days ago how was your visit with Rico smfh 😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬 22 days ago stay the fuck! away from me, i don’t deal with snakes🐍 🐍🐍 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose what’s did I do 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m your sissy 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose hows I’m fuck snakes 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose fuck you🙅 22 days ago you know exactly what tf you did why the fuck you add Rico bitch? do i add or ask you to meet any of your dudes🤔💭 22 days ago fuck you too you thirsty bitch😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m sorry sissy 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I didn’t do anything with him 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose greeze 22 days ago fuck sorry, fuck imvu, and you fuck  Darius  22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose hows did I fuck Daris 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I don’t be mad at me 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose you are was my friend 22 days ago fuck you adding him for??? you went ape shit when I comment on your page about that ugly nigga you fuck with 22 days ago I don’t share dick!!!!! that is not what friends do, not this friend 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I don’t want him so 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose yeah 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose be mad at me 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m tired of being shit on, opening up to you 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m not cunt 22 days ago you wish you where me from the day you meet me. you hated me because of Darius and now you want to pay me back with Rico, so sad, for something you both lied to me about 22 days ago You hugged up on sadia’s ex man?? like what kinder friend are you really 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I work with his model company 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose nah I like be who I'm🙄🤔💭 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I don’t need to be  you 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose just block me 22 days ago no hookah im'ma let u stalk me like you been doing 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose nah I’m good 22 days ago oh and everybody on imvu dont fuck each other, just you do “as you say” 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose though we are friend  like all girl  on here 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose leaves me alone diva 22 days ago bitch you don’t send my man a friend request are you slow or did i miss something and what i said…you smiling in my face while you in another chat room with him “hell no"  22 days ago you should leave me alone, fucking snake🐍 🐍 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose hows I’m snake when I listen to your problem 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose being there for you 22 days ago I don’t add your men and for certain had i know you had dealing with Darius before me I would fuck with him at all, but you lied and said you where just his daughter friend like wtf now this 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m his friend daughter 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I didn’t even touch him 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose he probably lying to you 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose whatever 22 days ago If you are his daughter friend and you claim you have moral why would you be fucking him?? 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I didn’t even fuck him 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose believe what’s you want 22 days ago well that not what Darius said he claim you wanted to but you was to young and Now you trying to add Rico really 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose because we  are family 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose though I was your sister 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose whatever I have good  life 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I didn’t  wanted too 22 days ago bitch he ain’t your family nor did you ask was okay before doing it you went behind my back and did it 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose he invite me to the room 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose tho 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose whatever 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m your sister 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose bye 22 days ago karma you just remember that  22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose smh 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose he wanted to know who I’m so I’m your sister 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose that’s you meant a lot to me 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose —[THEBOLDFACELIE] we ain’t friend🎭 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose anyway 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose anymore 22 days ago No see you wanted to be in my business, fuck my dude, own it, your bs. idc no more like you said everybody on imvu fucks everybody and that the code and moral you live by. I told you I would introduce you but you went behind my back like sluts do and added him so it is what it is 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose he invite me 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose —-BITCH BECAUSE YOUR VISIT WAS NEVER ABOUT ME THAT WHY YOU HAD NOTHING BAD TO SAY ABOUT ME: I didn’t said anything bad about you 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose —-NO ASKED YOU TO CHECK PPL I DATE RESUMES WORRY ABOUT YOUR OWN RELATIONSHIPS AND WHY THIS OLDER NI55AS DOGGING YOU: he seem like good  guy for you 22 days ago If you add someone, ofc they going to invite you. you just dont get it im tired, i have nothing else to say because you had no business add my man point blank 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I’m sorry 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose please forgive me 22 days ago I cant trust no one, no more and thanks to you I’m braking up with Rico again!!! thank you 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose because of me 22 days ago Yes, because of you 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose because I said nice things about you 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose because  I was  be good sister 22 days ago You don’t get it do you???, you should've add him point blank I don’t need no one to be a resume for me I knew Rico before i meet Darius, Rico knows who I am 22 days ago I ask you before when we was in the restaurant to respect my space but i guess that went in one ear and out the other so whatever your low key intention is with Rico, have them, but revenge is served best cold on a plate  22 days ago @being a good sister no you was being a snake and got caught 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I didn't like him believe what’s you want 22 days ago hard to tell, you went out you fucking way to get to know someone, thats thirsty 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose omg 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose that’s is far from its hun 22 days ago exactly omfg bella 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose anyway it’s done 22 days ago I told you to respect my space 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose—BIG LIE[IF YOU DIDNT MEAN TO ADD IF, I GUESSING YOU DIDNT MEAN TO GO TO HIS INVITE EITHER; I didn’t meant to add him ok my phone is fucked up 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose ok 22 days ago lying bitch!!!!!! 22 days ago I hate people like you!!!! I hope ya’ll get whats coming for ya’ll, always trying to fuck people over 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I drop my vodka on its 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose last night 22 days ago Fuck you and your vodka!!!!, Die in your sleep bitch!!! 22 days ago IsabellaAthenaRose I done talk to you about this 22 days ago

[briefbouquetcreatorlove-blog]

car insurance online quote il

"car insurance online quote il

car insurance online quote il

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeautoinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

RELATED QUESTIONS: 

Dental Insurance Question - The Real Scoop?

While I am employed, I work at home for a company in another state, and the dental insurance options through my company were not viable. So, of course, I relied on the internet to research my options, and I looked, specifically, for dental insurance Lo and Behold, the stuff that came up, was for Dental Discount Plans. Upon first glance, it seemed like this could actually have been a better deal then anything offered through my firm. The conversation on the websites touted these plans, often with premiums of $7 to $20 per month, to be better than conventional dental insurance in every imaginable way. No issues in applying, no maximums, no deductibles, and no waiting. So, I am sitting here, reading how in EVERY possible way this is better than insurance, and it strikes me. If something seems to good to be true, maybe it is. If these were so much better than conventional insurance, why did my firm have so much trouble finding affordable insurance; they should have simply joined one of these discount programs. Well, the site even attached me to an independent article which BASHED the conventional insurance...Then it struck me...If I was a dentist, would I be happy joining these discount plans and basically getting 50% to 75% less for my services. Yeah Yeah, I am getting my payment up front and not waiting for the insurance to pay me (again, playing the role of the dentist), but is that worth the tremendously discounted amount (does not make sense when you compare the time value of money). So, I realized that if I were a dentist, I would not want anything to do with these plans...Or would I? Does being a part of these discount programs really bring in enough clients to justify that deep a cut in the fee schedule. Then I started to think...Is it possible that there is something up with these deeply discounted fee schedules I keep seeing on these sites? Are the fees just being jacked up and then discounted back down to the point where I might as well not be a member of the Discount Program, and just a regular walk in? Can I go to a dentist and ask them for the fee schedule, and then after the fact, compare it to the discount program to see that I am really getting a discount, and it is not some number playing farce. I would want to know as a dentist whether these discount programs are worth anything. I need some kind of coverage, and for the few self insurance programs I see, the monthly premiums are incredibly high, and yes, when compared to the discount programs, it seems like NO ONE would EVER join these insurance programs since they are more limited and more expensive...Yet....They are still in the insurance business. Will someone please give me the scoop...I need to have an affordable option here, but don't want to be duped into joining one of these discount programs. Thank You""

Car insurance Fiat Coupe 1998?

My partner is willing to by me my dream car, a Fiat Coupe 20v turbo, 1998 model, where should i go for insurance, i am getting really daft quotes! i have been driving 21 yrs, unfortunately not had my own insurance! except for the last 3yrs, had a windscreen claim, stone on the motorway, thats it! somebody please help me , i really want this car!!!! (, i am a very young 52)!!!""

80's Monte Carlo Insurance cost?

Considering buying a Chevy Monte Carlo from the mid 80's, I know that early muscle cars have very high insurance cost, while an average cheap 80's car has a cheap insurance cost. The Monte Carlo is somewhere in between these two depending on how you view it, so should I expect 69 Camaro insurance prices or 88 Civic prices?""

""My friend does not have auto insurance, can he drive other people car?""

my friend want to drive someone's else car, which the car owner does have insurance to cover 3rd party driver. However he does not have auto insurance himself. If there is an accident, will his license be suspended? Will he be responsible for anything else during the accident? Thanks""

Affordable Health insurance Ideas?

I enrolled in health insurance that is costing me 92/mth BUT I'm really feeling it as I have many other expenses. Can anyone suggest any low price healthcare insurance for me. currently with Coventry. I need an insurance that has good therapist that make home visits. Thanks

How much would insurance cost for a 1990 Toyota Corolla?

I'm 17, it's my first car.""

New driver- car insurance?

i just got anew car, hydauni elantra 06, and i need insurance, wats the cheapest insurance for a 19 yr old girl,no driving record, tickets etc in the rome/utica area? thanksssss""

Car Insurance and Tax experts only please!!!!?

I plan to buy a used car for 1900, but i need to know how much the sales tax would be.......if you dont know a definate answer can you please give an approximation?? I also need to know about how much my insurance would be....I am 19, female and the car is a Trams Am...i dont know the year.""

Having difficulty cancelling auto insurance with allstate?

I switched from Allstate to Geico on Feb 21st (a Sunday). I called my local Allstate guy on Monday the 22nd. He said he'd cancel the policy, and I logged into my Allstate account online on the 27th and it still wasn't cancelled. I called their 24 hour customer service and spoke with someone who said they'd put in the request to cancel the policy again. I log into my bank today and they WITHDREW my March payment! So I called them again and they said the policy was still active. The lady I spoke with tonight said they will need to see proof that I'm with Geico now. Why didn't anyone tell me that the first two times? What do I need to do to get my policy to be cancelled? I've been with a few other auto insurance companies in my day and I've NEVER had this much of an issue getting the policy cancelled! As of now they owe me well over $200 and I'm afraid they're going to play games with me before I get my money back. What are my rights and options??""

Why do people get life insurance?

Why do people get life insurance?

When do I get my money back from life insurance?

I was on life insurance since I was a baby I'm 21 now but how long will it take for me to get my check?

First year car insurance for 17 year olds for a small car?

Has anyone recently passed there driving test and brought car insurance? If so how much did it cost and for what car? I don't want answers just saying thousands , I would like people who've recently got car insurance.""

""New to buy used car, can drive to home after buying with no insurance?""

i dont really know how to do, i am new to drive, Is it ok to drive the used car back home first but i dont have insurance, IF NO, what should i do????""

Help on car insurance.?

I am 17 yrs old. I am about to get a 2008 Honda accord but right now I drive a 2002 Cadillac escalade. my insurance is $130 a month right now and I was wondering if it would raise it? the escalade is an SUV, & it has a v8. the accord is ofcourse a car and its a 4 cylinder! ( if that makes a difference) thank you to all that answer! :)""

How can I get my nose surgery?

I have a schnoz and I had it operated on like 6 years ago when it was broken. I've grown into it badly I think and it's holding me back from being pretty. And I alwaaaays think about it in public and I am very self conscious. Does anyone know doctors in California who could try and run it through insurance? I feel so ugly.

Classic Mini Insurance? Help?

Hi, I have a classic austin mini mayfair 998cc and 1989 year. I got quotes before on classic insurance at around 900 from footman james but now they have a new policy where they wont give insurance to anyone under 21. Ive tried all compare the market and other places but the cheapest i can find it for is 1600 fully comp. Can anyone help? ive tried other mini insurers like adrian flux but there around 2500! please help!""

How much would a teens insurance be for an 08 ram 1500?

Family friend is turning 16 in a few months. She's looking to buy an 08 Dodge Ram 1500 from her friend. How much (about) would her insurance be/year? She is being put under her mother & fathers insurance plan. They have no accidents/tickets/anything that would boost their insurance. They have Nationwide. Can anyone give me an estimate of what her yearly or monthly insurance would be?

Has anyone heard of this car insurance company?

I'm trying to find this insurance company but it has a really vague name. It's called Ca. Auto Liab. It's on a California Highway Patrol accident report and they said it was a real company. I need to find their phone number and/or website. Has anyone came across this company?

Why is a car insurance trying to settle a car accident claim fast?

I was in a car accident. The other driver did a squat and stop scam. (the driver speeds out quickly in front of another driver so he/she wont have enough time to stop and then sit there so the other driver can hit him/her) However, the other driver's car insurance trying to settle quick. The driver's car insurance company did their investigation and came to an conclusion that I was at fault.. (yeah right) The accident happen on 4/20/11 and they trying to settle on 4/28/11. (eight days later) When I mentioned that my attorney was handling the case. All of a sudden the company sending me letters claiming it my fault and I have to pay for my own damages. And, that I have so many years to take the claim to court. (hoping that I want) I just fax everything over to my attorney. I am still going through therapy. I do have car insurance. So, why is the driver's car insurance company trying to settle the claim quick when they was actually at fault? Please, only knowledgeable people reply. Thank you so much Note: The driver's girlfriend was told to fake she was injury because she is pregnant. Also, the driver came out the wrong exit of the driveway speeding..""

""Car from 2003, 17 year old female driver. Car insurance average?""

I'm a B+ student, my car belonged to my dad and is now being given to me. It's a ford focus. I'm 17 and a girl from New York. Can someone please ESTIMATE how much car insurance would be for me? I tried websites but I'd have to put in my social security # to get an average and I don't want to do that yet.""

Wat is a website that helps to find the cheapest auto insurance possible?

Wat is a website that helps to find the cheapest auto insurance possible?

Law/Rules of insurance?

I am a 20year old young adult who is my my fathers insurance. I'm turning 21 in two months and my father is happy about that because he says that I will be off his insurance. I'm kinda scared because I'm getting surgery after my birthday and I won't have insurance. I've been reading online that I can be on his insurance until I'm 26 if I'm married, live on my own, enrolled in school etc. I'm not enrolled in school but I will in the summer again. So what will happen?""

How can I get an insurance quote?

I don't have my license yet, but I know what car I'll be driving. Is there a way to get a quote before I actually get my license?""

Is it true that most Americans that have health insurance are getting it from the federal government or their?

state? If this is true why not have affordable health care for all. We can't all work for the federal government or for the state we live in. Most companies can't afford ...show more

How much is a basic texas motorcycle insurance?? cost these days..?

I am curious to know this information.. for later to purchace a bike maybe a suzuki 250r 2011

car insurance online quote il

car insurance online quote il

Looking for a cool car but cheap on the insurance?

im 17, looking for a cool car have a budget of about 8000, but i need the insurance cheap because some of the ones i was checking out were ridiculous any ideas? thanks""

What is the easiest way to have insurance?

My unemployed mom spoils my 12 y/o little brother everyday and I only work 14 hours. I've tried applying to 30 stores but my AA diploma is worthless.

When do health insurance premiums drop?

what is the average amount of time it takes before health insurance premiums start to drop? (so they say) - i have had my insurance for ten months now.

Affordable maternity insurance?

Affordable maternity insurance?

What is the difference between Investment life Insurance and Life risk insurance?

What are the products included under the category Investment life Insurance and Life risk insurance?

Why the heck do I have to legally own car insurance? It is unconstitutional!! I should have the right not to..?

buy car insurance if I don't want to. That should be repealed.

Cheap insurance for young proffessonal driver?

i am 23 work for a car and van rental company so drive a average of 15 cars or vans a day from small hatchbacks to 90k range rovers sports BMW's mercs etc but yet i still cant get insurance for under 1200 for a old 1997 1.0 l fiat punto is there any Specialist insurance company's for people that drive professionally for a living?

How much will my insurance go up?

I am 16 and I just got my first speeding ticket. I have state farm and it is my first violation. I was just looking for a ballpark estimate.

Where can i find cheap young drivers insurance in uk?

where can i find cheap young drivers insurance in uk

Suspending car insurance?

i have car insurance i pay monthly for but i mite be going on a course away from home but i wont be able to work to pay for the insurance. i would need to not pay for it as it were for a 12 weeks. is there anything i can do or any advice ?

Young driver insurance?

what is the best car insurance for young drivers

Motorcycle insurance?

About how much would insurance cost for a 17yr old High school student. If I was buying a sports bike with around 500cc of power. I'd be on my parents plan. So I would need a guess if using Progressive.

How much would insurance be for me?

I am 19 years old and gonna buy a used car soon. My parents have never drove or owned a vehicle in their life. I live in San Francisco. I know the insurance gonna be expensive for me.. Is there a way to get cheaper insurance?

How can i get car insurance cheap ?

i am a young driver and car insurance is a joke how do i get it cheap without breaking any laws ?

Driving school and car insurance?

does going to driver's ed help you get better or cheaper car insurance?

Insurance wise is a 89 firebird a sports car?

Does geico consider a 89 firebird a sports car?

How much will insurance cost for a 16 year old?

How much do you think insurance will cost my dad for me When i turn 16 in a couple months i am either getting an Audi a4 convertible Honda pilot Ford explorer How much will insurance be for them which car would you pick

How much is the insurance for a trampoline?

I am looking into getting a trampoline but I would like to get liability insurance. I have AAA and I was wondering how much my homeowners insurance would go up if I get a trampoline with a net around it

Would you get Uninsured Insurance coverage in this case?

Car worth: $2000 (KBB) Annual driving: 4000 miles Uninsured Insurance Liability ($15k/$30k): $100 (a year) Uninsured Insurance Collision (up to $3500): $50 (a year) Not going to get comp/collision since it's only worth $2000. My insurance company is requesting that I sign a UI waiver since I initially said no to UI. So I'm not sure now. Just liability is costing me $700 a year (even with good driver discount) so getting UI would add $150 to it so was wondering if it's really worth it or not.

How can i Switch to another health insurance?

my son has keystone mercy for his health insurance but i totally forgot that the hospital he was born in doesn't accept that insurance they accept americhoice and i want to switch but im worried because i don't if americhoce would pay the bills from when he was born!!!! help!!

Insurance on a Hummer H1?

how much would that cost?

Does home owners insurance covers water leaking ac ?

my central unit ac is leaking ,i have insurace but not sure if it will cover it . please help!""

Need insurance help please?

I got into a car accident a few months ago (my fault). My insurance company denied my claim and didn't pay for the damages. Fast forward to today I get a letter saying that the insurance company of the guy who hit me are demanding that I pay them 6129 dollars. I don't have that kind of money im only 22 and I live with my parents. What will they do to me if I cant pay them? What can I do? (I live in california btw)

Insurance with car or person in Georgia?

My wife has been allowing her father to use her car to work as a pizza delivery man while his car is getting fixed. We don't have her car listed as a business vehicle, but he says that if he wrecks it his insurance will cover it. I'm not sure if he is correct or not, but I don't know the law in Georgia. I'm afraid he'll get in a wreck and we'll get sued or have our insurance policy canceled. Is he correct? Thanks.""

How much will my motorcycle insurance be??

I'm 19 years old in Arkansas. I'm planning to buy a 2008 Kawasaki Ninja 250R soon. I'm currently under my parents coverage policy with Shelter Insurance. I have good driving records so far...and I just want basic coverage. Oh, and Im also planning to make payments on the bike, so does that mean I have to get full coverage? Any help would be greatly appreciated!""

car insurance online quote il

car insurance online quote il

How much would it cost for insurance for a 2001 Lamborghini Diablo? Haven't found anything online.?

Me and my friend were just online looking up Lamborghini prices and was wondering what the insurace would be. Couldn't find anything online that would give a quote. Anyone know where to go or know this?

Late car insurance payment?

scenario: someone is late on their car insurance monthly payment. this person mails it to the car insurance company late and when person checks their checking account, the money is still there because the car insurance company hasnt taken the money out. what is happening here? is the person still covered with car insurance? will the car insurance company charge double with high interest on the next monthly payment?""

Do you really believe that America has the best healthcare in the world?

Please say why you believe this when all evidence points to the contrary. You talk about health, cost, care, ect, we do not have the best. People in other countries have better. I mean...I listened to sean hannity say that we have the best healthcare and the only evidence he could provide is some vauge story about a politician from another country coming here to get healthcare...that doesn't really qualify as evidence. Especially when the world health organization ranks healthcare, and we're nowhere near number 1. Now this is a fact that I've known for about two years before this debate even flared up. How is misinformation getting so out of hand? Please...tell me why we have the best with 50 million people uninsured. When we pay the most of any country in the world with some of the worst care. When we have some of the most unhealthy people. When insurance companies exempt for preconditions, when healthcare cost is the biggest contributor to our debt, when we pay premiums every month for something that doesn't happen, and when it does we have to co pay, then when it runs out we're screwed. Healthcare is the number one bankrupter in this country...over 70% of the people have health insurance when they first get sick and they still go bankrupt. Explain how this is the best please. And this has nothing to do with Obamas plan so keep it to yourself, this is about thinking we have the best healthcare and that other countries are somehow much worse then us (they aren't). Provide a source if you can.""

""I'm 57, am learning to drive a car, will need the best and cheapest car insurance, how will I know which is re""

i just want to be able to drive my car, and know there is help there for me, when and if I ever need it, without all the hassles of being stranded. Am in the process of checking out AAMI, RACT. Comprehensive for a first off driver is about $859 a year!! would i be better to Join RACT emergency on road assistance AS WELL AS taking out fire and theft third party insurance separately? I will be about the only driver, with a friend or two......is this the best cover for me? Say...for 1,2 years until I build up a reliable record? enough then to qualify for cheaper comrehensive insurance car cover?How will I know what is really the best for me?""

I have a question about teenage driving insurance?

I let my son drive my car sometimes and his six months is up and he is now wants to drive friends in the car. I know my car insurance will cover him if he is in a wreck, but will it cover his friends?""

Start my own insurance company?

Hi, I am new in insurance business, I was wondering if anyone can answer my question. I am currently taking classes to get my life and health insurance, once i pass the state test do i have to work for broker? or can i start my own agency? do I need to sign a contract with insurance companies in order to give quote to my future clients? Thank you in advance for your answers""

How much on average is insurance on a 2005 chevy silverado 2500 or ford F-250?

Looking to buy one of these vehicles and wanted to see how much on average it is. Thanks!

""I'm a female unemployed, living in upstate NY & need affordable health insurance! Desperate for suggestions!?""

I have been unemployed over a year. Although I am collecting unemployment benefits, I work a job per diem (usually 1-2 days per wk. which means I can't collect full unemployment benefits). I can't afford private pay insurance i.e. Healthy NY etc & don't financially qualify for Medicaid. Are there any other options? I would hate for a catastrophic illness to dictate my coverage & thus spend the rest of my life paying off medical bills!""

What level of car insurance should I get?

The difference in my car insurance quote from the bare minimum ($356.50) to second or third in each category ($1,422.90) is over a thousand dollars. This is for a 6-month quote. I'm a very safe driver and have never been in an accident that is my fault. Someone rear-ended me once but there was only damage to his car. Should I risk going with bare minimum coverage? What do other people out there do? What level of insurance do you guys have?""

Good car insurance deals?

can someone please tell me where i can get the best car insurance deals?? Thanks

How much would insurance for cars be around for 18 year olds ?

How much would insurance for cars be around for 18 year olds ?

Why did my wife's auto insurance premiums go up after I got a DUI?

After I pleaded guilty to a DUI charge, my wife's auto insurance company refused to renew her policy. Because we are married, other insurance companies have either quoted her higher premiums or refused a quote for her based upon my mistake. We had separate insurance companies, I was driving my car, not hers. She was not in the car with me and had nothing to do with it. I was pulled over because my license plate light was burned out. I was not driving erratically, speeding or anything of that sort. I had not had any violations in 16 years and she hasn't in nearly 30-years. Why is my wife being punished for my mistake and how is it legal?""

Can you get insurance with a suspended license?

i asked a question earlier about my friend's loser bf who has a suspended license and says he is going to buy a car from a used car dealer my friend (who is stupid) is going to get him the loan to pay for the car he says HE will pay on the loan (i doubt it) i say you need insurance for a car loan but she may just get him just a loan i dunno what that means anyway i know you need proof of insurance for a car loan he says he has been forging his insurance for years i still say they are going to check on it for the loan again i am trying to prove him wrong but can a person get car insurance with a suspended license?

Good question about financed car and insurance.?

I'm insuring two cars and my rate is high. I would like to know, Is it possible to tell my insurance company that my car is no longer finance (even if it still is) so i can switch to a liability coverage and lower my rate. Is my insurance company going contact my finance about detail...""

Insurance on a Hummer H1?

how much would that cost?

""Can anybody suggest an affordable health insurance company for a low income, young man?""

I would really like to have the ability to go to the doctor when I need. But, I can't seem to see the necessity of having health insurance. Being it so expensive, and that I so rarely need to seek medical attention. On the other hand, the clinic in town will not schedule appointments for anyone without insurance. I would like to be more concious about my physiological self with the advice of a medical practitioner. But, not at the cost of hundreds of dollars a month, which I can't afford. Its just not in the cards. HELP!""

Are there emergency health insurances in California?

And how can some one get it? i don't live in Cali but a friend of mine does. And they can't afford health insurances. but they need to see a doctor.

How much would insurance cost?

how much would insurance cost like humana or something like that for me and my child?

How much will I need to pay a month for car insurance?

I'm an 18 year's old. I'm buyiing my own car soon. How much do you think i'll have to pay for car insurance a month? and what company should i get?

Financing a car and someone els pays for insurance?

If I'm financing a car can someone els buy me full coverage and pay for it? . (Car being under there name for insurance yet under my name for the car payments with the bank)

Individual health insurance?

I am currently shopping around for individual health insurance and just wondered if anyone had any helpful info in regards to different companies. Who do you currently have health/dental/vision/life insurance through? I have been looking at Blue Cross Blue Shield but I'm just not sure. I am engaged and will eventually want to add my future spouse, therefore needing a family plan. I know this will vary depending on what type of coverage we want and what we are willing to spend. I do not have a very large budget for all of this but do know it's important. Trying to find the best deal out there for an affordable price. Thanks for any helpful advice! :)""

How much is your car insurance?

Just wondering. Mine's coming to 700!!

Car loans and insurance?

Okay, I recently took out a loan for a car, and I got liability only on the car. The bank just contacted me saying they need proof of insurance. When I take it in, and they realize that it is liability insurance only, what will they do? Because, I heard you need premium insurance when you buy a car with a loan. So am I gonna have to go premium or what will happen? I have a 1990 Nisasn 240sx. My bank is Great Plains Federal Credit Union. My insurance is American Family Insurance.""

Why does car insurance rates increase if you have a lapse in coverage?

For example, lets say I have car insurance and pay it on a timely matter and then all of a sudden I move to city where there is a lot of public transportation and my car breaks down. So, instead of worrying about my car I utilize the bus system as I cannot afford to have my car fixed, in turn I cancel my car insurance. Hypothetically lets say a couple months down the road I have a change of heart and am able to afford the repairs for my car. So now my car is up and running etc etc. Why is it that now when I sign up for insurance again my rates will be higher. My situation is that I have a vehicle but it is a lot older and it is broken down right now. It is going to be a few months before I can get it fixed. So, I thought of canceling my insurance bc I was wondering why should I pay insurance for something I am not driving. I, then, told my agent that once i got it fixed i would add the insurance back, he then told me what the consequences of my actions would be. Why do my rates go higher just bc I get rid of the insurance? It's not like I am doing anything illegal. I would not be driving the car bc it is broke down.""

Does my employer provide good health insurance? ?

Here's a description of the health insurance my employer provides to employees. It costs $50 per month to have, and the co-pay for each doctor visit is $40. This seems really weak to me. Am I right? Should I look around for a new job? What's the typical average going rate? Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you!""

car insurance online quote il

car insurance online quote il

Where can I find affordable Homeowners Insurance in South Florida?Mine filed for bankruptcy.Someone reputable?

Looking to find a reputable and affordable Homeowners Insurance Policy in South Florida. I dont have any claims pending and it seems that nobody is offering Homeowners in South Florida due to the hurricanes.I am covered until Dec 2006,then I need to find a new company as mine filed for bankruptcy.Thanks!!""

How much do you pay for teen car insurance per 6 month?

We have 2 cars 01 camry and 98 nissan. I am 18 , dad is 54 and we pay 35004+ for 6 months . Is that high?""

Help with health insurance terminology?

In layman's terms, what is: 1) a deductible and 2) an insurance premium? And how do they work in health insurance? An example would be appreciated.""

""Car Insurance, i passed my Drving test yesterday,Insurance Premiums?""

I live in Manchester(longsight), passed test yesterday, age:17...,can anyone plz tell me that how much will be the insurance premium for me(new driver), i asked from some of the insurers and most of them told that my insurance premium will be at least 2000. is it? Can any one tell me about some cheap insurance company who's price is 1000 or near about. Thanks.""

I was in a car accident so i been off work how will the insurance pay me?

I been off work due.to my accident my insurance said ill get paid after 14 days due since I'm not able to work

How does car insurance work? (also whats better buying a car vs leasing)?

well im 16 right now. planning to save up till 18 and buy a car. my first question is, how does car insurance work? i know you have to pay monthly and depending on each car its different but would car insurance be cheaper when the car is leased? or when its bought? also i know each car depreciates alot every year. at first i was thinking of leasing it but now im not sure. can someone tell me what would be a better choice on the long run?""

Second car insurance very very expensive - why? What would make it cheaper?

Hi, Me and my fiancee currently own and insure a Rover 25, V reg, 1.4 ltr, through Quinn. I'm the main driver and she's a named driver. We currently pay about 400 for tpf&t for the policy, and this has been roughly the price since we started the policy about 2 1/2 years ago. We're now looking at getting a second car as we will be working in different areas. My Grandma offered me her old Nissan Micra (1.3 ltr, K-reg) for us to have. I phoned up Quinn to get a quote for this car and they quoted 2,020!! I can't understand why it's so much more expensive, it's ridiculous! The lady I spoke to couldn't give me any adequate explanation of why it was so expensive, though she mentioned that we wouldn't be able to use a NCB on it as it would have to be an entirely new policy. But we took our first car policy with no NCB and that was a fraction of the price. Apparently the micra is called a Super-S or something, though it is not suped up or a fancy model or anything. Could that be it? We've tried a few other insurers and they also give expensive quotes (1000+) though not as ridiculous as Quinn. Any ideas why it would be so expensive? What could we change to try to make it cheaper? Change each car to have one named driver ony? Try a different car? Find a multicar insurer? I'm 31, she's 28, and we've both been driving for 2 3/4 years with no claims, points, convictions etc. Thanks.""

On average what does a automotive insurance adjuster/or a body shop estimator make annually?

On average what does a automotive insurance adjuster/or a body shop estimator make annually?

Is the auto-insurance claim information shared if I switch the insurance company?

Hi! I am with auto-insurance company X right now and due to few number of insurance claims that I had made, my insurance is going up. I am wondering if I try to switch to some company Y, will X share my claims information with Y? Thanks!""

What are health insurance claims?

im confused and dont know what health insurance claims are..i need to know its for school i need to know what is it, what is it used for and why...please and thank you!! :)""

Exactly what would be wrong with letting each state determine it's own health insurance reform?

Is there some reason why DC is better suited to reform health insurance (obviously they aren't any good at it, given the debacle we've seen already) than Albany or Indianapolis?""

Health Insurance Costs?

Our health insurance premium is nearing $14000./year. My husband is a retired school teacher, and paints houses to make this premium. Pretty soon the cost is going to exceed the amount he is able to collect in Social Security - How about getting these companies to lower these premium. Seems like those on welfare have better insurance than those on private pay""

What is an independant insurance adjuster?

I need to know what what types of insurances adjusters there are and what each type does.

How do you calculate the prices of car insurance?

where do all these companies get their prices for car insurance from?

Health insurance in florida?

if you dont have a job yet and have children how do u get health insurance in florida and if you had a c section and a premature baby why would an insurance company deny you insurance also if your child is underweight because of being premature why would their insurance be ridiculously high each month?

Does insurance pay total or worth?

My car is considered a 'total loss' with about 8,000 in damages. My payoff quote is 12,000. will my insurance pay the amount I owe, or the amount my car is worth, minus my deductible?""

Repair cost for rear view mirror?

I broke someones rear view mirror. If I don't have to go through my insurance company I'd rather not. About how much does it cost to replace them? I don't know the make or model of the car.

Can having your car insurance cancelled lower your credit score?

My friend had his car insurance cancelled because his wife had a few wrecks in a few years and then a DUI. They were on the same policy. Last month is when they were told their car insurance would be cancelled. Last month Equifax dropped his credit score 100points (don't know about hers). They only reason he knew about the credit score drop was because his one and only credit card had the limit lowered 75% The only thing he can think of that changed was the car insurance. Could cancelled car insurance affect your credit?

Can you personally propose a govt. health insurance program that would satisfy the majority?

Can you personally propose a govt. health insurance program that would satisfy the majority?

Approximately how much will my car insurance cost?

I am a 16 year old male, I will be getting my liscense soon. I'm going to have my own car(probably an old Honda civic) and ill be added on my mothers insurance policy. And I live in San Diego, and my grades are B's and C's""

How much will my insurance go up with one point on my license?

I live in California and I have Farmers insurance, got a ticket for a speeding back in December and I didn't take traffic school so there's now a point on my ticket. Anyone know if Farmers cares about one point on the license and if so how I will be affected?""

Are there any car insurance providers in MA that pay for OEM parts?

I have Progressive insurance and a 2010 year car. Progressive will not pay for OEM parts, even OEM glass. Is there a car insurance provider in MA that does? If so I want to switch ASAP.""

Rough price for motorcylce insurance?

I'm 17, the bike im hoping to get is 2005 Honda CBR 125 How much would it be roughly for basic insurance""

Are rates for disability insurance different in different states?

To clarify: I own Guardian own-occupation disability insurance, which was initiated in California. Given a recent income increase, I am eligible to exercise a rider to increase my disability coverage. Are my premiums going to go up a different amount if I increase my coverage through my agent in CA than if I increase it through a different agent, say, in Ohio? Are these riders and insurance premiums nationally uniform for personal disability insurance plans through Guardian?""

Bankers home insurance in Florida dog question?

I currently have bankers home insurance for home insurance and wondered if there are any dogs that are not allowed or would cause my insurance bill to go up?

car insurance online quote il

car insurance online quote il

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/compare-life-insurance-quotes-nz-arthur-berry/"

[bolbiistroganovsky]

this is gonna sound crazy cause my little sister is only 12, but i honest to god dont think i can continue living under the same roof as her for my own personal health. like she is just so horrible to me and there is nothing i can do about it because everytime ive tried to fight back or demand i be treated better i become the “bad guy” and am “overreacting” because im supposed to be older and be the bigger person. but im so tired of having to be the bigger person. i really dont think the way she treats me is normal sibling stuff either. thats why no one ever takes me seriously. they just say its normal sibling stuff but its not. its not just small arguments over who gets the TV or a borrowed sweater. shes just routinely rude and mean and judgemental. like ill do anything just being silly having fun and shell make the most judgemental face and cross her arms. or like today, we had an early thanksgiving and all day she was just making jokes about me being ugly even though its clear to anyone with eyes that im insecure about my appearance and like she just brushes it off as just jokes.i finally was sick of it so i told her point blank that i dont think those jokes are funny and they just ake her seem like a mean person and then i walked off and went to practice harp. then like two minutes later she barges in and starts yelling at me for overreacting, hits my harp, then storms off. and its a cycle. shell do something like that then an hour later shell come hug me and be really sweet and apologize and say all these nice things and then nothing changes and it happens again a day or two later. today actually the cycle happened twice in one day which i think is a new record. and its like, at this point id rather her just not apologize cause theyre clearly empty words. ive taken to saying “thank you for apologizing” very blankly and not saying anything else instead of “its ok” or “i forgive you” because i dont forgive her. er i think i forgive her which is why i keep getting hurt but i also know that itll happen again and i know that this apology ultimately means nothing so why tell her i forgive her when in practicality i dont? and i know sometimes i can be mean to her but not in the repeated antagonistic way she is. when im “mean” to her its like ill take the front seat even if she calls shotgun or ill say something like...honestly i cant even remember. i tried to think of something fairly recent and i cant recall a time where i started a fight by saying something mean. and whenever  tried to talk to her about the clear issues we have she always uses those few and far between things to justify everything she does to me. and my parents do it to. and ive always felt like thats just wrong that i am the primary victim but ive always chalked that up to bias. no one ever htinks theyre in the wrong, but now i feel justified in thinking im not in the wrong in these situations because i know that i dont antagonize her the way she antagonizes me. i dont push on her sore spots like bruises. shes always talking about how she has mroe friends than me, how shes the favorite, how shes mroe athletic than me, how shes better than me in every concievable way and i know i have neverintentionally pushed at her insecurities. and i know this because in the moment ive thought of what i could say that could make her hurt as bad as i do and i never say it partly because i know its wrong to say things like that, and partly because i know that if  did i would be treated like the villain even though ive been putting up with this ever since she could talk. its not like shes always been verbally horrible to me, but before shed be selfish with toys or shed intentionally ruin something i was doing and thats what would get to elementary school and middle school me, but now what gets me is when she intentionally pushes at my insecurities and then thinks all fine and dandy because she was “joking”. and i just cant stick up for myself. I honestly cant wait to graduate and leave. i love my family anf my school so much but she is the sole reason i want to leave. and like i really honestly hate her. i do not like her at all but i also still love her because she is still my sister. and it kind of sucks. i wish i could just not care about her at all and just be like “you know what? fuck you” and be done with it. but i cant because stupid ass me doesnt want to hurt anybody’s feelings. sometimes ive thought like what if i killed myslef and wrote a note about how i did it because i couldnt take living with her cruelty anymore? i dont actually want to die or kill myself because i love all parts of my life but her, but it feels like it would finally show everyone how horrible she actually is. like id be able to feel vindicated from the grave that everyone finally saw that i wasnt just being dramatic she actually was horrible to me. sometimes ill accidentally picture a family member dying and ill feel sad and ill tear up and think how much itd hurt but when i do it witih her, i feel like a terrible person admitting this, but i dont think id be that sad. id feel a little bit sad but id also feel relieved that id never have to deal with ehr again. but im also worried about her. like she has problems keeping friends and my mom always comforts her and tells her that sometimes things are meant to be and my sister will tell how the other girl is being snooty or mean and my mom drinks it up that my sister is the victim, but i cant help but think that she cant keep friends because she subconsciously treats them similarly to how she treats me, or that she attracts a similar kind of mean person like she is to be friends with. and i dont want that for her, i want her to be able to have friend and be nice. i want her to learn how to be a good person cause i know she can, but its like she cant learn she cant understand that what shes doing is wrong. and i feel conflicted becuase i wantto help her be better and i want to support her like a good big sister, but i also want to fight back and cut her out of my life. but i also feel bad cause like am i overreaecting after all? cause how could a 12 year old be this horrible to me? people always tell me shell grow out of it. they told me that when i was 7 and she was 3 and they told me that today and she hasnt. and im tired of waiting for her to grow up. i just want to be done with this. it feels like my instinct to stand up for myself and fight back is fighting my instinct to be a good sister. i also feel ashamed that i let my little sister get to me this badly. like im older and bigger and stronger and more experienced. i should be the one with the power. but for some reason i just cant. like i feel ridiculous for feeling like im being take nadvantage of by a 12 year old but its happening. i cant keep doing this anymore. im so sick of it. i just wish i could leave and never come back. everyone has always told me that well be best friends when were adults but ive always known that that wont be true. but now it doesnt even feel like we have enough of a relationship to even be regular friends after i leave home. i mean maybe thats a bit dramatic writing off our entire lives even though shes only twelve but i dont even think i would want to try and have a relationship with her even if i could in the future. it sjust too ddraining being aroudn her. its been too draining for nearly ten years and i just dont see that stopping. im just tired. she makes me tired. of being around her of living in this house of just living tbh. ughhhhhhhhhh. i think this is the worst its ever been. 

sorry this is such a long ass post. i could probably say more but i wont. im just tired of bottling it all up. i talked with my stepmom about it and she agrees. she says she understands that its not me and she told my sister that shes potentially jeopardizing our relationship in the future. and its such a breath of fresh air to have someone understand that its not me. she thinks we should go to counseling which we probably should. god ive gone to so much counseling whats wrong with me. anyways heres your sob story for the day. sorry

[scarletiris]

silence is the deadliest form of torture.

the title says it all doesn't it? like i mean i had a day to figure out what i did wrong, like i know you said theres nothing between us and you are not mad at me, but then why do i feel so distant from you? I know what i did wrong and every time i just want to pick up the phone and call you or text you but i know you need space, which is funny because you say theres nothing going on between us. So lets start from square one right? the part where i mentioned even though you are my blood cousin, i always considered you my actual definition of a best friend. You were always there for me in my lowest moments, seen my darkest times, and helped me actually be the sole reason why im able to smile again. All from being roughly 1700 miles away. So i guess when i admitted that to you and i started having such nervous conversations around you and i did notice you were quiet around me, ignoring my calls, like come on be real. like, obviously if you see a miss call and you dont respond to it or even text me back thats ignoring. like theres no way around it, A! thats why im a bit hurt you know? i know what i did was selfish. to assume that you were always going to be there for me when in reality, fuck it right? i mean we havent even known each other for too long, what, like 5 years if anything? you probably just see me as the “fun” california cousin and whatnot. but like, really. what. the. fuck? i was ALWAYS there for you and how i was raised WAS different yes? that no matter what the situation was no matter what problems went on, i would drop anything for you just to make sure you have someone to talk to and feel better, but when i needed you you tell me you cant be there for me and you should focus on yourself? like i understand it and all, but WHAT THE FUCK? is this your true color? is this the true you? you get where im coming from though? like if this is really you, its a nightmare you know? someone that i finally for the first time in my life put my absolute trust into, doesn't feel the same. now again, let me clarify that i know i fucked up. i was being a petty little bitch who kept pouring problems and scenarios where it doesn't involve you into them. I never once thought it might be too much for you and to be completely honest, i never thought it could ever be enough. I mean thats the idea right? of having someone as close as you? would you understand how i felt when you said that though? you knew i was more sentimental than you, i guess thats just the natural sexist persona though, males aren't suppose to have any feelings, they are supposed to always be strong and its a one way street when the girl vents to the guy right? if thats how it is really supposed to be then ill go back to it, to keep quiet to myself and just let it fade. But just know that really hurt, A. and whats worse is theres nothing from you anymore, just silence. no snaps, texts, calls, asking how im doing or if im up. and it really makes me mad. im just gonna be blunt bc i have so much disarray in my thoughts right now. like fuck man it really did hurt me and im mad and sad and upset and just confused. like where is it supposed to go from here? you see what the outcome was when you said that to me? its like, do you want me to move? are you waiting 10 months to find a good excuse to push me away and not have me move? are you trying to just cut me off completely and just finding the right words? i get it right? we are family, so word will get around and you dont want to be the reason you hurt me, but you dont know how else to say it right? so by just giving me the silent treatment and just disappearing from my life you want me to grow apart from you with my own hatred forming in my heart. NO. i dont believe that, i dont believe that you are a bad person, through anything. you have way too much passion in your heart to do that to me. What do i do then A? guide me. i need guidance, im not asking you to hold my hand, im asking for just a sign, a sign to show we truly are as you say on the same page and still close. because i dont feel it anymore and the lingering effect it has on me, with so many scenarios and outcomes replaying over and over are dismantling my very core of my belief in you. Not even just my belief in you, my belief in humanity, how when the going gets tough its ok to just bounce? and never be heard from again? LIKE again dude. i get it, pharmacy school and being 1 F away from failing the program is such a huge task, but did i ever say im gonna distant myself from you so you can pursue it? no, what did i say? i said NO MATTER WHAT, ill always be there for you. family is more important than a career, at least to me. i will never ever hate you if i lose my career to be there for you. thats why im mad, confused, sad, and clueless why you believe that your idea is correct. “it sounds selfish but im sorry if i cant be sympathetic or caring as you want me to be, i need to focus on myself” that stung, almost as much as “i dont feel comfortable weighing in on your important life decisions” like THE FUCK? do you know how much things stick to me? i cant just brush it off and forget it like you can. i cant just go oh okay see ya around next time. ill dwell on it, let the worst thoughts eat me up inside, and honestly its justifiable to dwell on that situation. like DUDE, my or at least IN MY EYES, the only person i can really call my cousin/bestfriend/hero just says no thanks? not interested.? how do you think that makes me feel A,? better yet how do you think im gonna react to it?>> everytime i see and hear from you i get really happy. just remember that, if we grow apart, ill never forget you A,. hopefully i really am just overthinking all this, see you soon, and hopefully i dont just waste my time and drag you down.. i just wish you were able to see my fear and be here for me. im sorry for being a brat about it. but i only want you to somehow see this and dont push me away like some ugly monster, but to just let me be a brat and let me hold onto ya for a bit. weird as fuck because im a guy and your a girl and its strange to know that a guy needs your help? is that why youre mad? idk. just know i need you here for me, and its antagonizing know you dont want to be..