#thats cool. thats new. that's something that brings me joy

[trans-axolotl]

i don't know if i'm becoming the person i needed when i was younger. i feel like that's what i see people a lot of people say to explain their passions, the steps they take to change things, who they want to become. and honestly, 13/14/15/16 year old me was so fucking mad and tired of being let down and very, very resentful and bitter. i remember being so frustrated at being consistently put in places where there were no actually accessible resources, no adults to step in to help, and being frustrated at my growing understanding of how the shitty things that happened to me weren't just isolated events--they were backed up by a society + culture that enabled them, and enforced by institutions and structures that kept other options from being possible. 13 year old me needed so much more then what i could offer them as my adult self, and i think my 13 year old self would have ignored me if i tried to tell them there were people who cared out there or that harm reduction was an option.

but i think my 13 year old self would be so, so proud to see what we've turned into. to know that we are a part of trying to tear down all these fucked up systems and that although we absolutely will not be able to fix every problem as one person, that we've felt called to and accepted that we have a responsibility to try to fix what we can when we can. i think my 13 year old self would be overjoyed to know that we are a part of something where we advocate for things like peer respite, where we are gaining the skills and learning how to do effective noncarceral suicide prevention, that we've survived and part of our survival is about sharing love and rage and passion with community.

so yeah, i don't think i'm becoming the person i needed when i was younger cause i don't think one person would have been able to protect me from the violence and harm i did face, and no matter what i do i'm just one person who cannot fix everything, but I do think my 13 year old self would want to be alive if they knew what my life looks like now. and that's something really beautiful and meaningful to me, actually.

[markiza297]

some of my music-related EMH headcanons because i feel bad and want to share it.

VINNY:

Vinny loves post-punk and goth music, like Joy Division, The Cure, Swans, The Fall, Depeche Mode and New Order. But when he gets asked to put something he likes on, he puts something like Prodigy or Infected Mushroom on, to look cool and not to "bore" his friends. And because he genuinely likes those as well.

___

Also i cannot NOT project my own coping mechanisms on emh characters, so i think (before the events unfolding, while Jessa is still alive and everything is normal) that boys like to meet up and share music AND their feelings in the format of : "This is how I feel : *Numb by Linkin Park starts playing*".

JEFF:

Jeff feels overwhelmed at his hospital job, feeling that he is responsible for everyone and everything, so most of the time when he doesn't have to work with patients, he wears headphones to ease his mind a bit, usually listening to something rhythmic (+1 point if the track doesn't have any words).

Jeff would be such a fan of Twenty One Pilots. This band is so him coded.

___

I think that Jeff and Evan would bond over their love for AJJ (again, im projecting, I KNOW). But Jeff would like the deeper details of the lyrics, and Evan would be like, "yo thats fire" because of the interesting sound.

EVAN :

I think that Evan has a Walkman cassette player, and he prefers cassettes to CD's, because "they sound worse". 

And the glove box in his car is filled with checks and old bills, and cassettes that don't match their package, for example, an AC/DC cassette in a Metallica case, etc. 

imo im convinced that Evan would be a huge lover of nu metal, im talking ALL OF IT. im talking Limp Bizkit, im talking Papa Roach, im talking Slipknot, Linkin Park, Skillet, KoЯn. Every time he gets a chance to get a record, he would spend his last money just to headbang to new edgy song while driving home.

And OF COURSE he would like Gorillaz. I think it should be canon, it's so obvious.

___

I think about Evan and his taste in music like this scene in Scott Piligrim where Ramona has unnecessary amount of different teas.

"-What do you like to listen?"

"-Let's see... We have classical rock, punk rock, hard rock, rock and roll, heavy metal, industrial, nu metal, alternate, metalcore, electropunk, funk metal, new rave, and... Indie"

HABIT :

Evan can't stand MCR (i know it's a hot take, i know), but HABIT loves them, especially when he gets to rearrange and clean his weapons, humming along while putting on a show, like twirling knives in the air or threatening an imaginary opponent.

If talking about my favorite purple bastard, I think it's really for music to get stuck in his head, and sometimes it can result in pretty hilarious (although still horrifying if you know the context) things, for example him throwing out the "trash" *wink wink* and not noticing how he sings something he had heard on the radio.

Just imagine HABIT humming ABBA or some 2010 white girl music. This brings me so much joy, you have no idea.

STEPH:

I think Steph would hide her preferences, until she feels safe enough to share some of the music she likes, and if a person she shares it with likes it as well, she would spend hours and hours talking about every little detail in lyric and sound and how it all has A DEEPER MEANING! She would be right, tho.

I'm convinced there was a situation where she gave an Evanescence cd to Evan with "this reminds me of u" written on the cover. I don't make the rules.

She probably writes some lyrics she really liked "to put them into her art later" only to forget about it.

[9cl]

Here are six+ songs that i've been loving and living daily trying my best not to let it seep into a permanent state of ennui. Some songs that make my heart move more than others or just otherwise songs that are extremely special to me emotionally. Thankyou for the tag @silic0n0asis <3💭 i might do more than six But i think thats allowed

1. Just posted lyrics to a song by this artist. Im linking it below. and it really makes me so sad and melancholic but also just makes me feel so excited. It's the right mix. I'll add another one i'm thinking of right after this one

2. This one is just plain wonderful. it brings back this intense wistful joy it smells like fresh laundy on a rainy day. An intense feeling of belonging. A love for the life that surrounded me. a really crazy headrush joy that reminds me of surfing Satellite tv for the first time in my life. Satellites and satellite dishes became extrenely important to me. Something about being able to escape and enter an unknown parallel world. Moving somewhere not knowing when it'll stop and not caring. At least visually during this era (2020) satellites were like a source of comfort for me, like being hooked up to a big wired world that i could manipulate through my little terminal

3. This song just feels like a lovesick midnight. In almost point black-blue darkness w/ visual snow clouding your entire surroundings. Just sitting there gleeful and enjoying the present. Something that nobody can take you out of during that moment

4. Well this song is just plain wistful to me. A lot of what the music i listen to depends on is the emotional and mental context during which i experienced it. sure music can suggest something to me but mainly it's the feelings i felt during that specific moment that resurface when i hear the music i hear. New things can be good as well as bad. The context can be shifted completely and reformatted and reframed. this one specifically i listened to a lot while running outside. It reminds me of feelings of inadequacy and futility. Nothing good but also nothing too bad. I love this song a lot though. Mark's vocals shine through here

5. Another song from around 2021. This is just perfection in a song. it makes me feel Freaking Cool... i love the dissonances when the keys go too far up around midway through the song. This whole album realy is just filled with song after song of just the most relaxing beautiful improvisational stuff ever listen to it you will not be let down. The opening track is also gorgeous

6. The only r stevie moore song i can really lidten to all the way through. i'm not a hater or anything it's just the only one that has fossilized itself into my consciousness. It's extremely meaningful to me. The chords are beautiful and so sweet. Stevie moore is the bomb... Incredible guitar work. i would love to learn it on the guitar when i get my new strings. Strongest memory from this song is riding around outside on my bike in the rainy thick foggy cloudy hot humid weather and falling multiple times and not really caring that much

7. This song is, i think, The Best Shit Brian Wilson Ever Came Up With, maybe toe to toe with I Just Wasn't Made For These Times, i dont really have much to say about this song the arrengements and the lyrics are beautiful. Brian's vocals are one of a kind and his falsetto is amazing here. The solemn piano part is just gorgeous. Surf's up hmm hmmm hm hmmm hm hmmmmm...

8. One of my most favorite Oli XL tracks ever:) #FREEOLI btw They need to get an album out ASAP

9. yyyyYYYEESSSSS OHHH MYYYY GOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!! Supersaw heaven

10. ! ! ! :):):) Like a rave in a coven i guess. felicita is fucking awesome. This version of coughing up pearls is beautiful

11. This whole album is some of the most great electronic shit to ever happen ever. not to cheat but im doing 2 here: these cuts specifically are a highlight for me although Romance Frog and Alcoholic are both amazing amazing tracks from this same thing. Gobby's hyperprocessed vocals are a huge inspiration. i fuck with the random Lifetime Discovery TLC samples all throughout

O.K. Thats it i nominate @thesentdowngirl @foodandfriends @kissyouallaway @bish0ps @dog5504 Your turn now if u want:-)

[novaskfpblog]

ITSSS~ ✨small KFP rambling time!!✨ a bite sized ramble ;P

Today! About Kai...because of course

I love him! And a shen or tai lung ramble would NOT be bite sized- sheeesh!

WAYYY wayy back when i saw KFP3 and hell- way before that! I had a thing for coming up with "villain redemption stories" or "villain joins the good guys!!" Stuff while maybe it was cuz Lil me really wanted to see more of those bad guys and DONT BLAME ME! They are great! But these days i feel like i think of such ideas because certain really cool characters dont have enough interactions with other cool characters

Or hell! Any interactions at all...it suckkkss but thats what the power of ✨creativity and imagination✨ is for :] being able to come up with new, heartwarming or interesting interactions for characters who otherwise never had such moments is great! And coming up with villain redemption ideas always opened up the possibility of said characters meeting in the future

Of course not everyone deserve a redemption arc but there is always the thought of...what if???

ENTERING!!!! KAI💚💚

Now on the topic of funny panda movie guy

These ideas of mine eventually applied to Kfp! As soon as i finished watching kfp3 for the first time back then! i came back home, layed down on my bed and started to think how could i?? Redeem that kai dude!!

And well uhh it was not really easy Lil me was...creative i guess- but said ideas i came up with never really reached anything interesting they were just kinda One off ideas to be forgotten in a week- you know??

But this one stuck considering it was kinda the start of me writing down my ideas :0 nothing perfect for something written late at night by Lil me but truly a start! Thats what matters

I came up with the idea of reversing the roles of Oogway and Kai

●■It followed Kai and Oogway being met by an intense battle ambushed and cornered Kai entered a reckless state of fury wanting to show off as much power as he could! This led to Kai being terribly injured said battle was not one to rush and what kai had done could have cost him his life

Oogway made the wise decision to flee said battle and instead go search for help to save his dear friend before it was too late

Oogway discovered the Secret panda village asking for their help to Heal Kai

The Hardest challenge for Lil me was bringing Kai there....i mean we wont just Suddenly NOT want to steal all their chi and true Kai thought that if he had that much Power maybe he could have easily defeated the people who injured him....ashamed and defeated he planned to steal ALL of the panda's Chi and take his revenge..

The more he plotted and conspired as he faked to enjoy their simple, calm lifestyle as much as Oogway did...the more he Deep down started to feel peace

While not outright showing his change the more he learned about chi and its helpful abilities, the more he pondered...he started to wonder what they really fighting for, glory and fame were not gonna cut it....if no real change was being made then what for?.

This troubled Kai, feeling true comfort for the village, finding joy in the small things, the moments he is spending being helpful feel much better than the moments he used to spend destroying.

He never realized that his want for more power blinded him completely to the fact that there was already so much good around him...but now he gets it and the journey was not short

But those months of learning and training came to and end and so we come to the question ■ what is Kai going to do now?? As he stands in the day he planned to betray the pandas...

He and Oogway instead Leave having learned something! Becoming a peaceful warrior

He might not have found the Power to make him unstoppable but all the power he already had! Was enough to do something meaningful and truly special ●■

WELP thats what Lil me thought of back then!! Its not great- but i appreciate it for being the start of a more creative journey :]

Lil kid me would be proud of sharing this HAHA! i never realized how good it was not to have a word limit ✨ still short but- thats the point lol

To whoever is reading♡ wow thanks hehe this aint much but sharing this years old thing was a huge relief...i should write new stuff here...huh 👀

ADIOS for now!! And cya real soon💚💚

[boy-above]

Hey there Marshal! I see that the owner of this blog(you!) is trying out it/its pronouns, thats so cool! I hope it has a fun time with his new pronouns! I think thats cool of it to try out something new, i hope too that that brings it joy! May his journey be safe and fulfilling whether it decides to continue to use It/s or not! 💕

thank you!! 💕 i feel like it fits because i've always had weird dysphoria where i don't even wanna be human so these pronouns make me feel Seen as just a little creature and i like that

[feral-teeth]

🖌, 🕰, 👀 & 🍂 for the ask game 🫶

🖌️- Do you have/want any tattoos?

I dont have any, but I love the idea of tattoos and i get sick of seeing and feeling things being on my body really easily (like watches or like temp tattoos) so idk if its the best idea for me? I would probably only get something very abstract or something i really love.

Attached are the marble tattoos i would get on my arms and legs! Like i imagine black or gold marble along my shoulder and down, cutting off where there woukd be patchwork tattoos (like a mix of spencer agnews and anthony padillas)

Heres the link to my tattoo inspo board :3 - its among all of the other boards in that folder

I also know that once i get top surgery i want to put like, something cool on the new free real estate on my chest once it heals - like a cool feral dog or like stitches or something cool. To represent how fucking sick and badass being trans and getting top surgery is. And also being a furry i need like teeth or something feral looking on me (i wonder where i got my username from lol) ik someone on insta whos trans and he has these SICK tattoos like paw prints on the palm of his hands and some other rlly cool ones!! His name is Fox i think? Hes a huge inspo for me and my furry journey/trans journey for a while.

Also a tooth. Cuz fuck yeah

The future of having patchwork tattoos on my arms when i get money for it… it keeps me going. I cant wait to look fucking HOT esp w black ink cuz i find it super hot and more aesthetic on me.

I remember there was a self-love influencer and she had two tigers on her belly, and i loved the idea of that and to appreciate my stomach more.

. I also love the idea of having angel wing tattoos cause i used to always imagine having angel wings and wrapping them around me when i was scared or needed comfort. So they would represent that comfort. I also imagined them like, dragging on the ground behind me sometimes, like my wings were too big for my body. I imagined them as like gold and red and w like splashes of bright colours.

🕰️ - What time is it where you are rn?

Well its 6:01pm as i start to write this - lets see how long it takes for me to post it lol - checking in its 6:26pm - now its 6:35pm - 6:40pm abt to post

👀 - what colour are your eyes?

Brown, but golden in the sunlight! I have an old photo that i love when i was in British Colombia in the car and the sun was shining so perfectly and i got a picture of my golden eyes. Its such a beautiful picture i might just find it and post it here after i answer this <3 also reminds me of a photo i took of the mountains out the window that was literally a perfect screenshot of the beautiful moment. It makes me miss my old instagram where i used to only post aesthetic photos i took 😔probs gonna make my personal account do just that now 🫡

🍂-whats your favorite season?

Fall always! I love the season i was born in (i heard thats usually a proven thought) and even tho its moving into dead winter, it feels like new beginnings and a clean, fresh start because school used to start for me around then and its my bday in fall too so its like new school supplies? Presents? Money?? Amazing. This will surely change my life for the better! And all of this ruin and pain will fall behind me cuz i have new clean fresh pens and a new journal and a new schedule i know ill just drop after a month ! (Digital planners saved me sm omg)

But i also love every season and the poetry and meanings and atmospheres they bring. I always get so sad in the winter, but that sadness and pain being surrounded by so much joy and brightness and christmas lights and a hazy glow makes a good contrast for poetry and your own depression so 🤷 spring is new beginnings. The contrast between winter and spring and meaning new life and the dead rotting and turning into something that helps the fertilizer grow is such a strong concept for me. Summer being so hazy in the heat with heat lines coming off of the sidewalk, your ice cream melting onto the hot pavement, making it sizzle. The sadness that summer can bring too. The heat and fun and sun that everyone seems to be having while youre stuck inside or watching them through a haze of your own, you want to break the glass between you and the others but its just too thick, so you just slam on the glass, yelling, hoping that someone, anyone can hear you on the other side.

Back to fall - Now my bday just makes me sad 😔 whats funny is that it usually still feels like summer when its my bday, so its like im still in that hazy summer, preparing for the winter and dead leaves on the ground that are pronised every year.

From this ask game - get to know me! 💖

[turquoiseted]

On new years resolutions

This is a very rambly post from me, a rare poster but here we are. If you're interested we're taking new years resolutions and art

I've never done new years resolutions before due to the fact, they're the worst way to decide to build a habit so why would I...

But I thought it would be fun to try and challenge myself to create a piece of week of art, with the expectation I wouldn't achieve anything but it would be fun to look back on.

And I fully believed I wouldn't hit that ~52 piece of art goal I'd set for myself, but on collating the above images I was suprised to find out that actually yes I had. So thats cool. But what I also loved about this is that it wasn't just the portrature studies

Pintrest board for the refs: https://pin.it/2uRxhz2

But that this year I tried to learn Blender, I took a pottery course, I finished 3 embridery pieces, I designed my friends VTubersonas. And a lot were studies, composites of 15 minutes at a time working on my painting skills, but shockingly I can see the improvement, even though my art goals have escaped me as I've aged.

Art as a kid was something I did and something I posted for the attention but art as I've grown older has been put on the back burner alongside work and life. Its nice to see in one image that its not gone anywhere and that I still love it, creating things is deeply joyful.

To bring back around to the point, this was a new years resolution, something that I hadn't done. Something that I felt wouldn't really add much, but it allows reflection and timeboxes the idea that I wanted to persue, something measurable and confirmable. It wouldn't have mattered if I'd hit the target, I just loved to see the things that I have done and enjoyed artistically this year.

I find myself wanting to persue the joy of looking back and of setting a new years resolution, but maybe I just need to take the time to enjoy the things I have achieved. I've just started to learn crochet so maybe next years collage will feel textile, or maybe it will be empty not chased by such a resoltion.

Anyway have a poggers Christmas and new year

[donutdisturblivball]

hi help I'm being given the opportunity to start playing the saxophone or trumpet. I have a very chaotic schedule and nobody likes mfs who play saxophone or trumpet but I also think It'd be cool to play one of those instruments 😭😭

do i choose instrument??

or do i save myself my only remaining freetime😈

hmmmmmmm thats a good question lol

for me, personally, i feel like being able to play an instrument is a gift. music is like another language that few can speak and interpret, and being a part of a community like that is wonderful.

im aware that you already play a few instruments, but i also think that giving the trumpet or the saxophone is worth a shot. given that you already know how to play one instrument, and given that both those instruments are also woodwinds, you’d probably pick it up quickly. i have a friend irl who plays both instruments (saxophone is the one they most recently picked up), and i had the opportunity to sit in at some of her lessons. i play a string instrument, so i can’t really say much about it, but her teacher made many references to the clarinet (her first instrument), and they always seemed to help her understand how to play the sax more easily. she also was able to pick up the saxophone pretty quickly, and i think that some of that was because of her previous experience. i’ve noticed the same thing when a pianist goes to pick up a violin, or a cellist goes to pick up a base. i truly believe that with your musical talent and experience, you could easily learn either instrument.

there are many people who don’t have the opportunity to learn how to play an instrument at your age. i’m definitely not saying that you should simply because others can’t, but i think that opportunities like that are opportunities that should be taken advantage of. to me, there really is no joy like being able to bring breathlessness or emotion to an audience when i perform.

i firmly believe that it’s never too late to learn how to play an instrument. i think that if you want to prioritize your free time right now, then you should prioritize it, and you can always try to pick up either instrument later in life. but i think that learning at this age, in a place where you are surrounded by musical opportunities, isn’t such a bad idea, either, especially when one such as this is offered to you.

regardless, i think it’s important to remember that you are still a kid. you should do whatever makes you happy, because these years will only occur once, and you shouldn’t spend them stressed and hunched over sheet music because you’ve bitten more than you can chew. i think your priority should be whatever will make you happiest in the present, and if that includes learning either the saxophone or the trumpet, then that’s that. but if what will make you happiest right now is clinging on to the minimal amounts of free time you have, then that’s okay too.

i know i’ve definitely presented you with a very non-answer, but my advice truly is to just go with what will make you happiest. i think that learning a new instrument is a wonderful opportunity that you should take advantage of, but i also think that your youth is something to be taken advantage of as well. in layman’s terms, YOLO. life’s too short to be spending hours upon hours thinking about decisions that might not even make a big impact on your life in the long run. just do whatever feels right to you, and i truly believe that everything else will fall into place.

[dykeyote]

umm,,,,could i maybe request some transfem juniper n joshua hcs,,, :)

YOU SOOOOOOO CAN BECAUSE THATS SO BASED . i enjoy that basically the only curious anons ive gotten are just asking me to transgenderize people bx that is my fav hobby

JUNIPER

SO!!!!! i hc her as transfem nonbinary with she/they prns >:) she has xenogenders too but theyre all chosen EXCLUSIVELY based on the design of the flag she doesnt even know what half of them mean she just thinks thye look cool . she has a little doc with all her xenogender flags in it and the union jack is on there and everyone THINKS theyr joking but lowkey its not entirely clear . she uses any neos i think the only prns theyr not okay with is he/him

i stand by that shes in a qpr with jedidiah . anyway i think they have a similar build and an adjacent gender presentation so they swap clothes sometimes . juniper is a lot FANCIER but they do look good in some of the same colors so juniper usually just spruces the ones she gets from jedidiah up a bit . she “generously” offers jeddy her dress with the union jack emblazoned all over it and hes like …… no its ok thank u 

juniper is VERY much not out at home i think i get the vibe that she hides a LOT from her dad and i think that being trans would Definitely fall under that . its part of why she really enjoys going to camp and spending time with rowan because she can be out there and be more comfortable with the way she presents

i think shes Known that shes trans for a whle but its something shes closeted about for the above reasons shes Very Avoidant so shes like . i can just push that down forever and ever and never transition and it wont be an issue <3 cheers! but being so close to rowan kind of opens her up to the idea more and makes it so they can kind of realize that . yes it will be hard . but she deserves that joy in her life . which is good for her i think shes a lot happier and less stressed

JOSHUA

JOSHUA!!!! i hc as transfem nonbinary theyre a they/them girl. an alpha female if you will . theyre DEEPLY DEEPLY DEEPLY IN THE CLOSET THOUGH theyre more repressed than JEDIDIAH which says smt . i think part of the whole alpha male manosphere thing is a way of avoiding coming to terms with being trans its about a lot of things but thats one of them . the vibes ive always gotten from them is that their family is pretty shitty and gave them a lot of insecurities and hangups about masculinity so i think thats lead to a LOT of internalized transphobia 

BUT!!!!! THEY WORK IT OUT!!!!!!! being friends with yvonne sort of opens them up to the idea more and they slowly leave that whole alpha male mindset which leaves them more open to try out new things including experimenting with their gender which they find really nice

i think they like to present as like . a Masculine Girl . like they dress the same way but they grow their hair out and go on e and start voice training . they do wear more fen clothes SOMETIMES like for special occasions they like to wear fancy dresses and shit . but i think largely the way they dress stays the same it doesnt change in the way it does for jedidiah and juniper . its just their physical features that they adjust 

i think them and yvonne bond a lot over being trans they were already really close friends . but joshua coming out gives them another thing to bond over and brings them even closer which is really nice for them (: it also helps joshua chill out a bit because expressing yourself is relaxing so their dynamic is a lot easier and calm 

[eldritchpluto]

GO LISTEN TO LIZARD BOY!! RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

IM SO MAD MORE PEOPLE DON’T KNOW ABOUT THIS SHOW! So, your local giant nerd who has hyperfixed on this show for four goddamn years is gonna explain it, and hopefully convince at least one person to give it a try. I’m gonna put this under a read more for the sake of people’s dashes, but if you like any musicals, PLEASE STICK WITH ME HERE!

Lizard Boy is a musical written by Justin Huertas, and he plays the lead Trevor. The two other primary actors are Kiki DeLohr as Siren, and William A. Williams as Cary. That’s it! It’s only a three person cast, wild I know. This cast is used VERY well, and in incredibly interesting ways.

What’s our main premise? Trevor, our titular lizard boy, (yes I know the name is silly, STICK WITH ME I PROMISE), is living alone. He’s been in his apartment all year, never leaving. Why? After an accident in his youth where he was sprayed with dragon blood after a wild encounter, he’s been covered in scales. He spent much of his following time dealing with social craziness because of it, and he’s sick of being an outcast. So, he stays alone. He only goes out once a year during the city’s “Monster Fest”, since others are dressed up like monsters, and no one looks at him. So, on this year’s fest, he goes out. On a kind of date with a dorky dude named Cary. But, as he’s trying out this weird first date, he comes across Siren. A mysterious woman, whose haunting voice he’s heard in his cryptic dreams. As he tries to figure out this relationship, and who this woman is, chaos ensues.

As much as I love the plot of this show, the music is the real draw! It’s absolutely incredible, and showcases how just three people together can create some incredibly powerful stuff!

Other pros! It’s very gay (and if you ask me, very trans) and meant a lot to me the past four years as I’ve figured out my own stuff. Next, it is VERY creative in every possible way! Next, it’s campy and nerdy and weird as fuck, and is so proud to be all of that. It brings me joy to see something so goddamn weird. Also, all three people involved are very very talented and wonderful!

If you like these other shows, it might be fore you! It has the weird campiness and sincerity of Ride the Cyclone, razias’s shadow, and Be More Chill! Everyone plays their own instruments and does cool vocal stuff with a small cast like Ghost Quartet! It’s about identity in very cool ways like Fun Home!

So, if you want to listen to this show (which you shoulddddddddd) here are some places to start! (Also there will be a new recording coming out soon thats live and will be SO good I was there for one of the recordings for it >:3)

A Terrible Ride- this song was my introduction. It slaps SO fucking hard oh my god. Siren’s voice <3

Take me to bed- Probably my favorite? It’s hard to pick. But big emotion, overlapping parts, amazing instrumentation! The whole deal

Myth to live by- Another favorite! Killer harmonies and just a vibe honestly.

I was going to call you- THIS SONG BREAKS MY HEART BUT ITS AMAZING AHHHHH

ANYWAYS! ITS AMAZING! Listen to it here: https://open.spotify.com/album/6Db8WJESTAwTXdF43fQLKs?si=wejkyPHDT8C0m8ww-ryzFA and read the synopsis and see more info here http://www.lizardmusical.com

If you have any questions or want more info, send me an ask! I know way too much, and I finally saw the show in person! (Also got to talk to all three actors, which is maybe the coolest thing I’ve ever done!) So yeah!!

[randum-famdoms]

Been spending the day looking for things to try and remake my old Kaminari cosplay on a budget. I wanted to do either Reki from Sk8 or Akechi from p5 this year but both would require almost entirely new materials (and reki would require buying a skateboard because I do not do shit by halves).

I had so many PLANS for this shit. but noooooo I had to get in a car crash and destroy my annual cosplay budget. Of course. So instead, remaking Kaminari it is. He was my very first cosplay and holds a special place in my heart, and I was planning on redoing parts of him anyway so this is as good of an excuse as any.

regardless tho, shits still expensive. my old jeans no longer fit, and while i have a good shirt and a sweatshirt that would work, id been planning on buying a yellow and black varisty jacket and ironing lighting decals to the arms. buuut….. jeans and varisty jackets are both expensive. plus i need a new wig because my old one is a cheap amazon wig rather than an actual cosplay wig. and I need to keep this under $100 US.

id also wanted to pierce my ears for this because i found some really sick lightning dangle earrings, but uh. yeah that's nit happening on this budget. so i was like "okay, ear cuffs and clip ons it is!" but somehow all the nice ones are even MORE expensive than paying for both the piercing and earrings? like no joke, the combo of 2 cuffs i liked best are almost $100 by themselves! thats fucking insane!!! no hate to the sellers on etsu tho, they're handmade and I respect the craft.

Anyway, the wig will be $30, I found some cheaper earrings that I like (tho not as much) for ~$20, Lightning decals come out at $20 as well, coloured contacts are $18, jacket is $40, and new jeans are $20….

Yeah, something has to go. It’ll probably be the earrings, they’re just fun. But that still totals 128, and that isn’t even calcuating shipping and tax. I might nix the jeans, except I’ve been wanting some new ripped black jeans anyway. So it’s probably gonna be the jacket and decals, sadly. They would’ve looked so damn cool, but I can always save up to get them another time. Right now the wig and contacts are the most important things, mainly the wig tho cause the contacts won’t last forever. Who knows, maybe I’ll bite the bullet and go slightly over budget to get the jacket and decals plus wig and go without contacts.

Really I just felt like complaining. This isn’t important at all lol, but it brings me joy and I’ve been a bit lacking in that lately so realising that I can’t even afford to do what I was envisioning for my one cosplay this year kinda sucks. Regardless, I’m determined to make it look cool. I’ve had practice styling wigs now, and kaminari’s can’t be harder than Nagito.

[s4bt00nz]

i believe we make a very great duo, sab

you are very cool to be around and i have found great joy in hanging out with you even if you have no ides who hides behind the title of "anonymous".

its time.. i explained to you my motives behind my evil plans of making all of my mutuals laugh beyond their comprehension.

it was the dawn of a great day. i was still confused with my gender, however, i joined tumblr. because i wished to see people that had similar interests to me

i joined it... made an account... and there were 2 people i had found.

moki the wizard, but most importantly. wild/link.

i never really interacted much if at all with moki but i decided for whatever reason to approach wild.

i told them a funny joke that me and a person i hold dear to me had come up with.

she laughed to the joke, i had made someone laugh. and it was great

i felt fulfilled. and joyful.

then something... snapped within me.

i wanted to carry out a plan. i would make everyone that had become mutuals with me, laugh and have fun with my jokes. but this time, i wanted to do it anonymously. keeping my identity hidden seemed to make the jokes funnier. and it would also decrease the chance of them being predictable. since if they knew who was telling the jokes, they would already expect it to be a joke instead of another regular ask and it could hurt the funniness of it a little. though that decision mightve also came from a tad bit of insecurity regarding myself... alas, i have become the girl you see now.

but i doubt that plan will come to fruition. not this year atleast. i hadnt expected to meet so many new people over the course of the what, 1 or 2 months ive been here?

but ill still try to execute it regardless. its fun. it brings me joy. and most importantly... its TOTALLY evil. like super duper evil and definitely not a harmless activity. like im so nefarious and mischievious!!!! very evilness and my evil plans are the evilest

anyways, i believe thats enough infodumping for now- ill see you in a bit!

GASP........................

[voyeuristicvixen]

Captns Log No. 39_K.I.M KEEP IT MOVING

BACK ON THE MOVEEE YALL. Mercury RX did its thing, but more importantly PLUTO is DOING its thing honey! chile!!! omg. Queen Tina made her transition on my RL bday, that day the Moon was in cancer and boy the tears did floowww. But I was able to transmute and reopen Starseeds Kiosk at TheBlvd and a whole new line of spell candles! Go check em out and shop! I also updated all the prices, I want StarseedsBotanica to be accessible and affordable like RL botanicas, lots of fun treats to enjoy and set with intention and affirmations that pop up when you interact! MP: https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/138024

In world: http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/MyStory/40/204/30

We OUTSIDE! I was invited to my girl Shayla’s new sim. I used to live on Fakrava island w Wav for so long, its cool to see what new things she got going on. I always got to brace myself for the fkery on her side of the dancery that is the SL Grid because wow. LMAO. This pic is my exact reaction to this message.  Exhibit A below

*Shayla has always been dope ally shes fired people who were wylin’ towards me before but thats a story for another time! lol I don’t consider this message discrimination , its def something, its just funny af.

Sooo since my rl bday was kinda low vibes for me, my SL parents spent some time with me and my Dad Ras pulled out his boat for a special excursion! I LOVE exploring SL. Ill go anywhere and have so much fun discovering what people make it brings me so much joy. We got to sail seas that i’ve never seen to a secret beach I never been to before! I was gifted a legit wind surfer and went crazy on the waves while we anchored in this beautiful cove. Pops played some dramatic music the whole time it was pretty epic. I definitely count this day as one of my top best days on SL ever hands down. & I have been here 12 yrs now! Wowza

We also had a dope meeting at Meroe with the team right after. It was cool just to have this fulfilling day and get grounded with my SL life. Everything feels like its back in motion and flowing and all the things I desire, are coming towards me because I finally feel my frequency shifted, with all the inner work I been doing. Its finally payin off! Alhamdoulilah!

I gotta add in, this last minute trip we did to Taj Mahal. It was stunning they def need to make a more permanent version of it! Absolutely impressed by the realism of it I even felt the need to cover up when approaching because it felt too real , there were actual prayers in the walls like im assuming the real place has. So incredible! I am grateful for my SL family, and our lil trips haha.

creepy ass grin lololol, visiting here with them reminded me of my RL growing up I loved visiting historic sites, and immersing myself in the reenactments and imagining what it felt like and who walked and lived in those spaces.

Its actually a form of psychic gift to be able to transport yourself in that way. Or call forth those visions that remain from the energetic imprints on the space. I digres... lol

[rrxnjun]

CONGRATS ON UR MILESTONE U DESERVE IT SO MUCH🥳🥳🥳

oh my u got me blushing with that🥹🤭 but thank u for understanding💕 but i wish i wasnt this busy that i can barely open an app and just reply to someone🥲🥲

OH GOD IM READY TO CRY!! WILL GET SOME TISSUES WHEN U POST IT!!! although i'm kind of happy about it cuz i think i'm due to a good cry (also started to write my reply the day before u posted the fic and i couldn't finish writing it☹️ so now that i probs failed my exam this will be an amazing remedy)

OH MY LIEBESTRAUM MY BELOVEDDDD U JUST MADE MY DAY WITH SAYING THAT IM SO HAPPY OH MY GOD!!!!!🥳🥳🥳

im sure u did justice to them!!! but thats for sure that it was like 19736474 times better than the ones online cuz i actually understood ur one😵‍💫so thank u again!!!! and simple songs are the best i love them so muchhhh

THAT KINDA SOUNDS FUN BUT I UNDERSTAND THE ANXIETY PART CUZ I COULD NEVER DO THAT!!! the fact that u got so stressed u started to use german must have been a crazy amount of stress dude😧 LMAO IM GLAD IT MADE U MORE COMFORTABLE THO AND I HOPE U WILL ENJOY HUNGARY THEN🥳🥳 well there are definitely people who speak english and there are also many things written in english and if u need help with travel/public transport i can recommend u an app that u can set to english!! but the people are well kinda rude most of the times☹️ but my exchange student friend didn't really have any problems with anything!! she could only speak english and thai so she only used the app and in shops there is most likely a person with basic english knowledge and she didn't have a problem at all!! SO I HOPE I DIDNT CHANGE UR MIND ABOUT COMING HERE CUZ ITS VERY PRETTY AND STUFF!!!

GOOD LUCK FOR THE REST!!!! I HOPE IT WILL STAY STRESSLESS!! WELL MINE IS DEFINITELY GOING! CANT SAY ITS GOOD CANT SAY ITS BAD ITS JUST GOING🥲

oh my u are not annoying at all!!! i understand that so much daniel is such a lovely guy!!!

U SHOULD ADMIT IT TO URSLEF ITS FUN🫡 damnnn tbh very understandable jikjin is such a good song so ur spotify wrapped is going to be amazing😌 TREASURE MAP IS SO FUNNY!! although i don't think i ever finished it .-. but all of the ones i saw were so fun!!! AND ADMITTING TO BEING IN LOVE WITH MY BF JIHOON IN BROAD DAYLIGHT IS CRIMINAL /j also about the posts i saw u make about jihoon, i understand u so much dude🤭 that guy is just so amazing and cool and everything🥲

thank u for not minding them what u wrote means a lot;-;💕💕I HOPE UR DAYS A FILLED WITH JOY TOO U ARE AMAZING!!!!💖💓💝

(and also expect another ask about me yelling how much i love ur new chenle fic sorry not sorry🫣) (liebestraum anon💕💕)

THANK U SM!!!! ❤🤍 it means a lot🥺🥺 awh i wish u werent so busy either bc it must be stressful. i do have a lot on my plate too but im still on this app more than i should be so props to u i think😭😭😭

omg noOO ☹☹ i really did activate my inner john green at the last two scenes because of the looking for alaska reread but hopefully it doesnt bring tears altho it was a cathartic write for me bc i resonate w chenle sm 😭😭 (not on the rich part im very much broke). and noo ☹☹ i hope the exam went better than u anticipated,, however it really do be like that sometimes and remember that one failed exam doesnt define u and you'll do better next time!!!

havent made any progress w liebestraum since my last reply bUT the outline is all finished and i have a little something in my drafts to tease it however im saving it until im at least done w 3/4 of the fic to post it bc we both know how it went the last time i posted a teaser for it 🤡

DHSJSK im glad to hear that also i think it may be bc im the first slovak person actually fluent in english to try to translate the song 😭😭😭 (yael is popular w the younger generation i think)

I mean i was stressed BECAUSE of the german i didnt just randomly bust it out bc of stress 😭😭 the lady at mcdonalds understood eng thank god but the other one did not and was rlly rude abt it telling me to get german lessons ☹ first of all i DID,,, for 6 years‼‼ second of all do i gotta learn the language of every country i visit now??? U WORK AT THE MAIN STATION OFC TOURISTS WILL BE THERE. the only german words that left my mouth that day were hallo, winston blau bitte, danke and auf wiedersehen 😭😭😭😭😭😭 i was less anxious abt vienna bc i was like i mean i learned german so i cant be THAT lost but i dont know a single word in hungarian so that might be difficult- DJSJS however if those plans do come true i will hit u up and u can send me all the tips and tricks (and also your address so we can hang out /j)

"ITS GOING" GIRLIE THE WAY I FELT THAT

not admitting yet i need a week or two more and to actually learn their names bc i still struggle with jeongwoo junghwan and jaehyuk for some reason. DO THEY HAVE TO ALL HAVE J NAMES ????? i saw only a few treasure map eps but once i stan someone new i tend to go obsessive and watch most of the stuff thats out so pray for me 😭😭😭😭 also im happy to announce to you that your boyfriend is now OUR boyfriend !!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳 hope u dont mind sharing ❤❤❤❤ you cant just expect me to see a guy with painted nails and not fall in love with him like. come on. this was given.

hope u enjoy my fic and that i dont disappoint, im def looking forward to hearing your thoughts!! also i hope u have a nice evening and weekend, love you lots xx

[what-to-imagine-next]

03-23-2023

hit’s 2:32am by the time I’m starting this post. I don’t know. 

I’m exhausted. I’m so damned tired, all these years later. sleep using to help a good bit, even In the small quantities I gave myself. I could use it to hide from the worlds and pretend I’m gone so nothing mattered, even if I never dreamed much, and that was alright. it was a safe haven. a small piece of clarity in my life that makes so little sense. 

people say I’m getting better. I’m happier and healthier, except my mom who brings my weight up at any given opportunity. people say I’m moving forward in life, but I can’t shake this doubt. this dread of continuing. this fear of living. I’m terrified of the world. I’m scared of people. I’m scared of love. I’m scared of hate. I’m scared of living in a place were we will drive ourselves to extinction due to personal greed, but I am supposed to live on and laugh and love and grow and continue to push through the onslaught of terror that life brings.

I get I’m a pessimist, I do. I really fucking do. but I don’t get it. I don’t get how so many people can push past this internal and external dread of life. the ever growing threats of survival ever pushing us to a point of no return. how am I supposed to function in college classes, at work or with friends. how am I supposed to think of joy when life around us all is meaningless. I don’t get how people say due to it being meaningless that means it’s meaningful, that you can do whatever you want and go where ever and be whoever you want. I don’t think thats true. I think that life is one long dreadful experience that only has one true meaning. death.

death braces everyone. death does not shy away from good or evil, it grabs hold of truth and lies and gives a final order. taking us to the pitch black nothingness that will consume our minds at the end of our time, as it will with the universe. it is ever gorging its self with its unsatisfiable hunger. it looms in the brightest of stars and nothingness of deep space. it is the only truly promised wish for our time space continuum. it will always be ready to grab hold of us and feast.

I might not be self harming in a physical sense, knuckles still scarred from constant battering against walls and trees, never truly healed due to the new warm blood trickling down my fingertips. I miss it. I miss the pain, not for the enjoyment of pain, but for always being so aware of what I deserved in life. it was gratifying, a way to truly give myself worth without having the consequences of the permanent version. death is something I will welcome life a childhood friend. I’m not alive because I really want to be. life hurts, and I know you have to be hurt and cry and have those bad moments to put the greatness life could offer into perspective. but it hurts all the time, not just to my own mental torment. I’m so tired from fighting my idealization of death, even if no active plans are in my mind, its a whisper that echos. I can be in the middle of a gig, or school or work or even just trying to enjoy the warm embrace of a shower and it whispers a reminder of my worth; I can not get it to shut up. I can not hid from it in the blinks of sleep I get. I can not hide it with the booming bass of another song. I can’t hide. I can’t run. I am stuck with myself and my thoughts.

my friends used to check in on my for a while. it was nice feeling momentarily cared for. even if I try to convince myself in those moments that their concern isn’t true or something along that sort of thinking. but now I am “better” they have quieted down. they don’t message me. ask to grab coffee. see if I need a chat even about something fun or cool. I am just again, alone. its funny actually, my astronomy professor today was talking about how if someone ever feels lonely they can calculate the possible number of aliens in the universe, and I thought it was funny so I laughed as I do at most his jokes honestly; even if I’m the only one laughing besides himself; he then said “like you ___” accidentally calling me lonely to the entire class. haha. ha. but its true. my friends don’t want to be there. there are only so many times you can listen to the drone of my mental state, even with improvements.

I hate my voice, its grainy and off putting, loud and obnoxious and somehow I just can’t stop talking, I want to listen but I want to be heard, somehow I am never heard.

I hate my body, this weight is nothing I should complain about but i’ve reverted into my starving pattern a bit more again, somedays I just want to take a knife to it to rid myself of the “problem.”

I hate my personality, I can’t seem to pull it together, I’m a constant influx of personalities that wavers to who ever I interact with in the hope I am finally cared for, yet it is never enough. I am never enough.

I hate my existence. I really think if my mom had gone through with aborting me, divorcing my father sooner, she and my brother would have been better off. the root of my problems was me existing in the first place.

Although there is one thing that comes to mind I am grateful to have experienced

Solar glow kisses my skin 

Clouds dance within the wind

Flowers bloom and trees sway

The beauty is something that’d make me stay

I long for the sea, with crashing waves

Mountainous views, snowy conclaves

To the desert heated sahara 

And polar aurora

To Jovial planets near yet far

To the lightyear of travel of photons from stars

The supernova rips of elemental atoms

To the interworking work of stratums

The creation of time and space as a whole

Some how, some place we were given a soul

Life and nature may be the only thing that is worth. 

Even if we end up destroying ourselves and our proof.