#thats all drake's fault tho

[skybristle]

i know literally nothing about rain world but i refuse to unfollow you BECAUSE of how amazing you are and how silly you are and just UGH i wish i could word things properly rn but its like 2 am hbsdjhfbdjsf

HSDLFDSLKJFDSL awww thank you!!!!!!! i feel so bad for my cr followers like rain world completely fucking blindsided me. especially since it was like right after gc came out like i was kinda like. damn this mid asf. Bye and the hyperfix died

[superhero-smackdown]

Are there any characters that you thought would be popular and barely got any nominations? Or the other way around, characters you never even heard of that are surprisingly popular?

oh boy are there! somehow the miraculous ladybug fandom has nominated all the most popular characters except ladybug herself? I thought that was really surprising considering she's the only character that doesn't get regularly salted on in the fandom (not that we're gonna salt on characters, we don't do that here)

also really funny that Tim Drake is the only robin not to get nominated yet! I'm a certified damian wayne stan so I think this is peak comedy (not that I don't love Tim, he's a lovable mess) his stans can be very intense so I figured he'd be the first robin I got, especially because of all the attention he's been getting in comics

word girl has a good amount of votes, which is unexpected but welcomed. my brain did not make the connection that she's a superhero and therefore counted, I know shame on me

this isn't a specific character but just roll with it is a surprisingly prominent fandom? it's not like it's leading or anything but it definetly has its fair share of nominations for a podcast I had never heard of. thats probably my fault tho because i dont listen to podcasts. Someone even said they've been nominating their characters everywhere and they never got in and all I could think was "well you're definetly not gonna have that problem here!"

lastly, superman hasn't even been nominated yet! we have wonder woman, we have batman, but no superman!! we do have quite a few supergirls, as we should.

we're also missing either superboys, which is a shame because they're both bisexual kings

thanks for asking this, I had a lot of fun going through my submissions!

[hope-urok]

relapse relapse relapse

240401

i can’t have these thoughts dawg 😣 if we are going to be friends i have to not think like this ... idk how tho. i still see so much good in him. AHHHHHHHHHH. stop. 

honestly i messed up so bad. i cannot cannot have these thoughts…

tomorrow is just business… keep it professional...

i really cant. i need to forgive myself. im not there yet tho. i know i messed up. just looking back, it was messy. me saying to prioritise friendship what? im insane. i guess it was difficult with the distance back then but now hes here. and i dated m A TEEN at the time. my morals were out the window. i guess i didnt really have to try with m. like it just happened and i went with it. it was an okay time. i regret it a bit but i can't regret. i accept that it happened. it had to have happened for a reason. i believe it was to show how i was in a relationship. like a reflection of who i am and how i am. how insane it is. how toxic i am. 

i cant imagine what he went through tho. i guess coz i dont see how he could love me and care about me like that. i guess my self esteem is still in the gutters. i can somehow never see how he could love me or accept me for who i am. that is my fault. i need a bigger ego XD. fr i went down to see him in hastings and in 3 months i was dating someone else. then he came back. and we havent talked properly since. srsly we havent. like at all. and we are around each other a lot. im not sure what to make of it. ive been just respecting his space coz he would talk to me if he wanted to and was comfortable with it. lately its been getting better and im surprised i even went to his bday. i did WAY too much for his gift tho i need to chill. 

do i apologise tmr? its meant to be about camp but its the first time we’re takling alone since hastings. thats nearly 2 years….. maybe its because we havent talked since then im still in this state. still in hope? i cant hope. what is this hope. this hope has been on and off since y11. 8 YEARS??

its okay that the feelings are there. 

lets take a different take. i dont talk to miggy bc i dont want to. romwell isnt talking to me. theres nothing there. dont hope. its ruined. get over it. 

his playlists are just songs he likes. do i relate to drake songs? no not really. i just like the songs. 

[bryceslahela]

Is drake garbage? Yes. But is he worse than Ramsay? Jake? All the other boring white men who I am thankfully forgetting right now? I need to know your official ranking of worst male lis. I need to.

ooooh ok im thinking rn of who is where…. ok so this is from worst to best. <33 ill put them under the cut.

connor. creep who hangs around high schools… why does he canonically have like no friends his age?

drake is second because ik we think hes a gold digging misogynist and he is those two things… at least mc is an appropriate age for him.

parker. bitch boy. hate his existence.

cassius. worst li in acor which isn’t honestly that bad as the others r all top tier.

ethan is lower bc oph 1 + half of oph2 r god-tier so his good series makes up for him being a freak.

chris from tf. so many issues and expected mc to deal with them like she was his therapist. its not my fault ur father never came back chris.

michael from hss shouldn’t be on this list at all. love him <333. so i’m putting wes here in his place. an insufferable creep who looked 45 when he should be 18. autumn has shit judgement who would pick him over julian????

thomas hunt. I HATE HIM.

simon from std. hate him purely bc everyone was putting his ass on a pedestal while dragging my mans justin. simon ur literally bland. the personification of the colour beige.

flynn from vos. gave me nightmares. also how u hate cops and then u become one???? where r ur morals man 😟

ugly bartending dude from roe. the one drake was based off of. he’s here bc thanks to him drake existed. he’s in hell rn.

jake from es. sean supremacy <33 hated him bc i always took sean’s side on everything. also i hated the weird lil nickname he gave mc like i don’t like u??? we not that close bro 😟

dom from tc&tf. boring sorry. also ugly but he’s not annoying ig. thats why he’s low.

ernest sinclaire. remember nothing abt him which is a good sign. he’s slightly ugly tho but he’s british it’s not his fault x

sawyer. cute?? i didn’t finish bsc. no issues with him. hate his dad tho.

elliot from ptr. forgettable. didn’t do anything bad besides be british which is why he’s here.

that white dude from bachelorette party. reed? boring but rich. no issues with him ig. i read it more so for the female friendships.

the guy from wishful thinking. audrey? cute. also forgettable. was nothing next to anna and jaime.

male avery from platinum. also british but sweet. so he’s low.

nate from sunkissed was acc so cute. i romanced him and he was so sweet, a lil cringy but i can deal.

nathan from tf. idc i love him <33 rich white bitch of a man but he acknowledges that and he also almost rid the world of tyler aka the most annoying side character in tf.

beckett. annoying in te2 but cute in te1… i love him srry 🤣 also teh book cover vers of him ATE.

grayson from hero. soo sweet but he was the victim to the sexy kenji and the sexier eva. how was he meant to thrive with such hot competition…. 💔

MARK FROM LOVEHACKS CAN DO NOOO WRONG <333333 LOVE U MARK FROM LOVEHACKS TEXT ME <3333

[hehebread]

i got tagged by the lovely @missbelgium to do this ask meme. Thank you so much!! this was a nice distraction for the evening! i promise to do the rest very soon.

LAST

1. Drink: just a glass of water

2. Phone call: my dad

3. Text message: “third wheeling intensifies” that or “YOU HAVE ALL MY LOVE”. 

4. Song you listened to: Addicted To You by Avicii

5. Time you cried: Monday. you would think it was bc i had to go to work but no. it was “A Dog’s Purpose”. watched it late afternoon. made me cry like a baby.

HAVE YOU

6. Dated someone twice: nah cuz i never dated before. 

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: i … dont think so…

8. Been cheated on: nah fam.

9. Lost someone special: yes, i have. more than i’d like to admit. sometimes it was my fault, sometimes it wasnt, but it all hurt the same.

10. Been depressed: i fall in and out of bad episodes. some days are more bearable than others. 

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i dont drink lol.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12-14: uhhh thats a tough one. red and blue are my colors, but purple strikes a chord with me too.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15. Made new friends: yesss, many!! here and irl. 

16. Fallen out of love: hhhh in a way i did. not with people but with ideas, concepts, and dreams.

17. Laughed until you cried: ye s tahnk god

18. Found out someone was talking about you: um yeah for sure, but its nothing im not used. it happens y’know. 

19. Met someone who changed you: i did actually. in the most subtle and discreet way. the thing is, i got close to so many people in the past year and just started picking up on their little quirks and mannerisms. and suddenly im swearing in spanish. puta madre  i outta be ashamed 

20. Found out who your friends are: sadly yah. wasnt too thrilled. 

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: my parents?????

GENERAL

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them. thats why i semi-ditched fb. 

23. Do you have any pets: YESS!! three chickens and a rooster. two lovebirds. we used to have an african gray but we gave it away to grandma to keep her company. we also have this rat who’d been living in our garage for a while now. dunno if that counts.

24. Do you want to change your name: i kinda do. but i feel like i got too attached to it at this point.

25. What did you do for your last birthday: a few of my lovely flatmates and I went out for crepes. got many happy birthday wishes that day. I was on my own most of it but thats okay.

26. What time did you wake up: fucking 5:52am.

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: probably not sleeping. why u ask?

28. Name something you can’t wait for: …………………………………. havent looked forward to anything in a very long time. maybe deadpool. no clue.

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: a few hours ago.

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: if i could, i’d give myself a better childhood. 

31. What are you listening to right now: Home We’ll Go by Walk off the Earth

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: probably. my memory is shit at remembering stuff like that tho.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: some of my colleagues utter inability to communicate their feelings or concerns. my utter inability to communicate my feelings or concerns.

RANDOM INFO ABOUT YOURSELF

35. Mole/s: two on my right palm. one on my left palm. another on the back of my neck. one higher in my forehead, and two others in places that shall not be named.

36. Mark/s: stretch marks around my thighs.

37. Childhood dream: a younger (and much happier) version of me wanted to become a neurosurgeon or a heart surgeon. idk about that anymore tho.

38. Hair color: ver y dark black.

39. Long or short hair: pretty long. down to my lower back. two years ago it used to not reach down to my chin. i keep changing my hair style quite a lot.

40. Do you have a crush on someone: uuhhh yeah kinda but im hopeless everything is hopeless.

41. What do you like about yourself: umm tough one. my perseverance, probably. 

42. Piercings: two in one ear and one in the other. might get more.

43. Blood type: O+

44. Nickname: Raz is actually my nickname, or rather, the english equivalent of it.

45. Relationship status: orders meal for two to have leftovers for later.

46. Zodiac: Aries

47. Pronouns: she/her or they/them but really it doesnt matter to me that much. anything goes.

48. Favorite TV Show: is this a good place to say i love drake&josh

49. Tattoos: nada

50. Right or left hand: right-handed 

51. Surgery: on my gums. 5 yrs ago.

52. Hair dyed in different color: i used to dye it with henna.

53. Sport: track & field all the way. i dont do it anymore but id love to. 

55. Vacation: yesss i love vacations. would love to travel around some more.

56. Pair of trainers: sketchers.

MORE GENERAL

57. Eating: nothin. i should go get some melon.

58. Drinking: water

59. I’m about to: go get melons. or go out for dinner in like two hours.

61. Waiting for: a sense of purpose or fulfillment in life… that or my fave author to update.

62. Want: my sister’s blueberry muffins.

63. Get married: maybe platonically but otherwise nah.

64. Career: im hoping to become a doctor. hoping.

WHICH IS BETTER

65. Hugs or kisses: HUGS. ALL KINDS OF THEM. but cheek/head/forehead kisses are also very very pleasant.

66. Lips or eyes: …eyes.

67. Shorter or taller: shorter. i dont like looking up.

68. Older or younger: than who?? than what?? 

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: nice muscular arms. on ladies. yes.

71. Sensitive or loud: loud for sure. i love people with energy.

72. Hook up or relationship: umm neither? but if i hadta choose then a relationship.

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker. life’s too short.

HAVE YOU EVER

74. Kissed a stranger: as a greeting. yes.

75. Drank hard liquor: oh, no.

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: to this day, no I have not, thank goodness.

77. Turned someone down: admittedly, yes.

78. Broken someone’s heart: i sure hope not.

79. Had your heart broken: yea </3

80. Been arrested: heavens no. not yet.

81. Cried when someone died: yes

82. Fallen for a friend: ……………………………………………..yea

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

83. Yourself: i try. i really do.

84. Miracles: ofc

85. Love at first sight: not really. that just doesnt happen. love needs time, patience, and hard work. 

86. Santa Claus: hahaha nooooo. i dont celebrate the holidays.

87. Kiss on the first date: shrugs

OTHER:

89. Eye colour: dark brown

90. Favorite movie: for a very very long time, it was shrek, but then the memes happened so 

I tag @wandschrankheld @awkwardslytherin and @snark-sniper and @of-pasta-and-potatoes. you guys dont have to do it ofc. but if you do, pls tage me!! i’d love to see it.

[nickshares]

you’re the best

and im sorry that all of this happened. but i cant emphasize enough that this isn’t your fault. honestly none of this is your fault. sure there can be some moments when i really do wish you could have something differently. but baby honestly those are few and far in between. trust me on that please!

(trust is a word that im going to be using a lot in this post so get used to it. cool.)

i know i told you all of this on the phone but its always nice to have it written down as a reference. plus, writing makes me feel better about everything. no no no. im not being all emotional and sensitive right now. you know why im not like that? because no reason to. honestly, every time i have acted that way, i didnt need to.

let explain:

when i look back at all the times when i would get emotional over something, i would always use the same excuse. that excuse that “oh its just because i love you so much and i dont want anything bad to happen.” but like why would i even think like that? why couldn’t i just put the same faith in you that you had in me. i dont think that you’re not emotional. i really dont think that at all. the thing is that you show emotion when you need to and when its necessary. you don’t need to create unnecessary commotion, bc its exactly that, unnecessary. sophia i admire that so much about you. i want to actually be more like you in that sense. you’re so down to earth and, like i said before, that part of you is just so admirable! 

here is basically my thought process in a nutshell: 

(you gotta forgive me in advance bc just writing this is really embarrassing and im like ahh why am i like this but this is what goes on) 

like i said before, we never feel like anything is wrong when we are with each other bc i dont even bother acting like that when you are with me. im so preoccupied with admiring your presence and your beauty and everything else about you that its really just not worth when we are together in person. but i’ve noticed that it only gets this way when we are away from each other. and i saw it in your eyes and in your expressions that the thing you feared was that this was this was how it would be if you accepted me back. you feared that things would forever stay this way. and when you said that you dont know what went wrong and you dont know how to fix it and you dont know if it could be fixed, well you had every reason to say that. at that time i played the victim when i totally shouldnt have. sure on the surface, that sounded crude and harsh. but when i dove deeper into it, i couldnt avoid how im at fault for mostly all of this. the reason im at fault is bc i would always put the blame on you. whether i was joking or not that was not cool of me. at all.

i cant even imagine what i must put you through. im act so sensitive over things that have no business being reacted that way. like today, i wish i would have realized this sooner, sooner as in the second you told me that you didn't love me as much. a statement like that is too radical to have been said for no reason at all. there was absolutely a reason, you just didnt know of it. i did. but i was to prideful to admit it. you weren’t loving me the same bc i wasn’t allowing you to. i wasn’t acting my normal self. i wasn’t being me. i wasn’t loving you with that pure love that brought us both unbreakable happiness. i think it was just bc i was scared. but the thing is. i shouldnt have been. i think this all started, like i said, with that first arguemnt that we had. i just felt so hurt at that moment and i was scared that you wouldn’t love me the same. and its funny bc that’s exactly how you were feeling to. now trust me, i know with my entire heart that its so easy to love you the same. im sure of it. the reason im so certain is bc i did. when you and i together, sophia you make the world stop spinning. all that i could think about is you and my whole world is about you. but i wouldn’t allow that to carry over whenever we weren’t together. that was the only thing that was different. whenever you’d leave, id always put you into situations that would force you to convince me that you still did love me the same. but i did that constantly, and that was my issue all along. its funny. i would ask you to put your pride aside and just wanted you to apologize when really you had nothing you should have apologized for. in reality, it should have been me. i should have been doing i that i was asking of you.

today was just the day where i took you to your breaking point. you know? i don’t blame you at all for that sophia. please don’t feel sorry that you felt that way. oh i understand what you mean by its not easy loving me sometimes. i was offended at first but i really shouldn’t have been like at all. i thought that “oh wow how could she say that about me as if i could change that about me” but sophia its so simple. the key to that is literally just trust. its not that i didnt trust you before, its that i didnt trust you enough. i act like i have no reason to trust you when really, cmon i have every reason to trust you. you have yet to give me a reason not to trust you. i want to say i dont know why i would act like that but i think i have an idea. like ive said before, everyone likes to have assurance. i cant thank you enough for blessing me with unbelievable loyalty and astonishing love. sure i received some assurance when i would test your promises or when i would put you in those situations– like being difficult on the phone or over text or pretending to leave or anything stupid like that– but that wasn’t really any type of assurance either of us could benefit from. the thing with this approach is that it was the most imminent. i knew immediately that you loved me. it was the most demanding way however, and i could tell by looking back now that it was a lot that i put you through.

you know that drake (ew) line where he says that “you know that if you wasn’t you, you would be dissing you.” well that fits me so perfectly its unreal. if you acted the way ive been acting towards you recently, i have no doubt in my mind that i wouldn’t have loved you the same, as well. i would have gotten annoyed and frustrated with every little thing you did, just as you did with me. the only thing is, i would have reached my breaking point a whole lot sooner. i commend you, actually no, i applaud you for literally dealing with me for this long. 

you made the right decision in telling me you felt that way, but i just made wrong decision in choosing to react that way. i could honestly say that i overreacted. and i was too embarrassed to admit it. i knew what the problem was; ive been acting really female. but i was just to embarrassed to tell you that that was the case. so i did everything in my power to avoid admitting that to you. doing so only made a bigger mess for myself and for the both of us. instead of playing the victim, i should have just admitted that i was the problem but i had too much pride to admit it. pride is seriously gonna be the death of me and me and me and me and me and me.

im serious pride is such an ugly thing to posses. i had a lot of it. pride is a terrible thing to own bc it makes you feel like you're infallible and that nothing is ever your fault. but that’s never the case. there is always something you could have done differently that could potentially make things easier for everyone. 

this is where you come out of play for a second and it became more of an internal conflict. i was so used to having things my way that i didn't know how to change it. i felt lost and clueless about how to make things better. i was actually doubting that it would be possible, just as you were doing. i did know this, i knew for a fact that i wanted things to get better. you were right when you said that flowers dont make everything better (you were wrong tho if you for a second thought that it would stop me.) 

this is going to sound really strange, but i didn't know what else to do but ask God for help. i always mask God with the universe whenever i talk about that with you bc i guess im just too embarrassed to mention that to you; of course it was bc i had too much pride. 

it was hard at first actually, i didnt want to “pray to God” bc i just felt too embarrassed, you know? i was thinking, on the off chance that there even was a God, i didnt want approach him out of nowhere and ask for help over something so stupid. but i was really desperate bc like i said, i knew i wanted you so much i was willing to do anything.

all i could think about was this video.

click on that above and you’re gonna see what i think saved me. i was just inspired i guess so i just talked to him. nothing too over the top. nothing too out of hand. all i asked was for us, as a couple, to realize what we are failing to realize and for us to just be happy. you kissed me goodbye which made me so incredibly happy but after that i didnt really think much of it 

until i went home. and ill be damned. 

now im not trying to make you a believer or anything but im just going to be honest with my personal experience. i dont know what religion is right. i dont know God’s name or what form he comes in. i dont even really know how to talk to him that well but i dont think it even matters. i just believe there has got to be a higher power. someone or something that has a purpose for everything and everyone. someone or something who knows why we’re here and what is going to come after we’re gone. someone or something that put you and i on this earth together for a reason. someone or something that i should thank. and someone or something that i could ask for help when things seem helpless. thats just how i feel. i dont know how you feel about that but thats between you and him. all i want to say is that you should talk to him too.

i know you’ve probably forgotten all that i’ve told you by now but thats okay bc im going to give you a short and sweet recap:

I’m sorry 

None of this is you’re fault

Please forgive me 

I’m still keeping my promise

No more games 

My pride is aside

Things will get better, I promise 

You’re still the love of my life

You should talk to him

Please marry me

Thank you 

I love you 

I hope that this only makes our love grow stronger and that this is just another chapter in our relationship, one which will last a life time.

Nick

June 16, 2017