#thath why are you so much worse than i remember you being

[cat-soda]

me revisiting a fic i put on hiatus that i thought was cringey and horrible: oh this was pretty clever and cute!!! i might continue this :3

me rereading a fic i finished writing that i was really proud of and wanted to use as a inspiration for an upcoming wip: oh my god. i can’t believe i put this out in the internet. no wonder ppl weren’t reading this.

[defty-picklez]

And so they did. (Pt.1)

Characters: Scar and Grian

Word counter: 2,001

Genre: fluff

This is a fanfic that I have been working on for a few days now and the plot is what happened after Scar's second death and how he eventually became his 3rd life skin and a few headcannons.

(This is part one and I will post part two right after posting part 1)

Scar was on his red life-yes but he was the first to be so and because of that it's not a suprise that everything strange that happened to a 3rd lifer was 3 times more suprising than it would eventually be in the server especially to his number 2, Grian.

And with that being said the first strange thing that he realized was unconviniently in the middle of the night.

"Scar? What are you doing there!? C'mon get back to bed." Grian gestured to Scar.

"Wait.... wait.... Grian..." Scar pointed to his right wrist.

"What is it?" Grian aproaced Scar but as he got closer he saw something he wasn't expecting. "What is that???" He saw the other's skin flaking off into a monocrome gray color as if the red eyes were'nt enough"

"I.....I don't know....it's kinda itchy but it hurts alot." Scar added.

"Well..." Grian scrached the back of his neck. "I can just cover it up and we can go back to sleep." He suggested

"Well... I mean sure. Thanks G!" And so he did and nothing really happened that night... but in the morning...

"Scar...?" Grian had woke up and found no Scar in sight.

"Scar were are you?" He pushed aside the blanket covering him and-

*puh* "Ughh..."

Grian heared a strange sound coming from outside and it was probbably Scar so he decided why not check outside.

"Ughhh..."

"Scar?"

"Woah!" Scar jumped upon hearing Grian's voice.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well..." Scar moved aside to reveal some blood and four teeth on the sand.

"Scar!"

"Grian I'm fine I swear look." He opened his mouth with a wide smile revealing two rather small fangs on his upper jaw and two smaller fangs on his lower jaw all four soaked it blood and yet to fully grow."

"Now fangs? Really!" Grian may have been seeing it with his own two eyes but he could hardly believe it... well he could... but he'd rather not.

"Cool right!" His smile shined brighter.

"N..no! Why the fangs!"

"Awwww c'mon Grian." Scar pouted.

"Just... come back inside." He walked backed to the door.

"Why? Are we goinna do something inside?"

"Well are you gonna do something outside? Besides look like a mess." He looked back at Scar.

"Ok ok fine." Scar followed him in.

---

"So." Grian wiped of the blood on Scar's mouth. "Anything else that happend?" He asked.

"There is my arm."

"You already told be that last night."

"Yes but it got much worse."

"How?"

Scar points to his unbandaged right hand that has turned fully monocrome.

"Ok yeah that is terrible."

"And its hurts." Scar grimaced with that last word.

"Its not like I can do anything about it. Anything else weird?"

"No not really but I bet its going to get worse."

"I'd like to disagree but I don't think I can. Ok I'm done." He lays the bloody cloth on thr floor. "Ahh much better." He smiled.

"Is it really?" Scar smiled again.

"Ok but seriously, dude, thoose need to grow it looks weird its not even the size of your regualer teeth."

"Is it bothering you that much?" Scar said sarcastically.

"Actually yes, it does." He said annoyed.

"Well do you hate me for it?"

*sigh* "Ok look, I have things to do so what about you?" Grian stood up.

"You're leaving already?"

"Yes because quite frankly I need diamond armor and speaking of armor-"

"Ok ok I'll put on some clothes on if you let me come with you." Scar suggested.

"Sure, put it on now we're going."

"Now?"

"Yeah right now come on." Grian walked towards the door.

"Wait wait wait hold on-hold on." Scar followed him while putting on his boots.

And so they did. The 3rd weird thing that happend to them whould be revealed to Grian a few days after.

"Hey... heeey Griaann...." Scar whispered to Grian's ear.

"What?... Scar??? Why are you awake in the middle of the night? Again??" Grian whispered.

"Yeah, I have something cool to show you." Scar seemed exited.

"What? Can't you wait until tommorow morning?"

"C'mon Grian its great. I should've showed it to you earlier!"

Earlier? Grian thought. "What do you mean? What it is?" Grian asked.

"Haha I knew that you'd want to know."  Scar said and then-

"AAAH!! Scar! What!?" Grian shrieked.

"Thaths my thounge Grian!!!" Scar responded with a long tounge that shined like some sort of silvery metal.

"Wha-a?!? Excuse me??!!" And then Grian remembered. "Wait! Why didn't you tell me this before?!?!?!" Grian screamed so loud that both of them knew that their neighbors could hear them as he quickly sat up in the bed.

"Woah! Grian you're being loud!" Scar was shocked.

"Scar! Of course I'd be loud! Why didn't you tell me before?!?" Grian was dissapointed in Scar, like all the other 65% of the time but this was different. "Dude! When did this happend?? Why didn'tch yiuo???!!" He was obviously pissed.

"Grian. Grian. Calm down, c'mon deep breaths." Scar gestured Grian to breath with him and so Grian followed.

"Whooo... It does wonders doesn't it? Hehe..."

"So are still mad at me?"

"Oh yeah I still am. I mean-Scar my heart is beating crazy fast."

"Well you seem very calm right now."

*sigh* "Scar.." Grian grabbed Scar's right hand and placed it on his chest, and his heart really was beating like hell. "You still have'nt told me... when?" Grian still hasn't let go of his hand.

"Remember when my teeth fell out?" Scar's brain short-circuted which made it sound so weird...

"Yeah? Your tongue was normal that day."

"It wasn't in nigthtime."

"How did you even notice that?"

"It was kinda itchy."

"Of course it was. Why did you even hide it?"

"I.... didn't... I didn't want to bother you with it." Scar looked down.

"Dude, so you just wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me about it?" He squeezed Scar's hand, it was still there.

"Well I think it's done... growing? I think." His brain stopped loading half-way through

"Is that all? Can I sleep now?" Grian finally lets go of his hand.

"...Remember that weird gray color on my skin?" Still not done loading.

"It got worse?"

"Yea....yeah it got waay worse." Done.

"Ok let me see it-" Scar lays on his feet ontop of the bed. Other else than the bandages on the end of his legs the only strange thing was his skin flaking off starting from his thighs. Damn his short shorts, just why? "Yeah thats definantly not normal. What about your other leg?"

"It's fine but my thighs are practically grey."

"So nothing else?"

"No..."

"Ok then, go back to sleep."

"I mean sure."

"And if you ever wake me up in the middle of the night you loose your bed privilages."

"Okok fine."

---

"Grian! Grian!"

"Scar! What the-You loose your bed privilages you're sleeping on the floor!"

"Its the morning! So I still have my bed privilages!"

"Then why are you waking me up?"

"Look!" Scar smiled wide. Both of his fangs already fully grown. "Cool right!"

"Oh god no..." Grian pinched his nose

"What? Don't tell me you don't like it?"

"In fact I do not like it. I hate it."

"Aaaaww c'mon why?"

"Scar its fangs-FANGS! A-and the bloodlust!" Grian jumped up.

"I mean... I know that I look scary but I'm still Scar."

"Well yes but look, Scar I know you're a nice guy and practically harmless but look." Grian pointed to Scar with his hands open. "Dude you look like a monster!"

"No wonder why I'm banned from Canada."

"HAAaahahaaa!" That certiantly lightend up the mood. "Aahhhh...... Scar." He smiled. "Hehe..."

"You know what I bet if we went to Joel's he wouldn't be scared." He fistbumped himself.

"He would have a heart attack."

"So we're going?"Scar tilted his head.

"Hehe, yeah lets go." Grian got up out of bed. "Put on your on clothes Scar."

And so both of them did and Joel almost died of a heart attack. The next wasn't going to happend untill a few more days after when Scar's whole body was monocrome grey.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

The toddler looking to be about 4 years old in a blue t-shirt and no pants is Issaiak Jueronup Kattluauti.

He was told by Douglas Shaw, my classmate from 4th grade, 6th grade, same school for the years between including 7th and 8th. To suck his dice and Issaiak said no. So he said "let me suck yours" and he said no.

And so Doug otherwise known as Alex bashed him over the head with a hammer, a ball pin hammer. There should be skull indentions.

In 1992 I inspected his skull with him. I had lived in Texas. He had lived in Minnesota. I remember he said "is it always this cold?"

And i asked him "what do you mean? I thought you were from far away (up north)?"

And he said "what i mean is, i could get used to this"

He died in Texas, his body carried by gocart through the tubes until he got to a little known place in New Mexico that was small and dark, not alot of human traffic or from cars either. And he built his own tunnel and buried the bodies between the concrete building foundation and the concrete gas chamber foundation.

He used the gas chamber frequently for insurance fraud, him and his father. So between that smell and the natural bowling alley smell of grease and smoke from cigarette smoking patrons, the bodies wouldn't smell so much to be noticed. Especially with Lyme.

The list of the 36 isn't the men who were in the gas chamber with Bobby. Those were his friends. His friends that for one day came to back to life to be with him. To help him do what he thought was the bravest thing anyone could do. Die.

36 lives that broke my heart and his. And Blue/Byron who was spelling it as Brian, took in under his wing to help when they needed it most.

And they all have met my twin sister whom died in June of 2019.

And they all knew and watched over Bobby. As best they could.

Bobby didn't know. He says "I thought they were real"

They are. Ghosts have cell phones, too. And they work just like ours.

All those 36 are buried in that clay sand between the bowling alley and the gas chamber. And Bobby provided a list of all those children.

They were brutally sexualized and beaten. I talked about one time of my young friend whom kept me company after Denise had killed my grandfather, he kept me from drinking bleach in attempts to kill myself, which for some reason never worked.

Alex had told me want he had done to this little boy and threatened to do it to me. And I was going crazy wondering if he had hurt a child. I was listening to megadeth and pacing my carpet. Very energized and ready to fight and I kept wondering "but was it even true?"

And I heard a little voice strained. Sounded like he'd been choked to death and he said "hi, well ill tell you?"

And I asked if he could because his voice sounded to strained and I asked if he was sick.

And he showed me the gocart strewn over Devins knees was his body (Devin was murdered shortly after high school graduation in a jail cell because he had been pulled over and injested all of his drugs immediately and it was far too much. We were in the same grade. 6th) and Dusty was standing along with Alex in the back.

And he said "not yet but I'm about to be, I don't know what they will do with my body, please help"

And so I put him back in his body and he grabbed the steering wheel and wrecked the gocart. He told me "that didn't help, they just start beating me"

So I yelled "help! I need help! I'm a little girl!" Into the tunnel and it echoed. Devin and Alex went off on the slide to find me. They drove the gocart up instead of using the down slide. Which was available a mile south.

So Dusty laid him in the back and drove to Belen and began to dig the hole for his body.

I brought him to life several times but Dusty kept grabbing him and holding him still while he dug "I'll just bury you alive, I'm not like those other too. You're too small for me to beat you"

He cried and said he wanted his mommy and I told him he was in luck. His mom would die too if he kept hanging around me. And a year or two later, she was brutally sodomized, raped and killed.

She is on the southern grave. In a pink tutu. Age two. His soulmate who was to be the mommy of his kids. Her name is Jaunargia Laquitazio Apujatu.

His parents and hers are still living. They need to contact Los Lunas Police Department and ask to speak with the police chief. So they may gather the remains. They would like to be buried together and I will apply financial assistance of the Community Welfare Department.

They would like to be buried in South Africa. They would like to go home where they're no longer slaves or mistreated due to the color of their skin.

It was 6 weeks before I even asked why they had done what they done to him. I already accepted people did bad things. I was about comforting him and talking to him and helping him not feel lost or abandoned or hurt. And sad.

He said "well because I'm black, duh"

I was shocked. I said "are you sure? How do you even know that your black?"

"Because I go to school (day care) and the teacher always goes "you're one of them black kids, be good or else""

I asked "well don't they have any other black kids in Minnesota?"

And he said no. It was like my school. Just two or three in each room.

He went to school with me and categorized me "different than other kids because other kids were happy and genuinely loved their parents"

He did alot of research.

He says he was "like a little lost sheep - black of course"

And he said I was most like the kids that abandoned him in the dirt, but nice of course and wanted to know why they were afraid of me and why I would make them stop if I knew what hid on behind closed doors.

That is when he met Byron. Because I only cried. And Byron told him the truth, that I was an orphan and my entire family either stolen or stolen and murdered and how Denise is bad. And how I had legal parents only.

He said that the other adopted kids he had found at least tried to like their parents that had adopted them

I said i did!

He said "but not really. Only lightly"

He said thathe found out that i saved all my love for my real parents and that was why I was different. That i didn't want anyone "fake" in my life. And he said it was a struggle to find that out.

He said he wondered for 8 months if he had been taken from a bad place to Hell where I was. Because he knew it certainly wasn't Heaven.

I told him "well its Earth! You certainly didn't go anywhere but down the street!" And I apologized for it being so bad but i did tell him I wanted to be his friend.

"Well I'm stuck here so well all I know to do is be okay, like you. Nothing more. Nothing less. Because i certainly am not happy without my true love"

I told him to see her, and he said he did but left her to sleep. And she went to sleep earlier than I. And he went back to her in the morning to wake her up so she could be happy.

But he said the happiest that he could feel wasn't happy at all. It was just surviving.

I told him he was one smart kid.

That made him feel good. Happy. It was and still is the truth.

So those 36 bodies were murdered brutally in filth by 6th and 7th grade boys. One per week. 76% are African American.

So it wasn't a mass suicide. It was simply the souls of those bodies coming back to life one more time to help a fellow injured soul find happiness in his death. It was a gift from the Gods and Heavens above.

Currently they are with their murderers and accomplises in the tunnels below the airport. And they are physically able as any grown adult in physical form and more capable than me being as damaged as my body is.

As they do not and cannot rest due to what those "children" did to them. They have peace.

RIP? I used to tell him... RIP little dude. And he would call me an old bitch. I would tell him "well its naptime!"

He forbade me to ever say it. He said "i will not rest until that scumbag is beneath the earth meeting his maker in the worst Hell i can imagine and all his friends, too, to boot!"

There is no rest for many. There are hundreds of spirits there. What we would call "poltergeist" as they have the ability to do things that no one else can -- be a ghost only and move things and be of physical form while still not having a body or someone being able to touch or see them.

Issaiak told me once "i ain't no Casper!"

And i laughed because I didn't want to call him dumb or throw it in his face that He was dead.

And then he told me everyday for 6 weeks. "I ain't no Casper but I guess ill play with you" we would read books or i would draw him pictures or he would ask me to mail a letter or card to his lovely.

And i did.

And it wasn't until he explained to me that people where he's been from had called white people Casper because of the KKK's outfits. I didn't realize he said it to category black between white.

And he told me that Minnesota was still segregated then and now in 2020 he tells me it still is. And it starts in the schools.

Defund the schools while y'all are defunding the police. The schools are the worst place for any child of color or not, but even worse for children of the darker skin.

I write this so you know that Bobby was royal. And so y'all know that you're waiting for a loved one from the dead, its gonna happen. First they must save us. They must save us.

Because they know we can't save them and we can't even save ourselves.

So id like my friends that i made after they were buried/brutally slain to be buried where they would like with a lovely large gothic tombstone taller than a man. Of marble and steel. With their names and BD and DOD. And you may add "little stars of Bethlehem" and please add "thank you" before the star part.

Then if Sugar Lane would be okay of it, the shirts the children of the man who owned it before the brother did, if there were a statue to be made of an eagle in a fire... Like on their shirts and a list of those that have lain there beginning in 1992. I think that would be really nice. I hear the sister/daughter and her husband are very wonderful people and their shirts were just about perfect to make a memorial with.

I am sorry their building burned. But i want them to know that Bobby chose it not because he knew they were buried there but because he knew of the abductions of children and the human trafficking that occurred there at Sugar Lane Bowl.

And he wants it to stop. The pain for children. Kidnappings and brutal assaults and he wants me to stop crying. And he knew the building was damaged beyond repair. But its because it was the HQ for child abductions in the 1960s through 1970s and beginning in 1980s for sexual assaults and kidnapping for sexual predators whom bought the children then in the 1990s, a site to pick up random individuals by human traffickers for the sex rings where people were forced to have sex with each other and paying customers.

She knows she's nothing like her brother nor her father and that is because she was stolen from her childhood home as well.

I hope she gets all the help She and her family needs. And I hope that they're doing just fine and well. And we can use the Community Welfare Department funds to pay her insurance deductible if Bobby didn't make financial assistance arrangements and if they allow a memorial statue then the funds will pay for that as well.

A nice large Garden like walls and roof made to do karate outdoors with solar panels to create heat and cool air can also be arranged. Nature doesn't grow well out here so something natural and hopefully in the future something will grow joyously in the soil to make it like a true Garden.

I would think any town of Bethlehem would need a Garden of Eden. Wood flooring and wooden walls shaped like tree trunks and branches which come over and hug each other. Like Tondre Road. But wooden. Maybe some concrete. Then vines grow to fill in the spaces. Natural light filtering between the faux branches and also spotlights for nightime.

A small snacking area of tree stumps and a little fridge that had fairies around it like magic.

A rounded glass for the north and south if enclosing is necessary. Glass that can slide to the east and west.

And a large playground with trees overhead for shade and premium lighting like the Becker street has. Beautiful street lamps to enlighten the park.

And a state of the art security system so no one ever gets hurt at that location again.

Bobby knew I would give back his money, only using what I needed. I know Bobby needs to do this. Not for punishment. Because his heart is so protective and loving and forgiving.

And if they could forgive him, he would like to pay.

He left me 90% of every thing he owns. All his cash. His houses. Cars. Trucks. In 2008 I promised if "life were reoccurring" if reincarnation existed and he somehow found me and had all the proof i needed, i would give him back 75% of what he left me.

He asked me "what proof"

I told him "my heart will know"

"So you don't know you're just telling me that you're willing to? Don't worry about it. I can just make more. Or go on welfare. That would be fun. Here tie my shoe"

I pulled his laces on his boots the way id seen him do for many days and tied it up tight. He asked me why I had. Why i had gotten on the floor and tied his boot.

I said "because i could"

He said he had only Asked because his back was hurting and i had teased him the day before about it being such a struggle he had to rest. A couple of days later he did buy sandals as i had recommended when I teased him which he wore with socks.

Big nerd.

Anyway my accountant will get with accountants and figure out how to help their karate business really get kicking it..

And what those BNSF railroaders really need is a nice local low priced general store close to the train depot. And I think they would know just the place. It just needs a little over haul.

Like some graffiti bodega of a small city. Or a little market with the rounded windows of the Little Hondrous Mexican place. Double panes and glazed to keep the air in cool or the air in comfortable warm. Some solar paneling and some better lighting. And of course registers and counters and shelving. Some meats and breads and some homemade food to go. A small deli/kitchen and a real dine counter in the back. Like the Mexican market in the old Blockbuster in Los Lunas. But instead of Mexican because Pete's makes amazing chile rellanos and good food, some country food. Like okra and collard greens and mac and tuna casserole and some old fashioned picnic food. May be even sell some picnic baskets to go.

That place on Becker. The entire Avenue feels so alive. So different than any other street,I used go just cry when i would drive in that area after moving here to New Mexico.

Until today i did not remember where those bodies were buried. I got in many fights there on Becker. I've had to hide and shield and run and tree says they gave me aid one night when I got really wounded and I was crying in my hiding place.

And so to pay back their kindness. I offer them ideas and a willingness to help fund. A small percent.

That night in February 1994 it was so cold and unexpected. Texas was so warm and I was so angry i had forgot my coat. I was just in a tank top and jeans. Dusty had broken my neck. Killed me dead. So my mommy woke me and told me to hide up against the bowling alley and i argued in a loud whisper "this place is BAD! I need to run and find some place else!"

And the sister/daughter and her then boyfriend had came out with the trash and i hid in the dark from the light and she said "oh you know what? Im going to smoke. Don't wait up"

And she confessed to me he beat her. I told her "just uh... A few minutes. Let me fix my neck and here uhh ill help you"

"Here use this" she handed me a broken pin hidden behind the air conditioner. She just placed it on top. "When you're ready. Ill leave the door open for you"

She knew what i was doing. Trying to save those kids. And she told me "you feel like I feel. He beats me, too. If you ever need help, just let me know"

And i told her i would help her. She helped me hide the body in a dummy waiter. I healed him 3 days later. While I stood next to him, she was scared. Didn't know what to do because he would stink. So i held the pin, healed him and let him out. "You need to leave here and never come back"

I beat him once a week. I couldn't best Dusty or 3 on one but I could beat him and i did, after 3 months he left. Alive. Never has she seen him again.

I did though. He moved into my neighbourhood in Texas. And i had him killed then. But Dusty took him to the hospital and had him put in a medical coma. He was executed this morning in the gas chamber. He had a glass eye. Because I hit him so hard with a baseball bat that his eyeball popped out. They couldn't reattach it.

I saw him a couple of years ago. About 5 years ago. He looked at me from his truck while I was in mine. And I got scared. I was so scared for days. I had to leave my house with my daughter after trying to sleep under her bed because of my heart condition, it wouldn't calm down and I needed sleep and I was a royal mess and I spent 3 nights in a hotel in Albuquerque. Because I couldn't settle the fear he caused me in my own home.

I'm not scared of him now. I've built myself up against him. But he was terrifyingly scary.

Now knowing I had to save her and not understanding why she couldn't do it herself but just accepting it. Only understanding that Dusty whipped me. Now I know the intimidation he gave her.

His twin is still alive and is a POS. But he just died and I'm glad someone finally listened.

His name isn't listed with the 36. Nor are the other 30 with him. They don't deserve recognition. Only tattle to tell that horrible people have left and the world is a bit safer.

They were in an adjacent gas chamber, different than the 37.

Anyway we all know she's a good lady and i think we can help her out on old Becker. Tree drew the architecture of what I said and can deliver it to her and her husband for consult. He's just emailed it. He's said.

Its been a long day for many of us.

Again i thank the many fire fighters I hope a ladder and slide of a fire truck like photographed this morning is included. Something sustainable and something elegant and mature.

I'm a hero

But I also need heros

So thank you to all that have been one.

To me, especially but also to others

I've spoken about 36 children and young adults that were smaller and weaker. Ones no one in,the world were able to save.

No one. Not one person. No one. Not even me.

And Lord knows i tried and I died doing it.

7.12.2020 ended the nightmares of so many. Bodies have been found and can be put in a home of their choice.

That is one of the best gifts from anyone and that came from Bobby and our two friends that ran out when told to.

Bobby could not had done it without those 36 dead supporting him.

Always do be careful of the dead. Many like to have friends. In Okmulgee at Dripping Springs there's a woman on the dock area in the camping section. She's so strong and she always always tries to get people to drown to be with her. But they always leave her she says. She's just a 3 year old girl. She does a magical lure and all that she can. Everything but mean. She's scary because she's so tempting. 835 people she's gotten to play but she's only drowned 8. In 462 years. Little like her that panicked that they forgot how to swim. I am terrified to go on that dock. In that water i will not swim. She's too sweet. I'm always too tired. So be careful.

This was different with Bobby. He didn't know that they were dead. And he claims they certainly didn't seem like it.

I believe him. But i also know its true.

They were dead. Dead nearly 30 years.

I forgot what started this post. But I'm done now. My back hurts and I'm tired.