#thatdryhair

[jhames]

Today I’m having my assistant Tiara prepare a gift basket for Ann Coulter. When Tiara read aloud Ann’s tweet to me I realized that Ann was making her *own* purchases. “Oh my god, Tiara,” I told Tiara, “Ann doesn’t have an assistant. She ain’t got no money, Gorl!” I almost dropped my Matcha Bellini until Tiara caught it in mid-air. No wonder Ann is constantly appearing on talk shows and pushing her pulp fiction! She needs money. That thirsty hair of hers was an obvious giveaway in hindsight. When you need to manifest money, your best option is ametrine or brazilianite crystals—but never together because too many money vibrations will cause false income levels (see: Donald). I had Tiara pair the ametrine with a Pachira money tree. Not to worry: there are three braids to the plant because four is an unlucky number, and I can only assume Ann keeps at least one room in her estate with five walls to help bolster the manifestation of mon—oh my god. What if she doesn’t have an estate? Tiara! TIARA! Check Ann’s address. I have this deep psychic impression that Ann lives in airports or under a bridge. No one with access to running water could possibly have such dry hair. Thoughts and prayers for the pundit, gorl. . #ann #coulter #anncoulter #thatdryhair #thattempertantrum #thosetweets #noassistant #nomoney #livingbeyondhermeans #thoughtsandprayers #moneymanifestation #crystals #plants #hairconditioner #pulpfiction #speakingengagementsforaplacetolive #sheshomeless #ladadeeladada #gorl