#that's why the night's king is the exact opposite of the last hero in almost every way

[jonsnowunemploymentera]

What makes the legend of the last hero stand out among the more prominent messianic figures in the story is its ‘every man’ sort of feel. The Prince That Was Promised can only ever be royal - since the existing requirement is to be born of Aerys and Rhaella’s line, who ruled as king and queen. Azor Ahai is interpreted in story as being related to a king. Yet the last hero was just some guy. His tale has been passed down across millennia, but he himself remains anonymous. We don’t know what family or region he came from. He may have been low born or high born, it doesn’t really matter. And what’s most interesting is how GRRM chooses to parallel his story in the published material. Waymar Royce, Bloodraven, Coldhands, Sam Tarly, Bran Stark, and Jon Snow all serve as narrative mirrors for the last hero. But there’s are quite a few differences. Waymar Royce is a highborn lord, but Jon and Bloodraven are bastards. Jon Snow is the typical fantasy warrior, yet Sam and Bran are GRRM’s deconstructions of what it looks like when a boy who doesn’t fit the chivalric ideal of knighthood gets to be the hero. Jon and Bran are also especially noteworthy because they are at the heart of one GRRM’s core thesis statements:

 “I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples and bastards and broken things.”

So as a propaganda piece, I'd imagine that repeating this tale goes a long way. Imagine you're some unassuming kid from Flea Bottom. You'll never be the promised prince because you're not related to the king. It's a bit hard to be Azor Ahai because where in seven hells will you get dragon eggs, and how will you attain the magic required to bring them to life? But then you COULD be the last hero. Regardless of who your parents are and what type of blood you've got, you too can gather all your friends and go on a hero's journey. And isn't that what children's dreams are made of?

[bigbadredpanda]

Helloo, would it be a possible interpretation that the ideals and mindset that wwx follows is close to the religion and practice of Taoism?

Hello! That’s a fascinating question and I wish I had more knowledge to delve deeper on the subject but I’m a bit more familiar with the philosophy/spirituality part of Taoism than with its religious practices and rites. As always, anyone is welcome to add to the discussion or correct me if I misconstrue something, this is a vast topic and I’m just an interested layperson!

Xianxia in itself is a literary genre rife with references to Taoism: the pursuit of immortality, the internal alchemy to form a golden core, the Taoist exorcisms to drive out evil spirits, Taoist incantations and talismans, etc... But that does not necessarily make cultivators Taoists.

At the heart of Taoism is the philosophy of espousing harmony with nature, with the self, with the Tao. It’s about simplicity, spontaneity, non-attachment to worldly desires. In the introduction of my copy of the Zhuangzi (庄子), one of the main Taoist texts, the translator chooses the hero Yu the Great to epitomise the “going with the flow instead of fighting against the current” attitude dear to Taoists. Yu the Great is a legendary figure whose father, Kun, was tasked by the emperor Shun to protect the country from floods. Kun built barrages and dykes that held momentarily the waters in check but they ended up bursting, causing a flood even more devastating. The emperor banished Kun and entrusted the son, Yu the Great, with the same mission. Yu the Great succeeded by digging canals to help the course of water and let it flow to the sea. Yu the Great is referenced several times in the Zhuangzi and, interestingly, Wei Wuxian himself takes him as a model when he challenges Lan Qiren in the classroom and sows the seeds of what would become the foundation of his demonic cultivation:

魏无羡道：“横竖有些东西度化无用，何不加以利用？大禹治水亦知，堵为下策，疏为上策。镇压即为堵，岂非下策……”

Wei Wuxian said, “Anyway, there are some things that cannot be liberated so why not make use of them? Yu the Great who controlled the waters knew that building barrages to block was ineffective and dredging canals to reroute was the superior method. Suppression counts as blocking, wouldn’t is also be considered ineffective...” (ch.14)

The carefree and unfettered part of Wei Wuxian’s nature does fit Taoist ideals, you even have the opposition of the more Confucian-oriented Gusu Lan Sect and its rigid abidance with rules and ethics. However, Wei Wuxian is at odds with a key concept of Taoism: the principle of non-action (无为 wuwei). It’s not passivity or laziness, it’s letting nature runs its course, letting things fall into place. Wei Wuxian is very much shown to be assertive, even wilful, when his mind and heart are set on one thing. He does not hesitate to take matters into his own hands and jump into action. That’s especially true of his younger self who would rebel instead of do nothing, his older and wiser self after he is reborn is a bit more circumspect and knows when to speak out and when to hold his peace. Non-action is seen as the guiding principle of an ideal ruler, without the interference of government meddling, the state would (hypothetically) flourish on its own. I’ve seen some good meta on both the Chinese and the English-speaking sides of the fandom that makes good arguments that it’s actually Lan Xichen who personifies best this concept (x). Speaking of other characters from MDZS that parallel Taoist parables, Nie Huaisang reminds of the good-for-nothing tree which is praised by Zhuangzi. Because it bears no fruit, no one tore its branches to strip the fruits from them, because its wood is of poor quality, no carpenters cut it down. It is left alone and it is able to live long.

The Tao Te Ching (道德经, Daodejing) expounds three basic virtues called the Three Treasures (三宝): compassion (慈), frugality (俭) and humility (不敢为天下先, lit. ‘daring not to put oneself before others’ or ‘daring not to be first in the world’). The first two are for sure among Wei Wuxian’s qualities but the last one is more contentious, not because he is arrogant or boastful but because he dares setting himself apart. The following analysis in from a commentary of the Taoist text:

The third treasure, daring not be at the world's front, is the Taoist way to avoid premature death. To be at the world's front is to expose oneself, to render oneself vulnerable to the world's destructive forces, while to remain behind and to be humble is to allow oneself time to fully ripen and bear fruit. This is a treasure whose secret spring is the fear of losing one's life before one's time. This fear of death, out of a love for life, is indeed the key to Taoist wisdom. (Ellen M. Chen) 

Wei Wuxian did not hesitate to ‘expose himself’ by being willing to be the first practitioner of demonic cultivation and in the end his downfall was at the hands of ‘the world’s destructive forces’, warmongering rumours and bloodthirsty hostility. Wei Wuxian is also not subject to fear of death, there are a few quotes that exemplify his carefree, devil-may-care mindset:

使我徒有身后名不如即时一杯酒。

Better have a cup of wine here and now rather than leave behind a posthumous good name. (ch.75 & Wei Wuxian’s CQL character song Qu Jin Chen Qing)

The quotation above comes from A New Account of the Tales of the World (世说新语), a collection of various anecdotes that was compiled in the 5th century, fittingly it’s from the “The Free and Unrestrained” (任诞) section.

生前哪管身后事，浪得几日是几日。

Why care about what happens after death while one is alive? Better live life to the utmost while one can. (ch.16)

I’m not sure if this one is a literary citation or not as I haven’t been able to track down a quote with this exact wording but it was very reminiscent to me to a chapter of the Liezi (列子), another Taoist text, attributes the following thoughts to the hedonist philosopher Yang Zhu:

One hundred years is the limit of a long life. Not one in a thousand ever attains it. Suppose there is one such person. Infancy and feeble old age take almost half of his time. Rest during sleep at night and what is wasted during the waking hours in the daytime take almost half of that. Pain and sickness, sorrow and suffering, death (of relatives) and worry and fear take almost half of the rest. In the ten and some years that is left, I reckon, there is not one moment in which we can be happy, at ease without worry. This being the case, what is life for? What pleasure is there? For beauty and abundance, that is all. For music and sex, that is all. But the desire for beauty and abundance cannot always be satisfied, and music and sex cannot always be enjoyed. Besides, we are prohibited by punishment and exhorted by rewards, pushed by fame and checked by law. We busily strive for the empty praise which is only temporary, and seek extra glory that would come after death. Being alone ourselves, we pay great care to what our ears hear and what our eyes see, and are much concerned with what is right or wrong for our bodies and minds. Thus we lose the great happiness of the present and cannot give ourselves free rein for a single moment. What is the difference between that and many chains and double prisons?

"Men of great antiquity knew that life meant to be temporarily present and death meant to be temporarily away. Therefore they acted as they pleased and did not turn away from what they naturally desired. They would not give up what could amuse their own persons at the time. Therefore they were not exhorted by fame. They roamed as their nature directed and would not be at odds with anything. They did not care for a name after death and therefore punishment never touched them. They took no heed of fame, being ahead or being behind, or the span of life."

The myriad creatures are different in life but the same in death. In life they may be worthy or stupid, honorable or humble. This is where they differ. In death they all stink, rot, disintegrate, and disappear. This is where they are the same. [...] The man of virtue and the sage die; the wicked and the stupid also die. In life they were Yao and Shun [sage-emperors]; in death they are rotten bones. In life they were Jie and Zhou [wicked kings]; in death they are rotten bones. Thus they all became rotten bones just the same. Who knows their difference? Let us enjoy our present life. Why should we worry about what comes after death?” (A Source Book in Chinese Philosophy, trans. Wing-tsit Chan)

It’s quite a long extract so I highlighted the most relevant parts that echo Wei Wuxian’s ideas and in particular his motto in life:

是非在己，毁誉由人，得失不论 。

Right and wrong are decided by oneself, praise and condemnation depend on others, gains and losses are insignificant. (ch.75)

This is for me the defining quote of the novel that encapsulates the overarching theme of the story. This sentence is so popular that it’s the go-to quote on Wei Wuxian-related merch and it also features on the cover of the book in simplified Chinese.

We find in the Yang Zhu chapter of the Liezi the same ‘carpe diem’ attitude, the nonchalance about death, the disregard of social conventions and the futility of reputation. Nevertheless, Yang Zhu does not exactly have a place with other Taoist thinkers as he promotes acting in self-interest, a form of ethical egotism that does not take heed of other people’s benefit. The translator from the extract above calls it ‘negative Taoism’. As we are well aware, Wei Wuxian has a much more benevolent and altruistic outlook:

我娘说过的，你要记着别人对你的好，不要去记你对别人的好。人心里不要装那么多东西，这样才会快活自在。

My mom said that you should remember the kindness you received from others and not the kindness you gave. That's the only way to find happiness and be free as the heart can only carry so much. (ch.113)

Wei Wuxian’s life philosophy is about remembering the good you've been granted and keep giving without expecting anything in return. If you let yourself to be fettered by bad memories, if you dwell on the past, negative feelings like anger and envy will take roots in your heart. It takes great courage and integrity to be able to move on from painful experiences without holding grudges and retain the ability to greet the future with a smile.

These themes remind me of the lyrics of the song Enlightenment (悟) from the film Shaolin,《新少林寺》, it’s a moving song that draws a lot from Buddhist influences:

为何君视而不见 规矩定方圆

Why do you look without seeing and let conventions decide the rules?

悟性 悟觉 悟空 心甘情愿

I open my heart, coming to my senses and awakening to emptiness

放下 颠倒梦想 放下云烟

Let go of your confused dreams, let go of the things fleeting like mist

放下 空欲色 放下悬念

Let go of idleness, desire, pleasure, let go of the trouble weighting your heart

多一物 却添了 太多危险

One thing more adds too much danger

少一物 贪嗔痴 会少一点

One thing less and vices will be alleviated [lit. ‘greed, aversion, delusion’, the Three Poisons in Buddhism]

唯有 心无挂碍 成就大愿

Only with a heart without worries can your wishes be accomplished

唯有 心无故 妙不可言

There is no greater marvel than an unburdened heart

This ended up to be such a long-winded and maybe inconclusive answer but to me, Taoism, Buddhism and Confucianism, have all deeply shaped Chinese customs, ideas and culture with sometimes no clear boundaries where one begins and the other ends. Wei Wuxian’s ideals, his free-spiritedness and his probity, are reflected in these different schools of thoughts and spiritual currents but there is not a single all-encompassing one that matches him to a tee. In the end, what perhaps defines him best is his name that befits his nature, Wei Ying, the guileless innocence of a child, someone who can cheerfully go through life with a clear conscience and an unburdened heart.

[alexhoghdaily]

Alex and Marco’s HBO Nordic ‘Watching with’ livestream

This is a very long one, I’m so sorry. I just thought everything was so interesting. Therefore I’ll put the topics under the cut!

AND OF COURSE, SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT TOO SINCE IT’S THE FINAL EPISODE!

Marco and Alex possibly have new Projects coming up, (Marco said his is around March.)

They changed the opening theme for the show. Alex liked the original opening better and Marco likes the new one.

Everything on the show is shot in Ireland except for Bjorn vs the bear, that was in canada. They also filmed in Norway.

Their first scene was on top of a mountain and Marco had a line “This is what it means” which he couldn’t get right, and he was crowched the entire scene. By the end of it his legs were jelly.

During Alex’s scene with Alfred before the battle, Marco was seated on a horse for 5 hours straight.

The braiding of Alex’s hair took forever so he decided to keep them in after filming because he had to film again the next day. They gave him a hairnet and he was walking around the grocery store with a hairnet and braids, still muddy from work. Marco also went out to the grocery store, wearing his make up and contact lenses and got refused because they thought he was drunk.

On his first day of riding a horse, Marco wore loose sweatpants. That wasn’t pleasant.

Alex purposely didn’t read anything about the other characters, because he was both a bit lazy and he wanted to be suprised by their storylines when he would watch the final season.

On the question “Who is the true heir?” they both agree that all of the sons have different traits of ragnar. (They also all have women issues.)

The battle scene of the last episode took 9 days to shoot, the last 2 episodes took around 2,5 months to shoot. Usually they do two episodes every month/5 weeks.

Alex loves the spiritual vibe in the show/season and it’s some of his favorite parts of the show. Both Alex and Marco also really love the cinematography.

Alex’s favorite part of the last episode is the last scene on the beach with Floki and Ubbe and his and Marco’s scene.

Marco fell 3 times in a row filming the charging scene of the battle. He felt so stupid because the extra’s had to keep getting back.

In the fighting sequence Marco split a stunt guys lip open because he hit him with a sword. Marco stopped, but the guy said he had to keep going because Marco was in the shot.

Ivar and Hvitserk’s close moment in the end wasn’t even written in, Alex and Marco wanted the brothers to be brothers and have love just this once.

Alex had to learn Icelandic for his final speech and it took a really long time.

He also loved that Hirst made Ivar an extension of the army and the army of him in the ending sequence.

Alex loved that Ivar was killed by a random soldier, because everyone got this big hero death in the show and he loved to do the exact opposite. He discussed it with Hirst because he wanted to do it that way. They also discussed the possibility of Hvitserk just putting Ivar out of his misery.

The filming of the death scene was very sudden for Alex, and he wasn’t ready for it. They went straight into it and Marco was the only one ready, already hoisting him onto his lap. Alex felt Marco’s tears on his cheeks and he started crying.

Marco’s not sure what to think of Hvitserk ending because he never expected to get an actual ending at all. They had previously informed him many times that he would be killed off in the next episode. They kept deciding to keep him on for another 10.

If Alex could choose any character on the show to be, he would choose Floki. But he does think he can’t do better than Gustaf. He’s very happy with the role of Ivar.

His favorite characters also include Ragnar, King Harald, and King Ecbert.

Marco’s beard took one hour in the make-up chair to be done, Alex’s took 2 hours.

Alex likes how in the ending of this episode they went full circle in terms of the end of the Vikings and Norse mythology through Hvitserk’s character.

Both Alex and the fans asked what Marco thought of the ending for his character. (Him converting and renouncing his own faith). Marco was very confused about the situation because prior to the ending he had sex with a Goddess, so he doesn’t understand why he did it. He also didn’t get the chance to talk to Hirst about it. He thought it was cool but confusing.

Alex said that one of the most beautiful moments he’s ever experienced during working was when they were shooting his death scene. They were both crying and they have to re-do the take. At that point all of the extra’s (300 of them) we’re all sitting/standing around just watching them very quietly and it almost felt like they were an audience in a theater. He could feel that it was something big. (Usually they shoot multiple scenes at the same time but not during this scene.) It was also Alex’s last day on set.

The favorite scene they did together was of course the ending, but also the scene in 6A were they meet again in the woods and they sit together. Alex and Marco wrote this scene themselves and they love it.

They have a tight schedule and they have to get through a lot a day. They only get 2 or 3 takes every time.

Alex’s favorite season is 5A. He likes the York scenes. Marco’s favorite season is 6.

Both Alex and Marco kept their armrings from set. They also kept a shield that was signed, and Alex kept a beautiful horn.

The scenes Alex prepared the most for were; the Icelandic scenes, and more importantly the scene where Ivar has his big speech about going into battle against Wessex and Alfred. Alex couldn’t get through it, he had difficulties with his lines and he said it was a horrible day.

They said that doing the sex scenes are actually very non sexual and also uncomfortable at times. You’re almost naked with just their privates covered, Make-up everywhere, a big crew standing around. It’s very mechanical. They are not the nicest scenes to shoot and it gets uncomfortable. Alex also said that he stays focused on just them as two people and also likes to ask if they’re okay and comfortable. They have to think about everything they’re doing and it’s not sexy at all.

Alex: “maaa can you get me a beer?” followed by Alex’s father actually bringing him a beer. It was also his birthday.

The ages on the show aren’t very clear, But Alex thinks Ivar was about 23/24 when he died.

When they have to do a scandinavian accent for self tapes, they catch themselves doing their Viking accent.

Marco trained 3 days per “smaller” sequence for the complete final battle sequence.

Marco shared a story about Travis at a work dinner event, where he was dressed in a tracksuit, and with his long beard, someone mistook him for a homeless man and they gave him money.

In response to someone saying that Alex looked better with his braids, Alex sarcastically answered: “Thank you. Lovely. Outstanding. I appreciate that.”

Marco told a story about the coldest day of filming where he was out in the cold and mud under a rain machine the whole day and halfway through, he almost got hypothermia. A doctor came in to check his temperature. His body was too cold to actually work.

Alex rememberd the blood eagle scene for Aelle, it was in the winter and it had been snowing and raining the whole night. He said that as soon as he hit the ground, his body froze from the cold.

Someone asked about the funniest story from behind the scenes. They said every single day was filled with banter. They said every single day was fun. Also the left over food fights and water fights. Alex told the story of Jordan spitting water at him when he was sleeping and he was so used to it that he didn’t even react.

Alex said he and Marco drove 6,5 hours to stockholm to do 20 minutes of auditions for Vikings. Marco was also sick at that time. It was after they did Uro together.

Marco was supposed to audition for a voice job for Assasins Creed: Valhalla. But he was very busy and the project was differently titled at that time. He declined and he regretted it very much.

Alex said that he would really love to do voice and motion capture projects in the future.

[science-lings]

Hey I saw you were asking for prompts/AUs, so I thought I'd send one in! Could you write an Irondad Foster Kid Peter and Foster Parent Tony AU? Lots of hurt/comfort or fluff?

There were few things that motivated Tony more than the need to become better. Better than he was, better than he was treated, good enough to deserve the praise that he was given so freely. Normally he wouldn’t even consider becoming a father. He felt as though he was doomed to repeat his own father’s sins. His heart always sunk when someone told him how similar he was to his late father. There was no one he hated being compared to more. Well, that wasn’t quite true, he also hated being compared to Captain America when he was a kid. Still, Tony’s father wasn’t exactly his hero. 

It started when he began to visit orphanages when he couldn’t sleep, restricting himself to rocking babies, and occasionally when he was left alone with them, he sang lullabies. He liked the feeling of helping someone, a very small someone who didn’t know who he was or that he was important. He liked it when they fell asleep in his arms. 

That expanded to him telling stories to older kids on days that he had time. He found himself buying hundreds of picture books to read to them, starting out slightly awkward and flippant but turning more animated and dramatic as he discovered which voices made the kids laugh. 

When he ran out of books to read and songs to sing, he created his own. Making up stories of heroes and bad guys, the kids loved those ones. Full of epic battles and cameos from the other avengers, when he wanted to switch it up he told the stories in different settings. He portrayed himself as a golden king with a dragon, fighting monsters with his knight friends for his kingdom, as a zombie killing ninja trying to find a cure for the zombie plague, and when requested, he was a Jedi knight fighting Darth Vader. 

Sometimes the kids asked dumb questions about the story, and sometimes they’d ask very smart questions phrased only in the strange way that only a child can. 

Over the years, Tony got closer to the kids, but one in particular really piqued his interest. The boy was one of the oldest there, almost fourteen. He was very quiet and almost crazy smart. Tony didn’t know how smart a junior high student was supposed to be but it was nowhere near this kid was. He loved science books and any high tech Tony brought near him. There were almost visible stars in his eyes when he got to see the Iron Man suit up close. 

Tony never wanted to be a father but this nerdy kid, Peter, was really tugging at his heartstrings in a way that he had never really experienced. Not many kids could sit through his purposefully complicated explanation of the arc reactor but Peter did so with such enthusiasm that he couldn’t help but dig the old one out of storage to show it off. 

He learned about Peter, that his parents died when he was six and he was taken in by his uncle and aunt, who also died a few years after. That he used to wear glasses but had grown out of them, that he had always wanted to be a hero like Iron Man. Tony made sure to mention to the kid that being a hero is not as great as it looks on TV and Peter just looked at him and whispered that he knew. Tony had a weird feeling when he said that. It was too understanding.

Pepper had suggested it, after hearing him talk about the kid for weeks and seeing him look pensive at the sight of alcohol and become more responsible instead of pretending to be a larger than life celebrity that the world saw him as. She could tell that he was ready. 

It took a lot of paperwork and time but eventually Tony was able to become a foster parent for Peter. Tony wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea to go as far as to adopt the kid, he knew that there would be someone better for him out there that knew more about actual parenting but at least he was extremely well off and had the stability that would be very helpful for a genius child. The closest he had to a parenting guide was a mental list of Howard's behaviors and a promise to himself that he would do the exact opposite. 

The adjustment period was weird, neither of them really knew how to act but after enough movie nights and long periods of time in Tony’s lab, they got used to their new normal. They just fit together like perfectly placed gears, they understood each other so well. Sure, Tony wasn’t the perfect dad-figure, but he tried so hard and cared so much. He did his best and he truly knew Peter like he was his own kid. 

This was why he knew exactly when something was wrong. Peter came home bruised, he would try to start a conversation as if it were something important then chicken out after bringing it up. He would sneak into the lab when he knew Tony was busy and spend whole afternoons after school “with friends” even though Tony was fully aware that there was only one of those. 

At first Tony thought that Peter was getting bullied. But the pieces didn’t quite fit, so he decided to confront Peter about it. 

It was late, Peter had tried to hide a limp when he got to the penthouse like he had twisted his ankle and was treating it as gently as possible. Tony was waiting for him. Peter looked at him nervously before trying to shuffle to his room. 

“You know kid, I’m trying to give you your privacy and all but I’m really starting to get worried about you.” Tony held out Twix bar like an olive branch. An offering of sorts. 

“I’m fine... is this about P.E.? You know I’m trying to get my grade up...” Peter took the candy bar and sat down carefully next to his foster father, still trying to hide whatever was hurting him. 

“No, no. I’m not worried about school for you, You’re probably as smart as I was at your age and you actually care about your education. No, I’m worried about you. I want to know what’s going on with you. Are you being bullied? Is someone hurting you? Did you try to kick a steel pillar? What?” Peter seemed to go a little pale and he was quiet for a minute. Tony just waited for any sort of reply. 

“I uh...” Peter started after a long pause, “Can you promise that you won’t be mad.” Tony thought for a moment of his own father's outbursts of rage when he wasn’t perfect when he didn’t live up to Howard's astronomical expectations. 

“I don’t think I could ever truly be mad at you Pete. You could probably kill someone and I trust you enough to realize that they deserved it somehow and take you to therapy or something. Being angry never really helps anyone, I mean aside from Bruce Banner, he has some benefits from being angry once in a while.” He saw Peter sigh in relief. 

“I... I’ve been lying to you. I’m not who you think I am.” He said quietly. 

“What, are you like a jock or something. Do you play basketball and want to audition for a musical? I think you would be pretty good in a musical.” This caused Peter to crack a little smile but normally he would laugh at a joke like that. Tony realized that this might actually be serious. 

“No, I’m not Troy Bolton, I... something happened to me a while ago. I know it sounds crazy but I-got-superpowers-from a-radioactive-spider-and-I-kinda-became-a-small-time-vigilante-that-thwarts-like-bank-thieves-and-creepy-dudes-that-stalk-women.” He said the last part quickly like if he said it fast enough Tony wouldn’t completely process the information or not hear it completely. Tony did in fact hear all of the information. 

“You know... that’s not what I thought you’d say but I’d be lying if I said that I was completely surprised by the fact that when you gained superpowers you immediately turned to helping people,” Tony said after a few seconds of processing what had been revealed. “I do think you need to reevaluate my standards for crazy because I work with spies and a Norse god and a guy that survived being frozen and patriotic for seventy years and that isn’t even it. Out of weirdness standards, spider super-kids are not even in the top five. I mean we had an alien invasion not too long ago this world is full of weird shit. Don’t tell Pepper that I said a bad word in front of you...” 

“Yeah and I think I broke my leg.”

“WHAT!” 

[aquaticalay]

Centurion .Chapter Three.

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Sequel to For Something Greater

Summary: (Y/n) is an active duty Navy SEAL Commander, the first and only woman to ever become a SEAL. After successfully stopping a genocide with the help of the Avengers, she becomes a bridge between the military and the earth's mightiest heroes. But even as her relationship with Bucky grows, she decides not to tell him about the nightmares and trauma that haunt her. Both their secrets begin to unravel when Bucky accidentally stumbles upon a piece of dangerous information about (Y/n) that she doesn't know about herself— something she must never find out about.

Genre: Action, Drama, Romance

Warning/s for the series: cursing, violence, death, eventual smut, PTSD.

Warning/s for the chapter: mentions of anxiety symptoms.

Word count: 1.4k (shorter than usual, I know)

Note: The plot is heavily inspired by the song 'in the dark' by Bring Me The Horizon, and 'Mercy' by Muse. So yeah, go listen to it if you want to :)))  I'll post a new chapter every two days.

THIS IS A SEQUEL. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ 'FOR SOMETHING GREATER' THE LINK TO THE MASTERLIST IS IN MY BIO.

Let me know if you want to be in the taglist

(Taglist will be reblogged)

TRIGGER WARNING! THIS SERIES REVOLVES AROUND POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER. (Including, but not limited to: anxiety/panic attacks, extreme mood swings , nightmares, intrusive thoughts, insomnia, irritability, hypervigilance, and hyperarousal)

Wanda was the one who had arranged your quinjet flight from Seattle to New York the night after your mission. You were just finished with knife throwing practice that afternoon, so you were still wearing navy-issued shirt and cargo pants with two knives strapped in the built-in sheaths on either side of your thighs. You could feel the covered blades digging into your skin, but you were used to it.

When you arrived, you noticed a Wakandan jet parked in the hangar next to you. The purple streaks and disc-like form was unmistakable. T'challa, or perhaps Shuri, maybe even Okoye, must be visiting.

Friday was the first to greet you good night and authorized your identity, letting you in.

When you got inside, no one was in the common room, and the hallways were deserted and empty. The only noise you could hear was the crackling of the warm fireplace.

That was weird. 

It wasn't even 10 PM yet. Usually, Sam, Wanda, Bucky, and maybe even the rest of the team when they're around, would be just finishing up with dinner around now. There's not even any evidence of cooking or eating.

"Friday?" You called the AI, a hint of nervousness in your voice, "Where is everybody?"

"They are just finishing up with a meeting," Friday told you, "King T'challa, Colonel Rhodes, and Sergeant Barnes are on their way up."

"What meeting?" You asked, confused

"They are discussing about the council that the SEALs recommended."

Right. You did ask them to hurry up with their decision.

"Oh." It was all you could say. As you did not not know what to do, you stood there unmoving, your mind blanking into nothing involuntarily, unaware of your surroundings, and you can't seem to control it. 

You suddenly snapped out of your unexplained daze when you felt a hand around your wrist.

Your heart suddenly plunged into deep panic, and you let you defensive instincts kick in. Grabbing a knife from its sheath, you yanked your hand away violently from the grip and turned back, pointing the tip to the person's neck.

It was… Bucky?

His icy eyes went wide, just as surprised as you were.

You stepped back and dropped your knife in horror, the metal clinging loudly on  the hardwood floor.

Behind him, T'challa and Rhodey stopped in their tracks, freezing their motion as they try to wrap their head on what just happened.

You breathe heavily, trying to regulate the blood pumping through your veins. You closed your eyes to focus, to get some sense of relief.

"Commander (L/n), your heartbeat is getting dangerously fast," Friday warned you, scanning and analyzing your vitals.

But you couldn't bring yourself to move.

Before you knew it, Bucky was helping you steady yourself, hands gently hoisting your hips. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," you manage to mutter, finally able to slow your breathing. Rhodey and T'challa came closer  and you pushed Bucky's hand away to regain a sense of control to yourself.

"Are you sure?" Rhodey asked, his hand worriedly on your shoulder. You shake it off almost immediately.

"I—" you started, "I need some air."

You excused yourself out of the room, trying to ignore the confused stares of the three men glued to your back. 

You find your way to the rooftop floor, isolating yourself from the rest of the avengers.

You sat on the edge of the roof, fidgeting with your fingers The only light that illuminated you were small lamps built into the ends of the building and the cloud-covered stars from above. You needed this silence, just to reflect on what you did.

Why did you do that?

You were never impulsive. Never.

What happened was the exact opposite of what you had trained to do your whole life. You can't let a slip up like this happen again.

You still couldn't see how you were able to let yourself point a knife to the throat of the man you love just because you disassociated and panicked. It was pathetic.

The door from downstairs creaked open. 

"Hey," Bucky said quietly, careful not to startle you. Looking back, you responded with the same word, only weaker.

He shuffled towards you, sitting right next to you.

Before he could say a word, you sighed. "I'm sorry," you managed to say, "I don't know what came over me."

"It's okay," he reassured. Sensing your easing comfort, he let his human arm circle you waist, "you must be exhausted."

"Yeah," you lied. It wasn't exhaustion that took over your actions, and you knew that. It was something less controllable, but if this gives Bucky a satisfying explanation, you had to agree with the lie.

You knew something was wrong with your mind. You've known for a while now, ever since you woke up in cold sweat after your nightmares recalled your memories in the ship with Raphael King-Carver, of you nearly drowning a couple of months ago. You thought it would go away, but it didn't.

You wanted to tell Bucky that this was bothering you, but you don't want to drag him into your problems. You don't want to force your demons on him, he has his own. You want to get better on your own. You have to.

"Have you eaten?" He asked attentively, and you shook your head in reply. "I'm not hungry."

"That's not healthy, doll," he reminded you. You didn't think he'd notice that you'd lost some weight, but he did. He was worried. "I'll cook," he offered, then chuckled at himself, "Or at least I'll try to."

"I'm fine, James," you managed to pull off a smile, "I can get by."

-

You ended up sitting cross-legged in Bucky's room, listening to him explain what he found out about Project Mercy and Michail Petrov, with the help of Friday's hologram.

"Then what are we waiting for?" You urged, "Let's go get him!"

Bucky sighed, emptying his lungs. "Technically… we can't."

"What?" Your words sneer in disbelief.

Bucky looked up. "Friday, we don't need you anymore. Can we have some privacy, please?" He asked, and Friday agreed. The holograms suddenly disappeared, and the AI's voice went silent.

"What's going on, Bucky?" You raised your eyebrows cautiously.

"We had a meeting. We did not agree to the terms of the council," Bucky said, leaning on his desk. He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "The council states that we have to be willing to share all our information and intelligence with them. We can't— most of us disagreed, not until the terms are changed."

You look down, disappointed. In what, you weren't quite sure. It's not anyone's fault, not really. You could understand why they decided what they did.

"I tried, I really did," he said, "I was outvoted."

"It's not your fault," you said heavily, "I can negotiate with the Special Forces on the Avenger's terms. We can revise the deal."

"How much time will that take?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

You shrugged, "Not fast enough. Three or four months, at least."

You wanted to know about Project Mercy and the two living experiments. Hearing that there might be Hydra-born human beings out there made you want to hunt them down, and cleanse the world of Hydra once and for all. You were not going to take the chance of them doing anymore damage to the world. Not after what you experience. Three or four months was too long a wait. 

"I'll help you hunt Petrov," Bucky said suddenly, and your eyes snapped to meet his. "Before the revision?" You asked, eyes squinted, 

He nodded, stepping closer to the bed. He sat down in front of you.

"I— I can't ask you to do that. Do you have any idea what the government will do to us if they find out?"

"Then we'll make sure they don't find out," he insisted, "Not the government, not even the other Avengers."

"Bucky…" you trailed off, barely above a whisper. You can only imagine what scars the events of the sokovia accords left on him. You can't ask him to endure something similar all over again.

"I want to," he told you, locking his hypnotic blue orbs on your eyes, letting you know that he means it, "Petrov and I— we had unfinished business."

The last prompt was cold, and you finally understood him.

That this was his fight as much as it was yours.

~

[theusurpersdog]

The Price of Peace

In my first two pieces on A Dance with Dragons, I discussed the political aspect and relationships within Dany’s arc; and those aspects are extremely important because the way Daenerys interacts with the world reveals pieces of her. But they are just reflections of the most important part of her story: the human heart in conflict with itself.

The way her 10 chapters are written is extremely intentional; they are meant to act as mirror images of each other; the choices Daenerys is forced to make in the first three chapters are the choices she is again forced to make in the last three chapters. The point of this is so we can see how she has changed over the course of the story; at the end of her arc, she makes the opposite choices than she did at the beginning – instead of chaining her dragons she flies off on Drogon, abandons her “floppy ears”, and instead of staying in Meereen decides to leave.

And beyond the chapters in this book, GRRM has designed Daenerys’ whole story to be circular; everything about her time in Meereen harkens back to her time with the Dothraki, and her final chapter on the Dothraki Sea is an almost exact recreation of her last chapter in A Game of Thrones. Just as the middle chapters of A Dance with Dragons function as the connecting thread between Daenerys’ change of heart, A Clash of Kings and A Storm of Swords connect the little girl from the first chapter of A Game of Thrones to the khaleesi embracing fire & blood at the end of A Dance with Dragons. And that’s why this book feels like the climax of Dany’s story; because everything she’s done has been building to Daenerys X.

Only One Thing Frightens Me Now

In previous books, especially A Storm of Swords, we see Daenerys begin embracing her connection to her dragons, using it to explain her fiery nature and short temper. But when she is presented with Hazzea’s bones, it forces Dany to reckon with the truth of that connection:

“Lannister or Stark, what difference? Viserys used to call them the Usurper’s dogs. If a child is set upon by a pack of hounds, does it matter which one tears out his throat? All the dogs are just as guilty. The guilt. . .” The word caught in her throat. Hazzea.

For a long time now, she has known what her dragons were capable of; in A Clash of Kings she feared they would burn her kingdom to the ground, and in A Storm of Swords she feared they would hurt Irri and Jhiqui after Drogon bit and burned them. But she chose to ignore the red flags because her dragons were her children. And worse, they were her path to power:

If I look back, I am doomed. Dany told herself . . . but how could she not look back? I should have seen it coming. Was I so blind, or did I close my eyes willfully, so I would not have to see the price of power?

When Eroeh was hurt in A Game of Thrones, Daenerys was able to tell herself that it wasn’t her fault, that all she had done was try to help her. But the blood of Hazzea’s death is on Dany’s hands and she can’t pretend otherwise. Daenerys had always had some amount of fear that she could be capable of the cruelty her father and brother displayed, but this is proof to her that she has already let herself become something she never wanted to be. So she locks her dragons away; refusing to allow anyone else to get hurt, or herself to be tempted by their power.

And for the first several chapters of A Dance with Dragons, Daenerys is heartbroken; for her dragons and for herself. Before, they had been like her children, but now she can only think of them with disgust:

Mother of dragons, Daenerys thought, Mother of monsters. What have I unleashed upon the world?

And beyond the shame she feels for placing her dragons ahead of her people, Daenerys is scared of what she might become:

“Only one thing frightens me now.”

“And what is it that you fear, sweet queen?”

“I am only a foolish young girl.” Dany rose on her toes and kissed his cheeks. “But not so foolish as to tell you that.”

These lines make it very clear that the only thing that frightens Dany is herself; but a pre-released chapter from before A Dance with Dragons was published made it even more clear:

She looks at Ser Barristan and tells him that she told Xaro that she feared only one thing, though she would not tell the merchant what. Ser Barristan guesses that she only fears her dragons. “Myself,” Dany tells him

This fear she has of herself is made even clearer in this passage:

She was the blood of the dragon, but Ser Barristan had warned her that in that blood there was a taint. Could I be going mad? They had called her father mad, once.

This is the first time Daenerys acknowledges that being “the blood of the dragon” could be negative, and enforces her belief that she should completely turn her back on her dragons.

Looking Back

I call so much attention to Daenerys’ chaining of her dragons and fear over her own impulses because it is so contradictory to the choices she will make in the last several chapters.

Like I said earlier, GRRM designed her chapters to be circular in nature to highlight Dany’s change of heart through the course of the book. But her change of heart does not happen suddenly; it happens slowly, as she begins to forget Hazzea and her father.

At first, she feels guilty even mentioning her dragons to Xaro Xhoan Daxos:

“My dragons have grown, my shoulders have not. They range far afield, hunting.” Hazzea, forgive me.

But by the time Quentyn arrives in Meereen, she is willing to flaunt her dragons for him:

“They are dragons, Quentyn.” Dany stood on her toes and kissed him lightly once on each cheek. “And so am I.”

A part of the reason she can never let her dragons go is that she really did see them as her children, and they protected her when no one else could:

Drogon saved me when they would have drained my life from me. Drogon burned them all.

When Drogon disappears, she genuinely misses him as if she has lost a child.

But even more than that, the dragons are a piece of her. In the same way that the Starks share a special bond with their direwolves, Daenerys has imprinted on her dragons; to deny them is to deny herself. That’s why she seeks out comfort in the form of Daario once she has caged them:

And who would ever dare to love a dragon?

She found herself thinking of Daario Naharis once again

Everything in Meereen is built on Dany’s rejection of her dragons; not because she wants or planned for it to be this way, but because she must give up on her dragons to protect her people. And that gets to the heart of Dany’s despair at everything in Meereen; because her and her dragons are so interconnected, she must reject herself to be Queen of Meereen. Dany understands this when she chains her dragons, and understands that she should reject the parts of herself that allowed Hazzea to die; she spends nearly the entirety of A Dance with Dragons trying to change who she is. That’s what she is doing when she chains her dragons, makes peace with Astapor and Yunkai, marries Hizdahr, and opens the fighting pits.

But change is easier said than done, and even though Daenerys constantly places everyone above herself, she can’t quite commit to leaving her dragons and true nature behind. As I explored in my last meta, Daario is Dany’s outlet for her “dragon” desires, and the more she commits to Meereen, the more she gives to Daario; until she has to marry Hizdahr, and has to end her affair with Daario. Not coincidentally, it is right after this that she decides to leave Meereen for good.

Dreams of Smoke and Fire

Throughout the series, even before they hatched, the dragons have been on a parallel journey with Daenerys. And while she spends most of A Dance with Dragons apart from them, Dany still shares much of her story with Drogon, Rhaegal, and Viserion.

The way Rhaegal and Viserion are chained at the start of the story is symbolic of how Daenerys must give up part of herself to be Queen of Meereen. And much like Daenerys holds on to Daario as refuge, not all of the dragons are caged:

Two score of her bravest had risked themselves trying to capture him. Almost all had suffered burns, and four of them had died. The last she had seen of Drogon had been at sunset on the night of the third attempt. The black dragon had been flying north across the Skahazadhan toward the tall grasses of the Dothraki sea. He had not returned.

Even while Daenerys and her dragons labor in Meereen, a part of them is returning to the Dothraki Sea.

And just as Daenerys begins to grow tired and frustrated with the city and seeks more and more comfort with Daario, her dragons slowly begin to work their way free:

Down in the pit, Viserion had snapped one of his chains; he and Rhaegal grew more savage every day.

The bones on the floor of the pit were deeper than the last time she had been down here, and the walls and floors were black and grey, more ash than brick. They would not hold much longer … but behind them was only earth and stone. Can dragons tunnel through rock, like the firewyrms of old Valyria? She hoped not.

In the days leading up to the events of Daznak’s Pit, Daenerys begins to have dreams similar to the ones she had on the Dothraki Sea:

She was still talking when Dany finally fell to sleep, to dream queer, half-formed dreams of smoke and fire.

Drogon arrives in Daznak’s Pit just as Daenerys decides she can’t handle to proceedings anymore, and rips off the tokar that represents the peace she has made in the city. And when the spearmen begin trying to kill him, it affects Daenerys just as much as the dragon:

Drogon raised his head, blood dripping from his teeth. The hero leapt onto his back and drown the iron spearpoint down at the base of the dragon’s long scaled neck.

Dany and Drogon screamed as one.

Even when Daenerys has flown off with Drogon and left Meereen, her other two dragons continue to parallel her journey; Rhaegal and Viserion break free of their chains just as Daenerys symbolically breaks free of hers.

And once her and Drogon are in the Dothraki Sea, Drogon’s refusal to leave “Dragonstone” for Meereen is a reflection of Daenerys’ own desire to leave the city.

All of these connections work to make one point very clear: Daenerys is her dragons. So much of her arc over the last two books comes down to Daenerys having to choose between her people or her dragons, but it’s a choice she cannot make because she will always return to the dragons. At the end of A Game of Thrones, standing in the burning funeral pyre as her dragons hatch, this is what she thought to herself:

I am Daenerys Stormborn, daughter of dragons, bride of dragons, mother of dragons

She made the choice to become those things when she sacrificed Mirri Maz Dur, and it’s a choice she is unable to turn her back on, no matter how hard she tries.

And GRRM has gone out of his way to make clear that this is a bad thing. The dragons cannot be tamed, chained, or overpowered. They are an unstoppable and unpredictable force, and everyone around them must cater to their whims or be burned along the way. Daenerys herself faces the consequences of dragons from thousands of years prior; the people in Meereen are starving because none of the ground is fertile, and none of the ground is fertile because Valyrian dragons scorched the earth. Hazzea’s death is the culmination of a pattern of escalation from Dany’s dragons; a tragic inevitability because Daenerys allowed them to be free.

I find it very interesting because, as I’ll elaborate below, the last two chapters of Dany’s Dance arc are focused on her undoing the decisions she makes in the first few chapters as she returns to the choices she made at the end of A Game of Thrones, that she also undoes a pivotal choice she made in A Storm of Swords. As I mentioned in the meta I wrote for that book, Daenerys went to Slaver’s Bay to buy an army, and “Breaker of Chains” humanitarian efforts came next; a side quest that became her main storyline. And it became her main storyline when she decides to lead the Unsullied as free men:

She raised the harpy's fingers in the air . . . and then she flung the scourge aside.

But when she decides to tame Drogon and ride away from Daznak’s Pit, she does the opposite:

She scrabbled in the sand, pushing against the pitmaster's corpse, and her fingers brushed against the handle of his whip. Touching it made her feel braver. The leather was warm, alive.

A Dragon or a Harpy

Daenerys’ time in Meereen is defined by her steadfast refusal to accept any part of their culture; she hates their food, she hates their customs and traditions, and it is a burden for her to even wear the tokar. This is a startling contrast to how willing she was to join Dothraki culture in A Game of Thrones, where she tells Jorah she is not a Queen but a Khaleesi. Her attitudes toward the Meereenese are much more in line with Viserys’ view of the Dothraki; the same way Viserys complained of their strange clothes, foreign tongue, and general “savagery”, even the way Viserys was appalled by the way they eat horse meat, is paralleled in how Daenerys discusses those aspects of Meereenese culture, except replace “horse meat” with “dog meat”. While Daenerys has some moral objections to Meereen, she hates most of their things because she is angry she has to be there, stuck a world away from the Seven Kingdoms, just as Viserys hated the Dothraki because they wouldn’t sail across the Narrow Sea for him.

Daenerys connection to Viserys grows as she is forced into the same position he was; watching helplessly as the Iron Throne slips slowly out of her grasp. Much more than any prior book, Daenerys constantly hears his advice in her mind:

"I am the blood of the dragon," Dany reminded him. "Have you ever seen a dragon with the flux?" Viserys had oft claimed that Targaryens were untroubled by the pestilences that afflicted common men, and so far as she could tell, it was true.

Viserys would have his head off for that insolence.

“If my brother Viserys had known that he had a Dornish princess waiting for him, he would have crossed to Sunspear as soon as he was old enough to wed."

I did wait. For my crown, for my throne, for you. All those years, and all I ever got was a pot of molten gold. Why did they give the dragon's eggs to you? They should have been mine. If I'd had a dragon, I would have taught the world the meaning of our words. Viserys began to laugh, until his jaw fell away from his face, smoking, and blood and molten gold ran from his mouth.

These parallels aren’t meant to suggest that Daenerys is becoming Viserys as much as they are to show the fulfillment of Dany’s own fears; through Clash and Storm, she has worried that if she had to beg and wait as Viserys did, she could become him. And in A Dance with Dragons, she has to beg for every small amount of peace the Sons of the Harpy will allow her, and abandon Astapor and Yunkai back to slavery, as well as marry herself away to Hizdahr zo Loraq; all so one day Meereen might be peaceful enough for her to sail to Westeros. This waiting and begging chips at her sanity the same way it did Viserys.

Complicating Dany’s moral distaste for Meereen is the way she unintentionally perpetuates some of the worst aspects of the culture. As I broke down in a previous meta, Dany tortures prisoners en masse and allows the Shavepate to torture innocent children in front of their fathers. She also forces people into hard labor:

Xaro gave a languid shrug. “As it happens, when I came ashore in your sweet city, I chanced to see upon the riverbank a man who had once been a guest in my manse, a merchant who dealt in rare spices and choice wines. He was naked from the waist up, red and peeling, and seemed to be digging a hole.”

“Not a hole. A ditch, to bring water from the river to the fields. We mean to plant beans. The beanfields must have water.”

“How kind of my old friend to help with the digging. And how very unlike him. Is it possible he was given no choice in the matter? No, surely not. You have no slaves in Meereen.”

Dany flushed. “Your friend is being paid with food and shelter. I cannot give him back his wealth. Meereen needs beans more than it needs rare spices, and beans require water.”

Daenerys never says the man is a criminal, and only mentions that he lost his wealth when the spice trade collapsed. To me, this strongly suggests the man is not a criminal being punished for his crimes, but a newly poor man being exploited due to his lack of options. And previously in A Storm of Swords, Daenerys had already decided to collect taxes from the temporary slave trade.

Yet Daenerys does not seem to notice the voluntary choices she makes to compromise her morality, instead focusing on the choices the Sons of the Harpy and Hizdahr force on her. But the symbolism of Drogon makes it clear:

Drogon hunted far afield, but when he was sated he liked to bask in the sun at the apex of the Great Pyramid, where once the harpy of Meereen had stood.

And Daenerys even living in the Great Pyramid begins to disconnect her from the people she is supposed to represent; in A Storm of Swords, she thinks to herself how different it is for those in the pyramids:

The stars were coming out above, and the silk lanterns below, just as Kraznys’s translator had promised. The brick pyramids were all glimmer with light. But it is dark below, in the streets and plazas and fighting pits. And it is darkest of all in the barracks, where some little boy is feeding scraps to the puppy they gave him when they took away his manhood.

Daenerys’ men are slaughtered in the streets as she stays atop her pyramid with Daario, too impatient to hear the complaints of her people:

"As my queen commands. Will you hold court today?"

"No.”

Mother to Us All

Daenerys is torn between being a mother to her people or to her dragons; and while she grows more tired of her role as Queen and pulls closer to Daario, she is also starting to hate the Meereenese smallfolk she stayed to protect.

The reason Daenerys was able to temporarily overcome her love for her dragons and chain them is because of how much she also loves her people; from the moment they declared her Mhysa, it fundamentally changed the way she perceived the world. Because of Mirri Maz Duur, Dany believes she will never be able to have kids; and in the immediate aftermath of that revelation, she treated her dragons like they were her only chance to be a mother. But thousands of smallfolk chose her to be their mother, which offers Daenerys the choice to be something more. Being the mother of dragons is what she wants, but being mhysa is the right thing to do. At the end of A Storm of Swords, Daenerys didn’t realize it was a choice she had to make, and tried to be both; but once Hazzea dies and she is forced to choose, she makes the right decision by placing her people first. But, slowly throughout A Dance with Dragons, she comes to regret that choice for two reasons: she feels as if she can’t help the people, and then realizes she doesn’t want to.

As I discussed before, Daenerys has to make a series of compromises with the Sons of the Harpy and the Masters of Astapor and Yunkai to keep the peace; one of these compromises is locking Meereen’s gates and leaving the Astapori refugees to die:

They were her children, but she could not help them now.

Dany has to make so many decisions that harm huge amounts of smallfolk to keep what little peace she has made in Meereen, and starts to feel as if nothing matters. If Astapor and Yunkai have returned to slavery anyway, why should she make herself miserable in Meereen when she could take her dragons and fly to Westeros?

Even more than a feeling of hopelessness, though, it is Dany’s dislike of the Meereenese that makes her regret choosing them over her dragons:

Ten thousand throats roared out their thanks; then twenty thousand; then all. They did not call her name, which few of them could pronounce. “Mother!” they cried instead; in the old dead tongue of Ghis, the word was Mhysa! They stamped their feet and slapped their bellies and shouted, “Mhysa, Mhysa, Mhysa,” until the whole pit seemed to tremble. Dany let the sound wash over her. I am not your mother, she might have shouted, back, I am the mother of your slaves, of every boy who ever died upon these sands whilst you gorged on honeyed locusts.

As Queen, Daenerys feels like she is forced to only represent the Nobles of Meereen instead of the slaves she stayed behind to protect. Being made to attend the fighting pits and watch as smallfolk fight and die for the pleasure of the Masters is the final insult to Daenerys.

But even though Dany tells herself she is the mother of their slaves, in truth it is clear she doesn’t like them either:

Daenerys was sick unto death of Zhak and Merreq; she was sick of all the Mereenese, great and small alike.

She has become so disconnected with “her people” that it’s a joke to her when Daario calls her out on it:

“On the morrow I will be a woman wed, and Hizdahr will be king. Let him hold court. These are his people."

"Some are his, some are yours. The ones you freed."

"Are you chiding me?"

"The ones you call your children. They want their mother."

"You are. You are chiding me."

The idea of the slaves appeals to Daenerys much more than the reality. The complete love and adoration she felt when she rode through the screaming crowd at the end of A Storm of Swords is what she wanted from the Meereenese when she chose to stay behind, but in reality they aren’t always like that; they are poor people who just want better lives, and get angry with Daenerys when she gets in the way of that, such as when they line up to be repaid for their animals that Drogon killed. The only slaves that never lose hope in Dany as a savior are the ones who live in Astapor, desperately clinging to the hope that someone could come save them:

“Every day we told each other that the dragon queen was coming back.” The woman had thin lips and dull dead eyes, set in a pinched and narrow face. “Cleon had sent for you, it was said, and you were coming.”

And those are the people she must shut outside the gates, again making her feel like everything she does is meaningless. By the time she has married Hizdahr and is opening the fighting pits to negotiate peace with Yunkai, Daenerys can’t even remember why she stayed in Meereen:

“I suppose I must be thankful for small victories,” the queen said.

“One step, then the next, and soon we shall be running. Together we shall make a new Meereen.” The street ahead had finally cleared. “Shall we continue on?”

What could she do but nod? One step, then the next, but where is it I’m going?

I think this divide within Daenerys, of wanting to be a mother to her people while slowly growing to despise them, is fascinating to view through the lens of her relationship to Missandei:

"I would sooner stay with you. On Naath I'd be afraid. What if the slavers came again? I feel safe when I'm with you."

Safe. The word made Dany’s eyes fill up with tears. “I want to keep you safe.” Missandei was only a child. With her, she felt as if she could be a child too. “No one ever kept me safe when I was little. Well, Ser Willem did, but then he died, and Viserys . . . I want to protect you but . . . it is so hard. To be strong. I don’t always know what I should do. I must know, though. I am all they have. I am the queen . . . the . . . the. . .”

“. . . mother,” whispered Missandei.

“Mother to dragons.” Dany shivered.

“No. Mother to us all.” Missandei hugged her tighter.

Missandei is exactly what Daenerys wanted when she chose to stay in Meereen; a former slave who loves and adores her, and because she is Dany’s own scribe she gets to feel safe and cared for (unlike the unprotected slaves living in the city). Beyond that, Missandei allows Daenerys to vicariously fix her own childhood; so much of Dany’s hatred of slavery comes from her own experience being sold by Viserys to Khal Drogo, and Daenerys sees herself in Missandei. As Daenerys says in the above quote, once Ser Willem died, she had no one to ever protect or even care for her, and she wants to be the mother she never had to anyone who feels scared or afraid.

I think it’s so easy to forget because Daenerys was married and gave birth in the first book, and then goes on to lead an army and be Queen of a city, but she is still a child herself. During A Dance with Dragons, she’s roughly 15 or 16 years old - just a teenager - and yet she’s putting tremendous pressure on herself to be a mother to thousands of former slaves, while at the same time trying to build herself the childhood she never had. It’s no coincidence that she begins thinking of the house with the red door more often:

She had been dreaming of a house with a red door when Missandei woke her.

Dany had never known a home. In Braavos, there had been a house with a red door, but that was all.

This was done in Braavos, while we were living in the house with the red door. Why did that make her feel so strange?

She would rather have drifted in the fragrant pool all day, eating iced fruit off silver trays and dreaming of a house with a red door

Not since those half-remembered days in Braavos when she lived in the house with the red door had she been as happy.

I’m most interested by this dream she has, though:

"Is it Daario? What's happened?" In her dream they had been man and wife, simple folk who lived a simple life in a tall stone house with a red door.

This is the first time Daenerys has imagined a future with a red door; she has always wanted to return to the house in Braavos, but she’s never had dreams of what a future there could look like until this dream. And she pictures Daario as her husband living a simple life, even though she knows that is impossible:

I would give up my crown if he asked it of me, Dany thought. . . but he had not asked it, and never would. Daario might whisper words of love when the two of them were as one, but she knew it was the dragon queen he loved. If I gave up my crown, he would not want me.

This emphasizes that Dany will never be happy. She longs for and dreams of the house with a red door because it is an impossible reality - the one time in her life where she lived as a princess free of fear and responsibility. It’s the perfect childhood she almost had and then lost, and for the rest of her life she’s going to try and get it back. But the truth is it is lost forever; Daenerys is not the same young girl who wants peace and simplicity and nothing else, and the world will not allow her to be a carefree princess anymore. And if the red door is Dany’s ideal of lost childhood and innocence, Daario is the personification of her new dream of fire and blood and freedom from her moral misgivings. She dreams of both Daario and the red door together because they are the two things she wants most in the world; but they cannot possibly exist together. She can’t be a dragon queen who lives a simple life. At some point, she has to choose which future she wants, because she can have one but not the other.

I’ve decided to split this piece into two separate parts. As I said in my first post about A Dance with Dragons, I originally intended on three metas; the first two, about Dany’s political arc and relationships, I’ve already put out. But in writing about her personal journey, I realized it has two halves, and to do both justice I think they need separate posts. This piece is to cover the first half of her arc, up through the first nine chapters, and should highlight the huge choices she made in the first three chapters to give up on her dragons and Westeros to save her people, and then the next six chapters which test her resolve and make her regret those original choices. My next, and last, piece on Daenerys in A Dance with Dragons will solely focus on Daenerys X, when she decides to turn her back on Meereen and embrace her family and her dragons.

[weilongfu]

Works in Progress 10/27

In before @thewickling tags me on the Love at Comfort progress report.

I have two things for you all to take a gander at. Sorta.

MDZS Reincarnation!AU: 太阳把云生了 Summary: Lan Yuan, courtesy name Lan Si Zhui, was not always a Lan. He was born Wen Yuan. While the majority of people might not know the exact particulars of his birth and family connections, Lan Yuan knows that there is a reason why his uncle and aunt, Wen Ning and Wen Qing, allowed him to be put up for adoption. He just wasn’t aware of the stakes involved in his origins. But there is one thing Lan Yuan is sure of. He is not the Wen Yuan that the Wen family wants to bring back into the fold, and he never will be. The sun has given birth to a cloud that is free of its ambitions, and it will never return.

LBC: Saviors of Hearts (and People) Ch 6 “It’s not safe for you to come on patrol with me. Not if Trump Card knows who I am and that I’m training you.” Ae crossed his arms and stubbornly tried to keep his mind on topic instead of on how pale Pete’s skin was as he changed into training gear. “You’re not ready.”

“Ae…” Pete curled his fists into his training shirt. “I… He almost hurt you… He did hurt you…” Pete turned to look at Ae instead of the bottom of his locker. “I won’t be able to live with myself if… If Ae is hurt and I couldn’t help him.” Pete met Ae’s eyes and Ae was surprised by the amount of resolve in them. “Ae makes me brave. I won’t slow you down tonight. Please let me come with you.”

Ae bit the inside of his cheek. Trump Card hadn’t been seen for days since their last encounter. Having finally seen Trump Card’s ability for himself, Ae was sure he could handle him. Or at least distract him long enough for Pete to get away. 

“Do you promise, that when we’re out there, that you’ll listen to me?”

“Don’t I always listen to Ae?” Pete smiled, soft and earnest and Ae wanted to bite Pete’s lips. Pete’s face started to grow closer and Ae realized he was leaning in. “Ae?”

“It’s nothing.” Ae scrubbed at his face, feeling it burn. “I’ll meet you out on the floor.”

“Ae?”

------

“Blaze decided to burn you both.”

Tin didn’t think he’d ever hear someone mention Blaze ever again. At least not since he’d grown up and changed his hero code name. Memories of a smile, kind and cruel, the searing of flame down his back, and laughter, cold and dreadful, from someone he thought he could trust.

Can was nowhere to be seen. Not hiding at the coffee shop and not wandering around on patrol. The past few nights had been blissfully Hyper free. 

Tin sipped on his coffee, watching the gym across the street from the police station. 

A few minutes later, his phone beeped. Tin checked the screen and his coffee grew cold in his hands. Discarding the frozen coffee in disgust, Tin stormed out of the cafe. Moments later, going in the opposite direction, Ice King swept down the street. And if the structure of his face could be seen under his mask of ice, bystanders would see a conflicted face, filled with anger and sorrow.

[miraclejune]

HERO’S SOUP: Chapter 6

Awaken

"That's mine!"

"Nu-uh! I got here first!"

"I was saving that for later, Minho!"

Chan has gotten used to this setting. If you weren't from that household, you might've thought they're bickering over something serious. But for him, he just wanted to jab a wooden stake to his heart.

"What are they doing?" Chan sighed, glancing over Jeongin who was busy braiding Felix's hair. His hands stop fumbling the fox's soft locks as his head whipped over the kitchen. "Fighting over the last pop tart... again." Changbin stood up after answering Jeongin's question. He made his way towards the chaos.

"Hyunjin, Jisung, Minho... not this again." he sprinted towards the 3 of them. Changbin snatched the pop tart from Jisung’s hand, earning a fit of whines and groans from the struggling trio.

"I'm going shopping tomorrow. I'll buy a box for each of you, just please shut the fuck up." Changbin walked back towards the living room, plopping beside Jeongin. Jeongin's eyes danced all over the room, confused about what just happened. The cause of the ruckus heads towards the living room also.

Hyunjin drops to the floor laying his head onto Felix's lap, a pout evident on the wolf's face. Meanwhile, Jisung and Minho sat beside each other on the other edge of the sofa where Jeongin was sitting.

The two of them suddenly became 'close' with each other. Although most of the time, little to none words were exchanged between them, weirdly enough they were inseparable. Woojin was the first to notice. Except for the pack and Chan, none of them have known each other for quite some time.

Chan eyed Minho and Jisung cautiously. Minho wasn't the type of person to get close to someone else suddenly. He was the exact opposite.

He was a bit of an outcast, aside from Chan and Felix, he doesn't have any other acquaintances. Chan even came up with the idea that Minho pursued him from Japan to Korea, because he was lonely. His massive shrine may be filled with gifts and offerings but by the end of the day, he was alone.

That hypothesis alone was petty, according to Chan. Minho could easily fall in with other 'antic' beings. However, when Chan asked him about it when he waited for Minho to finish his busking session near Myeongdong, his answer: "I just didn't feel like it." vague.

"Want the last pop tart, kid?" the boy gasped so cutely even Satan would've cooed. Jeongin wearily eyed the ones who were fighting over it just a minute ago. Absolutely no one would refuse to give it to him. Getting the approval he needs, he lifts up his hand, ready to accept the treatment. But, Changbin shakes his head. Motioning the boy to open his mouth, Jeongin complied, biting off a small chunk. He held Changbin's wrist and the wolf automatically let go. The boy stands up, carefully nudging away Felix. "Jeongin.." Hyunjin was at a loss for words. Minho and Jisung were also flustered and almost teary-eyed when Jeongin offered them the rest of the treat.

The scene alone made everyone smile.

"Oh-" Seungmin disappears into thin air, reappearing after 10 seconds with a handful of paper bags. He lifts up the contents, shaking them a little. "Jeongin's mom asked me to bring these." as the room burst into cheers, Seungmin headed towards the kitchen. lance ambling behind him, showering him with questions. "Mom sent these. I thought she was at grandma's. And why were you at my place?" The rest of the group started preparing the table, utensils, and side dishes were laid out in an instant.

Seungmin answered all the boy's questions while he took each of the dishes from the paper bags. Jeongin’s mom called him. "Mom has your number?!" The witch told him his mom gave him her contact details when he walked him home the day after their sleepover.

Continuing the story, Jeongin's mom told Seungmin over the phone that she went to get something at their home and decided to cook a little meal for the 9 of them. Jeongin eventually grasped the idea, not waiting a second on offering the witch a helping hand. And oh, it was totally not just 'a little meal'.

"Jeongin, I'm telling you! You will love your room! I personally decorated it for you." the boy sheepishly nodded his head for the 5th time that night. As soon as he showed up at the mansion, Woojin began bragging about 'his' room.

Has it not occurred to the alpha that he only stayed over for ONE night and he suddenly gets his own queen-sized bedroom? Not that he had a choice. All of the rooms in that massive mansion were either queen-sized or king-sized. Even the bathrooms are outrageous. Jeongin can't help but feel embarrassed. However, he was also grateful for all of them. Being accepted like family felt overwhelmingly awesome.

As soon as dinner was finished, Woojin pushed him off his seat, grasping the boy's hand tightly as they made their way upstairs. A smile was evident on the alpha's face. "Ta-da!"

"This is all mine?" the boy carefully stepped inside, his eyes wandered around from the grey-toned colored bed to the cream walls decorated with minimalist paintings and wall accents. As he looked back to Woojin, he was welcomed by his uncanny resemblance to 'The Scream' painting.

"W-wait... this is not how it's supposed to look!" Woojin was pushed aside from the door frame while the rest of the boys flooded inside the room. Jeongin eventually joined in with the rest, admiring how the room looked while they found their spots. The bed shifted at the weight of 4 people-Jeongin, Hyunjin, Chan, and Minho. While Felix and Jisung settled on the sofa beside the bed, Changbin peered over the window, hands inside his pockets. Seungmin, on the other hand, remained near the door, observing the shock on the alpha's face.

"I changed it up a bit. Not all teens go through an emo phase. And I'm telling you, Jeongin is definitely not one of them." Changbin walks over to the small storage room near the bathroom and begins to pull out boxes of the previous decoration of the room. Hyunjin trails behind him and pulls out a My Chemical Romance poster from one of the boxes. "MCR? All Time Low? Linkin Park? You should've put these in Chan’s room." Hyunjin let out a loud 'ouch' as he soothes the spot where Chan hit him with a slipper.

"Ha. Ha. I'm not emo, Hyunjin."

"You're emo, Chan."

"Yeah. I saw your playlist before."

The room burst into laughter. Woojin closed the door behind him with a pout and walked over to the bed. "Thank you." the alpha smiles and wraps his arms around Jeongin.

-

(note: everything will be a bit fast-paced from now on, I'm adjusting my writing style a bit so that it's not boring to read. I'm adding more dialogue now.)

At the break of dawn, Jeongin shuffles around the bed. Wandering his hand on the bedside table. He momentarily squints his eyes from the sudden light emitting from his phone and slowly opens them up to check the time. 5am. He gets up and stretches his muscles for a few minutes, his eyes traveling around the unfamiliar room.

"I should probably get used to this." he mumbled.

He fixed up his bed before going downstairs. As he arrives at the final step of the stairs, he sees Woojin and Chan chatting in the kitchen. Woojin was seated onto one of the dinner table chairs while Chan was leaning against the kitchen counter holding a glass of what seems to be blood.

They were immersed in a conversation. But Chan noticed the boy as soon as he woke up, his mellow heartbeat was replaced by a resting one indicating that he was awake.

The alpha glances over to his direction. "Jeongin, come here. Breakfast is almost done." Woojin motions the boy towards them. Jeongin ambles towards the kitchen, half-asleep. He crashed into Woojin's arms, nuzzling his face onto the alpha's chest. "G'morning hug..." It took a while before Woojin wrapped his arms tightly around him. Chan smiles.

"Chan also." The vampire welcomes the boy into his arms. The warmth of the boy made him grin. But when he was about to tighten his grip, Jeongin pulled away. "Cold." Chan's dilated eyes followed the boy as he made his way back to the wolf, sticking to him like glue. "Hm... better." Woojin chuckles. He continues to caress the boy's back. "Did Chan feel like a corpse?" Jeongin nodded against his chest, he could feel the vibrations from the alpha’s chuckle.

"Jeongin, I have to cook. We can cuddle after." Jeongin slowly pushes away from Woojin, the lack of the wolf's warm demeanor makes him frown. Woojin pats the boy's head and turns toward the stove. Chan downs his glass of blood, sitting beside Jeongin. "We can cuddle if you like. I'm warm now because of the blo-" loud thuds coming from the stairs made Chan shut up. Hyunjin pops out of the corner, running towards the kitchen.

"Jeongin~ if you need warm hugs, Hyunjin is here~" Jeongin snapped out of his half-awake state, nonetheless, he took up the offer. Opening his arms in the air as Hyunjin approaches him. Chan was pushed aside as Jeongin koaled himself onto Hyunjin after that they headed towards the living room. "I can't believe that asshole." Woojin chuckles at Chan's remarks.

He walked towards the vampire and gave him a pat on the back. He then proceeded to set the table, Chan standing up, silently helping Woojin. "Judging from his appearance. Hyunjin probably woke up because he heard the words 'cuddles' and 'Jeongin' in one sentence." Chan scoffs as he places the last plate on the table. "That's all it takes to wake him up? For fuck's sake, Changbin gave up last month on 'Waking up Hyunjin duty." Woojin laughs.

"I HEARD THAT." Chan flinches at Hyunjin's voice but shakes his head right after, a grin creeping up in his face. The empty table was soon filled in by half-awake beings.

Chan gaped at the scene in front of him.

"It's the last piece! It's mine because I'm special!"

"Yeah right. Pfft, special."

Jisung and Minho were bickering over the last piece of toast.

"Faaaa"

"Soooooo"

"Oi, mate! You didn't hit the note!"

"Fuck off, Lix."

Felix and Changbin were having a low note battle to see who has the deepest voice. It's an obvious win for Felix but Changbin was known for being competitive.

"Why don't you move in with us too? We have plenty of room."

"I'll think about it, Woojin. I can't leave my lab unattended."

"You can move your lab here too! The basement is really spacious."

"Oh, that's an offer I can't refuse. But, yeah okay. I'll think about it."

Woojin and Seungmin were immersed in their own world. It's like watching ancient people talk. Mature.

Chan's eyes landed on Hyunjin who was busy fiddling with his phone, he furrowed his eyebrows. "Hyunjin."

"Hm?" the wolf hums in response, not even bothering lifting his head up.

"No phones at the dinner table."

"Wait, Chan. I'm trying to find that email for that energy drink thing. Skimmed it before I fucking forgot to mark it as important." Chan frowns. "Check it after breakfast." Hyunjin sighs, mumbling under his breath as he shoves his phone back into his pocket. Jeongin chuckles beside Chan. "He's like a kid."

They exchanged glances, Chan smiles at him.

"Yeah, right?"

Jisung swatted away the hands of whoever offered to help with the dishes. Well, except for Minho who shoved him aside from the sink.

Hyunjin continued on skimming through his phone, he headed towards the living room. Catching Woojin's attention when he lets out a groan. "What's up?" Hyunjin whines, letting himself fall onto the alpha's lap. "I can't find that email!!"

"The energy drink one? I have the details written down already." Woojin tells him. Hyunjin beams at him, thankful for his actions. The older laughs. "I'm your manager. Remember?" the younger wolf nods. He tends to forget about having Woojin as a manager since he was a freelance model and mostly handles all his projects on his own.

"Wait, Hyunjin’s is a model?" Wide-eyed, mouth agape, Jeongin asked.

"Wow. People hire you. Talk about bad taste." Seungmin mocked. Hyunjin pouted, throwing a pillow at the witch. "Bite me." Seungmin just sticks his tongue out.

"Yeah. He's been a freelance model for about a year now." Jeongin nodded at Woojin's answer, he was still in awe. Seungmin hums in thought. "You're aware of the hunters within the entertainment industry, that's why you didn't choose to sign up under a management, correct?" he nailed down the reason behind Hyunjin's work choice. Woojin nods on behalf of the wolf, giving the witch a smile.

"Wait. What are hunters?" Jeongin whipped his head around the room. Trying his best to meet eyes with any of them. His eyes automatically landed on Woojin, which the latter answered. "The same ones who kidnapped Jisung." Jeongin hums, it was a very difficult topic to talk about. The awkward silence went on for 5 minutes before they returned to their normal chaotic business.

Jeongin heads upstairs a while later. It was 10am and he had a class at 12pm. His university was a bit far from the mansion, so he had to prepare and leave early.

Seungmin also washes up, finishing a bit earlier than the boy. He walked in on the rest of the group talking about the boy. "You can't let him live here." they turned their heads towards Seungmin who was walking towards them. Chan knitted his eyebrows. 

"Why not? It's for him to decide."

"Chan." Chan clicks his tongue, shutting up after Woojin's warning. "I think someone in his family knows." the rest suddenly straightened their postures. An eerie atmosphere creeps in as Seungmin crosses his arms, continuing his words. "I'm not sure who. But he/she knows who we are and where we are. Even you, Woojin." as heads turn towards him. The alpha remains calm. His face was solemn and peaceful amidst the sudden interrogation. Seungmin's eyes linger at him. He knew about the alpha's past, Woojin told him. And he's still wondering why he did. Woojin held his gaze also. His face may be calm, but his terrifying presence exudes from his eyes. The witch couldn't hold his gaze much longer, he turned his head away.

"How did you find out?" Jisung spoke up from beside Minho, everyone else was listening attentively. "Remember I dropped by Jeongin's house last night," all of them nodded. "There were spells within a 5-meter radius of his home." Chan ran a hand through his hair. Who was it? Wait... "Wasn't yesterday your second time going to his house?" Chan questioned the witch.

Seungmin nodded, interrupting Chan from his assumptions. "I didn't find any spells during the first time, that person must've found out about us after I walked Jeongin home." and again, the room was engulfed in silence. Seungmin sat down beside Chan, squeezing the vampire's shoulder. "He's not safe around us, Chan." Seungmin couldn't hide the concern behind his voice and gaze. Chan put a hand over Seungmin's hand. Squeezing it tightly as he gave him a sad smile.

"Jeongin's coming." Hyunjin chirped. Seungmin moved his gaze back to Chan. His face was shrouded with worry and fear. The witch stands up, making everyone in the room look at him. "My class finishes at 5pm. I'll head over to Woojin's café. We can talk there." He gave them a fleeting smile. He picked up his bag and waited for Jeongin outside.

The boy comes out of the corner, asking where the witch was. The room shifted into a calmer mood. "He's waiting for you on the porch." Jisung told the boy.

After multiple goodbyes and Hyunjin's lingering hug, Jeongin waved one final goodbye at them before closing the door behind him.

The rest of them turned to Chan. He gave them a sad smile. "Let's just hope that person tracking Jeongin is not one of the hunters."

[hennessystevens-udaku]

After All This Time...

“Why the hell did I let you talk me into watching this shit?” I scolded Aly’Sha through yet another set of tears. We were curled up in the middle of the California king bed in extravagant suite of the JW Marriott resort eating snacks and watching movies, the current selection being Sex and the City.

“You two are not Carrie and Big,” Kalika reminded me.

“She’s right, Henny. Erik worships the ground you walk on, he wouldn’t dare do anything like that to you,” Aly’Sha chimed in.

I took their words into consideration and the tears finally stopped. Erik wouldn’t abandon me, would he?

________________________________________________________

After months of planning and preparation the day had finally come. All of our close friends and associates had joined us in Venice, Italy to witness two broken souls become one. The entire lawn was littered with black tables covered in gold cloth and black and gold rose centerpieces that cascaded off of the tables.. The aisle was lined with black lanterns leading to the floral arch overlooking the lavish pool. On the other side of the law, the wedding party table was decorated in the opposite fashion, donned with a black table cloth with a tall white column in the middle, overflowing with black and gold roses. Everything was absolutely perfect. Well almost…

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE’S NOT HERE?!” I heard Aly’Sha scream from the other side of the suite. I’d made it through hair and makeup and was in the process of pulling on my dress when Odell came in with the alarming news.

“Hennessy!” Aly’Sha called from somewhere behind me.

All of the negative thoughts from the last night were back with a vengeance as a sudden wave of anxiety hit me. I was immediately thrown back it my childhood, the little black girl in foster care being told that no one would ever love me and that I didn’t deserve to be loved. The deeper I sunk into my thoughts, the more my tears fell. Thank God for smudge-proof makeup.

“Hennessy, please open the door,” Aly’Sha tried again.

The more I willed myself to think happy thoughts, the more my mind composed damn near impossible scenarios of our tragic demise.

“What if he doesn’t show up? What if he decides he doesn’t want me anymore? What if he goes off on a mission and doesn’t come back?”

“That’s it, I’m kicking his ass,” I heard Kalika say before the door of the suite slammed.

________________________________________________________

The crispy September breeze coming off of the Grand Canal was just what I needed to calm the nerves building inside of me. Here I was, Erik N’Jadaka Stevens, man-whore of legendary proportions, getting ready to turn in my player’s card and pledge my life to one woman. I’d never been one to do the relationship thing or even fall in love, but there was something about the 5’0 doe-eyed beauty that refused to let me go. With her, life was simple, I never had to think about the “what-ifs” of life. She calmed me with just the touch of her hand and the way my name rolls off her tongue is like the chorus of angels. We’d gone through so much during our 5 year relationship, from escorts to illegally getting high under the Hollywood sign for the hell of it. She was truly my best friend and the female version of me, and deep down I knew that she was the woman I wanted to be with until the end of time, no matter how loudly my nerves screamed otherwise.

“Your black ass better have a good ass reason to be out here and not back at the resort,” I heard Kalika call from behind me. I chuckled to myself before turning to face the small woman. Though they weren’t related by birth, she and Hennessy were almost the same person with the exact same temper. Add Aly’Sha to the mix and it was a three-way battle of sass, usually directed at me. I should’ve known she’d know where to find me, seeing as how we all shared common interests.

“I just needed some time to think, little sis. I was actually on my way back,” I said, rubbing the back of my head.

“You had better been heading back, all hell is breaking loose back at the resort,” Kalika stated, staring up at me.

“What’s going on?” I inquired as we made out way back toward the resort.

“Odell just came in and said you weren’t here, no explanation or anything. Hennessy overheard and-”

“Say less,” I said cutting off her off. The last thing I needed was for her to think that I was having second thoughts or that I’d brought her all the way to another country to just get cold feet.

When we made it back to the resort, I immediately went to the bridal suite. I found Aly’Sha standing outside of the locked bathroom door, begging her to let her in, but to no avail.

________________________________________________________

“Princess.”

His deep voice pulled me out of my head almost instantly.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” I replied weakly.

“So I’m supposed to just let my favorite girl bawl her eyes out in a bathroom when she’s supposed to getting ready to spend the rest of her life with me? Is that what you really want?”

“No,” I responded with a chuckle.

“Besides as long I don’t look at you, there’s no bad luck, right?”

He had an answer for everything.

“You’re my Princess, right?” He asked.

“You know I am, E.” I replied with no hesitation.

“Then you should know that no matter what happens, I got you. We’re not Carrie and Bigg, we’re Hennessy and Erik: the hood heroes. Two smart ass kids from fucked up backgrounds that found each other when we needed each other the most. No matter how many missions I go on, I’m making it my business to come back to you. You’re my best friend, my almost wife, and my future mother of my fat ass, big head ass babies. We’re unstoppable, babygirl.”

I smiled at his words because deep down I knew he was right. He always knew what to say to bring me back to reality. I wiped the last of the tears from my face before finally unlocking the door.

“Close your eyes!” Aly’Sha screamed as I pulled the door open. I looked to see Erik with his back to me.

“Take my hand Princess,” he called out to me.

I walked over to him and put my back to his, taking both of his hands in mine.

We stood there for a while before he finally spoke.

“You know I fall in love with you a little more everyday, Princess. Who would've known that random night looking for some weed would lead to this? I still get butterflies whenever you say my name,” he admitted.

I froze before speaking.

“After all this time?”

“Always.”

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[yoolee]

50 SLBP Prompts

I am having an off morning. For a lot of reasons. My primary method for handling these bouts is to chug water, and pour the nervous energy into whatever the heck comes to mind and hope the heartbeat thing sorts itself out while I ignore it, so, here you go. Some of these will be terrible. Most of them will be ridiculous because it’s me y’all I don’t write angsty or meaningful substance-y stuff it’s all ballet and feather boas. Don’t judge me on how many superhero ones there are I’m on a kick. AND WHATEVER you don’t have to do anything with them if you don’t like them but you can if you do

Yukimura

Yukimura and MC are having a fight – Saizo is off on a mission, so Nobuyuki has to fix it.

“I don’t think he can get redder. Unless…” “Oh no,” started the chef, “Not a chance.”

Usually Saizo handles the ninja missions, but this time you and Yukimura have to go to undercover and please stop laughing Saizo we’re trying okay.

Saizo

Soulmate AU where when your soulmate first speaks to you, the words appear permanently over your heart – which incidentally, is why Saizo kept his mouth shut when you met as children.

Superhero (villain?) AU where the little fox half-mask is not fooling anyone. Except you, probably.

You’re very tired of Saizo trying to push you away for your own good, so you decide to turn the tables. Sort of.

Ieyasu:

You get three wishes and Ieyasu has to grant them – but he’ll do so as he pleases, so, be careful what you wish for.

Ieyasu’s ticked off a vengeful spirit and now one or the both of you can only say the exact opposite of what you mean. If it’s Ieyasu,  would you even notice?

You are about 99% certain that the local supervillain’s civilian identity is the cute jerk with a sweet tooth who never tips when he visits your restaurant and this time when you are kidnapped you decide to offer to cook while you wait for your hero to show up. Bonus points if your local superhero is a super grumpy Mitsunari who is unhappy with how many times you end up in this guy’s clutches come on seriously have you no self-awareness

Mitsunari:

Librarian AU where someone’s book is overdue

You’re supposed to be a respectful retainer of Hideyoshi but look at you, you’re scrawny and don’t know how to hold a sword, I’m going to fix that.

By insulting you that person also insulted Hideyoshi’s taste and I can’t have that we are having a makeover session now and when I am done with you you are going to show them that you are a stunning, gorgeous creature if it kills you.

Hideyoshi:

Cinderella story where Hideyoshi puts Nobunaga’s sandal on MC and declares it’s a fit.

You’ve been trying to work up the courage to ask Hideyoshi out on a date and it finally happened only you also realize that he sort of set the whole thing up and you two going out was his plan all along.

Hideyoshi is assembling a superhero team, and has to convince the Fox (Mitsunari) and the Strategist (Hanbei) to join, all while keeping his own personal Lois Lane (…MC) in the dark about his secret identity, and the head of the superhero syndicate (Nobunaga) happy.

Toshiie/Inuchiyo

This creepy guy (Magistrate) won’t leave me alone, quick, pretend to be my fiancé so he’ll stop

We’re at a festival and I finally confessed but there were fireworks and you didn’t hear me, now what

Soulmate AU where the last words spoken to one another appear on your hands the first time you meet, and you were just a kid and don’t really remember but I do, and I’m not sure I ever want you to know because they broke my heart.

Mitsuhide:

Mitsuhide runs a daycare and his most problematic child is actually his landlord, Nobunaga

It’s been four and a half centuries since Honnō-ji, but like clockwork, Mitsuhide and Nobunaga are standing across from one another, on the umpteenth reincarnation and umpteenth confrontation, and this time, it’s going to end differently. 

You’ve fallen in love with a book of poetry and bought everything the author’s written and you’re just gushing about it to some poor stranger on the train while on your way to culinary school and surprise, turns out he’s the author? 

Nobunaga:

Nobunaga is an ACTUAL Demon King and all you did was spill some spices and salt while reaching for the first aid kit, you weren’t actually trying to summon him, you swear.

After the number of times that Nobunaga has made MC be Princess Kaguya for one of his tournaments, the moon is actually starting to suspect she might be, and has let her know that it will be reclaiming her on the next full moon.

Modern political leader Nobunaga is super excited to drag his new personal chef on a private jet because the meeting he has to attend JUST HAPPENS to be in the same place that’s famous for its high quality ingredients and whoops we have to fend off some would-be assassins while in the air nbd.

Shingen:

MC is working for Kenshin, Shingen decides he wants her with him instead.

Vampire AU (he has a thing for biting, k?) – bonus if chef!MC is frustrated she can’t cook with garlic anymore or is panicking because she HAS been cooking with it this whole time

Shingen decides he should write an autobiography, but his retainers keep interjecting their own thoughts and perspectives whenever he leaves his notes out.

Kenshin:

AU where Kenshin owns a flower shop

MC has a date so she frantically asks Kenshin for styling help because he’s fashionable right? Except he decides she looks way too cute to handover to someone else.

Every item in his treasury has a story – it’s just not the one he tells to other people.  

Masamune:

 Surprise! He actually IS a dragon. And in all his time as a dragon, no one has ever dared talk to him until this little chef heard his dragon tummy rumble and made him porridge, and now he’s walking around as a human and hey look, this restaurant has porridge and it smells familiar…

 All Masamune wants to do is read his book in peace. It’s not going well.

 This whole time I thought you were Yahiko but I went to your restaurant to meet your sister and ‘Yahiko’ greeted me and now I’m not sure if your parents are just bad at names or if something’s up.

Kojuro:

 Adventures in Babysitting: The Early Oshu Years OR Teenage Kojuro is going to have ONE night of not being a responsible adult before the existential terror of being responsible for these two guys who have been through so much and have no one else really hits home.

 I’d really like to take you out on ONE date that doesn’t end in bandits attacking, but here we are again, you brought your weapon right? 

 Several years ago, a cursed object was sent as a ‘gift’ to Kojuro but it got lost in his messy room and you’re cleaning it and whoops, should not have picked that up you’re cursed now. Except, the cursecaster didn’t account for half a decade of inactivity...

Shigezane:

 I’m sorry you got dumped because the other person fell for Kojuro but I think you’re really cool but I don’t know how to tell you that so I’m just going to feed you and hope you pick up on it or that I get the gumption to talk to you before you’re done eating. 

I THOUGHT my personal superhero who keeps rescuing me from all these supervillains (and my restaurant’s jerky landlord) was the quiet customer with the eyepatch but it’s actually his cousin and I just found out by accident and was not expecting that. 

 You are bound and determined to protect the castle at all costs in Shigezane’s absence so when a burglar breaks into his bedroom in the middle of the night you don’t even hesitate to hit him with a vase. Too bad it’s actually Shigezane, who got home and just didn’t want to wake everyone up.

Side Characters:

Kagieie: We’re on a mission for Kenshin and the weather got really bad and so now we’re stuck at an inn that only had one room left.

Kanetsugu: Kenshin’s retainers all rally to (try) and give the man a relaxing spa day.

Toramatsu: Our boss is a total jerk and I can’t believe he is making you go get coffee (that he won’t even drink) for the eleventh time today and it’s almost 2 AM there’s no way I’m letting you go alone but—oh wait the elevator’s stuck.

Kiyohiro: I tried to build a snowman but it wasn’t the same without so I came to see you and whoops now we’re snowed in.

Oichi: Nobunaga may have disappeared, but Oichi is not about to let the Oda clan fall under anyone else’s leadership– she’s taking history into her own hands.

Nobuyuki: Your small restaurant is about to be taken over by a large corporation, lucky for you your favorite customer has a plan – whether you’re going to like it or not.

Tadakatsu: No one actually ever noticed you were in disguise, but since your cooking is too good to risk, you got assigned as a page to Tadakatsu.

Kansuke: After being invisible nearly his entire life, Kansuke decides that for one day – ONE day – he is going to be memorable.

Hotaru: Accidentally tells the MC to ‘do what whatever she wants’ instead of making it a suggestion

Generic Retainers #1-#3: All we wanted was some peace and quiet and a decent job but somehow we always end up getting beaten up by these samurai over some girl – and oh shoot, she just walked in.

Yasumasa: I really hate this girl but I am also SORT of addicted to her cooking and she got tired of Ieyasu’s BS and went back to her home in Kyoto and now I’m in Kyoto and her restaurant is RIGHT. THERE. smelling amazing and such.

Ye Olde AU List

Coffeeshop AU

Corporate AU

College AU

Mermaid AU

Fairytale AU

Circus AU

Mafia AU

Band AU

Sports AU

Bodyswap AU

[disneybooksandanimearemylife]

Frost Blood: by Elly Blake

I’m taking a break from the Disney Twisted Tales and wanted to sidetrack for a bit to something else. I actually finished this book last night and I just haven't gotten ‘round to reviewing it ‘til now. I did not know this was a trilogy so I’m not sure if I’ll get to the other two books. But let’s talk about book one.

PLOT: Ruby is a very special girl in this magical realm. She is one of the last few of a being called fire blood (firebenders pretty much). One cold night in her village they were raided by frost blood soldier ( water benders). One of the soldiers killed Ruby’s mother right in front of her; that very second Ruby vowed revenge. Whether by a stroke of luck or fate Ruby has received help from monks that reside in the north mountain. They promised to help train her to control her power, and in turn she can have her revenge on not only the frostblood soldiers but even the King.

PROS: The story is pretty basic; it’s the hero’s journey and how Ruby must overcome certain obstacles in order to obtain her goal. There’s a few small changes like the monks believe she’s a “child of light” when she’s the exact opposite. The King use to be a kind man until the throne warped his mind into something abhorrent and ghastly. And there’s a bit of romance between Ruby and another monk named Arcrus. The romance itself felt fairly natural, they didn’t instantly love each other, in fact they loathed the other’s presence and it’s not hard to see why. For the longest time firebloods were seen as a threat to the human race and needs to be exterminate. Meanwhile Ruby holds a grudge against Frostbloods because of the death of her mother as well as the extinction of her home. But in due time the two learn to work with one another as well as develop feelings for each other. Also the lore of their Gods and Deities sounds pretty cool, like a combination of Greek and Norse mythology and how the Gods created the lands and the ancient thrones.

CONS: There were WAY too many characters in the book that I almost lost track of who was who. Elly needed to boil it down to Ruby, Monk Arcrus, Monk Thistle, King, Marella, and the soldier. Everyone else in the story felt unnecessary and didn’t provide much. Also in the first half of the story the writer was calling Ruby by a different name and left out the reason why. I do not remember why Ruby was being called something else! And while I said the relationship between Ruby and Arcrus develop nicely, at the same time though they bickered s little bit too much for my liking. One or two major spats I can understand, but almost every other chapter was about the two of them arguing over each other and was kind of distracting.

for a first book of three it’s not half bad. The plot was decent and Ruby makes for a good heroine. I’m just not sure if it’s for me. Maybe it’s also because I’m a little older and was craving for more action and less teenage angst. But I give this a 6/10.

[angel-gidget]

Stars Unearth Your Fires (ch1/?)

Title:  Stars Unearth Your Fires (Ch 1/?)

Fandom: DCU, Teen Titans, Red Robin (preboot)        

Rating:  PG  | Words: 1400 approx | a03 link     

Summary: Tim Drake never thought of himself as a troublemaker as far as Robins go. But a passing accusation quickly escalates into a case of stolen memories, technologically backwards clues from his past self, interdimensional hijinks, reflections on the good old days, and possibly the rekindling of a foregone romance. Eventually Tim/??? Mystery ship!

A/N: I have a horrible history with chapter fics, yet here I am. With a chapter fic. I have something resembling a plan and sense of direction for this story, however, and you can expect lots of nasty angsty preboot/nu52 issues to be worked out through the course of this story.  Enjoy. :)

Thanks to @kiragecko​ for the beta! You rock!

Their general proportions were human. But of course, keepers and traverses of the universe were anything but. 

Tim had mentally labeled them as The Gatekeepers, since they were both cryptic and rather obsessed with telling the Justice League and the Titans to physically stay in their own lane—or in this case—their own universe. 

Apparently, that was about to become more difficult than usual? Due to some cosmic aligning of the stars? Again, cryptic, so getting details out them was like trying to strain yogurt through Kevlar weave. Joy.

The interdimensional douches were telling the heroes not to worry because this was a temporary, passing thing. They didn’t need to be alarmed. They were not supposed to remember the moments when realities collided. They might be bombarded with tiny insignificant flashes while the celestial paths crossed. Insignificant memories from the last time something similar had happened.

But then their buggy eyes caught on Tim, and he felt Dick’s hand on his shoulder tighten. There was no reason for Red Robin to be singled out among the other heroes. At least, no good reason that came to mind.

But their too-low-pitched-to-be-human voices were still doing that placating gentle thing. Which had the exact opposite of its clearly intended effect. They told him he might remember more than most. 

“Oookay. Why?”

“The other heroes fulfilled their duty to the letter. They fully engaged in combat despite the respect  they garnered for their opponents. They did not have sentimental memories afterwards to cling to. They did not try to bridge the worlds afterwards. We must warn you not to try again, Robin.”

He nearly corrected them to make it ‘Red Robin,’ but the ghoulish mystery people didn’t seem like they would care much. From what he’d gathered, the last time this cosmic alignment (or collision?) had happened, he had been Robin. And the current Robin was in Gotham, too busy violently cracking skulls in absentia to take offense. 

“I… I have no intention of randomly trying to jailbreak into a separate universe.”

Even without human emotions, there was something really skeptical about the silent look they gave him as they turned away.

He shrugged off Dick’s hand and ignored the concerned stares from his teammates. If there was reason to be concerned, it was not because of him. Tim knew better than to do something stupid, no matter what those Gatekeepers thought.

—

He was four days into what was supposed to be a four-week event. (That all the major hero teams of their Earth were supposed to know about, but ignore? Again, non-human logic . Fun.) 

There was a tiny voice of self-disappointment that he hadn’t accessed the Crays sooner, but Oracle still hadn’t won out against Bruce for making them remote accessible, and as much as it pained him to disappoint Alfred, he and the homunculus were still better apart than together. And really, Tim had his own apartment now and it was cool. A little empty, maybe, but it still had a popcorn machine, so score.

So he had been avoiding the mansion. (Avoid was a strong word, but okay, it worked.) So it had taken him an extra bit of time to be the detective everybody else couldn’t be bothered to be, and check the logs for that stretch of time in which all of the heroes of Earth ostensibly battled an entire universe of other heroes for cosmic survival.

Now that he was actually looking… the records DID look fake. That week from years ago was filled with forgettable patrols and skirmishes–Condiment King? Really?–that could have seriously been any night. It was the logs of the days after that were… actually weird.

Twenty seven unsuccessful attempts to log in and re-write the log history of the week before. On the twenty eighth try, his fourteen year old self had apparently gotten to the typing entry stage but just… left it blank. Left it blank and saved file.

“Cucumber sandwiches, Master Timothy?”

He flinched. Alfred… he had missed Alfred, and he appreciated that the man was trying to make things easier by pretending that he had visited more than he had.

“I… yeah. Thanks, Al.”

They were crisp, and cool, and heavier on the mayo than anything Alfred would make for other members of the family. 

He was not going to cry over a sandwich. He wasn’t.

But he would get over his avoidance (and okay, maybe it was an accurate word as much as it was a strong one), and give Alfred the grateful smile he deserved.

He avoided talking by stuffing his face. And wow. He had been using a combination of power bars, caffeine, and sleep deprivation to keep his brain open enough to function, but he was embarrassed to realize that he had underestimated a full stomach’s ability to do have the same effect.

He felt his own pupils dilate when he noticed.

The entry only appeared blank.

It was a series of space bars and tabs. His own code from back when he thought it would be cool to have a code totally to himself. He had thought about sharing it with others. He had almost shown it to Dick about five times and shown it to Cass once, though she didn’t fully understand it. That was when he had decided to abandon it. (He thought he should probably bring it back and show it to Bart. Bart was old enough now that he’d love it.) 

But to the message: I-s-o-l-a-t-e-d-e-v-i-c-e-s

Isolated devices. That was… cautious. Like when he wrote it, he worried he’d have someone looking over his shoulder. And… that was fair. Hadn’t he just thought about showing the code to someone else? But had he shown it to Dick, Dick would still understand the implications of old tech and privacy.

Isolated Devices. Devices separate from the Crays and from Oracle’s database. Devices that could be synched to either, but might also theoretically contain details on them—or personal reminders—totally separate from the mainframes. 

And not susceptible to the same memory wipes. 

They didn’t use them anymore, not really. The wrist computers, the chunky tablets. They were secure, yes, but they were borderline analogue, and Oracle eventually shamed the family into giving them up in favor of just fortifying Wayne Tech and Cray firewalls.

Tim felt his adrenaline spike. He had left a reminder for himself on isolated devices from when he was Robin. He had gone to a whole hell of a lot of trouble for a reminder of something he couldn’t remember at all.

He belatedly swallowed the last bite of cucumber and bread. There weren’t that many isolated devices left, much less ones he carried as Robin. 

Thankfully, he was already at the manor.

-

“Okay, woah! No! Damian, knives down! Tim! Tim, STOP. I will bring Bruce and Alfred in here if you do not stop now." 

Threatening to bring in Alfred was a low blow, and Dick knew it. The Bruce threat was clearly for Damian’s benefit, and the little snot-stain at least had the wherewithal to look somewhat contrite about it. Tim was too riled to care.

“He messed with my tech. That I needed for EVIDENCE, Dick." 

“Ttt. Highly unlikely, as I unearthed your archaic toy a year ago, Drake.”

Liar. Tim wanted to scream. 

Damian could break bones and do standard hacking, but he was not observant enough to surpass Dick, Bruce, and Alfred (who must have dusted that same spot every day) and simply find the catch in Tim’s custom window frame. 

More likely, he had cheated and recruited the damn dog.

“It’s a resurrected case. I needed my personal notes. Notes that were lost the moment you hooked up my mini to the Crays to spy on me.“

He waited for Dick to point out that there should be backups. That Tim’s notes should have been preserved by Cray security. That would have then prompted Tim to point out how very wrong it was that the backups didn’t happen. That something was very wrong with the mainframe files from that entire week.

But Dick sighed instead, and Tim could see him mentally listing through ways to convince Tim to placate Damian.

Screw. That.

He grabbed his (stupid, unnecessary) overnight bag on the way out.