#that's not that bad of a price to pay for children not being physically/emotionally abused as a common experience

[the-adas]

nobody should hate kids, but I think not everyone's going to like them. sometimes you have to view them like bugs

[d3nt4l-d4m4g3]

people say "things are so much better now."

I think I was raised with this notion that violence towards women is nothing like it was 100 or 2000 years ago. That rape was down. That we have gotten more heard than was ever possible before. That we are safe.

But recently I have been forced to seriously ask: What policies have been put in place to correct this violence, rape, erasure what new ideologies have allowed women to benefit more now than in the past?"

the conclusion I come to is almost always "none." I look up rape statistics in the US: from 2014 to 2018, the instance of rape has shown a 20 percent increase. according to Rainn, one American is sexually assaulted every 68 seconds. 1 in 6 women have been raped and 1 in 33 men have been raped. (Interestingly, there was no statistic for how many men and women are rapists.) Instances of child-on-child rape in schools are increasing. That's just in the U.S. that isn't counting the millions of child marriages and millions of sex trafficking victims across the world.

Another lie I think is always accepted before we think more critically: "women are getting paid fairly for their work now."

While this isn't even true in practice, it is evident that working women with male partners and children now effectively must work a double shift, taking on the entirety of the housework, childcare, cooking, and emotional labor while still being paid less on average than her husband. The near-full responsibility of the children and the statistically meager earnings of these women means they may have no way to escape from male partners if they become abusive. The social mobility and freedom that "equal pay" promises for women are not often a reality.

It is not that our world is better, but that the crime is hidden more effectively. Hidden, in conservative circles, or, in the case of the liberal, broadcasted so totally (and liberals own the media) that it becomes accepted. Porn culture erodes our understanding of consent and intimacy, so even the nonrapists are neutralized to coercive sex/sexual domination. "It's not bad anymore," they say. "Where sexual domination was once humiliating, it is now liberating." the "reclamation" is not in fact a powerful statement but a Stockholmed concession to a rampant epidemic of rape. Rape is possibly the most horrific assault anyone can go through, and it is normalized. As for the "women work/equal pay" scam, the amount of money from work women are making is measured against men, which gives a skewed but hopeful statistic: 77% of the man's dollar? Well, it's not great, but it's something that can be improved on with patience.

In this statistic, in no case is the emotional labor, childcare labor, sustenance labor (grocery-shopping/cooking, which we cannot discount as minor) of men measured against the emotional, childcare, sustenance labor of women; nor has there ever been a price on this labor because it has always been women's labor. The backbreaking, 24/7 work assumed to be free and mineable, in reality, provides the most necessary products imaginable to men and children: physical sustenance, by preparing meals; emotional sustenance, by being the only friend and confidante their emotionally constipated husbands have, and by being the most powerful, wisest, most dependable figure in their children's lives. Not to mention, because she does all or most of the housework, she is the lone fighter in the war against entropy that her husband, children and time flings at her. litters the house with. She alone restacks the charred and crumbling bricks—that, until she breaks down herself and is declared mentally ill, borderline, antisocial, sent to reprogramming institutions to be fixed.

Women are as if not more exploited than ever before. I think I saw a statistic that says women do over 60 percent of the world's labor, but I can't find it so don't quote me. Even if women did, say, 40% of the manual labor, they without a doubt do damn near 100 percent of the emotional and household labor that literally allows every one of us to survive. Women and girls are still being trafficked in the millions across the world, are raised with rape as the silent or celebrated normality. In The US, women's male partners are literally the number one person most likely to kill them.

Let's not delude ourselves. The people before us thought they were modern and civilized too. That their men would never do those things, having been "raised right", and that they were raised smarter than to fall to abuse. But we are smack dab in the middle of history, not at the top or end of it. We are living the same history that, pointing at our textbooks, we call a nightmare.

[juliantaylor]

ᴊᴜʟɪᴀɴ ᴛᴀʏʟᴏʀ ; ɪɴᴛʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴛɪᴏɴ

is that regé-jean page on campus? oh no, that’s julian taylor. from seattle, washington & new york, new york, the 24 year old has come to study law (juris doctorate graduate program). rumor has it he is charming and alluring, but manipulative and destructive, which is why he is known as the casanova. he resides in yorks and can’t wait to graduate.

although not explained in absolute depth, please note the following triggers: mentions of child abuse & neglect, mentions of eating disorders, illicit substance abuse

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statistics !

full name: julian taylor

birthday: november 5th, 1996 (24 years old)

sign: scorpio

height: 5’11”

ethnicity: english and zimbabwean

nationality: british

place of birth: london, england

places lived: moved to seattle, washington when he was 13; moved to new york, new york when he was 18.

accents: british 

sexual orientation: heterosexual

undergraduate degree: pre-law & political science from NYU

graduate degree (currently majoring in): law (juris doctorate program)

occupation: self-defense and boxing instructor at soulstice gym

positive traits: charming, ambitious, protective, likable, candid, spontaneous, outgoing, honest

negative traits: resentful, destructive, manipulative, possessive, guarded, blunt

pre-existing connections: arden (ex-girlfriend from high school), amber-jade (her former client from new york city)

backstory !

born in london, england to a well known lawyer and plastic surgeon…and being the old child, one would think julian had it all — but he didn’t. while a normal household was filled with love and joy, his was filled with success and wealth. and that’s all that mattered. there was no room for joy, as recognitions, honors, and awards came in for both parents like wildfire. julian was often left with a nanny, the closest thing he has to a true, loving mother. and when his nanny wasn’t around, he was alone.

he had spent most of his time watching karate kid over and over again, and mimicking the moves that were made throughout the movie…while breaking almost every piece of glass in his home during the process. because of this, and due to the recommendation of his nanny, his parents put him into his first of two sports. starting from the age of five, he found love in taekwondo — and taekwondo found love in him. he was a natural, but being in the sport that he loved cost him a price. his well being and confidence.

starting from the age of 8, his master thought it was time to start competing, and his father couldn’t have agreed more. but with this, julian quickly met the overly competitive, always on top and always winning father. and things quickly went downhill. for years, julian was pushed to his absolute limit by his father, training session after training session, practice after practice — all to be the best. because there was no room for love and joy in the taylor household, only room for wealth and success. julian was only allowed to bring home gold medals from competitions — that was what he had to do to get the love of his father, who actually would take time out of his busy schedule to come “support” him during competitions and practice. his mom was always too busy with her patients and practice to pay him any mind. and when he didn’t bring home the gold, even if it was silver, his life would be hell until the next competition. we’re talking about, hours upon hours at a time of training and conditioning, pushing julian until he was crouched over a toilet, throwing up from how overwhelmed his body was. extreme dieting, being given only sources of protein and vegetables, with the occasional whole grain and complex carbs. his father knew how to win, and he knew how to get julian there — and it was by pushing him to his absolute limit. because of this, julian doesn’t take losing well, and he will beat himself up hard just because that’s what he’s been conditioned to do.

this continued to go on for years and years, until his father and mother decided it was best to move to the states. his father’s firm and pro-bono services for those who aren’t privileged had gone international, and his mother was one of the best plastic surgeons in the world (all the ladies and men wanted her, and her only). so they brought their services to seattle, washington. julian was only 13 years old, and he was ripped away from the only mother figure he had.

julian had continued to do taekwondo up until his move to american, which is when he transitioned into boxing. and as per usual, he was a natural. and as per usual, there was no room for failure. his fathers obsession with his family being at the top always persisted, and so the unhealthy habits continued, forcefully.

you’ll thank me one day, son. when you’re out there traveling the world, receiving all those gold medals and being with the best of the best, you’ll thank me. you can make great britain and even america so proud, but only if you win.

julian quickly rose to the top, winning state, national, and even international competitions/fights. he was a force to be reckoned with. he was scouted by an olympic trainer, and began training for the 2016 olympics at the age of 16. he was making his father proud, so he thought.

he stood in seattle until his high school graduation, which is when he then moved to new york city in 2015. he was 18 years old. he mainly moved to new york to train with some of the best of the best. and after years of hard work, he found his way to the 2016 summer olympics in rio, in which he represented team usa. he was 19 years old. and he did what his father sent him to do — he won, and he won a lot. bringing home a gold medal in the heavyweight competition amongst other events, julian taylor became one of the best boxers in the world. there is no room for love and joy in the taylor household, only room for wealth and success.

as new york city was his home training spot, julian decided to go back there after the olympics was all said and done. and considering he was on top of the world, rolling in both the wealth that came from him and his father, he was able to distance himself from his parents. they still talk, but julian doesn’t allow them to control him anymore. instead, he controls and abuses himself now.

academic life !

like in his sports, julian always excelled in school. he didn’t really care much for school, but he was naturally damn good at it. because he couldn’t be anything less than great in everything. he always got perfect grades, and graduated as one of the top in his class in both high school and college.

considering that he took a million advanced placement and college courses in high school, he was ahead of the game. but still, he took about a year off from university in order to train for the olympics. he took two years off in order to enjoy his life and run wild, while also training, and didn’t decide to go back to school until he was 21. he started college in the fall of 2018. he graduated in 2020 with his undergraduate degree in pre-law and political science from NYU in just two short years, at the age of 23. during uni, he was able to balance training with school. he didn’t work a job, but instead two — school and training were his jobs. and he did them full time.

after taking yet another break, julian has decided to begin his juris doctorate, which is a three year graduate program. luckily enough for him (and arden (;), monarch has one of the best law programs in the country. however, this is only because he got into a car accident in late 2020, which resulted in him needing to get surgery on his shoulder in march of 2021. he was supposed to go to the 2020 summer olympics in tokyo this summer, but was forced to step down as he didn’t pass physical therapy and didn’t heal in time.

familial life !

while he’s obviously not close with either of his parents, he’s extremely close with his old nanny. she is basically his mother figure, and has took him in as her own family numerous times (despite her having her own children and life, she made sure that he got to feel some of the love her kids felt). after moving to the united states, he often would spend a month of his summer in england with her, and would go there for christmas every year. he still makes it a point to fly out and visit her as much as he possibly can, even during school and training.

personal life !

he’s a huge partier, and a huge ladies man. when he’s not training, he’s partying. but he doesn’t do the trashy bar/house parties, but instead he really love to spend his fathers money. you’ll catch him at some of the most beautiful, fancy, yet wild clubs around. the clubs that are typically for the rich, and nothing less. you’ll find him doing lines of coke on the bodies of strippers that he would soon take in the bathroom, car, or private room for a quick and easy fuck. you’ll find him drinking the finest of drinks, the most expensive of drinks.

he’s only ever had a total of two girlfriends, arden and another girl he met in new york that he just broke things off with. he doesn’t really take relationships seriously, and often times comes off as emotionless. there’s no room for love and joy, only wealth, success, and anger. he’ll take care of you physically and sexually, but don’t expect him to take care of you emotionally. he lives for the thrill and chase, though.

personality !

did someone say toxic men?!!!!! did someone say bad boy?!!!!!!

he’s fun, wild, spontaneous, and lord knows he knows how to have the best time…but he’s also dangerous.

he’s the one to break your best friends heart, in which you tell them to not go back and they agree with you because they know it’s wrong….just for them to go back days later.

he’s the one to get into fights with guys that even dare to look at his girl, but then be the one to steal someone else’s girl…even if he has one of his own.

he’s the one to literally curse you out if you even try to come at him sideways. a spitfire with absolutely no filter.

but!!!!! he’s very charming and knows how to talk his way around.

disclaimer: he can also be a good friend and a bit of a softie once you break down those vicious walls.

mental health !

as you probably have noticed by now, the man is extremely fucked up. he has developed the unhealthy habits his father forced upon him from a very young age, so he does suffer from some form of an eating disorder…but he has no recognized this. he’s a huge health bean (except for the liquor and drugs). catch him at the gym every day and not even bothering to look at a donut.

illicit substance use !

the man drinks, and he drinks a lot. he also smokes a lot, and does coke occasionally (and by this, we’re talking about every weekend). he has always passed his drug tests due to buying other people’s urine (major yikes). he’s used to getting away with everything now.

[animeloversworldsblog]

Rant about shikama doji and hiragis-clan

I don't understand why people say that hiragis are victims from shikama, yes sure they were created from this bastard but still are the same shit as him.

Even if kagami say that are not good or bad characters we should realized that are ones because if that the case then we should justify every damn evil character in anime, manga, novel, movie, serie etc, for the simple fact "it's must be a reason or was for one reason". But kamagi want to redeem hiragis family so bad with mahiru shit and even kureto shit and even (for christ's sake) tenri, that fails completely (don't you think kagami that i didn't see it bcs you always try to portrait mahiru and kureto like poor angels and victim, and that apply to tenri and sheishiro, especially when it cames from mahiru bitch, (and yeah whatever, she is it, i just don’t care anymore)

It's simple hiragis are bad people they have nothing good at all. How they can be victims? What about all the people was in their hands? What are they?

They are incredible selfish people that think are the only ones that have right no matter what. If we are gonna justify that killing people all over again for the reason "is for humankind" is bullshit. It is only to satiate their thirst for power, and that has been seen both in the novel and in the manga, to be more and more powerful.

If the case is "justification" then we can justify shikama doji here too (extreme sarcasm). Shikama lost his precious son right (more sarcasm) so in this case would be..

Shikama doji lost his son so he is doing all of this to revive his death son, so he destroyed the world for that, and killed millions for his selfish goal, poor shikama (bullshit as hell, evil shit). Not evil character bcs he has a reason.

Mahiru she did all what she did to protect shinoa, she didn't have choice to became in demon to the purpose to save the world, used guren and destroyed him in so many possibles ways bcs she loved him so deeply and want to be her strength so he could save the world and killed shinya and the rest was a purpose to save the world, poor mahiru (god more bullshit) (and for let it clear I'm being sarcastic especially with this evil bitch). Not evil character bcs she had a reason.

Kureto he is a man that care for his subordinates and wants to created a world were they live in piece, then he killed them if they disobey him or for experimention and laugh about it, he see guren like a comrade, yet he tortured for days and his father, he care for shinoa, yet he tortured her and then threat her to killed her, kids that he brainwashed them to became soldiers, used in experimentation and like spies with vampires, and say that experiments don't have right, and all of this is just like mahiru is for save the world, poor kureto (don't let me start it again is more bullshit). Not evil character bcs he has a reason.

Shikama doji, Mahiru, Kureto = shitty evil disgusting piece of crap.

And of course I don't forget tenri hiragi and sheishiro are others shit evil disgusting piece of crap as much hiragis's clan is being do it since 1200 years.

Mahiru is not a damn savior, she made genocide and still does, to the simple reason is to "save the world"?, bcs was possessed by two demon Is the excuse? Vampire crap? All of that was just adhere to her thirst for power. Shinoa? She didn't give a crap about her, shinoa is a damn victim from both hiragis (especially from mahiru and shikama doji) and always put her in dangerous situation guren? Where? Bcs she goes just to tortured him knowing that would be trouble from him, even so she didn't care and was manipulating him since 5 and after ten years and more having now 24 to save the damn world? (And this is the most abusive and destructive relationship i've ever seen and without love from both parts, don't talk to me about guren love her is no more than emotional abuse) Shinya that she cared from him, after massacred him bcs she hated him so bad, and the rest even that was a purpose to save the world? ( i dont know at this point if I have to laugh or cry for all the things I've been reading and I can continue, even if kagami in the end put that like a reason, and i wouldn't be surprise if he try to revive mahiru, bcs she was the most innocent victim and the most perfect girl ever).

Like she loved guren the most so she pushed him to become more powerful, even if that means eliminate, his followers, his family and his most precious friends,("elimate your weakness your pathetic attachments bcs that doesn't let you be strong", but he has to be attachment to her lol psycho bitch) which actually was her plan and that not apply in save the world, was just eliminated all what guren loved to have her for herself, (psycho bitch that enjoy the pain she caused to her "most beloved man", don't get me started in how she laughed and enjoyed when his father died and his friends and all was things she hated) because that was her great love for him, to be her strength to face everything that would come and that want of the good things guren had was met her when she was a child, even so she saw all ichinose clan like trash, even guren, people forget that she wants her father goes to them to piss him off (which that means dead flag to them, the worst that could happened to guren was met her like seriously even if saito planned it and helped her to get her revenge still was the worst to guren and goes after someone else for being an insane girl to hurt a sweet child, yeah so sweet and innocent cute girl) And even using shinoa to manipulate others by making them believe that she was always a poor innocent and sweet girl who suffered a lot, and as long as she used shinoa in that it gave her the right to commit genocide and so much garbage that she has done, with the purpose is for a good reason and it is justifiable, such as reading that it was okay to kill Shinya and the others because otherwise tenri would have done it, or that she has a good humanity in her that has done everything she has done to save the world, or that her demonic self was still mess up with her when she turned on in vampire (lmao mahiru always was her true self, she just love power more than anything in the world) and again she is not a savior or is helping guren to keep him alive to give him a reason to live, because guren is not free to live under his terms, but under her terms, is always being like that since the moment he met her; everything in Mahiru is nothing but false in her, false emotions, false feelings, the human mahiru is nothing but a hideous monster, A human monster that want to surprass god but she can't even do every single shit without making every single life misery. (And used saito helps, he gave her what she wanted and even so this other shit said she was crazy since the beginning and was terrible person, so a great genius that made all by herself is not true). kagami doesn't more than blame all in her demons, which in reality she was a rotten child, and a teenager one, she always was greedy and always was about herself no other one, not even guren, or her sister

Kureto is the same as her, he thinks bcs he had a high status can make with people and children whatever he wants, maybe has some sanity,(and has sanity doesn't make someone weak for god's sake and i talk here for guren not kureto) and is not vengative since child like mahiru that was a damn vengative monster since child with the idea to make kill all ichinose clan and a sweet innocent boy where she started to abused and destroy him mentally, emotionally, psychologically and Physically she was and is a psycho. And i understand that no everybody can survive in the world, and are difficult choices to make but killing people to created weapons using children to overpower hiragis that is not even an option, he is an abusive and a tortured bastard still is the same shit and a terrible person.("those who killed without a reason are evil", yeah to overpower you, bcs you are an angel. "Kill me or save me", pathetic bastard)

Hiragis especially mahiru, kureto say that want to make a better world but humans can't do it without breaking any taboo; there must be a price to human to pay, hiragis who is in control, desire for more power to become the greatest.. Doesn't care about destroying the world. How egoistic. Hiragis like demon- self centric. They don't care enough about people around them that is why they say that love, family and friendship is weakness.

That is why all of hiragis are all the same. They seek for power--true power, they want to dominate everything even it if was humankind. They don't really care about human in general, if they can gain more power just from destroying japan, then why not? They can just rebuild it by the power of seraph and make it a better place, with more powerfull human being etc. If its cursed then why they're so greedy, abusive, and manipulative towards others? If they know it was their sins why they don't even try to change your own destiny, but you just follow your own selfish desire and make everyone lifes miserable. How can you rebuild your own idealism about world when you can't even control your greedines for power? I get it ONS world are more like gray area that you can't even know what is right or wrong--but doesnt mean humanity never exist you know. People always blaming guren for everything because he is selfish prick that doesn't want his family to be gone forever, he still a child in heart that never tried to move on from grieving his own family, and destroyed humanity just for his selfishness. Dude, aren't Mika and Yuu are the same? They want their family to still alive, and they want to take revenge for people who have killed their family, while guren? Did he ever tried to seek any revenge on hiiragi's family? He was, but never actually do it in the end and still pitied THEM. @lottenoir

Is incredible how hiragis selfishness can be easy justifies and be poor victims in all of this just because they were created to be used for bastard shikama doji, but I think is so much hipocrasy. (kagami just want to portrait hiragis like victims and it's look like it works at least on the fandom for shikama but their creator is as shitty as mahiru, kureto, tenri and sheishiro and fails so bad in that, he can't even make a descent plot and ruins good characters thank to deal to hiragis shit)

Shikamadoji, mahiru, kureto,tenri, sheishiro= disgusting piece of shit that must be eliminate for good.

Victims (real ones) guren, shinya, shinoa, mito, goshi, sayuri, shigure, and all the people that suffered and died in their hands. (i don't even gonna mention yuu and mika like victims here bcs honestly they aren't either at this point, are the same has hiragis in greedy selfishnes and don't give a crap about the world and people in general)

The hiragis do not have an ideology to protect, nor allies to trust, they see fraternal and family ties as mere tools, hiragis like shikama are pathetic. For them, to survive in that cruel world, nothing is needed but power. Ideals and ideology are just worthless talk.

That is why I see characters (guren, shinya guren's squad) that despite living in a cruel world, know why living, even in a dark world, life goes on, it is not always about becoming the most powerful, and killing to give themselves power, it is about survive, live, is about that they have a mission, things to protect, the ideals of each one, their hopes, those are the ones that make their ideals come true, they sacrifice their lives for others, knowing that many will die on the way, nobody can turn off that last light, in the that those characters believe. (Schwarzesmarken words).

Ons has a Gray Area, they are character that get in there but those characters goes more to be good person with mistakes and flaws. And those characters have belief, values, try to get better and have feels and emotions towards others.

Hiragis and others one (like yuu, mika, shikama, saito,ferid, krul, etc) goes to the area of being bad or evil characters no matter how much kagami try to portrait them or redeem them and is just like that, most of those characters just focus in their damn selfishness crap not other people or the world, and most of the vampires are as shit as hiragis. (don't you think kagami that i don't see how you continue to try so bad to redeem shitty hiragis, with that crap about "the hiragis are not to blame bcs they were created to be used" bulshit as hell, put yourself together man, your plot about them and others characters is horrible, with so many holes and incongruities, but oh well keep going with your poor mahiru, kureto, hiragi family and others, instead to give them justice to the only decent characters that you still have and still ruin, no so many bullshit about "there aren't good or bad characters" keep going to show the bad characters like good ones, and good characters like evil shit lol, what a lie, and you say guren is your fave? Lol poor guren, you not even give justice to him nor shinya, I couldn't even with catastrophe at 16 and your bullshit with mahiru and the others like no one was better than her, not even the other girls, the perfect one and the insignificant others girl,poor the other girls, that can't be as godnees as her, and people in general, oh and your bullshit about guren was weak when actually is not, and has to be in the most destructive and abusive relationship, actually not even was one at all, just emotional abuse, not love, not exs, and it sickness even think about their love with mahiru than didn't do more than abuse a DAMN GOOD MAN like guren and others people and make guren look to everyone like the evil character thanks to her, the most horrible murder, genocide bastard, but no one blame her instead blame guren for all her shit and one can't see guren is being abused from her since child, where is the love? Please give me a break, and thanks to you that keep going with her bullshit guren is the most hate one, and whatever at this point I just don't care anymore is so many stupid things about it and is just sickness and no funny at all)

To hiragis being weak don't let you became strong but can we appreciate this instead all their bullshit..

You're going to meet many people with domineering personalities: the loud, the obnoxious, those that noisily stake their claims in your territory and everywhere else they set foot on. This is the blueprint of a predator. Predators prey on gentleness, peace, calmness, sweetness and any positivity that they sniff out as weakness. Anything that is happy and at peace they mistake for weakness. It's not your job to change these people, but it's your job to show them that your peace and gentleness do not equate to weakness. I have always appeared to be fragile and delicate but the thing is, I am not fragile and I am not delicate. I am very gentle but I can show you that the gentle also possess a poison. I compare myself to silk. People mistake silk to be weak but a silk handkerchief can protect the wearer from a gunshot. There are many people who will want to befriend you if you fit the description of what they think is weak; predators want to have friends that they can dominate over because that makes them feel strong and important. The truth is that predators have no strength and no courage. It is you who are strong, and it is you who has courage. I have lost many a friend over the fact that when they attempt to rip me, they can't. They accuse me of being deceiving; I am not deceiving, I am just made of silk. It is they who are stupid and wrongly take gentleness and fairness for weakness. There are many more predators in this world, so I want you to be made of silk. You are silk. C. JoyBell C. (To guren ichinose and shinya hiragi)

[rosannastylist]

Attitude is the Key

Earl Nightingale stated that our perspective on life determines our perspective on life. Attitudes are just our feelings, which enable us to make decisions. The attitude we adopt every day determines our future. It is the most important factor for a full and joyful life and should be adjusted continuously. Mudra means attitude, attitude, feelings, thoughts, thoughts etc. It is our own perspective for attitude Instagram captions, our own opinion, our thoughts that determine the outcome, not the others. In life, most of us do not usually understand this simple concept - it is not a situation dictating someone else's action or reaction or our attitude. This is entirely our personal decision. Over time, I discovered my own point of view and others that I share here. How we recognize such tendencies in ourselves and how we mold them into fruitful lives is my humble endeavor.

positive attitude

Keeping a positive attitude is the most difficult of all approaches. Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa says: The soul is like water, it always goes down, you have to try to lift it. Get a positive attitude, make a habit with continuous study. People with a negative attitude feel uneasy and irritable when told about the importance of a positive attitude. But a person with a positive attitude is usually a person who is happy, joyful and fulfilled. In my experience, there are gradual changes in our lives when we control our thoughts and words and adopt a positive outlook in one area of ​​our life. It becomes easier when we seek God's intervention. I think that with God you can do all things comfortably, but without him it becomes too much or fruitless effort.

Grateful attitude

Jig Ziggler said that of all perspectives, gratitude is certainly the most important and the most transformative in life. We all complain, sometimes about the small things in life and sometimes about the big things. And complaints become a habit in us that we do not pay attention to what we are complaining about. On the Facebook link to the Ziegler office fee there was a video in front of the wall of Mr. Giants called the Wall of Thanks. It was very good, I thought. What a way to show your gratitude! In the video, Mr. Ziegler mentions that even people with bad lifespan attitudes, who helped change something in their lives, found a place on the wall. God seeks every day for his children who do not complain and is instead grateful to those who have. I once heard this from a speaker - God will not give you any more if you complain about what you have. And I felt that it is very important to thank God and be thankful for everything He has given, not every now and then, but every day. A grateful attitude is the safest way to progress for attitude captions for Instagram.

To be grateful, we can thank God at every opportunity and be thankful to those around us. We will change our simple approach for the better.

As I write this article, I have progressed in an area where I have held a positive outlook for a long time. Whenever I ask someone to make tea or do something for me, I will complain if it is not done completely. I will complain and be upset until the other person feels pity. One day, while I was sitting at my desk, I asked my husband to make tea. The tea I received was not hot. At first I was told to complain and get angry and leave the tea as usual, enjoying the evening tea. But this time I checked myself and decided to make a choice - this choice is not just to drink tea, but also to enjoy it because someone made a special effort to make it. So often God tests you just before your progress. And I felt that I had broken that attitude and glorified God.

Pride posture

Pride is spreading like an epidemic in our society. Pride is particularly evident in those who do not have to make an effort to get to where they are today, but inherited it from their family, who worked hard to make it. Pride is also shown by those who make money and protect it from false means. Pride can actually prevent us from being the best God for our lives. And pride appears regardless of business, whether it be the business owner, minister, politician or someone else's legacy. I have recently had experience with the successor of a very large ministry, which has offices all over the world. The preacher probably preaches on any subject, but I am proud to serve ministry staff and close family members in important positions in the ministry. God is very special in the matter of humility, which is contrary to pride. Feel proud not for material things, but for the love of God. We also need to remember that God's ways are unique - the easier he gives, the easier it makes him.

A certain attitude

Donald Walters stated that happiness is a mindset that arises from the simple determination to be happy under all circumstances. Have to be firm. There is no struggle for life that can prevent a determined person from reaching his goal. We all have a certain amount of money for something in life. But if we use determination in a positive way, we will reap the benefits in a great way. Sri Ramakrishna used to say that your relationship with God is the key to resolve. Sometimes circumstances make us negative towards life and we lose our enthusiasm. But for some, challenging situations become an important step towards a new and better life. The underlying difference between the two is judgment.

Having gone through an emotionally troubled childhood filled with fear and judgment, a physically and emotionally abusive first marriage that leads to grief and humiliation, I am determined to show everyone who told me that I am a Was out of The exact reason is a big objective here. I didn't know how I was going to do it, but I knew it would happen one day. I then proved to God that they were wrong because my resolve to have a relationship with God helped to transform my vessel into the message of God. I decided to make love, I got it from God. I was determined to have that intelligence that kept me higher than the people who abused me. I received it from God. I wanted protection; I found it in the embrace of God. Even if you have nothing in the world, but you are determined, you still fulfill the call of God in your life. But even if you have anything other than determination, you cannot move forward in life. So use your determination positively to get results.

Disciplined in a relaxed posture

Discipline is the bridge between goals and achievement; We should all suffer from one or two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is that the weight of discipline is ounces, while the weight of regret is tons, croft m. Says Pantaj. Some people are active and others are resting, others are careless in every aspect of their lives. Some people are careless, worrying about their lives for their children. And the truth is that careless people prevent themselves from achieving God's superiority for their lives. In the Bible, God says hot or cold, or I take you out of my mouth. A careless person is gentle. A careless person is not disciplined to achieve anything in life.

A few years ago I injured my back and my spine narrowed. I was careless to show the doctor for whom I had to pay a high price. The doctor told me that my back was ten years older than my normal age due to a fall. I did not want to have surgery, but God told me that I would have to discipline myself and plan to exercise regularly to live a normal life. It was very difficult at first because every exercise I did affects my back. I prayed to God a lot and he sent me a yoga teacher through which I learned exercises suited to my physical condition. If you recognize this trend, take the younger one.

Netting currency

We may have the best of intentions at heart, but we can be flexible. Nagging may be a major reason for the break up of the relationship. Nagling does not give the other person room to breathe in the relationship. Under no circumstances can a heart be won by manipulating, only words of encouragement can win hearts. If at first we see mistakes rather than successes, it means that we have this tendency, even if we don't recognize it. I realized that when I was disciplining my daughter, I started having fights that did not help me or in any way. This made him irritable and stubborn. So I prayed to God and God spoke through my husband that I do not need to tell him the same thing again and again. I only had to tell her once and if she comes to me, encourage her to do what she was told. It worked!

I know every trend

To get the ultimate knowledge that comes only from God, we need to be hungry. People with a tendency to know everything can achieve and not grow. From this point of view I have identified two types of people. The first type are those who are often told that they are wrong, and they are fed up of hearing that they take an i-no-all attitude in defense. I was one of them until God healed my soul and showed me how to tell how many times I am wrong, but how often I am right because I am their offspring. The second type of people are those who have gained a lot of knowledge and recognition of the book on their own and can receive awards. Because of their big ego, they will not be open to learning from God himself. So God puts them to life to humiliate them, and it is painful to eat.

God chooses humble people, and people choose to learn from humble teachers.

Weird and admirable attitude

People with strange behavior are strange men who want to take care of everything but themselves. Being interested in what is going on in people's lives and homes, even if it is a mess in their own lives and homes, thrills some people. We judge ourselves by our objectives and the actions of others - I read it in a book called Monkey Business, and it is very true. Nobody really likes a weird person. It is good to help people until they become more curious about their private sector. Strange people are usually big rumors. And if we choose gossip, we pay a higher price for cheap thrills. The main purpose of the applause is to spread the word to anyone. If we clap, we only hurt ourselves because what we say gives us back in so many ways. If we want people to know to help them, then the motive is good. When we do it with the desire to clap, we only self-punish.

Personally, I am more comfortable with people with a fair attitude, whether they are educated or intellectual. The next time we choose our settings, we have to keep in mind what settings we take. If it brings peace and joy to our hearts, then you know that it will bring more fruits in your life. But if we don't kick it and find peace, let it be.

https://bestgoodcaptions.com/

[themachofan]

Endeavor’s complexity and why it has become such an issue

As those who have decided to read this have likely already gathered. This is a bit of analyse on a character who has become quite controversial among the fan base of My Hero Academia. Endeavor is a character who is much more complex than you would imagine when he is first introduced. I want to get a little more into why this is and why it seems to be so upsetting to certain readers.

Upon his introduction Endeavor is shown as little more than a terrible husband and father. He neglected most of his children and put his youngest child through brutal training that would have been more in place in ancient Sparta rather than modern Japan. His wife suffered emotional, mental, physical abuse at his hands. These things are terrible and this is as far as many people who hate Endeavor get when examining him as a character. He is simply these past actions as far as they concerned.

I'll say it again, Endeavor’s abuse of his family is awful but there are other aspects of this character that people simply refuse to acknowledge. We get a small glance at this long before we really get an in depth look at him. First and foremost is the objective fact that, despite what he has done to his family, is an empirically proven force for good in the world. He has as a Pro Hero with the highest tally of resolved cases in history. That means he has resolved more cases than even All Might.

Now I know what some people will think “He’s a Pro Hero, of course he solves crimes and saves lives.” But that is kind of the point here. Enji’s ambition, drive, pride, anger and “win at all costs” attitude could have, and perhaps should have, driven him to the life of villian. Without the restrictions of law his potential to overtake All Might would have the possibility to increase. He even acknowledges this himself when he is fighting High-End

So what kept him on the path of a hero? The answer is a combination of personal pride and the fact that he does, at his core, have some desire to good. This however is buried and covered up by rage and ambition and his single minded focus. Even his hero name is a nod to this obsession . His whole personality and life are based around surpassing All Might, but not just surpassing him he needs to do it legitimately.

This blind obsession turned him from man to monster. His treatment of his family was, in his mind, an acceptable price to pay for his ambition. His abuse is never seen to particularly hateful in nature. I will clarify what this means. Everything he did was a means to an end, we are not given the impression he enjoys what he does to his family but neither does care about the damage he has done. This in no way makes what he did any better, the abuse is just as bad as if he was doing it simply because he enjoy being cruel.

I will repeat myself, this in no way excuses what he did to his family, there is no good reason to EVER abuse anyone. But what this mean is that Enji, if granted clarity and a new perspective, he is more capable of personal growth than say characters like Ozai or Azula from Avatar: The Last Airbender who both seemed to actively delight in their torment of others.

We see this moment of clarity with retirement of All Might. After he rages and destroys his training room he is struck with an epiphany. When he finally obtains his life's ambition, to surpass All Might, it is a bitter and hollow victory. He never cared about the title or prestige of being the number one hero, it was all about beating All Might. He was handed this win and this was the worst possible outcome for him. He is man who does not want anything handed to him and to have this just given to him was a wakeup call. He will never legitimately beat All Might and with that he realizes everything he put his family through simply was not worth it.

This change of heart begins to show almost immediately and we see it in several instances.

When he swallowed his pride and asked All Might for advice. This shows him changing from simply being a hero in title and profession to really trying to be a true hero.

He has made up his mind to try and be better and become a hero his son can be proud of.

He has been visiting his wife and he left the gift of a flower. I know people will say abusers will apologize and bring gifts to try and get back into their victims lives but this is different. It's not the gift itself that is important here but the fact that Enji remembers a specific detail mentioned only once over twenty years ago. But more than this show a genuine change as opposed to a superficial one for the public as no one, not even his children, knew he was making these visits. This was an act contrition.

Expanding on the previous point about visiting his wife. Rei knows he's visiting and states she isn't ready to see him yet and he does not seem to press the issue. While there is no direct proof, it seems as though Enji has accepted this and not trying to force his presence on her. This is a big shift from his previous domineering and controlling nature.

When Natsuo, justifiably, shouts at him Enji calmly stands there and accepts his son's rage, because he knows he's not wrong to be angry and to hate him.

This change is genuine and despite what some may think it is not an act. I pointed this out in another post in how Horikoshi has changed how he draws Endeavor. This change is indicative of a genuine shift in character. It is something artist do across media. The artist makes the choice to represent a character with a softer design to give the reader a visual indicator of this shift.

Now I will address why this has become such an issue with some in the fanbase. Endeavor has been shown to be more than simply an abuser and this complexity confuses some people. This is not to say that just because Endeavor is complex you must like him. Some people will simply just never like the character be it for his past, their personal life experiences, or any reason at all and that is perfectly fine.

The issue I take is when these individuals start to inflict their rage about the character redemption at others.

Redemption arcs are always among the most popular in any series for the simple reason that it shows someone can be better than what they were. They can be better than their past crimes. This is why Endeavor has seen an increase in popularity as of late. But this redemption has caused a very ugly side of the fandom to crop up.

I don't care when people post hate about Endeavor as a character. He's a fictional character and nothing any fan does will ever harm him, or really affect how the author decides to handle the character. But when this rage crosses over into the real world and becomes directed at real people I start to take issue. There is no good reason to attack people on a personal level because of a view on a fictional character.

So why do these people feel the need to attack others? Again this is not about people who simply hate/dislike the character. Those who post hate about Endeavor but don't insult/attack other fans have actually managed to garner respect from myself for not making it personal. But why are others not able keep themselves from attacking others?

The answer is could be a few things but the most likely is that they can't handle the character complexity. They are unwilling or unable to see the other sides of a character, be it emotionally or mentally. They want a simple villain and don't want the see the grey areas of the character. Endeavor has done terrible things but he has also done a great many good things. They have decided to hate this character regardless of what happens as he moves forward. To these people he will never be more than his past and don't care about his attempts to atone.

They will ignore that reconciliation is better than revenge. Forgiveness would help to heal the family. A better Endeavor is better for everyone in his life and they refuse to see that because of their feelings on the character.

[hayley-lee-mit2150]

Week 6 Reading Response

This week our reading was Tanya Talaga’s “Seven Fallen Feathers”  (Prologue, Ch.1-2). This was a very eye-opening read from its few chapters as it delves into the oppressive natures Indigenous individuals face daily such as the Indian Act. Specifically, the story focuses on Indigenous students who must travel 1-2 hours to attend a school because there are no local schools in their community. This already demonstrates a very sad and convoluted concept. I genuinely do not understand why Indigenous communities do not get more support from the government. I mean, I understand why, but I don’t understand why (if that makes sense). The lack of progress within the education field for Indigenous youth truly baffles me. It was only in the nineties when the last residential school (that forced children to attend, only to “have the Indian ripped away from them”, assimilating them to white culture, and further physically, emotionally, and sexually abusing them) was closed. Having lived with an Indigenous student last year, I became more aware of how limited their educational futures are. However, my roommate did not/does not pay tuition, which makes complete sense to me and should be an option offered to all Indigenous students. Unfortunately, this is one of the few and only options available to only a select group/community of Indigenous students. 

Moreover, through the seminar discussion, our group talked heavily about the epidemic of missing and murdered Indigenous women. They are the most vulnerable group but are entirely ignored and forgotten by the general public. They somehow became less of priority in the eyes of the justice system when in reality they deserve and require the most attention as they are subjected to greater degrees of emotional, environmental, physical, medical, and educational issues and oppressions. Evidently, the lack of acknowledgment and action demonstrates just how much the government does not care or value Indigenous women in this country. Further, through reading these 2-3 chapters in addition to the seminar discussion, it became evident to me and clicked in my head that, similar to most diversity-hires, most of the time when an Indigenous person speaks it’s solely because the group or individual with the most power needs to give them a time to talk to simply check off the box that says an Indigenous person spoke. Having been a diversity-check/someone put into a certain position to fill a quota, I know first-hand how awful and frustrating this pain is, the pain of being used. I can only begin to imagine this pain whilst bearing the pain of the missing and murdered peers and/or family members on your shoulders.

Furthermore, with the story, the police wait three whole days before searching for Jordan. This would have NEVER happened if a white child went missing. Our seminar group mutually agreed if it was a white child, amber alerts would be sent, there would be extreme social media coverage, in addition to extensive news-attention. However with Jordan, his race and class played an integral part, bringing him down as a priority in the eyes of the police. He like most minorities were viewed as “not that important”. Subsequently, the police made excuses, assuming he was simply running away for a bit. It is guaranteed this protocol and line of thought would not have been followed if Jordan was a white child. Moreover, similar to the Hurricane Katrina media example, where white people were called “survivors” and people of color were called “looters”, the news regarding this issue was very biased, painting the community in a negative light that was not accurate nor relevant.

Ultimately, this truly illuminates how ironic this whole issue is. How is it that the people that were here before anyone else are the minority now? How is it that they are the ones being treated with the least care and acknowledgment? In addition, the book triggered me on how in elementary schools, students are not taught anything bad/negative related to the Indigenous communities. Obviously, this could be debated as students at the elementary age range may not be able to comprehend such graphic and gruesome stories, but even in high school, most students are not taught about residential schools. Personally, I only learned about the real history of Indigenous communities because the two teachers I had were passionate about it and wanted to teach beyond the set curriculum. This book lit the fire in me about how passionate I am about Indigenous rights, specifically, government-funded and organized plans being executed that give these communities the tools and infrastructure to better themselves and their quality of life. In particular, Indigenous communities have the highest rates of diabetes due to the limited agricultural capacity on the reserves in addition to the lack of infrastructure that allows for food to be delivered. Consequently, this results in extreme inflation rates and Indigenous communities having to resort to canned and processed foods to feed themselves. Further, another example would be how due to the same infrastructure issues, menstrual products cost nearly 16x the price of what they would cost in Toronto. It is apparent this community faces a range of intersectional issues that require help beyond giving them funds.

[ithinkthingsaboutstuff]

OK I need to vent for a second

My big sister is driving me up the fucking wall. She is in her 30's and still acts like a 17 yr old.

her biggest fear is being seen as poor (she is and so is everyone else atm due to covid and other shit) and she will below what little money she has to keep up that show like doing her hair, eyelash extensions, nails and lips injections; i math-ed it out as she spends roughly $2000 a month on her appearance. which would be all well in good if she didn't also have her FUCKING kids to take care of.

she reasonably split up with her partner and then had to move in with my twin cause she cancelled the lease the day the broke up (he has kids to BTW) and didn't plan or get another place lined up to live in (shes works in real estate BTW). and now since she has no money saved she (and her 2 kids) will be with my twin and her partner (who moved out of our patents place only three months ago) for the next year or so.

she pays them no rent

she does not pay bills

she can't / won't cook for them (her kids)

she blames her ex husband for everything (different guy from the one she just broke up with, and he is a dick but not everything is his fault)

and she says the meanest and nastiest shit to anyone who even lightly has criticisms for her.

she calls our parents shit and that they traumatized her (she will never elaborate when asked what that was, and frankly if it is true she needs to be straight about it and fucking tell us what the fuck happened).

she refuses professional help for these traumas (I believe they are real to her but she needs to FUCKING short them out in some meaningful why.)

she calls her daughter a bitch when ever she acts or talks like her (the irony is headache inducing)

she never does anything meaningful for her son (she calls him annoying when all he wants is her FUCKING attention)

her son has a speech impediment and refuses to help him or get him support for it (I have told her I would take him where he needs to do and my partners offered to pay for any out of pocket cost. Calls him a lazy when he is not doing well in school (hes 7).

say that my parents don't know shit about having children with disabilities (me and my big brother both have learning disabilities BTW and so does my dad).

blames everyone but herself for problems no matter what they are.

never has said sorry for anything in her whole life.

and the worst part to me is that despite how badly she treats everyone of us around her. expects us to help her all the time and come to her aid and pity her and take her side all the time. the other week she harassed her ex-husband and told him he was just like his mother (who emotionally and physically abused him) because he didn't have the kids on "his week" cause he was in the FUCKING hospital with a burst appendix. and when he said she was being a bitch she called our mother (who still looks out for her ex husband as 1, he is the father of her grand-kids and 2, has been basically a mother to him since he was 17 because of his own mothers abuse)

and said "don't help him any more he called me a bad mother cut him off"

FUCK ME the lack of empathy is astounding.

and just this weekend she said I should just "get a better job" and "what was the point of studying if am still broke"

because I fuck dared to vocalize support for a bill that would cup rent payments in the sate we leave in, cause the price of living has gone up 200% since covid. and she literally berated a 70 yr woman online cause she is forced to live on a couch at her friends place and my sister responded with "you should have prepared 60 years ago"

again she and her kids are living rent free with my twin, with her company car that has fuel and everything else payed for.

MY brain hurts

my heart hurts

and I cannot stand her entitlement any more. I want to scream at her to grow the FUCK up. and to stop looking down on the rest of us because she things she is SOOOOOOOO much fucking better, but we still need to help and pity her cause its all sooooo hard.

FUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKK

I am tired.

[bitter-and-brooding]

Slightly belated and vague mental health day post

I thought I should be addressing this over here instead of my main (not disclosed for a reason). There are recent controversies that could be talked about — or more general, ongoing ones for that matter, but drawing more attention to them seems pointless. So, compelled by NPD, I’ll just talk about myself.

It’s so, so easy to mess someone up in their childhood. People don’t realize how easy it is, and they especially don’t realize that it can be done without any malevolence. There’s a big, fundamental problem with how we discuss abuse, which maybe I shouldn’t call a problem, but somewhat of an inevitable obstacle. It’s the same way I discuss it all the time, after all. (Note that what I’m talking about here mainly refers to parents and caregivers who influence a child’s mental health in the most significant way their whole life.) There are always abusers and they’re clearly delineated as that. It’s a heavy word. It gives the impression of someone inherently morally reprehensible who causes damage on purpose, and sometimes it makes victims wonder just what was wrong with the person who did that to them. Then come the armchair diagnoses and the unprofessional appeal to emotion.

Firstly, there are very obviously some who do horrible things to children, either physically or emotionally, things that can’t be argued too much about, something I fully accept and it’s not the issue I’m addressing here. The catch is that they’re not always bad people. That’s the tragic part. They’re sometimes very normal and ordinary, with good intentions, and who maybe make one huge mistake. One wrong conviction about how a child should be treated that they stubbornly hold up and we, those who used to be the kids in that situation, pay the price for it. 

The world is unfair, and I don’t say this in a depressingly nihilistic way. It’s the way it is. We take on other people’s emotional baggage that they didn’t bother to sort out, and we suffer. It caught us early enough and now it’s ingrained. Yes; in some cases it could be genetic bad luck, but that’s another thing that can be handled in better or worse ways depending on how much your environment cares about you, understands your situation and (in parents’ case) gives you the possibility to get treated. Many times it’s just abuse. Many times it’s an unwillingness to acknowledge the existence and explore the nature of mental illness itself. 

I got blamed for how I am. So many times that it made me lose my sense of responsibility; at one crucial point, at my lowest, I thought to myself ‘what if I’m not actually responsible for my pain?’ And since nobody listened, I blew it out of proportion until someone would. What if I’m not responsible for anything at all? What if this was all a catalyst because I was meant to push back? Tell someone their decisions don’t matter, over and over, and they’ll believe it to the point of making bad ones. This isn’t advice or an inspiring story. This is me getting to (perhaps) a point of no return because nobody cared when it was early enough to prevent it. 

My parents weren’t trying to do anything wrong. Praising a kid for their (supposed — I can’t tell if they’re real) talents isn’t wrong. Punishing them when they do less than their ‘full potential’... maybe a bit harsh, but not outright wrong. Talking badly about others and putting a voice in a kid’s head about how they’re all worse than them — maybe a bit wrong but fairly common. Some people say it’s a terrible thing to hit kids; I had friends who were hit in the same way and they turned out fine. I still have people telling me it wasn’t a big deal. The incessant verbal abuse was meant to be motivating. Other kids were motivated by it, why wasn’t I? There was something wrong with me. Or something very right that I wasn’t exploiting how I was meant to. 

I was made into an insufferable person. I didn’t talk about how much pain the anxiety was. I tried, in the beginning, but I was told I wasn’t supposed to feel that way because it was a disproportionate reaction. When it’s like that, the good decision seems to be to shut up and keep pretending you’re like everyone else. You can just call it anxiety and depression, those are almost buzzwords at this point. You can blame it on your academic life and on the stress and the lack of friends. Because it’s so, so important to be on par with everyone else. Why are you feeling those negative things so much, getting so worked up that you need to sit down and just breathe for hours when it hits you, not being able to sleep at night? They’re just occurrences, right? They happen to everyone. Because saying there could be something that goes deeper would mean you’re crippled comparing to your peers.

I used to hate the idea of having something permanent that I can’t fix — or if I can, it’ll take an excruciatingly long time. People around me hate it even more, because it’d mean they have to deal with it. But it feels better now because it’s liberating, because those reactions had a reason behind them and there’s a mechanism to how all of this works. It’s not just senseless. 

It’s the idea that you have to be sane that’s a problem. Understandable idea, sure, but it prevents us from dealing with our issues. There’s no objective way to calculate whether your circumstances will make you mentally ill or not — it can be observed whether you are, and that’s all there is to it. If you are, it is what it is. You can’t become sane because you should be and because those people didn’t treat you that badly and pretending that you are makes you spiral down. I’ve spiralled down myself, because even my anxiety wasn’t treated in the beginning, not even with symptomatic medicine. I was told to ignore it and that was supposed to fix it. 

I don’t know if I was trying to make a point with this post. I’m a bad example and this is all awful. I’m too far gone and that’s the reality of the situation. I can’t guarantee I won’t cause people pain because of my disorder. I feel awful saying it, I feel like some might hate me for it, but I’m not a fan of hiding ugly realities and problems. Just don’t let other people go unchecked. Those of you who have the means and willingness to connect with people and pay attention to them, please do. I don’t know how you do it to be honest, all I know is that mental illness has made my life a self-generating disaster because nobody paid attention, and if we can make it so less people are in pain, we should. Sometimes it’s the people you wouldn’t expect because their family is pretty fine, and they, themselves look pretty fine, but keep an eye open. 

I hope I’m not being too demoralizing. Sorry, it’s that whole mental illness thing doing this. 

[acyborgkitty]

I just finished watching Jennifer Brea’s incredible documentary Unrest on Netflix. Watch it now. Everyone should. 

My story.

I became ill suddenly, and severely, in September (I think) of 2016. I had just moved to Providence in August from San Francisco, without my partner of 10+ years, to take a teaching job at Brown University. I was teaching a poetry workshop for Frequency Writers, a community writing group, as well as a class I developed for Brown’s Literary Arts department, Experimental Poets of Color. Providence is a city I love, and even though the gig was adjunct (i.e. no job security, no health insurance, etc.) I wanted to be in Providence, and I wanted to be teaching in my fiend. I had health insurance through the ACA at the time, and though I had been diagnosed with several mental illnesses many years before (major depression and general and social anxiety disorders) I felt that my hearth was well managed with the medication I was on. 

I was so happy to be back in Providence, I would walk for hours around the city, sometimes 7 miles in one stretch, listening to music and books. I was thrilled to be teaching the class I desperately wish I had been able to take at any point in my education (which includes three masters degrees), and to be nearer to my friends and family who live in Boston and the surrounding areas. I missed my partner, but we’ve been long distance for much of our relationship (the price of being an artist in academia), and it seemed like he was getting ready to leave San Francisco and head back east himself. 

It was the second meeting, I think, of the Frequency open poetry workshop. It was Wednesday night. I walked to the community gallery space on Carpenter St. where we held our meetings early, unlocked the doors, and made myself some tea. It was a normal night. At some point during the workshop I started to feel exhausted, sick, like I was getting a cold. I pushed through, but took a Lyft home. I woke up the next day and still felt bad. Worse, even. I cancelled that day’s class and stayed in bed. By the next week I still wasn’t feeling any better. I went to the CVS clinic to see if I had the flu, which was going around and apparently quite bad that year. I didn’t, I was told it was just a bad cold, and to take some cough suppressant for the bad cough. 

I thought maybe I wasn’t sleeping well - I was tired all the time - and maybe that was making the cold last longer than normal. I had had (undiagnosed) chronic pain for years which had started in 2007 in my first year in grad school. It was especially bad in my neck and lower back, so I had spent years and a lot of money finding a really good mattress. But I had housemates that were young, noisy, up late, so I invested in an eye mask, noise-cancelling headphones that I slept in, and a white noise machine. I had to teach my classes, but I would show up, teach, and come immediately back home and stay in bed until I had to teach the next class. I spent several weeks like this, thinking it was just a cold, until someone pointed out that colds, even very bad ones, don’t last for several weeks. 

I made an appointment with my primary care doctor in Boston. I’ve struggled finding doctors that take me seriously, like most women and non binary people I imagine, especially with chronic and challenging illnesses. This doctor listened to me, and was gentle, and that was pretty much all I could hope for. He examined me, and tested me for mono, strep, walking pneumonia (which I’d had before, and which was basically the closest comparable experience I had). I had none of them. Then we tested my thyroid, my B12 levels, and my immune functions. He found nothing wrong with me. 

A digression on chronic pain, including a digression on trauma.

I had gone down a diagnostic wormhole several years ago when I’d first started getting tests to see if we could find an underlying cause for my chronic pain. It started in Iowa City, where I did my second graduate degree, and included MRIs, x-rays, testing for immunological disorders, cancers, and basically anything they could think of. Eventually I was referred to a psychologist, because they determined my pain might be a physical manifestation of trauma. And I’d had my share of trauma.

A digression on trauma. I grew up with an emotionally abusive mother who, though never diagnosed, meets all of the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder. I ran away from home as a teenager, living on the streets for most of a year, before re-establishing a relationship with my family, primarily my father who helped me get an apartment, back into school, and eventually into college. At that point my mother re-entered the picture, and my father stopped helping me pay for college, so I worked sometimes as many as 5 jobs while completing my undergraduate degree. I met my partner in undergrad, and he has been an immense help for me in recovering from my trauma, but like so many who were experienced long-term abuse as children, I probably will never be un-affected by my experiences. 

So the trauma angle seemed at least plausible to me, and I went to a year’s worth of sessions with two different people, one a psychologist who specialized in and studied the manifestation of trauma as physical pain, and another who practiced CBT and meditative mindfulness therapy. Both helped immensely with my emotional state, but my pain persisted. So when I moved away for my third graduate degree (my first move to Providence) I transferred care and we started the diagnostics all over again. This time I saved all my records - I have my MRIs and my X-rays still in some box somewhere. We did CAT scans and I went to scores of specialists including  an orthopedic surgeon who recommended surgery; a chiropractor who works with the Boston Ballet Company who diagnosed me as hyper-flexible and gave me strengthening exercises to do that actually seemed to help somewhat; and a neurologist who found nothing wrong with me at all. After four years of referrals and diagnostics, I found a integrative care physician who listened to me break down in her office, prescribed an anti-depressant that is also a sedative to help me fall asleep, and helped me come up with a plan to manage the pain. Massage, chiropractor, walking and stretching, the anti-depressants, 800mg Ibuprofen when I needed it, and Vicodin when nothing else helped. 

After all of this, I wasn’t eager to go down another diagnostic chase. 

Back to 2016.

By this point it was the middle of November. I was so sick that I couldn’t feed myself, I couldn’t do laundry, I couldn’t leave the house except for to teach, and then I spent the next 24-48 hours recovering mostly in bed from the fatigue it caused me. I was experiencing sever cognitive deficiencies, most notably my ability to process and retain information, and my ability to speak. It felt like I had dementia, or what I imagine dementia to feel like. I would read the same sentence over and over again and not understand it, or not remember it when I started the next one. I would fight to get up to go into the kitchen, only to forget what I was there for. Did I need water? Had I fed the cat? Did I need to use the bathroom? My father and brother were taking turns coming down to my house to prepare food for me for the week, and to get my groceries, and to do my laundry. I needed help with everything. I could do one, maybe two things in a given day. Those things included brushing my teeth and feeding the cat. 

I couldn’t even research my condition, given my cognitive symptoms. I was angry, and many days I felt like it would be better to die. I couldn’t read or write, so I took up embroidery as a way to try to keep my life worth living, a way to keep making art. 

In January, 2017 when my partner came to visit for his winter break, we went to my doctor together. I couldn’t remember the questions he wanted me to ask, and I couldn’t have remembered the answers anyway, and I certainly couldn’t get myself there and back without help, so him coming was the only way I was going to get there. I don’t remember much of the appointment, but I do remember my doctor suggested that I might be experiencing a severe prolonged depressive episode. Based on my previous diagnosis of depression. Based on the fact that there seemed to be nothing wrong with me, physically. 

My partner didn’t buy it. I sort of did, or at least I didn’t have the energy to dispute it. My partner started researching, aggressively, and a few months later he came up with something. Maybe, he said, it was my copper IUD. Maybe I had copper toxicity. My doctor said that was impossible, that the IUD can’t cause copper toxicity, but my symptoms aligned, and there are thousands of women on the internet who have experienced copper poisoning from their IUD. So one day in April, my best friend took me to the hospital and I had mine removed. The next day, I felt better. Not 100% better, but maybe 40% better. The next day my partner and I went for a walk, the first time in almost a year I had felt able to do that. 

I kept feeling better. Not getting better, but I stayed feeling about 40% better. A few days I felt almost entirely myself, but then the next day I would be exhausted again. I could do things, but if I pushed too hard, I would collapse and pay for it for days. I learned about spoons, and disability culture and activism. I learned about setting my limits, and prioritizing. I said no to almost everything, because almost nothing was worth the risk of incapacitation for me. 

My brain started to recover too - I could read. I started writing in my journal, not poetry but at least writing of some sort. I felt hopeful that I was recovering. We bought a house, a big old Victorian that needs TLC, and I moved in there with 4 other queer artist friends. I didn’t get the tenure-track job at Brown, but I did get another adjunct offer to teach Book Arts, and I accepted - something I definitely couldn’t have done at my sickest, given that it’s a 15-hr a week studio course. 

But now, a year post-removal, my memory is still a problem. And I still get exhausted a lot. A lot more than I used to, before I got sick. But the anecdotal evidence on the copper IUD detox forums says that it could take years to fully process the toxicity out of your system. The most severe days might be attributed to “dumps” - when the body releases stored copper all at once - and those days feel like my worst ones did when I was at my sickest. I had thought that when I felt better, I would start to do things again, go to poetry readings, have dinner with friends, go for walks, be part of the community I’d moved here because I loved. But I still say no to most things, or write them down in my calendar and don’t go. I know that if I push too hard, I’ll pay for it for days. And “too hard” is a moving target - it changes seemingly randomly, and I don’t know when I’m approaching it until it’s too late. Then I’m in bed for days. 

I’ve been having an especially bad few days. Maybe a week. Maybe more. My memory, my brain isn’t good at sequence anymore, or keeping track of time. It’s frustrating, because I can’t keep track of my own symptoms. Sometimes I remember to write them down, and sometimes I forget, or am too tired. And there’s no one here to watch me, or help me - my partner doesn’t move here until June. Today, for example, I got up at 11 and I fed the cats. And I was so tired that I lay down, and just...passed out. I don’t remember falling back asleep, but then I woke up at 6 pm. I fed the cats again, and then had to go back to bed. The last week has been similar: do just what is necessary, then back to bed. It feels like I’m sick all over again. 

I have had my period, which can be associated with copper dumps. I’m not saying it’s not copper ���dumps,” or that it’s isn’t related to copper poisoning. But I watched Unrest and thought: “maybe this is what I have, too?” So many of those scenes were heartbreakingly familiar. I wept through most of it, because Jennifer was saying the things that I’d been feeling. About feeling like it was a good day when all I had done was survived it. About feeling like my life had ended, and that I had a new one now, one that sometimes didn’t feel like a life at all, but one that I still didn’t want to give up. About not being listened to, about not being believed. I wept at the thought of having a diagnosis, after all this time. Of maybe finally at least knowing what is wrong with me. Maybe.

But I don’t know how to find out. I don’t currently have health insurance, because the premium on my ACA policy from last year went up by 50% and I couldn’t afford it anymore, and adjuncts at Brown who teach fewer than 4 classes a year don’t get health insurance, and I’m only teaching 3, and I am barely able to do that; this semester teaching 2 classes took every bit of energy I had. I will get health insurance starting in September when my partner starts his new job in Providence, and maybe then I can get some answers. If I have the energy for it.

My story doesn’t have an ending yet. I’m in bed, as I have been all day. Writing this was the most writing I’ve done since I got sick. I’m grateful for that. It feels like, thanks to the work that Jennifer has done, an important story is at least starting to be told. Not just mine, but one that is shared by millions. 

[moiraineswife]

Why do you hate Tyrion?

Oh, where do I begin :’)  You do not know what you have Unleashed, nonnie (this is all going to be book based, and I’ll probably forget some stuff, BUT THERE’S ENOUGH IN MY HEAD TO FUEL THE FIRES OF MY RAGE) 

Short version: 

He’s arrogant, selfish, self-obsessed, self-pitying, and utterly without conscience or morals, he’s deeply misogynistic, a rapist, a killer, and he refuses to acknowledge his own flaws and shortcomings. 

Long version: 

-Even as early as AGOT he’s doing things that benefit him, and only him, without a single thought/care towards the consequences (because it’s not as though he isn’t intelligent enough to figure them out) eg: arming the mountain clans of the Vale which causes untold destruction and pain for the locals when they return with the weapons and armour he gave them as the price for his own skin. 

-Tyrion’s POVs are incredibly well written and constructed. A reader is inclined to view him as he views himself: an essentially good creature, who tries hard, and is halted and punished by the world for things he can’t help. Which...is not entirely true. 

I think it’s easy to get sucked into Tyrion’s POV, and the way that he thinks and acts. For the first few books, we very rarely get anyone’s opinion on Tyrion/view of Tyrion save Tyrion himself. 

It’s easy to get caught up in his assumptions of prejudice that the world has against him (and it’s easy to understand why he has these, I don’t deny that, but I just can’t get over it) 

If you actually pay attention, Tyrion assumes that everyone treats him badly/dislikes him etc because he’s a dwarf and they’re therefore prejudiced against him. Undoubtedly some of them are, but some of them have seriously good reasons for disliking them. 

See: Sansa Stark, who’s had basically her entire family killed by his, but Tyrion just assumes she doesn’t want him as a husband/won’t confide in him because he’s ugly. Disclaimer: IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU BUDDY. 

Also see: small folk in King’s Landing, who are angry with him for clearing away their homes and livelihoods during preparations for war. Tyrion understands why Tyrion is doing what he’s doing: it’s a practical measure for the sake of the defence of the city but...The people whose homes he’s destroying don’t understand that. But he blames their hatred of him on their prejudice of him being a dwarf. 

This isn’t necessarily a surprising character trait, not given how he grew up (I would never try and argue that Tywin wasn’t abusive towards him...But that doesn’t give Tyrion the right to be abusive in turn) but it does fill him with a certain amount of self-pity, and it limits his ability to actually self-reflect and realise that, shockingly, not everything he does is perfect, and people can dislike him for seriously valid reasons: ie, he’s a little shit. 

-The way he treats women is, frankly, disgusting. 

His disgust at being outsmarted by Catelyn in AGOT comes from the fact that someone outsmarted him, but it’s more than that, it’s because she’s a woman. he even remarks on the fact that her scheme worked in a large part because she is a woman. 

The general language he uses to talk about women is...gross. He views most of them as sexual objects/tools for him/other men to use. His liking of Robert Baratheon because Cersei hated him sticks out in relation to this. Robert, who repeatedly emotionally, verbally, and physically abused his wife, humiliated her publicly, blamed her for his abuse of her, and raped her, makes Cersei reasonably despise him. Tyrion, instead of showing sympathy for his sister, decides he likes Robert, because hey, who cares if he’s raping an essentially defenceless woman, right? He’s pissing her off, too, A++++ bloke. 

He’s surprised, indignant, and irritated that even women are allowed to participate in the votes/discussions of the mountain clansmen, like, how dare. 

People rage against Cersei for her hatred of Tyrion but it’s....Not exactly unfounded. Ignoring her being a child who had just lost her mother, whose father was giving her no support, and was blaming her newborn brother, and the prophecy that made her fear that Tyrion would kill her. 

Tyrion has, in the books that we know of: poisoned Cersei, manipulated her, undermined her, schemed to take her children away from her without her knowledge or consent, threatened her children on more than one occasion, including threatening his eight year old nephew with beatings and rape if Cersei doesn’t do what he wants, would have gone through with whipping said eight year old nephew just to hurt her,fantasised about raping and killing Cersei,  to the point that this is his ‘terms’ for working with Dany when Illyrio makes the offer to him. So...yeah, Tyrion has reason to hate Cersei, but Cersei has just as much, if not more, reason to hate and mistrust Tyrion. 

He’s also raped a slave at Illyrio’s manse, fully aware that she’s a slave, fully aware that she does not want him to have sex with her, fully aware that she cannot say no to him, which is why he does it. And the way he treated the prostitute in, I believe, Volantis, forcing himself on her again, and using the fact that they didn’t have a common language and she didn’t understand him. 

His treatment of prostitutes in general is...gross af. He views them as objects without agency. He treats them like possessions: he’s bought them, he can do whatever he wants with them, they’re his now. And his self-pity over Tysha when he learns the truth about her is also...gross af. Like, this poor girl was gang-raped while he watched, and then raped her last, the man she loved and agreed to marry, and all he can think about is his poor self. Fuck that shit.  

Shae. 

Literally everything about the way that he treats Shae. An eighteen year old, lowborn prostitute, who was forced out of her father’s house because he abused her and raped her as a child, with absolutely no agency, power, or person to speak for her. 

Everything about their travesty of a relationship is an abomination from the get-go. Starting with Tyrion’s commands to her: that he’s not only hiring her for sex, but to essentially act as his partner. She’s to please him in bed whenever he wants, but she’s commanded to also laugh at his jokes, pour him wine, rub the ache out of his sore legs, mourn for him if he dies, etc, etc, etc. Like if you don’t understand that it’s fucked up of him to do that to another human being, regardless of how much gold he’s giving them, I don’t know what to say to you. 

Tywin flat out tells Tyrion not to take Shae to court with him. Tyrion takes her anyway, to spite his father, knowing full well that if they’re found out, he won’t be punished, but Shae will likely be killed for his disobedience. 

He’s incredibly controlling towards Shae throughout her time with him. He essentially locks her up in a manse “for her safety” he deliberately gives her ugly guards, so she won’t be ‘tempted’ by them, and only visits her when he wants to fuck her. He complains that she’s a child when she complains about this, and he’s paying her, why should she complain? Because Shae is not a human being with her own thoughts, feelings, and desires, clearly, she’s just a sex toy for lord Tyrion. He’s bought her, and paid for her, and can do what he likes with her. 

The way he treats Shae is a pretty good representation of how he sees/treats most prostitutes. Like an object. Like a thing that he’s bought and can use as he wishes. Shae is not a human being to him, she’s not a person, she’s a thing that he can fully possess and control because he’s paying her and it’s disgusting. 

Throughout their time together, Tyrion constantly dismisses her feelings/emotions, reminding himself that she’s “only a whore” that she doesn’t love him, and is in this only for his money. (And, reminder: Shae acting like his wife, telling him she loves him, wanting on him, and being only with him, is what he commanded her to do, and paid her to do, at the outset of this little arrangement) Yet he then kills her for being a prostitute and doing her job.

 Tywin hired her and she slept with him as she slept with Tyrion, because he was paying her, and she was only a whore doing her job. But when she wasn’t doing that for Tyrion, then she had to die. Nineteen years old, helpless, abused, used, and murdered by a cold, shallow, selfish little man who, again, wallows in self-pity and thinks only of himself in the face of another’s suffering. 

The entirety of ADWD is just...Tyrion at his worst/typical, without the illusions of being an excellent, poor unfortunate soul. He drinks, he uses whores, he rapes, he cheats, he manipulates, he lies, he kills, and generally does a whole host of Bad Shit with the sole aim of benefiting him, him, and only him. 

He’s an undoubtedly well-written character. He has, in many ways, a very sympathetic arc and narrative, especially with the way it’s written. But he has a huge host of problems and things that are..beyond redemption. And the way fandom moons over him, and fawns over him, and pities him, and forgives him for every little thing he’s ever done wrong because he’s just so hard done to, boils my blood as much as anything else. 

So, yeah, an abridged rant on: why I fucking hate Tyrion Lannister. 

[youshi56]

Dear Survivor:

The Opposite of God’s Plan for Us I wish there weren’t a need to write a book on this topic, especially for Christians. (Emotionally destructive relationships by Leslie Vernick) Sadly, this material is probably long overdue. When you think of destructive relationships, what comes to your mind first? Most people typically think of relationships that include some kind of physical, verbal, or sexual abuse. Without question, all abusive behavior, whether physical, sexual, or emotional, is always destructive to the personhood of the victim and lethal to the relationship. However, plenty of other sinful relational patterns not necessarily labeled or recognized as abusive are equally harmful. Picture a lovely white-sided house with a large porch. A bomb can level that house in an instant, but termites or mold take much longer to make their damage known, and their devastating effects may go unnoticed for years. Just as there are numerous ways to destroy a house, a person and a relationship can be wounded or destroyed in lots of different ways. Someone can be undermined, crushed, stifled, and suppressed as well as shattered, demolished, or broken. A relationship is damaged when it’s weakened, fractured, or killed through the attitudes and actions of one or both people in the relationship. You might have sensed for some time now that something inside of you is dying, even if you can’t name it or explain why. You might have difficulty talking about it. Maybe people can’t see the signs of the damage you feel and don’t understand what you’re trying to say. Maybe they tell you you’re making a mountain out of a molehill, even though you know without a doubt that something has gone wrong, and you fear nothing can be done to reverse the effects.

She has a Facebook page as well that include video talks regarding problems and lies a person has accepted often due to emotional abuse. The topics discussed or the problems faced are problems people may experience in relationships separate from marriage and I believe are beneficial and helpful for anyone in a destructive relationship or in relationship that encounters these problems.

Physical injuries we see. Bruises, a broken arm, or a black eye is obvious evidence of something dreadfully wrong, and Christians have begun to speak out. Although injuries to someone’s soul and spirit are less easily detected, they are just as real and painful as physical injuries, and just as worthy of our attention.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 149:14 NIV). God has wired us so that when we experience upsetting emotions, they signal the body to release particular chemicals into the bloodstream. This is a good thing. It empowers us to fight or flee in order to get out of danger. However, when we are chronically upset and our bodies regularly dump these chemicals into the bloodstream, we put ourselves at risk for greater physical and emotional problems. Anxiety, high blood pressure, migraine headaches, depression, addictions, gastrointestinal disturbances, and chronic fatigue are just a few of the physical–emotional problems I’ve observed as I’ve worked with individuals in destructive relationships. That is one reason why God tells us that even if we are unable to resolve interpersonal conflict, we personally need to let go of our own anger before the end of each day (Ephesians 4:26). God’s Word also encourages us: as we gain wisdom and live as God tells us to, our bodies will get healthier and our stress levels will decrease (Proverbs 3:7-8; 4:20-23; 14:30). Mental Effects Destructive relationships make it extremely difficult to think calmly, clearly, and truthfully, especially when we feel frightened, intimidated, or deceived.

We lie not only when we contradict the truth, but also when we mislead someone’s thinking. We lie when we pretend things are fine, when in reality we are angry or unhappy. We lie when we hide a problem with drinking or Internet pornography or other sin, making excuses and throwing up smokescreens that cover our tracks.

Some people realize that they are in several bad relationships at the same time or have had a string of destructive friendships or relationships. Complete the questionnaire once for each relationship you are concerned about. For example, if you’re evaluating your relationship with your _________answer each question about your _________first. Don’t combine answers about your __________with answers about another relationship. You can apply the questionnaire to each of your relationships. It will help you not only identify whether your relationships are destructive, but in what way they are destructive.

Are you in an Emotionally Destructive Relationship.

________ calls me names, such as stupid

or worthless or uses sexually degrading terms.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

_________ mocks and belittle me.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

_________ tells me no one else would want me.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

_________threatens to leave me and take the children. (If married)

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________uses the Bible to criticize me or to get me to do something he/she wants me to do. Manipulates scriptural meanings. H

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________tells me who I can have for friends.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________ dictates how often I can see/talk with my family of origin. Don’t have freedom to communicate with them without feeling stressed.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________underminds ______with me.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

_______speaks poorly about _______ to me.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

My ________ speaks poorly about me to others ( family, friends, neighbours, church, siblings)

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

I don’t feel free to challenge _______ or disagree with ________.

If I don’t agree with _________or do what _______ wants, I have a price to pay.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________ breaks things around the house when ________ is angry or upset.

_________ screams and curses at me.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________when I tell _______ my deepest feelings, ________ laughs at me, ignores me, or uses them against me.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________disregards my needs.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________tells me I cannot live without him/her.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________badgers me until I give in to her/his demands.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________calls and texts me frequently wanting to know where I am, what I am doing, and who I am with.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________monitors my emails, social media and internet use.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________ accuses me of things I didn’t do.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________ demanda my attention when I am busy with something or someone else.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________ doesn’t like it when I get positive attention or affirmation from other people-friends, family etc.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________ tells me I cannot tell anyone what happens between us.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

_________ uses sarcasm and ridicule to get me to stop talking or to change my mind about something.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

__________refuses to listen to my point of view.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

_________blows up when I ask questions about why he/she did something.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

_________ physically restrains me to keep me from leaving a volatile situation.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________threatens to harm me.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________uses physical force to get me to do something he/she wants me to do or to stop me from doing something he/she doesn’t want me to do.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________has injures me.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

_______ threatens to harm things that are important to me (children, pets, reputation, and or property.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________ withdraws from me if I don’t do what he/she wants.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

_________ uses physical force to coerce me sexually. (If in a marriage or relationship)

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

_________refuses to respond when I ask him/her a questions.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

_________ changes the subject when I try to bring things up that’s bothering me.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

_________ignores me for long periods of time.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________refuses to engage or participate in everyday family life.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________plays mind games with me.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________tells me that he/she is the one who is being mistreated by me.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________says the problems are all my fault.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________acts a one way in public and another way at home.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

There is a double standard around what’s acceptable behaviour.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________ refuses to tell me how much money he/she earns.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

I have no voice regarding how finances are saved or spent.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

I have no idea what _______does with her/his money.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________tells me things that I know are not true.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

________omits information that keeps me from knowing the whole story about something.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

_________lies to other people (children, work colleagues, friend, church, family, IRS, police, etc.)

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

I feel crazy in my relationship.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

I feel trapped in my relationship.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

I don’t feel I can be myself in my relationship.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

I feel like a child in my relationship.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

I feel like his/her mother/father in my relationship.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

I feel tense and like I am walking on egg shells around _________.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

I feel angry around _________.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

I feel afraid of _________.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

I worry about _______ because of ________ behaviour.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

I feel physically ill around my ________.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

I am using medication, excess food, and or alcohol/drugs to cope with my ________.

Often, Sometimes, Seldom, Never

If you answered the last eleven questions with often and sometimes, your relationship is taking a toll on you and it is important that you don’t ignore what is happening.

Go back through your answers to questions 1-50 and see how many questions you answered with often and sometimes. What do you see? What’s the pattern, the big picture? If you answered more than two questions with often, your relationship may become destructive or is becoming destructive. If you answered often for more than five questions, it is definitely destructive. If you answered sometimes/seldom for some or many of the questions, but did not circle often, your relationship is or is becoming destructive. Please take action now before it gets worse.

Here is a breakdown of what the questions look for:

Question 1-28 describe the various characteristics in an emotionally abusive relationship. Belittling, badgering, controlling, undermining and threatening are obvious characteristics of emotional abuse.

Question 20-24 indicate jealousy and inappropriate dependency, which lead to being destructive.

28-34 describe physically abusives tactics used to express displeasure or to force someone to do something he/she does not want to do. Threats to harm are considered abusive. This is controlling abuse.

Questions 35-39 look for more covert indicators of emotional abuse. They aren’t as obvious as some of the tactics used to control, but they are effective. They also indicate gross indifference to feelings and needs of the other, which is destructive in a relationship.

Question 40-44 describes the vague crazy-making where you can’t define what is abusive, but the mind games, the refusal to engage and blaming you and others leave you confused and uncertain.

Question 45-47 describes coercive control with respect to finances.

Question 48-50 describes deceit, which breaks trust and destroys the very foundation of intimate relationships.

Question 51-61 look for your responses to what’s happening in the relationship. Some individuals may be resilient to some destructive behaviours, others not. Don’t compare yourself with anyone else who may be able to live with something when your body and spirit is breaking down.

In summary, an emotionally destructive relationship is one where one’s personhood, dignity, and freedom of choice is regularly denied, criticized and or crushed.

https://youtu.be/Kh448ed6vbU

To the victim of abuse,

Your life matters! You can’t change the way someone treats you, but you can Shane how you react to it. Dig deep inside for the inner strength to break free from this abuse. You deserve better. You don’t always need a plan, but you do need courage and to trust in yourself. Break the cycle of abuse. Speak up and seek help. Become a Survivor.

If you answered any question up through question 25 with anything other than never, you are likely in an unhealthy relationship. If you answered most questions with sometimes, frequently, or almost always, you are definitely in a destructive and likely an abusive relationship. Now go back and look at which questions in particular you answered with any answer other than never.

[roses-bel-air-darling]

I will never understand these ignorant comparisons that some of these fans try to justify endeavor's behavior. His entire family were his victims on his goal to surpass all might. He bought his wife for her quirk to create the perfect heir/successor. Once touya proved that he was a 'failure' and tried to prove to his father that he's still worthy. He was ignored entirely, both emotionally and mentally. He literally cried so much to his dad to be desperately seen, endeavor still ignored him. He was neglected. Endeavor wanted to create more children to have that said quirk. Rei protested and said it will be too much on their son. Endeavor focused more on the fact touya can't surpass all might.

Based on her expression. Rei knew what was going to happen and she had no say in it. She had no say in that marriage, once she voiced her concerns, it ended with her being on the ground. Even if she did agreed, it did not make it any less worse. She was still coerced and she was still raped.

Touya (as I said above) was emotionally and mentally abused and neglected. Almost burned to death from his own fire from that neglect. Even endeavor said in the manga, that he believed he killed his own son. Which is not false. Even with touya being alive it still doesn't take away that it was due to endeavor's neglect. Thus not saving him from the fire and the abuse he suffered. Endeavor is still to blame for the creation of Dabi.

As controversial as it is. Just like with Nana Shimura's actions having a bad domino effect on her family. Her son wouldn't have been having these issues and physically abused tenko. Tenko wouldn't have turned into shigaraki.

Same as said for endeavor's actions having that same effect. If only he threw that selfish goal of creating "custom children" to surpass his rival and threw those ugly feelings away. If he acted as a caring husband and a loving supportive father to his children, his sons and daughter wouldn't have so much resentment towards him. They would've had a relationship with each other instead of being separated and hardly knew each other until shouto was a teen. Rei wouldn't have gone hospitalized in the hospital and being separated from her kids for 10 years. And touya wouldn't spiraled and almost burned to death and lived in the streets and dabi wouldn't have been created, those victims that dabi burned wouldn't have died, and same with the mass destruction. His actions are no way less worse or evil than the league's whatsoever. It doesnt matter if he is a changed person. He still did those things and society is paying the price. It all would've been prevented if he acted like a true father and husband.

(Sorry this is so long. I had to write it.)

That post about applying double standards truly hits a nerve as just recently I debated with another follower of BnHa about the claim that despite being "flawed" Endeavor being still several levels better and "less evil" than Dabi, Shigaraki or AFO (who get dumped all together as the same "level" of evil) because Endeavor at least doesn't involve unrelated, innocent third parties. I countered with that while he doesn't do so consciously he's still no true hero like All Might, Midoriya or Shouto

Personally, I would even argue that there is not a single “true hero” in bnha. Because even All Might - the symbol of peace - has stayed silent when Endvr revealed to him the truth about the Todofam. He was also present when Bakugou’s mom slapped her son and blamed him for having been kidnapped, yet didn’t intervene or check on Bakugou afterwards.

Dku gets referred to as a true hero by several characters in the story, yet this claim isn’t supported by canon, when he sided with and continues to support an abuser rather than siding with the victim, when the victim doesn’t fit his image of a “good victim”

And before anyone wants to @ me and say that it’s Japanese culture to stay out of people’s business - first of all, Dku didn’t stay out of the Todofam’s business though - not when he told Shouto that he’d probably forgive Endvr because he’s a kind person, which led to Natsuo crying because he can’t forgive Endvr which then apparently makes him a bad person; and not when he told Dabi that his abuser is better than him.

The story has this theme of having various characters say that Dku is a great hero, yet if that were true we could conclude that through the actions we see in the story instead of just taking people’s words for it.

Second of all, I think while it’s important to keep cultural aspects in mind, and while it may be an explanation, it doesn’t help the victims that suffer as a result of it - if kids like Touya and Tenko are victims due to a culture that ignores them in order to stay out of other people’s business, then they’re still victims that didn’t receive help.

Furthermore, that person you were arguing with isn’t even correct in claiming that Endvr doesn’t involve innocent people - is his family not considered innocent people? I get they said “third party” but does somehow change things? Do victims that are related to the culprit somehow matter less? They only exist due to his selfishness. His wife spent an entire decade in a mental institution because of him and two out of four kids have scars that were indirectly caused by him, not to mention the trauma the entire family has gone through because of him.

Also, anyone that feels the need to argue that an abuser is better than his victim isn’t worth talking to, honestly, because they already missed the point of the story.

[buddhamama]

Things I could finally say out load .....

I excepted you for all your faults. No is no but who was listening - a four letter word that can not be said! I can’t believe how many lies it took till I got fed up with you. You and your family have no idea what respect is. You do not know right from wrong. The level of deceit is unforgivable. You are not a good person. You actually think it was all my fault. I was always blamed for everything - dammed if I do dammed if I don’t. You are misogynistic. You are manipulative. You and your family are dysfunctional. You are abusive - sexually, verbally, emotionally, physically and financially. You are narcissistic. You are selfish. You are controlling. You are a creeper. You hate me and you admitted to be jealous of how I loved the children. Stop blaming me, my family, the house and the children for our failed marriage. You are a pathological lier. You tell others of all my faults but none of your own. You are a psychopath. You are a difficult person to live with, work or be friends with and that’s from people who once knew you. You can hide your true self for only so long before your explosive anger surfaces - it’s only a matter of time - and If you still need someone else to calm you down and stroke your ego good luck ever changing. Your to damaged to ever be ok no matter who’s by your side. You are very needy. You are a very jealous person and can never be satisfied with anything. Your insecure. You could never live by yourself. The age factor will catch up with you - its only a matter of time. You are addicted to something - sex! I noticed that everyone you hang out with are damaged like you. You were always negative towards me and the kids. You told the kids that your sorry for them having me as a mother because they would never amount to anything in life because l’m not ambitious - who did they decide to live with btw. and who raised them and never abandoned them. You needed to wait till my father to die to see if you even loved me - I don’t think you are capable of unconditional love. You called me your whore -WOW!! How many of those did you actually have in your life and continue to have including your present wife. You boast about your current wife like she’s a commodity - what are exactly are you trying to sell by the way! You had two children in your first marriage and told everyone you were to young to get married and to young to be a father and now in your fifties your trying for a third one does that sound ok to you!! The man who said he’s done with having children and how exactly did that work out for you marrying a ? 21 years younger than you. God help the mister who comes between me and my child - not quit how the song goes but a little warning to you that you should never forget - a good mother at any age will choose to mother her child not a fifty year old baby. They say the third is a charm - wait wife or child hummm! Once a cheater always a cheater. Did you seriously think I didn’t know about the $$$ - it was a small price to pay for the kids and my freedom! NO your not the greatest thing that ever happened to me and NO I will never regret leaving you !! I could never reach your pedestal because you were the bastard at the top. That comment about if you were really so bad why did I stay so long - I stupidly said I do!!! Can’t wait for the youngin to fall from grace - ahhh karma is a bitch and so is the somebody that made that comment) The older people in my life especially the men say that you will regret everything you have ever done in this life but I beg to differ your to selfish and you serve only yourself and those who kiss your ass and but they all insist that the day will come that you will be judged and will pay for your wrongfulness - oh and you thought your child hood was bad! It funny how you think that all your experience will help others including your children and that you have so much to offer - you don’t even see your faults or what you’ve done to those who loved you - what experiences on how to be clueless through your whole life !! Your oblivious. You have no remorse. You have no shame. Your conning. You are a discouraging human being. You have no guilt. You are very shallow. Unable to show empathy for me or your children. You have contempt for me and the children. Love hate emotions - hot/cold. Your all knowing. You are the only one who is entitled to happiness. You delighted in my sexual pain. You have no sense of boundaries. You always felt that your sexual demands should be meet. You do not except excuse unless your giving them. You wanted no responsibility for me or the children. I always had to appaulagize. You treated us exactly how your family treated you and you can’t even see what you have done to us and how similar our past is to yours because of you. You have affected each of us and take no responsibility for your actions and continue to make stupid comments that you suffered more than any of us and there is no comparing it to your passed! Your a BULLY!!! You were always negative towards me and the kids and not at all supportive. You were promiscuous and reckless. You took advantage of me. You constantly told me I was a failure and that I embarrassed you. You are vindictive. Your go to rage comment - I hate you, wish I never meet you, wish I never married you, wish I never had children with you - and why exactly did you stay with me the biggest loser of all time ! You could always dish it out but could never except any criticism from anyone. Stupid comments about my weight and how I don’t know how to dress - while other obese people you knew looked better than me even though they where obese - what was my problem. The whole world could see I was a fat ass!!! Your Bimbamboo can dress you up but your still an asshole with no hair!!! Was your women suppose to stand beside you or in front so you can stick it in her rear! The comment there’s an ass for every seat - in your case there’s an ass for your sorry dick! Your a very pushy person that can not except no for an answer!