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rjmhereunderprotest · 6 days ago

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I Miss My PC Games

Years ago, I had a desktop like pretty much everyone else. Had all my stuff on it. All my games. All my work. Everything important to me at that time. Then, out of the blue, the whole rig just died on me. The disk drive gave out. I lost everything prior to my back ups. It was devastating. Since then I've been using a succession of laptops, one after the other, as my desk where the desktop used to be has become cluttered with stuff. I've kept saying I'll get a new one, I never have. And something always seems to go wrong with my laptops sooner or later to boot. This one I'm currently writing on is honestly reaching the end of its lifecycle. I'm considering getting a new one.

But I suspect, the next laptop won't be anywhere near powerful enough to work with any of my games. The ones I've had sitting in storage, waiting for installation. I've repurchased them digitally from Steam of course, but the laptop can't play them. Hell, about all I can play on this thing is Doom, which isn't very impressive. Doom plays on everything. Meanwhile all the other games I want to play with, the old favorites, the franchises I love? Sitting in a corner or stuck in the cloud.

Every year I get especially nostalgic around this time. I remember things I missed and haven't seen in a while. So, because I'm feeling extra sad because of... everything, I wanted to try and cheer myself up some, remembering fond memories of the games I used to play. And hope, one day, to play again.

First a brief disclaimer, I'm excluding a few games based on the fact I can still play them with minimum difficulty. It's also based on how comfortable I am playing them on the consoles they're available on. As well as the quality of the remaster or console release. There's some exceptions to this, but not many. So let's start.

RTS games were always a big thing for me. Playing the general in a massive war never failed to excite my young mind. Empire Earth appealed to my inherent history nerd, more so than most as it didn't tie itself down to to a singular era or form of combat. From the Stone Age to the far future, you could command all sorts of armies to absolute victory.

With four campaigns in total, Greek, English, German and Russia, each with their own distinct settings, it was an amazing slice of history to play around in. I remember spending hours upon hours battling from Medieval England to the Napoleonic Wars under the English banner. Where else could I go from knights to muskets in the span of a few minutes?

A lot of my time though was spent on the German and Russian campaigns, although I didn't particularly like the final missions of the German campaign because it involved an alt-history scenario where the Nazis. As I'll explain, I don't like helping the Nazis. I prefer to kill them. The WW1 levels though were pretty good. Fighting through Verdun, brutal, but very rewarding.

The Russian campaign, that was something else entirely. A completely original story set in the future where brutal Russian dictator seizes power and attempts to conquer the whole world. Only he can't live forever to see it through, so he downloads his mind into a robot successor, who becomes even more brutal in its insane quest for power. The only hope in the end is for a heroic pair of warriors to travel back in time and stop the dictator before he ever comes to power. It was a really fun campaign... although I imagine a reemergent Russian Empire is not exactly as fun to talk about these days.

There was an expansion that added new campaigns, including an American one spanning most of the Pacific War. As well as another future campaign with a new epoch to expand into, the space age. Now that was a hard campaign, I much preferred the Pacific War, as a I'm always invested in the World Wars historically. I'm sure someone big into Roman history would've enjoyed the Roman campaign way more than I did, although I like it fine.

What was great about Empire Earth was how much it revered history as much as I did and used history to tell its own stories. It's unfortunate we don't get more RTS games that are willing to span the length of history. Nor as many that will take on less well known or used eras in history. There really should be more WW1 Real time Strategy games honestly, far too few in my mind. Sadly, the game is still only on PC. I mean, the RTS genre works best on it. But really, with advances in tech that's making consoles basically just PCs in their own right, it should be a lot easier to adapt them to consoles more often. If only to make it easier for everyone play them.

This one might be more familiar to you as a result of some recent developments. Age of Mythology was always right up my alley. As a student of history, I was also always drawn to the myths born of history. An RTS that explores Greek, Egyptian and Norse myths? Sign me up! You don't know the true joy that can come from raising an army of Hydras that only get stronger the more heads they grow. Or watching an alligator with a sun beam laser burn through enemy fortresses. Or summoning Nidhogg the dragon to basically annihilate your enemies from on high. Simply the best.

I played through the whole campaign at least twice, because I was that obsessed with it at the time. It was the only way I could use more of the crazy awesome units available to you in this game. Scorpions, Valkyries, Krakens, Anubis Soldiers, there's a friggin turtle that you can use to transport troops! And let's not forget the god powers, summoning meteors from the sky is never not fun!

It was also just really nice to see Egyptian mythology represented for once. I do love me Ancient Egypt and it's pantheon of Gods. Sadly, they're not as used as the Norse or Greeks for things. Which is really a shame, they got some killer stuff that is worth adapting. In AoM, we actually help assemble Osiris so he can come back to life and help stop the apocalypse! I feel there's a bit of a concern among people though, that they'll get it wrong and offend someone. Which I can sorta understand. But not using Egyptian Myth to create media is almost as bad as getting it wrong.

I suppose I should just be happy they aren't going to have Kratos kill all my favorite Egyptian Gods. At least I can be grateful for that much.

You might be asking, why not just play the Retold remaster? I would, but it's just not the same. Something feels lost in the dialogue and delivery of the updated campaign. I don't know if its me or I'm just misremembering it, but I felt Arkantos had a much better commanding presence with his original voice actor. Now he just sounds off. Don't get me started on Gargarensis. He just sounds all kinds of wrong, his evil poetry doesn't read the same. Also, the achievements are a problem too. So ridiculously overly difficult. I'd be forced to play the game forever just to get most of them. Not really worth it in my mind sadly.

Overall, I'd rather play the original on PC, not as many issues there. But at least I still have the original disc if I ever want to go back.

Let's switch this up, Crimson Skies is an arcade-style flight combat game. One that, in my mind, is one of the few alt-history settings I'm still actually interested in post-TNO and what it did. More on that, but not too much, later. Right now, it's the Fortune Hunters' time!

You play Nathan Zachary, ace fighter pilot and ex-playboy who leads a band of merry sky pirates, the Fortune Hunters, in an alternate 1930s America that has split apart following the stock market crash of 1929. In this Balkanized United States, conflict is ever present and railroads and highways are no longer safe for travel and trade. Which means zeppelins have become the new means of import and export and that's opened the path back up for the cutthroats of the world to start a new golden age of piracy!

I love planes, and Crimson Skies offers so many to choose from. All of them wildly imaginative in design, from reverse construction with the propeller in the back, to planes with rear turrets in their tails, bi-wing design or whatever crazy stuff you can think of.

If nothing else, Crimson Skies drew me in with its cast of colorful characters, pulpy action-packed storyline, and damn good dogfighting action. Seriously, so of the most fun I've had flying the unfriendly digital skies was in this game alone. I've pretty much measured every flight sim and air combat game by its metric. If it's not nearly as fun as Crimson Skies, it isn't worth my time.

The game did get a sequel, on consoles no less, which is backwards compatible, even better. High Road to Revenge is indeed a great game... however, it's downsized. The cast of Fortune Hunters is cut down to three, which includes Nathan, so it's more like two. It's not nearly as long, there aren't many returning characters or factions, and frankly it's just more simplified in its roster of planes and upgrades. It's a good game, but its not the original, which is nowhere to be found on any console, remastered or otherwise. It's not even on steam. If you can get a physical copy, good for you. Probably might cost you a bit though. But the truth is, if I ever want to play Crimson Skies' original entry ever again, I'll need to get a new PC.

I don't even understand why there hasn't been a new entry in the franchise. Microsoft just lets it lay there on the shelf, practically abandoned. I wanted to see what this world's WW2 would've ended up looking like. Can you imagine how a United States with such divided ideologies would end up like? Trust me, something like THAT would be worth exploring.

From a past that never was, to a far future in space where none can hear you scream and if it bleeds we can kill it. Aliens vs Predator 2 is the pinnacle of either franchise in shooter form. There have been many games since featuring both the xenomorphs and predators, but none have ever reached these heights since.

Playing as a Marine is perfectly fine for those just looking for a solid FPS experience, but it's really only the tip of the iceberg. Being able to play as the Alien, facehugger to warrior brings an entirely new dynamic to the game as you become primarily focused on stealth more than anything. Similar to the Predator, but you have more weaponry and other abilities that switch things up considerably.

Each campaign had its own feel to it, following branching paths of the same storyline. Everything you could ever want out of these franchises is here. From the Marines' assault rifles, to the Xenomorph being able to skewer enemies with its tail, to the Predator's plasma cannon and thermal vision. And each of them feel powerful in their own right.

While I can always pick of the eventual sequel to this that came out on consoles, it's still not the same. Something about this entry just feels the best of all of them as it wasn't too reliant on nostalgia and fanservice as others. It was just focused on telling a story in this world, helped along by the Aliens vs Predator comics that were so prevalent around this time. Don't take this as me complaining about how Disney owns both IPs now, its not. I just recognize that, at the time, games based on big IPs weren't as concerned about recreating moments you're familiar with. They were concerned with getting the feeling down.

I really don't want this to sound like I'm complaining, so I'm making that clear. AvP2 just wasn't worried about reminding you why you liked these two franchises because their place in pop culture was more recent and known to the target demographic. Regardless, maybe we're starting to see a resurgence. The success of "Prey" and "Alien: Romulus" proves there is still life in these franchises, and maybe they'll actually meet up again in the future. Although if they do, one would hope they follow this game's lead. Send in the Marines! Come on, it's been decades since an Alien movie has featured the Marines! Disney, you have James Cameron on payroll now! Ask him to make the next AvP movie with the Colonial Marines once he's done with Avatar! Come on, give people an excuse to release a new AvP game or at least remaster the old ones.

Freedom Force is a comic book lover's dream, a top down RPG in the vein of Diablo but starring Superheroes, in a Silver Age 1960s ripped straight out of the panels. If you love classic comics of the era, whether DC or Marvel, Freedom Force checks every friggin box.

There are so many awesome characters in this, it's hard to pick a favorite. Minuteman, the leader of the team. A clear stand-in for Captain America, save for the fact he's not actually a frozen WW2 Soldier, but an aging scientist who worked on the Manhattan project, revitalized into a younger version of himself with twice the strength and patriotic bravado because an alien chemical landed on him. Yeah, it's basically that sort of game throughout. The Any is basically Spider-Man, but he got Ant powers, again, because of alien chemicals. Man-Bot, former playboy, got in an accident, hit by the chemicals, forced to live in a metal suit forever. You get the picture.

You work your way through chapter after chapter fighting a variety of bad guys and enemies in various scenarios that you could've found in any of the comics of the 1960s. There's even some cutscenes done in the style of those old comic books. Your powers even make the same sort of sound effect onomatopoeia that is so connected to the medium. It is very clear the creators loved old comic books. Oh by the way, Ken Levine of BioShock fame worked on this, just to let you know.

There was an expansion, this one featuring time travel, where the heroes go back in time to stop Nazis from re-writing history. It introduced some new heroes, including my two favorites, Green Genie and Tombstone. The former, a fun loving Muslim-girl whose powers have granted her reality warping powers and green skin. The latter, a wrongfully accused man who was executed in the electric chair just as the alien energies struck the power lines. Turning him into a badass skeletal specter who punishes the guilty. He might be a little out of place in the Silver Age, but damn it if he isn't cool.

I don't play a lot of games like Freedom Force, the Diablo-Style mechanics can be overwhelming. But it had a number of features that made it easier to handle, such as pausing the action to plan out attacks. This made the gameplay a lot more accessible but no less fun, as picking the right team of heroes and upgrading them effectively to face any foe was pretty much half the fun. It's been forever since I've played the game, but I still remember the joy I got watching Minuteman clock a goon in the face straight up before shouting "FOR FREEDOM" at the top of his lungs.

If only they had made a sequel, they would've expanded out to future comic book eras and added even more heroes and villains based on those periods. Sadly, while it is on steam, it's not on consoles and probably never will be because it's not exactly the most well-known superhero game out there. I don't believe in this "superheroes are played out" nonsense people claim is going around. That's simplifying cultural shifts in my mind. There's always going to be a place for superheroes, in films and games.

I just wanna watch Green Genie change some dude into a flower vase while Tombstone shoots a goon with his dual blaster guns. Is it weird I ship them? It's probably weird I ship them together.

Alright, time for another alt-history and RTS game, this one a bit more interesting in my mind, as its about the Soviet Union, recognizing its about to die and can't sustain itself, makes the Cold War go hot, invading West Berlin before the rest of Germany and Europe. Finally taking the war to the shores of America on the very day in our timeline when the Berlin Wall was supposed to come down.

My version of the game is played exclusively from the American perspective, leading company of US Army Soldiers as they tried to turn back the red tide as it sweeps through Washington State. The ultimate goal being to take back Seattle before America and Russia inevitably turn this conflict into a nuclear one.

There was an expansion I never played because I rarely care about playing the obvious bad guys. Soviet Assault gave the game more missions from the Russian point of view and greater towards the larger conflict. You don't actually change the outcome of the campaign, this doesn't add a new ending, as the Soviet missions play out parallel to the American ones. But they got a long way to showing a different side to the events unfolding in the story.

For me, World in Conflict was a seminal game and a core memory, important to crafting my ideas concerning how to tell a war story. It had some of the most exciting missions and gameplay in an RTS, focusing purely on commanding units rather than base building. It kept the action fluid and constant. And it made you very careful about which units you ordered into the fight and how you used them.

The real fun part was when the game let you go all out with artillery and air strikes. That was the big draw honestly. If you accumulated enough combat points and did well enough in objectives, you'd gain access to powerful strike capabilities that could turn the tide of battle. Napalming Soviets on the highway or targeting occupied buildings with surgical airstrikes is supremely satisfying. And with how often enemies will get in close, you will be shouting "Broken Arrow" more often than not.

I'm pretty sure every current edition of the game is packaged with Soviet Assault, completing the overall experience. All I know is, without a proper PC rig, I cannot run the game anymore. So I'm locked out of one of my favorite RTS games with one of the best campaigns I've played in a long time.

They say every time you mention this game, someone, somewhere reinstalls it. I can believe that, it's just it's never been an option for me for a good while. Vampire: The Masquerade: Bloodlines is just one of those RPGs that manages to succeed despite itself. Not because of anything it fails at, but because its development was screwed and it was released in such a sorry state. Fixing it proved to be more than a little difficult, but fans pulled through and have been consistently adding onto the game for years since, long after the license has expired.

For me, this was the one time in my life I actually wanted to play as a vampire. When it comes to supernatural creatures, vampires are always last on my fantasy list. Bloodlines somehow managed to make it something worth playing, by abandoning some clichés, enhancing stronger tropes, playing around with the mythology and actually making the Vampires interesting as a species and culture. I tend to better respect something that can defy my usually and admittedly steadfast and stubborn edicts. If you can somehow get me to like something I'd otherwise hate, you have my respect forever. That's Bloodlines, it made being a vampire fascinating.

Not because Vampires were all powerful or anything, but because they were all so deeply fucked up. The game blatantly admits that vampire society is basically full of scheming, conniving backstabbers. That they're all absolutely terrified of their own disease that gives them so much power and are constantly fearful of being extinguished. Their entire society revolves less around controlling the world, and more around just surviving by any means necessary. It's a sad existence, but they don't really have a choice. It's this or damnation. And even then, they're all still worried about a possible coming apocalypse that will spell unspeakable doom. And you, as a fledgling vampire, get caught up in the middle of all this, as a pawn of various factions and individuals, all out for each other's blood. At the end of the day, your job is the same as everyone's, survive.

It's a unique take on vampires, basically admitting that you're a blood-sucking parasite and you're probably on borrowed time. Best you can hope for is to try and make it to the next sunset alive. And seeing how all these different vampires deal with the reality of their existence, none of them really good, but not exactly evil, humanized them somewhat in my mind.

And yes, fine, Jeanette Voerman is super hot and I love her and all that. I really love her and her sister's storyline. Her school girl outfit and pony tails did things to me, whatever. I'm not going to lie about what I am, but I would prefer not to be mistaken for a stupid gooner gamer. I played this game several times over for a lot more reasons than just Jeanette you know.

I also really liked playing the Malkavian for the funny dialogue.

Obviously, since it has no console release, I can't play it anymore. And it looks like the long gestating sequel is going to be an entirely different animal that is slowly losing my interest as more about it is revealed. I don't even know if Damsel is still showing up or if I can customize my character at all anymore. And that's if it even comes out. Next chance I get to play this game, I'm going to do my first playthrough with something other than a Malkavian for once. My original playthrough was with Brujah, which was fine, and I prefer being a Malkavian overall. But I think I need to try something new for next go around.

And maybe fix the dialogue fonts too, they never appeared how they were supposed to.

I don't know why we keep trying to colonize Mars when it's just gonna cause problems. All the video games say it will. Red Faction was one of them. Sold on the very exciting concept of being able to destroy the environment around you to create shortcuts or take out enemies, Red Faction was a kickass shooter about rebelling against corporate tyranny on Mars.

Created by the dudes who would later go on to make the Saints Row series, Red Faction might have otherwise been an average shooter was its environment destruction mechanic not its focal point. Being a miner on Mars gave you access to a lot of explosives, honestly the Ultor corporation should've seen this coming. So as a result, within the very first level of the game, you're already blowing up walls or busting through floors to push forward. Before long you'll be doing the same to take out towers, bunkers or maybe just get past a locked door.

Don't get me wrong though, it is a fun game. I've taken a lot from it honestly and the idea of fighting corporate tyranny never gets old. I just recognize that there isn't much else that separates it from other games of the era. Although it took some seriously crazy swerves. Fighting an evil psychic-enhanced mad scientist and all his creepy mutant creations was not what I was expecting to take up a good portion of the second act. Let me tell you.

It's been so long, but a lot of the game still remains fresh in my mind, even if its less gameplay and more specifics. Really though, none of the other Red Faction games did it for me in the same way. The Rebels became exceedingly unlikable come "Red Faction Guerilla" and the actual Red Faction 2 is not at all connected with this one. Strangely, I could play this game again without the PC, it's on the Playstation 2, which I have. I just haven't gone out of my way is all. I suppose its because it's never been more core console. I am an Xbox gamer. I know, a lot of you probably want to call me scum right now. I get it. But I still love the system, nothing you say is gonna change that, no matter how crappy the company can act. It's not like they're the only ones being dicks in the gaming market today.

Just to be clear, this is the whole series, which are too many to really name as of now. Getting into all of them would take too long. Let's just say, C&C had a huge impact on me and it has not left me since I first played around in their worlds.

From fighting the Brotherhood of Nod and it's seemingly ageless charismatic leader Kane, to thwarting psychic megalomaniac Yuri in Red Alert 2's expansion pack, I am intimately familiar with the series' ins and outs. As well as its highs and... lows. Real big lows.

Let's not mix words here, EA fucked this series. It fucked it so hard. They wanted to turn it into an E-Sports game to rake in Starcraft money and it failed so hard. They ruined the Tiberium universe with the fourth entry. Cancelled the Generals sequel outright. And Red Alert 3, while perfectly fine, is pretty much just so ridiculous that you can't take any of it seriously. Granted Red Alert 2 already made that half of the universe less serious to begin with, the Soviet campaign had you turn the Eiffel Tower into a Tesla coil. But there was still a semblance of taking the material seriously beneath the B-Movie charm.

I still have a love for the various entries though. Red Alert 2, Generals, Renegade, (Who would've thought you could make an FPS out of an RTS?) each hold a place in my heart one way or another. I just wish I could try to experience the games again from the start. Don't get to though, no console release, not even for the remasters. I still have my box set for the original four games, the Renegade CD, Generals and its expansion (Although I'm not as fond of said expansion because its campaign's story is ridiculous... even if currently plausible thanks to certain recent events) and of course there's Yuri's Revenge, which really cranked up the silliness before Red Alert 3 came around. All the same, good series in its heyday. Wish EA hadn't basically destroyed it like it does most games and studios it touches. Let's keep hoping BioWare doesn't join Westwood in defunct studios owned by Electronic Arts. Mass Effect 4, you are our best hope now.

"Cause No One Lives Forevvvvveeeerrrr! But evil never diiiiieeeesssss!"

Cate Archer is not only one of the most awesome/hottest fictional spies out there, she is also one of the least well known. Its unfortunate that her series faded into the background, but I suppose that's the consequence of the shooter boom post Half-Life and Halo.

However, that doesn't diminish what this game accomplished, creating a wholly original spy thriller that somehow was able to keep the camp without sacrificing the seriousness of real-world espionage. Sure, Cate uses a robot poodle to blow enemies up, but she's also a consummate professional dealing with 1960s sexism in a field dominated by men. I'm sure today grifters would be complaining this thing was "Woke" or whatever. Or maybe they wouldn't care because Cate shows off her boobs while wearing a tight spandex spy suit. Who can say?

All I know is I had a blast whether sneaking or fighting in both entries. And I enjoyed how much it paid homage to the classic spy movies of the era without ever feeling crass or cynical about them. It played itself straight at all times, even when the dangerous menace that threatens is using a weaponized chemical agent that makes you burp a lot before you explode violently, killing yourself and everyone.

Yes, that is real. The sequel makes you fight mimes while escaping on a tiny bicycle. Also ninjas.

You laugh, sure, but it's still fucking cool. Don't expect a video game now, let alone a shooter, to ever be allowed to have some fun anymore. I'm more than positive someone out there would claim this type of silly pulpy humor would be cringe or whatever. Maybe Cate's eventual reboot will be some hyper-realistic spy simulator that takes itself extra seriously and removes anything funny from its story. All in favor of increasing the edge super high because its the only way you'll take Cate seriously. Women aren't allowed to be funny anymore, look what happened to She-Hulk. She cracks a few jokes and dances a little, suddenly everyone wants her head on a pike. They even predicted it would happen! How you think Cate Archer having a little fun with her killer robot poodle or weapons disguised as accessories is gonna be treated? Not well, I can tell you that!

Maybe I'm overexaggerating some. Point is, No One Lives Forever was a franchise gone too soon. I wish someone would try to bring it back in some form. Maybe Nightdive has it on its Radar. I suppose we'll have to wait and see. Until then, I won't be playing it. Just waiting for a chance to.

Time to get into a theme here, starting with this one. Company of Heroes was a top down RTS game that followed various branches of the US Military as it worked to retake France from Nazi Occupation. From D-Day to the Falaise Pocket, it recounts the struggles and triumphs of the first step to liberating Western Europe.

This holds a special place in my mind because... I never finished it. I got to the last level, the last mission... didn't finish. And because my computer crapped out, I probably will never get to finish.

Company of Heroes has had other entries, but this is the one that I care about the most, as over time I feel it has run into the trap so many of these RTS games do now. The sequel that took place on the Eastern front with the Russians drew criticism for seemingly demonizing the Russians you were playing as for their, historically accurate, brutality against their enemies. The third game decided it was going to frame its single player campaign on the German side of things... while trying to pay tribute to the indigenous population they committed war crimes against.

Ok... what? You want me to play as the guys who did war crimes? I already don't like playing as Germans in WW2, it always leaves a sour taste in my mouth. But... I gotta tell ya, RTS games let you play as Nazis a lot more often than should be normal. Disturbing, I was instantly turned off of the third game, needless to say. If the only real narrative campaign option I have is the fucking Germans, you've instantly lost me. You could've let us be the British, but nah, just play as the fucking War Criminals I guess. Sure there's another campaign where you play as the Allies taking Italy, but that's an entirely different sort of single player experience that is much more free flow. I'm talking about the narrative campaign that I usually pick these up for.

Company of Heroes, the first one at least, knew better than to try and make us play as the fucking Nazis. Its cover system for your squads was engaging, the units themselves diverse and interesting, and the tactics involved in how to use them effectively were fun to figure out. I did bust through the various levels after all, I had a ton of fun getting through the game. I just... never got the chance to finish it is all. Sucks, I know, and I just want the chance to properly finish something I started. I don't like leaving things unfinished.

Alright, we're down to the real good stuff now. The games that cemented my status as a gamer. Medal of Honor: Allied Assault was one of my first full-fledged shooter titles. Given its release timing, I likely played Halo on Xbox first, but that hardly changes things. All I know is that this game spoke to my history nerd so hard. I needed to experience it, I was not disappointed.

I think Allied Assault was special to me because it proved how cinematic games could be. Yes, the D-Day mission is straight out of Saving Private Ryan, but a lot of it was like that. The music, the action beats, the in-game animation, it all just expressed this incredible aura. Like I was starring in my own adventure. That I was a part of history.

That's what worked so well for me, that it completely pulled me into this period in time. Infiltrating submarine bases, moving up Omaha Beach, pushing my way through sniper alley, stealing that tank and using it against the Germans, all to an epic score I can still hear in my head.

The game of course had two expansions, extra missions covering other aspects of the war in Europe. Spearhead and Breakthrough were both excellent additions in their own right. The challenge was at times frustrating, but ultimately rewarding. And while Medal of Honor couldn't survive the transition to modern shooters like CoD did... I'm kinda happy it didn't. I don't think I would've liked Medal of Honor sacrificing its heroic optimistic outlook and production values to become what Call of Duty is now. A dreary, hyper monetized, cash cow that can feel exceedingly soulless in the face of how many studios are slaved to making its multiplayer maps. We can only hope Raven will one day be free of those mines.

I suppose there is merit in better showcasing the horrors of war, but CoD has just completely slipped in to a very right-leaning outlook on a lot of things, torture especially, although that is by no means unique to it alone. Medal of Honor always felt like it was more balanced. That war is hell, but there is still inherent true heroism to be found within the horror. Perhaps it hasn't all aged perfectly, and its own brand of patriotism can be tiring, even misguided. But I appreciate the series for shedding a light on the sacrifices made to defeat the greatest evil this world has ever known. I wish more people today were as willing to take a stand against similar ideologies, especially since similar ones to the Axis powers have become so prevalent today.

I just miss when games like Medal of Honor tried to share history with you, as much as anything else. And help place back in another time, to help us understand what it was like. And I really wanna hear that music again, okay? That shit was fucking kickass!

Call of Duty wasn't always the shooter juggernaut. It wasn't always the biggest franchise in existence, released annually like Madden to keep the multiplayer shooter scene satiated. It wasn't always stale and desperate and edgy and bereft of anything original. I hear Raven actually managed to make the new Black Ops at least a little less formulaic at least, good for them, hope they can get to do their own damn games again soon.

Back when CoD was just starting out, it had one mission, to illuminate the lives of those who fought in WW2. Not just Americans, but British and Soviet soldiers too. Trying to show everyone that wars are not won by singular individuals, but by scores of people risking everything for the homelands and the people beside them.

And it worked. We got to experience being an Airborne Paratrooper, an SAS Operative and a Russian Conscript. Each of the fighting on their respective fronts to bring final victory in the most devastating war known to man. It was a fun and engaging game that never got stale because you were always shifting perspectives, you were never static or in one place. There was always something different waiting around the next corner. It felt like a breath of fresh air in a sea of steadily increasing WWII titles that even by then were getting a bit much.

As CoD went on, it adopted more and more of its less savory aspects. Focusing more on multiplayer, single player getting downplayed, formulas being overdone, things just not working out the way they were supposed to. CoD got further and further away from its origins, now it practically own the FPS scene to the point it has become stifiling.

I barely play CoD games anymore. The only time I purchase them is when they go back to WW2, hoping to capture the same magic again, never really managing. I can technically still play the first CoD. It's on my Xbox 360, released under the arcade titles. However, you can't get that anymore with the 360 store closed down, so the rest of you are out of luck on that front. But I can't play the expansion, United Offensive, which I guess is why it's still here. I'm locked out of the full experience for the first Call of Duty. And that's sad, it really is. Maybe one day, that won't be the case though, we can hope.

Of all the games I've talked about, this one, right here, is the most important in my mind. Return to Castle Wolfenstein is the single most important game in my life, alongside Halo and Medal of Honor, as I played each in very quick succession of each other. But RTCW has always held a huge place in my heart because it spoke to me on so many levels that have become synonymous with how I view gaming even now.

Sure, there are stealth sections that can be a pain. Sure some enemies can be cheap as hell. Sure the challenge can be overbearing to the point of madness. But I replayed this campaign from start to finish on my PC more times than I can count. That's how damn good it was.

From the second I woke up in the castle dungeon and knocked out that guard, I was hooked. I made it my mission to try and sneak around, not get caught for as long as possible. Generally so I could over hear the Nazis in the next room going on about stuff. When it was time to go Rambo, I did so. Kicking in doors, blasting off a stolen MP-40, raining lead down from on high before finding a plate of delicious food to eat to heal me up.

This was, in my mind, the pinnacle of gaming. It was like Indiana Jones meets Captain America, it was everything I ever wanted. The supernatural elements, the crazy mad science, the kick ass weapons, that scene at the rocket plane airbase, when the elite Nazi paratroopers drop in, that was fucking cool from start to finish. Everything about this game made me smile, I loved it that much.

I was a fan of the Wolfenstein franchise from then on... until Bethesda and Machine Games broke my heart with that insult of a reboot. The New Order, in short order, killed the series for me. It's alt-history storyline was a complete clusterfuck, it's characters pissed me, its weapons weren't all that fun to use, and they literally stuck a middle finger up at the previous games in the series. First by dismissing any supernatural elements from the story outright, then by releasing that godawful Old Blood stand alone that was nothing more than them redoing RTCW's story, but worse.

I hate what they did to the series. I hated what it did to me more. I became so bitter and angry. By this time, my desktop computer had already given up the ghost, so I couldn't go back and play it again to wash the stink out. I had to get the game's original Xbox release just to be able to play it again! I needed to play it again just to remind me what had been lost.

So yeah, this is the one game on this list I really can still play in full, but I miss playing it still. As much as I love that the Xbox version is there and even has some improvements on the PC version, it's still not the same, it doesn't feel the same. And that's why it's just a substitute. Yeah, I can play it, and enjoy it on console. But I do still feel I'm missing some only the PC version had, sadly.

Well there it is, a small stroll down memory lane. Hopefully this brought some memories back for yourselves as well. I know this probably isn't my most insightful post. But maybe it gave you all a better idea about me.

We'll see what the future brings. Maybe I'll get a computer that can run these games again. We can only hope. Until then, I'll keep waiting to return to my old stomping grounds.

#video games #return to castle wolfenstein #medal of honor #call of duty #no one lives forever #red faction #world in conflict #command and conquer #crimson skies #age of mythology #empire earth #company of heroes #aliens vs predator 2 #vampires the masquerade bloodlines #Jeanette voerman #Freedom Force #nostalgia #I expect to get in trouble for my thoughts on the new Wolfenstein games. Never fails to attract angry people to me.

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bugmomwrites · 5 years ago

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Astragalus Tea & Soft Company (Juzo Honenuki x Reader)

Astragalus flower meaning: You soften my pain

Thank you for 100 followers and counting!

FUN FACT: This was actually for the Bnharem server collab, and the prompt was Flowers. I was hella late for this one due to things that popped up BUT my friend’s awesome stories are linked below, so check them out too!

https://jojosmilktea.tumblr.com/post/618831496637300737/this-is-a-sfw-choose-your-own-collaboration-by-the

I ended up whipping something together like a day before the deadline and almost having it done- and then I forgot my family came up to visit. My state has eased up guidelines a bit, and since I haven't seen them since my grandma’s funeral at the end of last year, I wanted to spend some time with them before they go home. As a result I kind of didn't have the time to polish it and post on schedule. Better late than never? Anyway here's some food for you Honenuki stans cause my boi needs more love. Takes place in their third and final year- their long history of friendship is important and comes up.

Rating: Teen and up

Words: 7.7k

Warnings: Language, vomit (brief scene), nudity (nothing happens but still)

After sharing classes for God knows how long, Juzo Honenuki could confidently say he knew just about all of your little idiosyncrasies and habits. You were one of his closest friends after all, even having gone to the same middle school. You both got in on recommendation, and the two of you were now in your third year of UA. He knew you liked to watch older memes from years ago, still quoting Vines as far back as 2013. He knew you’d flap your hands a bit whenever you got excited or nervous. Lastly, he knew you well enough to know you didn’t just get sick out of nowhere- it had to be a result of your poor sleeping habits as of late, ultimately catching up to you and taking a toll on your well being.

The other night he could hear you shuffling in your room across the hall until about 4:30 in the morning, and upon seeing your current state he mentally kicked himself for not nipping it in the bud weeks ago.

How you managed to retain the energy to function in class every day was a mystery in and of itself, but you for one thought you were doing an awesome job at balancing late night productivity with biological needs. Honenuki just so happened to live in the dorm room right across from you, often bearing witness to your bizarre nightly routines first hand. It never bothered him too much; he knew academics were tough and sometimes people needed a bit more time to study or indulge in their hobbies. So for a while, he thought nothing of the shuffling noises, or the light coming from under the crack of your door at some unholy hour. If he held his breath he could even make out some soft curse words uttered by you among other various sounds.

He knew you were up to something, but as much as he wanted to check in on you, there was a strictly enforced curfew, and it wouldn’t look too good if someone caught him sneaking in and out of his friend’s room in the middle of the night; nevermind that you were a girl. He resorted to just shooting a quick text, hoping you’d take a hint and maybe get some shut eye. His phone pinged not a minute later, and he shook his head in disappointment at the notification.

Read: 3:36am

By week two he began to notice you lagging behind in sparring, and even stopped to ask you about it- something that took you a bit by surprise considering his normally competitive streak- but you had dodged the question completely, dismissing his concerns and attempting to get back to the match at hand. He didn’t want to press, but if you said you were fine- so be it, he wasn’t one to hold back. He trained with you for about twenty or so more minutes before he noticed your reaction time slowing down exponentially, and even swaying side to side towards the end. You hunched over and rubbed your temples in pain, and in a moment he found himself cradling your head towards him, even softening the gym floor a bit in case you teetered off to the ground. He could see the bags under your eyes, so after scooping you up completely, he went off to Recovery Girl.

Said nurse confirmed that your tiredness was, in fact, a result of the all nighters Honenuki would catch you pulling multiple times per week.

“You should listen to your boyfriend! He only wants you to be healthy,” said Shuzenji.

Of course you only heard bits and pieces, already dozing off on the cot. He cleared his throat, teeth clacking when your head fell onto his shoulder. If he was already tense before, he was a full-blown statue by now, and the poor boy prayed he didn’t look like a tomato. He went to correct the nurse, talking carefully so as not to disturb you.

“We’re actually just friends, ma’am. I just happened to know about it because my dorm is right across from hers, and I can see when the lights are on under the d-” She cut him off, whacking him in the shin with her cane.

You tumbled onto the cot, somehow managing not to wake up from the impact. Honenuki could only sit there slack jawed as the older woman continued her tirade.

“You’re still close to her! Don’t be afraid to nag a little bit. But hopefully this should be a lesson. I’ll write you a pass.” And so, Honenuki took one last glance to where you lay curled up and at peace for the first time in a while, and saved that memory to his brain when Shuzenji offered the scribbly post it note to the blushing boy. He nodded in thanks, and briskly made his way out.

“Please get some rest, I hate seeing you like this.”

~~~

Did you learn your lesson that day? Apparently not. He still told you now and then to go to bed at a reasonable hour, and as much as you appreciated the care from the boy you loved, his warnings fell on deaf ears. This pattern persisted for a while, where you’d wake up exhausted and have him lecture you, only for you to ignore his advice. Rinse and repeat. You knew he meant well, but after one particularly bad day you couldn’t help but snap at him. Honenuki still remembered it vividly, seeing most of it firsthand in your shared class:

Another Monday morning. You were tired, and that was an objective fact. You already knew it was your fault, but you were so far gone that you couldn’t just go to bed early one night and hope it would undo all the self-inflicted psychological damage. You had already formed a habit, and it was something that could only be fixed over a period of time, little by little.

That day was particularly rough- Vlad kicked off the morning by giving the whole class a pop quiz, which you were sure you bombed horribly. Afterwards, you weren’t alert enough during training, which gave Tsuburaba an opening to catch you off guard and knock you to the ground ass first. It was a short fight, and he wouldn’t stop bragging to his friends about his quick victory.

“That’s a victory royale, bitches! Three years of UA and I finally beat (l/n)!”

To add an insult to injury, he was doing Fortnite dances (in mid 2020, no less), while whooping and hollering. You wanted to be happy for him, maybe even congratulate him on a good fight, but he was too damn obnoxious and by that point you just wanted the class to be over. The bastard didn’t even help you up, so you could only glare at him from your place on the floor. On the way back from the USJ, you got stuck on the bus seat between Monoma and Kamakiri, the former screaming from his own seat behind you to pick a fight with the hotheaded boy two rows up.

“Listen man, I’m just saying, if I wanted a teammate with the same abilities and none of the death threats I got from you on a daily basis, I’d tape a couple of knives to a Roomba and let it loose on class A.”

Kamakiri, however, was having none of it, so the next time Monoma leaned over your backrest to yell in his ear he was greeted with a swift punch in the throat. It sent him tumbling backwards and he released your backrest, but not before Kamakiri’s quirk accidentally left a clean gash on your forehead as you tried to duck down from the crossfire.

The howling laughter and “oh shit! Monoma’s fucking dead you guys!” from Setsuna did nothing to ease your headache, and as much as you wanted to give the two boys a piece of your mind, you didn’t particularly have a death wish. So you opted to seethe quietly, applying pressure to the wound until you could patch yourself up at the clinic.

When you arrived, the nurse was on lunch break, so you had to haul ass all the way back to the Class B dorms in the rain, do a walk of shame through the common room where many of your peers congregated at that time, and pray that you could find some sort of first aid kit in the bathroom. As expected you were bombarded with questions, but you dismissed them quickly, making your way over to the ladies room.

One alcohol wipe and a few butterfly sutures later, you tried to sneak back to your room for some sort of respite from what ended up being a trainwreck of a morning. You were almost in the clear when you bumped into someone you really, really didn’t want to deal with. Juzo. Normally, you’d be relieved to see him, possibly even thrilled. Alas, you just wanted to be left alone with your thoughts, at least for the time being. But in a matter of seconds he was all over you, much to your chagrin- especially since you were already on the verge of tears.

“Are you okay? What happened? Maybe you should go get some rest.”

“I’m fine, Juzo, it’s nothing. Just tired.” He frowned, having been here before one too many times with you. You looked like you would break down any second, and when that happened, he didn’t want you to feel alone. He loved you more than life itself, but if he couldn’t even be there to pick you up when you fell, what kind of friend would he be? Certainly not your best one, that was for sure. He figured he should tread carefully, knowing how much you hated crying in front of others. With a sigh he reached out, hesitantly running his thumb along the underside of your cut.

“Have you tried going to bed at a decent hour? I know I sound like a broken record, but-” Having enough, you slapped his hand away out of reflex, your teary (e/c) eyes now burning with rage at his words. Gentle, well-meaning words you’ve grown accustomed to hearing for the past few weeks being the final thing pushing you over the edge.

“I said I’m fine Honenuki! My sleep habits are my business, so why don’t you leave me alone. Don’t you have anything better to do?!” You did a full 180, lashing out and raising your voice loud enough it would traumatize even Present Mic. You were a ticking time bomb from the moment you woke up that day, and Honenuki was the poor soul that just happened to cut the wrong wire.

Honenuki visibly flinched at the use of his surname. Coming from anyone else, it was just a friendly acquaintance giving him a warm greeting, or making small talk. Coming from you, however, it felt...cold. Unfamiliar. You had been calling him Juzo since you both were fifteen, forging a camaraderie after the summer camp incident and growing closer ever since. He could only blink in shock at your outburst, unable to find anything to say as his mouth went dry. You stormed off, slamming the door to your room and shaking the floor beneath him, leaving him standing there with mixed signals and a heavy heart.

Still, he knew it was only a matter of time before you’d be paying the consequence, so he really shouldn’t have been so surprised when he got a message from you less than a week later. The news came to him just before he arrived to his first class of the day, and upon reading your text, he mentally facepalmed at your stupidity. Your bad sleeping choices- coupled with the freezing rain from that fateful day- had finally caught up to you, knocking you out with a nasty bug. It was the first time you had reached out to him since then, and even if he didn’t take anything too personally, it was a little odd for you to ignore him and follow up out of the blue without closure.

(Y/N) 8:30am: Can you please tell Vlad I can’t make it to class today? I feel like utter garbage. You'll never guess why ;-;

Juzo 8:33am: Ugh! I knew it! >HHHH<

(Y/N) 8:35am: In all fairness, maybe it’s just from the rain and not my piss poor bedtime routine...?

Juzo 8:36am: Stay put. I’ll be over after class.

(Y/N) 8:38am: Cool beans. Btw I already took some nasty ass cough medicine so please don’t make me take another dose for a few hours.

Juzo 8:39am: Fine. You better take it without any arguments when it’s time.

-and with that he clicked his phone off, waiting anxiously for the bell to ring. He took an extra set of notes for you, because you had insisted ‘that’s what friends do’, and he needed to keep his mind busy. The next class was English with Present Mic, and he thanked whatever deity out there that he was bilingual. Popping in and letting him know the circumstances wouldn’t cause any harm, and he was sure Mic would be willing to get another copy of the notes.

9:30am couldn’t arrive soon enough, but as soon as Vlad dismissed the class, Honenuki made a beeline for the English classroom. He was making great time, and was sure he’d be the first one there. At least until he found himself barreling into the back of a familiar leather coat. He almost got knocked back from the sheer force and he quickly apologized, bowing his head when a loud voice stopped him in amusement.

“Woah, slow down there speed racer! Just try to be careful next time”, Present Mic laughed, and Honenuki looked up in relief to find his teacher on his way to the same destination.

“Mic-sensei! Perfect timing, I actually wanted to ask a favor. You know (y/n), my best friend? She’s sick in bed right now, so I was wondering if I could get an extra copy of the notes to bring to her? I’d write them myself but my hand is a bit cramped from doing two sets last class.” His teeth clacked nervously, hoping that he didn’t seem too desperate, especially since it could be misconstrued as something more.

Mic raised an eyebrow, and hummed in thought briefly. “Ah, young love. You’re my top student in that class so I’ll do you one better! Next period is lunch, so I’ll give you a copy real quick since the teacher’s lounge is right here. I’ll even let you leave a half hour early IF you promise to help me organize the new textbooks when the order ships on Thursday afternoon.”

Honenuki was thrilled, and nodded his head in agreement. A half hour later a hall pass was placed on the desk along with a photocopied set of notes, and he thanked Mic again, nodding gratefully before hurrying off to the dorms.

Honenuki rushed over to your bedside with a thermometer and a hot cup of tea, and you wanted nothing more than to apologize for giving him grief the last time you saw him when he was only looking out for your well being. You opened your mouth to speak.

“Juzo, I’m s-” You got cut off by a coughing fit, and he found himself rubbing comforting circles on your back before a mug was held out to you, almost like a peace offering. His eyes were soft and caring, and he muttered out encouraging words until you calmed down enough to notice what he had brought over for you.

“Don’t worry about it, we’re good. I brought you some astragalus tea. Yaoyorozu from class A said it was really good for pain relief and sickness. Shiozaki happened to have some fresh herbs growing too for brewing.” You accepted the cup gratefully, shaky hands attempting to take a tentative sip before you sneezed, spilling the hot beverage on your lap and wincing at the pain.

Honenuki panicked, fumbling for the cup and placing it on the nightstand beside you. While you knew Honenuki would never yell at you, you knew there was a pretty high chance he would at least give you a piece of his mind or even an ‘I told you so’. He was normally pretty laid back, so to see him so visibly worried was...jarring, to say the least. It probably didn’t help that you got teary eyed from the scalding hot beverage, and as much as you wanted to cry because of how much pain you were in, you didn’t want to deal with another post-sob migraine or stuff your nose up even more.

“I thought I told you not to stay up so late.”

There it is, you thought. Honenuki had told you time and time again that pulling all nighters would lower your immune system, making you more susceptible to viral infections that you may have otherwise been able to prevent with some proper rest. It was Friday morning too, and you woefully remembered that you’d have to cancel your plans for a girls’ sleepover in the dorms later that evening.

“What was so important that you had to sacrifice your hours anyway?” He chastised you gently, careful not to raise his voice too much as he put a hand to your forehead.

You sighed at your friend, leaning into his touch. His hand retracted much too quickly for your liking, and you had to take a second to compose yourself and provide a response.

“Video games...?”, you grinned sheepishly. You didn’t want to elaborate any more, hoping he would buy it.

Honenuki almost rolled his eyes at that. He knew you typically played online with a team, more specifically Awase, Tsuburaba, and Tetsutetsu. He also knew Awase had mentioned offhand yesterday that you hadn’t been on the raid team for almost a full week, and ‘was wondering where the hell you disappeared to’ . It’s not like you played a million other games either- you only got into it because they needed a full team of four once while Rin was away visiting his family.

“Try again, (y/n). I know you don’t dabble in much else besides Minecraft.” Defeated, you sat up, covered in sweat as your clothes felt like a layer of plastic wrap.

He began to absentmindedly rub your back, a habit which you normally found endearing, now serving as major comfort. His massages were hands down the best, and you often wondered if his quirk had anything to do with it.

“I’ll tell you all about it when I’m better, but everything hurts right now.” Honenuki nodded in understanding, and you both sat in silence for a few.

“I’m going to check your temperature. Is that okay?”, he looked at you with concern.

You hummed in agreement, and the next moment the cold metal was placed against your forehead, rolling down to your temples. You wished it was any other circumstance besides this one where his face would be close to you, because holy shit, he was so cute when he was focused. If you weren’t sick as a dog you may have even had the courage to lean forward and kiss him on the teeth, but that may have just been your fever induced delirium. It beeped after about ten seconds, and he showed you the flashing 38.9°C on the little screen. From your perspective, you wondered how much of that was actually from the sickness, and how much of it was from nerves. He ruffled your hair before speaking again.

“Tell you what- go in and shower okay? You’ll feel leagues better, it’ll loosen your sinuses a little bit, plus you still have tea on your lap.” His teeth clacked as he chuckled good-naturedly.

You grumbled at the realization, and rolled out of bed to clean yourself up a bit. You left a big patch of sweat on your sheets, so Honenuki offered to run them to the laundry room and see if he could find some cough medicine in the meantime. You thanked him, your voice still raspy and gave him an affectionate headbutt before you left.

After you disappeared down the hallway with a towel, he got to work for a few minutes when his phone buzzed. Kurorio’s picture popped up on the caller ID, and Juzo unlocked his phone to accept the call.

“Heard your girlfriend’s not feeling too well?” inquired Kurorio.

“Kuro, hey man! Um, (y/n) and I are still just friends. Would be cool though.” Honenuki slapped a hand over his mouth at his wording, hoping that Kurorio would buy it (he did not).

“I’m just taking care of her for the time being, taking her temp, washing the sheets, you know?”. Kurorio hummed suspiciously, but changed the subject.

Honenuki pulled up the topsheet with both hands while balancing the phone between his shoulder and ear as he bantered back and forth with one of his classmates. Kurorio was cracking jokes about how much dogs in general look like their owners. Especially their homeroom teacher, Vlad King and his English bulldog.

“It's the underbite! I know the former doesn’t have the floppy jowls, but I just can’t get over the underbite!” he had said, as Honenuki was quick to mention the square shoulders probably didn’t help much either. The two of them broke into a fit of laughter as Honenuki bunched up the sheets and pillowcases into the comforter like a knapsack, about to make his way downstairs when something wooden was peeking out from between the top sheet and fitted one.

It was a simple embroidery hoop with some aida cloth stretched over it, and various colors of thread knotted and going every which way. He flipped it over cautiously, YOU SOFTEN MY HEART was stitched in neatly inside a simple little border of what looked like Astragalus blossoms, and a small tapestry needle dangled below the messier side of the work.

Honenuki was intrigued- he never knew you could cross stitch! Of course it was nowhere near completion, but the black outline you started with was kind of a dead giveaway. It was like you blocked everything out first and built a foundation before finishing the more complex portions. It had to be planned out, the craftsmanship was too deliberate, too precise to just be done one stitch at a time while still maintaining consistent proportions. It was definitely a bit of an odd phase to copy onto what would likely be a keepsake, and he puzzled over the reasoning behind it when a wrinkled piece of graph paper under the bed caught his eye.

He smoothed out the pattern you had drafted so carefully, and he was thoroughly impressed at the detail in the work. But everything seemed to click in his brain when at the very top of the sketched out pattern were the words Birthday Gift: 06/20. That, and the post-it note on the side that said It’s for Juzo you lovesick bitch so make sure you practice, practice, practice!

Was that why you were up so much? Were you learning a brand new skill this far in advance to make something for him? His birthday wasn’t even for another month, but when it came to art projects, you were always planning and organizing to create the best results. He decided to set the pieces on your desk and went back to stripping the last of your bedsheets to take down to the laundry room. It would be a while before they were dry and clean enough to put back, so if you finished up before then, he figured he could just grab a couple blankets from his own bed right across the hallway.

“Huh, that’s really pretty”, he muttered absentmindedly.

Kurorio’s interest was piqued, and before either of them knew it, the conversation went back to (y/n) as Honenuki continued to tidy up for about ten more minutes.

“Yeah, I brought her tea, and sent her in to shower. She should be fine in a couple of da-“ THUD. Seeing as how you two were the only ones in the dorms, the noise was no doubt from you. Honenuki paled, but tried to stay composed even though his mind was racing.

“You were saying?”, Kurorio was snickering on the other line, not even trying to hide his amusement.

He knew his friend had a growing crush on you, and as much as he wanted to tease him about it he knew Honenuki was stressed enough already.

“I’ll call you back.”

And with that Honenuki found himself clicking the “end call” button and booking it towards the bathroom down the empty halls of the dorms. He tried not to seem too worried, praying you just dropped a bottle or something. Still, when you were in such a state he couldn’t help the looming sense of dread that you had gotten hurt somehow.

“(Y/N)? Everything okay there?”

Silence.

He knocked again, only to be met with a pained groan from the other side. Common sense was thrown out the window as he turned the knob and found you sprawled out on the floor, face down, a little wet, but thankfully still fully clothed with the shower running. He wasn’t sure if he should be relieved or just confused, and if it weren’t for your labored breathing the whole thing would very much look like a crime scene.

He kneeled down to your level. “What are you even doing? I thought you were going to shower”, he asked softly as he tried to flip you on your side.

You blinked slowly, assuming fetal position as you responded.

“Water hot. Floor cold.” Just as you went to press your burning cheek back against the tile, a pair of arms scooped you up.

He didn’t even have time to be embarrassed as he set you on the countertop by the sink and helped you peel off your now soaked top, tossing it to the side. He took the hand towel hanging up next to you, folding it lengthwise and ran it under some cold water before holding it up to your forehead. Your normally healthy (h/c) hair was matted and smelled of sweat, and it looked like a real bitch to comb through. You seemed to realize just how much of a mess you were, and couldn’t help but feel tears of humiliation bubbling up. This didn’t go unnoticed by him though, and his brows pinched together in concern. Before he could ask what was the matter, you sighed ruefully.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with me like this”, you muttered.

God, you couldn’t even look him in the eye. The man you’ve admired since day one was seeing you at rock bottom, and the shame was almost too much to bear. Honenuki, being the saint he was, just rubbed your back soothingly and told you not to worry. Still, there was a growing dread in the pit of your stomach, and you wondered why he was pitying you. Could things get any worse?

Indeed they could. Before you could stop yourself, the little bit of tea, as well as the crackers that you had consumed earlier somehow found its way back up and all over the front of not just you, but your best friend and longtime crush as well. There wasn’t a whole lot in your stomach, but the amount of it wasn’t what worried you- it was that you did it in the first place.

You started crying all over again, apologies spilling out of your mouth as you hyperventilated. This was it, there was no way he’d want anything to do with you now. He’d probably be too disgusted to keep helping you, and as soon as everyone got back to the dorms, word would get out, and you wouldn’t be able to do a thing about it. His stunned silence only made you more anxious, and you prepared for the worst when he took off his tee shirt and started wiping you off as best as he could. He put the soiled shirt into the corner before grabbing the wet towel and wiping off more of it, cleaning up the mess. Finally, he looked down at you, and squeezed your shoulder affectionately.

“It was an accident, (y/n) it’s fine. I’ll be right back”.

Now it was your turn to be stunned as you sat dumbly on the countertop for a minute until he reappeared with lysol wipes, a new towel, a jar of Eucalyptus mint soap scrub, and a fluffy bathrobe.

He turned on one of the showers, waiting for it to be a good temperature before turning back to you. “Go ahead and get in the shower. I’ll clean up.”

You didn’t have the energy to object as you shuffled over to the stall, peeling all your clothes off and getting in, albeit sitting on the floor- you didn’t want to risk falling over again. After a few minutes, you could feel your sinuses clearing a little bit. Enough for you to talk a sentence or two at least. After the events that transpired, you found some solace knowing that your best friend must really care about you to stick around and help you during a time like this. You remembered how he’d blush whenever someone asked if you were dating. You had nothing else to lose at this point, so your feverish brain made a bold decision and you stuck your head out to find him still waiting outside.

“I’m not gonna let you sit covered in vomit. And I know you’re too stubborn to leave my side to go wash up somewhere else, so get in here.”

Honenuki was at a loss for words. Was it really fair to you? You were the one inviting him in. But then again, you did have a point- he really did plan to wait it out. He’d do it a hundred times for your sake. Would it be weird? It wasn’t like you were toddlers anymore, whose mothers wanted to get a cute picture in a bubble bath- you guys were in your final year of high school, and if the note he found in your room was any kind of proof, you were just as in love with him as he was you...but there was no one else in the dorms, and the opportunity was practically handed to him on a silver platter. You were just a sick friend in need of help, right? Except you saw him as something more than that, he wasn’t stupid. And while in any other case an invitation to share a shower would be implying some sort of ulterior motive, he knew you well enough to know that you were genuinely looking to help him. Just with the added bonus of seeing a different side of you.

So he took off his shorts, opting to leave his boxers on just in case. He was silently grateful that the water was a colder temperature to ease not just your fever, but his racing thoughts as well. Keeping them on probably wouldn’t do too much to hide his arousal if they were going to get soaking wet anyway and just cling to him as a result, but at least this way he could keep it hidden from plain sight. He opened up the jar and passed it to you, which you gratefully accepted, but not before taking a deep whiff of the soothing scent. He sat behind you criss-cross applesauce, and gently took the plastic comb from you as you kept trying to yank it through your hair.

“Allow me”, he said, squeezing some shampoo out and lathering it on your head. Occasionally, the foam would fall onto your body and you’d have to flick it away with wet hands. These motions only made it that much more difficult for Honenuki to keep his eyes off your supple, soft curves. The slope of your back to your ass looked almost too inviting with the white suds cascading down in rivulets. He groaned inaudibly when you wiped a particularly large cluster of bubbles from off your chest, trying not to stare for too long.

He coughed, grabbing your attention. “Can you lean back more?”.

You tilted your head back, sighing in content as he massaged your scalp, taking great care to not get soap in your eyes. He reached for the shower head when you stopped him. You lathered up some shampoo and repeated the process on him, making sure to spike his hair up as high as you could. Then you did the same for yourself before you both turned to each other, and broke down into a fit of much needed giggles at how ridiculous you both looked. Maybe laughter really was the best medicine.

He rinsed your hair off and proceeded with the conditioner, combing it through one section at a time. It was one thing to absentmindedly play with the ends of it whenever the two of you were hanging out in close proximity, but to go through it so thoroughly and gently was surprisingly intimate, especially given your current scenario. Honenuki and you have been close for years now, maybe not quite since diapers but long enough for you to realize that he had already seen most (if not all) sides of you- and likewise, you of him. The man had somehow managed to stick by you through your awkward middle school years, to the rough days of early highschool and hero training, and even now when you were suffering the consequence of going against his advice.

You thought you were only crushing on him before, but after having him see you so vulnerable and still s tand by you, you realized the idea of spending the rest of your life with him sounded even more appealing than before, if that was possible. You, (y/n) (l/n), were in love with your best friend Juzo Honenuki, and after the events that transpired this morning, you were okay with that.

“So that’s what you use to get your hair to smell like (f/f)...” his thoughts were accidentally voiced out loud, breaking you out of your reverie. You nodded slowly, and the soft clack of his teeth was heard behind you. “It’s nice. I like it!”, he said more confidently this time before he picked up the bottle to read it.

“Thanks, you want some?”, you questioned hoarsely, but since your voice was still sore it was very difficult to be heard over the running water.

You didn’t get a response, either because you weren’t loud enough, or he was too absorbed in the words printed neatly on the bottle.

“Juzo?” He hummed in response, which you took as a yes.

If he let you use that fancy ass scrub for your illness, you figured the least you could do was share your leave-in treatment. Sharing is caring.

“Here, let me” You attempted to rotate yourself to face him so you could condition his hair too.

He glanced back up from the directions on the back, and you thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head. Dropping the comb he stammered, trying to maintain eye contact and not look down. He gulped, and all the words he had on the top of his tongue vanished when you plucked the comb from the wet shower floor and placed it on your thigh. You tried to reach a bit to get the conditioner bottle from him. This was a leave in conditioner, so your own (h/l) hair was still plastered down until it “set” for seven minutes. The excess dripped from the ends, down your back and shoulders, giving your body a light sheen. Your bare chest slid against his arm, and the bottle fell with a harsh clatter. He averted his eyes to look anywhere but at you, but it was kinda difficult when you were-

A. Naked

B. Feverish and flushed

C. Half straddling him

D. Covered in copious amounts of wet foam.

“Are you sure? I’m the one that’s supposed to be taking care of you, not the other way around,” Your breasts were inches from his face, and Hoenuki swore he could feel his soul leaving his body when he finally had enough, frantically shoving the bottle in your hands.

“Juzo, you’ve helped me so much already, and it’s not even eleven am yet.” And with that he promptly shut his mouth and let you get to work on returning the favor. You squeezed out some onto your hands before rubbing them together. “Turn around and tip your head back- you’re taller than me and I can’t see.”

He normally loved massages (especially if they came from you after a long day of training), and how quickly your skillful hands would put him at ease, but he knew you weren’t really feeling your best today. He didn’t want to push you too far, but the sentiment was still appreciated nonetheless. You obviously couldn’t go for as long or apply as much pressure before your arms got tired and you started to ache a little, but you didn’t mind brushing his long, sandy blond locks. He was still grateful for the little bit that you were able to do, and you wondered how the universe could bless you with someone this sweet.

After seven minutes passed, Honenuki stood up and grabbed the shower head above you and rinsed out your hair, being extra careful to make sure each section was covered, and out of your face with a wide tooth comb in the other hand. You were still seated, and this gave him a bird’s eye view of not just your backside, but your front as well. He swore to himself he was only in to help you out, but fuck, if you weren’t contagious he’d seriously consider taking you right then and there. You peered up at him through wet lashes, and to make matters worse you were nearly eye level with his straining erection. He was almost certain you noticed, but knowing you, you were too kind to comment on it.

Eager to get out before things went south, or- god forbid- he did something impulsive he’d possibly regret, he quickly repeated the process on himself. After you were both rinsed, he switched the lever to “off” and turned to look down at you.

“I’m going to help you stand up, okay?”, his voice was calm, but assertive as he pulled back the curtains and stepped backwards out of the shower. Still seated, you spun around, and moved to push yourself up. You were halfway there when he threw a towel around your back and put his arms under yours. You suddenly felt more self conscious than ever, and as much as you wanted to drool over how toned he had gotten from years in the hero program, you couldn’t help but feel a lingering sense of inadequacy at your own figure. You trembled slightly, fever chills slowly coming back now that the water was off, and your legs shaking like a baby deer.

“Juzo careful, I’m gonna sli-”

Before you could finish your sentence, you slipped on the shower floor and went tumbling forwards. Yet instead of meeting a face full of tile for the second time in the hour, you found yourself leaning into Honenuki’s protective embrace. Your breasts were pressed up against his torso, and you both found yourselves relishing the feeling of fitting together just right.

“You feel more refreshed?” He asked as he wrapped the rest of the thick towel around you.

You nodded, genuinely relieved that you were no longer covered in sweat, vomit, or tears. And you smelled damn good to boot. You still felt sick, but now at least you could heal comfortably.

~ ~ ~

“Your sheets aren’t ready yet, so you can sleep here for a little while.”

You were being carried into his dorm, wearing his fluffy robe that he had lent you after you had freshened up. He was originally just going to lend you some blankets, but he figured you’d be more comfortable in a made bed- that, and he could keep an eye on you. He went to set you down, but instead of letting go, you held onto him tighter. Honenuki glanced down at you, nuzzling into him for comfort and sighing softly. You were still a little bit warm, and your voice was raspy, but you seemed much better than you were just a short while ago. Now that you were showered and medicated (not to mention under the care of someone who’s presence just generally put you at ease no matter what), you felt like you could get better fairly quickly.

You didn’t know what you’d do without Honenuki at your side, and found yourself mumbling “please don’t go yet” when he tried to tuck you in.

Your request caught his attention, and he checked again for confirmation that he heard you correctly.

“You...want me to stay?”, Honenuki asked you curiously, a rosy hue growing on his face. The only response he got was an exhausted hum of approval, and a small nod.

“Am I some sort of alternative medicine? Can’t get enough of me?”, he joked, and he couldn’t help but chuckle at how adorably clingy you were when you were sleepy.

You were too sick to get flustered at his comment, and even if he did call you out on blushing, at least you could use your fever as an excuse.

“Alright, let me get something lighter. I know that robe is comfy, but you’ll bake yourself alive in it.” Reluctantly, you let go so he could go to his dresser drawer and find you some makeshift pajamas.

“I’m a hot snack, sorry. I gotta be wrapped up and baking”, you croaked out, smiling weakly.

It hurt like a bitch, but seeing the amused shake of his head and smiling eyes at your stupid joke was well worth it in your opinion.

He tossed a tee shirt and some boxers in your direction, and you sat up to slip the robe off. Almost immediately he whipped his head away from you so fast, you thought he’d get whiplash. It was rather cute, actually- he had already seen you naked not even ten minutes ago, and had known you for about a third of his life- but the way he cleared his throat and mumbled out a soft apology was one of the sweetest things you’ve seen from him. Your robe hit the ground and you slipped on the shirt first, before you moved to tug up the boxer shorts. Making sure everything was in place, you turned to your best friend. He still had his back to you, but you could see the very tips of his ears flushed scarlet.

Seeing him so flustered was still a relatively new sight to you, but adorable nonetheless. You took a couple seconds after you were dressed to just appreciate the sight before you, committing it to your memory. Honenuki sensed the silence that settled around the room, no longer hearing the shuffling of fabric behind him and cleared his throat before he spoke up.

“You’re all set then?”, for someone who was normally composed you noticed Honenuki’s voice was uncharacteristically shaky, and he still refused to look at you as he had a hand blocking his peripheral line of sight. He was such a gentleman- you almost felt bad for flustering him so much.

“Yeah, thank you Juzo. I don’t have a bra or underwear, but if I’m being honest I think this is more comfortable.” You wanted to slap yourself for oversharing- while this fever was making coherent thoughts and common sense a bit more difficult, you couldn’t help but inwardly cringe at your lack of a filter.

Still, he plopped himself into bed behind you, pulling you into his chest and massaging your back. Your sinuses were still a bit clogged even after the shower, but his hands worked wonders when it came to easing your pain, and it didn’t take long for you to fall into a light slumber. You sighed contentedly, closing your eyes.

He could only hope that after you were fully healed, he’d be able to fully confess his feelings for you, and after how you two interacted that morning, he realized his friends insisting that you felt the same for him might not be so crazy after all. But for now, he just wanted to enjoy this moment, as friends, because your friendship was more than enough for him if it meant he could have moments like these. The day he confessed would come eventually, right? You guys were definitely more than friends, it just wasn’t official yet. Someday, he thought wistfully. Someda-

“Thanks for softening my pain, Juzo. I love you.”

‘...!”

His eyes shot open at that, and he briefly wondered if he heard you correctly. Of course she meant you, idiot. Who else would she be talking to? H e wanted to twirl you around the room with a resounding I love you too! I always have!, he wanted to scream it from the top of the rooftops, and celebrate once and for all, but just as quickly as you had uttered the words, you fell asleep in his arms, and he was certain you could hear his racing heart through his chest. It wasn’t from nervousness however- it was the sheer joy, the anticipation of when he could finally ask you to be not just his best friend but his girlf riend, from relief of knowing you would say yes.

He now had verbal confirmation that you felt the same. The ball was in his court now, and as soon as you got better, he was going to make up for so much lost time. Even though you couldn’t hear him, he pressed his teeth gently to your forehead and held you closer, drawing heart shapes on your back.

“I love you too, (y/n).”

~ ~ ~

Thank you so much for reading this labor of love! I’d love to hear your feedback, and I’m always open to new ideas <3

#my hero academia #my hero academia x reader #boku no hero academia #boku no hero academia x reader #honenuki x reader #juzo honenuki #juzo honenuki x reader #juzo x reader #x reader imagine #bug mom writes #sickfic #tw: vomit #tw: nudity

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