#that’s your immediate reaction???? you must be a very kind and likable person | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

meowmerson · 5 years ago

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hi meowmers! just read your latest tomione fics and i'm so glad you're back here blessing us. would love to read your take on head boy & head girl tomione fic? or maybe an au where auror! hermione chases after dark wizard tom riddle

head boy head girl you say??????????????? one of my favorite tropes you say????????????????????????? I ACCEPT

–

Hermione knew it would be him. He was top of their class (a title she had been battling against him for since their first year) beloved by their professors and classmates, he was a natural-born leader, handsome, likable - it would have been outrageous for head boy to be anyone other than him.

Didn’t mean she had to like it.

Hermione always found something suspicious about Tom Riddle. She was certain she was the only one who thought so, save for maybe Harry, but then Harry was easily won over when people were kind to him. And Tom Riddle certainly went out of his way to be kind.

But he was mysterious. No one really knew where he was from - everyone knew he was an orphan, but no one knew how, or where he lived now. Everyone just thought he was a poor tortured soul and that those things should never be mentioned.

He had a close circle of friends who followed his every command and cowered in the face of his glare. She had seen Malfoy once laughing and subsequently cowering from nothing but a look from Tom Riddle, nothing more than a glance, and suddenly Malfoy was swallowing his laughter and averting his eyes to the ground. Malfoy didn’t do that for anybody.

How could someone so allegedly kind strike that kind of fear into someone’s heart with nothing more than a glance?

He was fake, she had decided. He was nothing more than secrets upon secrets shrouded beneath a pretty face, a friendly smile, an intelligent mind. But there was something there, beneath the surface. Something secret, something dark.

And Hermione never liked liars.

“Would you just admit you want to ride his dick til you pass out so we can move on?” Lavender drawled from her bed in the Gryffindor seventh year room.

Hermione sputtered for a solid thirty seconds while Padma and Parvati absolutely killed themselves laughing. Ginny, who was lounging on Padma’s bed while the twins lay together on Parvati’s, stared at Hermione awaiting her reaction with unrelenting glee.

“Lavender!” Hermione finally managed to choke out, bringing on another round of obnoxious laughter from the girls.

“Oh come on, Hermione,” Lavender said, “You have wanted to hop on that since first year!”

“I have absolutely no idea what you are–”

“Oh, look at him Hermione!” Ginny said, “That boy is sex on legs,”

“Whether or not he is sex on legs is not the point!” Hermione snapped, “Have you been listening to anything I’m saying? I have to share a living quarters with a boy who–”

“So you admit he’s sex on legs then?” Lavender interrupted.

“Ugh!” Hermione pushed herself to her feet, “I am finished with this conversation. I’m leaving.”

“Make sure you get back before curfew starts,” Padma said, and Parvati added, “Or Riddle will need to punish you!”

“Fuck all of you!” Hermione swore, and the uncharacteristically foul language sent the girls into another round of laughter.

–

She tried to speak to Harry and Ron.

Ron said, “Ah, this is about how badly you want to snog Riddle then, is it?”

Harry laughed, and Hermione picked up the bottle of firewhiskey they had snuck in and poured it out the window as revenge.

–

She put off returning to the common room as long as she could. Guiding the first years around had been alright, mostly because they split up those responsibilities and didn’t take them together, but they would be doing rounds tonight, together, just the two of them, then returning to the Head’s common together.

It all felt very strange.

Tom was stood outside the portrait to their common room when she arrived. “You’re nearly late.” He said.

“Nearly,” Hermione agreed, “But not quite.”

“Meeting up with your friends?” He asked as they started down the hall. He always did this, attempted friendly conversation, as if they were familiar enough to do so. She nodded curtly. “Did you meet up with any of them over the summer?”

“No,” She answered. She didn’t elaborate.

“Ah,” He replied, seemingly nonplussed, “It must be nice to catch up, then.”

When would this torture end?

“Yes, it is.” Hermione agreed.

“And did you have a nice summer?” He asked.

She glanced toward him, but looked away before she caught his eye. He was peering around the corridor, keeping an eye out for any students out after curfew or first years who had gotten lost. She wondered what he was playing at, why he was trying to make friendly conversation. What did he have to gain, here? What did he want?

“Miss Granger?” He pressed.

“Hm?”

“I asked if you had a nice summer.” She looked toward him again, and this time his eyes were fixed on her.

“Did you?” She asked, just to see the twitch in his brow in response. He did that sometimes, little ticks to show that his endless patience wasn’t really so endless. She loved to see it, see those glances into whoever he was behind his mask of perfection.

“Yes.” It was the shortest response he’d given her that night.

“Oh,” She said, and offered him a strained smile, “Yes, I did.”

He didn’t speak to her for the remainder of the evening, except for a polite ‘have a good night’ when they returned to the common room.

It felt like a win

–

They split up rounds, after that. They worked on a one night on, one night off schedule, trading off. It wasn’t typical for head boy and girl to do this, but Hermione had suggested it, and Tom hadn’t argued.

He never did, she found out. He had debated her countless times in class, but they had never had a personal conversation before this year, and it seemed no matter what she said, what she suggested, he tended to agree.

She didn’t understand what he was up to.

Her friends wouldn’t stop relentlessly teasing her, and wouldn’t listen to a single one of her suspicions. And why would they? She didn’t have anything to go on, just this feeling in her gut.

Maybe it was just an issue of attraction.

He was handsome, certainly, and extremely intelligent. He impressed her, and it had been a while since she had met someone who genuinely impressed her. He had a way with people that she always lacked, everyone liked him, maybe it was jealousy. Or maybe it was the way she had so often caught herself thinking about him over the year, wondering what it would be like to know him, for him to know her.

Was this feeling nothing but her own convoluted emotions making her over paranoid?

Living in close quarters to Tom was easy. He kept to himself, didn’t invite anyone over, she would only see him if he was reading in front of the fireplace in their shared common area. She never saw him up to no good, never heard strange noises or saw strange things. He was perfectly normal, perfectly good, perfectly perfect.

She was beginning to doubt herself.

“You know,” Harry told her once, “I thought I hated Draco for ages until I realized I just like blokes.”

“But you also hated Draco,” She reminded him.

“True,” He agreed, and shrugged, as if that didn’t really matter.

–

It was her turn for rounds, and she was dutifully making her way through her assigned route. It was a quiet night, she hadn’t run into any first-years sneaking around the castle, or third-years finding their way to the kitchens, or sixth-years hooking up in abandoned classrooms. She was grateful especially for the last one, she hated stumbling upon that.

She was about ready to finish, head back up to her room and go to bed, when she saw the slightest glow under a classroom door.

It only lasted for a moment before it was gone, like a candle being burnt out, or a spell being cast. She crept toward the door, it was probably a couple of naked teenagers again, trying to get their rocks off in the potions classroom. She pressed her ear against the door to see if she needed to knock or if she could barge in.

She could hear nothing.

She moved away, furrowed her brow. There was definitely someone in there, but they put up a silencing charm. Definitely a couple. She went to open the door, it was locked. So she cast an Alohomora, and to her surprise, nothing happened.

Something icy settled in her stomach. She could only think of one person that she could imagine casting such advanced locking charms. But it wasn’t his night for patrols, and she thought he was in his room.

She was being paranoid. She knew she should knock and demand whoever is in there comes out immediately, deduct house points for being out late and finish her rounds. She shouldn’t be overdramatic about this, lest she look like a fool.

She blew up the lock and removed the silencing charm.

She heard a boy yelp as she pushed the door open. There was a bit of smoke from the exploded lock that had to clear before she could see what was going on inside the room.

Malfoy stood inside, his eyes wide and wet, and Tom stood opposite, looking like he was trying very hard not to look angry.

“What is going on in here?”

“Miss Granger,” Tom said calmly, “Was blowing the lock truly necessary?”

“Was locking and silencing the room truly necessary?” She replied, but she was quickly distracted by Malfoy. He looked terrified, he was blinking rapidly, his eyes wet, and he was shaking like a leaf. She glanced between the two of them, Malfoy looking traumatized, and Tom looking the picture of poise, his eyes locked on her.

She wondered what could have been happening before she opened that door.

“Are you alright?” She asked Malfoy quietly.

“Draco sometimes has nightmares,” Tom answered, “It’s not something he is particularly open about. I was trying to give him a space to calm down with a bit of privacy.”

Hermione watched Tom for a long moment, examined the friendly tilt of his lips into an almost-smile, the gentle tone of his voice. He was for all intents and purposes, a dedicated friend.

Hermione wasn’t buying it. “I asked Malfoy.” She said.

Something changed in Tom’s expression then, something she hadn’t seen before. It wasn’t just the twitch of his eyebrow or a slight, barely present frown. His whole face went startlingly blank, and his eyes became sharp. She had never seen his eyes like that, focused and intense.

She looked back to Malfoy, who stared back and forth between them with wide eyes. “Malfoy.” She repeated.

He looked at Tom first, who met his gaze. Malfoy then looked back to her, and finally spoke, “Yes,” He said, and the breathiness of his voice made Hermione wonder what had been happening before she interrupted. Did people really sound like this just from crying from a nightmare? “I get night-terrors. Tom was simply calming me down.”

Hermione didn’t like the way Tom turned back to her with a smile. “If you don’t mind, Ms. Granger,” He said, “I’ll take care of Malfoy.”

Malfoy had not stopped shaking.

“I can take him back to his common room,” Hermione said, “It isn’t your night for rounds, Mr. Riddle.”

“I would rather Tom takes me back to the common room.” Malfoy interjected.

There was nothing more Hermione could do then, except look sadly at the state Malfoy was in and ask, “Are you sure, Draco?”

She used his first name on purpose. Malfoy blinked at her, and Tom turned his head slowly to look at her as she said it. She didn’t look at Riddle, kept her eyes on Malfoy and waited for his response.

He nodded, so there was nothing else she could do.

“Fine,” She nodded, and didn’t look at Riddle when she added, “Take him straight back to his common room, it’s after curfew and I don’t want to have to deduct house points.”

“Of course, Hermione,” Tom said.

It was the first time he ever used her first name.

–

Hermione didn’t see Tom that night, and she left her room early that morning.

She didn’t see him until breakfast.

“I need to tell you something,” She said to Harry and Ron, “Something I saw last night.”

“What is it?” Ron said through a mouth full of food.

She looked around the Great Hall. Tom Riddle hadn’t made his appearance yet, but Malfoy was at the Slytherin table. He looked normal, his typical haughty self, it was as if last night had never happened. But Hermione couldn’t chake the memory of his expression, frightened and shaking like a leaf.

“I was doing my rounds,” She said, looking back to Ron and Harry who were listening closely, “And I walked in on Riddle and Malfoy.”

“Doing what?” Harry asked.

“I’m not sure,” Hermione said, “They were in the potions classroom and had a silencing charm and complicated locking charm on the door.”

“Doing what, though?” Ron pressed.

“I don’t know!” Hermione protested, “I can’t imagine what they could have been doing, but–”

“Were they fucking?” Ron asked outright.

Hermione sputtered for a moment, “No!” She said, “Well, I–I don’t think so. No. Malfoy looked terrified.” She thought of the two of them, standing there, Riddle’s calm stance, Malfoy’s wide, wet eyes. “No, definitely not. I blew the lock and walked in unannounced and they weren’t even touching, no clothes askew.”

“Wait,” Harry interjected, “You blew the lock?”

“Yes.” Hermione confirmed.

“Bloody hell,” Ron said, “Why’d you do that?”

“I couldn’t unlock it.” Hermione shrugged, not understanding the fuss. “That’s not the point.”

“So what did they say?” Harry asked.

“They said something about Malfoy having nightmares,” Hermione sighed, “That he needed to calm down, and Tom was helping him.”

Ron shrugged, “Sounds believable to me.”

“Does it?” Hermione asked, astounded, “Does it actually?”

“Yeah, why not?” Ron asked, and commenced shoveling food into his face again, “They’re friends, aren’t they?”

“Riddle doesn’t have friends,” Hermione protested, “Have you ever heard him call anyone by their first name? Have you ever seen him spending time with someone outside what is absolutely necessary?” She didn’t miss Ron rolling his eyes, but she ignored it, “Something was going on, I’m sure of it. I’m just not sure what.”

“What does Malfoy have nightmares about?” Harry asked.

“I don’t know, Harry!” Hermione replied, exasperated, “That’s not the point.”

“The point is,” Ron said through another mouthful, “Hermione is pissed her boyfriend was canoodling with another guy.”

“Ronald.” Hermione said sternly.

“Hermione.”

That wasn’t Ron. That wasn’t Harry. Hermione looked up to see Tom Riddle stood behind her two best friends, a small, friendly smile on his face. Ron’s eyes practically bulged out of his skull when he turned to see who was behind him, and he turned back to Hermione to raise his eyebrows and she knew what he was trying to say to her without words, ‘he calls you Hermione, huh?’

“Riddle.” She greeted, pointedly avoiding his first name.

“I was hoping I could speak to you.” Tom said.

“No.” Hermione replied, secretly delighted by the slight falter in his smile, “I’m in the middle of a conversation.”

“We just finished, actually!” Harry chirped, smiling at Tom and then turning back to Hermione, “Go ahead, ‘Mione. It’s fine.”

She wanted to kill Harry.

“Fine.” She said, and stood slowly, “We can talk.”

“Excellent.” Tom said.

They were on opposite sides of the long table, and the distance from where she was sat to the main door of the great hall felt like a funeral procession. She glanced toward him, over the heads of the students at the Gryffindor table. He looked straight ahead, his hands clasped behind his back, his head held high. He had excellent posture and a perfect mask. It felt dreamlike, walking alongside him with only a table full of oblivious students between them.

Once outside the Great Hall, Tom walked beside Hermione until they reached a relatively quiet corridor. It was lined with windows that overlooked the courtyard. Sunlight streamed in, and they stopped in the light of one of the windows, but Tom stood just outside of the sunlight.

She waited for him to speak.

“You blew the lock off the door.” Was the first thing he said. She didn’t understand why everyone was so hung up on that.

“Yes.” She confirmed, “You cast very complicated locking spells.”

He smiled tightly, “We wanted privacy.”

“What for?” She asked.

He paused, examined her for a quiet moment. Hermione wasn’t sure what he hoped to find, but he stared into her eyes for what felt like a very, very long time before speaking again, “Forgive me to saying so, Hermione,” He used her name again. She didn’t know why he did that. “But you seem suspicious of me.”

“Is there something I should be suspicious of?” She asked.

“I certainly don’t think so,” He laughed, “I told you the truth last night, I’m sorry if it appeared suspicious.”

“Why was he so afraid of you?” She tipped her chin up, tried to search his eyes for some kind of answer like he seemed to try to do with her.

He laughed, “Hermione,” He said her name again, she felt something uncomfortable coil in her gut, “He was not afraid of me. I don’t believe anyone has any reason to be afraid of me.”

She didn’t believe him. That was the strangest thing about all of this - despite his nice smile and his kind words, she couldn’t find it within herself to believe him no matter how she tried. But it would do no good to say so, so she looked away and said, “Of course. Forgive me, I’m a bit on edge.”

“Are you alright, Hermione?” He asked, “Is there anything I can do?”

You can stop lying to my fucking face, she thought. But she just smiled tightly and shook her head.

He reached out, gently laid his hands on her arm, and it took everything in herself not to flinch. “Let me know if you need anything.” He said kindly, “Perhaps we can start doing rounds together?”

She didn’t like the idea of spending any more time around him than absolutely necessary. But then she didn’t like the idea of him galavanting around Hogwarts at night, either. At least this way she could keep an eye on him.

“Alright,” She agreed, “Let’s do that.”

He smiled, and let his hand linger just a moment too long on her arm.

–

Hermione cornered Malfoy in the library.

“Draco,” She greeted, sitting down across from him where he was reading. He looked up, and promptly blanched.

“What the fuck do you want, Granger?” He snapped.

“Just checking in.” She said, “How are you feeling?”

He stared at her for a very long time, a sneer steadily spreading across his face. “Fine.” He spat.

“No more nightmares?” She pressed.

There was a split second, barely there at all, where his brows started to press together, and he looked confused. It was gone in a flash, and he averted his eyes and followed along, but it was all Hermione needed to know she was right. “Yeah, nightmares…” He agreed, “I’m fine, Riddle helped.”

She leaned closer, folding her arms on the table in front of her. “But it wasn’t really a nightmare, was it?”

Malfoy grit his teeth. “What are you on about?”

“It wasn’t a nightmare,” Hermione repeated, “It was something else, right?” Malfoy was glaring fiercely at her now, “What happened to you in there? Why were you so scared?”

“Granger,” He started, and it sounded like a warning. Hermione ignored it.

“What did he do to you?” She pressed, “Malfoy, if you tell me, I can help you.”

Abruptly, Malfoy slammed his hands on the table and stood. He leaned toward her, and in a quiet tone, he furiously spoke, “I have never once asked for help from a mudblood,” Hermione sat back, the word sinking deep into her chest. She blinked once and willed herself not to show how it bothered her, “And I won’t start now.”

She stood and slammed her hand down on his book, let her magic seep out through her fingertips to set it on fire.

She left him there, frantically stamping out the flames, and felt foolish for caring.

–

She was studying in the heads common room. She didn’t usually do that, opting to study in her room instead, but she wanted a change in scenery, so she sat on the floor of the common room by the fire, taking in its warmth and focusing on her coursebook.

She didn’t expect Tom to sit in the chair across from her by the fire.

She glanced up, and saw he was staring at her intently. He hadn’t greeted her yet, just stared. It was evening time, and the room was dark except for the fire. She watched the glow play along his features, and felt something strange in her belly.

“Hello, Riddle.” She greeted first, because he wasn’t saying anything yet.

“Hermione.” He greeted, and smiled a small, private smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” She answered, “Why?”

“I heard about your conversation with Malfoy.” He explained, and she felt herself go cold despite the warmth of the fire.

She didn’t answer. She wasn’t sure what she was meant to say.

He pursed his lips for a moment, then moved from the chair to sit on the ground across from her. “Hermione,” He said quietly, “I heard about what he called you.”

She suddenly felt very confused. She thought he would ask why she was still asking about him, still acting like he was suspicious. She couldn’t fathom why he, a Slytherin who had absolutely used that word before, would be concerned because someone called her a mudblood.

It wasn’t precisely that it didn’t bother her. It did. Every time someone called her by that name it made her feel angry, upset, ashamed, all at the same time. But she was used to it, to some extent.

“He’s called me that before,” She finally answered, “I know you’ve used that word before.”

“Not against you.” He argued.

A strange argument, because it hardly mattered who he used it against.

“Regardless,” She continued, “You’re hardly in a position to comfort me if someone calls me a horrible name.” His brow twitched, “Besides, it isn’t the first time and it won’t be the last. I’m fine.”

“I’ve spoken to him,” Tom said, “He won’t call you that again.”

She felt well and truly lost. She couldn’t hide the confusion on her face even if she tried.

“Shouldn’t you be more concerned with other parts of our conversation?” She asked.

It was a foolish thing to ask him, but she couldn’t help herself.

He laughed, glanced away for a moment to look into the fire. Hermione found herself unwillingly fixating on the glow of his cheeks, the slope of his nose, the way the firelight danced in his dark eyes and made them glow red.

“Do you know what I think, Hermione?” He asked, still looking into the fire. She didn’t answer, and after a moment he looked back at her, and there was something in his gaze that made her stomach twist. “I think there are better things we could be doing than fighting each other.”

Hermione suddenly found herself rather short of breath. There was no mistaking what he was implying, his tone of voice and the weight of his eyes made it very clear. Though for all of the female attention Tom Riddle received, she had never heard of him being so forward. Quite the opposite - she had often heard girls bemoaning the fact that Tom was so standoffish, refused to make a move or pursue anyone, was nothing but a perfect gentleman at all times.

He was trying to distract her, she thought. It was the only explanation. He was trying to take her mind off of things that he didn’t want her to be thinking of.

She wondered…

She set her book aside, leaned toward him slowly. There was no sound except for the crackling of the fire. She watched his eyes as she leaned toward him, closer and closer until there were only a few inches between them. He watched her, sat as still as a statue. She paused, left a breath of space between them and watched his expression, but he showed no emotion.

Quietly, she spoke, and as she did, his eyes fell to her lips, “I would love to know what it is you think we should be doing, Tom Riddle.”

His eyes met hers again, impossibly dark. She didn’t notice he lifted his hand until she felt his fingers drag gently up her arm. He didn’t move closer, he left that decision entirely up to her. Clever, she thought. To let her believe she is entirely in control, to ease any thoughts of suspicions that he should be hiding something by distracting her but making it feel like it is her decision.

Briefly, she did consider the possibility of going through with it. It would grant easy access to his bedroom, and she could surely find all sorts of things in there to clear some of his mystery. But there was no guarantee she would have a moment in there without his watchful eye, and she felt a bit uncomfortable at the thought of sleeping with someone to get what she wanted.

She wasn’t like him.

She could feel the heat of him, as strong as the fire, blazing against her chest. She was struck by the uncomfortable thought that some part of her, buried beneath the suspicion and frustration and anger, would like to kiss him. It made her angry, the way some parts of him seemed to call to her, it made her deeply uncomfortable that the thought of being with him made her stomach twist with anticipation.

It especially infuriated her that all of this was only a show. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that someone like Tom Riddle - intelligent, poised, enigmatic, Slytherin - would never look at her that way. He must think her a fool to fall for something as simple as this, to trip over herself because he gives her an iota of attention.

Hermione tilted her head. He still hadn’t moved. She found it fascinating, the way he held himself so still, allowing her to make all the moves. Somehow she doubted someone like him, someone capable of instilling os much fear in his friends, would be so submissive in matters like this.

“How stupid do you think I am?” She asked, breaking the silence with nothing more than a whisper. He blinked, a slight pinch to the centre of his brow. “What kind of simpering fool do you take me for?”

His hand dropped. “Hermione,” He started, but she caught his hand by the wrist and he fell silent once more.

“Perhaps next time,” Hermione spat, “We can come from a place of mutual respect, rather than pretending I am like every other person you have ever seduced, intimidated, or threatened into doing what you want.” His face was carefully blank, but he didn’t interrupt, he didn’t move, didn’t even pull his hand away. “You can start by telling me what was happening with Malfoy the other night, and then perhaps I can withstand your present long enough to have a conversation.”

He didn’t say anything, so Hermione turned to pick up her book and began to stand. Tom Riddle caught her by her wrist before she could get far, so quick and so sudden that he startled her. She dropped her book as he pulled her back down, and in a tone sounding very unlike him he spoke.

“How about we start with you telling me something,” He said, and she noted his voice was higher when he was angry, sharper, more cutting. It wasn’t a nice sound, not like the way his voice usually sounded. “Why do you care so much about what happens to Malfoy?”

“So you admit it?” She pressed, “Something happened to Malfoy?”

“Don’t you know that he hates you?” He spat, and this version of him was so different than any version of him she had seen before. She took in every inch of him, the downward curl of his sneer, the slight wrinkle of his nose, the cutting gaze, the slope of his brow. There was even a slight flush to his cheeks, a sign of life that she hadn’t even noticed wasn’t there before. “More than he hates Potter, more than he hates anyone, he hates you. He find you repulsive, dirty—“

“I have never cared what Malfoy thinks of me and I won’t start now.” She interrupted.

“Then why do you give a shit about what happens to him behind closed doors?” His grip on her wrist was bruising, but she wouldn’t flinch. This was the most brutal, honest display he had ever shared with her, and she wouldn’t miss a moment, wouldn’t shy away, not now when she was getting exactly what she asked for.

“Because it doesn’t matter how much of a bigoted arsehole someone is,” Hermione spoke through gritted teeth, “Doesn’t mean they deserve to be tortured.”

It surprised even her when she said it. She wasn’t sure what precisely it was she suspected when she found Malfoy shaking and terrified in that room with Riddle, hadn’t thought on the details too much. But it made sense to her somehow that someone so perfect and so poised, so falsely kind, could only be capable of horrible, unspeakable things.

Tom’s face closed off immediately, and any and all emotions she had been rewarded with was suddenly gone. His eyes went blank, cold, and a dead smile stretched across his lips. “Oh Hermione,” He murmured, “What a dark imagination you have.”

She snatched her wrist out of his grip, and realized a moment after he did that her hands were shaking. His eyes followed the movement of her hands as she picked up her book and pressed it against her chest.

“I’m not so easily fooled, Riddle,” She said as she stood, “You can deny it all you want, but we both know I’m right.”

“You always are, aren’t you?” He asked, his tone mocking, looking up at her from his place on the ground.

Such a strange and unusual stalemate, she thought, standing her him while he stared up at her with cold, emotionless eyes. She was too quick to call him out, it was too sudden, and because of that they were back to square one. He hadn’t admitted it, but he hadn’t denied it, and he hadn’t lashed out at her either. She might’ve expected more anger in light of her accusations, but he just sat there, the picture of ease, staring up at her as if he had nothing to worry about.

She didn’t say anything in return, instead she stormed to her room, shut the door, and cast three separate locking charms.

She didn’t sleep well that night.

—

Hermione wasn’t sure what she expected the following morning, but seeing Tom Riddle waiting for her on the couch in the common room stopped her in her tracks.

“Hermione,” He greeted.

“Riddle,” She replied, pointedly refusing to use his first name. “What do you want?”

“I’d like to walk you to the Great Hall.” He answered, standing smoothly. She narrowed her eyes.

“Why?” She asked.

“Because I’d like to show you something.” He answered vaguely.

She didn’t like this, it gave her an uncomfortable feeling, but she wasn’t sure what else she could do. If she resorted to violence, its more than likely people would side with Riddle. Running away would do no good, as they went to school together, shared multiple classes, and slept in rooms next to each other. Not to mention, the idea of running away felt cowardly as well as foolish.

She sighed through her nose and nodded, approaching him with measured steps. He held his arm out to her with a smile as if to guide her, and she ignored it.

They walked in silence. He didn’t try to speak to her and she had no interest in speaking to him. She paid close attention to the corridors, trying to see if any of his friends were lurking about, ready to jump her. She kept a hand on her wand at all times, ready for anything, but nothing happened.

When they neared the Great Hall, she saw a head of white blonde hair lurking outside the entrance. She glanced at Tom momentarily, then looked ahead, tightening her grip on her wand.

Malfoy straightened as they approached, and Hermione readied herself for…for what, she wasn’t sure. It seemed foolish to start something right outside the great hall, and Malfoy didn’t have his wand in hand. His eyes were trained on the floor as they neared him, and he didn’t look up.

“Malfoy.” Tom greeted.

“Riddle,” Malfoy returned, and then more quietly, “Granger.”

Hermione had no idea what was happening, even less so when Malfoy squared his shoulders and spoke.

“Granger,” He repeated, louder this time, somehow managing to sound haughty and arrogant even while his eyes were trained on her shoes, “I apologize for my behavior yesterday. It was inappropriate and uncalled for.”

Hermione was at a loss of what to say. At her extended silence, Malfoy glanced up at her, and then toward Tom. His eyes quickly fell to the ground again, and to Hermione’s utter shock, he lowered his head in what was almost a bow.

She had seen purebloods do this often, mostly to their elders, bow their heads in respect. They rarely did it to anyone on their level, classmates or colleagues, and certainly never did it to muggleborns. “Please, forgive me.” Malfoy said.

Hermione turned her head slowly to look at Tom, who was watching Malfoy with a blank expression, but something dance in his eyes, something almost gleeful.

She turned her head back to see Malfoy, head still bowed. “I forgive you.” She said quietly, and watched the way his shoulders sag, like he was expecting differently.

He straightened, tipped his chin up and nodded before heading into the Great Hall. Hermione watched the empty space where he had just stood.

Tom started to move, but Hermione caught his arm before he could enter the Great Hall. “What in Merlin’s name was that?” She hissed.

“A gift,” He said, and stepped close to her, so close that she had to lift her chin, tip her head back to meet his eyes. “Did you like it?”

“What are you doing?” She asked quietly, and he smiled.

“You don’t like it then?” He surmised, looking like he was enjoying this far too much.

“What did you do to him to make him do that?” She snapped, keeping her voice low.

He dipped his head just a bit, and whispered, “Nothing more than he deserved,” Then he straightened up again, and continued, “Don’t you like him better this way?”

“What are you doing?” She repeated, quickly losing her temper.

Tom Riddle smiled, an unusual thing, because it wasn’t just a quirk of his lips. It was a fully-fledged smile, one that showed his teeth, dimpled his cheek. Hermione felt that smile deep in her belly, twisting and tugging, shortening her breath. “It’s time for breakfast.” Is all he said.

“I’m not eating with you.” She said, furious at how breathy her voice sounded.

“I would be surprised if you did.” He answered.

He took her gently by the arm, and it was only then she realized she had never let go of his arm. She let go as if burned, but didn’t shy away from the gentle fingers on her arm. He guided her toward the entrance to the great hall, and waited until they had entered, until they had caught the gaze of the students nearest to the entrance, before he dropped his hand and nodded his farewell, heading toward the Slytherin table.

Hermione ignored the twisting in her belly, the heat where this hand had touched her arm, and wondered what it meant that when she turned her head to peer over the heads of all the students as she walked toward her table, Tom Riddle’s eyes were still fixed on her.

#Anonymous #meow writes #this was sOOOO FUCKING LOOOOOOONG LOL SOZ #tomione

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sistersblack · 4 years ago

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tomjr replied to your post

“i’m in a ‘i am going to cause problems on purpose’ mood and it is...”

Do you have a post on why you like Lucius? As someone who, admittedly, isn't a massive fan, I'd love to read why! :)

okay.. i have to admit my reasons for loving lucius aren’t really as serious as my reasons for loving snape. his character hasn’t had any profound impact on me, i mostly just think he’s fun & has a lot of unexplored potential.

as a preface, i’m team ‘fictional preferences aren’t a reliable indicator of real-world morals.’ also this is probably going to be a bit of a mess. it got much longer than intended and turned into a more meta than anything else but anyway--

i’ve always been partial to villains (my fave hp character has been snape since i picked up the first book, and back then it was because he was such a bastard) so lucius being a bad guy doesn’t bother me. a lot of the criticisms of his character are variations of “but he’s a death eater!!!” which just makes me go …and? it’s like saying you can’t like bellatrix because she’s a voldy-fanatic or that you can’t like voldemort because he’s.. voldemort. i know people actually do say those things but to me it doesn’t make sense. a character being a de or in the order has no bearing on whether i like them or not.

i’m not going to argue against lucius being a bad guy, but i do think he’s kind of terrible at it, at least compared to his cohort. i don’t think he’s sadistic like other death eaters or as fanatic, either (which i think comes to light in his dh arc). to me, he’s the ‘order people around, then stand back and watch as they do your bidding’ kind of villain. i’d even argue that this line

“Lucius, my slippery friend,’ he whispered, halting before him. ‘I am told that you have not renounced the old ways, though to the world you present a respectable face. You are still ready to take the lead in a spot of Muggle-torture, I believe?” (GOF, ch. 33)

is a reference to it. he doesn’t delight or participate, he leads. i do think he’s killed and tortured (he probably got some kicks out of it, too) but i’ve always interpreted him as a character whose usefulness comes from his connections (and if we want to talk headcanons, i think he’s got a good strategic eye). we know the second war differs greatly from the first; from what little information we get about the first war, it seems that death eaters were making a much more controlled and effective effort that resulted in actual changes to wizarding society. (to digress a little, i think that’s what a lot of death eaters actually signed up for, not the killing/torture and harry potter business, otherwise voldemort’s numbers in the first war don’t really make sense.) but in that context, lucius is a valuable player to have because he’s got the connections, diplomacy, and resources to infiltrate places like the ministry and encourage the right parties to support voldemort’s plans. it might not exactly make him likable, but it’s something i like to think about.

the above quote touches on some other things that make me interested in him. while definitely a blood-supremacist, i’d argue that lucius’ loyalty to his family/to himself far outweighs his loyalty to voldemort. i’ll talk about the malfoys in a bit, but on the topic of choosing to become a death eater, i think he was swayed by what voldemort was selling—a society of only purebloods, where he’s promised glory. joining voldemort is perfectly aligned with his own goals, but when that’s no longer the case, he’s got no issue dropping voldy and claiming he was coerced; he doesn’t scream his loyalty like bella and willingly ruin his life (and his family’s life) to serve his lordship. as to why that makes me like him, i kind of just always like the self-preserving prick character. it’s a big part of why i love narcissa, too. (and why i think they’re perfectly matched, but more on that here).

also, what i mean when i say he’s fun is like… okay so lucius is the kind of person where if i met him irl, i’d spend every second in his presence thinking about how much i want to punch him in the face. he’s that rich, snooty asshole who knows he’s above the consequences us mere mortals have to worry about, but it makes him fun to write. he can do whatever he wants because he knows he can get away with it and i always have a good time when i write him in fic (even when I’m torturing him).

the other thing is that i think lucius’ character is a bit like snape’s in the sense that it’s been warped by fanon (jason’s portrayal is part of it too, though i do love it). my biggest pet peeve about the discussion around lucius is how most of it revolves around draco, and how the people who want to defend/woobify/redeem draco immediately jump to ‘lucius was an abusive father.’ i always sort of want to ask why they think that, but i know it’s not really worth the effort.

(there’s the argument that raising a child with extremist views, even with good intentions, constitutes abuse on its own. but imo that’s a different conversation & not really relevant bc people don’t tend to use that as an example of lucius being a bad father, they jump right to him being verbally/physically/emotionally abusive.)

anyway, my point is

“My father’s next door buying my books and mother’s up the street looking at wands. […] I think I’ll bully father into getting me one and I’ll smuggle it in somehow. […] Father says it’s a crime if I’m not picked to play for my house, and I must say, I agree.” PS, ch. 5.

that book!lucius

“My Lord,” said a voice, desperate and cracked. He turned: there was Lucius Malfoy sitting in the darkest corner, ragged and still bearing the marks of the punishment he had received after the boy’s last escape. One of his eyes remained closed and puffy. “My Lord … please … my son …” DH, ch. 32.

doesn’t really

“Wouldn’t it be … forgive me … more prudent to call off this battle, enter the castle and seek him y – yourself?”

“Do not pretend, Lucius. You wish the battle to cease so that you can discover what has happened to your son.” DH, ch. 32.

support the fanon

“[…] Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy running through the crowd, not even attempting to fight, screaming for their son.” DH, ch. 36.

there’s a bunch of other little moments that give us an insight into the malfoy family dynamic (like the fact that lucius actually listens to draco’s rambling; eg. “… everyone thinks he’s so smart, wonderful potter with his scar and his broomstick —” / “you have told me this at least a dozen times already.” – or his reaction to buckbeak; “father’s not very happy about my injury- […] he’s complained to the school governors. and to the ministry of magic.” - or the fact that draco constantly defends him). i don’t think it’s enough to suggest that the malfoys were a happy-go-lucky family, but everything put together paints a picture, and it’s not one of a cold, abusive household. i won’t bother pulling apart the ~lucius abused narcissa~ fanon, because i do that a bit on my narcissa post and it essentially boils down the same thing.

basically i think lucius is unfairly lumped into the category of death eaters who are incapable of anything ‘good.’ like, yes, he’s terrible, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t or can’t love his family. to say so directly contradicts a lot of his canon material (looking @ you, cursed child). but anyway, my interpretation of the malfoy family dynamic is a large part of why i love lucius as a whole (bad guy who loves one (1) thing is a good trope and that is a hill i will die on) and i think the way his loyalty to the cause™ battles with his loyalty to narcissa and draco creates some interesting scenarios to consider. overall i think there’s a lot of unexplored potential with him.

i’m ending it here bc i can feel my attention span starting to slip, but tl;dr

also one last obligatory reason: he’s sexy (and i’m saying this as a lesbian)

#tomjr #lucius #meta #mine #lucius malfoy #a thousand words later...#i've missed stuff but i'm tired now so

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cherry-valentine · 5 years ago

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Fall 2019 Anime Season

Here’s what I’m watching:

Stand: My Heroes is an otome series that’s pretty and refreshing in that it stars an adult lady protagonist who has a career - she works as a “scout” for a new program that works to gather talented individuals (all handsome single men, of course) from various fields to solve drug-related cases. The art is nice and the music is above average, with really cool opening and ending themes. My biggest issue with the show is that it has way too many characters, many of whom look very similar. Honestly, for the first few episodes I could only tell some of them apart by their voice actors. Luckily the show has some very well known voice talent. It gets a bit easier as the show becomes a little more episodic, dealing with small groups of the men at a time. But still. If all of these guys were in the game, it must have been hell trying to get all the endings! The overall plot is a little vague but I do like that the heroine is independent and respected by the men on her team. There are a couple of the usual tsundere guys but they mellow out pretty quickly. The show is interesting and attractive to look at, but it would have benefited a lot from narrowing its focus and cutting down on the number of hot guys (now that’s something I never thought I’d type).

Ahiru no Sora is a new sports anime about basketball. It actually follows a similar plot setup to Hinomaru Sumo - a talented player starts at a new school and goes to join the club of his favored sport, only to find it overrun by violent delinquents whom he’ll have to defeat (via his sports skills) in order to officially join the club and start a team. The protagonists even share the same problem of being considered way too short to participate in the sport they love and also the fact that their ill mothers gave them encouragement. The biggest difference, however, is that Hinomaru was already a very accomplished and even somewhat famous sumo wrestler when the series begins, whereas Sora is talented but has never even played in a real basketball game, making him very much an underdog. He’s a likable character, as are the delinquents that gradually come around to playing basketball with him and cleaning up their acts. I was a little annoyed by the fact that there is a peephole the guys use to watch the girls changing into their uniforms. Not by the fact that it existed, because it’s actually kinda realistic that delinquent teenage boys would do something like that, but by the fact that Sora is shown this peephole in the first episode and is never seen doing anything to close it up despite becoming friends with one of the girls and him being presented as a moral, upstanding guy. I hope they address it in the future because it kinda bugs me. On the plus side, the main female character (there’s always one in any sports anime) is a very talented player on the girls’ basketball team, rather than the team manager or whatever. I like that she’s a player of the sport rather than just a fan or support character. Also, the fact that Sora’s main source of inspiration is his mom, who was a famous basketball player herself in her youth, is pretty cool. Overall, the show is enjoyable even if it feels a little overly familiar.

Hoshiai no Sora is a revelation. It feels like a very important moment for anime that will no doubt be talked about for years into the future. Be warned that I venture into possible spoilers territory here, though I don’t share any plot details. I started the series because I saw boys holding tennis rackets in the artwork, fully expecting “just another sports anime” (which is fine, because I love sports anime). What I got was a very big, very nice surprise. Hoshiai no Sora is a sports anime, in that it follows a sports team and spends some time showing training routines and matches with rival schools. But it’s also a realistic, nuanced, heartwarming, and often painfully traumatic coming of age story about the boys on the tennis team, most of whom have compelling back stories or home lives. Almost every parent in the show is an absolute nightmare, to the point that when a non-terrible parent shows up, every commenter on the episode was immediately suspicious of them. It should be clear by now that there are some massive trigger warnings to apply to this show. There are rather graphic depictions of child abuse, from physical to verbal to emotional, and all of it is horrifying (and kudos to the show for recognizing that there are so many different forms of abuse and all of them are traumatic). Thankfully, the show is not all doom and gloom. In fact, the show is one of the sweetest, most uplifting, most touching series I’ve seen in years, mostly due to the fact that these traumatized kids are all so supportive of each other. They’re kind to each other, even if they bicker here and there about silly stuff. They defend each other from bullies. One character in particular goes to some rather extreme lengths to look out for his friend. It’s also very important to note that the show tackles issues I’ve legitimately never seen addressed in anime, at least not in such a respectful and tasteful way. One character in particular is first presented as gay (and it seems all the other characters are aware that this person is gay, and the tennis team will NOT be having your homophobic bullshit, thank you very much) but then is revealed to be non-binary/questioning their gender, and the show seriously spends almost an entire episode talking about this, about gender identity, with one character relating the story of the transgender man who practically raised him. An anime series actually, seriously, discussed these issues. As a straight, cisgender person, I can’t speak for how accurate all of this was, but judging by the reaction to the episode by folks in the LGBTQ+ community, I’m willing to assume the show did a great job. I’m also willing to bet that somewhere in Japan, there are young people watching this that desperately need to see it, that desperately need to hear the positive messages presented (protagonist Maki kindly gives encouragement and support to his non-binary friend, and at times it feels like he’s speaking to the audience). I know some of this stuff would be considered spoilers, but honestly, I feel like more people would give this anime a shot if they knew it featured all this awesomeness. The art is lovely. The music is great. This is a series that needs to be watched by as many people as possible. Don’t sleep on this one, please.

Boku no Hero Academia Season 4 is more of the same. I’ve already talked several times now about my issues with the series (how female characters are handled in general pretty much sums most of it up) and I’ve already talked about how much I enjoy the show despite those issues. This season introduces an interesting and imposing new villain in Chiaki, who has a cool design and power. I’m also pleased that the show seems to be making an attempt to actually let the female characters DO STUFF, as well as introducing some cool new lady heroes who actually have interesting powers. So... yeah. A good show got better. Special mention goes to new character Sir Nighteye, who is a perfect example of how voice casting can really make or break a character. I would have found him pretty boring if he wasn’t voiced by the supremely talented Shinichirou Miki, who brings all his various characters to life in such a vivid way, I’ve never come across one I didn’t like.

Special 7 falls into the “urban fantasy” genre, the kind we see a lot of in anime lately, with supernatural elements mixed in with modern life. In this case, we have races like elves and vampires living peacefully alongside humans in the modern world. The story follows a certain police unit made up of various fantasy races and humans formed to deal with a terrorist group called Nine who aim to bring back dragons (something about dragons used to rule the world or maybe terrorized the world, I don’t remember). There’s a nice mix of characters in the core team, many of whom will feel familiar. They’re still fun though, and their chemistry as a team and as friends is one of the main reasons to watch. I’m particularly fond of the vampire lady named Shikisai who uses a samurai sword and is, from what I can tell, the most physically badass member of the team. She also appears to have an adorably sweet home life with her husband (or boyfriend?) and is just generally a cool chick. The animation is okay and the music is above average. The plot has several mysteries that are slowly being revealed, but has enough humor to keep from getting too serious. Fairly low on my watch list, but still has a solid spot.

Psycho-Pass Season 3 is a show I was looking forward to. I still think season one was one of the best anime seasons in the past ten years. Season two was good but couldn’t really contend with season one. The movie was great. The OVA’s were great. I was pretty hyped for season three, and so far... eh. It’s okay. Honestly if it were a new show I’d probably rate it much higher, but as a continuation of a story like this, I’m finding it a bit lacking. At times it actually does feel like a new show. There are two entirely new protagonists, who are both interesting and likable, but neither immediately gripped me the way Akane and Kogami did in previous seasons. Some elements of the show seem to contradict, or at least stretch, the world-building that had already been established. New protagonist Arata has an ability that verges on supernatural (in a show that has never had supernatural elements at all). They try to explain it away as something “anyone can do” with enough practice, but that sounds ridiculous when you see his ability in use. We also see “abandoned” areas where there are apparently criminal groups just... living there. Doing whatever. I guess they’re supposed to be like Yakuza, which makes zero sense in this series. If you can escape the oppression of the Sibyl System by just walking across town to an abandoned area, why did a character in season one have to flee the country? It just seems to fly in the face of all the setup that came before. Overall, this season has a general feel that doesn’t gel well with the rest of the series. That being said, taken on its own, it’s still entertaining, with high production values that afford it smooth animation and excellent music. The stories so far have been fairly engaging, but they give off a vibe of “really well done fanfiction”. But whatever, I’d watch paint dry to get an occasional glimpse of Kogami.

Carry Over Shows From Previous Seasons: Black Clover Diamond no Ace Dr. Stone

Best of Season: Best New Show: Hoshiai no Sora Best Opening Theme: Black Clover Best Ending Theme: Diamond no Ace Best New Male Character: Toma (Hoshiai no Sora) Best New Female Character: Shikisai (Special 7)

#Anime #Seasonal Anime #Fall 2019 Anime #Anime Reviews #Anime Recommendations #Text #Hoshiai no Sora

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silverarmedassassin · 5 years ago

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Alpine

Pairing: Bucky x Reader Word Count: 1462

Summary: Bucky gets quite the surprise on Christmas morning

A/N: This wasn’t edited, at all. So I’m sorry if it’s terrible quality. I’ll definitely look it over when I have more time!

2019 Christmas Masterlist

“Have you ever stopped to think about how weird cats are?” Bucky asks one day.

You both were lounging on his bed after a day full of decorating the Tower of Christmas. Tony had insisted it was a family event and, despite the fact you weren’t part of this misfit Avenger family, you’d got suckered into helping.

You look up from the book to find Bucky pouring over his phone. By the crease between his brows and the way he was gently biting on the inside of his cheek, you could tell he was concentrating hard.

“Where did that come from?” you ask, setting the book down on your chest to give Bucky your full attention.

He flashes the tiny screen at you so you can see what he was looking at. Someone, this one-hundred-year-old man had found himself on Reddit looking at pictures of cats. The current picture was of a cat who had crammed itself into a tiny box, fat and fur hanging over the sides. You chuckle and shake your head.

“Why do they do that? And what about this one?” he scrolls down to show you another cat lying with the top half of its body facing one way, the bottom half another. “That can’t be comfortable.”

“Cats are like the fourth state of matter,” you tell him before going back to your book. Bucky simply grunts and goes back to his pictures.

~~~

The next time Bucky brings up cats is when you’re walking home from a coffee shop date. You were so focused on telling a story about your obnoxious office mate that you hadn’t noticed he was no longer walking next to you.

“Bucky?” you call turning every which way. You find him several feet back staring in a shop window. Walking back to him, you find Bucky had stopped in front of a pet store to watch a litter of kittens as they pounce around their enclosure.

“They’re so tiny,” he whispers in awe. He puts his flesh hand up to the glass as one of the kittens dashes over to the window. It takes interest in Bucky, its little mews silenced by the glass. “I think he likes me,” Bucky laughs as he gently strokes the glass.

“Tony would kill you if you brought home a kitten,” you say matter-of-factly as you pull on his sleeve. “C’mon, I’m cold.”

Bucky sighs and gives one last longing look to the kitten before he follows you home.

~~~

The next time a kitten is mentioned, it’s your doing.

It was the morning after Bucky had spotted the kittens and, to his disdain, you were telling Sam about his cute reaction.

“I thought I was going to have to carry him home in a bucket,” you laugh as you retell how Bucky had practically melted right there on the sidewalk.

“Man, you wouldn’t even know how to care for a cat,” Sam says as he points his fork at Bucky. “You’re so big you’d accidentally squash it. No, you’re so old you might keel over before it does.”

Bucky opens his mouth to argue with Sam, but Tony cuts him off.

“No cats in my Tower,” he says as he saunters into the kitchen. “They smell. And are mean.”

“Cats don’t smell, Tony,” you roll your eyes. “And they’re only mean if they don’t like you.”

“I’m a very likable person,” Tony retorts. “Therefore, it was the cat’s problem, not mine. No cats.”

You cross your arms as you watch Bucky deflate. Sam did have a point, he wouldn’t know where to begin taking care of a cat. But the prospect of maybe getting a kitten was something that was bringing him joy lately, and you didn’t want to see that disappear again.

~~~

Your lying on the couch, feet tucked up on Bucky’s lap under one of Tony’s quilts. It was Christmas morning and the Avengers who were still at the Tower for the holiday had already disbursed after opening their presents, the only evidence of the earlier activities was the wrapping paper still thrown about.

Everyone was off playing with their new toys. Tony had been very generous with the Stark Tech this year, and almost everyone had received a nice suite upgrade. You watch your boyfriend through droopy eyelids as he flips through the “Big Book of Cats” book Sam had got him as a gag gift. It wasn’t so much a gag for Bucky, though, as he had spent nearly all morning looking through and cooing at the different breeds.

“Maybe if I ever leave the tower, if we move in together,” Bucky said absentmindedly as he flips, “we can get a cat? I know you said you were iffy about kids, but a cat is a good compromise?” He looks to you then, blue eyes as big and pleading like a puppy’s.

“That reminds me,” you chuckle as you slowly swing your feet off his lap. “I have another gift for you. It’s more...private though, so I wanted to give it to you away from everyone else.”

Bucky gives you a funny look but takes the hand you’re holding out for him. Instead of leading him to his room like he thought you would, you take him in the opposite direction, towards the elevators. “Where are we going?” he asks as you push the down button.

“Surprise,” you shrug your shoulders.

You’re quiet in the elevator, and Bucky shifts his weight from leg to leg. You can feel nerves building in your tummy. Not the bad kind, but the excited kind. You had to pull a lot of strings to pull this gift off, and you’re hoping, praying that Bucky likes it.

You let a deep breath out as you guide Bucky out of the elevator and down the hall to the small conference room his gift was waiting in. “Okay. Before I show you, I just want you to know that if you don’t like it, we can return it. I really don’t want to, and I mean I don’t think you’ll want to return it either, but it’s an option an-”

“Babe,” Bucky laughs trying to mask his impatience. He normally didn’t like gifts or surprises, but he can tell by how fast your heart is beating that you’re nervous about this too, so it must be good. “It’s fine, I’ll love it no matter what.”

You nod, resting your hand on the handle for a second or two to compose yourself, then open the door. You step off to the side so that Bucky can enter first. As he looks around, he doesn’t see anything at first. Rather, he hears something. A little bell and some rustling.

He follows the sound to the back corner where a slightly ajar box is sitting. As he reaches down to pull the lid fully off, a little paw comes out and smacks at his hand. “Wha-?” he gasps, startled by the little surprise.

You bite the inside of your cheek and slowly walk over. Bucky plops down on the floor and pushes the lid off. Inside is a little white kitten with an adorable grey nose. Around its neck is a festive collar, complete with a little red bow.

“I, uh, talked to Tony and, well…” you shrug and gesture towards the kitten.

“It’s for me?” Bucky asks, still not fully wrapping his mind around the cat now climbing on his lap.

“Yes, he is yours. I adopted him in your name. He reminds me a lot of you - spunky, moody when hungry, likes to sleep…” Bucky scrunches his nose and you laugh. “Do you like him?”

Bucky picks the kitten up in his large hands and holds him to his face. “What’s his name?”

“Whatever you want.”

He narrows his eyes as he examines the kitten. “What about Alpine?”

He looks at you then, and the kitten, Alpine, puts up paw on Bucky’s face. The smile on his face is unmatchable, and it warms your insides.

Even though he was getting better, Bucky still had his bad days even with your around. He liked caring for things, for the people he loved, and you know it brings him joy to do so. As soon as he expressed interest in cats, you’d went to Tony immediately and begged him to allow Bucky to get a cat. He was reluctant at first, but he understood trauma and how hard it is to recover. If getting a cat would help Bucky do better, be better, he was all for it. And from the unfiltered joy on his face, you could tell Bucky was going to benefit from this little, precious gift.

You smile plant chaste kiss to the side of his hairline.

“Alpine it is.”

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readingwebcomics · 5 years ago

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Analyzing Questionable Content: Pages 101-150

While I’m all for body positivity Dora, that’s kind of public nudity. Most cities tend to frown on that. Although this IS your personal business you’re doing this in… I wonder what the law for that is? Like, do you have to pay for a permit to allow public nudity in a location you own? Or do city laws take precedent?

…I’m thinking about this too much, let’s move on.

Hey, it’s Raven again! Hi, Raven! And you thought I was kidding when I said the no-name character who showed up for all of one comic would come back as a regular character. This is part of the reason why I enjoy Jeph’s style – he can, and does, very easily take bit players he made for a single gag or to fulfill one role and flesh them out if he thinks they can serve a purpose or if they entertain him enough. The most famous example of this will be roughly 2900 comics from now so… holy shit, I just realized Bubbles is 1000 comics old! That’s crazy awesome!

Right. Sorry, some of you might not understand a word of what I just typed. Nevermind, moving right along.

Here we see the beginnings of Dora’s next character arc, if you’d like to call it that. I do have some questions about this as far as the in-universe time-scale goes, but I’ll touch on that later. Faye also invites Dora along to hang with her and Marten to indoctrinate her to the Hipster Lifestyle™ to serve two purposes: First, that their relationship as a boss and employee is relaxed enough that they’re comfortable doing this, telling us a lot about the way these two work together and the way this coffee shop is run without saying a lot. Second, this serves as the perfect in for Jeph to incorporate Dora into the main cast. From this point forward, Dora becomes a main secondary character, arguably a main character in her own right. The fact that she takes on a much more prominent role in this next batch of 50 comics and skyrockets to fourth-most frequent character is proof enough of that on its own, but we’ll touch on all that when we get to the data analysis at the end of this post.

Back with Marten, Steve is encouraging him to apologize to Faye. He offers a… novel solution to keep Marten from being the center of attention.

Seriously, the sheer, raw confidence on this guy alone is attractive as hell. And I’m only mildly ashamed to admit that to myself!

I hope you understand why I don’t need to explain why I should, nay, must provide this panel without any other context.

Same deal with this one.

And this comic puts me into hysterics every time I read it. I swear, this isn’t going to devolve into me just posting comics and saying “this is funny” or whatever. I just really, really like this progression of events right here. I wish we could see more of this Marten more often in modern QC – able to read a room quick enough to defuse the situation with absurdity or dry wit. It reminds us that, despite all evidence to the contrary, the boy does have a spine somewhere in that body.

And as immediate contrast, we jump here. This? This isn’t funny. This makes me not like Faye. This is actual abuse. And I know I talked about in the last post how including Faye retaliating against Marten physically and actually showing it happen in the comic rather than implying it with backfilling is the better method of storytelling but… Maybe it’s because she created a visible bruise, maybe it’s because of how candid she is about it, maybe it’s because of my own personal fucked-up past relationships (which admittedly never got physical but still), but this feels infinitely different than the Faye Jeph is trying to set up. He’ll have to do a damn good job in later comics to win me back to thinking Faye’s a likable character again.

Also Dora is definitely a woman of her word. I hope the coffee shop was empty right then. Actually, I hope it’s been a slow day from the point Faye started chasing her around with a dildo. Otherwise news might travel for all of the wrong reasons.

Faye tries to invite Dora over for festivities both as a friendly gesture because she expects her boss doesn’t get out much and because she wants to drag her from the dark abyss of Goth into the light of Hipster, only for her to turn the invitation down.

Not that it’s going to deter Faye, of course. Also, QC is in wide screen now. I have NO idea how that’s going to be represented on Tumblr considering how narrow my current theme at the time of writing is. Maybe I’ll change it, I dunno, I’m shit with this sort of thing. If you’re reading this and the page doesn’tlook like some faux notebook shit, I pulled myself together and fixed things. Go me.

Dora is being incredibly chill with this whole situation. Personally I’d be a hell of a lot more pissed. Although this does provide us with further insight to Faye’s character – someone who sees her next step, bulrushes her way towards it and has zero plans where to go after that until she arrives at her destination. She is aggressive and decisive, but to a fault as she doesn’t ever seem to really plan ahead. I’d say this makes her the perfect foil to Marten as someone who plans obsessively but never has the spine to go forward with anything but… Marten doesn’t really do much future-planning himself. He obsesses over little things and gets stuck in his own head, but he never really seems to look any further than maybe next week. Hm… I want all of us to keep this in mind for an offhand comment like, 500 or 600 comics from now. Trust me, it’ll make sense when we get to it.

And yet despite Faye’s self-assurance and aggressive nature, here she shows an outright refusal to accept or face the reality of the developing relationship between herself and Marten. Not just being coy, not just dancing around the issue, but straight-up not allowing herself to even consider what’s going down. Maybe I’m reading too much into this little exchange due to what I already know about her character, but this is an extremely unhealthy trait that speaks a lot to Faye’s character that she doesn’t want the world to see. We’ll be touching on this later.

I mostly like this comic for Marten and Pintsize’s reactions on the last panel. Marten makes a good straight man, and it’s not often we see Pintsize share that role either.

Faye you’re really not helping your case right now. Although it is interesting how hard Faye is showcases how into him Dora is, considering she has her own feelings for him and I highly doubt she’d be 100% cool with the two of them going off to make out.

So here we establish Anthro PCs relationships with humans – namely, they’re basically glorified pets. Pets that have human-level sapience. Don’t worry, Jeph comes to understand the unfortunate implications of this as well, and he goes on to change this in future comics. And by “change this” I mean “completely re-incorporate how AI works in this universe and establish QC as a near-future sci-fi setting.” But that’s not going to be for quite some time. For now, despite my poking fun at the horrific implications here, Jeph’s doing a good job taking the “funny robot sidekick” that’s supposed to be in every webcomic and creating proper lore behind it, making it feel like it belongs in this world rather than be used as a comic relief character and only a comic relief character.

Granted the Anthro PCs as a collective are going to be used as just comic relief right now but, y’know. Baby steps.

As said before, the fact that these guys are all fully sapient creatures makes the implications of this downright horrific. Also, that’s Ell. I have no idea if he ever comes back – I don’t remember him coming back at all – but I’m marking him down in the character statistics because he’s named.

This… actually has some interesting implications. Marten mentions needing Steve’s help with a date “the other day.” Does that mean he and Faye have known each other for an extremely short period of time? I highly doubt it, we’ve seen a number of times the time has moved from day to night, and the comic itself certainly implies at least a few weeks have passed. So unless by “the other day” Marten means “a month ago” then Marten has been dating women on the side while Faye’s been staying with him. That… seems extremely out of character for him considering the circumstances we’ve seen established in the comic thus far. Considering nothing else really comes from it and the fact if Marten was dating anyone on the side it would definitely be Dora, I’m going to go on the assumption Jeph simply made a mistake here and meant to say Marten was seeing someone a month or a few months back.

She’s cut off by Pintsize’s destructive laser that he’s using to assert himself as King among the Anthro PCs, don’t worry about it. What we should focus on instead is… well, this second panel here. On paper, this is really good. We’re getting some insight to Faye’s character here, the cracks in her mask are showing. We’re addressing the issue of her assaulting her friend and roommate, what she thinks about it, her current mindset and addressing that this is an actual problem. She’s openly apologizing, sincere in her conviction and clearly wants to fix things.

The problem with this is of course the fact that this is rushed as fuck.

Part of this, of course, has to be the fact that Jeph’s comic by nature is married to the structure of a four-panel comic. We have to set up Faye’s conversation, allow her to continue, but due to narrative convenience she needs to be cut off before she can finish what she’s saying. So the laser cuts her off and after the panel of action, we follow-up and end with the punchline of Pintsize having been made King among the Anthro PCs. And I get it – interrupt Faye before she can finish so you can keep the romantic ambiguity of “boys whom I…” Classic RomCom stuff. Problem is, this isn’t the time or place to do it. Keeping to the structure traps them into a situation where unfortunately Faye doesn’t have the breathing room to stretch this out and make it feel natural. This feels contrived from every angle and every sense of the word.

Easy way to fix this: Have this conversation take place while they’re walking home. Establish she feels bad, have her bounce off Marten and have this conversation naturally. Then either you can have Pintsize cut her off at the end there or maybe even she stops herself when she realizes she’s saying too much. There are ways to make this feel natural. This isn’t natural. Still, credit where it’s due, they’re at least touching on this topic here. Part of me wonders if Jeph had, like, a mental map of where he wanted Faye’s character to go but because he writes these page-by-page it ended up stumbling along and falling flat. A written outline of events can, and does, REALLY help in situations like this.

Then again I’m giving writing advice to a version of someone who existed fifteen years ago. I’m sure he’s got this all down himself nowadays, right?

Payoff to the previous comic.

Not only does this crack me up every time I read it, it also shows that Faye and Marten have gotten onto the same wavelength of humor. They’re also comfortable enough with each other that they can imply for a moment sexual favors before completely derailing the implication with the absurd. This is a far-cry from when Faye was trying to burn Marten with her mind back when Pintsize merely implied the two of them share a bed with each other.

Granted, it does kind of fly in the face of Faye’s reaction back at the LANPark. Still, good moment.

Speaking of Faye’s character…

Here we have Faye’s explanation for why she hides her southern accent. Makes sense.

And here, her explanation as to why she doesn’t use contractions… I’ve already said my piece on why I feel this makes zero sense, let’s move on.

And here we properly draw attention to Faye’s scar and establish the fact that her scar is a sore spot for her… was that a pun? It felt like a pun. Anyway, more and more it’s becoming clear that despite her outgoing nature, Faye has a LOT she keeps close to her chest.

Okay now I know that one was a pun, I’m sorry.

Point being, there’s a lot to Faye’s character we haven’t found out yet, plenty yet to explore in future comics. And I’d also like to point out, this? This is an extremely natural way to establish things about Faye, right here. This feels like something that would actually come up in a conversation rather than planted there for the sake of the audience, and I appreciate that. That said, this in conjunction with the last few moments makes this feel more like it’s time for Jeph to introduce and explain aspects of Faye’s character all at once, which deters a little bit from the natural feeling of this moment in particular. Or maybe I’m just being pedantic, I dunno. In a bubble, this comic works.

And here we get a flash of the personality we’ll see in Raven in the future. Just a spark though, the flame hasn’t risen up quite yet. Also a little detail about Dora that… again, doesn’t quite make sense given the timescale Jeph has established. I’ll touch on it later in this post when we find out exactly how old Dora is.

This… is an aspect of Marten’s personality that we never really touch on. Actually, this kind of goes toe-in-toe with his interest in Final Fantasy. Is Marten a fantasy buff? Does he enjoy escapist literature and media? Would he be super into Game of Thrones when it comes out as a series? These are questions that… unfortunately, don’t really get answered. I don’t know, I feel like these aspects of who Marten is ends up getting forgotten on the cutting room floor later on in the comic. Maybe they were only included as an off-handed joke, maybe Marten just developed as a character differently than what Jeph originally envisioned him as. Either way, these are parts of him that I think would be wonderful to bring back, especially with his current job and relationship in present-day coics.

Again, like a LOT of things I’m bringing up, we’ll get to that later.

In case you forgot that Faye is genuinely interested in Marten, a reminder and an assertion: She isn’t just interested in the skinny boy. She’s got it bad for him.

But, like a lot of things involving her personal life and feelings, she openly refutes them – not just to Dora but to herself.

Having gone out to give Dora a new look and indoctrinate her into the Cult of Hipster, Dora McPalerThanWhiteBread ends up sunburnt. Marten’s home, he has the lotion, we all know where this is going.

Heaven holds a place for those who pray… I wanted to follow this up with a clip of Sonic from Tails’ story in Sonic Adventure saying “hey hey hey” but surprisingly enough, that particular soundbite isn’t available anywhere. There are plenty of Let’s Plays that poke fun at it, but nothing with that line in particular.

Anyway, let’s talk about time frames. Dora said she got into the whole goth and coven stuff in High School and only now gotten bored of it. She’s 26. Let’s be EXTRA generous and assume she got into it in Senior Year, and she graduated at 18. That’s eight years this has been her life style, almost a third of her life. This wasn’t a phase, this was a genuine life style choice. Either Jeph got the timing wrong, or this is genuinely an identity crisis on Dora’s part because seriously, when something’s been a part of your life for so long I don’t blame you for not knowing where to go from there. I’m just surprised it took 8+ years for her to get sick of it. Then again, maybe that’s normal. I dunno, you can tell me if that’s a normal human thing. I’m literally autistic so I genuinely don’t know.

Setup… and also begging the question why you would give a libido to an AI, or how one would develop it naturally seeing as robots are incapable of sexual reproduction.

I haven’t really mentioned it until now, but Dora’s like aggressively bi. I can dig it. Guys and gals are both pretty in their own ways.

Ignore the lack of color for a second, Jeph wrote up this comic when he had like zero time and couldn’t color it in before he uploaded. Again, we have the HINT of something that Faye’s on the cusp of admitting that says more about her character only to be cut off once again. This feels a bit more natural than the situation at the LANPark. Still contrived by nature of Jeph introducing a conflict to purposefully cut her off, but an understandable narrative contrivance.

Also, remember when I mentioned the joke about the government level laser would come back as an actual plot point? Did you think I was joking? No, here we have Agent Turing (I can’t tell if that’s clever or if I should roll my eyes at this) here to take Pintsize in, dismantle him and take the dangerous laser back.

Faye takes it well.

Can you guess what consequences she suffers from assaulting a government agent? I’ll give you a hint – it’s about the same as the consequences she suffered from burning down an apartment.

Payoff.

And finally, we round off this batch of comics with Faye’s expert lying skills to fool Agent Turing…

Ah yes. The ever-deadly Space Owls. Not nearly as scary as Space Bears, though! They’re horrifying!

…not buying it? Yeah neither did my professors back in college.

As per usual, let’s compare a panel from the first and last comics in the batch to see how Jeph’s art style has improved.

It looks like he’s trying to get the proportions more… realistic? They’ve moved from “cartoons” to “cartoon versions of actual people” and it’s… eh, alright I guess? Personally I’m more of a fan of the more cartoon-ish style in the beginning of this batch, but beauty and eyes of beholders and all.

So overall, what did I think of this batch of comics? Personally, I think the humor is improving dramatically, this batch had the most comics that had me laughing aloud so far. And bringing Dora further into the limelight was a smart move on Jeph’s part – she’s just so likable, I want to see more of her. But as for the inter-personal conflicts… eh? It feels weaker than last batch. More is happening, progress is being made, but it feels… contrived. Artificial. It was the worst in the LANPark, but because that drew my eye I kept seeing every other piece of exposition as just that – exposition. Maybe I’m biased, I’ll fully admit that. I’ll also admit that the bit about Faye’s chest-scar was a well done piece of exposition without feeling like exposition.

I’ve said exposition way too much now, let’s move onto the stats (and for the record, Scarlet Manuka on the QC forums was kind enough to remind me that the name of Dora’s cat is Miéville, so while we haven’t been introduced to that name yet I’ll be using that in my stats from this point forward because it’s better than “Dora’s Cat”).

Faye: 47/50 – 94%

Marten: 41/50 – 82%

Dora: 31/50 – 62%

Pintsize: 18/50 – 36%

Turing: 3/50 – 6%

Steve: 2/50 – 4%

Raven: 2/50 – 4%

Ell: 1/50 – 2%

Grand Total:

Marten: 132/150 – 88%

Faye: 130/150 – 86.7%

Pintsize: 45/150 – 30%

Dora: 39/150 – 26%

Steve: 16/150 – 10.7%

Sara: 7/150 – 4.7%

Raven: 3/150 – 2%

Turing: 3/150 – 2%

Jim: 2/150 – 1.3%

Scott: 2/150 – 1.3%

Miéville: 1/150 – 0.7%

Ell: 1/150 – 0.7%

Faye is climbing up the ranks and getting closer to perfectly equal screentime with Marten across the whole series. Speaking of Faye, in this batch she pulled into first as the character in the most comics, the first time she’s been in more than Marten since the beginning. And Dora’s been in so many this last batch, she jumped up to fourth-most reoccurring character juuust behind Pintsize.

I’ll catch you next week for the epic conclusion to the Pintsize laser saga! And yet more insight on Faye’s past – hope you like ice cream! See you then.

#Questionable Content #Faye #Marten #Pintsize #Dora #Anthro PC #Analysis #Long-Form Analysis

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scriptstructure · 7 years ago

Note

My characters are involved in organized crime and they target members of another Mafia. Is there a way to make them realistically gritty yet still likable? Like, I’m afraid it doesn’t matter how well-rounded or otherwise kind they are to each other/civilians if they still kill people? I have a background in criminal justice so I think I can portray this accurately but I don’t know how to take my almost amoral characters likable. Advice?

People don’t generally base how much they like others on what people have done. Occasionally it is easy enough to say ‘that person has done something I find morally wrong, and therefore I won’t have anything to do with them’, but often, especially if it is someone we are close to or admire, the first reaction is to say something more like ‘well I know X and whatever happened can’t have been that bad’, or ‘sure X did something wrong, but we all make mistakes’.

Or even:

Take care of yourself, young man. I say that to you sincerely; take care of yourself, please. It is an utter tragedy for this court to see such a total waste of humanity as I’ve experienced in this courtroom.

You’re a bright young man. You would have made a good lawyer and I would have loved to have you practice in front of me, but you went another way, partner. Take care of yourself. I don’t feel any animosity toward you. I want you to know that. Once again, take care of yourself.

Surely this is someone talking to someone who cheated on a test, or got into some petty trouble which put their career off the rails, right? Right?

Nope. This is Judge Edward D. Cowart talking to serial killer Ted Bundy after having sentenced him to death–the judge knows in detail exactly what Bundy had done, but was still so compelled by his personality that he felt empathy for the intelligent young man that he met in the courtroom.

This goes on all the time. If someone is personable enough, if they do a favour for an elderly mother, or if they always help a friend out of a tight spot, or if they’re young and polite and well spoken, then people will judge them more favourably even when their misdeeds come to light.

In fiction, when reading about someone who is very interesting and compelling, it is much easier to like someone who is objectively a bad person, because their bad actions don’t have any real-world consequences.

As you’re writing about characters involved in a Mafia, this makes it very easy to show their humanity and foibles. Mafias are often family-based organisations. You can show a guy going out and murdering someone in cold blood, and then coming home and cleaning out the gutters for his mother, or helping his kid with their homework.

Organised crime is the kind of situation where some level of being personable is vital to actually being able to get far in the hierarchy of the criminal group. Al Capone, during his early days as a bouncer, bodyguard, and enforcer for various gangs, was a very friendly, popular, outgoing person, who could switch over to violence as soon as the moment called for it.

Personality, charm, the ability to get people to want to do what you want them to do, are how organised crime is run. Sure, occasionally you have to literally cut out the competition, but interpersonal relationships are the first and most important front when you’re running any large organisation.

In terms of readers, what they will want to know is the motivation behind the character’s actions. What is it that drives this character? When they do bad things, how do they feel about it? What is the difference between the way they act ‘on the job’ and at home? How does their ‘job’ affect their home life? Where do their loyalties lie? What are their ambitions? How do they think of themselves and what they do?

A while back, I wrote a few things featuring a side character called Prospero, who is working with a mafia group. He’s involved in a few really awful things, but I wanted to get the sense across of who he is outside of that, even though we only see him on the job.

“Call me Prospero. If you need to.” He still has an accent. He had been a young man when he came to America. His voice is clear and deep, his mother had been an elocution teacher, and he had always wanted to please her. “You don’t tell me your name.” A flat statement. He doesn’t need to know anything beyond the immediate requirements for the job.

Prospero stretches his hands and then tightens his grip on the steering wheel. He knows if his brother had taken a job like this he would be complaining about being too old for this sort of thing. He knows that his brother’s tendency to complain is why he does not get sent on these kinds of jobs. Too much risk in a busy mouth. Prospero looks at the stump where his left forefinger used to be and thinks of his infant grandson fitting his tiny hand over it. Looking at it wonderingly and counting his own fingers before he asked what happened.

For his grandchildren he makes up fairy tales, the old ones his own Nonna told him, woven into the events of his life: a hungry witch who tried to eat him but got only a finger; a duel with an evil prince that left the scar across his left cheek. He watches the road, looking at his hands now and then. Under his shirt the crucifix has turned on its chain, he can feel Christ’s body pressing against his chest.

For his grandchildren’s sake there will be no mistakes tonight.

We get to learn a lot about this guy, considering he’s only going to be appearing in this one section to do with the ‘job’. Later in this section, he kills someone who gets in the way of his work:

Two faces are familiar. These men he has done business with before, he thinks that they are father and son, but he has never asked. He doesn’t need to know. Tonight they have a boy with them. No resemblance, and from the look of the older man’s face, the kid is showing no aptitude for the job. He won’t last long.

“All in order?” Prospero asks.

The older man nods and scrapes nails against the stubble on his chin.

“We will take it from here.” The best exchange is a fast one. He’s reaching out to take the truck keys when the boy starts yammering on about the quality of the product.

“Real good stuff, man, real good.” The kid must be high on something. He reaches out to slap Prospero on the shoulder, pats the corporate man on the back and then – and then he heads for the back of the truck.

Prospero follows. The kid reaches for the handle of the truck’s back gate. Prospero takes his gun from his coat. The kid pulls. Pop. The kid is laid out in the dirt, a third eye peering from his forehead. Prospero puts the gun away. There is very little blood. The gun is small calibre, almost quiet. Prospero shakes his head.

So here’s this grandfather, who cares deeply about his family, is religious, is dedicated in his work, and who will kill without a second’s hesitation if he feels he needs to.

Will people who read about him like him? I can’t predict that, and it seems kind of an irrelevant question. Will people who read about him find him compelling? I like to think so, which is much more important, I think.

When I was in undergrad, I had this argument several times with my classmates. I don’t think that it is necessary for characters to be likeable, it is much more important that they be compelling, that they make you interested in seeing what happens to them next. A character can be extremely likable, and incredibly boring. They can be really awful people but extremely interesting.

Focus on making your characters complex, layered, flawed, troubled, driven, interesting people first, and don’t worry about whether or not they’re likeable: likability is about personality, not about deeds. Ted Bundy was, apparently, a real nice guy, and there are plenty of folks who love Hannibal Lecter.

I hope that helps.

#writing #characterisation #Anonymous

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generoustalelight · 4 years ago

Text

CORNUCOPIA

he was hiding in the back alley of his favorite restaurant. he was holding the knife drenched in blood, both of his hands are on the shaft making it more grotesque. he's restless, shaking and nervous, he's both scared and confused. he left his friend inside the restaurant, he totally forgot that he's with someone, because frankly, he doesn't know what to do anymore.

he's still standing from the far left of the big red door, his back facing the wall. on his right is an industrial garbage bin. he's thinking of ditchng the knife in it, but he's too conscious. he thought that that would be such a dumb move. then his eyes shuttered, he's still breathing heavily.

his hands losing grip, he felt that his whole system is deteriorating, his mind's crumbling.

someone tapped his shoulder, waking him up, it was very sudden, all his senses are heightened, he thought to himself, 'im dead meat', he doesn't care anymore. the moment he turned to his left, his eyes are met with a pair of hazel marbles looking from the deep ends of his soul.

the boy in front of him is neither aloof or frightened by all the blood. the boy's just looking beyond all his demons and doubts. it was a transition. they've been standing there for a good minute, and no one's saying a word.

he hardly noticed the boy's light skin complexion and the soft kisses of the freckles from both of the boy's cheeks. the boy is the same height as him, medium built, jet black hair, wearing a black pants and a plain white shirt. the boy's face is a perfected masterpiece, he was captured for a second, dazed by the unearthly beauty.

the boy double tapped his shoulder again, bursting his bubble, opening his eyes to the murky alley that they're in right now.

"come on,'' the only word that transcended between them, keeping him warm and safe, setting the emptiness, of every sense, enveloping his fragile self. the boy's tone is suggestive. he immediately dropped the knife, smothered the excess blood against his dark blue jeans. he forced a smile. he prompted a big sigh and sandwich his face with a loud slap from both of his hands. he continued smiling, though it is visible that some nerves on his face are still hurting, in addition his cheeks are blushing hard.

he held the boy's hands like he knew him for the longest time. his hands are shaking but the hands of his new found companion is reassuring enough to calm him within a snap.

he woke up, on an unfamiliar large brown couch, from his deep slumber. the whole room is a mystery for him. the flat is mildly lit. the walls are blank off-whites. adjacent to the couch is a turned off 32 inch flat-screen television. right of the television stand is a japanese calligraphy, wherein for him is an unknown beauty even though undesirable, that inside a black-gold accented expensive frame, and infront of it is a circa '70's vintage copper telephone. it is standing atop an ivory colored wooden mini-table. a breeze is blowing lightly on the draped white sheet of curtain behind him. on the far left side of the room is a division and what seems to be a room, the crease of the room's door and the floor is casting a light. a light that signifies life condraticting to his dead face, full of questions and irritatingly nonsensical insights.

he got up and walked toward the room. he grabbed the knob, it was cold, and before he knew it, he's already in front of the boy. the door is wide open. he's stunned. for a quick second, he thought that this entity in front of him is not human, that this must be an angel suggesting that there is peace at the end of every tragedy. the boy in front of him held both of his shoulders, exerting force, pushing him not too hard, making him move backwards, back to the couch, he wasn't able to object or to raise any reaction.

the next thing he knew is that he's already sitting with his hands clasped together. he's bowing down for some reason that even he, himself, cant seem to find logical or worthy of announcing on the open.

what he don't know is that the man beside him is already staring at him intently.

"what's your name?", he then looked up to check the source of the voice. all of the blood on his body rose to blush his cheeks. he don't understand why's he feeling this way. just by this boy's pure and innocent gaze, he was already falling into a deep rabbit hole, and he likes it.

"my name's leo, you?", he added.

"kian," after replying, a long pause pressed the air, and word after the other fought its way through, "my name is kian," his voice is shaking, he's anxious.

leo let out a chuckle. kian looked at him puzzled. he's thinking that maybe he's laughing because of the awkwardness his voice has exhibited. he was now shy, he cant seem to use words to defend himself from drowning into this pit of embarassment full of hand grenades that can be triggered by any word possible to man.

"why were you laughing?," his nervous tone never left him.

"nothing," leo replied, "why? did it bother you? don't worry i just find you really interesting , and hilarious!' he answered after pausing. his voice is very masculine, its as if like god had adjusted all the vocal chords he has and made it to fit his physique.

"no, i was just wondering," kian answered.

"so can you tell me now what happened?," leo asked.

all of it consumed kian, all the unfamiliar feelings has started creeping up. he was very scared, you can see it in his face, he seemed empty. the aura of the room shifted and made a dark turn. he started caressing his own arms. he's already crying softly, his sobs are suppressed, kian don't want anyone to see him weak or powerless, he's already stood his ground and became a man on his own.

"it's ok, everything's ok," kian reminding himself that no matter what everything will turn out fine. it's a sad scene. he's hugging himself tight, curving into a ball, shutting down slowly by slowly.

leo reached for him, like a light venturing into the depths of pain, the hug is a warm affectionate cleansing touch. all the noise in kian's mind have been voided, they were proved invalid at the moment. pain is peeling from the wounded flesh of a weak child. a heart of the soldier is being salvaged amidst a war. leo mended everything that's wrong. kian is safe, kian's on the nest of serene. leo's arms guarded him from all the worldly things they're dipping into;

ANOTHER PROSE.

I'm broken hearted.

everyday we are given a chance to change, change for the better, we always had the hand to throw, landmines to walk on, and choose what we really wanted for ourselves.

ANOTHER PROSE.

in the same parallel universe,

the last switch is all that's left, the doctor is still clueless whether to press it or not, the bright red tint of the you-know-it-will-destroy-earth button is the most tempting fuckery ever created and made available to human.

it is an excerpt of a game show that will decide the fate of the world, the humanity, and yourself.

presenting, the game show master, an anti-christ ex-convict that was nominated because of the perfect apathy to inject to the world. he has a commercial face, clean and crisp, perfect for television. his charm is incomparable. definitely the definition of sophistication; a godly incarnation of class and elegance.

he has the perfect voice to entertain millions and billions of people. he's a very likable person omitting all the vile things he did. his persona is on a different level than any mortal that has walked on the planet.

he starts every episode with a close-up. a full walkthrough of his gorgeous face. the light will flicker. red to blue to yellow to white to red to violet to yellow to red to white. the exchanges of the colors is prenotioned to hypnosis ergo to condition the cognitive.

the whole set of "the game show" is themed intergalactic, it is overly futuristic, few of the prop design are high-technology devices that can only be imagined by tens and thousands of lightyears away. but it is evident that they still attempted to capture the mediocrity of the simplest things like the buzzers, the lights, the clappers, the audience seats and the camera, it feels like a crazy-fusion of a 1980's tv show and a tv show set on a fucked up future. the set is worth a fortune, the luxury and the euphoria, and whenever they send invites it is like willy wonka spreading the golden tickets again to lure children and children-at-heart to devour life's essence. everything about it is enchanting.

the whole premise of the programme is surrounding the trials and tribulations of all the strands of beings on earth. just thought of it as the most inhumane thing you could possibly see or hear.

usually each episode is presented by the game master and a guest female assistant that will stand by as a symbol of sex and weakness. this will attract the male viewers, to make them feel powerful and more dominant. it never happened that the female guest would appear twice, it was speculated that after an episode the female guest will be brought to the game master's house, allegedly they were drugged into this, and that they were raped and tortured to death. the whole fiasco is ignored by the masses, the black market created a movement to cover up the whole thing.

today, tons of casting and auditions for the role of female asisstant for the game show has been commenced. all the top female actresses, models, pageant royalties and all the kinds and types of women in every nation of the world competes on an extensive screening for the spot. all of these girls aspiring to be slandered, this is the american dream.

going back to the one in a million chance of destroying earth, the doctor is now torn if he really wanted to save his whole family, he's thinking that all this is for his son that meant everything to him, and for his wife that gave meaning to his life.

on the other hand, he's thinking of the bribe that the game master has set him up with. the bribe is made of a lengthy letter from his mistress, an album of all their intercourse, a video, and his mistress herself strapped in an electric chair. not really a bribe, but a threat, the game master promised that he will let everything out, every nook and cranny of his dirt.

the facade of the doctor is quite amusing he's smiling while he's looking at his family sitting on the audience bawling their eyes out, hoping that the doctor would turn out to be sane and fully aware of the right and wrong, the morale, the rightful, the ethical. while, they are clueless of the failing mental health of their father- figure. his hair is turning white, riddled with stress, he's slowly dying while masking his breathing to a relax and calm tempo. he's bid farewell to himself.

life is unfair.

the doctor couldn't decide, he don't want to toss the dice. he don't want to come clean, what he decided is to end everything then and there. 'he will not be a man', that's what he has decided. he mentally prepared wrapping his balls into a thin foil full of gun powder ready to be set on fire in front of everyone, on international television. but don't worry, of course he wouldn't do the latter because it's much easier for him to slit his wrist with a shard of glass from the table that he shattered with his fist, while tapes are rolling, bleeding his life force, in front of his family, while his son is watching the whole thing bare, realizing that his hero is taking suicide as ananswer. nevertheless, their lives are assured to go down form here on, they will be shamed and ridiculed by everyone, they will hate each other and they will die hating on themselves. the world wins.

in the same alternate universe,

1st scene

the first shot includes gem with a pink back drop. gem is wearing a white shirt with scribbled letters, embossed. the soft pastel vibe of everything in this scene is so innocent and clean. her shoulder-length hair is braided, placed on just above her right collar bone. she's holding a bottle of water, with the word 'safe', printed on it. she has put down her for-colorblind glasses, put it on the stool just beside her, she wasn't sitting, she's just resting her right hand on it to support her weight.

the second frame is a sharp cut of gem's eyes and up. the rest of the screen is just a blank pink canvass that screams softness.

she looks annoyed, tired even. she's anxious that this might take a while. her mother's away for just two days, and she's thinking that this is her punishment for not going with her on the camp.

gem is staying in the room for approximately an hour now. the ventilation is not bad, but it's not good either.

gem is strictly instructed to stay in the room, not do anything, and she can't go out until further notice. she don't know why is she obeying these lunacy. she just thought that when she was forced to sleep through ammonia, that this is her farewell to her mother and all her pending chores, as well as the boring life of high school. she accepted everyhting then and there.

she didn't try to escape or object to any of it, she's out of energy, and she don't want her glasses to get caught up with the commotion and be the cause of its sweet destruction.

gem thinks that she's on an abandoned building and she thinks that the room that she's staying in is the only one who has a full renovation. she can smell the faint odor from the newly painted walls, and she reckon that it's still wet, since the dripping form the floor is gradually filled with a pink puddle of paint.

you can see gem trying to fight the ticking of the clock, she's trying to beat the unbeatable, she's trying to sabotage time.

gem heard the heavy footsteps of the men walking toward the room. or is it the same hooligans who've abducted her? she immediately acted as if she has fainted, she fell on the floor without hesitation, her body felt the impact. she's a great actor. her insides are screaming hallelujah-fuck-you. she then sensed the presence of the people who barged in, unannounced. they lifted her up, they clutched her limbs. gem is scared, these people are slimy, their arms are gooey and it smellt like rotten fish and tomatoes. her eyes are shut, she don't want to open them, she's already guessing that whatever it is that she will see, will forever scar her and give her nightmares.

gem, is different from everyone, NO SHE'S NOT. end scene.

2nd scene

inso is a native japanese from hokaido, venturing into the concrete jungles of brooklyn, new york. he's the strangest thing to ever walk in the asphalts of the pioneering city. he's always wearing that combat boots that is honest to god, bigger than him. he always carry his bright yellow duffle bag with all his belonging in it, his round cobalt blue tinted shades and his oversized grey trench coat completes the hobo man inside of him.

inso did not know the english language, he never knew how to read or write in english. his mother's tongue is pure in all his means. he never communicated to anyone until his ninth day in the city, he never really talked per se. it was only with a hotdog stand vendor that he first initiated a non-verbal conversation; at first the man was clueless what was it with all the flailing and waving of inso's hands. he thought that this flamboyant beggar has a loose screw, and is just trying to piss him off, until inso pulled out a dollar and started handing it over to the man preparing all the hotdogs. he then pointed to the regular hotdog-in-a-bun, the hunger is evident in all his next gestures. he's holding his dear life to the railing on the hotdog stand, the scene is comical and hilariously exhausting, and that's the story of his first hotdog, and how he did not die of starvation.

inso has been working in a bowling alley where he was recommended by the same hotdog vendor that he met. he's studious and an outstanding overseer of the whole place, inso manages the bowling alley; he attends to customers' on their hours of stay. he's in charge of the maintenance, the rolling pins, the bowling balls, the neon retro signs, the snack bar (even though he's just sally's assistant), the welcome rugs, the tiled columns, the light bulbs, the bathroom, the toilets, the glass doors, the tables, the gums sticking beneath the tables, the drinking fountain, the bowling gloves, the back of the bowling alley, and the red back door.

he's been living in the bowling alley for almost two months until he's decided to move out to get an apartment. within the span of two months he learned how to speak in english, but not fluently, and definitely not with his accent gone. he started taking a bath on a daily basis. he started eating normal food, like a normal human being, and fully left the hotdog diet. he can now save for his future, to plan for his own house, to start his new life, his days are better.

everything's turning out fine, or so he hoped.

on the way to work inso was stopped by a road block, in front of him, a whole street on a riot, garbage and blood and a dead body lying comfortable in the heated up cement, even the path walk is closed, the crowd is wild on murmuring and added gibberish on the scene of the crime.

police investigators and press are there, covering for the whole event. police tapes are tied from one light post to another and from the metal gate of the blue apartment to a tree from across the street.

inso is forced to walk on the alley located beside the city boutique. even though it is early in the morning, the darkness from the alley way is menacing, scaring him not to take that trail. but he remembered that it's almost 10 in the morning and he has to get in the bowling center as soon as possible.

inso is hugging his duffle bag, removed his glasses, and scurried over the alley, but not an inch away from the main road, he was struck by a hard thing on the head. he remembered that the last thing he saw was a metal baseball bat pointing to the ground. it was pointed towards the ground, stained by blood, he thought that it came from his head. the blow from the back of his head fully paralyzed him and shocked his nerves, he was lying on the ground helpless, no one can hear him, no one will hear him.

inso heard a truck door being opened, he deducted the latter because of the metal rustling noise it made, the heavy footsteps of the men walking toward the alley, alarmed, he tried to get up immediately his glasses are shattered . he's basically on a vegetative state now. he can see his duffle bag being searched and emptied by two men, wearing a flat- ironed suit and high-end slacks. they lifted the whole bag and threw it after. their faces are covered with traditional japanese masks, big eyes and sculpted fangs. his eyes are closing on him, and the last thing he saw he passed out is his home.

on-break

as i grew older, i also realize that i am slowly losing all my white shirts.

i have 10 white shirts when i was on 1st grade, i always wore a white sando beneath my plain white shirt beneath a crisp-and-clean white polo tucked into my above-knee khaki shorts. i go to school with that and a pair of shiny black shoes, carrying my red power rangers bag. i also wore white whenever i'm home, i just loved that color when i was young, it feels clean, it looks clean, it is like a canvass ready for all the scribbles i can make.

when i was on 3rd grade i only used nine, my tenth white shirt became too tight, or maybe im becoming too big, well the point is that it never fitted me anymore. i am really eager to learn about the kid-spirit of our elementary school, that's why i would go ahead and abandon my polo to explore the psyche of my peers, and also to explore the garden behind the sixth graders, and find some worms, and ants, and plants that retreats by the slightest of human touch. i became a lot bigger, it feels like all the knowledge i gather helped me grow faster.

the following year my mom replaced all my white shirts, she noticed how fast i grow physically, and replaced it with eight new ones, same color, same fabric, same price range. this time she bought eight pieces of large to extra large white shirts, just to make sure we have that allowance. the eight new shirts felt comfortable and familiar.

i've had one of my new shirts pulled out of my closet, i wanted to dye it with different colors, like that one shirt with blots of red, blue, green, and yellow and orange, all over it. I have seen it in an art show on the television,"Art Angel". this part of my childhood is where i've started experimenting. i'm trying to understand myself, i'm trying to look at trends, that can never better me, my friends are becoming greedy and they've stopped talking to me. i'm left with seven shirts, and a flamboyant one, late grade school.

one of my shirt's got wrecked when i got in a fight outside school, there was this stupid boy on my class who kept bothering me, and kept provoking me to start this petty fight with him, afterschool, just because he thought that i find him irritating, which is accurate, and that he thought that this problem can be solved by a traditional-outdated fist fight. i never acknowledged this barbarian, even though by that time i let him have it. when i got out of class, i removed my white polo, because i need to get this home white and clean.

i waited for him at a nearby lot, for this to get over with, as soon as possible. he showed up and he had some friends come over to speculate. as soon as he got there you can definbitely see his face is all red and you can easily decipher that he was properly fueled with hatred before going on here, he ran towards me and grabbed me by my shirt, my shirt, mind you this is one of my favorite shirts, i immediately pinned him down, i exerted all my force with my fist struck a blow on his vertbrae as explosive as i could.

i heard him groaned, and all the spectators jumped on me, they were punching me while on ground, kicking me with their spiked shoes. after three minutes they left me, my shirt is ripped. i fucking hate this soccer gang.

white shirts remaining: six

a couple of years later, i replaced two of my white shirts with two black staple tees. black is now my new favorite color. it just represents my brand that time. an emotional teen, bad personality, bad attitude, mediocre fashion.

at the time, i feel troubled, even though i certainly know i am not. i seek attention so hard i can barely read which character i wanted to play, what i am, and what i wanted to be. black just represented the void that i am feeling on that critical days of my adolescence. i still wear my white shirts, just not that often.

peak of my adolescence, one white shirt became the bearer of the intensity of my raging hormones. end of phase.

the last three white shirts that i have is burried beneath all the garbage that i have in my closet. i realize that i cannot wear them anymore, or rather i dont want to wear them anymore. my white shirts reminded me of the innocence that i have back then. but in all fairness, everything that i have right now is something i owe to those white shirts that help me and watched me grew up. i realize that as one age nothing can be permanent but most importantly I've learn that time will change you and will eat you up alive, so as soon as now grab that white shirt and wear it with pride.

3rd scene

gopshi is an indian national that grew up in america. as soon as you see him, you'll assume that he's fluent in speaking his national language. his skin is fair and deep. his eyes are a mix between almond brown and happy, a pair of expensive marbles. gopshi's hair's a shiny jet black, it's length is proper for a boy going to a prep school on whales. his teeth are porcelain white, he's not short, but not really tall.

gopshi was adopted by a couple that intends to save everyone by every means that can result to death, both philantrophist, seeming to tour the world for world peace.

gopshi, has three brothers and four sisters, each of his sibling came from a different race.

there is, sana, a japanese girl that was adopted when she was six. her parents are both unknown by the time of her adoption, even though she was legally adopted and brought out of japan. her foster parents have to fight the yakuza's just to take full custody of her. sana is a smart kid, finished reading and disserting all books varying from ancient literature, scientifical theories and related researches, computer programming, art, philosophy, international languages and so on.

next is, lance he's a british lad that was abandoned when he was six moths old, lance has the charm of kings and emperors, lance is the very best public speaker there is. no one knows where did he get this gift of eloquence, but on thing's for sure, lance can convince, persuade, question and overpower anyone, by only using his words. lance has also a strong morale compass and is very passionate in valuing one's perspective of a certain matter. he's very composed and reliable and he's the most likely to rule the world one day

then there is, arnauv, out of all the adopted children arnauv is the most distant to everyone. he's very secretive and always incognito. arnauv loves planes. he's really interested on aeronautics, and you will know it, you can always see him at somewhere high, he's either seen sitting on the ledge of the mansion's roof or at the top of their humungous tree. arnauv has always been like this. he's s walking question and it was paired with his appearance, he has a platinum blonde hair, crew cut, his eyes are blue, his skin is pale and lips are salmon pink. he's the most good looking out of the bunch, but his timid personality makes it seem like he's untouchable he only has one friend and it is his brother key.

key is african. he's everyone's friend, having experience the brush of poverty at an early age. he was adopted when he was ten, rescued from child trafficking bust and brought to the house. key is the kindest, he's polite and respectful. key stands with people on their shines and storms. key has a very high EQ. he's fond of animals and plants, he cares for the living things and their betterment. key's charm relies on his honest gesture and kind words. the only flaw key has is his naivete, he can be easily manipulated because of the trust he give to everyone. but his strength lies within the goodness of his heart that everyone seems to fall for. everyone seems to love him, regardless.

next in line is phirayatta, or as they call her phir. phir is from thailand, she's a miracle child of the king, but wasn't really acknowledged because of the controverisies of her biological mother. the king didn't really wanted phir, that's why when she was little her father wanted her to be assassinated, the king has hired, murderers, assassins, executioners and hitmans all over the world to end her. but, the catch is she won't die. phir was cared by the world. no one can harm her. ever since she was a little girl multiple attempts of murders have failed in causing her death, which lead the king to abandoning her. it is when she was adopted. phir has the gift of luck.

sinai is the youngest among all them, she was brought in the house by their foster parent sinai has a unique rich skin color, neither pale nor, deep, her complexion is changing, but most of the time it's blue. every feature of sinai seems normal, except her skin. with no words sinai was introduced to the family, their parents never really talked about sinai's ancestry or race. sinai was just always the happy pill, she's impulsive, and jitterey, she's naive because of age, but she's tactical and reliable. sinai's information is unavailable as of the moment.

then we have sky, sky is the last israeli on the planet. the whole country of isarael has been annihilated. it has become the enemy of the world. there is a long war that happened involving the said country and the new world. the government has decided to put an end to israel's existence by dropping nuclear missiles to its territory, all of israel has turned to ashes and dust. after three years, the philantrophists visited the ruins of israel and to their surprise there roams a child barefoot, hiding and binging on the shadows of the ruins. her eyes are as green as an emeralds. sky's real name is unknown. sky was raised to be like a normal child, a dream israel, her old country, would dream to have.

5th scene

dear you,

let this be known.

"i would carve my heart just so that it will still fit your hands."

hi, i am just a nobody but i really hope you're reading this, i truly wish that you're taking time to insert this to your crunched up schedule, not minding the hassle that this might cause, and not really minding to whom this came from.

well, this is just another letter, one of the thousands i have already sent you. this is very likely with the same weight as the other writings you've already received. this has the same feels, with the same undying message. but what seperate this from all letters you've already got is that i know that this is such a stretch, because, lucky you, this will be the last one.

hi again, i just wanted to say that i love you. and for god's sake i am devoting my life to every sense of that phrase. sacrificing all the truth there is just to show you how sincere i am.

i really do love you. i love you so much that i am actually losing my sanity, i love you so much that i can promise that your name will be my last words, i love you so much even if you would hate me, i will still love you unconditionally. i love you so much that i'd ignore my joy, for your own pleasure. i will love you even if i know that its the cause of my depression.

i would carve my heart just so that it can bleed your color.

very rare that i will forget how you actually smell, how your gaze has the immense effect on me, how you taste from the navel up, the sensation of your kisses, how wonderful your lips taste. i will never forget how you grasped my wholeness and swallowed all me. i love your dirt and riches, and lunacy.

i love you so much that i wanted you to know i am always by your side. looking from afar. breathing the same air. counting every move you make, noting every person you encounter on a daily. i am just an inch away in grabbing you and making love to you. i am just insanely in love, i could die any moment. i am itching form holding you here in my arms i will never let you go, i am dying just thinking of devouring all the good things that you are. i wanted to end you, i wanted to make you happy, i will make your everyday as remarkable and thrilling as possible. i will not stop loving you, i will not stop thinking of you, i cannot stop thinking of how can i murder you, in your sleep, while you're floating from acid, waiting for me, or so i believe.

i can still remember all the good things we've shared and all the good times we've had. we're much truthful, we're kinder, we're gentler for the world. we're polar opposites but everyone can clearly see how totally inlove we are with each other. we have set aside our differences, we are respectful and understanding. we've let ourselves change each other's hearts. we became the best versions of ourselves, we've helped each other grow and learn each and every day we're together. we trusted each other that we will not draw blood, or hate, or envy towards one another. we're so inlove at the time we forgot that evil do exist, we're so inlove we forgot about sinning. we're so inlove we never thought of our failing, of our falling, of our flailing. we're never able to prevent it, that's why we bled too much. that's why i am so close in losing my life, that's why i never had imagined another world that you're not beside me.

i would carve my heart so that you would have two, and you can destroy mine, happily.

i am very sorry that this is so sudden, but i am ecstatic because finally, finally, i have finished carving my heart, but why am i still alive, love? why am i still breathing? why am i still here?why are you not moving? why are you not breathing? why are you bleeding? love, where is your heart?

6th scene

I don't know if I like hospitals or not.

I can't remember all my encounters with hospitals thats why i have a minimal amount of knowledge in regards to the latter. I just used to think that its a place for sick-dying type of people. Its generally a sad place for my young self. I can't remember how all the hospitals that I've been to looked like visually, but I can clearly remember how they've smellt. It smelled like used cotton balls that's dripping of alcohol for sanitary purposes of some sort. It also smelled like clean flasks and glass tubes and new aluminum door knobs. I based the smell of death to that same smell of a familiar hospital.

When I was young I can clearly remember that I really wanted to be a doctor. I can't remember what kind and why, but, I just strongly feel back then that I should be one.

on-break

DISCLAIMER: This is a subjective opinion about my third team on my first job. All the statements and opinions that will be made on this narrative, is strictly personal and does not reflect the truth on the subjects. Every team mate will be given a pseudonym to protect their privacy.

Let's start.

Skyflakes. has a personality of a white, thin, salty papery biscuit. one of the nicest person in our whole team. skyflakes has greeted me once, i never greeted back. the greeting ended there. we rarely talk, but once we were forced to do so because of a common work-friend. skyflakes is very preserved. i never hated skyflakes, but i am uncertain if the feeling's mutual.

Moon. moon doesn't get me at all, shocker. moon is like my counter part on an alternate universe, the receptiveness on moon's personality never worked for me. moon pretended that i am an open book that can be easily deciphered. I totally murdered moon's psyche by literally knowing everything that the workplace has expected on me, including moon's assumptions. but i liked moon very much, i don't know if it is because of the pretenses or is it because i am fascinated by the fact that i can toy with moon's feelings.

Strip. is a so-so character. strip realize everything that i talk about but it is very often that strip talks to me about them. strip is an open letter that you can read on a twitter page of an angsty adolescent

4th scene

let's talk about the creation of the keyboard, where did it really came from. do you think it came hand-in-hand, a plus-one, a done deal package together with the first computer? do you think the first known computer is as useful as it would be if it will come with a ready made keyboard? who invented keyboard? who decided that this piece of 3D plastic boxes of numbers, letters and symbols should be called as it is? is the word keyboard technically acknowledged.

7th scene

this is an account of all the things i would've done if the world will end tomorrow, assuming i have exactly 26 hours to live before the world will meet its fate for some reason.

for the first two hours i would try to murder whoever will talk to me about their own itenerary in this situtation. just ki

8th scene

words are fascinating. words made me love the world, even though it's unbearable. words found me, more than i found them. it is introduced to me as a friend, as someone who i can turn to. someone that can always take me to perfect places. someone i can truly trust. someone that i can whisper my secrets to, someone that can be my secret, someone that can share secrets with me. then it grew on me. it became a parental support, it guided me. it helped me. it taught me things. it straighten my back, words released me from slouching, from boredom, from restrain. it molded me to the person i am today. it made me realize things, i've ingested it and its essence. i mimicked it like a whole stage full of actors. words are just releasing the good and the beautiful, without shying away with its ugly and distastefulness. words are flexible, they can make or break, it can be a weapon for sympathy and apathy, it can end or start war. words fly and swim and they climb, they will run if needed and walk for intensities.

0 notes

kkukkung · 8 years ago

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idk if you've watched mxray yet but like (spoiler alert) i'm shocked at how fast minhyuk figured out who the mafia is like... the game had -just- started and he slid up to the camera immediately and started naming names. what kind of alien sorcery?? truly the most perceptive mx member

yes! minhyuk is rly sharp like his brain works v quickly!! he notices minute details abt people + the mood and responds to things super efficiently! like if someone isn’t saying much (read: shownu mostly lol) he guides them into the action and maintains a good atmosphere... and he’s good at noticing when someone is feeling down + naturally comforts them without being too imposing? :’> 💖💖 one of my favourite things abt him

more late replies under cut!

ordered oldest to newest...

there are so many i’m sorry omg... this is literally 4k words... first of all i’m rly sorry i’m so bad with replies ;___; i’m going to... do_better.mp3 once i’ve caught up. questions from today will b in a separate compiled ask thing. thank you for being patient w me (i’m saying this like u have a choice jhsfgskdj rip) and i’m very sorry that lots of these referred to something that has now become irrelevant. i’ll work harder 💖

(svzannebrown(.)tumblr(.)com/post/154440030608/all-that-anyone-needs-to-know-about-my-time-in) i found shownu's origin story

(link) aaaa this video jkgfhkj it’s rly so cute ;___; ur right it’s him

shownu had his foot on mh's d and changkyun played shownu's ass like a drum...what a time to be alive

truly. i love shownu initiating anything btw like, bc altho he tolerates anything the others do to him he rarely does anything back to them?? so seeing him being playful is rly fascinating.

wHYD YOU GOTTA TAG THAT AS "b*k**k*" I CANT SEE IT ANY OTHER WAY NOW 😭😭😭🔫🔫

this was... in reference to the water gun scene in ep 1 of mxray jskdfhg im sry... hyungwon spitting it back out like a fountain tho... please... a real Freaq

I'm scream I was looking thru the tags of the gifset of mx sleeping and someone tagged "showhyuk are wearing masks cuz they're the ones who sleep with their eyes open" DKRKKFKG I forgot about that Please Release The Terrifying Eyes

kjsghdfgkjskjfd imagine them sleeping without their masks with their eyes open facing each other just................ staring... i feel like mh would look especially Terrifying

Ok but think abt this: Jackson and Wonho pans*xual m8s who support each other on the low. Yes.

yes i love it. also gym workout partners. small calves big thigh centaur buddies. sweetheart squad.

does kihyun KNOW, like, does he ///know///

i think... i think he Knows,

someone should sign jeonghan and minhyuk up for celeb bromance so they can go on that flower picking date minhyuk wanted

FLOWER PICKING that’s so cute... minhan in a flower meadow holding baskets of flowers and putting daisy chains on each other’s heads.... .... n then it gets dark and the flowers start whispering “stay with us forever” bc they are jealous of how pretty the flowerboys are... giant venus flytraps emerge and minhyuk sacrifices jeonghan and escapes sfhkgfkj but he forgets abt the daisy chain jeonghan put on his head earlier and it morphs into a stinking corpse lily which eats him :/ im sry i can’t just... leave scenarios cute wtf

Kihyun carrying Mingyu on his back(again)... Taking him to where monbebes are and making him greet them... Doesn't this remind you of something... Anyways I love true love and friendship:)

oo anon im not sure what this is meant to remind me of??jssjdkgh i’m not that familiar w svt :( most of what i know abt them comes from their interactions w other groups... but yes i think seventeen with mx is the cutest thing they seem so so close??

"is it just me or is the entire world infatuated with jeonghan" OMG girl SS SsSSAME he's my bias in seventeen (my ult... the bias that got me into kpop) and as I got to know him he rlly is like that?? He's got this easygoing and likable personality that isn't overwhelming for introverts/quieter people but more outgoing ppl flock to him too bc he's still inquisitive and engaging to interact with \ahh sorry i rlly had to go off abt my fave I love him

this is so cute tbh i thought jeonghan was lowkey evil sdhfjgkj like he looks angelic but he’s............. and the reason why minhyuk likes him is bc... they’re both pretty boys who r actuall.y.... Evil lmao. im kidding im kidding ofc from what i know of jeonghan he’s like u describe him to be but also Very Libra...lmao.....👀👀👀👀 i rly like his vibe idk he’s kind of ??? healing ?? and i rly love minhan a lot :0

i found ur sweater paws tag for the first time today and ive never been happier in m entire life thank u..........

jsfdhg you’re welcome!! there’s not a lot on that tag but i’m glad u enjoyed ur time there! it’s mostly hyungwon who has them bc he loves sleeves that that too long for his already long arms?? minhyuk likes them when he feels like being c*te and wonho uses them to look s*ft... i could analyse this

I swear that Minhyuk can potentially dominate the world...I mean you've seen how he's got everyone wrapped around his little finger, especially Shownu (Showhyuk could become kings of the world and I wouldn't mind tbh), and you think he's just an innocent pretty boy at first? JOKES! That boy is coming for you. He's coming for all of us.

hands up if u’ve been personally SCAMMED by minhyuk... anyway yes i feel like every member of mx loves lmh a lot and appreciate him lots?? especially how much he’s improved since debut and what he does for the atmosphere + entire vibe of mx!

(wh airport photo anon) I havent seen it but my friend told me about it one time casually like "rmbr that photo of wonho at the airport?" and im like ''???'' so they said wonho was adjusting his pants and the waistband went too far down or something like that and you could see a happy trail? like a lot apparently and idk i felt creepy to be like "show me" so i lost my opportunity to see it and havent found it since :/ its gonna haunt me for the rest of my life

i rly think i would’ve... just shamelessly said “show me” lmao especially when they already described it in that much detail 👀👀👀👀hmmmmm jgfkhds but im glad ur dignity is intact anon! if anyone does know... what this photo is..... 👀 slide into my inbox.... idk whenever i see his stomach/abs it’s all very Clean u kno he shaves for performances where he has to show his body... he looks like a hotdog..... clean and slippery and often oiled up w a sheen

i once made the mistake of assuming that short, pink-haired boys with stubby fingers and fat feet and cheek dimples were harmless, only to find out that they're actually a 93 liner whose chin will stab you and they must always win in any scenario. i now regret just about everything

FAT FEET. rly why does kihyun think his chin is a weapon like he’s always holding it at that exact angle if u kno what i mean w a small smirk on his lips... knife cat meme.... nd jdkfghskj ik he rly can’t stand losing/being wronged

I dreamed Seungcheol 'owned' a Burguer King and Jeonghan and Minhyuk spent there the night and ended up getting together and the next morning everyone was like??? What happened to u two??? And they were like love happened:))) I HA T E MYSELF SO MUVH

hfkjfsadjkdsfhdfgdkjkfhdksdhfsdjkhf WHY DID THEY FRICKLE IN A BURGER KING OF ALL PLACESbnjkd

Great skater Wonho tags. A+

Bruh that fic idea in your XKOMBAT Wonho picture is amazing. I wish I was good at writing, especially for that concept...

PLEASE jkfdgkh it was rly just an early morning brain fart but thank u sm... i used to write ficlet tags all the time but recently i’ve been too busy to tag much. and anon2 u should give it a shot! like writing is something u get better @ with time (like... most things lmao idk what im trying to say) but rly we need more writers in this fandom and don’t let self doubt get in the way of what u want to do! i’d be happy to read people’s fics if they want me to btw :>

Case example 374926395 of YKH must always win: changkyun jokingly throwing a tiny snowball at his back and kihyun retaliating by slamming a giantass handful of snow on top of changkyun's head. When will the war ever end?

I KNOW !!!!!!! it’s such an expected reaction from kihyun tho idk why they keep provoking him!!! it’s mostly ck wh + mh like tbh, there must be something..... masochistic in this they enjoy it somehow jfshgd... kihyun has to have the last laugh he has to Win lmao

You're so cute

this is Fake im Fake ur Fake but u kno what’s 100% real? my love and gratitude for u ily thank u hfgdj

Never stop doing the Wonho and Shakespeare thing! :o

thank u omg i probably couldn’t stop if i wanted to?? im very attracted to Raw Feelings and wonho & shakespeare both do that.... especially well...

it's rly hard to find wonho fansites that don't bleach him :/// like he's already so pale they don't... need to... like i know why they do it (not that i condone it) but srsly wonho is already super pale it's not like we don't know he's pale LOL. i remember round wh used to have good unbleached photos but there was one point a few months ago where they put this awful filter on their wonho photos it didn't just make him pale but it made his skin??? blue silver?? it was disappointing

the tragedy of round_wh jgkhsdgj i know :(((( and rose petal jam too :((( playboi_wh has some mostly untouched/unedited photos i rly like!

do u ever wish for that cute lil heart choker to make a comeback i miss wonho with it :-/

he hasn’t worn chokers for a while i’m stressed!!!! the pink heart choker was Iconic but idk why no1 ever talks abt THIS masterpiece

truly innovative, redefined the gothfurry subculture.

am I the only one who realized that wonho is the one who solved all the escape rooms first on the first ep of xray... Ngl... Not to brag but honestly I have the most talented bias in the world..

wonho on shows is rly interesting bc he’s either completely and utterly useless (i.e...... what was that bouncy ball mess in ep4, also on weekly idol when he was... a mess) OR the golden hyung/saviour like there’s rly no in between?? he’s still trying to decide whether or not to present himself as a dumbass or not pls save him :/ dshfjkg im kidding i think it’s more like... he’s good at a certain sort of physical activity that involves concentrating on one simple thing (ddr --> getting the moves right, thigh-wrestling --> using thigh strength...) but not good at performing under pressure (tkd demonstration, bouncy ball racing against a senior idol)... re puzzles i think it’s not so much that he’s good at the puzzles themselves (mh + ck are better at that) but, he’s good at understanding the motivations and feelings of other people/predicting the path that a variety show would go; so that’s kind of how he got the password without finding all the hints, bc he knew it would be something meaningful like their debut date. idk that’s what i think!! like, wonho is smart but more emotionally/people-smart than smart in the traditional sense imo?? hope this makes sense omg

I don't know if you know about this, but does starship allow people to send in gifts for theonsta X members? Like do they have guidelines you have to follow cause I saw they moved buildings and I've always wanted to send in gifts cause I know Monsta x will never have a concert where I live.

hey im sry this is so late but the general guidelines for presents is pretty much common sense i think (no food, no weird used things, etc., and some companies don’t allow gifts that are too expensive).... i know starship allows gifts but i’m not too sure abt the specifics?? i’ve heard of people sending in things like clothing and books and framed fanart and whatnot but yeah... if anyone knows/has experience sending presents, please help this anon! :>

I love when u use the word Floof I've incorporated it into my vocabulary now 😣💕

i love the word floof!! also floofy and floofball and floomf gjdkfh ur so cute i’m glad u’ve absorbed it into ur lexicon! 💕💕💕💕💕

there's kind of a rush from starship to make mx big before they start enlisting i think :( it's kind of sad to think about. that's probably why they've been working nonstop since all in. i think starship expected them to make it big from debut (thus the rush to get a first win and taking their phones away) and mx was promised that but things didn't go as planned. at least that's the feeling i'm getting. i think the success of part 2.5 will determine if they're going to stay in japan or korea

i feel like... enlistment is still so far away for them?? usually groups have a 7-ish year run anyway n like............ not to talk abt d*sbandment but i think mx rly have to gain more musical autonomy if they want to stay in the industry for a long time, and adapt to the changing entertainment landscape like big bang does? i agree tho that starship expected mx to be a lot bigger initially but tbh... i have so much beef w the timing, planning, management team like................ i rly truly feel like if they promoted hero instead of rush a first win would’ve been far more likely... not to mention all of their comebacks + even their debut?? have clashed w other Big Name Groups’ promotion times and they’re always so infuriatingly close but :/ aaaa... also idk they need more ?? flamboyance ?? they put on the best stages and work themselves to death but i feel like sometimes the choreography itself, although v nice in their practice room filmed w a non-moving camera from the front, doesn’t carry over to the stage/live performances as well? and w their title tracks too idk i sometimes feel like starship is forever a little behind with the musical trend of the time... mx has never released a bad song but lmao, to be honest i feel like their title tracks have never been flashy enough? :/ their concept team is doing well tho i think the x clan aesthetic is a+ and it was the all in/stuck/fighter vibes+visuals that drew in a lot of new fans, myself included. idk sometimes i just feel like......... starship isn’t bringing out their full potential nd it makes me >:(((.......... ANYWAYS i have high hopes for the upcoming comeback pls pls pls support them

Ok but,,,he ain't even ugly in em tho, how does he still look a model even when he tryna look like spongebob

regarding this post lmao. not to be blinded by love also but ur right he’s never looked bad in his entire life :/

Mx members broken down: just a stuffed bear?? How'd that get there?, spongebob, Wallace and gromit, shifty cat, Kermit the frog, zico????, and an alien dressed as a human trying to blend into society

jkfdghkj enough!!!!! not to b serious on a cute funny ask but it must be :/ being compared to an established idol rapper all the time and whenever i think abt all the shit jooheon must’ve gone through during their debut year as the Representative Monsta X Member and all the pressure he was under after being so hyped up after no mercy.... i :( feelsbadman...

Minhyuks secret was prolly everyone's **** size....tbh...

in response to >this

girl ngl you have some of the most nastie tags ive seen on this website sometimes but they always make me laugh, thanks for being so rad

PLEASE I FEEL LIKe... my tags aren’t even that nasty but mb i follow a different set of people and we’re used to different things lmao sjhghj i swear i’m pretty tame?? thank u for enjoying them tho ily darling 🌻🌻🌻

"he's my own flesh and blood. my cells quiver when he sneezes" - anniesus on im changkyun, 1:17, monbebe bible

SJDHFPLEASE but like... rly.... no printers only fax

i totally agree srsly i don't get how ppl don't see how scripted survival shows in general are lol... ppl felt rly bad for ck and i TOTALLY GET IT but like sometimes ppl go as far as saying the contestants b*llied him or like, genuinely hated him... and it doesn't sit well with me...i tried explaining this once but someone was like "but he looked so sad in no mercy i can just tell bc if his expressions " he might have felt awkward and he's introverted but i rly don't think he was mistreated

YESYES^^^^^^^^^^^^ idk some people rly.... think no mercy was..... a reliable portrait of reality jkfhdsg. when ppl take it too far and say the others rly mistreated him or hated him it makes my eyes roll back into my skull idk like !!! do u rly think!!! no mercy was one big scripted story with convenient narrative arcs and changkyun’s ate arrival was one of them. i think at that point it was obvious changkyun was going to debut?? and how do u make an audience like someone in the shortest amount of time possible? u make them sympathise with him/his situation. no mercy was very organised storytelling, if u know what i mean, it is a very narrative-driven show with victims and villains and timed hurdles and it concludes in a very neat way.

Ur tags about minhyuk being dramatic on no mercy dkfkfjkgk I love him my bad actor baby.....rmr in the same ep changkyun came on I think where hyungwon and gun played a prank on a younger guy where they were "fighting" and minhyuk kept laughing thru it ddkjfjf idk if that was his #Concept like was he supposed to be awkward laughing. Idek but um I'm love his dumbass

he’s AWFUL at acting jskhdfg but yoonho, dear pure boy i love with my whole heart, rly fell for it regardless bc he just wanted everyone to get along hjfdjkdf :( ur right lmao lmh rly found it funny i doubt it was a Concept i think he’s genuinely just................... bad at acting jksdfgh

THANK YOU for pointing out how obviously scripted no mercy was; like honestly any reality show from any country is overproduced and you have to take everything with a grain of salt. But here's the real question (and you don't have to answer if you don't feel comfortable): did starship already have the final lineup planned? Personally I think that some were gonna make it regardless (jooheon, shownu, kihyun) and that the others weren't finalized until later, but idk man it's still a big debate

i agree!! but i’d definitely add changkyun to the planned debut lineup. i think starship wanted to debut yoonho originally but they realised too late that he wasn’t ready yet. also, it’s interesting what they did w #gun bc they rly made u like him as a person, rly sympathise w him, rly anticipate him when it was kind of clear in a hip hop group there would b a high tone rapper and a low tone rapper... and jooheon was definitely going to debut like 100% lmao so the high tone slot was taken from the beginning. i think starship had plans for #gun already at that point but he wasn’t gonna make it into mx. and i think wonho was also most likely in the lineup, but it wasn’t decided at the beginning of the show like it was with the other three u mentioned.. probably somewhere along the line. i think Perhaps hyungwon n minhyuk were in the dark.

this isn't prompted by anything but you: makes/reblogs a post me: 💝💝💝💖💖💖💗💗💗💓💓💞💞💕💕💕💕💖💖💘💘💘💘💘 you: writes tags me: 💖💖💖💖💘💘💝💝💘💘💞💕💕💖💓💓💓💗💗💖💕💘💗💗💘💘💕💖💗💗💘💘💕💖💖💖💓💖💘💕💘💗💘💘💘💗💘💞💘 i love u and ur blog so much ur so funny and smart??? u always have valuable things to say??? amazing ..

this is 2 much i rly looked at this msg for like 3 days straight pleasthe............ im... very flattered jkshg but i’m rly just ur casual mess,.., thank u sm for enjoying my humble blob :( i hope ur having the best day rly honestly & truly i appreciate this sm jhfdgjghj idk how to respond adequately!!!! 💖💖💖💖💘💘💝💝💘💘💞💕💕💖💓💓💓💗💗💖💕💘💗💝💗💘💘💕💖💗💗💘💘💕💖💖💖💓💖💘💕💘💗💘💘💘💗💘💞💘💝💝💝💖💖💖💗💗💗💓💓💞💞💕💕💕💕💖💖💘💘💘💘💘!!!!!

I had a mini freakout too, we got scammed so hard. the old selca before and the dark undercut now. he said a few months ago that he's going to dye his hair black for the next comeback though ;; don't lose hope mbb

(regarding wonho not having black hair and being Scammed Again jkdghsjk) i rly do hope he goes darker bc it must suck bleaching and dyeing all the time :/ he looks good w every colour tho so i won’t complain regardless of what happens 💖

ummmm did u ever watch the wonho hand reading vid ?????? (the audio ,,, i couldnt hear shit,,,) i watched minhyuks and i was like wow a certified demon agdjdkjsh joking but everything he said had me liek yeth its trUE!!!!

the best part of the wonho one was when he said “he’s got love in his heart, but he doesn’t quite know what it is” and “when this photo was taken he was probably feeling sorry or sad for himself or something” sdfhgkjdfgs AND WHEN HE SUGGESTED WONHO SHOULD STUDY METAPHYSICS i rly scremed.... also he has the will to go for what he wants + he’s sensitive !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tru!!! ALSO IM SCREAMING I KNOW minhyuk’s was SO ACCURATE kjfdshkjgsdf “THE LINE OF HEART IS SOMEWHAT DISTURBED” jkfhsgkjhdfsg DEMON

I'm unsure if you are into block b or not, but I thought I should tell you just in case that P. O's mother passed away on the 27the due to chronic illness

aa i’m not rly into block b but this is super sad :( i feel awful for answering this so late but my thoughts are with him and his family 💞

Kamsaminda!!! I literally face palmed so hard! Kboo logic is something else

it’s just.............. very ironic that they claimed their english was getting worse bc they’re so immersed in the ~Korean Way~ but... “kamsaminda”.........

Ur tags are what I live for omg 😂

thank you darling 💝💝 i feel a bit :/ recently bc i haven’t been as active as i’d like to on this blog but i’m catching up and i’m... gonna work harder jshfdg tysm!

*hugs you real tight* would you please send this to the first 10 people in your dash (or whoever)? Make sure someone gets a hug today and stay safe! (づ◕‿◕)づ

aaaa thank you!!! i’m sending it back w my heart wrapped in a ribbon 💝 ty for this and i hope you’re also well-hugged and safe!

Annie I just wanted to say I appreciate u for being such a lovely and funny and kind person u get so many q's (bc ur so lovely and fun to talk to) and I'm obviously only adding onto ur backlog of messages sorry dkfkjgg but yeth u always give thoughtful or funny responses and ur Bloggie is just always so refreshing and fun to read I like to go thru ur posts when I've had a tiring day and just read ur funny tags and replies so ty for that :') 💕

sdhfjkgs i don’t deserve all u nice anons :((( thank you for enjoying my blobspace i’m going to work harder to become this ????? ? lovely funny kind person i’ve tricked u into thinking i am??? rly this means a lot to me i love u !!!!!! like tbh i don’t get That Many messages i think i just... let them pile up and it’s my own fault so don’t worry abt the backlog!!! anyway i appreciate this sm and rly... it’s... ridic that there are people out there like u... really sweet people who send other people nice messages anonymously w no real purpose but to make them happy like ?????? ppl like u go straight to heaven.. ily ily i hope you’re doing well today angel!!! 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

#ask #compilation #everything is mixed together sry i didn't sift thru personal asks and non-mx related stuff so #it's just............. a big big mess hdfgh a big 4k mess #Anonymous

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newyorktheater · 5 years ago

Text

Rick Borutta, personal assistant to Elaine Stritch

Borutta in his solo show “Nobody’s Bitch”

Elaine Stritch kicked Rick Borutta in the stomach every day. That, anyway, is how he says it felt at the beginning. “Other than that, she was rather likable,” says Borutta, who worked as her personal assistant for four years, an experience that he has turned into a solo show, entitled “Nobody’s Bitch,” which he is bringing to New York for the first time for one night only at The Duplex on November 26th.

Borutta offers an elaborate explanation for the title of his show, which he’s been performing on and off since 2015 in San Francisco:

“Elaine was often called ‘Stritch the bitch.’ Or misunderstood as a bitch when she just wanted to get things right on the stage. As her assistant I was her bitch. In my personal growth, I’ve learned that my inner feminine is a lot like Elaine – but I wasn’t ready to own that then. So ‘Nobody’s Bitch’ is me, Elaine, and my inner feminine energy that channels and holds my creative energy.”

Borutta’s show is mentioned in Still Here: The Madcap, Nervy, Singular Life of Elaine Stritch by Alexandra Jacobs, one of the two new biographies about Stritch. (The other is Elaine Stritch: The End of Pretend by John Bell.) Jacobs interviewed Borutta and recounts in the book how the actress relied on him from the get-go, when he was the stage manager for a show in which she starred, a show that wasn’t going well:

“At the dress rehearsal, Stritch called for cues from him so much that the hundred-odd people invited to watch, ushers and friends, wanted to know why the ‘Rick character’ didn’t take a bow at the end of the show.”

Below, my interview with Rick Borutta, which has been lightly edited.

How did you come to work with Elaine Stritch?

I was hired by the Bay Street Theatre in Sag Harbor, NY to stage manage a workshop of a play titled, “Elsa/Edgar” which was written by Bob Kingdom as a solo vehicle for himself. [It is about gossip columnist and party hostess Elsa Maxwell and FBI director J. Edgar Hoover.] He was talked into allowing a star to be cast in the play with the hope that it would transfer to Off-Broadway. Elaine Stritch was cast and Gene Saks was the original director. Elaine had just bought a house in Sag Harbor and wanted to get involved with the theatre which at that time was led by Emma Walton, daughter of Julie Andrews and set designer Tony Walton, along with Sybil Christopher, first wife of Richard Burton.

Elaine was fired from the production. It was the wrong material for her and she had a lot of difficulty with it. For some reason, she immediately asked me “What would it take for you to be my assistant?” I was about to tell her there was not a chance in hell, but she interrupted me and backtracked to “What would it take for somebody LIKE you to be my assistant?” A year later, she asked me again but she offered me the opportunity to help her develop her solo show, “Elaine Stritch: At Liberty” I also got to move into the third floor of her house. It was then that my job entailed managing all her mundane tasks: shopping, prescriptions, insurance paperwork, being the “gatekeeper” between her and those who asked her to appear at benefits and other appearances, compiling recordings of all her TV and movie appearances, to be a sounding board for ideas related to her solo show, and to accompany her to a number of events where I carried her infamous shopping bags filled with numerous personal items, stolen food and sometimes stolen hotel supplies like toiletries. As the show became closer to reality I had more production related duties. When John Lahr was involved with co-creating the book, I was at every session as a factotum, amanuensis, and collaborator.

What was your initial reaction to her? Did it change over time?

At the Bay Street Theatre, when many things were going wrong for Elaine, she was nervous and acted out at me, Gene Saks and eventually the replacement director. I felt like I got kicked in the stomach every day. And yet, I really wanted to help Elaine. I had this “the show must go on” mentality and would have done anything for her. Other than that, she was rather likable, she worked hard, and I was empathetic towards her. I observed people around her blame her completely for the failure of the show, which was unfair. It would not be the first time I stood by Elaine as others used her reputation to vent their own anger and frustration when Elaine was simply being the Elaine that everyone knew and had heard about. Her behavior was not always excusable but neither is running her through the mud in the press just to get a little publicity and sympathy.

Over time, I got to know more about Elaine’s insecurity and vulnerability. I got to see a woman who attempted to look at some deep questions, or at least pretended to look at them. She may not have been intellectually capable of holding them for long, but I admired her for that and especially admired her for her talent. I knew I was in a private master class. So that’s partly why I have to do my show.

How did “Nobody’s Bitch” come about?

John Lahr, who co-authored Elaine Stritch At Liberty told me in 2001 he hoped I was keeping good notes. The fact is, I wasn’t. So in 2012 I began a definitive process to record my memories of working and living with Elaine Stritch. In 2014 I decided that the material would make a great solo show and began to re-work the material into monologues….

What kind of reaction have you gotten to the show?

People respond very positively to Elaine Stritch as a character, even though she can be shocking and completely narcissistic. I’ve had people come to me in tears after the show.

I understand you’ve read the Jacobs biography. Did you learn anything you didn’t know?

I didn’t know Elaine was so connected to Dorothy Kilgallen and Walter Winchell. She barely mentioned Kilgallen to me in the four years I worked with her. I also didn’t know about all of her former lovers. I always thought Elaine didn’t like sex.

From “Nobody’s Bitch”

We also ran her lines late at night, as it was also my job to make sure she knew the script. I drew up her insulin syringes and made lists of things to get done. Whenever Elaine had a limo she would make the driver wait for me to take me home. The closer we got to the opening night, the more Elaine bristled, cajoled, screamed and kicked. During the tech rehearsal Elaine was on stage..

(As Elaine) It was sometime in the year 1973…Hal Prince called me up and said, “Elaine, I know more than you do.”

She was referring to being cast in the Broadway show Company. But that was 1970. Her audience would have known that, so from the wings I shout “1970!” We go back.

(As Elaine) In 1973…

“70!”

(As Elaine) Rick, what are you talking about?

“You got married in 1973. That comes later, in London, AFTER you open in Company.” Back to the scene….

(As Elaine) Sometime later that year, I forget when it was, just ask Rick, he’ll tell you!

Elaine Stritch As Boss and Bitch in Rick Borutta’s Solo Show “Nobody’s Bitch” Elaine Stritch kicked Rick Borutta in the stomach every day. That, anyway, is how he says it felt at the beginning.

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