#that’s the indie scene I fucking miss dawg

[pained-expression]

I love my house and I don’t want to move and I especially don’t want to move to a city because cities make me anxious and I definitely don’t want to move to a city 30 mins from where I grew up but the sheer fucking diversity of the gig I was at on Friday was so heart warming like the headliner was a band consisting of 4 drummers and a synth player like do you know how unlikely it is I will ever see anything that fucking lit in my town??? Even in a town with a uni famous for contemporary quote unquote weird music??? We’re supposed to be experimental and nah you never see interesting shit like that but that’s like a regular day in a big city when you find the right venue

[analvelocity]

ANSWER_THEM_ALL

Alllllll righty then.

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? Yes.2. You talked to an ex today, correct? No.3. Have you taken someones virginity? Yes.4. Is trust a big issue for you? Probably the biggest.5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? Yes!6. What are you excited for? Next Friday... hoo boy, next Friday.7. What happened tonight? Discovered some things about myself and what I like that I definitely hadn’t realized before... the night’s still young too.8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? Depends on what they’re like when they’re drunk, honestly. But I’m happy to go into parent mode if necessary.9. Is confidence cute? Absolutely.10. What is the last beverage you had? Vanilla Coke.11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? Maybe two or three.12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? It’s pretty much all I wear other than suit trousers or chinos.13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Hang out, play Overwatch/Witcher 3 and talk about sex it seems.14. What are you going to spend money on next? Rent and bills, probably.15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? No.16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Definitely. Especially in my current emotional situation and the industry where I work, a single week is an eternity to play with.17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Probably Dany.18. The last time you felt broken? Earlier this week.19. Have you had sex today? No!20. Are you starting to realize anything? Yes!21. Are you in a good mood? It certainly isn’t bad!22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? I feel like that’s just asking for trouble.23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? No. I’m green, he’s more of a hazel/brown.24. What do you want right this second? She knows.25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? I’d live with it. She’s waaaay too cool for me anyway.26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Yes.27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? No.28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? A joke about a C-3PO buttplug on Tumblr dot com.29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? ...kinda?30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Depends. If they knew what they were doing and could have prevented it, I am less inclined to give it to them. But I’m not unforgiving.31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? He’s my bro 4 lyf dawg.32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Probably, like I told her direct superior at a work party so y’know. Never said it to her directly, but I have asked her out before.33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha absolutely not.34. Listening to? A playlist of songs I’ve written scenes for in my various stories that I made in Spotify a few months ago. Current song - A Strangely Isolated Place by Ulrich Schnauss.35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Not really. I do draw in pencil though.36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? Yes.37. Do you believe in love at first sight? No. The three people I’ve ever truly loved were not people I was even interested in when we first met.38. Who did you last call? My mum - mother’s day is tomorrow and I gotta be places.39. Who was the last person you danced with? My crush. That night is largely why she’s my crush.40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because it was fun and the mood was right.41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? Honestly dunno.42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? Nah, but i probs will tomorrow.43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Of course, who hasn’t?44. Do you tan in the nude? Tanning is not something I really do - I am a white boi 4 life yo.45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? No.46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? Yes.47. Who was the last person to call you? Either my mum or my personal trainer.48. Do you sing in the shower? Sometimes! Not often.49. Do you dance in the car? Yes.50. Ever used a bow and arrow? Yes!51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Two weeks ago for work... by my crush.52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Yes, but that’s part of the appeal. The Producers (both versions) are pure kino though.53. Is Christmas stressful? I fucking love getting into the Christmas spirit, I am a fucking yuletide machine come late December.54. Ever eat a pierogi? What the fuck is a pierogi55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple and Cinnamon.56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? An inventor, author or journalist. I still have the author dream, but I swapped out journalism with advertising after I started learning both at Uni.57. Do you believe in ghosts? Nah.58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? All the goddamn time. Sometimes I seriously think I have an oracle’s premonition.59. Take a vitamin daily? I take magnesium pills but otherwise the vitamins I get are from smoothies I blend at work.60. Wear slippers? Nah.61. Wear a bath robe? Nope.62. What do you wear to bed? An assortment of old high school sport/band gear, my Year 12 jersey or a heavy jumper I nicked from a landscape gardening tutor at CIT.63. First concert? Radiohead - The King of Limbs Live in Sydney in 2012. No other concert since has compared, it essentially ruined the live music experience for me.64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Kmart and Target are different beasts in Australia but I’ve been into a Walmart once and I’m gonna have to go with that.65. Nike or Adidas? I guess Nike, not for the clothes but because the Knight family founding Laika has been the best thing to happen in animation since the Disney Renaissance.66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Miss me with both. Cheetos if I have to pick.67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Peanuts.68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? I can’t stand her music but I’ll pick 22 because it’s catchy and she looks super hot in the music video.69. Ever take dance lessons? I actually want to, but no.70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? For some reason I guess I’ve always pictured her as a musician or doctor.71. Can you curl your tongue? Yes.72. Ever won a spelling bee? I won enough as a kid that I got banned from them.73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes.74. What is your favorite book? 1984 changed my life. To Kill A Mockingbird and Mister Monday are runners-up because they had me reading the whole thing in a single sitting.75. Do you study better with or without music? With. 76. Regularly burn incense? Not regularly, but I do.77. Ever been in love? Yep.78. Who would you like to see in concert? Daft Punk.79. What was the last concert you saw? Some indie band I can’t remember the name of. Umm, Hey Geronimo or something? I saw it because I was doing promo stuff.80. Hot tea or cold tea? I do like a good iced tea.81. Tea or coffee? Tea.82. Favorite type of cookie? Can’t go wrong with chocolate chip.83. Can you swim well? I’m decent.84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes.85. Are you patient? Being as patient as I am is a curse. My life is a quagmire of diminishing returns.86. DJ or band, at a wedding? Depends on who I’ve wed and the vibe. I think, generally, a band sounds nice.87. Ever won a contest? Yep!88. Ever have plastic surgery? Nope!89. Which are better black or green olives? I can’t really tell the difference.90. Opinions on sex before marriage? Never had a problem with it. In fact, I encourage the idea of sex before marriage because locking yourself in with someone who is sexually incompatible with you sounds like the worst.91. Best room for a fireplace? Bedroom, but the living room makes more sense.92. Do you want to get married? Someday. I won’t be thinking about it until at least my 30s though.

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs: 4.28.2007 & 4.29.2017

the songs that debuted on the billboard chart this week and ten years ago this week.

4.28.2007

67) "Thnks fr th Mmrs," Fall Out Boy

The song has everything that's missing from "This Ain't a Scene." It's about something that is a thing, it's coherently put together, it has maybe the best chorus Fall Out Boy ever wrote (don't hold me to that), it's actually clever and not just trying hard to be clever (though it is trying very, very hard), and it has that breakdown, that "I only think in the form of crunching numbers" over the acoustic guitar that gets me every single time. This is the song that put me on the path to liking Fall Out Boy again after a couple of disappointing years. It’s what helped me accept that the adorable young boys of Take This to Your Grave were gone, but the confident snarklords had much to offer.

74) "Summer Love," Justin Timberlake

"Ridin' in the drop top/With the top down/Saw you switchin' lanes girl." "So chillin' in the front seat/In the back seat/I'm drivin', cruisin'/Fast lane, switchin' lanes." Which horrible line about switching lanes is from this 2007 hit, and which is from Rebecca Black's "Friday," the song everyone hated? What does switchin' lanes even mean in this context? No I'm not going to pay attention to the rest of this song, the rest of it probably sucks also as well, I wanna harp on this first line. Like how do you know a girl is sexy from the way she merges on the highway? Or are you in the club? If you're in the club, how on earth are you in a drop top with the top down, like what would that be a metaphor for? I can see how switchin' lanes would be the girl flirting with all sorts of boys, but what on earth is your drop top. Are you shirtless? Are you wearing an open leather jacket? I don't, ugh, all of your songs are bad, literally your entire catalogue infuriates me.

75) "The Story," Brandi Carlile

is there a better moment in music than when this song plugs in. that's a serious question. how many moments in other songs are better than "i climbed across the mountain tops/SWAM ALL ACROSS THE OCEAN BLUE." Like that was such a miracle the first time I heard it, it sounds like this sort of pretty song I might usually skip but stuck with for some reason, and then it goes absolutely insane, like first those drums come in and it's like, "Oh, this is more plugged in than I anticipated!" AND THEN WE'RE ON A ROCKET INTO THE FUCKING SUN. This is the only alt-country song that turns all the way up, and it has never stopped being a miracle.

84) "Earth Intruders," Bjork

/smiles politely /sorts gently into the 'not for me' pile there, there, dear sweet. you and i both know your home is not with me.

86) "Que Hiceste," Jennifer Lopez

Yo! So, the Jennifer Lopez Spanish-language track was dope as hell, which I didn't see coming. A thread through 2017 has been how dope the Latin pop songs are, and this is everything I want, something over-dramatic that I don't 100% understand but is funky enough to get into. It kind of tracks why it took me this long to hear it, I think the public was over J.Lo in 2007 and probably treated her Spanish-language album like a joke, but y'know what, I was wrong to not take her seriously, and my world is better with this song in it. Hey. Hey, everyone. It’s me, the man with music opinions, saying he likes a J.Lo song more than a Bjork song. Please give my opinions credence.

91) "Umbrella," Rihanna ft./Jay-Z

This is a towering achievement worthy of the onslaught of thinkpieces about its lasting impact sure to pop up on your favorite culture websites over the next couple of weeks. This is also the worst Jay-Z verse. At least the verse on "Monster" is stupid enough to be memorable. What even is that thing at the top of the song? How come I couldn't find an upload that cut his part out? It's literally at the beginning of the song and adds nothing, Jay-Z doesn't even ad-lib at all for the rest of the song, you could remove that and miss nothing. I'm focusing on the negative when this is one of the best pop songs there ever was. (It won't be #1 on the Top 20 because SAD INDIE SONGS YOU GUYZ, but it'll be at the forefront of the pop game.) Bless whoever heard this song and thought it should go to the girl who made "Pon de Replay," who heard "Pon de Replay" and heard the ability to carry this track home.

94) "I'm Throwed," Paul Wall ft./Jermaine Dupri

All these mid-aughts Houston rap singles have been way better than I expected. Also, I can't tell if "I'm a sharpshooter like Steve Kerr" was an outdated boast in 2007, or if it only seems outdated because Steve Kerr is a notable head coach in the National Basketball Association. Kerr was GM of the Suns in '07, wasn't he? Like I get his name rhymes, but you've gotta be able to name a more current basketball player than Steve Kerr, dude. Steve Novak was on the Rockets that season, literally his only NBA skill was the three, maybe try to squeeze him in there?

100) "It's Me Bitches," Swizz Beatz

it's disappointing that swizz beatz gave this beat to himself, but it's also perfectly understandable that no one else wanted to try to handle it. also if anyone wanted to hear the opposite of "Lady Marmalade," the remix features lil' wayne, r. kelly, and jadakiss, it features wayne and r. doing jamaican accents, and it starts with the words "voulez-vous couchez avec moi bitches." literally, the opposite of "Lady Marmalade."

The in-progress Top 20 for 2007: 20) “Kiss the G 20) "Que Hiciste," by Jennifer Lopez (4.28.2007) 19) "When I See U," by Fantasia (4.21.2007) 18) "Movin' On," by Elliott Yamin (3.17.2007) 17) "U + Ur Hand," by P!nk (1.13.2007) 16) "Doe Boy Fresh," by Three 6 Mafia ft./Chamillionaire (1.20.2007) 15) "Breath," by Breaking Benjamin (4.14.2007) 14) "Stolen," by Dashboard Confessional (4.21.2007) 13) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 12) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 11) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 10) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 9) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 8) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.14.2007) 7) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 6) "Thnks fr th Mmrs," by Fall Out Boy (4.28.2007) 5) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 4) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 3) "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z (4.28.2007) 2) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007) 1) "The Story," by Brandi Carlile (4.28.2007) I think we all understand that “Kiss the Girl” is the Top 20, and that there is no reason to bother reviewing 2007 after last week, as “Kiss the Girl” was perfect.

4.29.2017

4) "Sign of the Times," by Harry Styles

...I can't deny that this is an ambitious song, and I cannot deny that it is focused in its ambition. If forced to make the choice, I would take this over ZAYN mumbling any day of the week. But you also made me listen to five and a half minutes of some misguided nonsense. This feels like a song you can sell once you've proven you can deliver the basics. This is the eleventh track of the rock opera you get to make once you have established enough credibility to sell a rock opera, the dark night of the soul a track or two before the climax of your career’s defining work, and it doesn't work as the first post-boy-band single. I can't believe this exists. Think of all the people who had to listen to this and sign off on it. "Yeah, a five-and-a-half minute epic ballad, that'll get the kids talking. That'll launch this kid into the stratosphere!" And, well, #4! hey! alright!, but fucking Liam could have a top-ten single tomorrow if he dropped a new track, #4 means nothing. I salute the ambition. I find nothing to applaud anywhere else.

50) "Now or Never," by Halsey

it's going to sound weird to critique halsey for lacking a sense of urgency on this song when that "hit the sin" song had ALL THE URGENCY but like as pleasant as it was to hear her whisper over a beat that bleeped and blooped agreeably, this song is called "now or never?" like this is the only time i've heard a halsey song where she seemed calm. maybe i just don't know what i want out of a halsey song. maybe this is Great and i'm just committed to not seeing what's Great in here. but like of all the songs to not overdramatize, you pick the one with an ultimatum! help me figure you out, dawg!

74) "Unforgettable," by French Montana ft./Swae Lee

This was fine! I have a thousand nitpicks -- ft./Swae Lee? FT./?! He was the entire song! -- but they, more than usual, add up to nothing here, because I enjoyed myself! Not the best song, not a song painting outside any lines, a song that'll prolly sound dated in 10 years (ah yes, 2017, when we revived dancehall for some reason), but a four minute ride through a nice part of Music Town!

79) "Everyday We Lit," by YFN Lucci ft./PnB Rock

The YouTube description informs the this is off the album Get the Nut, and my entire opinion of this song is colored by the fact of its origin. Fuck this. Like I know I'm supposed to judge the song and nothing else, but that album title tells me more about who this person is than anything on this world possibly could. And since we're talking about song-related ephemera, we've got dudes in rap videos wearing Toon Squad jerseys. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I kind of wish he'd take this more seriously. You're on this song about how awesome life is, but life's not so awesome that you can't participate in irony? I don't get this choice you have made.

89) "Cake," by Flo Rida & 99 Percent

this is just a two and a half minute party jam about fucking. bless this song. no frills, nothing overly complicated, ya just start it up, there's maybe half a metaphor and a fuckton of "whoa-ohs" and we're done. flo rida is the reigning king of trash pop rap, and i would listen to this 40 times before i ever listened to more life again.

92) "Bar at the End of the World," by Kenny Chesney

This sounds like it was designed to be the soundtrack to your CVS shopping experience. CVS might be too urban for this song. This sounds like it's going to be the song that plays every single time you walk into a gas station in a rural area for the rest of your life. They delivered this to every convenience store out in the sticks, they assessed their primary music delivery system and dropped off the cassette or the CD or maybe they had to hex the radio, but this song has been delivered, and the proprietors know the drill. You will be on your way up north for a cousin's wedding, fill up the tank and maybe get a Cherry Coke and some Twizzlers, still got a bit of a drive ahead of you and hey what the hell it's a vacation have some sugar, and you will hear this song, because it is the only song you can hear. You'll hear precisely 71 seconds and won't mind or notice any of it, meaning the song will have done its job.

97) "Weak," by AJR

So this is an anthem about saying "fuck it" and making bad choices, which sounds like it'd be right up my alley? But I don't dig it, and I'm trying to nail down what I don't like about it. Something about this track irks me, and I'm like one word away from figuring out what that is. It's not the fact it kind of reminds me of "Love in This Club," though that doesn't help. Maybe it's just too precious? It's like the first draft of a Fun. song, the outline of where a song could go before they add specific details about the relationship and what makes giving into it such a bad idea. I don't leave this song knowing anything about these dudes, other than the fact they want desperately for other people to like them. Cloying. Cloying! That's the ticket! They want very badly for you to feel sympathy for their plight, but they don't want to be too honest about themselves, lest you find something unrelatable. It’s a song about a damaged person by people who aren’t open about their own damage.

99) "If I Told You," by Darius Rucker

this how you do me shane mcnally. this was the one thing i was looking forward to, and it's this. whatever. it's fine. what a dumb week.

100) "Flatliner," by Cole Swindell ft./Dierks Bentley

maybe it's not the chillest thing to praise flo rida for making garbage pop/rap but chide these yutzes for making what is basically the same song, but

The Top 20 for this week is the same as the Top 20 was last week because 2017 didn’t even fucking try. 20) "Tin Man," by Miranda Lambert (4.22) 19) "Everyday," by Ariana Grande ft./Future (3.4) 18) "Everybody," by Logic (4.22) 17) "Guys My Age," by Hey Violet (2.11) 16) "Heatstroke," by Calvin Harris ft./Young Thug, Pharrell Williams & Ariana Grande (4.22) 15) "Yeah Boy," Kelsea Ballerini (3.4) 14) "You Look Good," by Lady Antebellum (4.22) 13) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna (3.18) 12) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 11) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 10) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 9) "Craving You," by Thomas Rhett ft./Maren Morris (4.22) 8) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 7) "The Heart Part 4," by Kendrick Lamar (4.15) 6) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 5) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 4) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 3) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 2) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 1) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) Hey: “Issues” is #12 on the real chart this week! That’s cool!

Who won? hahahahahhahahahahahaha 2007: 3 2017: 2 Though, hey, at least this week didn’t have as much Chainsmokers as I feared! That tally still doesn’t really reflect how badly 2007 is outpacing 2017, though. The 2007 Top 20 is officially nuts, like, “U + Ur Hand” at #17? But it might remain static through next week, that 2007 Top 20, 2007 looks to be leaving the door wide open with next week’s offerings. Do I think 2017 can notch another empty victory? TOTALLY, DUDE. (Foreshadowing.)