#that’s less than 4 hours from now
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cancel the whole weekend im so tired
#brazilian gp 2024#now the fia is saying they don't want to push the gp back meaning less than the mandated 4 hours between end of quali and race#this is genuinely demoralizing ferrari has to build a car from scratch in under 4h verstappen is being strangled to death on live television#only good thing about this whole mess would be albon qualifying p2 and we're not even gonna get that#f1
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read in 2025!
it's that time again! i've been doing reading threads here since 2022, and i always enjoy them. as always, you can find me on goodreads and the storygraph.
The Murder of Roger Ackroyd by Agatha Christie* (★★★★★)
Winter Hours: Prose, Prose Poems, and Poems by Mary Oliver (★★★★★)
The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden (★★★★☆)
Moon of the Crusted Snow by Waubgeshig Rice (★★★☆☆)
The Examiner by Janice Hallett (★★★★☆)
*An asterisk denotes a reread. **Two asterisks denote an ARC.
#reading thread#talking to strangers#four books in already!!! i have set a relatively low goal for myself (30 books) because my goals are less numerical and#more about expanding my horizons / reading genres i usually don't / reading books that have been on my tbr for a long time#i'm off to a strong start for the year but i also know i tend to start off really well and then slump hard a few times later on#so we will see how it goes! anyway my thoughts on my first 4 books#i always start my year off with a reread of an old favorite so i know i'm starting with a 5 star read <3 hence the roger ackroyd reread#now not to brag or anything but i figured out who the murderer was the very first time i read roger ackroyd...#still absolutely diabolical though. second greatest mystery novel of all time (orient express will always win first place)#winter hours was good! very thought provoking and really made me want to write which is always great#the bear and the nightingale!!! i really enjoyed it and yes i did cry. i got the sequel from the library yesterday hehe#moon of the crusted snow was alright! i liked it a lot more conceptually than i did in practice tbh#anyway <3333 happy reading in 2025 besties!!!!
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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.
Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.
#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that#here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking#that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like#have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production#on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still#get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues#as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing#days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials#and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic#and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that#done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated#on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big#Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually#hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary#everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I#enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all#lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like#I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the#architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of#city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public#transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those#spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still#definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter#ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise#condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh
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Hey @mod, doing ok?
It's been one heck of a year, anon. One heck of a year. New shark dropped tho, very excited about that
#not disabled queer culture is#got a cane its purple and sparkly and i love it#entered into a lovely indefinably queer relationship with a fellow AAA battery :3#ITS ALL VENTING AFTER THIS TAG SORRY#moved to a new position at my job that is simultaneously so much better and so much worse for my health#pros: less standing more sitting; early day hours so im not feeling like my day is over the second i get home due to time blindness;#i get to go home pretty much as soon as im done with my work; its mentally engaging; i can have headphones in#cons: 4 am is when my workday starts; i come home and sleep the rest of the day; i'm working more hours than i realistically can#because the alternative is make my coworker work herself into the hospital and make myself have to work 60-70 hour weeks (aka: summer 2024)#because none of the people with any actual power to change that situation will listen to my proven to be extremely correct concerns#because they think im a stupid little kid#uhhhhh non work related. well kinda work related. the fatigue from work caused this#dropped out of college after flunking an entire semester's worth of classes#got put in the endless loop of 'we'll do a blood test' 'looks normal see you next time and we'll do another blood test'#tried to get in to see a doctor at mayo clinic#got rejected and basically told my case was too hopeless to put strained resources on#currently ive more or less given up on healthcare matters for now#so uhh yeah. we ball
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I had one of my worst nightmares yet last night (and that's really saying something) soo now I'm scared to fall asleep. which is just great because I already have so much trouble falling asleep!!
#the unfortunate thing about my new medication is that it definitely does make me stay asleep better.... which means my nightmares are just#incredibly long now.#how unfair is that. I wake up remembering what feels like a 4+ hour horror movie except I'm in it and it's 'real' to me in the moment#I'm so fucking jealous of people who don't remember their dreams#I don't know if I've ever slept and not remembered at least one dream. like. I fall asleep on the couch for 10 minutes and have a nightmare#don't know how sleep is ever supposed to make you feel rested when that shit is going on in your head#also I was awake for less than 12 hours again today (from 6pm to 6am. yes I fucking hate myself)#I'm useless I'm tired I'm giving up#personal
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Me panicking because i have 9 missed calls and 5 emails talking about my absence and how "a colleague could take over for me" vs. Me knowing it's really not that important no matter how pushy a client is and that on top of it I'm underpaid and have way to much overtime so i shouldn't even care
#i have 14 hours overtime#collected within 2 weeks lol#you know how it's apparently mandatory for companies in germany to have a way track employees working time? yeah we're#the only company in the whole fucking country who doesn't do that (obviously that's not true there's probably plenty more but it's#still not right.) so we don't get paid overtime nor does it get acknowledged in any way#so technically we're not allowed to even it out (which most people try to do anyway because tf do they think they are asking us to work for#free) but I'm dedicated to not collect any more unpaid working hours so i take the liberty to leave work early this week#so today i left at 12pm (and then got home 4 hours later because another person decided to kill themselves by train. they should call me#first. or anyone else taking the train. I'm sure there'd be plenty of volunteers to do the killing if it means not another miserable day#stuck in a disgusting train). and i logged in again at 6pm today to see if i have anything important messages (stupid i know)#and i saw the missed calls and that there had been an email exchange with me in the cc talking about the 'changes' made in one of the#articles and that someone else could do that for me since i couldn't be reached and at first i felt ashamed and scared#but now it's honestly just pissing me off. that asshole can't write emails and communicate requests like normal people can he#he already called me last week about something completely stupid and acts like his matters are the most important shit in the world#fuck you if you can't wait one day you should have sent this a month earlier because i won't stay online everyday#just to see if there might be an 'important' change you want me to make Immediately. bitch.#also missed two calls from my colleague but she didn't send any messages about what she wanted so i asked her because i felt bad for not#being online and turns out she wanted Nothing. just hear how i was. JUST TEXT ME THEN???? I HATE IT HERE FUCK YOU#seriously i don't get paid enough for this to bother me so much. she probably gets 12-15€ more than me per hour#of course she doesn't care about her overtime as much as i do. i get minimum wage which is less than what I'd get if i still worked at uni#as a student assistant so fuck this shit it's really not important or worth it. from now on i'll only put in minimum effort too#sorry got carried away. rant over now i guess#void screams#work stuff
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just purged through more than a ton of my posts. felt amazing.
#literally feel like levitating rn#got rid of a bunch of shitty bandom memes#that i reblogged when i was like 12#how have i had this blog for 4 years#wild#now this is more or less a purely percico blog#no more bandom no more cringy ass self deprecating memes#from when i was severely depressed in middle school#yikes#also can you guys believe i used to worship brendon urie#disgusting behavior#love panic (ryan ross) just not him#the internet is such a time capsule#like i can't believe how much better im doing now compared to them#more stressed but less sad so i'll take it#this blog feels so blank lmao#i still have 1k+ posts#but its actually all pjo which is the whole purpose#it took me less than a couple seconds to reblog all those random things#but over 2 and a half hours to delete all of them#holy shit
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everybody car free until it's time to go to the laundrymat
#laundromat isn't far from house on public transportation but I have 4 garbage bags full of things#that's gonna take no less than 5 hours to haul to and fo#good lord kill me now#bet the streetcar operator fushes at me#hoomigod
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twitter suspends me for "violent speech" seconds after i make a joke about tapeworm physiology but the overwhelming amount of people who responded to wednesdays shooting by blaming lewistons somali community are just fine? fuck offff
#like getting suspended was funny for a second and then i remembered the actual droves of violent speech under headlines whilei was trying to#make sure my classmate and her children were safe and checking in with my coworkers who go to lewiston auburn all the time.#when the pictures came out immediately somebody expressed disappointment that he wasnt black#every other comment stated “hes obviously middle eastern look he has middle eastern features” on a super blurry security cam screenshot.#im so sick of it. people died. we lost 4 members of the deaf community and at least 2 more were injured. one of the victims was 14 years ol#this is jjust i mean. on top of horrific zionist comments that go undetected because people controlling media and censorship just dont care#and actively promote israel propoganda and censorship of palestinian voices and resistance#sorry my thoughts are all oer the place. i am trying to continue to spread awareness and updates on palestine but this shooting happened#literally less than half an hour from where i live and work. lewistons community is intertwined with my daily life so i will be pretty voca#about it on top of sharing as much as i can on palestine#okay also to clarify i do not want to suggest what happened here is more important than what is going on in gaza rn.#i do not want to draw attention away from this genocide and i firmly believe focusing as much energy as possible into spreading awareness a#and donating/protesting/campaigning anything whatever is possible is most important right now.#overwhelmed as i am by the tragedy in my community it will never stop me from advocating for palestines freedom. i do not believe anyone#not directly affected has a right to “take a break” from this issue
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went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠
#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years#not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion#so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all#but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him#i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted#and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms#i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still#and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now#but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience#and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over#he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday#and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh#(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*
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my future when it comes to still being Active on social media is teebeedee, but my main resolution for 2024 is like...be comfortable w/ being completely offline even if it's just for a day or a week.
#the good news is that i don't check sm during the am hours anymore (by that i mean like as soon as i wake up i still need to work#on being less online during the after hours aka anything later than 9-10pm ish)#BUT i've learned that being active hasn't made my ppl pleasing tendencies better and that there are many many things i need to like#work on far away from places like tumblr and The Big Four#(that being ig twitter still not calling it x fb and like...reddit#though tbf i haven't been ACTIVE active on twitter + fb for almost 4/5 years now so theres that#i still lurk the former when i'm feeling REAL bored but thats rare these days which is an improvement?#though i also have to work on doing shit that doesnt involve online brainrot 24/7 aka reading and writing and like...watching media that#isnt like...football (soccer 4 the us/canada/aus folks)#but lb ruined my love of film for a LONG long time bc it values getting the most pop review over idk actually loving movies#idk its just me rambling abt my relationship w/ sm and where it stands atm perdon sghdjfhj#the tl;dr is i need to shut up and log off when my body is telling me to stop gsbdhjfghjikejr#be quiet drea
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daylight savings is scary and I am forever a summer hater. what do you MEAN if I stay up a few sneaky extra hours to allow my emotions to spiral completely the sun will be RISING. scary stuff
#i go back to school in less than a week ugh#i am going to be leaving the house in an hour and a half from now by next week#uughhh#ive had my average waking time be 2pm for the past 4 years how am i meant to break the cycle#😔😔
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How do you afford living in Manhattan?
I don’t.
#old ass ask#but I finally wanted to answer it#asks#anon#serious answer in tags#nyc is just everyone working themself to death#it pays higher amounts but $20 in nyc is worth a lot less than $20 in say connecticut#i wake up 7-8 get home 23-00 and go to sleep at like 1-2#my hours arent that crazy unless i have OT but im paid less than people who work in finance or tech#which is most of nyc#i have a friend in finance and she makes slightly more#she has to wake up 4-5 and often goes to bed 1-2#but she’s projected to make a lot more than i am because she works for a major finance company#my [redacted] is in big tech so it pays very well and he’s fairly high up#but he stays at the office until midnight p frequently#and he has weeks where he’s on call almost the entire time#but he makes like 6x what im projected to make in a year from now#so it’s a very specific lifestyle is my point#live fast die young work hard play hard#also i dont live in manhattan#i cant justify manhattan rent currently#so i commute hence me doxxing myself and asking someone to come home with me from GC#i got harassed on the train that night lmfao#but the friend and [redacted] live in manhattan#so yes that’s the actual answer#as my parents say: your 20s are for slaving away at work#rough translation *
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im just gonna tmi-medication share in the tags real quick
#tales from diana#i want to preface this with i've been prescribed adderall as-needed for adhd for a fullllll decade now#don't come at me with anti-adderall or anti-adhd-medication bullshit im not here for it!!#but my health problems have been so bad and ive been getting the worst sleep of my life lately no matter WHAT i do#i can do everything right#and btw i do not take adderall every day. which is implied by as-needed but i want to stress again I DONT NEED IT EVERY DAY#only when i do like. work. which ive been doing less and less bc of health problems!#but even though i havent been able to physically work so much i still have been taking half-doses a couple times a week just to like. read.#just to have a brain to do ANYTHING when everything is so awful and my brain is so foggy#ive always *sometimes* cut my doses in half if im not doing so much. just to save it y'know.#and ive always also *occasionally* gotten worse or even a really bad night's sleep after taking adderall#most commonly i'll wake up absurdly early the next morning and not be able to fall back asleep#rationing sleep is always something ive been in the habit of doing anyway as a person w adhd.#sleeping 4-6 hours during the week and 10-12 hours on weekends. just to make up for the deprivation y'know.#but even lately cutting my regular dose in half. it's still too much.#my current dose btw is already half of what it was in high school! i decreased my dose already years ago#but yesterday i finally got the nerve to take. a damn quarter of my own pill#and i took the smaller quarter of the half i cut in half.#i was def taking less than 5mg of my damn medication#and i actually didnt sleep like complete shit! and i was also worried#it might not be so effective.#but it actually worked quite well. i had enough focus to read for several hours#i had energy throughout the day too#i sometimes try to do caffeine on days i cant/dont wanna take adderall but caffeine just does not do the addy things so effectively. iykyk.#i cant believe i have to be so skimpy w my own life-sustaining mental health medications just bc my physical health is so bad#but whatever. whatever!#im gonna take another quarter-dose today and finish pericles prince of tyre. have a great day everyone
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god i've missed dating women (and will ramble more in the tags)
#it's just! so much easier so much more comfortable!!!#not in the way that i have difficulty being _attracted_ to men because. i do not.#but in the way that when i've gone on first dates with men we've met in some place far from my home and i've only given a vague description#of where in town i live#compared to how i went on a date with a woman yesterday and we discovered that we live one single street apart within the first five minutes#guess it's a mix of an automatic distrust in strange men and some really shitty experiences i've had with first dates with men in the past#also the date was so fun!!#we met in a church because it was raining so hard we had to find shelter#i looked like a pathetic drowned rat for the first hour because i didn't have an umbrella or a raincoat#and then we sat in a cafe for 4 hours talking nonstop about music and shows and growing up in a religious rural small town#and now we're exchanging videos of each others family cats and are gonna watch a certain pirare show together soon#and i just feel a lot less stressed than when dating men?#and there's just. a lot more to talk about#(also she is SO fucking pretty oh my GOD-)#personal
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There’s this guy in town who owns this little house, and a while back he rescued a street dog that was going to get put down. Turned out she was pregnant.
Problem is, he has mental health & drug issues and couldn’t afford to get them all spayed & neutered, so now there are 6 grown bitches with 15 puppies total, and they’ve dug under his fence in multiple places but he can’t afford to fix it so they go roaming all around town. (When I say can’t afford it, I mean his house is currently running on a generator because he can’t afford his electric bill.) He’s also a day laborer so he cannot take multiple full days off work to take them to the vet an hour away. He’s in a really rough spot.
He’s not a bad person. He’s just overwhelmed.
And this little conservative town with 6 churches for 300 people, have they tried to help their neighbor? Have they adopted the puppies he’s been trying to give away? Have they offered resources?
NOPE! All they wanna do is talk shit about him and complain about the dogs but never lift a finger of their own. And they come to his house to yell at him and cuss him out about the dogs, which does not exactly engender in him a cooperative attitude, as you might imagine.
So after a while of this going on, my mom gets fed up with all the NIMBY bullshit and starts talking to the guy, because she’s done animal rescue for 20-odd years and has Connections. He’s resistant at first, but when he realizes she’s not being an asshole to him on account of his addiction or the dogs, he decides to let her help.
She gets to work organizing and networking. Finds a non-profit that will cover vaccinations, spay/neuter, and flea treatments for all the dogs. Talks the next-door neighbor into paying for materials to fix the fence, since this guy can do the work of it himself. Gets him in touch with another non-profit that will adopt out the adult dogs.
Less than 2 weeks after she decided to do something, all puppies have been to the vet, 10 puppies and 4 adult dogs have been adopted out, and the second non-profit is coming by next week to pick up the remaining 7 dogs to ship them out for adoption.
I’ve learned a lot of things from my mom—some good, some bad—but I think the most important positive message she lives as an example of is this: sometimes, when something needs done and no one else is willing, you gotta stand up and say “I’ll do it.”
#dogs#animal rescue#liveblogging the texas hill country#pets#d’ye like dagss#true story#blog together queue alone
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