#that’s also a privilege when most people have to work 9-5 jobs that pay poorly

[jmin]

silencing someone on ig for so long and making the mistake of unsilencing because you think now it’s okay, now it’s better, and immediately being hit by some uncomfortable stories or posts is like that pink blob being punched back into the box meme. never again.

[argotmagazine-blog]

Making Less Money than My Partner is Damaging My Self Esteem and Mental Health

Capitalism has a hold over each and every one of us. For most, it offers a grueling choice: be financially stable, or be happy. Unfortunately, not many people get to have both. I know I don’t.

I quit the world of ‘stable’ work back in 2014 when I decided to become a full-time freelance writer. By stable I mean it gave me a monthly pay cheque.  I’d previously worked in retail and office environments, and both triggered severe depressive and anxious episodes for me. Verbal abuse from customers, long shifts that took time away from my university education.

I had panic attacks after sexist customers shouted at me for problems I had nothing to do with. One man called me a bitch for politely telling him the store was closing. Apparently the store “should have closed when he was done shopping.”  I threw my back out several times being told to carry boxes much too heavy for my 5 foot 99 pound frame (yes, I lifted with my legs), which caused me to miss class more often than I should have. So not only was I getting physically and emotional damage from the work, I was also failing classes. 

I didn’t feel like I was doing anything rewarding with my life either. I’d stopped writing since I didn’t have the time, and I was barely out in the sun for more than an hour or two per week. Needless to say the depression I thought was getting better, was pulling me back in. I dreaded going to work, and the mood swings began affecting everything and everyone around me.

All in all, it was just an awful time for me and for my existing mental illnesses.

I’d always been neurodivergent

I’ve had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Anxiety, and Depression for as long as I can remember. I don’t remember a time when my living situation didn’t exacerbate each of them. In fact, these conditions have always heavily affected my ability to work in public spaces. Though all of my service jobs gave me a good pay cheque, I knew if I didn’t quit immediately, I’d destroy my mental health.

That being said, the creative industry does not pay well, at the very least for emerging creatives. So in exchange for my mental safety, well-being, and happiness, I sacrificed my finances. I’ve never felt more relaxed, yet at the same time I’ve never felt so guilty. I also sacrificed the idea of financial equality between myself and my partner.

Hard work just never seems to be enough

As a neurodivergent queer writer who works solely from home, I made less than two grand last year. And this was working every single weekday on more or less a 9-5 schedule. As someone with a white collar office job, my boyfriend can make that amount in a couple of weeks. So needless to say, I’ve been dipping into my savings since my creative career began.  It has also affected how I view myself as his girlfriend; I feel incredibly guilty that I can’t contribute to the household expenses as much as he can. It’s a vicious cycle where I feel guilty and financially unsafe, therefore my mental health suffers.

I’m not the only one living pay cheque to cheque. According to PayScale.com, a part-time freelance writer salary is put somewhere in the range of $24,000 – $115,000 per year. This doesn’t sound terrible at first for take home pay, but this doesn’t take into account the lack of medical insurance, pensions, and other benefits that affect quality of life built into a 9-5 income. Those statistics also don’t take into account how much less writers of color, LGBTQIAP+ writers, and disabled writers make. These numbers? Well they’re a lot smaller.

The 50% rule

That feeling of not being able to contribute more to the household expenses is a huge strain on my mental health. My OCD symptoms in particular have increased significantly ever since I started dipping into my savings.

During my time in retail my anxiety symptoms greatly outnumbered my OCD symptoms. I was prone to crying spells, my breathing became more laboured, and heart palpitations were plenty. OCD wise I was mostly having an issue with germaphobia, as the store warehouse was very dusty. But it wasn't until I began working from home when my symptoms became a lot more tourettic. I physically twitch a lot more, I act out more specific rituals more often - such as tapping things and experiencing constant intrusive paranoia thoughts about homelessness - and all in all I feel less control of my own body.

The anxiety created over being at home alone all day, and constantly fretting about money, manifests physically. In retail it almost didn't have a chance to manifest as often as I was too busy being yelled at or lifting impossibly heavy boxes. 

At least being freelance, I feel less attacked and less stressed by the work itself. Actually, the work itself isn’t stressful at all. I adore writing, and I love social media strategy. So it always made more sense to me to do something I loved, even if it came at the cost of my finances. But in a way even this makes me feel guilty. The work isn’t stressful, but I make less money; is this even allowed? When there are people out there who would be in an even worse position than I if they quit their day jobs, why did I deserve to make that choice?

The guilt is real

For women and feminine people, this guilt is particularly tough considering society expects us to do twice as much as cishet men, for half the thanks.

My boyfriend doesn’t particularly like his job as he once described it as “it’s not terrible, but it’s sort of soul destroying.” This to me seemed like a massive contradiction in terms. But maybe he was being brave because he didn’t want to make me feel bad. We’ve discussed it a lot, but in a way I feel like he is also dealing with guilt of his own. That he feels he doesn’t have the right to complain because of his privileges. The fear that his own mental health is suffering from his work, in turn affects my own. It’s a Catch-22; I sense his anxiety, my anxiety spikes. My anxiety spikes; my OCD symptoms increase; my mood suffers. Then in turn, I can’t sleep, I get dizzy spells, and so on.

The desire to pay 50% of everything is strong, especially with a feminist partner such as myself. Personally I find myself trying to make up for it in other ways, by beating him to the dishes when we’ve finished dinner. Taking out the trash before he gets home, overly apologising for how the apartment isn’t 100% spotless.  I know he’s had a long hard day in the office, so if I can’t give him 50% of the rent then I can sure as hell give him 100% of the housework. But that in and of itself seems so unfeminist to me. I’m taking time away from my own poorly paid work to spend extra time on the housework. I’m taking on the role of a housewife, rather than a partner. In a perfect world, I’d hope we could split all of that 50/50 too.

People don’t really understand

People kept telling me “You have a degree in psychology, why not do something in that field? And do writing on the side?” But why is my chosen career deemed as a hobby? I don’t want to ‘do it on the side.’

Creative jobs are always deemed no better than a hobby, but as soon as you become successful that’s suddenly not the case anymore. No one would tell the Russo brothers “Yeah the Avengers films are cool, but is it a realistic career? Why don’t you make the next one on the side of a bank job?” No one tells JK Rowling, “You’d be better getting a PHD, save the latest Harry Potter prequel for your free time!” 

This is because they’ve already made it, and because the art these people create is already in the zeitgeist. Countless artists quit their day jobs to pursue a life of creation, it’s very common. And a lot of people make it big. JK Rowling, originally a single mother who lived on welfare benefits, is now said to earn a whopping £142 per minute from Harry Potter royalties. 

These are special circumstances, and they often happen to people with (white cishet) privilege. The average artist, and particularly marginalised artists, wade through mountains of debt and awful pay cheques before they get anywhere. How much money these franchises eventually generate is a huge factor in how ‘valuable’ they are deemed. 

But when it comes to up and coming artists, they’re suddenly all starving artists that are taking advantage of those around them. JK Rowling would have been deemed a so called welfare thief, if the world hadn’t fallen in love with the Boy Who Lived. And if Hollywood hadn’t seen what a great money making machine it turned out to be. 

I just want to make a stable wage. I don’t need Harry Potter levels of fame and fortune. Yet it seems that is too much to ask.

So, what can I do now?

Luckily my partner understands that my career has to move slowly right now. So in order to help my anxiety, I know I have to get in that same mindset. Otherwise my symptoms will just get worse.

I don’t want to take advantage of my boyfriend, to pay only a quarter of the rent, I want to pay 50% of everything. We can share other responsibilities; the cooking, the cleaning, helping each other out emotionally. One day at a time. But until the industry pays better, and until my mental health sorts itself out, I just have to accept that this is all I can contribute financially. And that’s okay.

May is a feminist writer from the UK. She enjoys reading, gaming, and protesting.

[robgrayofficial]

GOOOOOOD AFTERNOON PATRIOTS!Happy Saturday! This is u/IvaginaryFriend back at it again with your weekly dank af Presidential Recap! Since I'm a little late I'll skip the talk and go straight to the dankness ;) BUT FIRST! Be sure to check here if you've missed any past recaps!LETS GET TO IT!Sunday, April 8th:🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:“The FBI closed the case on Hillary, which was a rigged investigation. They exonerated her even before they ever interviewed her, they never even put her under oath.....” and much more. So true Jesse! @WattersWorldThe Washington Post is far more fiction than fact. Story after story is made up garbage - more like a poorly written novel than good reporting. Always quoting sources (not names), many of which don’t exist. Story on John Kelly isn’t true, just another hit job!President Xi and I will always be friends, no matter what happens with our dispute on trade. China will take down its Trade Barriers because it is the right thing to do. 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Trump Announces Twelfth Wave of Judicial Nominees, Twelfth Wave of United States Attorneys, and Sixth Wave of United States MarshalsPresidential Proclamation Maintaining Enhanced Vetting Capabilities and Processes for Detecting Attempted Entry into the United States by Terrorists or Other Public-Safety ThreatsExecutive Order Reducing Poverty in America by Promoting Opportunity and Economic MobilityTen Nominations Sent to the Senate Today🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:Attorney–client privilege is dead!A TOTAL WITCH HUNT!!!Last night, it was my great honor to host America’s senior defense and military leaders for dinner at the White House. America’s military is the GREATEST fighting force in the history of the world. They all have my pledge of unwavering commitment to our men and women in uniform!Very thankful for President Xi of China’s kind words on tariffs and automobile barriers...also, his enlightenment on intellectual property and technology transfers. 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Also some fairly pro-1a sentiment from HuffmanWednesday, April 11th:TODAY'S ACTION:President Trump Hosts 2017 NCAA Football National Champions the Alabama Crimson TideFirst Lady Melania Trump Hosts a Listening Session with StudentsPresident Trump Gives Remarks on Tax Cuts for American WorkersPresident Trump Meets with Governors and Members of CongressBy Signing The Allow States And Victims To Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act, President Donald J. Trump Provides Invaluable Tools Needed To Fight The Scourge Of Sex TraffickingPresident Donald J. Trump Signs H.R. 1865 into LawPresident Donald J. Trump Announces Intent to Nominate and Appoint Personnel to Key Administration PostsPresident Donald J. Trump Proclaims April 12 through April 19, 2018, as the Days of Remembrance of Victims of the Holocaust🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:The Failing New York Times wrote another phony story. 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We are with you Paul!The @WhiteHouse is partnering with @Interior and @NatlParkService to bring the @NSCsafety's “Prescribed to Death” Opioid Memorial to the Ellipse - beginning tomorrow, April 12th to April 18th. More information: http://bit.ly/2HqDAWr …(Retweeting the Department of State) .@POTUS Trump at Signing of #FOSTA #SESTA bill: We are going to do everything in our power to make sure traffickers are brought to a swift and firm justice…When we work together, we can bring safety and hope to every community across the country. #EndTrafficking“Trump just took a giant step towards actual welfare reform”Honored to have Republican Congressional Leadership join me at the @WhiteHouse this evening. Lots to discuss as we continue MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!Big show tonight on @seanhannity! 9:00 P.M. on @FoxNewsSIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:Breaking news on Fox Business: Speaker Ryan WILL NOT run for reelection. Self deporting from the swamp. Adios!Ho Lee F%%% GEOTUS just signed a Presidential order requiring able-bodied adults on food stamps to work, train or volunteer for at least 20 hours per week. (result = will be 75% drop in food stampers that have been milking the system since Obummers welfare waivers)This is the cycle of fake news. Does CNN even wonder why nobody pays any attention to them anymore?I had a discussion with a meme yesterdayRand Paul: FBI's Strzok, Page still have security clearanceOUT! OUT! OUT!PRESS BRIEFINGS, INTERVIEWS, RALLIES:Press Beating🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:Disturbingly good memeHEY ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS: This number 1 post on Reddit today proves you are FULL OF SHITLiberals are losing their minds over a picture of a fit, young and beautiful Trump supporter exercising her second amendment rights. Post this pic as much as possible to trigger them!the left vs the rightNothing is guaranteed to trigger like the truth #LiberalPrivilegeThursday, April 12th:TODAY'S ACTION:President Trump Meets with Governors and Members of CongressPresident Trump Gives Remarks on Tax Cuts for American WorkersPresident Donald J. Trump Proclaims April 14, 2018, as Pan American Day and April 8 through April 14, 2018, as Pan American WeekJust Steps from the White House, a Memorial to Victims of America’s Drug CrisisPresident Donald J. Trump Approves Kentucky Disaster DeclarationPresidential Memorandum for the Administrator of the Environmental Protection AgencyTwenty-Nine Nominations Sent to the Senate TodayPresident Donald J. Trump Announces Intent to Nominate and Designate Personnel to Key Administration PostsExecutive Order on the Task Force on the United States Postal SystemPresident Donald J. 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With each passing year, our duty to remember this atrocity increases as we pledge #NeverAgain. #HolocaustRemembranceDayI have agreed with the historically cooperative, disciplined approach that we have engaged in with Robert Mueller (Unlike the Clintons!). I have full confidence in Ty Cobb, my Special Counsel, and have been fully advised throughout each phase of this process.Just had an Agricultural Roundtable with memembers of Congress and Governors. I will be making remarks on the large scale TAX CUTS given to American families and workers at 1:45 P.M. from the Rose Garden. Join me live: http://bit.ly/2vbRFlS you to all of the American workers who travelled here today! This event is dedicated to YOU: the hardworking Americans who make this nation run. You love your country, you provide for your family, you have PRIDE in your work and you cherish our GREAT AMERICAN FLAG! #TaxCutsAmerica’s greatest treasure is our people – and my Administration HEARS YOUR VOICE and HAS YOUR BACK. We are fighting to give every American a future of dignity, purpose and pride. AMERICAN SPIRIT is back! #TaxCutsWould only join TPP if the deal were substantially better than the deal offered to Pres. Obama. We already have BILATERAL deals with six of the eleven nations in TPP, and are working to make a deal with the biggest of those nations, Japan, who has hit us hard on trade for years!SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:Backpage.com pleads guilty to human trafficking in TexasTexas Army National Guardsmen Protecting Our Border!3 More California Cities Vote to Opt Out of State's Sanctuary LawI'm probably going to hell for this but the unborn children of America will vouch for me.🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:For those who didn't see it, Reddit's T_D user sandbag broke yesterday, and for a brief time there were 125-135k active users yesterday. I made this gif for Sp3zWhen I get frustrated at the Deep State, I think about the slings and arrows that President Trump is taking. 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His handling of the Crooked Hillary Clinton case, and the events surrounding it, will go down as one of the worst “botch jobs” of history. It was my great honor to fire James Comey!We are bringing back our factories, we are bringing back our jobs, and we are bringing back those four beautiful words: MADE IN THE USA!DOJ just issued the McCabe report - which is a total disaster. He LIED! LIED! LIED! McCabe was totally controlled by Comey - McCabe is Comey!! No collusion, all made up by this den of thieves and lowlifes![President Trump Addresses The Nation]SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:BREAKING: OIG's report on McCabe released to Congress - READ IT"I come in peace. I didn’t bring artillery. But I’m pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I’ll kill you all."This tweet from VP Pence cut straight into my heart. Miss you dad😔I live in America!!!PRESS BRIEFINGS, INTERVIEWS, RALLIES:Press Beating🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:Hillary giving birth to James Comey.OMG REDPILL INCOMING!!! THEY’VE TURNED ON COMEY!When you wake up at the ass crack of dawn and see Trump is already calling Comey an untruthful slime ballBecause he was not supposed to winCashed out at $600M to a life of luxury. He won the Social Media war in the end.Saturday, April 14th:🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:A perfectly executed strike last night. Thank you to France and the United Kingdom for their wisdom and the power of their fine Military. Could not have had a better result. Mission Accomplished!So proud of our great Military which will soon be, after the spending of billions of fully approved dollars, the finest that our Country has ever had. There won’t be anything, or anyone, even close!SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:Pentagon BriefingReminder: two complete archives of Hillary’s emails were never given to the FBI because they were “lost on the mail.” Sure.Dersh on Comey's Book: "Gossipy, revenge-motivated, make-money, get-even, hurt-your-political-opponent... Worst possible book, at the worst possible time, for the worst possible reasons... Scandalous and shameful. I am so disappointed in him..."HAIL TO THE CHIEF! ~ NO CIVILIAN FATALITIES, ONLY 3 HURT, TARGETED CHEMICAL RESEARCH FACILITIES TOTALLY DESTROYED ~ MAGA🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:Weapons arsenal discovered in UK homeLondonistan 2018Why Facebook isn't seeing growth in some Arabic countries...MRW I woke up this morning to see Marijuana reform, rosenstein peach mints, and Lord Mattis delivering god’s hammer. HEY CUCKS:WEEEEEEEW LAD!Without further ado, some tunes to get you jamming through all this WINNING!EverydayMake Her SayRoyaltyErase MePlanezJust What I AmMAGA ON PATRIOTS! #robgray