#that would have paid for the replacement soldering iron I really need

[ibreathebooks-42]

Just in case anyone is curious- telling an artist that you are going to see if you can get someone to recreate their art locally first, instead of buying from the original artist- because you don't want to wait for shipping- is not a complement.

And makes me so less inclined to put things up for sale in the first place where I include pictures that you are taking to someone else to recreate.

[butwhyduh]

Hot Days

Roy Harper x reader

It’s June in Texas and my ac went out and the apartment is based on a place I used to live.

Warning: smut, oh god they were roommates.

Roy was trying to be a good man. He really was. But goddamn if you didn’t make it hard. He tried everything to not think about you. You were his roommate.

Roy hated using Oliver’s money. So he didn’t. He had a complicated relationship with his mentor but that meant that Roy didn’t have a ton of funds. So that’s how he ended up in frankly the smallest 2 bedroom apartment he’d ever seen.

There was one sink with a wooden panel divider that separated the sink from the shower and toilet room. This made interesting bathroom privacy. He had a window in his bedroom that was so close to the next building, Roy could probably touch it. And the tiny iron elevator that creaked left much to be desired when Roy moved in.

He had picked the place online and knew that he had a roommate with perfect rent paying history and that’s all Roy cared about. But when he carried in his mattress to be introduced to you, he was smitten.

You were a nice roommate, quiet, clean, paid your bills. But Roy couldn’t keep his mind off of you. The way you looked when you had ran up the stairs, when you offered him tea every time you made it, when you did yoga in the living room. He had gone to his room for some ‘alone time’ when you came in with a soaked white t shirt in a sudden spring rain storm. His thoughts about your hard nipples visible through the see through material as he fisted his cock.

Why didn’t Roy try anything with you? He was popular with women. But Roy was trying to be a good person. He wanted to live somewhere for more than a few months, pay his bills, and then find a better place when he saved up a little money for him and Lian.

Lian would stay over often. You usually tried to stay out of their way when she was over. She slept in Roy’s room. But you loved her. She was a sweetheart with a good right hook and the most precocious 5 year old you’d ever met. And so you would rarely join them in a movie night.

And when Lian wasn’t there, Roy stayed busy. He was always working on something if he was home at all. Soldering irons were commonly used on different kinds of small devices he worked on. Roy was a tough guy. You’d seen him with plenty black eyes and busted lips. You’d just assumed he was a hothead in Gotham.

You’d also seen him in some of the most compromising positions. On your couch with his hand in his pants, with a woman on her knees in the shower, and more than countable times with someone in his bed. He had a healthy sex life. You couldn’t blame him. He was hot. You couldn’t even blame him for getting caught.

Roy had caught you, or more heard, you in the shower with your vibrator more than once. He’d laugh and tell you to “have fun” or “get another one for me.” You’d considered more than once of offering for him to join you but you never did. A good roommate that paid their bills and weren’t creepy were worth their weight in gold. Everything was great.

And then June hit and the raining stopped and sun came out and it got hot. You could see the heat off the pavement. And your poor little air conditioner went out. On a Friday. And your landlord apologized but said that Monday OR Tuesday was the earliest someone would come fix it.

“Tuesday? I’m supposed to have Lian all weekend and it’s 84 in here,” Roy said with a groan. “I’ll have to cancel because she’ll be miserable,” he said with a sigh.

“Yep, we’ll be miserable all right. I feel like I’m going to melt right now,” you said sitting in front of a fan.

Roy spent the next 2 hours looking and messing with the air conditioner before conceding defeat. There was a part that needed to be replaced by an AC specialist. And so you both sweat and tried to ignore the heat for 3 hours. And it worked. For a while.

“God it’s hot,” you said. “Sorry to be a bad roommate but my room is even worse and I have to,” you said before unstrapping your bra and tossing it in your room. Roy gulped and stared at the tv but his attention was definitely on your breasts and how nice they looked in your tank top.

“You don’t have to wear a bra for me, sweetheart,” Roy says. You gave him a side eye.

“Eyes are up here, Harper,” you said before the doorbell buzzed. “That’s pizza!” You hurried to the door and opened it to a pizza boy holding 3 boxes.

“Hiyah,” he said staring at your breasts obviously. Roy stood behind you with his arms crossed intimidatingly and cleared his throat. “Sorry! Sorry. Uh... that’ll be $23.46,” the kid said with wide eyes. You paid him and he hurried to leave.

“Protecting my honor? Not really your thing,” you commented grabbing a plate.

“Teaching the kid some manners.” Roy leaned against the counter with a slice in hand.

“Really? You don’t have much room to talk,” you said dryly fanning yourself with some paper napkins.

“I do,” he protested.

“Really?” You said and you did a little jump and Roy’s eyes couldn’t leave your chest.

“Okay, that’s not fair. Of course I gotta look when they’re bouncing all perfect,” Roy said.

“Failed,” you teased. Roy scoffed.

“So serious question, why don’t you ever bring anyone back here?” Roy asked. “Cuz I mean you’re hot and you clearly like orgasms.”

“Wow, this place is definitely too small to be private,” you said flushing. “You should not know that.”

“I pretty much know every time you pull out little Dickie and go to town,” he confirmed and you sputtered a little. “But you also know everything I do so... why don’t you bring anyone home?”

“Besides the fact that I have an attractive male roommate that likes to scare guys off?” You offered.

“Yeah.”

“I’m boring. I work a lot and don’t have time to meet guys at the club or whatever and online dating in Gotham seems like a good way to die,” you said with a shrug. You held your coke can to your face and closed your eyes.

“Okay valid,” Roy conceded. His eyes tracked the way you slid the can across your cheek and down your throat leaving a wet trail. You glistened with sweat and honestly he was having a hard time not staring.

“I’m going to climb in the fridge. Just gently shut the door behind me,” you joked and Roy’s mind flashed to how unfunny this joke would be around a certain Titan friend.

“I’ll join you,” he said taking a huge gulp from a water bottle. Was possible to die from sweating?? Or thirst?

You opened the freezer and held your face in the door before grabbing an ice cube. You pressed it to your cheek and across your forehead. Now maybe Roy was just horny but he could have sworn the way you ran it across your neck and collar was purposefully sexy. Roy couldn’t help but track the movement. Fuck that was hot. You took the cube in your lips and sucked the water off.

Roy had it. He couldn’t handle it anymore. He walked over to you and cupped your face in his hands. “I hope you don’t mind,” he said before kissing your lips.

They were slightly cold from the ice cube that was melting in your mouth. You gasped and Roy slipped his tongue in to move the cube in your mouth. It was a sensation you had never had before, an icy cube and hot tongue moving at the same time. You whimpered at the sensation.

Roy wrapped his arms around your back and pulled you closer. Your hands rested on his chest. How was he this fit? Fuck his chest was like a rock, you noted as you ran your hands across his pecs. Roy finally pulled back to rest his forehead against yours when his lungs felt like they were going to explode.

“I really hope you don’t mind,” he mumbled with his eyes closed. If he didn’t open his eyes, then you hadn’t told him no yet.

“I far from mind,” you said taking a finger and pulling his chin up to kiss you again. “Really don’t mind,” you said between kisses, pulling him to your room. You let Roy push you on the mattress and crawl over you. His lips found your throat and Roy kissed down the glistening skin that he had been admiring for so long. His hands cupped your breasts and he rubbed your nipples through your thin tank top.

You pulled at his t shirt and Roy sat back on his knees to pull it off. You pulled your shirt off too and Roy groaned at the sight. “Fuck doll, your tits,” he said before making it his mission to touch every spot with his tongue.

“Fuck! Roy!” You gasped grasping his back as he took a nipple in his mouth and giving it a vicious suck. You arched into his touch and Roy loved the way you writhed beneath him before he had even touched between your legs. His hand moved down to cup your pussy just as you tried to take off his belt.

“You got a condom in here, Princess?” He asked.

“Uh, top drawer,” you said and he got up to find them. You pulled off the rest of your clothes.

“Found Dickie,” he said waving your vibrator around. “Cute. Maybe next time,” Roy winked. You rolled your eyes. He walked to you as he kicked off his pants and when he went to pull off his boxers you sat up and stopped him. “If you don’t want to-“

“I want to,” you said. “But I want to take it off.”

Roy hummed approval as you cupped his very erect cock through his pants. He playfully bent and ran his fingers through your folds. “Fuck babydoll, you’re practically drippin.”

“Roy,” you whined and he laughed before inhaling quickly as you pushed his boxers down and wrapped your fingers around him. You stroked him a few times before putting the condom on.

“Lay back,” he said with a wink. “And I’ll make you feel good.”

You wrapped your legs around his hips and pulled him close. The head of his cock pressed against your entrance. Roy kissed you once before pushing in. You arched into his touch. He sat for a second to enjoy just how tight you gripped him.

“Fucking move,” you breathed and he chuckled before roughly thrusting. “Yes,” you said roughly. Roy sat a rough pace and enjoyed the show of you moaning and writhing beneath him.

Roy pushed one of your knees up to your chest and you threw your head back with your mouth making a cute little silent o shape. He could watch this all day. “Right there,” you whined.

“Fuck, really? It’s been that long hu?” He teased.

“Shut the fuck up, Harper,” you said but the way you were gripping the sheets and leaning into his touch said otherwise. Roy gripped one of your tits and you made a strangled cry before clenching around him. He grinned and watched you come apart. It was rare for him to be able to enjoy his partner’s orgasm without his own close behind it. Roy slowed down as you came down from your high.

“Baby, if I knew you needed it that bad,” he cooed and you smacked his shoulder. “Can I give you another one?” Roy pressed the other leg up to where you felt incredibly exposed but the places he was hitting had you not caring in the least. Your thighs shook after a while and Roy really hoped that meant you were close. You grabbed your own tits and leaned your head back. Roy groaned as you clenched around him. This time you whimpered out his name on repeat as you came. Roy let go almost immediately and filled the condom. His thrusts were rough and deep and he groaned. He laid on you and gave you a sloppy kiss before pulling out to throw away the condom.

Roy came back in the bed and kissed you again before maneuvering you on his chest. You both were disgusting and covered in sweat in the insanely hot room. It was probably 90 in the damn thing.

“I should have done that ages ago,” Roy muttered. You slapped his pec and he jumped. “Hey, I’m just saying. You’re dynamite in the sack, babe.”

“God, you’d be a 10 if you’d just shut up, Harper,” you said with an eye roll before closing your eyes. 2 orgasms made you sleep, what can you say? He laughed.

“I’ll remember that next time.”

“Next time?” You asked looking at him with one eye open.

“Sure,” he said. “Unless ol’ Dickie really does it for yah. But I get the feeling he just doesn’t cut it.”

“Shhh,” you said putting your hand over his mouth. “Don’t ruin it with your mouth.”

“You could always put my mouth to work,” he said lewdly.

“Don’t tempt me. Don’t tempt me.”

[6stronghands]

please read. it’s long. but i need to say this:

Broken in the past year:

Dishwasher, refrigerator, microwave, furnace, water heater, toilet, gas fireplace, TV, 2 laptops, 2 cellphones, my eyeglasses, the locking system, door handle, driver window (stuck DOWN not up, of course) and catalytic converter on my 15 year old minivan and the other car, a 22 year old beloved 4 Runner had to be junked because it was so decrepit and unfixable (it’s a credit to those amazing early generation Runners though, because it made 260,000 miles and basically ran on Marvel Mystery Oil, Seafoam, and pep talks at the end), then I found out that my home has serious foundation issues, and now, NOW, the dryer. 

My new (used) Mustang got hit ONE WEEK after I bought it, by a drunk guy in a big ol F150, as I was my way home to kansas after caring for three (3!!!) family members in the hospital in Utah for four months. The whole time I was in Utah, I was like, holy god these guys are shockingly bad drivers (and I’ve driven extensively around a ton of states). There’s this move I call The Utah Special, a lane changing move where they don’t signal, they don’t check their blind spots, they don’t move vertically….they just horizontally zoom into a space they want in the next lane. I saw so many near misses and actual accidents during my time there. And lo and behold, LITERALLY AS I’M ON MY WAY OUT OF THAT HELL STATE, at the motherfreakin base of the canyon, four hours from Colorado and freedom from the religious insanity and repression that manifests as the angriest, most aggressive, flat out incompetent drivers I’ve ever seen, a jackalope did the Utah Special on me and my new car.  

It screwed up the alignment and tire pressure monitor and left a big dent on the drivers door. Luckily i didn’t run into the giant concrete wall that he spun me into, because I’m an experienced driver, esp in correcting a bad, fast turn, but it was close. The guy is now trying to avoid payment so I’ve been driving around with a beatup looking car. 

One month after i got back to Lawrence, a guy backed into me at the store, and I ended up using the 100 bucks he gave me for groceries, and trying to buff out the back myself, which didn’t work. This is my childhood dream car btw, the only nice thing I’ve ever owned (and it looks a lot nicer than it is, it’s very bare bones inside and out, it just looks slick. It took almost two years and three states of looking to find a good Mustang for such a low price). 

And now. 

Now I’ve got a gutted dryer, parts spread out to hell and gone, because Samsung dryers have the worst design and the cheapest parts (seriously, don’t ever buy Samsung appliances. Three different parts stores and repair people told me they refuse to work on Samsungs or carry parts for them any more because the design is so bad and the parts are so cheap). I thought I fixed it by replacing the circuit board, but now I think it’s the thermal fuse switch which is located UNDER and BEHIND the drum, not in the more accessible places other brands put it. But that’s not irritating enough, no no, now it turns out I have to learn how to solder because they didn’t use screws or plugs for the fuse mount, no no, they soldered it on, so I had to drill the fucker out and and buy a solder iron and now I’m watching how-to-solder videos on youtube. 

And (of course there’s an AND) the charging port on my 3rd used cell phone broke, and I don’t have time to order a replacement port and do it myself, so I took it into one of those overpriced walk in places (for $130 dollars!!! for fifteen minutes work). Picked it up five minutes before they closed last night, and now the screen is unresponsive. According to the good people of the internet, since I can’t get it to reboot, it’s probably a badly seated digitizer that got bumped when they did the replacement. I have to take a break from my how-to-solder videos and go in and convince a bunch of 20 year old guys to fix my phone and not charge me for it. 

So. This is a lot. 

And because we are in the aptly named bad timeline, my personal life has pretty much echoed all the broken down stuff. I have had some weird, hard to diagnose, health crap that cost me one job and has prevented me from finding another. So I just do a bunch of volunteer stuff now, and keep applying to worse and worse jobs, hoping someone, somewhere will take me. My new dog (who I adopted because I’ve been so overwhelmed and stressed, I was freaking out one day and my sister was like, I KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO, YOU NEED A DOG, and she was one hundred percent right, everything is better with a good dog) got attacked at the park, by a Husky owned by a RedditGuy, who then RAN when I was trying to revive my dog, and drove away in a Mercedes with a license obscurer. The only reason I know who he is, is because a quick thinking teenager ran after him and tried to get his name (which the guy wouldn’t give) and the teen took pics of him with his cellphone (don’t shit on Millenials around me, just don’t. All I see are good kids doing good stuff under bad circumstances). (Also, just fwiw, there are all kinds of Huskies being surrendered at shelters and involved in attacks because, and this is so dumb it just kills me, people are watching Game of Thrones and deciding they want their very own Direwolf, without having the experience or willingness to take on a breed that needs a lot of training and reinforcement and care. Huskies are great dogs if they have great owners, like a lot of other great but high-care breeds). 

The medical bills were over $4000, which I had to take a loan out for. There was a court hearing, and the judge ruled in my favor, and ordered the guy to pay, by March 1st. You won’t be surprised at all, because FML, that the guy hasn’t paid, and is contesting it, which means more court stuff. This has all been stressful as hell, but this dog is genuinely the most amazing dog I’ve ever had; he is worth any trouble and expense. I would sell my Mustang, if I had to, to keep this tiny, adorable fuzzball (some kind of poodle-terrier mix, I think, I dunno. He was a rescue dog who was fostered with an inmate in a local prison, Safe Harbor Prison Dogs, check it out, they’re great) I’ve never had a companion dog before. I’ve had family dogs who have all been great, but I’ve never had one where they are bred to be a companion, that’s their work, like a work-dog needs work to be happy and sane. He is carrying my kid and me in his soft little paws; he does good work, this guy. He is always happy, very energetic when you want, calm and cuddly when you want, incredibly sensitive and attuned, unnervingly intelligent and a joy to train, and as soft as a bunny. I have to brush him every single day because of his crazy Fizzgig hair, but that’s fine. He rides on my shoulder in the car and fits inside a tote bag so I can sneak him lots of places. I’ve socialized him from the beginning (which is why I was at that damn park) so he’s totally silent in public places like stores. He loves people, especially kids, and if I ever get off the job-hunting, broken-thing-fixing treadmill, I’d like to volunteer him as a therapy dog in hospitals or wherever. He’s like my very own Daemon, my own Pantalaimon. A gift and a blessing at any time, but especially now, when things are Challenging. 

Then. Then the worst thing. Something really bad happened to my one of my kids. Something so bad that I can’t talk about it in a public place like this. I can barely talk about it in my Al-Anon support group. I spend a lot of energy not thinking about it. I have learned a lot of things in the past few years, like A LOT. I know so much more now, about so many, many things. But this bad thing is something I wish I never knew, and it’s not fixable, only recoverable. 

I have never, ever been so continually sad and angry. It’s been bad timing for my mental health, the Me Too movement. I had a friend visit and he was talking about it, and was telling me that it’s turned into a witch hunt, that things aren’t really this bad for women, that maybe women and men just speak different languages and have different needs and wants, that if things have been this bad, why didn’t women say something sooner, and I just….I couldn’t talk. He wanted me to give him specific examples of male violations in my life, and I literally didn’t know where to start. I can list so many, like every woman alive. I could list hundreds of small things, things where you just accept it because what else can you do, and other things, things that were not small, but you ignore, because you actually know the guy and you know he’s genuinely a mostly good guy, or trying to be, or will be some day, or has a family who loves and depends on him, or maybe I didn’t have the vocabulary or confidence or experience to safely call him out then, or maybe I didn’t know if calling him out would ruin his life, and for real, I could see that he would some day evolve into A Good Man, An Ally, and I didn’t want to jeopardize that. Because that’s real, that dynamic. It doesn’t fit into any black and white social media woke doctrine, but it’s real. I have hurt people through ignorance, and I have learned and evolved, and there have been a few specific times where I can look back in gratitude that someone educated me in a gracious, patient way, because it changed me for the better. Do men know this? That people like me aren’t calling them on stuff? That the problem is much, much worse than the revelations of the Me Too movement? That we let pretty much all the small and medium stuff go? Do they know? Are they so uneducated, so culturally indoctrinated, so blind, to other men’s bad behavior, to their own, that they really think that this is all an over-reaction or mixed signals or just women looking to be angry about something??? 

 I know it’s a lot more complicated than that, because goddamn life usually is. There have been hundreds of not-terrible and semi-bad violations in my 40 years, that I’ve just lived with, and then there’s been a handful of genuinely, life-altering-ly bad ones. The ones that teach you to to beware, that there are predators who prey, and you are just meat. But I couldn’t articulate any of this to this friend, this guy who feels so defensive and attacked by the movement. No one has accused him of anything, he’s just feeling defensive. He thinks people are unfair to men, that men are trying their best, that women need to explain more nicely. 

I have been so angry, about so much, for months now. I usually blow up fast and I’m done. I’m usually the poster girl for Onward And Upward, Life Is Beautiful, Everything’s Awesome. This constant anger is exhausting. And I wish I was only angry, but I’m also broken-hearted. Broken. Everything’s broken, everything keeps breaking. Bad people, careless people, indifferent people, they keep ruining things and getting away with things. The news isn’t good, not politically, not economically, not environmentally, not anything. All signs point to things getting much, much worse. 

I will say this, I am smarter than I was a year ago. 

I seem to only learn by doing, to learn the hard way. I know a lot more now. Like A LOT, in a pretty short span of time. I am not the same person I was a year ago. I am not as sweet, and not as optimistic, but I am seasoned. I’m better at problem solving. I know there's always going to be another damn thing, whatever it is. I know the importance of good tools and resources and support, whether it’s fixing broken cars or broken hearts. That came out trite, but it’s true. I’ve learned that sometimes the only good thing to come out of a bad thing is knowledge, if you use it to recover or evolve, or to help someone else. Sometimes the only silver lining is that you’ve got newfound empathy. We need more empathy in the world, so that’s not nothing. I am so, so worried about the future, about what my kids are going to have to learn in order to navigate their own personal and cultural despair. They’re gonna have to get tougher, faster, while protecting their gentle hearts and giving natures. That’s tricky. I hope they’ll remember that we’re in this together, that the only way to survive is by leaning on and helping each other. Another thing that sounds trite, but is the truest thing I know. I’ve learned to talk about things, to ask questions, to ask again if I don’t understand (and again, and again), and to say to people, I need you, I’m stuck, I’m headfucked, I’m heartfucked, help. Help me. Using your resources, whether they’re youtube how-to videos, therapy, doctors, friends, Al-Anon groups, dogs, whatever, is the only way I know how to get over and through. 

It’s kind of strange to FEEL how much stronger I am right now, than a year ago. Because things are much worse; something that would have broken me for good, if Then-Me had known. But Now-Me has soldiered through some shit by leaning hard on my resources, and because of those resources, not through inner grit or stoicism, but the resources, I’m tougher, smarter, better equipped. I am not exactly happier, but I do have happy moments. That’s a big deal. I am afraid for the future, but I know that, at least as long as I’m able to fight, I CAN fight. 

I have leaned on some of you here. Some of you are my safe places, are resources, tools, friends. Genuine, real ones. I am stronger because of you. I can write and write, but never truly articulate what that has meant, what it means to me. You know how vets are with other vets? The way they’ll meet up after they leave the military, and fall into each other’s arms, the way they trust each other for the rest of their lives? I feel that way about you guys. I’ve been in the motherfucking foxhole, and some of you guys climbed in and covered my head and held my shaking hands. I just have no words. The ‘no atheists in a foxhole’ thing isn’t true. I still don’t believe in God, but I believe in friends, in good people, in the righteous fighters who get no acclaim, no awards, but quietly, bravely, change the world around them a little at a time, to great cumulative effect. I can say I love you, I’m so grateful, you’re wonderful, but really, I have no words other than, thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU.