#that would be my worst nightmare if it were me... it hits a major ''fear'' of mine i suppose

[sorrowtainted]

honestly i just want chuuya to have another winning moment tbh. just one would be fine. like... seeing him being used as a pawn by fyodor in the latest chapters just makes me project my insecurities and fears onto him whoops makes me feel so bad for him and i think he deserves it!! just once!!

like proving that he's more than just someone to be used by others... i doubt he'd straight up like outsmart any of the genius characters, he's not THAT smart, but i'd enjoy him acting just once outside their expectations, or like. saving dazai or a main character through his own power, if that makes sense?? i'm pretty sure i'm not putting what i mean into words right RIP

[silverhallow]

Beautiful Nightmare

Benedict Bridgerton x Sophie Beckett

Modern AU

Rated: T - Major Angst, Car accidents, witnessing a car accident, mentions of trauma, WHUMP, Injuries, descriptions of blood and injuries, surgery.

Word count: 2k

Summary: When a beautiful day goes horribly wrong, a disaster threatens to rob Benedict of everything he held close in his life.

Author's Note: This is gonna hurt… i’m sorry. (well i’m not really) and oh yeah. It’s a cliff hanger

Blame @ambitionspassionscoffee she sent me the picture 😂😂

Part 2 , Part 3, part 4 coming soon

Enjoy

There was not much worse in life that seeing the love of your life lying in a hospital bed, a tube in her nose, canulars in her arms, the beeping of the machines next to her, telling him that her heart was still beating, that she was fighting through the pain, that she was trying to come back to him.

The only thing that had made this entire thing worse was that he had been there, she’d saved him and ended up sacrificing herself. He’d witnessed every single thing that had happened.

They’d been walking Edmund in his pushchair through the village whilst Kate and Anthony were at a midwife appointment. It had been a beautiful morning, the sun had been shining, the sky was blue and it had been a morning that Benedict would have remembered anyway without the entire day being the worst day of his life.

They had been laughing and joking, talking about their wedding and they felt like a little family as they walked with their nephew, he was pushing the pushchair and Sophie was talking next to them and suggesting where they go for lunch when their day went from beautiful and light to a disaster.

They heard a screech of tyres, people yelling around the corner and Sophie looked up at Benedict confused “we should maybe move” she said but her words sort of died as the out of control car came veering around the corner.

People were jumping and diving out of the way, the sirens of the emergency services could be heard in the distances but Benedict froze as he saw the car careering towards them, his brain was screaming at him to move, but his muscles and everything didn’t seem to want to move.

Fear had petrified him and he was sure he was watching his entire life flash before his eyes but as the car got closer to him he felt his entire body forcibly moved, the pushchair going with him as he lost control of the pushchair and it moved out of danger as his entire body fell to the floor and he rolled out of the way and as he rolled to face the car, he let out a scream of such terror he never realised he was able to make as he saw Sophie hit by the car.

Her body propelled backwards, the car had lost speed as it was moving towards them, and it was probably that which stopped Sophie from being thrown completely threw the windows behind her but instead clattered into the tables and chairs as the car came to stop over her.

She was trapped.

A stranger had gotten Edmund, the pushchair was safe but Sophie…

Benedict was screaming, trying to get the car moved, the air bags had gone off and the driver, an elderly man who had suffered a heart attack at the wheel of the car, was unconscious and pinned, one of the tables had gone through the window but he didn’t care, he needed to get to Sophie.

He screamed for help, begged for Sophie to reply to him but there was no sound other than the sirens getting closer, people’s footsteps getting closer and closer and someone frantically on the phone to the ambulance service.

Benedict was trying to move the debris out of the way, the tables and the chairs, some of them had gone through the glass of the cafe window and had caused additional mess.

He felt a man tugging at his shoulders “sir… we need to you move”

“No! My girlfriend… my fiancee… she… she…” he stammered as he pointed and as he looked down he felt his stomach drop to his toes

Blood…

An almost river of blood was flowing out from under the car and he turned and vomited directly onto the policeman’s vest, the colour drained from his face and the policeman saw the blood, understood immediately.

“It’s okay son, the ambulance is here. The fire brigade is here, we’ll get her out…” he said to him as he manoeuvred Benedict out of the way, the stranger who had seen Benedict getting shoved out of the way and had rescued the pushchair and came over to him, bringing Edmund back, the just over one year old was sleeping soundly having thankfully, fallen asleep moments before the accident and had not woken up during the commotion.

Benedict could do nothing but watch as the police, fire service and ambulance crews went to work, the glass moved, everything that was in the way was moved and they got to Sophie but when they got her out. Benedict had to wonder if he was ever going to see her again, how could anyone survive a hit like that.

She was so tiny, the fact she’d hit him with enough force to get him and Edmund out of the way was incredible but he hated that she’d sacrificed herself for him, if he had just moved when she told him to, none of this would have happened.

The police offered him an escort to the hospital, someone, he had no idea who, had taken his phone and called Anthony, informing him of the situation as Benedict just watched on, like a zombie, he thought this all had to be a bad dream, he was going to wake up any second, he was just trapped in a nightmare but as he was put into the car and taken to the hospital, as he felt Kate, Anthony and then their mother’s arms around him in the hospital, he knew it wasn’t a bad dream.

He was stuck in a living nightmare.

Sophie had lost a lot of blood, there had been significant trauma to her spleen, other parts of her body, glass shards had embedded themselves into her skull, various fractures and she’d been rushed into surgery and all Benedict could do was wait.

He had no words, he was in shock. The nurses and doctors had given him something for it but still, until he was able to feel Sophie’s hand in his once more, until he knew she was going to be okay, he was sure he would never feel anything again.

He finally understood what his mother had gone through all those years ago when their father had died.

The way she was catatonic. The way she just couldn’t move.

She was the only person who could understand what he was going through now, waiting to find out if she was okay, if she was going to make it.

Benedict just sat in the waiting room, heart beating only for Sophie, each rhythmic thump, each beat begging her to keep fighting, to hold on.

If she died, he surely would as well, as from the moment he’d met her, their lives had been entwined. They had been best friends for years before they had finally realised that they were in love with one another, they were planning the rest of their lives together but now…

He had no idea if he was even going to get the rest of their lives.

Was this all he had been granted?

22 years…

21 years of friendship and a year of loving her like he’d never loved a person before and he would never love a person again.

True Soulmates were rare, he knew he had it in Sophie, she was the other half of his soul and with each passing hour, as the darkness of night finally crept in to match the darkness he felt in his heart, he felt himself dying.

Violet stayed with her son. She sent Kate and Anthony away, sent them home with their son, Kate was a month away from giving birth, she was exhausted and panicked. Violet promised to call them with any news.

Kate had kissed Benedict’s cheek, Anthony had hugged his brother and both said a prayer before they left. Benedict hadn’t even noticed.

It was nearly 3am when a familiar face came out, neither of them had any idea that Georgiana and Nicholas were on shift that night. Georgiana was one of the best trauma surgeons in the country and that, for the first time in nearly 12 hours, gave Benedict a small sense of relief and hope.

“Ben… Vi…” Georgiana started “i’m so sorry to have kept you so long, shall we go into a room to talk”

Benedict felt his stomach drop, he’d seen enough shows to know that never meant good news and he was like bambi on ice as his mother and his Aunt helped him up.

Nicholas was already waiting for them in the room, both of them looked exhausted but they knew that this was a surgery they couldn’t walk away from.

“Is… is everything okay?” Violet asked

“Given what she suffered, it’s a miracle she’s still alive. If that car had been going even a few miles per hour faster, she’d have not made it… she… she went into cardiac arrest twice on the table but we got her back… she’s… she’s… not in a good place. We’ve managed to repair the damaged kidney, removed her spleen and pinned her leg, she’s got a few broken ribs, a fractured skull, but the glass didn’t penetrate past the skin thankfully so provided the swelling goes does, we are hopeful there is no risk of Brain Injury but until she wakes up we won’t know…” Nicholas explained

“She lost a lot of blood, they managed to get some into her on the way over and we’ve got her on a drip, we’ll continue to give her blood and monitor her closely but it’s going to be a long road to recovery, if she recovers” Georgiana said as carefully and delicately as she could.

“If?” Benedict asked, his voice hoarse from underuse and quavering as he fought back tears

“It’s in her hands now, we’ve done all we can… we just have to… well wait” Georgiana said

Benedict felt the tears down his face “Can… can I see her?” he asked

“You’ll have to change, we’ve got some scrubs but given the number of wounds we want to limit infection as best as possible so you have to scrub up before going in” Nicholas said to him.

It didn’t matter if he had to burn his flesh off to see her. He would do whatever it took, he had to see her, reassure himself that her heart was still beating, that he was there and he wasn’t going anywhere.

They may not have said their vows but it was in sickness and in health… until death would they part and even that, he wasn’t sure death would keep them apart. There was no him without her, and he had to tell her that.

He had to talk to her, let the sound of his voice bring him back to her like it did when she had a nightmare.

He nodded immediately and Georgiana took him to the Intensive Care Unit where he did as he was asked, he was disinfected to the point he was wondering if he was going to end up sterile before he donned scrubs, a mask, a hair net and little booties before being allowed in the room.

The sight nearly broke him.

Wires and tubes everywhere, the sound of the beep, beep, beep, of her heart beating was surprisingly reassuring, her beautiful face, covered in little scratches from the glass, bruises forming over the patches of skin he could see.

This beautiful girl had sacrificed herself for him and his nephew and he would never be able to thank her enough, he wanted to yell at her for being stupid, for risking herself but he knew that was Sophie, putting herself in danger to save others… she’d always been like that.

He made his way to the seat next to the bed, grateful they’d not asked him to wear gloves and he reached his hand out, taking her hand in his, it felt warm.

Warmer than he had been expecting and he knew that was a good sign, he felt the pulse in her wrist as he stared at her.

“Come back to me Soph… don’t leave me… I love you. Please…” he whispered into the room but he didn’t get a reply.

He didn’t expect it.

He knew now it was a waiting game.

Only time would tell, but he had hope in his heart and soul that she would come back to him.

As he repeated the same words over and over again “I love you… I love you… I love you”

[emmacreatures]

A wake up call

AYO IM BACK! It took a bit, but I finally was safisfied onto fully wrapping this story up. @niku30 and I talked about rather dramatic approaches, and as soon as they mentioned a turn in faith for the huntsman.. My brain was fueled with ideas. Then Nina pulled the uno card and made the most STUNNING artpiece that blew me away and brought so much emotion. SO HERE WE GO. Inspired by that piece. featuring Rayner Cruze and Jack Hardin ~ (HERE's THAT PIECE BTW https://www.instagram.com/p/Cw0d8IUqFp2/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Niku30 @ Baldur’s Gate 3 🔮✨ (@niku30_)

Within the glimse of a second.. It happened. The steering of Jackson's car would not respond, No one could've possibly thought of this happening, and result in the worst fate imaginable.

The whole world seemed to stop for a second. Everything froze, yet went too fast to even realize what nightmare just happened. A turn was made, and wouldnt budge.. The whole audience in their seats gasped as the cameras followed to the worst crash of the century, no one knew how bad it was yet. All the racers were still in the game, as Cruze had driven to his pitstop as it needed fuel.. "This just in. The huntman is off the tracks, car has hit fire. Its yet to find out the consequences or state of Hardin himself.. Please remain seated-"... Cruze only caught up seconds after it happened. Freezing as he heard the words. Opening his own car door and watching the screens. "What happened.. What happened? is he hurt?" Cruze said with a swallow.. Before he got more strong. "IS HE HURT?" "we dont know cruze. It just happened, we dont know anything...". Out of pure fear and worry, Cruze swallowed again before he went back into his car, pushing the full gaspedal to blast the engine on as he drove off, right towards Hardin's crash. He couldnt even explain what he felt, but he had to go there. "CRUZE. CRUZE-STOP THATS-?!- Goddamnit he's not supposed to go out there. Someone GO AFTER HIM" One of his pitcrew yelled as he got someone to drive after him.. Managing to stop Cruze right as the man ran out of his car in the middle of it all, to see the wreck and full on blown fire.. "JACK.... JACK-" "Whoa woah.. Cruze, calm down. You cant come closer, the paramedics need to-" "I DONT CARE HE NEEDS HELP-" Cruze yelled before he felt like his world went into slomotion.. Cruze kept yelling thr man's name as tears streamed down his cheeks. Never in his life had he imagined to have felt such a sting in his heart.. The worst nightmare he hadnt considered or thought off to become reality.. Various people had to stop Cruze from coming closer as it was the ever first time the reckless rookie was broken like this. He was in shock, and even tried to run to the paramedics to join them on the way to the hospital.. but they all said for Cruze to keep a distance. But the man just couldnt. The game obviously was on hold.. and Cruze should not have driven off as it was an illegal thing to do. He just couldnt help himself.

Cruze eventually had been taken back to his own pitstop and crew.. Sitting away from most people as he shook as dried tears occupied his face, his trainer approached him slowly, taking him to a more private area where the doors could be shut instead of an open area.

"its a dangerous world Cruze. You need to realize this can happen.. Racing is dangerous. To younger, but also more advanced racers that hadnt made a mistake ever in their career. Its within the blink of an eye." Cruze's trainer/sponsor said as Cruze had been trying to get into jackson's hospital.. But everyone said it was too major, and had to keep their distance until they could tell or show how badly Jack's wounds were.. "I need to see him." Cruze said.. His voice shaking, yet being so stubborn and strong in what he wanted. "I know its difficult to see him but this is our world cruze. this is what you signed up for.. While you may or may not have realized yet that this can happen frequently. You have more speed than a take off to space, cars can mailfunction.. People bump each others cars. Things like this can be bound to happen".

As his trainer kept talking, cruze's mind was somewhere else.. Sniffing as he felt another tear slide down, he refused to look at the person speaking to him. "No one deserves this.. I should've been the one to get this-" "Cruze" "I JUST got into this world.. He.. He's been through so much Coach.. And now this happens, and here I am.. Without a scratch, without any issue. M" "Where did your confidence go all the sudden.. You're not quitting are you?" "I need to go to him, you let me go, or I'll quit.."

"for this season?" "Maybe all of it.. Depends what I feel like". "Cruze.. As much as you care, you cant do much nor take such direct actions.. He's possibly getting operated, and needs healing for a while.. At best he might have some scars he can get away with.. But he was in a massive hit, and chances are he might not get back into this game-" "You dont want to loose me too right.. allow me to visit him. Like maybe once a day. for a minute. Then I'll be back into your stupid game. Because you care for the fact I'm all over the media right?" Cruze said direct, seeing the true colors of this world now.. and the risk that they all had to endure which could end wrong.. as his trainer sighed.. "I wont stop you anymore, but I cant help you either. just as a reminder, if you'll pull something like this again, drive off towards the crash without allowance or pull more irrational decisions you think off on the spot.. It might've worked once to win that game which got you all into this world.. They will start to find you a bother, maybe even loose some sponsorships. you need to be careful" "Thats all you care about right" "Its important. Its a scary world with alot of ups and downs" His trainer said honest, slowly sitting up as he had sat down with Cruze. "Dont be late for the new game. As much as it might pain you, this season needs to go on and its a harsh reality. we have a race tomorrow again.. Try to keep your head in the game, or it'll be worse for all of us" The man said as he was realistic.. Making Cruze glare before he grabbed his car keys and drove off. He knew the crash was so recent ago that he might not get close.. But he couldnt help but try anyhow.

cruze was still in his racing suit. He ran right from the track to the hospital to stay as long as he possibly could. while he couldnt do much to help jack.. he just did not want to leave him alone. Each nurse after another told him to stay back and wait.. But somehow, Cruze's smooth ways got him still a little closer, using his looks a little bit to smoothen the deals along his reckless but fun behavior.. But the man was also so terrified. How would jack be.. In what state he'd be in.. Would he even be breathing on his own. It were things that were haunting Cruze. It might've been his first true fear he ever experienced.. As the driving and all never scared him.. But hearing that crash happen all over again in his mind, made him all the more worried how he was doing.

Listening yet trying to keep himself calm, one of the nurses eventually touched Rayner's shoulder as he was sitting in one of the waiting areas on the level Jack was located.. "Mr Cruze?" "Its rayner- You're fine" "He's still under some of the painkillers. A big operation is behind him, But he's stable for now." "Can I see him? or just wait inside of his room?" Cruze said as the lady looked into the direction of jackson's room before turning to him. "If you just stay here, I'll see what I can do. Since Mr Harbin is still dozed off, we usually dont allow people to come so early" The nurse said, but she noticed how badly Cruze through all these hours tried to come as close as possible. Noticing this man must.. care so much for Hardin. More than the people hardin works with, let alone his team. "Please.. if you can make an exception.." rayner said, noticing the lady saw the man was still wearing his whole racer outfit.. Not having wasted a second to come here. "Just, wait here.." she said, making Cruze slowly sit back as he waited.. Possibly being the most patient he's ever been.. Its been killing him, but after another few hours, the same nurse came to him. "Sorry for letting you wait, Hardin showed some signs of discomfort, so we needed to be sure what was happening.. You can go inside. Just try not to make him move too much if he wakes up" She said, making Cruze sigh out of relief. "Thank you.. Really.." He said, almost running to the room as he slowly opened the door, seeing Hardin for the first time since the crash.. gently closing the door behind him, he swallowed as he just slowly took a seat, but the noise made Hardin frown as he slowly opened his eyes..

"god i've never been more relieved to see someone move their chest" Cruze almost whispered as hardin had to blink a few times before he tried to focus on who was in the room.. Noticing all pipes and things onto his arms and more. "Cruze?" "the one and only.." Cruze said as he was almost able to cry out of pure relief to hear the man say his name.. alive and still kicking. "What are you doing here?" the man said with a rough voice, making Cruze laugh as tear fell down his cheek. "I could ask you the same thing.." Cruze said as he stood up to stand next to the man's bed, seeing Hardin moved a bit as he assured the man to take it slow. "You worried me sick Jack.. you better not pull this again or I'll have to kick you for it.. Are you okay?" cruze's voice started a but like how they sometimes messed with each other, but as soon as he asked how Hardin was doing, his own voice cracked, making him close to crying. He might've been a rookie and a daredevil, but the whole thing hit him so much that he wasnt scared to show emotion. "I seem to be fine for now.." "you better not scare the shit out of me like this again.. You're throwing me out of my game" Cruze said as Hardin laughed very carefully, before he looked at Cruze more. "I guess I keep doing my job then, being the huntsman" He said as the two all the sudden heard Cruze getting called.. But Cruze knew it was his team, questioning why he's gone for hours.. Without hesitation he ended the call before it even started, putting it on silent.. "Did they.. tell you anything regarding what you've been through?" Cruze said as he grabbed a chair to sit next to the man's bed.. "So far, not too much, they mentioned a lot of healing.. And that I barely made it out alive it seems.. But why are you here Cruze? I believe there's a race you have to be at tomorrow, and its not in the same city" "You care more about me having to be out there than visiting you here? do you even realize how difficult it was to even get this close" Cruze said as he raised an eyebrow, but almosy had to smile again because he was so happy he saw the man alive..

"I was so.. worried, it would've been worse.. I rather make sure you're fine and.. well treated than being in some stupid game..". "Stupid game? what happened to the man being so determined to win.. You're not planning on backing out are you?".. Hardin said as he sat up a little bit.. With help of the bed. Cruze realized this showed he cared more for jackson that he might've even realized himself, but the experienced man caught up on that detail.. Surprising him.. But making him remember it. "I'll catch up.. I'm not leaving the whole game.. its just, not the same without you out there. I find your health more important" Cruze said honest, making Hardin listen to him fully as he was a bit weakened. It touched him alot that Cruze went above and beyond to visit him.. Which again showed a certain part that confirmed some suspicion that they didnt talk about. "I can tell you one thing. you cant back up now kid.. They're gonna eventually notice this might weaken you- Many racers after seeing crashes like this tend to back out.. You cant do that" "I'm not weakened.." "I can tell you're worried. you even said it yourself, but you need to show them that this one crash wont distract you or throw you out of your game." Hardin said honest, making Cruze turn to Hardin as he looked at the man, saying nothing back for now.. "stay on track. mentally and physically" "You're becoming my new trainer?" Cruze said with a frown as Hardin looked back st him. "Dont give me that look. I'm saying you need to stand your ground" Hardin said forward, seeing Cruze got a wake up call.. But he didnt want it to become his way on avoiding this world anymore. "You're not weakened? Prove it to me then." Hardin said as Cruze's sudden challenged energy got pulled back.. Giving a specific look to Hardin in that regard.

"Since I wont be around for a bit, you might as well try and beat everyone else and stay at the top so you can wait for me to have a real challenge again. Shouldnt be too hard for you now?" Hardin said as he more than enjoyed the conversation, seeing that young energy in the room that got triggered by his approach.. Cruze had a bigger impact than he possibly realized on Hardin, but it so happened to be visa versa. "You're really out here challenging me while you've barely survived the accident?" Cruze said as he eventually smiled.. "You'll be okay.. Right?" "I will be if you wont go so soft on me. I'm quite tough Cruze, you better watch out" Hardin said, as Cruze laughed softly eventually, noticing the oldtimer was getting stronger again, certainly comfortable to make such comments. "Sure oldtimer, I'll keep my eyes peeled. The huntsman always seems to strike out of the blue" Cruze said as Hardin noticed the man thinking. "Whats on your mind?" "i was wondering one thing... Right before this occured, our race. you were so.. Strong on trying to win, so you had your next say in what you wanted.. I wonder what it was." "Well I didnt win.. Due to circumstances, so you might have to wait until I do get to win, the first day I'm back on track" Hardin said as his confidence made him smirk softly, making Cruze walk up as he nudged him. "Yeah sure- But you definitely made me curious. You were so ahead of me. As if you couldnt accept yourself to loose that one time. Must be important of what you were after-" Cruze said before he got called by his agent.. Sighing "What...?" "WHERE ARE YOU. We need to get ready to move you the next drive in cabo. Else we'll be behind-" "Alright- Alright. I'm coming.." Cruze said as he hung up, sighing as he stood right next to Hardin.. "Give me that" "What..?" Cruze said with a frown as Hardin took the man's phone, putting his own number in. "So.. The oldtimer has a working phone, even an own number?" "Very funny. How old do you think I am..?" Hardin said as he glared in a challenging way "Dont even answer that". Cruze immediately had to softly laugh, before he'd receive his phone back.

"So, now I'm forced to call you each day to give updates?" Cruze said as Hardin sighed. "You'll be gone, and I've noticed you're rather strong on wanting to know how I'm doing. Might as well see this as the best solution since you're about to travel again" Hardin said as cruze looked at his phone, adding the number to his priority. "Alright.. But you will have to explain what you wanted back on that bet of ours eventually" "Go Cruze or I'll call security.. You have to be out there. Dont show them your doubts. Those tires dont warm up themselves and you better show that reckless unstoppable behavior of yours that even can be a pain to me at times" "I was already doubting this whole speech, it started so supportive. Glad I made a mark" Cruze said as he held up the phone. "You might regret this though, now I'm even able to bother you outside the tracks" Cruze said before he had to leave.. Quickly making his way back as he felt less shocked about the whole occurence now, that he got to chat with Hardin.. Alive, breathing. In the time he went back to the track, he got called several more times by his agent, before running into his domain and packing as fast as it needed to be.. Onto a new race soon.

[mkeyztrm]

okay but i do wanna be real really quick about what’s been going on for me personally, i feel like i haven’t been honest with anybody even in my personal circle of friends.

so, seasonal depression has been hitting me hard. if you don’t know what that is, here’s the definition.

I have no idea how to explain how I feel in real words, so I’m gonna write out a scenario that explains it.

imagine a truck coming at you from your left side. full speed, fully accelerating no stop.

imagine a train coming at you from your right side. off the rails, full speed, fully accelerated, no stop.

there’s only one way out, and that’s the doorway infront of you, but in order to exit through that doorway you’d have to face a thousand blades infused with the worlds deadliest snake venom.

You can’t go back, that’s your worst choice.

behind you stands a 6 foot brick wall enforced with lasers, spikes, thorns, knives, daggers, swords, bullets, cannons. any object that can cause harm, but you don’t see that just by looking at it. It’s sugar coated with portraits of all your best memories, the things you could go back to if you just climb over that wall and “save yourself”. But you know it’s a trap, and that as soon as you ground yourself on the other side you’ll face the worst outcome you could’ve ever imagined.

now the truck never hits you, neither does the train. it’s the anticipation of “when will it hit me, when will it all be over” that’s really getting you going. the adrenaline rush of knowing you could either make it out, or stay there stuck in a trance of your very own irrational fear of confrontation.

in short, your options are limited.

the only true choices you got are;

stay there and continuously be stuck in a loop of emotions

go back, and face your worst nightmares.

go forward, risk losing it all.

or, you go forward, say “fuck you” to all those negative thoughts, all the negative outcomes and go forward with your life.

now picture everything I’ve just described in that writing as one, singular emotion / feeling. imagine that emotion constantly lingering. any feeling of being happy making you feel guilty afterwards.

that’s what I have been going through. some days i feel fine, great, amazing even. then once i get hit with another wave of this negative feeling i regret ever saying anything to anyone in the first place. It’s really messing with my life. it’s been to the point I’ve crossed the thought of “sewer slide”. i haven’t had those thoughts in ages. i don’t want to do it, I’m not going to do it. /srs but something makes me wonder what everyone’s lives would be like if I wasn’t here. would they be better? /rh probably not because I don’t really impact people that much LMFAO. but I’m not gonna die guys /srs pls don’t report me to safe2say 😭😭😭😭. My relationships are fucked up. I’m slowly distancing myself from anyone i don’t see everyday and the fact I’m aware of it is what really makes me feel regret over it. my love life sucks, im so very genuinely trying my hardest to shake the thought of it away, but no matter how many times it leaves it just comes back even stronger. Anytime I see couples it just reminds me even more that the only people who’d love me romantically are my exes. though, even my exes were just confused and the majority of them actually just saw me as a friend. they just couldn’t differentiate platonic and romantic. all i want is for someone to love me just as much as i love them. i think id do just about anything to have a healthy, stable relationship where communication is there.

that’s really wrecking me, but there’s definitely been some good things.

my best friend is being released from residential soon, and i miss her so fucking much. she means the entire world to me, no person could ever compare to her. she’s so stunning on the inside and out, and she doesn’t recognize it as much as she should. she deserves the world. she’s gonna celebrate my birthday with me we’re gonna have my first birthday party ever at her house :)

my other best friend is gonna hangout with me this weekend, we’re gonna get matching hair dye. I’m gonna get split dye and I think she’s picking one of the colors. she’s learned so much about me and I’ve learned so much about her, it’s honestly so refreshing to hangout with her and leave everyone else in the past for a minute. she doesn’t understand how much of a positive impact she has on me. <3

i wrote a lot, sorry for yapping. i just figured I’d be deadass for a minute, even if no one really cares it’s nice to be able to get the words out in a way

[ineffable-gallimaufry]

this isn't perfect (what is though?) but ii thought ii would share the thing ii wr8te last night

i gotta put it in text f8rm because it's too long so it will be under a read more

tw: this bit of writing includes MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, BLOOD, references to BONES BREAKING, a big ol FIGHT SCENE, a character being STABBED, and probably something else ii am f8rgettiin (if you see anything tell me)

anyways, without further ad8... here's the unbreakable arc wwiith a scene ii wwill pr8bably change a l8t later down the line

Boom!

Smash!

Kapow!

Every single badnik in Robotnik's "special fleet" went down in only a few hits. Sonic laughed a bit as he spindashed into the last one.

"Is that all you've got, Egghead?" Sonic gestured around at the broken robots littered about the ground. "C'mon I know you wouldn't just call anything a special fleet!"

A few more badniks landed on the ground around Sonic as Eggman's ship floated down towards Sonic.

"Oh not quite, Sonic." Eggman grinned. "I have one last trick for you."

"Three more badniks? Doesn't seem like a really good trick."

"Not them." Eggman groaned. "I wouldn't expect a puny rodent like you to get it."

Sonic cracked his knuckles and tightened his eyes. Running at light speed, he zipped in a blur, destroying every badnik around Robotnik. "Alright, where's this trick of yours Egghead?"

"It is a creation of sheer magnitude whose magnitude and power you could not even imagine with your infinitesimally small brain—"

"Whose?"

Bzzip.

A zap of blue energy.

A familiar face.

"Shadow?"

"Not quite."

Yet, the figure before him was most definitely Shadow the Hedgehog. The quills, the eyes, the fanged grin, every bit of him, almost picture perfect.

Sonic looked closer. Something was wrong.

Bzzip.

Next to him was Metal Sonic.

"But Metal can't—"

Bzzip.

Bzzip.

The flashes continued until Sonic was surrounded by enemies, some former, some current and all slightly wrong.

"What is this?"

"The trick." Eggman smiled. "I planned for so long how to annihilate you and now it's here."

"What's here though?" Sonic gestured at the assorted figures. "A gallery of all the people I've defeated?"

"No, something better." Eggman smiled. "I'll leave him to it."

A figure descended from above. Sonic could barely see him, the purple energy surrounding the figure obscuring him.

A low and distorted laugh crackled through the air like radio static.

"Alright, who are you?" Sonic lunged forwards at the figure.

And suddenly he wasn't there anymore. Sonic stumbled as the figure materialized behind him.

"Your worst nightmare."

"Really?" Sonic laughed. "And my nightmare doesn't have a name?"

The figure disappeared as Sonic turned around, fist ready to connect with face.

"You may call me Infinite. Not that you'll have much time to use that name."

"Oh yeah?" Sonic grinned. "Bring it then. I'm the fastest creature on Earth, the blue blur, the hedgehog no one can beat. You can't stop me!"

"Those make fine last words." Infinite snapped his fingers and the enemies around Sonic started to edge towards him.

"Last words?" Sonic looked around at the assembled figures. "Bold words from an Eggman crony. He's never been able to defeat me."

"Well, Sonic, since you seem to fail to comprehend the stakes here, I think it's time we get one thing straight.

"I am more than an Eggman crony. I will cut you down in a second.

"You won't know what's real.

"Your end will come after pain and suffering and fear.

"And that's the word I want you to remember.

"End."

Sonic looked around at the assembled figures. They were a lot. He could handle them though.

"Sonic, I don't want to defeat you."

The world fell silent.

"I want to kill you."

"Kill?" Sonic looked around. "Are you sure that's allowed?"

"We'll find out, won't we?"

Everything felt suddenly more. Eggman had never said this. Shadow, even at his darkest hour, had never said this. It was almost unthinkable.

Another snap of the fingers. Zavok came towards Sonic. He shrugged it off. He was faster than every single one of these guys put together.

What he didn't notice was that Chaos was right where he had dodged to. A quick punch from the watery creature threw him backwards, skidding along the rough ground.

He looked up. Shadow stood above him and in a blink, he was picked up by the scruff of his neck and thrown towards another foe.

"Hold on!" Sonic shouted as he flew from Shadow's hands. "I thought we were friends!"

"Oh, poor naïve, pitiful creature." Infinite's voice shook the air. "Things are not what they seem. Look around yourself. Tell me what you see."

The world spun as Sonic ran straight into Knuckles' pointed fist, the shock shaking him. Something felt broken.

"What of this is real?" Infinite asked. Sonic ran into the ground after a swift kick to the back from Metal Sonic.

"And then again, does it matter?" The fire of Solaris burned behind him and he could feel the tips of his quills burn in the heat.

"You can still feel the pain." Sonic was being flung from former enemy to former enemy.

"Still feel the crack of your bones breaking."

Sonic winced as his leg flared with pain.

"Help…" he whimpered from the ground. Everything hurt. His arms struggled to keep him upright.

"Help?" Infinite laughed again. "What makes you think anyone can help you? There is no one left. It's only me and you, exactly who do you think is going to save you now?"

Sonic looked up at Infinite. He hated being down here, weak, useless, unable to even prop himself up.

"What are you going to do to me?" Sonic's arm fell out from under him with a pop and a sickening crack.

"Your fear is delicious…"

The edges of Sonic's vision were blurring.

"Perhaps pain has made you forgetful. I told you already.

"I am going to kill you."

The words felt so much realer now, red and bloody in the air.

He had barely lived life.

He was just a kid.

Everything was crumbling.

Shink!

Sonic could hear sword blades being pulled out of their sheaths. He knew what was coming.

This was the end.

"Please."

"Futile. You will die by my blade. I already went over the steps of how this was going to happen. You suffer, you fear me, and then if you're lucky you die quickly."

The blade hovered above Sonic's heart, just a hair's breadth away from killing.

"Please." Sonic could feel tears welling up in his eyes. "I can't. My mother. My friends. My sisters. You—"

"Your family and friends. How noble of you to remember them." Infinite moved the blade further down.

"Stella is only five. She can't— Please." Sonic's voice was breaking. It was all so real now.

He didn't want to die.

Infinite was wordless. The blade went through Sonic's stomach with a sickening noise. He winced.

Blood was already starting to pool around him. He could see the weird fake Shadow watching.

He remembered when he had outstretched a hand for Shadow as he plummeted from the ark. How pointless it was. How much it hurt.

"I— I'm sorry." He murmured. There was so much. He wasn't ready.

A second blade slotted into his heart with a squelch and a sharp pain. Everything hurt.

"Goodbye, Sonic the Hedgehog."

The glint of a red gemstone shone above him, phantom waltz playing as the light hit its faces.

Everything hurt so much. If he could just—

It was almost like falling asleep. Everything just started to fade. The waltz almost slowed to a crawl. Everything was disappearing.

It was just all too much.

It hurt so much.

And then suddenly, it didn't hurt anymore.

And then, everything became nothing.

He was gone.

[aelfgiure]

Except we also watched a Real Plague roll across the planet in Real Time, and the results were... horrifying. We fully expected deniers and bullshit for this one, too, and damn, we got them. Not for long, this time.

We watched the early wave of z's roll across the less advantaged parts of the world so we knew what was coming. I made phone calls. Pulled the team together. Got us set up in our chosen location, and actually got our goddamn wall built, along with a few stealth ops to keep the 'neighborhood' safe.

Then, we waited.

I was absolutely delighted it took longer for the shit to hit the fan. Gave us more time to prepare, gave people further down the call list time to join us. That made a huge difference for everyone, in a good way. More people, more skills, more supplies! As long as we could move freely around the area, we did, shopping and making connections, making friends.

We recruited a few more people, and watched parts of the world fall into hell. When the hell washed up on the Gulf coast, we started shutting things down. It was sickening watching our nation fall apart, like a bloated week-dead cow lifted with a skid steer. (Yes, I've seen that. Yay farm life.) Families literally torn apart, into bloody shreds, on live television. Lots of senseless hate crimes, followed by retaliation that had most of us weeping or cheering them on, or both.

The last weeks before it all slammed shut were the worst. Global tensions were utterly nuts, and Command Staff spent quite a few nights awake and discussing options if shit went nuclear - we were close to a major target, after all, and grim jokes about radroaches aside, we had fears. To this day I'm still shocked that India and Pakistan teamed up during the crisis. Nobody was shocked by what happened to Russia, or China.

All in all, we were lucky. The location was great. The nuke-powered electric plant kept the area's grid up and running, and that alone had the locals on our side. Plus, we were out there working our asses off, keeping the roads clear, escorting trade groups in, eliminating raiders and bandits before they became a problem. I spent most of my time working medical, when I wasn't farming. We weren't setting ourselves up like Lord Humongous or whatever, we were part of the community and active in it's maintenance and defense.

Other places weren't so fortunate. It sucked that we couldn't save them, but we tried to keep our focus on what we DID save. Not just our area! Yeah, we were able to set up radio communication with other enclaves of survivors and help them work through stuff so they could thrive. It really helped to have this wider network around the region, it gave people a real sense of hope, a sense that there would be a future for all of us. That was the point, after all. We were doing this so there would be a goddamn tomorrow.

Things get better every year. I'm retired from the Command staff, too old and slow to jump into action at a moment's notice now. That's for the youngsters, heh. The different regions have slowly started to link up, east to west, north to south, and our kids and grandkids have educational opportunities that we initially feared were gone forever, when this shit started.

It was hard, don't get me wrong about that! It was hard, and miserable at times, and grief killed more than a few survivors over the years. Survivor's guilt is real, and I still wake up with screaming nightmares once in a while, but I wake up. I wake up and face the day, and I thank everyone who made it possible for all of us to survive, and I bless everyone who continues to do the hard work of building up the world again, and building it up better.

Maybe we learned something, right? I don't know, honestly. But when I read the reports of new trade agreements with other countries - not just regions, now, COUNTRIES! - I get hopeful all over again, same as when I read about the new and improved wind farms and solar greenhouses. Same as when I read about a university's graduating class being in the thousands again after twenty years of low enrollment due to safety concerns. It's all about hope, and making it better.

Now, I'm going to enjoy my retirement in this lovely stone cottage you sneaky bastards built for me. If I'm not inside when you stop by, I'm in the garden. Feel free to come say hi! I'll make us a nice cup of coffee and we'll gossip. And if it ever hits the fan again, I'll be at your side to help you defend it all over again.

- text of the retirement speech of Captain Greenlaw, one of the founders of Blackhawk Region, 2067. Her cottage was preserved as a Global Heritage site in 2085 and can still be visited to this day.

Her birthday has become a local holiday, complete with festival on the grounds. There are stories of people encountering a middle-aged woman, using a cane to get around, who asks for a sitrep. Those who fill her in on current events get a hearty pat on the back and a cigar slipped into their pocket (whether they smoke or not!) and lose sight of her in the crowd shortly after. The cigar is Capt. Greenlaw's favorite brand - and hasn't been manufactured since the Outbreak.

The zombie apocalypse, except everyone knows what is going on because it is bloody 2024 and people watch movies.

[rocorambles]

Hit It Till It Breaks

Pairing: Oikawa x Reader

Genre/Warnings: Yandere, Mafia AU, NSFW, Drug Dealing, Dub-Con/Non-Con Sex, Dub-Con/Non-Con Drug Consumption, Drug Addiction, Manipulation, Humiliation, Degradation, Prostitution, Slight Pet Play

Prompt: Hard At Work

Summary: Growing up, you’d always loved fairy tales and happy endings. You’d always believed that despite how bad things might seem or get, there would be a light at the end of the tunnel. But you’re quickly realizing that this isn’t a fairy tale, that there is no happy ending, and that sometimes, you only go downhill, farther and farther from the light. 

Author’s Note: This is my contribution for my HQ Discord Server’s NSFW collaboration. There are so many talented writers on the server and I highly encourage you to check out the collaboration masterlist to see how everyone decided to run with this spicy prompt.  

(Thank you as always @sawamooora for helping me keep this a coherent degenerate mess~)

It’s hard to believe that bright eyed girl holding her college diploma in the photo on your nightstand was you not that long ago. And your heart clenches when you remember how hopeful you had been. So excited to venture out and experience life. Ready to enter the job market. Ready to be an adult. 

Doors opened and closed. But you hadn’t let it deter you at first. It just wasn’t meant to be. You can’t expect to get the first job you interview for! 

But then more and more doors opened, only to be shut in your face.Your rose-tinted glasses began to crack as your funds quickly dwindled, as you lowered your standards, desperately mass applying to any small time company vaguely related to your major, only to be turned away at every step. 

And now, here you are, barely able to make rent, barely able to even feed yourself with the little you have from odd part-time jobs you’ve managed to stitch together into some sort of financial life line. 

Well, you HAD been barely able to make rent, but your hands tremble when you stare at the letter notifying you that your rent will begin to increase starting next month, mind speeding into a panicked haze as you unsuccessfully try to think of what to do, how you can possibly afford to live even in this dump anymore. And before you even realize what you’re doing, you’re scrambling, stumbling to your bathroom, throwing open your medicine cabinet as you rummage for the little pills that you know will help slow down your racing thoughts and provide much needed clarity. 

You swear everything seems clearer as soon as the smooth texture hits your tongue and you can finally breathe, slumping down on the cold tiles of your floor, pill bottle still clutched in your hand as you allow yourself to relax, praying for any ideas to flow through you. And it hits you like a ton of bricks when your grip on the plastic container accidentally loosens and the bottle clangs against the floor. 

A humorless chuckle slips past your lips as you stare at the rolling cylinder. 

Drug dealing. Fucking drug dealing. 

You can’t believe you’re even thinking of going down this route, but your mind flashes back to old roommates, old friends, old classmates who had nonchalantly made a pretty bundle on the side, carelessly tossing around and selling all types of prescription drugs on campus. And you vividly remember how simple they had made it seem, how they had all gotten away with it. Scrumptious meals, pricey alcohol, far beyond a college palette, and beautiful clothing were the only ��consequences” for their crimes. 

If they could do it, you could too. Or so you’d like to think. 

But as naive and ignorant as you are about this line of work, even you know there’s a difference between selling to silly college students on campus, and selling it at a popular nightclub owned by an infamous crime syndicate. 

Even as far removed as you are from the more seedy underbelly of the new city you live in, you know of the Seijoh Syndicate. Everyone in town does. It’s hard not to when they literally run and own the entire place. 

Oikawa Tooru and the rest of the Seijoh Four run their domain with an iron fist. They’re practically nonexistent, merely a scary story to keep people in line, for those who abide by the laws and keep their noses out of trouble, but an all too real nightmare for those who choose to defy them. And you shudder, remembering the horror stories you had heard of exactly what happens to those who decide to try and start their own nefarious business and practices on Seijoh streets without Oikawa’s permission. 

But surely they wouldn’t pay you any mind? Right? Surely a mere girl in her early twenties selling the leftover prescription medicine she has in her cabinets for one night won’t do any harm? 

Maybe it’s stupid to go to such a prevalent and well known club, especially one that’s notoriously favored by the Seijoh Four. But you convince yourself that it’s the most crowded venue in the area with a target demographic who’s guaranteed to buy you out, even at the obscene prices you plan on charging. How would anyone even notice you? Where else could you go? What options do you even have? 

So despite the nervous pit swelling in your stomach, you soldier on, plastering a cheery smile at the bouncer who easily waves you in without a second glance, slipping into the sweaty mass of bodies, going deeper and deeper until you’re surrounded - skin, bones, and muscles pressing against you on all sides, safe from any prying eyes. 

Or so you believe. 

You know who the Seijoh Four are. You even know their names. But never have you met them, never have you ever seen a picture of what they each look like. Not that it would help you if you did when you’re so laser focused on finding potential customers, not even bothering to look around to see if anyone’s watching you. So you carry on, unaware of the four sets of eyes looking at you in amusement from their roost high above the writhing crowds. 

There’s nothing subtle about the way you sloppily nudge people, practically shoving your pills in stranger’s faces, almost wildly waving your merchandise around you in a desperate attempt to pull in buyers. Sweaty nervous hands fumble as you exchange little plastic baggies for wads of cash and Matsukawa raises a brow in disbelief while Hanamaki cackles when you drop your merch and payment, getting on all fours on the trashed dance floor to recollect your goods. 

It might be the most amusing show they’ve had in a while, but Iwaizumi feels a pang of pity at the wild hopeless look in your eyes and he swiftly stands, brusquely telling the other three that he’s going to go down and tell you off with just a warning, only to be stopped when Oikawa smoothly stands to his feet, effectively blocking Iwaizumi’s path. 

“Now, now Iwa-chan. Don’t be so hasty. Let me go talk to the cutie. I’ve been so bored recently and she looks like she’ll be fun! Plus you’ll make her cry with that scary face of yours.” 

Suddenly the sight of you bumbling around isn’t quite as entertaining as the remaining three men watch the brunette prowl towards you, heavy realization of what’s to come sombering the mood.  

 You’re frantic, flitting about the throngs of flailing limbs and swaying bodies, frustration from not being able to get through your supplies fast enough weighing at your conscious. Sure, you’ve managed to accrue some cash, but it’s not enough, not nearly enough to even feed yourself for the coming week let alone make a dent in the daunting rent that looms over you. And you can feel hot tears prick at the corner of your eyes when you see that it’s almost closing time and you’re still stuck with more than half your inventory, no closer to figuring out how to survive. So when a hand firmly rests on your shoulder, you whip around, ready to take your anger out on the poor soul who’s managed to catch you at the worst time. But you freeze, vicious words stuck in your mouth when you see the handsome man beaming down at you, a thick wad of rolled up bills haphazardly dangling from his fingers. 

“I heard you might have some stuff I’d be interested in.” 

You wonder if this is all a dream, if the man in front of you is (ironically a devilishly) handsome angel swooping into save you when he casually asks you how much stuff you still have, how much you’d be willing to sell everything for, not even blinking an eye at your outrageous price tag. You’re so stunned by how quick he is to call it a done deal, not resisting even a bit as he wraps his hand around your wrist, pulling you after him, saying some vague comments about wanting to go somewhere a little more private since it’s a bigger trade. All you can think about is how you’ll finally be able to eat something other than instant noodles and not have to worry about rent as you throw yourself back into interviewing, too lost in thoughts to be wary of how you’re being dragged farther and farther away from the rowdy crowd. 

But the sound of a door slamming shut behind you jolts you back to reality and Oikawa fights back a laugh at how adorable you are, eyes blown wide like a deer in headlights as your head swivels side to side, dismay and panic making you tremble when you survey the private room you’re in, throat nervously gulping when you notice the three other occupants. 

You’re so predictable and Oikawa just rolls his eyes fondly at how you swiftly turn around, trying to lunge towards the door in an attempt to escape, taking his time to leisurely make his way towards you, brown orbs taking in every inch of you as Matsukawa and Hanamaki hold your writhing body in place. 

It’s so satisfying watching you crumble to pieces before his very eyes at just the mention of his name, despair and fear swirling beautifully on your face when he continues to introduce the rest of the Seijoh Four. It never gets old, that deliciously addicting feeling of power he feels when people tremble from just a few syllables and he relishes in your pleading apologies and your tears, patiently waiting for you to finish your little sob story, barely listening to the details as he focuses in on how gorgeous you are, broken and vulnerable. 

And really, there’s no need for him to pay close attention to your blabbering anyway. It always comes down to one thing…

 “So you need money, cutie? How about working for me?”

 “Oye! Oikawa-”

“I’m just asking her some questions, Iwa-chan.”

There’s tense silence and your eyes nervously flicker back and forth between the two imposing figures staring each other down, green and brown eyes clashing in a silent argument. But as if they’ve somehow come to a conclusion, Iwaizumi tsks and looks away while Oikawa turns his attention back to you, a sickeningly cheerful grin on his face. 

Blood curling fear lances through you and you’re almost grateful for the two pairs of strong arms holding you tight, their grip keeping you from falling to your knees as your legs threaten to give out under the pressure you feel as Oikawa thoughtfully looks at you. 

You know the smart answer would be to adamantly say no and promptly figure out a way to leave this moment far behind you, even if it means forfeiting any money you had made tonight. But...a job is a job, right? And surely a job in the Seijoh Syndicate would be more lucrative than anything you’re doing now, right? 

Oikawa hides a smile at the way he can see the cogs in your head turn, apprehension turning to curiosity as you stutter out questions about pay and what the job would entail. Desperation is a good look on anyone, but it suits you particularly well and just like that, hook, line, and sinker, he has a new cute live-in maid to replace the recently vacated role.  

Working as Oikawa’s maid is more...normal than you would have expected. Not that you’re complaining and other than the embarrassing maid outfit he makes you wear, complete with frilly bow and garters, the chores are mundane. Bring breakfast to him and wake him. Clean his room and do his laundry when he’s away at meetings or jobs. Make sure guests have refreshments when they come over to his large estate, a mansion you now also call home. 

If you’re honest, it’s much more relaxing than the multiple part-time jobs you had been juggling previously, and with free board, free food, and the substantial paycheck that regularly makes its way to your bank account, you can see your future brightening up again. When your duties are done for the day, you resume practicing for interviews and keeping up with the industry, feeling emboldened and empowered to finally resume working towards the career path you had always dreamed of. 

But the more time you spend with Oikawa, the closer and more entangled in your life the brunette becomes. Alarm bells ring wildly in your head as you’re forced to join him for meals, forced to dress in elaborate gowns and jewelry while you’re waltzed around on his arm, forced to travel around the world with him, and attend to him like a glorified assistant. He’s too charming, too familiar, too bold, and you can’t help but feel like you’re racing towards some inevitable crash as he easily brushes aside any boundaries between the two of you. 

You know so many women would kill to be in your shoes and you can understand why, not completely immune to his playful smile and the lilt of his voice yourself. But you know better, know exactly how dangerous it would be to get involved with a man like Oikawa Tooru. 

It’s clear from the crimson stains on the clothes he leaves for you to either dispose of, or have cleaned. It’s clear from the wails and sobs of woman after woman he uses and tosses aside like garbage on an almost daily basis. It’s clear from the guns, knives, and weapons, most of which you don’t even know the name of, filling up all the walls, drawers, and cabinets.  

So you do your best to keep your distance, building titanium walls around your heart. Always polite, too terrified of what would happen if you pissed him off, but cold enough to deter him from more amorously or intimately testing his boundaries. 

And it seems to work as he turns his eyes towards other women, leaving you alone after throwing a few flirty comments and winks your way and ultimately falling in bed with some other poor damsel. But you nervously gulp when it’s just the two of you one night and just as you’re ready to make yourself scarce after turning down his bed and laying out his pajamas, his voice beckons you over and you anxiously bite your lower lip at the sight of pills of all shapes and sizes splayed out across his desk.    

Other than your prescription medicine, you don’t have a lot of experience with drugs other than the few blunts here and there during your college years and you had always strictly kept to your recommended doses, never even entertaining the idea of taking more. So the sight in front of you is overwhelming and you hesitantly stare anywhere but at the table surface, anxiously waiting for Oikawa to explain why he called you over. But what you’re not expecting is the warm hand gently grasping your wrist and holding your arm out, small objects being carefully placed in your outstretched palm, and soft coaxing from Oikawa to “give them a try”. 

Every part of you is screaming to throw the pills and make a run for it, begging you to come up with some excuse or just outright reject his offer. But it’s as if your body is frozen and he firmly pushes your hand to your mouth, grip tightening enough to make you wince when you hesitate to listen. The slight pain is enough to remind you that you’re not exactly in any position to negotiate and you force yourself to down the pills and gulp down the glass of water he holds to your lips. 

The last thing you remember is the unsettling feeling of beginning a descent to an unknown place from which there is no return as Oikawa pulls you to his bed. And then euphoria floods through you as your body slots against his larger frame. 

It feels good. Too good. Unnaturally good. But it’s intoxicating and you can’t help but let yourself drown in the hazy waves crashing down upon you, feeling lighter, freer, happier than you have for years. You vaguely register roaming hands, a hot wet mouth, a body on top of yours, something hard pressing against the apex of your thighs, filling you, consuming you in heady pleasure only amplified by the drugs coating your insides.  

Bliss. Pleasure. Pure unadulterated joy. And then nothing. 

When you come to, the weight of what had happened last night comes crashing down on you, making your foggy mind throb even more and you can feel bile rising inside of you as a toned arm around your waist tightens its hold on you. Oikawa grunts in annoyance when you claw your way out from his hold, scampering on shaky legs to his bathroom, heaving and expelling the contents of your stomach, trying futilely to cleanse yourself of your employer’s touch. 

You flinch when you hear footsteps approach, shrinking into the corner of the tiled room, body crouched and curled into a tight ball as you try to save any shred of dignity you still have by hiding your naked body as much as you can from his prying eyes. Salty drops threaten to trail down your face when he hovers over you, sweetly cooing down at you “not to be like this”, “you liked it so much last night”, “come back to bed with me” only to stream down your face when his countenance swiftly changes, handsome face glowering down at you before brusquely turning away and snapping at you to “get on with your work then if you’re going to be an annoying bitch”. 

It’s easy to convince yourself that you’re just being smart, just trying to survive as you obediently wash up and don your humiliating uniform, that it isn’t just you being a coward as you submissively go about your usual work day, still sitting with thighs pressed against Oikawa’s legs at meals, making no move to brush off the heavy arm he slings around your shoulders, only slightly flinching when his fingertips teasingly play with the hem of your skirt as he converses with the rest of the Seijoh Four. 

But you can’t deny that all you are is a weak fool, desperate to live when you shakily accept the pills he pushes towards you again that night, silently crying yet not doing anything to prevent the inevitable as you swallow any self-respect or pride you had along with the smooth pellets under his watchful gaze, too scared of the glimmer of gunmetal you see on the inside of his jacket to even think of resisting. 

And history repeats itself. Over and over again. 

Oikawa smiles at how different you are from that skittish creature who fled from his every touch, smirking at how naive and innocent you still are as you try to hide how eager you are for your daily dose, unaware of how he’s slowly been increasing it every night, ignorant of how you unconsciously lean into his touches, pretty lips wrapping around his fingers as he hand feeds you. 

Do you know what an animal you are in bed these days? Do you realize how little there is left to differentiate you from one of his filthy whores when you’re so doped up on whatever he gives you, moaning like a pornstar and leaving vicious red claw marks on his skin as you bounce on his cock? 

And he knows it’s time to move onto the next phase of your conditioning when there’s not even a speck of shame in your clear eyes when the sunlight begins to filter through the window, knowingly smiling in satisfaction when instead of slinking off to wallow in your regret you shimmy down between his legs and begin to nuzzle and mouth his morning wood, face full of nothing but wanton desire as you take his cock in your mouth. 

He doesn’t give you anything that night. Or the next night. Or the one after that. He doesn’t so much as even look at you outside of your usual eye contact, not a single flirtatious word slipping past his lips.

You should be grateful. This is what you wanted, right? To keep things strictly professional between the two of you. To not be coerced into the artificial pleasure you’ve been swallowing on a daily basis for the last month now. To not feel like just another warm body for Oikawa to taint. 

Your interview notes and open tab of job listings are right there, begging for your attention, practically screaming at you to pursue the life you’ve always dreamed of. 

Yet here you are, not even a week later, on your knees in between Oikawa’s legs as he leisurely reclines in his chair, peppering his inner thighs with kisses and rubbing your face against the growing bulge in his trousers, begging and pleading for another dose, feeling utterly empty and cold inside, unable to sleep, unable to focus, unable to function without the nights of hazy ecstasy. 

Your heart drops at the long disappointed sigh the brunette releases. 

“Drugs are expensive, cutie. I was just being nice and letting you try some new batches we’ve been producing, but now that they’re on the market, I can’t just keep on giving them to you for free.” 

He rolls his eyes when you adamantly tell him you’ll pay whatever the price is, a condescending smirk splitting his face from how quick you are to shut up, soul crushed when he reveals the extravagant cost, a price he knows you can’t afford with the salary he’s providing you with. 

But he artfully softens his smile as he begins to unbuckle his pants, sliding the fabric down and letting his throbbing cock spring into view, chuckling when it lightly slaps your face as it’s released from its confines, wondering if you’re drooling from the sight of his erection or the pills he’s playfully placing along the length of it. 

“I know you don’t have that money, cutie. But I’d be willing to accept other forms of payments.”

The words are barely out of his mouth before you’re rushing to take him in his mouth and he loudly laughs at how obscene you look, slobbering all over his length, fervently bobbing your head up and down, hastily trying to deep throat him to reach the pill strategically placed right at the base of his shaft, lips puckering as you inhale the drugs, swallowing around him in a way that has him groaning as you stuff your face full of chemicals and pre-cum. And it doesn’t take much longer for him to wash your mouth and throat with warm rivulets of sticky white fluids as he watches the goods take effect, his balls tightening and cock straining with arousal as you reach between your legs, fingers playing with your tight dripping hole while your lewd moans vibrate against him. 

It’s pathetically endearing how you can’t keep off of him after that, insisting on sitting on his lap during meals, your cute ass grinding against his clothed cock, always dropping to your knees in between chores, warming his cock in your greedy mouth, always asking him how many pills you’ve earned so far. You really are just his little slutty drug addict now, aren’t you? 

But he needs you to be more than that, needs you to learn that you belong to anyone who’s willing to give you the high you crave, needs you to realize that you’re just a free use drug addicted whore for anyone and everyone to use. 

So despite how tempting it is to just plunge balls deep inside your tight little pussy, he shoves you off of him one night as you try to grind against his body, feigning exhaustion and boredom of your body, watching in amusement at the panicked crazed look that flashes across your face at his words. Well aren’t you a beautiful sight, throwing yourself at his feet and groveling, saying you’ll do anything for another dose. 

Anything, huh? 

In your defense, even through the daze of your withdrawal, there’s still a wary expression on your face when Matsukawa and Hanamaki enter the room. Maybe you aren’t as broken as Oikawa had thought. But when you see the little baggies filled with the tablets you’ve become far too familiar with twirling between the duo’s fingers, you practically lunge at them and Oikawa finally allows himself the pleasure of reaching into his pants and stroking himself to the debauched sight playing out in front of him. 

Maybe he needs to fuck you in front of a mirror more often if this is what you look like from an outside perspective. It’s like you were made to be used, to be just a warm toy for men to use and Oikawa can’t help but think you look best like this, cocks penetrating both your front and back holes, your body squeezed between two bodies. And he fondly smiles at how you have Hanamaki’s face between the palms of your hands, your lips locked in a sloppy kiss as your tongue ravages the strawberry blonde’s mouth, searching for the pills the man had playfully placed on the tip of his tongue in front of your very eyes before winking at you and telling you to come and get them yourself if you wanted them so badly. 

They keep your daily training a surprise, mixing up who gets to wreck your body each day, how many cocks and rounds of cum you’ll need to pay with, what pills and dosage you get. Always keeping you lost and confused, making sure your mind is just a muddled mess that can only think of reaching your next high by any means necessary. 

Hell, even Iwaizumi takes part when he realizes that you’re beyond the point of no return, that Oikawa wasn’t joking when he said that there is no other choice for you anymore. This is your life now. This is who you are now. This is your “happily ever after”. He knows all that, can see all that in the way your dazed eyes only come to life at the sight of your addiction, your otherwise listless body perking up at the sound of the tiny objects rattling in their container. And yet a small sliver of guilt has him growling at you to get on all fours, ensuring your face isn’t visible, turning you into just another body for him to mindlessly use as he pleases. 

It’s an uncomfortable position, borderline painful as your knees rock back and forth on the hard floor with every brutal thrust of Iwaizumi’s hips. But you don’t care, the aching pain in your legs just dull background noise as you fixate on the tablets scattered on the floor in front of your face, dropping your entire upper body low to the ground, only your hips raised high as your mouth snaps forward. You’re so close and you mewl as your lips make contact with the first pill, uncaring of the pitiful sight you make licking and lapping the floor, whimpering when a hand firmly grabs you by the hair and roughly pulls your face away from your feast. 

“Maybe we should get you a dog bowl, cutie. It’s humiliating even for you to be eating from the dirty floor like that. Hold her hair for me, Iwa-chan.” 

You crane your neck back and forth, jaw jutting forward as you frantically fight against the tight grip holding you back, mouth drooling and tongue extending like a ravenous animal. But it’s no use and you whine, too focused on your unfinished “meal” to notice how Oikawa is still standing in front of you, cock pulled out from his pants, his hands rapidly fisting the shaft. And only when thick white spurts glaze the remaining pills do you whip your attention towards him, staring with hopeful wide eyes when he crouches in front of you and grabs your face. 

“When Iwa-chan lets go of your hair, you’ll get to have the rest of your treats, but you also have to eat the special seasoning I’ve generously given you, okay? If I see even a speck of it left, you’re not getting anything tomorrow, understand?”

Oikawa laughs at how vigorously you nod your head and with a nod in Iwaizumi’s direction, you’re released and the two men watch on as you lick the floor until it’s sparkling clean, slumping your face in the mess of your own drying saliva as you reach euphoria once more. You wail as Iwaizumi shoves you off a cliff and into floating clouds of bliss with one last thrust, the drugs in your system weaving a comforting cocoon around you that you melt into, unable to escape its soothing pull, giggling in content as his seed fills you to the brim. 

There’s silence as Iwaizumi pulls out of you, tucking himself back into his pants before sitting besides Oikawa, joining him as he continues observing your used and drugged up body sprawled across the floor, a dopey smile on your face as cum begins to leak out of your spent pussy. 

Minutes pass and Iwaizumi sighs, knowing what Oikawa is waiting for him to ask despite how insistent he has been over the years about not wanting to be involved in this particular side of the business...

“Are you going to have her start working at the brothel soon? She seems just about ready.” 

“Not yet. I want to give her a few test runs first before I have her work full-time at that establishment. She’s only been with the four of us, so I’m curious to see how she is with a complete stranger. It’s perfect timing too since Sawamura is coming over for a meeting soon and I know he won’t damage the goods if I gift her to him for a night or two. Plus, she hasn’t completely lost her mind yet so we can get some more use out of her before we toss her aside...”

The brunette rambles on, tone light and airy as if he’s just discussing the weather or a TV show he watched, as if he’s not mere feet away from a woman he’s utterly destroyed and rebuilt into just another brainless profit-making doll. 

And Iwaizumi tunes him out, already having heard almost this exact speech countless times by now, unable to even keep track of how many others like you there have been in the past, unwilling to think about how many more there will be in the future. But he snorts at Oikawa’s typical closing line.

“I guess it’s almost time to find a new cute maid.” 

[yeahimaloser]

A Hero’s Nightmares

Hi everyone! I’m so sorry that this took so long to make, I wish I could have made this a little longer! But personal stuff came up, but I’m back to writing so YAY!

A/N- the beginning is supposed to be a bit weird considering it’s a nightmare, so just keep that in mind! Also, tumblr was being so annoying and weird when I went to post this so I’m sorry if it looks wired ;-;

Summary: Keigo always has the worst nightmares, but he refuses to tell you about them.

Warnings: BLOOD, nightmares

Reader has no pronouns mentioned

Word count: 2.7k

…..

His eyes opened slightly, only to be met with a piercing white room. There was nothing, not a person, not anything in the blankness of the room. Just him, he was the only one there.

Keigo reached for his wings, but he was met with nothing, there was nothing there, no feathers, no stumps of glorious wings, nothing.

Well, nothing except his blood.

It just kept coming, his hands and back were covered in it. Where was it coming from? He couldn’t figure it out, but he was becoming increasingly more panicked, what was he supposed to do if his wings were gone? How would he be a hero?

The more anxious he seemed to get, the more blood came out from his back. Where was it coming from? His hands still covered in the red ink-like substance, he looked around, trying to find something he could use to help him, maybe someone to help him.

But he was alone, no one was coming to help him. He was alone.

He supposed he was always alone, he would always be alone.

But then, in the corner of his eye, he saw you.

You were standing, a few feet away from him, looking down at his form on the ground. He didn’t know how you got there, he was sure he didn’t see anyone in the room with him. He was sure when he looked around no one was in sight. But he was glad, his love was with him.

“Y/N,” he called over to you, but his voice felt hoarse.

That's right, you were with him, he wasn’t alone. With you, he would never be alone, you promised to always be there for him. You promised to help him, you promised to love him forever.

“Y/N, I’m so glad to see you! Can you help me? I don’t know what's wrong with my back and-”

That's when he saw it, your blood.

Your stomach was bleeding, and bleeding fast. The blood dripped from your stomach, coating the white floor with red ink. You stumbled a bit, trying to make your way over to him.

He rushed over to you before he knew it, he was in front of you, holding you to him before your body gave away, before your strength collapsed. He placed you lightly on the ground, trying to look over your injuries, trying to figure out what was going on.

“Babybird, who did this to you? What happened to you,” he looked around, trying to see who hurt you. He was supposed to protect you, he was supposed to be your hero. But he had failed, you were hurt, and he didn’t know what to do.

But still, no one was in the room with you two, it was just him and you. Then again, he didn’t have time to dwindle on the who and when and where, just the now. You were bleeding in front of him, his love, he needed to help you, to save you.

He noticed that his blood from his back meshed with your blood, there was so much. He wanted more than anything for it all to go away, for you and him to be ok. Who would do this to you? Why?

Slowly, you spoke, “You.”

He nodded, “Yes, I’m right here baby, no one will hurt you. But you need to tell me, who did this to you?”

But the blood just kept coming, and although Keigo tried not to show it, he was getting increasingly more worried. His heart pounded harder in his chest, his ears ringing as he tried to calm himself down. He put his hand on the wound, trying to see if he could stop the bleeding, but you shoved his hand away.

He looked up at you, shocked, but he took a deep inhale, “Y/N, I know it must hurt, but you have to let me help you. Can you tell me who did this to you?”

All of a sudden, your face shown with a scared, distressed expression. You looked into his eyes, yours filled with nothing but fear. His heartbeat quickened, his hands suddenly felt clammy, his body felt heavy. So heavy.

“Why did you hurt me, Keigo? Why would you do that to me? I thought you loved me? You said you would protect me, so why did you hurt me?” Your tone was horribly drained, so incredibly fearful, so frightened.

For a moment, Keigo didn’t understand. What were you talking about? He would never hurt you? He could never hurt you, you were the love of his life, the reason he woke up in the morning. If he hurt you, he…

He didn’t know what he would do with himself.

But then he looked down at your wound, something was sticking out of it, the weapon that had pierced your skin. He reached over to pull it out, but when he did, all he felt was pure horror.

It was his feather.

His feather cut you, he was the one killing you.

“N-No, I would never,” his voice was shaky, his back suddenly felt heavy.

He turned to look back at his wings, his eyes widened.

Suddenly, his wings were on his back again. All his feathers were covered in blood, your blood.

He reached up to touch them, the stickiness on his fingers only seemed to make him realize, it was blood. It was dark and thick, falling onto the floor of the white room, meshing with the colors, making a dark contrast.

“Why Keigo.” your voice was filled with terror as you gazed up at him, “why would you do this to me? Don’t you love me?”

He tried to hold you to him, to apologize, to try and make things right, to try and help you. He had to make things better, he couldn’t lose you, he wouldn’t lose you.

But his body didn’t move, no matter how hard he pushed, his body was frozen in place.

“You’re a monster, why do you keep hurting me? I love you, Keigo, why would you do this to me? Do you not love me? Why,” tears slipped from his eyes. He was supposed to always be there for you, to protect you from the horrors that would hurt you, but he had done this to you. He was a monster.

“Please Y/N,” his voice shook, his tears spilling out, “I’m sorry, please.”

You let out a piercing scream, it crushed his soul, his heart, he felt as though his whole world was collapsing, and he could do nothing about it.

----

Keigo bolted out of your shared bed.

At first, the haziness of sleep clouded his mind, but his heart was still racing. Then he remembered, he remembered what he saw happened, how you…

His head snapped to your side of the bed. But you were right beside him, peacefully asleep.

Salty tears dripped down onto the bedsheets, Keigo didn’t even notice he had been crying.

Even though all he wanted to do was wake you up, to feel your body and feel that you were ok, to hear your voice, he knew better. If he woke you up, he would just look selfish and weak. A hero shouldn’t be getting nightmares, a hero shouldn’t be seeking out comfort in others. He wanted to be someone that you depend on, he had to show you dependable he could be, he didn’t want you to worry so much about him.

It was just a dumb dream, in fact, the whole thing didn’t even make any sense. His wings disappeared and then reappeared? The blood on his back, it all was just stupid. He was just being over-emotional, he needed to stop it. Whenever he was in training and had nightmares, his handler would always tell him he was just being an idiotic child. His handler told him, “How can you ever expect to be a hero when you’re afraid of going to sleep? Stop being weak.” He was right, Keigo was a hero, he needed to act like one.

But still. He couldn’t help but stroke your cheek, just feeling even a bit of your skin felt like a reminder that you were there with him, that you were laying in some room with your blood splattered everywhere.

He remembered what you had said to him, “You’re a monster.”

It was true, he always seemed to hurt you, he would always skip out on dates, always come home so late, only to see that you had waited up late for him. He was supposed to be your boyfriend, he was supposed to show you love and protection. And yet, here he was, a pathetic mess, shaking like a leaf from some foolish dream.

The thought made a cold shiver run down his back, down to the base of his wings.

His wings.

He reached back, stroking his feathers lightly. They were there all right, but something about them made him feel repulsed. They felt heavier, which was peculiar because he had lost a large majority of them in battle.

A feather landed on the bed next to him. It was red, blood red. The memory of that horrifying dream came flooding back to him, making him remember about all the blood that had surrounded him, how he couldn’t save you. How he failed you.

It was all too much, your beautiful sleeping form next to him, the stress over his nightmare, the red that he kept seeing. He needed to get out, to leave, it was all too much for him, it made his lungs feel so so heavy like he couldn’t get a breath in. His heart kept racing, no matter what he did to steady it, it just kept beating so goddamn fast.

As he stood up though, he stumbled a bit, but he quickly regained his balance. He snapped his head towards you, his face softening as he saw your body still blissfully in sleep. He knew how pitiful he might have looked in that moment, how, more than likely, if you would have woken up, you would have looked up at him with pity in your expression. The thought repulsed him, he needed to be strong.

He sighed, trying to regain his balance. He placed a hand on his heart, still trying to calm himself down from his nightmare.

It wasn’t real, Y/N is ok, your wings are still there, nothing bad ever happened to anyone.

He made his way to the balcony outside, still trying to catch his breath, still trying to wrap his brain around his nightmare.

He made his way over to your home’s balcony, it was a nice little thing, sturdy and well suited for the penthouse. Normally, the breeze hitting his face would put him at ease, calming him down. Yet, tonight, even the fresh smell of cool winter air couldn’t stop his heart from racing. He gripped the railing of the balcony, not sure if his wings had it in him to take off for a nighttime flight.

He hated it, he hated his nightmares, he always had them, no matter what he did he would always be plagued with them. When you two started to date, he was scared to sleep next to you, he didn’t want to wake you up and worry you. But when you finally realized about his nightmares, you were so accepting of him. Sleeping next to you seemed to make his bad dreams fade away, the way you would say comforting words to him while he drifted off always put him at ease, always made his mind stay still and just relax.

But they had come back, stronger and harder. He hated it, he hated how scared it made him feel, how he felt… powerless. He was a hero, for god’s sake, he was supposed to protect and serve, he fought villains, protect people, especially you. How was he supposed to do that if he was scared of going to sleep?

He didn’t even realize how hard he was gripping the railing of the balcony till he looked down to see how white his knuckles were.

He sighed, furrowing his brows. Why was he like this? He wished this was some sort of a switch he could turn off and on. So his nightmares would just vanish, for him to just be normal for you. He loved you, he didn’t want to fuck it up with you. You meant too much to him, he wants to show you how much of a hero he could be to you

He didn’t even notice you move next to him, he didn’t even sense your presence as you made your way over to him.

When you woke up to find his side of the bed empty, you knew exactly what was wrong. He always had these terrible nightmares, you worried about him, how he would wake up in a cold sweat, how they made him so anxious. But, what you hated more was how he refused to tell you about them, you wished he could just stop being a hero with you. No matter how much you reassured him that you would always love and support him through anything, he would only take it at face value, seemingly not believing you. You wished he would stop protecting you, you wished you could convince him that you loved him no matter what.

Reaching for his hand that was gripped tightly to the railing, Keigo flinched away, still not sensing your presence.

That was unusual for him, he would always sense you, always seemed to have his hawk-like senses tuned to your overall aura. Most people found it difficult to get a jump on Keigo, he was heavily on his guard at all times.

That must have meant that he was really shaken up about his dream that he had.

“Keigo,” hearing your voice snapped him out of any other thoughts he had, making him concentrate solely on you, on your presence, on your voice. You were here, you were ok. “Baby, are you ok? Do you wanna talk about it, sweetheart?” You lightly traced his knuckles with your fingers, soothing him and telling him how you were there for him, how you didn’t plan on leaving him.

But, unfortunately, Keigo always tried his best to push you away from him, to tell you how fine he was. Of course, you never believed him. He was a hero for god’s sake, combined with his childhood trauma, that wasn’t the best mix for his mental state.

And yet, he closed you off, pretending to be fine.

He flashed you a reassuring smile, “I’m fine, honey. Go back to bed, I’m just getting some fresh air.”

You were sick of it.

Taking a deep breath, you brought your hands up to Keigo’s face making him look at you, you shuffled closer to him, your body’s were touching lightly. You gave him the softest, yet piercing look he’s ever seen.

“Keigo,” you said in a stern voice, bringing his lips close to yours, “I love you, I love you so damn much.”

Your lips were almost touching now, Keigo’s eyes seemed to glaze over with love, “So please, Keigo,” you moved closer still, “Please,”

“Let me help you.”

[mrs-march-ahs]

James March Death Sentence

Summary- The story of an infamous serial killer, James March, and the murder that ended him.

Words- 912 Warnings- Death, suicide.

In this story James is not a ghost and ghosts do not exist.

This wasn’t requested, but nevertheless I hope you enjoy! :)

----

A security guard walked down the corridor of the mental institute, walking towards the room of not only the most notorious patient in the building, but also the most notorious serial killer of the last century. James Patrick March had murdered over 150 people in his mere 35 years of life, but the information only came to light earlier this year, after his last kill, and his only manslaughter. He was being closely inspected after being incredibly suicidal after the death of his wife.

He clearly had fallen in love with his guardian angel quickly, having married her only after a year of first meeting her. Their wedding was far from humble, taking up majority of his murder palace, more famously known as the Hotel Cortez, where between celebrations he murdered three of the guests that joked about his bride. He was clearly a protective husband, refusing to tell her about his dark hobby until it the secret became a strain on their marriage.

His maid Hazel Evers, who helped in the murderous activities and was later sentenced to only 5 years, was for years infatuated with the hotel owner. She wasn’t above rude comments to every bride he had and the occasional eye roll at their affection. Although the lady of the Cortez was patient, after a putting up with verbal abuse from his maid for over a year of their marriage, she eventually had to tell her husband. But with every uncertain word and hesitant noise from him, she couldn’t help but assume the worst. When she confronted him about his affair with the maid, he defensively refused, assuring her that the secret Miss Evers was hiding wasn’t based on love, but death.

He eventually knew that he could hide it no longer, but instead of telling his wife, he decided to show her. They went hand in hand to his Trophy Room, filled with severed body parts of his victims that he kept as memorabilia in glass jars on lit-up shelves. She was not only devastated, that the love of her life had proven to be a psychopath who fed on the pain and anguish of others, but also mortified, that one day if their love dies, having her heart metaphorically won’t be enough for him, and he will rip it out of her chest for his shelf.

She was rightfully fearful that he would hurt her, and no matter how many times the sobbing killer assured her it wouldn’t happen, she was proven right. When she reached for the handle of the heavy door to the freezing room, his heart skipped a beat, thinking she may not keep his double life a secret and he would end up in jail without her, for the rest of his life. As he leaped towards her, wrapping his arms around her tightly, he pushed her against the door, trying to keep her from leaving. But when the back of her head, the medulla oblongata, hit the metal lock on the door, impaling her just slightly, her body flopped in his arms as she instantly became his first manslaughter, and last victim.

He proved his devotion to his wife, turning himself into the police immediately, only being let out of prison in his first month once, to attend her funeral, at which he for the first time tried to jump into oncoming traffic, only to be held back by the guards. With every attempt to end his life and join her, his sanity deteriorated, until there was no other choice but to be put into a mental institution, where he was to spend the rest of his life.

The cells were far from the luxury he was used to, but James March had to be observed often, making sure that the few things he was allowed to have in his room wouldn’t end fatally for him. But as the guard entered his room, he noticed just the body of March and dropped the key in his hand to the floor. He was laying lifeless, with only his diary by his side, and his bedsheets tied around the bars in the windows and at his neck. When the guard walked over slowly to him, he picked up his diary and flicked to the entry before the last.

Although I yearn for the release of death and any numbing of my suffering, the only thing that alludes me about sleep and keeps me far from it, is the knowledge that tomorrow I will miss my beloved even more than I did today. This is the longest I’ve been away from her since the day I met her and it is proving to be unbearable. The second she took her last breath and her life ended, as did mine.

No amount of training before working in this dark depressing place will prepare a guard to witness something like this. He squatted by the body and flicked the page to look at the last entry.

I was the person who was meant to protect her from everything bad in the world. It was my only goal since the day I met her. Instead, I forced her to live through her worst nightmare and her experience her biggest fear, death, with the thought that I mean her harm and do not love her. I ache harder than ever to be along side her and I will achieve that no matter the cost.

I’m on my way, dearest.

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

@milly-louise  @amourtentiaa  @kitwalker02  @tatestripedsweater  @therenlover  @maria-akira         @tatesimper  @thxc0untessesgl0ve  @mossybank  @ahsxual  @mxlti-fand0m-imaginess  @mrs-march-ahs-biggest-fan  @kitwalkerangel  @kitisagoldenretrieverboy @darlingkitt  @blackbat2020 @elaineygrace @kaiandersonskoolaid  @undeadcortez @whiiiiplaaaaash

[alj4890]

I got an ask we know Riley gets kidnapped by Anton but what if Anton was in love with her and he didn’t wanna kill her but makes her his. What if Olivia killed Claudus for shooting drake.

I love the way you think, Nonny! I actually would have eaten this up with a spoon if that had happened in canon. To be honest, I really liked Justin in book 2. If he had been a new love interest, I would have done a play through just to see what happens if Riley chose him 🤦🏻 Of course then we find out he is behind all the bombings and such so...oops, LOL. When I first saw your request, I made an aesthetic with just Justin/Anton and Riley in mind. I completely forgot to add a definite OTP of mine, Drake and Olivia, to it. Smh. The story though will definitely include them along with Riley and Justin. I am so tempted to turn this into a series 🙊

@gkittylove99 @krsnlove @kingliam2019 @texaskitten30 @yourmajesty09 @mom2000aggie @ofpixelsandscribbles @twinkleallnight @lodberg  @amandablink @neotericthemis  @mm2305 @sfb123 @iufilms

Masterlist

True Intentions

It had happened when he had not been paying attention. It shouldn't have happened at all. He had one goal. One mission. Nothing had ever come to mean more to him than that. Nothing. No one.

Until Riley.

He knew he shouldn't have spent so much time with her. He shouldn't have helped Maxwell in picking the right dresses for her. He shouldn't have stuck around to see her come out of dressing rooms, an excited smile upon her face, as she twirled around for them to give their opinions.

It had taken all his will power to keep from telling her what he truly thought. Riley's beauty was simply stunning, not because of her outer loveliness, but more that he saw her inner beauty shining through each trial she faced. Her strength amazed him. Her wit brought a smile to his face. Her kindness touched his heart.

It made him begin to long for things he shouldn't. They shouldn't be a part of any dream or plan he had.

And yet...she was beginning to crop up in his thoughts. In his dreams.

In his plans.

He winced as he tried to get comfortable.

His plans hadn't exactly gone as he had hoped. In fact, he should have talked to his men and explained that Riley was not to be a target.

Thank God for Drake. If he hadn't jumped in front of her, she would have been taken from me.

His lips twisted in another painful grimace.

"Are you in pain?"

Justin looked up and tried to smile. "Just a little."

His nurse shook her head. "I told you to buzz before it got too bad." She gently checked his wound.

"I don't want to be a bother." He mumbled.

"You aren't." She patted his hand. "You aren't any trouble at all." Her nose wrinkled. "We had a few nobles cause unnecessary problems when the attack happened."

"Really?"

She rolled her eyes. "Some were knocked down during the chaos and demanded they be admitted."

He chuckled softly. "Sounds like something they would do."

"It's a shame that good people like you were seriously hurt while those spoiled nobles try and take all the attention." She readjusted his covers after administering some more pain medication in his IV. "I don't know why King Liam is so hellbent on bringing them back to court."

"What do you mean?" Justin tried to fight the effects of the pain medicine. "What's he doing?"

"He and Lady Riley are going on some type of tour to some of the major houses to personally invite them to their wedding."

His brow furrowed.

A unity tour. That would work on these small minded individuals. It was a smart move. The public were already Team Riam. Once the royal couple convinced the most powerful houses to come to their wedding, all the other minor lords and ladies would follow suit.

"Well played, Liam." Justin's eyes drooped closed. "Well played."

**************

He couldn't believe that they not only convinced Madeleine's entire family, but also somehow got all of Portavira on their side.

"What's the plan?" Claudius asked.

"We need something big to remind everyone that we aren't a one trick pony." Justin told him.

He looked out the window. Leaves were beginning to change with the first hints of autumn in the air.

A hint of a smile appeared as a plan began to form.

"It would be a shame if Cordonia's apple orchard had a bad year, wouldn't it?" He eyed his second in command.

Claudius chuckled. "It really would."

******************

Justin watched as every channel showed the devastation of the orchard near Applewood. He couldn't help but smile over Riley making the people love her even more for her righteous anger. Her promises to bring those responsible to justice along with making the orchard bigger than before made him nearly burst with pride.

She had grown into her role more so than he had ever imagined. Gone was the timid young waitress from New York who uttered no comment when reporters surrounded her. She was a confident woman now who could think on her feet.

Justin thought she was more attractive than the first time he had seen her floundering in front of the cameras, in desperate need of a hero. It hadn't been a bother to rush to her side then and put his arm around her. Her wide eyes had lifted to his and he had nearly melted from her beauty.

He still couldn't believe that she forgave Liam for choosing another over her. Granted Madeleine impressed him with how she could manipulate reporters into spinning a story to her advantage, but Riley was so many things that the cold countess was not. She deserved better than what she got.

And he planned on giving it to her.

*****************

A week after the orchard burning, he turned to see the one rarely far from his thoughts.

"Justin!" Riley rushed over to engulf him in a hug.

"How's my favorite media darling?" He asked.

She leaned back and gave him that smile that was brighter than flash bulbs. "Much better now that I know you're recovering." She playfully glanced about before whispering, "Save me from Madeleine!"

He laughed as he hugged her once more. "I don't know. I've seen her work and can't find fault with it."

Riley pouted. She linked her arm with his as they walked down the hospital hallway. "I prefer your guidance to hers." Her nose wrinkled. "It's weird being told how to act by Liam's former fiancée. I know there wasn't anything between them, but still."

Justin patted her hand. "Tell you what. If Madeleine is unable to do her job or you decide to fire her, then I will gladly step back into my old position." He dug around in his pocket for the earpiece she had used during Liam's engagement tour.

Her smile reappeared. "Old faithful."

"I'm always Just-in-time." He teased.

*****************

It had been too close. He hadn't expected Riley to go anywhere near Constantine. And there she was, by Liam's side, graciously accepting some necklace from the old man who had destroyed her initial happily ever after.

His heart had nearly stopped as he watched rubble fall around them. Riley had frozen in fear over Liam's safety. It was a nightmare come to life as pieces of the wall and ceiling began to collapse.

At least one good thing had come from this: one king was dead.

It sadly wasn't the king he needed to die.

Justin began to plan how he would comfort Riley once Liam was gone. He wouldn't have to tell her it was he, himself, who orchestrated his death. But he would make certain to enjoy the benefits of it.

His eyes narrowed over another slight problem he had.

He was going to have to kill his own wife too.

******************

Lythikos...

It had been almost too easy. Madeleine was already in need of a distraction after hearing Liam gush over how excited he was to marry Riley in a few weeks. Once she requested a fruity cocktail, he knew then that the poison could go undetected taste wise.

The bartender left to go replenish the champagne. Madeleine's irritation over having to wait on a refill was drawing attention.

"Here." He grinned at her. "Allow me to make you another."

Her eyes widened. "Aren't you that press secretary that helped Riley?"

"I am." He began to mix a strong cocktail for her while adding the poison, all right under her nose. "And I must say you are the best I've ever seen."

Madeleine's irritation disappeared over the compliment. "I am, aren't I?"

"Riley's lucky to have someone so knowledgeable in ways of both the court and public like you." He added.

"Yes, she is." Madeleine muttered. "I'll do anything for my country, even if it is a thankless job."

"You should be recognized for your sacrifice." Justin handed her the deadly drink.

"Yes, I should." She took a gulp.

"How is it?" He asked.

"It's the only good thing here." A tipsy grin appeared on her face when she saw Riley. She grasped Justin's hand and pulled him in her wake. "Let's go say, hi."

"Boooooo!" Madeleine giggled when Riley turned around. "It's the ghosts of press secretary past and present."

"The what now?" Riley lips trembled with suppressed laughter as she looked up at Justin for clarification.

"I'm the ghost of press secretary past." He winked at her.

"OoooOooo!" Madeleine swayed where she stood.

"Whoa, there." Riley tried to steady her. "You okay?"

"She's had a little too much." Justin mimed drinking.

"It's a party!" Madeleine slurred. "It's in the worst place ever but it's a party and I'm going to...going to..."

"Enjoy it?" Riley offered.

"Extractly!" Madeleine's brow wrinkled over that not being the right word. "Expactly?"

"Exactly." Justin corrected.

"That."

The crowd quieted around them when Olivia took the stage to offer a final toast of the evening to Liam and Riley's wedding.

"Woo!" Madeleine cheered.

Riley and Justin tried to shush her.

Her giddy smile fell as her rosy cheeks drained of color. "Somefing's not..."

"Madeleine?" Riley lost her grip on her when she swayed violently to the right. "What's--"

Madeleine hit a table, causing the plates to clatter and the vase of blood red roses to fall over.

"I hate this place." She collapsed on the floor.

"Madeleine!" Riley dropped to her knees and tried to bring her to. "Liam! Mara! Come quick!"

Justin stepped back as the two came to see what was wrong. He watched as Olivia made her way through the crowd to find out what the all the fuss was about.

"What's wrong with her?" Riley asked.

"She's been poisoned." Mara whispered.

*******************

Justin loved seeing the delighted surprise once more on Riley's face when he said he would take over Madeleine's duties for the rest of the tour. It would have been a perfect moment if Liam had not been standing there. He was ashamed to think of his nearly giving himself away when he panicked at the sight of Olivia walking in behind him.

He wished Lucretia would quit trying to push Olivia into going into the family vault. She had a sick sense of humor in wanting her niece to discover she was already married. For some reason, she did not approve of the way her niece depended on her friends for support.

Justin knew the power friends could have. Had he not been trained by his own parents' friends, he wouldn't be the worthy man next in line to the throne. His comradery with his own men inspired their loyalty and willingness to die to make him king.

He needed to distance himself from Lucretia the moment they got out of Lythikos.

****************

She was supposed to come alone! Why did she bring Riley? I can't kill her. I need her. I deserve to have a choice in the one I want ruling by my side. The people already adore her, much more so than they admire Olivia. I was supposed to become free of this marriage. Once she and Liam are dead, I'll be able to be king and have--

"Justin?" Riley's eyes were clouded with confusion as she looked first at a picture of him dressed in a royal uniform. "What is this?"

"I'm sorry, Riley." His voice cracked on her name.

Justin reached in his pocket and pulled out a revolver.

Lucretia cackled with glee as she told her niece the truth about her marriage.

Justin stood there silently as the woman he loved shook her head in denial.

She's so incredibly sweet to doubt a friend could be the bad guy. I hate that I can't pull her away from all this and simply explain why I should be the ruler of Cordonia. I deserve it. I worked for it. My entire life was made for me to take the crown. She would be able to understand that. Look how far she's come in her own life. Who could imagine a waitress from some dive bar in America would come to be the next queen of a small European nation?

"Do it already!" Lucretia hissed. "Shoot her!"

He couldn't do it. Even as he held the gun steady, pointed directly at the woman he loved's heart, he couldn't shoot Riley.

"Get away from her!" Liam ordered.

Justin spun around to see the king and guards filling up the narrow passageway.

"I thought you said this was secure." Justin snapped at Lucretia.

"It was." She held her hands up in surrender.

Justin watched as she stepped forward, pretending to stumble.

His eyes widened as once again his love was trapped within a collapsing room.

He managed to see her safely end up in Liam's arms before escaping through a hidden passage.

He left Lucretia to the guards. She had served her purpose and was sadly of no use to him any longer. Now he could plan what he truly wanted to happen.

*******************

Liam and Riley's wedding day...

"I don't care who you kill. Olivia and Riley are to be taken alive." Justin told the small team of men he was sending in. "If you have to wound them to get them here, make certain Riley's is non life threatening.

He ignored the questioning look Claudius sent his way.

"Bring them both to our stronghold." His eyes narrowed. "Do not fail me."

****************

Later that night...

"Good work." Justin straightened his jacket. He wanted to look his best when he saw Riley again.

Claudius smirked at him. "Just think of all the men we would still have if you had let me go alone."

Justin chuckled. "True, but at least we are free of our weakest links." He smoothed his hair back. "Now take me to our guests."

***************

"I know the real Justin is somewhere in there." Riley leaned as far forward as her bindings allowed. "You helped me gain the love of the people. You know that if you kill me, the people will not readily accept you as king."

He couldn't help but smile. "I know and that is why I don't intend to hurt you."

"Then why kidnap us?" Olivia demanded.

He turned toward her. "If I'm to be king, then I have to take the necessary steps to claim the throne." He motioned for Claudius to come in.

"You're the one who shot Drake!" Olivia shouted, struggling against the ropes biting into her tender skin. "You'll regret that."

"And you tried to kill me!" Riley added, narrowing her eyes.

"That was a mistake." Justin quickly said. "You were never to be harmed."

"Then why all the attempts?" She asked. "Why do you persist in--"

"You weren't supposed to be here, Riley." He knelt down in front of her. "You should have stayed in New York until the time was right"

Her eyebrows drew together. "What are you talking about.

Justin asked Claudius to remain with Olivia while he took Riley somewhere private.

"If you think for one second that I will remain with this man while you take her away go do only God knows what," Olivia's chair creaked at her straining to break free, "then you don't know what a Nevarkis is truly made of!"

Justine rolled his eyes over her rant as he untied Riley from her chair. He kept her ankles and wrists bound together. He swept her into his arms and carried her out.

Olivia's shouts were silenced by the sound of a hard slap.

Riley struggled in Justin's arms. "What did he do to her? OLIVIA?!" Tears streamed down her cheeks. "Justin, please don't--"

"Nothing's happened to her." He took her into a surprisingly clean, yet drab, sitting room.

Riley was dropped on a chaise lounge. She eyed the door then Justin.

"I'm not going to hurt you." He repeated. He gently cupped her cheek, fingers brushing along her jaw line. "I love you too much to ever harm you."

Riley stilled. She looked up at him. "You what?"

He knelt before her. "I'm in love with you. It didn't hit me until you told me you had accepted Liam's proposal on the train. I didn't plan it, but I refuse to hide my feelings any longer." He smiled at her. "You've proven yourself as the rightful Queen of Cordonia. Once Liam and Olivia are dead, you and I can rule this country as we see fit. We'll--"

Riley shook her head. "Justin," she believed he was deranged and knew she had to handle this carefully, "I'm flattered. Really I am. I mean, we both know I would never have gotten this far without you."

His smile grew at her realizing she owed him for her meteoric rise within the court.

"But if you kill Liam and Olivia, the people will not feel any love or loyalty for you." She tilted her head as she studied him. "Surely you see the problem with this plan."

"People respect power." He explained. "They respect someone who fights for what is rightfully his. Since my birth, I have been meant for something greater. My parents, Olivia's family, even my soldiers realized that I alone am worthy to rule over this country." He focused once more upon her. "And I've seen that you are the one to do so by my side."

Riley shook her head. "Justin, I am honored," her voice cracked on that lie, "to have your love but I can't accept it." Her eyes filled with tears. "I'm in love with Liam."

"Riley, he didn't choose you." Justin argued. "He left you on your own to fight against nobles, the press, even his own father. You deserve so much more than being an afterthought."

Tears slipped down her cheeks once more. "That wasn't what he did. He was trying to protect me. And I--"

He leaned down and kissed her.

She froze at the touch, refusing to participate.

"Once Liam's gone, you will see the truth." Justin promised.

"I won't." Her eyes narrowed. "As long as I live, I'll hate you with everything within me for taking him from me."

"You don't have it in you." He shook his head in amusement. "You've forgiven everyone. Olivia, Penelope, Madeleine, even Constantine. You never hold a grudge."

"You'll be my first." Riley vowed. "Liam is the love of my life. If you ruin my chance to finally be with him, I will never forgive you. As long as there is breath in my body, I will find a way to destroy you."

"You are amazing." He murmured, knowing she was speaking from her heart. He couldn't wait for that devotion to be for himself.

"Anton?"

The two turned to see Claudius in the doorway. "Liam should be here any moment."

Justin nodded and told him he would meet him and the rest of the men downstairs.

He lifted Riley in his arms and placed her back in the cell with Olivia.

His wife had the bruised imprint of Claudius's hand on her alabaster cheek. Blood had dried on her bottom lip. No tears had fallen from the force of the hit. Her left eye was bloodshot as she glared up at him.

"Liv?" Riley choked out. "Are you--"

"I'm fine." Her harsh answer echoed in the chamber. "It will take more than some two bit thug to hurt me." Her eyes did a quick scan to make certain Riley wasn't hurt.

"If you will excuse me, I have to go prepare for Liam's last night on earth." He retied Riley to her chair.

She threw her head back with all her might to connect with his face.

His glasses broke from the force of her strike. Blood poured out his nose as he stumbled away from her.

"Don't ever," his voice dropped to a hiss, "do that again, my love." He gripped her chin and jerked her face up toward his. "You will learn how to behave soon enough."

He slammed the cell door and left them alone.

"Did he hurt you?" Olivia whispered.

"No." Riley bit her bottom lip. "Not yet."

*****************

"Where is my wife?" Liam demanded.

Justin couldn't help but be impressed. The young king was standing before him, completely outnumbered, yet didn't show the slightest flicker of fear.

He asked the one question that he himself would have asked if Riley was taken from him.

"She is well." Justin replied. "Which is something I can't promise about your own well being."

"I want to see her." Liam bit out. "Now!"

Justin's chuckle was interrupted by a hastily whispered message from Claudius. His head jerked around to search the dim hallway as if doing so would reveal the missing prisoners.

How had they escaped?

"You don't get to make demands here." He snapped at Liam.

"Let Riley and Olivia go." Liam ordered. "And I will take their place." His eyes narrowed. "I know it is a temporary one."

Justin couldn't help but smile. The man was indeed brave to trade his life for Riley and Olivia's.

"No!" Riley screamed out from the stairs.

Chaos broke out as she led the charge to attack the Sons of the Earth. Justin watched as she ran over to protect Liam's back.

The couple were doing their utmost to protect the other from harm.

Their friends were taking his well trained soldiers out one by one. It was embarrassing to see how pitiful his men fought.

Olivia moved into his line of sight. Fury blazed across her delicate features.

"I'm impressed." He told her, unsheathing his sword. "I should have searched you myself."

"Trust me." Olivia circled him. "It will be the last mistake you'll ever make!"

She lunged at him. He easily parried her attack. "I think you've forgotten that it was your parents who gave me the same training you had."

"I think you talk too much!" She twirled about, bringing her daggers up to stop his sword from meeting her shoulder. He grunted from her heel piercing his leg as she pushed off to break his hold.

They continued to try and deliver punishing blows to the other. She was desperate to kill the man who was after her friends and country. He was anxious to be free of their marriage.

He noticed from the corner of his eye Claudius and Drake fighting. His second in command stunned the commoner with an uppercut to his jaw, causing Drake to stumble back into a wall.

Olivia heard the scuffle and followed Justin's line of sight. Her face paled at Claudius moving towards Drake to end him once and for all.

With a flick of her wrists she not only slashed Justin but threw her other dagger at Claudius. It struck true along the side of his neck, cutting into his jugular. He let out a garbled scream as he fell to the floor.

Justin hissed at the deep gash she had made along his ribcage.

Seeing that it was a lost battle, he hopped the banister and began to rush upstairs. He would have to go into hiding once more before orchestrating another attack.

"This ends now!" Riley yelled out at him.

He spun around to see both her and Liam rushing toward him. He raised his sword, determined to put an end to the man who stood between him and the throne. He hesitated when Riley jumped in front of her husband.

"You're not taking him from me!" She raised her battle ax. "Every time you try, I will stop you."

Does Liam know how lucky he is? She waited on him to choose her. Twice! And now she stands here, ready to defend him to the death. How could any man not fall in love with Riley?

His refusal to fight her was his downfall. He was pushed over the banister by the royal couple. While his breath was knocked out, Maxwell and Hana bound his hands together behind his back.

He looked about at his fallen and captured comrades. His attention was drawn toward Olivia and Drake. The pair were covered in blood and bruises, yet they were leaning against each other. Drake had his arm around her while softly speaking. Whatever was said caused Olivia to press even closer to his side. Her arms slipped around his waist. Her eyes were closed tight as she allowed him to hold her.

Justin had suspected something more between the pair. It looked like his coup for the throne had accomplished something for them.

Bastien and the rest of the King's Guards rushed in. After talking to the king and new queen, he collected Justin and hauled him outside.

On the way, Justin met Riley's eyes.

There were so many things he wanted to explain to her. He believed she would have been on board with his plans for the kingdom. Once he had killed Liam and Olivia, he would be the benevolent king the country needed. Gone would be the purpose for pompous nobles. He would have established a council of Cordonia's citizens from all walks of life to advise him. People would be rewarded and honored for their service instead of simply being born to the right parents.

And she would have been his queen, guiding and protecting all she deemed worthy.

"Riley, I..."

"You will never ever hurt those I love again." She hissed.

"Take him away." Liam ordered, keeping his arms locked around his wife. "He will be dealt with in the morning."

Justin knew then that it was pointless to try and explain. She would never give him a chance after all that had occurred.

For the first time in his life, he realized that his intentions didn't matter to the one he loved most.

[rafael-silva]

guide me back (I’m lost without your light): a tarlos fic

“All available units respond to a 10-50 at the intersection of Sixth and North Lamar Boulevard. Multiple vehicle pile up.” “Dispatch, this is 363-H-20 responding. ETA three minutes.”

*

When Carlos and Mitchell respond to the call, the last thing Carlos expects is to find TK in the middle of the wreck. He races against time to keep TK awake and stable until fire and medical arrive, while sending out prayer after prayer that his time with TK hasn’t been cut short. That they haven’t run out of time.

for bad things happen bingo: tarlos + bloodstained clothes 

hurt tk strand, worried carlos reyes, established relationship, whump, angst, emotional hurt/comfort, hurt/comfort, kisses, blood, injury description, major character injury, angst with a happy ending

10.1k | on ao3

*****

“All available units respond to a 10-50 at the intersection of Sixth and North Lamar Boulevard. Multiple vehicle pile up.”

“Dispatch, this is 363-H-20 responding. ETA three minutes.”

The sun sits high in the sky as Carlos grips the steering wheel tightly while Mitchell releases her radio and flicks on the light bar and siren, blaring loudly as they head into the heart of downtown Austin.

It sounded serious, if all available units are being dispatched to the scene, meaning fire engines are being dispatched, too. Carlos fleetly wonders if the 126 will be called to the scene, but he knows he won’t be seeing TK since it’s the paramedic’s day off.

It’s difficult when one of them is working and the other is off; at least if they were both working, there are always chances of them meeting on calls, and if they were both off, well, those days were spent in utter happiness together, either spent in or out, it didn’t matter as long as they were spent together. They make it work, however, spending as much time together before one of them goes to work and then at night, cuddling on the couch or in bed, safe in each other’s arms after a long day.

Carlos hopes the accident isn’t as grave as he’s imagining but his gut is telling him otherwise. With a sinking feeling in his stomach, he realizes there’s a big possibility he might be late for the home dinner date he and TK had planned. TK had said he had a surprise for Carlos, and was clearly super excited about it. Carlos was looking forward to it and now…

Carlos’s gut is proven right when they round the corner and he catches sight of the crash from a few blocks away. Dread sets in his stomach the closer they get to the scene, other police cruisers pulling up at the same time.

He might need to tell TK that his shift may run long. He holds back at that, though, first wanting to get a full feel of how the rest of his shift will pan out.

Carlos parks and shares a concerned look with his partner before drawing in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. They hop out of the car and Carlos takes a quick survey of their surroundings, noticing that they had arrived at the scene before fire and medical.

Carlos starts moving towards where the accident is the worst, and well, it’s bad. Four cars seem to have harshly rear ended each other, the crushed metal an indication of how sudden and quick it had happened. He can’t really tell one car from the other, all of them mangled together in a way that tells Carlos there are definitely more than a few injuries sustained to the people who were in these cars.

He doesn’t have much time to draw any more conclusions because he’s frantically being flagged down by a man around his own age, who seems unharmed. Bystander, Carlos’s mind supplies.

Carlos jogs over as the man takes a few steps towards him and starts speaking.

“He’s stuck,” the man starts, leading Carlos to one of the cars, or what’s left of one, in the middle of the wreck. “The door on one side popped open from the force of the crash but the guy inside can’t move. And we didn’t want to move him. He’s on the opposite side of the backseat and he’s in rough shape, seems to be going in and out of consciousness.”

Carlos swallows and follows him, whoever this man is, Carlos is going to do everything he can to help him until fire and medical arrive.

“It’s good you didn’t move him, that might have caused more damage,” Carlos tells him, his legs moving quickly.

The closer he gets, the more Carlos is hit with a sense of familiarity towards the injured man. He frowns, his heart starting to race in his chest as he zeroes in on the figure slumped in the backseat.

And that side profile, Carlos can draw it with his eyes closed.

He freezes when the realization dawns on him. His legs stop moving, his feet nailed to the asphalt. It feels like his heart is about to leap out of his chest while his eyes go impossibly wide.

TK.

And no, no, no. It can’t be TK. He was just texting him less than twenty minutes ago. He’s worried his brain is playing a cruel trick on him, conjuring up this nightmare. Carlos shakes his head, earning himself a confused look from the man leading him, who has also stopped moving.

But Carlos doesn’t spare him a glance, his attention solely held by the man in the crushed car. And when said man weakly opens his eyes and they catch some light, Carlos knows beyond a doubt that this nightmare is in fact reality.

Those green eyes, even seeing them from the side and through an awkward angle, can only belong to the love of his life.

“No,” Carlos whispers as his heart plummets into his knees, his body heating up. “No, no,” he repeats and then his feet are finally moving again, and he’s running around another car, his eyes not leaving TK.

He briefly registers the man’s growing confusion but he just rushes past him, no time for explanation, the only thing mattering to him is getting to TK. Saving TK.

He only slows down when he’s right by TK’s side, with only the smashed door separating them. The window is shattered, the ground littered with broken pieces of glass that crunch underneath Carlos’s boots.

TK’s eyes have closed again, but Carlos can see his chest slowly rising and falling with each shallow breath he sucks in.

“TK?” Carlos speaks, the rest of the accident fading away. The movement around is in slow motion, sounds muted, the world narrowing to just him and TK. “TK, can you hear me?”

Carlos can’t even hear his own voice over the blood rushing in his ears, but by the way TK tilts his head an inch towards him, he heard him.

A beat. And then: “‘Los…”

Carlos lets out a breath he wasn’t fully aware he was holding, his shoulders sagging forward a little. “Hey, babe. I’m here, I’m here.”

Carlos runs his eyes over TK, and his heart breaks a little more at the bloody state the paramedic is in.

“I’m stuck,” TK wheezes. “Can’t move.”

“We’ll get you out, just hang on. Help is on the way,” Carlos replies, hoping his voice is steadier than it sounds to his own ears. He then turns his attention to the older man in the front seat. “Sir, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” the man nods. “I’m fine, nothing hurts too bad. The hit was harder from the back.”

Carlos’s fear increases at that piece of information. “You let me know if your pain changes,” he tells him before his attention is back on TK. “TK, can you tell me what hurts?”

“Head, chest…and side,” TK replies through gritted teeth, squeezing his eyes as a wave of pain shocks his nerves, running through his battered body. Everything feels like it’s on fire, every breath he tries to draw in hurts, and he’s tired, he’s so tired.

But he isn’t alone anymore, Carlos is here now. TK is aware that his odds aren’t good, based on his years of work experience, but he finds himself not panicking at that thought as much anymore. Because Carlos is right here. He would even go as far as saying he feels a little calm now, but what he can’t answer is whether that is due to shock or Carlos’s presence. TK decides to believe it’s courtesy of the latter. Because shock would be very bad.

He isn’t aware his eyes have drifted shut until the officer’s voice filters through, telling him to open them and TK manages to peel his eyelids open and faces Carlos’s worried gaze.

“Stay with me,” Carlos pleads, those brown eyes that TK loves so much filled to the brim with terror. “Don’t close your eyes, look at me. Focus on me.”

TK obliges. He loves looking at Carlos, loves running his hands over his face, his cheekbones, feeling Carlos smile against his touch. TK wants to reach out, to smooth out the worry engraved on Carlos’s forehead, in the creases that sit above his eyebrows, but he can’t move a muscle. He wants to reassure Carlos that he’s okay, but not only does he momentarily lose his voice, he also doesn’t know how true his statement would be. Because he’s now suddenly very much aware of the amount of blood running down his side, sticky and hot. The side glued to the crushed door.

He groans, feeling the panic start to rise again. Being stuck was already bad enough, but being stuck while also bleeding is far worse that TK doesn’t even want to think about it.

“Hey, hey,” Carlos’s voice returns. “Focus on me, it’s okay. I know it’s scary, but I’m right here.”

“Carlos,” TK cries out, a tear rolling down his cheek.

Carlos, very carefully, reaches his arm through the busted window, and with just as much caution, cups TK’s face and wipes the stray tear with the pad of his thumb. He’s aware of everything all at once, the way his hand shook as he moved it towards TK, how clammy TK’s skin feels, the beads of sweat rolling down his own neck and back.

“I’m right here.”

TK sniffs and nods as he leans into Carlos’s touch. It’s warm, and TK gravitates towards that warmth. The warmth that has become his home.

Carlos begins cataloging TK’s injuries: a cut near his temple that looks deep enough to need stitches, possible concussion, chest pain can be a result of the seatbelt tightening when the crash happened, but he can’t assess how badly TK’s side is hurt from his current position.

He doesn’t have much time to dwell on that, though, because TK is speaking a few moments later.

“My side…it’s bleeding…” TK murmurs once he’s gathered his voice, his mind suppling that he needs to tell Carlos. “I think it’s bad.”

The small amount of color remaining in Carlos’s face drains at TK’s words, his heart dropping further and it feels like he’s been drenched with a bucket of ice water. His mind freezes for a second before he’s shaking himself out of it. He needs to act, and quick.

“Can you reach it and apply pressure?” Carlos asks. “Easy though, slow movements.”

TK attempts to move his arm towards the injury but quickly grimaces and drops his arm.

“No,” TK’s voice shakes, the slight movement exhausting him further. “Hurts.”

“Shit,” Carlos’s own panic starts taking hold, evident in the way his hands start to shake again. They have to slow the bleeding if TK has any chance of making it out of this nightmare.

Then Carlos remembers that the other door is practically already ripped off the car. Making up his mind, he gives TK’s hand a squeeze and rushes to the other side of the car.

“Hang on, TK, I’m coming,” Carlos says as he quickly assesses the area where the door was once attached to the car.

It looks stable enough and the car isn’t tilted to either side or unbalanced, so Carlos carefully climbs in and pauses to see if his added weight caused any shift. Once there’s no evidence of that, he moves closer to TK, their thighs side by side.

Carlos reaches around TK with his left arm, eyes glued to his middle and surely enough, TK’s t-shirt is stained with blood. The officer has to swallow against his dry throat at the sight, there’s so much blood already and TK is looking paler by the second.

Carlos’s hand finds its target, and his fingers brush against the tip of the metal lodged into TK’s side. He feels sick to his stomach as he begins to apply as much pressure as he could without causing further damage or sinking the metal deeper into TK’s flesh.

TK whines at the pain jolting through his body, waking him up a little as he squeezing his eyes shut, more tears run freely down his face.

“I know, I know,” Carlos speaks, his tone apologetic.

TK’s eyes start to droop, the momentary adrenaline already wearing off and his head falls backwards against the headrest.

“No, no, TK,” Carlos eyes go wide, his voice strained. “Keep your eyes open, stay with me.”

“Carlos…” TK whispers.

“Right beside you, babe. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re his fiancé,” the older man’s voice reaches Carlos’s ears from the front seat.

Carlos turns to face him with a questioning look, his eyes drawing together at the statement.

“He was,” the driver pauses to breathe. “He was talking about you before the crash.”

Carlos sucks in a deep breath through his nose, nodding as his eyes begin to glisten with unshed tears. “Yeah,” he turns back to look at TK. “He’s the love of my life.”

TK is still clinging to consciousness and Carlos receives a small smile from him at his declaration.

“That’s it, baby. Stay with me,” Carlos pleads once more, closing his eyes and gently resting his forehead against TK’s uninjured temple, melting into him.

He keeps a steady hold on TK’s side, and senses TK weakly gravitating towards him even more, Carlos his lifeline. TK uses all his remaining energy to reach out into the small distance and latches his hand onto Carlos’s arm, wrapping his fingers there.

“I got you, Ty, I got you.”

A few moments later, the air around them fills with the roaring of sirens, getting closer and closer.

“Hear that, TK? Help is here,” Carlos says, instilling hope with every word.

He turns his head in the direction of the incoming fire trucks and ambulances, watching as red and blue color everything around. His eyes immediately find the bold 126 painted on the truck that comes to a halt on the edge of the crash site.

“Hey!” Carlos calls out for the young man who lead him here. “Direct them this way!” He nudges his head towards the team who are disembarking from the truck.

The man nods and starts running towards the firefighters.

“Hang on, TK, hang on,” Carlos whispers.

He looks back into the open and relaxes just a fraction when he spots Judd on the man’s heels, jogging towards him.

Carlos can pinpoint the moment Judd realizes who he’s moving towards, the firefighter’s eyebrow raising a little.

“Reyes?” Judd calls out before he’s reached the car.

“Judd, it’s TK,” Carlos wastes no time in responding.

Those three words have Judd’s eyes going wide, his speed picking up and he runs the remaining distance to the car, coming to a stop on the side TK’s jammed.

“He’s stuck and bleeding badly,” Carlos continues, looking past TK and at Judd through the broken window.

“Shit,” Judd mutters and then louder, in the direction of the rig: “Tommy! Nancy!”

Judd’s eyes roam over TK’s ashen face, the younger man’s eyes barely opened.

“Hey, brother,” Judd speaks, his voice carrying its natural strength but also soft and filled with concern. “You’re gonna be alright, just hang on.”

He gets a half-nod from TK in reply.

Tommy and Nancy approach the car, each of them clutching their equipment and medical bags, ready to get to work.

“It’s TK,” Judd tells them when they’re by his side. They both pause midair as they’re lowering the bags, their eyes going equally wide as they process Judd’s words.

Carlos can see the worry flash over their faces and they share a quick look of concern before they both switch back into paramedic mode. He knows what they’re thinking, that they have to be at the top of their game. TK is family, and he can feel their fear and pain, but they need to focus so they can save TK.

They both meet Carlos’s worried eyes before getting to work.

“Hey, TK,” Tommy gets closer to the crushed door, gloves on and clicks her pen light. Her voice is calm and gentle, her motherly tone helps even Carlos relax a little.

“Cap…” TK whispers.

“Follow the light, TK.”

She shines the pen into TK’s glassy eyes, his pupils responding to the light as they should, albeit a little weaker than she’d like.

“Talk to me, Carlos,” Tommy says while her attention is solely focused on TK. “Tell me everything.”

“He said his head, chest and side hurt, his side is bleeding badly. I have pressure on it and I can feel a piece of metal stuck in there,” he swallows, feeling the blood seeping through his fingers. “The bleeding slowed down a little but he’s already lost so much blood.”

Tommy nods, accepting the c-collar from Nancy and carefully placing it around TK’s neck to stabilize him.

Judd looks up when he hears the rest of the crew approaching, and after a brief glance with Carlos, Judd moves in their direction, seeking out Owen.

“Cap,” Judd shields Owen’s view of the wrecked car.

Owen frowns, but immediately sees through Judd’s worried eyes. “What is it?”

Judd takes a deep breath. He has always been a straightforward guy, he won’t start beating around the bush now. “It’s TK, he’s in that car.”

Carlos’s heart breaks even more at the gasp he hears from Owen, followed by rapid footsteps pounding the gravel as the captain rushes over.

He’s at the car from Carlos’s side and looking past his shoulder a few moments later, Owen’s eyes blown wide as they move from his son to his soon to be son-in-law.

“Carlos.”

“His side is bleeding,” Carlos tells Owen, more tears gathering in his eyes. “He couldn’t reach it to apply pressure and I had to do something.”

Owen nods, his eyes going back to TK, who’s barely moving. “It’s gonna be okay, son. You’re gonna be okay. We’re here.”

TK slowly opens his eyes the rest of the way and looks in Owen’s direction through his blurry vision. He tries to send a wordless message to his father and fiancé of I’m okay.

Owen gives him a smile, but it’s shakier than he intended.

“Here,” Tommy’s voice grabs their attention. She hands Carlos a large piece of gauze as Nancy moves to the front to check the driver.

Carlos begins to move, and TK instantly whimpers and tries to keep his already weak hold on the other man.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, TK,” Carlos is quick to reassure him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He maneuvers his free arm to take the piece of cotton and swiftly lifts his bloodied palm to cover TK’s wound with the gauze and returns the pressure there.

The team has gathered what was happening and crowd the car, Carlos is vaguely aware of Judd telling them they’ve got TK and they should go around the rest of the scene to help.

And then Judd is back, evaluating the situation and weighing their options.

“His breathing is getting worse,” Carlos announces with fright as TK’s hold on him starts to falter. “We need to get him out now.”

“The driver is doing okay, Cap,” Nancy chimes in. “Alert and his numbers are holding.”

Tommy nods. “We get TK out first. Carlos, is the metal connected to the door or is it separated?”

Carlos shakes his head. “Separated.”

“That’s good, makes busting the door open easier,” Judd nods.

“Judd, grab the—” Owen begins.

“Jaws, got them,” Judd finishes for Owen before running in the direction of their truck.

He returns less than a minute later, but it feels like forever for Carlos and Owen as they watch TK struggle to hold on.

“Come on, come on,” Owen whispers, his eyes not leaving his son’s battered form as Judd returns, pushes the piece of equipment into the mangled metal and starts to tear it apart.

Tommy and Nancy get the backboard ready in the meantime, ready to move as soon as it’s clear. A lot of movement erupts when the door is finally ripped open. Judd lowers the jaws to the ground, quickly reaching for the cutters he had also retrieved and cuts the seatbelt off TK. It takes Carlos’s brain a second to catch up with all the action and then his eyes land on Owen now standing on the other side behind Judd as both men make room for Tommy and Nancy.

They carefully place the tip of the backboard against the backseat cushion and Nancy and Judd carefully take hold of TK’s shoulders, moving him sideways and then guiding him to lie on the board. Carlos goes with them, the pressure he’s applying constant and he only lets go once he’s certain Nancy’s taking over, her hand firmly covering his.

He pulls back and watches as Judd and Owen carry TK over to the gurney. He wastes no time in getting out of the car himself, darting to TK’s side.

Once TK is out, Judd starts working on extracting the driver.

Tommy and Nancy work in unison, the Paramedic Captain covering TK’s face with an oxygen mask while Nancy inserts an IV in his arm and runs a line. Carlos then notices that Owen is applying pressure to TK’s side with one hand while the other runs through TK’s hair.

Carlos takes TK’s hand, giving it a squeeze.

“Let’s move,” Tommy instructs a moment later.

Nancy takes over holding pressure as they push the gurney towards the ambulance, Carlos and Owen trailing behind.

“Carlos?”

Carlos turns at his partner’s voice, coming from a few feet away.

Mitchell is about to ask where he’s been but her eyes go wide instead when they land on TK lying on the gurney.

“I have to—”

She’s nodding before Carlos finishes his sentence. “Go, I’ll sort it out.”

“Thank you,” Carlos gives her the best grateful smile he could muster before hopping in after TK and Tommy.

“I’ll be right behind you,” Owen says once TK is inside the rig.

Carlos nods, taking a seat on the small bench.

Nancy shuts the doors and races to the driver’s seat, climbing in and the sirens wail as they start to move.

Owen watches the ambulance drive away, the hot pit in his stomach growing with each passing second.

Carlos and Tommy don’t exchange words, each of them focusing on TK. Tommy is monitoring his vitals, giving him fluids and administering a local nerve blocker to help with the pain.

Carlos clutches TK’s free hand with both of his own, closing his eyes and willing his racing heart to slow down a beat. He works on his breathing, steading his rhythm but he can’t help the stray tear that falls when he opens his eyes and looks at TK.

Carlos’s chest is in knots, his heart in pieces, TK is too still, too pale.

It’s almost like TK feels his fiancé’s anguish and pain, and on some level, he does because he’s weakly turning in Carlos’s direction. It’s always been a thing TK and Carlos talk about—the way they sense each other and what the other needs and this moment is yet another one to prove that connection true.

“It’s okay, ‘Los,” TK manages, his voice frail and muffled even more by the oxygen mask.

Carlos sniffs, moving closer to TK so he’s in his line of sight and nods. “Yeah, baby. It’s okay, you’re okay.”

“I love you,” TK whispers.

“I love you too, baby,” Carlos reciprocates. “Hold on.”

TK nods, a promise Carlos clings onto with everything he’s got. And he prays today isn’t the day he loses TK.

They’ve only just begun.

*****

It’s a short but tense ride to the hospital.

Tommy had examined TK’s chest and Carlos’s assumption that it was the seatbelt that hurt him is proven right by the massive red bruise already formed down the paramedic’s torso. Carlos had drawn in a sharp breath at seeing it, heartbroken that TK has been injured to that extent. Tommy had also told Carlos that TK may have also suffered a bruised lung from the force of the seatbelt against his chest.

A team is already awaiting their arrival, tearing the ambulance doors open as soon as it comes to a halt in front of the Emergency Room entrance. Tommy relays all the information as they push TK inside and through the hallways. They reach a point where Tommy, Carlos and Nancy can’t follow and Carlos has to reluctantly let go of his tight hold on TK’s hand.

His heart shatters as he watches the doctors and nurses wheel TK away, feeling like he’s been ripped away from him.

He stands there for what seems like hours, watching the hallway long after TK was pushed into the elevator, Carlos’s eyes fixed on its closed doors. He feels a hand land on his shoulder, and he doesn’t need to turn to know who it is.

“Come on, Carlos,” Tommy’s soft voice reaches him.

Carlos lets her lead him towards the waiting area and he drops into one of the plastic chairs, hating how familiar they have become.

He shakes his head then drops it slightly and only looks up when a few wet wipes are in his line of sight.

He gratefully accepts them but doesn’t move for a few moments after. His gaze is focused on his own hands, his hands that are covered with TK’s blood. And his ring, his ring is coated in crimson, nearly obscuring the silver underneath and it makes his stomach churn in an unnatural way.

Carlos closes his eyes, going back to the day TK had slid this ring onto his finger, to the joy and contentment they had both felt, they way they basked in each other’s love when Carlos had said yes. A tear rolls down the officer’s cheek, one he doesn’t bother wiping away. He sniffs, opening his eyes and begins cleaning his hands.

Once the evidence of TK’s accident and injury is transferred to the wipes, Nancy takes them from Carlos’s hold and throws them away before sitting down, too.

The silence stretches, the feel and sound of the hospital nearly haunting. Owen’s arrival breaks it, Carlos looking up when he hears his name being called from afar.

“Carlos,” Owen’s eyes are wide and movement quick.

“Owen,” Carlos gets to his feet in time for the Captain to throw his arms around him in a hug, which Carlos returns.

Owen gives Carlos a squeeze before pulling back. “Did they say anything?”

Carlos shakes his head. “They took his straight up, didn’t say much of anything.”

Owen nods and sits on the chair next to Carlos’s as he too returns to it.

Tommy and Nancy’s radios spring to life a little bit later, and they reluctantly leave, promising to be back as soon as they can.

Carlos starts rolling his ringer over his finger, a gesture he does when he’s nervous or anxious. TK would always notice, and he’d reach out, taking Carlos’s hand and holds it tightly; a silent promise that he isn’t alone, and that TK’s got him. Carlos would give anything to feel TK’s tender touch.

He notices that his ring is still speckled with blood.

“I’ll be right back,” Carlos says as he rises from his place. “Just going to the bathroom.”

Owen nods. “Take your time.”

Carlos follows the signs to the nearest bathroom and looks at himself in the mirror as he gets closer to the sinks. The bathroom is empty, his boots echoing in the space, his eyes not leaving his exhausted reflection staring back at him. All the color has been drained from his face, his eyes a stark red against his pale skin and his usually neat curls are out of place. His eyes drift lower until they stop at his waist where there’s a large, dark stain. His uniform is stained with TK’s blood.  

He swallows as he turns on the faucet and lets the water run down at the coldest temperature before sticking his hands under it and working the remaining traces of blood off his ring. He momentarily relishes the cool sensation against his skin, but he soon breaks watching the pink-tinted water swirl down the drain.

It feels like TK is getting further and further away from him as each second passes by. He feels like he’s losing TK.

Helplessness settles in his bones, barely turning off the water and he grips the marble to support himself as his entire body starts to shake with the force of his oncoming sobs. A cry rips through his throat and he tightens his hold on the marble, afraid that his knees will no longer hold him up and he’ll crumble to the ground if he lets go.

He feels the fear crawling underneath his skin, the terror ringing through his whole being, the longing, the pain…it all washes over him at the same time, and he almost collapses from the weight of it. But he holds on. TK needs him to hold on. So he draws in a deep breath, stands up straight and splashes icy water over his face a few times.

Carlos returns to the waiting area with swollen eyes and Owen runs a hand up and down his back once he’s seated next to him once again, patting his shoulder before pulling back.

“We…we were planning on going over to my parents’ for dinner this weekend,” Carlos’s shaky voice slices through the silence that settles over them. “Our schedules lined up and TK was so excited. He,” he pauses, a small smile forming on his face. “He was saying how we should bake something to take to dinner. Chocolate chip cookies. They’re his go-to when it comes to baking,” he trails off, his hands connecting and he starts nervously fidgeting, rubbing his hands together.  “Chocolate chip cookies,” he whispers.

“They were always his favorite kind of cookies when he was a kid,” Owen says.

Carlos turns to look at Owen, his features broken and eyes filled with fragments of loss and aching. “He’s going to be okay, right? He has to be. He…has to be okay.”

“He’s strong, and he’s in the best of hands. He’s going to fight to come back to us, to come back to you, Carlos. The happiest I’ve ever seen my son was when he was with you, even in the beginning, when you were still figuring things out, there was something different about him, I could see it, I could feel it. He seemed lighter, brighter. His eyes lit up. I didn’t want to pry or push to know more, but when I saw you together, I knew. You were the missing piece he needed, you helped make him better, stronger. He’s going to come back to that.”

“It was the same with me. He saved me, in so many ways,” Carlos expresses.

“You saved each other,” Owen replies with a smile, giving Carlos’s knee a squeeze.

Carlos and Owen move to the waiting room on the surgical floor a little while later. Owen sits down on an identical plastic chair while Carlos paces around the room.

He stops when he looks out into the hallway and sees the rest of the team making their way towards them, all wearing the same concerned look on their faces.

“We got here as fast as we could,” Judd says as they step inside.

“Have you heard anything yet?” Marjan asks, her eyebrows drawn together.

Owen shakes his head. “He’s been in surgery for almost two hours.”

“He’s a strong kid, he’ll make it through,” Judd speaks with a steady voice.

“I should go call my mom, let her know what happened,” Carlos starts walking towards the door.

Paul pats Carlos’s shoulder as he passes him, and Carlos responds with an appreciative nod.

Carlos’s short trip to go outside is a haze, moving robotically until he’s stepping into the open air, the sun still high in the sky. It’s hot, Carlos closes his eyes and tilts his head up in the direction of the sun, letting its warmth seep into his skin. He takes a deep breath as he opens his eyes, pulls out his phone and he notices a few texts from Mitchell. He makes a mental note to reply later and moves to the phone icon, touching his mother’s contact from his favorites list.

One ring, two rings, three rings…

“Carlitos!”

“Mami…”

Andrea immediately picks up on his broken tone. “What’s wrong, mijo?”

“It’s…There was an accident…a car pile up downtown and…TK, he…he was in it,” Carlos’s voice cracks.

“Oh, Dios,” Andrea draws in a sharp breath. “How is he?” She asks and Carlos can hear rustling and movement in the background now.

“He…he lost a lot of blood, Ma. He was stuck in the car and his side was hurt…they took him straight to surgery and we haven’t heard anything yet,” Carlos sniffs.

“Where are you? I’m on my way,” Andrea says.

Carlos can hear the emotion in his mother’s voice and he knows she’s trying to keep her worry and fear for TK from breaking through the phone. She’s always been Carlos’s rock, strong and steady, and he can tell by her tone that she’s keeping it together for him. Still, though, he can hear the slight waver in her voice at the knowledge that her soon to be son-in-law is badly injured, currently undergoing surgery.

Since the moment TK was officially introduced to Carlos’s parents, they welcomed him into their family with wide, open arms. They had immediately liked him and adored him, Andrea happily whispering it into Carlos’s ear at the end of that very night. They saw the love between him and their son, and it had uplifted Andrea and Gabriel’s spirits and filled their own hears with so much love and glee.

And when Carlos had called them one night, voice filled with bliss and excitement, telling them that TK had proposed to him, Andrea and Gabriel wept tears of joy.

Knowing how much Andrea loves TK, telling her that he was hurt is one of the hardest things Carlos has ever had to do.

“We’re at West Park Memorial,” Carlos replies.

With a promise from Andrea to be there shortly, they end the call. He returns to the waiting room a few minutes later, everyone’s eyes landing on him. Carlos feels shrunk, his shoulders drawn in, his body feeling so heavy.

“She’s on her way,” he says before turning to stare into the direction of the operating rooms.

“No news yet,” it’s Judd who speaks next, reading Carlos’s mind.

Carlos nods and returns to his seat next to Owen.

Silence falls onto the room, everyone doing little things to keep themselves busy. Mateo praying, Marjan and Paul standing and pacing, Judd grabbing a couch pillow and holding it against his chest, Owen’s head is thrown back against the wall with his eyes closed and Carlos’s leg starts bouncing up and down while he fidgets with his hands. His fingers gravitate towards his ring, the one tangible piece of TK he has with him in this moment. Carlos always gravitates towards TK.

The team eventually get called away to a rescue with their promises too to return as soon as they can.

Carlos’s phone rings and a glance at his screen tells him it’s his mother.

“Ma,” Carlos answers.

“Hi, mijo. I’m walking in now, where are you?”

“We’re in the waiting room on the surgical floor,” Carlos tells her.

“Okay, I’ll be there in a couple of minutes.”

Carlos spots Andrea hurrying through the hall, handbag clutched against her side soon after they hang up.

“Carlitos,” Andrea breaths as she steps into the room.

Carlos walks over to her and falls against her as she wraps him in a tight hug.

“It’s okay, mijo. Va a estar bien,” she whispers reassuringly, holding him in a steady grip. It’s going to be okay.

Carlos returns the embrace, burying his face in his mother’s neck, more tears spring to his eyes at being held by his mother and feeling her safety and comfort.

There’s a considerable height difference between Carlos and Andrea, but right now, Carlos may as well be a little boy and she a giant. Her protective hold on him is steady and grounding.

Once they pull back, Andrea cups Carlos’s face and wipes the fallen tears with the pads of her thumbs.

“Any news?”

Carlos shakes his head.

Andrea walks over to Owen, who gets up and they exchange a quick hug.

“He’s going to be fine,” Andrea says as she takes a seat next to her son.

Carlos nods, his eyes drifting back to his ring.

“There was a missing ingredient,” Andrea says after a while.

Carlos frowns as he turns to look at her.

“I was talking to him this morning, I sent him the family recipe for tamales,” she explains. “He wanted to surprise you but there was one missing thing.”

“Our dinner date tonight…that’s why he was out, he was going to the store,” Carlos connects the dots, eyes filling with tears.

Andrea nods.

“That was his surprise,” the realization dawns on Carlos. “He knows tamales are my favorite,” a small smile forms on his face.

Andrea places her palm on the nape of Carlos’s neck and pulls him gently towards her. He goes easily and rests his forehead against her shoulder. She whispers comforting words in Spanish as she runs her fingers over Carlos’s short hair just above his neck. He closes his eyes, evening out his breathing as he soaks up his mother’s comfort.

*****

Carlos is staring into nothingness almost an hour later, his eyes glued to to the hallway but unseeing. His mind on TK, all figures that pass through and walk the hallway blurred. Until one doctor is walking towards the waiting room, his form getting clearer and clearer as Carlos forces his vision to focus on him.

The doctor is visibly tired, his face crunched up, still wearing his surgical cap as he enters the room. Carlos can’t read him, and that worries him even more. He braces himself, swallowing as the doctor starts speaking.

“Family of Tyler Strand?”

“TK,” Owen corrects as he gets to his feet. “How’s my son?”

Carlos and Andrea follow suit, the tension building in the small space.

The doctor nods at Owen. “TK made it through,” he offers them a kind smile.

The collective breath Owen, Carlos and Andrea were holding is released as they breathe out a sigh of relief. Carlos closes his eyes, letting the doctor’s words sink in, sagging forward a little. He feels Andrea’s hand running up and down his back, grounding him and he leans into her warm touch.

“There were some complications, however,” the doctor continues. “We were mostly concerned about the amount of blood he lost, which caused his blood pressure to drop. His numbers were low during the surgery but we were able to keep him stable and with some blood transfusions, his blood pressure began to improve. The metal shard nicked his kidney but it didn’t cause major damage, we were also able to repair the laceration. Brain scans were all normal, indicating no brain injury. His chest is bruised and he has a minor lung contusion from the force of the seatbelt, but that will heal on its own. He’s young and healthy, I expect him to make a full recovery.”

“Can we see him?” Andrea asks, knowing it’s on Carlos’s mind and also knowing Carlos is still processing the doctor’s prognosis.

The doctor nods. “He’s currently in recovery and he can have visitors once he’s settled in a room after some observation. I’ll make sure a nurse comes to inform you when he’s ready.”

“Thank you so much, doctor,” Owen extends his hand.

The doctor nods once more, shaking Owen’s hand. “He’ll be home in no time.”

Carlos is rolling his ring on his finger and nervously bouncing his leg a while later when a young nurse approaches them.

“TK is ready for visitors,” she announces with a smile.

Owen turns to look at Carlos. “Go,” he urges.

“Are you sure?” Carlos asks.

Owen nods. “I’m sure, I’ll stop by to see him in a while.”

Owen pats Carlos’s shoulder as the officer gets to his feet and follows the nurse towards TK’s room.

“I’ll be back in an hour to check on him,” the nurse says as they come to a halt in front of a closed door. “The nurses’ station is down the hall if you need anything, or you can just press the call button near the bed.”

“Thank you,” Carlos says, taking a deep breath and pushing the door open.

He knew what to expect, he knew what his eyes would land on once he stepped into the room but still, seeing TK looking so small and still in the hospital bed shakes Carlos to his core.

An ache bolts up and down his body as he makes his way towards TK, his footsteps echoing off the walls, the only sound aside from the beeping of the heart monitor. He doesn’t take his eyes off his fiancé as he lowers himself on the chair situated next to the bed, watching as the paramedic’s chest rises and falls with each breath he takes.

Carlos is at least glad to see that TK has regained some color but it’s the stillness that also makes the officer uneasy. TK is always active, even when he’s asleep, twisting and turning in bed every now and then. Carlos would say he’s a light sleeper, he loved when TK started spending the night in the early days of their relationship. Though TK’s restlessness would sometimes wake Carlos from his slumber, he’d wrap an arm around TK’s middle and drift off to sleep again only for it to happen again a few hours later. Carlos never minded that, though, he’d be woken up by many things over the years, and being woken up by TK’s movement is by far his favorite.

Eventually, those movements from the younger man through the night had become a source of comfort for Carlos over the months, a reminder that TK is right next to him, in his bed. It grounded Carlos, and a sleepy smile would spread over his face as he gravitates towards those movements, warmth spreading through his body.

But here, right now, Carlos shivers, an icy sensation darting through his nerves. TK’s stillness is wrong, all wrong and so unlike TK is breaks Carlos’s heart all over again.

Carefully, Carlos reaches out, clasping TK’s hand in his own and prays that he can feel the familiar pressure.

“Hi, baby,” Carlos eventually speaks, his voice hoarser than he expected. “I’m here and you’re okay. They took really good care of you and you’ll be back on your feet in no time. I just…I miss you, Ty.”

The only response Carlos gets is the steady beeping of the heart monitor.

He sighs, running his thumb over TK’s knuckles. “I miss your voice, your smile, those beautiful green eyes of yours…your kiss. Come back to me, babe. This is only our beginning, we still have so much to do together. And I’ll be right here, right by your side, always. I’m not going anywhere,” Carlos vows.

Some time later, Carlos is so focused on TK and watching him, he doesn’t hear the knock on the door or it being pushed open until he senses another presence in the room.

He turns to see Owen stepping in, and stops by the foot of the bed.

“He looks better,” the Captain says, his eyes glued to his son.

Carlos nods, and continues running his fingers through TK’s hair.

“Your mom is heading to your place to pack a bag for you and TK,” Owen adds after a few moments. “She said to tell you to call or text her if there’s anything in specific you’d like her to get. And she’s also getting you some food.”

Carlos nods again. “I don’t think I’ll be able to eat, though.”

Owen’s eyes soften. “I know, but you have to keep your strength up. He’s going to need you when he wakes up. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of him.”

Carlos knows Owen is right, so he doesn’t argue. “Thank you,” he tells Owen.

“Thank you,” Owen reciprocates. “You saved his life.”

“Part of me hopes I could have done more, I felt so helpless just…I wish I could have done more,” Carlos drops his head.

“Hey, Carlos,” Owen walks over so he’s behind the officer. He places a hand on Carlos’s shoulder and gives him a supportive squeeze. “You did everything you could, I know you did. I’ve seen so many accidents to know that in that pile up today, TK’s chances were…” he trails off, shaking his head. “His chances weren’t good. If it wasn’t for you, TK wouldn’t be here right now.”

The mere thought of that brings tears to Carlos’s eyes. “A guy flagged me down and…I followed him and then I realized it was TK and…my whole world stopped.”

Owen nods. “I hate that you had to go through that but…part of me is glad it was you who got to him. Because I know you would have done, and did do, everything you can to keep him alive. You climbed into the wrecked car, and that says everything.”

Carlos moves his hand to cup TK’s face, lightly tracing his cheekbone with the tip of his thumb. “I would do anything to make sure he’s okay.”

A moment of silence washes over them as Owen dips his hand into his pocket and pulls it out, fist closed before opening his palm in front of Carlos.

“Here,” Owen says.

Carlos looks down into Owen’s open hand and a tear rolls down his cheek when he sees TK’s ring there.

“The nurse gave me his stuff after she lead you here. I thought you should hold on to it for him,” Owen explains.

Carlos sniffs, reaches out and takes the ring. He secures it in a fist and brings his hand over his heart, holding it there before leaning forward and brushing a kiss to TK’s temple.

*****

Owen stays until Andrea is knocking on the door, walking into a room carrying a duffel bag and a brown paper bag. The delicious smell immediately hits Carlos and his stomach rumbles. His mother must have heard it because she gives him a knowing smile.

Owen excuses himself a few minutes later, making Carlos promise to call if anything changes. With one final glance at his son, Owen leaves.

Carlos settles on the small table in the corner of the room as he unwraps the food his mom brought him. Andrea stands near the bed and plants a tender kiss to TK’s forehead then sits in the chair previously occupied by Carlos.

Carlos watches the sweet exchange and feels his heart flutter in his chest at the sight. It’s such a simple gesture but it speaks volumes of the way Andrea had come to love TK and happily welcome him into the family. Carlos had witnessed TK and Andrea growing closer and closer over the course of their relationship and it had made him happier than words could express. He’d smile, his heart soaring as he watched them in conversation or watched TK help Andrea in the kitchen, talking about anything and everything, while preparing dinner together at the Reyes ranch.

There’s pain and sadness in his heart at seeing Andrea sit next to TK’s hospital bed. And even more when he hears his mother’s broken whisper of oh, amor, as her eyes roam over TK’s battered face and he can tell she’s imagining the layers of bandages hidden underneath his gown.

Carlos can tell she’s struggling, trying to remain strong for both him and TK. Because not only is Andrea’s Carlos’s rock and support, but she is also TK’s.

“It’s okay, Ma,” Carlos reassures her. There’s so many layers to those three words, and she catches on to each and every one.

She gives him a small, sad smile, her eyes swimming with unshed tears.

“Your dad sends his love, and he said he’ll be by to visit TK soon, once he’s awake and strong,” Andrea says a little while later, after Carlos had finished eating, freshened up, changed into sweats and a hoodie, and returned to TK’s side.

She was about to get up to vacate his seat then, but Carlos shook his head and gestured for her to remain seated there. He dropped into the chair on the other side of the bed, the one Owen had grabbed from near the wall and had been sitting in.

Visiting hours were coming to an end and Andrea was getting ready to leave. With a gentle pat to TK’s cheek, she gets to her feet and clutches her handbag, Carlos following her.

“Carlitos,” she starts but Carlos is quickly shaking his head, knowing what she’s going to say.

“I can’t leave him,” he answers.

Andrea sighs. “It’s going to be busy in here tonight, they’ll be checking on TK every couple of hours and you need to rest, too.”

“I know, but I won’t be able to sleep if I do go home either. I’ll stay wide awake, worrying and wondering and going back home now, going back to our bed, without him or without knowing he’s really okay…I can’t. At least staying, I can grab an hour here and there when they aren’t checking on him.”

Andrea nods after a moment. She knew deep down that Carlos would stay, hence the bag she had packed. She’s cupping Carlos’s face, caressing his cheek before pulling him into a hug.

He goes easily, wrapping his arms around his mother and returning the hug. Her strong hold on him gives him strength himself, almost transferring some of hers to him and he soaks it all up.

“He’s going to be just fine,” Andrea whispers, kissing Carlos’s cheek as they separate.

Carlos nods.

“I love you, mijo,” Andrea expresses. “I love you both.”

“We love you, too, Ma.”

After a similar promise to Andrea like the one made to Owen, she leaves, grabbing the bag sitting next to the door containing Carlos’s bloodstained uniform on her way out.

Carlos returns to his original place next to the bed, his hand going back to TK’s.

“It’s just you and me now, babe.”

*****

It starts with one slow movement. It’s so slow Carlos would have probably missed it if he weren’t watching TK as closely as he is.

The sun has climbed high in the sky, the hours ticked by from the time Carlos had given up on sleep around dawn. It was a night filled with fitful and restless sleep, as he had expected and between the nurse checking on TK and Carlos’s own worry, the officer managed to get three hours of shuteye.

He couldn’t sleep past the moment light cracked through the darkness of the sky above, so he got up, running a hand through his loose curls and stretched his aching muscles. The sun slowly got higher and stronger, painting the sky in streaks of orange, yellow and red, the colors morphing together in a magical way. He watched the process through the thin curtain, getting lost in it for a few moments before directing his attention back to TK.

TK who still hadn’t woken up. Who hasn’t even stirred.

Carlos was awake during the nurse’s more recent visit and she had assured him that it was perfectly normal, that TK’s body still needed some rest and that TK is doing well. He thanked her, giving her a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes followed by a nod when she mentioned there’s a coffee station just down the hall.

He feels TK’s ring sitting in his pocket, and he longs for the moment when he’ll able to slip it back on his finger, where it belongs.

He kept a positive attitude, repeating the nurse’s comforting words in his mind over and over, clinging to them as more minutes passed by with no indication from his fiancé of waking up.

“Come back to me, baby,” Carlos had whispered, giving TK’s hand a light squeeze.

He eventually left the room for a quick trip to the mentioned coffee station, and was back by TK’s side in a matter of minutes.

He kept himself occupied replying to texts he had received—from Mitchell, some of his other colleagues at the precinct, and most recently the 126 group chat, while keeping an eye on TK, as well.

The texts were all replied to and the coffee had long been consumed when the slow movement from the bed catches Carlos’s attention.

A small nudge of TK’s head to side, his eyes still closed. For a second, Carlos thinks his mind is playing a trick on him. But then it happens again, in the other direction and that has Carlos moving forward, heart picking up speed in his chest.

“TK?” Carlos calls. “TK, can you hear me?”

His heart is on its way to sinking from the lack of response from the paramedic, but instead flutters because TK is slowly opening his eyes and finding Carlos through the haze.

Carlos’s face breaks into a smile that does reach his eyes this time, said eyes also filling with tears at the sight of the green irises he has so terribly missed.

“Hi, baby, hi,” Carlos continues, his voice soft.

“‘Los,” TK breaths, his voice scratchy and low but it’s his voice and Carlos can almost weep at his nickname that only TK uses.

“I’m here, I’m here. You’re okay,” Carlos reassures him. “Everything is going to be just fine.”

Carlos’s hand moves to cup TK’s face, caressing his cheek and his heart sings when TK summons all the energy he can and leans into Carlos’s touch.

“Get some more rest, babe, I’m not going anywhere,” Carlos says when he notices TK drifting back to sleep.

Watching TK’s chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm now, TK’s ring in Carlos’s pocket feels lighter.

*****

The sun is getting lower when TK wakes up again. Andrea had passed by and joined Carlos for lunch a couple of hours before, Carlos feeling better and able to eat properly.

He was sitting in his usual spot on the chair next to the bed, mindlessly going through his phone and switching between apps when the same nudge of TK’s head pulls his attention, albeit it’s a little more frantic than the previous ones.

“Hey, hey, baby,” Carlos gets closer to TK, eyes on his face.

TK’s eyes are faster in opening this time, landing on Carlos and then looking around the room.

“Carlos?”

“Right here, I’m right here.”

“What…” TK’s eyebrows draw together, confusion written all over his face.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Carlos takes hold of TK’s hand. “You were in an accident, you were hurt pretty bad but they took care of you and everything’s okay. Do you remember?”

TK nods after a second and swallows against his dry throat.

“Do you want some water?”

TK nods again.

Carlos grabs the plastic cup from the nightstand and guides the straw through TK’s parched lips. “Easy, slow sips.”

“How—how bad is it?” TK asks once he’s done drinking.

Carlos sighs as he returns the cup. “We don’t have to talk about that now.”

“Please…I…I need to know,” TK says with a low tone.

After a moment, Carlos nods. “You were stuck in the backseat, you had some cuts and scraps, a concussion, bruise from the seatbelt and…there was a piece of metal lodged in your side. You lost a lot of blood, and I tried to keep pressure as much as I could but I didn’t want to hurt you more and…” he sucks in a shaky breath.

TK uses his energy to squeeze Carlos’s hand, knowing where the officer’s mind is going, taking him back to the horrific accident scene. TK squeezes Carlos’s hand to ground him and bring him back to the present.

“Never in a million years had I expected to see you in that crash…I was actually thinking the opposite, that I won’t see you because it’s your day off. But then the universe flipped the table on me and there you were…” Carlos trails off and then shakes his head. “I’m sorry, you just woke up, this…this isn’t what you should be hearing.”

It’s TK’s turn to gently shake his head. “Hey, there’s nothing to apologize for. Whatever you need to let out, and everything you’re feeling and thinking…I’m here to listen, no matter what.”

“I don’t want to overwhelm you,” Carlos lowers his gaze.

“Look at me, baby, look at me. You can never overwhelm me…I know how tough this has been, and I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

Carlos tightens his hold on TK’s hand. “I was…so scared. I felt so helpless and it felt like you were being ripped away from me. And for a moment you were, when they wheeled you away and it broke me, in that moment, I shattered,” the tears get heavier in his eyes and with a blink, a tear falls and streaks down his cheek.

TK’s own eyes well up at seeing the pain and heartbreak drawn on Carlos’s face and coating his voice, wanting nothing more than to take it all away.

“I remember coming to after I blacked out from the initial crash and it was…terrifying. My mind hadn’t completely caught up with what happened and once it did, I was really scared,” TK sniffs. “I felt so alone. But you know what? When I saw you, well, at first I thought I was dreaming but then you reached out to me and touched me and it felt real, you felt real and warm and you were right there…I knew in my heart you were there and I wasn’t scared anymore. I didn’t feel alone anymore. I knew you would save me, like you did so many times before.”

More tears roll down Carlos’s cheeks at TK’s words.

“And you did. You saved me, ‘Los.”

Carlos lunges forward, taking TK’s face gently in his hands and plants a kiss on TK’s forehead.

“You saved me just as much,” Carlos whispers, looking into TK’s eyes where brown meets green, and there’s so much said without needing words, so much love communicated and felt. Carlos leans in, first touching their foreheads together and then brushing a tentative kiss to TK’s lips. And Carlos feels whole again.

“Also,” Carlos starts once he pulls back. “We’re definitely making those tamales once we’re back home.”

“You know?”

Carlos nods. “Ma told me. Missing one ingredient.”

“Yeah…I wanted to surprise you. You’ve been working so hard lately and I wanted to do something for you,” TK expresses.

“That means everything, TK. I just hate that you got hurt, I know neither of us could control what happened but still…I hate that it happened.”

TK nods. “But I’m here and I’m okay.”

“You are,” Carlos drops a kiss to TK’s cheek this time. “And one more thing,” he adds, a hand digging into his pocket.

He opens his palm in front of TK to reveal his ring and TK looks up at him, eyes glistening.

“I believe this belongs to you,” Carlos holds out his free hand to TK.

TK carefully lifts his hand and gives it to Carlos.

He watches as Carlos slides the ring on his finger, the familiar weight of it a comfort. He closes his eyes when Carlos brushes a kiss to the ring now sitting where it belongs, relishing in the touch.

“I love you, Ty, now and forever.”

Carlos's eyes are so soft and filled with love and adoration, it makes TK's heart swell with just as much love. He smiles, knowing he's found a home in Carlos. And he knows with his whole being that Carlos has found one in him, too.

“I love you too, ‘Los, always.”

And when TK gives Carlos the smile that’s reserved for only him, Carlos knows in his heart that they’re going to be just fine.

[starsaver94]

Bokuto Fluff Alphabet

I’ve had serious Bokuto brainrot recently so yeah...

Alphabet listed below

A = Admiration (what do they adore about their s/o?)

Your patience. It takes a lot of willpower in order to handle Bokuto’s energy level. So he’s really thankful that you’re able to put up with his antics and stick by him through-and-through.

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

Your hair. Something about your hair’s texture on or through his fingers just makes his heart flutter. He also has a tendency to ruffle your hair, especially if your shorter than him.

C = Cuddles (how they like to cuddle)

Oh boy... I hope that you don’t have to go anywhere because Bokuto will not release you until his cuddle needs are satisfied. This man will trap you in his embrace. His arms will be wrapped around your torso and his legs will be around your legs. So be sure to eat, drink, and go to the bathroom beforehand.

D = Dates (what is their ideal date with you?)

Anything where he can let out his energy, but in all honesty I see this guy enjoying beach dates the most. He enjoys splashing around in the water and having sand castle building contest with you. And of course he would want to play a few rounds of one-on-one beach volleyball with you. Also, he gets to see you in a swimsuit so that’s a plus for him ;)

E = Emotions (how do they express emotions around you?)

Bokuto is already a rollercoaster of emotions so he honestly has no problem showing how he feels around you. Whether he’s happy, sad, or angry it’s very easy to tell when it comes to Bokuto.

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

Bokuto would totally want a family, but it’s you who wants to wait. Considering he’s already a big man-child, you would want to wait for Bokuto to become more responsible before having children. And of course, you both would wait until you lived on your own before starting a family.

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

Bokuto has a tendency to take the exchanging of gifts as seriously as any volleyball match. Don’t get me wrong, he really does love it when you give him a gift. But, a part of him feels like he needs to top the gift you gave him by giving you something even better. Say for instance... you give him a small owl plushie, and the next day he gives you a near full-sized teddy bear.

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they hold hands?)

Bokuto won’t necessarily hold your hand, but he will wrap his arm around your shoulders or your waist. It’s awkward while you’re trying to walk, but it’s also charming and endearing in a way.

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

This boy goes into complete panic mode. Once, you attended one of his practice matches and the ball ended up ricocheting and hitting you square on the forehead. He started panicking and told Akaashi to take over for him while he carried you to the infirmary in order to get an ice pack for the newly formed bruise on your head.

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

Like I said before, Bokuto is a giant man-child. So, obviously he like to joke around with you a lot. However, when it comes to pranks Bokuto would rather play pranks with you rather than on you. Overall, his jokes and pranks are just like him. Big and full of chaotic energy.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

Bokuto will mostly give you little pecks on the lips, cheek, or most often, all over your face. However, he will give you more passionate and intense kisses if he’s either excited or jealous.

L = Love (how do they show you that they love you?)

Show you... Hell, this guy will announce his love for you to the entire world. For instance, when you attended one of his tournament matches and he saw you in the stands, the biggest grin stretched across his face and he pointed at you and shouted loud enough for almost everyone in the gym to hear “Hey! That’s my s/o, y/n! Hey, hey, hey y/n! Wish me luck! Love you baby!”

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

Without question, it would have to be the time you got a pretty nasty cold and Bokuto actually took the time to come over to your place in order to cheer you up and hopefully help you recover a little. He was a bit too loud for your liking and he somehow managed to burn the chicken noodle soup (mainly the chicken part), but you appreciated the thought and it showed that despite his childish nature, he really does have a somewhat responsible side. Key word being somewhat.

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

He worries that one day you’ll finally have enough of his antics and leave him for one of his more mature teammates (namely Akaashi).

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

True to his appearance, Bokuto is a major night owl. He is able to stay up for hours on nothing more that pure adrenaline and energy. It takes almost everything in your power to make sure that his gets the appropriate amount of sleep each night.

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

Baby, babe, nugget, and cutie.

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

Teaching you everything he knows about volleyball of course! Outside the court, however, you both would binge tv shows that you both enjoyed or have a movie marathon together until you were board or until one of you fell asleep.

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)

Smile by Avril Lavigne. It reminds you of how this goofball always finds a way to make you smile even in your darkest moments.

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

There are pretty much no secrets between the two of you. Bokuto is the type of guy that lets you know what is on his mind without even asking. 

T = Time (how long did it take for you two to get together?)

Around 3-4 months. Let’s face it, Bokuto can be a bit oblivious at times. But when he caught feelings for you, he caught it hard. You were attending one of his practice matches and every so often you would catch him glancing in your direction. When his team was finished practicing for the day, he came over to you and practically shouted at you “Hey, hey, hey y/n! I need to tell you that I really like you! So do you want to go out this Saturday? Anyplace you want to go is fine by me!”

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

At first Bokuto will try to make you laugh. If he fails after multiple attempts, he would actually get serious and pull you into a hug while whispering comforting words into your ear and rubbing your back or stroking your hair.

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

Bokuto is proud of well... you, of course! And oh boy! Does this guy like to show you off! As soon as the two of you became an official couple, he didn’t hesitate when it came to showing you off to his team. “Hey, hey, hey everybody! This is y/n! They’re my s/o! No! They’re not just my s/o! They’re my cute little nugget and they made me happiest volleyball player ever!”.

W = Wild Card (random fluff headcanon.)

Piggyback rides. Just, all of the piggybacks. Whether or not you ask for it, he will lift you onto his back and carry you from one place to the next. He’ll even do this in school when going from class to class, ignoring all of the strange looks and confused glances that are sent his way.

X = X-ray (how well are they able to read you?)

Like I said, Bokuto can be very oblivious at times. However, he can be surprisingly keen when it comes to you and your emotions. He can pick up pretty quickly when your sad or angry. However, it does take him a while when it comes to more complex emotions like jealousy.

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

With Bokuto, it’s go big or go home. When he proposed to you he wanted to do it in a big way. It happened while you were at one of his national games. After his team won the match, he suddenly pointed to the cheering section on the stands opposite to yours. At the signal they chanted “Y/N! Marriage? Y/N! Marriage?” Despite the strange method, you knew exactly what the message was. You ran over to him and accepted his proposal while hugging him tightly as soon as you met him back in the main lobby.

Z = Zebra (what kind of pet would they get?)

A dog. Specifically, one that’s like him. Big and full of energy. So probably a labrador or a husky.

[tomboyneedshercoffee]

Lovedust Pt.6 || Peter Parker x Stark Reader

Summary: Y/N finds out more about how the lovedust works and it leads to her realizing her biggest fears about Peter if he’s cured. 

Word Count: 4.2k

Author’s Note: There’s a lot going on right now but thank you guys for being so incredibly kind and patient with me. Shit is going to hit the fan real soon with Lovedust so stay tuned! ALSO Don’t forget to leave comments if you guys liked it or hey even if you hated it! ALSO ALSO My taglist is getting pretty big and hectic so if I missed yours, I am VERY sorry pls just message me again so I can add you asap!

Warnings: Mild language, mentions of death and nightmares, slowburn

part one || part two || part three || part four || part five || part six ||

part seven || part eight || epilogue 

As your eyes fluttered open, you gave yourself a minute to adjust to the sound of rain hitting against your bedroom window. You closed your eyes as you inhaled deeply, your arm instinctively reached beside you to touch Peter, only to find that side of the bed empty. 

You opened your eyes again and slowly raised yourself up to turn to see that your prediction was correct and that he wasn’t next to you. You knew it wasn’t a dream, you distinctively remembered him holding you as you fell asleep but you guessed he might’ve left soon after. 

The memories of last night rushed through your head as you felt your heart drop slightly and already, you felt empty so early in the morning. You remembered everything about the nightmare but more importantly, you remembered Peter cradling you like a child as you cried in his arms. 

You couldn’t wrap your head around a single feeling to describe the thoughts in your mind. As every day passed, Peter was showing you more and more how much he truly cared for you, and the thought of him not being able to keep the same energy once he was cured terrified you. 

You loved this new Peter and how kind and compassionate he was around you. It was annoying at first dealing with the cringey pick up lines and weird comments about the two of you getting married but now that you realized there was more to those side effects, you found him even more endearing. 

It was the small things like how he sacrificed the right side of his body so that you could fit under the umbrella perfectly or how he would willingly sit through a horror movie for you even though you both knew how much he hated them. 

You even saw a change in yourself and how you treated him. The other day, you two sat side by side on the couch and shared headphones while listening to the playlist you made for him or when you would tell him a dumb joke just so you could hear him laugh. 

It was selfish to hang onto the idea that Peter would always be this kind to you but you rather savored the moments you two had together since you knew better to know that nothing in life was guaranteed. 

You felt embarrassed that he had seen you so vulnerable, especially since Peter didn’t know what happened to your parents and now, you felt like you owed him an explanation. You looked back at your clock and sighed once you saw that you had already missed the beginning half of school, you thought screw it, you were taking a mental health day. 

“ Is it senior skip day or something?” You looked up to see your dad standing in your doorway with his arms crossed over his chest in a scolding manner but once he saw your dazed expression, he dropped the act,” Y/N? Is everything okay?”

You could feel your throat tighten as you shook your head, refusing to cry again. 

“ Nightmare,” You swallowed to stop yourself from letting anymore sobs from coming out of your mouth as Tony sat next to you and put his hand on your shoulder. 

“ I know kid, I know,” Tony brought you closer to him as you hugged him tightly. 

You had told Tony about your nightmares but he was already well aware on what happened with your parents. You were still pretty young when your parents had passed and you’ve lived most of your life with Tony as a parent but that didn’t mean you weren’t traumatized over what happened years ago. 

Tony had not only given you a good home and had locked down your future, but he was always there to listen and offer help, whether it was from himself or health experts.

“ It was Peter this time,” You said softly as you felt your dad hug you even tighter,” I don’t know why but he was in the nightmare and he-he tried to hurt me...I feel so guilty, I don’t know why he was there but my brain just made him  you know?” 

“ That’s not something you can control Y/N, remember what I said, your brain just picks up on different people-unless he did something. Did he do something to you? Cause I swear-”

“ No, no Dad it was the opposite,” You sighed as you pulled away and bit the inside of your cheek,” I know you told me not to hang out with Peter but...we’ve been getting closer and I think I...I don’t know. All I know was that when he comforted me after my nightmare, I felt the safest I’ve been in a long time….Things are different now. I don’t know what I could say to convince you but please don’t get mad.” 

You looked down at your bedsheets to avoid his gaze and you weren’t sure if he was burning a stern glare at the back of your head or not. 

“ I’m not mad about Peter, I already knew you were seeing him behind my back anyway and I should’ve known you two would’ve pulled some Romeo and Juliet bullcrap. Anyway- You’re strong enough to look after yourself, hell stronger than some of these people living here and if I may speak candidly, I know you could kick his ass if he ever crossed a line,” Your dad said as you let out a small chuckle,” I want you to be safe and happy. I would prefer you feel that way without a boy in the mix but I won’t yuck your yum.”

You wrinkled your nose but you couldn’t help but smirk,” Do you think I’m strong enough to become an Avenger?” 

“ You already are,” Your dad smiled as you inhaled deeply,” but before we get too mushy, I did actually want to talk to you about the other day, you know, about Peter’s health.”

You sat up straighter in your seat as you nodded attentively at him before he continued. 

“ It’s really important that you keep this between you, me and Banner, okay? I’m gonna use some big words so keep up,” You nodded again as you felt your heart beat rapidly against your chest,” you already know this but the lovedust activates a huge amount of serotonin in the body and sometimes that can lead to some major health problems. Well, with every day that passes, he runs the risk of having a ventricular tachycardia and that’s what explained how he collapsed the other day-”

“ Hold on, he collapsed? And did you say a ventricular tachycardia? Like a heartattack?” You asked as you felt your own heart stop for a moment as your dad gave you a confused expression,” So you’re telling me the lovedust could kill him? When did this happen?”

Your dad inhaled sharply as he swallowed hard,” Yesterday afternoon. We were done running tests and Banner noticed a car pull up and I said it was your friend John-”

“Josh.”

“ Yeah sure. Then we heard a loud thud and Peter just dropped. He just fainted but still, it’s a sign that things are getting worse,” Your dad said as you felt your heart completely shatter.

You felt like it was all of your fault. Even though Peter just fainted, he could’ve hit his head and died right there and you couldn’t stop yourself from filling your head with more terrible thoughts. 

“ Oh my god, I never thought things would get this bad,” You said as you rested your forehead in the palm of your hands, trying to keep a consistent stream of thoughts but each idea made you think of Peter getting hurt,” and there’s still not a cure? What have you guys even figured out so far-it’s been almost a week!” 

You knew your dad was trying his best but all you wanted was for Peter to get better and it didn’t help that time was against everyone. Peter could suffer a heartattack at any time of day and it didn’t make you feel better than nothing was being solved. 

“ Well we have a pretty strong theory about what caused the lovedust if you’re up for hearing it,” Your dad suggested as you hesitantly nodded. 

“ Our main theory is that the lovedust is effective when the patient- Peter- makes contact with the variable-you- and since you were the first person he saw, it activated his serotonin output. So it could’ve been anyone and Peter would’ve had the same reaction,” Tony said and it was so silent for a minute that you could hear a pin drop,” why is your face pale?”

You didn’t know how much you didn’t want to hear that theory until this very moment. You weren’t even sure why you could feel your throat close up again but this news made you sink back onto your bed. 

Peter really didn’t mean anything he was saying. After all those late night talks about how in love with you he was, those were all just side effects. Those were never his thoughts. He never really loved you. 

“ Oh...that’s good I guess,” You said quietly as Tony’s pager buzzed. You could tell Tony wanted to stay and talk to you but when he looked down at the notification, it seemed pretty urgent,” you can go, I’m just gonna stay here for a little bit.” 

“ We’ll talk later, okay kiddo?” Tony patted your knee and walked past your bed, closing your bedroom door behind him. 

You stared up at your bedroom ceiling as you thought about what your dad said. Peter’s condition was getting worst but now, at least they figured out something that could help them along the way. If they could figure out the properties of the lovedust than that means they could reverse it and find a cure. 

What if you didn’t want them to find a cure? 

You almost talked yourself out of your thought and called yourself a selfish idiot in the process, the goal was for them to help Peter. This could help Peter, you reminded yourself as you got up from your bed to get dressed. 

You weren’t sure where you wanted to go but you thought that your mental health day could carry on to the outside world. 

Mad....why were you mad? 

You had no reason to be so upset and you kept reminding yourself as the elevator went down to the garage. You aggressively pressed the button to unlock your car and once you sat down in the driver’s seat, you started your car and backed out of the garage. 

It was pouring outside and while you hated driving in the rain, you just had to leave to clear your head. 

Why were you upset?

Maybe because for once in your life, you felt special. 

You stopped on the brakes and you could feel your heart sink into your chest as the rain hit against your windshield. 

You shook your head slowly before you slapped your hands against your steering wheel hard.  

Was it awful that you loved the attention you were getting and maybe, just maybe, you were starting to see Peter differently? 

You slammed your firsts against the wheel again and again as you let out a frustrated grunt through your gritted teeth. 

You were mad that Peter could die. You were mad that there wasn’t a cure. You were mad that the lovedust had ruined your life. You were content without Peter meddling in your life but now that he had left such an impression, all you wanted to do was make sure he stayed as true to himself as he was now. 

You couldn’t expect that from him. You couldn’t expect that once he was cured, he would act back to his regular douchebag self but anything was possible, he didn’t owe you anything. 

You taunted yourself as you tried to snap out of whatever this hellish tantrum you were throwing. 

Why would you be upset over a guy who had fake feelings for you all this time? 

It wasn’t his fault and it wasn’t your fault either.

Anyone. It could have been anyone. It could’ve been a sockpuppet and Peter would’ve probably tried marrying the damn thing. 

You snapped your head over to the passenger side of the door once you heard a hard tap come from the window. Once you saw it was Peter, you turned to face the front and unlocked the door without looking back at him. 

He opened the door and sat down beside you in the passenger seat without saying anything. He was soaking wet from head to toe and while you were annoyed he was getting the inside of your car wet, you had more important things to focus on. 

It was too quiet for your liking but there wasn’t anything you wanted to say to him. Frankly, you weren’t sure why you even let him in.

“ How did you sleep?” Peter asked quietly as he tested the waters.

It was clear that you were in some type of mood but Peter never knew how to approach situations like this, especially since he didn’t know why you were so upset. 

“ I slept fine, you?” 

“ Good I guess,” Peter shrugged as he shifted awkwardly in his seat,” are you okay? Are you upset about what happened last night-”

“ No,” You said truthfully as you leaned your head back against the headrest,” I mean, yes, I’m okay but no I’m not upset about last night.”

“ Well something is clearly bothering you and I just want to help. You know you can tell me anything, I mean it Y/N, we’re friends now. We shouldn’t be hiding things from each other,” Peter said as you let out a dry laugh. 

You knew you couldn’t reveal everything to Peter about what your dad had told you but it didn’t stop you from feeling angry. 

“ Okay, you want to be honest, lets be honest. When were you going to tell me that you collapsed at the lab?” You asked as you turned your whole body to face him,” my dad told me this morning.” 

Peter inhaled deeply but looked you straight in the eye,” I was going to tell you... eventually. It’s not like I had time to really sit down with you, I know you’re going through a lot right now and I didn’t want to stress you out. Besides, I feel fine now, it’s not a big deal.”

It was a big deal, he could die. That’s what you wanted to tell him. His life was at stake and yet you were keeping this big secret from him. It was hypocritical and wrong and if anyone else had told you, you would’ve revealed to Peter about his worsening condition. 

But it was your dad who told you to keep things a secret for now and you just had to trust him for both of your sakes. 

You looked at him for a moment as you studied his face while he did the same to you. It was as if you both had so much on your mind yet no one wanted to be the first one to detonate the bomb. 

“ I’m just so tired Peter. I’m tired of having conflicted feelings on whether or not this lovedust has been creating more problems than solving them… Whatever this is between us, I like it a lot but I hate feeling so pathetic to the point where I actually enjoy the feeling of having a guy give me attention only because of some space shit,” You turned your attention back to the steering wheel,” How do we carry on with our lives once you’re cured? What’s stopping you from being a complete asshole to me like before?” 

“ I told you, nothing has to change. No matter what happens, we’ll always be in each other’s lives as friends or something more. I would never treat you the way I did in the past, I swear on my life.” 

Peter could feel the energy in the car shift right as he finished speaking but there was nothing he could do to change the course of the conversation. The path had already been set and now, he just had to strap in and hope he could hang on. 

“ How am I supposed to believe that? How do I know anything you’re saying is true? Everything this lovedust has been built on is a lie, you don’t love me Peter. It’s a fucking chemical reaction that is messing with your body,” You snapped loudly but Peter hardly flinched,” your mind and body has been corrupted by a parasite. You say you love me but if you take the lovedust away, you don’t. It’s that simple.” 

“ Just because it’s a chemical reaction doesn’t mean that the way I’m feeling is a lie. I spend so many nights thinking about you and how happy you make me so for you to say that I don’t actually love you-”

“ Are you listening to yourself? You love me because of the dust, why is that so hard for you to understand? Love is supposed to be natural, this is not natural!  If the way you’re feeling isn’t a lie, look me in the eye right now and tell me, did you love me before the lovedust?” You asked as you turned back to face him,” tell me the honest truth, did you love me?” 

Peter felt like his body was burning up in the worst possible way and his throat felt dry as he thought carefully. It was so hard for him to see how terrible he was in the past because of the lovedust, all he could think when he saw you was just utter love. 

You were visibly hurt, even if you were shouting at him he could read you like a book and there was something that he knew was there but he just couldn’t figure out what it was. It felt like some sort of test that Peter had to decipher; he didn’t have all of the pieces of the puzzle so how was he supposed to get the full picture? 

“ I don’t...no. No I didn’t,” Peter said softly as you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding,” but that doesn’t mean I didn’t care about you.” 

There it was, the million-dollar answer to the million-dollar question. Of course he didn’t love you, he had tormented you for years. Your dad’s “theory” was right, the lovedust didn’t matter if he had loved you beforehand. It could’ve been anyone. 

So even if you might’ve known all along, why did it hurt and why were you upset?

“ Stop lying to me. You never cared about me, you loved humiliating me,” You said in a shaky breath,” you loved seeing me cry and you loved it when I got mad. I could see it all across your face, you loved making me absolutely miserable. So you can say you love me all you want now, but I know the truth. You don’t understand, this lovedust is ruining me, Peter. Do you know how painful it is to be tormented for years and all of a sudden, the same person is now in love with you just like that?” 

“ Ruining you? You didn’t touch the damn thing! And you want to talk about pain-Do you know how painful it is to love you?” Peter shouted as he felt his voice crack,” If I’m not near you, I feel like I’m going to die but when I’m around you, my chest feels like it’s going to burst open and it’s painful. I’m in pain right when I wake up in the morning to right before I go to sleep everyday because the mere thought of you drives me insane-” 

“ I didn’t ask for you to love me-”

“ I didn’t ask to love you either!” Peter shouted back louder, this time to make sure you would stop interrupting him,” My body feels weak all the time, I’m fucking falling apart because I love you so much. So don’t tell me that I’m lying about loving you because that’s all I feel when I look at you. Even when I’m pissed off I still love you but if you think for one second I’m going to sit here and let you attack me for my past that I have already apologized for, then I don’t want to hear it.” 

Peter gave you one last look before getting out of your car and straight into the rain. Peter slammed the car door behind him so hard to where the door completely fell off the hinges but Peter was so angry that he kept walking away. 

“ You fucking...ugh!” You screamed as you got out of your car and followed behind him. 

You were completely livid, you both were being unfair but just because he was going through a different type of pain than you didn’t mean yours hurt any less. 

You shouted after Peter but the rain was so loud to the point where you considered that maybe he just couldn’t hear you. You sped up your pace to the point where you almost slipped against the concrete. 

“ You don’t get to tell me that I can’t be mad at the past Peter when it’s only been a week since you got infected!” You yelled as you grabbed Peter’s arm to stop him from walking away from you,” Just because you apologized doesn’t mean I can let it go so easily. For years, you made me feel like I would be alone for the rest of my life because no one would ever love me!”

Peter whipped his head back around to face you as you kept a strong grip around his wrist,“ And I’m telling you now that I love you and I was a fucking idiot for hurting you. Jesus Y/N I am sorry but we’ve had this conversation before so why are you mad at me?” 

All you could focus on were his eyes, which were darting back and fourth across your face as if he was pleading with you. You had pushed him across the line so many times but now, Peter was pushing back because he just needed a clear answer. 

You both were tired of yelling and fighting and in this moment, Peter was so close to tearing down the walls you had set up for years to keep yourself safe against him. It was eating away at you because deep down, you knew why you were mad at him, you just didn’t know if you could bring yourself to let it slip out of your mouth.

The rain sounded muffled and all you could think about was how cold you were feeling. You were somewhat forcing yourself to focus on anything other than Peter but you were trapped in his desperate gaze. 

You felt your breath hitch as you could feel yourself getting choked up,” I’m mad...I’m mad because the way you feel about me right now, it’s fleeting... it’s temporary. One day when you’re cured, you’re going to stop loving me and that terrifies me.” 

Peter squeezed your hand and you didn’t even realize that while you were talking, the grip you had around his wrist had moved to interlock your fingers with his. You could feel your chest tighten as you moved your eyes down to your hands and you slowly moved your gaze to meet Peter’s. 

“ Why does it terrify you?” Peter asked softly and now it was your turn to plead with him using your eyes as if you were saying please don’t make me say it.

Maybe a part of Peter knew that you wouldn’t admit that maybe, there was something developing between the two of you that you just couldn’t bring yourself to admit. But Peter knew you well and even as he read you like a book, he wanted to hear it for himself. 

“ I’m terrified because…” You almost said it as a whisper and even Peter was having a hard time hearing you because his heart was beating so loudly,” because I…”

You swallowed hard as you looked down at his lips and even if it was just for a second, Peter caught you staring. Peter felt his knees weaken and he was seconds away from just pulling you into his arms but it was your move. 

Peter had given you all the power and while a part of him felt relieved, it didn’t stop him from reaching up and tucking a strand of wet hair behind your ear. This was the moment he had been waiting for. 

He had given you all of the puzzle pieces you needed except he saved the last one just for you. He wanted you to put the last piece in so that way you two could step back together and admire all of the hard work you put into it. 

 You would’ve. You were going to let him know everything and unravel in his arms because finally, you could let go.

You wanted nothing more than to pick up that stupid puzzle piece and slam it into the puzzle to show him you were serious. You were going to let your walls crumble down and for once, you were going to be fearless. 

But you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. 

“ I can’t,” You said softly as you let go of Peter’s hand and practically rushed back towards the building,  leaving Peter alone in the rain. 

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[miraculousares]

Because I doubt the writers are going to feed us the interaction immediately after The Thing™, here I am. GANG OF SECRETS SPOILERS. IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED S4 YET, DO NOT READ ON

Marinette clutched the sides of her head as if she might explode if she didn't hold everything together. "You're right, I have secrets and I lie all the time! I lie to my parents, to my friends. To everyone..." She felt her best friend sit beside her on the chair but she was so caught up in her feelings that she couldn't process it. "And the worst part about it is that I can't do anything about it!" She buried her face in her hands, fighting back another bought of sobs.

"We always have the choice, Marinette." Alya spoke softly and carefully putting her arms around the girl. In the back of her head, Marinette was sure that she could feel her shaking but at this point, she didn't care. She was overwhelmed. She was heartbroken. She was stressed. She was terrified.

"No." She looked up and met her friend's eyes and saw a look of sympathy. "At least not for me. I've got no other choice. It's all beyond us, Alya, and it's too heavy to carry." She wiped a tear from her face.

"If it's too heavy, then we'll be two to carry it," the girl whispered comfortingly. With this, Marinette let out a long breath. She knew what the right decision was to the discourse she'd been having in her own head all day. That didn't stop her fear from taking control, though.

"If I tell you, things between us will never be the same. It's going to destroy everything, change it all."

"Marinette, whatever you'll say, I'm your friend." Marinette could hear how desperately her friend wanted to know. But it wasn't out of curiosity or pushiness. It was to take the burden of her secret from her. To help her carry it.

"And me..." She searched her friend's eyes, gaining the confidence and reassurance she needed from the loving stare of her best friend. "I'm Ladybug." Time seemed to move in slow motion. For a moment, she wondered if Bunnix had done it, showing up to keep her from telling Alya. But instead, time resumed as the redhead's expression quickly changed from shock and confusion to one of understanding before pulling her into a tight hug. She paused for a moment before wrapping her own arms around her friend and let herself sob silently into her shoulder.

If she was being honest, Marinette had thought of a thousand different scenarios as to how Alya might react. The majority of them were filled with neverending questions from the Ladybug-Superfan. A select few ended with Alya storming out and never speaking to her. One even included her selling her out to Shadowmoth, though she shut that one down quickly. However, she hadn't let herself imagine Alya comforting her immediately. Marinette was grateful to her friend for that. She didn't ask her to prove it, ask her a million questions, or even speak. She just hugged her because she trusted her. Alya had complete faith in her.

After a few minutes of letting out the weeks' worth of sorrow and pressure out into her friend's flannel-clad shoulder, she eventually pulled away and searched Alya's eyes. She seemed to be processing the information, but sympathy and understanding still took over her face. Seeing that expression, all worries and stress washed away in a wave of overwhelming relief. It felt amazing to have finally told someone and she knew she had made the right choice. She let out another breath and a smile forced itself onto her face. It felt foreign on her face now, rarely having worn one since becoming the gaurdian, but it felt at home. She wiped her cheeks and laughed. Nothing was amusing, she was just so happy that it escaped her lips automatically.

"Okay, I'm okay. You can react now," she announced. Though Alya was doing an amazing job at just being understanding, she could tell that her best friend was bursting with questions. Alya seemed to scan over her one last time to check for any remaining need of comfort before letting her face turn to an expression of shock.

She sat silent for a moment as if trying to organize her thoughts before breathing out, "You've beta-read so much of my LadyNoir fanfiction..." Marinette couldn't help the loud laugh. She clapped her hand over her mouth but Alya just joined in the laughter. They sat there letting out all of their relief and joy and connection through that shared laugh until their stomachs hurt. Eventually, they were able to get their breath back and Alya seemed to be more collected in her processing.

"Okay, actually though, that's insane. Ladybug has been my best friend this whole time and I had no clue. And all the pressure you've been under this whole time. I mean hell, Marinette! Paris' safety- No. The world's safety has been sitting on your and Chat Noir's shoulders for two years and you're only 16! I can't even imagine it! I mean, I guess I can to an extent because, ya know, Rena Rogue. But that's more of a part-time gig and it's not like everyone's relying super heavily on me. And now I'm rambling. What I'm trying to say is that I'm glad you trusted me with this and I'm so sorry I haven't been able to support you the way you've been needing. But I'm here now." She inhaled, clearly having forgotten to breathe during her ramble, and pulled Marinette into one more hug. "Can I ask questions?" She asked after they pulled apart again.

Marinette smiled. "Of course, Als."

"Okay. God, where do I even start? Do you know who Chat Noir is?"

"No. It's too dangerous for us to know each other's identities. Shadowmoth needs both of our miraculous and if we knew each other's identities, that would make it that much easier for him to get them," Marinette explained. It felt amazing to finally be talking about this with someone. Of course, she always had Tikki and now the other kwamis, but she needed the support of another person. She needed the support of her best friend.

"So he doesn't know who you are either?" Marinette shook her head and Alya nodded. "How did you even get your miraculous? I mean it's not like there was a Ladybug to hand it to you like I got mine."

"The last guardian, Master Fu, gave them to us. I don't know what happened with Chat Noir but I imagine that it was similar to why he gave me mine. I saved him from getting hit by a car in a crosswalk and showed him kindness. He told me later that he could see the 'heroic qualities' in me." She used her fingers to make air quotes around the words.

"That's incredible!" She paused for a moment, eyebrows raised in thought. "Oh my god, so many things make so much sense now."

"RIGHT?!" Marinette exclaimed.

"That's why you're always late! And why you're always so tired! And why you just dash out of class in the middle of the day!"

"EXACTLY!" Marinette practically shouted, relieved to finally be understood.

"Oh,

man... Everything's clicking in place, wow." Marinette could almost see the equations floating in front of Alya's face.

"Wait, sorry if this is out of line but... Is LadyNoir canon?"

"WHAT! No! Not in a million years!"

"Then what is this?" Alya whipped out her phone and showed Marinette her home screen. It was the picture that had been haunting the girl since it was taken. She wished it would disappear but it was constantly resurfacing on the internet and on tabloid covers. The photo of her and Chat Noir kissing on the rooftop after battling Oblivio.

"I have no idea what that was," she admitted. "I have no memory of even defeating Oblivio, let alone kissing that mangy cat."

"I mean, I know you're going through a lot right now and have sworn off romance for the time being but... Could it ever happen?"

Marinette opened her mouth to respond but all that came out was a sigh. "No," was all she said.

"Why not?"

"I..." Tears formed in her eyes and Alya immediately pulled her into a hug.

"Oh my god, Marinette. I'm so sorry, I didn't-"

"No, no. I just... I haven't really let myself think about it since it happened. But, I guess I can finally talk about it, huh?"

"You can tell me anything, you know that."

And so, Marinette told Alya about what happened with Chat Blanc. She explained how their love destroyed the world. She explained how her own irresponsibility with her miraculous had destroyed the world. The whole event had honestly been very traumatic to Marinette and weighed heavily on her heart. Since that, she'd been even more closed off about her secret, especially to her partner. She hadn't let herself think about it if she could help it, but it still haunted her in her nightmares.

As she finished the story, Alya tightened her arms around her. "Marinette, I am so, so sorry that you had to go through that. You've been put through so much and you've been holding on to so much pressure and it's not fair. Mari, when I tell you this, I want you to believe me. You are the strongest person I know. You've gone through more than anyone should have to go through in a lifetime. Yet, you still manage to find a way to always be there for your friends and your family. You're out all night fighting for your life and for the world and then you come to school and you're there for everyone else. You are so, so strong. You're amazing and not just because you're Ladybug, but because you're Marinette."  Marinette couldn't hold back the tears that flowed down her cheeks as she hugged her best friend. Any regrets or doubts she worried she might have about telling Alya were gone. She knew she had made the right choice.

The girls spent the rest of the night talking about this, a mix of laughing and crying until they eventually fell asleep there on Marinette's couch, tired from the whirlwind of emotions. "Thank you, Alya, for being here for me," Marinette whispered as Alya's breathing steadied. Then, she closed her eyes and fell asleep herself. For the first time in weeks, her dreams were light and hopeful.

[dontcallmecarrie]

continuation of this, because why not:

.

“Oh, this is fun,” Loki hadn’t realized just how irritating his voice could get until now, was this why the Soldier kept throwing knives at him? 

“I am only dragging you along because our interests align for now, do not expect this to continue.” He snapped over his shoulder, keeping an eye out for any potential attack even as the alarms continued to blare. He was lucky his counterpart was in such poor shape; had he even had a fraction of his usual power available, this entire enterprise would be much, much more difficult. 

As it was, Loki was faintly impressed his counterpart had accomplished as much as he had when he was running on fumes. When he wasn’t sneering at the sloppiness of his plans, anyway. Magical compulsion or no, what kind of idiot went and paraded about proclaiming their intentions for subjugation?

“Come now. Do you honestly expect me to believe this isn’t to your advantage? Unleashing double the chaos.” 

It was a pity breaking the magical compulsion had done nothing for his counterpart’s mental state. On a number of levels— he was a stone’s throw away from madness, all jagged pieces aimed outwards and it was uncomfortable to look at for too long for reasons Loki preferred not to dwell upon. 

Well. At least he could use it to his advantage. 

.

Victor was not a happy camper. 

First had been the discovery that, as he’d suspected, that damn gun had landed him in another universe. 

Second, said universe was quite possibly his worst nightmare.

Because his country didn’t exist, hadn’t existed for decades now: the Latverian civil war in this world had decimated its people in more ways than could be named, neighboring countries had snapped up just about every scrap of territory his men had fought and died for and goddamn HYDRA was using war orphans for their experiments.

...had he been a bit hasty when he’d taken out the first base he’d encountered? Sure. Sorting out the logistics for taking care of all the victims he’d encountered was a major pain in the neck, and this accelerated his plans for establishing himself in ways he hadn’t entirely expected. Klaue was as annoying as ever, and, if possible, even more of an arrogant bastard to deal with in this strange world.

Did Victor regret it? Absolutely not.

Especially when it resulted in his encountering his first ally in this hellscape. 

...though this ‘involuntary twin’ thing would get old fast, he just knew it.

“Hello, Winter.” Victor greeted with a smile. “Looks like you’ve been busy, too.”

.

The Winter Soldier could not believe that Justin’s stupid self-help books had been good for something, but here they were.

Him, and the poor bastard who shared his face and was now stuck in that incredibly awkward stage between ‘living weapon approximately three seconds from Murder’ and ‘going through deprogramming’, smack-dab in the middle of what had used to be a HYDRA stronghold but was now a bloodbath because somewhere in between fighting himself, and everyone else coming at them, the other Winter Soldier had started breaking through his programming.

He hadn’t realized just how much progress he’d made, until now. 

“What do you want me to call you?” He asked again with a tired sigh.

“The Asset does not nee—”

“Oh, fuck no. Pick something else, you’re a human being, you have value.” ...goddamn it, he sounded just like Justin. 

Ugh. Justin could never, ever know, he’d never let him live it down...okay, the worst part is that he would, not that the idiot with a death wish needed any encouraging when it came to this sort of thing.

The man’d had a knife to the neck, and still offered him food, offered him help. The Winter Soldier gave his counterpart a dubious glance, and fought back a shudder. 

As much as he sympathized with the guy— he’d been there, literally— the idea gave him chills.

Though...he could almost see it, now. If he squinted, he could see the tiniest speck of self-determination that HYDRA had tried its best to crush into oblivion, the ghost of a hint of personality in the twitch of his right hand, the way his left hand curled. 

“Right, okay.” He sighed. Again. He probably sounded like a goddamn teakettle, but fuck it, he was at the end of his rope here, dealing with people was Justin’s thing, he was much better at punching people. “If you’re anything like me, you’re going to have some serious migraines in the next few months, and no, aspirin doesn’t do shit. You have questions, means your personality’s coming back up which is good... oh, you’ll probably want to stick around for answers because I’m about as confused as you are.” 

Because this is what happened the one (1) time he tried to be nice and check up on Justin’s friend group. He could’ve been chasing down that lead in Argentina, but no, he was stuck here instead. 

Ugh. 

.

Ivan was running on spite, caffeine, and not much else. 

Living on the streets was a pain in the ass, exacerbated by the fact that he was apparently supposed to be dead and...buried? Cremated? He wasn’t entirely sure, none of the sources he’d found had been able to specify and to be completely honest, he hadn’t tried too hard to look.

Just seeing his own name in the articles had been disturbing enough, the realization that a version of him had apparently gone through with his suicidal plot was...something. Not great. His vodka stash back home was going to take a hit as soon as he got back. 

As disturbing as reading his own death had been, it’d still been no match for what he’d been able to find on the man who’d given him another reason to live. 

Because this world’s Justin Hammer was still alive and well, and locked up in an unspecified supermax for the foreseeable future, and...

An incompetent idiot with far more money than brains, apparently.

Which was so far from the man he knew it was hilarious, because Justin’s charisma had been enough to get a dictator of a sovereign nation wrapped around his finger without even trying, had the boogeyman of the intelligence world on speed-dial and an alien god as his bodyguard-slash-PA. He was untouchable on a number of levels, so when Ivan had first read that article?

He hadn’t believed it, at first. 

Had been certain it was an imposter, and while he probably should’ve spent that time researching how to get back home, he’d instead ended up down a rabbit hole of what kind of man Justin Hammer was in this world.

Call it morbid curiosity, or whatever— but Ivan had to know.

It wasn’t like he was making much progress on his own, anyway, not when his resources were staggeringly limited.

And then. 

A sleek car pulled up by the overpass where he’d been sleeping, and the window rolled down to reveal a face Ivan was inordinately glad to see. 

“Get in loser, we’re going shopping.” Loki called, and Ivan didn’t even question why there were two of him. Or why his twin looked like a grad student during finals week.

“Mean Girls? Really?”

“He was correct in calling it a classic.” Loki replied with a haughty sniff as he pulled away from the curb. “Besides— from what I’ve seen, I also know more about this world’s culture than their Captain.”

His twin looked lost, as he stared between them both and whoops, that was probably a terrible first impression. “Is this one of your allies?”

“Yes.” Ivan said, even as Loki spoke.

“When he’s not blasting us all to other dimensions, certainly.” 

“It was an accident!”

It was a good thing Loki had so much practice driving, because he would have gotten very nervous by the way their eyes met in the rearview mirror otherwise. “Oh, I know. I’ve told you—”

“There is no innovation without risk—” Ivan defended, only for Loki to snort.

“Have fun explaining that to Victor.” 

Ivan froze for a moment, breath stilling in his throat. On a good day, Victor was the epitome of a type-A personality...

“He’s here too?”

“Oh, yes. Not sure where exactly, but how do you think we found you?”

“If you say magic—”

“Are all your allies mortals?” Loki’s twin asked with just the slightest hint of a sneer, and just like that all levity was gone and Ivan didn’t even need to meet Loki’s gaze to know his answer.

“If you have a problem with that, feel free to leave. Right now.”

“Come now—”

“Ivan here blasted us all across space and time, without tearing open any paradoxes or destroying any timelines, entirely by accident. Victor? Is the ruler of a sovereign nation feared and respected throughout the realm. I do not know your approach to such things here, but any insult to my allies is an insult to me.”

.

Ivan...probably shouldn’t have been too surprised to discover that Victor had not only amassed a following of rabidly loyal minions, but also managed to meet up with the Winter Soldier. Er... two Winter Soldiers.

Man, this was going to feature in his nightmares for months.

“Where’s Justin?” Was the very first thing Victor said upon seeing them, and he cringed as the rest traded looks because of course the one who’d introduced them to each other was the missing link now. Justin was hands-down everyone’s favorite, and if Ivan was stuck being the one to break it to them after having spent hours hacking just to get a name?

Man, this was not going to be pretty.

“First, you have to promise not to get mad.”

“What.”

Ivan told them.

...suffice it is to say, nobody was happy to hear the answer.

.

“Okay then.” Victor said, face impassive save for the way his eyes gleamed. “It’s been a while since I did a prison break, anyway.”

[panic-at-the-fiction]

I Care For You

Summary: Billy has trouble facing the nightmares he experienced in the tunnels. He has to face something’s with the reader and it’s mostly fluffy in the end

Warning: maybe some slight angst but nothing major

A/N: I actually have a lot of song inspiration when it comes to writing for Billy and I’m not sure why. I don’t really get inspiration from songs like this for my other characters. A few but not this many.

You all had been resting and recuperating from yesterday's events. Jessie and Spike were out grabbing fish and chips for the gang and Bea and Leo were long gone on some walk. That just left you and Billy alone for a while.

You two hadn’t been alone together since before all this nonsense, and you could tell something was different. Billy had been cold and ignoring you lately. Guess now was better than ever to bring it up.

“Hey Billy, is something up? You haven’t looked me in the eye since we closed the crack.”

He stiffened in the chair. “Yeah everything fine (y/n), we’ve all just been through hell this week.”

You moved to sit down next to him. “Would you wanna to talk about any of it? I’m your friend, and I’m always here for you”

He tensed up and moved away from you. “That’s exactly the problem, isn’t it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re always there, bugging me with questions, trying to make sure I’m ok. I don’t need you, ok!” He snapped back at you.

“Don’t get all tough guy on me, Chisup! We’ve been through hell these last few weeks and I care about you too much to have you push me away now!” You said, standing back up and pushing your finger into his chest.

“Well maybe that’s the problem (y/n), you shouldn’t care. Not about me at least. I could never be what you need, I’m not even sure I can protect you, knowing what’s out there.”

He turned away from you to hide his face. You gently put your hand on his shoulder to have him face you. He turned around reluctantly, and you could see the pain in his eyes. “Where is all this coming from, Billy?” You asked softly.

“The man, in the white suit. He showed me my worst fears, and they were horrible.” Billy seemed to break before, as if you opened the floodgates. “The old man from the workhouse, the one I killed. He was there, but this time it wasn’t me he was hitting or even Bea or Jessie. It was you, he was hitting you and killing you and I couldn’t do anything to stop him. I wasn’t good enough.”

You could feel the tears build up in your eyes as he recalled the nightmares. You wrapped him in a hug to try and reassure him. “It wasn’t real, I’m right here and that man will never lay a hand on anyone again thanks to you. And don’t ever tell me to stop caring for you, cause I won’t!”

He pulled away from you again to look you in the eyes this time. “That’s not the problem (y/n). The problem isn’t that I want you to not care, it's that I want you to care. Because I care about you too much, and I worry you don’t care for me the same way I do you.”

You smiled softly at the look in his eyes as he did his best to explain his feelings. Resting your hand to cup his cheek, you stared into his sweet blue eyes. You could try and explain how you care for him as well, but you were never good with words, you preferred actions instead. You cut him off by bringing your lips to his in a soft and short kiss.

He looked shocked, “why’d you do that?”

“I wanted to,” you smiled. Your faces are still only a few inches apart. “And I thought it was better than trying to ramble on like you did about how I do care for you the same way.”

“Oh ok. Does that mean we can do that again sometime?” he said, still in shock from the first kiss.

You laughed a little and closed the small gap between you again. He slowly moved the kiss along as you two got more comfortable with each other. Before you knew it, the kiss turned more heated. He put his hands in your hair, getting them tangled up. You were bracing yourself by holding his shoulders. You two slowly walked backwards till you hit the wall. Mindlessly, your hands wander each other's bodies till you hear the cellar door open abruptly.

You registered it a moment to late as neither of you pulled away fast enough before the newcomers turned the corner and saw you two in a quite compromising position.

You looked to see Spike and Jessie with the trays of food and big smiles. “Oh, so it’s like that then?” Spike said, “we leave for half an hour, and you don’t even bother putting a sock on the door as a warning.” You huffed at him and began swatting at the younger boys head with your hand as he tried to run away. He shouted as you chased him around, the others looking on in amusement, laughing.

“I’m sorry! (Y/n) stop it! I'm carrying the food, don't make me drop it!”