#that woman is a very sexy kindergarten teacher. are you looking at her

[lizbethborden]

This episode felt a lot better structurally and much Avanine and much Barb being beautiful sooooooo... I'm happy

[atlafan]

Burning Love - Part Three

a/n: the third and final part of this little series is here! I hope you enjoy! Feedback and reblogs are helpful! Support me here if you’re able! (not proofread)

Warnings: cocky!Harry flirting, a tiny bit of angst, fluff, and smut!

Words: 8K

Pairing: Harry x OC (kindergarten teacher Danielle Robinson)

Masterpost

Having a firefighter as a boyfriend was anything but boring. Sometimes Harry was called away in the middle of the night for backup, sometimes he had to straight up sleep at the fire house if someone was on vacation, and sometimes he was cooking up a storm so the guys coming back from a fire had plenty to eat. Danielle would sometimes help cook as well. The guys really liked her turkey chili.

Danielle’s classroom knew who her boyfriend was too, and they loved it when Harry would come by for a visit. He’d bring them little coloring books, or sometimes he’d get Doodle to come for an even better surprise visit.

When they were together three months, Harry made sure no one was in the fire house so she could come to his office, and he gave her a little strip tease. She had practically been begging him to play the part of the sexy fire fighter and he was finally doing it for her. The only condition was that he got to bend her over his desk and fuck her. She even let him hit it raw, it was the greatest mutual gift in the world. Also hearing her moan out, “You’re hitting it so good, don’t stop, Harry!” over and over was pretty nice too.

Yup, things had been going pretty well for the new couple. Even though they were still in the puppy-love phase, it wasn’t all sex all the time. Harry would sometimes come over and help her late into the night as she was crafting activities for her class the next day, or he’d go to the art supply store with her because Danielle never made a list and she would often forget at least one thing she needed for class. Harry always remembered what she’d forget. Danielle was also a big help with the fire department’s fundraising efforts. She made the best hash browns anyone had ever had at the monthly pancake breakfasts. The deputy fire chief even got them a matching set of aprons. Things were going so well that she even started to let him call her Dani.

One Sunday afternoon they were walking through the grocery store together. Harry liked pushing the cart for Danielle as she mumbled to herself about what she needed for the week. She liked that he joined her because he could pick out the snacks he wanted to leave at her place, and vice versa. They were walking down the coffee aisle, Harry liked Hazelnut and Danielle liked French Vanilla.

“Dani?”

Danielle looks over in the direction of the deep voice that said her name. Her eyes widen when she realizes it’s her ex, Oliver.

“O-Oliver?”

“Oh my god, it’s so good to see you!” He exclaims, throwing his arms around her. She doesn’t reciprocate. “It’s been what, three years?”

“Something like that.” She swallows, and hooks her arm around Harry’s waist. “This is my boyfriend, Harry.”

“Hi.” Oliver shakes Harry’s hand. “You shop here a lot?”

“Yeah…this is the grocery store closest to my apartment, why?”

“This is my first time as this specific store. My fiancé lives in the area, and we’re choosing to buy a house here so her son won’t have to switch elementary schools.”

“Her…her son?” Danielle wanted to smack him.

“Yeah, guess he’s like my son now too.”

“Olly? Did you find the decaf tea?” A woman long blond hair, and a slightly swollen belly comes rolling her cart down the aisle with a little boy sitting in it. “Oh…Danielle…hi.”

“Hi, Rory.”

“Miss Robinson!” The boy exclaims.

“Hello, Joey.” She tries to say with a smile. Danielle wasn’t sure how she could have been so stupid. Joey took the bus to and from school, and she had only ever spoken with his father. She also didn’t make a second glance at his mother’s name on his contact list since it was under Lorelei.

“Joey raves about you all the time.” Rory says, trying to cut some of the tension.

“Mumma, it’s Chief Harry!”

“Aw, nice of you to remember me, buddy.” Harry says. “Um, we’ve got frozen stuff in the cart, so we should probably get going, right, darling?” He says, looking at Danielle, and she feels thankful for him finding a way out of all this.

“He’s right, we should really get going.”

“Guess we’ll be seeing more of each other, huh, Dani?” Oliver says with a soft smile.

“So it would seem.” She looks at Joey. “See you tomorrow morning in class, Joey.”

Harry pushes the cart as they walk away. She was beyond mortified. They get in line and pay for their things. She had driven there, but she has Harry drive back to her place. She was quiet until they got inside her apartment to put the food away.

“He, uh, seemed a little delusional there, no?” Harry says.

“He’s always lived with his head in the sand.” She scoffs. “Rose colored glasses, you know?”

“Did you not know that-“

“No, I didn’t realize that Rory, the person he cheated on me with, had a son. I knew that she was a married woman. They got divorced because of Oliver.” She shakes her head. “Joey’s father is such a sweet man, I can’t believe I never put the pieces together.”

“How exactly did they meet?”

“The first school I worked at was a K-5 a few towns over. Rory was the principal’s secretary, she still is, I think. I brought Oliver with me to a holiday party, and they got to talking. She’s a couple of years older than he and I are. I don’t exactly know how things progressed from there, but apparently she’s pregnant with his kid, they’re engaged, and they’ve bought a house! Isn’t that just kick you in the crotch, spit on your neck fantastic?”

“Remind me to never watch Friends reruns with you again.” He chuckles.  “I can’t believe he had the nerve to hug you like that?”

“He hugged me like that because he’s still in love with me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Until I blocked him on literally every platform that I could, he would send me these messages about how he fucked up and that he’d do anything to win me back. He’s in a loveless relationship. He’s made his bed and now he has to lay in it.”

“Does Rory know it’s a loveless relationship?”

“I doubt it. If I had to guess they probably got engaged after they found out she was pregnant. It was probably her way of trapping him.” Danielle rolls her eyes. “You know what they say, once a cheater, always a cheater.”

“Well,” he comes around her to hold her from behind, kissing her cheek, “you don’t have to worry about that or pay it any more thoughts, alright?”

“Yeah.” She smiles and turns to kiss him. “I just hope I don’t start running into them all the time now.”

“We could always go to the market near my place, or we could do the online order thing.” He shrugs. “Whatever you wanna do. I just don’t want that idiot making my baby upset.” He pouts at her and she pouts back.

“I love that I get to be your baby.” She sighs as she nuzzles into his chest.

“Me too…I…I love you, Dani.” He kisses her forehead before she looks up at him.

“You do?”

“Mhm.” He smiles. “Guess there’s no perfect time to really say it, but that’s how I feel.”

“Oh, Harry, I love you too.” She kisses him, and blinks some tears away. “Like, a lot.”

“Let’s get these groceries put away, hm? Then I’ll fuck you on the counter. Would you like that, sweetheart?”

“I would, very much so.” She chuckles.

//

It was the last day of school, so Danielle had both of her groups in the morning. There was a small ceremony for the kindergarteners to commemorate them being able to move on to the first grade. They each got a personalized certificate with some type of achievement they earned in Miss Robinson’s class. She spent two weeks working on them. Once it was over, Danielle had to clean up her classroom for the summer.

“Happy last day of school, babe.” Harry says as he walks in, holding a small bouquet of flowers.

“I think you should ask for a separate office here with how often you come to visit.” She jokes as she takes the flowers. “Not that I’m upset, but what are these for?” She smiles.

“You made it through another year with a group of five-year-olds, thought you should have something nice for it.”

“Well, that’s very thoughtful, thank you.” She kisses his cheek. “I’m just finishing up here and then we can grab lunch.”

Harry nods as he waits for her, helping her take a few boxes out to her car. He thought she looked gorgeous today in her light blue sundress. They enjoy their lunch together before Harry has to go back to work.

“Wanna come to my place tonight?” She asks before they part ways.

“Sure.” He pecks her lips. “Want me to bring dinner?”

“No, I can cook. I’ve got stuff to make a taco salad.”

“Okay, I’ll see you later.” They kiss again and off they go.

Things had gotten quite domestic with one another, and Harry was really starting to like it. He also really liked that she was about to be off for the entire summer. Sure, Harry had bonfires, lawn mowers, grills, and other things of that nature to worry about, but his group of volunteer fire fighters would be coming on once again, so it freed up a little more time for himself. He’d be able to take a vacation with Danielle if she wanted. Or he could just take a ton of long weekends so he could spend some time with her. He wasn’t exactly sure what she did over the summer, but he figures they’ll talk about it soon.

When Harry gets to her apartment later that night, he realizes soon means tonight. Danielle was running around her apartment in a tank top and shorts boxing things up and packing.

“Hey, uh, what are you doing?” He says, startling her.

“Oh! I didn’t even hear you come in!” She gasps and clutches at her chest. “Sorry, I’m just trying to get my shit together. I always save this stuff for the last minute.”

“Are you moving?” He asks, almost frantic.

“What? No.” She chuckles. “But I do need a lot of my things with me for when I go up to Seabrook.”

“Seabrook?”

“To my parents’ summer house. I told you they had one, they’re snowbirds, remember?”

“Yeah, you mentioned that…” He swallows. “Are you going for a long weekend?”

“No, I’m going for the majority of the summer. I was actually sort of hoping you’d be able to water some of my plants, but if you can’t I can ask the neighbor again.” She goes over to him and gives him a kiss. “Come on, I set dinner up in the kitchen for us.”

They both go into the kitchen and sit down with their taco salads.

“You’re sort of blindsiding me a bit, babe. I mean, you’ve known you were going to New Hampshire all this time and didn’t think to tell me?”

“I figured I’d come back on weekends.” She shrugs. “You’re going to be working all day, so I figured you wouldn’t really mind if I wasn’t around as much.” She takes a bite of her food. “I also thought maybe you could come up and visit…you know, meet my family.”

“It’s gonna be torturing not being able to come over and see you after work.” He pouts. “But of course I’d love to meet your family.”

“I know…that’s sort of why I was keeping it to myself. I’ll miss you just the same, I hope you know that. This is just really precious family time that I wait all year for.”

“I get it.” He sighs. “What weekend would you want me to come meet them?”

“I’ll have to ask my parents what weekend would work best for them. The first couple of weeks are spent catching up with their friends, and whatnot. The house is in a fifty-five and over community.”

“And you won’t mind driving back on weekends?”

“Not at all.” She shakes her head. “All of the traffic will be going the other way, and the beaches are always so crowded on the weekends. It’ll be perfect.” She smiles at him and leans in a bit. “Plus, I’ll be coming back to you with sun kissed skin. I’ll have lots of tan lines to show you.” She winks and it makes him chuckle.

“Alright, alright. I get to use more time off in the summer, so I’ll be able to take lots of long weekends. We have more of a crew because a lot of our volunteers are teachers, so they have more time to help out.”

“That’s good! I’m so happy the school year is over with. Did you see I put the flowers you got me in a vase?” She points over to the vase in her kitchen window.

“I did.” He nods, a smile growing on his lips. “M’glad you liked them.”

“I loved them.” She kisses his cheek. “You’re so sweet to me, Harry.”

“You’ve turned me into a total mush ball.” He sighs. “But I suppose that’s not a bad thing.”

“You were a mush ball the second you walked into my classroom for the first time.” She smirks.

“And you were a flustered little thing.” He smirks as her face falls. “Ah, she can dish it out, but she can’t take it.” He kisses her temple and takes their now empty plates to the sink. “When are you heading up?”

“A couple of days.” She sighs. “I hate packing so much, it’s the worst.” She groans. “I just keep telling myself I’ll be relaxing on a screened in porch soaking in the ocean breeze with a book in my hand before I know it.” She flops down onto her sofa and Harry sits next to her, rubbing her back. “At least I’ll see my niece and nephew soon too. I love getting to spend so much time with them.”

“Tell me about them, I wanna know as much about your family as I can before I meet them.”

“Really?” She sits up to look at them.

“Mhm.” He puts a pillow on his lap. “Come lay one me. I’ll play with your hair while you talk.”

“If I didn’t love you before.” She giggles, and rests her head in his lap. He starts scratching at her scalp and she sighs. “Okay, so, my dad…”

They both fell asleep on the couch that night talking. Harry told Danielle a lot about his family as well. In the wee hours of the morning, Harry carried her to the bed, and they both snuggled up while they got a few more hours of sleep.

//

“Danielle, it’s the middle of the night! Where are you going?!” Her brother Clark asks her in a panic. “Shit, are you crying?”

“I…I just got a call.” She sniffles as she throws her hoody on. “I have to get home.”

“Why, what’s happening.”

“H-Harry’s deputy chief called me…there was a really big fire a few hours ago, and a wall collapsed on him, and now he’s in the hospital.” Tears were streaming down her cheeks. “I have to get home to him, Clark, I need to be there when he wakes up.”

“You’re in no condition to drive, especially not for two hours. I’ll go with you. Let me just go to Isabelle.”

“You don’t have to do that, I’m fine.” She wipes her eyes. “I’ll let you know when I get there. I’ll be back in a few days, I’m sure of it.”

She rushes out of the house and gets into the car. She had the radio practically silent, and she was sucking down an iced coffee. Caffeine put her anxiety into hyper drive, but she needed to stay awake somehow. Harry wasn’t even supposed to be at that fire. He got called in as backup, but he wasn’t supposed to go inside. He went in looking for the family’s new puppy.

Once she gets to the hospital, probably looking like a mad woman in her pajama pants and oversized hoody, she checks in and asks where Harry’s being kept.

“Please, I’m his girlfriend, I need to-“

“Dani!” The deputy chief, Ralph, comes rushing towards her. “He just woke up, come with me.” He yanks her by the wrist before the nurse at the desk can say anything.

“Is he okay?”

“He will be.” Ralph nods. “Here we are, go ahead in. Take your time with him.” Ralph smiles, and Danielle returns it.

“Harry?” She says just above a whisper.

“Hey, baby.” He gives her a soft smile. “What are you doing here?”

“I hopped in my car a second after Ralph called me. I was so worried.” She sits on the edge of his hospital bed.

“I’m okay, sweetheart, just a few scrapes and bruises.”

“Harry…your arm’s in a sling.”

“Just a sprained wrist, it’ll heal up real soon.”

“How can you be so calm about this?” She asks as she curls up next to him. He throws his arm around her and sighs.

“Because if I let every little accident scare me, I wouldn’t be able to do my job properly. This is what I signed up for, babe.”

“Did you at least find the puppy?”

“I did, shielded the poor thing from the wall that collapsed on me. M’gonna have to go on light duty for a while.”

“Which means what exactly?”

“Lots of administrative work…that I can do remotely. So, I was thinking…maybe I could come up to Seabrook with you for a little longer than a weekend.”

“I’d love that! We can drive back up together. Everyone’s excited to meet you.”

“I’m excited to meet them too.”

//

After Harry rested up for a few days at home, with Danielle doting on him even though he told her she didn’t need to, the two drive up north together.

“Auntie Dani’s back!” Sarah exclaims as she bursts out of the porch.

“Sarah!” Isabelle yells after her. “We don’t run out of the house, no matter how excited we are to see Auntie.” She picks her daughter up. “Sorry, Dani.” Isabelle chuckles.

“No worries.” Danielle laughs. “This is my boyfriend, Harry. Harry, this is my sister-in-law Isabelle.”

“Hi.” Harry says, and Isabelle gasps when she sees his arm in a sling. “Just a sprained wrist, m’fine.” “It’s nice to meet you. This must be Sarah, yeah?”

“Hello.” The little girl smiles.

“Come on, everyone’s inside getting ready to head down to the beach.” Isabelle says.

Harry and Danielle follow inside. She takes him into the kitchen where her parents, Robert and Donna were finishing up their coffee.

“Dani!” Donna smiles. “How was the ride back up?”

“Fine, not a lot of traffic once we were out of the city.” She smiles. “This is Harry.”

“The hero that saved the puppy!” Robert says.

“I’m no hero, just did my job. It’s nice to meet you both. Thank you for inviting me to your home.” He shakes both of their hands.

“Are you kidding? We were over the moon when Dani said she’d be bringing a boyfriend with her.” Donna says. “Honey, why don’t you help Harry get settled and then meet us down at the beach?”

“Okay.” Danielle nods.

The two bring their things inside while everyone else makes their way to the beach. Danielle helps Harry put his clothes away in the dresser.

“So…are we alone right now?” Harry asks casually after putting his things away in the bathroom.

“Um, yeah. Everyone went down to set up at the beach, why?”

“Well…” He sits down on the bed and tugs her to sit on his lap, straddling her. “I haven’t been able to do much the last few days, and I’d like to make up for it.”

“Harry.” Her face flushes. “I can’t just fuck you here.”

“In the privacy of a bedroom? Here I was thinking this would be the perfect place.” He rolls his eyes.

“I just…” She bites her bottom lip. Before she can say anything when she opens her mouth again, he’s kissing her. “Fuck, okay, but we have to be quick. And no leaving marks, I don’t need to feel like a teenager at the age of twenty-seven.”

“How about no marks in any visible places?”

“Harry, I’m gonna be wearing a two piece, a lot is going to be visible.”

“Your ass?”

She whimpers softly and kisses him again. They both fall back on the bed, careful not to hurt his wrist. Danielle ended up riding his dick since he couldn’t really prop himself up with hands at the moment, but neither of them minded. It was a much-needed release for the both of them. Once they’re both cleaned up, they change into their bathing suits and go down to the beach to join her family.

“Auntie Dani, do you wanna dig a moat with me?” Ryan asks her the second she sets her things down.

“Sure! Just let me get some sunscreen on, okay?”

“You’re already looking a little red.” Clark remarks, and she glares at him. “Nice to meet you, Harry.”

“Same to you.” Harry says as he sits down in his beach chair.

Danielle peels her coverup off, and lathers up in sunscreen before grabbing a sand toy to help Ryan dig a moat. Isabelle was down by the water with Sarah.

“Harry, do you like seafood?” Donna asks him.

“I do.” He nods.

“Wonderful, I thought it would be nice to go out to eat since you’re here with us now. Celebrate having a full house and whatnot.”

“Oh, well…that sounds nice, thanks.” Harry smiles at her.

“I hope you won’t be too miserable working from inside the house…there’s no central air or anything.” Robert says.

“Oh, it’s not a problem. Heat doesn’t exactly bother me.” He smirks, and Danielle flicks some sand at him. “Oi, what was that for?!”

“No fire fighter jokes or puns.” She points a finger at him warningly. “We’re on vacation.”

“Come on, that was a good one, admit it.”

“I will do no such thing.” She looks at her parents who were chuckling at the exchange. “Don’t encourage him, it’ll only make it worse.”

“Anyways,” he side eyes her and then looks back at her parents, “I’ll probably just set up on the porch when I need to hop onto email. My deputy chief is taking on a bit more for me for the next couple of weeks.”

Harry never really saw himself being a dad someday, but as the day went on, and he watched Danielle interact with Sarah and Ryan, he suddenly understood why women would get baby fever seeing a man hold a baby. He may have only been with Danielle for five months, but fuck…he wanted to be the father of her kids. Yes, he got to spend an entire week with her and her classroom, but it’s not like he got to witness her loving on any of the kids. The way she cradled four-year-old Sarah to her chest as she napped, or splashed around in the water with Ryan, well, if he had ovaries they’d be bursting.

Seeing her help them at dinner was just as cute too. Sarah insisted that her booster chair be places next to Danielle, and Danielle ended up helping cut up Sarah’s chicken fingers. Then Harry got to witness Danielle tucking Sarah and Ryan in for the night to give Clark and Isabelle a break.

The two decide to turn in a bit early since it had been a long day. Danielle was sitting up in bed reading her romance novel. Harry was reading the same one. They had formed a little book club with another once they found out they liked the same genre of fiction.

“Dani?” He says to her.

“Hm?” She says without looking at him.

“Do you think you wanna have kids of your own one day? Or are your kindergartners enough kids for you?”

She immediately closes her book and looks at him. She was a little shocked.

“I…I always thought if I met the right person then I’d want to have kids. Like, turning that love into something physical, you know? What’s got you asking me about kids all of a sudden?”

“In all honesty…watching you with Ryan and Sarah today sort of sparked my interest. You’re so good with them in so many different ways. I…I mean I never really thought twice about having kids, but if you and I decide this is a long term thing…I’d love to be the person you have kids with.”

“Thought you didn’t like playing the what if game.” She leans in and pecks his lips.

“I don’t.”

“Okay, so, it’s not an if with us, Harry, it’s a when.”

He smiles and kisses her tenderly.

“You’re the love of my life, you know that?” He says against her lips before kissing her again.

//

The school year was just about to start again. Classes would begin just after Labor Day. How were Harry and Danielle spending their long weekend? Well, she was currently bouncing up and down on his dick reverse-cowgirl on her couch while he sucked a nasty bruise into her neck, rubbing her clit with one hand, and kneading one of her breasts with the other. She felt like she was drooling from how good everything felt. The two of them had both tanned nicely over the summer, and now they Danielle was fully back in her apartment, Harry was taking full advantage.

“Fuck, fuck!” She pants. Harry was thrusting up into her, pounding against her g-spot.

It was how she liked it, she didn’t care if she was sore later, and he was happy to give it to her like this. She turns her head slightly and she licks into his mouth to suck on his tongue. He replaces his tongue in her mouth with two of his fingers, which she was happy to suck on while his fingers continued to work her clit. They had been together for a while now, and sometimes when you were a little older, time didn’t make much of a difference when you were trying to check off certain boxes with the person you loved most. So, Harry just blurts out what he’s thinking.

“I think we should move in together.” He grunts, and she gasps around his fingers.

“Wh-what?” She says, whining because she’s so very close. This wasn’t the type of talk she enjoyed during sex. “Harry, please, I’m almost there, can we talk about this after?” She tugs at his hair, making him groan.

He grips her hips, helping her rock faster on him, and she goes to rub her own clit. He was fucking so hard and deep that she thought her spine was going to crack in half, but she didn’t fucking care. She wanted it. He hits it just right again, and her eyes roll into the back of her head as her back arches, her body molding into his as she rides it out. His come shoots up inside her a moment after, and he presses his lips to her temple. She tries to move off him, but he wraps his arms around her tummy to keep here there.

“Can we talk now?” He breathes, his breath hot on the shell of her ear and she whimpers. “I really think we should live together.”

“And whose place do you want to live at, hm? We’re both pack rats, Har. We both need home offices, we both-“

“Just answer the question: do you want to live together?”

“Yes.” She looks over her shoulder at him. “I do.”

“Okay, then.” He smiles and gently lifts her off of him. “Right when we started dating, I got pre-approved for a home loan.” He wraps her up in the blanket she has on the couch and carries her into the bedroom so they can both lay down before cleaning themselves up. “I put the house hunting on hold, obviously…I’d need to get pre-approved again since the three-month window they gave me lapsed, but…I can afford a pretty decent house.” He smiles fondly at Danielle. She had that after sex glow to her, and it always made him melt.

“You…you can afford a house?”

“I can.” He nods. “Been saving up for a while. I was sort of hoping…well…we could look at houses together. I could buy it, and then we could split the mortgage payments, or I could just pay the mortgage and you could take care of the utilities and other bills. Whatever makes more sense.” He shrugs. She blinks a few times and then licks her lips.

“I just…wow, I can’t believe you wanna do something so huge with me. Buying a house with someone is a pretty big deal.”

“I feel like it makes more sense to buy the house first, and then save back up for a wedding later, but that’s just me.” He gives her a smug look and her eyes widen. “I think that’s why the divorce rate is too high, not enough people live together before they get married.” A grin starts to form on her lips. “Don’t look at me like that, we’ve talked about long-term stuff before.”

“We’ve talked about hypothetical babies, not buying a house. Do you already have a realtor?”

“No, and we don’t really need one. We can just look up the houses we wanna see and contact the realtor that’s selling the home. A friend of mine did that and they said it was a way better experience.”

“I can’t believe this.” She shakes her and then giggles, throwing her arms around his neck. “You wanna be us a house! I wish I could help with the down payment, but my student loans have prevented me from putting a lot into my savings…”

“It’s no problem. You’re able to afford this place on your own, so I figured you’d be able to help with bills and stuff.”

“I definitely will be able to.” She kisses his cheek. “Let’s go take a shower and then we can start looking on realtor.”

“Eager.” He smirks as she tugs him up from the bed.

“Now’s the time to buy! All of the snowbirds who are looking to make the big plunge to warm weather full time will be looking to get rid of their houses, and with the school year starting we don’t really have to worry about competing with families. It’s perfect, Harry!”

It was, it really was.

//

By the beginning of October, the two were moved into a stunning home with four bedrooms, and four baths. They got just about everything on their wish list, and anything they didn’t, Harry said he could make happen. Danielle was able to pass out candy for Halloween to the kids in the neighborhood, which delighted her to no end because a few of her new and previous students stopped by. And when it came time for Thanksgiving, even though they weren’t full unpacked, Danielle was able to host a fabulous dinner for her family.

It wasn’t always perfect, they disagreed on paint colors, furniture, curtains, and rugs. They usually found some way to compromise, though. Sometimes Danielle had trouble checking her attitude at the door. There was one evening she got home a little later than usual, so Harry got dinner started. A nice gesture on his part, which she thanked him for. However, when it came time to clean up, she wouldn’t stop huffing while she loaded the dishwasher.

“Alright, what’s wrong?” He finally asks. “Why are you reorganizing everything?”

“Because you never put anything in here right.” She snaps. “Bowls and cups go on the top rack. Look at this! You put one of the little plates up here, how the fuck is that supposed to get cleaned properly?” She says as she moves the small plate to the bottom rack. “You also don’t load the silverware correctly. Did you want me to stab myself?! I’m usually the one that has to unload it.” She huffs again after throwing a pod in and turning the dishwasher on. She crosses her arms and looks at him. “I’m your girlfriend, not your mother.”

“I never said you were.” He crosses his arms as well, astonished at her tone.

“Yeah? So, did you think that your dirty socks and underwear just magically picked themselves up and put themselves into your hamper? Did you think that the bed magically gets made? Did you think that the broom and dustpan do a little fucking dance and that’s how the shmutz on the floor gets cleaned up?!”

“You’re making it seem like I don’t do anything to help out around here. I’m the one that rakes the leaves and mows the lawn, I’m the one that has to stop what I’m doing to come kill a bug every time you yelp, I’m the one that takes care of all the trash in the house-“

“Only when I say something about it overflowing. I have to tell you to do everything!”

“Look, I’m sorry I don’t load the dishwasher in the way that you’d prefer, but the dishes get clean, so-“

“No, they don’t. I either have to run it again, or I wash the stuff by hand. We’re gonna have kids someday, Harry, I don’t want them picking up on your bad habits.”

“My bad habits?!” Okay, now he was getting angry. “I have to ask you to clean your hair out of the shower drain. In fact, your hair is fucking everywhere! You never wipe off the mirror after you pop a pimple, which you know you shouldn’t be doing anyway.” He rolls his eyes. Her face falls into a deep frown. “Not so much fun when someone’s pointing out your flaws, is it?”

“Fuck off.” She turns on her heel and makes her way out of the kitchen.

“Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be. You’re going to start an argument with me, but you’re not going to finish it?” He says as he follows her out to the staircase.

“You asked me what was wrong, and I told you.” She states.

“Yeah, but you didn’t have to be such a bitch about it.” Her eyes widen with anger at that, and her nails press into her palms. She starts stomping her way upstairs. “Dani.” He sighs. “Shit, I didn’t mean to say that.” He follows her up the stairs.

“But you did.” She goes into the bedroom and almost shuts the door in his face, but he catches it, making his way in. “You men are all the same, you know that? Any time a woman calls you out on some crap, she’s a bitch.”

“You got upset over something as insignificant as loading a dishwasher. You know we’re lucky to even have one? There are people who don’t have the luxury.”

“Yeah, I know! And I’d probably be the one to always be washing the dishes.”

“If it bothered you that much, then why didn’t you say something to me before?”

“Because I didn’t want to come off as naggy! I don’t want to be one of those women that’s always telling their partner what to do and how to do it, but holy fuck, who actually raised you?! I mean, some of the things you do, I just don’t understand.” She shakes her head.

“We were obviously raised differently.” He sighs. “You know if you just told me-“

“But I don’t want to have to tell you! I don’t want to have to ask because I shouldn’t have to.”

“I’m not a mind reader, Dani!”

“I’m not asking you to be! But when the sink is full of dishes, do you think you could take care of it without me having to mention it? Do you think that when the trash is full you could just bag it up and take it and put a new bag in? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve accidentally thrown something out without a bag being in the barrel. It drives me bananas!”

“Okay, I’ll…I’ll try to be better about those things. I don’t want you to feel like you’re having to pick up after me.” He runs a hand through his hair.

“And…I’ll try to not just explode on you when something’s been bothering me.” She sits on the bed and lays back. “Ugh, I just had a long day. Kids are starting to get colds, and the meeting I had after school just wouldn’t end, I’m supposed to get my period in a couple of days so I feel bloated and gross.” Harry sits down next to her and rubs her thigh. He looks down at her with a soft smile. “Listen to me.” She sighs. “Here I am complaining about stupid things when you literally put your life at risk every time you go to work.”

“Don’t compare us, babe. You’re allowed to feel annoyed and stressed.”

“How do you always stay so calm?” She tugs him down to lay with her.

“I don’t know. It’s hard to stay upset when I have such a cute girlfriend.” He kisses her cheek and she giggles.

“I’m sorry I got so mad.”

“It’s okay, baby.” He kisses her cheek again. “We’re bound to have an argument once in a while. The most important thing is that we always make up afterwards.”  He starts kissing on her neck and she bites her bottom lip.

“Harry, I just told you that I feel bloated and gross, and-“

“So, let me make you feel not gross.” He says as he moves on top of her. “Let me love on you, darling, it’ll help you destress.” He moves her up the bed until he’s situated between her legs. He undoes her pants and drags them down her legs. “Are you wearing boxer-briefs?” He questions.

“Y-yeah? I started buying them a little while ago. They’re more comfortable, and they breathe better. Plus, no panty lines.”

“How did I not notice this?” He blinks.

“Because I usually change when I get home into something a little sexier.” She chuckles.

“Actually…” He tugs on the band and lets it snap back against her skin. “You look pretty sexy in these.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He tugs them off of her and kisses on her tummy. He parts he legs and licks around her folds. She sighs and lets her body rest into the mattress.

“I really feel like I don’t deserve this since I was so nasty to you.” She says as she cards her finger through his hair.

“You can make it up to me by letting me fuck your mouth afterwards. Seems like you could use a break from running it, hm?” He sucks on her clit, making her groan, and she nods.

“Yeah, seems fair to me.” She gasps as he licks into her warm center, and uses his thumb on her clit. “Would you make me come a few times, though, at least?”

Her gives her a devilish smirk, which she takes as a yes while he continues to work his tongue in and out of her. He gave her four orgasms before crawling up her body and stuffing his throbbing down her throat. Feeling her nails dig into his hips as he thrusted in and out of her was everything he needed. They didn’t do stuff like this often. He didn’t want to be one of those couples where certain types of sex or positions were used as punishments. But he knew Danielle genuinely enjoyed feeling a little bit of pain, not that they’d ever talked about it. He didn’t want to embarrass her by bringing up one of her very obvious kinks. Whenever he did fuck her throat, though, she always moaned around him, and she’d end up drenched between her legs all over again, so he knew she enjoyed it. He also made sure to love on her right afterwards, praising her, telling her how good she did for him, and he’d get a glass of water for her to sip on while he cleaned her up. They had good, healthy relationship in many aspects. He loved her, he really fucking loved her, and he never wanted to be without her.

“Dani, fuck, I love you, I love you so much, shit!” He cries out as he comes down her throat. He pulls away from her carefully and she smiles up at him after swallowing. He wipes a few stray tears away from her cheek.

“I love you too.” She says, voice hoarse, but still there.

“Do you feel like taking a bath tonight? I could rub your shoulders for you.”

“I’d like that, yeah, thanks.”

//

A couple of months later, and it was fire safety week once again. They made it through their first holiday season together, and his thirty-third birthday. Now they had been together an entire year, owned a home together, and were looking into potentially getting a dog. Harry had told her all about the senior dogs at the shelter, and Danielle sort of liked the idea of not having to train a puppy, even if they were undeniably cute.

All of the kids in both of Danielle’s groups knew that Chief Styles was Miss Robinson’s very special friend because she had a picture of the two of them on her desk, and one of him as her desktop wallpaper. It was no surprise that some of the kids teased them a bit, and asked some personal questions, but other than that the week was going well as it usually did. When Friday rolled around, it was time for the kids to put on their performance for the fire department. It was an assembly all of the grades came to, along with the other teachers. Once the four songs, and a skit, are over, Harry goes up to give his thanks just as he did last year.

“Thank you all so much for another fantastic week. Fire safety is extremely important to learn at a young age. I know we had a lot of fun together, but remember, when you’re missing Chief Styles, don’t call 911 to talk to him. Have your parent or guardian come down to the fire house, and we can say hello there, alright?” That was usually where the assembly would end, but today things were going to go a little differently. “If I could have all of the kids back up on stage for a moment? Parents, I promise this won’t take more than a couple of minutes.”

Danielle was visibly confused because she hadn’t planned anything else with the students, and Harry hadn’t mentioned adding anything special today. So, she sat in her seat in the front row and watched. She leaned over next to one of her colleagues.

“Do you know what’s going on?” She asks.

“Just watch, Dani.” Her colleague says, and Danielle sits up straight in her seat again.

All of the kids were holding a piece of paper in their hands. It was facing blank towards the audience. Some of them were giggling as Harry and the other fire fighters placed them in certain spots. Ralph gives Harry a thumbs up, and he starts speaking into the microphone again.

“Not a lot of people know this, or maybe they do, I don’t really know, but last year was my first year getting to host fire safety week with the lovely Miss Robinson, and over this last year she’s managed to steal my heart, giving me the great privilege of calling her my girlfriend.” The kids behind him snicker and giggle. “You said you’d all be cool, come on.” He looks over at Danielle, who still really had no idea what the fuck was going on. “Miss Robinson, could you come here for a moment?”

She nods, and gets up slowly, walking over to him. He takes one of his hands in hers.

“What are you doing?” She whispers.

“You’ll see.” He winks. “Miss Robinson has taught her kids how to spell lots of interesting words already this year. She teaches them how to sound things out, and all that good stuff. I had a chance to teach them something this week and they’ve been dying to show you.” He tugs her to the side so the whole audience will be able to see. “Alright, kids, flip your papers over to show Miss Robinson.”

She gasps when she sees it, cupping a hand over her mouth as her eyes start to well up. All of the papers spelled out: M I S S – R O B I N S O N – W I L L – Y O U – M A R R Y – M E ? She looks at Harry, who was now down on one knee, holding up a gorgeous ring in a little black, velvet box.

“It says, Miss Robinson, will you marry me?” He says to her with a beaming smile.

“I can see that.” She says, wiping some tears from her cheeks.

“Will you?”

“Yes! Oh my god, yes.” Everyone in the room cheers as Harry slips the ring on her finger. He stands up, and kisses her, not to vulgarly because there were kids around, but enough to show how happy he was that she said yes. “When did you have the time to plan all of this with them?”

“Got their parents’ emails from one of the other teachers.” He smirks. “Are you surprised?”

“I’m shocked!” She turns to her students. “You all kept such a big secret from me!” They crowd around her to hug her as she opens her arms for them.

A ton of the teachers, parents, and fire fighters all come up to the congratulate the pair. Once all of the fuss is over, and the cafeteria is cleared, Harry and Danielle go back to her classroom so she can pack up her things for the day.

“Do you like the ring?” He asks nervously.

“Are you kidding, I love it! It’s so beautiful, baby.” She pecks his lips. “I can’t wait to call my parents, I’m buzzing! Think of how cute Sarah’s going to be as a flower girl. Oh, and they’ll start calling you Uncle Harry, how sweet!”

“Gonna have to let Ryan be a groomsman, or I think he’ll try to kill me.” Harry chuckles. “He’s quite protective over his Auntie Dani.”

“And don’t you forget it.” She presses her finger to his chest. He leans in and kisses her tenderly. Normally, Danielle didn’t like getting so lovey dovey in her classroom, but she figured she had a good excuse in case anyone walked in. “I still can’t believe you planned all of that and pulled it off. Those kids usually can’t keep a secret.”

“I promised them all a ride in one of the fire trucks if they kept their mouths shut.”

“Damn, that was really smart.” She chuckles.

“I’d say so.” He smirks. “Do you feel like going out to eat tonight to celebrate? Ralph and his husband were hoping to treat us.”

“Sure.” She nods. “I’ll just need to cancel my yoga classes really quick.”

“You can still teach your classes if you want. I can just tell him we won’t be ready until later.”

“No, see, I wanna go home, and stay there for a bit.” She tugs on the suspenders that were keeping his fire pants up. “I’d like to celebrate with you privately first, Chief Styles.” She takes his hat off and puts it on her own head before catching his bottom lip between her teeth and sucking on it. He groans into the kiss, and she lets his lip snap back. He had inadvertently put her into one of her ‘Chief Styles/Miss Robinson’ moods, which he wasn’t upset about in the least. “How’s that sound?”

“Well, Miss Robinson, I’d say it sounds like you’re trying to seduce me.” He smirks, and she rolls her eyes. It was her least favorite joke.

“I can’t wait to be Danielle Robinson Styles so that you can’t make that stupid fucking joke anymore. I’m not a forty-year-old woman seducing a recent college grad!” His face softens immensely. “What?”

“Nothing.” He puts his hands on her hips and gives her a squeeze. “I just…I didn’t think you’d want to change your name, is all.”

“Harry, I’d be proud to be called Mrs. Styles. Think of how cute it’ll be after we get married and I have a new class, and then when you come in for fire safety week, I’ll be able to say my husband, Chief Styles.” She pouts at him.

“Alright, it’s time we get you home before my stiffy pops through my pants.”

She giggles as she grabs her bag, and they both rush out of her classroom, and out to the car. They held hands the while way home, not wanting to be apart from one another’s touch for even a second.

[nialledfromfics]

The Dating Game | Chapter One 

~~

8:37. 

He was already thirty seven minutes late. Her fingers lightly tapped at the veneered mahogany bar top, the ice in her drink having nearly turned to water in the bottom of her empty glass as she picked up her phone to check the time once more. 8:38. 

Slumping her shoulders in a soft sigh, she reached up to tuck a few strands of her red hair behind her ear as her narrowed stare drifted around the semi-full bar area of the restaurant. She carefully inspected each lonesome male guest one last time, hoping that maybe she had just overlooked the man she was there to meet. Her teeth scraped incredulously along her bottom lip, her back straightening slightly as she attempted to peer over the heads of seated patrons, though it was becoming increasingly obvious by the second that she may have been stood up.  

“Are ya waitin’ for someone?” 

The low voice startled her at first, but she just casually chuckled and glanced down at her phone. “Yeah...uh, a blind date actually,” she spoke up, tapping at her phone screen to check the time. 8:42. She rolled her eyes and gently peered over towards the stranger that was standing a few feet from her left, who she, for a moment, thought maybe could be her date. Her hazelnut eyes caught his bright blue ones before she noticed the soft sweep of his chestnut brown hair laying across his forehead and the rugged stubble of his beard adorning his jaw, and she, for a moment, almost wished he was her date. “He’s almost forty five minutes late already, pretty sure that’s not a good sign.” 

The guy laughed; the roaring sound resonating right through her as she watched small crinkles form by the corners of his eyes. His infectious smile was lighting up his entire face. It made her smile too. “Probably not, no.” 

His voice was deep, gritty almost and riddled with an Irish rogue that she was certain could send anyone to their knees. The young woman faintly cleared her throat at her thoughts and took to stirring the half melted cubs of ice around her glass with the straw. “Is there, like, some kind of handbook on first date etiquette?” she jokingly asked the man, shifting her stare back over to his. “How long should I sit here and wait like an idiot before it’s okay to get up and leave?” 

“Honestly, I couldn’t tell ya,” he said with a heavy sigh, bringing his glass to his mouth to sip down the rest of his drink, “I don’t go out on dates that much.”

She sat back in her chair and chuckled at his, frankly astonishing, confession. One that, just by the looks of him, she was having a very hard time believing. “You’re joking, right? ‘Cause if you’re having a hard time finding a date, there is absolutely no hope for me.” 

A flush overcame the man’s cheeks, and he bowed his head down slightly. “I wish I was jokin’!” he replied, looking back over at the stunningly gorgeous girl sitting just two feet from him. “It’s actually my job that makes datin’ kinda hard.” 

“Yeah, I wish I could say that about my job,” she said with a slight narrowing of her one eye, “much better than realizing that men are just shit.” 

Another laugh belted from him before he gave her a shrug. “Fair enough, I’ll give ya that. So...what is it that you do then?” 

“I’m a kindergarten teacher.”

“Really? That’s nice.” 

“Yup,” she nodded. “What about you, what do you do?”

He cleared his throat, his shoulders rounding as he rested his forearms on the edge of the bar, twirling his empty glass around against the wooden bar top. “Um...I’m a musician, a singer actually.”

“Well, that’s pretty damn cool,” she shot back with her eyes going big, “much cooler than my job.”

“Doubt that, you get to be with kids all day.” 

She smiled and leaned towards him, reaching out to lightly lay the tips of her fingers over his right bicep. “Like I said, much cooler than my job.”

Sitting herself back up in her barstool, she flipped her long red hair over her shoulder and clasped her hands together on top of her crossed thighs. She was unaware of his wandering gaze on her at that moment: stretching down the long slope of her neck to the slight peek of her ample cleavage that was showing from her top. She had soft full lips, painted in a muted mauve color and a delicately rounded chin. She was absolutely captivating. He quickly averted his stare when she curiously flicked her eyes over to his, and he reached up to card a hand through his dark hair as a distraction. “Uh...can I, um, get ya another drink?” 

She looked down at her empty glass, pondering his question. “You know what,” she started, glancing back over at him, “yeah, I’d like that. Thanks.” 

He smiled at her and raised his hand to motion the bartender over to them. “Whatcha drinkin’?”

“Vodka soda.”

He rolled his lips into his mouth and nodded. “Vodka soda for the lady, please and I’ll have another Jameson, on the rocks.” 

By that time, it was her gaze that was wandering over him as he ordered. She watched as his lips curled intricately around each word that left them, her eyes drifting from the small spots dotting across his thick neck up to the glow of the bar lights that flecked through his soft eyelashes. He was very beautiful. It almost made her nervous. Feeling the heat of her stare, he locked his eyes on hers and slid himself into the seat next to her. She pulled in a deep breath as he situated himself in his chair and she was quick to realize that not only was he crazy attractive, but he also smelled incredible. Of course he did. 

Her stare flicked down to her lap. “So...are you here on a date too or…” she asked, her soft voice waning slightly.

“Oh no,” he replied, shaking his head, “I’m actually meetin’ some of my mates here soon, we’re goin’ out to some club. This is my buddy’s bar actually, so...it’s kinda like our designated meetin’ point.” 

“Gotcha.”

“I’m Niall, by the way.”

Her brown eyes fell to his hand as he held it out towards hers. She shook it and gave him a sweet smile. “I’m Joey, nice to meet you.” 

“Nice to meet ya, too.” Niall’s brow quirked up slightly as the last word left his lips and Joey couldn’t help but bite down on her bottom lip in reaction. He really was wicked handsome. “Can I ask...do ya do this often? Go out on blind dates?”

Her shoulders lifted in a laugh, a real genuine laugh that spilled effortlessly past her pouty lips like a cool breeze on a hot summer's day. Her eyes pinched shut and her nose scrunched with her loud giggle, and he couldn’t help but think how adorable she looked. It nearly left Niall breathless. But he just amorously smiled back at her. “Oh God, no,” she began, gathering her breath as the bartender set down their drinks, “this is actually the first time I’ve ever done anything like this. My best friend, Alexis, she made me download Tinder and Bumble a couple weeks ago-”

“Oh God-”

“I know, right? That’s what I said!” she agreed with another giggle. “But...I told myself that I should just try it out, ya know? Put myself out there, go on some dates, experience shit and see what happens. So...here I am. To be honest, this is the first real date I’ve been on in...a really long time. I’m...pretty nervous. And, of course, it’s already going super great, if you couldn’t tell.” 

Niall let out a snort just as he went to take a sip of his drink. “Precisely why I barely ever go on dates…” 

“I thought it was because of your job,” she snarkily replied, smirking at him around the straw of her drink. So she was clever too. Niall took notice and he chuckled. 

“A bit of both, to be fair.” 

“Ah, I see.” 

“So, this guy you’re meetin’,” Niall began again, lightly waving his hand around as he spoke, “you know anythin’ about him?”

Joey set down her drink, her foot kicking back and forth as she pulled in a breath. “Um...not much really. He said that he is self- employed, around 5’11”, dark curly hair and that he was going to be wearing a light blue shirt.” 

Niall’s mouth turned down at the corners. “Oooh sounds sexy,” he teased.

Tossing her head back in a boisterous laugh, his eyes went wide with enticement as her neck bared itself to him. Her shiny red hair flowed over her shoulder, cascading down her arm just as she reached up to cup her hand over her mouth. Niall’s heart might have skipped a few beats watching her. After her giggles had settled, she tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. “I’m sure I’ll be swept right off my feet,” she joked back at him. 

“Dunno, Joey,” Niall said with a sarcastic click of his tongue, “he could be the one…”

She sighed dramatically. “I definitely better prepare myself.”

“Better have that officiant on speed dial.” 

“Obviously. Every girl’s must-have on a first date.” 

They both broke out into a fit of giggles and Joey couldn’t help but take note of how easy and comfortable she felt talking to Niall. She hadn’t felt that way in a long time. “So,” Niall said, picking up his half empty glass and readying himself for a sip, “have you ever been here before–”

“Joey?”

Whipping her head to the right at the mention of her name, the young woman was met with a dark curly haired man wearing a light blue button up shirt. She was almost disappointed to see him. “Oh...uh, Josh, right?” 

“Yeah, sorry I’m so late. Traffic was a nightmare,” he mumbled, slapping his hand to the back of a nearby barstool. “Also I had to feed my cat.” 

Joey’s brows buckled at the last bit, but she waved it off. “No, no, it’s no problem, really.” 

He nodded. “Should we get our table?”

“Yeah, sure, let me, uh...grab my stuff.” 

Turning back around, she captured Niall’s stare and gave him an awkward ‘ugh’ expression, one that he was fast to reciprocate with a chuckle. She stood herself up, smoothing down the front of her skirt before grabbing her bag and jacket. “Thank you so much for the drink, Niall,” she told him, keeping her tone low and between them, “And the friendly conversation.” 

Niall nodded. “My pleasure, Joey. Have fun, and be safe.” Giving him a kind smile, she turned to follow her date, who had already begun to shuffle off towards their table. Niall watched as she walked away, Joey barely making it a few steps before she had glanced back at him over her shoulder. He had a coy half-smirk on his face, one that could without a doubt ignite a fire in a snowstorm and, for a split second, Joey wondered what the hell she was doing. 

•

She had known who he was. The second she looked over at him, saw those heavenly blue eyes and heard that brogue accent, it clicked. But there was no way she was going to freak out or tell him that. Besides, by the end of the conversation, she had practically forgotten that he was a multimillionaire world famous musician and singer. He was just...another guy she met at a bar.

However, the moment she sat down at the reserved table with her date, randomly meeting Niall Horan at a bar in West Hollywood was the last thing on her mind. Josh, her blind date, seemed nice enough. He ordered them drinks, a lot of drinks, and kept up fairly well with the initial awkward getting-to-know-you conversation, though his frequent mention of someone was starting to stump Joey. 

“....and Tina really likes it when we play together.” 

Joey set down her drink. “Um...you keep mentioning Tina, who is that? Your daughter or something?” 

“Daughter?” he laughed. “No, I don’t have any kids. No, human kids.” 

Her eyes narrowed in perplexity as the guy tipped his head back to guzzle down the last of his mixed drink, the waiter having already brought him a fresh one. “Tina is my cat.” 

“Oh.”

“Listen, if I could marry her, I would. But I guess that’s not really legal, huh?” 

Joey stayed silent, her widening eyes slowly falling to the salad plate that rested in front of her. She chalked his comment up as a joke, but as the night dragged on, five more drinks being consumed by her date as he gleefully showed Joey about forty two pictures and twelve different videos of Tina the Cat, she began to think maybe he wasn’t joking at all…

Half way through their main course, Joey could tell that Josh wasn’t really holding his alcohol too well. His eyelids were droopy, his skin blotchy and clammy with sweat settling across his brow-line and his words were slurring to the point that Joey could barely understand a single thing he was saying. She knew it wasn’t looking good. 

“Hey...are you okay?” she finally asked, noticing the redness in his cheeks starting to fade to blue. Josh simply looked up at her and swallowed hard before attempting to lift himself out of his chair. He grabbed at his stomach, a slightly worrisome grumble bubbling up into his throat as he kept his balance with his free hand gripping to the edge of the table. 

“Oh...oh, okay,” Joey mumbled, “...this is happening…”

She went to reach out for him as he began to wobble past her, assuming he was headed towards the bathroom, when he paused; the look on his face harboring sheer terror the second his eyes caught hers.

Oh shit. He wasn’t going to make it. 

Joey’s mouth dropped open in a horrified gasp, not even having time to lean out of the way as Josh bent over and puked right there on the restaurant floor next to her. The entire place fell silent as the sounds of uncontrollable retching and half digested contents hitting the tiled floor echoed throughout the large open space. Joey slapped her hands up to cover her nose and mouth, the entire side of her bare leg splattered in his vomit. 

He stayed bent over, heaving and moaning after he was through, servers rushing around him as they tried to figure out how to handle the situation. Joey slowly peeked back up to his face, his glazed over eyes meeting hers and all she could do was let out a defeated sigh. “I’ll get you a Lyft.” 

•

After cleaning herself up as best she could in the restaurant bathroom and helping Josh into his Lyft–and a couple half-assed apologies being muttered as she buckled him in–Joey watched the car pull away, tightening her jacket around her body. It wasn’t cold outside by any means, but there had formed a slight chill in the late night air and instead of grabbing herself a ride, Joey decided to walk the few blocks north to the small Italian bistro, Italiano’s, that her brother worked at. Italiano’s also happened to be her favorite restaurant and had a to-die-for Tiramisu that Joey absolutely loved. She thought that after the night she had endured, she deserved to treat herself to something indulgent. 

It was only a fifteen minute walk, Joey arriving just as they were about to close up for the night. She yanked open the door with a relieved sigh and smiled at Ramona, the hostess and Joey’s brother’s girlfriend, who was standing beside a small wooden podium. “You’re here kinda late,” Ramona mentioned as she stepped to the side to give Joey a hug. 

“Yeah, just left what was probably the worst date I’ve ever been on,” Joey explained, “thought I’d stop by to see if you guys’ have any of that Tiramisu left?” 

Ramona smiled. “I’m sure we’ve got a piece or two left,” she said with a wink, leading Joey over to a table. “I’ll put you in Carter’s section.” 

“Thanks Ramona.” 

Showing Joey which table to sit at, she poured her a glass of water and rested a hand on her shoulder. “I’m gonna go clean up those couple tables over there and then I’ll be back. We can have a little girl talk if you want.” 

Nodding at her with a smile, Joey watched Ramona walk off just as her brother, Carter, began heading towards her table. He was already carrying a small plate that had a generous portion of Tiramisu on it. “You are a lifesaver,” Joey mumbled as he stepped up and set the plate down in front of her.

“I wouldn’t be your bro if I didn’t know exactly why you were here.” 

Joey rolled her eyes and pulled the fork from her folded up cloth napkin, quickly digging into the dessert. Carter took the time to sit down in the chair across from her, his shift pretty much over with Joey being the only patron left in the establishment. “So, how was your night?” he asked her.

“Shitty,” she said between bites, not even looking up at him. “Or maybe I should say...’vomity’.”

Carter’s brows pulled in. “Huh?”

She peeked up at him. “I went on a blind date and the guy threw up on me,” she said with a snort, “well…on my leg.” 

“Fuck,” he chuckled. 

“Yeah.” 

Ramona came shuffling over, pulling out the chair between Joey and Carter and sitting herself down. “Okay, what’d I miss?” 

“She got puked on,” Carter told Ramona, pointing a finger at Joey. 

A gasp left Ramona’s red lips. “You’re joking?!”

Throwing her brother a spiteful look, Joey sighed. “Wish I was, but nope, the guy got totally wasted and just...threw up everywhere. It was so embarrassing.” 

“Yikes.” 

Joey licked the last bit of Tiramisu off her lips and pushed the plate away from her. Dropping her chin into the cups of her hands, she rested her elbows on the table. “I feel like this is some kind of sign, that I’m just destined to be alone forever.” 

Carter sighed. “Jo, don’t say that.”

“It’s just...I’m really trying to put myself out there, ya know? And of course, I can’t even have a decent first date. I have to, literally, get puked on,” Joey said, carefully tucking some hair behind her ear.

Ramona shot her a soft smile and leaned her arms on the table. “Carter and I had a pretty bad first date. It doesn’t always mean the rest will be bad too.” 

“What was wrong with our first date?” Carter asked her, his face pulling in. 

The dark haired girl laughed. “You were twenty minutes late picking me up, our reservations got ‘lost’ so then we had to wait an extra hour for our table and then your car got towed while we were eating. That’s pretty bad.”  

Carter rolled his eyes. “Oh, that’s not that bad.”

“Anyway,” Ramona continued, peering back over at Joey, “all I’m saying is that you never know how it’s going to end up. Maybe Puke Boy deserves a second chance.” 

Joey chuckled and shook her head. “Most definitely not. We really didn’t have much in common anyway. I’m just worried that I’ll never be able to find someone.” 

Reaching out to put a hand on Joey’s shoulder, Ramona leaned closer to her. “It might seem like you can’t find anyone, but I promise you will. You’re amazing Joey, and you shouldn’t have to settle for just anyone. You gotta keep searching.”

“You think?” Joey flicked her eyes from Ramona to her brother.

“Definitely,” Carter assured her with a gentle smile, “just don’t give up. Not yet, ‘cause it’s usually right where you least expect it.”

•

[almaasi]

3 million words fic rec (Destiel)

I’ve officially posted 3 million words on my AO3 account!!

Here’s all 115 of my Dean/Cas fics (as of December 30th 2019). They currently make up 85% of my total fics. I posted 42 fics this year, with a new Destiel fic once every 2 weeks on average, with 24 total.

(The rest, as of the last 6 months, are Crowley/Azriaphale (Good Omens) and Garak/Bashir (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine). There’s separate fic recs for those. And here’s one Cockles fic.)

Fics listed by year (newest first), then by word count (shortest first).

--

2019

Just a Sniffle (2k / canon, Cas has a cold, Dean gives him a foot rub)

Hanukkahn't Resist You (2k, AU, teacher!Dean gives autistic Jewish teacher!Cas a Hanukkah greeting card containing a pickup line)

Brothers Don't Do That (3k / canon, Cas talks to Sam about how their feelings for Dean differ while ordering take-out)

Taste the Rainbow (In the Rain) (4k / AU, strangers sharing Skittles in the rain and kissing to help Dean quit smoking)

Hit Pause Kitty Claws (4k / AU, Team Free Will are cats belonging to Death!Billie, soft fluff and feline antics)

Weird But Confident (5k / canon, Cas finds Dean’s panties in his bag and thinks Dean slept with a woman)

Enemies Closer (5k / teachers AU, Dean keyed the wrong car, Cas runs AV club and Dean joins him so he has an alibi for his crime)

Snugglebird (5k / canon, Dean’s clothes are going missing, Cas is building a nest

Texted My Ex and Got You Instead (6k, AU, title explains it, fluff, asexual!Cas)

The Angel Cake Challenge (8k / canon crossover with Good Omens (book), Dean tells Crowley & Aziraphale they’re a cute couple and they encourage him to make a move on Cas)

Let's Play Doctors (8k / canon, smut, Dean asks Cas for medical roleplay and they use the machines to watch themselves have first-time sex)

Good For You (11k / canon, Dean teaches Cas to masturbate over the phone, then shows him properly in person)

BFBF (Best Friend's Boyfriend) (11k / AU, ft. Eileen - Cas has an absent bisexual boyfriend named Dean, Sam has an absent straight brother named Dean, oops they’re the same Dean)

Dean and Castiel's Lagoon of Love (12k, canon, Cas is cursed with tentacles and that’s Dean’s kink, they roleplay Dean’s favourite anime, smut and feelings)

Measure of Thigh Love (14k / canon, Dean is turned on by big muscles, Cas has some of those. smut, bottom!Cas)

Eleven Erogenous Zones of a Fallen Angel (15k / canon, Cas accidentally has physical wings and he hates them, Dean bathes and grooms Cas to soothe him, wing kink smut)

Two Heart Pose (17k / AU, overwhelmed papa!Dean, yoga instructor!Cas helps out with baby care)

Through the Lace (18k / office romance AU, desperation & pee kink smut, Dean in panties)

Sycamore Smile (18k / AU, professor!Cas, barista!Dean with a pet bunny, both are a hot mess, Dean helps Cas KonMari his life, ft. the purest fluff and sunshine)

Circuitry and Dust (23k / AU, demiromantic antique dealer!Cas, gaming lounge owner!Dean, Cas wrongly assumes his love is unrequited so helps set Dean up with an ex-girlfriend)

He's Kind of a Hairy Fairy (24k / AU, Team Free Will & co. running a summer camp, there’s only one bed in Dean & Cas’ cabin, Rowena curses Dean with fairy wings and he has to confess his feelings to get rid of them)

First and Only (35k / AU, Dean bets Sam he can have more sex in one year, Dean & Cas become fuck buddies, but Dean wants more so asks Charlie for help)

☆ Sleigh ☆ (46k / Christmas AU, makeup artist!Cas also works for Santa, Dean tags along delivering gifts on Christmas Eve, later a long distance relationship and eventual smut)

He's a (Zoo) Keeper (74k / AU, when zookeeper!Dean isn’t dating anyone, he and beekeeper!Cas have a BFF-roommates-with-benefits thing, but then Cas becomes a wedding planner and plans their fake wedding, drama with smut and feelings)

2018

Gulls N’ Roses (2k / canon, Dean hands Cas a rose, Cas interprets it as romantic)

Lost Night (2k / canon, Dean has nightmares, Cas dreamwalks to help)

He Called Me Honey (3k / canon, breakfast fluff, Dean dreamed he kissed Cas, talks to Sam, Cas shows up)

Note to Self: Cas Loves You (3k / canon, very drunk!Dean, Cas confesses his love)

I’m Dreamin’ of a Grey Christmas (4k / canon, Team Free Will 2.0 snow fight, Cas has some new grey hair, Dean has hearteyes, season 14 divergent)

Dry in the Downpour (5k / Pixar-short-inspired AU, umbrella-sharing)

Prince of the Ether Realms (5k / canon - season 13, must get married for a spell, Sam officiates)

Never or Forever (5k, canon, family dinner, Jody POV)

Without Further Ado (5k, canon, Dean has a list of “reasons not to be with Cas" but they’re all irrelevant now)

Wee Little Love Child (10k / canon, de-aged!Sam thinks Dean and Cas are his parents, gets them together)

Room for Two (The Mattress AU) (14k / college roommates AU, autistic!Cas, fake relationship, ALL the bed-sharing tropes)

Paramour by Post (18k / historical-ish AU, mail delivered to the wrong address, love letters, agender!Cas, bisexual!Dean)

Barbershop Duet (22k / Christmas AU, smut, shaving kink, domesticity, family gatherings)

The House That Wanted to Be a Garden (32k / AU, famous musician!Dean, gardener!Cas, fairies, accidentally moving in)

Duck Duck Boots (92k / ex-daredevil kindergarten teacher!Dean, agoraphobic Cas, small town magic realism & fate AU, looking after ducklings together)

2017

Unconditional (2k / canon - season 13, Dean explains why he loves Cas)

Mostly in Silence (4k / canon, Cas is depressed, Dean helps with self-care)

Restaurant Revelations (4k / canon, Dean and Cas tell Sam they’re engaged)

Whoa There Cowboy (5k / canon, cowboy-kink smut, porn-watching, magic fingers bed)

Pretty Panties and the Pool Shark (6k / kid!fic AU, autistic!Cas is scared of an imaginary shark in the school pool)

Purple Horse in a Coffee Shop (8k / ultimate office romance, pride parade, coffee shop AU)

Lucid Nightmare (10k / siren!Cas AU, dreamwalk-or-die, spooky fluff)

Stumble and Fall (20k / Team Free Will as dogs AU, search-and-rescue adventure, fluff & pining)

A Place and A Feeling (24k / AU, real estate agent!Cas, Dean looking for a house)

Night Exhibition (26k / AU, security guard!Cas at museum at night, friends to lovers, sex everywhere)

The Emporium of Christmas Enchantments (28k / Christmas, magic toyshop AU, kind of like a Disney movie)

Marshmalloween (33k / Halloween AU, Dean takes Sam’s teen friends to a haunted swamp, meet old bestie Cas, ghost adventures)

Our Garden Home (36k / everyone is a garden fairy, AU disabled autistic!Cas, found families)

The Wireless (58k / solarpunk carnival adventure AU, famous hunter!Dean, famous radio presenter angel!Cas, tent sex)

What We Ache For (93k / sex worker!Cas AU, Dean wants to make love, trauma recovery, Team Free Will & found families, a dog)

2016

Fight and Fool Around (5k / AU, bartender!Cas, Dean realises he’s bisexual, alleyway smut)

Tickle Fight Wasteland (5k / AU, fluff in a post-apocalyptic world, everyone is alive, tickle fight & cuddling)

Raising Hell in a Hotel (29k / kid!fic, living in a hotel AU, friendship, pining)

Welcome All Winchesters (60k / AU, snowy Christmas cabin, fake relationship, friends to lovers)

The Moonlighter and the Magician (67k / 1920s historical AU, asexual jewel thief!Cas, bisexual!Dean, running away together)

2015

What’s a Hickey? (1k / canon, Cas has a hickey, talks to Sam about it)

A Postcard for Castiel (4k / AU, kid!fic, autistic!Cas exchanges compliments with Dean, teacher!Charlie)

Symbols of Affection (4k / canon, Dean accidentally texts Cas a kissy-face emoji)

In Which Dean Frogs Up (6k / canon, Dean’s turned into frog in Moondoor, needs true love’s kiss to fix)

The One Where You Are A Guinea Pig (8k / canon, title says it all, Cas takes you to the bunker, Team Free Will interact)

We’re the New Romantics (8k / gifted & talented high school camp AU, aromantic!Cas, pop culture geek!Dean)

Waiting For That Final Moment (8k / AU, Cas interrupts Dean & Lisa’s wedding at a roller rink to declare his love, polyamory)

Delirium and Doctor Sexy (9k / canon, bisexual!Dean high on magical gas, thinks Cas is Dr. Sexy)

#ThankYouSammy (9k / canon, Sam prepares a Valentine’s Day dinner-date for Dean & Cas)

Dean Winchester the Puppydog (10k / canon, puppy play, submissive!Dean, hurt/comfort, non-sexual)

Father Material (12k / AU, asexual uncle!Cas, babysitter!Dean, kid!Claire, romantic attraction)

The Tailor of Fairy Ridge (17k / fairytale AU, tailor!Cas, fairy!Dean helps with clothing designs, good witch!Charlie, evil witch!Rowena)

Take You To The Country (18k / 1920s historical AU, pining, Dean reads an elopement proposal in the newspaper and realises it’s for him, running away together)

Sharing the Rain Dog (19k / AU, musician!Dean, FBI agent!Cas, sharing custody of a dog, have to move in to look after her)

Drop Anchor (42k / pirate!Cas, sailor!Dean, trapped on a deserted island and accidentally achieve domestic bliss AU)

Snow Place Like Home (But My Home Is With You) (47k / canon, Team Free Will in a B&B over Christmas, softness, smut & domesticity)

Held in Your Tender Hands (59k / AU, agender tattooed masseur!Cas, customer!Dean, workplace sex, paintball, found families, somnophilia)

2014

Cheek on Your Shoulder (1k / canon, Dean misses Cas, hugs him and can’t let go)

The Literal Bear Hug (1k / canon, Cas is accidentally a bear, cuddling)

If I Fall For You (2k / canon, Hannah likes Cas but Cas loves Dean)

If You Could Go Anywhere (3k / canon, Team Free Will ponder: all the drama is over, so what now?)

Cherry Pink Wedding (4k / AU, Dean & Cas both cry at Sam’s wedding)

Lettuce Share This Moment (4k / canon, Dean secretly likes salad… and Cas)

The Joke Is on You (And So Is Castiel) (4k / canon, April Fool’s Day, Cas pranks Dean & Sam when they pray for him)

Some People Would Call This Romantic (5k / canon, Dean and Cas take a long walk on the beach)

Panic Kiss (5k / AU, Dean has a panic attack, Cas calms him down, accidental kissing)

Boutique du Ballet (6k / canon, Dean loves ballet and wants to try the outfits - either crossdressing or trans-curious!Dean)

Minty Fresh Kisses (7k / canon, Dean teaches Cas to brush his teeth)

Sexier Than Doctor Sexy (8k / AU, doctor!Cas, Dean gets a prostate exam and enjoys it more than he should)

Sam Accidentally Sees the Whole Picture (10k / canon, smut, Sam is in the room while Dean & Cas do it for the first time, Sam POV)

Understanding Your Body in Ten Easy Steps (12k / canon, smut, Dean teaches Cas how to masturbate)

Roost (12k / AU, Dean and Cas are rescued fighting roosters, for some reason not that interested in girl chickens)

Dead Body Disposal 101 (14k / canon, angel!Cas wants to be a hunter so Dean & Sam show him how, Dean & Cas are bad at expressing feelings)

Of Shampoo and Fruit Flies (17k / roommate AU, autistic!Cas, confessing feelings surrounded by supportive friends)

Love Him in His Sleep (Love Him Always) (32k / canon, Dean has wet dreams about being cuddled, Cas is into somophilia and dreamwalks to gain consent)

Preacher Comfort (42k / AU, hurt/comfort, asexual preacher!Cas, nurse!Dean, hugs & cuddling, Halloween)

Nine Times We Met (And One Christmas We Parted) (58k / queer historical romantic angst AU, teacher!Cas, firefighter!Dean, meeting over the years & falling in love)

Hart of the Storm (119k / historical AU, hunter!Dean turned into a deer by shapeshifting god!Cas, magic forest)

2013

For a Scarf in October (1k / canon, Halloween, Dean wants to buy a ~women’s~ scarf, Sam tells him it’s okay)

Of All the Bars in the World (There Are None Between Us) (2k / prison AU, Dean and Cas are cellmates, discuss past and future intimacy)

Dean’s List (3k / canon, Dean writes a list of men he’d ~go gay~ for, Sam has a suggestion to make, bisexual!Dean)

Nobody’s Daddy (3k / canon, accidental baby acquisition, Dean breastfeeds, then Cas arrives with actual milk)

Foal Delivery Service (4k / AU fusion with ‘My Little Pony’ - kid pony!Dean finds out how heteronormative the world is, then meets agender pony!Cas, later have baby ponies together)

Winchester’s Rouge (6k / canon, angst, Dean tries on makeup and remembers his mother)

Manscaping (6k / canon, Cas cuts himself shaving his junk, Dean does first aid, boners)

Sharing Hands (6k / canon - season 8, smut, Cas is possessing Dean, masturbate together)

Play Nice, Kids (10k / AU or alternate canon, reverse-verse, angel winged!Dean, wing kink masturbation, sex toys)

Hello Night (11k / historical AU, demon possessing Dean, priest!Cas, crossroads sex to save Dean, Cas/demon & Cas/Dean)

Shadows Across the Camera Lens (13k / AU, smut, dominant bottom photographer!Cas, submissive top crossdressing underwear model!Dean)

Faerie Strange Circumstances (30k / AU hunters, fairy!Cas, fairy realm adventures, Bobby’s house, Charlie, Jody)

Bad Things With You (31k / AU or alternate canon, smut, catboy!Dean, catboy!Cas, mating urges, biting, licking, fake relationship is actually real)

Cowboys and Real Estate Angels (36k / AU, bisexual retired musician cowboy!Dean, old fan!Cas, lovemaking, falling in love in one night)

Try-Something Tuesday (48k / my most popular fic of all time, teacher!Dean, librarian teacher!Cas, smut in strange places, school trips, moving in together AU)

The Feline Perspective of a Guilty Conscience (51k / canon divergent - season 9, hurt/comfort, Dean transformed into a cat, sad angel!Cas, Team Free Will, forgiveness)

Foxfire Blossom (283k / AU, florist!Dean, rich!Cas, affairs, soap opera-level drama, sex, highly problematic lies, and cheating, ALL the characters)

2012

Angelhawke (407k / epic medieval fantasy AU, Dean and Cas are cursed to be animals in the day/night, travel with Sam and Bobby as they tell their story in flashbacks, quest to be together, based on ‘Ladyhawke’ but ~70% original story)

--

New fics are on their way in 2020! 

☆ Subscribe on this page if you want new fics in your inbox!!

☆ And you can support my writing, art, and other creative projects here~

Thank you all so much for supporting me all these years. I’m so excited to see what I end up writing next~!! ♥

Elmie x

[lizwontcry]

roman/gerri - logan walking in on a kiss

Thank you for this! I got a lot of good prompts but this is the one that inspired me the most this evening, plus I watched the elevator scene on the Good Wife and decided to plagiarize it. 

AO3 Link - 

"Roman? Are you paying attention? This is actually important to, you know, the company continuing to exist for the next couple of years."

"No, Frank. I'm not paying attention. It's Friday afternoon. Nobody wants to be here. But please do continue, we're all fucking riveted by your lilting, passionate, sexy voice."

Frank sighs. He continues the meeting to talk about whatever the fuck, but Roman can't concentrate, since, as usual, Gerri is sitting next to him.

It's unbearable, actually.

Sitting next to Gerri practically all day, every day, in meetings, in their office, in the car, on the plane--wherever they go, they go together. It's easier that way, for the CEO and COO to travel with each other, especially since Gerri is basically Roman's business tutor. He is definitely making progress; he needs less and less instruction with each passing day. But that does not mean he needs Gerri less. No--it's the opposite.

Like, take this boring as fuck meeting, for instance. Frank is droning on and on about facts and figures and how important it is that they drum up numbers in Parks since Cruises is, obviously, a complete fiasco at the moment. Roman knows he should pay attention to Frank, but... Gerri is not listening to Frank, either. She's doodling on a yellow note pad. Little swirls and lines, Roman notes with interest. Everything Gerri does is interesting to Roman. Like, her hair is in a bun today. Kind of a messy bun. She seems a little more disheveled than normal. With her glasses on and her obligatory matronly attire, she looks like the usual kindergarten teacher that Roman has come to know and love, but with the messy hair... it's just, like, hot.

He scoots his chair a little closer to Gerri, and she looks up from her doodle and gives him a small smile, and he wonders how he ever got so completely fucked up from a woman that this tiny gesture makes his whole fucking day. Did she cast a spell on him or something? It sure feels that way sometimes.

Their "thing" has more or less been put on hold for the time being, since they are both too busy to engage in anything other than gluing the pieces of Waystar Royco back together. However, there's all these unsaid conversations that linger between Roman and Gerri. He sees the way she looks at him when she thinks he's not paying attention--she feels it, too. It's not just the longing glances--Roman can't really explain it. There's this... heaviness to their interactions, like something is missing, but neither of them know what to do about it. So what the fuck? Is he just always going to have a massive case of blue balls whenever they're in the same room together now? Because he's certainly not getting over this crap any time soon.

For just a second, Roman can't take it any longer and he touches Gerri's hand, the one that is doodling a straight line across the yellow note pad. Gerri stops her drawing and looks at him in surprise. Their eyes meet, and they acknowledge something. Something to be determined, but it's definitely... something.

Roman doesn't take his hand away immediately. Nobody else in the room is looking at them, anyway. They're checking their email or writing notes; some are actually even paying attention to Frank. So he runs his pinkie across the soft skin of Gerri's hand, and she allows it, as though she wants it, or even willed it to happen. He stops touching her when he notices, with extreme pleasure, that she has goosebumps on her arm. And then he starts to wonder, if just touching her hand produces goosebumps, what would happen if...

"So that's what we need to work on next week. I'm serious, people--this is a priority. Now get the hell out of here," Frank says, and nobody has to be told twice--everyone scatters out of the room and Frank is not far behind.

Gerri and Roman linger after the room empties. She puts the notepad and her laptop in her briefcase. Roman shoves all his stuff into the backpack he's been carrying around lately out of necessity. Maybe he should get something a bit more professional, but, like, who has the fucking time?

"So where are you headed?" Roman asks her as they leave the conference room.

"Are you kidding? Back to my office. There's still so much left to do."

"Ah, come on, Ger. It's Friday. Let's go have a drink."

"Roman, really--"

"One drink won't kill you. Across the street. It's happy hour; we can make fun of all the coked out Wall Street fucknuts."

Gerri exhales, and then nods hestitantly.

"I suppose one drink won't hurt, but then I have to get back here, and let me remind you, Roman, so do you."

This is unfortunately true. The role of COO never fucking stops, even on a Friday night. He can't help but think of what he'd usually do on a Friday night in the past; it always had something to do with tall blondes, snorting things, and passing out in some East Side shithole and waking up feeling like he'd been run over by a 747. Oh, the days of yore.

At the bar, a shitty dive that thankfully is bereft of the Wall Street fucknuts, they have more than one drink. They have three or four or seven or something--they lose count. Roman knows he's a bad influence on Gerri but he can't help it. He loves to see her let her hair down, which she literally does after her third shot of tequila that he encourages her to order. He watches lustfully as she takes it down and shakes it out, letting the soft blonde waves settle over her shoulders.

"Dammit, Rome, why do I let you get me into these situations?" Gerri slurs after she slams the shot glass down on the table. "You are bad."

"Yeah. But you like it when I'm bad."

Gerri laughs, and doesn't deny it.

"Come on, let's get back to the office. I have all those briefs I need to finish by Monday."

"I have some briefs you can finish," Roman blurts out.

"Uh-huh. Well... that's something we can discuss later--"

"Gerri Kellman! What's a girl like you doing in a bar like this?" Some asshole who looks like he lives inside a plastic surgery appointment sidles up to the table and interrupts this very important thought that Roman desperately wants to follow up on--typical.

"Oh, hello, Will. Will, this is Roman--"

"Roman Roy, of course! The new COO of his dad's company. Congrats, by the way."

"Gee, fucking thank you, Will. Lovely to meet you and your fake fucking lips," Roman says. He does not like Will, or his weirdly constructed face.

"What was that?" Will asks, clearly confused.

"Oh, Roman was just complimenting your... shoes," Gerri says, trying to keep herself together. "Please excuse us, Will. We have to get back to the office."

"Of course. Why don't you call me later, Gerri? We never finished discussing that trip to the Vineyard we were planning..."

Gerri just chuckles and nods, and pushes Roman out of the bar. They walk back to the office, arm in arm, so they don't tip over and die in the remnants of rush hour Manhattan traffic.

"Who was that douchebag? You were going on a fucking trip with him? He looks like a Ken doll that was left in the washing machine for 60 years."

Gerri laughs. Roman loves to make her laugh.

"Just someone I went on a date with once. Why? You jealous?"

"Of course I'm fucking jealous, Gerri. Like, haven't you figured that out yet?"

They're back in the lobby of the Waystar Royco building. It's nearly 8:00 PM and it's almost empty.

"Roman..." He can see that she doesn't know how to finish that sentence. She looks kind of wobbly, actually. "We should--but we never have time..."

Roman, who is rather unsteady himself, tries to think of the right thing to say.

"We've always had bad timing, haven't we?"

"We have..." Gerri admits.

"What if we were to suddenly have good timing? Just for... an hour. What would that look like?"

"I think that... would look like an exceptional moment," Gerri says softly.

Roman can't help it--he grins. He grabs her arm and they walk unsteadily to the elevator. While they wait for it to open, they share all kinds of longing, drunken, and weird sexual looks. Roman wonders if everything that has occurred in the last couple of months--going to management training at Gerri's suggestion, their odd phone sex arrangement, the way she so easily gets him off by the sound of her voice, even being taken as a hostage--has all led up to this moment. If so, it was all fucking worth it.

When the elevator arrives, an eight-year-old kid and his mother, who looks to be at about her wit's end with him and his entire existence, step off it.

"Kevin! What have I told you about not pressing all the buttons?"

"Sorry, Mom," the little boy says, sounding not sorry at all.

Roman doesn't advocate child abuse, obviously, but like, he just really wants to slap this kid.

Indeed, when Gerri and Roman get on the elevator, it looks like every fucking button has been pushed. And they're going to the 49th floor.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Roman mutters, shaking his head. All he wants to do is get Gerri alone in his office and see what she's wearing underneath that prim and proper white blouse she has on, but fate does not seem to have the same plan.

Instead of maybe getting off on the next floor or something that would make more sense than waiting as the door opened on every level, Gerri moves closer to Roman. Their backs are against the wall of the elevator and they are standing almost too close together now. Roman can smell the sweet scent of her perfume that he has come to know as Gerri's signature. The tension is absolutely fucking ridiculous at this point.

On floor three, Roman touches her hand with his pinkie again. On floor five, Gerri grabs his hand, and holds it until floor seven. On floor eight, Roman turns to regard her closely. She's looking at him like she's ready to make a drunken mistake. The doors continue to open and close, with no one there to get on or off--not that they'd even notice if an entire fifth grade class and/or a mariachi band joined them in the elevator. They continue to stare at each other, weighing the pros and cons of just fucking going for it, until floor thirteen. That's when Roman says, "fuck it," and he leans in to kiss her. He just fucking kisses her. He grabs her and kisses her fiercely, and sort of to his surprise, she kisses him back just as fiercely. On floor 22, there's even tongue involved. A lot of tongue.

The doors are still opening and closing and they aren't even paying attention. By floor 28, his hands are roaming freely, and she's moaning a little. By floor 31, Gerri bites Roman's lip and now he's the one moaning. Roman has never even enjoyed kissing all that much--like what's the fucking point? But this singular experience is giving him a brand new appreciation for it.

Or maybe it's because Gerri is the one he's kissing.

By floor 40, the kissing has tapered off a little, so they can stare deep into each other's eyes. However, on floor 44, the kissing resumes. Roman wraps his hand around Gerri's neck and brings her closer to him, and she puts a warm hand under his coat, and then under his shirt, on his back. If he wasn't hard before, now he could launch a fucking space shuttle from his pants.

Finally, on floor 49, the door opens for the last time. They are still holding on to each other for dear life, expecting to haul ass directly to Roman's office, where his newly purchased sleeper sofa is waiting for the next act of this satisfying play they're trying to direct. However...

"What the fuck is this?" The last person on fucking Planet Earth that Roman expects to see is standing there staring at them. Logan. His dad. "Romulus? Gerri fucking Kellman? Well, don't just stand there looking like deaf fucking mutes. Explain yourselves!"

And they are stunned speechless... but at least now they're able to stop kissing.

[ellana-ravenwood]

Professor Wayne - Bruce Wayne x Reader Part 2/4

FINISHED SERIES : PART 1, PART 2.5, PART 3, PART 4

Well. Here’s part 2. Hope you will like this little AU of mine, and all that. As usual, feedbacks are VERY welcome (I still can’t believe all the response part 1 had <3 thanks so much for that) and...Boom. Oh, and please, leave a comment down below to tell me what you thought of it ? Thanks in advance. Bam : 

Warning : Also, this is really fucking long, sorry. But I decided to make it a four part series no more sooooo...Ugh. Also, I love that panel of Bruce ordering coffee too much not to reuse it here even though I literally made a post about it right before this one. This panel deserves to appear twice (or more) on my blog, because it really is everything. 

_________________________________________________

                                               ************

You don’t really know what’s gotten into you. 

Stress maybe ? The “too much shit happening at the same time” terrible day you had ? Paired with this last blow of seeing the guy you had a massive crush on with another (gorgeous) woman ? 

Oh it was so ridiculous !! That “man” was quite older than you, way out of your league and, oh right....Also your goddamn teacher ! 

You had no chance whatsoever. So, you really don’t know what got into you. 

Why you acted like that. 

“Miss (Y/N/L) ?” 

He says, clearly surprised to see you there at such an hour, but with a large smile slowly appearing on his face. 

And you ? Ugh. You act as if you didn’t hear anything. As if you didn't know him. You smile of this non-genuine smile you oh so often give clients and : 

“What can I do for you Ma’am ?” 

You ask, turning to his date first as you would have done with any other customer (even if he was everything but a regular customer). Ladies first. 

She smiles at you in a charming way. You’re pretty sure she actually didn’t hear Professor Wayne talk to you as she was busy looking at the cakes a bit further. The fact that she doesn’t make any comment whatsoever about it enforce your suspicion (or maybe she just doesn’t care). She says :

“I’d love a cappuccino to go. Without sugar please, darling.”

She has such a kind smile, a soft voice, an aura about her that makes you instantly admire her while you really didn’t want to and she seems so polite and friendly...It’s hard to hate her. You forget the thought that crossed your mind about spitting in her coffee. It’s not your style anyway. 

You refrain a sigh as you realize you’re incapable of even truly being jealous because, man this woman is out of this world and you’re just...you. 

What was the point of feeling bummed out about it all anyway ? 

You saw Selina Kyle with him a few times before (though there were rumors they weren’t together anymore..) and knew instantly you couldn’t match her. That she very obviously didn’t play in the same sandbox than you. 

She was damn hot AND nice ! 

Plus, she was his age and not his student. That could like, play a part in it all.

You turn to him, and brace yourself. 

It’s just wishful thinking, that made you think you saw him searching your eyes, trying to make eye contact with you, as if the fact that you were acting like you never saw him before actually bothered him. 

“And for you sir ?” 

You ask him in your most monotone yet client-friendly voice. That tone you perfected over your months as a barista, that makes you look nice and polite, but really you’re only doing it because it’s your job. 

He looks at you without answering, searching your face. It feels weird, and you wonder why he’s not saying anything. Did you actually vexe him ? Fuck...

But then Selina says : 

“Oh my God Bruce, you always take the same thing ! Stop acting as if you’re thinking about it, just give her your convoluted coffee order and let’s go !”

She turns to you : 

“Sorry about that honey. And sorry in advance for his ridiculous order, hope it won’t bring you too much trouble, he’s really fussy about his coffee.” 

She says, winking at you and wow, thanks Miss Kyle to rub yet again in your face that she was so much more charming that little plain ol’ you, with her damn cute yet sexy wink and appealing smile ! 

Her words seem to take Professor Wayne out of whatever thoughts he was in (you guessed that coffee must indeed be very important to him), as he says : 

“Um...An espresso, please. Black. No sugar.” 

...What ? You could literally not order something more regular than a black espresso. It was the most basic coffee order out of all the coffee orders. 

What was Selina on about with her “convoluted coffee order” and all ? A bit confused, you turn away to go make their coffee, but just before that, you can catch a glimpse of Selina’s surprised look to him. 

“Since when do you take espressos ? I thought you hated black coffee because...” 

You unfortunately can’t hear the rest of their conversation as you start to foam the milk for Miss Kyle’s cappuccino. 

************

It felt like a punch in the guts to Bruce, that you gave him the cold shoulder. And it really shouldn’t. What was he expecting anyway ? You were his student, and this wasn’t class. You had no obligation to give him special treatment. 

Besides, it didn’t even matter. 

Why would it ? You were his student. 

He usually disliked meeting his student when he was off work. Because they always ended up asking questions about his lesson, and outside of his tutoring hours...Well he just wanted to be left alone (the worst thing that ever happened was when goddamn Fryer followed him in the toilet to ask him questions...he really never liked that guy.)

It was a surprise to see you in his favorite cafe (aka “it’s the closest one to his office”), but he never actually came late at night or in the evening so, he guessed you just had those shifts. And...Eh, it didn’t really matter.

Yes. It was actually a good thing, that you acted as if you never saw him before.

It would avoid the awkwardness of getting too personal. Or of you asking questions about class while he’s with Selina (though he was convinced it wasn’t your style to do such a thing). 

Yes. Yes. Yes. It really didn’t matter...Then why did it brush him the wrong way like that ? Why did he felt like calling your name again so you’d look at him and HAVE to answer ? 

You gave him the fakest smile he ever saw you harbor, and he wonders if you’re mad about the assignment he gave you ? Could be...

Eh. It really doesn’t matter. But why are you here so late ? He realized, as he absentmindedly listen to you take Selina’s order, that the fact you were working here, at 11 pm, was probably one of the reason you were so tired lately. 

And suddenly, he felt guilty while he shouldn’t. 

You weren’t the only one amongst his students to be tired. Not the only one who struggled. Plus he gave you his notes AND an easy assignment so really there’s no reason for you to be mad at him ! He should have never even given you his own notes ! 

You were in the wrong, falling asleep TWICE in his class !! ...Ugh ? What ? But it didn’t matter, wether you were mad or not. He made the right decision. You were slacking off and it’s his policy to “punish” students who do so. For their own good. So it won’t happen again, and it usually doesn’t. 

So why was he feeling this mix of guilt and annoyance about it all ? 

He felt annoyed that you were ignoring him, and was thrown back to kindergarten when he realized he wasn’t the center of attention there, as he was with his parents. But he felt guilty because he added some work to your already busy life. 

He felt annoyed because there really wasn’t any reason for you to be mad at him ! So why were you not saying even a “hello Professor Wayne” ? But he also felt guilty because he could see now that you worked hard to pay for your study...

A strange turmoil was happening in his head, as you and Selina look at him curiously. He was lost in his thoughts, wondering why he cared so much while he shouldn’t, when Selina’s slightly pushing him brought him back to reality : 

“Sorry about that honey. And sorry in advance for his ridiculous order, hope it won’t bring you too much trouble, he’s really fussy about his coffee.”

She says, and he realizes that you already took her order and was now waiting for him. Damn. He barely registered what Selina was saying, but he knew she was talking about his ridiculous coffee order. She always mocked him (with reason) about that. 

But today...today he can’t seem to resolve himself to ask you this complicated coffee he always asks. And,to his own surprise, he hears himself say : 

“Um...An espresso, please. Black. No sugar.”

You look at both of them and you’re clearly a bit confused. You back away and with a last fake smile (he hates it, he hates that smile) you go to prepare their order. 

Selina turns to you, and eyebrow raise and says : 

“Since when do you take espressos ? I thought you hated black coffee because it made you too jumpy and all ?”

His mind works fast as he tries to find an excuse. He can’t possibly tell her that he didn’t want to bother you with extra work, she’d surely think he’s being weirdly sweet to a stranger and would question him and...Selina always had a knack to make people talk. 

He turns to her and put on a (fake) mischievous smile on his face, saying : 

“Well, I just felt like I needed a bit more energy tonight, that’s all. To apologize for dragging you out there just to fetch things I forgot...”

He winks at her and...did she fell for it ? Or did she see through his fakeness ? Selina was an incredibly perceptive woman, which is why he liked her in the first place. She looks at his face for a bit, and then smiles and shakes her head, wrapping an arm around his waist and saying sarcastically : 

“So romantic.” 

Phew. She did fell for it. Unsubtle innuendos always worked. Or maybe she just didn’t feel like digging for more infos tonight. After all, if she answered his call, it meant she needed to take her mind off of things too...

Her arm around his waist makes him a bit uncomfortable though, and for a moment he isn’t sure why. 

It’s only when his eyes shoot in your direction, making sure you’re back is to them so you don’t see Selina snuggling against him, that he realizes why he wants her to let go of him. 

He doesn’t want you to get the wrong idea. 

Selina and him ? They’re not a thing. Not anymore. 

They did try, a while back, and dated pretty seriously but...it just didn’t work out. They weren’t made to be together. But they were still good friends, who just happened to, sometimes, sleep together. 

Not a big deal. 

He just didn’t want you, for some reasons, to think they were dating. They really are just best friends (with benefit when they need). That’s it. And so before he can think further about it all, he tears away her arm from him and say, a soft smile on his lips : 

“Selina, many of my students come here. Let’s not make a scene.” 

She rolls her eyes but let go. She knows he doesn’t like to share any of his private life with his students, and it’s already quite something he’s with her right now in a cafe that is on campus. 

But apparently, he really loves the coffee here so...Which makes it even weirder he decided to go with a simple “espresso”. Uh. 

She eyes him suspiciously, but decides to let it go for now. She knows there’s always a reason for him to call her. 

She doesn’t mind though, she does the same thing. 

When either of them needs to forget about something shitty happening to them, they’d call each other and have sex. It was a good way to take their minds off of it, besides friends were there to help right ? 

She still makes a mental note about it all though, there’s something fishy about this situation but she can’t quite pinpoint it just yet...

Because since when did Bruce Wayne drink espressos ?

************

You’re coming back now, with a huge coffee stain on your shirt. You give them an apologetic look and say : 

“Sorry it took me so long to sort you guys out, I um...had an accident.” 

Selina smiles at you : 

“Don’t worry honey, you didn't take that long. Thank you.”

She says, while grabbing her cup. 

You then hand Professor Wayne’s espresso and he seems to be so damn out of it right now. He takes the cup clumsily, and his fingers brush against yours...You snap your hand away quickly, not wanting to have too much contact with him. Just in case. Your heart is already beating too fast...

You tell them the price and he hands you a twenty dollars bills, muttering something you understood as “keep the change” before he starts to walk away with Selina and, boom. The end of that awkward episode that you wish never happened. And you got a freaking nice tip at that. Phew. 

His date is already half-outside, but as you lift your head you can see he hesitates a little bit, almost taking another step forward before turning back to you and saying : 

“About that assignment...It’s alright. You don’t need to do it.” 

You crease your brow as he hurriedly follows after Miss Kyle. 

What now ? Why would he tell you you don’t need to do the assignment he gave you as punishment ? After you gave him the cold shoulder at that ! 

Is he...Oh no. Is he pitying you ? Like he saw you were tired and busy and too fucking clumsy as you spilled coffee all over you and also you must look like shit with the bag under your eyes and your lack of make-up and...

Wait. Does that motherfucker actually pity you ?! 

For some reason, it angers you, that Professor Wayne seem to think you’re not capable of doing his assignment plus everything else. You would usually not care about such things, but coming from him...

It made you strangely furious to think he thought you weren’t strong enough. You’ve been going on like this for a year now ! And sure lately you weren’t quite on point with everything, what with falling asleep in class and all...but didn’t you prove countless times that you were still up for any tasks ?! 

Didn’t you work hard enough to prove that you were able to balance everything ?! And sure things were pretty unstable in your life right now, but fuck, you really were trying hard ! 

Wasn’t it enough ?! Why did he just decide to take this assignment off ? 

Would he have done that with any other person in his class ? Probably not. Because no one else in his class was pathetic enough to fall asleep during lectures, or to make coffee for people as a living, or even to be that mad right now. 

It made you both angry and sad, to think that this was his idea of you. 

Oh so he thought you wouldn’t be able to finish that assignment ugh ? Well you’re gonna show him to never underestimate you ! 

You finish your shift that night, getting worked up way too much about something you completely misunderstood. 

He was trying to be nice, he felt guilty..and you took it as him feeling pity for you, which was a pet peeve of yours. 

You closed the cafe that night, fuming. And of course, it started to fucking rain, because that awful day could only get worst and worst right ?! 

You lived at the literal other side of the campus, so you ran to your dorm room. When you finally got there, you took out a piece of paper (your computer broke that very same morning;..) and started to write aggressively an essay for that fucking Professor Wayne, still in your soaking wet clothes. 

What ? He thought you couldn’t write that assignment ? And why was it so easy anyway ? Did he give you something easy on purpose cause he thought you weren’t good enough ?

The morning light slowly shone in your face as you were putting a finishing note to your essay. This took you all night, and now that the anger was dying down, and your fatigue caught up, you kinda wanted to cry...

Were you mad he took pity on you ? Or were you just being a sour bitch that couldn’t handle the fact that he was dating a literal goddess ? 

Sighing, you went to take a shower and get ready to go back to class right after. No sleep for you tonight either...

And were those tears, or just the water running down your face ?

************

He’s moving above Selina, but his heart and mind aren’t really into it that night. He acts more like a robot than his usual self, thrusting in and out like a machine. 

He’s usually always so passionate and thinks about her first, when they’re having sex...But his mind is too preoccupied that night. 

He can’t stop thinking about how endearing he found it that you were so clumsy, and how cute your “I’m sorry” face was when you brought them the coffee. The same you had when you came to apologize for falling asleep during his lecture...Wait no. That was wrong. It was wrong of him to think you were cute. He already liked your smile way too much...damn he was acting like a disgusting pig. Even worst as he was having sex with another woman ! 

What was he even thinking right now ? Ridiculous. Ugh. 

But he also can’t shake away the way you flinched and snapped your hand away when you handed him his coffee and his fingers brushed yours. 

Did you think he was being a creep ? Like giving you his notes, and being a bit too friendly maybe ? Or were you really that mad about the assignment ? So mad that you couldn’t even bear his presence ?

It didn’t really feel like something you would do but...

You shouldn’t be mad anymore anyway, he told you you didn’t have to do it. 

Oh god, why did he tell you that ?! The look on your face as he left...confusion and surprise. Surely now you were going to wonder what the hell was wrong with him. Or maybe not ? Maybe you just wouldn’t think about it much, because you just got free of his assignment. 

And why did it matter so much anyway ? It really shouldn’t. You were just another student, and in a moment of weakness, feeling sorry for you, he helped you out. 

He gave you his own notes, he didn’t punish you further for falling asleep in his class...It was fine. You had it tough. And though it was his personal ethic to treat all students the same, even him had to recognize sometimes it wasn’t possible. 

Your essays always touched him. You had a really nice writing style, and really poured your heart in everything you wrote, wether it was about gruesome crimes or criminal psychology. 

You were clearly passionate about your studies and motivated to become a profiler (you said that, the first day of his class, in your presentation), and this passion reminded him of himself and why he was doing this job. 

So even if he didn’t want to play favorites, he knew he always had that one student he liked more than the others. In every single class he taught. 

Just like there was that one student he just couldn’t stand. He wanted to help you out just as much as he wanted to punch William Fryer in the face...

Yes. Yes that was it. You were just another one of his favorite student. From day one he knew you were special, and the fact that lately you just seemed tired and out of it is just triggering his “protective professor” side. 

Now of course, before, he never mixed his personal and professional life. He never got too friendly, and certainly never said “you can forget about this assignment” in a cafe before, but...but it was because he could see your potential. 

Yes. You were such a promising student. You were going to achieve great thing for Gotham, he knew it. No doubt in his mind. 

He was just helping you out. Professionally. And it didn’t even matter if you ignored him at that cafe, or if you were mad at him. 

He was your teacher. He was doing this for your own good, relieving you of some stress...Wait, wasn’t giving you the assignment for your own good ? His mind was mixing everything up, he just couldn’t...Selina moaning below him takes him out of his reverie. 

Right. He was in his bed. Home. Private life. Having sex with his long time best friend with benefit. And thinking about you right now was just so inappropriate. 

He buries his face in Selina’s neck now, sure that the way she mewled under him would help him think of something else. 

Usually, when he was in her arms, he could forget most of his worries because she’s that good, but tonight...

Why ?

Why did you ignore him ?

************

It’s 8 am and of course your first class gotta be with Professor Wayne. 

You calmed down now, you’re not really angry anymore. But it doesn’t mean you’re not going to be ultra-petty and hand him over that assignment that took you all night to write. 

You enter the classroom, and he’s there, at his desk, looking at his notes and writing a few things on the black board behind him. 

You gather up some nerve, and walk towards his desk. 

“Professor Wayne.”

He turns around, and...is it just you or does “surprise” often writes itself on his face whenever you meet him ? It seems like he never expects you to talk to him. 

“Miss (Y/N/L).”

He says sternly, but with a half-smile still. At least it doesn’t look like he’s mad at you for ignoring him last night. Why would he be anyway ? ... You slowly put your essay on his desk, and he eyes it curiously. 

Ok. Here we go. You rehearsed this all night. Now is your moment : 

“Never underestimate me.” 

You say, as you walk off to your seat. You tried really hard to sound cool, and to turn around gracefully but...Well, your voice sounded shaky, and when you turned around you almost tripped on your own feet and fell.

But at least you told him. And you handed that essay. Boom. In his face ! 

************

Bruce had resolved to be cold again with you. To take some distance. To stop this nonsense about you occupying way too much of his thoughts. 

You were in there only because you were a brilliant person. And brilliant minds always attracted him...Ugh what was he talking about attraction again ? This wasn’t it. 

He just thought you were cute...eeerm, you were smart. This is why he went easy on you all those times. That’s it. And the way you were tired lately only reminded him of himself at your age, when he was working hard. That’s it. 

It triggered something in his mind that made him want to help you. But it was over now. He did that, he helped, by not giving you that assignment in the end and by...

“Professor Wayne.” 

Why is your voice making him shiver like this ? Why ?! 

He turns around, and he’s sure he looks stupid, with his “deer caught in car lights” look, surprised to see you there. 

“Miss (Y/L/N).”

He says, trying to muster all his “strictness” and “professorness”. You don’t say anything else for a bit, as you slide a few pieces of papers towards him. 

He looks at it and...What is it ? And then you say : 

“Never underestimate me.” 

With a somewhat trembling voice, and you walk away, almost falling face first on the floor and...What ? 

What just happened ? 

Are you ok ? Did you hurt yourself almost tripping down like that ? 

Oh he had to regain his composure, class was about to start. His eyes fall down on what you just gave him and...He can’t help the smile slowly growing on his face. 

A smile that could be translated as him saying : “Mm...Interesting”. 

The assignment you weren’t suppose to do. That’s what you just gave him. Handwritten at that, must have taken you ages. And three days in advance. 

Once again, you went out of your way and exceeded his expectations. He really thought you just wouldn’t do it but...”Never underestimate me”. 

Mm. It seems you completely misunderstood his intention. But he couldn’t help feeling excited about the prospect of reading your essay, knowing that you must have poured your soul into it since you thought he was underestimating you. 

It was a relief, in away, that you misunderstood why he told you not to worry about this assignment. And...Damn, you were a surprising person. 

He looked up from your essay to where you were sitting, and there you were, half-grinning smugly at him. Giving him a : “No really, do never underestimate me again please” look. 

Fuck. That was...that was...hot...

He had to look away right now, because his heart was racing faster than he could handle, pumping blood in all the wrong places. 

He started his lecture as if nothing, but he just couldn’t wait. Out of the blue, he found the excuse to give his class a “surprised pop quizz”, and under all of their groans, after telling him the questions of the quizz...he started to read your essay. 

************

Not gonna lie. You immediately regretted what you did as you sat down...What was he gonna think now ? Daring to tell the most famous and loved and competent teacher in the entire school to never underestimate you ? 

But then he looked down at your paper, and up at you again, with an interested look (or you hoped it was interested) on his face, and you couldn’t help but grin at him in the most exasperating way you could...And damn the way he looked away like that.

You didn’t imagine it right ? His cheeks were a bit rosy right ? 

Uh. Indeed, interesting. 

While you were writing your answers to his ridiculously difficult “surprised pop quizz”, you saw him read your essay. Your heart skipped way to many beats at that, and you had to really focus to go back working on your quizz. 

************

The bell rung. End of class. You didn’t have time to finish the quizz, but you were pretty sure so did most of your classmates. Given the fact that they all looked grumpy and defeated, yup. No doubt. 

This damn quizz broke all of you. None of you were ready for it, and it was so difficult ! With a sigh you were putting your stuffs away when Professor Wayne said : 

“Miss (Y/N/L), could you please gather your classmates quizz and bring it to me please ?” 

You don’t know why you felt weird as he said those words. He always asked a “random” student to bring him the pop quizzes as people left his class to go to their next lesson. It was easier for him to organize papers like that, he said, rather than let them put down their papers on his desk in a mess. 

For some reasons though, you felt like he didn’t just choose you randomly that day...Heart beating way too fast, you gathered everything and went to give it to him. As you were about to leave...

“Wait a second, miss (Y/N/L).”

You turn to him and...what ? Could you just jump him right now and make out ? ...Wait no. What the fuck ? Why would you think that ? He was probably gonna scold you for being so insolent and telling him the things you said earlier...

He has your essay in his hand, and shows it to you. With a smile he says : 

“That’s good. That’s really good. Also, more than I asked for...” 

“Um...yes, sorry, I just kinda got carried away and...”

“Oh no, don’t apologize please. It’s great. I always appreciate students going beyond my assignments. I actually wanted to ask you if I use some of it in my next book on criminology. Of course, I would properly credit you.” 

...What ? What ? WHAT ?! You were frankly panicking right now. Ugh. Where did this came from, like this, out of the blue ? 

You can’t even remember what you wrote in that essay, as your anger made you black out on most of what you thought at the time. So you say : 

“I wrote this last night while half-asleep, it’s total garbage.” 

Yup. That’s the way to go. Self-deprication. It’s totally going to convince him it’s bad. You really just wrote this out of spite...He chuckles (it is really a nice sound) and says : 

“Well if this is you writing garbage, I can’t wait for you to write a masterpiece then.” 

Wow there heart, calm down. But he has such a nice smile...you can’t help smile back and you say : 

“Um...thanks. You can use it in your book. Just don’t forget to credit me, or people will wonder why there’s that weird shit passage in it all !”

You wonder if you’re going to far with the familiarities. Maybe you shouldn’t have said “shit”. But he makes you feel like you can relax, even if you always thought of him as a stern and strict figure. 

And there it is again, a chuckle and sweet smile before he says : 

“Promise. Let’s hope I keep my promises better than you, right miss (Y/N/L) ?” 

Oh wow, sneaky. Reminding you like that of that time you promised not to sleep during his class again and then proceeded to do exactly that the next week. 

You smile apologetically (the smile he was seeking), and gesture for the door while saying : 

“Yes ugh, well, I’m going to class. Thanks again...Sir...”

You don’t really know what to say. This all feels like one of your fantasies with him, where you just imagine him praising you and all. If it is indeed one of your daydream, right now, he’s about to kiss you and....nope, he smiles one more time, says “Right, see you tomorrow Miss (Y/N/L)” and turns back to his desk, already forgetting about your presence. 

Oh Well. He did praise you at least. Feeling heat rising in your cheeks, you run outside. 

************

Bruce facepalms himself. Hard. What was that about being cold towards you again ? Ugh. What got into him ? Why did he act like that ? 

He just couldn’t help it. What with you thinking you weren’t good and yet telling him things like “never underestimate me”. Writing incredible things in the span of a night, just out of spite. 

You were too...Brilliant. Special. He couldn’t act with you like he was acting with other students, because you were like none other he ever had. 

There was just something about you...

************

This something about you is probably how he found himself, a week later, in front of the cafe you were working at, at 10 pm. 

He was about to go home after staying late to finish grading some papers, but suddenly crave the beignets you were making in this cafe. But also, you were working right now and..

Oh it didn’t matter. This past week, he had been extra good at treating you like any other students. At not being too easy on you, or giving you any special treatment. 

Probably because you didn’t fall back asleep and just acted normally again...Though he couldn’t help but see you were still tired. 

Bruce shakes his head, and enters the cafe. He wants a beignet, and he’ll get a beignet. And then will go straight home. As easy as that. 

In and out, bam the end. 

“Miss (Y/L/N).” 

He says, as he goes to the counter where you’re already waiting for him. And this time you answer : 

“Professor Wayne, what can I get for you tonight ?” 

It’s as if the fact you wrote this assignment and gave it to him erased that awkward experience of him being here with Selina. As if that day never happened. 

Of course, the reason you gave him the cold shoulder that night was because Selina was there, and your brain just kinda..short circuited. You couldn’t think normally and acted like you did without really knowing why. Probably just trying to protect yourself from it all...

But he thought it was because you were mad at him. Because of the assignment. So when you ended up giving it to him..It just fixed everything apparently. It really did. 

In your brain it did because he praised your work and it fixed this “him having pity on you thing". Sure you were still bummed out he had a girlfriend but...you couldn’t really act as if he didn’t exist forever, could you ? Just because he was dating someone ? Besides, tonight he was alone...Which really was the only thing that actually fixed it all.

Tonight, it was just him. No Selina. 

“Um, just a beignet please.”

He asks, and you nod going to get one from the pastry shelf while saying : 

“To have here or to go ?” 

To go. Come on Bruce. Say it. To go. You’re going home right now. So you’re taking that beignet home with you. It’s the beignet you were craving for. The beignet. To go. 

“To have here, please”. 

He hears himself say, and he mentally slaps himself again. Why ? That wasn’t the plan. He didn’t want to stay here, he wanted to go home. 

And yet he said “to have here”. You settle the beignet on a plate and give it to him, and he goes to sit at a table not too close, but not too far either from the counter. 

Where he can see you work. It seems like you’re studying behind the counter, when there isn’t any clients...

************

“You don’t like espressos very much, do you ?”

You ask, as you clean up his plate and bring him yet another beignet (he must have eaten four by now..You guess he really likes beignets). In the meantime of him being in the cafe, he also order a few espressos. 

You saw him drink them and making a face every time he did...You don’t know what prompted you to talk more, to ask him this kinda personal question. You just do. Naturally. 

He looks at you and...are his cheeks turning a bit rosy ? He says : 

“No...Not really. But I still have a few things to do tonight and they do help me stay awake. My usual order doesn’t.” 

He answers your question with a bit more details, completely making it up. 

The truth is, he was suppose to go home. Sleep. He definitely didn’t plan on eating four beignets and drinking two disgusting espressos. But he was in too deep now. 

He had to explain himself a bit. You seemed to take his explanation about having to stay awake as granted, and you nod. 

“I can relate to that. What’s your usual order though ? I can make you one, on the house. To get those espressos down.” 

You smile and he melts a little. Why do you have such a sweet smile ? 

He was actually about to leave. He had been here for over an hour, and was acting as if he was working on his computer while really he finished all his work for the day...Was he a creep ? 

Staying just because he wanted to talk to you and for no other reason ? He had to go. But he found himself saying : 

“Half-caf/decaf peaberry non-fat latte, steamed to 145 degrees. Not too much foam, light cinnamon, shot of butterscotch. Please.”

You stare at him for a second, and he can see the confusion on your face. You were taking care of the cafe at night, most people coming in that late just asked for “black coffee” to stay awake, you rarely had long orders. So, you’re not sure you can actually achieve this one. 

“Um...Could you repeat please ?” 

He does, and this time you write everything down, which amuses him. You then go to the coffee machine and he shakes his head for the hundredth time that night. 

He was suppose to go home. 

To get one beignet for the road, and go home. And here he was, four beignets and two espressos later, bothering you with his stupid usual drink. It didn’t really fazed him much to ask your colleague this special order during the day, but he really didn’t want to bothe...oh here he went again. 

No. This was good. 

He asked for what he wanted, even if he was about to leave. He did say he wouldn’t go easy on you anymore. This should include his coffee order. He was a client. He shouldn’t take something he didn’t like just so it was easier for you...Though now, as his eyes went back by themselves towards you, and as he saw you scratch your head in front of the coffee machine, he felt a little bad. 

A little. Because you looked really cute, when clueless. 

************

Half-caf/decaf peaberry non-fat latte, steamed to 145 degrees. Not too much foam, light cinnamon, shot of butterscotch. 

Ok. First, what the fuck was a peaberry ? Second, how did you know you were steaming shit to 145 degrees ? Lastly, did you guys even have butterscotch ?

You shuffled around the coffee bags when you finally found one marked “peaberry”. Oh. It was a type of ground from Spain. Ok. Well you learn things everyday. Then you started to foam non-fat milk, but trying to not make too much foam at the same time...You really weren’t good at that. 

Weren’t used to. You never really had this kind of order. 

Somehow, you managed to make it and brought it to him. He thanked you and since he didn’t complain, you guessed it was alright ? 

************

It was probably the worst coffee he ever drank, and yet, the best one. 

It tasted horrible, you clearly forgot to put decaf, the foam was weird, you put too much butterscotch and cinnamon, and he could tell you didn’t follow the 145 degrees rule. 

But it also tasted great because you clearly took some effort doing it for him and though it was your actual job, to make coffee for people, he felt good about this. 

It was stupid. And yet, he ordered another one. 

This time it wasn’t as gross, and he was sure that with practice, you’d just make the perfect half-caf/decaf peaberry non-fat latte, steamed to 145 degrees. Not too much foam, light cinnamon, shot of butterscotch. 

He’d just have to come around more often...

************

The following weeks, Bruce found himself a lot in the cafe while you were working there. 

He took the habit to go grade papers there, instead of staying in his office as usual. Which meant some of his students went to bother him while he was doing it, to ask him questions about his lectures. After all, the cafe you were working at was the campus’ one. 

But Bruce got over the mild annoyance of having some of them coming up to him to ask question. It was fine. Besides, it made him feel better to help them out while out of his tutoring hours because...because he started to talk to you too much. 

Usually, he stayed in his office to not be bothered. But now that he was still a bit too nice to you and all, he had to change a bit his way of doing things. 

So if he had to be bothered sometimes by stressed students running on too much caffeine ? It was fine. 

Yes. Him coming regularly to the cafe you worked had was actually beneficial. It made him feel less guilty. Because sure, he talked to you a lot, while you gave him his orders and such. And sure sometimes somehow, without a warning, either you or him would say something personal about you...but he also helped all those other students out. 

So it evened things out, right ?

He wasn’t just giving you special treatment. He was giving everyone special treatment now. Which took more time off of his “off hours”, but he didn’t mind much. 

************

For some reason, professor Wayne got the habit to come get his ridiculous coffee and beignets every night, while working on his lessons and grading papers. 

You thought it was a bit odd. Surely, it had to be annoying to often be stopped during his work by students who misunderstood concepts and were asking him for help ? Or maybe it was a new teaching technique he was developing ?

You didn’t really care. Because in the end, it gave you the opportunity to talk to him. Gave you an excuse to make a few personal comments sometimes. Because here, in this cafe, he wasn’t your teacher. He was a client. 

...You weren’t sure it really was an improvement but, eh.

************

Of course, Bruce knew he should stop coming to this cafe, stop talking to you, stop letting through some personal things about him. 

He always made sure to keep his private life OUT of his professional life. Always made sure his students just knew what was public about him (the tragedy of his past and such). Never talked about anything else. 

But it was nice and relaxing, to come to this cafe and talk with you when you had time. Talk about anything. About his next book, about class, about your work, about how you were both doing, about coffee, about this annoying fucker that was Fryer, about how funny this film was...

Just normal friendly interactions. 

Of course, Bruce knew he should stop doing this but...In the first time in a long time, he felt fine. He didn’t feel the need to call Selina. And it was all just harmless talk, right ? 

************

It’s after a few months of this “extra-scholar relationship” that it happened.

Bruce was in his office, and felt grumpy.

First, the director of the school board annoyed him today because he wanted him to speak at a conference in San Francisco, but Bruce had absolutely no intention of going. He hated conferences, it was always full of people that got on his nerves. Officials and sons of rich people thinking they knew what it was to be a cop in Gotham, but never understanding. 

And damn the director really wanted him to go at that one, as it could raise some money for Gotham university...

Second, his car broke down and he had to take public transport. He hated to take public transport. Too much noise. Too dirty. 

Third, it was day where neither of his class had you in it. 

Finally, it was also your day off at the cafe, so what was the point of going there right ? 

It was just an annoying day...He was drinking some overbrewed tea (Alfred would disowned him if he saw him leave the leaves that long in the water) while looking out of the window of his office when it happened. 

It was a normal night. He was about to go home after this annoying day, as he just finished grading some important papers (yours was in it, and it was fantastic...as usual). 

11:30 pm. Pretty early still. 

He wondered if you were in the library right now, studying some more while you probably should rest as you had a day off...And then he saw you. 

You were walking on the foot path, probably going back to your dorm. Your bag was slung around your shoulders, and you were listening to some music.

Bruce had to fight the urge to “accidentally run into you while going home”. He would have to run down to be able to catch up with you and you’d probably think it’s weird that he’d just appear, out of breath, just like that...Too bad. Maybe you and him could have gone to the cafe to...

What? What was he saying ? This would have been impossible. Too suspicious for him to ask you if you wanted to go get coffee at the CAMPUS CAFE. Besides you’d surely think he was being weird. 

This little shatter while you were working, it was just...Friendly. Nice. Totally normal. He was known to be an approachable teacher (he was lying to himself trying to convince himself he acted that way with everyone). 

Yes. He wasn’t going to run out to meet with you “coincidentally”. That would be ridiculous. And creepy...right ? Also, acting like a teenage infatuated boy and...He was definitely NOT infatuated with a student. 

Nope. On the contrary. Usually it was his students that were infatuated with him. He had his lot of female and male students just throwing themselves at him and him refusing because it was not ethical. So. Yes. What was he thinking about again ? 

He just looked at you longingly as you were walking back to your dorm...When a guy stopped you. 

A painful pang (of jealousy ?) rang in Bruce’s chest, but it quickly turned into something else. 

When the guy grabbed your bag. When you resisted. When you got punched right in the face, and pushed to the floor...

That little jealousy he felt as he thought you were being stopped by someone about to flirt with you turned into a panic, as he saw you fall hard on the ground, and not moving. 

Without thinking twice, he ran out of his office. 

************

You opened your eyes, and looked at the sky. 

Well. That was just great. 

You really didn’t feel like getting up right now. Laying there, on the cold ground, was definitely a mood. 

You lived all your life in Gotham, coming from one of its worst neighborhood...and the first time you get mugged, it’s on the campus that is known to be a safe place. 

Amazing. You’re such a lucky woman. 

So yeah, you just stay there, on the floor, looking up at the stars. 

You don’t even care if anyone passing by might think you’re weird, just laying there. You don’t want to move. A guy just punched you in the face and stole your shit. You think you’re allowed to give up for a few minutes and just...Lay there. 

Well, the good thing about all that is that this thief is going to be sorely disappointed when he opens your bag, and only finds notes about your classes, a broken computer and like, 85 cents. You’re so glad none of your 200+ dollars school books were in that bag that day...

Maybe you were a little lucky. Your loss wasn’t the end of the world. Your computer already didn’t work, you just hung on on it just in case by some miracle it decided it would again (it was stupid). Your school notes weren’t irreplaceable. It would be annoying to get it back, but it was only a few days worth so it’d be fine. 

But man that punch hurt. And it was still such a bummer.

Yeah. You were just gonna stay down there and...Rushed footsteps coming towards you make you flinch, and you sit up by instinct. 

“Professor Wayne ?” 

************

It’s a relief, to see you sit up. He really thought that guy knocked you out or worst ! In his long career as a detective, he saw people drop dead for way less than that... 

You insist you don’t need to go to the hospital, that you’re fine. You don’t want to call the police either, it’ll be more trouble than anything and they’ll never find that thief again...You just don’t feel like going through having to explain what happened. 

He asks you a hundred time if you’re alright, and you really are. His hands on your shoulders are so comforting. 

You refuse to go to the infirmary too, and settle for following him to his office where he has what is needed to clean up your small wound on your brow. You didn’t even notice until then, but you’re bleeding slightly. 

And he’s so convincing, like the guy has no intention of letting you go home like that. Plus, your wound do need to be looked at...you’re just too shy and embarrassed to tell him that you don’t want to go to the infirmary because this cheap ass school makes you pay for anything you use over there, and you’re broke af. So, you follow him. 

Bruce knows he should just get you to the campus infirmary, that is open 24/7, but in his fear stricken state, he can’t think straight. Thinking back to it, he probably just have left you there yes...But, he didn’t. 

************

He’s pressing a cold cloth soaked in water on your brow now, washing away the blood. You’re sitting on a chair in his office, and you can’t help but be a bit fidgety. 

So many of your fantasies started that way...it’s weird. 

“Stop moving, I can’t get all the blood off of you if you keep wiggling like that. I know it hurts but bear with me a second.” 

His warm and deep voice says, and man aren’t you glad he completely misunderstood why you couldn’t keep still ? Your wound doesn’t really hurt. Stings a bit sure, but he’s so gentle in cleaning it that it’s fine. 

It’s the first time in so long that someone takes such good care of you. You can’t even recall the last time someone actually did...and before you realize it, tears are welling up in your eyes. 

One of his hand is under your chin, angling your head in the light so he can see where he needs to clean your wound up, while the other does just that and...he notices. A small tear slowly falling on your cheek. 

He stops patting your wound for a bit, and looks at you. You don’t say anything, and he’s not sure what he’s suppose to say. He just knows that he doesn’t like to see you cry, and he needs to comfort you. He doesn’t even care, right now, wether it’s appropriate for a teacher and a student to be there, in that position. 

You wipe a tear away and shake your head, before saying : 

“I’m...I’m sorry. It’s just...I...You’re so nice and I...”

You don’t know why, but you can’t seem to stop sobbing. It must be all those pent up emotions you ignored those past months. All those shitty things happening to you, piling up as you ignored your feelings, all of a sudden bursting out because you just got fucking punched and someone stole your stuffs. 

And so you cry, softly, and the way you’re trying to hide it breaks Bruce’s heart. When was the last time someone reassured you and told you things would be all right ? Probably ages ago, given your reaction when he does just that. 

It’s like a reflex, something he has to do and cannot control. He takes you in his arms and pats your back gently, whispering soothing words like “It’s ok, it’s ok it’s over now”, or “you’re safe now”, and it makes you cry even more for a moment. 

Because it feels nice to finally let go of everything. To have someone you can rely on, even if just for a few moments. It really has been so long since anyone was there to support you. 

And it makes sense to you, that it just so happened to be Professor Wayne. You know he’s your teacher and nothing can ever happen between the two of you, but you always saw him as a...reassuring figure. 

Slowly, he calms you down. His soft pats on your back turns into him slowly caressing your hair. And it doesn’t feel weird. It feels natural, actually. 

It’s not a weird moment of a man kinda taking advantage of a moment of weakness, no. It’s just pure support. Him being there for you, and making you feel safe and warm. 

After a while, you finally calm down, and pull away from him. You wipe one of your eyes with a frustrated fist...you really didn’t wanna crack like that. 

But you didn’t cry since so long. And Professor Wayne was being so gentle and nice. He patched you up, and stayed with you while you ugly cried. He listened, too. 

You pull away from him, and you see a huge wet patch on his white dress shirt. You look up at him apologetically and say : 

“Sorry about that..”

Pointing to his shirt, brushing the tip of your fingers against it. 

“Don’t worry, it’s alright. Are you feeling ok ?” 

“Yes, yes sir. I’m fine. I think I can go home now.” 

“Are you sure ?”

“Yes. Thank you. Thank you very much. For everything.” 

“It’s...normal. I would have done this for any of my students. I know things can be tough around your age so...” 

Outch. Of course he would have done that with any of his other students...He backs away from you, leaving you some air. 

You look up at him, and he return your gaze. 

“I’ll finish patching you up now, if that’s ok ?” 

He’s careful with you, he doesn’t want you to relapse of course. He makes sure you’re ok with him “touching” you again. You nod, and one of his hand goes back under your chin so he can finish what he was doing before you started to cry. 

He puts a bandaid on your brow, slowly smoothing it over your skin with his thumb, and that’s it. The end. You’re patched up. 

But he doesn’t move away. His hand falls from your brow to brush away one last tear, and you can’t help yourself, you catch his hand in yours and he’s cupping your cheek now, with your hand above his.

You gaze up at him once more, hoping he can see in your eyes how grateful you are for him and his help....and just like that, his lips are on yours. 

************

He didn’t mean to. He really didn’t. 

He didn’t mean to take care of you like that. He just wanted to patch you up and send you on your way. But then you started to cry, and it broke his heart, the way you clearly lacked support in your life. 

He had flashback of himself when he was younger, struggling to deal with things...and always having Alfred to have his back.

From what he understood of those few personal comments you let slip through during your conversation at the cafe, your parents weren’t around either. And you didn’t had any family left in Gotham. It must be hard, to be all alone. 

He understood why you suddenly cracked, and as a teacher and mentor, he had to be there to help you. To be the one to support you. 

Right ? 

It felt nice, to take care of you. To hold you through your fit of tears. To reassure you that things do get better. 

It felt nice and natural, and for the first time he didn’t feel guilty to treat you in a special way. Because sure he just told you he would have  done that for any other students...but that was a terrible lies. 

You were special. Always been special. 

And when you pulled away, calming yourself down finally, he missed your warmth against him already. 

He finishes patching you up, when he sees a stranded tears on your cheek. 

Your last tear. 

He can’t help himself, he goes to collect it and...You trap his hand on your cheek with yours. He looks down at you. 

Your gaze is so intense. And your hand so soft. 

He didn’t meant to. He really didn’t. But against his better judgement, his head slowly close the distant with yours, and he brushes his lips against yours. 

Softly. Tenderly. Sweetly. Carefully. 

You kiss back. And he feels utterly disgusted with himself all of a sudden. He pulls away, and your head follows his a little. 

He feels like he’s taking advantage of you in this moment of weakness and so he pulls away quickly, surprising you. 

This was a mistake. In the heat of the moment. 

He had always been attracted to special people, and you were oh so special. You didn’t even know you were brilliant. And you were so alone out there, having to work harder than most to achieve things...He was so impressed with you and everything you did. 

He couldn’t resist but to comfort you, but that kiss ? That kiss was way out of line. He felt awful. He was your teacher. Someone in a position of trust, and he was abusing this trust right now. 

And sure you kissed back, but only because he has this position of trust. Because he’s that older guy whom you admire and...it’s just wrong. 

It’s just wrong. 

So wrong. 

So why is he letting you coming closer now ? Why is he letting you stare at him like that, mere centimeters from his face ? 

It’s wrong. He shouldn’t. You’re his student. A special one, yes, but still his student. 

Those months of talking in the cafe, it was just friendly banter. Making things easier for you, just a way of encouraging you to never give up (right ?). 

Taking care of you tonight, was only his way of supporting you. Because you needed it. You always seemed so lonely, and at times lost...Sometimes he’d look at you working in the cafe, and you’d have moments of absence, thinking, daydreaming...and looking so utterly sad and alone... 

He wanted to be there for you. But it was wrong. 

So why is he letting you lay one of your hand on his cheek. And why are his own hands cupping yours ? Why does he let you lay your forehead on his like that ? 

It’s wrong. So wrong. You’re his...student...

You’re the one that kiss him this time. And you do it slowly. Leaving him time to pull away if he wants to. 

It seems like you understood why he pulled away only mere seconds ago. You are a perceptive one. And now...now you want him to know that you want this too. 

That you know what you’re doing. And to be honest, even if you don’t, what’s the big deal ? It’s just a kiss. 

Between two people who have been attracted to each other for a long time, but pulled up barriers between each others because. 

It’s wrong. Is it really though ? 

You’re both consenting adults. You’re making it clear now, that you’re ok with this, and that you’re over your moment of weakness.

And before Bruce can think about it further...Your lips on his erase anything from his mind, and he’s kissing you back. Fiercely. 

To be continued...

____________________________________

I wrote this while having a bad motherfucking cold. Like I was feverish all along, but felt too inspired to stop so eh. Here it is. Hope you liked it, next part “soon”. As usual, feedbacks are da best. 

Edit : Now that I finished writing that and posted it, I’m cringing a bit hard. For multiple reasons I won’t state because it’ll just sound like I’m bashing my work again...Just, hoping you’re not disappointed or anything of the like :/. Comment down below to tell me what you think ? Please.

[songketalliance]

“Kurus Sudah Lawa”: My Experience with Anorexia

“People could compliment my looks all they want when I got thin, but most days I couldn’t see it, and if I managed to feel good looking in the mirror, it would only last a brief moment because I knew about all the little flaws, the stubborn fat and stretchmarks I was hiding underneath my clothes.”

A contribution by Iddie Mo

People appear surprised when they find out how I used to be anorexic, either because I’m a pretty big guy, or simply because I am a guy.

While my mother was pregnant with me, she rapidly gained weight. The doctor felt it was necessary to conduct a caesarean two months prematurely- basically, yes, I was born that way.

There’s this idea of anorexia that people have, been guilty of it myself, where the person afflicted must be extremely sickly looking to ‘qualify’; the expression “you’re skin and bones” would have to be a literal description, or else, is it really anorexia?

My body didn’t look skeletal when the doctor gave me six months to live.

It’s easy to blame the media for unhealthy representations of an ‘ideal body’. While I won’t completely dismiss its influence, my main source of criticism growing up came from family, teachers and peers. These weren’t imaginary people on a television screen, pictures on some ad or magazine cover; they were people I had to interact with every day, the ones I’m supposed to trust and learn from the most.

In kindergarten, a girl had refused to sit next to me because she thought my fat was disgusting. There’re home videos of me crying because someone told me my hair was messy or my teeth weren’t white enough. I was an annoyingly sensitive child who learnt very early on that having good looks meant being respected.

Being big boned and having a very slow metabolism is an unfortunate combination, top it off with a bit of stress eating.

For years, family would pinch my body, waddle my chin, teachers would randomly ask me about my meals and laugh or smirk afterwards.

Eventually enough was enough and I got myself a workout VCD pushing myself to move more in a short period of time than I ever had before in my life.

It started out alright, but I wasn’t seeing the results that I wanted, so I worked-out longer. Instead of doing the work-out segments partially, depending on the day of the week like the instructional video said to do, I just did the whole shebang every day. More work, more payoff, right? “No pain, no gain”- so I made sure to feel pain.

‘Obsessive’ would be an understatement, if I missed a day, I’d double my work-out time the next day to make up for it. After some time, if I felt like my body could withstand the pain a bit more, I would take advantage of adrenaline and powered on.

There were days when I’d be working out for fourteen hours.

Logically, to “aid” my terrible metabolism, I’d have to burn off more than what I consumed, so I consumed less and then, illogically, way less.

My diet initially consisted of items like tuna, chillies, high-fibre crackers, cucumber sushi and a cheese cube. I would practice restraint by drinking lots of water and seeing how many days I could stretch these foods for, rationing them as if it were the apocalypse or something. Days where food wouldn’t be touched at all became more and more frequent as the illness progressed. Even when I experienced internal bleeding my crusade against fat persisted.

At some point, even being around the vicinity of food made me ill, the smell of wafting oily food cooking was especially bad. It felt like the oil in the air was attacking me inside and out, I had this disgusting image of the oils infiltrating my body and squeezing out like pus out of my pores. It made me want to rip my skin off; food was poison.

I was getting really skinny, but I have big bones so with clothes on I looked “normal”, but I still felt fat. I couldn’t believe I was thin, I really couldn’t “believe” it. The bit of fat that people would pinch was still goddamn there wasn’t it? So I must not be doing enough, I must still be fat.

You know those movies? Where the girl used to be fat and then she lost a lot of weight and she’s suddenly gorgeous and the target of affection by practically everyone around her? That obviously didn’t happen to me like in the movies, still;

I was treated better.

Folks spoke to me nicer and I would turn heads.

The ones who knew me since childhood were surprised and ecstatic that I had lost all that weight, I looked good and they didn’t hesitate to sing praises.

I’d even overhear people talking positively behind my back. It’s one thing to be complimented to your face, but when you catch people whispering behind you, saying stuff like how attractive you are, it is a huge ego boost.

I remember walking into the kitchen and my father suddenly having this big beaming smile plastered on his face. He told me I was beautiful. I gave him a sheepish smile asked him if he was sure he didn’t mean ‘handsome’. “Kurus sudah lawa”.

To my knowledge, my father had never called me beautiful. To my knowledge, my father hadn’t called me beautiful since then.

The euphoria from being complimented didn’t last too long though as I’d get too preoccupied with my ‘flaws’, too self-conscious.

“Could they see my fatty folds under this shirt? I should’ve worn two layers”.

“Can they see my stretchmarks? Are my arms waddling?”

“Shouldn’t have worn such a tight T-shirt, I must look like a stuffed sausage”.

Find myself subconsciously rubbing my “problem areas”, pinching the fat, scratching it. Sound familiar?

People could compliment my looks all they want, but most days I couldn’t see it, and if I managed to feel good looking in the mirror, it would only last a brief moment because I knew about all the little flaws, the stubborn fat and stretchmarks I was hiding underneath my clothes. I couldn’t seem to get satisfied, so my diet and exercise got even more intense, hoping everything would tighten up already, until the day I collapsed.

I was walking around in a supermarket and a woman in a yoghurt drink stand was offering samples. I thought to myself “Well I’ve been good with my diet. I hadn’t had anything in a while, might as well treat myself”. I accepted a strawberry yoghurt drink sample and that’s when it happened.

My vision started to go askew, my head spun; I tried to walk it off.

I fainted not long after.

The doctor didn’t hold anything back. He told me that if I didn’t stop treating my body like shit, I could possibly die in six months.

Should I have been shocked considering how badly I treated my body? I never thought the whole “you have six months to live” thing will ever be said to me, it sounded like something that would only happen in movies. I’ve seen pictures of women with anorexia, where they are so skinny and frail; it looked like a poke would break them apart. So I thought I was fine, my bones did not jut out as much as theirs, I still have “fat”- how could I be dying? This was my thought process, this was how I justified harming my body.

“Just eat” was easier said than done, most foods made me feel ill, but I had to get better. I started the recovery process by force-feeding myself small amounts of food, making an effort to keep the nausea at bay. Detested the idea of eating oily foods again, but I made a point to do it, because I knew I’d be confronted with all sorts and I needed to be okay with that. It wasn’t just my body I needed to fix; I had to heal my mind as well.

After the nausea issue lessened, my mind went through a tug-of-war, between all of my previous bad eating habits that included, the ones I’ve accumulated with anorexia nervosa and the stress eating I had before.

Took approximately two years after the incident in the supermarket, for me to be able to choose a meal for the taste, and not because I felt I needed it just for sustenance. This was a milestone for me- I considered myself ‘healed enough’, because realistically, there may never be a day when I’d be so completely comfortable in my own body; I am only human after all.

That being said, there were instances where I would catch my reflection and thought “I look good” and I let myself revel in it and work hard to push away the negative thoughts telling me I’m being so vain- I spent most of my life hating my body, I refuse to guilt myself for loving it.

In fact, I’ll go off on a tangent right now to overshare a little more and appreciate: my legs. I am a man who is proud of his damn sexy legs, these gams have to carry the rest of my (heavy ass) weight every day and it must’ve made them toned as fuck, my calves are chiselled; if Michael Angelo had a calf fetish, he’d love mine too.

Moving on.

When the weight came back, people’s attitudes did as well.

“What a shame” they’d say.

“Masa atu kurus sudah, eat less!”

“Ah, kau besar sebab malas tu, mesti exercise”.

Being big seems to give people this impression that they have some kind of right to explicitly voice out their negative thoughts and assumptions about you.

You’d think people would back off commenting on my weight after what had gone on, some kindly have, but the truth of the matter was most of them didn’t know or even considered anorexia a possibility. It was the early 2000’s eating disorders were still considered typically a ‘female issue’ and men need to ‘toughen up’ or ‘walk it off’. For the longest time, I didn’t say anything and partially convinced myself it wasn’t a big problem because, as a man, I should be able to handle it. So there would be those who rolled their eyes, not realising that despite being much heavier, I was the healthiest I’d ever been.

Now, I’m not saying that one should be delusional and dismiss the health benefits that come with being a certain weight, but while my body’s not perfect, I wholeheartedly believe that I have grown into a state of mind which is able to find a balance I could live with.

My body and mind are my responsibility.

To anyone who is going through any form of body dysmorphic disorder, know that your body and your mind is how you experience the world, no one else gets to be you. You can’t truly help someone who isn’t ready to help themselves, so when you recognise you’ve got a problem and you’re ready to get better, take control of your life, healing by your terms. You will have the biggest impact on yourself, be aware and choose wisely- understand and discover what that means to you- it is in my honest opinion, the best way to find some kind of inner peace.

Kurus sudah lawa? Sweetheart, have you seen these legs? =)

A contribution by Iddie Mo

Songket Alliance urges those with mental health conditions to seek out help, which are available in the form of school counsellors, in selected private clinics, as well as major health centres including RIPAS.

DONATE TO SONGKET ALLIANCE

Interested in contributing to Songket Alliance? E-mail us at hi@songketalliance.com with your ideas or article.

Like Songket Alliance on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

[graceandfamily]

Rita Gam: “My friend Grace Kelly”

A style icon who favoured old sweaters, the Hollywood star-turned-princess was full of paradoxes, friend and fellow actress Rita Gam tells Nick Miller.

By Nick Miller (March 11, 2012)

'THEY used to have stories. Today we don't have stories as good as that,'' says Rita Gam, 84-year-old star from Hollywood's golden age, sitting upright and respectable in her New York apartment as she remembers past roles. ''Even though some of them were B pictures they were terrific - nice stories, interesting.''

There would be a girl, well-bred but independent, glamorous, beautiful, stylish, make-up and clothes just so, admired, feisty. There would be complications, arguments, wit and danger and romance, and then the frame misty as she falls into the arms of a moustached older man, or a prince, then a wedding, a happy-ever-after or a tragic twist.

(Above: Rita Gam and Grace Kelly in 1956)

But I'm not there to hear that story. I'm there to talk to Gam about her close friend, Grace Kelly. We're inside a 100-year-old block in midtown, with an ornate facade, a concierge and that old New York attitude, in an apartment decorated with movie posters from Hollywood's prime.

It must be frustrating for such a successful film, TV and stage actress to be constantly interviewed about her best friend. But Gam only once looks at the absence of a watch on her wrist, saying: ''I've got another five minutes of talking about Grace in me and that's it.''

(Above: Rita Gam at 84)

I show her a book, Grace Kelly: Style Icon, published to accompany an exhibition curated by London's V&A museum and soon to open in Bendigo.

''Oh, this is very Grace,'' she says of the cover, from a 1955 Cosmopolitan shoot at the height of Kelly's movie career.

But when she flicks through the pages, her eyes are drawn to a casual Kelly on the streets of Manhattan, the Empire State Building over her shoulder, her clothes smart but demure.

''That's what she wore a lot,'' Gam says. ''Skirts and shirts. She was not much of a 'lunch girl', who would go to lunch and dress up.''

(Above: Gam [back row, third from left] at the wedding of Kelly and Prince Rainer of Monaco in 1956)

This is Grace Kelly: Style Icon (it says so on the cover). Adored by the public, sought-after by designers. Still the touchstone reference for the Oscars red carpet; the woman who bridged the golden age of movies and the modern era - the first modern celebrity, a Princess Diana-come-January Jones.

But talking to Gam, a more complex version of Kelly emerges. ''She was not a fashionista in any way,'' Gam insists. ''You've got to separate what was created by the studio system, which was a make-believe image of a goddess.''

(Above: Rainer and Kelly with children Caroline and Albert at Princess Stephanie's christening in 1965)

The Kelly that Gam knew exploited, then transcended - but never embodied - the public role that the Hollywood machine decreed for the leading ladies it owned.

Her life was a dance between image and reality, PR confections and real-life fairytales. Yes, she did marry a prince; but their first meeting was a contrived magazine publicity stunt. Yes, she was a fashion icon, but her private dress sense was conservative and her palace closets were packed with old sweaters.

KELLY and Gam met in New York in the early '50s as hard-working young TV actors and models. Pittsburgh-born Gam was married to a young director, Sidney Lumet, and Grace was the daughter of a well-to-do Philadelphia family (her father an Olympic medal-winning rower and construction millionaire), determined to make her own life in the performing arts, and succeeding at it.

They met on the sound stage of a show called Danger. ''She was playing some villainess or other - she was very cute,'' Gam recalls. ''We were introduced by Sidney. He said, 'Oh Rita, this is Grace. Grace Kelly, this is Rita.' 'How do you do?' ''

It was not a movie-star moment. ''She was a very nice girl - she could have been a kindergarten teacher. She had scrubbed clean, sympathetic looks. It's just when the camera hit her she became absolute magic.''

Others noticed, too. John Ford cast her in her first movie role after seeing a screen test and exclaiming: ''This dame has breeding, quality and class … I want to make a colour test of her - I'll bet she'll knock us on our ass!''

Gam and Kelly signed with MGM and became close friends when Gam moved to Los Angeles a year or so later. She had been put up at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

''I was very uncomfortable [there],'' she says. ''I was a woman alone, and if I sat in the lobby I would get hit on, and I was lonely. I would be calling New York and Sidney all of the time.''

At the suggestion of her agent, she called Kelly, who was on the cusp of fame as Rear Window, her second movie with Alfred Hitchcock, was finishing filming. Kelly was lonely too, having left behind in New York her on-and-off paramour, European designer Oleg Cassini.

''I called Grace and she said, 'Oh come for tea today', which I did. She was living with Prudy Wise, her secretary, a girl from the south. It was just a one-bedroom Hollywood apartment in the Hollywood flats. I don't know, we were just having tea and she said, 'Well, why don't you move in with us? Three is as good as two is as good as one.'

''So we did, I moved into her flat and it was rather fun, it was like we were sorority girls.''

In those days, Hollywood was ''a party town'' and ''pretty wide open'', Gam says, in suggestive but decorous tones. ''We would get hit on by industry wolves.

''I remember once, [Kelly] had a little gold Chevrolet, a couple of years older than was current, and [an acquaintance] said, 'Oh we'll send a car for you'. His name was Charlie Feldman, he was a big agent, and I said, 'Grace they're going to send a car for us'. I was on the telephone, and she said: 'No, tell them we'll drive ourselves.' I said: 'Oh, OK.'

''Well of course she was smart, we were in control of our destiny. We left that 'party' of four - two gentlemen, Charlie and his South American friend - and drove safely home down the Hollywood hills. [Kelly] was really much more wise than I was.''

It's a recurring theme as Gam remembers Kelly - a smart girl becoming a smart businesswoman who saw through the Hollywood machine and was fearless about imposing her own demands on it - in fashion as much as anything else.

''Basically, she was suburban in her tastes,'' Gam remembers. ''[Even as a princess] she had closets full of old tweed skirts that she hadn't worn in years, and many many blouses that had long since seen their day, and tonnes of sweaters that were well-washed and well-worn.

''She didn't have any particular style sense, I don't think. I think she addressed that as an actress. She didn't read a lot about fashion. [She relied on] not friends but professionals.''

Kelly befriended and relied on the studios' top designers. But she kept one eye on the result. In her first leading role (Dial M for Murder), even as she was learning how to act on film, she overruled Hitchcock on a costume decision, telling him that if her character got up in the middle of the night to answer the phone, she wouldn't bother putting a big velvet robe over her nightgown. She also had a fight with the make-up man who she thought was putting too much rouge on her. ''After that, I had his confidence as far as wardrobe was concerned, and he gave me a very great deal of liberty in what I wore in his next two pictures,'' Kelly said.

If style means anything, it's not what you wear, it's how you wear it. ''The subtlety of Grace's sexuality - her elegant sexiness - appealed to me,'' Hitchcock told his biographer. ''Grace conveyed much more sex than the average movie sexpot. With Grace you had to find it out, you had to discover it. Everybody wants a new leading lady but there aren't many of them around. There are a lot of leading women, but not enough leading ladies.''

Of their first meeting, Cassini later wrote: ''I saw her only in profile. I saw the utter perfection of her nose, the long elegant neck, the silky diaphanous blonde hair. She wore a black velvet two-piece, very demure, with a full skirt and a little white Peter Pan collar.

''Later, when she stood, I saw that she had a pleasing figure, tall, about five-foot-eight, good broad shoulders, subtle curves and long legs - a very aristocratic girl, not the sort you simply called for a date.''

The Hollywood system marketed her as the antithesis of Marilyn Monroe, whom Fox had recently discovered, feeding magazines lines that drew Grace as the all-American dream, a fine but approachable noblewoman who men wanted but women would also want to be: respectable, white-gloved, fine-bred and pretty. When Marilyn Monroe was asked what she wore to bed she replied ''Chanel No 5''. When Grace was asked, she replied: ''I think it's nobody's business what I wear to bed.'' Article after article punned on her first name.

Grace found it all amusing. But she told her biographer that this ''respectable'' image of Hollywood felt unreal, when the reality too often was ''full of men and women whose lives were confused and full of pain. To outsiders it looked like a glamorous life, but really it was not.'' After her Academy Award for best actress (tellingly, for her role in The Country Girl, in which she played ''a woman who had been married 10 years and lost interest in clothes, herself, everything'') she turned down most of the roles she was offered. The pressure and grind of Hollywood left her exhausted and disillusioned.

But she was also setting the mould for the modern movie star, taking control of her own PR from the studio. For Photoplay magazine she invited a photographer to take unprecedented candid shots of her and her sister on holiday in the Caribbean, in casual clothes and away from the studio's platoon of retouchers. The photographer Howell Conant wrote: ''You trusted Grace's beauty, you knew it wasn't built from clothes and make-up … [it was] natural, unpretentious.''

And then came her prince. Paris Match magazine set up a photo shoot of her with Prince Rainier of Monaco, as a promotion for its Cannes coverage. Gam recalls that the dress Kelly wore for the occasion she considers her biggest fashion faux pas. ''She would make jokes about it.''

Months later, Rainier arrived in New York. ''She called me, and she said, 'Come up for drinks on Thursday, I want you meet my prince.' I thought she meant her newest boyfriend and indeed it was her prince,'' Gam remembers. ''When I first met him … I wasn't blown over - you know, it wasn't Clark Gable, he was just a nice guy. He wasn't handsome, he was short and dumpy - [but] he was fun, he was well-educated, he had a good, funny British sense of humour, and he was intelligent, so I mean, what's not to like? And rich.''

''She was romantic, she would go with somebody for a long time and she was looking for the perfect person. And she fell in love with Rainier and that was that. She just allowed the romance of the times to sweep her away.''

This was the ultimate fairytale - the lavish royal wedding, the palace life in Monaco, dressed by designers.

And then there was the reality. More than 1600 reporters and photographers (more than covered World War II) turned the wedding into a mob scene. ''After the honeymoon she [and] Rainier slept for two days. It was exhausting and it took [them] a long time to recover from it,'' Gam, who was a bridesmaid, remembers.

''She didn't have a clue [what she was in for],'' says Gam of what followed for Kelly. The royal family forbade her from making any more films, which devastated Kelly. But Kelly was resourceful, playing the new role of princess in the same way as she had approached her movie career.

She switched from Hollywood's designers to the cream of the European fashion houses, and took to the kind of roles that princesses perform - benefits and balls, and patron of the arts.

''I don't think Grace changed from the minute I met her to the day she died,'' Gam says. ''She had an extraordinary PR sense and she had a strong sense of who she was and what she wanted to say. She allowed herself to be used by the talented fashion people of the time. And she enjoyed it. [But] I certainly don't think of clothes [when I think of her]. I think of friendship, I think of a loyal good friend, and somebody with a lovely voice and lovely face.

''You know, I see her very clearly, even though it's 35-odd years since she's gone.'' (Kelly died in a car crash in 1982.) ''She had a very strong presence … Everyone should have a friend like that.''

Grace Kelly encapsulated the latter part of Hollywood's golden age. At least, that's the legend, that's what people say. ''And well they should,'' says Gam. After all, it's a good story.

Grace Kelly: Style Icon is curated and organised by the V&A Museum, London, and the Grimaldi Forum Monaco. The exhibition will run from today to June 17 at the Bendigo Art Gallery.

[daebakinc]

Pennies and Dimes

Pairing: Minhyuk x Reader Genre: Fluff, Kindergarten Teacher Minhyuk AU Word Count: 4.2K Summary: Your surprise knight in shining armor turns up at a kissing booth.

           The instant Hani leaves you at the picnic table alone to find the bathrooms, he pounces.

“Hey, long time no see,” Greg says as he slips onto the bench opposite you, his disarmingly charming smile already in place.

So too is every single hair on his head and every thread of his clothes. You’d think he’d dress down for a primary school carnival, but Greg is still dressed to the nines. Everyone else got the memo for a dress code of jeans and t-shirts and floating summer dresses like the one you’re wearing. Yet here he is in khakis and a pastel polo. An almost carbon copy of what he wore in his profile picture. Really, that should’ve keyed you in before the first date. Why he was here, you have no idea, but you really wish he wasn’t.

           “Hello, Greg,” you reply, your tone painfully civil. Only the manners your mother ensured were ingrained in your very soul keep you from just walking away. Sometimes you wish she hadn’t raised such a lady. This jerk is no gentleman.

           “It’s been two weeks since our date.”

           “I am well aware.”

           “You never called me back.”

           “I thought my text was sufficient in indicating I didn’t want a second date.”

           “It was a good starting serve, but you didn’t follow up. Not a good way to keep me interested in the game,” Greg smirks.

           What the hell is taking Hani so long? Biting back a few choice words, you retort, “I think your giving the waitress your number after ogling her assets all night was end game enough.”

           He has enough courtesy to look a little embarrassed, but any good feelings towards him that might have been restored immediately go right back out the window when he reaches across the table to grab your hand. “Maybe I was looking where I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I’m a man with eyes. And I didn’t give her my number. It was just a little scribble thanking her for her excellent service.”

           You nearly choke on the bark of laughter you hold in. This guy really has some balls. He hadn’t even tried to be subtle. Not to mention you can read upside down and that heart he’d put around his number was big enough to see from the moon. “Let go of my hand, please.”

           “Come on, one more date. Just promise me one more and I’ll let go.” With a starry-eyed look he’s clearly practiced in the mirror like a B-movie love interest, he adds, “I think we have a real connection.”

           “The only connection we’re going to have is my foot connecting with your shin if you don’t get your hands off me.”

           Instead, Greg’s grip tightens, and he leans in, uncomfortably close. “You’re so sexy when you’re playing hard to get. Give me one more chance and I’ll make you the happiest woman in the world.”

           Someone’s watched ‘The Notebook’ too many times. Haven’t men learned that being this pushy is no longer appreciated, if it ever was, nor is it acceptable in today’s world. That is unless they want a restraining order slapped across their too touchy palms.

           “I said,” you reply frostily, in vainly trying to pull your hand away, “let go.”

           Finally, a scowl breaks his perfect image. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not hurting you.”

           Well, you did warn him. You sigh, already regretting making a scene at a children’s event, but he’s leaving no choice by ignoring your politer requests. Maybe the happy screams of children on rides, the hawking of vendors, and ringing of games’ winning bells will mask his yelp of pain. Just as you’re rearing back your leg as best you can, a warm arm slips around your shoulder and someone’s hip bumps into yours as they slide beside you.

“There you are, babe!” the man exclaims, pulling you against his chest with one arm and successfully breaking Greg’s hold on you. With your body stiff with confusion against his, he whispers, “Just act natural and we’ll get rid of this guy, okay? Trust me.”

At first, you can only think how good your strange knight smells, your face pressed into his neck. When his words register, you nod your head. This man can’t be any worse than the one you’re trying to escape.

The stranger’s breath ghosts across your cheek in a phantom kiss before he eases away from you. Keeping the arm on your shoulder in place, he shakes a playful finger at you while sporting a puppy pout. “How could you leave your Minhyukie hanging like that? You told me to meet you by the bumper cars ages ago! I got so bored waiting by myself with no one to play with.”

His childish tone has a cringe-worthy level of syrup, but his theatrics and clever way of telling you his name has you giggling rather than wincing. Jutting your own lip out and clasping your hands, you saturate your own voice with the same baby sweetness, “_____’s sorry, Minhyukie. Hani had to go to the bathroom and I was going to come find you right after, promise.”

Minhyuk laughs. His mouth stretches in a wide grin as he tucks an invisible hair behind your ear. “Ah, how could I stay mad at you, sweetheart? I just missed my baby so much I thought I was going to die!” He glances over at a stiff Greg and starts as if noticing him for the first time. “I’m sorry, did I interrupt a conversation with your friend? I don’t think we’ve met?”

“No. He’s just a guy I went on a date with once.” You lightly poke Minhyuk’s chest with a finger. “That was before I met you of course, baby. He just stopped by to say ‘hi’ when he saw me.”

“How nice of him.” Minhyuk squeezes your shoulder and smiles at Greg. “I suppose I ought to thank you then.”

The increasingly sour look on Greg face drops into a mystified one. “Thank me?”

“Sure. If you hadn’t somehow screwed up, I wouldn’t have had a chance with this beautiful lady. So, thanks, man.”

Minhyuk sticks out his free hand towards Greg with the most guileless smile. Greg’s face turns an ugly shade of red. Mumbling something, he shoves away from the table and disappears into the crowd.

Minhyuk waits until there’s no sign of Greg before he drops his arm from your shoulder and shifts a respectable distance away. Foolishly, you instantly miss his weight and warmth. Then, you catch yourself. You’re not the type to swoon easily. You’re too old for that.

“Where the hell did you find that guy?” Minhyuk snorts, still watching the crowd. “Did he leave his fedora at home this time? I thought they were permanently attached to guys like that’s heads.”

Without thinking, you dryly retort, “Trust me, they had to perform surgery in the doorway of the restaurant on our date to get it off. Very messy but it was too late. The douche venom had already leaked into his brain. The effects were irreversible.”

Minhyuk stares at you for a full second before collapsing onto the table, his shoulders shaking with full belly laughs. You can’t help laughing along, his amusement as catching as a winter bug.

“That delivery,” he finally manages, sitting up and wiping at his eyes. “Classic. Perfect. Oh boy, I can’t breathe.”

“Please do. I’d rather not be the cause of your death when you just saved me.”

“All in a day’s work, ma’am. I see someone as clearly in distress as you were, and I have to help.” Minhyuk gives you a jaunty salute. “Besides, he looked like a piece of work.”

“Oh, he was. I deleted that dating app I found him on as soon as I got home.”

“I bet.”

“Really though, thank you,” you sigh. You hold out your hand, “I’m _____, to officially introduce myself.”

He laughs again and gives your hand a quick, friendly squeeze. “Minhyuk, to officially introduce myself.”

As you shake his hand, you take your first real look at Minhyuk and find yourself captivated. You’ve seen gorgeous men before, but there’s something special about this one. If you had to settle on one word for it, you’d go for puckish. Humor and intelligence light his eyes and gives his already handsome features a quality Hani would probably label “umph!”.

You give your head a mental shake to get your love-crazy friend out of your head. Falling for strangers in her thing. Nothing wrong with it, it’s just not your thing.

Dropping his hand before you do something stupid like drool, you take a breath. “So, can I do something to thank you? Like get you funnel cake or something?”

“That’s really sweet of you, but it’s alright,” he says, waving your offer away. “No one should be having a bad time at a carnival. I really have to get back to work too.”

“Oh. Do you work here at the school?”

“Me? No, no. I do work at a school though. I’m a kindergarten teacher in the next township over, but my friend who does work here asked me to, well more told me-”

“Lee Minhyuk!” A man whose looks shouldn’t exist outside of a fashion magazine strides from between tents and gestures at Minhyuk. “Quit flirting for free and get your butt to the booth! It’s our shift.”

“Guess I really have to go now.” Minhyuk sighs and gets up, but not before giving you another smile. You wonder if his mouth is just one made for smiling. “If that ass comes around again, kick him like you were planning to. I’ll vouch for you. Try to have some fun though.”

“I will. Thanks.”

He waves and follows his friend. It’s sad watching his back disappear, but Hani quickly fills in your vision. Dressed in cherry red overall shorts, she’d be hard to miss even if she wasn’t inches in front of you.

            “Who was that?” she asks with a grin, enunciating every word for emphasis.

           “No one,” you immediately respond.

           “Didn’t look like no one.” Hani bends down, pushing her face into yours. If you weren’t good friends, it might uncomfortable, but Hani might as well be your other half. “Hmm, nope. Still there. Not a trick of the light.”

           “What are you talking about?”

           She bops your nose. “I haven’t seen you ever look at anyone with puppy eyes. Ever.” She draws the last word out while wickedly fluttering her eyelashes.

           “Oh, shut up,” you giggle, snapping one of her overall straps. “He was just someone who helped me get rid of Greg.”

           “Eww. He’s here? Why?”

           “Don’t know, don’t care. He’s gone now, thanks to Minhyuk.”

           “Oh, so Mr. No-one actually has a name?”

           Ignoring her comment, you say, “He was more help than you were. What the heck took you so long? Did you circle the whole carnival?”

           Hani’s smile goes from impish to sheepish as quickly as a summer storm.

           “What?” you ask suspiciously, narrowing your eyes and poking her in the ribs.

           “I found out there’s a kissing booth and I got distracted, okay?” Hani slaps your hand away and slumps backwards against the table. “The three people they have are gorgeous, baby. Gorgeous, I tell you, with the prettiest, softest lips. I can’t imagine what kissing them for real for real would be like. I’d probably die.”

           “Let me guess. You kissed all three. Multiple times.”

           “Just once each. The lines were so damn long.”

           “Language! There are children!”

           “Sorry, ‘Mom.’ The lines were so dang long.”

           “Better,” you laugh.

           Hani suddenly jumps up and tugs you along with her. “We should go see if the lines are shorter! Come on!”

           Because no one says no to Hani, you follow along as she leads you through the maze of people, tents and rides. As it turns out, the kissing booth isn’t far away, it’s a ludicrous shade of sweetheart pink canopy that’s a true stand-out among the other tents. The triple lines keep you from seeing the interior booth itself.

           “Oh, thank goodness! They are shorter!” Hani races to put herself at the end of one of the lines. She looks back to you and points at the lines on both sides. “What’re you waiting for? Get in a dang line. It’s all for charity!”

           Chuckling to yourself, you shake your head as you join her. You’ll admit the idea, the spontaneity, the blitheness of it, is a little exciting. Gods, you’re so lame.

           “Oh, right, here.” Winking, Hani presses a penny and a dime into your hand. “They’re doing a competition with some other booths to see who can raise the most money in coins. It’s a penny a second up to ten seconds, so up to your discretion.”

           “You went and got a load of change while you were gone too, didn’t you?”

           Your friend says nothing, only putting her hands in her pockets to produce a merry jingling.

           Hani keeps up a constant chatter as you wait in line as if sensing you’re having second thoughts the closer you get to the front of the line. A white with bright red hearts tablecloth covers the long plastic table. Someone rigged curtains in front of each of the three kissers for a bit of merciful privacy for shyer clients, but you catch glimpses each time they’re opened. A beautiful girl waits at the opposite end of the table from you. In the middle, you’re surprised to find Minhyuk’s friend, the model guy standing there looking slightly bashful.

The butterflies in your stomach flap harder and harder. You’re too nervous to sneak a look at the person you’ll be locking lips with in a few minutes. Instead, you focus on the large canning jar sitting a little to the person’s right. Judging from its generous collection of small coins, the booth is doing very well. You try estimating how much they’ve raised so far, tuning Hani out, but then it’s your turn.

When you lift your eyes as the curtain slides open, a soft “oh” slips out.

“Hi, again.” Minhyuk beams at you like you’re the one he’s been waiting for. How did he get even more handsome in no time at all. “Long time no see.”

“Yeah,” you giggle. Some of the butterflies escape with the relief it’s him, but they’re replaced by even more. Damnit, get yourself together, kid.

“So, what’ll be your pleasure?”

Startled, you ask, “Excuse me?”

Minhyuk nods towards the jar. “A penny for a second, a dime for ten. Lady’s choice.”

“Oh, duh, right.”

Hani’s coins burn into your palm. Just do it, you tell yourself. You’re a grown woman. It’s not a big deal to kiss someone attractive for one second or a hundred. Other people are doing it too, so no one’s judging. Despite your pep-talk, you chicken out. You tip your palm to drop the penny into the jar. But instead of one clink, there are two. Your hand is empty.

Minhyuk looks at the jar, clears his throat and flicks his black bangs from his eyes as he leans forward. Lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper so only you can hear, he says, “Technically we’re only supposed to do ten seconds, but I think I can get away with giving you the new friend special and bump it up to eleven just for you.”

“It’s okay, we can just do ten,” you reply in a rush.

“Nah, you paid for eleven, you’ll get eleven. Gotta be fair.” He beckons you closer with two fingers and like a bee to a flower, you obey.

You jump when Minhyuk pulls the curtain closed behind you. Unfortunately, he notices. Slowly bringing his hand back to himself, he asks, “Nervous?”

Sighing, you nod. You owe him the truth. “Yeah. A little. It’s been… awhile since I’ve… kissed anyone…”

“That’s fine. Kissing’s like riding a bike, probably even easier: your body never forgets.” Minhyuk gives you another look over. His expression and tone soften. He lays a hand lightly over yours, “You don’t have to if you don’t want. No one’ll know but us.”

That makes you laugh. “Trust me, my friend who dragged me into this will, so I better just do it.” Realizing your words could be offensive, you hastily add, “Not that I think kissing you would be something to “just do” or unpleasant. I mean, you are really cute, like really cute.”

“Thanks.” Minhyuk squeezes your hand. “Just lean forward and I’ll do the rest.”

Grateful for his taking charge, you do as he asks with one last jittery look at his pink lips and close your eyes. You wait with baited breath, every other sense heightened. The sticky plastic tablecloth beneath your tense fingers, the scents of fresh cut grass and confectioner’s sugar mingle, the sound of Minhyuk’s quiet inhales, the tingling taste of anticipation on your tongue.

Minhyuk’s finger starts tapping down the seconds when his soft lips brush yours. The touch is light, the very opposite of intrusive. It’s a kiss of a nervous teen unsure of its reception. Yet it sets your knees shaking so you have to lean against the table edge. The butterflies settle and melt, pushing your lips apart with a faint, feminine sigh.

Like a puzzle piece slipping into place, Minhyuk’s mouth adjusts to the new position. A hum, somewhere between a moan and a purr, rises from his chest to spill into your mouth like pure sugar. Your lips part again, seeking, and Minhyuk answers. The kiss heats, burning away the sounds that overcrowd the summer air and even time itself. Unbidden, your hand finds Minhyuk’s neck and clings there like it’s your only anchor to reality. Minhyuk’s hand that still rests on yours slides to your wrist and tightens as if to tug your closer.

“Minhyuk,” his friend’s voice hisses from outside the curtain. “Did you two suffocate in there?”

With the deep, heavy breaths you both suck into your lungs as you jump apart, you have to wonder if maybe you did. You can only imagine Minhyuk’s wide eyes and glistening lips are mirrored on your own face. The thin skin of your lips still tingles with the unexpected rush of the kiss.

“I think our eleven seconds are up,” Minhyuk says dazedly, his eyes on your mouth.

Neither of you have removed your hands.

“I guess so.” In slow motion, your hand slides away from Minhyuk’s skin. “Um, thank you?”

He withdraws his hand as well. Still a bit breathlessly, Minhyuk chuckles. “I guess I don’t need to apologize?”

“I was about to apologize to you.”

“How about we call it even then? Since it was mutually enjoyable.” His dark eyes fall to your lips again, lingering.

The thrilling swirling in your stomach stirs. You almost lean back towards him, but a floating hand reaches from beyond the curtain to poke Minhyuk’s shoulder, hard. It rudely reminds you where you are.

You back away, needing the distance to reclaim your head. “I’m sorry. I’ll get out of your hair.”

An emotion akin to regret flashes in Minhyuk’s eyes before he quickly hides it behind a cheerful smile. “What if I liked you being in my hair?”

Blood rushes to your cheeks. You can’t think of words, let alone a witty, flirty response. you back out of the curtain. Another woman pushes past you and into Minhyuk’s curtains with a giggle. You stand there, eyes frozen on the fabric, shocked at the surge of jealousy suddenly bubbling ugly in your chest.

It’s irrational. You kissed Minhyuk, but that doesn’t give you any kind of claim over him. Hundreds of people have probably kissed him since the carnival began. Who could blame them. You didn’t even know he existed before today. But you realize now that you do, you really want to know him. All of him.

Hani pops up at your elbow, all satisfied smiles. “So, how was the smooch?” she coos, nudging you with her elbow.

You study her. Hani is always encouraging you to take more chances, to follow your heart or dreams or whatever. Honestly, you’ve accused her of ghostwriting for Disney with how cheesy she can be with that kind of thing. Maybe your best friend is on to something though.

You must have gone too long without blinking because Hani’s smile becomes a puzzled frown. “What? Did my lipstick smear or something?”

“I need another penny,” you say, holding your hand out. “And that Sharpie you had earlier?”

Your friend’s frown vanishes into a brilliant smirk. As she fishes the Sharpie from one of her many pockets and hands it to you with another penny, you grab a clean napkin from a taco stand.

“Go get him, girlfriend,” Hani hoots as you get back in Minhyuk’s line, giving you a hearty swat on the butt for good measure.

As you shuffle forward in the line, you carefully hold the napkin so your damp palms don’t make the ink you hurriedly scribbled run. You must be crazy doing this to someone you just met, and admittedly kissed, but only the good ones are crazy. Or so you’ve heard.

When you finally reach Minhyuk, his eyes get a little bit wider and his mouth drops slightly open. Definitely surprised to see you, which very nearly makes you turn around and abandon your quest. But then that mouth that stole your breath with one kiss splits into a wider grin than any he’s shown you yet. It gives you courage to hope.

“Back-”

Stopping his words with a quick peck on his lips, you lean up to his ear as you slide the scrap of paper beneath his fingers. “Call me, if you want,” you whisper. Without waiting for an answer, you drop your penny in the jar and fly back out of the booth.

“You did it?” Hani asks, already bouncing when you return to her side. At your nod, she screeches in delight, earning more than a few stares. She could care less, grabbing you in a celebratory dance. “I knew I’d rub off on you sometime.”

“We’ll see if he even calls,” you answer, giggling despite yourself. Heady giddiness over what you just did has your body soaring higher than the flying swings.

“Pft. When he calls, not ‘if’ or ‘even.’” Hani hooks her arm with yours. “In the meantime, we passed a clay-oven fired pizza stand that’s calling my name. Now that I don’t have to worry about garlic breath, I can submit.”

To resist keeping your phone screen constantly lit in the fading light, you shove your phone into your dress pocket. Of course, not before making sure the volume is at its loudest and the vibrate function is on for good measure. As you wait in in line for the pizza with Hani debating on which toppings to get, you try to ignore the phone’s weight against your thigh. Willing Minhyuk to call you won’t do anything. As much as you wished for it when you were a child reading Harry Potter, your wizarding powers never manifested.

Indeed, you concentrate so hard on not thinking about Minhyuk that when your phone does ring, you jolt and squeal in surprise.

Hani’s hand dives into your pocket when you don’t move fast enough. She slides her finger on the screen to accept the call and thrusts it against your ear. Her own ear goes right next to it.

You clear your throat. Trying to balance calm and pleasure in your voice, you say, “Hello?”

“Hi. This is ____, right?”

Minhyuk’s voice is forever embedded in your mind, so you have no trouble recognizing it. “It is. I’m… really glad you called.”            “And I’m really glad you gave me your number,” Minhyuk chirps. “So, before this goes any further, I have a serious question for you.”

“Yes?”

“How do you feel about cotton candy?”

“Who doesn’t like?”

“Correct answer! Meet me and the cotton candy at the Ferris Wheel then.” Teasingly, Minhyuk makes a kissing noise into the phone before he hangs up. 

[bookloveravenue]

Bellamy Creek (book 2): Make Me Yours by Melanie Harlow

He’s my brother’s best friend.

The hot single dad next door.

And one accidental sext later, my massive crush on him is no longer a secret.

It’s my own damn fault. I’m thirty years old, for heaven’s sake. I’m a kindergarten teacher and a (reasonably) responsible adult. I should know better than to get tipsy and draft a fake text listing all the dirty things I wish Officer Cole Mitchell would do to me.

I wasn’t supposed to hit send.

He wasn’t supposed to see it.

And he definitely wasn’t supposed to text back telling me to go on . . .

Because after that, things escalate quickly.

Cole is everything I’ve ever wanted. He’s sexy and protective. A devoted father to his little girl. A dedicated cop the whole town adores. The kind of guy you can trust to keep his hands to himself, even when you’re desperately hoping he won’t.

I’m not the girl he thought he’d end up with, but after all this time, I might finally get the chance to say the words I’ve always dreamed of . . . make me yours.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/55871313-make-me-yours

********

November 23, 2020

My Review: 5/5 Stars

After reading Drive Me Wild I was so excited to read Make Me Yours so I could read Cheyenne and Cole's story! So good! I could not put it down. Cheyenne has been in love with Cole since she was a teenager. But fate took them in different directions for a while. Cole is her brother's best friend and in high school he had a girlfriend who he ended up married to. But tragedy struck when she gave birth to their daughter, Mariah. And since losing his wife, Cole has only ever focused on raising his daughter. But nine years later perhaps it is time for things to change. Things start shifting between the two of them and soon Cole isn't looking at Cheyenne has his best friend's little sister, but as a woman he is very attracted to and may even have feelings for. And after an accidental text that reveals her feelings and a bit more, things take a new turn. But the journey isn't easy. Cole worries about his daughter's reaction and his own buried anxiety bubbles to the surface. And Cheyenne's hope that Cole returning her love will end up being a dream that shatters into a million pieces. I just loved their story. Both of them had their worries and fears, Cole especially, and it was raw and real to watch them climb their way out of it and take a chance on love, happiness, and a new future. I am loving this series and I hope there is more! I definitely spotted what I hope will be the next book. And I can't wait!

[becbibliophile]

So here they are the top 5 reads for 2019. This year was a hard one to narrow down but each of these books totally took me to new levels in reading that I hadn’t ever reached before or hadn’t for a while. There is a nice mix of angsty, fun and breathtaking reads. And I hope that each of you checks them out and if you haven’t read them yet, add them to your TBR right away!

#WomensLit #SecondChance #Family

The New York Times bestselling author of Rainy Day Friends and Lost and Found Sisters returns to Wildstone, California…

Brooke Lemon has always led the life she wanted, wild adventures—and mistakes—included, something her perfect sister, Mindy, never understood. So when Mindy shows up on Brooke’s doorstep in the throes of a break-down with her three little kids in tow, Brooke’s shocked.

Wanting to make amends, Brooke agrees to trade places, taking the kids back to Wildstone for a few days so Mindy can pick up the pieces and put herself back together. What Brooke doesn’t admit is she’s just as broken . . . Also how does one go home after seven years away? It doesn’t take long for Brooke to come face-to-face with her past, in the form of one tall, dark, sexy mistake. But Garrett’s no longer interested. Only his words don’t match his actions, leaving Brooke feeling things she’d shoved deep.

Soon the sisters begin to wonder: Are they lemons in life? In love? All they know is that neither seems to be able to run far enough to outpace her demons. And when secrets surface, they’ll have to learn that sometimes the one person who can help you the most is the one you never thought to ask.

GOODREADS | AMAZON | B&N | APPLE BOOKS | KOBO

MY THOUGHTS

First off, Jill Shalvis… I devour just about every book she releases. But for some reason, I had missed this series and so The Lemon Sisters was my first book (Book 3 in the series) that I had read.

As I dove into the book I was immediately taken by these sisters. My sister and I were so close as kids, then life going in different directions tore us apart as adults. I think a lot of sisters can relate to this. Maybe it was the emotions of my real-life situation that made me latch onto these sisters and I was totally emersed in their tale. The dual stories of the sister who has detached from the daily life of the sister that is struggling with being a mom, a wife, a businesswoman and wanting it all to go so smoothly. It just all hit home in a very real way to me. So much of the storyline spoke to me and even shouted at me. I laughed and cried and sighed along with the characters. I started the book and didn’t put it down for more than 5 minutes at a time before I had to get back to see what was going on with Mindy, Garrett, Brooke, and Linc… plus don’t forget about those adorable children too.

This is a book on second chances, both with sisters and the guy. It’s about repairing relationships. Learning to love yourself and be happy with the life given to you. It’s about new beginnings and putting the past in the past. It’s a book I won’t soon forget.

#SecondChance #BestFriendsSister #Forbidden

There’s two sides to every love story. The how you fell in love, and the how you fell apart.

This is ours.

The cardinal rule of friendship is you don’t mess with your friend’s sister. That goes double when she’s his little sister.

It was just supposed to be fun.

She wasn’t supposed to end up being the love of my life. And I definitely wasn’t supposed to break her heart.

Ainsley is a wedding dress designer. That should’ve been a warning that she’s a hopeless romantic. That should’ve clued me in that she believes love conquers all.

But there are some things that love can’t fix. I’m one of them.

She thinks love is the answer.

But love is the reason I let her go.

GOODREADS | AMAZON | B&N | APPLE BOOKS | KOBO

MY THOUGHTS

This book… THIS BOOK!!! I cried… I laughed… I cried again… It had all the emotions and boy did I ever fall for these characters! Hands down will be in my top 5 for 2019. (SEE I KNEW!)

I’ve been reading Prescott for a while and this book is by far her best yet. She has a great way of weaving the story and grabbing your attention, making you feel each of the excitement of the characters, the passion, the remorse, the love, the grief.

This is a journey of two people who fall madly in love. Its a secret though, since she is his best friend and business partner’s little sister. But the moment these two connect on the page, you know they are destined to be together. But when tragedy strikes, is love, JUST LOVE enough?

I felt so much reading this book. I had to put it down at times to get take in the moments – the emotional pulls, the heartache and then the healing.

Although the book has some light moments, for the most part, it’s a heavy book. I had a good cry reading it. And fell in love with the hope that love can conquer all. Read this book. You won’t be sorry.

#ROMCOM

Cowritten by USA Today best-selling author Tara Sivec and award-winning narrator Andi Arndt, a hysterically funny, heartfelt romance about starting over and taking chances.

Nothing good ever comes from drinking a box of wine alone. So when I decided to entertain my drunken self by setting up some hand-me-down podcasting equipment and reading the steamy parts from romance novels, I never thought anyone would actually listen. The fact that I admitted my huge crush on my sexy next-door neighbor made the whole thing even more mortifying. But sometimes life surprises you, and that’s how my podcast, Heidi’s Discount Erotica, was born.

Now I, Heidi Larsen, a sweet former kindergarten teacher in Waconia, Minnesota, lead a scandalous double life reading erotic novels to the listening world. And with each episode, I find myself embracing my new alter ego more and more. Now I’m starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin and do things I never would have dreamed of – like kissing my neighbor.

Look out, Waconia, because Heidi’s on the loose! She’s in your ears, in your hearts, and down your pants…wait, that didn’t sound as good as it did in my head. Well, you get the picture, don’tcha know!

GOODREADS | AMAZON | AUDIBLE | B&N | APPLE BOOKS | KOBO

MY THOUGHTS

This had to be one of the funniest books I’ve ever read/listened to! This book was EVERYTHING and I recommend it to everyone who is looking for a fun, witty, excitingly sexy book.

A former kindergarten teacher steps out of her comfort zone, taking a job at an audiobook company. She becomes best friends with one of the biggest movie stars out there along with his romance novelist wife. All while trying to get up enough guts to approach the super sexy new next-door neighbor, that she feels she’s too plain jane to catch his eye. All while starting a podcast to help her take her unsexy to super hot!

Once again, being from North Dakota, this book brought back all the memories. The accents alone took me there. I just could not stop laughing!!

That being said, if you get the chance (and are part of the romance package with Audibles it’s FREE to listen to) YOU MUST LISTEN TO THE AUDIOBOOK!!! I was laughing like a maniac and I’m sure I had quite a few people ready to call the police on me as I was driving, wiping away tears and spewing soda out of my nose from laughing so hard (PS – Don’t drink anything while listening if you don’t want this to happen).

Get this book!!! The End

#FakeRomance #SiblingRivalary 

FROM THE #1 ‘NEW YORK TIMES’ BESTSELLING AUTHOR COMES AN UNEXPECTED LOVE STORY OF FAMILY, SECRETS, AND THE MOST INTIMATE OF DECEPTIONS.

My estranged twin brother, Julian, was always the wonder boy – and soon-to-be CEO of our ruthless father’s corporation. My mother and me? Left behind. Now, years after tearing our family apart, my father dares to ask “me” for a favor? Pretend to be Julian while he fights to survive a tragic accident. It can save the company. Nobody will be the wiser. It’ll be our secret.

I can play Dad’s favorite. I’ll do anything for Julian. And for my mother, who’ll want for nothing.

But this double life comes with a beauty of a hitch: my very real feelings for Julian’s fiancée, Isobel. Not only am I betraying Julian, I’m deceiving a woman I love. She doesn’t suspect a thing. As lies compound, lines are crossed and loyalties tested, all I can ask myself is. . .what have I done?

Because sooner or later something’s got to give. There’s no way I’m giving up Isobel. But once the truth is exposed, it might not be my choice at all.

GOODREADS | AMAZON

MY THOUGHTS

I think this book is RVD’s best book to date. It was filled with so much angsty goodness and I immediately fell for our hero (or is he?) Bridge. I understood his need to do the things he did (I know vague much? But I can’t give any spoilers away!)

The story is about twin brothers, Bridge and Julian, who were torn apart in middle school by their parent’s divorce and pitted against each other by their father. Full of twists and turns. Secrets and lies. Throw in a fake relationship and angst and you’ve got yourself a winner! Julian and Bridge are as different as night and day which makes what happens even that more intriguing.

Just know that you will be sucked into the story from the first chapter and if you’re like me, once you start, you’ll be putting your life on hold until you finish the last page. (Remember bookmarks are for quitters!)

Each book with Rachel gets better and better and I think Stealing Her takes her fans back to her earlier works. And the best part is we get book two in the series (each book is a standalone) in February of 2020.

#RomanticSuspense #SmallTown #LawEnforcment #Celebrity #BrothersBestFriend

Ok, so there are really THREE books that made my number one this year. All by the same author and all from the same series. I had too hard of a time picking just one of the books – so here you have the entire series, from a new author that popped into the Romance scene in 2019. And I see nothing but bigger and better things heading her way. The Sutter Lake Series by Catherine Cowles is my top read for 2019.

Beautifully Broken Pieces – Book One

A woman who’s lost everything.

Taylor is looking for peace and quiet away from the memories of all she’s lost. A small mountain town where no one knows her seems like the perfect escape.

A man battling the ghosts of his past.

Walker loves his life just the way it is. His town, his family, his brothers in blue. Everything simple and easy—until a chance encounter changes it all.

When Taylor’s solitude is interrupted by the rugged cop, they find that the very thing they were avoiding might be just what they both need. As their iron wills clash and passion flares…a killer lurks.

And you never know who might be caught in the crosshairs.

GOODREADS | AMAZON | B&N | APPLE BOOKS | KOBO

Beautifully Broken Life – Book Two

She’s on the run…

Tessa has finally found a safe haven in Sutter Lake, hiding in plain sight—just as long as no one asks too many questions.

He can’t escape…

Liam knows better than anyone how one wrong word, a single whisper can ruin a life. After seeing the darker side of fame, he’s desperate to retreat and find his voice again.

Two people from opposite worlds, brought together by a connection neither expected.

But the forces they’re both running from still lurk in the shadows…

And you never know when they might strike.

GOODREADS | AMAZON | B&N | APPLE BOOKS | KOBO

Beautifully Broken Spirit – Book Three

She’s always been his safe place to land.

Jensen has shared a special bond with Tuck for as long as she can remember, their friendship a language that never needed words. But as life threw her one curveball after another, that secret language turned to stony silence.

He’s always been her protector.

Tuck has looked out for Jensen since the day she was born. As his best friend’s little sister, he’s tried to keep her firmly in the friend category. But she’s always been more.

All it takes is one moment of weakness to send Tuck’s fiercely guarded walls crumbling to the ground. As a new fire burns between them, someone watches. Someone who doesn’t like the new life Jensen’s building for herself.

And they’ll stop at nothing to keep her in the dark.

GOODREADS | AMAZON | B&N | APPLE BOOKS | KOBO

MY THOUGHTS

Set in the idyllic setting of Sutter Lakes, Oregon, these books are interconnected standalone novels full of suspense and romance. Each book I was immediately thrown into the life of our main heroines – who all are running in some way from their pasts and starting new in this small town. They are strong, independent and a lot of the times stubborn, in both the good and pain in the ass way, paired with men who support and connect with them in just about spiritual ways. And all are super sexy (Sherrif, Musician, Tracker) and make a girl swoon.

Sutter Lake is home to a herd of wild horses which also play a big part in each of the novels. After reading this series, I promptly begged my husband to look for a job in Oregon. Catherine makes you fall not only for her characters but also for the scenery which becomes a character within itself. I can vividly imagine where these men and women walk as everything is painted so clearly for the reader.

Catherine has definitely become my go-to author for romantic suspense. You get lost immediately upon cracking open the book and she takes you and her characters on a journey that keeps you riveted to the page and falling hook, line, and sinker into the storyline. She had a busy year publishing three books with the conclusion of the series being published in early February 2020. (Beautifully Broken Control). These books were everything to me. Catherine is my most recommended author for 2019. And so, my number one book(s) for 2019 is the Sutter Lake Series.

I hope that you were able to find some new authors and books to add to I’m sure your never-ending To Be Read List. Be sure to enter to win a $25 Amazon GC below and Happy New Year! 

XO-

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Top Reads of 2019 /Books 5-1 Here they are my TOP READS of 2019... @JillShalvis @PrescottLane1 @TaraSivec @andi_arndt @RachVD @CatherineCowles So here they are the top 5 reads for 2019. This year was a hard one to narrow down but each of these books totally took me to new levels in reading that I hadn't ever reached before or hadn't for a while.

[just-jordie-things]

Mommies - Allison Argent

You walked through the kindergarten hall, admiring the cute finger paintings and drawings of animals (mostly puppies, but you did see a very elaborate scribble of a dragon) on the walls.  You smiled here and there, recognizing a few names.  Your daughter, Maria, and a few of her friends names.  The twins, Claudia and Annakin Stilinski, Jonathan McCall, Abigail Raeken, and Danny Dunbar.  Why Liam and Hayden chose Danny, was purely because Liam thought it was funny to say ‘Danny Dunbar’.  

But you weren’t here to inspect the amateur artwork, you were here to pick up your little girl.  School would be over in a few minutes, and usually your wife was the one to get her, but you got off work early and saw an opportunity to surprise Maria.  As you neared her classroom, the duckling class, the bell rang.  You smiled watching all the five and six year olds putting on their backpacks with a little struggle, and you stepped aside as they came out the door.  Then you went in.

“Mommy!” Maria looked up from where she was sprinkling a mountain of glitter, and ran over to you.  You smiled wide, and lifted her up in the air, spinning her around.

“How was class today munchkin?” You asked, and peppered her cheeks with kisses, making her giggle.

“It was fun! The eggs are going to hatch soon!” You looked over to where she pointed at the chicken eggs, and smiled back at her.

“That’s great kiddo!” You said, and set her down so she could go collect her things.  You watched her put on her jacket, all by herself, and even zipped it up.

“Hello” You turned upon hearing a female voice, and turned to see who must be her teacher.

“Oh hello, you must be Ms Louise” You said kindly, and held out your hand, she shook it with a smile.

“Hello, I just wanted to come say, if the parent or guardian isn’t picking her up, that there needs to be a signed form from the parent or guardian saying that it is alright to take her” The older woman said, and you furrowed your brow for a moment, then let out a quiet laugh.

“Oh my apologies, usually Allison picks her up, but I’m Mrs Argent” You introduced.

“Mrs Argent?” You nodded.

“That’s me, it’s a pleasure to meet you, we hear all about you at home” You said sweetly, and the woman just nodded.

“I see...”

“Mommy I’m ready” Maria said, toddling back over to you and her teacher.

“Well how lucky are you dear... to have... two....mommies” Maria just shrugged her shoulders.

“Honey, why don’t you wait in the hallway, I’ll be right there” You said, and Maria nodded, going out to the hall.

“Ms...Mrs... Argent, I’m slightly concerned for Maria’s...um.. well being, I suppose”

“And what sparked this concern?” You asked, defensively crossing your arms.

“Well, try and see it from her point of view.  A child with two mommies, in a classroom of children who learn to play house with a mommy and a daddy” Ms Louise said, putting her palms together and moving her hands about as she spoke.

“Forgive me if I’m wrong, ma’am, but this ahem, concern, you show for my daughter, has nothing to do with Allison and I’s marriage, does it?” You asked, raising a suspicious eyebrow.  “Because it would be highly inappropriate if my five year old’s teacher is telling me that the relationship I have is wrong.  I don’t believe that’s your place” You said.

Ms Louise said nothing, as expected, and you pulled a tight smile, raising both of your eyebrows.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me.  I have a daughter and a wife at home to attend to” You said, nodding curtly and heading out of the room.

“Mommy was I in trouble?” Maria asked, and you took her hand, and her My Little Pony backpack.

“On the contrary, you are not.  In fact.  We are going to go get ice cream, and bring some home to mama too alright? How does that sound?” Maria squealed with excitement, which made you smile.  “Come on munchkin” You tugged on her arm, and lifted her up, swinging the backpack onto your shoulder.  “You know I love you so much, right?”

“Of course mommy we’re getting ice cream” Maria giggled back.

“Your mother and I care about you so, so much.  Just as much as a mommy and daddy would” You said, and she smiled at you.

“I know mommy” She said in a soft, sweet voice.  “I don’t need a daddy” You were stunned too much to say anything.  “I know most of the other people have a mommy and a daddy, but I think having two mommies is more fun” You were tearing up, and hid it by kissing her hair.

“Don’t tell Uncle Scott and Uncle Stiles, but two mommies is way more fun” You said, holding a finger to your lips.

“Surprise mama!” Maria yelled excitedly upon handing Allison a hot fudge sundae.

“Ooh, and what is the special occasion?” Allison asked, pecking your lips and taking the treat.

“Gross!”

“Hush munchkin” You laughed, ruffling Maria’s hair.  “Now, eat at the table so there’s not a mess” You said, and she scurried off to the kitchen.

“How was your day?” Allison asked.

“Pretty slow actually.  Scott and I spent a lot of the time playing poker” You chuckled, and Allison rolled her eyes.

“I love that you guys get to work together and hang out, but I feel like you get nothing done” She laughed, and you shrugged.

“Well, I met Maria’s teacher” Allison’s eyes widened slightly, but enough that you noticed.  “Five minutes with the woman, yikes.  I don’t know how you keep calm”

“I’ve learned a great amount of control” Allison said, sitting down across from your daughter, and diving into her sundae.  “You know my mother was never on the gay boat with me” Allison said.  “I’ve learned to keep other people’s opinions away from my own”

“That sounds no-know-noble” Maria said, testing out her newly learned word.  Allison giggled.

“She is my knight in shining armor” You winked at the huntress, and Allison winked back.

“So you’re like.. the princess” Maria lit up upon calling you so.  But you snorted.

“Girly, I’m the freaking queen”

“Language” Allison scolded you.

“I’m sorry, I don’t recall saying a curse word” You teased.

“Yeah mama, mommy’s the freaking queen!” Maria burst into a fit of giggles.

“Hey, you watch your mouth young lady” You said, pointing an accusatory finger at the girl.  “We don’t use that kind of foul language in this house” Allison sighed loudly, and shook her head.

“My girls are crazy.  I don’t know how I put up with you two” You smiled, and leaned over to kiss the top of her head.

“Because you love us” Allison waved a dismissive hand.

“Yeah yeah” 

You were all ready for bed, in sleep shorts and a tee shirt, while Allison was in the bathroom brushing her teeth.

“So” She said with a mouthful of toothpaste.  “How bad was Ms Louise?” You shrugged, pulling back the covers to your bed.

“She could’ve been worse” you said.  “I kinda put her in her place.  Reminded her where our hard earned taxes go” Allison chuckled, and washed her mouth out.

“Well at least you didn’t rip out her hair extensions” She said, and you smirked.

“Hey, if Maria wasn’t there, a lot more would’ve went down” You said.  “Oh takes me back, you and me, the pack, fighting the bad guys” You sighed.  “You were so sexy with those leather jackets” Allison chuckled.  “Don’t worry babe, you still are” You pecked her lips sweetly, and Allison sighed in content as you both climbed into bed.

“Who knew our monsters would turn into homophobic kindergarten teachers?” She asked, and you took one of her hands, intertwining your fingers together above the blankets.

“I love you” You told her softly, and Allison smiled her angelic smile.

“I love you too” She said, before leaning forward and placing a long kiss on your lips.  “And I love what we have here, this family of ours” You nodded in agreement.

“Mm me too” You hummed, and pulled her closer, until she laid her head on your chest, you lying on your back.  Allison’s arm encircled over your stomach, and she hummed into your chest.

“I do sort of miss the old days.  Fighting the bad guys, saving the town” You smiled, running a hand through her short locks of chocolate brown ringlets.

“Yeah... those were good times.  High schoolers by day, badass team by night” Your smile grew a little.  “Werewolves and banshees and hunters oh my” Allison shook her head.  “Oh.., but you know the worst one?”

“Um...void?”

“Hell no, Stiles was never hotter” Allison burst out laughing.  “Jesus I swear he made me straight for a good three days”

“Tell that to Lydia” You shook your head.  “Yeah well some day you’ll be drunk and that little confession will come out, and you’ll never be able to take it back” 

“Ha.  My lips are sealed”

“Sure, you say that now.  But twenty bucks that Stiles won’t let you live it down” You just rolled your eyes.  “Anyways, what was the worst one?” 

“That stalker kid that was obsessed with you”

“Matt-”

“Don’t say the twerp’s name” You growled, and Allison chuckled.  “I remember beating the living shit out of him” Allison rolled her eyes.

“Yeah yeah, you just loved bragging about that, only all of sophomore year”

“Hey, the only reason my senior quote wasn’t ‘I beat the shit out of Matt Daeheler’ was because he died, and I didn’t want to be suspended”

“Yeah well my grandfather drowned him.  He’s gone now”

“God I just wish I’d been there” You sighed.

“You’re sick”

“I’m a dreamer” You said with a giggle to childlike giggle that just didn’t fit the conversation.

“Well maybe someday, something bad will happen and we can pull out your crossbow again” Your eyes lit up and you looked down at her.

“You mean it?” You asked hopefully, and Allison smiled beautifully with a nod.

“For your pent up anger, I do hope something attacks this town”

You both laughed, and you held her tightly and closer, as you both grew more tired.

“Goodnight” You hummed, watching her eyes flutter shut.

“Goodnight love” Allison whispered back.  It was quiet for a few moments, and your next murmur was barely heard.  But Allison caught it, as your lips moved against her forehead.

“That Matt kid was a little fucker though”

And you fell asleep with smiles plastered on your faces.

i could use a request, if anyone has any ideas? xoxo ~ jordie

[transstudiesarchive]

Voices (content warning)

I was so angry, and I tried to figure out why

I could not stand who I was, I made lists about who I wanted to be

When I was a child I wanted to die

“If I had not been raised to give my life away, would I have made such and effective, self-sacrificing revolutionary?“ (p.31)

Feeling safe is really sexy

“There was no place as a safe haven for a gay kid. The only option you had was a bar or to pick up a john to find a place to stay for the night” (7:29)

“Feminist and radical lesbian organizer” (p.17)

“I lived in terror that I might suddenly be seen again as what I knew myself to be” (p. 21)

“I stopped [wearing dresses] for a long time because the boys next door used to try and get fresh with me, you know, try and have sex“ (4:22)

I tried so hard to change

“Having learned the habit of hiding, I found I had also learned to hide from myself” (p. 13/14)

“I started wearing dresses at five years old” (4:20)

“I know that suffering does not ennoble. It destroys.” (p. 36)

“‘Just use that smile’” (p. 26)

“Resist destruction, self-hatred, or lifelong hopelessness” (p. 36)

“The reality of self-hatred and violence” (p.17)

“I could not see all the stuff they could use me for less than a book of matches” (45:58)

I often had to fight off my brother as they tried to touch me. They towered over me and they were laughing

“Those who cannot change their own lives have every reason to be ashamed of that fact and to hide it.” (32)

“But I think I liked the thought that someone would want to pay me, that’s what kept me in the business for such a long time” (45:48)

“[Jesus] listens to all my problems and never laughs at me” (6:05)

“I found out that boys do that when I was raped by this boy who was about, he was about 13 years old” (4:34)

If there was a god I would want him dead

“I had so much trouble, it’s a miracle I am still here I mean, honey, people used to come and bring guns . . .” (33:10)

I will not have sex unless I really want to and  at any moment

“Throw off conditioning of being despised” (p. 36)

“[Claim] the embattled sexuality I had fashioned on a base of violence and abuse“ (p.34)

“I have never been able to make clear the degree of my fear” (p. 14)

“My first mental breakdown started in 1970. It started falling down hill and it’s been falling up and down hill ever since” (20:09)

I will not be used

“I may be crazy but that don’t make me wrong“ (0:16)

“[Jesus] takes me very seriously” (6:05)

“Never expected to live forever” (p. 37)

“They want to give you nothing. Nothing. Not even a cigarette or a cup of coffee nothing whatsoever” (46:04)

“I believed completely that by remaking myself I was helping to remake the world” (p. 22)

“I have come closer to knowing myself as real” (p.14)

I had a sexual relationship with my psychology teacher in high school for a year while at the same time going out with my piano teacher. I was still afraid of boys.

“I could not believe that my body would ever be worth anything to anyone” (45:55)

“I did not think people had sex – period” (5:17)

Marsha was harassed and thrown into the river (Hudson River)

I was the strong one

I am demanding and uncompromising

I was my dad’s favorite, they said

“My mother said being homosexual, she thought I was lower than the dog” (46:52)

“He shot all of this sticky stuff all my over my legs” (4: 51)

“I hated the rule makers” (33)

“Claim my families pride and tragedy” (p. 34)

“I tried to become one with the lesbian feminist community so as to feel real and valuable” (p. 16)

“When I was five, Mama married” (p.18)

“I have loved my family so stubbornly” (p. 15)

“He [Jesus] is like a spirit to follow me around and he likes to help me out in my hour of need” (6:01)

“I never had to have to have sex with anybody for money ever. I just did it because I wanted to see if I could get away with it and I pretty much succeeded” (44:30)

“The prettier you looked as a little boy made up as a girl that’s the most money you’re gonna make” (17:46)

“I stopped talking for a while” (p. 18)

Marsha talking about having been shot “I’m dying, dying, dying but I ain’t dead yet” (45:24)

To save the world from self-destruction I need to understand my own

Degrading sexual phantasies was my body going to what it knew in a situation that did not fulfil my safety requirements

I have been fighting for my life ever since I remember

“Being a hooker is no easy business for no one, it’s one of the most dangerous businesses that you can be in. but if that’s the only thing you know how to do I’d say it’s a pretty sad story for anyone, you know, including myself” (45:27)

“The rage was a good feeling, stronger and purer than the shame that followed it” (p.13)

Making money “with just a little bit of makeup and have little hormone tits” (18:10)

I had to dissociate and make up stories in my head in order to have sex with a real person

“I have not married anybody in church since then cause I think he [Jesus] is the only man I could really trust” (5:53)

“I have known I was a lesbian since I was a teenager, and I have spent a good 20 years making peace with the effects of incest and physical abuse” (p.14/15)

“Butch/femme and leather fetishism is widely viewed with distaste or outright hatred. . . presumed to be misguided, damaged by incest and childhood physical abuse” (p. 24)

“I got married to Jesus Christ in church when I was 16 years old” (5:48)

“We had generations before us to teach us that nothing ever changed, and that those who did try to escape failed.” (p. 18)

My dad wanted a girl, my mom was relieved when it finally happened

I liked being in love and I went along

I wanted to be a woman, but I felt like a sex-less thing

“Victim of physical, emotional and sexual violence” (p. 36)

“I don’t think like that, but I know they would” (5:33)

I give and receive nothing that my body, my mind and my heart do not love all at once

“I would tell them I was a boy in drag” (34:18)

In kindergarten I was hiding in corners

“My sexual promiscuity” (p. 34)

Any indication of sexual entitlement is an immediate turn-off

“I am not only a lesbian but a transgressive lesbian—femme, masochistic” (p. 23)

“My sexual identity is intimately constructed by my class and regional background, and much of the hatred directed at my sexual preferences is class hatred“ (p. 23)

I regret having sexually pressured a partner during a hard time. I am sorry

“Her whole life she [my mother] never wanted to know” (47:19)

I was not safe at home. Thank you Frau Wieser for letting me sit at your kitchen table for hours

“The geographic solution. Change your name, leave town, disappear, make yourself over” (p. 19)

I was married three times and I refused sex over long periods because the love was not right, and I did not know the nature of my sexuality

I never got over my abuse but that’s because I get reinjured by the world

“[Police] always treated me like I am the worlds murderer” (36:07)

“After my stepfather beat me so badly it caused a family scandal” (p. 18)

“I began to suspect that we shared no common language to speak those bitter truths” (32)

“Mama miscarried, and while we waited out in the hospital parking lot, my stepfather molested me for the first time” (p. 18)

“The fundamental me had almost disappeared” (p. 16)

He molested me when my mom was in the mental hospital because of a nervous breakdown

I have a body now that belongs to me

“you should not have sex until after you’re married” (4:30)

I don’t hate my family at least not at the moment

A lot of space, no guilt trips and unconditional positive regard is really sexy

“Mama told me she really had no choice” (p. 18)

I love my mother when I can afford to, I feel pain about my father’s nightmare of a life

I had sex for the first time because I wanted to get it over with

“I had separated my activist life from the passionate secret life in which I acted on my sexual desires” (p. 16)

“Honey, I don’t believe you should have sex until after you are married” (5:45)

I might have been a pretty little girl, but I thought I was ugly

“Nobody promised you tomorrow” (0:18)

I want to walk around with no shirt on and be seen as a person

“I have been arrested about a million times for prostitution” (35:24)

I will not be used

I take myself very seriously and fuck you if that is a problem

“I was young and naïve” (4:17)

“I found out the prettier you look as a little boy or a pretty little transvestite, you can make a couple of little dollars“ (17:38)

“Some people could not believe I was not a real woman” (34:34)

I was afraid they would think I was frigid

Feminist and angry woman

They were 5 and 10 years older than me

“I don’t have to do the streets any more. Because I decided, darling, that it was not worth it” (44:24)

My father beat my brothers with a steel spring rod

“I found out that my body was worth some money those days” (17:33)

“Something he continued to do until I was past thirteen” (p. 18)

I love to live

They “pulled guns on me ‘I can’t believe you are a boy’” (34:13)

 References

 Allison, D. (1994). Skin : Talking about sex, class & literature. (pp 13-36) Ithaca, N.Y.:

Firebrand Books.

Kasino, M. (2012, October 15). Pay It No Mind - The Life and Times of Marsha P. Johnson.

Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjN9W2KstqE

  Voices of three women: Dorothy Allison (page numbers), Marsha P. Johnson (minutes and seconds) and I (none)

(cited in this way to keep it simple, my color coding did not transfer to Tumblr)

           My goal was to create access to the experience of child sex abuse through the creative voices of Marsha P Johnson, Dorothy Allison and my own. I prefer to have the words speak for themselves and I do not encourage readers to bother reading beyond this point. That said, I will give some explanation about my motivations to collect these words and let them speak together by presenting them in randomized order. My partner who understands computers and loves math, especially Bayesian Inference has randomized the lines for me based on the random number seed 56 (maybe you know what that means) which was the third lucky number of a fortune cookie I received today at a Chinese Restaurant.

           What I wanted to get at was something Marsha, Dorothy and I have in common: a specific form of socializing feminine bodies which is childhood sexual abuse. Although I do hold my father accountable for what he did I see his actions and the actions of his male ancestors as deeply socially conditioned and part of his own curse. The effort of making childhood sex abuse into an individual problem rather than a societal way of disciplining bodies is a convenient smoke screen. All around us we receive messages in words, pictures, sounds that tell us that it is ok to objectify women. The fact that increasingly other than female bodies are objectified is not a consolation.

           Why is this important in a trans archive? I belief that we are all trying to understand how we can escape the trajectory we are on and I hope that people who have genders outside of the norm might have a heads up in understanding the alienation that happens when femininity is disciplined to erase itself, to hate itself, to have no needs, and to be deeply confused about its own purpose. I belief that all feminine bodies are subjected to a measure of the same disciplinary action and that we are flailing to grasp who we are underneath all that. I am appealing to you because I feel deeply alienated outside of the circle of safe people who work hard to create a safe place.

[wp-yahoo-style-1042-yahoopa-blog]

Social Snaps (Week of Nov. 12, 2017)

Check out what your favorite celebs — like Heidi Klum, Alicia Keys, and Jennifer Garner — are posting on social media this week!

Heidi Klum

Suns out, buns out! The supermodel showed off some of her best assets as she shared this very revealing shot with her followers. “California dreaming,” she captioned the pic that, we’re pretty sure, will be in a lot of dreams after this. (Photo: Heidi Klum via Instagram)

Source: Yahoo Lifestyle

Mandy Moore

“I found these while I was scrolling through my phone. The very first pics of Jack and Rebecca,” shared the This Is Us star, pictured with her TV husband, Milo Ventimiglia. “Taken on some weird patch of grass (to potentially be used as set dressing?) during a camera test for the pilot. I remember knowing I was in good hands already with this guy. Thank goodness for him and our whole #thisisus family. I love them so.” (Photo: Mandy Moore via Instagram)

Source: Yahoo Lifestyle

Alicia Keys

“When your hubby graduates from Harvard Business School and you can’t stop looking at him in amazement,” the proud wife of Swizz Beatz captioned this shot of her man and his diploma. The music producer, who enrolled in 2014, finished his run at the school with a certificate from the Owner/President Management Program. (Photo: Alicia Keys via Instagram)

Source: Yahoo Lifestyle

Ryan Phillippe

“Sharing a box/plate (and dad forgot napkins),” the doting father captioned this shot with son Deacon, 14, as they wolfed down some grub at the Staples Center on Wednesday. The guys caught the Lakers and Philadelphia 76ers game, and it was a win-win for these Philly fans. “Sixers won and both suffered only slight indigestion,” he joked. (Photo: Ryan Phillippe via Instagram)

Source: Yahoo Lifestyle

Jennifer Garner

Love is love is love! “It is fun to know someone who has turned the world on its head with his creative genius,” the beauty raved about Hamilton creator Lin-Manuel Miranda. “It is inspiring to know someone whose every decision is driven by the right thing to do. Lin-Manuel spoke today about disaster relief in Puerto Rico. I loved every word.” She added the hashtags, “He makes me laugh, he makes me cry.” Same, Jen, same. (Photo: Jennifer Garner via Instagram)

Source: Yahoo Lifestyle

Halle Berry

“Sometimes the universe puts us in places where our souls most need to be in order to see more clearly,” the enlightened actress wrote while traveling in India. “So grateful to be here!” (Photo: Halle Berry via Instagram)

Source: Yahoo Lifestyle

Henry Cavill

“To you the fans, what can I say … you are incredible, amazing, wonderful people and for you I am endlessly grateful,” the Justice Leauge star wrote in a sweet dedication after the film’s premiere on Monday. “Thank you. These superheroes that we play are you and you are them. Your passion, your patience, your belief in the magic is why I do what I do. Thank you all for coming and for your support. Being on this journey with you is special beyond words.” (Photo: Henry Cavill via Instagram)

Source: Yahoo Lifestyle

Lea Michele

What a dill! “The best way to spend #NationalPickleDay – at @disneyland!” the Mayor star captioned this shot at the theme park. The Glee alum spent the day at the so-called “Happiest Place on Earth,” filming the Disney Holiday Celebration. (Photo: Lea Michele via Instagram)

Source: Yahoo Lifestyle

Carson Daly

“My mom and @jimmyfallon’s mom Gloria met in 2004 on Letterman’s top 10 Mother’s Day list,” the Today show host captioned this photo of his mom, Pattie, who died on Sept. 17, and Fallon’s mother, who just died on Nov. 4. “They would become fast friends. A NY visit would later always include lunch [with] Gloria. They had a blast together. I know they’re above proud, laughing and shining light on their boys.” Daly followed up with some sweet encouragement for his Tonight Show friend: “Hang tough pal.”(Photo: Carson Daly via Instagram)

Source: Yahoo Lifestyle

Lupita Nyong’o

“What do you get when you put a kindergarten teacher, her class, a musician of little talent, a child performer of lots, and some zombies on a farm?” the Oscar winner quizzed followers. “My new movie #LittleMonsters,” she revealed. “We are rolling!” (Photo: Luptia Nyong’o via Instagram)

Source: Yahoo Lifestyle

Sarah Hyland

Wowza! The Modern Family actress certainly isn’t keeping her relationship with Bachelor in Paradise‘s Wells Adams on the down low anymore. She posted this revealing photo of the two cuddled up in bed with her pup, Carl. “Two more reasons to smile again. My big [spoon emoji] and furry [spoon emoji],” she captioned the intimate shot. The cuties have just recently gone public, dressing up together on Halloween. (Photo: Sarah Hyland via Instagram)

Source: Yahoo Lifestyle

Brooklynn Prince

Gal Gadot made this young actress’s night when the 7-year-old breakout star of The Florida Project got to pose with the one and only Wonder Woman — who is one of her favorite celebrities — on Saturday at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Governors Awards. “This is the life, man,” the cutie beamed. “Better than a cruise!” (Photo: Brooklynn Prince via Instagram)

Source: Yahoo Lifestyle

Jennifer Lopez

Sunday Funday indeed! The triple threat needs her fuel, and showed off quite the impressive spread at her Sunday brunch. “Current situation,” she wrote, adding a “Sunday vibes” hashtag. (Photo: Jennifer Lopez via Instagram)

Source: Yahoo Lifestyle

Gigi Hadid

The model and her sexy boyfriend, Zayn Malik, celebrated their love — and two years together — as Gigi added this snap to her Instagram story over the weekend. (Photo: Gigi Hadid via Instagram)

Source: Yahoo Lifestyle

Busy Philipps

These two! The actress and her BFF, Michelle Williams, never seem to get enough of each other. “Guys. She keeps asking and I keep telling her, I’m already married!” Busy joked about what looks to have been quite the romantic proposal from her best girl. (Photo: Busy Philipps via Instagram)

Source: Yahoo Lifestyle

Ariel Winter

“Happy 1 year anniversary my love,” the Modern Family star wished boyfriend Levi Meaden. “I’m the luckiest girl in the entire world. Thank you for being the incredible man you are, and for making me the happiest I could’ve ever imagined. Here’s to many, many more. I love you.” She added, “P.S. your crazy butt is the only one who could ever make me agree to jumping off a cliff at a waterfall soooo yeah. I love you.” (Photo: Ariel Winter via Instagram)

Source: Yahoo Lifestyle

Jessica Biel

The actress hilariously shared photos of the difficulties she had getting into the netted dress she wore to the Baby2Baby Gala on Saturday night, before giving us a look at the final product. “The struggle is real,” she wrote. “Proud to support such an amazing cause!” (Photo: Jessica Biel via Instagram)

Source: Yahoo Lifestyle

[vkwickedreads]

In the Heir by Ruth Cardello

New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Ruth Cardello returns with an irresistible series about sexy billionaires and the strong-willed women who tame them. Brett Westerly is his father’s golden child, but it’s come at a cost. As head of the family corporation, he throws himself into his work—hiding in his office is easier than confronting the reality of his broken family. After a bitter divorce that split the family and divided loyalties, the wealthy Westerly matriarch offers an early inheritance to any grandchild who marries and invites the entire family to the wedding. Brett’s brother Spencer rashly gets engaged, and Brett knows it’s his duty to intervene. But he never imagined the unwelcome desire Spencer’s fiery fiancée would spark in him. Now the man who’s used to getting everything he could want has met the one woman he can’t have. Ever since she was a girl, Alisha Coventry considered Spencer and his sister Rachelle the family she didn’t have. When Spencer asks for her help, Alisha has no problem becoming his fake fiancée—until she meets Spencer’s sexy older brother Brett. The chemistry between them is undeniable—forbidden—but as their relationship deepens, Brett is determined to have her. Alisha only wanted to help the family make amends. Now she’s falling for the wrong Westerly.

Book 1 Buy Links Amazon US  ~  Amazon UK  ~  Amazon Au  ~  Amazon Ca ~  Available with KindleUnlimited  ~

Reviews by the Wicked Reads Review Team

Rachael – ☆☆☆☆ I have to admit that I can't wait for more from this group of characters. The surprises were unexpected and the pain was real. There is a lot of past that needs to be worked through and smoothed over if the family wants to be whole again. Alisha comes into the story because she is trying to help out a friend. She has known the Westerly family for a long time and is very close to most of them. However, things fall apart when she realizes that she doesn't want to live a lie. She's not that kind of person and it really bothers her. Brett, on the other hand, is used to being a work horse. He spends more hours at work than anywhere else. There is no such thing as giving up or not winning in his world. Then Alisha comes along and throws him for a loop because she refuses to give into his demands and she refuses to back down, unlike any other woman he has ever met. All in all, I really enjoyed the story as we watch two unlikely people find love in an unexpected place from an unexpected person. However, I will say that it did come across a bit too insta-love for my liking and it moved super-fast and in some serious steps that were way too much for me toward the end. That is the only reason why I found this to be a four-star read. Ruthie – ☆☆☆☆ This is the first book in a new series, but if you have read the Andrade books, this will strike a happily familiar cord! We first meet Spencer and his new (fake) fiancée Alisha, but as you will see from the blurb, Brett is the Westerly that leads in this story, so the twist is just waiting to be revealed. And it is worth waiting for, as we get to know this fractured family and the issues which wealth can cause and hide. I really enjoyed the peeling away of the layers and the artifice. Alisha is a great character, with plenty of strength given her past, yet also vulnerable in the face of the Westerly family. It was impossible to not be happy that she got everything that she deserved and from a man who finally understood that family is what you make it, not what it costs you. I am looking forward to Stephanie and Delinda interfering in the future storylines!

Ruth Cardello was born the youngest of eleven children in a small city in northern Rhode Island. She lived in Boston, Paris, Orlando, and New York before coming full circle and moving back to Rhode Island, where she lives with her husband and three children. Before turning her attention to writing, Ruth was an educator for twenty years, eleven of which she spent as a kindergarten teacher. She is the author of seven previous novels including Bedding the Billionaire, which was a New York Times and USA Today bestseller. Connect with Ruth Facebook  ~  Twitter  ~  Website  ~  Goodreads

Reviewers on the Wicked Reads Review Team were provided a free copy of In the Heir (Westerly Billionaire #1) by Ruth Cardello to read and review.

[mexicoetc]

'Jack Teacher, is time real or is it an illusion?' - Ji-hoon (8 years old)

I went with the hagwon job - location, energy, and mornings - over the kindergarten job - money, soul, and evenings. What with the director’s slightly cryptic emails I wasn’t 100% sure I’d been officially offered the position, so I emailed the American woman who works there and who’d conducted my Skype interview. She was like, ‘Yeh, you’ve got the job. The director trusts my recommendations, and you were the best candidate.’ I asked how many she’d interviewed. She said eight . . I beat all those cunts to it? Really? . . Oh yeh, that’s right: I am capable of making a good impression, especially if the target’s got a brain in their canister. I’d forgotten that, after three years of having my every social interaction lambasted, being called a sociopath, told to 'be nicer’, smile more, laud the vapid, shun the mercurial, French-kiss sophistry, take reason round back and shoot it in the head etc etc.

So tango classes. I booked two ninety-minute private lessons with this very short bald Irish man called Gerry, whose accent had softened to near nonexistence after 16 years teaching tango here, and what I guess was his wife, a dark-skinned and skeletal Argentinian woman called Lucía, who had an infectious but also lunatic smile, and was incidentally the oldest person I’ve ever seen wearing braces - both more than lovely and utterly recommendable.

I’ve done things where the footwork was important before (boxing, hapkido) so working through wiring steps into my muscle memory wasn’t anything new, but when I was asked to do it to the beat of the music, that was. I don’t even know what it means when people say that. I have zero grasp. The fact that my grandad could play the piano by ear is incomprehensible to me. Gerry said that that’s simply not having the confidence to feel the dance rather than think it. And he might have been right. I knew and said to them that in my case confidence was probably more than half the battle, that if I could just feel comfortable moving around and doing simple steps, that would make me happier than if I was actually good at tango but still loath to do it. Gerry said I could get to that level in a few months if I kept learning in Korea, because I was picking it up much quicker than most, and I thought, Come on mate, lies make baby Jesus cry.

It was obvious from the first ninety minute class that tango is something that would take years of assiduity to get any good at. The way Gerry would say, 'Push her with your hand,’ and then when I did that, add, 'When we say push we don’t mean push.’ Oh fucking hell mate: pick up your socks, don’t pick your nose; treat me like a princess, treat me like a whore; do as I say, don’t be a pushover. It’s fine, I get it. I wouldn’t be able to explain how to put a pass on someone’s toe from twenty-five yards, or score a one-on-one, or pot a difficult black. I’d be like, 'Think but don’t think.’ And how long did it take for me to be able to do those things? Well football was all I did every lunchtime from about age 8 to age 16, and as far as I remember I played pool at least two hours a day all the way through year 8 and 9 under the tutelage of the hilarious and psychotic Andy Hardy, who had a full-sized snooker table in his house and whom I personally saw hit breaks of over 50 at least ten times; who got me so good that we used to hustle the year 11’s.

I did notice a little more fluidity in my movements during the second class, which was cool, and I decided to do a third class with all these other couples, after which we would all go to a Milonga. Last night, watching the couples galumphing around crippling each other’s toes in the dancehall of a rundown terrace whose caretaker looked like a thallium-spiked Jeremy Irons, I thought that maybe Gerry hadn’t been lying when he said I was picking it up quickly. Then again, I’d been dancing with him and Lucía, and they were probably elevating me. For all of the couples it was their first class and I kept being referred to by the teachers as 'the expert’ amongst them. Every time they said it I went rubicund with shame, thinking, Please stop saying ludicrous things that make everyone turn to me. I might die. I might die.

The Milonga was cool (free booze), but watching the ordinary people dancing incredibly on the floor - the commonplace, the lanky, the squat, the potbellied, even the frankly ugly - made sexy by their confidence and grace was quite depressing personally. Whenever I learn something, at whatever stage of learning I’m at, the nice sense of progress is always tainted somewhat by the regret that I didn’t learn it earlier. Boxing and hapkido: 'Why didn’t I learn this when I was eight? That way I wouldn’t have gone through school perpetually terrified that one day everyone might suddenly work out I only looked psychotic.’ Even though, as my dad said, 'But they never did, did they.’ Korean: 'Why didn’t I learn a weird language when I was in my teens busy cursing the waste of time every other subject was apart from literature and history? I’d be bilingual by now.’ Tango: 'Why didn’t I learn to dance as soon as I was aware that dancing was the thing most mortifying to me, i.e. fucking donkey’s years ago?’

It would be quite tempting to end this blog by miserably repeating what the amazingly named Benny Profane says in Thomas Pynchon’s V before he disappears from the chaotic narrative: 'Offhand I’d say I haven’t learned a goddamn thing.’ I mean, outside of my Central American capitals, which I confess were shaky, I haven’t; my Spanish has gotten worse; I’ve had most stereotypes reinforced; I’ve continued to use Tinder even after my first experience showed that after fucking a girl I don’t like or even know, even if she’s hot, I get back home hollow as hollow can be, thinking, God, I wish I was dead. However, I began this blog by saying that time doesn’t exist, but that it’s hard to concur when you’re swamped with regret, and I’m finding it hard to concur again, because time allegedly heals all wounds, and during these last four months a lot of healing has gone on. I’ve slit myself open with razors and wrung out accumulated poisons; I’ve sat quite still and thought myself to madness; I’ve walked and walked; my plantar fasciitis has disappeared; from my writing, the painful cliches and mundane longueurs and strained metaphors and precocious phrases and alliteration for its own sake have all been sniffed out, extracted, and liquidated without trial.

How can healing have gone on if I haven’t learnt anything? It’s possible to do so (I could fix my plantar fasciitis then aggravate it again, or get into another toxic relationship), but in this case I feel the answer is that of course learning has gone on, only it hasn’t been anything to do with the Americas - these places have merely provided the temporal and spatial dislocation that facilitates it … I can’t go back to 1999 and learn to fight and speak Chinese and dance, but I can go back to Korea. And now, having learned a little about myself and how I related to that country, I feel I deserve another crack. It started off so well, and I got as lost as I wanted to, but then I got so lost I lost myself. I got bitter, and rallied too much against things that didn’t matter. I’m not gonna do that anymore. I’ll do the peace sign in photos, I won’t get annoyed when people ask me if I’m cold, if a girl I’m dating wants us to wear identical t-shirts, I’ll just do it. It’ll be a return exactly four years on from when I first arrived - similar job, similar circumstances - and I feel that this time it won’t be John Terry taking the fifth penalty, but Didier Drogba.