#that the venn diagram of things i can read aloud to my peers; things the teacher wants me to write; and things i can write 650 words about

[blizzposts]

me but its an email to my english teacher that reads:

"hey sorry i didn't do the reading response, five sets of workshop comments, seven daily warm-ups that could be a whole assignment on their own, and essay based on extremely vague prompts that convey nothing about what they actually expect from you (a traumadump in MLA format) that i have to read aloud to eight classmates i've genuinely never spoken to before-----

i'm too busy thinking about every step i take while getting on and off the bus so i don't collapse and faceplant into the concrete, remembering to take my adderall in the middle of a busy school day, hauling keyboards that when in their cases are legit taller than me and possibly as heavy as me, taking 2 makeup tests for gov, practicing for 2 hours a day as required by audition prep, learning how to work a needle and syringe on myself, making sure my hands aren't doing The Thing because they started tingling randomly for the third time since lunch, continuing to put away benches for jazz band despite being fully aware that all the color has drained from my face and i look and feel like i'm actually going to drop dead on the tile floor, trying not to make a face when the orchestra teacher plays one of them real high notes badly just for funzies, noticing that my teeth have moved, ignoring the random flea-bites feeling every 2-5 minutes (there are no fleas, i always check), concentrating on doing my best Normal Guy smile every time i accidentally make eye contact with someone, trying to remember anything that happened last night, trying to remember anything that happened this morning, trying to remember my interests and the events of my own life, attempting to meet the deadlines (next week) for a drawing and a painting, thinking about my sister, trying not to think about my father, figuring out how to tell all my friends i started testosterone, putting words together like legos to attempt to convey the infinitely complex thoughts in my head, saying a bunch of complex words about the kindergarten level thoughts in my head, figuring out what to do for my gov midterm, reminding myself to ask my stand partner what order the songs are in for the 2 upcoming concerts, figuring out why my music maker ipad app won't let me use certain sound packs without wifi, checking if i actually turned my headphones off or if i just thought about it, hauling my ass to bed on time, trying not to just start actually rocking back and forth in my chair in english class (source: nervous, autism), deciding if my fun fact is cool or if it will freak people out, finding out if someone actually called my name from down the hallway or i just hallucinated it, remembering that whipping out the pocket knife to cut my fingernails because they were hitting the keys when i was playing piano is Weirdo Freak behavior, apologizing to my mom for making us late to the bus stop in the morning and not changing the behavior because the behavior is called having ADHD and chronic fatigue syndrome, hauling ass out of bed every morning, trying to minimize the loud obnoxious squeaking of the (broken) wheels of my backpack shitty target suitcase, finding out which teachers know about which diagnoses, finding out which teachers give a shit, reminding the sophomores in my painting class that i am in fact several years older than them, constantly apologizing for the possibility of sounding mean because i genuinely do not know how my words and actions are interpreted by other people, holding back tears like an idiot while apologizing seven consecutive times to my mom who got mad at me for "my really mean tone" that i genuinely was not aware of, being suddenly constantly aware of my tone of voice when i'm speaking (but still having no idea if it's the Right One), and trying to remember all the dwindling reasons why The World Really Is A Good Place.

all with a brain designed to see image and make a silly noise.

tragic apologies,

-marco"

[painted-crow]

What's the difference between asking for advice (Bird) and asking for help (Badger)? I see them as kind of the same, especially since a lot of my problems (medical stuff, writing, etc) aren't ones people can really directly help with. I usually ask for help/advice and then handle the actual task myself. If someone does offer to directly help, it's an unexpected bonus, like my friend offering to help get something from IKEA. I was just asking if she thought it would fit in my car.

There's some overlap, but it sounds like you're more on the Bird end of that Venn diagram.

"Do you think this would fit in my car?" -> asking for advice

"Will you come with me in your pickup?" -> asking for help

It's possible that you don't usually think of ways people can help you directly, because that's not how you usually do things! I can think of ways people might directly help with the writing process, for example (beta readers being the most common example of your friends/peers giving hands-on help), but there's actually a book I wanna dig up and quote for this so bear with me.

From Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

I’m friends with Brené Brown, the author of Daring Greatly and other works on human vulnerability. Brené writes wonderful books, but they don’t come easily for her. She sweats and struggles and suffers throughout the writing process, and always has. But recently, I introduced Brené to this idea that creativity is for tricksters, not for martyrs. It was an idea she’d never heard before. (As Brené explains: “Hey, I come from a background in academia, which is deeply entrenched in martyrdom. As in: ‘You must labor and suffer for years in solitude to produce work that only four people will ever read.’”)

But when Brené latched on to this idea of tricksterdom, she took a closer look at her own work habits and realized she’d been creating from far too dark and heavy a place within herself. She had already written several successful books, but all of them had been like a medieval road of trials for her—nothing but fear and anguish throughout the entire writing process. She’d never questioned any of this anguish, because she’d assumed it was all perfectly normal. After all, serious artists can only prove their merit through serious pain. Like so many creators before her, she had come to trust in that pain above all.

But when she tuned in to the possibility of writing from a place of trickster energy, she had a breakthrough. She realized that the act of writing itself was indeed genuinely difficult for her . . . but that storytelling was not. Brené is a captivating storyteller, and she loves public speaking. She’s a fourth-generation Texan who can string a tale like nobody’s business. She knew that when she spoke her ideas aloud, they flowed like a river. But when she tried to write those ideas down, they cramped up on her.

Then she figured out how to trick the process.

For her last book, Brené tried something new—a super-cunning trickster move of the highest order. She enlisted two trusted colleagues to join her at a beach house in Galveston to help her finish her book, which was under serious deadline.

She asked them to sit there on the couch and take detailed notes while she told them stories about the subject of her book. After each story, she would grab their notes, run into the other room, shut the door, and write down exactly what she had just told them, while they waited patiently in the living room. Thus, Brené was able to capture the natural tone of her own speaking voice on the page—much the way the poet Ruth Stone figured out how to capture poems as they moved through her. Then Brené would dash back into the living room and read aloud what she had just written. Her colleagues would help her to tease out the narrative even further, by asking her to explain herself with new anecdotes and stories, as again they took notes. And again Brené would grab those notes and go transcribe the stories.

Isn't that the most Badger secondary workflow you've ever heard? 😂