#that tape where she denies having a crush on bb
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fancyshooting · 1 year ago
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I got a few asks after my post explaining why I wasn't entirely convinced ocelot was canonically in love with bb. I'm not going to answer any of them. sorry. we'd be going round in circles and I don't want to drag this out or have it become a big THING. interpreting their relationship/ocelot's feelings as romantic is not without basis but it's not really how I see it anymore after reading so much about him, especially after learning that all of the japanese words for love used in relation to ocelot do not have exclusively romantic connotations and carry more nuance than eg. "fallen for him?" does in english. there are other examples of this from guidebooks/interviews, etc. that have come up while putting japanese text through online translators. in the mgs3 scenario book, the script note (all major ocelot script notes here) on ocelot's feelings after snake defeats his entire unit and lectures him on his technique is:
オセロットはこの時の強烈すぎる屈辱でスネークに惹かれる。
The initial result from deepl is:
"Ocelot is attracted to Snake because of the intense humiliation of this moment."
if the words "attracted to" were used in english, the implication would be pretty clear in this context - ocelot has a crush on bb. however, if you look up the japanese word used here - 惹かれる -the meaning is actually closer to charmed by/fascinated by/captivated by/drawn to - none of which are exclusively romantic. "attracted to" still technically fits but is a very literal translation. a more suitable choice would be one of the above because an english audience would commonly associate the phrase "attracted to" with romantic or sexual feelings
if ocelot could ever be described as having a crush, it would be in mgs3, when he first meets bb. in japanese, that type of passionate love would apparently be described as 恋 (koi). this is never used to describe ocelot but it is used to describe volgin and raikov, who are confirmed lovers:
大佐とイワン少佐は恋仲。
"Colonel and Major Ivan are in love."
恋仲 - being in love with each other
when ocelot is described as "longing for snake", the word for "longing" used is 憧れる, the main meaning of which relates to admiration. according to this page, it can also have romantic connotations but 焦がれる is more frequently used to express that
it seems a deliberate choice to make ocelot's feelings ambiguous by selecting words that convey a complex range of emotions rather than stating them to be outright romantic. the words used always have alternate meanings unrelated to romantic love, which is why I'm hesitant to acknowledge "ocelot is in love with bb" as solid concrete definite 100% canon, seeing as I'm incapable of understanding the nuance of japanese as a native english speaker. as far as I'm able to understand, it's up to individual interpretation imo
whether you believe ocelot's feelings for bb were romantic or not, we can still agree that everything he did for him was out of some form of love, that type being 愛 (ai) - the deep, unconditional love that might drive a person to dedicate their entire life to another and alter their mind and body to enact their will of eternal global warfare. aww <3
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bakutae · 4 years ago
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second button
pairing: ushijima wakatoshi x reader
context: where he gave away his second button of his school uniform after graduation to a girl, and it's not you
author's note: my first haikyuu fic 🥺 i hope you like itttt this is a special little fic for my bb @shiggywiggy whom i got inspiration for this fic from 🙆‍♀️ also, sorry this fic took so long! i was busy revising for an exam the entirety of this week so-
guys i swear this will be the third and final time i'm reposting this fic 😩 a biiig thank you to @tamasoft for telling me to lessen down my tags 🥺
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The gentle breeze that blew by tousled your hair along with it, stirring some dead leaves lying lifelessly on the floor from their slumber.
Soon, leaf by leaf, the leaves start to dance along with the wind, the bright morning reflecting off rays of sunshine, coloring them streaks of white, blinding you.
A somewhat comforting hum reflected into your ears and you tucked a lock of hair behind it, sighing in satisfaction as you made your way to school, a certain sense of determination hanging from the atmosphere.
Today, you were going to do it.
No regrets, no hesitation. Nothing.
You were going to muster up all the courage you tried to desperately hang on to and walk up to him, with a totally not awkward smile plastered on your face as your face heated up automatically, without any command, and you will tell him how you felt.
Well, indirectly, at least. It was the method where your heart would not explode from nerves.
Asking for his second button of his uniform was practically a confession already, and your heart clenched in excitement as the moment edged closer as the school began to fill your line of sight.
There was no reason he would say no.You had noticed how he had looked at you before, you weren't going to deny that. He probably thought he was slick though, with his right hand holding up his chin, looking at you from his seat at the back of the classroom.
What he didn't know, was that you weren't actually looking at your friend while talking to her whilst facing Ushijima, since that was where your friend conveniently was when she initiated the conversation.
As her distinct chatter about her newfound boyfriend faded out into the background, you let out a tiny gasp when your eyes flickered over to meet his for a split second.
He instantly broke off the eye contact and your lips curled upwards. Catching your friend off guard, you stood up aggressively, accidentally slamming your delicate hands on your table and a wince slipped past your lips.
Silence filled the classroom for a while as your classmates threw incredulous looks in your direction and you raised a hand in apology.
"Why'd you suddenly stand up like that, y/n? That's so unlike you. Anyways, did you know that Kai brought me to get taiyaki yesterday? And since he was broke he could only get one for us to share! Romantic much?"
Seeming to have recovered from her moment of briefly stun, she continued to blabber on about her lover, euphoria brightening up her features significantly and you nodded, though clueless as to what she had been talking about ever since her presence was grandly made by herself.
You then noticed the slight blush that tinted over Ushijima's cheekbones and your eyes widened. Ushijima has never looked any better, with the bright sunlight seemingly shining on him and him only in the dull classroom.
Eyes tracing over his facial features, you admired his eyes that were currently glued to the floor in obvious boredom, but it could be from the embarrassment too, you wouldn't know.
His brown orbs, brighter than ever now that some holy light was shining on him.It almost seemed as though his eyes were slightly... diluted. Your heart took flight at the newfound observation. After all, you had read up that if a guy's pupils dilated while looking at you, it was a sign that he liked you.
Anyway, he wouldn't be romantically attracted to the floor right?
"I'm heading over to Ushi's table, uh maybe we can catch up later after school?" You told her, and displeasure filled her eyes at your words for a second, but they were gone right after you blinked.
"I told you y/n, Kai and I are going to get more taiyakis after school! Have you even been listening?"
Her eyebrows curved just to form a slight frown and she crossed her arms in front of her, all while puffing her cheeks out in exasperation.
"Ahh... Right, of course! Well then, tomorrow! There's always tomorrow."
Without waiting for her reply, you sauntered to Ushijima's desk, when you noticed Tendou creeping up behind Ushijima slowly and you stifled a giggle.
Feigning ignorance, you waved a hand in front of Ushijima's face and his shoulders jumped, as if he didn't notice you coming over.
"Ushi, why're you so quiet? Where's Tendou?"You eyed Tendou as you said it, sarcasm dripping off your words, watching him in amusement as he glared at you playfully, placing a finger over his mouth to silence you, white tape around his fingers catching your view.
As if knowing something was up, Ushijima turned around, but not quick enough before Tendou could violently slam his hand down onto Ushijima's back and you watched as his jaw clenched tightly suddenly.
Uncontrollable giggles flowed out from your tongue, as you blissfully looked at the duo, before Ushijima could react to Tendou, he peeked at you, as he watches color fill your cheeks from laughter, he didn't even feel the need to get revenge.
He just watched you intently, as Tendou threw an arm around your neck and whispered into your ear.
"Damn, you got Wakatoshi wrapped around your finger don't you?"
⊱ ━━━━.⋅ εïз ⋅.━━━━ ⊰
"Ah, y/n. There you are." A deep voice rang out, piercing through the crisp fresh air. Your eyes fluttered around the place and you caught sight of him.
You already knew who it had been, even without turning to look at him physically, you would have known. You've grown so used to his voice from hearing it everyday, and you were going to miss it. You were sure that the two of you would be separated after high school and that thought made you incredibly upset.
There he was, even the clouds that hung above him seemed to look more cheerful than the grey ones everywhere else. However, you forced a quick smile, an attempt to conceal your emotions, and you opened your mouth to reply to him.
"Ah, Ushi! I was meaning to ask you..."
A streak of clear liquid splashed onto your face and you blinked, eyes widening as you looked up into the sky. There was no trace of the clear weather just moments ago and you shivered as a gust of ice cold wind blew past the two of you.
"W-well, I'll tell you later maybe? After graduation? Meet me after it ends at the school's entrance, the same place we're at now alright?"
"Aren't we in the same class? Why the school entrance?"
"I don't...know. The school entrance just sounded cool."
Lies.
You didn't want everyone to hear you ask him for his second button. You didn't want anyone to know about your crush on Ushijima. You didn't want to be running down the hallways for the toilet when he rejected you.
It was all your your own selfish needs.
Ushijima just nodded and began walking away.
"A-ah! Are you not waiting for me? Come on now! We're in the same class you know? It's not as if I were in Tendou's one."
Stuttering, you stomped your foot on the hard floor and pouted, staring at him in joking disbelief. He simply stopped in his tracks, turned his head to the side just a bit and said coolly,
"Well then. H-hurry up and match my pace."
The way his deep voice would occasionally crack was music to your ears, and this happened to be one of those rare blissful moments.
Your cheeks heated up despite yourself and you picked up your speed and chased after him, and significantly slowed down when you were next to him.
The walk back to class was quiet. But it wasn't one of those awkward silences; it was in fact comforting. His presence next to you made your heart squeeze in your chest and a finger absentmindedly twirled a bunch of hair around your finger.
Honestly, you didn't know why you did it. Was it for your own boredom? Or was it so that he would maybe notice you? Your eyes found itself constantly drifting to his hand. His hand was almost twice the size of yours, and you pictured how it'd look like in your mind.
His thumbs gently caressing yours, the callous from his volleyball experience would only make the entire experience even more real. Those were the hands of the guy who has insane spikes, no doubt about it. It even looked the part up close. Such muscular fingers could only be achieved through tireless training for years.
A shaky sigh was let loose at the thought of his spike hitting you and instantly breaking off your arms.
"What are you glancing at?" He asked, staring at you intently.
"I- uh, well nothing."
Your arms flailed around from his sudden comment and you feel it collide with his, a crisp 'smack' sound bouncing off the walls.
Oh my.
Your clumsiness just had to ruin it for you. You berated yourself for slapping him unintentionally and making a fool out of yourself in front of the person you are hopelessly in love with.
"Oh my, Ushijima, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to accidentally hit you! Oh gosh my clumsiness has done it again!"
Darkness was all you could see as your eyes shut and you stopped walking, waiting for his response with your heart practically leaping out from your chest in anxiety.
"Y/n... Why are you acting so weird? Graduation nerves?"
Your eyelids flew open and you opened your mouth, just to flimsily close it back again.
"Y-yeah. Let's just call it that."
To hide your obvious embarrassment and crimson cheeks, you dashed off before a word could be slipped out from him.
That was close.
You weren't ready for him to know about your feelings just yet.
⊱ ━━━━.⋅ εïз ⋅.━━━━ ⊰
"Last but not least, Kaito Fuyushima from Class 5. I present to you, Class 5 of 2020."
You watched with disinterest as you clapped your hands impatiently for the group of students standing at the front of the hall to disperse and for the graduation to be over and done with quickly.
With every tick of the clock, the tempo of your heartbeat began to pick up and you stole a glance at Ushijima, who was a couple of seats away from you. He was in his graduation attire, his square hat nowhere to be seen on his head and his graduation roll chucked to the side of the foldable chair.
Your line of sight traveled further back, as you noticed the empty chair that was meant for his parents to sit.
With his father residing in California, naturally no one had come to celebrate his graduation with him.
Glancing at your mother who was in the parents' corner and tracing back to the empty one few chairs to the right, you shook your head vigorously and whispered his name.
Among the noise in the hall, you were pleasantly surprised when he looked at you and nodded. Not expecting him to even hear you, your eyes widened and your hand moved on its own, giving him a thumbs-up with a wonky smile plastered on your face.
He looked away for a second and you cringed internally.
Such a goddamn embarrassment, y/n. Great job.
You were still in deep thought, mentally reprimanding yourself when he suddenly turned towards you once again. You swore you saw that slight blush on his face as his gaze met yours.
Looking at him in anticipation, you held your breath in excitement as a small smile cracked away his stoned facade and he raised his hand, seemingly returning the thumbs-up.
"The principal of Shiratorizawa Academy would like to give Ushijima Wakatoshi from 3rd year, Class 3 a special plaque to thank him for all the honor he brought to the academy with his exceptional skills he displayed in his volleyball games."
Ushijima's arm instantly fell limp as all eyes in the hall were on him. You grumbled in response, what great timing.
"Nice Ushijima!" You heard Tendou screech out as he clapped his hands together. Soon, one by one, everyone, including yourself, vigorously clapped your hands together while chanting Ushijima's name, like how you would in his matches.
The room suddenly fell into silence.
Ushijima Wakatoshi, who was anybody but sentimental, had let a tear drip down his face. You watched as he bit his bottom lip, an obvious attempt to stop crying.
You felt so useless, unable to do anything but watch him as he cried in silence. Though they were joyful tears, your heart still tore into pieces the same.
Bile rose up your throat as your vision clouded up. The first tear broke free and you sniffled. It was horrifyingly loud and soon pairs of eyes were peeking over at your direction.
"Y-y/n, please don't cry! I didn't want to cry yet-" Your classmate sitting next to you shook your arm, desperately trying to get your tears to stop. However, her voice cracked amidst her sentence and she fell into silence, and you watched in tears as water began to line her lower eyelid.
As if it were a contactable disease, all the students in the hall, other than the year 2 emcee, were bawling towards the end of the ceremony. Bittersweet feelings bloomed inside your chest, slowly eating you up.
You were really going to miss this school. Shiratorizawa Academy really had taught you a lot of things, not just basic subjects off the school. It brought you to your first high school crush, and taught you what volleyball really meant.
It wasn't just a club, or just a sport. It was the beautiful chemistry between all the players in the team that made Shiratorizawa's volleyball team that great. Of course, Ushijima was the ace, and was insanely good at it. However, he didn't make up the team.
Without Eita or Shirabu setting for him, he was nothing but a fish out of water. No amount of skill could ever let him spike as well as he did. Without Tendou, he wouldn't be the Ushijima he was today. There wouldn't be anyone who was always up in Ushijima's face, Ushijima might not even have a best friend.
It was each of them that made it possible. The single gears that fell into place perfectly, those that spun so well, was because of all their effort put into volleyball, and the unbreakable friendship they bond.
There were so many moments where their great play has had you in tears, shrieks of joy or even great anxiety. It was alright, even if they lost. After all, they had played together, and it just showed how humanly they were.
No victory is determined right from the start just because of your pride or score record. And that was alright.
Such undesirable, indescribable feelings gripped you as you sat rooted in your seat, blinking away the rapid tears that were staining your graduation gown.
Ushijima shakily made his way to the stage and firmly shook the principal's hand, before receiving his well-deserved plaque. The principal motioned him to the podium and he tapped on the microphone, not even flinching one bit as a screech shot off the speaker.
He then bowed, and all you could see was his luscious brown locks. As he got up, he cleared his throat and hoarsely spoke into the microphone.
"Thank you for your support. I will continue to make Shiratorizawa proud and uphold the school's name."
Brusque but meaningful; Ushijima described in three beautiful words.
That marked the end of the graduation ceremony as Ushijima stepped off the stage. You shot up from your seat, tightly gripping on to your scroll and holding your graduation cap in place. Making your way to Ushijima, you realized that he was getting further and further away from you. There was no sea to part just for you.
Watching him go back to class alone in disdain, you felt a tap behind your shoulder. It was the same girl that sat next to you during the ceremony.
"Y/n! Let's go take some photos with the girls to commemorate our special day!"
You were about to decline, when reality struck you. Today might have been the last time you were about to see your high school classmates. Ushijima could wait for now.
So, you willingly let yourself be dragged away by your friend for a small photoshoot in class. When you went back to class, Ushijima wasn't there anymore.
Strong uncertainty began swirling inside of you at the thought of Ushijima blindly waiting for you and you sent him a quick text, just to make yourself feel better.
'hey ushi! i’ll be a little late since the girls and i are going to take photos together to celebrate our special day tgt :-) i hope you don’t mind waiting!’ 
Within a minute, your phone buzzed from the notification of his reply. 
'Sure, y/n. Take your time.’
'Thank you so much Ushiii! ;)'
The moment you hit send, you groaned at the winky face you had accidentally sent to him. It was supposed to be a colon, but it turned into a semicolon instead. 
But with the worrying thoughts you previously had long gone, you made your way between two of your classmates’ arms and linked them together with yours, posing for the picture with wide smiles on all your faces.
After almost ten minutes of nonstop smiles, you all finally had enough and you left the classroom, after changing out from your graduation attire, with some of the girls yelling a quick goodbye from behind you.
Neither of you were really going to cry; the class had already planned for several meet-ups during the upcoming holidays after all.
You made a mad rush to the school’s entrance to see Ushijima’s well built figure standing there, waiting for you. The smile was once again evident on your face as you jogged there, yelling his name in the process.
This was it. It was now or never. 
"Ushijima! M-may I please have the second button of your uniform...?” You stopped in your tracks and in your sentence as you noticed the second button from his uniform gone, and to find it replaced with nothing but fabric and some leftover thread. 
Of course. Ushijima and you were just friends after all. There really was going to be nothing happening between the two of you. 
"Ah- you want that? A classmate of ours came up to me in private and asked for it, so I gave it to her. I’m sorry y/n.”
Your mouth fell open like a fish that was out of water. You had already seen it coming, but it didn’t mean that it wouldn’t hurt. In fact, it was far worse from just ‘hurt’. It was as if a thousand knives pierced through your body and was being pulled out slowly. 
You swallowed the lump in your throat and you were about to tell Ushijima that everything was alright. But you knew, deep down, you weren’t. You were slowly rotting inside, and all for a stupid high school love.
Letting out a dark chuckle, you looked at Ushijima once more with that loving undertone you always had when your attention was on him.
You were trying to mentally prepare yourself to let go of those unrequited feelings you had for him.
One, two, three. 
And away those feelings went. 
Or at least, you ardently told yourself. Maybe the more you emphasized that thought, the quicker it’d go away.
Letting out a shaky breath, you looked at him, hoping that you’d appear looking as a determined person in his eyes. 
"Eeh...? What do we have over here? Y/n asking for Ushiwaka's second button? Hmm... Let's see here... But the second button is gone? Oh man, y/n, looks like your confession was rejected after all!"
"T-tendou?"
You whispered as Tendou appeared from behind you, and looked at Ushijima's once neatly sewed on button.
"C-confession?"
Ushijima looked stunned, as a weird expression overtook his usual expressionless features. His mouth shaped almost into a square and his eyebrow raised in confusion.
"Ushiwaka, do you really not know what it means when you give away your second button? It means you accept her love confession bro."
Tendou rubbed his temples and let out a long sigh.
"Oh. Then I didn't mean to give it to her."
A small flicker of hope was lit inside you, and you looked at him with expectancy, hoping he'd say the words you wished fervently for him to say.
"Ushiwaka... How idiotic are you, really? Don't you think you have a bigger issue here to solve?"
Tendou said, nodding at your direction. Thank god for Tendou being there, you knew you wouldn't like how it'd end if he wasn't around.
No, it's fine Tendou! It was pretty stupid of me anyways! I was just trying-"
"I wouldn't mind giving it to you y/n, well if I still had it, of course."
"But you don't."
"But I don't."
You both said at the same time, and your eyes met in an unbreakable stare. You heart your heart contracting and releasing more violently than ever as you gazed into his beautiful orbs.
It was as if time had stopped just for the two of you and everything else faded away. You were looking at him, and he was too.
"Ugh, gross. Get a room you two." Tendou stuck his tongue out, which was incredibly childish, and squeezed his eyes together and Ushijima let out a slight chuckle.
The rasp to the chuckle instantly got to you, and colored your ears pink as the sound vibrated in your eardrums.
So, uh, y/n. Can I take you out?"
Without thinking, you answered.
"Like on a date?"
"No, he's going to take you out with one of his powerful spikes. Of course he's taking you out on a date you idiot! Well, at least that's one thing you two share in common."
Both you and Ushijima gave him a pointed look and you moved towards Tendou to give him a gentle push on the head.
"Tendou is salty that he doesn't have a girlfriend yet, isn't he? Come on, stop acting as if you aren't jealous!"
"Don't touch me! I'm not jealous, you are!" Tendou yelled out as he began to run away from you, and you gave chase slightly later than him.
The nerve-wracking moment was long gone; replaced by these blissful moments you wished that would last forever.
Now that you and Ushijima were in a relationship, everything fell into place. With you gleefully chasing after Tendou and Ushijima watching with an exasperated sigh, it was perfect.
That was the most perfect way to end your high school life. Way more perfect than you could ever imagine.
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