#that stole it back from a pirate ship but because of colonialism and british imperialism

[katrinawritesthings]

Jonghyun/Taemin; Criminal; PG

You know when you're trying to rob a museum and then someone else fucks it up

Jonghyun doesn't need to be told twice. He's off, back to following the map in his head with every one of his nerves alight now.  Which means that he jumps about a mile when he walks into the diorama room and an alarm goes off.

Jonghyun has never really been one for fancy old paintings, but he has to admit, these little guys are pretty cute. He's actually smiling a little as he carefully takes each one off of the wall, whole entire paintings small enough to fit in the palm of his hand, and taking in their little subjects of humans and little houses and landscapes with interest. Maybe this is what he's been missing the whole time. Maybe all he needed for him to appreciate paintings from people that died 400 years ago was for them to be tiny and cute.

Maybe he still doesn't really care that much and is just glad to have something cute to look at for once during a heist. When he's done with this and out of here, he thinks he'll keep one for himself. He's taking, like, 30 of them, anyway. One less won't hurt the profit they'll get from trading them. Jinki won't mind, and if he does, then Jonghyun will just suck his dick or something until he doesn't anymore. 

He takes the final one off of the wall and slots it very gently into his backpack, then zips it up and pulls it over his shoulders. Glancing around the dark room, at the security cameras in the corners, he puts his back to the wall and says, "Key, are we good?" 

"Path out is clear," is Key's reply, coming into his ear piece just a little bit crackly. "And your tag is sticking out of your sweater."

"Fuck," Jonghyun mumbles, blushing at the smirk in Key's voice as he starts to leave the room and reach behind himself at the same time. He cannot believe that Key waited that long to tell him. Friendship is fake. 

He slips through the halls of the museum, taking his pre-planned path, making sure to stop by the fountain to let the security guard pass, to be careful clambering over the squeaky metal grate to the naked people statue room, stop once he leaves there and wait for the–

"Uh-oh," he says, stopping short, eyes wide as he looks at the security guard on the floor. Sprawled on their back, walkie-talkie broken a few feet away, flashlight on in their hand. "Guys, we have a problem," he breathes.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Key asks. Jonghyun ignores him for a minute in favor of heading towards the security guard and crouching over them. A nasty bruise building on their temple, but a hand over their mouth tells him that they're still breathing; just knocked out. Well, not as bad as it could be, but, still. "Oh, shit," Key says then. Jonghyun guesses he's found the right camera and can see what the problem is now. 

"What is it?" Jinki asks. 

"A guard is out," Jonghyun says, putting his hands on his knees and pushing himself up. He's wary now in a way that he wasn't before. Someone else that shouldn't be here is in this museum too. "Key, can't you find them?" he asks. "Like, rewind the cameras or something." 

"Not unless I want the main security guy to notice," Key snaps. 

"I mean, do you think he's even conscious to notice if he didn't notice this?" Jonghyun says back. If whoever else is in here didn't have a problem taking out one security guard, he doesn't see why they would have a problem taking out the main guy. They need someone to go check. "Blaze–"

"On it," Minho replies before Jonghyun can even ask the question. The next thing he hears is Minho’s heavy security boots clunking on the tile floor towards the security office. "You keep heading out."

Jonghyun doesn't need to be told twice. He's off, back to following the map in his head with every one of his nerves alight now.

 Which means that he jumps about a mile when he walks into the diorama room and an alarm goes off.

Heart pumping, convinced it was him that caused it, he jumps again when both Key and Minho start speaking at the same time: "I don't know what that is, I haven't even gotten to the office yet," and "quick, Bling, I can't tell where they're heading yet but some of them are going to pass you, to your right, there's a janitor closet, get in there." 

Whoever the fuck is botching their own heist so badly better at least be trying to get something fucking valuable. Jonghyun pivots and runs to the closet on his right, pulling his lockpicks from his pocket as he does so. As frazzled as he is, picking the lock is quick work and he's closing the door behind him far before he hears running footsteps.

Key and Minho are talking rapid fire back and forth trying to figure out what's going on, Jinki offering as much input as he can from the driver's seat. Jonghyun, for his part, stays quiet, listening to what's going on behind his door. Footsteps, footsteps footsteps and then some shouting, orders, more footsteps. Then, quiet, for long enough that Jonghyun thinks that maybe things have calmed down at least in this part of the museum until all at once, there's one pair of footsteps rushing straight at his door.

They're so fast that he barely has time to step back and put his hands up before the door is crashing open, but it's not museum security that tumbles into the room with him.

It's someone dressed very similar to him; dark clothes, gloves, a beanie, and, if Jonghyun is seeing right in the darkness, a face mask with the  Team Rocket logo printed on it. They slam the door behind themself and then lean on it, pulling their mask down, panting hard, putting their face in their hands. They don't even acknowledge Jonghyun as another human being in the room with them. 

The other three are still talking in his ear piece. Putting his hands down, getting his flashlight on, Jonghyun says quietly,  "Guys, shut up. I found them." 

And if Jonghyun jumped a mile earlier, this other thief jumps three when he speaks, eyes wide as saucers as they finally notice Jonghyun in the room with them. Jonghyun can see their mouth open wide to shout something and quickly puts his finger to his lips, shaking his head. They take a moment, breathing hard, and then, in a whisper that's basically speaking anyway, ask, "who the fuck are you? What are you doing here?" 

"What am I doing?" Jonghyun hisses, incredulous. "What are you doing? I'm doing an honest heist, you're the one fucking knocking out people and tripping alarms. What the fuck were you thinking, just leaving that guard on the floor? Why would you go to the trouble of knocking someone out and then trip the alarm anyway? Is this your first job or what?" He doesn't mean to hound them like this, but he's stressed and once he starts he gets himself on a roll and has trouble stopping. It's keeping them quiet, at least, and it actually looks like it's cowing them, because they look down and rub their cheek sheepishly.

"I mean," they say, "maybe."

"Christ," Key mutters. 

"Did I mess up your heist?" they ask, and oh no, Jonghyun thinks, because their eyes are round and their lips are plumped up into a pout and their distressed voice is, distressingly, adorable. "I'm sorry, I didn't–I just needed to–I thought I had disarmed the alarm, but–I'm sorry–my name is Taemin and–no, wait, fuck that's not–forget I said that. My name is Ace." 

"It really is their first heist," Jinki sighs.

"What were you trying to steal?" Taemin asks. Jonghyun almost answers them on reflex before he stops and squints. Nosy. 

"Mind your own business," he says, "and shut up. I'm trying to listen." Which is true; he holds his finger to his ear piece to press it closer to his eardrum so he can hear the conversation better, but he's not really sure that it's worth listening to in the first place.

"What are the fucking chances someone else would pick the same day we did," Key is saying, and then Jinki responds with, "0.27%. It's easy, you just divide the number of days in a year by–" and then Key cutting him off with "shut up, nerd," and then the sound of a slap on a shoulder, and then the sound of a much louder slap as Key hits Jinki twice as hard back, all mingling with the conversation Minho is having with a real security guard. 

 "Guys," Jonghyun hisses. None of this is helping him. "Can I get out of here or what?" 

"Yeah," Key says like none of the previous conversation happened. "They're all swarmed around the alarm. Get out of the closet and go back the way you came, I'll lead you once you hit the fountain." 

"Okay," Jonghyun says. He pushes around Taemin, then tugs on his wrist, other hand on the doorknob. "Come on," he whispers.

"No come on," Jinki says, indignant. "You're not bringing them with you."

"Yes I am," Jonghyun snaps, leaning on the door instead of opening it and putting a hand on Taemin's chest to stop them from walking into him. "You know they're just going to follow me anyway. And I don't want them to get caught on their first heist. They deserve a chance. Besides, they're–"

"He," Taemin supplies helpfully, and Jonghyun cannot stop the smile even though he knows it'll show in the rounding of his cheeks over his mask. Taemin is pulling up his own mask, eyes bright in an excited kind of way now, and Jonghyun is definitely fond as he says, "besides, he's cute." 

"Bling, you are so fucking soft,” Key sighs. "And I don't mean that as a compliment," he adds before Jonghyun can thank him. 

Jonghyun says thanks anyway before he pushes open the door and tugs Taemin to follow him.

They slink through the museum, Jonghyun glancing over his shoulder so often to make sure that Taemin is still with him that before they even hit the fountain Taemin just grabs onto one of his backpack straps and holds on. Jonghyun appreciates it. Once he's sure that Taemin isn't lagging behind or sneaking off, he can focus more on Key's instructions. 

It's an entirely different path out then the one they planned, half improvised by Key and half monitored by Minho redirecting what guards he can away from it. For the rest of the guards they sink into a corner or behind a wall and wait. And for one, after a silent but fierce argument, Jonghyun winces when the heel of Taemin's boot clips the guard’s temple and they drop like a stone. Jonghyun makes a point to at least drag them into a corner where they won't be found as easily, but doesn't bother arguing with Taemin more about it. He just grabs his wrist and hurries along where Key tells him to.

The entire time, Jonghyun doesn't realize that his heart is beating as fast as it is until they reach a side exit and the sight of Minho standing guard around it sends a wave of relief through him. Taemin stops in his tracks, trying to scuttle out of sight, but Jonghyun shakes his head and drags him forward. 

"He's with me," he mutters, reaching out to hold Minho’s hand for a moment as they pass him and push outside. He can tell from the pull on his backpack that Taemin is watching Minho over his shoulder until the door closes behind him. 

"You have to stop falling for twinks with fat cheeks," Minho says into his earpiece.

"Fuck off,"Jonghyun says back, and then very pointedly does not look at Taemin's round cheeks even though he's turning to him with a confused noise. Instead, he looks around to get his bearings. Instead of being in the gardens with the car parked on the street over the fence like their original plan was, they've been unceremoniously spat out into an alleyway between the museum and the tourist center right next to it. The red and blue of police lights flash down one way, so Jonghyun heads the other way with Taemin and his pinchable cheeks in tow. 

Jinki says that they’ll meet up at the burger place down the street, so when they reach the end of the alley, Jonghyun stops and relays the news. He does so while taking off his beanie, his gloves, and his mask, ruffling out his hair, and after a pointed look Taemin does the same.

"Why would we–"

"You think ordering nuggies in full burglar gear would be less suspicious?" Jonghyun asks, eyebrows raised. Taemin mumbles, but he doesn't disagree, and when Jonghyun takes off his backpack to stuff his things inside, holds his own stuff out with an asking noise. Jonghyun lets him, then takes off his dark hoodie so he's just wearing a blue t-shirt underneath and rips off the dark covering on the pack itself to reveal its regular hello kitty design.

"Oh, cute," Taemin smiles. Jonghyun smiles back up at him as he straightens up and pulls the backpack on again.

"Thanks," he replies. Then he grabs Taemin's arm, pulling it around his shoulders. "Now come on," he says. "Boyfriends." And he slips his hand into Taemin's butt pocket and leads him out onto the street, pleasantly ignoring the other three groaning into his earpiece. Taemin is even cuter in the street light and the giddy blush that colors Jonghyun cheeks when Taemin pulls him closer isn't as much of an act as it should be.