#that sounds sad LMAO but ya know what that’s real as hell sometimes existing is embarrassing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

urlocalnctstan · 4 years ago

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𝚃𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚜

Genre : Angst, Fluff, Slow-burnish, Idol AU

Pairing : Jaehyun x Reader ft.Mark (other members too)

Warning(s) : strong language, age-gap, mature contents, weird writing style lmao, uh what else? idk but yeah

Disclaimer :The story is completely fictitious, idol-fan relationships are not common so some of you crazy ones out here, pls don’t get too delusional, your oppas will be your oppas only virtually, not in real life.

Playlist : Youtube Link / Written

Word Count : 5.4k

Summary : ‘Time and tide waits for none’- a quote that is universally accepted and believed. You both had had your experience of meeting the right one at the wrong time, the concept of love long forgotten after the sudden downfall of your relationship together. But will time eventually heal everything for you both?

The car came to a halt, your mind subconsciously drifting back to the humiliation you faced tonight back at the office.

“ARE YOU FUCKING DUMB, Y/N?” your boss was a fuming mess, his whole office scattered with the documents you had brought just a few moments ago. At the sight of the shredded papers, you felt you heart clench. You worked so hard for this project, disregarding God knows how many nights of your sleep. The feeling of abomination was slowly creeping up from the pit of your stomach towards the man who stood taut, seething in rage.

“HOW MANY TIMES DID I TELL YOU TO JUST DO WHAT THEY ASKED YOU TO?” He yelled, his fist furiously banging on his wooden desk, beneath his hand rested some pieces of the torn documents.

“Sir, even you know how risky it is to design as they asked to. If a blunder happens it is our company that is to be held accountable, not theirs.” you knew it was pointless to reason with the stubborn headed prick, but you had to try out your luck.

“Get out. Out, out, out. Get your fucking face out of my face.” He swished his index finger repeatedly, letting out a frustrated shriek just as I was about to exit his office. His wrath was nothing new in the office, as all the other employees shot me a rather pitying look when they saw me exiting the team leader’s office with hands full of ripped papers. Wow, my 2 weeks worth of sleep. Just wow. You didn’t bother to reciprocate their sympathetic glances, storming out of the corridor as you furiously started clicking the floor to your cabin. The jabbing of your finger on the glowing button that read ‘13’ was the only sound that resonated in the fairly empty area, earning annoyed looks from the two individuals who stood right behind you.

“Ah, fuck.” You banged your head against the steering, recalling the even as you clutched the handles harshly. “Why,” another bang. “do I,” bang. “live like” bang. “this,” bang. You could feel your face was burning without even touching it, streams of tears flowing down. Just as you were about to give yourself another bang, the sudden honk of a car made you pause amidst your ritual. Indeed all motherfuckers love to test my patience. You decide to ignore the rider, mainly because you were also partially at fault for resting in your car in the middle of the park. You twisted the metal keys as the ignition went off, signaling your car was ready to flee. Yet again, you were distracted by soft knocks. You prayed to God to help you not lose your shit, at this point you were questioning if He ever hears your woes at all. The soft knocks stop immediately when you started to pull down the window, the person straightening only crouch again.

“Y/n?” his called out unsurely, as if he were afraid of mistaking you for someone else. You knew that voice, and that is not good news. Shit.

“Mark?” you were surprised to say the least, not expecting to run into an old friend. “Oh my god! How have you been?” You shoot out of your driver’s seat, instantly being engulfed into a bone crushing hug by the male.

“I have been good. Oh god, I can’t believe this! I can’t believe I ran into you after so long!” Mark still held you tight your embrace, the sudden reunion making him feel giddy with excitement.

“Yes indeed,” you were the first to pull out from the hug. You took a moment to study him; black mask covering half of his face as he smiled widely, eyes crinkled and the signature cheekbones still the same as they were in the past. God, it’s really been so long. “What are you up to these days?”

“Er,” Mark scratched his head as he laughed nervously, unsure if he was allowed to give you spoilers about his new album. “I have been working on my solo album actually.”

“Are you for real?” You found yourself hugging Mark again at the joy of his successful career. “I’m so so proud of you mate!”

“Thank you, thank you,” Mark swayed you lightly, his voice muffled due to the mask he wore. Mark was the one to pull out now, still keeping your caged as he placed his hands on your shoulders. “In no way I am gonna let you leave without a trace again,” he almost groaned.

“Promise, I won’t anymore,” you signaled to the stack of files that rested on the backseat of your car. “They won’t leave me alone.”

“I’ll just ask your boss to assign you with more tasks then,” he giggled mischievously, earning a light smack from you at the mention of such an absurd idea.

“I’ll track your way to hell to kill you again if you do something like that,” you hissed at Mark, who was still giggling at your frustrated reaction. The atmosphere became quiet as Mark looked up in the vacant sky, deep in thoughts while you waited for him to continue. Your phone buzzed against your leather coat.

[From Bullhead] : Don’t think I am overlooking your mess. This is the first and final warning from me.

You shivered, half from the cold and half from the text you just received.

“26th, sharp at 8 PM, my place.” He snapped his fingers, hooting at the realization of having a free day in his busy scheduled life.

“Okay, done.” You should have refused, you thought. But for some reason, you found yourself agreeing to his offer, you felt both sad and guilty for disappearing out of your friend’s life without a trace. However, you couldn’t ignore the greedy feeling you felt, the want to see him again. “I think I should be done around...7:30? So I think I’ll be able to make it.” You unlocked and handed him your phone.

“You have to make it,” his eyes focused on the screen of your device, swiftly typing what you assumed was him number. “Just incase, text me if I happen to forget - no I know that look, Y/n, you must text if that happens..” He rolled his eyes, knowing that how much you would be overthinking about possibly tiring him because of his busy lifestyle. Mark dialed his number from your phone before handing it back to you. You visibly snickered at the name he saved his contact with : ‘My Boo MarkLee <3’

“Stop pretending as if you never renamed my existence as Markie Boo,” he groans, remembering how this has been his another one of the hundred pet names he had. Your conversation was cut mid way as his phone loudly vibrated in his phone, swiftly pulling it out as the guy whined in annoyance.

“Yo, I gotta go now I guess, something came up at the company.” He looked sad, pouty. “See you around, yeah?” You were pulled into another hug by the male, he surely loved to hug as usual.

“Yes, yes. Now go. Don’t be late.” You patted his back, pulling out of the hug and shooing him away towards his car.

“See ya, Mom.” He beamed as he sped off with his car.

“Dumbass.” You muttered, softly laughing at the name he would always call you by, despite being years younger than him. You rounded around your car, getting inside. The start was bad but the end was good nonetheless. The keys of your car jiggled as you closed the door. Again, you twisted the keys, your mood slightly better than before for which you were grateful. Your car’s ignition blared, as you positioned towards the exit of the park, subtly muttering ‘long ass ride.’

The digits ‘7:37’ glowed on the the small digital clock beside your desktop. You felt stiff, stretching your neck as your bones made those cracking noes. You stare at your toes, zoning out was your passion and you excelled at it. You snapped straight, letting out a deep sigh as you started to scheme the projects before you were to hand them over to your bullhead boss. Soon enough, you were done, muttering almost too loudly for everyone that you wished your boss would be napping off instead of being awake.

Good for you, your prayers were answered for the first time in a while. You quietly placed the files that contained all the details that needed to be checked again by your boss, quietly making your way out of his cabin as soon as possible. On you way, you informed his secretary you were leaving, her face wore distraught and annoyance but softens as she saw you approaching. Sometimes you felt sympathetic towards her, often asking the heavens to bless her with utmost patience and perseverance to deal with the bullhead.

The marble floor clicked with every step you took, the sounds eerily audible in the serene lobby. It was very rare for the lobby to be filled with people in evening, the employees would practically sprint off their seats as soon as the clock hits 7. You made your way out of the building, making a mental note to buy a gift for Mark on your way back to home. What would he like? Take outs? Homemade? Wine? You drove across the street before halting your car in front of the department store that was situated just a few blocks away from your office. The header of the store glowed, the alleys seemingly half-crowded with people of different occupations you assumed. You let out a hiss as you felt a chill run down your spine, it was almost the end of Autumn which meant Winter was just round the corner. You decided to rely on your instincts, deciding to gift your friend a fancy bottle of wine despite having zero knowledge about it.

You were never quite the fan of wine. According to you, the seemingly alcoholic drink was too expensive, plus the etiquettes that came along for its consumption would always just make your turn your head away every time you laid your eyes across one. You schemed through the white shelves filled with different tastes and colors of wine, each hailing from various corners of the world. “How do I even spell it?” You crouched down a bit to a bottle that had caught your attention, the exquisite name was starting to make your head hurt. It’s probably a white wine you thought, the transparent color of the liquid was what made you convince. But something rather nostalgic caught your sight, before you could even realize, you found your fingertips caressing the cold glass bottle of the red liquid that you held now.

“If were to be a drink, then what would I be?” You lazily laid sprawled across the couch in the living, while you boyfriend who sat on the marble floor across fumbles with the knotted bunch of cables. Jaehyun had his gaze focus of the wire maze in his hands, eyebrows furrowed and lips pouted in immense concentration.

“Peach milk,” he smiled, unbeknownst to you he was actually implying a double meaning for his answer.

“And why that?” You felt his choice a bit amusing, not really expecting that as an answer.

“Because I love your ass and boobs,” he winked, only to be hit by a pillow that was resting beneath your curled legs. Jaehyun felt himself giggling by your reaction, it was cute to see you being annoyed. “Babe, c’mon. I can’t lie about it.”

“Never mind, just forget it.” You started to get a bit pissed, hurt as well because your sensitive ass thought he would probably say something sweet that would make you heart flutter.

“Peach milk is my favorite, that’s the main reason why,” Jaehyun shifted his focus back to the cables, the last two knots were too adamant to let go of each other. You felt yourself smiling, too wide, he definitely knew you well. Cheeky bastard.

“What about me?” he asked, eyes still focused as he working on untying the last knot.

“Hmmm...” you shifted your position on the couch, now sitting up as you stared your boyfriend’s figure for a short while.

“Red wine.” sophisticated, classy, unique, warm. If you were to describe the aura around him, these would be the first choices.

However, your answer seemed to have caught Jaehyun’s attention, pausing in his tracks as he got curious as to why the specific choice. He had a huge grin on his face, he adored how you remembered the specific detail of red wine being his favourite, for he mentioned it in your first date which was 2 years back. But he knew there was more to it. He knew you too well. “But why red wine?”

You kept your gaze fixated on Jaehyun as he gets up from the ground, putting the cables in a secure manner to avoid another tie war. He hugged the pillow tight which you had previously thrown on him, before propping down beside you on the couch with a tired sigh, looking at you intently. It was as if you both were having a staring contest. So you rested your head on your right hand, both staring each other with soft smiles before you continued.

“You are much more to what everyone thinks you are,” you notice how Jaehyun cocks an eyebrow, still staring and trying to process what you just said.

“Just like wine, the more I know you, the more I know just how amazing you are. Both sweet and sour, but the balanced ratio of it is what makes you more admirable.” You admired how he was always able to balance things out, prior to what everyone believes about him, he had both good and bad sides to him. And that’s what made him more human, him acknowledging his flaws. That’s what made you fall for him.

Hearing you, Jaehyun thought he might dislocate his jaw anytime soon for smiling so hard. His heart started to do all sort of flips, ears starting to pink. It was at times like this when you don’t need words to express how you were feeling, silent but the communication was still present. Jaehyun slides his hand into yours, you glanced at both of your intertwined fingers before looking at him, his eyes full of hearts for you. You giggled, feeling shy at his intense stare but returning him the same way.

“I love you,” he whispered, his starry eyes which were only looking at you.

“Excuse me miss,” You jolt at the sudden change of voice coming from behind you. You whip around, a girl probably in her late teens stood nervously, her hands fidgets with the belts of her backpack.

“Miss, you were kinda in the way so..” you felt flustered for absent-mindedly drifting into your dreamland while shopping for your friend, chiding yourself mentally in the process.

“Ah, I am so sorry,” you moved swiftly to the side to allow the teen some space to carry out her shopping. “Please, carry on.” You smiled softly. Though at the back of your mind you wanted to point out how she shouldn’t be consuming alcohol, but disregarded the urge nonetheless. Sometimes children should get to enjoy their minimal amount of fun in their youth too. You were still clutching the red wine bottle in your hand, eyeing it one last time before placing it back in the racks. You cleared your throat, as if to let the voices speaking inside your head know that you are not a stupid 20 year old anymore. You shake your head, glancing around to inspect if others were judging your state before proceeding to the counter for the random wine you picked which might have cost you half of your monthly salary. It’s okay to spend once in a while.

Mark was literally running around his apartment. Running. His head shot up as he remembered something. “Shit, fuck, are the bathroom lights okay?” he murmured to himself, sprinting off to the bathroom that was located in his vast living room first, followed by the ones in his bedroom and guestroom. Mark was still a newbie to the norms of living alone, him being a newborn living-alone man for sparsely 2 months. And he would barely be home due to his schedules. There were even times he would just forget his own bedroom.

“What else, what else,” he glanced over the whole area eyes drifting here and there before he realized something. Dumbass forgot to check if there were even enough food for two. Mark quickly scurried to the kitchen counter, the utensils were more than enough before checking his fridge. Beers? Check. Soju? Check. Kimchi? Check. Slices of chicken breast? Check. But the 33 year old still felt something was missing. Mark shifted his focus on the wooden shelf that was just above the kitchen sink, the transparent glass door of it making a creak sound as he opened it. For an apartment who’s owner was barely home, the shelf was definitely well packed and organized. It contained all sorts of ramen, tteokbokki and any other fast food you could name. “What else, what else, what else, what else,” he kept chanting, as if by some magic his chants of short memory would be heard and he would know what else was he missing out. He hunched over the lower shelf to inspect if all the sauces his housekeeper stores for him were present there. Absorbed in his thoughts, Mark did not notice the sudden sound of his bell going off, before the sounds just got repeated and even more louder.

“What the fuck?” his eyebrows creased in annoyance, cussing out all the profanities he had in his vocabulary at the visitor’s insolent mannerism. Mark was beyond pissed, the person behind the other side of the door not only disrupted his memory battle but also had the audacity to ring the bell like a 3 year old in the middle of the night. Instead of just answering from the intercom, he directly opened the entrance door. “Look, it’s like 11 in the night - Hyung?” Mark halted his rant session as he realized it was Jaehyun standing in front of his house. Covered in black shirt, black mask, black pants - black everything, it would take a while for others who did not know him personally to recognize the member of the top boy group in the industry.

“Were you shitting or something,” Jaehyun smiled before casually giving his best friend a hug. Mark pulls out some of the spare slippers he had stored, while Jaehyun sits on the wooden step as he unties the knots of his black adidas. As Jaehyun get ups, he looks over to the other male standing in front of him, then down at the slippers and then again to the male.

“What?” Mark laughed, his hands shifting to the sides of his waist.

“Mark, please don’t go shopping by yourself next time,” Jaehyun silently judged Mark for offering him the fluffly colourful pink body and yellow polka dots slippers, similar to the ones he was wearing but the combination in opposite.

“I got them from the BOGO offer going on in the supermarket just down the lane,” Mark wiggled his toes under the furry layer of clothing, slightly humming at the texture. “Bro this shit comfortable and cute, you can’t deny that.”

Jaehyun gives him another look, amused at how his bandmate’s old habits were still the same. “I help you out with your fashion choices next time. Don’t worry.” He patted Mark’s should, a sympathetic grin on his face as he anticipated the other male’s dramatic reaction.

“Oh please,” Mark scoffed. “More like you need my and Johnny hyung’s assistance for your monotonous wardrobe!”

Jaehyun laughed at his friend’s rebuttal before lazily propping himself on the bean sack in the living room with a low hum. Oddly enough, Mark’s apartment felt more homely than his own apartment which was just above a few floors.

“But what brings you here?” Mark walks over to his fridge, judging by his friend’s sudden visit, he knew drinks had become a necessary part of the night. “And what about Hayoung?”

“What about her?” Jaehyun raised his eyebrow at Mark, skillfully catching the beer Mark had tossed to him after asking about Hayoung, Jaehyun’s, well complicated girl something.

“I though you guys might just....I don’t know, be official or something.” Mark stole a glance towards his friend, nervously opening his can. The momentary pin drop silence was an indicator, he indeed blurted something he should not have. The fizzy hiss of the beer can being opened barely broke the ice.

“I don’t do things like official,” Jaehyun scoffed, producing a low sigh after sipping the beer. Mark decided not to further press his friend, despite having an old unresolved grudge against Jaehyun somewhere deep within him. It had been years since all of that had happened, but he still felt hostility creep up inside every time he remembers that night, that week, that month. After all, it was you that Jaehyun had completely broken, torn and ripped apart.

Unbeknownst to the rummaging thoughts inside the mind of his bandmate, it took a while for the older to realize how oddly clean and organized the apartment looked. Jaehyun turned to Mark, eyebrows raised with mischievousness coating his words. “You having someone for the night tomorrow?”

Mark almost made a disgusted face but instead opted to scrunch. “Bro, I don’t have Tinder, neither do I wanna be a carrier of STDs.” Mark placed his empty can on the small glass table, simultaneously letting out a tired huff. Jaehyun almost took an offense to the statement, the attack was definitely but indirectly made towards him. But he decided to shrug it off, Mark was not lying after all. Jaehyun did not even know half of the girls’ names he had slept with, someday or another mixing up names which ends in him getting kicked out or being cursed out. That was what had happened that night as well.

“Okay, I forgot. Hayoung, yes. Speak.” Jaehyun shot an incredulous look to the younger, as if he was able to read his mind or something. Mark only furrowed his eyebrows at the reaction.

“I-I....got kicked out,” Jaehyun’s voice was barely above a whisper, but the sharp eared male was able to catch his friend’s low murmur. Mark stifled his giggle, only to receive a glare from his friend. Jaehyun ran his fingers through his newly dyed lilac hair. Fucking embarrassing.

“But what made her do that?”

Jaehyun felt chills run down his spine as the scenario replayed in his head. He shivered despite the heater being on, an amused Mark glancing while chugging down the small remaining amount of beer. Mark was being a gentleman trying to conceal his laughter as Jaehyun rambled how he managed to fuck up yet another good hook-up buddy. At this point, Mark was not even surprised. Victim to his obvious facial expressions, Mark hated lying, and equally hated being lied to as well. Jaehyun side glanced his friend, a loud annoyed snort escaping from him. “Having fun, aren’t you?”

“Well, I mean it’s fun — sorry,” Mark clears his throat. He should be the type of friend who gives advices instead of laughing. Mark wiggled in his seat, distorting the empty can before having a perfect shot in the trashcan just a few feet away from him. Smooth one.

“I think I might retire, or just quit after the current contract ends,” Jaehyun felt tight, the words came out from him in a way too suffocating form. Mark visibly tenses, his laidback posture now crouching forward to his friend. Mark was too pre-occupied in his escalating solo career, the support he had been getting even before the official stage was way too much for him to fathom, but he was grateful for it nonetheless. A stinging guilt crept up inside him, chiding himself of being such an inconsiderate friend. “It’s high-time I start to live on my own accord.”

Mark decided to rather not pressurize the half-drunk dude with his numerous questions as to why or what has made him to take such a step. Jaehyun struggled to keep his eyes open, exhaustion was taking over his body ever faster now that he had booze in his system. Jaehyun would have rather opted to just spend the night on the couch (he preferred Mark’s limited edition long L shaped sofa over any king sized bed) but the guy decided to not get welcomed by his mate as ‘good morning.’ Mark put a hand on Jaehyun’s knee, an attempt to stop the non-stop stomping which was a very well-known drunk habit of him. Piling the blankets he just brought, the younger warned again, eyes like red lazer lights before trudging towards his bedroom.

Feet wobbly, Jaehyun struggles to drag his build to switch off the remaining lights in the living room, glancing throughout the long empty space. He gulped down harshly, the familiar empty feeling creeping back to him which he had been avoiding for so long — for years. Jaehyun took a deep sigh, the heavy feeling feeling weighing down his chest as he took light steps towards the big glass window which granted him the view of the whole city. His eyes flickered at the luminous sight. He felt big but small, full, content but numb and empty.

“Hyung, you’re still awake?” a sleepy voice spoke from behind, breaking out Jaehyun from his trance.

“Huh?” It took a moment for him to process an answer. “Uh yeah. just like that. You go sleep.”

Mark shrugged, walking towards his bed as Jaehyun plopped down harshly on the duvet, wincing slightly as he felt a sprain in his lower back. With the alcohol slowly losing its effect on him with each passing second, Jaehyun started to feel more sober, more drawn back into the reality. He hated it. This feeling he was feeling.

Mark was having a rather difficult time to fall asleep. He even put on a random sleeping eye mask he uses for travelling, but alas that did not help either. He was too giddy, too excited for tomorrow. Pulling up the blankets over his head, Mark was assured he was safe from everyone, even maybe from God as a huge grin breaks out on his face. As much as he hates to admit it, Mark loved how things turned out to be the way they were.

“Oh god, this is so awkward. Oh god can I please please just die already?” Mark halted on his steps at the voice, glistening in sweats after the recent stage. He thought it would be an adventure to opt for the public washroom in disguise since the green rooms’ ones were all occupied by the rest of the members; and boy, Mark was really giving his all hold his pee.

“OH GOD!” the sudden yelp caused the male to shriek quietly, muttering an inaudile ‘jesus’. Despite the odds, Mark decided not to test his luck, holding in the bubbling feeling just before explosion as much as he could. Muttering quiet curses, the male struggled to hold his posture as he stealthily tried to get to the other side of the stairs. Too busy in his on the way to urination voyage, Mark realized it was too late, he bumped. Bumped into someone. A girl. Hell yeah fucked. Panic crept at the back of his throat as he anticipated what was coming forth. Him being surrounded by numerous fan as he desperately tries to hold his pee. What a fucking sight.

“Look, I know you might be a staff or something,” Mark whipped his head at your voice. “But please just oh god,” you rambled, leaving the man standing with his legs crossed tightly in utter confusion. “I had no idea — Mark Lee?”

The colors from his faced drained, Mark turned casper for a split second.

“PLEASE!” he was quick to react, half-whispering as he desperately caught your hands. “Please don’t just, uh.., shout or something.”

You immediately raised your hands in defense. “I uh have no reason to do so?” You stated, observing how he was literally squirming, it did not take you long to understand that the canadian needed to go the washroom as soon as possible. ”Oh!” You quickly moved. “Sorry for blocking your way!” Before he could even say thank you, you disappeared without any trace. Mark made a quick mental note to thank you, well that only if he ever happens to cross paths with you again. And deep down, he wised he would. On the other hand, you let out another distressed growl, promising to all of the heavens that never will you be ever accompanying your cousin sister, or let alone come to any concerts from now on. The stunt your drunken cousin had pulled just a while ago was humiliating enough, but of course, she had to spice it up by vomiting on the hallways just in front of the green room. You silently prayed and hope with all your might that maybe they will be generous enough not to sue you or ask for compensation for the mess, looking around cautiously for any employees before you sprinted off for the exit door, and yes, dragging the passed out stunt lady.

Mark felt as if he had a halo above his head, the water balloon inside him finally set free. But he had to race when he saw his phone buzzing with notifications, all of them belonging to his manager or the group chat of the members chanting same syllables ‘Where are you’ ‘show starts in 2′ ‘get yo ass here’. It did not take the rapper too while before he reached the green room, the makeup artists and stylists immediately wrapping themselves around him with brushes and hair sprays. He was smiling, genuinely smiling as he replayed the encounter he just had. Johnny raised an eyebrow with an amused grin on his face.

“What’s with the smile, bro?” Johnny pulls up some random exercises to relieve the tension in his muscles.

Instead of dodging his question, Mark replied, still smiling, but wider. “The pee voyage was a nice one.”

Johnny judged the younger for a second before chuckling and heading towards the stage. The loud noises from the fans echoed throughout the whole arena, full of green lightsticks gleeming like blossoming spring garden. No wonder I called them grass, Mark thought. But today, he was looking for a rather specific individual, his eye scanning almost all the faces in the crowd. He hoped to see you again, smiling gleefully as he performed, but thought that it was too greedy of him to want this much in a span of a day. And so he performed, for the first time without any pressure of doing good, enjoying every moment of the stage he was on and yet again, wished that maybe, maybe your paths will collide with his again.

part 2

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izzy-b-hands · 5 years ago

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Tagged by @dabitchisback thank you!!!!

do you make your bed?

dsalfd nope. I should probably, at least once in a while, but I’m always going to just...use it again...and no one else is gonna see it...and even if they were, if that bugs them, then they probably wouldn’t be in my room to begin with lol.

what’s your favourite number?

2 and 6 seem to follow me in my life a lot, so I guess I like those okay!

what’s your job?

Medical switchboard operator is the Big Official Title aka I answer phones for an eye clinic

if you could go back to school, would you?

I would really like to get my Master’s, so yeah, if I could do it with no debt and with the guarantee that any job I would have during that time would let me keep my schedule flexible, then hell yeah I’d go back.

can you parallel park?

...I’m too gay (and anxious w/some PTSD related to past car accidents) to even know how to drive. I don’t even have my permit or license lol.

a job you had that would surprise people?

Probably none of them? Because I haven’t had very many. My first was an after school gig from like...fourteen to about sixteen at the neurology clinic my mum worked at, putting their physical, old-school, paper charts together with that days dictation updates. Then I worked at the local public library for about six years, and then I ended up at the eye clinic and have been there nearly seven years now I think? None of which are real surprising places for me I suppose.

do you think aliens are real?

Yeah? I guess? Idk, I figure they could be, but also if I was them, I don’t think I’d bother with the Earth. That’s just my thoughts on it.

can you drive a manual car?

No, but I once had to help my granddad move a barely working one slightly down a hill, so I have technically driven one, kinda (if pushing lightly on the gas for two seconds and then helping park it so it doesn’t roll counts lol)

what’s your guilty pleasure?

I don’t know? I’ve been in therapy long enough to be trained to like...not have those because otherwise I let myself be consumed by guilt and then feel terrible for weeks after doing whatever it is I’ve just done even if that thing is totally harmless to myself and others, SO. Long story short, maybe chocolate? Because sometimes I eat more than I maybe should in one sitting?

tattoos?

*cracks knuckles* okay here we go with The List. I have my Queer/Love tattoo on the in and outside of my left wrist, my Ghost (the metal band) rat pope on the outside of my left forearm with a Grucifix near it on the very bottom interior of my forearm, just before the Love of aforementioned wrist tattoo, my David Bowie tribute tattoo with symbols from Ziggy Stardust and Aladdin Sane and Blackstar, my Avatar Country tattoo on the outside of my left upper arm, just above that is the bird that is the mom/kid tattoo me and my mum got, and right on the center of my left shoulder/upper arm is my Saints Row purple Fleur de Lis.

Going across to my chest: I have a creepy/sad eye flash piece that Rich designed right in the center of my chest (and yes, that part of the body really fucking hurts getting tattooed, but it was worth it lol), and then a Halloween Jack-O-Lantern flash also designed by Rich. On my right shoulder and upper arm I have my Devil’s Carnival half sleeve, on the outer portion of my right forearm I have my Black Waltz Avatar lyrics tattoo, on the interior of my right forearm is my Repo! The Genetic Opera tattoo, and then I have Freddie’s signature on the inside of my right wrist, and ‘life’ in his handwriting on the outside of my right wrist.

On my left thigh, just kinda near my hip area there, idk how to describe it?? I have my Freddie ‘Cat Daddy’ Mercury heart tattoo that was some flash designed by the other tattoo artist I see a lot now named Nikki, then lower on that thigh is Rich’s signature piece of a snail, then on that ankle I have a cute lil flower flash by Rich, then finally on my right lower leg/calf I have my Freddie memorial tattoo with his fave flowers and colors and his initials.

I would go on about all the ones I want to get done (sometime in the future, since I have to sorta slow down on tattoos to save money for my transition stuff) but that would make this entry even longer so...we’re just gonna leave that for a different post lol.

favourite colour?

I have more than one, but my mainstay one nowadays is yellow!

favourite type of music?

My mum raised me on rock and roll, but I also like pop and hip hop and just...idk I like a lot of stuff lol. I’ll give most music a try if someone gives me a CD or shoots me a Spotify link.

things that people do that drive you crazy?

Purposefully and pridefully ignorant people who don’t care if their ignorance hurts others, and also I hate hearing people chew and swallow and shit. idk why, the sound just Sucks.

do you like doing puzzles?

I love puzzles, but I often don’t have enough space to finish them (my Queen puzzle is glaring at me, half finished, rn lmao.)

any phobias?

Oh Jesus. So many. They’re all dumb af and relate to various odd PTSD shit and/or minor trauma from my childhood and/or stuff with my anxiety (and like all of this is co-morbid/intertwined per my therapist so like...aldsfaj it’s all A Lot.) I’m legit too embarrassed of them to say any of them here, forgive me.

favourite childhood sport?

I was actually decent at volleyball, so that was one I didn’t try to get out of in gym class. That and tennis and badminton. I get bad competitive with badminton though like the Jock in me comes out that normally barely even exists.

do you talk to yourself?

Sometimes yeah. Out loud if I’m alone. My therapist is cool with it because it helps me work through stupid anxiety shit a lot of the time, so like it’s dumb, but also If It Ain’t Broke Don’t Fix It, ya feel?

what movie do you adore?

Oh god A Lot. I’ll just say Rocketman for now for a recent one, and Kiki’s Delivery Service for a childhood/still current one, because if I actually list all the movies I’ve adored since I was a kid, this post will become too big to post lol.

coffee or tea?

Tea, especially chai.

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

I don’t know actually. I thought about that recently, and realized the answer is probably writer, but that I only wanted to be that after adults told me I was good at it and I earned approval from them, which is Definitely Something, but we don’t have time to unpack all that!

Tagging @skylinepigeon, @s-k-y-w-a-l-k-e-r (I’m not sure if I should use your side or main for this, my bad if I tagged the wrong one on here!!), @the-heebiejeebies, and anyone else who wants to do this!!

#text post #ask box things #sorry this is so late #I'm going thru all the stuff I was tagged in but hadn't gotten to yet #trying to make sure I don't duplicate and answer something I already answered #this mess is a place lol

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aelinbitch-archive · 5 years ago

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You've probably said this before but what's your favorite aspect of the TOG series? I've only read like ten pages of the first book lol

aaaaa thank u for asking!! this sort of leads into something i’ve been meaning to talk about for a while so i hope you’re prepared for An Essay No One Wanted By Me. anyway this is a two-part answer, read below:

1. Aelin. Celaena. The main bitch, whatever you wanna call her lol. Without her I probably wouldn’t have cared about the series at all and wouldn’t currently be trapped in ToG tumblr hell reluctantly stanning a racist and homophobic series, but unfortunately when I was like twelve years old or whatever and read the first book I literally imprinted on Celaena like a baby duckling. To the extent that she became, like, the default avatar for all my maladaptive daydreaming and If I Don’t Project On Her At All Times I Will Die. It’s not like she’s the only thing I like about the series (I loooove a lot of the other characters, especially the gals, and the writing can be really great and engaging and cinematic) but Aelin has always been the supermassive black hole at the center of it all for me. I wouldn’t know how to even begin untangling her character from my psyche at this point. It’s honestly a little disturbing. Anyway.

2. Part two is a quality of the series that I feel was unprecedented in its strength in the first five books of the series (ToG-QoS plus the prequel novellas) and really really disappointingly weak in the last two books (EoS-KoA). Like I said above, Aelin has always been my main interest in tog so I read and enjoyed the last two anyway, but I definitely felt the loss of this - “this” being the detail and attention paid to all different types of relationships between characters, and how rich and unpredictable those relationships were as a result.

That sounds like kind of a broad, vague thing, but what I mean is that (in my opinion) rarely are romances and friendships and rivalries explored with such nuance, complexity, drama, and realism in most YA as they are in ToG. I remember reading Cassandra Clare’s books (lmao.) as a pre teen and loving those as well, but totally being able to predict who was going to end up with who, and finding the character dynamics to be pretty cut and dry.

In ToG that’s not the case at all. Like, you’ve got Celaena and Sam, a really complex example of enemies to lovers to….. Tragically Dead Boyfriend Whose Demise Fuels My Guilt and Self-Hatred For Seven More Books, Lysandra and Aelin, two girls pitted against each other by their abuser who team up a year later to unlearn their internalized misogyny and kill him, and Aelin and Chaol, who… how do I even describe the ups and downs (and downs. and more downs) of their relationship.

And that’s just three pairs! Pull the names of two characters out of a hat and I can almost guarantee essays worth of material could be written about them. Arobynn and Aelin? Aelin and Nehemia? Chaol and Dorian, as much as I hate both of them and feel that their relationship as been widely mischaracterized? All fascinating!!! No two people in those first few books are just friends, or just lovers, or just enemies. It’s always more complex, there’s always a history or tension or competing agendas or viewpoints that Fuck Shit Up.

And benefit of that is twofold: one, everything that happens between the characters just…. lands so well. The betrayals and triumphs and losses and victories of The Assassin’s Blade and Crown of Midnight and Queen of Shadows (especially TAB) are fucking heart-stopping. It’s great character-driven entertainment!! Gripping and engaging and vivid to the point of being painful.

And two, there’s no way to predict where a relationship is going to go. Aelin and Lysandra teaming up in QoS instead of returning to their rivalry? Who would have thought! Ansel and Celaena’s summer fling (they were in love. fight me.) ending like That? Holy fuck. Nesryn and Chaol breaking up in ToD? Oh shit! I fell for it again! Rowan and Aelin ending up together after everyone swore they were brotp in HoF? Hell yeah! Chaolaena seeming like endgame and then ending forever, with Chaol and Aelin realizing that the rift between them that began in CoM was something that would never sufficiently heal? Unprecedented. Fucking badass for a YA book to curve everyone like that. Tween me was shook out of her mind.

(Important to note, though, that the downside of this style was that SJM couldn’t tell where ~unpredictable relationships and characters~ ended and fridging began, and as a result, not one but two woc were killed off to make white characters sad and it sucked beyond belief).

Aaaaaand then QoS, the peak of literature, turned into EoS, and SJM just… gave up on all of that. I remember the first time Dorian and Manon met, and I was like oh, okay. So they’re going to end up together. And I was right. I remember that on this site, before EoS came out, before Lorcan and Elide ever fucking MET, people predicted the existence of Elorcan!! And they were right!! Like how fucking boring? Everyone is just paired off into completely predictable heterosexual ships and those are now the only relationships we get to read about (with a few exceptions, like Aelin/Aedion, Aelin/Fenrys, etc.).

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: my least favorite thing about Manorian is not that I find the relationship to be shitty (although I do, I really do). It’s that Dorian is suddenly the only character Manon gets to interact with in any meaningful way.

Like, are you kidding?! I want to read about Manon and Elide, Manon and Asterin, Rowan and Lorcan, Aelin and Lysandra, Aelin and Nesyrn, even if it’s not romantically (although some of them, like Manon and Elide, absolutely should have been, and the fact that not only was that ship very thoroughly sunk, but also they didn’t even get to TALK after QoS, felt like a real slap in the face to gay fans, but I digress), because those pairings previously had hella complexity and drama. But we don’t get to.

And this trend that’s so painfully present in the last two books Sucks for two reasons: one, every relationship that isn’t romantic (which were previously some of the most interesting ones) is abandoned so that more time can be made for The Hets™ and two, the relationships that are romantic, now the only ones left, are totally fucking boring and predictable!! If two characters are interacting at any point (if one is male and the other is female, of course) then you know for a fact that they’re not only love interests, but endgame.

And that makes me not care even when there is drama between them. Elide giving Lorcan the cold-shoulder for three hundred pages, and Manon and Dorian arguing, and Aedion being cruel to Lysandra weren’t compelling narratives to me like they should have been, because the whole time I was just thinking “but it doesn’t matter. I know it’s still endgame. There are no stakes here whatsoever; it’s a done deal.” Whereas Chaol and Celaena’s devestating breakup in CoM felt like (and was) suuuuper Real. An all-in bet on the wrong person. Crazy shit.

And not that I think two characters should never have a happy ending together (I really like rowaelin and nestaq and I would have loved malide!) but imagine how much cooler and subversive and entertaining it would have been if Elorcan, which seemed soooo totally cute and endgamey and borderline like fanfiction throughout all of EoS just ended forever right there and then on the beach, with Elide turning to Lorcan and saying “I hope you spend the rest of your miserable, immortal life suffering. I hope you spend it alone. I hope you live with regret and guilt in your heart and never find a way to endure it” - and BAM. She never speaks to him again. He’s dead to her.

I mean, talk about shock value! (See, Sarah, you can have shock value without killing of a person of color to make a white character sad 🙃). And I totally get that relational twists like that alienate fans more than just going the expected route and having them kiss and make-up does (I mean, the ending of Chaolaena in QoS certainly did, Jesus Christ) but I, Bella aelinbitch, personally live for that shit, and isn’t it only fair that all media cater directly and specifically to me? Lmao. But seriously, I do think it’s objectively more interesting, and that it keeps readers on their toes (I was on my ASS in EoS and KoA. Like. I was flat on my back sinking into the Earth).

And there are still sort of… glimmers of the old way she wrote in the first few books, but it just feels like a tease rather than something that’s really explored and indulged in the way it was before, and it just ends up being more frustrating (like what was the point of Manon and Dorian not getting married at the end of KoA if I would bet my life savings that in World of Tog it’ll be confirmed that they’re either married or still together) and sometimes downright problematic? Like to return to a previous example, I think all the drama between Aedion + Lysandra was a result of Sarah’s previous (good) instincts to shake stuff up and complicate the character dynamics, but it backfires because when they end up together, it’s not ever… worked out? Or addressed? If you create really intense drama between two people, then that needs to show up in their relationship, no matter how happy they end up together. It doesn’t just disappear.

And despite the fact that her understanding of that concept (that shit between two people doesn’t just disappear like magic) is one of my absolute favorite things about the first few books, Sarah even went as far as to use the last two books to retcon some of the original complexity away, which makes me want to rip out my hair!! Like Aelin at the end of KoA just going “Love you Chaol and Love you Dorian xoxoxoxoxox best friends forever!!!” instead of having, like, any type of mixed feelings about the way these boys treated her? I mean, come on! 100 pages earlier Chaol was openly saying she should die instead of Dorian! Why is everything just peachy-keen instead of fraught with tension!! (I know why. I know. It’s because she introduced way too many characters/POVs/storylines as the series went on and didn’t know what to do with them all besides sideline the nonromantic ones and pair off everyone else boy-girl boy-girl down the line). Or if it has to be peachy-keen, why is the peachy-keeness never critically examined as, perhaps, a repressive mechanism for Aelin to avoid dealing with painful truths from her past? Now that would be interesting.

(My ideal World of ToG would be just a transcript of the characters’ therapy sessions where Aelin realizes that her insistence that “Chaol and Dorian Are Her Friends!” is actually a way to keep herself safe emotionally and that she has plenty of reasons to hate them, and Lysandra realizes she should divorce Aedion lmao).

Anyway tldr: The variety, complexity, depth, and unpredictability of the relationships in Throne of Glass was simultaneously the most realistic (sometimes relationships of all kinds fall apart or veer off in unexpected directions and love is temporary and the boy you met in the first chapter isn’t actually your soulmate and it doesn’t mean he’s a villain) and the most gripping and dramatic (I would have been totally chill if maeve and erawan weren’t a thing and tog was just like a medieval soap opera, that’s how entertaining the character dynamics were) thing about the series, and to lose that in the last two books because of Heterosexuality (and introducing too many POVs and not knowing what to do with them all)…. kinda devastating.

This ended up being waaaaaay more complaining than it was talking about what I loved, but the only reason it bothers me so much is because it used to be so good!!! So just imagine the inverse of all the frustration I just vomited into this ask and you’ll have a good idea of how much I loved the series when things weren’t this way.

#im SO sorry for how shittily worded/ranty/emotional/long this is but *antoni from queer eye voice* a shitty YA series is actually something #that can be so personal...#greatest hits: hot takes

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swearronchanel · 6 years ago

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8.07

Well, damn

the girls looking so good 😭😍💖 fashion queens

“Sometimes, we simply see each other through fresh eyes and there’s joy it in”

The Turner’s poppin bottles in the house

I still love Mother Mildred she’s wild

Poor sister Frances, literally the new sister Winnifred 🤦🏼‍♀️

Now she’ll have her “first birth experience” and will have the “I’m a midwife, I can do it” epiphany lmao

Sister Hilda has some good lines lol

Hard boiled eggs yum 😂😂 LMAO ew who wants that as an appetizer or hor d’oeuvre

aw there’s baby teddy, the writers remembered his existence this time

small dry sherry pls

Set aside the bottles we are popping birth control pills ladies, on the daily so they work

violet is me in some situations like great idea but who is paying? 😂😂

POSEIDON’S HIPPYCAMP LMAOOO WHAT?

I love sister Monica Joan

Does England have any gold Olympic medals? 😂 no shade I’m just curious

Silver is still good lol but sister MJ ain’t about it

I would like to join the Phyllis Crane fan club thanks

Ofc they were right there’s like single young moms every other episode

So she’s got an STD

Are we guessing her husband is cheating? Cause I am

THE PRIDE OF THE NATION IS AT STAKE LMAOOO SHE’S SCOUTING THE KIDS FOR FUTURE ATHLETES

I want some chips even tho I still can’t used to calling them chips

YAS Mother Mildred Lmaoo tell sister J about it

Sister J has been pushed the side this series and then they give her a time to make a point and nothing lmao, the same lines she said 3 series ago about the pill

I’m offended write sister J better pls

Val spilling family tea

Her poor grandmother tho 💔 so glad a lot has changed in 60 years (even tho more still needs to change )

Miss Higgins and Phyllis is the duo I didn’t realize I wanted to see? Give us more

I knew he was cheating !! Trash

Fountain of all wisdom😂

LMAO Mother Mildred knows Phyllis isn’t down for him

Gonorrhea,,, shit

(chlamydia is the clap tho? do british people call both the clap?)

Not a chartreuse fan but cute coat for shelagh

“Nice to see you kid” pure 😭

PHYLLIS’ CRINGE at the comment I love Lucille tho lmao

“WE’VE ALL HAD A DOSE” SJSJSJ BRO ACTUALLY WE HAVEN’T LMAO

He said he paid for it so casually, why are a lot of men trash?🤦🏼‍♀️

!Courage and humility! We know this, esp humility lmaooo

This other husband seems better

Shelagh’s plaid pants Yass i love

I hope they show the Turner’s talking to the kids, as sad as it is you gotta shed light all the harsher reality side to fostering kids

My best friends’ growing up parents’ fostered so many kids throughout our childhood is was always sad watching kids come and go

“Bribery and corruption?” I love Beatrix 😂 I love when her series 1 playful/jokester self shines through

Ok but not gonna lie I LOVE Bingo LMAO

“Miss Anderson” 😭😍 pure af and she looks so pretty

Where was sister MJ when I was having nervous breakdowns failing all my math courses? 😭

An enema sounds like a nightmare Lmaoo

Aw here comes the talk 😭

Not “the talk” but that would actually be SO funny omg imagine LMAO

Idk why I expected the little kids to say something lol but at least they showed it 😭poor Tim tho

Trixie looks so good serving some mod 60s realness!!

Val’s outfit is cute too

Damn it there was the chance to bring back “children are more resilient than you think” !! (Sister B said that right?)

The fear of God “I’ve already got that” LMAOO sister Frances

My fam loves bingo we play it at my grandma’s I miss it 😂 this caller isn’t that exciting tho

also am an active player of bingo when we go on cruises bc once again YES, I am actually a 60 year old woman

“WAS SHE WORTH IT?” LMAOO

Why didn’t he yell BINGO in confused? LMAO is this british? Who says house??

Why is it hilarious to me that the hookers know Dr Turner?😂

elbow first?? Whatttt the hell

There’s the little fish looking baby 😂

Aww she’s all crusty but reminds me how excited I am to meet my niece when I get back to the states 😭

There’s the new instilled confidence lol predictable af but still sweet

Nosy bitches, I’d be so catty and just start calling people out on their issues lmao

oh yikes that’s a nasty boil

They’re having a whole party 😂

and now the party’s over

Passing the magazine that’s so cute

“What an honor” uhhh

“Hope my Val is like you” pure 😭😭

Omg she wanted to be a nurse my heart stop I’ll tear up

Are we supposed to feel sorry for Mr Pugh? Bc I don’t (am I being insensitive idk tbh)

baby girls are winning tonight

aw she’s so tiny

“You are Artemis” YAS love that greek mythology😂😭 I will scream it everywhere I love sister MJ

Who thought making “Aunt Flo” a character was ok LMAO

IF GRAN IS DEAD IM SUING OMG SJKJKJK

OH SHIT PLOT TWIST

Was not expecting that. what the fuck

And sister Mildred’s leaving aw 😭I’ll miss her

she’s like sister Evangelina but on another level lmaoo

Why is she leaving mysteriously after her “work” is done like a magical movie nanny? lollll

I guess this isn’t the best time to say it but this shuts down the speculations that Val had an abortion?

Ok Agnes is an ugly name but do you

this is so so sad 😭😭 this is why safe abortions need to accessible bc this is how it happens when it’s illegal

burning the fucking money, this is so heavy

They both have points tho so you can’t even point fingers at who is right or wrong in this situation. There’s no good or bad, it just is

Honestly the real one in the wrong here is the damn government who fails the state when they don’t give a damn about women and don’t provide access to legal & safe abortions and just overall make women (esp poor women)’s lives so freaking difficult !!

is Val going to call the cops? I know this isn’t the end of it

There’s Britain’s gold tho 😂

“We can never foretell when our fortunes will turn or when the story will change. Sometimes we see each other through fresh eyes and there’s no joy at all. We see what was concealed and what is shameful. We see what is true, and nothing familiar remains...”

Damn this was heartbreaking but also the best episode this weekend.

#call the midwife #comments #just random thoughts and rambles tbh

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itsyaboisayori · 7 years ago

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Why I’m questioning Sayori

I said I’d make this post so here it is! Even got on my laptop to properly do the post :p I’m just kinda winging this but I’ll try to list out everything I can. If I forget stuff I’ll go back and edit it later so if you’re curious, keep watch! I’ll reblog any time I make edits, at least somewhat big ones.

Also, replies are welcome! I’m open to constructive criticism and anyone wanting to offer new viewpoints. I accept that I’m still learning and nothing is for sure yet. Also tbh anyone telling me I sound like I’m kin is validating as heck so if you’re thinking it then I’d appreciate you saying it ahaha, but please don’t lie to me because you think you know what I want to hear. I want the truth. I don’t want to be a confused mess ;n; And I know all/most of these could be COMPLETELY unrelated to being Sayori fictionkin, but I feel like they’re worth mentioning anyways. It’s more like, a bunch of little coincidences rather than big solid evidence, I’m aware of that and that’s a big reason why I’m questioning and not for-sure Sayorikin.

One thing I realized just a couple of days ago is how, since I was a kid I’ve had this like, ideal thing I guess? how do I put this into words lmao my brain is dumb,, I guess a fantasy, that I’d fall in love with a childhood friend, like someone I’m close with from a young age but strictly friends for a long time. I’ve always been in love with the idea of falling in love with your best friend. And of course that’s what happens to Sayori, due to her programming in DDLC. And if I’m kin with Sayori from other game(s) rather than just DDLC then it definitely could be something unrelated, just a coincidence.

I’m like, really drawn to DDLC?? Maybe just because DDLC is a great game and I love all the creepypasta type stuff behind it all, all the theories and dark shit, and also I think just as a cute dating sim it’d be great anyways (but nowhere near as great). But idk, when I saw it I immediately felt kinda drawn to it but maybe that’s just in my head or for some other reason like the characters look nice or smth.

Also it REALLY gives me feels. It makes me feel things in general. I rarely get genuinely scared from fictional stuff anymore but this game fucked me up. I’m still scared to play it on my own because, even after watching multiple youtubers play it multiple times, it still fucking scares me.

The Sayori suicide scene and her poem- especially the poem- really get to me. I saw people making hanging puns in the previous video before her death so it was kind of spoiled for me but even still, it got to me. And the scene where Sayori is freaking out because you deleted Monika before playing the game REALLY gets to me,, like I just understand that overwhelming, helpless feeling. Especially finding out why she acted that way, it’s so fucking hard to watch that scene and normally I’m not affected by this kind of stuff. So either DDLC is extremely good at psychological horror or I have some sort of connection to the scenarios, whether that be just that I’ve been through similar things and am projecting (not really that I remember though? idfk brains are weird) or ya know,,, I once lived as someone in DDLC or whatever.

(TW self harm/suicide/choking) Probably has no real correlation but when I have panic attacks/flashbacks (unrelated to DDLC I mean) I feel like I’m choking or like I can’t breathe. And when really frustrated I tend to choke myself? Sayori died from asphyxiation instead of her neck being broken, by accident because she used a stepping stool instead of something higher like a chair and jumping off. Btw I’m okay, I never actually choke myself to the point to causing permanent damage or anything, and of course I’m not saying this is like, okay or anything. I know it’s bad but I’ve done it completely on impulse, and this was all before learning DDLC even existed. I’m working on getting better and I’m not going to kill myself or anything, just thought I’d mention this.

I relate to her personality,,, so fucking much. Not just the whole pretending to be happy to make your friends happy thing, but how she is as a person besides her depression. Tbh I feel like a lot of people relate to her because of her depression and how she deals with it, but like she’s so much more than that. She pretends to be dumb but it actually pretty smart. Maybe she’s not the best with words but I think she’s a lot more intelligent than some people think. She’s so cheerful, maybe even annoying, and is kind of the class clown, and is a total weirdo sometimes but it’s GREAT and just,, same lmao. Like “looks like my boobs are getting bigger again >:D” is something I’d say lolol I just love Sayori so much, like idc if I’m kin with her or not she’s still fucking amazing.

Another reason I relate to her but probably is like not at all proof I’m Sayori or anything, just thought I’d mention anyways, but I was kinda like, really in love with my guy friend in high school for years, he’s actually kinda like MC in some ways, like he was kinda popular with girls but not like Popular(tm), super nice and couldn’t directly say no, but he knew I was in love with him (or at least knew I had a crush on him but he probably had no idea I liked him THAT much but hey neither did I for a long time lmao) and didn’t like me back and even started intentionally avoiding me. Like, he would make up an excuse to not give me a hug, like he was late for class, but hugs only take like a fucking second what the hell?? It sucked but like when the player turns down Sayori I Relate.

I just,,,,, want to hug Natsuki like she’s fucking adorable and I want to protect her the most bc she’s like a precious child and she’s obviously abused by her dad. Tbh Yuri is a little creepy and for some reason I don’t like her that much but I mean I’d still hug her. I don’t hate Monika, like it was just her programming to do all that stuff she did so I don’t blame her and she’s p cool and I’d hug her too tbh. When Sayori interacts with Natsuki it makes me feel all warm n fuzzy. Like I don’t think in my canon Sayori and Natsuki were dating or anything, I think I/Sayori am/was just really protective? Idk, thought I’d throw that out there.

I also heavily relate to wanting to be a mediator and wanting to help everyone get along and be happy. I often (try to) play that role in this life. I’m extremely empathetic, so that’s prob why, but I can’t stand when people are fighting or can’t see each other’s point of view. Though it also frustrates the FUCK out of me when people refuse to or just absolutely cannot see any point of view but their own. Maybe that’s not really a Sayori thing but ye

When I look at Sayori I get the same “that’s me!” feeling as when I see my kintypes. Who knows though, maybe in a month or two it’ll fade, we’ll see I guess. But right now it is Very Strong. Like I’ve somewhat questioned being fictionkin with other characters before but I’ve never had the “that’s me” feeling this strong with anyone else. Ruby from RWBY is a close second but I still think she’s just a kithtype.

I feel like having a past life or whatever as someone who was experimented on kinda makes sense?? Maybe I just enjoy horror a little too much but I really think if I am Sayori I’m kin with her like actual her not just the DDLC version of her. The new game hasn’t even been announced yet but I’m so excited, mostly because I feel like I want to learn more about my possible past life I guess. I wanna see if things in the second game connect with me or if it’s just DDLC. But I feel like, if I’ve had any past lives as any humans, they were probably really dark or smth. I kinda have a dark mind I guess and that would just make sense to me lmao, like I’m 21 why haven’t I grown out of my edgy phase, why the fuck am I still really into creepypasta? Damn.

I’ve been kinda obsessed with DDLC lately. I have BPD so it could totally just be a BPD obsession thing and maybe this obsession will fade and someday I won’t care too much about DDLC, only time will tell. Also I’ve had the song Your Reality stuck in my head for a week straight but it may just be a catchy song and I tend to have a song that kinda automatically starts playing in my head occasionally, usually lately it’s been Sad Machine by Porter Robinson (good song btw highly recommend)

Most likely unrelated but Sayori’s hair has been described as “strawberry blonde” on one wiki and my hair is like, light brown but reddish, though it looks more like Monika’s hair, especially because I keep my hair long. I’ve been kinda wanting to cut it but I like having long hair tbh and I feel like a lot of ppl don’t want me to cut my hair haha, though I really wanna get a short wig and maybe wear that occasionally (esp bc I’m non binary and wanna pass as more boyish sometimes, I know society will never accept me as nb bleh but anyways). Though, it’s been said that the reason her hair is short is because it’s easier for her to deal with, but I’m not 100% sure if that’s canon. Though I guess it doesn’t matter much? cuz multiverse stuff n all but, still.

Speaking of her appearance, she seems to not care too much about how she looks, which I relate to haha, especially because of depression n stuff. I mean I have Crippling Social Anxiety(tm) so I do care to an extent but usually I’m like, if someone likes me they’ll like me for who I am not how I look anyways. I don’t feel the need to dress super proper to impress anyone in casual social situations, like making friends or even going on dates (though I’ve only been on a real date like a few times and they were with my gf who I’d already been dating online for a while). And yeah a big reason she’s so careless about her appearance is depression but I think if I wasn’t depressed and she wasn’t depressed we’d still both have that mentality like, we don’t need to impress anyone with our appearance so it’s better to just dress how you want, whatever way makes you feel comfortable and happy with yourself and your body, than focus on being proper and stuff.

Maybe I’m just projecting but man I feel like a lot of stuff I do and my ways of thinking and stuff are very Sayori(tm). I feel like I am so much like her, like she’s so me. Though of course, maybe my reason for being kin with her is purely psychological. Maybe I “became” her after seeing DDLC. Maybe I am her because I relate to her so much. But again, only time will tell. If I still feel like I identify as her (which, currently, I most definitely do) in a couple of months or so, then I guess I’ll start calling myself fictionkin. Idk.

#dc #tw suicide ment #self harm ment #ficitonkin #kin #ddlckin #ddlc kin #sayorikin #sayori kin #ddlc fictionkin #doki doki kin #doki doki literature club kin #hey uh I'm open to suggestions/comments/etc as long as you're not like here to tell me I'm stupid for thinking I'm fictionkin or some shit #thanks #questioning kin #questioning fictionkin #I appreciate help and advice guys

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shsl-shipper-gamer-fangirl · 7 years ago

Text

More dangan thieves

“Toot! Toot! This is a HOLD UP!”

“Or maybe doot doot? Ibuki can’t choose which gun to use! Tu turuu~”

“Cease your movement, unruly shadows! Do not make me repeat myself.“

“Are you sure that’s aaaaall the money you have? Let’s open you up and check just to be sure!“

Ibuki Mioda Codename: Noise or Encore Arcana: Sun

Mask: Metal face mask from Mad Max except it extends up to her two oni horns hair [NOTE: unlike all the other masks, only Ibuki's doesn't cover her eyes but beware, her true power lies in her voice]

Ourfit: Looks like something picked out from Kingdom Hearts with all the unnecessary belts and zippers, honestly what style is she even going for? The color scheme is still the same except instead of the school uniform, she wears a lot of leather like a post-apocalyptic musician. Her gloves are mismatched: her right is pink and ends at her wrist while her left is striped pink and ends at her elbow.

Persona: Mousai [yes, she gets all 9 muses in 1 summon, she calls them her band]

*NOTE: Ibuki is that one character who actually tried to apply to become a Dangan Thief. In a convenient turn of events, she managed to eavesdrop on one of their meetings (who knew that doing dubious vocal training at suspicious corners would pay off!) and she was excited as hell! She thought they were cool and wanted to try it out. Through sheer confidence (much to the annoyance of the party), she was able to convince them to let her join (mostly to watch) on one of their field days. Things escalated but thankfully she awakened her persona in the moment of crisis.

Skillset: Strong nuclear skills, weak to psychokinesis; high critical rates but also low resistance to status ailments

Weapons: Guitar axe, sword flute, hammer drum, tuning dagger, trombone shotgun, trumpet pistol, harp crossbow, violin bow, french horn grenade launcher (where does Ibuki get all these weapons?!)

All-Out Attack Card: "Face the music" blasting from speakers (think Coma Doof of Mad Max Fury Road) with her weapon on fire she shouts, "This girl is on fiyaaaaaah!"

Awakening Scene: Mousai: All this shouting reminds us of a song, does it not? A pitiful song. Look at them, walking all over you, drumming to a rhythm that silences yours. Are you just going to let this miserable song go on? Where is your voice? Why aren't you singing louder than these fools who think they can!

Ibuki: This is the part where Ibuki proves you wrong mysterious voice inside Ibuki's head! Clearly you're new to my concert 'cause you would know that I was just warming up! Ibuki didn't become a rockstar by being quiet, Ibuki ROARED! I'll show you just how loud I can be at FULL VOLUME!

Mousai: And here we thought you couldn't get any louder. Your song has finally reached us. As you already know, all great musicians had to sign a contract. I art thou... thou art I...

Ibuki: ROCK AND ROCK AND ROCK AND ROCK AND ROCKROCKROCKROCKROCK AND ROLL, MOUSAI!

Quotes: "Onwards to the next concert, Ace Detective!" "Too fast! I didn't even get to do a solo!" "I leveled up! And I have song to celebrate with!" “Oooooh! A new skill! I can totally rock this!” "That sparkle! That shine! That shining shimmering splendid! It's a treasure chest! Let's go for it!" "A safe room you say? Let's take five and rehearse." “Nothing exciting like wandering in someone's world inside their head.” "Hehehe... I'm just warming up. Bring on the show!" “Can I get an encore? Do you want more?” "Wheeeeeew, boy am I pooped! Let's stop the tour here please." "Look, a shadow! We should go say hi!" “A rabbid fan saw us! Run run run RUN!” "It's like an amateur facing off with a pro... boring and unfair." “Mmmmmhhhhh, I feel like that one would explode with just one note.” "Huh?! You want to fight that? Okay but this is a death flag just saying." “Watch out! This feels like one of those important showdowns! Gotta get your cool lines ready beforehand.” “All my friends, we're glorious! Tonight we are victorious!”

*BATON PASS!* "LET'S MAKE SOME NOISE!" *PROTECT* "Move, bitch! Get out the way!" *ENDURE* "Ugh... My last one standing game is strong!" *PERSONA!* "Burn the stage down, Mousai!" *Follow Up* "Need a second voice for that solo?" *Cover Fire* "Please oh please let me do the chorus." *Harisen Recovery* "Wake up, get up, GET OUT THERE!" *low on health* "I can see it... my ending! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!" *healing someone* "Don't die on me for plot device!" *getting healed* "Aaaaaaah! Feeling alive is so much better than feeling dead." *giving buffs* "Power ups for more power!" *physical attacks* "How do you like the sound of that?" *attacking* "GET REKT!" *attack misses* “Oh no! My hidden ditzy character is showing!" *couldn't finish off enemy* "Can't believe it didn't die, so rude!" *fainting* "It's weird... I can't seem to hear anything... so sad." *getting resurrected* “An encore? Well don't mind if I do!"

[lmao these are all song lyrics] *status ailment* "I, I shake it off! I shake it off!" Burn: "It's fire burning! Fire burning on the dance floor!" Freeze: “Yo, VIP, Let's kick it!!!! Ice! Ice! Baby!” Shock: "Girl, I'm all charged up! Cutie! Electro-cutie!" Forget: "See you driving 'round town with the girl I love and I'm like. Forget you! Ooh, ooh, ooh~" Charm: "We found love in a hopeless place~" Rage: "Let the bodies hit the floor! Let the bodies hit the floor! Let the bodies hit the... FLOOOOOOOOOR!" or “ORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!” Despair: "Please don't take... my sunshine away..." Hunger: "Ah ya ya ya ya I! Keep on hoping we'll eat cake by the ocean!" Dizzy: "You spin my head right round, right round. When you go down, when you go down down." Sleep: “In the jungle... the mighty jungle... the lion sleeps tonight... A weema-weh, wimoweh, wimba way, awimbawe..." Silence: *#@$%&?! or (somebody stole my car radio and now I just sit in silence) Mouse: *to the tune of hickory dickory dock* "Squeaksqueaksqueak squeaksqueaksqueak squeak~"

Mementos Chats: "The acoustics here are amazing! I bet I can yell and it would ECHOOOOOOOO!" "Uuuuuuuggggggghhhhh. Why does Silence even exist? It just makes me want to be LOUDER!" "I tried singing to them shadows, like legit singin not attacking-singing. And they just exploded? Rude!" "Shadows haven't developed the advanced hearing we people persons have. Otherwise they would have been enjoying my concerts." "Hey, maybe I should write my next song about Dangan Thieves. 'You stole my heart so I'm stealing your distorted desires'"

Ibuki: Maybe I should try bringing more instruments next time. I want to try pulling off a concert with my new band! Hajime: For the last time, your persona is not a band. Please only limit summoning them for thieving purposes.

Hajime: I knew you always had a dangerous taste in music but this is just taking it to the next level. Ibuki: What are you talking about, SpaceAce? This is just my usual.

Chiaki: This is so exciting, I think. I've always liked those characters who literally use music to attack. Ibuki: Awwww, that's so sweet of you, Bonbon. I'm gonna dedicate my next song to you!

Nagito: You are lively as always, ahahaha. Nothing can keep your hope quiet, how wonderful! Ibuki: Damn right! Noise is here to turn up the volume!

Fuyuhiko: Where the fuck do you get all these crazy shit weapons? Ibuki: They're Noise Originals obviously! Made them myself to use during concerts but my bandmates never let me.

Peko: The way you wield your instruments... it is quite intriguing. It looks reckless but under trained eyes, it actually holds perfect form. You make it look so easy. Ibuki: Hrrrrr, I don't really get what you say. I just play like how I would, ya know?

Mahiru: Please tell me you don't actually use your weapons in real life. Ibuki: Definitely nadah! Noise is against fighting. Oh, but I do use them to play some sweet notes sometimes.

Ibuki: If I can summon nine people, that's eight more than normal! Oh, no! Does that mean Noise has multiple personalities! Impostor: No, that's not it. I can assure you that's not your case and there's no need for you to worry.

Impostor: Ibuki:

Tsumiki: U-Um, please not so loud when near other people. Hiiii! I'm so s-sorry! It's just, um... it could cause hearing problems so... sorry! Ibuki: It's cool, dokidoki! I just gotta be loud far far away, got it.

Sonia: You have quite the unique persona. To think that your other self looks like a group of nine persons, how interesting! Ibuki: I knooooow! It's like my fantasy band! Me, myself, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and Loud I.

------

Gundam Tanaka Codename: (Evil Overlord) Lich Arcana: Strength

Mask: Aku Shogun of Sorrow Mask by EpicLeather

Ourfit: Typical evil overlord getup (think castlevania dracula). Old fashion, dark and edgy, with a cape (black on the outside, violet on the inside), and his purple long scarf still wrapped around his neck. His left sleeve is rolled up until his elbow but instead of bandages, there's a gauntlent made of bones. His gloves have a skeletal design.

*IMPORTANT NOTE: Even though none of his hamsters have awakened, Gundam still insists on bringing the Four Dark Devas of Destruction with him, even going so far as making them all tiny individual masks, and redubbing them as the Four Dangan Devas of Thieving. Their codenames are as follows:

"Supernova Silver Fox" San-D: Inari "Mirage Golden Hawk" Jum-P: Horus "Crimson Steel Elephant": Ganesha "Invading Black Dragon" Cham-P: Ao Shun

Persona: Kaminari-sama, god of lightning, thunder, storms Note: unlike popular depictions, Gundam's persona looks more adorable than threatening, it's cute AF, takes a form similar to the momonga, japanese dwarf flying squirrel, but with sparks

Skillset: Strong zio skills but weak to garu Weapons: Pair of sai and revolver or flintlock

All-Out Attack Card: “INFINITY UNLIMITED FLAME” written in a summon circle with dark flames scorching in the background and he says, "Ha! You weak creatures make me laugh!"

Awakening Scene: Kaminari-sama: How many times more will you let people make a mockery of your power? You are a Lord of Darkness, are you not? And yet rather than respect, they throw ridicule and insults at you, call you a false god. A powerless god. I ask you this, are you truly that powerless?

Gundam: For a demon born from the abyss of my heart, you should already know the answer. I've been ridiculed enough by others so do not dare join their mockery! A powerless god you say, ha! They spout insults AND lies! My power is no joke. And they would regret every word they said that assumed otherwise!

Kaminari-sama: Spoken like a true Dark Lord. As long as you understand your rights then let us proceed with the contract. I art thou... thou art I... The power you've longed for is already within your grasp. You are no benevolent god. You are an Evil Overlord who destroys all obstacles and punishes all those who oppose you!

Gundam: That's right! Bwahaha! At last! The seal on my dark powers has finally been broken! From this day forth, I have been born anew, only to lay waste to those before me! Strike them down, Kaminari-sama!

Codename: Gundam: Hahaha! At last! The time to unleash my wrath upon the world has come! Tremble before the destructive force before you!

Chiaki: Congratulations on unlocking your persona, Gundam. New party member acquired!

Nagito: It was quite the sight to behold, your awakening, truly I am lucky to witness such hope. Ah, and now you've decided to join us as well. Hmmm, I suppose it's time to address the next issue. So what should his codename be?

Gundam: Ha! I've been waiting for this moment! From here on out you shall address me by my true name! For I am Evil Overlo—

Mahiru: Overruled.

Gundam: W-What's this blasphemy? I haven't even finished yet!

Fuyuhiko: Yeah, you don't need to finish that for us to know it was going to be a long ass name. Newsflash edgelord, we're only shooting for two syllables at most.

Gundam: How preposterous! That is simply not enough to seal my abyssmal power in words. Do you not understand the consequences should my strength remain unrestrained? This pathetic world shall be torn asunder!

Peko: Perhaps we should hear him out first. There must be at least something short for a codename in what he was proposing. Let's try to focus on the main component of his name and then debate on the honorifics later. Is that acceptable enough?

Gundam: Hmph, as long as you do not forget then I shall agree to those terms for now.

Tsumiki: Then um... What would you l-like your codename to be?

Gundam: Evil Overlord of the Underworld

Mahiru: Too long! And I still can't pick any of those for a codename! Take this seriously, will you?

Gundam: You dare question my name? It would seem mortals still lack the skill to comprehend true power before their eyes.

Impostor: It's actually more of a technicality. We can't call you Overlord or Lord because it'll simply get confused with mine, King. Evil and Underworld are out of the question. Is there no other name you wish to go by?

Gundam: Ah... I see. Someone else has claimed a similar name. Even a dark lord such as myself knows to honor rights. I did not foresee such an event.

Chiaki: In other words, you didn't have any backup aliases... I think.

Sonia: Hold your head high, my dark overlord! For I shall crown you with a name worthy of your esteem!

Gundam: What? What is this name that you speak of, Dark Queen?

Sonia: *whispers to herself* Actually, I go by Enchantress here but I don't mind being called your Dark Queen... *clears throat* There is a name spoken with fear in my country. I believe only you can hold it with the same tenacity. Lich, a being of the dark arts. It suits you, does it not, Evil Overlord Lich?

Gundam: Evil Overlord Lich... Fuhuhu... Yes! I can feel the dark arts resonating with it! COWER BEFORE THE MIGHT OF EVIL OVERLORD LICH! Bwahahaha!

Chiaki: Good for you, Evil Overlord Lich.

Hajime: No. No way. We are NOT going to call him that all the time.

Gundam: Traitor! You had promised me freedom in choosing my name! Are you saying that you had no honor to uphold those words from the very beginning!

Nagito: Oh, my. It seems you've upset him. It would be a lengthy discussion if we decide to change his codename at this point. How about we settle for a compromise instead?

Hajime: Fine. We'll call you Evil Overlord Lich whenever but in battles we are redacting that to Lich. Is that compromise enough?

Gundam: I suppose those are agreeable terms. The contract is sealed. You now have my blood in your hands, do your best to not fall prey to its insanity.

Hajime: Yeah, sure whatever. Good to know that you're finally happy. Now let's go.

Gundam: Do not dare to leave just yet. There is another important matter that needs your immediate attention. Be grateful that I had warned you or else you would have suffered a horrible death.

Fuyuhiko: Oh, c'mon! We've already spent like ten minutes here. What else do you want to talk about? Your fucking madeup backstory?

Gundam: You should tread carefully with your words, mere mortal. But no, this urgent business does not address me. It is a decision regarding beings higher than myself.

Mahiru: We get it. Higher powers. Fancy words. Just get to the point and let's be done with this.

Gundam: Now that my power has been sealed by name, I request your assistance in performing more seals... specifically four.

Quotes: "I have spells that last longer than that fight. Let us set off!" "Muwahahaha... I can feel it! Power surges through my veins!" “My repertoir increases yet again!” "A treasure chest? What dangers does this one hold within?" "We've arrived at a safe room. Do not waste this moment's reprieve." “This journey pales in comparison to the trek I did to reach the Underworld where my brethren live.” "An Evil Overlord is a being void of humanity. Worry not for I need no rest." “My mortal vessel is proving to be cumbersome. Even so, I will not let it hold me back.” "Do not mistake this exhaustion for weakness. Contain such great power puts a toll on any mortal body and my vessel has reached its limits." "Fiends run amok. Shall we cleanse the area?" “Ack! We've been sighted? They must have felt the disturbance in the air." “I take pity on these unworthy opponents.” "They are no threat to us. Quickly decide on their fates." "Tread carefully! Even from this distance, I can sense the oppressiveness of their powers." “We must prepare ourselves for this one or our lives shall be forfeit.” “Another victory to add to my inordinate saga!”

*BATON PASS!* "Face the wrath of The Evil Overlord Lich!" *PROTECT* "Fool! Defend yourself!" *ENDURE* "You fiend... Did you think that was enough to best me?" *PERSONA!* "Rise forth, Kaminari-sama!" or "Strike them down, Kaminari-sama!" *Follow Up* "Call upon my wrath!" *Cover Fire* "Let my thunderstorm rain upon them!" *Harisen Recovery* "Do not disappoint me!" *low on health* "Hmph... Did you truly think that dying would strike fear into my heart?" *healing someone* "It's far too early for you to join me in the Underworld." *getting healed* "I shall remember your generosity." *giving buffs* "By the dark arts, I imbue you with strength!" *physical attacks* "Lightning strikes! Twice!" *attacking* "Your end is nigh!" *attack misses* “Preposterous! You avoided your fate?" *couldn't finish off enemy* "Delaying the inevitable will only bring you greater suffering." *fainting* "Fallen I have... but my life was one lived to the fullest." *getting resurrected* “A second chance? If you truly miss me then I will gladly return at your call.”

*status ailment* "Curse this mortal body!" Burn: "This fire holds no flame against my Infinity Unlimited Flame!" Freeze: “This frostbite is all bark and no bite!” Shock: "Betrayed...? By my own element?" Forget: "My name... has been sealed again?" Charm: “The call of darkness beckons me!” Rage: “Face the wrath of my fury!” Despair: "All these struggles... are they even worth it?" Hunger: "The beast within howls! I recquire sustenance immediately!" Dizzy: "What's this? I can't sense their aura as sharply!" Sleep: “Snore... Tremblewithfear... Zzz...” Silence: !!! Mouse: "SQUEAK!"

Mementos Chats: "Be grateful, foolish mortals, for I am a generous Dark Lord who spares his time for your thievery." "Some of the shadows look more animalistic than fiendish... what is this inner turmoil?" "The storm surges on outside in the real world. Now is the time to strike terror into the shadows!" "I can feel it... My Evil Eye tells me that there is great malice within the walls of Mementos." "I shall conquer the real world and the cognitive world as well!" "An Evil Overlord serving as a Dangan Thief... Of course, evil is known to wear many masks."

Chiaki: Our personas should reflect our own psyches, right? Hajime: I guess. I mean they aren't called our "other selves" for no reason. Chiaki: Hmmm, I see. I wonder what that says about Lich. Nagito: Ah, I now understand why you brought this up. He does posess an... interesting persona. Fuyuhiko: Just call it as it is. It's fucking adorable that's what. Mahiru: For a guy who's edgier than a knife, he's actually a huge softie on the inside. Ibuki: Oyaoya? Could this be what they call "gap moe"? Tsumiki: B-But it's still dangerous! It h-hurt a lot when he got brainwashed and used it on me, hiiii! Impostor: True, we must not underestimate it for its appearance. His persona is terrifying... no matter how cute it seems. Peko: That may be so... I wonder if it's fur is as soft as it looks... Maybe since it's a persona, I can actually get to pet it. Sonia: It would seem that everyone has taken a liking to your persona, oh Dark One. It's very cute indeed. Gundam: Cute is not befitting for a god! It's merely a disguise for you to let your guard down- cease your shallow appraisal on its appearance!

Gundam: I thought we agreed that you would address me by my full title outside of battles. Hajime: Lich can you not.

Hajime: I can't believe you really did bring your hamsters with you... Wait, are those masks? You even made them their own masks? By hand? Gundam: How else do you suppose would they acquire garments fitting of gods?

Chiaki: Whenever Lich talks, it's like I'm playing an old fantasy RPG. Recruiting an Evil Overlord as a party member is amazing, I think. Gundam: Even for someone as aloof as yourself, you say the wisest things. No need to thank my generosity, you're welcome.

Nagito: It's actually quite thoughtful of you to make masks for your hamsters. These are very well made even. As expected of someone filled with so much hope! Gundam: Fufufu... Your praise will not earn you any favors but it is acceptable enough.

Fuyuhiko: You could tone it down with your fancy shit. Seriously just yell zio like any person with common sense would, no need for a five minute incantation full of crap. Gundam: You lack the power to understand the full potential of my spells. My incantations fuel the strength of my skills so do not underestimate their value.

Peko: Even in the Metaverse, the animal-based shadows fear me... Gundam: Do not despair over such a loss. Come now, let my Four Dangan Devas of Thieving comfort you.

Mahiru: Your outfit is impractical as always. Isn't that cape too long? You're going to step on it one day. Gundam: A small price to pay for the physical manifestation of my power. There is nothing to fear for I, Evil Overlord Lich, shall die by

Tsumiki: Um... Is it really alright for those four to join us? These battles can get life-threatening... Gundam: Fret not, nurse of the heart. These four devas are more trained than I. Should the need arise, they are capable of defending themselves.

Impostor: So we have a King and an Overlord, and yet our leader is called Ace. Gundam: The Chosen One must humble themselves to serve a position of such high authority. Although this does bring attention to an issue. Perhaps we should discuss with him a change of title.

Ibuki: Yahooo! Now that Lychee has real powers, does that make him OOC when he talks about his fake real powers? Noise is confused. Gundam: It's Lich, Noisy One. And I don't need to understand your outdated language to know that you've thrown ridicule at me. I've always had this power. It's just that only now with the seal is broken can you bear witness to its wrath.

Sonia: Oh, how lovely! You brought the four devas with you today as well. May I? Gundam: ...They would not be so opposed.

Sonia: As expected of you! Your outfit is as handsome as your usual! Gundam: *hides under scarf* I... could say the same to you. Yours suit you quite well.

Gundam: It is... new to me to have a creature bound to me and yet have no obligation to care for it regularly. Sonia: Oh, you're talking about your persona, aren't you? I see, I didn't think it would bother you this much. That just shows how much dedicated you are, it's quite admirable.

Gundam: That was a formidable move you used back there. Your fire for chaos burns ever so fervently. Sonia: Thank you, that's one of my favorite fires actually.

-----

Hiyoko Saionji Codename: Ibis Arcana: Tower

Mask: Red bird shaped mask with a long black beak

Ourfit: Traditional shrine maiden attire (red hakama or pleated skirt tied with a bow, white haori, some ribbons) The sleeves look like feathers to further resemble the Japanese crested ibis.

Persona: Karura, divine creature with human torso and birdlike head

*NOTE: Hiyoko is recruited after getting Mahiru, she is introduced during one of Mahiru's confidant events. If you use Mahiru enough times in the active party then this will trigger an extra quest wherein Hiyoko eventually joins the team. She only joins because of Mahiru obviously.

Skillset: Strong garu skills and weak to zio. Good at inflicting status ailments and debuffs, and nullifying party debuffs. Weapons: Tessen (japanese war fan) and fukiya (japanese blow gun)

All-Out Attack Card: "Dance on someone's grave" painted on the backdrop of a traditional stage and she says, "Squish! Squish! Ahahaha! You're all WEAK!"

Awakening Scene: Karura: What is your next step? Will you just cry over it like some child? Have you not grown up at all? For all the elegance and maturity that your dance brings, your steps falter outside that of a stage. How pitiful. Perhaps crying suits you more than dancing given how spoiled you've become.

Hiyoko: How dare you! I'm not a kid! I haven't been a kid ever since I wore my first kimono! Why are you so mean to me? Aren't you supposed on my side? Everyone keeps ganging up on me. I hate you all! Cry? Don't make me laugh. The only ones who'll be crying are my enemies as I crush them under my heels!

Karura: Yes, that is the attitude most befitting on you. The dance is always most exciting at its climax. I art thou... thou art I... Abandon your childlike innocence, you have no need for that where we are heading. The merciless spirit of a warrior suits you more, as it should. Do not shed tears but rather strive for your enemy's bloodshed.

Hiyoko: Hmph! You don't need to tell me twice. I'm gonna have soooo much fun playing with them! And CRUSHING them to pieces. Once I enter the stage, only I leave in one piece. Dance, Karura!

Quotes: "Too easy. Hey, what are you standing there for? Let's go, bowtie." "Yaaaay! I leveled up!" “New skill! Yay! I wonder how painful this one would be!” "Look! A treasure chest! It's all sparkly and shouting to be opened!" "Finally, a safe room! My feet huuuuuurt!" “Why isn't there just a shortcut to the treasure?” "I got a good sleep which means I can play more today!" “As long as I get to kill some shadows then I guess I can go along just a bit more.” "Ehhh? We're still going? I don't wannaaaaaaa." "Look, a bug! Let's crush it." "We were spotted? This is all your fault!" “They're so weak that at least insects leave a mark after.” "Huh? Are you sure? They look pretty scary to me." “They're obviously big bad meanies. Don't get us killed over your stupidity.” “Victory! Yay! Who knew killing shadows could be so fun!”

*BATON PASS!* "Ibis elegantly flying in!" *PROTECT* "Hey, pushover!" *ENDURE* "*sniffles* I don't want to die!" *PERSONA!* "Slaughter them, Karura!" or "Soar, Karura!" *Follow Up* "Let's kill them while we're at it." *Cover Fire* "I'll help if you ask niiiiicely." *Harisen Recovery* "Don't be such a baby!" *low on health* "A little help here?!" *healing someone* "You owe me for this." *getting healed* "*mumbles* Thanks..." *giving buffs* "Now you don't have any excuse." *physical attacks* "Oh this? Don't mind the sharp edges." *attacking* "Ahahaha! You're going to get sliced like fish!" *attack misses* "Huuuh? You have a lot of nerve to dodge that!" *couldn't finish off enemy* "Seriously? Just die already!" *fainting* "*crying* Why... Why are you all so mean?" *getting resurrected* "*sniffles* Thanks. Now I can finally get my revenge."

*status ailment* "I don't feel so good... *sniffle*" Burn: "Too hot! I want some ice cream!" Freeze: “Are you trying to freeze me to death? Get me a kotatsu!” Shock: "Tch! I'm going to kill you twice for this!" Forget: "Huh? What was the next step again?" Charm: “Well who could blame me? If I'm fighting then I'm fighting with the winning team.” Rage: “I'll break you... piece by broken piece!” Despair: "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Why is this so hard!" Hunger: "Sweets! Hand me gummies right now! No yellow!" Dizzy: "Euugh... I think I'm going to be sick..." Sleep: “Zzz… CRUSH” Silence: ...! Mouse: "Squeak!"

Mementos Chats: "Killing shadows is sooooo much fun! Yay!" "You know what else is fun? Having the shadows beg for mercy as we extort more money from them. "I was raised in a traditional household and traditionally, we always get what we want." "All this fighting makes me crave for some sweets." "If I knew how much fun it is to kill shadows without consequence then I would have signed up for Dangan Thieves sooner!"

Hiyoko: Ehh? You're the leader? Well aren't you just disappointing. Hajime: I'm really starting to think we shouldn't accept everyone who joins.

Hajime: Why am I actually not surprised at how sadistically good you are at this? Hiyoko: Ew! I'm not interested so don't bother complimenting me.

Chiaki: Amazing! I've only seen it in videogames but you can actually fight using fans! Hiyoko: I can do so much more than just fight. There's slice and kill too.

Nagito: I was wondering how you would adapt here but clearly I've underestimated your hope. You're more than capable in battle, I'm pleasantly surprised by this development. Hiyoko: Why is this creep here? Are you going to kick him out or do I have to?

Fuyuhiko: Don't get all cocky just because you've got a few tricks up your sleeve. Hiyoko: Oh look, the Baby Gangster knows how to talk.

Peko: So that makes two of us with bird motifs... Hiyoko: It's frustrating that I wasn't the first one but I guess we have no choice but to share.

Tsumiki: I-I'm so happy that you're with us too! Hiyoko: Shut it! No one asked for your opinion, pig barf! But for the record, someone has to look after you so you don't screw up like you always do.

Ibuki: Ibissy~ Look at you! Killing shadows! Stealing treasures! Wow, you sure grow up fast! Hiyoko: It literally only took me one minute to get a persona and "grow up".

Impostor: Is something the matter? You've been staring. Hiyoko: Wow, I knew pork feet was rich but I didn't think you'd have the balls to wear rich.

Sonia: It's amazing watching you do battle. Your dances are just as captivating as they are deadly! Hiyoko: Not all of us can be this good so I step it up.

Gundam: Since you are new at this, I am generous enough to guide you. Should you have any questions, know that I know more than you. Hiyoko: You guys really don't discriminate when recruiting, huh.

Hiyoko: Waaaaaaaaah! I'm so happy I get to be with you more, Big Sis! Mahiru: Now, now. No need to cry. I'm happy too.

Mahiru: It's a good thing that you joined us. Your skills are unique and valuable. Debuffs can really take a toll. Hiyoko: Not as useful as yours, Big Sis! I'm so happy that there's at least one reliable person here!

Mahiru: I'm kind of jealous that everyone has such elaborate personas and mine is just... this. Hiyoko: Why are you getting sad over that? Yours is waaaay better than what the rest of these losers have.

Hiyoko: Yay! Killing shadows is way more fun than squishing bugs! Mahiru: Hearing you say that with such a carefree face makes me worry a bit... Just don't get too carried away.

#dangan thieves AU #ibuki mioda #gundam tanaka #hiyoko saionji #dangan ronpa #danganronpa #sdr2 #gundham tanaka #especially proud of gundam #he has codenames for the hamsters #and that's it for profiles from me #not gonna write for the remaining cast #because i'll be busy #i might put some placeholder codenames but that's it #i crammed these three in a week so cut me some slack

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adoringjensen · 8 years ago

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lately whenever i think about supernatural or other stuff i like i dont normally get idk excited like i normally would. like im even thinking about the day i met misha and for some reason i dont get happy. its not bc im ungrateful bc really im glad i got the chance to meet him but idk. and like whenever i think about one of my fave fictional characters (fred weasley for example) i dont get happy and the urge to enthuse abt him like i normally would. why is this happening to me?

Hey there, anon :)

I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this right now. It’s a very frustrating thing, and I can completely empathize with you on this. This is actually a very common symptom of depression. Losing interest in hobbies, things that used to make you happy don’t seem to mean anything to you anymore, and a general lack of interest or caring in,,, well, anything. It’s confusing to try and understand it at first, but that’s kinda just how depression is. The symptoms are just there and it’s practically impossible to put the feelings into words. It’s like you’re just kind of existing and nothing around you offers the same comfort or stimulation it used to. Sometimes those happier feelings come back. And honestly? Sometimes they don’t. And it’s okay to mourn something that was a big part of your life that isn’t anymore, because it feels different now.

I will share something with you, anon. Because this is a difficult and confusing thing to go through, and I want you to know that you’re not alone in this. I used to be really, really, really into music. I was a clarinetist so serious about my love of music that I was an aspiring performance major. I wanted to turn my passion into my career. Music was practically my sole hobby, all I would do, all I would really have time for, was practice, go to rehearsals, go to lessons, go to auditions, perform, and practice some more. It made me happy to perform on stage, to study under world-class musicians, and to learn difficult pieces of music. It was incredibly stressful, but at my core, it was what I loved and I knew it made me happy. So when it came time to go to college, I was excited to finally be able to focus only on this. Only on what I loved. No more bullshit high school classes I didn’t care about. I would be able to play with other musicians that shared the same love and passion for playing as I did. I was super excited about college, bc I was convinced this was where I’d really thrive.

Unfortunately, that didn’t turn out to be true. I ended my senior year of high school in a very bad place, and while I thought moving to college would be a step forward for me, it actually made everything a million times worse. I won’t get into all the details, but long story short: I don’t practice music like I used to. It no longer gives me the same feelings it did before. I feel a lot of pressure and expectation put on me and it’s just,,, really not the same. And I don’t think it ever will be. Ever since moving back home, I’ve barely picked up an instrument. And it’s been an entire grieving process to accept that I’m not going to be what I always thought I would be. It still makes me really sad to think about sometimes. But I still hold out the hope that someday, I’ll get back into it in a less intense way. I’ll play only for fun here and there when I want to. But right now? I’m actually focused in the direction of graphic design. I’ve managed to find something else that now gives me some sense of purpose. And I really didn’t think I would be able to find that again.

My point is, anon, that while we may lose things that were especially meaningful to us, or drift away from things that used to make us happy or excited, that doesn’t mean we don’t have the ability to find something else like that again. I never ever, in a million years would’ve thought this is the direction I would be going in. I was set firm in the music path. But here I am. And it’s actually very common to go through a lot of changes at this stage in life. Sometimes that’s comforting to hear, sometimes not so much. But know it’s okay. You’re not alone. This experience may be terrifying as all hell, but you know what? This gives you an advantage over everybody else. Maybe you go through a bunch of different hobbies trying to find the one for you that gives you that feeling. And because of that, you’ll have done so much more than anyone else around you. You’ll have more experience to learn what you like and what you don’t. And the most important thing: you’ll learn a lot more about yourself. You’ll get to know yourself a lot better, stay in tune with your emotions and learn what helps you cope, what makes you anxious, what makes you hurt, what makes you smile.

The best thing you can do right now is to take care of you. And do whatever it is that you need. Always have somebody to talk to. Even if you don’t like opening up, please just have someone around that you know will listen. Somebody you’re comfortable with. Whether that be a therapist, a friend, a parent, whoever. Having someone like that is really fucking important. It helps so much more than you think right now. And if you need to, see a doctor. See a psychiatrist. The right balance of medication can really help to stabilize you and put you in the right direction. Be willing to try different things, because you never know what could be helpful to you at this time in your life. Something that may not have been helpful in the past could actually be helpful now. And if you find out that something isn’t for you? That’s okay. Take a breath and move on to the next thing when you’re ready. Because there are things out there that are helpful. There are things out there that will make you happy again. It’s okay to change. You just have to find out what’s right for you. It can be a long, difficult process to figure out what works for you and what doesn’t. But I’m telling you it’s possible.

And there’s always ups and downs. I feel what you’re saying anon, I feel it so fucking deep in my chest. When I think of the times I’ve met Jared, Jensen, and Misha,,, it actually tends to give me a lot of anxiety and I have to stop thinking about it before I get myself too worked up. I won’t get those happy feelings or get all excited about it like I’ve heard so many other people do. And that right there just depresses me further. So anon, I’m with ya. 100%. I feel what you’re saying. And it really does feel like “why is this happening to me” bc you literally did nothing? It’s not your fault you’re feeling like this. None of this is your fault. You’re feeling the way you are, and that’s okay. It’s okay not to get happy about things you think you “should” be. I think accepting and knowing that this is a part of something you can’t control will make things smoother for you. Getting frustrated at yourself only ever causes things to spiral.

So anon, I hope I didn’t make you feel any worse or anything lmao. I just want you to know that this is a very real thing and that it is manageable. The more you know about it, the more you know about yourself, the more people you have in your support system, the better things are going to go for you. Again, I need to say how fucking important it is to have someone to talk to. Someone you’re comfortable with and know will listen and make you feel safe. It’s something that has done a hell of a lot for me when I didn’t think it would. So take care of yourself. Celebrate the little things. Turn little tasks into achievements. You took a shower today? Hell yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Look at you go, you did that!! You’re doing amazing! Maybe it sounds silly right now, but we need these little things to keep us going. Just focus on one day at a time.

It’s a huge thing to recognize this, anon. You’re already a step ahead. If you ever need to talk about anything, to just write it down and get it out there? I’m right here. If you have questions or anything, I’m right here. I’ll be that person for you if you need me to be. Things are going to be okay. Get yourself some ice cream or something, alright? Treat yourself, because you deserve that shit. I’ll be thinking about you :) Lots of love xx

#advice column #tw depression #non spn #anonymous #answered

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