#that sometimes a spark of hope leads to an inferno instead

[leejeann]

I’ve been watching Trigun subbed but then also rewatching it dubbed as the dub episodes come out and let me tell you, when A) I can understand the language and can pay attention to tone of voice and stuff, and B) I know what happens in the next few episodes since the dub is behind, hearing that constant veil of optimism over Vash’s voice even when he knows it’s a pretty bad situation sure hits different

[ramonaflowersflowers]

I have learned that one of the most dangerous thing is reviving your fire and reliving your passion. It is like unmade beds in hotel rooms left by wanderers. It is like shoe laces tied in the most complicated ways. It is like minutes of waiting on contact supports hoping for resolutions. It is like roaring thunders amidst the bright blue sky. It is like finding your way into the unknown.

I have learned that retracing the remains of what you used to love is being a misguided ghost walking alive in the sea of strangers. Trying to make an acquaintance, knocking to know if it’s still a welcoming home. I have learned that drought craves for hydration—that, to restore that desire, you have to take the toll and get on a roll.

This is a life and death situation, I could tell. A gamble. A win or lose game. Yet, here you are, arms wide open, ready to face the battle. The humps and the twisted roads quite unsure where this would lead you. Risks are like matches. It’s in how you would strike it—either a failed ignition or a glowing inferno.

—Gina Marie Andaya

Hits home like no other. When you lose the passion, you become demotivated and loss. You question 'how did the fire burn out?', 'when did it start turning into embers?'. And all you have is questions, no answers. Trying to go back, feels unfamiliar or just heavy. How come that the things you want the most one point in your life, becomes something you got jaded of? You exert all your efforts to your dreams only to wake up to reality after sometime living the dream. And then when you feel like it doesn't ignite you anymore, you strike into another flint hoping to create a spark. Oh how I wish it was easy. How I wish that when you jump, you'll land on two feet. But it is never the case. Either you get limp or drown, whatever might be at the bottom. Risk, they say. But what if it just blow me into ashes instead of lighting a fire in me once again? It is too much dilemma, when you don't know the outcome. You gotta have guts and a leap of faith just to restore the flame inside you. —0107

[tigerlo]

vanity mini-fic (ten)

Darkness.

@blurryoz those little prompts of yours are the gift that keeps on giving, ya know!

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There’s a darkness in Charity that she struggles to control sometimes.

She’s spent years learning to turn it into something less obvious, into snark and rudeness and smothered screams instead of rage, instead of violence, but it’s there, nonetheless.

She’s heard things her whole life, silly stories for naïve girls that live in a fairytale world where things don’t go bump in the night and policemen are good. Where the world doesn’t end in a bang, it ends in peace, in a small, pathetic whimper, painless and instant.

But she doesn’t want that.

Sometimes she’s so angry that she wants to go out with a roar, in an inferno, she wants to take half the solar system with her. She doesn’t want to ask for forgiveness, because she doesn’t care, not really, she just wants the people that have hurt her to hurt as much as she does.

She used to think like that anyway, until Vanessa. Now she’s not so sure.

It’s cost her everything, at one point or another, what he did to her. Her dignity, her youth, her innocence, her freedom, her self-control. He took things Charity never thought she’d ever get back. Until Vanessa. Because Vanessa doesn’t look at her like she’s broken, or dirty, or tainted. Vanessa looks at her like she caught the bloody sun in her bare hands, something she’ll never ever understand.

There’s a darkness in her that almost kills her in its attempt to escape her chest sometimes, only Vanessa doesn’t shy away from it. Like Beauty and the Beast, she snorts one night, sitting on the couch watching Vanessa lace their fingers together patiently after she’d gone off the handle about something ridiculous and Vanessa had just worn it, sat in the middle of the storm as she spun around in a fury. That’s what she thinks of them sometimes, her past this great beast inside her, towering over Vanessa’s light, over her good.

Storybooks and their tales are for fools, Charity knows that they are, only this feels like one of those stories sometimes because Vanessa never leaves the beast in her, like the innocent princesses do, she never runs from it, she never sneers, she just holds out a calm hand instead, beckoning Charity down.

It doesn’t make her want to burn the world to a cinder any less, but it makes her pause, it makes her want to carve out a place for Vanessa above it all. She’s never wanted to share her kingdom of ashes before but she’d share anything with Vanessa if she asked.

“What’s this for?” Vanessa asks, confused, as Charity presses a single rose into her hand when she walks through the door of Tug Ghyll one night, her smile alone worth the embarrassment of having to ask Tracy for one, and not just nicking one from somebody's garden on the way home.  

“I thought you read, babe,” Charity sighs, slightly disappointed that she’s going to have to explain her act of chivalry before Vanessa’s eyes turn playful.

“Best looking beast I’ve ever seen, you are,” Vanessa purrs, setting the rose aside so she can slide her hands around Charity’s waist. “Think you’ve got the beauty part down too, actually.”

“Crawler,” Charity replies with a smirk, trying to hide her delight at Vanessa’s recognition of the gesture. “Wouldn’t mind a castle to lock us both away in, though, to save the bloody interruptions.”

“Bedroom door’s got a lock, doesn’t it?” Vanessa asks, her hands pulling Charity’s shirt free to find the bare skin of her lower back.

“Right you are, princess,” Charity says, nodding, the heat sparking like struck flint in her chest. She pulls Vanessa to her, kissing her soundly, until she makes that small noise of contentment, of desire, that Charity is so fond of. “Best lead the way then, hadn’t you?”

Storybooks are for fools, and the monsters under the beds of children are real, walking the streets in blue and black and white, but there’s a paradise to be found here, amongst the waste of other people's dreams, amongst the ruin of her own Charity thinks as Vanessa’s hand slips into hers, leading her up the stairs, turning to look at her with eyes that could cut through steel.

She thought she was exempt, that she was clever and quick enough to steer clear of the trick of hope and happiness, to not be caught in their wake, but Vanessa kisses her, peels each piece of clothing from her skin with a sigh, and she falls, she believes, just as much a fool as everyone else.

xx.

[i-w-p-chan]

As Each Page Turns (Meeting Anew)

Summary: As each page turns, a world turns into ashes and a world is born, with each world, they meet anew. Again and again. Rewind and replay. ShuAke.

Note: I wanted to do one of those ‘meeting of various incarnations across multiple worlds’ fics ^^ I hope it worked…

Warnings: Feels, Sad At Some Points, Implied Suicide, Death, Genderbends In Some Parts, You’ll Probably Hate Me (I Already Hate Myself For This).

Disclaimer: Don’t own P5.

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[I]

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Akechi Goro is a child of five when he dies in a car accident- a child of five with too many hopes and dreams in his soul, hopes and dreams that anchor him to the world he doesn’t belong to anymore.

Kurusu Akira is a university student with the Sight; his soul compels him to walk down the path leading him to the young soul-

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[II]

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Amamiya Ren is a barista who works at her uncle’s café, always quiet and busying herself with her job.

She has a regular- a girl her age with a polished appearance, commanding presence, yet empty eyes.

Days come and go, but the girl no longer steps through the door. The news speak of the loss of a girl who had her path paved to the top but had chosen to fling herself off to the side instead.

Amamiya Ren is a barista who works at her uncle’s café, always quiet and busying herself with her job.

She used to have a regular- a girl who’d been her age with a pale face, cold skin, and dead eyes.

Days come and go, and Ren closes shop each day and mourns.

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[III]

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Kurusu Akira is twenty seven when he falls into bed with Akechi Goro.

By morning, the two part ways, one with a memorable night, and the other with one last happy memory before departure.

It’s two days later that Goro picks up the phone and dials the number he’d received that night, face tinted red in embarrassment and eyes glinting with hope of maybe, maybe, starting something meaningful with the person who’d ignited a spark in his soul.

The call doesn’t connect.

He tries again, and again, and again.

And still the call doesn’t connect.

(It’s days later, walking aimlessly, when he stumbles upon the truth.)

(Kurusu Akira, twenty seven and living on borrowed time, had chosen to leave on his own terms.)

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[IV]

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Akechi Mitsuki sees him in passing while waiting for the train, sees him in passing when they both buy from the same bakery, sees him in passing during her strolls through the park, and finally meets him when he welcomes her to Leblanc from behind the counter.

His name is Kurusu Akira and he’s a high school student on probation. Her name is Akechi Mitsuki and she’s already a reputable high school detective.

The affair is short, prematurely killed when he has to return to his hometown and she has to move on with her life.

Years down the road, she’d look back on these moments fondly and wonder if she would ever meet him again, before something else steals her attention away.

(She never meets him again.)

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[V]

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Amamiya Ren is Shujin’s student council president, a model student feared and respected by many, but as the school’s ice queen, not loved, and Akechi Goro is the delinquent student who crashes into her life, sweeps her off her feet, and brings color back into her life, stoking the fire in her heart.

He leaves her life as abruptly as he enters it, leaving in his wake nothing but memories.

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[VI]

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Akechi Mitsuki is a hitwoman with her mark at the business end of her gun, a striking beauty with dark hair cascading down her back in curls, metal-grey eyes piercing through her soul, and a defiant frown that sparks interest in Mitsuki’s soul.

Kurusu Akira is a devious woman with her own agenda, an agenda that made her run afoul with one Shido Masayoshi, who has the money to spare for a first rate assassin like Mitsuki.

Kurusu Akira is a woman with a soul burning like the fires of hell, fires that would engulf Mitsuki and consume her if she allows herself to open up.

Mitsuki is on a job, and she is a professional.

The gun is silenced and no one hears the shot, and the only sound in the room is the sound of a corpse falling to the ground with a thud.

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[VII]

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Amamiya Ren is an all-consuming, raging inferno, with the power to make even the strongest fall to their knees in front of them.

Amamiya Ren is a black hole Akechi Goro happily surrenders himself to, to be devoured, broken apart, and put back together again.

Amamiya Ren is death with sweet lips and an even sweeter tongue, warm embrace and even warmer eyes, demanding presence and an even more demanding lover.

Akechi Goro surrenders himself to them, and they deliver him to his oblivion with a poisoned kiss.

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[VIII]

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For once, they stumble into each other. For once, they latch on. For once, they are happy. For once, they are entwined with each other until the very end.

For once, they slip away with a smile.

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[IX]

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(And sometimes, they are not destined to meet. A different decision, a different step, a different turn, and they walk into separate directions.)

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[X]

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Kurusu Akira is a high school student on probation by day, leader of the notorious Phantom Thieves of Hearts at night.

Akechi Goro is the adored Detective Prince under the spotlight, a feared hitman out of the spotlight.

They meet again, and their meeting is fate.

They work together again, and their cooperation is fate.

They fight each other and their conflict is f-

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End

[karestaag]

A Hollow

Just stretching my writting muscle after a long time of slacking. A little exercise in writting lore inspired by Dark Souls :-)

A Hollow - „ A mindless, purpose-less creature, without sanity nor reason for existance. „ What is a man who reached his goal? Satisfied? At peace? That could very well be. But sometimes he finds himself without a purpose. He becomes a Hollow. After all the struggle, after the long journey he finally gets to the finish line...and now what? What should he do now? He just simply doesn‘t know. All his life was about getting to this moment and now that it is here, what is left? What motivation should drive him now? This fate is not inevitable, for many men will find new goal, new purpose but sometimes there are men who are so focused on one thing that they become blind to anything else. Being happy seems to be doom to these creatures.

Watching as the flame dies out, not heating the engines of progress, one is getting cold. Holding in its hand the spark that got him where he is now. Watching it flicker and trying to breathe in it some life so it doesn‘t go out completely. Surrounded by darkness in the Wonderland of his creation. It might seem to be an irony that being happy can make you depressed. But man needs his purpose. His will to strive for something more. Otherwise his mind goes blank and he becomes walking dead. A husk with no spirit, an empty shell hungering for Humanity that it lost.

A Hollow is bleeding his Humanity with time, clinging to some sort of order and familiarity. Doing its duty and the necessary things to survive… but nothing more. He might look like a clockwork machine. His eyes empty, staring into nothingness, reaching for the memories of his former self in hope that he might know what it means to be that person once more. But never reaching that shore again. This big change in the person usually leads to him loosing whatever it was that he worked so hard for. Be it status, job, lover or anything else. In his hollow mind he is unable to keep it because he lost that which allowed him to gain it in the first place. And loosing the only thing that you have, that one thing you are holding on for your dear life, for it is the last remnant of who you are… that can destroy whatever was still left. Hollows then become completely lost. Wandering aimlessly though the wastelands of their lives. Lost in their minds, replaying the happy moments that they lived through, increasingly not being sure if it even really happened or if it was just a dream.

At this point Hollows are waiting for death that is not comming. They are undead, marching without release through their lives for eternity. They can find a short respite in consuming the Humanity of somebody else. Leeching on them, draining their vitality and will. Through this they can feel human again for a while, but it is not to last for long. The victim either notices what is going on and separates itself from the Hollow, or it will start Hollowing too. This way the entire villages of Hollows may appear. Surviving day by day, trying to find meaning in the void that their minds are entrapped in. Hollows can partake in cooperation. Contact with other people might give them the feel of humanity. A sweet lie and poisonous dream they enjoy. It is not unsimilar to children playing house. Acting like men without trully understanding what it means.

Beware the undead curse that will hollow you out with time. And if you starting hollowing you need to act quickly.

And beware the False Flame. The Chaos Flame that is the home to demons of old ruins. For it will fill you, but taints you with the corrupted purpose. Living for destruction, pain and misery of others is not the way of men. Living by the code of demons will make you into one. Filling the hole in your soul with acts of violance, aggresion and hatred will not bring you the pleasant heat that nourishes your mind but instead consume it in raging inferno with no peace. While being Hollow you are consumed by cold, darkness and stagnation, when you are engulfed by Chaos Flame it is the opposite extreme. You are melting, captured in the endless circle of pain and aggression. Lost in the old city of the demonkind, dancing among pools of lava...you are bound to destruction and will be destroyed eventually. All it takes is one slip and you will fall into the jaws of all consuming deity that hates Humanity in every form it takes. It will reforge you into its own image and the last traces of who you were will burn away forever.

And if Hollows are pitiful creatures, then demons are not even worthy of your pity. It is in their nature to devour everything and everyone in their way. They might use their might, cunning or charm but it is for one and only end...to spread suffering and misery across the humankind so they can feel joy since somebody has it worse than them. And it is true that infernal power can be used to create and thus giving demons a resemblance of the humanity, but all the creations of theirs are build just to spread the chaos and misery more effectively. In this they use the most precious gift given to humans to most nefarious deeds. Unable to find fullfilling purpose, demons do their best to make you go astray from your path. And yet, they are still feeling empty. Because anything that they might gain through their actions is burned to the ground by the Chaos Flame in their soul. Fear the Chaos Flame.

Search for the Humanity. The real Humanity not just shards of other people‘s dreams or temptation of the Chaos. The Humanity that can feed the flame in your heart for the lifetime. The Humanity that was found ages ago in the Darkness of unliving. That can save you. It‘s source is still in that Darkness. For Darkness is natural to men. It is in their minds, blackening the thoughts and blurring the vision. But with Humanity revived from the kindling hidden there, one can shed some light on himself. As long as he can face who he became. That is the only way of defeating the undead curse.

Resist the gnawing of all those little creatures hidden in the dark. Pressing on despite the maws under your eyelids and creatures that steal your breath away. Focus on Humanity itself for it cannot be snuffed out by cold of the void if you still have it in your sight. And once the embers are alit, you will be human again. Going further than before, because there is no wrong way as long as you are going. Never stop, never look back.

Don‘t be tempted by the Darkness for it offers comfort that blossoms only into misery. Find respite in your fight for more, because fighting means you are alive.

Purge the curse and open your eyes again.