#that outfit...unf *bites fist*

[ilovemesomevincentprice]

Vincent Price having a blast with a fire extinguisher and whipped cream...I fucking love this.

Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs (1966)

[heyiwrotesomethings]

You Laugh, You Lose (But Really You Win)

Emi Fukukado (Ms Joke) x They/Them Reader

A/N: Prepare to get Rickrolled in the most loving way possible! Your quirk is Compulsive Competitiveness. It pushes your body past its limits to achieve any goal as long as it's presented as a competition. Unfortunately, it can’t work if the competition is physically impossible to do. However, you could find loopholes. For instance, if Hawks challenged you to a flying competition you could try your luck piloting an airplane! Like with any quirk, this one has its drawbacks. Overexhaustion will cause fever and intense drowsiness! Hope you like it! Word Count: 1,665

(Y/n) had been diligently grading papers in the Ketsubutsu Academy teacher’s office when they heard a distinct peel of laughter coming from somewhere down the hall. They rolled their eyes and smiled, turning to the next page of the paper they were currently grading, fully aware that they would soon have their hands too full to continue. Sure enough, a few moments later the door slid open and Fukukado Emi slipped inside. She snickered and waved to the students laughing in the hall before fully entering and closing the door behind her. She didn’t take long to notice the other teacher in the room and quickly made herself at home by sitting on the edge of their desk. She kicked her feet out playfully and beamed down at the other teacher who had yet to look up from their papers.

“Hey there sugar plum! Do you like raisins?” Emi asked, completely unprompted.

“Good afternoon, Emi. Did you get Shindou You’s recommendation letter for that internship done yet?” (Y/n) asked, their eyes still scanning the paper before them.

“Aw, come on (Y/n),” Emi whined, poking at her colleague’s head, “Answer the question!”

“I don’t know,” (Y/n) shrugged, finally looking up from their papers. “They’re tolerable I guess. I don’t go out of my way to eat them.”

“Okay, how do you- how do—“ Emi fought to speak through her own giggles and (Y/n) had to bite the inside of their lip to keep from doing the same, “how do you feel about a date?” Emi finally got out before breaking down into full on laughter, a light blue aura rolling off her skin.

(Y/n) snorted unable to control themself. Their hand reached to cover their mouth as their own laughter escaped to join Ms. Joke’s. “Emi,” they tried to admonish, “that wasn’t fair! Using your quirk to make me laugh at some cheesy pickup line that probably took you two seconds to find on the internet! Have you no honor?!”

“Hey, what are you talking about? That was totally hilarious!” Emi pressed her hand dramatically to her chest, a dazzling smile over her lips as the blue aura receded.

“It doesn’t count and you know it.” (Y/n) spoke with finality. “If you want a date, you have to make me laugh without using your quirk. That was the deal remember?”

“Why did I agree to such a thing?” Emi moaned and slouched over (Y/n)’s papers, laying across the desk with her arms crossed over her chest.

“You’re the one that came up with it.” (Y/n) deadpanned. “If you proposed a date like a normal person I would have said yes two weeks ago.”

“Why not just laugh then?” Emi asked, booping (Y/n)’s nose with a gloved finger.

“Because I’m compulsively competitive. You should have considered my quirk before making that wager.” (Y/n) reminded, swatting Emi’s hand away.

“Just you wait, (Y/n)! You better find something nice to wear this weekend because I’m going to catch you off guard before the week is out!”

“That’s what you said last week,” (Y/n) smirked, “and the week before that.”

“I mean it this time! Prepare yourself!” Emi clenched her fist righteously.

“Alright,” (Y/n)’s smirk softened, “now, could you get off my desk please?”

“Oh yeah, sure!”

(Y/n) pinched the bridge of their nose as they watched Emi purposefully remove herself from the desk in the most exaggerated way possible. It was going to be a long week.

***

(Y/n)’s quirk, while not as flashy as other hero quirks, was not one to be taken lightly. Their compulsively competitive quirk allowed them to push themself passed their limits physically and mentally as long as it was a task posed as a competition and wasn’t too outside of the realm of possibility. No contests to see who could breathe the most powerful fire ball if you can’t breathe fire in the first place. However, their quirk did help them achieve the highest grades when they were in school and even when faced with stronger opponents they managed to come out on top more often than not.

Of course it didn’t come without drawbacks, a high fever and dizzying fatigue could be quick to follow depending on the intensity of the competitive event. And although Ms. Joke’s little game came with very minimal risk and required little effort on (Y/n)’s part, weeks of steeling themself, preparing for any quip or improvisation, was starting to take its toll. Even though (Y/n) would love to just give in and go out with Emi, their quirk was not one that could simply be turned off whenever they wished. There had to be an outcome.

“You okay, Sensei?” A concerned student asked once (Y/n) trailed off for the third time in their lesson.

“Hm? Oh yeah, sorry everyone. I’m just not feeling well today.” (Y/n) admitted. “Where was I?”

“Search and rescue in rural settings. Are you sure you’re okay, teach?” Another student asked, watching (Y/n) lean heavily against the podium.

“I’ll be okay. It’s just that Fukukado-sensei has been really testing my limits these last few days.” (Y/n) explained. They didn’t bother to omit the reason for their condition since Emi had been anything but subtle in her attempts. Many of them had been grand public jests anyway. It would be hard to find a single student who didn’t know what was going on between the two teachers.

“Yeah, I thought she had you for sure when Fatgum came in as a guest speaker and she followed him around with a tuba all day.” One student recalled.

“Or when she climbed to the top of the flagpole at the school entrance and the back of her pants got caught so the fire department had to come get her down.” A student from the back giggled.

“Let’s not forget that failed bend and snap attempt when she almost threw out her back trying to seductively pick up a pen.” Someone else added.

“Yes, yes. Hilarious. She’s lucky Fatgum is such a good sport,” (Y/n) sighed, fighting themself internally not to laugh at all the shenanigans their colleague had gotten into, “Now, back on the topic of— wait, do you guys hear something?”

Sure enough, somewhere down the hall, muffled music could be heard steadily growing louder and more clear as the seconds progressed. Before (Y/n) could get to the door and see what was going on, the door slid open and Emi stormed in with a large boom box over her shoulder and a microphone in her hand with a long chord that was attached to nothing dragging along the ground.

(Y/n) bit the inside of their lip hard as they took in the ridiculous outfit Emi was wearing that made her look like a poorly put together hammerhead shark. Emi wobbled into the classroom as best she could with her legs confined in the fabric of her outfit and rose her flipper holding the mic to her lips to join in with the song playing over her shoulder.

“We’rno strangers t’ looooove, ya know derruuules n’so do I. A f’ll cermmitment's whert’m thenkin’ ooooof. You wouldn' gettis frem any otter my!” Emi sang loudly, horribly off key and changed the words just enough that the song was still familiar but sounded like complete nonsense. As she continued on she waddled closer to (Y/n), occasionally tripping but somehow managing to save herself as she continued to ‘sing’.

The students in the classroom were howling with laughter and (Y/n) could feel their skin growing hotter as they fought not to join in. They couldn’t hold for much longer, but they sure as hell were going to try.

“Ner gonn give oo erp, ner gonn lert oo derrrn, ner gon rune arund n’ dezert you. Ner gonn merk moo my, ner gonn smay smoosmy, ner gonn tellalie n’ dirt coup!”

(Y/n) could taste blood in their mouth from biting their lip so hard. They covered their mouth tightly with one hand and the other braced tightly against the podium as their quirk pushed them passed their limits until- they couldn’t hold it in anymore!

(Y/n) laughed so hard that tears fell from their cheeks. Emi saw this and smiled brightly, continuing to ‘sing’ as she basked in her victory until (Y/n) spoke between bouts of wheezing laughter.

“Cah—catch me.”

“Huh? Oh!” Emi dropped her boom box and mic to the ground with little care and caught (Y/n) in her shark fins before they collapsed to the ground. “Are you okay?” She asked, all previous cheer replaced by worry.

“I’ll be okay. My quirk over exhausted me,” (Y/n) explained between deep breaths, “I hope you don’t mind waiting until next week to collect your winnings because I’m a little too sick to function in public right now.”

“I’ve waited this long. What’s one more week?” Emi smiled, “Although I do feel bad. This is kind of my fault after all.”

“You could come by my place and make me soup and grade my tests while I sleep, that would make me feel better.”

“Way to take advantage.” Emi huffed, “Alright, not really the kind of date I had in mind, but it’s a start!” Emi hoisted (Y/n) into her arms to fully carry them and addressed the waiting students, “Okay guys free period, go nuts.” (Y/n) gave Emi a tired, warning glare, “Okay, well, don’t go nuts, but do whatever you want... within reason. See you Monday!” Emi then awkwardly shimmied out the door. One of her hammerhead eyestalks caught the doorframe on the way out which earned another round of subdued giggles from the class. As she made her way to the nurse’s office, Emi smiled down at the sleeping teacher in her arms, excited to see where their relationship would go.

Bonus:

“Oh shit!” Emi cursed as she tripped forward, unable to regain her balance with the added weight in her arms. (Y/n) jolted awake as they came in contact with the cold, unforgiving floor.

“Emi!”

“Sorry!”