#that our legal and psychiatric systems didn't constantly needlessly strip people of autonomy for stupid reasons | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eisthenameofme · 23 days

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legitimately might have dysphoria about not being a terrible person/monster/etc but the issue is that i obviously have a vested interest in the world/society not being terrible because like. I live here. And also none of the irl Realistc reasons that people are terrible (read: bigotry) actually make any sense. And like yeah there are people who enable that sort of thing/terrible systems for personal gain but like i have Standards for one thing and also it would drive me crazy to pretend to be that pathetic, besides. And also, again, i live here, and all that shit is interconnected, so it would still ultimately not be in my best interests in all but the most immediate abd short term sense, regardless.

I would be so so good at being a heartless evil bastard it's just Not In The Cards for entirely practical reasons and it's. Like for one thing a weird and annoying position to be in that in most situations you absolutely Should Not talk about for several reasons. And also like i fully recognise that thought crimes aren't real and i'm not actually causing any harm and have no intention to do that so it's like. Well yes i'm evil but like. In my heart. To me. But like no yeah i'm aware it doesn't actually work like that and i don't really want to encourage that kind of thinking in real life because for one thing it causes Actual Problems and for another it's Deeply annoying when people so badly and unironically misunderstand the concept of material harm. Like i'm the Exception but specifically because i want to be and like it's not because that's actually how anything works. Kind of like. In a similar way to how you should never use it/its pronouns for people who haven't explicitly okayed it but also if they have then yes it's totally fine obviously and what you Should use.

Can i opt in to being an evil monster please, is what i'm saying. No i'm not actually going to Do Anything because i have Priorities and it wouldn't make any sense. But like i feel like i deserve to be able to do that anyway. Like honorarily.

#Like if i was put in a saw trap/other generic fictional scenario that required me to be Like This #to survive i would be so good at it and not have problems with guilt or anything because i'm Built Different.#And i like being good at things. But that isn't actually applicable to my everyday life in any way and you can't like.#Say that to people in normal situations. So it's just kind of like. Sitting there.#Canon typical weird and offputting mental health issues no one else i've ever heard of has lmao #to be clear i don't mean any of this in a delf deprecating way either i love this for me it's just like.#Extremely not normal and frowned upon and weird to attempt to explain in a way that doesn't either come across like i'm either #talking about some weird kind of misguided self hatred #or legitimately at risk of becoming a serial killer.#Which i might be fine with people mistakenly thinking if i had any reason to trust #that our legal and psychiatric systems didn't constantly needlessly strip people of autonomy for stupid reasons #and would actually be able/willing to tell that i don't have intent to do anything bad in real life #but instead we have. the current shitshow of the systems we have. lmao #mypost #i can pinpoint some of the Reasons why i'm like this by the way like it makes sense #but this Not the place to unpack All That in detail lmao

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