#that one meme thats like why would i go to therapy so it can tell me im gay etc etc

[catboyfurina]

"10 signs you're (insert problem here)" videos are bad bc first of all, they're not a substitute for diagnosis blahblahblah all that important stuff and SECOND of all because I fit so many problems but im So mentalhealthcore u dont even know. Like SO mentalhealthcore I drank water today even. So theyre not just wrong for people outside of therapy but also for me too

[buchananbarnes1991]

Unus Annus Sentence Meme Starter

“Hey buddy buddy buddy buddy!”

“Our long time colleagues are 419 hours a day deny you here!”

“Peoples dream, must first be full of blood!”

“When we arrived in my backyard, we stopped the fire.”

“We quickly eliminated the enemy, and the fight was depressing.”

“Boy am I hungry!”

“Zip zap zop!”

“I don’t know if this was your idea, but we’ll roll with it.”

“This wouldn’t be the first time like, ‘hey I’ve got an idea.’ when we told you it weeks ago.”

“With the guidance of a guardian angel, you can do anything.”

“What am I teaching you how to do?”

“You don’t need to make it! I’m making it!”

“Have you washed your hands? You should wash your hands.”

“You can have the knife when you need the knife.”

“Close the door and never go back!”

“I want you to do something for me. Take a balloon, stretch it out..nice and wide.”

“Some of us are more gifted than others.”

“Okay, so what are we doing here? What is this?”

“I think that the way that I’d kill you is..’take you by the hands. come this way. I’ve got something to show you. just something you HAVE TO SEE.’ “

“In highschool. I dated a girl...her name was, Abigail. Very smart and driven. I was a stupid boy.”

“I still hadn’t let go, but they called me to tell me. She’d let go.”

“She looked down at the ground and then looked back up me. She giggled a bit and then said ‘Oh, don’t you know? I have feelings for Troy.’ “

“When you’re a late bloomer and you spend most of your time alone in a dark room with various ‘websites’,  it turns out that feeding my entire adolescences with perverted thoughts from various unsavory sources makes a distorted impression of the act of making love.”

“After about thirty minutes of dry thrusting, I found myself incapable of completion.”

“The first time I ever had sex, I had to fake my own orgasm..just to get it over with.”

“I too was a late bloomer. I didn’t know anything about intercourse or foreplay or anything.”

“We heard the tent unzip, her thirteen year old brother came through the tent! He didn’t see us. But, we were there. He said ‘Dinner’s ready.’ Under the protection of the sleeping bag we were replied ‘OKAY!’, He exited and I-- *giggles* exited.”

“I think that’s enough therapy for one day. Remember, it’s okay to talk about embarrassing of your life.”

“You stand here..I’m gonna take my shoes off.”

“I need to climb around you.”

“Using teamwork and trust and...t-t-t....team work, you get one person from one end of the body, all the way around to the same end.”

“You think you know us, but we only show you what we want you to see.”

“Let’s get climbing.”

“I thought we were gonna watch a movie.”

“And then I PILE DRIVE YOU’RE SPINE...paralyzed for life.”

“I AM ALWAYS STABLE. Don’t even try to unstablize me.”

“Felt like an emotional burden unloaded.”

“Death comes for all of us and we’ve gotta prepare.”

“It’s a beautiful world, with a lot of caskets.”

“I’m just thinking about America...it’s not a great time to think about America.”

“Can we see some different caskets? Can you show us some metal ones, some wood ones?”

“Let’s start with the highest! And then we’ll work down to where we’re comfortable.”

“Why is Mahogany like the universally known wood? It’s used in all the movies, everyone talks about it. If they want quality, they want a Mahogany.”

“Obviously it’s a beautiful wood, but what makes Mahogany so special?”

“With Mahogany if you look at it. If you pass your eyes to the side, it changes. It goes with you.”

“You are supposed to be buried in dirt. From dust to dust.”

“I don’t want it to be too comfortable. I’d like to stay alert.”

“I don’t know, what does it mean to be afraid? I’m not afraid of death.”

“I don’t like the feel of velvet. I mean, I’ll touch it.”

“Mmh....velvet...”

“That’s the thing! Like old production stuff was built to last, FOREVER!”

“For now you can kneel.”

“They’re Nigerian dwarf goats. They’re gonna be your yoga partners today.”

“I twisted a man into a pretzel. I could do the same to you.”

“I twisted myself into a pretzel.”

“It’s so much more fun to do a plank with a goat on your back.”

“The goats come to you. The motto that we like to have it ‘trust the goats.’ “

“Oh, wait. Wait! I didn’t know we were competing.”

“When I did hot yoga. I kicked everyone’s ass.”

“There’s a lot goatin’ on.”

“You flinchy bastard.”

“Alright, there’s a goat there.”

“I always tell people that they will fire their massage therapists because goat massages are way better.”

“Yeah, it’s real firm.”

“Ow, oh god. Your tallons!”

“Oh, tight pants..tight pants!”

“Those are quitters who think that you have to have the perfect conditions to do things but if you can do things in times of adversity that’s when you know you’re really committed to a cause!”

“Anyone want kisses?”

“It’s okay to show emotions.”

“CRY LITTLE BITCH, CRY!”

“No one’s crazy enough to do it!”

“We knew this year was going to be hell.”

“Hey! Seven days..”

“There’s always still time for things to go wrong.”

“We’ll save them for the future.”

“No, there’s no future.”

“I hope I die in a hilarious way. I hope my death can be told as a joke, like it’s so funny how I died. People can get one last joy. One last laugh.”

“I’m not afraid of death, but I am afraid of dying.”

“Okay, we only have our sixth sense to see with. Okay? Much like Bruce Willis in the show Sixth Sense, spoiler, I know it’s new. He sees dead eggs everywhere.”

“You can do it with dominoes too, but be careful with that one cause once to get a hundred or more dominoes and you spill ‘em all over, it’s gonna take all afternoon to set ‘em back up.”

“So you better fucking see with your brain or else you won’t be able to have a good time.”

“Ouch ouch ouch! That’s not an egg.”

“I think you need to go a little slower.”

“Oh...Puppies!”

“Should we turn on the emergency camper light?”

“I’m just such a neat freak.” “You know we need to try and escape.”

“What a profound man, that shot out the load that is Tony Stark.”

“This is a literal don’t show it. Oh god, all of his nudes are right there!”

“Gone gone, forever.”

“Two idiots cause ten care pile up from buttplug dropedge.” 

“Hook car batteries up to my nipples? I’ll say yes every time!” 

“I’m not a masochist. I’m really not. I’m glad I have this uninterrupted moment to talk about this. I’m not a masochist. I’m just curious.” 

“I’ve never been hit by a car, outside of my car? What’s that like? I DON’T KNOW!” 

“Sometimes, I am an idiot and..I match your intelligence level. THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!”

“We’ve been edging father time for a year.”

“Recognize my face, thank you.”

 “Oh it was terrible. You didn’t tell me about all the bears along the way.”

“Nice camel toe.

“Do you want me to get nurse Tracy?”

“When we tried to crush those melons, SHE TOOK TWO!”

“I was thinking the other night, what if the next melon is [insert muses’s name here] skull?”

“I just like doing what I’m told.”

“A man of few words, a man of action.”

“Are our faces being used as Capchas’ now?”

“Thank you god, thats’s a good idea.”

“God said we could!”

“Doesn’t matter what you do, to keep it from ending. Once it ends. It’s gone forever.”

“I don’t know you but you’re here, a lot. I guess you’re fine.”

“I couldn’t get it off, I felt like I was gonna rip your skin off.”

“YOU WERE GONNA RIP MY SKIN OFF.”

“We got all this time that we can relax! We’ve got like a week to relax...”

“Neither of us have ever been pepper sprayed. Let’s get pepper sprayed!”

“It’s burning as if there’s some hot oil.. on my eyes.”

“My eyes are okay now.”

“This fucking sucks so bad.”

“I would not recommend getting pepper sprayed.”

“When I was a young lad. All I had was my imagination and the woodland creatures.”

“You shot me twice! I get to shoot you with a paintball at some point in the future.”

“There is no easy!”

“Math wasn’t my strong suit, nor was anything.”

“He’s an idiot but he can read well.”

“Look at me in the eyes boy, you’ll never be stronger than me.”

“How do you have time for anything, do you not sleep?”

“Your shirt needs to be off.”

“I think you just want me to take my shirt off.”

“Ugh...I’m fine.”

“I need gloves, I need gloves, hang on, I gotta get gloves!”

“I don’t wanna do anything with drainage.”

“What bone would you say hurts?”

“That’s what the picture said to do, breast feed your patient.”

“Your bed’s not very comfortable.”

“THE GONGOOZLER!”

“It not over, it’s close.”

“In six hours, we’re done.”

“It’s hard to say goodbye, but it’s important.”

“Beautiful, a sailor’s dream to come across the mermer.”

“DELETE ME!! CUT ME OUTTA HERE!!”

“I’m being an asshole now.”

“It’s not hope, it’s delusion.”

“You can’t speed your way into heaven!”

“Have you ever looked at your tongue too long in the mirror and it no longer looks like it belongs to you?”

“Biology is just a constant nightmare.”

[gramarye]

for the ask meme: judai jaden yuki my friend my buddy my pal

MY FRIEND :-) so true he is our friend... i love judai jaden my boy

preface i think judai is a mess and at least needs therapy and even if he does get it i think if he keeps his lifestyle which is do whatever and go everywhere he would be just an awful. a terrible boyfriend. not on purpose but because he's just like That.... its a lot to take in i dont think this man is made for relationships for at least another 20 years if ever

My NOTP for them : I DONT THINK I HAVE ANY? idk maybe sho/judai just because its like. theyre bros.. i cant see it as romantic. but like i wouldnt kill you for shipping it. but they are bros

My BROTP for them: UAGHGKGH IF I SAY JOHAN WILL I BE SHOT BUT I MEAN IT IN A GOOD WAY WHERE THEY CAN KISS TOO. bro we are teens.. we are kissing now.. dont stop........... also i think post canon ryo and judai would b good friends. i think they would have sort of a quiet understanding abt both going thru a lot and u kno...

My OTP for them : THIS IS SOOOOOOOOO HARD judai/manjoume maybe i think they are just so funny. i love contrasting personalities. and i think they have great growth and a good dynamic and the episodes where manjoume gets quote recruited unquote into the red dorm are sooooo cute. they just have very good interactions and manjoume is down So bad even though he denies it.. like how he becomes a society of light member because he was getting riled up about judai (and mistakenly afterwards thinks it was because he was thinking about asuka. BOY YOU ARE SO. )

My second choice pairing for them : guhgghhg. listen. preface i am a lesbian so all my takes are in a really good smart lesbian way. i like judai/asuka in a like. i think they would have a really terrible relationship. and it would be FUNNY. like itd be really funny i think theyd have funny communication problems. thats why . them.. also like i said i like contrasting personalities and i like that asuka is the one bitch up in there telling him to go to therapy (paraphrased but basically!)

My fluffy pairing for them : WEE judai/johan yea yea the fluffiest. i like them im sorry i called them bros but i do think they should kiss

My angsty pairing for them : UUHHH? idk. idkidkidk. honorary mention yubel/judai but i think they would have a Great relationship actually post-canon. like the healthiest judai ship actually. which is very funny considering. everything. im saying every judai ship has a bit of angst in it

My favorite poly ship for them : I LIKEEE judai/manjoume/asuka a lot i think its so based and funny . which is funny i dont really care for asuka/manjoume ( but i dont mind it either ! ) but like. i think if you throw judai in the mix its really funny. see i really do just ship (if you can call it that) things based on how funny they are . ANYWAY YEAH ACTUALLY THIS IS JUST MY OTP these 3 would go above anything else

My weirdest pairing for them: not weird at all this is just correct. that one pharaoh from one episode who literally asks to like. be with him forever in the afterlife. i hope when judai dies thats where he goes bro i hope that gay pharaoh duelist man gets what he wants!!! i hope they are happy

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 14

post directory

obsetress:

obsetress: viola

em: holy shit

em: i think viola could hold a truly ridiculous number of things in her hands

em: danis like i have a little fanny pack right here- and violas like (turns up nose) absolutely not

obsetress: pre therapy viola during her relationship w dani: buys dani a birkin too, is like "here baby, so you don't have to use that fanny pack"

obsetress: dani's like "oh. i, um. like my fanny pack"

obsetress: viola therapy era after her relationship with dani: buys her a hermes fanny pack instead

obsetress: jamie rolls her eyes but dani is literally

em: i think a lot abt viola offering solutions completely unprompted n then being really offended when ppl dont take her up on it

em: pre therapy obvs

obsetress: SAME

obsetress: oh link is gross

obsetress: cost is grosser

obsetress: but viola lloyd dropping $2550 on a fanny pack for her ex gf? chefs kiss

---

obsetress: ok just remembered viola slouching or leaning or w/e n like

obsetress: brain practically applying that to exes au and imagining when and where she'd slouch n everyone's reactions to htat

obsetress: bc like she has perfect posture but when she chooses to do it it's a power move

obsetress: and i. hm

em: yeah

obsetress: viola sitting up stock straight when they first get to brunch and as soon as she's ordered her bloody mary shes pulling off her sunglasses and dropping them on the table and just sinking back

em: how to phrase this w/o sounding too much like a whore

em: actually no way to say this but like i feel v strongly abt the way we make women take up less space wrt to knees together calves touching type deal and i think maybe

em: maybe viola can manspread a bit as a treat

em: hate that term but i cant think of a better one

obsetress: nah she does n it's hot

obsetress: just had this image pre divorce of viola and arthur at marriage counseling on opp ends of the couch n arthur's sitting v tight close and vi is just

obsetress: leaning and spreading a lil

obsetress: the first time jamie sees her do it she's so taken aback

obsetress: because she's NOT expecting it

em: jamies like ah ok late in life lesbian deal and then jokes on her viola is fluent in dyke slouch

obsetress: jamie immediately trying to suss out just how long viola has been fucking women

obsetress: she says to dani later "i thought she was all proper like" and dani's like "she is" and jamie's like "so wot was that then" and dani's like "well, people are gay, jamie,"

em: ghfjhgljkJFDASJKKJFGA

em: jamies like so wait how long HAS viola been

obsetress: jamie: so you were vi's first serious girlfriend right? dani: dani: jamie: right???????

em: violas been fucking women longer than jamie has lbr

em: i mean shes clearly only 35, jamie,

obsetress: jamie: so... vi... viola: hm? jamie: you're, uh, gay, right? viola: obviously jamie: right. well dani told me you've been dating women since–– viola: since i was 15, yes jamie: but you married a man

em: violas like u went to jail everyone does stupid shit occasionally

em: jamie: so how long have you been dating women viola: since i was 15 jamie: no i meant like. in years viola raises her eyebrows and jamies just like haha nevermind fuck

obsetress: she tried!

obsetress: she tried

em: jamie on her 35th birthday pencilling 'many happy returns' into violas ????th 35th birthday card

em: yknow i think

em: i think something's afoot

obsetress: jamie, giving up on the direct approach

obsetress: slipping in next to rebecca at the wine bar

obsetress: "becca"

obsetress: "hi, jamie" "hi. how old is your girlfriend"

em: am fucking losing it thinking abt jamie like. realising how much gay energy viola has

em: like taken ABACK

obsetress: fksljfLKSDJFLJ

obsetress: just like

obsetress: why are jamies reactions to viola so funny

obsetress: montage of jamie realizing how much gay energy viola has

obsetress: jamie watching viola sitting

obsetress: jamie watching viola pick up a variety of glasses and mugs

obsetress: jamie watching viola compare hand sizes with dani, jamie's girlfriend and viola's ex girlfriend who she dated for literal years and whose hand size she definitely already knows

em: NOT THE HAND SZIES

em: they go for a walk and viola immediately complains about the sun and jamie's like

em: i have a spare hat but ur not gonna like it

em: its a snapback that says daddy or smthn in gold, owen got it for jamie for her bday, jamie Loathes it

obsetress: BYE

obsetress: viola looks better in it than jamie does

em: jamie has that

em: am i attracted to viola? moment

em: it passses

em: she has already compartmentalised the weird psychosexual power play

em: queen of compartmentalising

obsetress: jamie: had another one of those moments today dani: what moments? jamie: where i thought i might be attracted to vi dani: well, you did let her fuck you... what was it, four? times in one night, so

em: jamie; yeah but like that aside

em: jamie 'thats neither here nor there' taylor

obsetress: she is the queen of compartmentalizing tho

em: i was gonna be like. 'jamies like wait i dont remember saying four' but. i think she would tell dani

em: because the flip of that is dani callin up vi n i dont think she would necessarily

obsetress: i think she would and dani would make her anyway

obsetress: well make her is harsh but

obsetress: dani would very curiously ask in very convincing ways

em: lovingly coax it out of her

em: dani: what if i fucked you four times in o

obsetress: dani: let me do five

em: viola probably wears so many rings jamie doesn’t even clock the ever present thumb ring

obsetress: jamie just. writes it all off

em: am laughing abt like. viola v meticulously taking off every single ring and putting it in its proper location before...

obsetress: there is something. so hot about that

obsetress: im gonna scream i think

em: i was just meming and now im thinking abt it and

em: truly played myself

em: actually this is me refusing to unpack whatever the hell theo crain gloves made me feel

obsetress: sdkfmsldjfa

obsetress: fair

em: sublimate it into rings

obsetress: i just like um

obsetress: thinkin about when she and dani are together and like

obsetress: it's intentional and everything has its place but vi also makes a show out of it

obsetress: and like

obsetress: she's SO painstaking about it and definitely makes dani wait a little bit and

em: helps dani outta her big ass earrings

em: i mean dani doesnt even Need the help

em: viola meticulous lloyd

em: i mean she just wears so much goddamn jewellry

obsetress: she can tell when dani's getting impatient and goes even slower

em: viola has like

em: viola is one of thos ppl thats really into expensive watches

obsetress: !!!!!!

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: nice lil canon nod too

em: she drags dani to antique auctions n danis like i cant. actually tell the difference between the real and the forgery and violas like (passionately explains it for like 30 minutes) and dani is

em: like shes mentally checked out but also v intensely watching violas hands as she points to the parts of the watch

em: rebecca gets it tho

em: rebecca Gets It

obsetress: dani shoving vi into the bathroom at the auction house and tugging vi's hand between her legs v rebecca grabbing her own auction paddle and bidding against viola for the same watch

obsetress: (rebecca n vi fuck in the car on the ride home)

em: dani grabs a paddle n mimes spanking viola n then the auctioneer is like '$250 to 201' and danis like aw Fcuk

em: violas like i cant take u Anywhere

obsetress: dani gives her the 🥺😌and viola's immediately over it and pulling out $250

obsetress: dani: i didn't even want it, i was just–– vi: i know dani: what am i even gonna do with a–– vi: i'll sell it for $500 at a private auction next week dani: so technically i'm making you money dani, grinning: it's like i'm your employee dani: do you have any more assignments for me, boss? vi: dani get your hand out of my pocket i need to focu––

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Hii! May i ask for a slice of cake? (If you can ofc)

So im a INFP-T virgo im also 4"11 i have dark brown hair it because wayy lighter near the sun. Also dark brown eyes my hair is cut kinda like a shag like the front is cut but the back isn't (bc of my parents) my style is grunge ig? Im very inlove with fairy style Smm but because im broke i cant really fulfil my love for that style (also probably because of my parents). My body is???? Okay my boobies are medium size and no unfortunately I don't have a fat ass 😕 im not chubby but at the same time im not skinny. Like the most fat goes to my tummy I get rolls when I sit down bath blah you get my point (im pretty insecure about it lolol). One of my two main dreams is to study abroad and become an interior decorator.

I dont know how to describe my personality but I will try. My best friend always tells me that my sense of humour is downhill BAD. I would laugh at the dumbest shit ever for example i laughed one of those pixilated bugs pics with random names on the bottom 💀 also I laugh at my own trauma and stuff that shouldn't be laughed at. I kinda have anger issues 😕 I get unmotivated pretty easily. I rant to my best friend alot and she says that im ✨depressed✨ and have ✨anxiety✨ and that i need therapy. Im scared to rant to my parents because im "too young and its just my hormones". Something that I found out about myself this year is i have chill tics 😦 (from anxiety). Outside im nice and sweet but on the inside my mind is just saying other things. Im SOMETIMES cold and say what's on my mind but thats to my close ones like my mom dad or friends. I dont lie going Outside alot I think school is kinda useless. I like to draw and listen to music my fav artist are mother mother and mitski.

I hope i didn't say TOO much anyway thank youu I hope you have/had a great day :)

🍰 for @shotosimp2

Romantic Matchup

Oikawa Tooru

How yall met

Ok im ngl

Y'all had know clue who each other were

Well that's a lie

Of course you knew who Oikawa was

But you just didn't care

Now Oikawa always saw you around school

You know...in the school uniform

But one day

He saw you outside of school in all of your grunge glory

And apart of him was like bitch wtf

And the other was like ok queen i see you 😗

So he approached you and complimented your outfit

And you said thanks and then ran off to wherever you were heading

Wait

You just said thanks???

No fan girling????

Not even a blush??????

Nothing????????????

OIKAWA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

Ok he would understand that reaction if you were just a stranger on the street

But you went to school with him?

So you had to know who he was right?

Yeah my mans had a whole ass crisis because you didn't have a bigger reaction

The next day he went to Iwa and told him about his interaction with you

And he was just like not everyone was to like you ya know

Oikawa: >:o

Then Iwa had a brilliant idea

Get this

Maybe

Oikawa should BEFRIEND you before expecting you to want to talk to him

Wild theory I know

So now Oikawa had a new goal

Befriending you

It actually wasn't that hard since you both had a lot of classes together

Soon enough you guys became close friends

And oikawa was happy with just being your friend

At least...he thought he was

But everything changed when you told him you were going to study abroad for 3 months

And even though you had each others numbers

Everything without you just seemed so dull

Omg

Did he really have feelings for you?

The more time that passed by the more he was sure that he liked you

Like LIKED liked you

So the day you came back to Japan is when he confessed to you

And well you'd be lying if you said you hadn't caught feelings for him too

So you said yes

What they love about you

He loves how normal you treat him

Now hell admit when he first met you he kinda wanted you to treat him like a celebrity

Expected it even

But the more time he spent around you

The more he realized how much he liked being treated normally

Ok screw what your friend says

He loves your humor!

Yall will laugh at the dumbest shit

If we were to look at you and Oikawa's messages

85% of it would be dumb ass memes

And honestly

This boy makes jokes about his trauma too

“Hey Y/N you wanna hear a joke?”

“Sure”

“My existence”

“...”

“...”

“Ayyyyy”

“Ayyyyy”

He loves how easy it is to talk to you

Like he's told you things he hasn't even told Iwa before

And Iwa is his CHILDHOOD BESTIE

So yeah

Trust between you two

ASTRONOMICAL

What you love about them

You love how supportive he is

If you say you wanna do something

He is right behind you cheering you on

You could tell him you want to commit arson

And he'd just be like

Period queen ill bring the gasoline 💅

You can always count on this man to be in your corner

Speaking of

You can always count on oikawa period

Which is another thing that you love about him

If oikawa is anything

He is a man of his word

If he says hes gonna do something

You know he's gonna do it

He's just overall a really reliable person

You love how he just seems to motivate you to do better

Fr after you guys started dating your grades went

Partly because you felt like you needed to compete with him

But mostly because he just motivates and pushes you to do better

And if you do improve on something

He is HYPING you up

“That's my baby! I knew you could do it!”

Favorite things to do together

Yall love to just go to the store and window shop

Im sorry but yall are some broke hoes

So most of the time it's just you guys trying on clothes in the dressing room

Taking pictures of your outfits

Then leaving

Yeah the store employees kinda hate you…

But who cares what they think

And if you two do have some pocket cash you'll buy one or two things

Then blow the rest of your money on that good mall food

Cause why not

Random Hc

He makes fun of your guys height difference ALL THE TIME

But like, can you blame him????

You're not even 5 feet tall!!!

“Imagine being the size of a 10 year old, couldn't be me”

Imagine being taller than the national average height 😐, couldn't be me”

“Touche”

He let you dress him up as an E-Boy ONCE

Ngl tho he dug the eyeliner look 😗

He called you every day while you were studying abroad

He even sent you a oikawa plushie

You may or may not have sent him a video of you drowning it

When you came back to Japan he legit TACKLED you in the middle of the airport

Astrology

Virgo + Cancer

Compatibility 80%

Cancer and Virgo can have a wonderful connection and are usually brought together by sexual understanding.

The main problem of their relationship is in the possible conflict between emotional Cancer and reasonable Virgo.

If they manage to overcome this, accepting each other’s shortcomings and learning to incorporate some rationality or some emotion into their lives, they could end up in an inspiring relationship that will last for a very long time.

In a way, they complement each other as much as the heart complements the mind.

If they share a spark of love, it would be a shame to miss the opportunity for happiness just because of someone’s irrational expectations or someone’s closed heart.

If someone can help Virgo build their trust, it is their Cancer partner.

Although Cancer is a cardinal sign, they are stable by nature, especially when it comes to emotional decisions they have made.

If they have chosen Virgo to be their loving partner, they will have no reason to lie or cheat.

This behavior would only endanger their vision of a shared life and a loving family they want with the partner they chose.

This is also a reason why Cancer won’t have an initial problem with trusting Virgo.

Their convictions are stronger than their doubt.

Overall Aesthetic

Grunge Glamour ✨

Songs -

Tia tamera (Doja Cat)

Verbratem (mother mother

Literal Legend (Ayesha Erotica)

Hayloft (mother mother)

Stupid (ashnikko)

[lenniewip]

Unknown (A Sterek Wrong Number/Celebrity AU)

11.09 PM Unknown Number

>I’m writing songs about you again.

11.20 PM Unknown Number

>its stiles btw.

>in case you deleted my number

>I did.

>I mean I deleted yours.

>but I still remember it apparently

11:41 PM Unknown Number

>I only have 2 lines so far

11:57 PM Unknown Number

>I bleed you from my veins.

>I grieve you like I love you.

>alone.

>its better with the chords.

>u were always better at writing lyrics than me

12:34 AM Unknown Number

>u were better everything than me

2:00 AM Unknown Number

>I hate that I miss you

2:07 AM Unknown Number

>do u want to hook up?

>I promise not to propose again

2:15 AM Unknown Number

>im sorry.

>ignore me.

>im drinking

Derek blinked bleary eyes. His phone screen was the only source of light in his room, as he read through the flurry text messages.

What the hell is a Stiles?

2:17 AM Unknown Number

<I think you have the wrong number

>Lydia?

<no

>oh thank fuck

>I mean

>I’m sorry

>for disturbing ur sleep

>but im just glad I didn’t drunk text my ex all of this

>bullet dodged right?

>is this what near death experiences feel like?

<I wouldn’t know.

>of course

>hey

>seeming as I have you here can I ask you a quick q?

>all my friends are asleep

<probably because its 3am

<everyone’s asleep

>2.39

>and ur not

>asleep that is

>so?

>I’ll take your silence as a go ahead

>what do you think?

>of the lyrics

<im the wrong person to ask

>never experienced heartbreak?

<no

<all song lyrics just look like bad poetry to me

>oh

>yeah I guess it does

>not everyone can be Rupi Kaur tho right?

<do you want to be rupi kaur?

>sure

>not to be dramatic or anything

>but

>I want to be anyone but me

>think id rather be someone like regina spektor tho

<regina spektor?

>singer/song writer

>shes my fucking inspiration

>her lyrics are like poetry to me

>you should listen to her music

<I dont really listen to music

>what the fuck?

>are you an alien?

<no?

>nice fucking try ET

>thats exactly what an alien would say

<…you got me there

>akdjfen

>is this you admitting I was right?

<no

<but this is me going to bed

<because its now 4AM

>already?

>fuck

>ive got an early start tomorrow

>good night random stranger

>and thanks

>for listening

>or reading ig

<good night

//

“You’re late.” Laura frowned, arms crossed.

“Are you going to let me in?” Derek grumbled, still feeling the affects of having stayed up until 4AM the previous night.

Laura didn’t argue she just stepped aside to let him through into her flat. “You’re grumpier than usual.” She noted.

“Didn’t sleep well.”

Derek hated the look she gave him then.

The look that said he was broken. The look that said she wanted to fix him.

“Is…Is it the nightmares again?” Laura’s voice dipped to a whisper, like the question alone would be enough to send him over the edge.

“No.”

An awkward silence defended over the two of them, neither knowing what to say.

Derek clung to the silence like a blanket, wishing things could go back to how they used to be. Back to when they knew how to speak to one another.

But this was enough.

It was enough to know that they were both trying. Failing. But trying.

//

2:40 PM Laura

>I’m here if you need to talk.

//

Derek isn’t good at art, but sometimes it’s the only way he can express himself. Words had never been his forte.

So instead he doodles.

Shitty toddler level doodles that he never shows anyone.

Sometimes he thinks if he could bring himself to show Laura she would like it. Maybe she would even understand it.

But there was a bigger chance that she wouldn’t, and he would feel even more like a stranger to his own sister than he already was.

//

10:18 PM Unknown Number

>I don’t remember it anymore

<You have the wrong number again

>No

>This is ‘not Lydia’ right?

<right

>So here’s the thing.

>I always thought if I needed to text her I could

>And I thought maybe I got her number wrong because I was drunk

>But I can’t remember it anymore

<Oh.

>I have some of her things still

>I don’t think I’ll ever get to return it now

>Unless she messages me first

<When did you two break up?

>Last year

>and I know what you’re thinking

>’it’s October��

>and I should be over her by now

>Trust me I know

>So you don’t need to lecture me

<I wasn’t going to

>Oh

<Stiles?

>That’s weird

<what is?

>I forgot I told you my name

<You should throw away the stuff she left behind.

>you’re right

>I don’t like it.

>but you’re right

>…thanks

<What for?

>for listening

>reading**

>my friends are pretty sick of hearing me complain

>so this is nice

<sure

<anytime

>dope

>no take backsies

<am I going to regret this?

>for definite

>you’re stuck with me now

//

That night Derek saves Stiles’ number as ‘Bad Poet’.

//

Stiles keeps messaging after that.

Stiles messages like they’ve been friends for years, and Derek very determinedly does not analyse why it is he always responds.

Even when there are messages dated from Laura from three days ago that he hasn’t even been able to bring himself to open yet.

He also ignores how when he’s messaging Stiles the gaping pit that had made residence in his chest feels just a little less inescapable.

//

Derek can’t bring himself to tell Stiles his name. He can’t bring himself open up, even though there’s a large part of him that wants to.

He’s not above admitting he’s scared.

//

Derek draws Stiles sometimes.

More accurately he draws a vague pair hands texting on a phone, because he has no idea what Stiles actually looks like.

Derek refuses to let himself dwell on that though, because they are happy drawings.

The pictures of Stiles are pretty much his only happy drawings right now.

//

They don’t always talk about Lydia.

Sometimes Stiles messages Derek song lyrics he’s working on.

Other times it’s memes, or just a bunch of emojis.

Once Stiles had just messaged him what Derek could only assume was a list of everything he had eaten that day.

Sometimes Stiles messages in rambles - and Derek can’t always keep up with the boy’s run away thoughts, but even then he never feels lost the way he does when he’s trying to interact with literally anyone else.

And sometimes it’s 2AM. Those are simultaneously Derek’s favourite and least favourite texts.

//

2:02 AM Bad Poet

>sometimes I feel like too much

>and too little

>at the same time

>u ever feel like that ET?

<not really

>its like I’m infinite, and meaningless

>like a never ending echo

>or a recurring decimal

>I just stretch on and on forever but theres no point to it

>I have no depth

<youre not meaningless

<you’re a rhythm.

<like breathing

>…

>was that a regina spektor reference?

<it might have been

>I thought you didn’t listen to music?

<well someone said her lyrics were like poetry

<so I thought I would check out a few songs

>well fuck

>what did you think?

<she’s good

>you spelt ‘amazing’ wrong

<I still prefer poetry

>of course you do

Derek stared at the texts an ache filling his chest.

Derek was the opposite of infinite. Everything he touched turned to flames.

//

10:30AM Bad Poet

<my sister bought me flower seeds

>I didn’t know you had a sister?

<she’s everything I have

>oh

<and I think she’s trying to trick me into therapy somehow

>…with flower seeds?

<yes

>you sound extremely paranoid

>maybe therapy wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for you?

<shut up

>noted.

>keep me posted on how your gardening goes

>also

>as a side note

>you know you have me too right?

>if you ever need to talk or anything, I’m right here for you

<thanks

>anytime

//

On Derek’s birthday Laura insists the two of them spend the day together, and Derek knows better than to argue.

She buys him a cake and they spend hours sat next to one another silently. Two strangers desperately trying to keep hold of one another but with an ocean dividing them.

Once their family had been so alive.

And it was all Derek’s fault that was gone.

They both knew it.

Sometimes Derek wondered if Laura hated him as much as he did.

He was too scared to ask.

//

That night Derek chased the ache in his chest away with a drink.

And then several more followed.

//

1:14 AM Bad Poet

<seh haars me

>sorry bud, you’re going to have to try again

>try spell checking before hitting send

<she.hates mee

>who?

<larn

>are you drunk?

<yeh

<tyongs ndrf

*Out Going Call: Bad Poet*

The phone rings twice before being picked up. “Sorry. Stupid keyboard is so small. Impossible to type.” Derek mumbled, his words slightly muffled by his cheek being pressed into the sofa cushion.

“Wow. You’re really sloshed huh?”

“No.” Derek denied. “Just tipsy.”

“Right. So what was it you were trying to tell me? Someone hates you?”

“Laura.”

“Who’s Laura?”

“My sister.”

“Oh.”

“She looks at me like she wishes she could fix me.”

“That doesn’t sound like she hates you, bud.”

“She should. I can’t be fixed.”

“You’re right, because you’re not broken.”

Hearing Stiles say that Derek could almost believe it to be true.

“I mean it. You’re not broken. You’re just a different shape than you used to be. But the shape you are now is beautiful.”

Derek closes his eyes and lets the words wash over him. “Do you sing?” He finds himself asking.

“What?”

“I know you write songs, but do you ever sing?”

“Oh…” Stiles sounds uncomfortable. “I guess… Yeah. I do.”

Derek hummed in the back of his throat. “I bet you have a nice voice.”

“Th-thanks.”

Derek tried to say something else, but all that comes out is a yawn, which makes Stiles let out a jittery laugh.

Derek tries to memorise the sound of It, but it’s so fleeting, it’s already slipping away from him.

“I think you need to go sleep, ET.”

“Yeah.” Derek agrees.

“Goodnight bud.”

“Wait.”

“Yeah?”

“Could you stay on the phone? Just for a bit longer.” Derek clutched on to the phone like if he could grip tightly enough it would make Stiles stay.

I don’t want to be alone. The words die on Derek’s tongue.

“Sure.” Stiles didn’t hesitate. “Of course.”

“Thank you.”

Sleep pulled at Derek’s consciousness, unravelling his grip on reality.

“Stiles?”

Stiles hummed in answer.

“Your shape is beautiful too.”

A small whimper came from the other end of the phone. “Thanks.”

//

7:50 AM Bad Poet

>how are you feeling today?

<better

>good <3

Derek holds his phone tightly and wishes that he had more to say. Just to keep the conversation going.

He also wishes (not for the first time) that Stiles was more than a faceless entity on the other end of the phone.

But it’s the first time he feels the want like a physical ache in his chest.

Derek had never been good with words, but if Stiles was here in front of him Derek would probably give him a hug.

But everything Derek touches eventually dies, and a larger part of him is relieved for the distance.

//

Derek plants the seeds his sister got him that day.

//

9:48 PM Bad Poet

>would it totally weird you out if I wanted to do another phone call?

>don’t feel like you need to say yes

>I just enjoyed talking to you

>and hearing your voice

>ugh.

>why are words so hard?

<I wouldn’t be opposed to a phone call

*Incoming Call: Bad Poet*

“Hey.” Derek feels breathless as he answers the phone, anxious excitement clawing it’s way up his throat.

“Hey.” Stiles sounds equally out of breath, and that helps.

Derek chews on his lip, scrambling for something to say. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know.” Stiles admitted. “Anything.”

“Helpful.” Derek said sarcastically.

“I mean. There’s one thing. I didn’t want to ask when you were drunk because it felt a little like taking advantage. And I don’t want you to think you have to answer-”

“Stiles.” Derek interrupts before Stiles could break into a full blown ramble.

“Tell me your name.” Stiles breaks. “Please.”

Anxiety grips his heart. But… he couldn’t stay scared forever.

“It’s Derek.”

“Derek.” Stiles repeats his name in a reverent whisper, as if committing it to memory.

And hearing Stiles say his name makes everything worth it.

//

Phone calls become a regular thing between the two of them over the next month. Always between late in the evening and the early hours of the day.

//

The next time Derek spirals he doesn’t drink before he calls Stiles, but he does cry on the phone.

The next morning he wakes up to a text from Stiles.

6:42 AM Bad Poet

>you need to talk to your sister

And Derek knows he’s right.

//

It’s not easy confronting Laura. He has two separate anxiety attacks on the walk to her apartment alone.

But he forces himself to take the dive.

“It’s okay if you hate me.” He tells her, even though it’s not okay. Laura’s hate might be the only thing in the world that could break him beyond repair.

Laura looks horrified as she stares at him. “I don’t- Obviously I don’t hate you Derek.”

“It’s my fault that they’re gone.” Derek addresses the elephant in the room.

If he hadn’t fallen in love with Kate.

If he hadn’t broken up with her, just to try and prove a point when she refused to say ‘I love you’ back…

There never would have been a fire.

Their family would still be here if it wasn’t for him.

“Fuck that!” Laura let out a harsh noise. “Derek, none of this was ever your fault. You were a kid, and even if you weren’t… You never set the fire.”

“I might as well have.”

“No. If anyone… I was your big sister- am your big sister. But I was so fucking wrapped up in myself. I didn’t even know about Kate.”

The last time Derek had seen Laura cry it had been at the funeral, so it took a second to fully sink in what he was seeing.

He found himself crying to.

“I’m so sorry, Der.”

Derek stumbled forwards pulling Laura into a crushing hug. Laura hugs him back just as tight.

They spend hours refusing to let go of one another.

//

He realises he fell asleep on Laura’s sofa when he woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. But he had no idea where it was, and he was too tired to move.

He feels Laura moving and the sound of the phone ringing gets louder before cutting off abruptly.

“Hello?”

“No - Derek’s asleep.”

“Maybe call at a more reasonable time?”

“Who is this?”

“Your voice sounds familiar.”

“Right.”

“Okay. Bye.”

Derek let sleep over take him once more.

//

2:29 AM Bad Poet

>sorry for calling so late

>you’re asleep so I’ll just take to you tomorrow

//

9:07 AM Bad Poet

<sorry, I was really tried

>no worries man

>you’re allowed to have a life outside of me

<was something wrong?

>no I was just bored, and didn’t realise how late it had gotten

>im fine

>how are you?

<im good actually

<I spoke to Laura

>yeah?

>I’m proud of you

>how’d that go?

<we both cried

<a lot

<and I ended up falling asleep on her couch

>look at you, opening up and shit.

>think I might cry now

<shut up

>literally never

>better men have tried and failed to silence me

//

2:40 PM Laura

>Want to see a movie on Friday?

<sure

//

One night Stiles calls Derek just to say his name in stupid ways, and laugh himself stupid after each one.

“Duhreek.”

“Doreck.”

“Fuck. I’m getting a stitch from laughing.”

“You’re so fucking dumb.” Derek is smiling as he said it.

“Deeruk.” Stiles wheezes out.

Derek just closes hie eyes and listens.

“I’m so fucking glad I know you, Stiles.” The words fall out of Derek’s mouth without much thought.

He only realises the weight of his words when Stile’s laughter pulls to a stop.

“I uh-” Stiles stammered. “Me too. Fuck. You’re the best thing to happen to me in…so fucking long. I’m glad I know you too Derek.”

//

Derek finally admits to himself that night that he’d fallen at least a little in love with the stranger from the unknown number.

//

He keeps trying to draw Stiles, but he can’t. Vague shapes just don’t cut it anymore.

He wants to map Stiles out with his eyes and translate it onto the page.

He wants to be able to see the smile behind the laughter.

He wants.

//

1:58 AM Bad Poet

>do you think you day we’ll actually meet?

>maybe not intentionally

>maybe one day we’d pass each other in the streets and not even know

>maybe we already have

Derek couldn’t imagine a scenario where he wouldn’t notice Stiles.

<is there ever a moment when you’re not talking?

<I think id recognise your voice and know it was you

>maybe your face would make me speechless ;)

<I think id still know

<but if you want to be sure… I could send you a picture?

<of me

>dkfajd

>for reals?

>you would do that?

>you?

<well…not for free

>there’s always a catch

>what do you want?

>my soul?

>a blood debt?

>you can have whatever it is

<I meant you’d have to send me a picture too

<geez stiles

The next text takes an unnervingly long time to come through.

>I could do that

>a photo for a photo

>I kind of look like shit rn

>so no judging me

Derek spends the next two minutes fussing and fidgeting to take a good photo. No matter what angle he took it from the bags under his eyes were noticeable, and so was the week’s worth of stubble he had yet to shave off.

And maybe this was a terrible, awful, idea.

But Derek would send one hundred bad pictures if it meant getting to see one of Stiles.

He forced himself to press send on the last picture he took.

As he pressed send another photo came in.

Derek’s fingers shook as he hit the button to download the image.

His heart stopped.

Stiles was beautiful in every sense of the word, and Derek found himself unable to look away. Even when he heard the small dings of incoming messages.

But he couldn’t ignore them for long, because it was Stiles. And when ever Stiles messaged Derek had to answer.

>Fucking hell

>are you for real?

>you gave me a heart attack

>am I being catfished right now?

>when do you think you were going to tell me you’re the most fucking beautiful man to exist ever?

>how the hell to you look like that as 2AM!?

>Derek

>oh my god

>you gotta respond my dude because I’m freaking out a little bit

>still there?

>did my selfie scare you away?

>I would have tried harder for a nice photo if I knew I was talking to an adonis

>Derek?

<still here

>of thank fuck

>so…

<so?

>come on

>your going to give me a complex

>the selfie…was it okay?

>I know it’s not much

>but we can’t all be greek gods

<its beautiful

<you’re beautiful, stiles

>oh

>thanks

//

Derek is so far gone that he makes the picture of Stiles the home screen on his phone.

//

9:49 AM Bad Poet

<Laura wants me to meet her boyfriend

<this is all your fault

>how is this my fault?

<because she never wanted to introduce us before

<and then you got me to talk to my sister

<and now she wants me to meet him

>…and this is a bad thing?

<yes

>because?

<I don’t make good first impressions

<it’s going to be awkward

>yeah probably

<you’re not helpful

>I wasn’t trying to be ;)

>have fun, Derek!

//

Meeting Laura’s boyfriend wasn’t as awkward as Derek thought it was going to be. But it was strange.

Derek hadn’t been expecting to meet someone so soft and kind. He was nothing like any one that Laura had dated before.

But he also wasn’t used to seeing Laura smile as much as she did around him.

Maybe not all change was bad.

//

Derek tells Laura about Stiles by accident. Or more accurately he mentions Stiles once by accident (not even by name) and Laura had badgered him until he admitted that he had made a friend through a wrong number.

“There’s a lot of weirdos out there.”

“I know.”

God did Derek ever know.

But Stiles is different.

“Just…be careful.”

“I am being. I promise.”

Laura reluctantly lets it go after that. “So…what’s he like?”

“He’s…he’s like bad poetry.”

“Oh god. You’re in love with him aren’t you?”

Derek can’t bring himself to deny it, but he does tell Laura to shut up.

//

Derek fully embraces being in love with Stiles on the day he tells Stiles about his drawings. He’d never told anyone about them before - not even Laura. But telling Stiles had been easy.

‘It reminds me of line art’ Stiles had said when Derek had sent him a photo of the doodle he had been working on. “I love it’.

A warmth flutters through Derek’s veins.

//

It all goes sideways on the day Laura goes on Derek’s phone to check the time.

She’d raised one eyebrow at him looking amused.

“I thought you didn’t listen to music?” She said, a teasing note to her voice.

“I don’t.” Derek shrugged.

“A huh. So why do you have a picture of Stiles Stilinski as your wallpaper?” She asks.

It’s so startling to hear Stiles name coming out of Laura’s mouth that Derek’s brain refuses to function properly. “How do you know Stiles?” He asks weakly.

Laura laughs. “He’s not exactly a niche celebrity Der. He was a really famous YouTuber before he started selling albums.”

Derek doesn’t know what to say to that. He blinks as his world slowly unravels before him.

No.

She had to be wrong, because Derek couldn’t be in love with a celebrity. Stiles couldn’t be…

“Hey are you okay? You look really sick?”

“He’s famous?” His throat is dry.

“Yes? Are you okay? What’s wrong? You’ve got to speak to me Der. Use your words.”

Derek just shakes his head because he can’t.

“It’s him.” He manages to get out.

“What are you talking about?”

“Laura. It’s him.”

It takes a moment to click but Derek knows when it does because a look of thunderous wrath takes over Laura’s face.

“I’ll kill him.” She seethes, shaking with anger. “What kind of fucking punk thinks that this is a good prank to play?”

“What?”

“No one is getting away with catfishing you, Der. I’m going to hunt this fucker down, and then I’ll rip him so many new ones that he going to look like SpongeBob when I’m done with him.”

And god, Derek hadn’t even considered the thought that Stiles might not even be Stiles. The thought of Stiles being a liar…

The gape in his heart grows a little bit bigger.

And it all falls apart.

//

It takes hours before Derek can convince himself to confront Stiles.

11:08 PM Bad Poet

<you’re stiles stilinki

>fuck

(And yeah, it was really him).

>how did you find out?

<Laura

>I was going to tell you

<Were you?

>Yes

>I’ve wanted to for ages

>It just never felt like the right time to bring it up

<I wish you had decided on the right time was sooner

>Me too

>I’m sorry

>Please don’t hate me

Derek did not think it was possible for him to hate any part of Stiles.

<I don’t

>Thank fuck

>seriously

>can I call you?

<sure

Derek closed his eyes after sending the text and waited for Stiles to ring. A heartbeat later his ringtone sounded off.

“Hey.”

“You believe me right?” And Stiles sounds more frantic than Derek had ever heard him before.

“I believe you, Stiles.”

“Are you sure, because I can prove it if you want? I can do a video call? Or I can tweet literally anythi-”

“Stiles.”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t have to prove anything to me.”

Stiles lets out a small whine, that reaches through the phone line and yanks at Derek’s already tattered heart, unraveling him just a little more.

“Meet me.” Stiles said, taking Derek by surprise.

“What?”

“Please. I meant to throw a please in there, I’m just really fucking nervous right now. Meet me please. In real life. I uh- I was going to ask when I finally told you about the whole being a celebrity thing. It’s still weird to say that out loud. That’s part of why it was so hard to tell you. But the point was you beat me to the punch with the whole reveal thing, but I still wanted to ask.”

“Stiles…”

“And it’s not that I was trying to use my influence or fame to pressure you into meeting me. I just wanted to be in a space where we were one hundred per cent honest with one another before I asked you. You can still say no. Of course you can, I don’t know why I’m- my point is I hope you don’t say no.”

Derek feels his heart break in two.

“Stiles…I can’t.”

“Oh.”

He hadn’t fully realised just how many worlds apart the two of them were when he had fallen in love with Stiles. It felt even more impossible than it had before.

“I’m sorry.” The words leave him feeling hollow.

“No. Don’t apologise. This is just me getting carried away. It’s okay.”

I love you. The words never leave Derek. They can’t leave him.

There was no way this could work, and he was far too scared of breaking the tentative connection they had with his useless words.

It was better for him to just… fall out of love.

//

6:17AM Laura

<it’s really him

>are you sure

<I’m sure

>what are you going to do?

<nothing

>Derek you’re in love with him

<I’m aware

<it doesn’t matter

<it wouldn’t ever work

>I’m sorry

<don’t be

<I’m going to be fine

>Im coming over with wine

//

That night Derek fills pages and pages of his notebook with drawings of Stiles.

When he gets a message from Stiles at 11PM- for the first time since they started messaging- Derek leaves it unopened.

//

He never ignores a message again after that, and life moves on. Stiles still messages him all the time, but he never asks to call anymore.

Derek misses his voice so much that he goes onto youtube and listens to his music.

He buys all three albums Stiles released and it still doesn’t feel like enough.

//

He fills an entire notebook with doodles of Stiles.

It’s still not enough.

//

1:11 PM Bad Poet

>I wrote you a song

>I know you don’t listen to music

>but it felt weird to not a least send you a link

>bad poetry at 2:00am

The link leads Derek to a youtube video of Stiles holding a ukulele and staring with a soft smile at the camera.

“Hey guys. It’s been a while, huh? But I guess I finally found inspiration. So here we go.”

The song is beautiful, but even more beautiful than that was Stiles.

When the song reached the end Derek doesn’t hesitate to hit replay.

He listens to the song ten times before he realises he’s crying - and he knows that he’s never going to ‘get over’ Stiles because he doesn’t want to.

//

3:00 PM Laura

>have you seen the video?

<he sent me a link

<he wrote a song for me Laura

<I love him so fucking much and he wrote a song for me

>fuck

<what do I do?

>what do you want to do?

<I don’t know

>I think you should look at his twitter

<?

>I wasn’t going to say anything because you said you wanted to get over him

>but I think you need to see it

>@stilesstilinki

//

@stilesstilinski

I want to hug him

@stilesstilinski

Get you a guy that will stay up with you until 4AM talking about literally anything

@stilesstilinski

Why do I alway fall for people so far out of my league? rip me I guess.

@stilesstilinski

He makes me want to write poetry

Derek spends hours scrolling through Stiles’ twitter.

He scrolls far enough back that he gets to the part of his timeline where his twitter is littered with pictures of Lydia, which causes the ache in Derek’s chest to grow. But he can’t stop looking because Stiles looks so happy.

And Derek falls impossibly more in love.

He lets himself acknowledge for the first time that Stiles might love him back.

And everything else?

It’s worth it.

Because Stiles is worth everything to Derek.

//

2:00 AM Bad Poet

<so I looked at your twitter

>fuck.

>how much did you see?

<all of it

>tight

>please excuse me while I go die now

>bye

<don’t leave yet

<I had something I wanted to ask you

>did you want me to delete the tweets?

>I can do that

>I’ll just delete the whole account

>I am my own worst enemy so this won’t be a problem

>actually Jackson Whittemore is my worst enemy

>but I’m a close second

<stiles?

>yup?

<Will you go on a date with me?

>alkdjf

>yes?

>Ofc yes?

>are you being serious?

>because this would be a cruel prank if you’re not serious

<I’m serious

>yes.

>yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes.

>holy shit

>theres no fucking universe where I say ‘no’ to that question from you

>im so fucking in love with you

>is it too soon to say that?

>I don’t even care

>I’m speaking my truth

>you obviously don’t have to say it back

>im going to woo you so hard Derek

>you’ll have to love me back eventually

>I’m going to write you poetry

>hell I’ll even read poetry for you

>ill give the whole fucking moon to you

<why would I want the moon?

<im not gru?

>despicable me

>that was a despicable me reference.

>you don’t listen to music, but you watch despicable me?

>you’re such an enigma to me Derek

>god I love you so much

<stiles?

>too much?

<no

<I don’t think I could ever have too much of you

<I love you too stiles

<so much

<I just don’t want you to get your hopes up

<I might not be able to live up to it in real life

>impossible

<seriously stiles

>I am being serious

>I’m already in love with you Der

>you don’t have to do anything more than you’ve already done

>you could wear a potato sack, and spend the whole night not saying anything at all

>and I would still be in love with you

>all you have to do now is show up

<…I can do that

>perfect

//

TWO YEARS LATER

@stilesstilinski

Hey @JacksonWhittemore, remember when you told me I would die alone? Well I just got engaged to the love of my life. So checkmate fucker.

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 6

and onto issue 6, aka, Oh God Everyone Here Needs Therapy, Including The Therapist

rung already having a bad time on the cover i see

i mean, saying that kinda implies that rung ever STOPPED having a bad time, which is untrue so far in this comic

poor fort max :(

maybe lets NOT bring mnemosurgery into this whole mess, there's an idea!

i like the detail of fort max’s grip on the bed thing causing it to crumble

godddd lmao i love chromedome’s goofy skill of being able to tell who someone is by them transforming 

and his anecdote about rewind, which comes back later in hilarious fashion

tailgate hvgbshdfjsadf ‘is this a good place to sit down and die?’ i love him 

drift saving tailgate from magnus with some dumb hippy nonsense...love it

tailgate is so nice to cyclonus even tho cyclonus has been p much only mean to him....tg such a good boi

CYCLONUS YOURE GONNA REGRET TELLING TG TO ‘DROP DEAD’ IN T-MINUS A COUPLE DOZEN ISSUES OR SO. 

skids’s comment about ultra magnus is easy to dismiss as sarcasm but what if he actually knew a different magnus???? i cant remember the timeline w/that v well but that would be interesting 

tailgate is so fuckgin funny god 

IS SWERVE BEING ARRESTED HVBHDSJKHFBHSJDKF I FORGOT THIS HAPPENED

OH GOD POOR PIPES HE WASNT EVEN THE ONE TALKING SHIT....that guy has the worst luck

i see brainstorm cowering in the hallway there...nice touch

god i love whirl. hes so abrasive and so good at pushing peoples buttons, but its also interesting that we didn't see the leadup to the current situation, which resulted in what we see now - aka rung restrained but uninjured, and whirl all beat up. whirls doing a pretty good job keeping the attention on him at least 

oof this whole thing is so brutal. Its Good Writing

rodimus blease don't argue w/the guy whos having a psychotic episode and holding people hostage

i love the detail of rodimus hating to be called hot rod - I'm assuming bc it reminds him of the days when he was more immature, before he was Important and Special 

ooooof rungs thumb. owwww

god i love ratchets remark about brainstorm claiming he tried to stop fort max, when we clearly saw earlier that he did the exact opposite. i love brainstorm sooo much

hhhhhh the reveal that the reason max targeted those guys was cause of their paint colors - and how they look like overlord 

god i love whirl vbhskdjfbjaskfj

rung upholding hipaa, good job 

godddd i love whirls whole story, its so fascinating and tragic 

meanwhile rewind and swerve are hangin out, riveting some stuff, yknow how it is

i ufckgin love how swerve is like ‘i can keep a secret! [reveals a secret]’ and yet rewind proceeds to tell him abt the snuff films like, immediately

and damn rewind is hardcore. i mean i know you find out later why he wanted that footage but still 

seriously whirls backstory is so nuanced and interesting, and like, layered with politics and implications and GAH i love it 

also, i see that reference to A Certain Prisoner....

lmao oh my god rung PLEASE....that's so fucking sad dude. its literally that meme 

someone: ok imagine you’re being held hostage and your thumb gets ripped out and then your friend-

rung, in tears: a...a friend? 

ok wait a sec what is whirl even impaled on. cause it kinda looks like one of his own arms which is uhhh fucked

yeah it looks like one of whirls claws is missing....jesus

the contrast between max being like OK TIME FOR SOMEONE TO DIE and rewind and swerves lil heads peeking thru the window

rewind is that one guy whos not down with the murder 

OOOOF THE PROJECTION. BRUTAL 

rung is so good :( 

ooof and then they tell swerve to shoot max anyways...ouch

aaaand then he blows up rungs head, and whirl impaled max. way to go team!

THE OVERLORD REVEAL ALWAYS GETS ME HHHHHHHHHH THATS SOOO FUCKED JESUSSSSS

You’re In For A  Bad Time Gang

phewwww, this one was heavy! we got lots of lore and character stuff, and we got a tease for one of the series big plot points - overlord. plus, rung just died. or did he....? guess we’ll find out next time!

[scribe-the-write-thing]

Where I’ve been & and what comes next...

So, hey ya’ll, it’s been a long ass time. I’m not even sure how long. So I kinda think something of an explanation is likely in order -- dropping off for a while and all. I’ll structure it so if any of you just want to get to updates, then you can! Because I’ve got some exciting stuff coming up in WIPS!

So! What do I have planned?

1) Between the Pines is going to be kicking off soon. I’m so passionate and so into beginning to make this little project. And I know so many of ya’ll have been asking to be on the taglist and that honestly makes me ecstatic!

2) Strings -- a new WIP I’m bringing out the woodwork, will be launched soon. Honestly, after some name changes and plot tweaks, I can’t wait for you guys to meet Warren and Dominik, protag x antag all the way!

3) I need to catch up on VV. If you’ve tagged me in anything and I haven’t engaged lately, I’m so sorry! I’m trying to get up to speed with anything so if you see me reblog old stuff thats why!

4) How to Pirate, unfortunately, is likely coming to a bit of an end. I just have a whole lot of associations with that story that, well, writing it makes me sad now. And I just don’t want to have to deal with that. HOWEVER -- there is a ‘rebirth’ of sorts in a new pirate WIP I have cooking, and some characters (Jess, at least) may resurface there. Those of you who were interested in How to Pirate, would you like to be tagged in that now? ^.^” it’s totally understandable if not, since it’s a revamp entirely. (Just gonna tag everyone still on that list: @quilloftheclouds @ps-nippets @graceomeallain @cawolters )

ALSO QUILL. KNOW THAT MOODBOARD I PROMISED YOU MONTHS AGO? Yeah I’M GONNA BE WORKING ON THAT NOW I PROMIS. I just needed the MOTIVATION.

Anyway, that’s it for the plan! In the mean time, anyone who sees this, I’d love to hear what ya’ll have been up to while I’ve been out, so let me know if you want!

[Hoh, last warning here before you go on. This is all about where I’ve been for a little while.

Trigger warning here: suicide mention, depression, all that dark stuff~ I’d recommend maybe just reading the part above the cut if that kind of stuff gets to you.]

So, what’s been happening with me?

A lot of scary stuff in a very short amount of time. I’m going to try and keep it short and less personal because it’s a sort of raw topic for me still but -- long story short, I ended up considering ending my own life. This isn’t the first time I’ve thought about it; it’s a nearly constant thought I always push to the back of my mind. This is the second time, however, that I’ve come close to actually doing it -- upon telling a friend, though, I was directed towards Samaritans(nothing religious, just an amazing organisation) and I spent two hours on call with them. I was talked down -- and the woman on the end said something, after I mentioned that I’m trying therapy, CBT, positive thinking, ect, that I’m trying to instil in myself-

“You’re doing everything you can to help yourself. You’ve found the right path, you just need to keep heading down it..”

I reached out to some good friends. Two, to be exact -- one I contacted during the heat of my most awful thoughts and she halted everything to speak with me, and then hook me up with the hotline I mentioned.

The second I spoke to after. We settled and we talked and she made me feel more validated and wanted than I have in a long time. I was able to sleep that night (or, well, not straight away because we stayed up hella late both my time and hers) knowing that I mattered. At least to the ones I loved -- and that’s all I needed. She knows who she is and she’ll probably read this asdfghkkshf so Hi and keep the fresh memes coming.

They were the only two I felt comfortable talking to -- and that’s important. I learned then that you don’t need to explain yourself to everyone. No one is obligated to open up to everyone. In my case, only the people I feel need to know actually know the intimacies of what happened; there’s a lot I don’t feel comfortable going into in a tumblr post as a heck of a lot of people can see this.

I opened up to a third this morning -- and in turn, found even more support. It’s what pushed me to this so I can claw myself out of my funk a little.

Also, dark humour? Still my coping mechanism. But I’ll address that another day.

I guess my point of including this is that you always have someone out there. It’s never too late; and you’re wonderfully talented, loved and you all have so much ahead of you.

[clementineviolet]

Here is my liveblogging from season 4, episode 3. Notice how it is all capslock at the end

MAJOR SPOILERS UNDERNEATH. MAJOR. SPOILERS. 

Bro Minnie is SO TALL

MINNIE TAPING UP TENNS BOOTS

Minnie is JEALOUS and ANGRY

Minnie is SO TALL

VIOLET IS DEFENDING US AGAINST MINNIE!!!!! TAKE THAT LOUD CLOUIS STANS!!!

Damn Minnie is on the dark side

Sophie is DEAD “a hero” gurl what

Minnie didn’t rat us out thank god

Vi defended Clem so god is real

MINNIE COME BAAACK

Violet we need to talk about that

AJ did the YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT TO EM POSE

Keep forgetting AJ got SHOT

AWWW TENN IS AJ’S FIRST REAL FRIEND I CRY “YOU DONT COUNT YOURE OLD”

JAMES NO BB WHY YOU HURT

AJ if you tell him that i wanna flip him i’ll kill you

I Love You James and I Trust You

I keep calling James “baby” he’s my platonic babe

James really collects walkers like regulars people collect rocks

James I....girl I’m gonna go along with what you say but this is interesting

I don’t wanna see it that way because I fuckin shot Lee so he wouldn’t turn

Yeah James that shit hurted but it’s ok baby

I don’t wanna say that James fucks walkers but (IM JOKING) (but am i really)

AJ shush we’re going along with him

“I’ll ALWAYS PROTECT YOU” BB AJ PLSSS

I love AJ he’s so cute

This is terrifying

Omfg the mask and the breathing i dislike

I love when they do first person camera it’s so much scarier

This is the creepiest shit i’ve seen on TWDG i don’t even know what to say

The music!! beautiful

What in the hell is going on do they LISTEN TO MUSIC THIS IS THE MOST TERRIFYING THING INDONT

WHAT

UHHHH

What’s funny is that this reminds me of the PAX footage where a zombie shoots Clem the middle finger do y’all remember that

I’m really not sure actually that shit was crazy BUT I KILLED LEE I DONT WANNA BELIEVE THAT

AJ stop hitting him with these personal questions

That was a crazy ass scene

James is Definitely one of the most unique characters in TWD franchise

RUBYYYYYY

HOOTENANNY

YOOOO ITS TIME FOR A PARTYYYYYY BRO CAN I DANCE WITH VIOLET PLs

Oh no we’re placing collectibles already not good

AJ this is the creepiest monologue

AJ baby you’re a good person

HEY AJ NO FORESHADOWING CLEM GETTING BIT SHUSH

TICKLES FOR MY BOY

Nevermind he wanna be serious

“IF I GET BIT YOU’LL...”

I’m torn because now it’s like... do i wanna put AJ through that like I did Clem? what if there is a bit of Clem in there? aughhhhh

NO AJ NO WHAT??? IM NOT BITING YOU NO

Fuck

If there’s an ending where AJ and Clem are walkers together... i’m fucking suing 

I don’t know what to do with AJ

VIOLET!!!!!!

YES LETS TALK

VIOLET IS ALWAYS ON OUR SIDE

We can save her don’t worry bout it

Violet ;____;

“I WONT LET HER TAKE YOU OR AJ OR ANYONE ELSE I CARE ABOUT”

Omg Violet talking about how much she cares for Louis i cry

Oh my god finally confirmation that Vi is like 1 cm taller than Clem if she stands up straight

We’ll GET THOSE BOYS

SHE MADE US A BUTTON IM SCREAMING THE HEADCNAONNFJDJSJDNNSBJDJDJSJJSJSJJDJDHJSHD

A STARS BUTTON OH MY GOD THIS IS SO GAY I SCREAM

VIOLET

WE AFE GONNA

WERE GONNA

WERENFNDNJZHDJD

DANCE!!!!!!!!!!! AHSHJSJZJDJDKDKJDKDKD

OH YM GOD

SO MANT HEADCANONS

COMING TRUE

THIS IS TRUE WLW CULTURE

TAKE HER HAND BITCH

OH MY FOD

OH MY GODJDJJDJSJDKDKDJDJDKJDKSKDKD

THE AMOUNT OF GIFS

I am

paaainf our

this is amazing

i scream

i love

my short girls who dance and exchange gay gifts

THE HUG BRUH I CANT

BRUV

KISS

KISS

KISS

violet doing the gay arm thing

AJ REALLY RUINED THE MOMENT FJDJDKDNDKKD

That scene made 20biteen

When can we tell AJ pls

Y’all know i’m boutta hit AJ with that

This is the cutest shit of all time

HUG HUG HUG BABY

So many hugs I’m dead

Let’s go have this damn hootenanny

VIOLET TEACHING AJ I SCREAM

We doin jazz baby

How has it already been like an hour and a half

Jesus Willg i don’t think we should do that but uhhh just make sure we don’t fuckin die

I swear to God willy if you get us killed

I’m ready for the most turnt party of all

time

ITS OK WILLY YOURE PROBABLY GONNA DIE BUT

YES AJ WITH THEM MOOOVES YES BITCH

ROSIESEEEE

TENN AND WILLY I CRY

Tenn i love you bb

Fuck You Raiders

Yeah we naming it

WILLY JR

That gay smile Clem shared with Vi i can’t

OMG YES LETS LEARN WHY THEHRE IN HERE

The amount of gay smiles

OMG RUBY I LOVE I THOUGHT THAT WAS MARLON

“THAT LITTLE MORHERFUCKER”

Of course that’s why Willy was sent here this little meme boy

I HAVW TO GIF THAT

No AJ no

TENN REALLY TOLD HIM FJDJSKJD

EVERHONES FACES I SCREAM

This turned emo can we go back to having fun and listening to country

34 DEAD KIDS JESUS

Louis i’m so sorry

No we gotta hear Violet

Only if you wanna love

Her dad was a drunk and her mom

worked 3 jobs, grandma shut down after grandpa died, this is emo, oh fuck this is turning dark, oh no violet that sucks so

much

Violet you were TRAUMATIZED

OH FUCK

11 YEARS OLD

I’m so sorry Violet i can’t

Do you wanna hear some of my baggage

That was such an amazing scene jesus, props to Gideon

OMG VIOLET HAS A PRETTY VOICE I SCREAAAAAAM

GAY SMILE

WOW DAMN THAT VOICE VIOLET!!!! GIRL OF MANY TALENTS

minnie and vi singing together that’s it

When. will we tell the group we together

AJ LETS CUDDLE BABY

tenn and willy i cry

thank you so much for that violet i’m

crying so beautiful

jesus we’re so damn emo

DREAM FUCK NOT READY

IM

NOT

EMKTIONALLY

OREPARED

oh my god the graphics look

amazing i’m

shook

she ALWAYS PICKS THE TRAIN

LEE BE MY MUFASA

“YOU KNOW I WAS MAKING IT ALL UP AS I WENT ALONG RIGHT” TRU THATS HOW I PLAYED HIM

Lee can you give me girl advice

YAAAAS LETS SAVE LOUIS

THE RANCH

A GIRL WHO LOVES YOU

GAY!!!! RIGHTS!!!!!

AJ is a small bb boy he loves to shoot ppl

Lee would be so fucking proud

HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG

OK YOU DIDNT HAVE TO DO THAT CLEM THRNJGINTO HER S4 SELF TO ME BRCH BYE

SHES SO MUCH TALLER NOW JESUS WOW SHE WENT FROM HALFWAY UP HIS CHEST TO HIS SHOULDER

Scissors be hard Lee

Bye Lee immcrying

HEY JAMES!!!!

JAMES IS SO SHY

TENN SHUT UP I CANNOT DO NOT SAY THAT

20!!!GAY!!!TEEN!!!

Oh no Vi is gonna tell Tenn about Minnie and Sophie huh

I’m worried about AJ too fuck

Tenn bb i’m so sorry

Of course I’ll tell her Tenn

Violet don’t save me I’ll be fine probably

hopefully

KISS

GAY LOOK OF LOVE

“GO LOOK IN ANOTHER DIRECTION” KDKDJDJJDKDKD AJ PLEASE IM TRYNA HAVE A MOMENT

This is not gonna go well. This episode has been too good

Oh no Clem has a bow not gonna be good for me later on

This is very creative gameplay

I’m failing so hard

OH GOD LUKE FLASHBACKS

I feel like i’m gonna throw up in so nervous

MINNIES CONCERN FOR TENN I CRY

TENN FORGIVES YOU

ooh girl the emotions

THANK YOU MINNIE

WHERE IS LOUIS

OH NO LOUIS WHAT HAPPENED

I’m sorry Louis GODDAMMIT

MINNIE FOR FUCKS SAKE

Oh for fucks sake

HUG!!!! IM SO SORRY LOUIS

Jesus christ man

THEY FUCKING CUT OUT HIS TONGUE??? WHAT THE FUCK

WHt THE

FUCK

WHY

MO

NOOOOOOOOOOO

this is the worst possible thing we’ll help you louis it’s ok

let the others GO GODSAMMIT YOU EVIL FUCKING BITCH

Larry was an abusive fucking asshole Lilly

Lilly what are you gonna fucking do is she gonna make me choose who to hurt or kill what the fuck what the fuck

Oh god is this about Sophie and Minnie what the fuck

This is amazing acting by Lilly’s VA

Sounds like slavery but ok

Oh my god MINNIE KILLED SOPHIE WHAT THE FUCK

I KNEW IT FUCK FUCK FUCK

WHAT IN THE FUUUUUUCK

VIOLET SHHHHHH

NO NO NO NO NO NO

DONT YOU FUCKING TOUCH HER

OH MY GOD

AJ IM SORRY BUT HOLY SHIT

A WHOLE ASS EAR

YOURE RIGHT AJ!!!! WE’RE GONNA KILL HER

OK AJ WAIT HOLD ON IM ANGRH BUT I REALIZS FHIS IS TOO MUCH ANGER AND HLOODLUST

LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE

NO NO NO NO

WHERE ARE YOU TAKING HIM

AT LEAST VIOLET HAS A HAND

MINNIE YOU FUCKING BITCH

MINNIE PLEASE IM TRYING TO REDEEM YOU SORRY GIRL

TOO CLOSS TO MY THROAT THANK YOU

OH FUCK VIOLET THANKS FOR THE SAVE WE ARE FONNA NEED SO MUCH THERAPY

RIP MINERVA???

VIOLET WHAT NO COME WITH ME

BYE AASIM THANK YOU SIR

If Violet gets caught in the explosion i am ducking suing for emotional and punitive damages

NO NO NO TENN NO

JAMES FUUUUUUCK NO

SAVE JAMES SAVE JAMES

“YOU DONT FUCKINF SCARE ME” YES JAMES

YES JAMES!! HIT HER WITH THAT CARLEY WISDOM

TENN OH FUCK

FUUUUUCK

SHOOT HER TENN

FUUUUCK

YES AJ BITE THAG BITCH

AJ GO FOR THE CHESTTTTTT

OH SHIT AJ

LILLY DONT YOU DARE MANIPULATE MY BOY

ohhhhh fuck this is a DIFFICULT DECISION

THIS IS TOO MUCH

BYE LILLY SHOOT AJ

THE BOMB

[littlebabycrybtch]

like,,,, sld;fsld yall it really is as simple as you unfortunately dont make the rules, the oppressors with power make the rules, ie straight people, and they dont Want aces and dont get nuanced lgbt+ discourse and think we’re just another fucking flavor of lgbt and will treat us as such whether you want them to or not. like. you cant. change that aspect of it with discourse. you can ignore it every time we try and bring it up but ya cant make it go away. literally every time our erasure turns to visibility, cishets hate our existence (yes,.,, even cishet aces,,, bc of the whole ‘ace’ part,,, which isnt cis or het) and it becomes unsafe for us. lmao im so tired of this shit like you dont,,, have a right to talk over us and tell us that isnt the case or smth bc number fucking 1. Yall never listen to us and push us away so how Tf do u think u would even know how ace ppl experience life anymore, if u wont even occasionally let the narrow forced relatable meme personality drop for a sec to show genuine human emotion and think critically about your morals and rampant vicious actions towards a group most of yall can Admit is marginalized lmAo, and 2. you literally would not do this to any other group you viewed as human beings who werent top tier privileged oppressors like. and we have tried to explain soo many fucking times now why we dont have any fucking power over anybody!!! bc ffs on What Earth should we be considered a major threat when we are consistently forced to experience corrective rape and heteronormative prejudice and medical discrimination (ATTEMPTED CONVERSION THERAPY AND DENIAL OF TREATMENT, NOT JUST ‘do you perhaps have trauma?’ SHIT). like. you are the only other group that experiences these things in this way and is capable of providing the support we need to combat these things!!!!! not the group we’ve “chosen”, the ONLY GROUP. THATS WHY WE ASK FOR YOUR HELP. not bc we wanna ruin ur fuckin day and infiltrate the gay resources and say we’re EXACTLY as oppressed as you are, bc yknow what. nobody in the lgbt community is exactly as oppressed as the next! its not that complicated! it never needed this much of debate bc the most basic way to understand this is that if straight ppl dont fucking want us and if you’ve ever met a straight person you know they view anything not 100% straight as automatically gay, and we’re gonna stay struggling with that without outside intervention, what else are we supposed to Do when we experience injustices like this. how are we expected to just be completely okay living like that. smh dont you dare fucking say ‘get over it’ like. lmaooo, thats not how activism works. pls tell me you understand why a struggling group would want you to help them. struggle less. like. less injustices would be rly cool tbh. id like to exist in a not marginalized way bc i shouldnt have to. dont rly think im a bad person for that just bc it means making u go through the arduous process of trying to care about it. like lmfaooo a bad thing happening shouldnt have to be Ignored until you let it get bad Enough for your standard of trying to stop it. harm prevention is a vital part of human decency and if u just wanna wait till shit rly hurts before being sad about it later, 📣 ur not a good activist 📣

so anyways if u see an ace person celebrating pride this year and wanna pop a vein Maybe run the simple concept through your 2 braincells that truth be told we are not allowed to exist in any positive way literally at all besides the CHANCE of being accepted during lgbt+ pride events. it rly is as simple as; This is all we fucking have, as we gain visibility we only receive more hate and violence, oppression is a complicated system and for oppression to take place at one point in time a group is simply vulnerable and targeted as the system is built against them, so if you dont take the ‘in between’ state of not privileged, not yet oppressed as a mandatory time for intervention to prevent worse harm, you are part of the problem of letting these injustices happen. its basic critical and sympathetic thought to understand that you dont need to be bottom of the barrel oppressed to not just face ‘valid problems’, but ones that Deserve to be corrected. facing prejudice and major constant injustices is... not smth to shrug off and ignore, they are actual problems for the ppl that exist under them and we literally cannot just move past them. and tbh ranking these kinds of things slightly lower and trying to prioritize causes is one thing, but ffs there is literally No moral system that should say ‘well some injustices are ok and ppl should just deal with them theirselves'. expecting ppl to support themselves and get over injustices or stop talking about them for any reason isnt progressive! at all! stop letting ace people be constantly fucking miserable and realize we just want ur fucking help and that our basic emotional responses to injustices isnt cringey(TM) its human, 2k19

[kendricksendrick]

im such a bitch heres some fun facts about me

how tall are you?

5 foot 2ish

what is your body type?

ex-gymnist who wakeboards a lot

what is your favorite part about your body?

um my boobs i guess idk

is your current hair color your natural hair color?

currently dirty blonde but once summer/vacation comes around my hair will go black to bleach blonde on its own

are you more outgoing or more shy

im quiet

are you more femme or butch?

femme

are you tol or smol?

smol bean

wine mom or vodka aunt?

vodka aunt

weird habit?

need chapstick 24/7

favorite meme?

bon apetit

do you sing in the shower?

i used to but now i just have therapy with myself

ever used a bow and arrow?

nope

are/were you a theatre kid?

yes haha

have you ever seen a broadway musical?

i want to!!

do you think musicals are cheesy?

no wtf i was just in one yesterday it was amazing

have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?

no

favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?

all of them also this just reminded me im gonna buy this game 

last movie you watched?

monsters in lol

behind the camera or in front of it?

behind

favorite tv show?

30 rock

meaning behind your url

it came to me randomly

reason you joined tumblr

in 7th grade my friend told me it was cool and here i am 5yrs later with like 4 blogs

who’s your closest tumblr friend?

my irl friend alex

what’s something most people love that you hate?

kim k

have you ever taken narcotics?

no

have you had sex?

i wish 

have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

never caught :)))

worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?

funniest lie is that im straight lol

describe your passion without mentioning it.

its all with our mouths ;)

describe your best friend.

cute, funny, dumb asf, the best

give us one thing about you that no one knows.

im an open book just ask and i will tell

how do you feel right now?

tired and hungry

what is your biggest fear?

alone forever also sleep paralysis

what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

gold mine by colbie calliat idk how to spell it

what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

saying no balls to myself and stalking through instagrams on a 3hr car ride to find my girl and the her snap and then sayying no balls and snapping her :))

have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?

currently putting forth minimum effort i have senioritis

something you fantasize about.

kiss my gorl

last time you cried and why

last night or maybe it was this morning? i was doing the 24hr musical at my school (we have 24hrs to put together an ENTIRE musical and all $ goes to charity!) but i cried from laughing so hard doing yoga

what was the last thing that made you laugh?

the 24 hr musical

do you really, truly miss someone right now?

grandmaaa

who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

my church gc bc we the true ho(e)mies

the last time you felt broken?

idk like a week ago

are you starting to realize anything?

ya actually maybe im just a lesbian and not bi who knows

are you more dominant or more submissive?

sub i think

i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)

you make me smile

do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

same age

describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.

great detail lets go!

shes in my grade bu9t goes to a different school but her hair is short like mine but darker and shes tanner than me and taller but just by a little bit! she has really nice eyes and a good smile and is sososo sweet no matter what stupid thing i say to her and i miss her a lot i wanna cuddle with her and i when we go on our next date catch me cuddling with her no matter what and she is in band too but going to college way far away in the fall so we will both be sad bois then but its okay because we have all summer to  hang out and cuddle and be something did i mention she is pretty af

do you have any kinks?

no

first thing you notice in a person?

tbh if they smell good and teeth

how can someone win your heart?

call me pretty

been rejected by a crush?

haha yes but its okay guys

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

no but vice versa so thats super awkward

would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

no

is trust a big issue for you?

i just want the truth

did you hang out with the person you like recently?

is november for 2hrs considered recent ;(

is confidence cute?

YES

what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

happy 4 u 

would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

no lol

does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?

yes she does

ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

got my car stuck in the mud infront of hher on our first date

do you want to get married

yes!

worst thing you’ve ever done?

been a big bitch

three things that turn you on.

being called babe/baby, being teased, and idk

who do you hate?

lowkey one of my super lose friends oops

favorite term of endearment?

love

who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?

ANNA KENDRICK GOD DAMN

intimidating girls or kind girls?

kindddd

what do you look for in a possible partner?

nice to me

do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

i do not know ive only really ever liked one girl and also my straight best friend bc im a dumb bitch

are you good at flirting?

tbh no

who was the first person you came out to?

my church gc

do you have any friends who are wlw?

YEs!

is your crush wlw?

ye

last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?

the boy who asked me to prom has me thinking am i bi or lesbooo

write a short love poem to your crush/self?

sweet are your eyes like honey in the sun

you make me smile

do you fall in love easily?

no

is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

that time i was a big boi bitch to a girl 

are you good at hiding your feelings?

ha no

are you a forgiving person?

yes

what is your “type?”

good question

fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?

probs fall asleep on her

tall girls or short girls?

taller than mee

hugs or kisses?

kiss!

twirl her around or get twirled?

TWIRL HER THAT WOULD BE SO CUTE

tummy kisses or thigh kisses?

ooh both

hairline kisses or neck kisses?

neckk

play with her hair or stroke her tummy?

both

making out or soft kisses?

soft kisses 

hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?

NECK OO

how confident are you in your sexuality?

haha good one im happy with who i am tho!

when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?

butterflies to the maxx

have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?

like(d) my straight best friend and will not be telling her that lol

my girl tho i def told her ;))

how old were you when you realized you were into girls?

16ish id say

most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?

so many things everything i do is embarassing

do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?

BECHLOE!

what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?

every word about lgbt that comes out of my mothers mouth since i am not out to her and now not planning on it for a very long time bc shes a big ignorant bitch!!

when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?

haha good question idk

what is love to you?

ALWAYS putting others before you no matter what

ask me anything.

i will answer do it no balls

[macbookpro-hard-drive]

HI HOW DO YOU WRITE CHARACTERS

hewwo! i can answer this! im literally gonna do a quick list of both deh and bmc characters for u under this readmore! :D

im gonna start with deh because smaller cast!

evan: 

isn’t so much stuttery as he tends to repeat things and uh stammer a bit here and there. stutters over his words sometimes but it’s more l-like this and uh, like… like this

evan hansen has anxiety. he is not anxiety. evan hansen fucks up and makes mistakes and probably internalizes a lot of things. very polite when in public but he can be a bit snappy (as seen w evans comment abt how zoe’s parents have never been poor i believe? it was something he said to zoe)

soft spoken, most of the time. probably not the kind of guy to vocally ask for things until he’s at a comfortable enough point that he feels like he’s not bothering you (same buddy)

i see evan as someone who gets frustrated with himself easily. not as a sense of “god i wish i were normal” but more of a “i should be able to do this, why cant i do this, i want to do this but i cant” because sometimes it’s just a matter of i literally cant do this and i dont know why? and god its so frustrating sometimes

jared:

jared kleinman is a fucking asshole and he knows it. very sarcastic and uses it to cover up his own insecurities, probably the kind of dude who laughs in your face when you tell him off when internally he’s just OH FUCK OH SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK

a lot of ppl write jared as being insecure abt his weight and tbh i don’t see that being a problem for him? i see jared as being insecure abt the fact he comes off very snarky and assholeish but he turns it around and tries to own it even though… that’s not something you want to be proud of? and he knows that

not the kind of dude who stops to assess his feelings. he powers through shit and insists he’s okay until he’s out of steam. i think it was psy who said he’s a “needs therapy boi” and tbh she’s right? 

can be very passive aggressive imo it’s something he really needs to work on.

arrogant, sarcastic, and just a big fucking dick who needs to learn how to watch his mouth.

zoe:

not an pure baby angel, by any means. we’re at a disadvantage because we only see zoe when she’s sort of grieving (because grief can and will come in different ways, and while i see her as not missing connor, i do think that her pushing away her feelings is a form of her grieving imo? it’s a weird thing to explain but there’s a part of zoe that does miss (the old) connor’s presence as w the fake emails evan “gave her her brother back” (albeit a very fake version of connor) and sort of standoffish when it comes to the subject of connor

a bit of an ambivert. extremely outgoing when she’s around her friends or when it comes to music and other things she loves.

very individualistic! her style tends to have doodles on her clothes, she dyes her hair a lot, she probably would be the kind of person to make her own jewelry!

very sweet. the castng call for zoe describes her as being the kind of person who learns the names of the kids who sit alone at lunch and thats she goes out of her way to be nice to people since. connor. yeah.

thats all ive got for zoe but u can always send questions in and i can say yes or no after i ask my pals too

alana:

smart gal! valedictorian! president! i love her! tends to overshare a bit. anxiety + depression gal.

probably into gardening tbh? i can see alana having succulents in her room and maybe a dog that just chills with her.

dont be afraid to make alana mouthy. alana is someone whos extremely headstrong in her actions imo and does what she believes is right, even if others dont believe that. like… think about the fact that she literally published what was believed to be connor’s suicide note because she thought it’d get them the last bit of help they needed for the orchard. it literally fucked the murphys over - but she never considered that?

very much an extrovert. just really wants to belong, man. very optimistic on the surface but i can see her being a little less so underneath. she looks on the bright side because if she doesnt, she doesnt know who will and idk i dont think alana’s the kind of person who just... lets that risk be there.

connor:

we dont kno much abt connor in canon but uhhh…. i can see connor as being a loner, sort of aggressive by accident (tbh this dude’s probably used to people being a dick to him so he’s just sorta standoffish in response) but like… whenever i write connor i usually write him as getting better? he’s gotten the help he needs and he’s doin better 

artsy depressed dude. poetry, painting, ect - whatever u want tbh. i just see connor, with help, finding himself in art or something creative (theatre and music included! u do u!)

very much a reader. this dude both has a lot of books on his bookshelf and a lot more books he hasnt fucking read because hes terrible at reading new books. (i personally hc he loves all of poe’s work)

to sorta sum connor up: bold, but not outgoing. caring, but not obvious with it (once he gets help btw). easily angered but sometimes he just doesn’t fucking know why and that frustrates him further. troubled.

honestly if u want to see one of my fave connors - check out @ask-sincerely-memes​! i rly love how they portray all three of the boys, but connor is by far my favorite! (mod con and/or mod ev if u read this i love u)

OK ONTO THE BMC FUCKERS if you want to kno abt the adults for either show then feel free to ask

jeremy:

anxiety boy, but not evan hansen level of anxiety. more just… self deprecating, not super confident in himself, probably underestimates himself a lot.

jeremys hard to explain sometimes because a lot of his actions and dialogue comes naturally since i can actually relate to jeremy a lot, personality-wise? a really good fact to throw out there is i don’t think jeremy’s the kind of guy who just goes for stuff sometimes. he has to sorta be hyped up by others imo. michael motivated him to sign up for the play, rich and michael both played parts in getting him squipped (michael in the aspect of “lets check this out and see if its legit” bc i doubt jeremy would have genuinely done that on his own).

which really means jeremy isnt the kind of guy to just… confess things, unless it’s built up enough (i.e. jeremys confrontation w reader in unlonely since it was a conversation he’d been thinking about for a bit). in canon, he didnt really… confess to christine without the help of alcohol (at the halloween party) or without other people building him up (voices in my head). 

im literally rereading jeremy fics rn because im trying to come up with a good way of describing him

extremely horny teenage boy. hormones suck. for anyone who writes nsfw: i dont see jeremy being incredibly kinky and sexual and dominant (god forbid) his first fucking time having sex. especially if its both him and the readers first time. sex can be clumsy. you can laugh during sex. but also sex smells. like… once you’ve smelled it, you fucking know it - its just a weird combo of sweat and bodily fluids. 

that last part was just a PSA for ppl.

lightweight boy. a lot bolder when drunk. thank you.

honestly if u have any questions abt jeremy, i can try to answer them more specifically but this is as general as i can get.

michael

not an uwu anxious depressed innocent baby boy uwu. remember that michael literally withheld the mtn dew red from jeremy because he wanted an apology. remember that michael wouldnt have been squipped because michael had been completely comfortable with who he is. michael likes his place. he doesn’t want to be cool and popular - he likes who he is. michael in the bathroom was a peak moment of michael finally letting go of emotions he’d been withholding - jeremy calling him a “loser” was the final straw that broke him. thank u this has been a psa.

a goofy boy. probably snorts when he laughs and im not projecting there what are you talking about-

okay, canonically: likes video games, likes retro shit (probably the kind of nerd who LIVES for arcades and record stores and vintage clothing stores even if he doesnt mix that into his personal style), very into music. there’s a lot you can do with this! 

imo he’s very caring? like. okay, yes he did withhold mtn dew red from jeremy - but michael still went through the trouble of finding and obtaining that in order to deactivate the squip. i think michael’s a fairly understanding dude, even if he has moments of anger.

just a very warm person. probably the kind of person who stops and makes sure people are okay when he notices they’re upset.

sometimes impulsive. sometimes very restless, imo. bouncy boy. 

like w jeremy - you can absolutely send me questions abt michael (or anyone tbh!) and i’ll answer them the best i can! im by no means an expert but ive got pals i can bother in order to help get a solid answer :3

christine

chriiistiiiiiiiiine, the love of my life. a gal w ADD! please don’t forget that! i personally hc that she got into a theatre as a way of like… sort of getting energy out since she’s fairly restless??? track girl christine….. also good

loves herself a lot tbh! like. in the show, its canon that she has stuff to figure out but i personally think christine loves herself and her body and is proud of who she is?

very friendly, very open, very passionate abt theatre! these are basic facts lmao

very sweet! very smart! she’s like... The Girl in all the movies that everyones like “oh no i love her” bc shes just a bubbly gal

writing christine is really hard to describe sometimes. like with all the characters, i write what feels right and sounds right to me and to others.

but like... to be honest, as long as you stay a bit happy and supportive and loving with christine - you’re on the right track.

jake

god - one of my favorite boys to write sometimes because there’s a lot to do with jake’s character

he’s the ultimate cool dude in high school. probably the kind of dude who would join a frat in college. handsome, popular, flirtatious - you fucking name it man.

sorta effortlessly popular and cool. there’s problems underneath - considering his family - but it’s hard to see that he has flaws when everything just comes so easily to him.

a very caring and sweet dude tbh. his friends mean a lot to him and he’s the kind of boy who carries your books and asks where you’re going and how you’re doing

he makes mistakes. he gets aggressive and protective and just angry physically - he did try to attack jeremy, albeit drunk, based purely on the idea that jeremy was having sex w chloe - so like... that’s a good thing to acknowledge

i said hes flirtatious and he is - without realizing it. someone probably has called him out on it and he’s like “sorry what?” bc he was caught up in talking to someone and not realizing that the dillinger charm never went off. because it never goes off. rip.

rich

GOD, my FAVORITE BOY, the LOVE OF MY LIFE, i love him.

squipped: aggressive. a bully. stinky. 0/10.

post-squipcident: getting better. sorta numb at first before happy, outgoing rich resurfaces because He’s Fine! Do Not Worry! but y’know like... he definitely has a lot of problems with what he did and who he was while he had the squip

a bit sensitive imo. easily upset on certain topics, easily angered on others. really misses his mom (i hc she died and his dad took up drinking as a coping mechanism and its mainly rich and his older brother relying on each other but thats just me tbh.)

rich is tricky to write when it comes to his home life. while i see rich’s dad as being a loud drunk, others see him as being physically abusive and so forth and - okay, that’s your decision, but please make sure you’re being respectful and you post trigger warnings because some people are in abusive homes and it’s not a fun thing to read. 

great sense of humor imo. flirtatious but in the more obvious “haha hey lets bone ;)” way. alternatively: flirtatious with squip, floundering a bit without it because all he knows is “haha hey wanna fuck” 

would probably fight a dick for his pals. rly just loves his friends even if he doesn’t show it.

chloe

chloe is a bit hard to write without saying “shes kind of a bitch” but like... she is and she knows it and she fucking owns it.

casting call: “ confident, crass, sexy, manipulative, and downright mean at times”

so like. she’s nowhere near bein a sweet angel baby uwu

has problems. explore them. she literally was down to fuck brooke’s boyfriend since jeremy was dating brooke yknow. part of it could be alcohol but like... dont ignore that fact. like. she probs needs to talk to both brooke and jeremy.

i think of chloe as someone who can see the potential in others tbh. gets slightly annoyed when people arent achieving what they could - but i like to imagine she gets it after a while since some ppl dont have confidence and such. 

yknow the kind of people that take charge when the situation calls for it? that’s chloe. she’s very much a leader. cunning, ambitious - she’s fucking ready.

brooke

more of an angel i guess? sweet, a bit insecure, and a little more caring. not very dominant in situations - tends to be more of a follower (as shown w her and chloe’s friendship)

very caring actually. she literally followed jeremy out and said “uhhh he was kind of a dick to women but i know u like eminem” upon his death in the show??? like??? she literally went to check on this boy.

imo she sorta needs to learn to be bolder. to not take shit. shes probably the kind of person who says yes to a lot of things even if they’re conflicting bc she doesn’t want to like... bother someone and make things worse

emotional, imo. fairly feminine.

its hard to keep describing sdfkjhds sorry

jenna

not popular. remember that she wanted people to be interested in her, which is why she gossips a lot

probably tends to overhear half of the gossip. other than that, i can see her easily finding shit out bc she has eyes Everywhere

bold, fairly extroverted, probably really fucking smart tbh. give her love. she deserves it.

thats both at me and everyone else. jenna rolan ily...

very much a big sister figure, post-squipcident. theres this kdrama i was watching where the main protag lives w a couple other girls and one of the oldest one of the bunch is very much a big sister figure that will call other people out on their bullshit because she knows protag isnt the kind of person to do that? thats jenna. and chloe, but mostly jenna.

probably the kind of person who wants to be helpful imo. she likes feeling useful.

[theythemsam]

spn 2x04, liveblog, collected posts (all 8 of them) or as i like to call it: dean has survivior’s guilt. that’s it actually. that’s the episode.

ok that’s it. that’s the first episode where I have no clue what is going on even after the first five minutes

#like i know what everybody else watching it would know #but i cannot remember those people's faces at all #or the storyline or anything #soooo this is going to be an intresting one

ah nevermind, just saw the title and i remembered

#the title brings back the entire episode in a lot of clarity #but damn before that i was like ?!?!? WHAT????

and again! dean being a jerk to sam for wanting to be able to grieve his parents, which he was never allowed to do

#like he wasnt able to grieve for mary who he never got to meet #whose loss was never mentioned #who just wasnt talked about except when it came to 'she died bc of this. we have to kill this now' #like thats not a good place to encourage dealing with grief not at all #and now with john he isnt allowed to be sad about it bc according to dean he is a bad son and so has no right to be upset #only the good children get to do that! #(and yeah thats totally the golden boy/black sheep dynamic still playing out there but jesus christ dean grow a brain please!!!)

also dean going “I let you drag my ass out here, the least we can do is check this out”

like i get its a setup for a hunt, but sam repeatedly said dean didn’t have to come with him and that he could go there alone

dean chose to drive him there out of his own free will and sam doesn’t owe him shit

#idk dont like any of that rethoric

also hey sammy not to uh… shame you or anything… but i dont think thats the way you watch p0rn

#fully dressed sitting on your bed without locking the door #thats like 100% the opposite of things you should do when you wanna love yourself #asdfghj sorry but that fucking scene is just... sam why? #i am so sorry but how and why and please god sam that is so far removed from the way you do that kinda stuff......

aaaand now its sam’s turn to tell dean that anger and not-talking isn’t the best way of dealing with grief

#its good and i love it #still!!! therapy time boys!!!!

i hate that episode and that there’s so many times where the actors say “hello?” out loud, cause my meme-infested brain always superimposes a “he-hewwo” on top of it

#this is what i get for being friends with furries!!!

yes, honesty hour for dean!

#and ugh yeah i get it #survivors guilt!!! hmmmm yess nice love it

[rkleedongminie]

JUNE EVALUATION : SOULFUL PERFORMANCE SINGING : SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW COLOR : BLUE  ----  EMOTION : HOPE             “only those who believe in the beauty of the rainbow                                                          will see the blue skies after the storm. “ 

tw hospital & injury mention therapy mention

june evaluations. 

dongmin had been worried that he would have to sit out these evaluations when he ended up in the hospital. thinking he would end up needing to dance and thus he would be forced to either hurry and learn his dance with the two weeks he would have or just sit it out this month. both options seemed rough, especially the sitting out thing because dongmin has never sat anything out since he joined royal and he hated that he had to sit dance practice out for the next two weeks as is. 

but as luck would have it, he would be mainly required to sing or rap. dancing was a choice--one he wishes he had--but it meant he would be forced to take it easy on his ankle. and thats probably for the better. it would be bad to push an injury, even if it was mostly healed, as it could cause further complications in the future. and kibum hyung would probably be mighty disappointed with him if he did get hurt again especially since both kibum and rachel were with him at the doctor. he wouldn’t be able to hide from them that he was hurt, and he would have to answer questions if he ended up hurt again. 

so he focused on his concept, focused on the song he would use and the emotion he was wanting to put behind it. 

which, of course, meant finding a few things, namely; a song, a color, and an emotion to go along with this months eval. and since it’s solo performances, dongmin wouldn't have anyone else to lean off of. which was fine with him, he was starting to come into himself as a singer. starting to feel comfortable with his place in royal as the baby and with the fact he was signed. after all, jisub wouldn’t have signed him and kept him this long if he didn’t think dongmin had something. and the teen would do whatever he could to prove himself to jisub, and to royal. and to make himself a useful part of the company. 

and that means throwing himself into the song choice and emotion behind it for this eval. he wouldn’t be able to dance along, but he could put that energy into making this performance the most meaningful. 

he’s an emotional teen, capturing the emotion to something and putting it into the song shouldn’t be hard. it’s what he did when he auditioned. it’s what he does during most evaluations. dongmin knows emotions, he’s always been one to show his emotion even if he doesn’t want to. this eval shouldn’t be too hard to do.

his song choice was an english one. he remembered hearing it once when he watched the old wizard of oz movie when he was younger. and the words worked well for what he wanted to try and convey. blue, blue skies. the blue skies after a storm. like dongmin’s blue skies forming from months of stormy weather. he was finally making his way over his own rainbow and through it has taken time and it will take more time, dongmin would make it. blue, for hope. blue for new future. blue for the skies over the rainbow. 

performance day comes. dongmin has a stool set up to sit on, another way to ease the pressure of his ankle as well as fit the picture of the emotional singer about to convey a new beginning through his vocals and lyrics. 

Somewhere over the rainbow Way up high There's a land that I heard of Once in a lullaby Somewhere over the rainbow Skies are blue And the dreams that you dare to dream Really do come true

he starts slow. his voice soft as he opens the song. his eyes are closed, but there’s a small smile on his face. like he can picture the blue skies over the rainbow. he can picture himself okay, stable in his standing in life. feeling okay with being a trainee, and with the distance between him and kibum. and with his parents and the mess that is their life that they keep shoving onto dongmin and messing his own up. 

he can see over the rainbow, peering over those blends of colors and seeing himself no longer afraid. no longer cowering at the mere mention of his father because he knows that man will never hurt him again. that over the rainbow the skies are really blue and the storms he’s been living in are no longer holding over his head. 

Someday I'll wish upon a star And wake up where the clouds are far Behind me Where troubles melt like lemon drops Away above the chimney tops That's where you'll find me

the song picks up. he hits the high notes like he was made for them, the year of training showing in how he didn’t even hesitate to raise to the notes. and then again when he went straight to the high note without needing to rise. all that time he has put in and practicing his high notes and his vocals. singing is what he wants to do. a vocal is who he is, and he will prove himself to royal--he will make himself a singer known all over. 

and he shows that as he moves through this song. both his own vocals and the emotion blending. the hope he is trying to show through the song, it’s something he has started to really feel himself. 

he knows nothing will be fixed in a day. 

therapy has been helping him sort things out and make sense of the mess that he calls his life. helping him to face issues he hadn’t even realized he had. and he’s starting to understand more now about himself--and about his parents. he’s starting to accept and understand things in his friendships. it helps him to handle the new way rachel has been lately. and the rejection from haknyeon hyung. it helps him to not be so torn up over kibum and to know that his hyung and him will always be simba and mufasa. and he has a way to go.

there is so much left to do. so many issues to go over and ones who haven’t even come up yet. things dongmin would have to face in the future that he needs to be brave for. 

he’s ready for it. 

Somewhere over the rainbow Bluebirds fly Birds fly over the rainbow Why then, oh why can't I? If happy little bluebirds fly Beyond the rainbow Why, oh why can't I?

the song ends. his voice fading out with the note, and dongmin finds himself relaxing once more as he stands from the stool. he gives a bow, thanking them for listening, then makes his way off the stage. 

tomorrow he goes to see his therapist once more. and he knows he would be telling her about these new feelings. as he tells her everything. and he knows he will be texting kibum about this as well, letting him know how the eval went. he would go home tonight, regal rachel with stories of his day as he does. call his mom and let her know he was okay. probably spam jaehyun with some more memes before heading to sleep.

he would sleep, forgetting for one moment how much he holds on his shoulders. fall asleep with the image of blue skies and rainbows, and a new respect for his place in royal, and his passion for singing. perhaps it’s time to write eat fresh seongsangnim a new letter. after all, this month makes one year. dongmin never saw himself reaching one year--never saw himself as a trainee in the first place--yet he couldn’t image being anywhere else. 

oh somewhere..... over the rainbow...... you’ll find me. 

[diaryofanoverthinkersposts]

07.06.2021

I’ve been really depressed lately. 

When I want to feel relax before I fall asleep I imagine myself dying.

Usually I track down the thoughts that make me depressed and reason with myself, but I don't even know why I’m depressed. 

I guess I just don't like some of my friends - I don't feel like I trust them. I don't like their morals. I don’t like how they can’t empathize with me about things that really trigger me.  

I guess thats when it really started. Hearing that this one piece of shit person I’ve cut the fuck out of my life, told my friends he thinks I lied about being sexually assaulted, and none of my friends thought to tell me - not because they were looking out for me, but because to them it didn't seem like a big deal, and that was a huge red flag to me. I was screaming on the phone trying to get them to understand how fucked up it was, but it fell on deaf ears. 

Now it feels like whoever I tell, no one gives a fuck. I suffer alone. Thats just what this feels like. It feels like I’m in all this pain, and no matter how hard I scream trying to get anyone to understand, no one cares. Or maybe they care, but they can’t feel the extent of what I’m going through. 

Usually I would try to come up with an excuse to make them seem less bad, and I would say something like “well I don't always completely empathize with people” but FUCK THAT, because YES I DO. I do empathize with people when they speak of their assaults, or when they tell me they're in pain, or anything else. I feel the pain too. I stand with them in solidarity. But no one ever does the same for me. they just let me talk. it’s like the words are going in one ear and out the other. 

And that keeps happening. I keep feeling unheard so no wonder I am depressed. I just want someone to cry with me... not in a fucked up sadistic way, but I want someone to feel things with me, so I wouldn’t feel so alone. 

What do I do now? I need therapy but I don't have the energy to form a new relationship with a therapist and open up about EVERYTHING I’d going through, also my experience with working at the hospital made me not trust mental health professionals. And I always had this idea (back in the day) that if things got really bad I would just go to a hospital, but that would honestly not help. Those places don't fucking help anyone. So then I think maybe I can save some money, go to a motel like three hours away and turn off my phone. But then I remember how broken my car is, it wouldn't last a three hour drive, and I wouldn't want to have to turn my phone on again after the weekend was over. I would have too much anxiety. 

I think about hurting myself, and I remember that if I self harm, literally nothing will come out of it. There is no positive to it what's so ever. 

So then I think of ending things, and idk why but the thought is comforting to me. I’m not going to do anything. I always have times like these, and I come out of them just fine, but sometimes I before I go to bed, I just think of game over and it calms me down for a little while, just until I can fall asleep. 

So many people see me weekly, hear from me daily, see my posts on instagram, and my memes and what not, and they all think I’m ok. The people I have conversations with, see one side of the story, and part of me just dreams of telling someone the pain I’m in, but then I remember how much of a drama queen it would make me look like. People wouldn’t sympathize because people don't fucking know how too. People don't have empathy. 

I’m left feeling alone. I’m left making constant noise in order to not be alone with myself, because who am I if not broken? 

I can't think of a single friend to tell. 

I’m gonna be fine. I’m always fine. I don't want people to worry about me. I just want someone to be here and fucking care. 

[yeoldontknow]

11 Questions Tag

tagged by @chanyeolingss @kpopfanfictrash and @yeol-stole-my-soul <3333

Rules: 1. post the rules 2. answer the questions given to you by the tagger. 3. write 11 questions of your own 4. tag 11 people

ALRIGHT so i was tagged 3 times with 11 different questions each time so im going to answer all 33 of these and then write 11 of my own LORDY. HERE WE GO

also putting this under a cut cause 33 questions will be a lot

from @chanyeolingss

If you had the chance to do something illegal and get away with it, would you? this entirely depends on what the illegal thing is? like, would i ever cause a person bodily harm? probably not. something less insane and petty? probably. like if i knew i could steal a tv and get away with it, i probably would. 

What do you do to calm down? i listen to music and sit in my room. i light candles. im big into aroma therapy and so i tend to always have lavender or vanilla scents in my space. i pet my cat and make him sit with me. purring kitties lower my anxiety like, a lot. other times i take a bath. If you wanted to, what new name would you give yourself? when i was a kid i hated my name because the spelling always seemed gross to me. for the longest time i wanted to be named Aurelia. im good now tho lmao ive shortened my name on my own to just kat and it suits me Do you use markers, pencils or crayons when coloring/drawing? pencils Of the places you’ve been, which was the worst? honestly i reallllyyy didnt like amsterdam. nothing about that trip made me happy. like im grateful i took the tour of anne frank’s house, but like it wasnt really enjoyment it was just this overwhelming feeling of emotion and trauma. it was beautiful and i wouldnt trade that experience for the world. but everything else was awful. the people i was with was a big problem so id like to go back with a better group and try again.  What’s your favorite Disney movie? always a cross between mulan and beauty and the best Which celebrity do you identify with? i feel like im emma thompson 100% of the time What is your favorite season? autumn, without question the best season What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? my first ever ever ever job was for this newspaper in the town where i grew up. our family friend worked for them and got me the job but it was only supposed to be for 5 days. i had a garbage bin filled with newspapers and i had to hand them out to people. i was only getting paid based on the amount of bins i emptied. i hated every single moment of it. 

What’s the pettiest thing you’ve ever done? im not really a petty person tbh its just that if you fall out of my good favor you will not be allowed back in. my trust once lost is lost forever Do you prefer talking on the phone or texting/messaging? please dont call me unless you need help lmao texting is fine

from @kpopfanfictrash

1) If you could have one superpower, what would it be? my god i want so many but right now its a tie between controlling an element (either fire or water) or the ability to understand every language

2) What was your favorite TV show growing up? when i was a kid there was a show called roswell that aired on what used to be The WB and is now The CW lmao it was awful but i made my mother let me stay up to watch it every monday. i still adore this show even though i KNOW its objectively awful but i own all 3 seasons and regularly watch them when im feeling sad lmao

3) What’s the next trip you’re taking or want to take? IN LESS THAN A FEW WEEKS, I WILL BE IN ST LOUIS WITH @kpopfanfictrash, @the-porcelain-doll-xo, @igot7bangtanbaes and @rudeboywonho <33333

4) What is your biggest pet peeve? when im walking behind someone and they are smoking in my face AND passive aggression please just tell me wtf is wrong so we can move on

5) Tell me one weird habit you have lmfao god i cant believe im admitting this to the world BUT when im stuck and need to think hard on something i hold my boobs pls leave me lmao

6) If your life were a movie, what genre would it be? (comedy, drama, teen horror… LOL) id be in one of those teen comedies. probably john hughes with a DOPE soundtrack

7) Who is one person you find inspirational (real or imagined)? my mother

8) What one thing would you save first from your home, in a fire? my cat lmao but if you mean non living thing my phone

9) What physical feature do you first notice on a person? ears and smile are usually within the same moment

10) What is the strangest thing you have ever eaten? i cant say ive eaten anything strange. when i was in france i had escargot and adored it

11) One thing I would not guess about you by looking at you. ive played violin since i was 7

from @yeol-stole-my-soul

1) What are you wearing rn :))) What’s your go-to outfit? my pajamas jeans, band tee, combat boots - my standard

2) If you could tell your bias one thing, what would it be? i can i tell him a lot of things in one breath? ok here goes: chanyeol, i respect the living shit out of you, but please make sure you take care of yourself like i know its easy to assume your problems are a burden and that no one really will notice your tells but the ones who care about you the most will never think of you as a burden and want to make sure you keep smiling - also please remember to eat well and sleep and hydrate, because if you dont you will get sick and the last thing i could handle on this earth is seeing you unwell or injured because you pressured yourself too much - trust me i do the same thing and that is why i am openly telling you that the people who really love you will understand if you step back so you can regroup 

*coughs, wheezes* i love you so fucking much park chanyeol please take care of you

*gasping* your verse in chill saved my life

*dies*

3) If you found yourself as a character in a story, what role would you probably play (ex. the villain, the hero/ine, the sidekick, the crazy old man…) and why? i know for a fact id be the witty side kick who unwittingly solves every problem just because shes observant and doesnt have martyr vibes

4) Do you sleep with socks on or socks off at night?? socks off what kind of demon leaves them on???? dont trust that type wtf

5) Which meme most accurately describes you?

this image is me at any given time of day

6) What do you want your last words to be? oh for fucks sake

7) Describe your ideal date(?) i’m adding the question mark to pretend this is a question somewhere we can talk - theres a place in NYC thats a bar but also an arcade filled with old old games like the original tekken and street fighter. i like going there for chill vibes and then likely walking along the water pier in central park at sunset. its really quiet in that part of the city and on a date i really just want to talk, get to know you, figure out your energy. if its the weekend id happily head to the IFC center for a midnight showing of a classic and then depart at 3AM feeling like ive actually connected with someone who challenges me intellectually and culturally 

8) If you could switch lives/bodies with one person for a day, who would it be and why? zhang yixing so i could make sure he sleeps

9) If you had to spend 24 hours in a television show, which one would you choose and why? And would you survive lolol? i want to be in parks and recreation so i can flirt with ben the entire show and make leslie angry and then by the end be best friends with leslie and anne and then become a recurring character

10) What’s your favorite quote? ‘But from each crime are born bullets that will one day seek out in you where the heart lies.’ - Pablo Neruda

11) Where THE FUCK is Waldo?? his house, wondering why the fuck people keep assuming he would be anywhere else

11 new questions:

1. if you could learn any language, which would you want to learn and why? 2. you’ve moved into your dream house. CONGRATS! what does it look like and where is it? 3. i’m buying you a drink. what are you having? 4. welcome to NYC! let me take you my favourite record shop. whats that record you have in your hand?  5. pitch me an idea for a tv show - in 6 sentences 6. i’m sorry but you’re dead. what does the afterlife look like? 7. thanks for hanging out with me tonight! lets put on a movie. what are we watching? 8. i know, i know. dating my friends is odd but i love you so why shouldnt this be a date? 9. i’ve taken you to the strand in NYC. its a 4 storey book store that is filled with miles worth of books. we are on the 4th floor, which is the floor for old and rare books. which book are you looking for? 10. i got my vacation time booked! ok. lets decide. where are we going? really! why do you want to go? 11. SHIT! i didnt know you could sing!! we’re starting a band. what are we called?

tagging: @yeolology @kpopandlock @kollectionn @kimnamwho @imdifferentshadesofpurple @oh-beyond @pikayeollie @the-porcelain-doll-xo  @daegusoftboys @baebae-goodnight @igot7bangtanbaes