#that moment you don't have any friends to play vrchat with so you roleplay as characters for a silly tumblr series

[n3-x-us]

Yayyy friendship :D

I love these avatars man they're great :3

Oh and the close up to the thing:

They're holding hands

[kyrodo]

My biggest limiting factor is the company I am surrounded with. I'm close to some very nice people. Red in his own way even though he is hyper stressed almost 24/7 for one reason or another and always seems to be mad about something. Work related, family related, motivation/productivity related, sometimes from me not doing enough at home or making more efforts to engage in projects with him or go outside, financial fears, life fears, future fears, etc. He is naturally stressed and traumatized from Utah for different reasons than mine and he's had to work a lot harder trying to keep a career and get into one.

That said, thematically and interactive personality wise, I'm a bit limited. Because I'm used to more pleasant overall people like Kay, like Omi, like Belle, or Marcus, or Red, or Freedy and Shadetail, or Kelchan. I'm not around people that tend to be a bit more hostile, spiky, fucky, street smart punk memes and such. A few of them do like horror stuff like Kay or especially Marcus as mentioned during our interaction but even with him he's had a very interesting history of exes and high school experience well outside what my comfort zone was, or 4chan and all that, he still has a comfortable aura when your around him. He has a clear idea of how things should be and maintains it. And before twitter that is what my social realm was. The roleplaying at Redwall. My furry friends that I know together with Red, Freedy Shadetail and Kelchan who converges on both, and my sister.

And none of them as far as I'm aware are the type to harass people. None of them are the type to engage in mind games and mental warfare. I'm sure Marcus has had his moments he likes to be funny but we don't generally troll or go after people or attack anyone. And that much should be clear by now. My world is different from yours. Reading likes, retweeting things at someone, reading subtext too hard, you are the first for me to ever do that with. I might have made some subtle spiky things towards Kay a couple times, especially immediately before we interacted that weren't so subtle, and to a much lesser degree before then which you never saw cause I deleted all my tweets at one point. But nobody I knew besides maybe Omi was particularly social media savvy, and even now with all the people I know on vrchat now, I think only wolfang particularly spends any real time on bsky or twitter.

So you were completely new territory, because I used to be the only person who was active on twitter out of the people I know. Ironing out my thoughts, shouting things to the open world, cause I didn't have the following or engagement to care about what I posted even despite using it more than everybody else. And Omi's in her own social universe from knowing way too many people from local furmeets and cons and commissioning endless amounts of art. I never had an active mutual who interacts with me before I met you.

And for a time afterwards there was Enternodecs and veralycaon both of which I soured for one reason or another and dropped off my timeline cause I was subtexting too hard trying to get some new mutual engagement going cause of the one I failed. And then Lawrence I admired much more quietly. And I eased off trying to have an active mutual on any social media platform. Cause that's just not where I make friends. It's like League of Legends. How I was the only one playing it out of everybody I know and the few people that did like Red's friend balloontoes had maybe 5-10% of my hours spent on it. And that's not the only case where I was the only one playing something. I keep finding all these niche games that nobody I know is also playing or playing as much and that's why I never seem to make friends. Imagine practicing so hard at blazblue when nobody you know that stuck around plays fighting games.

I always wish the people I knew were closer to what I do. Shared more of my interests, more of my games, more of things I would watch, using social media without pissing each other off, etc. Or even just someone who actually wants to go to furry events unlike Red who doesn't like crowds, or the lights at raves, or gets exhausted after dancing for 5 minutes. I always feel like I never know the right people. I know a lot of nice people just not anyone like me. And maybe that's why I get so desperate with wanting to connect with someone, at least before vrchat. Cause nobody I know has all the things I need from them. Nobody I know wants to play 24/7 aram with me, or play blazblue with me, or watch a bunch of anime they haven't fully researched instead of a bunch of random youtube videos. And as far as energy goes, Lupy at least shares the same level of energy, perhaps lower than Choskey who has way too much energy or none at all when he talks and makes a lot of overexcited interactions I can't follow up on.

I'm happy with all the new people I met and how well I vibe with them compared to you, but I'm unhappy that I still haven't met anyone who truly matches me. And it feels like I never will. It feels like my needs are too niche when they really shouldn't be, I'm just not in the communities where I might find someone who is. Cause there are certain things I don't like to play online with randos, which is most games, and ironically the only pvp game that doesn't stress me out is League. But everybody else besides Choskey anyway absolutely hates the game. And Choskey is too harsh on me opinion wise when we play. I need time to settle in, I don't play assassins like I should, I'm used to playing aram where farm doesn't matter, and it's always 5v5 and you generally go in to win or die, I don't like the other game modes. Unfortunately very few people play league the same way I do. And I want someone to be soft on me, or say nothing at all, because it's going to take me a week or two to get back into the swing of things, and I play best when people aren't backseating me. I don't mind a pointer here and there, Choskey used to play competitively and he is not soft, and full of opinions which is exactly what I don't want. So we don't play league together. Where as if it was someone like Kelchan, or someone like Shine or Lupy who's more collaboration focused and more being on the same wave length focused, there wouldn't be an issue. The enjoyment would be from doing something together without trying to min max it. I myself might say things like don't run to the bushes in the center at the start of every aram game, or try to get close range with anyone when your team is not ready to engage, but that's pretty much it. With my personality I don't come off as harsh, at least with anyone other than Ronnie and his friends in backwater areas like this, especially not vocally. My voice is too relaxed to be stressful in most cases.

But yeah... I wish there was someone who was more like me. More laid back. Serious where it counts. Interactive when they need to be. Easy to respond to without getting on their bad side. And more interested in the things I care about.