#that moment when you stand on a toilet so you can spy on your arch nemesis in the next stall

[skeletonshower]

listen i respect a man and his pranks but did he really have to peek over the stall like that💀

[bella-spil]

Halloween

Summary: you and the avengers spend Halloween together.

Characters: Y/N (your name), Bucky, Loki, Thor, Tony, Steve, Sam, Natasha, Clint, Vision, Wanda, Peter, Shuri.

Warnings: cursing, tbh thats it.  VINE REFERENCES

Word Count: 2.4

A/N: hi.. I’m sry I haven’t written in a while.  School has been killing my creativity.  This is gonna be more of a miniseries, more like 2-3 parts.  It’s prob not gonna get much attention, but if you like it, just comment or re blog bc it helps my confidence with posting stuff on here.  This is also inspired by a meme I saw (Ill post it at the bottom of the story) and a video with Anthony Mackie and Chris Evans (link) Masterlist is here

Tag List: @sea040561 @wednesday-add-em @kmuir1 (lmk if you wanna join)

Halloween was a week away.  Tony being Tony, already paid for the decorations for the tower, so basically all of the floors look like a haunted house.  Rolls of toilet paper stretched across arches in the hallways, tiny spiders were all over furniture, bones and eyes and zombies and witches and everything in between that you could possibly think of was in the tower.  The tower looked like a zombie on steroids; creepy yet entertaining at the same time.  

Everyone was fine with the decorations, but the costumes were a big issue.  Steve and Tony kept arguing over the ideas, both of them wanting to do group costumes.  Everyone else had their ideas too, but Tony and Steve were at each other's throats for the past couple weeks, since like August.  Your room in the tower was right by the meeting office, so hearing the two of them screaming at each other for the most stupid shit was driving you insane.  Once it got to the point where you had to yell at them to shut up.  

This morning, a week before Halloween, while everyone was there, you cleared your throat while you heard Steve and Tony bickering.

“Guys this is getting to be too much.  We need to have a meeting to discuss these fucken costumes.” you said.

“Yeah this is getting out of control,” Nat agreed.

“Guys, cmon, you have to agree with me.  All of us having Iron Man suits would be awesome.  We could fly around the city all night and have so much fun!” Tony said.

“Tony, stop.  All of us being soldiers is better.”  Steve countered.

“STOP!” Clint groaned.  “You guys are insane.  We need to discuss this as a group.”

Tony and Steve sat across from each other, glaring at each other.  Death was looming between them.  

“Fine,” Tony sighed.  “When and where?”

“The office, 2pm,” Nat said.  “And everyone has to show up, that means you too Bucky.”

Bucky groaned from the other side of the room.  He hated group discussions, he liked working alone better.  Said that it was faster to be alone and you didn’t have to worry as much.

~~~

2pm finally rolled by.  Everyone has showed up in the big office, one that seemed a little too big.  Everyone was tired of the bickering and had showed up, thankfully.  

Tony, Steve, Natasha, Clint, Thor, Bucky, Sam, Peter P, Shuri, Wanda, Vision, Loki and you were crowded around the table.  Tony was standing at the end with a whiteboard, prepared to write down ideas.

“So guys, what do you want to do?” Tony said.

“What about we dress up as famous Star Wars characters?” Sam suggested.

“Nah, Steve isn’t going to know who Yoda is.  That’s a must if we do Star Wars.” Tony said.

“Devils and Angels?” Wanda said.

“Not original,” Steve said.

“What about we just wear each other’s costumes?” Thor suggested.

“You really think you are gonna wear my wings?” Sam said, a hint of annoyance in his voice that made you and Bucky snicker.

“I don’t think any of you guys want to wear a leather catsuit,” Nat said.

“We could dress up as famous vines,” Shuri offered, smirking at you and Peter.  

The three of you quoted vines daily and the rest of the team never knew what you guys meant, which made it even more fun.  Eventually, Sam, Bucky and Clint started learning vines with you because they kept saying things which you guys followed up with vine references.  The frustration got to the three men and they started to learn with you, but they weren’t nearly as attentive as you, Shuri and Peter.

“What’s a vine?” Steve asked.

“Vine was a website created in 2012, officially released in 2013.  It was ultimately shut down in 2016.  Vine was a website where users would create short videos an-” Vision said.

“Vis, I don’t think they want a whole essay,” Wanda said, seeing the reactions of the other Avengers.  Sam had started to fake snore, Loki was muttering something to Peter about knifes, and Shuri was about to watch vines, from what you could tell.  

“It’s this app filled with people saying and doing stupid things for attention,” Nat sighed.

“IT IS NOT STUPID!  VINE WAS LEGENDARY!!”  Shuri shouted.

“YOU WOULD DO THINGS FOR THE VINE, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE!!” you shrieked.

“EDUCATE YO SELF!” Clint shouted, right in Natasha’s ear.  Doing that earned him a hard punch in the back of the head.

“Well I don’t have all day so we need something,” Tony groaned, hitting his expo marker against the whiteboard.

You and everyone else was trying to come up with ideas when all the sudden, quiet Peter Parker, who was pretty much the baby of the tower, spoke up.

“Mr. Frost Giant, God sir?” Peter asked.

“Loki,” Loki sighed, pleasantly shocked.

“So, you have ice powers right?” Peter continued.

“Yes, I am an ice giant,” Loki said.

“You should be Elsa for Halloween,” Peter gasped.

Then, out of nowhere, Clint jumped up, looking like he had 5 monster energy drinks and 10 packs of warheads.

“I’LL BE MERIDA!!!” he screamed.

“I must assume that I am going to portray Elsa then,” Thor said, with a smile on his face.

“So...we are doing Disney princesses?” Tony asked, slightly confused.

“Looks like it,” Bucky said.

“Who the fuck am I gonna be?” Shuri asked.

“Language.” Steve said.

You and Shuri looked at each other for a moment and with a slight nod of your head, you were both in a song.

“FUCK SHIT PUSSY ASS!!!” you and Shuri sang.

“MOTHERFUC-” Peter started to continue, but Tony just slapped his hand over Peter’s mouth.  Tony swore that Peter wasn’t like a son to him, but this didn’t help his situation.

Steve was turning ad red as a tomato in his seat, not being able to process all the dirty words that escaped yours and Shuri’s mouths.

“Ok, who are all the Disney Princesses?” Tony asked, frustration in his voice as he looked down at Peter.  Tony gave him a look, one that said “Stop this shit or you get your suit taken away for two weeks” and once Peter nodded his head slightly, Tony removed his hand.

Vision started to list a bunch of them off, even some of the ones that aren’t considered princesses, like Megara, Alice and Jane.  Once Tony had a list of all the princesses, he started to write of all the avengers, making lines to match them up with their character.  

“Ok, who wants to find their Disney princess counterpart first?” Tony asked.

“Me, I already asked before,” Shuri said rolling her eyes.

“Well I mean you already are a princess.” you said.

“Oh,” Shuri said. “I don’t have to dress up then.  Haha.  You can cross my name off, Tony.”

Tony sighed and rolled his eyes, while taking her name off.

“Next?” he sighed.

“What about me?” Steve asked.

“Oh this is gonna be interesting.” Sam grinned.

“Snow White.” Bucky said, without even hesitating.

“Wait why?” you asked.

“Ohhhhh, I think I see why,” Wanda smirked.

“Continue Barnes,” Natasha said.

“First of all, Snow White was the very first princess to come out.  She came out in the thirties or forties.  She’s the oldest.  Steve was the first avenger and he is the oldest.”  Bucky said.

“Bucky, you are a couple months older than me.” Steve countered.

“Second,” Bucky continued, ignoring his friend completely.  “She is like the most gullible and is surrounded by followers.  Snow White was like living with seven dwarfs.  And she was underage and just lived with them. Steve here, was the leader of the Howling Commandos.  And I was in that group, so I had to endure him and his stupid ass decisions, but I couldn’t elect to ignore it.”

“That’s offensive,” Steve said.

“That's the point,” Bucky said.  

“Ok so Steve is Snow White.”  Tony declared, making a line between Snow White and Steve on the whiteboard.  “NEXTT!”

“Me,” said the super secret Russian spy.

“Hmm..” you thought.

“Megara,” said Clint.

“Oh that's a good one,” Sam agreed.

“Who is Megara?” Steve asked.

“She is an attractive Greek lady that Hercules, the son of Zeus, who is the King of the Greek Gods, falls in love with.” Thor explained.

“Thor, how do you of all people know that?” Shuri asked.  “Shouldn’t Vision know all of these things?”

“M’lady, I am formally educated in Disney movies by the request of Peter Parker, also known as ‘The One and Only Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman’.” Thor explained.

“Kid, you make Thor, the God of Thunder, sit through Sleeping Beauty?” Tony asked, shocked.

“My dear man of Iron, Sleeping beauty was quite relaxing.  That Prince Philip, that amazing man, demonstrated quite intellectually advanced ways to use a sword.  Ways that I can use Storm-breaker effectively in battle.” Thor smiled.

Tony and Sam shared a look of disgust with a combination of interest and concern.

“Thor, I don’t think you can learn fighting tactics from a cart-” Vision started.

“I need to watch the movies again,” Clint and Bucky muttered under their breaths.

“No she should be Mulan,” Wanda said.  “Mulan is determined and strong.  Megara just messed with the God of Death.”

“I mess with death all the time,” Natasha countered.

“I should be Megara.” Bucky stated.

“Because you almost died?” Steve asked.

“Because your soul is dark and empty?” Sam asked.

“Yes and no.  My hair is long, not as long as her’s but I can make it work.  Hair extensions.  She plays with Hercules’ emotions.  She is also strong and independent.  Like me.” Bucky explained.

“That settles it.  Bucky is Megara and Natasha is Mulan.”  Tony said, making lines between the two avengers and their princesses.  

“nEXXttT!” Tony shouted.

“Me me me!” Wanda said happily.

“Yes Mr. Stark I would like to go as well.” Vision added.

“Wanda would make the perfect Moana.” Thor said.  “Moana and Wanda both demonstrate very strong emotions, which affect their abilities regarding their powers and limits and they care deeply about the people that mean the most to them.”

He nudged Loki in the shoulder to try to get him more involved in the meeting.  Loki was just throwing his knives up in the air, and Peter was getting very interested, and getting dangerously close to the God of Mischief.  Tony was eyeing the two of them very, very carefully.

“Yeah, yeah sure,” Loki sighed, just going along with Thor or the sake of it.

“Who would Vision be then?” Sam asked.

“He could be the dead grandma,” Clint suggested.

“Yeah, that one that turned into the manta ray.” Nat agreed.

“It’s settled.  Moana and Dead Grandma Ray.” Tony said, making the lines once again.  He had to add “dead grandma” to the board for Vision’s sake.

“NeXXXXXtttT!!” he shrieked.

“Tony, you should be Belle,” Natasha said.

“Yeah.  I mean, they both fall in love and save the people that mean the most to them, even if it means putting their own life at risk.” Steve agreed.

“And they are both really smart.” Peter added.

“Peter, you just had to say that and I would have been on board.  Now I had to listen to Steve and Natasha for a minute.” Tony groaned as he drew a line between his name and Belle’s.

“Thanks Tony,” Steve said sarcastically.

“Your welcome, Capsicle.” Tony gleamed back.

“Sam should be Cinderella.” Bucky said.

“OMG that works!!” Shuri exclaimed.

“Yeah..” Sam realized.  “I’m Cinderella ‘cause she broke, homie.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, smiling from ear to ear, looking back at Sam.

“She represent me, yooo,” Sam said.  Then he looked over at Steve and said, “Lemme borrow twenty dollas.”

By this point, Steve couldn’t hold in the laughter and almost fell out of his chair.  And Sam, being as he called it “Steve’s best friend, better than Bucky,” saved Steve from collapsing on to the floor.

“Steve is the cinder princess.  Deal with it.” Tony declared, adding another line.

“NeeXXttTTT!” Tony screamed.

“Now, all that’s left is Peter and Y/N,” Wanda said, eyeing you two.

“Peter should be Rapunzel.  Before they face the real world, they are both innocent, but then when they see what the world is really like, it changes them.” Thor said, analyzing the similarities between the princess and the superhero.

“Jesus Christ, why is Point break actually really on point?” Tony asked.

“My dear Stalk of corn, I am educated like I told you earlier.  Insect man has really helped me tap into my inner child and all of the pain my demon brother made me endure.” Thor said.

“Spiderman,” Peter mumbled.

“I take that as a complement.” Loki stated, out of the blue.

“Rapunzel is Parker.” Tony declared.

“Last but not least, Y/N.” Steve said.

Now, it took everyone a while to come up with a princess for you.  You didn’t fit the exact mold or looks of a certain princess, so it was definitely harder.

“What about Alice?” Sam said/

“Why the fuck would she be Alice?” Bucky asked.

“Because Alice in Wonderland is supposed to portray the effects of drugs.” Sam explained.

“So your saying that I act like a drug addict?” you asked.

“NO!” Sam shouted.

“Sam, drop it before you dig your own grave.” Steve said.

“What about Jasmine?” offered Wanda.  “You have a very free spirit like her, and she’s your favorite princess.”

“Yeah sure, that sounds fine.” you agreed.

“Y/N is Jasmine!  dOOONNEe!” Tony shouted with relief.

“WAIT I CHANGED MY MIND!” Shuri shrieked.  “I WANNA BE A PRINCESS.  I WANNA BE TIANA SHE IS AN ABSOLUTE BADASS!”

“FINE!” Tony shouted back.  “NOW WE ARE DONE.  EVERYONE HAPPY?”

Everyone in the room, not wanting to disagree with a hot-headed Tony, looked around at each other and slowly nodded their heads.

“Great!” Tony smiled, a complete change in moods.  “Tomorrow we are going to Party City to get our costumes.  Everyone in this room has to come so we can get the wigs and dresses and makeup.  No skipping out.  That includes you Clint, Bucky and Loki.”

The three men who were called out rolled their heads and sighed.  But they agreed to go.  To Tony’s happiness.

“Great.  Meeting finished.  Pepper wants me for something.  Probably for the party.  Nobody try to call me or you will be met with an ear rape of AC/DC.” Tony said, putting on his glasses and promptly leaving the room in Stark fashion.  Everyone eventually left the room, you being lost in your thoughts.  

“You coming, doll?” Bucky asked, seeing you were still sitting in the room.

“Ya, I’ll be out in a second.” you said.  

“Alright, you, me and Clint are doing a Disney marathon for fighting tactics.  Don’t be late or you because we are gonna eat all the food.  I don’t wanna hear you complain.” Bucky said, walking out the door with a lazy drag of his legs.

Now, relief filled your body.  Now you wouldn’t have to hear arguing about costumes!  And they actually agreed to costumes, shockingly.  Now you just couldn’t wait to go to Party City and endure all the chaos.  And then, you left the room to watch Disney movies again, for fighting tactics.  

Oh, the chaos that awaits.  

[ladywinterwitch]

Run Away (Two - I’ll be here)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Avenger! Reader

Summary: You and Steve complete each other. Your love is that strong and devoted kind of love that pushes people to things like marriage, making a family. You couldn't imagine that a baby would be something you really wished, until the possibility wasn't your choice anymore.

Warnings: unprotected sex, fingering, oral sex (f recieving), 18+ (underage shouldn’t be here), angst, sadness, feels, mentions of abandon and orphanages, self doubt, talk of mental health, Steve is a softie, Nat is..well, Nat.

Word Count: 4412 (a little longer than the previous)

A/n: Part two of Run Away. This time we get a bit of background to the reader’s history and why her friendship with Nat is so important. Also, there’s mild talk of mental health. You can find the previous part here, and the series masterlist here.

                                              (gif not mine)

With the days passing you felt better, emotionally and physically. Talking to Bucky had really been helpful, actually more than you thought possible. He was always by your side, trying to cheer you up and you appreciated that.

You had heard from Steve a couple times on facetime and he looked fine, so you were calm, at least on that side. You put on a brave face, wanting desperatly to tell him how much you missed him, but you contained yourself, not wanting him to feel bad or get worried.

Then Bruce called you for the second visit, so you went straight to the lab first thing in the morning. Alone. Bucky said that wanted to be at your side, considering that Steve wasn't there, but you preferred to do this alone. It was way too intimate. You weren’t sure you would’ve been completely comfortable doing this even with Steve.

You joined Bruce and he prepared everything before making you lay on the medic couch. The visit was over even before you realized that it began. You got dressed and waited for Bruce to tell you to go, but he didn't. He was sitting at the computer, examinating intently the screen.

-Y/n, please, sit. I have a few things to say.- he asked politely. You did, with a grip on your stomach. He projected the screen as an hologram in front of you.

-So. This,- he pointed at the first photo of an ecography, -Is an example of an healthy uterus, and this one,- another photo appeared next to the other, with a little difference, you could tell, -Is a uterus with a genetical malformation.- he paused, gazed at you for a split second, then another photo made an appearence. It was awfully similiar to the second one. Your stomach dropped.

-Y/n, this is yours. It..it is compleatly accurate, considering we have both ecographies and have been analyzed both by me and my expert friend. It's not an illness or a tumor, just a little malformation, that is not dangerous, but unfortunately does not allow you to have children.- he waited a few seconds. Tears were streaming down your face, but you were silent. You didin't dare to look up.

-I'm sorry. So, so sorry Y/n.- he whispered. You nodded and rose from the chair. Your legs felt like jelly, but you found the strenght to walk to the door.

-Thank you Bruce.- he went to you and circled his arms around your shoulders. You reciprocated the embrace for a few seconds, then pulled away. You needed to go, to run.

-Of course. Y/n, please don't be hard on yourself. There's nothing wrong with you. It's a thing that can happen, it's very unfortunate, but you are okay. You're healthy and that's the important thing, okay?- he said softly. You nodded again and gave him the shadow of a smile, not being able to do more.

So you walked out and went to the elevator. You pressed the button for the terrace. If you wanted to be sure to be left alone you should've gone to your room, but you needed some air.

You arrived and closed your eyes, breathing deeply. Suddenly you put your hands on your face, bursting into tears. You felt awful, and quite guitly too.

Why am I reacting like this? It's not that it had been my greatest drem ever. There are so many people who are doing worse and I'm complaining, even though I'm healthy? That's selfish. I have to be greatful for what I have. Kids? Just something less to worry about. There are so many women that have no kids and have a happy life. Your mind was filled with thoughts. You tought of Natasha, a strong, kind and amazing person. You could be like that, you tought.

But at the same time you couldn't stop thinking that you didn't even had a choice. Steve was a simple man, a family man, under all that Captain America facade. What now that you know that you will never be able to give him one? Being a failure was the main thought in your mind now, more than all the other things. You felt like your world was crumbling and you probably didn't even had the right to feel like that. Too lost in tought, you didn't hear the elevator opening behind you.

-Y/n, doll?- you froze on the spot, turning around. Your husband was a few feet away, still in his suit, shield attached to his back, hair a little messy and a five o'clock beard adorned his jaw and cheekbones. His expression soft. You couldn't help but run to him, latching your arms around his neck, crying. Again.

-Hey, shh, doll. I'm here, it's okay. Please don't cry.- he spoke with such sweetness in his voice that you just wanted to cry more, and never let him go.

He finally convinced you to go inside, so he could change and you two could talk calmly. You stopped crying, but said practically nothing. You just stayed with your cheek on his chest and your arms around his middle.

-

You went to your shared room and you sat on the bed, watching as he took off the shield, then piece by piece the suit. When he was left with just his pants and a white tank top he turned to you and gave you a small smile. You smiled at him too, walking to him. You wanted to kiss him, but when you hugged his torso he jerked a little and you stopped, frowning. You looked down and pulled up his tank top, revealing some little cuts and a bruise on his left side.

-Oh, Steve...-you murmured, taking him to the bathroom. You made him sit on the toilet and grabbed some cotton, hydrogen peroxide and a got the hem of a towel wet with hot water.

You instructed him to take off his top and his suit pants, leving him in just a pair of black boxers. You kneeled in front of him and pured some hydrogened water on the cotton, then placed a hand on his side to soothe him while you patted the fluffy material on his bruises.

He didn't even flinch. And you realized that he was being very quiet. He was never quiet, so you understood that he probably felt that something was off with you.

-What's wrong?- he asked softly. You shrugged.

-Nothing's wrong.- you responded, but you obviusly didn't fool him.

-Baby, you're a perfect spy, but you really can't lie to the people you actually care about. And it just happens that I'm one of them.- he placed two fingers under your chin to make you look at him. He moved his palm to your cheek and you closed your eyes, nuzzling into his hand.

-I'm fine.- you murmured, then you stood straight to put the used cotton in the trash can, then grabbed the wet towel and started to tap gently on the bruises, then to his chest, neck, shoulders.

-I..I really missed you, Steve. If I have to be honest, you are away on mission a little too often lately for my liking. I know that it's Fury that assignes you but...- you paused a few seconds. He looked at your face, don't minding at all your movements, but you kept your focus on them anyway, not really wanting to look at his eyes. You knew that he could read you like a book.

-I'm sorry if it feels like that I'm too much away. I didn't realize it.- he stopped you movements, pulling you on his lap. You threw the towel in the sink and circled your arms aroun his neck, your nails scratching the hair at the nape of his neck lightly.

-I'll talk to him and ask for a pause, maybe a month or two. Okay?- he palced his forhead against yours. Your eyes locked and you kissed him, slowly and softly.

-You're the most important thing to me, you know that right? If there's something you need to talk about, I'll be here. Always.- you couldn't help but smile fondly at his words. For a moment you felt at peace, like all the stress of the previous days was brushed away suddendly.

-I love you- you murmured agaist his lips, proceeding to kiss his cheek, jaw, cheekbones, neck -I know, and that's mutual, okay?- you said in between kisses.

He hummed, stroking softly your shirt covered sides with his hands, slipping them underneath the fabric.

-Mmh..you went to the gym? You're a little sticky.- you looked at him in shock, then saving yourself with a joke. That damned gel.

-Yeah, I did actually. And don't worry, I'll take a shower. But if you really mind that much touching your girl..- you were going to stand up, but he precedes you and pulls you flush against him, kissing you roughly.

You lose yourself in the kiss and start unconsciusly to grind yourself against him. He groans gripping your hips. You moan when you feel him getting hard.

-Fuck, I need you baby.- you nodded and let him take you in his arms. His hands placed under your ass, supporting you.

He didn't stop kissing you when you reached the bed. He laid you down and started to undress you. First your shirt, then your pants, bra and panties. He started to kiss you all over, from your chest, to your boob, giving particular attention to each nipple, biting softly and sucking, while massaging the other with his strong hands. You were a moaning mess, with your hands caressing his scalp.

-Steve..baby..- you mewled and he smirked before diving right at your core. No warning or teasing, he needed you as he knew you needed him.

-Oh. Fuck, yes..r-right there- your back arched and the grip on his hair tightened a little making him growl.

-Yeah? You're gonna come baby? Show me how much you missed me.- he said against your pussy. Your breath got stuck in your throat when he put one finger in, moving it in a come either motion.

-Y-yeah, fuck. Baby...I'm gonna come- and with a particularly good movement of his tongue on your clit you let go, letting out a loud moan. He lapped up all that you gave him, riding out your orgasm, then you pulled him to you, tasting yourself on his tongue.

-Always so sweet, just for me..- he sucked his finger making you moan at the sight. Then you decided to take the situation in your hands, so you pushed him off of you and then on the bed again. You straddled his lap and smirked while you grinded yourself on his dick. He threw his head back, groaning, while he helped your movements with his hands.

-Shit. Honey, darlin’, I n-need to be inside you.- you weren't really in the mood for waiting yoursef, so you rose a bit, lining him with your entrance, then sliding on his thick shaft. You both gasped at the feeling, then after a few seconds of adjustment you started to ride him, moving your hips sensually. He was looking at you with hungry eyes until he moved, placing a hand behind your head, dragging you down to kiss him. He then started to snap his hips faster, skin slapping against skin, your mouth parted, breathless.

-Steve- you warned, placing your hand on his cheek.

-Yeah. Come for me. C'mon, love, let go. So beautiful baby- and you did, his words giving you that little push you needed. He thrusted a few times more, then spilled his seed inside you, a loud growl of your name left his mouth. You rested like that for a while. Chest to chest, your nose nuzzling his neck, his hands caressing your back and he still inside you.

You were feeling quite dizzy, but also satisfied, and at home. He was your home, and you were his. He missed you like hell, and when he saw you so sad his heart actually broke. He couldn't stand to look at you hurt. He loved you more than anything in this world, and right now he wouln't wish to be anywhere else. Your naked body pressed against him, him inside you, wet, soft, and warm.

He didn't realize how much the missions would affect on your realtionship, but he decided to ask Fury for a bit of a break. He needed that, and you needed him.

-Welcome home, husband.- she teased, planting a kiss on his jaw. He grinned, kissing her head.

-

Obviously Tony had organized a party that evening, and obviously Captain America and his wife couldn't miss it. So now you were retuching your make up while Steve was buttoned his white shirt.

-Leave the first two open.- you said, looking at him from the mirror. He rose an eyebrow and did as you said. He walked towards you, hugging you from behind, placing his chin on your bare shoulder.

-You look stunning.- you smiled at him, putting away the nude lipstick. When you looked again he was caressing your sides, but when he reached your belly, you felt a wave of coldness and gently pulled away. Caressing his cheek before gowing towards the door.

You knew that it was just a normal gesture of affection, but it made your heart hurt in that moment. You checked that your long off-the-shoulder navy blue dress was all in place then smirked at him.

-Shall we go?-  

-

You two stepped out of the elevator, seeing that the party had already begun. You had your arm under Steve’s, and as soon as you stepped in the room a bunch of men came to congratulate him on the mission. He responded polietely but rather awkwardly. Your hand now on his back to calm him a little. He was Captain America, but he really didn't enjoy the attention that much.

-Kind gentlemen, if you'll excuse me, I need my husband for a moment.- you flashed them a circumstance smile, bringing Steve away from them and towards the bar.

-Thank you honey.- he say lowly with a half smile. You gave him a peck on the cheek.

-Hey lovebirds! You make my diabetes worse every day, y'a know?- Tony teased while kissing your cheek and patting a few times Steve's back.

-Oh, c'mon. I could say the same for you and Pepper. Where is she tonight?- you asked.

-Had some business to take care of.- he shrugged.

-Well, in any case, I missed you.- Natasha stepped up and you hug tightly. You smiled.

-You, too Nat.- you also saluted Thor and Wanda, and everyone was engaged in conversation, before you heard a whisper in your ear.

-Can we talk for one second?- Bucky was at your side. You looked at him and nodded.

-I'm going out a second. Need air.- you say to your man, he looks at you with a little worry before you kiss him and give him a ressuring smile. You step away from the crowd towards the balcony, your red wine in hand. Bucky following suit. You went outside, the galss door closing.

-Why didn't you tell me about the visit today?- he asked. He wasn't angry, but you could feel that he was at least a little pissed.

-Bucky, I appreciate your interest. I really do. You're my best friend...But it's a thing that I had to do alone, you know?- you explain to him. He nods, frowning.

-Did Bruce tell you the results?- you shook your head yes. He stepped a bit closer.

-So?- you waited a little, then took a deep breath.

-I...I have a genetic malformation to the uteros. It doesn't cause problems to my heath in general, but...I will never be able to have a baby.- you shrugged a little, sniffing. You didn't want to cry again.

-Oh, Y/n...Sweetheart I'm so sorry. I-I....c'mere.- he said lowly opening his arms. You hugged him, breathing deeply, while he stroked your shoulders gently.

-I'm sorry....so sorry..- he kept whispering and for a moment you thought that he was gonna cry. 

-Hey Y/n...uh- Natasha appeared from the glass door.

-Are you okay?- she asked to no one in particualr. You separated slowly from Bucky and you actually saw his eyes a little glassy.

-Yes, all fine. You needed me?- you say, recomposing quickly. Bucky on the other hand remained silent.

-Well, actually Cap did. But yeah.- she responded. -Are you sure it's all okay?- you smiled at her walking towards the glass door.

-Yeah, don't worry Nat. Catch up later.- you went on to search Steve, while they stayed behind.

Natasha smiled at you, but as soon as you were out of reach she looked at Bucky with a serious face.

-Okay, now spill the truth.-

-

When you finally found Steve, he was with the rest of the team, well most of them, sitting at the couches. He offered his hand when he saw you and you took it smiling.

-You needed me?-

-Always.- he responded, but then he grinned and hold up a plate with a piece of cake. You recognized your favourite: a strawberry cheesecake. You smirked biting your lip.

-You tryin' to get me round, baby?- you teased, taking the tiny tea spoon from the plate. He looked at you with love, a little serious. But his small smile told you that he was calm.

-Maybe I am.- he answered, leaving you a little shocked. You closed your mouth and gave him a quick smile before turning your attention to the cake, and then to a conversation that Wanda and Sam were having.

You couldn't really feel at ease for the rest of the evening, after what Steve had said. You weren't expecting that, and it was impossibile that he knew something. It just seemed so casual, but at the same time it didn't. At the end of the night you said your goodbyes and went to your shared room.

You went to the bathroom to take off your make up, then back to the bedroom to undress yourself. When you were left just with your panties, considering that the dress didn't need a bra, you felt a pair of lips on your shoulder, then a hand moving your hair out of the way. Steve reached your neck and his hand went straight to your breast. You sighed and giggled a little, more to ease the tension more than for actual fun.

You moved away slightly -Again?- you teased. He hummed, starting to kiss your neck again.

-Blame the super soldier stamina. Or the fact that I missed my wife so much. Or that my wife herself is a goddess. Either is fine.- you smiled a little, blushing. You were married to him, had seen him naked lots of times, as he did you, but in these sweet moments it was just like the first time all over again. But tonight you didn't feel like doing it, so you turned to face him, covering your chest with your silk babydoll.

-I'm sorry, love. I'm just a little tired. And you should rest too.- you gazed at his bruised side. He locked eyes for a moment then kissed you softly.

-Okay. Yeah, you're probably right.- he nodded to himself, -I'm gonna go brush my teeth, be right back.- he answered sweetly.

-I'll be waiting.- you smiled. He closed the door behind him and you huffed. You finished to dress yourself and slipped under the sheets, turning off the light.

You needed a good sleep, and your head hurt a little from all the noise of the party and the crying. When he came to bed you were already sleeping.

-

A few days had passed since Steve's return, and you were starting to feel better emotionally, especially since he had already talked to Fury and he granted him a month off duty. He still had to train the agents, like you and the others have to, but at least he was off missions.

But while things with Steve were going good, Natasha gave you a few looks that you didn't understand. Bucky was still the same, protective and caring as ever. You saw him all over Nat, too. They had been together since all the mess for the Sokovia accords ended.

You were throwing a few punches to the box sack, and felt someone behind you. Nat was leaning against the door frame.

-Hey widow.- you smiled, reprising your activities.

-When were you gonna tell me about the sterility?- you stopped in your tracks and turned around quickly, checking if someone was around. The gym was empty, all the agents in training were now at the open, probably running. You stepped closer to her with a furious gaze.

-First of all, keep that fucking voice down. Second of all, how do you know?- you hissed. She huffed a breath.

-Bucky told me. And before you get mad at him, I basically extorted it from him.-

-No doubt about that.- you crossed your arms, perfectly knowing that it's something she would do.

-Yeah, right. Anyway, I'm a little offended that you didn't tell me.- she spoke with a little hurt in her eyes.

-I didn't have the obligations to tell anyone.- you responded.

-Yeah, except your husband. Also, you told Bucky, why?- she retored, wanting to make you talk.

-Because he's one of my best friends, and I felt kinda like shit. You happy? I needed someone and he was there. You were all away.- you blurted out. Her lips curled up in her signature smirk for a split moment, but sadness was in her eyes.

-I'm sorry. I don't want to upset you more than you already are. But I want you to know that you can talk to me. And unlike Bucky, or even Steve, or Bruce, that are all sweet guys, I would actually understand.- the sad smile returned to her lips. You actually felt a little bad for reacting so harshly with her.

-I know, Nat.- you said just above a whisper.

The two of you decided to go for a walk in the city. You stopped at Starbucks to grab an iced coffe, then went to central park.

-It makes me angry, you know.- you say. She looks at you, expectantly.

-For all my life I always made my choices. I cared for myself when no one would. Didn't have a parent to look up to in the orphanage, but you know that.- you gazed at her.

-I've never been sure of what I wanted in my future, but I always tought that at least I could've choose it. But it turns out I don't. And I don't even know which fucker in my family I should thank for this little thing.- you chuckled bitterly.

-I think it's unfair because everyone should be allowed to make their own calls, in everything. But then there are other times in which I think 'Why am I even complaining? There are people that are in worse situations' and I feel bad because it doesen't feel right to be feeling angry, or sad. And Steve? I know him, ‘Tasha. He was born in an era in which all a woman had to do was bear children, look pretty and cook. I don't mean to say that he's like that, at all. But the family thing is just what society put into his head, and he's so gentle, caring and good. He is made for that. Captain America, a family man with a dog, a wife, a white picket fence and children. It's a little cliché, but it's the simple life that I actually know that he would like. We spoke about it in the early states of our relationship, just for conversation. But I understood that a calm, family life it's what he truly wishes. It just destroys me to think that...I love him more than my life, and I will never be able to give what he desires the most.- at that point your voice cracks, and you reach to cover your face in between sobs.

Natasha quickly embraces you and lets you let it out for a few minutes, until your cry stops, even if little hiccups still leave your lips.

-Okay. First of all, I'm actually tired of hearing again and againg the 'I shouldn't feel bad because someone is worse'. It's not that simple. Everyone has their lives as well as their problems. Just because you're not in point of death, it doesn't mean that you don’t have to care for your problems. I mean, let's do an example, it's silly, but still. A woman is perfectly capable of having kids, but she has pneumonia. You are healthy but you can't have kids. Does an illness makes you better or worse than someone? No. Her problem is pneumonia and yours is this. And you say, 'but at least I have my health', yes, maybe, but you're not mentally okay. And that's as important as the body health. Especially because most of the times it affects it. When you cry you get a headache, so you're not good. Get what I'm saying?- she asks and you nod slightly.

-So, don't think about it. Everyone has their issues. Moving on. Steve. That man basically kisses every inch of ground you walk on. He loves you more than anything else. He married you. Do you really think that he would care about it? I mean, yes, it may be a hurtful news, like it was for you. But what I mean is, do you think that he would care when he has you right here, healthy and at his side? He didn't sign a fucking contract saying 'This woman must be able to give me kids'. It's a wish? Perfect, if it's yours too, and I think it is, you will face the situation together and find a solution. There are many children without a family that need love, and we both know it well.- you remain silent for a few seconds, thinking.

-Listen, just talk to him. Be honest about it, and then your will figure out what you want to do. Please. You would feel better and he deserves the truth, because he cares about you and loves you, not because it's his right to know if his 'merch' is damaged.- she shakes her head to prove her point. You nod then you look up at her with an half smile.

-What about you and Bucky?- she seemed a little taken back by the question, but then gives you a lovingly lopsided smile.

-Nah. We both have been through too much. We love each other, and love kids too, but we agree that we would work better as uncles.- she smiles. You chuckle.

-Thank you Nat. Really. I couldn't ask for a better friend.- she has a soft expression, but she brushes it off. She smirks and gives you a little bump with her shoulder.

-Aw, c'mon now. Don't make me soft. I'm still the black widow.- she raises an eyebrow and you laugh.

I’m quite proud of this chapter, tbh. I really love writing Nat in a vulnerable way, just like she is. So, will the reader tell Steve? How will he react? 

Let me know what you thought ;) 

Taglist : @polarcrystall​  @a--1--1--3​

[sabrinaandlilith]

i went mad about you - chapter 3

summary: When Sabrina is accused of a crime she didn’t commit, she’s sent to a remote castle where the mysterious Madam Satan is supposed to reform her into a proper witch. But secrets haunt the halls and Madam Satan’s teaching style is unconventional to say the least. pairing: black sabith (sabrina + madam satan/lilith) rating: explicit

read below or here on ao3

The next morning, Sabrina found a new tray of food inside her cell. She wanted to ignore it, wanted to accept no kindness from the woman who kept her there, but her stomach arched with hunger and the tea and bacon with toast smelled so good. So she ate, then realized that the only toilet available to her in the cell was a hole in the ground on the far side. Face flushed with humiliation, she used it.

Her only way of telling time was the trays of food that appeared in her cell and when the lanterns dimmed in the hall. Aside from that, her world had been reduced to the bars of her cell and the three walls that held her, the chain around her ankle, and the dress she’d been wearing since yesterday.

Sabrina tried shouting for help, she tried shaking the bars, she tried picking the lock with her bobby pin. She looked for loose stones in the floor but soon wore herself out.

Sleep was no better. Her mind toyed with her, and she only had increasingly erotic dreams. The first night she dreamed of the throne room. The second night she dreamed of a bed with silk sheets, one where she was bound, hands and feet to it. Madam Satan was above her, kissing every inch of her skin, fucking her roughly all night long. The third night she was bent over the teacher’s desk in home room, her entire class looking on Madam Satan took the role of their teacher, spanking Sabrina in front of everyone.

On the fourth day of being confined to her cell, Sabrina woke up hot and frustrated. No matter how erotic and dirty her dreams were she never came. Taking matters literally into her own hands, Sabrina kicked off her blankets and slipped a hand into her dirty underwear.

Moving two fingers in circles, Sabrina rubbed her clit, slowly at first, then faster and faster as her desire built. As much as she tried to banish them from her mind, images of Madam Satan from her dreams filled her mind and the smallest of moans escaped her lips. But try as she might, she couldn’t couldn’t climax.

“Having difficulties kitten?” a low voice said. Sabrina jerked the blankets up around her as she sat up. Madam Satan was standing at the bars of her cell, looking amused.

“How long have you been spying on me?” Sabrina demanded.

“Long enough to see the show,” Madam Satan said, “That collar doesn’t just suppress your magic, pet, it also makes it so I am the only person who can, ehm, grant you release.”

“What?”

“While you wear that collar,” Madam Satan’s lips curled into a grin, “The only way you will orgasm is by my hand alone.”

“You’re insane,” said Sabrina, glaring up at her.

“Maybe so, but you’ll be begging for it soon enough,” Madam Satan tossed her hair, “Get up and kneel before the bars.”

“I won’t kneel before you, you monster!”

“I was going to take you upstairs for a bath, but if you’d rather remain here in your cell I can leave…”

Panic seized her heart and Sabrina lifted a hand, “No wait!”

Madam Satan watched with an almost smile on her face as Sabrina pulled down her skirt and got up, dragging her chain to the cell bars. She hesitated for a moment before getting down on her knees, sitting back on her feet.

“Your first lesson will be how to kneel. Rise up so you’re only on her knees and fold your arms behind your back,” Madam Satan instructed. Sabrina complied, glaring up at her the whole time. “Now, I’d like you to say, ‘Please Mistress, forgive me for trying to escape.’”

Sabrina licked her lips, clenching her jaw before repeating, “Please Mistress, forgive me for trying to escape.”

Madam Satan’s smile wided, “Good girl,” she cooed and Sabrina flushed at the praise. Opening the cell door, Madam Satan waved her hand, unchaining Sabrina’s ankle with a wordless spell. Sabrina started to stand, but in a single swift movement, Madam Satan caught her, hand closing around her jaw and forcing Sabrina to look up at her.

“You are to call me Mistress, not monster, not Madam Satan, not Mother of Demons,” she said just as calmly as before, “If you try to run again your punishment will be much more severe. Understood?”

“Y-yes,” Sabrina managed.

“Yes what?”

“Yes Mistress.”

Madam Satan lead her through the castle to a large bathroom. White tile stretched from wallpapered wall to wallpapered wall and in the middle of the room as a steaming bath. It looked quite modern, from the bath to the shower to the table and mirror against the far wall.

The bath looked so good to Sabrina, she almost forgot what was happening.

“Undress and get in,” Madam Satan instructed with a wave for her hand. She leaned against the table.

“But you’re here,” said Sabrina.

The cat like smile returned as her new Mistress looked her slowly up and down, “Very perceptive of you pet.”

Turning her back to Madam Satan, Sabrina undressed as quickly as she could, slipping into the water with a sigh. She took her time washing three days worth of dungeon cell grime and sweat from her, all while feeling Madam Satan’s intense gaze follow her ever move.

Once the water had gone cold, Madam Satan picked up a towel but when she wouldn’t hand it to Sabrina, she had to stand and let her wrap it around her. Her fingers curled into the soft towel as she pulled Sabrina closer, sitting down on a stool by the tub.

“I can dry myself off,” Sabrina said.

“Let me,” said Madam Satan, “It’s been too long since I’ve had a proper pet.”

“I thought you were supposed to reform me,” there was a bite to Sabrina’s tone as Madam Satan gently dried her. It was embarrassing but left Sabrina’s face flush as heat pooled in her stomach.

Madam Satan laughed softly, tracing the curve of Sabrina’s hip with her fingertip. Sabrina shivered, meeting her piercing blue eyes. Reaching over to the table behind her, Madam Satan picked up a bottle and a razor.

“Now, either you can be a good girl and hold still, or I can use magic to restrain you,”

“What are you going to do?”

With two fingers, Madam Satan stroked the dark curls between Sabrina’s legs, “I’m going to get rid of this.”

Sabrina gasped, her face growing a deeper shade of red- even though she thought that was impossible. Stripped both of her clothes and of her magic, she felt completely vulnerable. Madam Satan continued to play with her hair, enjoying Sabrina’s squirming.

“I- I-“ she stammered.

“I’ll be very gentle with you Sabrina,” and her time was so soft, that it drew Sabrina in and before she knew what she was doing, Sabrina began to nod.

Madam Satan lifted one of Sabrina’s legs so her foot rested on the stool where she sat. Then she poured something from bottle onto her hands and carefully massaged it into her curls.

Sabrina but her lip. Averting her eyes as Madam Satan began to shave away all the hair that existed at the apex of her legs. She felt too hot, and it was humiliating, but more so as she realize how wet she was growing. She hated that she wanted to be touched, hated that she ached for Madam Satan. But soon she was done, and when Sabrina glanced down at herself she was completely bare.

Reaching behind her again, Madam Satan held up a small gold ring for Sabrina to see.

“This may pinch a bit,” she said with a wink and blew on the little ring.

Sabrina gasped as the ring disappeared and there was a sharp pinch between her legs. Her hand flew between her legs to find that the curve of skin above her clit had been pieced with the tiny gold ring. Every time she moved it brushed against her clit.

Scrambling to grab the towel, she tried to cover herself in shock.

“Alright, that’s enough for today,” Madam Satan said snapping her fingers.

And in an instant Sabrina was back in her dungeon cell, a pile of fresh clothes on the bed.  

[luisneer]

selected tweets 2016-17

These are tweets from my first @luisneer twitter account. Recently I made a new twitter account with the same username, after having deleted my account and having been without twitter for several months. These tweets are from August 2016 to March 2017, which was most of my first year of college at Shepherd University, in Shepherdstown, West Virginia. I don't go to Shepherd anymore; I transferred to West Virginia University, in Morgantown, WV, after my second semester. My tweets from late March 2017 to [July or August] 2017, when I deleted my twitter, were not archived. 

I'm creating this blog post so the world will have access to some of my tweets from the deleted @luisneer, in case they have any merit as literature. I'm still not sure if I will continue to use twitter in 2018/the future. Usually when I use twitter I feel like I'm actually wanting to be doing something else, but I don't know what; or wanting to be using "another app" that doesn't exist. Twitter generally seems bad for me. Questions about my tweets August 2016-March 2017 can be directed at luisneer@gmail.com. Thank you

    2016

   morgantown has ~48 vape shops

 **morgantown has ~480 vape shops

 siri has werner herzog-like inflections

 considering changing outfits when i take several walks in one day (so nobody thinks im a serial killer, stalker, spy, alien)

 think i remember ~5% of things i said today

 imagined vague connection btwn 'vitamin d' and 'reptar'

 felt distinctly that i was a monkey or chimpanzee while crouching in the corner of my dorm room eating peanuts out of a jar

 just thought (as a request to my mom) 'fax me my skateboard...'

 looked at toilet in bathroom stall with expression of 'utter terror' for what felt like ~15 seconds while it flushed

 listening to bright eyes with headphones at house show

 feel that the toothpaste i use is advancing decay of my teeth

 feel 100% certain that i could train myself to use telepathy to operate my phone during classes

 enjoying the sensation of my right leg 'falling asleep' during psychology class (left foot is also 'asleep')

 felt 'sociopathic' after eye contact w library worker who watched me pick up & pocket a pair of apple headphones someone had left on a chair

 left stolen apple headphones on gray bench across the street from my dorm

 repeatedly placed/removed sunglasses while walking in hallway

 strong desire to remove all positive patterns from my life and perpetuate/embrace all negative ones

 feel that my laptop 'knows' which parts of its screen im looking at

 in winchester, VA

 thought of my own music as having 'no compelling audible elements'

 thought of myself as being legally named 'the fuck up', then couldnt remember my actual name

 successfully, i feel, duplicated 'sociopath facial expression' during eye contact with arch-nemesis in stairwell

 ive taken 13800mg ibuprofen since i got to college

 feel compelled to ask my 9 yr old brother for advice re 'college-level' personal issues

 feel smart after sitting on couch in painting studio + reading art magazines for 2 hours

 persistent notion that 100% of students at my college personally hate me

 psychology professor muttered something like 'scary snake... endocrine system...'

 feeling heavily drugged/sedated in psych class

 psych professor seems obsessed with/terrified by snakes

 imagined kanye smoking crystal meth and tweeting something like 'please help me... cant feel mouth... need help'

 saw a moth at open mic, thought about god

 experiencing difficulty trying to smile

 enjoying using numerous cliches ('the case is closed', 'taking a step back', 'harsh realities') in an essay

 intrigued by conversation i had 9 hrs ago w/ 2 boys who countered my tone (calm, eloquent) exactly by being loud and rude in a friendly way

 felt simultaneously really cute and really lonely while giggling with my mouth closed in french class

 imagined kanye inventing the word 'compactualize' and using it in a sentence during a televised interview

 enjoyed 8-sentence john updike bio in norton lit anthology

 perceived person standing outside bathroom stall occupied by me could 'sense', via something like echolocation, that i was/am depressed

 spoke to french professor in what felt like a distinct persona/alternate luis neer called 'marge simpson voice' luis neer

 feel confidently that the public debut of 'marge simpson voice' luis neer was a success

 feel that 'marge simpson voice' luis neer is the culmination of an unconscious process that initiated in my mind maybe 3-5 years ago

 i want to identify/analyze additional alternate luis neers

 i dont like videos

 i came to college and got weirder, better at writing, more arrogant, more defeated, more sensible

 simultaneously feel that i should run 3 miles and that, at this moment, i would be incapable of running any distance

 feel urged to draw new attention to my 'marge simpson voice' tweets

 huge power outage at shepherd lol

 realized theres no such thing as a 'nation'

 remembered ive blown off obligations to several people, not just one person, so my irresponsibility doesnt 'have a focus', felt comforted

 feel that my follower count is 'crystallized' / will never increase or decrease ever again

 struggled to convert 'stick-and-poke' to past tense during conversation in line at sheetz

 feel it would be pleasurable to take a donut + bottle of coca-cola from this sheetz via armed robbery

 crossed busy road, felt really surprised i didnt get hit by a car, also i wasnt wearing glasses, was walking to sheetz, bought an icee

 laughed alone in my dorm thinking that i should print out a picture of barack obama to put on my wall

 drank from separate glasses containing soymilk, coffee, iced coffee, apple juice, cranberry juice, water, sprite for dinner/breakfas

 just thought 'from adorno to zizek' sans context while shitting

 opened gmail, emailed my father, closed gmail, opened gmail again, viewed email to my father, forwarded it to myself

 'camcorder' would be a good band name

 i thought arnold palmer had already died

 willem dafoe doesnt make me uncomfortable

 i want to stop being mean

 i hate bfs but i want to be someones bf

 wishing i was in a car with friends and no cellular service

 tangled up in myself and others

 twin peaks is depicted as a small town but its population is greater than that of every city in west virginia including the state capital

 eating shark

 thought of my own intelligence as 'frightening'

 thought while walking to class that ginger ale should be made public domain

 had the stitches on my chin removed today, touched the scar tissue for the first time

 i miss being in therapy

 i love carpet

 i love carpet !!

 just thought about my own tweets and lol'd

 mood lately very fragile

 this is what i get for staying up til 5 am

 all night i've felt a wave of dread swelling up, now it's really hitting me

 sound of laughter in public still frightening + unnerving

 my instinct for when to unfriend people on facebook has adapted so that i unfriend people over statuses that make me feel no emotions at all

 fuck, im feeling so much terror

 gucci mane was born 3 days before conor oberst

 the other day i mentioned that i was a poet and this vape guy interrupted me to say "and you didnt know it" and i went fucking nuclear

 interacted with mailman who was picking up mail as i was trying to mail chapbooks, he didnt notice at first that i was talking to him

 what if old people have secrets

 my dad is making me root for a football team but im in pain emotionally

 i feel guilty in general

 thought of my poem "portrait of a nation without any people" as the "lead single" for my full length; it appeared in potluck 14 months ago

 im close friends with satan rn

 feel like travis scott never intended for people to spell his name with a $

 from now on every time i get honey on something ill list the thing in this thread

 finger

 desk

 coffee cup exterior

 pajama pants

 knee

 carpet

 chin

 phone

 shirt

 shoe

 thought that my elderly geography prof. moves by "shuffling"

 feeling shorter, broader

 the only part of the new bright eyes box set i want is the booklet

 is there a booklet? i know there are nvr b4 sn photos

 the song "lime tree" came to conor oberst in a dream

 i like citing things in MLA

 i write essays by pretending im werner herzog

 doesnt seem to be getting later

 lit professor gave my project (sequence of 6 sonnets) a C, i wish she would have gotten me expelled, shelley + ginsberg both were expelled

 heard someone in another room ask "where's wal-mart?" as if wal-mart were a person whose location could change

 i think i just swallowed a filling while eating popcorn, i am very scared, please help

 crazy how things get worse

 there are people on my floor having tons of fun and im upset

 bit my mattress while sitting in the chair next to my bed

 weird that chance the rapper only has 2.4 million followers when he's sort of one of the most famous artists in the world rn

 also weird that donald trump has made 34,000 tweets, seems like an incredibly large number

 the strangeness of yesterday was, for me, augmented by people on the internet talking about a tv show that ive never seen or heard about

 the sunlight is obscene

 im so upset about the sun being so bright im afraid to go outside

 im glad im the only poet who likes trailer park boys

 i slept in a blanket fort under my bed and havent left it all day

 yr = your ur = you're

 my favorite things are pdfs

 now that ive adapted my living space to allow me to never leave my blanket fort i feel like my roommate, omar, exists in a parallel universe

 i hear him but i never see him

 i love latte art, i drink many lattes

 thought that twitter "isn't worth it" in an upset tone while drinking mtn dew

 felt pleasant considering uniqueness of all parent-offspring relationships

 went through my closet + made sure all shirts and jackets were zipped/buttoned

 my blanket is generating flashes of light from static electricity

 record store guy became visibly sick of me several months ago; feel a little guilty every time i enter his store to spend money

 i prefer EPs

 felt "out of control" walking downhill listening to dead kennedys with headphones

 writing an essay is difficult because idk how much relevant information other people have already considered / moved on from

 have been wanting to write at least one poem inside my blanket fort but i don't think it's going to happen, i don't know why

 the internet isn't big enough

 usually when i think "i dont understand the uproar about [event]" i realize there is no "uproar"

 "uproar" is media's way of manipulating the public spotlight and distracting people from important tasks

 feeling helpless + melancholy after dying 15 times and killing 2 stormtroopers in star wars battlefront

 the only way to attain conor oberst-level emo hair is to lay in bed and sob for hours

 i'm sad

 my mom was confused when i told her my first book comes out today

 was luis neer in odd future

 thought "sometimes i just want to end it and start all over" in an exasperated tone re my goodreads account

 becoming increasingly convinced it would be best for me personally to take myself extremely seriously/never joke about myself

 thinking that my tweets would seem terrible if i were a senator/governor/other politician

 imagined doomsday device for future @starwars movies: the "death train," a normal train that exists in space and destroys planets

 how does anyone do it

 in science fiction movies, spacecraft usually look like shopping malls

 everyone in the world is high except me

 feel like i want to have poems published immediately

 having delusions of grandeur

 im sitting on my record player

 my most-used word in 2016 was "bleak"

 prepared and ate garbanzo beans w a lot of rosemart at 2:00 AM

 my brother has a friend over and is being mean to the friend

 all i want for christmas is to never cheer up, ever

 watching eyes wide shut and hugging duckuc

 my nose feels like it's going to bleed

 im sad because every bf looks like me

 getting better at eating ice cream by punching it with my tongue

 the internet is too freaky...

 i think 2017 will be a year of realizing things

 im watching the angry birds movie

 the angry birds movie is so shitty... why was it made...

 ive never had a new years kiss

   2017

   im weird

 eating medicinal ice cream

 im not going to do any drugs in 2017

 made a medicinal phone call

 i want to drink some blood

 i dreamed that roger ebert wrote a negative review of life after ppl and called it "liner notes"

 years dont kill people

 feel inexplicably/explicably really scared about the future of my poetry career

 i've felt stoned since i was a baby

 downloading google earth

 made eye contact in starbucks with possible luis neer incarnation from ~50 years in future; bon jovi "dead or alive" played through speakers

 realised that at some point in the future i will become extremely interested in watching football

 i recommend reading poems extremely slowly while touching the text with your middle finger/index finger

 experiencing cognitive dissonance

 used phonetic clues to correctly predict meaning of & use the word "tandem" while discoursing with myself internally

 i miss steel pedal guitar sounds on conor oberst songs

 my previous incarnation "college luis neer" has evolved to become "high school luis neer-like luis neer in college setting"

 thought "man, i got to stop caring what people think about me" in an emphatic tone that seemed confusing/interesting

 mediocore

 beyonce is cool i think

 i want to re-read "v for vendetta" and to not tweet about it

 remembered that i own a pinata

 i will be at awp

 how could i make twitter a better place

 i saw 4 people wearing yeezys in dc this weekend

 feeling increasingly self-conscious about how much i use the phrase "in the world" or refer to "the world" in poems

 felt robot-like while attaching detachable headphones cord to my headphones while wearing the headphones

 watching shepherd univ lacrosse team practice from "safety of" student center

 i invented releasing two chapbooks in one day

 im dumber than me

 reasoned mentally that im more likely to produce accurate drawings of myself because "i basically look like a bird, so i just draw a bird"

 i want to have a "fake tweet" (e.g. a simple phrase) to tweet repeatedly every time i feel urged to tweet an uninformed/unimportant opinion

 my fake tweet for the foreseeable future will be "i dropped my textbook in the stairwell". when i tweet this it means i have an opinion

 i dropped my textbook in the stairwell

 does anyone remember the chapter of "the hobbit" where bilbo avoids starvation by ingesting peanut butter, honey, cherry nyquil, and water

 sensed that all my college friends just simultaneously shifted from having vague/non-serious negative feelings about me to hating me

 resulting from continuous building of irrepressible/inevitable conjecture in the friends' conscious thoughts

 eating chicken and squash

 i click on 100% of poetry links tweeted by poets i follow

 when i was writing Waves i was obsessed with waves (e.g. energy waves, frequencies) and used the word "waves" at least ~10 times every day

 i dropped my textbook in the stairwell

 white nike swooshes on shoes of boy in library look vibrant/magical

 terrified of being cool

 walked to library really slowly while listening to noise music through big headphones

 i was really, really yung when i started publishing and i'm still really yung

 2 chainz always looks like he's walking in an airport

 i have 5 twitters

 i didnt know what bill paxton looked like, i was thinking RIP gene hackman

 why doesnt anyone blog about me

 thesis statements arent real

 thinking about my book

 i deleted both my tumblrs by accident

 sad about my tumblr

 my name is all over the internet

 im a lizard

 someday there'll be no more ppl

 a lot of conor oberst song titles have parentheses

 feeling sad about the actions of my clone, who passed away

 idk how to use venmo or what it is

 present-day tumblr is like the end of the never ending story where atreyu is talking with the rock biter and the nothing is swirling around

 when someone, anyone, is upset with me im afraid im going to be assassinated

 the views-era apple music ads that depict drake working hard in the studio have really affected and inspired me

 on tumblr i have 4 followers

 almost all of my tweets seem unimportant

 feel that if someone told me that one of my tweets made them upset i would just apologize and delete it

 ground control to commander venus

 i like my new tumblr

 i would be wearing a cardigan rn but i dont have one

 feel that i will continue to generate bright eyes-related content throughout my life

 is everything ok

 i look like michael moore

[iknaq]

When the Ball Drops

(WinterShieldShock short - Follow up to the Christmas short May Your Days Be Merry and Bright. In which our favourite super soldiers are really dense and Darcy is in denial.)

‘We still have what little bit is left of the Asguardian wine, we might as well enjoy it. Do you want us to see if T’Challa has any bubbly, Darce?’

‘No, no...my stomach still doesn’t feel g...’

‘Oh, Darcy...’

Steve chased after her and Bucky sighed sadly, grabbing the napkin off the table and starting to wipe up the mess, glancing up when Nat came in an eyebrow arched.

‘Everything okay?’

‘Darcy is still not feeling so hot...it’s okay I got it...no...okay. Thank you.’

Bucky sighed and relinquished the napkin as one of the housekeepers came in and made a fuss, heading to one of the washrooms to clean up, surprised when he came out and Natalia was still there. Rolling his eyes when she immediately started with the rapid-fire Russian.

‘She should have been better by now. Have the doctors come to see her?’

‘No, she refuses, says she’ll be fine in a few days.’

‘Does that look FINE?’

‘No, but...’

‘No, but. Idiots. I will take her.’

‘Natalia!’

Bucky sighed and chased after her as she ran, catching up just in time to see Steve get kicked out of the bathroom.

‘What the HELL, Romanoff!’

‘Stevie...let her do this, she’s worried.’

He was worried too and he hoped that Natalia would succeed where they had failed and convince Darcy to see one of the doctors. When he woke after the doctors had removed his triggers, Natalia had been the one to stay with him those first few days, chasing the other team members off until she was sure he was okay. The team seemed surprised but The Winter Soldier side of him was not, vague memories of his Natalia watching out for the little widows...until they beat that out of her. And memories of watching her watch out for the team as he monitored them before confronting Fury. The execution was sometimes unexpected but there was nothing to do but stand back and accept it when the Black Widow went mother hen.

-

‘Solnyshko, this is more than just a stomach bug. Have you thought about maybe...’

‘No. No, don’t say it.’

Natasha popped her head out of the bathroom and made sure the pair and their enhanced hearing were not in immediate earshot before ducking back in, sitting on the counter while Darcy pressed her forehead to the cool stone tiles of the floor. She knew what Tash was going to say and she’d been worrying about that, as well but she totally couldn’t bring herself to say it aloud yet.

‘Maybe. Okay, but I can’t...they’ll flip out if it is true. I’ll be living in some remote hole in the fucking ground, never to see the light of day and have to live in protective custody for the rest of my life. I mean, it’s bad enough when I’m with Janey if any asshole found out I’d be getting kidnapped every other weekend.’

‘I will watch out for you and we’re safe here for the time being. You need to make sure, if it is true then you need to be under the care of a doctor. At the very least, you need to see one right now and get some fluids in you.’

Darcy was about to argue but she couldn’t stop the gagging and was soon slumped over the toilet bowl once again. She was loathe to admit it but Tash was right, maybe it was time.

‘At the very least, can you ask Wanda? She and Sam are on their way back from the school with Ororo. One or the other but we are doing something.’

‘FINE. Ugh. Can you get my toothbrush or a fucking mint or something.’

‘Language. No need to be snippy. Come on, little sister.’

She tried, she really did but she found herself slumping into Natasha as her crazy spy sister-from-another-mister helped her make her way to the bedroom. The scowl Nat gave Steve and Bucky had them retreating to another part of the palace. They were about to ask for one of T’Challa’s doctors when Wanda came rushing in.

‘Darcy, something is wrong, I could feel your worry from the quinjet.’

‘Yeah, I just...’

They all jumped when Wanda reached out to her and a little charge jumped between their fingers, making them both back away from the shock.

‘What. The. Hell.’

‘Darcy...maybe we should see if Miss Shuri is available...’

‘Um. Yeah, okay...sure. Let’s do this.’

-

Steve scowled and backed Natasha up against the wall when she entered the library, softening slightly when he felt Bucky grab his arm.

‘You better start talking, Romanoff.’

‘Darcy would like to see you both. She’s resting in bed and she said she would like it if we would all join her in your suite so she can celebrate New Years with us.’

He didn’t wait for Nat to finish before he was rushing back to their bedroom with Bucky on his heels. Darcy looked so tiny and pale on the giant bed, curled up with Wanda lying on one side and the Princess Shuri and Queen Ororo sitting on the other side of the bed. His heart pounded painfully when he saw the IV hooked up to her arm.

‘Darce...’

‘Hey...I’m okay, really. Just needed some fluids. It’s almost time, I’m sorry I’m not feeling well.’

He didn’t notice when the ladies disappeared quietly, giving them a moment. Dragging one of the chairs over and taking one of her hands, placing on soft kiss on the knuckles as Bucky crawled on the bed, taking the spot Wanda had occupied. Smiling faintly at Buck as Bucky nuzzled at Darcy and mumbled to her.

‘Worried about you, doll.’

‘I’m okay, I’m going to be fine. I feel a bit better already now that they hooked me up and they’re going to check on me in the morning.’

‘Next time maybe not be so stubborn...’

‘Me, so stubborn? Ha, Mr-Star-Spangled-Pain-In-My-Ass, you would know all about being stubborn.’

Steve couldn’t stop the chuckle, leaning in and kissing her softly. The doctor came back in, removing the IV once the bag was empty and little by little the others filtered in with a brief appearance from their Majesties before they went to join their family for the countdown.

He was surprised when the drawer started ringing, pulling the phone out and answering it after Bucky and Darcy urged him on.

‘Cap.’

‘Tony. Is everything okay?’

‘Yeah. No. I mean everything is fine. I just. I know it was for emergencies or whatever but...I’m not very good at all this touchy-feely stuff.’

‘...Happy New Year Tony.’

‘Happy New Year Steve. Maybe, maybe things might be better in the new year. I’ve been irritating Ross and I think he might be coming around and Pepper got me seeing the head doc again and I just wanted to...I just wanted to say Happy New Year.’

He blinked at the phone when the line went dead, smiling at the inquisitive looks on the others faces.

‘Tony says Happy New Year.’

His heart felt a bit lighter after that and everyone joined in the countdown as the time ticked away, pressing a kiss on Darcy then Bucky when the clock struck midnight.

‘Happy New Year, I love you guys.’

-

Wanda stayed put as Darcy kept a death grip on her hand and Natasha hovered, Shuri and Ororo and the doctors discussing the next steps. She did what she could to calm her sister, chuckling softly when Steven and James were allowed to enter, looking at their nervous faces. They were about to get one hell of a surprise but it wasn’t the one they were thinking of.

‘Hey, guys, want to come take a seat?’

Steven immediately sat down but James paced nervously, she was about to slip away but Darcy never let go, so she settled herself back on the bed. She wrapped an arm around Darcy’s waist and cuddled against her back until the shivering subsided and Darcy was able to take a few deep breaths and speak.

‘So...um. I guess interesting things happen when there is cosmic radiation and a God of Thunder and a uhhh...latent X-gene that comes in to play.’

‘Darcy, are you saying...’

Wanda watched as Darcy raised her hand and made the sparks zap between her fingers like they’d practised that morning. James’ jaw dropping and Steven frowning before he spoke again.

‘But...you’re okay, right? Nothing bad?’

‘Well, I mean this is going to take some getting used to and there’s...’

‘Oh, thank god. We worried you were ill or something horrible and...how did this happen, why so late for you?’

‘Well, the scientists think the radiation from Janey’s work and stuff might have a little bit to do with it but it is more likely the hormonal changes and stuff are the reason why...’

‘Is the radiation harmful, do we need to worry about you working with Jane? Is Jane okay?’

‘Janey is fine, the fact that I apparently have the X-Gene was a part of it and that’s...’

‘But what...’

‘Steven! I’m pregnant!’

Wanda used her powers to catch James before he hit the floor and Steven sat there in a state of shock until Natasha was able to wake James. Now it was Steven’s turn to be nervous and James spoke softly.

‘...Doll...did I hear what I thought I heard?’

‘I’m pregnant. They think the hormonal changes from the pregnancy triggered my mutation. The doctors here are the best and they’re going to be watching over us the whole time and Ororo and Wanda are going to help with my powers. I’m gonna have to have some words with Thor next time he’s here though. I think hanging out with him and Myuh-Myuh might have something to do with my crazy electrical powers. But I’m fine, the babies are fine, Wanda says everything looks good to her and the doctors said everything was okay except for the morning sickness so I need to stay hydrated and they have medicine if it doesn’t let up.’

‘...Babies. Plural?’

This time Wanda couldn’t help but laugh at the soft squeak that came from the scary big bad Winter Soldier. Holding her fingers up and looking at the men.

‘Babies. Two. One from each of you.’

‘How...how do you know?’

‘I felt them. I saw them. I can show you if you want...’

They spent the morning with Wanda using her powers to help them visualise the tiny ones growing in Darcy before she slipped out, leaving the three to bond over the news. There would be more time with her sister later, especially once she told them her news.

Sarah and Rebecca, good names for the little girls, they liked their names to be. Wanda pressing a hand to her still flat stomach, looking down. She just hoped they got along with her Billy and Tommy when the time came.

[ursulaismymiddlename]

Something Hidden in the Heart

Here’s my gift to Taylin @chvystiel (it won’t let me tag for some reason) for @beefybuckyswap‘s gift exchange!

It’s a little fic I whipped up and hopefully the recipient will like it!  They suggested the Avengers throwing Bucky a birthday party with Steve and him sneaking out for their own celebration. A wee bit o Stucky thrown in as well! Had some help from @abovethesmokestacks for beta reading and encouragement.

Words: 4273

Warnings:  Just some cursing, a suspicious Bucky, and a brief appearance by almost every superhero in an Avengers/Cap movie 

Bucky padded around the quiet, empty apartment in his socks and pajama pants with the inexplicable feeling that something was up.  It was rather unsettling considering the fact that if there was one thing in his awful skill set he could be proud of after all his unnaturally long years, it was his ability to figure shit out.  But in this instance, he hadn’t the foggiest.  He knew Steve was acting weird, hiding something from him.  Nothing terrible, he could tell, maybe because he seemed to have a sixth sense for that sort of thing when it came to Rogers; always had, if his patchy memory served him at all these days.  Still, this went beyond his favorite blond bombshell.  The whole damned team seemed to be in on it and that was bothersome.  Definitely not conducive to a happy Friday morning.

The feeling deepened when Bucky entered the kitchen to find a box of fresh “everything” bagels sitting on the counter next to a covered plate with a small note sitting on top.  He picked up the cover first to find a huge heap of scrambled eggs, bacon, and buttered toast.  Now, he and Steve each had a high metabolism between the serums they’d been given and all the training they did, but even this was a bit of overkill first thing in the morning.  Finally taking a look at the note, he immediately recognized Steve’s “new” handwriting, much clearer than the chicken scratch he used to dole out.

“Hey Buck

Thought I’d fix you up some breakfast to start your day off right.  There’s lox and cream cheese in the fridge to go with the bagels too.  I went on my usual run, but might be busy with some errands today, so don’t worry if I’m scarce.  I’ll see you tonight.   X

-Steve”

Highly suspicious.  Mostly because Bucky already assumed Steve was out for his run.  And he would have assumed not seeing him most of the day was just mission related.  No, Steve was trying way too hard to cover something up.  Of course, Bucky was not one to waste food, not way back when and certainly not now after 70-some-odd years of tube feeding and intravenous drips, not now that he was allowed to eat and he has allowed himself to eat.  So he set about putting a dent in the spread of food before him as he glowered slightly and thumbed at the note.  There was a dark blue smudge at the bottom left corner of the paper and he brought it under his nose for a tentative sniff while smearing it further under his finger.  One of Steve’s pastels no doubt, which meant the little punk must have been doing something early that morning in his art room.  His art room; probably the smallest room in the apartment that didn’t house a toilet, yet still bigger than their apartment had been in Brooklyn all those years ago, as big as his place in Bucharest had been.

After breakfast, leaving a few bagels for a snack later, Bucky changed clothes and grabbed his duffel bag to head down to the gym.  A little PT was as good a way as any to stay sharp and work off some of that unease that had been plaguing him all week.  On the elevator ride down, he noticed something shiny on the floor and stooped to pick it up.  A small scrap of cellophane in reflective silver that glinted in the light as he tilted it back and forth.  It was innocuous enough, but he couldn’t shake the thought it seemed out of place.  He still held it between his thumb and forefinger as he exited the elevator, only to be greeted by Romanoff and Barton heading his direction.

“What ya got there, Barnes,” Nat asked as she pressed a towel over the sweat damp tendrils of hair sticking to her neck.  One eyebrow was still arched in amused curiosity as she took a pull from her water bottle.

“Dunno, some shiny piece’a plastic I found on the floor,” Bucky replied with a shrug and a hope that he could wring some information out of the situation.

That hope was dashed when Nat gave it a cool look before plucking it from his grasp.  “Looks like trash to me.  I’ll toss it for you on my way out.”

Then again, maybe her response was a clue in its own way that the scrap was something he shouldn’t have found.  Romanoff was an expert spy, but he was observant enough to know when she was trying to play it cool.  And Barton standing there was strange on its own, considering he was uncharacteristically awake before the ass crack of noon on his day off without a thermos full of coffee glued to his hand.

“What?”  Clint furrowed his brow and Bucky realized he must have been glaring at him the whole time he thought.

“Nothin, just not used to seein you here so early, is all,” Bucky shook his head.

“Training,” Barton countered, crossing his arms in front of his chest, making Nat roll her eyes.

Bucky eyed him up and down a moment.  “Look pretty un-sweaty for a guy who’s been training.”

“Nat and Sam trained, I watched.”  Barton’s chin tilted up with a defiant smirk.

Okay, that sounded about right for the man, so Bucky let it slide with a huff and a nod before stepping around them toward the training room without another word.  Once through the doors, he found Wilson using one of the treadmills at a steady jog, already sporting a thin sheen of perspiration.

“Barnes,” he grunted by way of greeting, not bothering to slow down.

Bucky took a few moments to securely wrap the knuckles of both hands.  Maybe he couldn’t really damage his left, but it lessened the chance of the metal plates snagging on the canvas of a heavy bag and causing unnecessary damage.  He was considerate like that.  It also gave him a chance to linger.

“Miss your running date with Steve,” he cast out, hoping to reel in something useful.

Sam shook his head, though managed to keep his form solid.  “Nat wanted to train early.  Plus, you’re not catchin my ass out in the cold when we’ve got perfectly good equipment inside.”

With a sour grumble, Bucky turned his attention to the punching bags and set himself to work.  Everyone seemed to have a perfectly reasonable answer for everything, yet it all still seemed off to him somehow.  There was something just under the surface, of his interactions, of his memory.  He couldn’t put his finger on it and it was growing irksome, so he used his fists to help clear his mind.  It was after a particularly hard hit, making the chains jingle and the ceiling joist groan in protest, when Bucky found himself bracing for Sam’s reaction only to be met with silence.  Usually, something like that happens, Bucky slips up or leaves an opening, and Wilson was all over it, cracking wise.  But this time, nothing.  Barely even a derisive glance.  Instead, Sam pressed a few buttons on his machine before slowly coming to a stop and hopping off, gathering his things and heading out.

Maybe it was time for Bucky to start being concerned.

Finally feeling the satisfying strain of exhaustion in his muscles, Bucky called it quits and hit the showers.  He was back in the elevator when he decided he might as well watch a movie that afternoon and pressed the button for the common room in hopes of perusing the DVD and BluRay collection there.

“Sorry, no can do, Sergeant Barnes,” FRIDAY’s bright voice replied with an air of remorse, startling Bucky somewhat.  “The Boss has some unscheduled maintenance happening on that floor today.  Off limits for the time being.”

“Did he blow himself up again,” he asked under his breath, though obviously the speakers could still pick him up.

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” was the AI’s snappy comeback and he couldn’t help but chuckle.  “Is there something I can do for ya instead?  If you’re after a quick snack, I know where Mr. Stark hides all the best ones.”

“Nah, I just wanted to check out some of the movies,” Bucky replied, shaking his head for at least the hundredth time over having an actual conversation with a computer program.  It never ceased to amaze him.

“Ah, well, if you like, I can make the whole library available to you on any of the devices in your and Captain Rogers’ apartment,” came the happy response.  “I can even categorize them however you prefer.  Netflix doesn’t have anything on me.”

“Thanks, FRIDAY,” Bucky laughed again as he leaned against the elevator car’s back wall.  Though he couldn’t help but wonder exactly what sort of unscheduled maintenance could possibly be going on.

The majority of the afternoon consisted of watching movies, pausing said movies to look up certain references that sounded interesting on the internet, polishing off the rest of the lox and bagels and the rare leftover pizza from the night before, and sending Steve a couple texts, trying to fish for information.  Rogers didn’t bite, which led Bucky to believe that he was not alone.  Steve could hardly ever stay so tight-lipped with him without some sort of outside interference.  But the responses didn’t set off any red flags so Bucky let it go for the moment, returning to the comedy he’d picked out for himself.  It was hours later, almost dark out, when his phone chimed again, alerting him to a new message.

Steve: Sorry I’ve been gone all day.  Meet me in the common room and I’ll make up for it by taking you to dinner.

“The common room,” Bucky muttered to himself in question.  “FRIDAY, didn’t you say the common room was closed today?”

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes,” the AI replied, though he could have sworn it sounded like it was trying to cover something up.  “But everything finished sooner than expected, so it’s been reopened.”

“Uh-huh,” he mused, eyeing the ceiling with distrust and ignoring how ridiculous that particular gesture made him feel.  It hadn’t occurred to him that maybe Artificial Intelligence included a capacity for subterfuge.  A computer had pulled one over on him and that was damned annoying at best and somewhat terrifying at worst, since he was pretty sure they made scary movies about that sort of thing these days.

Unrelenting curiosity won out in the end and Bucky sent a quick confirmation text before throwing on a warm shirt over his tee and running his fingers through his hair to make sure it lay straight.  The elevator ride was almost excruciating as the nervous anticipation spiked in him.  Something in the back of his mind was eating at him, puzzling at all the odd things that had been happening, telling him he might be reaching the culmination of everything and he wasn't sure what it could be.  And he definitely wasn't prepared for what waited for him when the elevator slowed to a halt and the merry ding sounded as the doors slid open.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

Bucky's eyes widened at the sight of all his teammates, all his friends greeting him with huge, elated grins amidst a storm of black and silver confetti, the slips of cellophane matching the piece that he found earlier.  The place was decorated in the same colors at the confetti, hangers and streamers and odds and ends on a few tables filled with food and drinks.  With a devious smirk, Nat pulled him from the elevator, loosening his feet from where they'd planted themselves in shock to guide him toward Steve.

"Happy 100th, old man," Rogers beamed at him with that shit eating grin of his, one Bucky would normally, happily try wiping off his face, but was much too overwhelmed to even think about.

"I..." he managed to croak out.  "I hadn't even realized...  You did all this?"

The smile on Steve's face turned gentle.  "Oh, no.  I just spent the day convincing Tony not to go overboard."

"If you were hoping for a petting zoo, blame Star Spangled Buzzkill over here," Stark chimed in in a dramatic huff, causing a bit of a snicker among the gathered group.  "Speaking of blowing, where the hell is the cake?"

"I got it," Rhodes called as he wheeled out a small cart with a huge cake from the kitchen area.  It was multi-layered, but plainly decorated, with the words Happy Centennial written out in swirly black icing over the white background.  A lone candle stood at the top, which Scott reached out to light with a zippo.

"I suggested a candle per year, but somebody nixed that as a fire hazard," Clint griped with a roll of his eyes.

Vision spoke up from where he stood close to Wanda, who was hiding her smile behind her drink.  "I merely suggested that it may trigger the fire suppressant system.  I do not think that would be optimal for the festivities at hand."

"Could've gotten those number candles.  You know, a one and two zeroes," Peter added, trailing off when everyone's eyes turned toward him.

"And where were you when I was taking suggestions, huh," Tony asked with a curious tilt of his head.

"At school, where he's supposed to be," Bruce answered on the kid's behalf, throwing a dirty look Stark's way.

The billionaire threw his hands up in defeat even as Thor gave off a deep laugh.  "It is no matter.  One candle, one century.  A fitting compromise.  Now let us raise our drinks in Barnes' honor as he sees to it!"

There was a murmur of agreement as everyone hefted their glasses high, returning all the attention to Bucky.   He felt a little uneasy under the weight of it, though he knew they were all his friends there to celebrate him.  Still, he managed a smile, chuckling as he shook his head and leaned over to blow out the single candle.  A cheer thundered from the group and though he was still unaccustomed to showing affection in front of others, Bucky reached out and clasped Steve's hand in his own.

The night continued on easily enough with each person coming up to personally wish Bucky a happy birthday.  He thanked them all politely and even tried to chat a bit, which was still somewhat out of his wheelhouse these days.  Mostly, he observed, from behind a drink or a sandwich or a bite of cake on his fork.  Observed and tried to make sense of it all.  The party was pleasant.  They were his friends and they were kind enough to think of him.  But it was still all so surreal; all so off.  Not with them, but with the situation itself.

Eventually, Steve sidled back up to him after mingling a little, leaning in close to press their shoulders together.  "Hey, birthday boy.  Are you having fun?"

Bucky nodded with a thoughtful hum as he watched the rest of the group making merry.  Wanda, Clint, and Natasha were trying not to snicker at an expectant looking Vision.  Probably tried telling a joke again to mixed reviews.  Sam, T'Challa, and Thor were having a lively conversation; Wilson easily holding his own among royalty.  Scott and Peter listened starry-eyed while Tony and Rhodes regaled them with some story as Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose.

"It's nice.  Everyone's having a good time," he finally answered.

Steve mused before leveling him with a no-nonsense look.  "But are you?"

"Of course," Bucky nodded again absently.  "It's a great party, it's just..."

"It's just what, Buck," Steve pressed gently, keeping his voice down as he snuck a hand out to press soothingly at Bucky's back.

"I don't know," Barnes shrugged with a heavy breath as he tried to make sense of it himself.  "It was nice of everyone to do this for me.  I'm grateful.  For this, for having friends, for even being alive after everything.  A hundred years, Jesus Christ!  But celebrating my birthday like this just seems strange.  Like something isn't quite right.  Something's..."

"Wrong," Rogers supplied with a caring smile.

"Yeah, wrong," Bucky laughed under his breath, feeling a little better that Steve seemed to understand.

"Okay, how about this," Steve began in a conspiratorial tone.  "I'm gonna head upstairs.  Give me ten minutes, then sneak away from the party and meet me up there."

Bucky couldn't help the flirtatious smile that spread his lips at the sound of that.  Ghosting his metal hand along the spur of Steve's hip, he replied in a dark tone "Oh yeah?  You gonna have something nice waitin for me?"

"Buck," Steve snorted somewhat scandalized.  He pointed an accusatory finger at Barnes, but couldn't hide his smirk.  "Yes, but not that.  That comes later."

He must have seen the mischievous glint as Bucky opened his mouth to make a lewd comment because he quickly cut him off with a hand to cover his lips and an amused glare before high-tailing it as stealthily as he could.  Which wasn't too bad for a beautiful blond with an ass that didn't quit.  Those ten minutes seemed to last forever, especially not knowing what might be in store for him upstairs.  But when the time finally elapsed, and not a second later, he easily saw his way out of the party.  The group was none the wiser, except for maybe Nat and T’Challa who seemed to pull all eyes to them at just the right moment.  Bucky would not have been surprised if that was part of Steve’s plan, too.

Steve was waiting for him just inside their apartment door, a soft, almost nervous smile on his lips.  “I’ve gotta admit, I went along with the whole group party because I wanted you to see just how much all of us care about you, but… well, I had a bit of contingency plan in case something like this happened.  Plus, my own gift for you.”

“Well, aren’t you fulla surprises,” Bucky smirked, tugging Steve’s shirt gently.  “But if you’re the gift I’d like to get to the unwrapping part PDQ.”

With a fond roll of his eyes, Steve took Bucky’s hand, leading him toward the art room.  Though Steve had expressly told him he was free to come and go as he pleased, Bucky still did his best not to intrude.  It seemed like Steve’s personal sanctum, where he went to unwind or be creative and Bucky was not keen on infringing upon that.  The fact that he was being taken straight there, through the door with Steve’s fingers entwined with his, felt special.  That might have been birthday gift enough as far as he was concerned, but once in the room he was met with a sight both strange and familiar.

The room was aglow with the flickering lights of a few stubby, worn emergency candles, casting dancing shadows along the works in progress and reference images tacked on the walls.  On the desk was a plate piled high with Oreo cookies and two glasses of milk.  Steve stood to the side, rubbing at the back of his neck with an expectant look on his face.  “I know you’ve said you remember a lot now, but I wasn’t sure…”

“Couldn’t afford the ingredients for cake,” Bucky nodded, heart feeling full.  “Neither of us could bake for shit anyways.  But a packet’a Oreos and a glass’a milk with you was all the celebration I needed.”

Steve’s face lit up, maybe even brighter than the candles.  Though his eyes were a little misty.  “It’s real milk this time.  None of that powdered shit for us two bums anymore.”

“Halle-fuckin-loo,” Bucky smiled, squeezing Steve’s hand in his.  “Stevie…”

But the blond just shook his head, tugging him further into the room.  “C’mon.  Dig in while I get your present.”

Bucky didn’t need to be told twice.  He wasn’t necessarily hungry, he’d had quite a bit at the party, but he couldn’t pass up the sentimental joy of it.  One was already popped into his mouth when Steve pulled open the drawer across the desk from him to produce a leather bound sketch book, fairly new.  He handed it over to Bucky, grabbing his own cookie from the plate.

“It’s not much and you probably got more practical gifts from some of the others,” Steve explained with a quirk of his lips.  “But I thought you might like it.  Open it up.”

Dusting any arrant crumbs from his fingers, Bucky carefully opened up the cover to find a blank page.  Steve jutted his chin out at the look Bucky gave him, clearly indicating to keep going. Turning the page revealed an image that knocked the wind out of Barnes.  It was a sketch of him, young him, sitting cross-legged at his parents’ coffee table, playing cards with his little sister, Becca.  Go fish.  He knew because even through the tears that were starting to blur his vision he could make out the details of her dress, the colorful fabric and the little buttons and the way the hem of the skirt got rumpled as she knelt on the floor.  Easter Sunday, waiting for their Ma and Steve’s to finish up the dishes they were making for the church pot luck after services.

Bucky sniffed as he flipped the page to find another sketch.  This time it was of him and the other Howling Commandos sitting around a campfire comparing facial hair.  He couldn’t help the wet chuckle that bubbled out of him at the memory.  The group decided to try growing out their mustaches to rival Dugan’s as a gag.  All except Monty, who was rather proud of his own mustache, and Steve, who said he had to keep up appearance.  Gabe ended up coming the closest to Dugan’s glory, but only because Bucky ended up shaving his off before it got too heavy.  Ostensibly, it was a show of solidarity since his best friend couldn’t participate, though honestly it was because Steve had made a comment about preferring the feel of stubble and Bucky was damned accommodating that way.

“It’s just a couple memories I had recently,” Steve spoke gently, pulling Bucky’s attention from his reminiscing.  He had another cookie poised to stuff in his mouth, but dropped his hand to offer Bucky a searching look when their eyes met.  “I figured maybe, if there was anything you couldn’t quite remember or something you just wanted to see again, I could try my hand at it.  Put it in the book.  There aren’t a lot of photos around from back then.  A lot of things didn’t have photos at all.”

“God, you’re such a fuckin sap, Rogers,” Bucky laughed as he swiped at his eyes.  He gave a quiet sigh as he slipped his fingers along the edges of the binding.  “They’re beautiful, Steve.  You’re beautiful.”

Steve shook his head, shoulders bouncing in a silent chuckle as the cookie in his hand finally reached him mouth.  He didn’t even have the decency to finish chewing before he spoke again.  “So, you gonna tell me what you wished for?”

“How dare you,” Bucky teased in mock affront as he carefully tucked the sketchbook away to reach for another Oreo.  “I can’t blab or it won’t come true.”

“You’re allowed one exception and you know it,” Steve countered, trying and failing to keep his expression scolding.

“Alright, alright,” Barnes conceded with a dramatic wave of his hand.  He never really could say no to Steve, not for long anyway.  “I wished for this.”

“This,” Rogers deadpanned, disbelieving as his eyes wandered the silly little display he’d created.

“Well maybe not every single detail, but this,” Bucky replied as he tapped his thumb on his chest above his heart.  “This feeling.  Knowing people care, that I got friends.  Getting to come home to you.”

Jesus, but Steve looked like he was about to get choked up and if he started then Bucky would start and it would just be ridiculous.  But Rogers managed to swallow whatever was welling up in him and offered a lopsided grin.  “Now who’s the sap?”

“I ain’t gonna deny it,” Bucky tilted his chin up proudly.  Spur of the moment, he picked up his glass of milk and raised it toward Steve.  “To a couple old saps.”

“To a hundred years, give or take,” Steve added as he brought his glass up as well.  “And hopefully quite a few more birthdays to go.”

Bucky nodded as their glasses clinked together before he took a couple large gulps.  With a satisfied sigh, he sat his drink back down and lifted another cookie, fixing Steve with a cheeky smirk.  “Y’know, I think I might know what I’d like for my next birthday.”

“Oh yeah?  What’s that?”  Steve smiled brightly and reached for the plate again.

“Maybe a couple cheesecake photos’a you,” Bucky answered as he tucked his lower lip between his teeth.  “Somethin to see me through some of these long missions when you ain’t with me.”

A blush crept its way across Steve’s cheeks and ears, but to his credit, he managed to hide his surprise with a playful grin.  “I’ll tell you what, Buck.  I just might let you earn that gift.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” Bucky beamed before tossing his Oreo up in the air and catching it in his mouth, delighting in Steve’s laughing cheer at the little display.  All things considered, he wouldn’t have had his 100th birthday any other way, either.