#that man's been stuck with petras for at least 100 years that's enough for him

[museofvoid]

it's cute to see people make up little domestic scenarios for their tavs and their romanced companions after the events of the game. but for astarion that's something that i personally cannot imagine

especially when it comes to kids. i 100% believe astarion does not want kids. and if he had them he'd be a horrible father lmao

[mystrangeaddiction-petra-venj]

Petra and Crow

So, I’ve seen a few posts now talking about how people are upset about how Petra is treating Crow. I understand why these people are upset, so I’m making this in hopes of rationalizing why Petra might be acting the way she is. I would also like to preface this by saying that I do no think that 100% of Petra’s anger towards Crow is justified and that I actually really like Crow as a character. I don’t want to make anyone mad or upset, I just want to share what I personally think might be the cause of Petra’s behavior towards Crow this season. 

My first point is that she doesn’t know Crow like we do. She hasn’t seen the changes he’s made and how he’s grown as a person. Most likely, all she sees when she looks at him is the man who had brought on a lot of pain and suffering to not only her, but to her people as well. She probably feels bitter because here he is with a second chance at life, no recollection of his crimes, and being treated like a friend while she’s stuck cleaning up the mess Uldren left. 

The treatment of Crow by the guardians is probably something else that is upsetting her because, ever since Petra has taken the regency, she’s been at odds with much of the Reef’s High Command. The Techuns don’t believe in her, the paladins think she isn’t worthy to lead, and enough assassination attempts that warranted the Crows to open a file on them. Additionally, if you remember her in D1, she used to be the emissary for the Queen. A position that was forced to serve in for many years because of her crimes against the Guardians and the Tower. She’s probably furious that he doesn’t have to serve any type of punishment, gets a second chance, and, from what she believes, to be welcomed with open arms into a place where he caused so many to hurt. She’s most likely extremely bitter and angry because she has to suffer alone, while he gets to live a second life without having to atone for his crimes. Though I personally believe that Uldren’s death was penance enough. 

Petra only treats Uldren badly for his crimes because, if you put it in perspective, he’s the only guardian who’s past she actually knows. And his past is one that again, caused her and her people copious amounts of pain. Guardians don’t know their pasts and for good reasons, but I don’t think it’s completely unreasonable for people who knew them in their past lives to be somewhat resentful, especially considering all that Uldren inflicted on the Awoken. As far as I know, the biggest slight that he committed against the guardians was the death of Cayde, but in the Reef, he did so much more. He effectively abandoned the Reef and left Petra alone to hold the regency. He created an alliance with the fallen House of Kings and led a campaign against the Reef where he killed his own people, stole from them, and caused further destruction to the Reef. Uldren figured out the Red Legion was going to invade and instead of telling Petra, he allowed the Legion in, which caused the asteroid belt that the Reef sits in to destabilize further. He also used his Fallen alliance to prevent Petra from reaching out to the city for help and the ability to perhaps collaborate together to beat back the Ghaul and the Red Legion. And, to top it all off, he released the Scorn and the Barons into the Reef allowing them to get into the already Taken infested Dreaming City and giving them the ability to slaughter their people. All of these things added an additional burden to Petra’s already heavy shoulders, so I don’t think her resentment is unfounded. 

Another reason I think Petra is probably so snappy with Crow, especially when he tries to be friendly with her, is because I think she’s protecting herself from the possibility of being betrayed by her friend again. Petra feels betrayed by Uldren actions in Forsaken because not only was he the Prince of the Reef, but because he was also her friend who she greatly admired and respected. Uldren’s betrayal threw her for a loop because she believed he would help her and their people only for him to turn around, release the Scorn into the Reef, and slaughter their people. I’m guessing here, but I’m thinking that Petra was so hurt by the actions of Uldren, that seeing his face again, claiming to be someone else, and trying to befriend her is just angering to her because in her mind, that’s Uldren, the one who caused our people and me so much pain. She can’t see Crow because of all the hurt Uldren caused her, so she’s snappy and terse with him because she doesn’t want to open herself up to the possibility of being betrayed by him again. In her mind, that face has already betrayed her once, so who’s to say that he won’t do it again.

Additionally, us, who she considered to be a good friend, lying to her face when she asked if Uldren was revived I don’t think helped Crows case in the slightest. In fact, it is my belief, that if we told her the truth, she probably would have had time to come to terms with his revival. The problem is that up until know, she has only really known Uldren’s revival to be a rumor that could neither be confirmed nor denied. In Season of the Lost, she has essentially been slapped in the face with his return without any prep or planning, so she gets lost in her emotions. If we would have been honest with her, I think Petra would have at least been civil with Crow because she would have had some time to come to terms with his revival.

Uldren caused Petra and the Awoken people an overwhelming amount of pain and grief with his actions, so I think Petra being angry and bitter towards Crow not only makes sense to her character, but to the story as well. Greif takes time and Petra still hasn’t healed from the events of the following the Taken King and Forsaken. I think Crow deserves his redemption, but it’s an unrealistic belief to think that the actions of his past life won’t have some sort of lasting effect on the people he hurt and in turn cause them to hold some resentment towards him. (And listen, I’m all for Crow finally stepping out of his shell and speaking up for himself, but his dig at Petra’s devotion to the Reef was a jerk move considering she’s been fighting an essentially unwinnable war with little help for the last 5 years, so I’m a little annoyed with him right now.) But, as this season progresses, I hope that Petra can learn to separate Crow from Uldren (maybe even learn to forgive him) and see him in a new light so that they can work towards becoming allies and maybe even friends later on.

Feel free to add on to this post with your own thoughts, I just ask that you follow my rules in the tags and be respectful. 

[captainshyguy]

not to be a little melancholic but i've been thinking a bit about all the people that have come and gone in my general social circle like. not just irl, but online too. the close friends, who eventually left, and the ones on the outskirts, but were always there. at least, for a time. the people you never quite talked to, but were in your bubble, in your life, if just for a bit. the people who will only be icon, words on a screen to me. the people who will forever be 14 in my memories, because its all i have of them 

its just...its weird yknow? not even getting into social circles from school, friends you grew apart from, friends of friends of friends in your class that you had an odd connection with

but online its like. i’ve been in a few online communities in my time. the penguins of madagscar community on fanpop, one for the same fandom on deviantart, the agents of shield one here, then the maze runner, then star wars, then mario, then star wars again...i’d say ‘and hollow knight now’ but lets be honest, i haven’t made....many friends or even mutuals through it solely X]

i guess my point is like. all of these communities were different people. and over time, whilst i’ve generally stayed put (until i was physically the last one left, and jumped ship, like fanpop) people just. they left yknow? maybe it took a couple of months, maybe a couple of years, but they did, and its such an almost...odd thing to experience

im not saying people cant leave, not at all but it just made me think how many people i’ve known, how many i’ve been friends with, how many existed in my orbit. how many i only have pieces of. and i guess...how many people’s orbits i was in. the person i was in the past lives on through each and every one of then, and i have no idea what stuck. what’s their ‘luke’ memory, their takeway. heck, some of them wouldn't even have it by that name. 

one thing im glad about in a way is like. from each of the communities that like. meant something to me, i managed to grab a few people almost. a few that also dug their heels in, a few that are still in my orbit, however close or far, but they’re there. they’re posting actively or somewhat actively and i know where to find them. and thats nice 

it just makes me wonder sometimes yknow?? how many people currently in my circle, currently in my orbit, will eventually leave one day? who will stop posting, who’s icon i simply will never see again.

i do hope, with all my heart, that all the ones that i fell out of touch with are doing well 

(im musing about specific people under the read more, WILL get long kjdfhnd) 

from my primary/secondary school i dont have anyone exactly. the closest i have is one guy i was pretty fond of but not like. romantically. i follow his youtube and whilst i dont really watch the videos seeing his face pop up every now and again is nice. but man i do think back on those secondary school friends. funnily enough by the end whilst i liked my “official” best friends i honestly ended up more fond of others. sarah, priya, shriya, zarah, zi yu, kyle. danny, introducing me to treasure planet, hiding away with him and his friends to watch films in forgotten rooms when it was near the end of the year, then liam, of course, man..its weird he was my best friend in the first few years when i moved there, then we got put in different classes so we just didnt see eahc other much. but that fondness was always, always there. god, and jake....i wonder if he thinks back fondly to the two of us pretending to be transformers. i wonder if im still jazz to him. god, and then sophia, just, not even hanging out but having our little ‘hot buttered toast’ song. i hope thats the memory she has of me. (i haven’t even listed everyone from this part, and i couldnt! it was a 7-8 year period of my life! right during my brain developmental stages!!)

its weird i was in love with ryan for nearly three years. a lot of those memories are soured knowing one of my friends spread it around school and everyone secretly knew, (and looking back i was way out of his league like, morally lol) but still. maybe once or twice a year i’ll dream about him, and for a brief moment, im there, sitting with him in geography as he shows me magic tricks, during that period i do genuinely think he liked me too (before it wore off for him lol) and im still in love. 

from college, man....ewan was like. i have a feeling he was leading me on since he had a girlfriend lmao, and was just flirting for fun bc he saw i was shy and was trying to get me to react, but it never felt like bullying yknow? i dont think he was actively trying to make fun of me. so i dont know, it was nice, it felt nice and it still kinda does. 

khairun.....im so glad i still have her. i’m still a little gay for her. i remember sitting with her on the bus, riding for hours as we were on the geology trip, and she would ramble about the game of thrones video game and she’d squint so happily and her eyes would sparkle. she talks about dark souls now and i only see her messages, but i can still feel her enthusiasm. or tanisha and fatima, my other geology friends, my maze runner friends. seeing the scorch trials with fatima in the cinema. joking about newt and thomas with tanisha. sitting around the table with my actual friend group, in the big lounge chair reading the tolkien dictonary, joking about the flash with bindiya. sleeping around maddie’s house and playing would you rather. 

heck, i didnt even touch on teachers!!! teachers i connected with so much on a genuine level!!! mrs chambers, mr hauge, mr wrght, miss lloyd, mr hutchinson, miss petra, mrs young! mrs mohammed, mr santa maria, mr longdon, miss langley, mrs maize, miss davies. i know with teachers, the kids must start to blur together at a point. but i just....i hope, at least. with those first two, they’ll remember me, just a bit. i keep having dreams where im in my old school, and i try to find them., i’ve found mr hague a few times. but until about a month ago, whenever i got to geography, miss chambers was never there. im glad i finally found her. 

then fanpop...lexii, having the same birthday as me, talking with kait and roleyplaying as penguin ocs in high stakes situations. dating dylan fkjdngjdh, rigging the club’s presidential election. its weird, i dont have a lot of memories from this time. just....just people? people posting their ocs, people drawing ech others ocs. kaitlyn, anya, kait, dylan, lexii, imaneasel, mya, peacebaby, madascargirl, kate, starslight, imogen, tressa, sammi, crystal, cc, syliva, jasmine, hikari, amber,  yellow, steff, lilly, blue, richard, monique, sharpey, hannah, icicle, ratking, cian i- god, there was so many of us. theres more, i can think of more names. there was so many

anya did what i did pretty much and went to deviantart then kinda dug her heels in and didnt leave, though i don think she’s more active on toyhouse. and yet, i still see her art there, so its nice. having her throughout the years has been nice, watching as both of our art improves. she’s always been a bit ahead of me. then cian i’ve been talknig with pretty much every day for about 6 months now, thats been nice 

and then here, man! the agents of shield fandom! man! i dont remember a lot of names honestly besides the ones who stayed, and sam. i hope sam’s okay. y’all who stayed, who are still mutuals, the hm....five of us i think? though the one ofy’all i was closest to isnt around as often X[ but still. im happy y’all are here 

some of y’all that have been around long enoguh will know i was best friends with kacie for a while. from....i think that was my brief stint in the dan and phil fandom. she. well. she’s okay, the last i heard of her. but my overtalking screwed that up i think. my last message from her, a few years later, was amicable at least. i still feel awful about that if i think on it too hard

i think i only picked up ronan from the maze runner, at least, that i talk to, yeah, right, there’s two others that are still about but i dont think we’ve ever held a convo X] 

and u current peeps! from mario, star wars and.....im not quite sure where for some of you! i love u all! especially y’all that have been around forever, just, liking each others posts every now and again., i dont know how many people you all follow, but i follow less than a 100. i might only be a blip on your radar, but i like seeing y’all, genuinely. thank you for being in my orbit. i hope i’m a comforting or at least. nice reliable presence in yours, for as long as we all stick around.