#that last sentence is obviously a joke but im serious about everything else

[rigginsstreet]

i have a sneaking suspicion harringrove antis are the same bitches who complain about kink at pride and shit cuz yall are VERY “gay people have to be clean cut and unproblematic to be acceptable” like we cant like harringrove because you think billy is too angry and too edgy meanwhile yall have a character who is canonically a drug dealer who threatened to knife the other party of your ship... but youve sanitized him in your fan works to the point where hes essentially a new character entirely.

i dont trust yall. its weirdo behavior. and quite frankly if billy and steve wanna get off by punching each other in the face thats their business its got nothing to do with me

[spacedikut]

Derek would ask Spencer to explain how he feels about u to try and get him to understand that he’s in love with you but Spencer would just be like... is that not friendship?

god this idea is so fucking good but. i didn’t do it justice cause i went down a way more serious route :p 1.4k words, gn!reader

the team have been trying tirelessly to get spencer to just... see. what the rest of them see. the longing, lingering looks and requests to work together, the subtle touches that are so sweet in themselves but, with the added knowledge that spencer is Spencer, its...well, the team knows what they see. spencer is just lagging behind a little.

they try a whole plethora of methods. everyone talks to him and spencer either doesn’t connect the dots or simply says “we’re just friends!” and emily gets so frustrated she flicks spencer on the forehead and leaves a mark (i ask you picture pure, innocent spencer sat at his desk, watching emily’s retreating form with nothing but a puppy-dog confused expression and a red dent in the middle of his forehead).

penelope is at her wits end, so derek decides to step up and retry a very basic method: talking spencer through how he feels for you. surely he’s self-aware enough that he’ll hear himself and hear how un-friendlike it all sounds and... tada! love.

but it’s never quite as easy as you’ll think it’ll be, is it?

spencer should’ve known something was amiss when derek asked him if he wanted to hang out and let him choose where they would go - spencer? being allowed to choose where to hang out after work? have you ever heard of something called a red flag?

so spencer chooses a cafe which - immediately, the second they step through the doorway - spencer has a joy to him, telling derek about the last time you and him came here and what you ordered and what you thought of it and all these details that even the most attentive best friend wouldn’t think were anything more than trivial matters. he remembers the shape you tore your napkin into, for goodness sake. in what realm is that friendly behaviour?

then, to make matters worse, spencer, mid-walk to a table in the corner by a large window, abruptly changes directions, making derek almost spill his coffee. spencer apologies, then says they can’t sit in that booth cause that’s where you and spencer sit and - well. that’s your and spencer’s place, you can’t disrupt that! friends! friendly things and friends doing friendly stuff. friendship.

derek gives this scoff that spencer is so used to he barely reacts. when they sit, spencer is acutely aware that derek is staring - furrowed brows and this intense, firm gaze that only appears when he’s thinking. spencer’s only slightly intimidated. 

he’s never been able to lie to derek. he’s never been a good liar, period. he’s good at omissions and burying himself and his emotions but, god, if someone asks just the right question, he’ll fold like the cheap deckchair he truly is.

and derek... derek knows spencer better than he knows himself sometimes.

(is there anyone else that has similar qualities? no. of course not. only his best pal derek and not a colleague/very pretty person known as You)

a question. a question is all it takes.

“so, you and y/n come here a lot?”

derek’s starting light and spencer is so enthralled at the mention of you every worry he had about why he’s here with derek and why derek is looking at him like that flies out the window. 

“we do! actually, it’s the perfect meeting spot; the most convenient distance between our apartments and we both have favourite drinks here. we’ve become regulars, actually, so we make a habit of coming at least once a week at a minimum-“

and he keeps going, sweetly reminiscing about the first time you visited to the silly games you’ve created - because you’ll spend that long here, sitting opposite each other and just each other - and derek wonders how spencer doesn’t see it. doesn’t see the way he lights up at the mention of you, rambles like you’re a statistic spencer’s known for years and can’t help but bestow on everyone at every opportunity, not to mention the physical reaction he has to you. you’re not even present and spencer is wide-eyed, rosy cheeked, permanent curl to either side of his lips that looks involuntary.

he’s in love with you. his entire self, from head to toe, from mind to soul. everyone can see it, except you and him, apparently.

“they make you happy, huh?”

“well, obviously,” spencer hehs, “they’re my best friend.”

there’s an opportunity here, shyly gleaming from the corner of the conversation and derek digs it out. “you got a definition for best friend, reid?”

spencer’s taking a sip of his drink, but is happy to share his knowledge. he’s not quite as bright when he’s saying it. “a best friend has many definitions. friendship itself is usually defined as a relationship of mutual affection between people - it is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an association, and has been studied in multiple academic fields-“

derek hums, encouraging him to keep going. he’ll get there.

and he does, after delving a little too far into the nature versus nurture debate.

“id consider you a best friend. jj, too. and garcia, of course. except... except with y/n it’s- it’s different.”

derek pretends to be shocked. “how’s that?”

“well... they have all the qualities id want in a friend - honesty, generosity, empathy...humour-“ spencer smiles to himself, small and intimate, remembering an inside joke between the two of you. “but they’re more than that, too. they’re there for me - not-not that you guys aren’t there for me too-“ derek just raises an eyebrow. “but...it’s different, with them. it always is.”

the shift of topic from friendship to you has spencer unfocused on his surroundings, eyes glazed over as he stares to the side of derek, who feels like he’s intruding - he rarely understands what goes on in that big head of spencer’s, vast in it’s knowledge and memories and self-perception, but right now he’s confident he does. 

it’s you. he’s thinking of you, the moments you have together - perhaps in this very cafe - that are reserved for spencer and spencer alone, a side of you derek will never know because it’s not his to know; it’s spencer’s, just as spencer is yours.

his voice is level but distant, the warning signs of that magnificent mind finding the pieces and putting them together. “i think-i think about them often. how they are, what they’re doing, if they’re thinking of me too. i know they’re only a text message away or-or, on cases, a few feet away... i guess i don’t want to seem clingy. or desperate.”

“they’d never think that. you know that, right?”

“i know. i-i know that. but-i don’t... i can’t.. i don’t want to risk losing them, i guess. one wrong move and they’ll realise what a-what a complete mess i am. ill unravel and they’ll see all the dark inside and they... they don’t deserve that.”

derek goes to interrupt, because god is spencer wrong, but he doesn’t have the chance.

“they deserve love and laughter and everything i can’t give them if they... if they get too close.” now, spencer brings himself to look derek in the eye. there’s a seriousness there, a solemn stand that spencer doesn’t often take. “i can’t lose them, morgan. i can’t.” his hands tighten around his coffee cup. “i want them here, with me, for as long as i can convince them to stay. i don’t want to be selfish, i don’t- i don’t mean to be, but. i want this. i want them. every day for the rest of my life, i want them. i choose them. im just terrified they’ll see me and... they won’t choose me.”

there’s an expected silence that befalls the two of them, the busting background noise of the cafe the only moving piece. does he get it now? does he understand what has motivated every thought and feeling? every worry and action?

“reid,” derek says, softly, in a tone that has spencer straightening his back. “that’s not... that’s not just friendship. you know that, right? you can see that?”

spencer blinks. 

no. you’re friends - close friends, yes, but friends nonetheless.

but he thinks back to what he’s just said - 

he’d say the same for jj, right? for penelope, and for derek. even gideon, perhaps.

except... no. he wouldn’t. it’s for you, he’s for you, all of it and all of him.

and then the picture is as clear as day. no fog, no obscurity, no hesitance - and spencer’s relieved. relieved that finally, finally, he can put all of his feelings into one simple sentence.

“im in love with them.”

“yeah,” derek says, leaning back against the booth. “yeah, reid, you are.”

[yyparkq]

hooked

characters: park sungjin x reader

word count: ~3.2k

summary: park sungjin is almost a perfect boyfriend for you...until he abruptly starts being emotionally withdrawn from you a few months into your relationship.

genre: fluff, smut

tw: mentions of anxiety, unprotected sex, slightly toxic relationship

requested by @parksungjinsfan

a/n: had tons of fun writing this really warm and cozy sungjin, thank you for the request!! tbh, i always see him as someone i’d be comfortable to share everything that’s on my mind. and i feel like he’s one of the very few people who will never judge you for your stupid mistakes but is also someone who needs to be taken care of. im blabbering too much. enjoy the story! :)

There was nothing special on the day you first met Park Sungjin. Like any other normal college student, you were able to find yourself a small circle you can trust and have fun with. Because of them, you have encountered the seemingly quiet and mysterious guy from the engineering class. He was best friends with the guy your close friend, Erin, was dating.

If first impressions last, like how they say it does, you’re fairly sure you would barely get more acquainted with a Park Sungjin. Unlike you, Sungjin is more reserved with a constant hang of serious air around him, like the type of person who barely laughs when someone makes a joke in front of him. He doesn’t always hang out with a lot of people but when he does, he’s always got an earphone dangling in one of his ears as if saying he’s only halfway present. He dresses neatly albeit casually—oftentimes in a plaid or button-down shirt and faded jeans with his dark, wavy hair falling shortly before his dark brown eyes.

He’s a pretty decent guy but not really the type you see yourself to be dating. But when you accidentally met him at the movie house alone and decided to grab dinner after, you two hit it off so smoothly. Turns out you both share the love for the book that was recently adapted onto the big screen. You two talked over dinner nonstop about the movie, how it varies against the book, the great and bad parts that were changed, the cast that played the role, the cinematography, the lines. Your exchange that night was nothing but informative and honestly, you craved more to be with him after that night so you asked him to hang out with you again. Sungjin already had a perfect proposal to invite you the second time if you didn’t ask. His mind worked extra hard trying to keep up with the conversation with you while thinking about how to ask you out for the second time at the back of his mind.

It was a ticket to an international classical play that he had up his sleeves which you gladly accepted.

One impromptu date was followed by a few more. After classes, you will meet over snacks or spend time in the library, reading and studying together. On weekends, you will try to watch movies you find interesting or go to museums.

You dating each other has not been a complete secret from your friends and you’re glad at how supportive they are to your new relationship.  Somehow, you learned that Sungjin is actually an easy-going person, he talks and laughs a lot when he’s comfortable with the people he’s with. He’s knowledgable and he knows how to listen and strike up a healthy argument when needed even though sometimes he could be a little awkward and even seem standoffish.

Your friends think that your relationship is pure and innocent—almost platonic as one could say—but they couldn’t be any more wrong. Yes, you and Sungjin maintain a totally discreet relationship when you’re in public and with friends. It’s not like you have to tell anyone but you laugh inside when some of your friends ask about the status of your sex life. You never responded to such questions positively, not too comfortable in sharing such intimate details about your life with anyone, and somehow it painted an idea in their heads that you and Sungjin have never had sex yet.

The thing is, you two are fairly active in that regard. There is an unbelievably strong bond between you and Sungjin after the first date that is almost impossible for either of you to resist.

It was after the third date when you first give in to your desire. After spending time looking at ancient monarch artifacts and roaming around the museum, you were met with heavy rains the moment you stepped out of the museum building. Being in the middle of the summer, neither of you had attempted to check the weather that day for any sign of impending downpour that day. Your thin, white button-down shirt styled as a dress stuck to your skin as you both ran for his car across the parking lot, rendering your clothes almost transparent the moment you climbed into the passenger seat. The sight of you being wet and in close proximity with Sungjin didn’t help him control himself either.

“Would you like to come over to my place?” he asked coolly after giving you his spare jacket from the backseat to cover yourself. Even with his imaginations going wild, he’s still a gentleman in your eyes.

“Sure,” you nodded, well aware of what’s about to come next. It could be seen as taking things too fast but frankly, you didn’t care. You wanted this and it seemed like he did too.

You blushed when he flashed you that warm smile that reached his eyes before starting the car and driving away.

Sungjin refused to let you go home that night until you practically cannot walk. He fucked you senseless until you’re almost out of your wits, one orgasm after another until you’re quivering uncontrollably.

It has been five months since you started dating. Everything’s going pretty well in your relationship except that you are in no exception for fights and misunderstandings. Everyone says it’s normal in every relationship but for you who has barely had a serious relationship like what you currently have with Sungjin, it’s a foreign feeling trying to make amends with someone you’re romantically involved with and had to choose the next move.

This is the first major fight with him. The last five months of dating have been wonderful until weeks ago when you noticed that your boyfriend started withdrawing himself from you, physically and emotionally. This stressed you out though you still tried your best to be there for him. Whenever you two are alone, you couldn’t really talk to him about anything for more than five minutes. His mind obviously wandering off and he never realizes it when you stop mid-sentence until you’re parting ways. Whenever you try to ask what’s been bothering him, he just easily dismisses it off, saying he’s tired and he lacks sleep—which is also why you tried to limit your meetings after classes and dates, thinking it would help him a bit to spare a few more hours to rest. This side of Sungjin is completely new to you as you’ve known him for being so straightforward in telling what he thinks or feels and is usually logical with his actions. The fact that he no longer shares what’s bothering him makes you think of a hundred different reasons for being cold towards you.

Has he had enough of you? Did he realize you were too plain and boring for his liking? Were you not good in bed? Did he find someone else?

The blood on your face drained at the thought of Sungjin going out with some other girl. But you can’t stop him if that’s what he wants, can you? You can’t tell him how to feel. Of all the things, to be an obsessive girlfriend is one you’re dreading the most and after all the sacrifices and adjustments you made to try to help him with whatever burden he’s lifting, you’re determined to let him find the answers to his troubles himself. It’s not that you no longer want to help him, you love him too much, after all, but how can you help someone who refuses to help himself?

“Sweetie, have you tried talking to him again lately?” your friend, Yejin asked.

You glared at her and disappointment crossed your face. Has she really been listening to ask that question?

“No, I mean, I thought the last real conversation you had personally was like, what, almost two weeks ago? Did you try seeing him after class again after that?”

The three of you sat at your usual place in the coffee shop when your class was canceled by the professor to attend some personal matters.

Shaking your head, you reached for your cup and took a sip before answering. “I haven’t. He kept saying he’s tired and needs sleep so I gave him time to rest. And it’s been four days of merely receiving a text message from him. He won’t text me unless I text him first. I have no idea what’s happening to him,” you looked at Erin’s direction. “Did JB say anything?”

“That motherfucker doesn’t tell me any of his friends’ business, Y/N, but let me see if I can get anything.”

Even your friends who got closer to your boyfriend can’t think of him as someone who would cheat or be entertained by other girls. After a whole hour at the coffee shop trying to guess the possible reasons for Sungjin’s actions,  they suggested a silly plan of making him jealous to see how he responds when you’re on the brink of being taken away from him.

You did not like the idea. It was ridiculous and manipulative. You’re no longer in high school.  

“Come on, that could be a wake-up call for him. Just think of it as a social experiment and you’ll be fine,” Yejin tried to persuade you.

Ridiculously scary. Deep down, you’re also scared of how he will react to this plan. What if the situation worsens instead of getting better? He could just not talk to you again forever and you'll be dwelling in your own pain alone because of a stupid idea. But doing something is better than sulking and doing nothing, right? You’re young, and when you’re young, you can be stupid for free.

So you agreed and you started planning your own little scheme with your friends, hoping not to cause any further damage to your entire relationship.

For days, Erin made up stories about a guy from your class who is making a move on you and told her boyfriend about the plan to make Sungjin jealous. When JB said his best friend interrogated him about the innocent guy, she knew the plan will be going well so she came up with another without telling you.

As a celebration for the nearing end of the finals, your seniors decided to throw a grand party. Such parties should be considered a tradition already since almost everyone finds an excuse to get wasted after studying hard for the whole semester. You’re not one to miss such a celebration, especially when you ever really party during after the hell week.

Overhearing JB’s conversations with his girlfriend about some dude lurking around you has brought him back to his senses. For the last couple of days, he contemplated and reflected on his attitude towards you. He’s been a jerk to you lately and frankly, he didn’t know how to approach you again after that. He’s been too occupied in his own head that he forgot he actually has you now, someone who’s more than willing to share his troubles. Before he knew it, he was dashing through his car to the party where Yejin told him you’d be.

You came to the party to try to not overthink the problem between you and Sungjin. After surviving the finals week with emotional baggage, you know you deserve some booze to celebrate walking out of at least one thing alive. the last thing you hear about your little scheme with your friends is that Sungjin fired questions to JB. But he didn’t talk to you after that. Thankfully, you were also too busy to worry about your grades and it’s been a great distraction so far. Now that the finals are over, you’ll be damned again.

Sungjin found you scooping from a large tub of ice cream from the kitchen, bottles of beer and half-filled party cups surrounding you in the little space. There is a guy beside you laughing at the way you’re trying to scoop a frozen solid treat using a regular spoon. You’re too focused on what you’re doing that you didn’t see him come right in front of you.

To your surprise, Sungjin snatched the tub out of grasp and grabbed your hand. You needed a second to process what just happened but you are elated to see your boyfriend after nearly three weeks.

You let Sungjin pull you but were shocked when the guy beside you grabbed on your other wrist. What the hell? You didn’t even know his name. You saw Sungjin squint at the nameless guy and you immediately yanked away from him, wincing at the sudden jerk of your own hand immediately after.

Sungjin kept you to his chest as he waded through the sea of drunk people. All the while, you kept looking at his face. It felt months since you’ve been this close to him and at that moment, you were just ready to feed on whatever excuse he could say. He could lie to your face at that moment and you’d still be happy to welcome him back into your arms.

Merely a few feet from his car, you stopped walking and tugged on his arm. You slowly closed the distance between you two and encircled your arms around his shoulders when he turned to look at you.

Sungjin looked at your face closely, noticing you’ve lost some weight by the way the dimple on your left poked your cheek a bit deeper than the last time he saw you. His hands automatically found their way at your sides.

“I miss you so much,” you whispered while searching his eyes.

Sungjin leaned forward and kissed you feverishly. He guided you on your back until you are leaning toward his parked car. He pressed his body against you and you continued kissing until you both needed to gasp for some air. After resting for a few seconds, he began nipping and sucking on the sensitive area on your neck.

Proper communication be damned—you need him to touch you and you need it as soon as possible. You squirmed beneath him to try to close your legs when you felt wetness pooling in your panties but Sungjin’s left leg was pressed between your thighs.

He understood what you’re trying to do and immediately pressed a thigh against your core, amused to feel your wetness even through the material of your panties. His cock twitched inside his pants.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m sorry,” he repeated as he embraced you tightly and kissed your temple before opening the door and letting you inside his car drove away.

Sungjin's hands quickly reached for the zipper of your dress, letting it pool around your feet, as soon as you reached inside his apartment. In an instant, his mouth was back against yours. He lifted both your thighs to circle his hips and your arms circled his broad shoulders for support.

You felt his hard shaft poking your entrance and you reached down to undo the fastening of his pants, pulling the waistband down just enough to free his throbbing cock.

Sungjin hissed when you grabbed his cock and spread the leaking precum over his tip. “Shit-”

You bobbed your hand up and down his length until you felt being laid down on the mattress, your boyfriend hovering over you.

He bucked his hips lightly to your touch and buried his head on your shoulders, to suppress his sinful moans.

You felt his body shake and he peeled himself off of you. “Baby, stop.”

Sungjin lifted his body and kissed the side of your head before reaching out to remove your soaked panties. He kissed and occasionally nipped the inside of your thighs before nudging the tip of his nose along your slit.

“Fuck, Sungjin stop tea—” you shrieked and were cut short when he licked a stip between your folds. Your hands immediately found purchase at his hair, tugging at it every time he licked your core and sucked on your clit.

“Language, baby,” he groaned hoarsely before inserting a finger into you. He continued his ministrations to your core, adding a second and third finger shortly after. “Need to stretch you up a bit more, baby. Damn, you got tighter without my cock deep inside you huh.”

You tried to stop Sungjin’s hands when you felt your release nearing. But he didn’t budge. He even picked up the pace and encouraged you to let go.

“Are you cumming, baby?”

You bit your bottom lip and nodded, unable to stitch words at the pleasure of having him between your thighs again.

“Words, baby. Use your words. Did you miss this? My hands and cock working on your pussy?”

“Sungjin—fuck, yes, I missed you and your cock inside me” you breathed and struggled to look him in the eye. “I missed you fucking me after classes.”

The memories of Sungjin fucking you in the most boring places brought you easily over the edge. In a few seconds, you are shaking uncontrollably and you felt your juices streaming out of your core deliciously.

Sungjin smirked as he leered at your pussy leaking out of cum. His hands didn’t cease its movements and continued to fuck you with his hands. Your whole body is almost quivering.

When he sensed you’re nearing your second orgasm, he grabbed his cock and positioned himself at your entrance. He coated himself with your juices before slowly pushing inside of you.

You stiffen for a short moment, trying to adjust to his size, and then slightly rolled your hips.

“I love you,” Sungjin whispered against your ear. “I love you, Y/N,” he repeated, this time against your lips, before bottoming out and sheathing himself inside you again.

You cried out in pleasure as he started to thrust into you harder and chased your orgasm.

Sungjin remained sheathed inside you even after shooting his load, his cock warming itself pretty nicely inside your pussy as he cuddled you on the bed.

Neither of you attempted to strike a conversation. You were not sure about him but the activity rendered you rather tired. A sound sleep while being cuddled would be much appreciated at that moment. Until you heard Sungjin sigh loudly. You looked over at him and saw his eyes being distant again.

“You have that look again,” you started slowly. You propped yourself in one arm, looked at him with adoration, and stroke his cheek. “Babe, you don’t have to tell me everything all at once. But please, don’t push me away. I love you and it’s hard for me to see you suffer on your own.”

He was fazed by the sadness in your voice. How could he ever deserve a girl like you? The last thing he wanted is to disappoint and burden you with his own problems and he thought at first he’s been doing a great job with it.  

Sungjin took a deep breath. He reached for your hand on his cheek and kissed it, bringing your torso against his once again. All the major problems that took the most space in his mind were spilled. He told you the pressure his family is bestowing upon him with the graduation and board exams around the corner and also their expectations for him to continue the business his father started.

You listened to his troubles. At that moment you knew you just needed to understand him, to try to perceive things in his shoes.

Sungjin isn’t the type of person who openly shares every little trouble he has as he’s afraid to burden other people. He believes everyone already has problems of their own and own demons to fight and dumping his worries could just add to that. But, oddly enough, hearing himself talk about it kind of helped to look at the situation again and evaluate his feelings and actions. As he continued to tell you his worries, he realized that it isn’t so bad to share the burden with your most trusted person.

[halfgclden]

EPISODE 32: A MAJOR OCCURANCE

The sound of spooky intro music plays and fades out. As the microphone clicks on, faint sounds of water and traffic can be heard in the background.

JADE: Hello cryptwizzlers, cryptrackers, but never cryptormentors because we’re all friends here. Welcome to a very special episode of Cryptwins in which we are not actually researching a cryptid. But! Before you shut this off and call us hacks, we are instead researching the recent disappearance of social media fitness guru; Edison Major.

More spooky music plays. There is also the sound of fingers tapping a rhythm. It's typical Joel, unable to contain his energy as he taps the dashboard in time with their intro music.

JOEL: Weeeeeeeell...Maybe we are hacks. —a pause as he laughs— Nah, just kidding. This is the real deal. I'm not sure you're ready for this. This is some spooky, and excuse my French, spooky shit. Tell us more about this Major disappearance? —another laugh— Get it?

JADE: [A short laugh-sigh is let out at Joel’s joke.] Okay, before we begin, two things. One, get ready for the barrage of major and minor jokes, courtesy of Joel here.

JOEL: Got a whole list, be ready! He lets Jade finish, but listeners can still hear the tapping sound while she speaks.

JADE: Secondly, we’re still on the road here, so if the audio is bad or choppy... deal with it? —another small laugh— Anyyyyway. Spooky is right. This all began in September of last year, when @majored posted a picture of himself in a dark basement wearing a weird costume and then immediately went off the grid. And, you know, I’m all for a social media cleanse, people do it all the time. Buuut, what really brought this to our attention was a month later, on Halloween Eve of all nights, when a video popped up of him getting his ass kicked by someone in a Kakashi Hatake costume.

JOEL: Now, I know y'all are asking yourselves "Isn't he a fitness guru? Why was some weeb kickin' his ass?" And to that I say hey! Some weebs are strong, some are Super Saiyan, and others are Kakashi Hatake, the most talented ninja in Konohagukure.

JADE: lets out a laughing wheeze.

JOEL: We don't endorse fighting here. But I digress —a laugh— back on topic. So this guy just up and disappears out of nowhere? And there's not a peep of him until we see Kakashi givin’ him the business. What does this all mean?

JADE: Okay, so, let’s get the full story. @majored goes off the grid, comes back to get his ass kicked by a Naruto character, disappears again, comes back to spit on someone and call them a see you next Tuesday, and then disappears again. And he hasn’t come back online. So what’s up with that? Well... we did a little digging.

Another spooky noise plays over the sound of Jade organizing a stack of papers.

JOEL: Daaaaaaang. I’d say those are some fightin' words, especially from someone who keeps pulling a vanishing act, don’t ya think?

JADE: They really are! I mean, he is from New Zealand, but even so, I think you don’t use that word unless you want to attract some attention. -She clicks her tongue as she gets back on topic- The video was originally posted the night before Halloween of last year, by @ime.are on Twitter. Obviously they got a lot of hate and questions after posting this, but all of them were left unanswered. The only person in the video that was tagged was Major, but upon further examination, this Ime seems to follow and have pictures with someone who happened to be dressed as Kakashi that same night, which has led many to speculate that these ninjas are the same person.

JOEL: So we all know Halloween's a spooooky season. Perfect for parties and all that jazz. But all those costumes make it a perfect time for disguises. Was that even the real Major? Was the person who spit the real Major? Who is this Ime and how do they fit into the story? And who— a pause for dramatic effect and muffled laughter as he tries to stay serious— is this mystery ninja? Tell us more!

JADE: Alright, alright. So this mystery ninja goes by Abel, or @_kllledbycain on the Gram. At first glance, they look pretty much like every other TikTok e-boy; black and white photos, pet snake, the insinuation that they’re dead, whole nine yards.

JOEL: snorts when Jade announces their handle, and again at her eboy comment, wheezing. It's true, it's true!

JADE: And this stuff is so common right now, so nothing really raises any eyebrows, right? Right? Well, tell me, why would a Tik Tok goth go around beating the crap out of a random influencer? Stay tuned for the theory. First, we’re gonna take a step back and look at the whole situation, because, of course, it doesn’t end there.

JOEL: Ohhhh snap! I'm on the edge of my seat, and I bet our listeners are too.

JADE: [clears her throat] So if we go back to the original poster of the video, @ime.are, and we take a look at their Insta, who is on it but... @devinitely? Okay, so @devinitely is in the same place as @majored, clearly, and, for anyone that doesn’t know, she’s been doing a bunch of collabs with @loganvance. This places not one, not two, but three influencers all together in this place where weebs are running around assaulting people.

JOEL: Okay. Okay, I need to know! Where are they? What's bringing all these influencers together? Are @devinitely and @loganvance part of something much more sinister than it seems? [He makes a funny face at Jade and wiggles his fingers, before dropping his voice to a stage-whisper.] Is it some kind of twisted influencer cult?

JADE: Shhhh, Joel, spoilers.

JOEL: [He laughs.] Sorry, sorry!

JADE: [muffled laughter over the sound of more papers rustling.] So, any skeptics out there might say, oh, well, this Ime Are is just a lucky person who happens to be in the presence of more than one social media personality. However, Devin follows the weeb that may or may not have kicked Major's ass. And, according to a cast photo of Rocky Horror, on her boyfriend's Instagram, both the weeb in question and the hot man that tore the two apart were part of the cast. This would be a great time to mention that a link to the video is in the description, as are all the pictures from social media that I'm referencing.

JOEL: [to Jade but loud enough for the mic to pick it up at regular volume] Oh snap, you got everything together in a link? Like, I could click the link to check it out right now? — A pause as he does just that.— Woah, cryptwizzlers, she's not kidding. Click the link in bio, you won't be disappointed. Okay, Jade...hear me out. Given that it was Halloween, the night of nights. Do you think that...maybe it was all an elaborate event? Was it staged? Is any of this real?

JADE: Oh, my dear brother, always the skeptic. Don’t you think that it’s a bit much for him to stop posting entirely in order to get publicity? And we mustn’t forget the spitting on someone in South Dakota, that’s not exactly his brand. Unless he’s trying out something like Taylor Swift and Reputation but... I digress. No, I don’t think any of this is staged, and I’ll tell you why. Let’s go back to the weird cow print basement post. You know who also happened to post something about some cowboy party? Oh, um, Devin’s boyfriend? A picture of him, Devin, and Logan? Which... puts them and Major in the same place on the night that he disappeared.

JOEL: Not a skeptic! Just trying to get all these questions answered. —A laugh— You're right, that's 180 from the online presence he used to have. All theories aside, —a pause— I'd love to go to a cowboy party. Get me a glow-in-the-dark cowboy hat. You know they make 'em. —He laughs again, mouthing 'what?' to Jade.—

JADE: Oh, def. We're getting matching hats. Check out our merch in a few weeks —she laughs— Glow in the dark mothman themed cowboy hats, talk about a niche.

JOEL: Snap, we have to do that now, 'cause I want one real bad. But okay, back on track. This cowboy party. The origin of this theory, yeah? Oh snap...what were those three doing in the same place as Major? And all in cow print too? That's....majorly suspicious! [He trails off into laughter, his voice doing that wheezy thing when someone's trying to finish their sentence before cracking up. Recovering, he adds the following.] Wait, wait, wait. What about—

JADE: Yes, yes, yes. —she cuts Joel off as though he's finished his sentence, chuckling at his joke— Patience, my dear twin, we will get there. —the smile is evident in her voice—

JOEL: I feel like somehow, I ended up as your Padawan for this episode. — he laughs—

JADE: You heard it here, I'm absolutely schooling Joel this episode. — she laughs— First, we're going to backtrack all the way to the original poster again. You know we snooped their whole page, and they're pretty regularly posting pictures with this person, @rengaaay, who isn't an influencer but she makes some of those sick ass roller skating videos... this isn't sus, just cool, link in the description. —a slight pause as she tries to get back to her train of thought— Anyway, what is sus is that she tags two people in her photos all the time... But no joke guys check out their Insta profiles they look different in like every other picture. Which, uh, could just be editing but also could be something.... more sinister? Hold onto that thought.

JOEL: That's such a good handle, dang! Better than @lumberjoel, honestly. I have to say I'm jelly. We should get branded rollerskates, maybe @rengaaay can advertise for us if we ship them. JK...unless? —more laughter as he waits for Jade to get back on the train and pulls up the profiles in question to take a look for himself— Huh...is it editing? Are they masters of disguise? Makeup professionals? —He starts to say something else but is pretty sure he's figured out where Jade's going with this.— What could be more sinister than human chameleons?

JADE: [The sound of papers shuffling can be heard] Oh, yeah, so, it's weird but I think every time the siblings are in a pic together they look more like each other? I dunno if this really makes sense but seriously dudes check the post with this episode because it has a bunch of photos side by side and... yeah. You pull a photo of them by themself and it's like okay, I know what this dude looks like and then you put them side by side and... I dunno, makeup? Contacts? Cloning, mayhaps? And, just so that I'm not just holding on to one thing too much... check their post from August 12th, linked below. Their brother... doesn't have a shadow. Why would you edit that out of a photo? No way are they going that hard to be memelords.

JOEL: Okay, let me look at this. Wha— That's weird as hell. How much hair dye do these two use? Hm. Could be clones? —snaps his fingers—Definitely clones. —he snorts loudly, laughing before clearing his throat— Ahem, uh. No shadow? That's dedication! I dunno, maybe it's some new challenge for the 'gram. Oh...but wait. I found a video. Look, Jade. No shadow. In a video. What the—

JADE: A video, guys. —A moment of muffled laughter before her mic cuts out, but the sound of it clicking on again is followed almost immediately— This is a big family, guys, and a big weird one because their other brother @sleepyfinch... Okay, wait, he himself is pretty normal, super cute, shout out, but guys, ghouls, you know who he has tagged in a recent post? Yet another influencer. Except this one is from Italy? @gaborealis; essentially, he’s a medium, so if you didn’t believe that the supernatural were at play beforehand... buckle up.

JOEL: Wait, wait, I'm still on the video thing. Who has time to edit a video? —his voice cracks when he says video and he covers his laughter as he focuses—

JADE: [wheezing] Shut up —there is no malice in her voice, and she’s laughing too.—

JOEL: So weird, I love it. Oh snap— the @gaborealis? It's time to get ghosty! —echoes "ghosty" and hums the Cha Cha Slide tune for a couple seconds— Okay, so wait. Does this mean everyone's favorite medium is also in the same place as...three? Three other influencers and this weird family of....maybe shapeshifters? No? Too crazy a theory?

JADE: You know what they say, cryptoddlers; no theory is too crazy. Everything Einstein came up with? Theory.

JOEL: Bringing Einstein into it, huh?

JADE: Oh you know it. —a snort— Anyway, according to Devin’s boyfriend’s Instagram, it doesn’t end there. @spencerkeahi, a youtuber and disability rights advocate who comes from Hawaii is also there with that gaggle. Shout out to @elidrising for tagging people and location. So what are these influencers from all corners of the globe gathering together for? Well, let’s take a look at the original poster again. You go on their Twitter, and a few months back it’s all just videos of people... fighting? In some sort of underground place. Mayhaps... the same creepy basement that Major posted his last photo? —a small gasp, as though she’s surprised by this— No, that must be a coincidence... or is it?

Another spooky sound plays

JOEL: @elidrising is the man, dang! Are you tellin' me there's a...—he lowers his voice to a whisper— secret influencers-only Fight Club? I wouldn't put it past @devinitely TBH. Honestly, I'd join one...even though I guess I've broken the first rule but talking about it, huh? Actually— Jay, do you think we'd even be allowed to join? Are podcasters influencers? Poll in my story right now, let us know what y'all think.

JADE: Right now? Joel, this isn’t going up for another week, at least. —She’s obviously trying to sound less amused than she’s coming off— Once we get the blue check we’re influencers, so we’ve got a few million followers to go, I think.

JOEL: Yeah, right now! They'll hear that when the episode goes up and respond in real ti— Oh, no. You're right. Oops. No poll in my story, y'all. False alarm. Blue check, huh? You heard it here, cryptwizzlers, we're gonna get that blue check. Tell your friends, tell your family. Heck, tell that cute barista at your coffee shop to listen to our podcast! We might just do a giveaway when we get that lil' blue swoosh.

JADE: [clears her throat.] You know what’s a great way to get us that blue check, though?

A different, light sort of spooky music begins playing in the background, meaning that it’s time for the ad break

JOEL: Take it away!

JADE: Checking out a little app called Creature Comforts. Alright guys, not that this show isn’t one hundred percent real as it is, but for real, I love this app. A dating sim that features everyone’s favorite... for lack of a better term, monsters. Did you watch the Shape of Water and go, “Damn, I’d tap that”? Do you want to snuggle with a Sasquatch? Do you just wish you could find yourself a GF with more eyes? Well, have we got the app for you. Creature Comforts lets you do all this and more. A choose-your-own-adventure game where you can smooch beasts, marry Mothman, and ignore the outside world. It’s seriously all I want. And, if you enter the code cryptwins— that’s the name of the podcast you’re listening to, no capital letters, when you download the app, then it’s only 99 cents to play without ads. Which, trust me ghouls, is worth it. I don’t want anything interrupting my cut scene with the most stunning eyes in West Virginia.

JOEL: Don't forget that scuba diving date with Nessie! Or, or...that half-day hike with Bigfoot. —he's laughing again smh— There's a reason Jade does the ad reads and not me. But, I can tell you that Mothman is sure to sweep you off your feet. And it's not just because he can fly.

JADE: It’s the —a pause for finger snapping— alliteration for me. But that’s Creature Comforts, exactly how you think you’d spell it, don’t ask us ‘cause we’re dyslexic, and cryptwins, like the name of this podcast. Tweet us @cryptwins to let us know how far along you are, who you’re pursuing, and what mysteries you unlock about their backstories. Now... I think it’s time for a timeline, just to get us sorted out, what do you think, Joel?

JOEL: Personally, I'm still tryin' to land a date with the Creature from the Black Lagoon. I guess we'll see what happens. Aw heck yeah! Give us a timeline, give us the dirt. — a laugh — Give the people what they want!

JADE: Okay — the shuffling of paper is heard once more — We start in September: @majored goes off the grid after posting a creepy picture of himself in a weird outfit in a spooky basement. This is around the same time that the Scarlet Surfer was in NYC for fashion week, which @majored accompanied him to, meaning that it isn’t entirely out of the question for him to still be in New York. Also on social media at this time is @devinitely and @loganvance also both is cowboy outfits, though the creepy basement is absent from both of them.

JOEL: I guess September isn't too early for weird Halloween stuff to start? What with the spooky basement and everything. Right? And everyone loves a cowboy moment— or have cowboys become the new clown? I heard there was a clown renaissance and people like them now? I don't really know where we stand on the whole clown— what?

JADE: I see our next hot debate. Cowboys: Hot or not? Personally, I liked cow print, but I can see cowboys going out soon. Once they reach killer clown status is when it’ll be ideal for me.

JOEL: Personally, I vote hot. And uhhh, not to kinkshame you Jay, but killer clowns are a no from me.

JADE: [tsks] Kinkshamed, by my own brother no less.

JOEL: [a loud laugh] You know I'm just kidding. No kinkshaking, ya heard? I'd literally let the Jersey Devil step on me so. To each their own.

JADE: [snorting] Um, gross.

JADE: Now to October: There is a production of Rocky Horror, a cast photo is uploaded to @elidrising, the account of @devinitely’s boyfriend. This places not only @devinitely and @loganvance in Montauk, but it also places @crispyboiz and @_kllledbycain in Montauk too. These are two of the people that are suspected to belong in the video by @ime.are, in which (suspected) @_kllledbycain, dressed as Kakashi Hatake attacked @majored, only to be torn apart by good citizen @crispyboiz. This video is the first that we’ve seen of @majored since his last post, and he offers nothing in response to it.

JOEL: Okay. Okay. Now, you know I love a good shadow-cast of Rocky Horror. I've always wanted to play Frank. I would rock that part. Am I wrong? —he laughs— But okay, that's - count 'em - three influencers in one place? If @elidrising is there, we can assume @devinitely is too because she was in the same location as, uh, whatshername? Logan? And that's the same location as @ime.are. Who took the video of  Kakashi kicking @majored's ass. @_kllledbycain— more like killedbyKakashi, eh? Seriously why are all these people together?

JOEL: [as an afterthought] It's gotta be a cult.

JADE: November to December: Nothing happens with @majored, @ime.are also offers nothing except for quote unquote “#teamkakashi”, which is funny because they never tagged Kakashi, but anyways. Upon deeper inspection, there are videos on their Twitter from last May, of people in a fighting ring. And then people fighting on a lake? But the fighting ring looks super dangerous and I dunno, like you said, cult-y? Fight-club-y? Call it what you will. In any case, we are led to believe that this fighting has been going on for some time in the background.

JOEL: Okay, come on. That’s definitely a cult. I’ve seen the movie, can confirm. — he groans— Literally what is an Italian astrologer doing there? Wait, wait, wait. Montauk? You said Montauk. Montauk, as in on Long Island. As in like —he drops his voice to a stage-whisper— the part of Long Island that peeps believe to be the site of a government cover-up involving kidnapping, mind control, and time travel? The part that inspired Stranger Things? That Montauk? Snap. I can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together sooner. Jade, Jade. What if this is, I don’t know, like, MKUltra 2.0?

JADE: Yes, yes that Montauk, I’m glad you picked up on that. Look, I’m not saying that it’s an influencer’s-only thing, but I am saying that some might be in the area, and maybe involved. At the same time throughout all of this, we have a culmination of more influencers seeming to know this network of people. @gaborealis, an Italian astrologer, is seen in pictures of @sleepyfinch, who was also in the production of Rocky Horror, and has pictures with @crispyboiz and, god, this name is a freaking nightmare, @_kllledbycain. Not to mention this guy has many pictures of weird… family members? Who sometimes look alike? Okay, but seriously, @kodakola and @sonofpeter, how is your hair not straw at this point? Is it wigs? I think my hair would simply fall out. And y’all using Insta filters or what, cause… I’m not gonna get into it, let’s keep going.

JOEL: Maybe they're makeup vloggers or something. Gotta change up the look for views, right? Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe and uhhhh, smash that follow button— or whatever YouTubers say. —he laughs— Okay but seriously, yeah. @sonofpeter, @kodakola, whatever you two are doing to your hair, let me know because I'm trying to bleach my hair and dye it bright purple without it falling out. And since we're doing it at our next stop, well, your advice will probably be too late. But still, what are your secrets? Is it...clones?

JADE: Joel! —she’s laughing again.— Timeline and then theories. —she clears her throat— After that long silence, a Tweet emerges. January 8th. "Can’t believe @majored SPAT on me and called me a C-Blank-Blank-T when he checked into @SDFamilyMotel last night”. This places Major across the country from where we believed him to be, but acting so strangely that one must wonder… was that really him? Or was it someone that just looked like him? Or was it a cry for help? Nothing’s been heard since from @majored, which I guess… leads us to our theories. —a pause— You were saying… clones, Joel?

JOEL: Sheeeeesh, this is not @majored's year. I gotta say, this sounds totally different from the vibe that this guy used to put out on his social media. Obviously Instagram is fake blah blah blah, you know the spiel, but like. Damn. He spit on them? —a pause as he considers what his sibling has said— You know....I think that's a really good point. Was that even the real him? Will the real Ed Major please stand up?

JADE: I know. It just seems out of character, and terrible for a reputation, but it also would make sense if... One, this is a fake @majored, meant to stir up controversy before he goes underground again. And with an action like spitting on someone and calling them a name like that? Who cares what the dude does after that? Unfollowed, cancelled, whatever. And why would this guy want to go underground, well, I'm glad you're so interested. Well, the official Cryptwins theory is that maybe... just maybe, the crazy, government cover-up Montauk that we all know and love isn't that far from truth. We see that they have means of covering up shadows —she lets out a laugh— and people whose faces just change? And who else is there, @spencerkeahi, someone who explains rehabilitation, maybe someone who has experience helping people get used to being a clone? @ime.are, a nurse who enjoys taking videos of people fighting? It all adds up, people!

JOEL: Yeah, seriously. With the real @majored MIA, there would be no one to combat the backlash from this supposed...clone? Imposter? And maybe that’s what they want. Looks like Montauk isn’t the ideal vacation spot anymore, huh? Even if their seaside cabins are super chill and homey. But I digress. Something sinister is going on. Something bigger than we can even imagine. A secret underground facility that’s...cloning influencers? Training them? Your guess is as good as mine. And that’s why we’re on this road trip, isn’t that right Jade? To get some answers?

JADE: Exactly. —it sounds as though she is holding back a laugh or a cough.— Cross country roadtrip in which we explore different topics like this one, and on the way, we'll document our progress and any spooky encounters. Check out our insta, @cryptwins to get all the updates, and consider hitting us up on Patreon if you want us to be able to afford the gas to get all the way to the east coast.

JOEL: I’ll be posting behind the scenes content in the “ROADTRIP” highlight on my Insta throughout the trip so be sure to check my stories. You might get lucky and find some special codes for Creature Comforts but, hey. You didn’t hear it from me. -he laughs and there’s the distinct sound of a bag of chips being opened- What Jade meant to say is gas and snack money. So yeah, go go go! Check out the Patreon! We might even do a giveaway at the end of our trip, get you guys some cool souvenirs we pick up on our travels. Not a bad idea, eh?

JADE: Joel, my ears are literally bleeding right now. Thanks. Anyway, our second theory will also be exclusive to our Patrons, so be sure to get the full video there. Cryptwins... out...

Her voice fades out and the music from the beginning fades in, takes over, and plays until the end of the track.

[hellishvu]

Imagine BTS (maknae line): when they are inexperienced with luv

— this SHIT IS SO CUTE, TELL ME WHY IM CRYING but while i have a massive breakdown i also wanted to kinda experiment with texts/media in my imagines because they are rlly rlly fun to make!! also there is one sex joke in this, obviously it’s not meant to be taken serious just for a giggle.

Park Jimin: ˚✧₊⁎

Jimin had a mission, he bought the empty scrapbook and the obnoxious amount of crafting paper full of floral prints and poke a dots. The amount of glue on his hands when you two had a first, it was... uh annoying but the final product was always worth it.

Like that one time you two went on a date, for the first time. He pulled out his old dusty Polaroid camera that he bought on instinct. You squeezed his hand walking down the streets of his hometown. Pointing out things you’ve never knew were there, while Jimin took photos of you pointing them out seeing your bright smile. That page was filled of purple themes and the receipts of the snacks you two bought together.

Or like that one time when you kissed him on the side of the beach that you drove hours just to get to. Jimin dropped his camera when you pulled him close to you pressing your lips against his, slowly closing his eyes before wrapping his arms around you letting just one tear spill from his eyes. The page was filled of sea shells he got from the beach, the photos of the ocean waves and you posing with him as you took the photo.

There was a time when you made him a playlist of songs that reminded you of him, and dear god he cherished that playlist like it was the only playlist that existed in the world. The small giggles and the flustered Jimin as he heard lyrics. Since there wasn’t room on the page to fit in all the songs, he picked his favorite songs and the lyric that made his stomach fill with butterflies.

This scrapbook was a one time thing, he simply can’t imagine doing it for anyone else. You were his first and maybe this was creepy he thought. Just recording all of the memories together, maybe you thought he couldn’t live in the moment that he always had to record but that ended quickly when you sent him a video edit of you recording him. Jimin tears up when he recognized the song instantly, the one being on the playlist.

The videos were filled of kisses, whining from Jimin, him kissing your cheek, full of mukbang moments of him shoving his mouth before blushing when he saw you recording, and when you caught Jimin looking around vulnerable was the word to describe what he looked like. It was almost a month since you two started dating but there was already so many first’s.

Of course there were first’s that were a bit scary, like going to his concert for the first time. Holy shit the amount of people and you got special tickets to the front of the stage. Seeing so many people cheer on your boyfriend and the members, I mean he told you he was famous but not worldwide! The adventure of just buying a lightstick that Jimin said was important to get, so waiting in line for 3 hours to get a lightstick was just the beginning.

Of course Jimin said he would pay for everything you just needed to say the special word to the cashier and they will bill it to him. Of course you bought... all the available Jimin merch possible just to show your support to him.

After the concert you waited till you got escorted to the back of the stage seeing Jimin sweating, you gave him your water bottle seeing he needed it way more than you did. You pulled him into a hug being the most proud boyfriend in the entire universe. All of the members could see just by the little interactions that you two were made for each other. 

“Scrap booking will have to wait for tomorrow or the next few days till I can feel my legs again.” Jimin chuckled seeing your little Jimin fan and Jimin poster peeking out of your clear bag. Jimin widen his eyes seeing the legendary scrapbook in your bag, disguising it with a blanket.

“Thought you might want to take this with you while on tour.” You smiled giving it to him seeing him frown already missing you even though he hasn’t left.

Kim Taehyung: ˚✧₊⁎

Taehyung got the courage from many of his members to ask you out. He pulled you away for a second while you were on a break at work. You questioned what he was doing here because he hadn’t talked to you since forever.

The reason for the distance was because one night while you two were out, drinks were being shared and intoxication was a main part of the event. Next thing Taehyung knows he woke up next to you in shock. Taehyung did like you like... a lot but this wasn’t the way he wanted to confess to you while he vomited his guts out on the toilet seat. So he left and he thought you two ever being a couple was history now. Distancing himself even though all of his members told him to just talk to you but he ignored their advice till he saw you with another guy. In reality you two were just friends but Taehyung’s head was like a ping pong machines with the possibility of you and that guy.

“Taehyung what are you doing here?” You asked still having your cheesy work uniform. You could see the nervousness on his entire face and body posture. “Here we can go in the back if you want.” You pulling him behind your workplace to get some privacy. Taehyung paced around you making you dizzy trying to keep up with him.

“Okay, uh- You’re gorgeous. No. Wait I mean you are but that’s not what i’m trying to say.” Taehyung sighs covering his eyes feeling the heat rise up.

“I like you! I want to do all those couple things, I want to kiss you, I want to hug you all the time, and I want you to be my boyfriend.” Taehyung quickly releases all his built up feelings.

“Yeah I want that too.”

“And I know that like I left you on seen in life when we hooked u- Wait you feel the same?” Taehyung jumped up his poor heart bouncing all around.

“Yes, I’ve liked you since you brought me to your concert. I want to be your boyfriend.” Taehyung gasps out, remembering how long ago that was. You two were like jumping through hurdles, trying to see who would confess first.

“I can get someone to cover my shift if you want to go out and get some ramen.” You smiled. Taehyung nodding, you left to tell your boss while Taehyung was spamming the group chat of how he has a boyfriend finally.

“Well I got an okay! Let’s go even though I smell like smoothies and organic fruits.” You chuckled queuing for Taehyung to walk with you to your car.

You two walked in but before that you had to adjust your outfit and your hair wanting to look nicer for Taehyung since this is the first date. You and Taehyung sat a booth looking at each other. To strangers you two already looked like a couple for years rather than minutes. The waiter came around snapping both of you two out of luv world.

“Yes, I would like to order pho and for my boyfriend he would like ramen.” Taehyung said eyeing you, seeing your massive grin. You could get used to being showed off, maybe Taehyung already was the one, it felt like it in your soul.

Jeon Jungkook: ˚✧₊⁎

Jungkook finally got time in his schedule to have a sleepover at your house, Jungkook would love if you could meet the members but he felt that it was too early for you to meet them. He didn’t want to overwhelm you with meeting so many important people in his life. You were excited to have your very first sleepover with him, to be able to see him in a more vulnerable state was all you could think about.

The way you thought about him sleeping next to you, feeling his heartbeat when you pull him closer just so you can feel his body next to yours. You were his first boyfriend, just asking him out was an adventure itself because Jungkook spent much of his time conflicting with himself when he said yes then no... then back to yes. It was scary for Jungkook as dating anyone in general of gender he always questioned what would happen? I think he thought his sweaty hands, stuttering sentences, and blushing moments were just because he thought he wasn’t comfortable with you but that theory was shut down quickly because he knew he that was wrong.

Jungkook knocked on the door but you knew that someday Jungkook would just enter as he pleases being completely comfortable with you. You walked to the peephole to see Jungkook with his pajamas already on, but he hide himself with a black hoodie that was probably two size larger than regular. Seeing a massive army bag behind him that was the size of him.

You unlocked the door opening it to see Jungkook looking around before he noticed that you opened the door. Jungkook smiles widely walking in, giving you a hug. You had trouble hugging him back due to his bag that looked like he filled it with his entire house.

“What do you have in there Kook?” You asked making Jungkook look at the bag before setting it down on the ground, sitting on one of your armchairs basically opening the pandora’s box which would be his backpack.

“So I brought many things such as movies, clothes, snacks, and board games.” Jungkook pulling out each item showing it off before setting it down on the coffee table.

You had netflix but you didn’t tell him since he brought such a wide collection of anime love movies to horror movies. You smiled seeing the many changes of clothes wondering if he was going to spend more than one night with you.

“Wait board games?”

“Yeah! Like Jenga, Twister, and Life! I also brought pillows, blankets, and condoms-” You choked on the glass of water that you were drinking when Jungkook had mentioned the last part. Jungkook looked up in concern seeing you in a coughing fit.

“Condoms- Jungkook we- We’ve been dating for 2 weeks-” You said in between the coughs. Jungkook looking up wondering if this a thing couples do. Maybe you were his first romantic interest ever. I mean he told you, you are his first boyfriend but you never thought his first first romantic relationship.

“Yeah but I didn’t know when that comes to play.” Jungkook explained pulling out more boxes of condoms making your face heat up, trying to cover them. You felt exposed even though no one was in the room besides you two.

“Okay Kook, we aren’t going to do that tonight. You will know when the time is right, but just because we both are guys doesn’t mean we are going to go at like rabbits every second.” You explained to him holding his hand, you saw that he also heated up realizing that maybe he was jumping the gun with that. I mean he wasn’t forcing the intimate moment onto you he was just purely confused and you could tell just by his face. Jungkook learned that he was fine with kissing and holding hands, that is all he needed in his life. 

“Also why is there 6 boxes of them?!”

[michaelmilkers]

what is it, exactly, that your 'friends' were angry with u about? i dont want to be invasive and u can ignore this ask, i just think that altho im leaning in ur favor i dont want to decide whether or not to continue supporting you without all of the data. i.e., you could be saying something wildly racist, or you could have insulted someones dog. obviously completely different things that merit completely different responses. i can message you if u dont want to share with the general public :)

putting it under a cut

this

i said in the blacklist chat about a month ago “is circumcision common in latinos” for a thing i was writing which was not only something i couldve googled (which i ended up doing) but also incredibly poor phrasing and i apologized

i was sometimes too open about sexual topics in the nsfw chat (which was 16+) because i was under the impression everyone was okay with it because no one ever really told me it was tmi (sometimes i put stuff in general that i didnt consider nsfw but other people considered nsfw but most of those times i deleted whatever it was i said/sent) (also for the record i had a general rule against sending irl porn in the nsfw chat and so i never did that aside from like the first few months of the servers existence where i was still trying to figure out how to go about having a server at all)

there was a “jewish” role in the server that some jewish people in the server asked for but apparently some people were uncomfortable with the fact that there was a jewish role but not roles for other ethnicities or minorities. people communicated this to me and i was going to make other roles but hadnt gotten around to it yet when everything went down bc spoons

i wasnt open enough about the reasons why i banned people (which only happened a couple times) so people assumed i was only banning them because they disagreed with me, which wasnt true

i have a habit of publicly (i.e. on the blog) responding to criticism with passive aggression or jokes, something im aware of and actively working on, and its something i dont do in private conversation because i dont think its productive, in fact one of my rules in the server was not to respond to disagreements or arguments or discourse with reaction gifs or emotes or memes or stuff like that. 

and this is the biggest incident, tw for genital mutilation and nsfw discussion, and its a long one so bear with me:

basically in december i mentioned in the nsfw chat that i happened to come across a video of a woman essentially sewing her vagina shut. i did not send the video and did not describe it in graphic detail. i shouldnt have brought it up at all, but this was another case of me thinking something wasnt that bad but it upset a few other people. because of the nature of the video the most i will say about it is that it was not a permanent thing, it was done with sterile medical-grade stuff, and it was a masochism thing rather than like actually permanently mutilating the vagina. i was browsing around the internet going down various rabbit holes out of boredom and i came across this video, i did not search for this kind of thing, i just watched it out of curiosity.

anyways, some people were upset by it, i apologized for mentioning it and that was kind of that. but then the next day i received an anonymous ask calling me a freak whos into genital mutilation so i copied the ask in the blacklist chat (tagging it any time i mentioned the video in any level of detail) and basically what then happened that night was that i received multiple anons over the course of a couple hours calling me a freak and greatly exaggerating what happened. i would post the ask in the blacklist chat, me and a couple other people would talk about what was said, and then i would get another anon or two about it.

from the start i did not take the anons seriously because like, youre fucking liveblogging a conversation YOURE IN in my inbox, and i stated multiple times that if they wanted to have a serious conversation about it they could dm me or bring it up in the server because i was not going to entertain this back and forth bullshit.

i called the anon a clown and they sent clown emojis in response, which is when it kind of started getting out of control. me and a lot of other people in the server were making fun of the anon and joking about it calling them “clown anon” and stuff. and then the anon sent an ask containing the sentence “do u really want to be on the team of the guy who watches pussy sewing for fun!” (directed at everyone else in the server joking with me) and i thought the phrase “pussy sewing” was fucking HILARIOUS so everyone started making pussy sewing jokes and calling the anon clussy anon and saying shit like “pussy sewing sunday” (bc this was happening on a sunday night) and “pussy sewing club” and shit like that.

i said multiple times during this that i was not making fun of the video or the subject matter i was making fun of the anon(s) and their dramatic bullshit, but some people didnt believe me ig. at the time i was maintaining the opinion that as long as its all sterile and there is no permanent damage then stuff like that is fine and its none of my business what people do to their own bodies, which i still kind of agree with? im not super sure.

but anyway a few people thought i was a shitty person because of this, one of these people left and the other two said they were going to leave so i banned them, one person was very upset by the subject matter and wanted to take a break from the server, i told them sorry about the situation and to be safe. when one of my mods came online and saw what happened she was very upset about the fact that people had left and i didnt really listen to what she was saying (something ive apologized for since then) but said that for the sake of the person taking a break this was to never be brought up again. i agreed and asked my other mod to delete the conversation because i was low on spoons at the time, they said sure and deleted it for me (and during on the incident on friday this person told everyone that i “made them” delete the messages and that they were too afraid to say no to me and it was disgusting) and that was the last time the situation was brought up until this weekend.

i had actually learned from the situation, both about the things i bring up and also the content i look at even out of boredom or curiosity, and the ethics of that, and i have since then not looked at anything like that online. the people in my server were not aware of this because i was told to never bring it up again, so i didnt, and no one brought it up to me privately so i assumed people werent upset about it anymore. so they assumed i didnt care or i was still looking at shit like that and just wasnt talking about it. i had absolutely no idea people were still harboring bad feelings about this incident and if i did i wouldve apologized again and told them about how i had learned from the situation. i explained all of this on saturday and nobody seemed to care.

multiple times during the situation this weekend i said that their criticisms are valid and tried to explain myself and apologize and own up to what i did, but apparently because im mad about them bullying me and getting people to raid the server im not actually sorry?? according to them.

which is more of them just trying to gaslight me and manipulate me into thinking this is all my fault and i deserved it instead of that event being fucking bullshit.

one person said “your criticisms are valid but the way you brought them up isnt” or something like that in quotation marks in an attempt to mock me but like,,, yeah thats exactly what im saying lmao.

so yeah thats basically it? those are the main things. sorry this got so long.

[vitaminhosh]

prince!seungcheol

anon requested: “prince cheol i will lvoe u forever”

pairing: seungcheol x reader

under the cut bc it’s ridiculously long

oH boy i am so ready for this au

one of the most charming and endearing princes out there??

there isn’t anyone one within a 100-mile radius that dislikes seungcheol like..... have you met him

and anyone who does kind of feel some sort of dislike towards him

they see him smile and oops

how did I not like him before?? he’s an angel??

he is genuinely hard working and kind hearted though, he works very hard to make the lives of his people better

when he was younger and wasn’t allowed to go out he would have to learn about the kingdom’s history and,, all the war and bloodshed absolutely broke his heart

he swore that when he was older he would never allow something like this to happen again

when he was finally allowed to go out and saw some of the people struggling to just make do, he was determined to make a change

nowadays he makes it his mission to go out and meet everybody and see how they’re doing as often as his busy schedule allows

he’ll have lunch in the town and chat with the people, anyone who saw from the outside wouldn’t even suspect that he was royalty and just think that it was a table of old friends

plus his absolute favorite meal of all time is in this small shop tucked away in one of the small streets in the heart of town, and it was,,, a burger

sure the food in the palace was obviously amazing with top chefs cooking there and all but,, nothing really beats the burger made in this small shop that people barely even knew about

we all know seungcheol will be a well-dressed prince 

like,, he won’t want to be super over the top in full on capes and stuff but,, he sure as hell isn’t just walking around town in sweatpants or something

he cares about his image okay

(even though everyone will swoon even if he were to go out in sweatpants and a hoodie)

everyone in his kingdom is basically in love with him

as are the people in neighboring kingdoms 

and far away kingdoms

the other princes are jealous

have you seen his smile though? it can cure diseases

he takes his responsibilities very seriously, but obviously, he’s still a young man who likes to have fun and gets bored too

he doesn’t like to sit still, so when he’s finished with all of his duties he’ll be off to go do something

even at odd times at the night, you can find him in a nearby kingdom trying to find this specific comic book or something

people don’t find it weird anymore

“oh look prince seungcheol is here again did you want more of these sweets?”

he’s often seen hanging out with the other princes when he can

the people die when they see their princes hanging out together

has public social media accounts but also secret personal ones

spams the group chat full of princes,, just because he can

ok enough background stuff onto you and cheol

you work in one of those small tucked away shops that prince seungcheol likes to frequent

however you’re not from this kingdom, and you only work the night shift so it’s not like you know a lot of people or much about this kingdom

you’re just taking this job to try and make some cash while you’re away from home traveling, you happened to choose to stay here indefinitely

you’re not entirely sure who this strangely good-looking man is who only comes in at 3am every week is but ?? business is business plus you’re not gonna judge,, it’s not like you’ve never had cravings for junk food in the middle of the night too

since it’s late at night cheol is dressed in very casual clothes so nothing really gives away the fact that he’s actually the goddamn prince of this kingdom

since he comes so often plus he just likes to get to know people he makes small talk while you gather up his stuff

after a couple of weeks, you soon become kinda like friends ?? it’s a weird circumstance but hell it’s 3am nobody’s really functioning well enough to question this

 you’re sitting at the counter on your phone when the bell on the door rings signalling another customer

you just know it’s him again cause,,, not many people would be here at this ungodly time of night so you don’t bother looking up

you stop scrolling through instagram when you hear tutting in front of you

“I should complain to your manager you know- I’d rate this customer service a 1/10″

seungcheol watched as you finally looked up and chuckled at him

“sorry old man..... how can I help you, your highness”

seungcheol froze- did you finally find out who he was?

the reason he was so interested in you was because you didn’t seem to know who he was, and treated him like a normal person

his mind was going 100 miles a minute until you suddenly snorted

“god imagine it,, you ?? a king ?? pfft”

he smirked once he realized he wasn’t busted

“what do you have against me being a king huh?”

“idk man what kinda king buys junk food like three times a week at 3am,, plus ur a dork”

“wow,,, is that all i am to you,,,,,, a dork,,,, im hurt”

you smack his arm before starting to scan the things he’s put down on the counter

“how do you eat all this and stay in shape... tell me your secrets”

“god given metabolism sorry sweaty you can’t buy this :-)”

you snorted once again as you begin to pack his things into a paper bag

“did god accidentally spill all the ego into you as well”

“well i mean to help god out i do go workout too feel free to join me if you’re not too unfit to keep up”

“uhhh excuse me who are you calling unfit..... give me a time and place and I’ll fight beat you in a race”

“fine when do you get off tomorrow I’ll walk you to the hill and see who can get to the top first”

and that’s how you ended up at the bottom of a hill at 5am with a man you’ve never seen outside the shop

“whoever wins gets treated to breakfast”

“wipe that smirk off your face seungcheol I’m not getting beat by you”

surprise surprise,,,,, you lost

unfortunately he was much faster than you thought he would be

you were both lying on the grass, panting from running up a sizable hill 

you punched his arm

seungcheol sat up, mouth open as he was about to whine when a voice came from the bottle of the hill

“your highness! there you are! you were supposed to return an hour ago you father will find out you’ve been out!”

seungcheol’s eyes widened before cursing under his breath

“I gotta go but you still owe me breakfast okay I’ll explain everything tonight ok bye !!”

you just sat there in shock as seungcheol dashed down the hill, even faster than before as the worker followed behind him

“y-your highness?”

you had flashbacks to seungcheol smirking when you laughed at the idea of him being king

you make your way back home, with a permanent blush on your cheeks and a million thoughts in your head

how could you not know that he was the prince?

oh god you’ve been smacking the prince for weeks when he makes a stupid dad joke

you can’t sleep that day and when you’re back in the shop you’re barely conscious

you’re too tired to even think about seungcheol saying he would explain tonight

when seungcheol comes in and makes his way over to the counter, he expects to find you on your phone again but instead sees you asleep on the counter

he smiles softly before grabbing an old receipt and a pen and writing a note

“sleeping on the job? strike two y/n. I really should complain to your manager, guess I was just too fast for you ;). I’ll be back tomorrow, get some rest. p.s. you might want to wash that hoodie, you drooled a little bit”

you woke up with a panic when your phone chimed at 5am, reminding you it was time to close up

oh god seungcheol was supposed to come

after you finally orientate yourself you notice the note on the table

after reading the note you flush red again

oh god you were asleep in front of the cute prince and d r o o l e d

you stumbled home after closing up and immediately went to sleep

later that day you rushed to the shop, almost late since you were so tired you slept through your alarm

as 2 am came around the bell on the door rang and you sat up straight

seungcheol didn’t usually come till around 3 so you assumed this was an actual customer

"I hope you washed that hoodie before coming back here tonight”

you looked down and noticed that you were in such a rush that you didn’t even change out of last night’s outfit

flushing pink, you quip back with a “so what if I didn’t huh”

seungcheol finally appears from around the shelf

“its a bit gross i gotta say”

“not as gross as you”

seungcheol looked at you with a soft smile on his face, trying to get the words in his head to form coherent sentences

“im sorry”

you looked at him with a blank face

“what for ?? i mean i know its kinda gross but like i was gonna be late for work and-”

“no, I’m sorry for not telling you”

you sat there with your mouth half open and closed it before looking down at your hands that were on the counter

“it’s okay”

he took your hands in his, making you look up

“it’s not, I shouldn’t have kept it from you. I’ve just never had someone treat me like everyone else and it was... refreshing. But you deserved to know, I was being selfish. I’m sorry”

you gave seungcheol a soft smile, giving his hands a soft pat as he looked down at his feet to try and get his attention

“seungcheol really, it’s fine. I understand why you did it, I’m not mad”

“I still feel bad, it wasn’t right. You should be mad”

“well I mean I am....”

seungcheol looked up, ready to apologize again

“but only cause you beat me in a race,,,,, outrageous”

you smack him again, trying to lighten the mood

“but a deal is a deal, and I still owe you breakfast”

seungcheol started giggling, and you swear your heart skipped a beat

“im trying to be serious here and all you care about is getting beat”

“cheol, i really don’t mind. plus, I’m a woman of my word, I can’t have you owe me, that’s ridiculous”

“I’m busy later, how about you just treat me to a late night snack here instead”

fast forward to a couple weeks later, and you’re back at that hill waiting for seungcheol to come so that he can introduce you to his prince friends as you have a couple of days off

you can actually hear them before you see them 

who’s even surprised at this point it’s seungcheol + 12 rowdy boys

“guys please don’t be embarrassin- oH hi y/n you’re early hahaha”

“hi I’m jeonghan are you cheol’s girlfrien-”

seungcheol shoved the guy out of the way before he could finish his sentence

“sorry,,, my friends are idiots”

you chuckled as seungcheol sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, a light pink dusting his cheeks

“don’t worry, I like them”

“wE LIKE YOU TOO Y/N”

you giggled before heading over to the group of guys to go meet them properly

seungcheol stood still for a second, watching you introduce yourself to his friends a couple feet away

jeonghan came up to him, watching you with him

“when are you gonna ask her out, I thought you were going to the other day when you guys hung out at her place”

“she was tired so I let her sleep, some other time jeonghan”

they headed back to the group and you turned to them as you noticed the two join the circle

“cheol !! is it true that you tripped over a log and fell into the lake while trying to impress a girl when you were 6? i knew you were a dork but I didn’t think it was that bad”

“wHAT ARE YOU GUYS TELLING HER”

as the day began to end and everyone had to head back, seungcheol insisted on walking you back to your apartment

you had refused at first, but you were tired and it was late

when you got to your place you turned to seungcheol, about to thank him for walking you back when you saw him looking nervous

“cheol, are you okay? what’s wrong?”

“nothing,, I just,, y/n would you want- I mean- do you,, uh,,,, will you,, go out with me?”

you could barely hear him as he was mumbling but you just managed to catch his words

you put your hand on his cheek and pressed a quick kiss onto his other cheek

“of course seungcheol, it’d be an honor”

you smiled and said goodnight before heading inside

seungcheol stood there, frozen in shock as you had not only agreed but ???? you kissed his cheek ?????

you began to get ready for bed, a smile and a light blush on your face

you can’t believe you’re dating the biggest dork on the planet

seungcheol, on the other hand, was shouting at jeonghan down the phone; he practically skipping home

a/n: this is,,,,,, the longest thing ever im so sorry i got excited about this au

[omousvarii]

all of them

      you’re the worst lmao    -------- @jobikilled

01. What makes you the most emotional about your muse?oh gosh, probably the amount of guilt he carries. you’ve all seen gifs of him like “looks like he could kill you but is actually a smol cinnamon roll” and thats what gets me. also he cries a shit ton and just cute broken boys crying is legit my kryptonite.02. What made you decide to write this muse?gosh i dont even remember, its been like four years. i think after the episode I am become death, because it was when i really started growing attached to him. he was still a sassy pants but you could tell he was trying. also the whole thing that happened with him and murphy, the hanging. also i think when clarke and him had that moment where he admits hes a monster. him crying there set a trigger off and i was like i need to write this angst of a man now.03. If you could change one event in your muse’s life (in their main or canon verse), what would you change?ooo… this is a good one. uhm, probably the whole pike situation. i know he kinda leaned on pike as a leader and was hurt by the betrayal of lexa and trikru but idk, it always seemed weird to me. but i dont think i’d change it, the show would be completely different i think if he didn’t go with pike. so /shrug/04. If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?that i love him ; ~~ ; lol on a serious note tho, im not sure there is anything i could say that hasnt been said by the ones he loves. he’d take their words over mine anyways xD05. If you could give your muse one gift, what would you give them?like a thing? or can i be a god and give him back gina? lmao. maybe for his time in the ark i’d give him the book gina gave him—something he can read over the next 5 years lol. maybe i’d give him a whole library of greek mythology books on the ark rather than just re-reading one? maybe the gift of knowing that his sister is fine in the bunker?06. If you had to take one positive thing away from your muse, what would you take away?oh gosh he has so limited positive things why take them away ;_; can i say things he’s already lost? like gina, jasper and clarke (post s4) idk what else i could take without breaking him completely. he doesn’t have many physical things i can take from him. how about a gun? yeah that.07.  If you could “borrow” one aspect of your muse and apply it to yourself or your own life, what would you borrow?his undying love for his sister. dont get me wrong, i love my baby sister but to get the courage to—–if my sister was in octavias position and was on the ship to the ground, i would have the guts to do what he did and make sure she would be okay.08. Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life?honestly i prefer writing bellamy as angsty as possible but of course i want him to be happy. there is nothing better than the rare times in the show he gets to experience it. i think the thing that would make him most happy would for the wars to be over, and earth to be livable. to be able to not have to worry about his friends and sister’s life being in peril. i dont think he’d ever get over the guilt he feels but i think him falling in love (kinda like with gina) he would lowly begin to forget about it, and the weight lifted from his shoulders would also be pretty great for him.09. Do you enjoy putting your muse through angst? What do you think would break their heart the most?lol, go to question 08. i do really like putting him through angst and i think it just might be how fun it is to explore his mind during the process. there are many things that could break his heart. witnessing the death of any of his friends but the thing that would break his heart the most would be the death of his sister. it kinda reminds me of the hunger games where (spoilers?) the whole point of the first two books were to save her little sister and then in the end she dies anyways. i think the feeling not only of loss but of being useless, failing at saving her would break him. you get a glimpse of it in the show but yeah. my sister, my responsibility and i failed. 10. What do you love about your muse?pretty much everything. hes adorable, his personality, the odd times he makes jokes, the way he hugs people like it could be (and sometimes is) the last time. his freckles, the way he sniffs when he feels emotions. how hes not ashamed to cry (or just too emotional to care), how sassy he was in season 1, the amazing amount of character development he has. just endless things. he legit genuinely cares about everyone.11. What do you hate about your muse?honestly the only thing i don’t like about him was his stupid greased back hair in the first episode lmao. nothing else that i would dislike enough to say i hate it.12. What about your muse amuses you?“taking a walk in the forest, princess?” his little snarky comments, his smirks, the way he was with gina, when in the first episode of season 3 and everyone is singing in the jeep he makes that cute little smile.13. What about your muse makes you sad?WHEN HE CRIES, WHEN OCTAVIA BEATS HIM UP, WHEN CLARKE LEAVES HIM AND THEN REPETITIVELY TELLS HIM SHES STAYING IN POLIS, WHEN HE THINKS OCTAVIA IS DEAD, WHEN HE’S TORTURED IN MOUNT WEATHER. etc, etc.14. How would you describe your muse to someone about to meet them, in person, for the first time?his bark is worse than his bite /whispers/ he’s a smol bean15. Would you like your muse as a person if you met them in real life?i think i’d be too intimidated to meet them, i would obviously want to be his friend but i think i’d rather be bob morely’s friend instead (less troubled …from what i know anyways)16. In what ways are you better than your muse? In what ways are they better than you?uhm. im not a killer?? he’s better at using a gun, more fit, cuter, overall probably a better person than me.17. Why do you think you connect to your muse?bellamy isn’t the first angsty broken boy i’ve written about, i’ve written as loki, jem carstairs, personal oc’s, jace herondale. i have a thing for diving into the mind of sad troubled boys lol. it comes easily to me, idk why just does.18. What aspect of your muse’s personality is most important to you? What aspect of your muse’s personality do you think is most important to them? Is it the same? Why or why not?i admire his ability to hold onto guilt. i think the most important part of his personality is tbh he actually forgives people really quickly or at least people he cares about. he forgave murphy, forgave clarke, etc (except kane lol forgot about that) but yeah. as for him i think he thinks his most important aspect would be his desire to always try to do the right thing, (after his selfishness in season 1). everything he does is either for his sister or for his people and even if it may be wrong morally he really wishes to believe what he’s doing is right.19. If you had to judge your muse and sentence them to a “fair” fate, what would your judgement be? Would you punish them? Reward them? How?honestly he’s suffered enough for his wrongs. the guilt he feels is punishment enough. the death of his friends around him, loved ones, his people, etc. obviously he deserves better than the fate he has in the show but i wouldn’t be able to just reward him when i say i think they should have a peaceful life on earth lol.

[internalshapeshifter]

Written a few weeks ago...

So last night I tripped acid for the first time. As many people would describe to you, it was a very different feeling. The world moved, I saw things that werent there (but not in a scary way in a “shapes turn into images and those images turn into neverending patters”), I feel closer to my boyfriend, who I know will eventually be my husband, and I feel like I have more of an understanding of life. I know that sounds generic as fuck but its the truth. Acid slows your mind down so much that youre able to really be in the moment of life and enjoy it to the fullest while its also running like crazy. The amount your brain is able to process is absolutely amazing. Like fuck dude. Science. Bodies. Creation. Fuck. The simplest way to describe this for someone who hasnt experienced it before, is that your mind is focusing on one thing but your eyes are taking so much in and you cant turn your eyes off. Literally. When I closed my eyes I was still seeing things. My mind was still bringing up things to stimulate myself with. Constant stimulation. With that constant stimulation I came to realize just how bad my self esteem really is. Whenever my boyfriend would leave me alone to go talk to someone else in the house we were in, the doom of all the negativity of life came crashing in. I couldnt wait for him to be back so I could hold him again and focus on him, and not myself. When we went downstairs to hang out with the other people in the house I.... fuck I lost my train of thought. Even though my mind isnt still technically on acid, as Im trying to recall the events it feels as though I took a part of the evening with me. Anyway, I think the reason I lost my train of thought a second ago was because downstairs was a whole other world. Upstairs and downstairs were totally different worlds. Then there was the outside. Fuck dude. Outside. Before I did it I read up on what you should do to prepare for acid and one of the things I read was that you should take it on a day thats nice so you can go and enjoy the outside. But last night wasnt nice out. It was cold and rainy and windy. We were in 7 different environments. My bf and I upstairs, my bf and I downstairs, my bf, his sister, and I downstairs, my bf, his brother in law, and I, downstairs, Then the outside, and inside. I dont feel like the above paragraph makes much sense to any sober person reading it. Please erase from your memory. I know that my words have probably already been hard to follow (thats how the drug is, jumping) but one of the main things I wanted to touch on was that we had one of the super expected line come into play. The “what if this is our reality and we somehow become who we are on the day to day because of some unknown reason”. A common one you may have heard is that oxygen makes you feel normal. But honestly, I dont think its anything outside of social conditioning. People kinda make fun of me for being so into psychology because it has no real use in the way that you can take it and make something of it. Physically. But I honestly think in the way that Im deciding to spend my time dedicated to psychology, that Im doing more for the world than the average person going to work and coming home and coming to work and coming home. Im fighting the real battle. Im fighting against being a sheep and going with the flow. Im challenging life and asking why. Why do we do what we do if it makes us so fucking miserable. I think I may have found a serious part of it. Back to my super expected question of “what if this is our reality and we somehow become who we are on the day to day because of some unknown reason”. Stay with me here. I know my mind is jumping so hardcore right now but please stay with me. Theres a book that Ive been reading about buddism and one of the main things that buddists want to do is reach enlightenment. The way they try to reach enlightenment is by “being in the moment” and living everything. Constant mediation. I felt like this experience really allowed me to live in the moment and follow what I want and feel. To be the truest form of myself. Once again, back to the question. The unknown reason I believe is learning. See, as a baby over time we obviously absorb a lot of information and the people around us. We study body language, voice tones, what is acceptable and what isnt, etc. My point in my previous sentence is that we are conditioned. We are conditioned to become what the things around us taught us to be. If our mother laughs at a joke, we learn to laugh at the same things. We are conditioned as fuck to be what the world around us wants to be. Imagine two worlds. The world we live in, and the world of enlightenment. I really dont know how we reach enlightenment but I believe that last night was a good precursor. Though meditation, which is basically what we did all night, I was allowed to process things I didnt understand and come to this conclusion. Hopefully I will be able to continue this process while sober so I can process it at a slower rate and understand it in a way where I can explain it. In a weird way, I feel like the way I was while tripping was the way I am on the day to day, Im just never allowed to focus on it.

Fuck.

Theres so much to go over. I want to go over the spiritual part of it all for the knowledge of others and their enlightenment. I want to face my personal issues because its a huge fucking problem. I didnt realize before last night just how fucking bad it was. I mean, I knew it was bad. I knew that I wanted to never exist because life is so fucking pointless its pitiful how much people try to make it work, but last night I was able to process just how bad it was. *insert crying laughing emoji* the fact that I just said life was pointless and theres no point to anything probably seems like a huge deal but it wasnt. The bigger deal is that thats how I feel but Im not going to give up because my purpose is to help humanity come a little further along to understanding that purpose. Its strange to come to the realization that my life will have no actual end (as in a beginning and end of a book like the end of sex). It will continue with the next person fascinated by psychology and the meaning of our purpose. Just like all the other people in history who have done amazing things. Benjamin Franklin took one step toward understanding electricity and bettering lives of the others ahead of us. I hope I can follow in his footsteps and create a better life for the people around me and in the future.

I really wanna keep typing but Im getting tired so Im going to put this down for a minute.  

I took a shower. Get readly for another dose of your fav ginger. One of the topics we touched on was our day to dday masks. On the daily we tend to put on a mask of how we want others to percieve us. When we were going from upstairs to downstairs one specific event I remember so vividly was looking in the mirror before we went and trying to make my hair look nice. I was trying to go from a spiritual expierence to trying to be my normal self. I dont like my normal self. Its not me. Its not who I want to be. Ive been trying so hard to be what tohers want me to be that Im totally forgetting to be myself. To be what makes me special. I dont wanna put the mask back on. Phantom of the opera is a story about removing your mask. Its one of my fav movies and Im only just realizing it.