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subspencer · 4 years ago

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the to-do list

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader

Summary: Reader is worried that she’s not adventurous enough in bed. So, she makes a secret checklist of things to try with Spencer. Based on this request.

Category: Smut, 18+ ONLY, minors dni

Warnings/Includes: switch!Spencer, (sort of?) corruption kink, exhibitionism, mile high club, brief description of oral, unprotected sex, creampie, brief mentions of other stuff but no descriptions

Word Count: 3k

Spencer’s girlfriend has a secret checklist. It could be called a bucket list, of some sort, but really all of the items on it pertain to sexual acts to perform with Spencer, on Spencer, or in front of Spencer. So checklist is a more appropriate term.

The list came into existence after a girl’s night game of Never Have I Ever, in which she discovered there was an embarrassing number of things she’d never done. Some of them seemed nearly impossible to have gone twenty-something years without doing, especially when in a committed relationship. That was made abundantly clear to her when the girls pointed it out, teasing her — and by association, Spencer — for being more than vanilla.

There was no real reason she hadn’t tried those certain things — she wasn’t adverse to the idea of most of them at all. Really, it was just that she never bothered to dip her toes beyond what was familiar.

When Emily, Penelope, and Tara had nearly all ten of their fingers down after a couple rounds, she finally realized she might’ve been coming up short in the sex department. She figured it was about time to find out what she’s missing, so she made a list of everything she needed to try. And one by one, she and Spencer checked the items off.

One of the more simple things on the list, and perhaps her favorite, was giving her first blowjob. It wasn’t something she felt compelled to try with any of the guys she’s been with before, and Spencer, though he was very curious about it, was too much of a gentleman to ask for one.

So when she asked him to sit on the edge of his bed and dropped to her knees in front of him, he didn’t stop to ask questions. His mind went blank the second her fingers undid his zipper. It was Spencer’s first, too, and his fingers knotted in her hair as she took him in as deep as she could, hollowing her cheeks around his cock and swirling her tongue as her head bobbed up and down. Spencer always made pretty sounds in bed, but in this instance she envied his memory because she wished she could replay his moans and gasps from that first blowjob all over again in her mind.

Another favorite was allowing the favor to be reciprocated until completion. She figured she might just be someone who couldn’t get off from oral, because though she always welcomed Spencer to go down, she got impatient every time and pulled his head up by his hair, demanding him to fuck her already. Spencer was one to oblige every request, but he couldn’t pretend that he wasn’t overjoyed when one time she never stopped him short.

There were no interruptions, no hands shoving his face away from its rightful place against her, just increasing moans and shaking legs as Spencer was encouraged to give more. She can still remember the half-moon shapes his nails left on her thighs from where he had to grip them so tightly as she rode out her high. And she definitely remembers the almost feral look in his eyes after, because since that first time he insists on doing it again nearly every day.

There were more or less a dozen other items that slowly but surely got ticked off the list.

Handcuffs in the bedroom — fun, but perhaps better saved for special occasions. Or if Spencer was being extra good and deserved a treat.

Various new positions — a reminder to stretch more. And that sixty-nine is not as easy as it sounds on paper.

She let Spencer put a blindfold on her — it was decided they both prefer it more when the blindfold is on him. It keeps him guessing.

Spanking — both of them like this one, either giving or receiving. Surprisingly, she thinks she might like receiving it a little more, and Spencer is always excited to give.

Shower sex — a bit of a logistical nightmare, yet still a weekly staple. It’s slippery, yes, but it’s also relaxing and intimate. And Spencer just enjoys putting his hands on her wet, soapy body.

Sending dirty texts — great, but Spencer prefers taking nude polaroids of her instead. He keeps a few in his wallet for easy access. And because he knows Garcia can’t hack his wallet and find them.

And there were more items that went in the same tune until there was just one left. The one she was most nervous to attempt.

She wondered if joining the mile high club was better or worse if it was on the BAU jet. They’d have ample opportunities to do it, but they’d also be surrounded by their colleagues, and there is no coming back from getting caught.

But the main challenge was convincing Spencer to do it in the first place.

The initial plan of attack was to drop some “subtle” hints. She brought it up for the first time one night in their shared hotel room, right after Spencer fucked her against the bathroom counter, her legs wrapped around his waist.

“We could totally do that in the jet bathroom.”

“Yeah, I guess the basics are the same. Cramped space and a ledge to lean on.” Spencer was completely aloof as he picked up the scattered articles of clothing from the floor, rattling off about the size and dimensions of the airplane bathroom and missing the entire point of the comment.

She mentioned it again a little later, hoping the repetition may help him catch the drift.

“What’s the craziest place you’ve had sex?” she asked, completely catching him off guard as he ate a breakfast of frosted flakes in his kitchen.

“Um.. I don’t know? You tell me,” he shrugged, knowing that whatever the craziest place was, it was definitely with her.

“What about doing it on the jet?” It couldn’t get more obvious.

“We haven’t done that, silly. OH! I’m gonna say it was in my car,” he nodded with a wide grin, confident in his answer that unfortunately brushed past the proposition far too quickly.

It was time to change methods.

The new plan was to see if she could get him turned on enough on the jet to motivate him to do something about it right then and there. It seemed easy enough.

She sat next to him on the small couch, as she always did, and cuddled up to his side as he read his book.

Once everyone was distracted, she snaked a hand onto his thigh, allowing it to rest there long enough for Spencer to get over his initial shock and relax into her touch. As soon as he let his guard down, she moved her hand up another inch or two, watching him squirm again as he fought his mind from wandering. She repeated that cycle every five minutes until it drove him insane, his willpower diminishing in tandem with the proximity of her hand.

When everyone finally fell asleep, she craned her head to press small kisses on his neck, alternating between quick pecks and lingering ones, sucking warm and wet little flecks onto his skin that drew soft sighs without fail.

“What are you doing?” his breath was raspy and low as he muttered into her ear.

“Nothing.” She kept her tone innocent and sweet as she continued to sprinkle the teasing kisses across the column of his throat.

Her hand finally found its way directly on top of the bulge straining against his slacks and gave it a gentle squeeze. Spencer grinded himself into her palm, desperate to feel some friction, his jaw slacked and pupils wide. She dragged a thumb across his length, stopping to rub slow circles over the sensitive tip, drawing out a wet spot at the front of his trousers.

But even with his skin flushed red and his cock leaking and half-near orgasm, Spencer still found the restraint to stop her from jerking him off right on the jet and ripped her hand away, placing it in her lap as if the action could permanently force her to keep her hands to herself.

“I can’t go to the crime scene with cum in my pants,” he hissed, squeezing her wrist tighter.

She smirked at the opportunity, wrapping her warm lips around his ear lobe and tugging with her teeth before whispering with hot breath. “Then put it in me.”

For a second she saw him consider it. His eyes had a dark cast, gaze flickering between her eyes and lips as he swallowed the thick lump in his throat. But then Emily woke up and it was yet another failed attempt.

She resigned to the fact that it just wouldn’t happen, and that the item might remain unchecked on the secret list. So she cleared the idea from her mind, not wanting to keep pushing Spencer toward something he clearly didn’t have an interest in, or to keep embarrassing herself by trying.

And then a couple weeks later, as the team wrapped another case up, she came back to their hotel room to find Spencer sitting on the bed, facing away from the door.

“Hey, baby,” she greeted. When Spencer didn’t respond, she crawled onto the bed behind him, placing both hands on his shoulders and attacking the side of his face with kisses, giggling into his messy curls. “I said hey.”

Still nothing. Her eyes followed his line of sight down to his hands and went wide with realization.

“Spencer, where did you get that!?” She tried to snatch the crumpled piece of paper from him, but he was too quick to pull it away.

“I was looking for gum in your purse,” he explained, reading the sheet over again in complete amusement, “but I found something better.”

Spencer was much too excited about it, bordering on smug, and she rolled off the bed away from him in annoyance.

“Is this what I think it is?” She remained silent, suddenly feeling very insecure about the note. “Did you... did you make a list of things to do in bed?”

“You weren’t supposed to see that, it’s so stupid.”

“Hey, who said it’s stupid?” He tugged on her fingers, pulling her back onto the bed next to him. “I just wanna know where it came from.”

“Well... when I went out with the girls, we started talking about all the things we’ve done…” she paused to see if Spencer could guess where this was going, and of course he didn’t, “... in bed. And I hadn’t even done half of what they have, so I wrote some of them down. I — I wanted to try them with you.”

“So you… you’ve never done these with anyone else?” Spencer’s eyes widened as he pieced the puzzle together. He looked down again at the discarded sheet laying on pillows, his pride swelling at how long the list was. “I’m the first?”

She nodded in assent and no sooner was Spencer pushing her back flat against the mattress, settling his body on top of hers.

“God, that’s so hot,” he spoke into her neck as he sucked purple bruises into it, allowing his hands to roam freely under her shirt. His nimble fingers made quick work of her bra clasp, pulling the hem of the top up to attach his lips to her exposed nipple. He rolled the other in his fingers, tugging gently as she arched into his touch, rolling her hips up to grind against his. He groaned and pushed back, nestling himself perfectly between her legs.

Suddenly his motions halted and he popped his head up, looking at her with wide eyes and freshly ruffled hair. “We haven’t finished the list yet!”

“I — I didn’t think you were interested in the last one.”

“If my girlfriend makes a list of ways she wants to fuck me, I’m interested.”

A devilish grin took over her face. “Well, we fly home tomorrow.”

And true to the plan, they arrived on the jet the next day with at least a vague sense of strategy: wait until everyone is asleep then go at it in the bathroom. It wasn’t the most elaborate of plans, but there wasn’t much else to think of.

Except for the possibility that the others might not go to sleep.

The flight was already halfway through its journey and everyone was still wide awake, and Spencer was growing incredibly impatient. Perhaps even more than his girlfriend, now that he knew this would be part of a long list of things he got to be her first for.

That fact seemed to encourage him, the thrill of forever being her first at something. Never mind that she’d be his firsts, too.

Spencer’s not stupid, he knows that bending her over the bathroom counter while everyone is awake to hear it is a horrible idea. But his willpower doesn’t extend far enough to stop him from dropping his hand to her exposed knee, rubbing it softly just to be able to touch her. It seemed innocent enough in case anyone might see.

He kept his eyes on the open book he was pretending to read as his fingers traced the inside of her thigh, pushing up the hem of her skirt ever so slightly.

He inched his hand up and slowly spread his long fingers apart until they covered the length of her inner thigh. The tips stopping just below her cunt, delicately tracing lines back and forth parallel to the seam of her underwear.

And she quickly discovers there’s no taste worse than your own medicine. There was gentle brushes and concealed touches, all the things that she did to him. But where Spencer would’ve stopped her teasing before it got too far, she wouldn’t have done the same.

She covered up his hands by bringing her own down to her lap, silently encouraging him to continue unseen.

Spencer looked down at her through his thick lashes, bottom lip stuck between his teeth. Looking for more confirmation that she wanted this. The answer came in the form of her shifting subtly down the seat, pressing her clothed pussy firmly against his hand.

His cock twitched against the confines of his slacks when he felt the damp patch on the fabric. His knuckles brushed against her clit and her knees clamped shut, holding him in place as she brought her lips close to his ear to let him hear her soft whines.

He has to put his book over his lap to cover how hard he is, and it almost makes him regret starting this game. Almost.

Because just as she starts desperately grinding against his hand, squirming for more friction, he notices that everyone’s asleep. And then it’s a race to the bathroom, Spencer positioning her directly in front of him to cover his bulge as they stand up.

Their mouths are on each other before the door even closes, her hands wasting little time in going for his zipper. Both desperate to have each other after all the anticipation. She immediately perched herself on the countertop, spreading her legs wide so Spencer could fit in between them, just like in that hotel room. A confused whine fell from her mouth when he lifted her off from the ledge, interrupting her plan.

“No. Like this,” he growled, turning her around and pushing her hips against the edge of the counter, bending her over it. She muttered a “Fuck,” under her breath as he pressed his cock against her backside, knowing he preferred this angle because he could get deeper.

His lips trailed down her neck as he tugged the skirt up to her hips and pulled her panties to the side, running his cock along her folds to gather the wetness that had been pooling there.

“Shit, you’re so fucking wet.”

He quickly inserted his thumb into her mouth to stop any sounds from escaping before lining himself up. Her moans vibrated against the digit as he slowly pushed in, stretching her out and letting her adjust before starting to move. Slowly and deliberately, at first, then quickly gaining speed.

She pushed her hips back to meet his thrusts until he pinned them against the ledge with his own, holding them still so he could set his pace faster.

The hand that was resting on her waist came up to her chest, groping at the flesh over her blouse. Her spine arched into his palm, bending forward to give him more leverage to get deeper to that spot inside her repeatedly.

He alternated between a few quick thrusts followed by a deep one, holding himself there for a moment before repeating.

Her cunt tightened around him as he held still against her, applying firm pressure to her spot with the head of his cock.

“Fuck, do that again, please,” he grunted against her neck, pushing his hips into her ass with bruising force to get impossibly closer. A loud whine nearly escaped her lips as he did so, the motion sending her over the edge.

She sucked harder around his thumb, using it to keep her cries at bay as she reached her climax. Her walls fluttered around him as she did, giving him exactly what he needed.

“Remember what you said before, baby?” he hummed in her ear, “Do you still want me to cum inside you?”

“Please.”

Immediately his thrusts became erratic, hips snapping forward a handful of times before he spilled into her in hot spurts, biting down on her shoulder to stifle his moan as he came.

Still heaving from the comedown, he pulled her panties back on, using the fabric to keep his cum from spilling out.

She turned to feverishly attach her lips to his, panting into the open mouthed kiss. When they finally broke apart, both looked completely wrecked with swollen lips, flushed skin, bruised necks. Still, they tried their best to fix themselves, straightening out their rustled clothes and smoothing knotted hair.

Before Spencer turned the door handle, he pulled her side into him, pressing a kiss onto her forehead. “We should make another list.”

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sassy-pelican · 5 years ago

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To Infinity: Part Four

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Language, fluff, angst, sadness, humor, time jumps, canon typical warnings, a bit of everything. You may not read this story if you are under 18.

Tagging: @holyhumorliteraturelight @crushedbyhyperbole

2014

It was cold, you knew that much. Between the weather – New York in January isn’t the best – and the fact that the news was sending shivers down your spine, you felt cold in a way you hadn’t in years. HYDRA. You thought it was gone, of course, you would have known better if you had taken Steve up on the offer of becoming an Avenger, or even an agent really.

You didn’t, and for that, you could kick yourself. But at the time, the small café and bookstore you own and run seemed like a good idea. It got you away from everything, let you process your past in a way Steve didn’t seem to understand. He came to visit, sure, but not as often as you would like. Fortunately, his friends seem nice enough, when he brings them.

He told you about Peggy; you have yet to visit her. A part of you hates yourself for it, but you want to remember her how you knew her – young, vibrant, full of life, and seeing Steve has to be hard enough. Still, every Sunday you leave three hours open in case you decide to visit.

The early rush has quieted, the people on their way to work have stopped already, to-go cup already in hand and sitting on their desks, most likely, while the late-comers are starting to straggle in. Maybe it’s those years with Peggy, in the war that led to believe your gut feelings, but today feels different.

Five hours later, the afternoon sun just starting to lessen, Steve walks through the door, scowl on his face. Except, this isn’t his normal scowl, his annoyed-with-work look, this is his devastated look. “Y/N.”

“Steve.” Setting your own book down, along with the mug of coffee, you walk over to him. “What’s going on?”

“I can’t …” It’s then that you notice the tears in his eyes.

“Steve?” It takes you back, to all those years before, to forty-five. The look is eerily similar, too similar. “What the hell is going on?”

“J – B – he …” The unshed tears start to spill now. Without thinking you wrap your arms around him. “The Winter Soldier.”

“Steve, come on, you can say it.” You whisper, almost afraid to hear the words.

“The Winter Soldier, he’s … he’s Bucky.”

“No … no.” You start to cry now, the realization that you left him there, in the cold, all those years in HYDRA’s hands, hitting you. “James … for this long?” You ask, not really sure what the question is, but asking it, nonetheless.

“Yeah.”

“Oh god, Steve.”

You started reading the history books, the theories by people you always assumed were crazy. You even read most of the more classified SHIELD files that Natasha released to the public, the ones pertaining to the Winter Soldier in particular. Everything seemed surreal, too horrible to be true, but then again, only the good seemed to be lies.

To your surprise, there were old files of you there too, the records of what you were, what happened. You always thought that experimentation done on you was off record, not that you minded, but it would have been nice to know.

The bell above the door, one in which you repaired after Steve’s last visit, rings, signaling another customer. “Welcome to – Sam.”

“Hey, got a minute?”

“Sure.” You sigh, going over to lock the door and flip the ‘open’ sign. “What is it?”

“I assume Steve filled you in some …”

“If by filled in you mean that my husband is the Winter Soldier, then yes, he did.” You twirl the ring on your finger, one that hold no monetary value, but still held so much weight.

“Yeah … that.” He takes a deep breath, obviously preparing to tell you more. “We’re going looking for him. Steve doesn’t want you to come.”

“Oh. I suppose not.” Still, the tears welling in your eyes are enough for Sam.

“Will you be okay, here?”

“As good as I can be.” You pause, wiping the few stays from your cheeks. “Be safe, both of you. I’ll kill you myself if you aren’t.”

“Of course.”

It’s late, almost closing, the moon high in the sky and the last of your regulars all gone. The files are open, sitting on a table in the back, strewn across it, your eyes trying desperately to find something you didn’t see before. You don’t know why, it won’t change anything, will probably only make you feel more guilty, but you need something. The coffee in your hand, the only thing keeping you awake at this point, almost spills when the bell above the door chimes. You sigh, hoping that this person has a good reason for coming in five minutes before you close.

“Hello and welcome to Connie’s Corner. What can I help you find?” The cheerfulness in your voice is noticeably fake, but you don’t care.

“Do you have any history books on World War Two?” You know that voice, even if it sounds a bit different than before.

The coffee mug drops form your hands, shattering on the ground as you stare at the face you dreamed about for so long. He freezes, his fight or flight instincts kicking in, you don’t notice. You can’t move, can’t seem to get your brain to function, but neither can he.

“James?” The name is a question coming from your lips, barely above a whisper, but he hears it. He doesn’t respond, the panicked look only deepening. Your too lost in your own head, memories playing back in your mind and tears staining your eyes to notice when he runs.

As you drop to your knees, pieces of the mug digging into your legs, you cry, you sob. Perhaps harder than you did when Steve told you, but it hurts. It hurts to see the man you loved so fiercely run from you in fear, in panic. It hurts to have proof, with your own eyes, that he’s alive, but so far from it at the same time. It hurts enough that you don’t notice the blood now staining the floor.

2016

Steve explained everything, after the fact. The entire battle, what Bucky went through, the Accords, the disbandment of the Avengers, everything. You cried, even if you didn’t know them very well, you knew them, and knew what they meant to him.

You hadn’t seen him since Peggy’s funeral, and even then, you didn’t stay long. You had the shop, and he warned you of the dangers of associating with him after his refusal to sign the Accords. Many times, you told him of your opinion, neither for nor against them, still you assured him that he could count on you if he needed to.

You wait for updates about Bucky weekly. You’ve grown to think of Shuri, despite never actually meeting her, as a little sister. However, each update is much the same, she is working on him, slowly to make sure she doesn’t damage anything but the trigger words and the rest of his Winter Soldier conditioning. It keeps you up at night though, the not knowing, the inability to see him, to hold him again. The two years when Steve and Sam were looking for him were bad enough, but this is worse.

T’Challa, Steve, everyone, has told you that a plane ticket to Wakanda after the events following the bombing will look suspicious, especially since technically, you and Bucky are still married. It eats at you though, even if you know the reason is good. You miss him. You miss the laughs, the simplicity, the comfort, the passion, the sheer rightness of everything. Still, you wonder if anything will be the same, even close to it; the two of you are different people now.

It’s been months now, with nothing. Shuri assures that everything is working, but it’s far more complicated than she had anticipated; the Winter Soldier is far more than just trigger words. She told you that he made her promise to keep him under until there was no chance of him ever fulling slipping back into that persona, trigger words or not. You understood it, truly, that didn’t mean you had to like it.

Now though, long after she told you that you could visit, no word has been sent back, either to deny or okay your request. Part of you worries that it’s him, that he’s worried about seeing you for the first time in so long. The thought has crossed your mind more than once, still does, but you’re still eager to see him again. It comes in the form of an encrypted email the following week. Ominous in nature and it breaks your heart. ��He needs you. – S’

“Rose!” You call to your employee. Her head pops out from behind a shelf moments later. “I need you to cover the shop for a week or so, family emergency.”

“Y/N … I’ve known you for years, and numerous times you’ve told me you have no family. What is it?”

“I can’t tell you.” It’s the best you can come up with in your stupor. You’d completely forgotten that you had never lied to Rose, omitted a few things, but never lied. At the time, you didn’t have any family.

“Did you get mixed up in something?” She asks, her warm brown eyes looking at you intently. It makes you want to tell her.

“Yes, but not like you’re thinking.”

“Alright,” she sighs, “be safe, okay?”

“Always.”

Shuri instructed you to wait for transportation at an old abandoned building on the outskirts. It seemed weird but figuring that everyone was on the run and Wakanda’s protective nature, it seemed within character.

A sleek black jet-like thing comes into view, almost silent before your eyes. It was cloaked, far better than anything you’ve ever seen before. “Hello?”

“Y/N!” The girl of the hour screams, bounding off the thing right at you. “I’m sorry for the hysterics, and I had to threaten my brother, but I’m here.”

“I get it. I wouldn’t want the smartest mind wandering around either.” Your quip seems to ease her spirits.

“Oi! That one hurt!”

“What’s going on?” You ask, far more serious than before. She calms almost instantly.

“I’ll explain on the way.”

Grabbing your bags, you follow her. It’s nice, far better than flying commercially. Even as you stow your things where she directs, the unease sits like a rock in your stomach. “Shuri, what happened?”

“Barnes, he … isn’t taking recovery well.” Her words are sad, and it worries you. “I was able to get everything possible, without damage out, but there are things left that bother him. He tried to explain it, as did I, but he refuses to see anyone. He isn’t a danger, not to others.”

“What do you mean, there are things left?”

“Parts of him that he thought were part of his conditioning, weren’t. They were already there, the darker parts of him that the war woke up. He’s having trouble coming to terms with it. I thought that maybe, having you there would help.”

“He doesn’t know I’m coming does he?” You ask, almost scared of the answer.

“No. He doesn’t.”

By the time you land hours later, you’re a nervous wreck. The thought of surprising your husband doesn’t sit well with you, not with who you both are at this point. Nothing to be done about it though. You know you’re so much more than just his wife, but the moment, that’s what you’re hung up on. Does he even remember you?

Steve and Shuri have told you, numerous times, that he remembers most of his life, all the important bits. What you don’t know, is if he remembers you the way you do him. Does he remember the little things; the quirks about you that he used to love? Will he still?

“He’s called White Wolf here.” Shuri explains, breaking you from your head as she leads you to what she said was his hut. “Me, I just call him Broken White Boy.”

“Really?” You look to her, and the humor in both your eyes is a nice distraction.

“I truly am sorry about this being a surprise.”

“I know. I just hope it doesn’t backfire on us.”

They two of you don’t speak while you walk. She had warned you his place was far from the city, but you didn’t think she meant this far. Although, as much as you loved the city, what you saw of it, you see the appeal of being out here. It’s quiet, vast, secluded, everything you picture James needing.

“Sergeant Barnes!” Shuri yells, approaching a one-armed man tending to what look like goats. It makes you smile.

“Yeah?”

“You have a visitor.”

“Tell Steve I don’t want another one of therapy sessions.” He calls back, not even looking your way.

“I’m offended,” you reply, “I didn’t realize I looked that masculine.” The second he hears your voice he tenses.

“You shouldn’t be here.” He says. You ignore him, waving Shuri off as you walk closer.

“So, you remember who I am?”

“Yes.” The word is barely above a whisper, but you catch it, and it hurts.

“Then why shouldn’t I be here?” He doesn’t answer you. “Dammit James! I’ve been worried about you for months!”

“Don’t. Don’t worry about me. I’m not worth it.”

“Of course, you are!” His words hurt you, far more than you care to admit.

“No, I’m not!” He yells, his one arm flailing around. “You know what I did, what I was! Hell, part of him is still there!”

“No, he’s not James.” You mutter, tears in your eyes. “There’s nothing left but you.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I’m your wife Bucky! I fell in love with every part of you, good and bad. There was always a darkness in you. That doesn’t mean you aren’t a good man.”

“But I’m not! I’m not good!”

“James Buchanan Barnes! You are one of the best men I know!” You yell. “Present tense. Not knew, know.”

“But-”

“No buts! You were brainwashed! They broke you! For seventy years you were a prisoner of war, under various forms of mind control too. What you did under their rule wasn’t you.”

“They could never fully take you away from me. You and Steve. You guys were the only people that were still there, slightly.” He’s crying and it takes everything in you not to throw your arms around him and cry too. “All I could think of those first few years was how you and Steve would be disappointed in me. How you’d hate me for letting them win.”

“Bucky … I would never hate you. Steve would never hate you.” The words coming from your mouth are low, whispered, filled with tears.

You watch, unsure, as Bucky’s own tears roll down his face. This time, you don’t hesitate to wrap your arms around him. He tenses, but lets you hold him. Minutes pass before he wraps his arm around you as well.

“I made dinner.” He looks up from his position, eyes staring at the feed he’s scattering. Your words barely seem to register.

“Okay.”

“Are you going to eat?” Silently you add ‘with me.’

“Yeah.”

You nod, only allowing yourself to smile once you turn away from him. It unsettles him, how you’re so relaxed in his presence, so you pretend, for him, for now. You feign indifference, if only to get him used to the fact that you’re not going anywhere. The act breaks your heart though; you want nothing more than to hold him in your arms and love him until he can’t take anymore.

It’s silent as you eat. Uncomfortable in every way. Both of you can feel the unsaid words between you, the truths that neither of you want to speak of. His pleading look is enough for you to sigh, knowing you have to break the silence.

“Tell me.” He knows what you mean, even without you saying it.

“It was cold, too cold. I think I laid there for days, bleeding, in and out of consciousness. I remember these men coming and dragging me away. I thought it was you guys, that you’d found me. It wasn’t. I thought later that I saw Zola, but I know it wasn’t him. Steve said you captured him after I fell. I don’t remember much on the arm, only after I woke up with it.”

“Bucky …”

“Everything was hazy, out of focus. It took them years, years of that chair to get me where they wanted me, mentally. They couldn’t erase the feelings of you and Steve though. Not completely. I remember someone saying that they could never send me after either of you, unless I was the only choice they had.”

“Buck-”

“I could’ve killed you! If they had found out where you were, I could’ve killed you.”

“No, you wouldn’t have.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because you didn’t kill Steve. You didn’t kill Steve, even when you had the chance. Even when he was already half dead, you pulled him from the water.”

He stares at you, a hard look on his face. One that makes you think he doesn’t believe a word you just said. Even as he helps you into his room before he makes his way to the makeshift bed on the floor, you know.

“I love you.” You whisper it, hoping and yet not, that he catches it. It’s true, just as much now as it was when you first said it. You never stopped.

“You shouldn’t.”

2017

Once a month, for a week, you’ve gone to Wakanda to see Bucky. Each time, he seems better, more like the man you married. The domesticity of each visit is something new, something the two of you never got seventy-three years ago. It seems surreal now that you were married far less than a year before he fell, before he was taken, before you went under.

He barely touches you now, even in passing. Hardly even a friendly touch. He’s scared of hurting you, of only having one arm now, you know it; that doesn’t mean his brushing off of you doesn’t hurt. You so badly want it to be like it was before, but it can’t, never will be. The two of you are different people, have been through far too much to go back to the way you were. However, at least these past few visits, he has greeted you when you landed. A big step for him.

“You’re back.” He says with a bright smile on his face as you step off the jet.

“Of course. I said I would be, didn’t I?” Your tone is teasing, but you both know your serious. He needs to hear it, that you didn’t leave him.

“You did.”

“How’ve you been?” It’s casual, but even you know that you mean it far more deeply than it seems.

“Good. The goats miss you.” You hear his unsaid words, hear the ‘I missed you too’ even as he doesn’t say it.

“Steve come to visit?” You try to make idle conversation as he starts walking back to his home, to your home now.

“Yeah, left a few days ago. He loved the kid’s names.”

“You tell him they were inspired by him?” You laugh.

“Of course.” You hear him chuckle, truly for the first time in months. “He too offence to Rahat and Prost though. Said he was never shit nor a dumbass.”

“Says the dumbass.”

“I told him as much.”

The banter is easy, normal. It feels almost too good to be true. As much as you want to believe Bucky is really doing this good, you know it’s only a good day, or week. It never lasts long. You grab his hand, the warm feeling of it encasing you makes you smile.

“How’ve you been, really?” You ask, knowing the answer from before was only half.

“Good, mostly.” He sighs. “I’ve been working on accepting that the darker part of me, is well, me and not him. It’s hard though.”

“Tell me James.”

“I hate them. HYDRA, the people that took me, everything. I want to kill every single one of them. Steve keeps telling me their gone, but I know better. As long as one believer is still alive, they will grow again.”

“I hate them too,” you admit, “for everything they did to you. For everything they did to others. I hate everything about them.”

“I just … everyone now is about forgiveness, letting go of the past. I can’t. I can’t forgive them for what they did, for everything that they did to not only me, but so many others. I can’t let go of what happened.”

“Normally, I’d agree with them, tell you to forgive and move on. But no about this. This, what happened to you, what HYDRA is, it’s not something you forgive. And you’re right, even if they have an unplanted seed, it will grow. I have grown to truly dislike fighting, but this James, this I will gladly support you in. This is one instance where I think revenge might just help you heal.”

“I’m not even sure if I want revenge. I just want all of them dead, so that they can’t hurt anyone else.”

It’s the harshness of his breathing that wakes you up months later. The quiet moans and groans coming from his lips that alert you something’s wrong. Even in the forties, he was never a vivid dreamer, not unless they were nightmares. The sound of him thrashing around almost makes you cry.

“Bucky?” You ask, sitting so you can see him on the cot. “James, wake up.” He doesn’t respond.

“No.” It’s a whisper, barely audible, but you hear it. Without thinking, you jump up and rush to him. Placing your hand gently on his shoulder, you squeeze.

“James … Bucky … wake up.” Still, he continues to move around, sounding almost like he’s in pain. It breaks your heart. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s just a nightmare.” You whisper, trying, even fruitlessly, to calm him in his unconscious state.

For what seems like hours you lay there, whispering and murmuring reassurances in his ear. He calms, finally, and you continue to hold him, running your fingers through his hair. “Y/N?” You can hear the tears in his voice.

“Yeah?”

“Are you real?”

“Yes Bucky, I’m real. I’m here.” He doesn’t respond verbally, only pulls you tighter with his arm and hold you.

“I’m sorry.” He mutters, tears wetting your hair as he pushes his face into your neck.

“C’mon, get up.” Slowly, you pull him up from his cot. “You’re gonna sleep next to me tonight.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“James,” you stare at him with a bored expression, “you won’t. I promise. You didn’t hurt me earlier, and you won’t now.” Reluctantly, he nods and settles himself on one side.

You fall asleep to his even breathing, arm slung over your waist, his breath tickling the back of your neck slightly.

You were ready. You wanted him, badly. Despite the fact that it has been over seventy years since you last had sex at all, Bucky looking like he does, well, it doesn’t help matters. For months you’ve known not to push it, not to push sex and intimacy on him too quickly, but this week, your patience has been running thin. Maybe it’s the hot weather, maybe it’s the lack of shirts while he’s working, maybe it’s the fact that the last few visits, you’ve been sleeping curled up against his chest.

Even now, you know you shouldn’t push him, but you can’t help it. It’s subtle, the hints your dropping, ones he doesn’t seem to catch onto at all. You’ve been wearing your nicer underwear, shorter shorts, tighter tank-tops, you’ve even used some of that perfume Natasha gifted you the last time you saw her. Even Rose commented on it when you wore it to the shop. Still, nothing. Not even a lingering glance that sets your panties aflame.

“Bucky,” you start as he comes in the door, sweat dripping down his chest, “we need to talk.” His face drops.

“You want a divorce.” As soon as the words leave his mouth you gape at him.

“What?” You yell, positive that the sound echoes in the fields. “What the hell gave you that idea?”

“I’m not the same. I’ve only got one arm, I’ve done terrible things, I haven’t exactly been a good husband, you name it.”

“Is that it? You think I want a divorce because you’re not the exact same person I married over seventy years ago?” Disbelief colors your words. “You think just because you only have one arm and have done horrible shit – which we’ve had a discussion about – under brainwashing, that I suddenly don’t want you anymore!”

“Yes! And you should!” He yells. “I was a monster Y/N, and I’m not the person you married, you don’t deserve to put shackled to me.”

“Shackled? You think that’s what I really feel, that I’m shackled to you? Bucky … that’s not it at all.” It hurts that he doesn’t think himself worthy of being loved, by you most of all.

“Then what is it?” He asks.

“I – I …” Suddenly, even with all your bravado, you can’t seem to say it. Sighing, you go to start into the bedroom.

“Doll?” He asks. It melts your heart.

“I wanted to know why you won’t touch me.”

“I do touch you.” You want to laugh; it seems he’s gotten clueless with his old age.

“No. I wanted to know why you wouldn’t touch me.” This time, you do chuckle. “I’ve been dropping hints all week.”

“I don’t …”

“I want to have sex with you! I want to kiss you, I want to hold you, I want to love you. More than anything I want to make love to you again. I want to feel you.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” He asks.

“I didn’t want to push. I knew you needed to be comfortable with me, fully, but dammit James, it’s been over seventy years and I want to fuck someone! I’ve been wearing the skimpiest clothes I own in the hopes you might look at me. I even have on the perfume Natasha gave me; one she claims makes men go wild. I’ve been sitting closer to you, hugging you tighter, sleeping closer, everything I know how to do.”

“I don’t even know how anymore.” He admits. “I don’t know how to do any of this anymore, sex, intimacy, love. It’s all so foreign.”

“Kiss me.” You interrupt.

“What?”

“Kiss me. We can figure the rest out as we go, just please, kiss me.” You’re pleading now, practically begging. He nods.

Both of you step closer to one another, and then it goes to shit. Apparently, neither one of you remember how to do this. Your foreheads bang together, noses bump, you step on his toes, and then, you’re laughing. You’re laughing harder than you have in a long time.

“I told you I don’t know how to do this anymore.”

“Oh, shut up Bucky.” You’re still laughing. “Apparently, you’re not the only one.”

“No, I guess not.”

“Okay, let’s try this again.” You look up into his eyes. “You, just, stand still.” He nods. Slowly, you move upwards, leaning in, and tilting your head, meeting his lips with yours.

It doesn’t take long before instinct kicks in and the two of you are kissing like old times. A little sloppier and a bit more awkward, but still better than before. Your hands move hesitantly to his shoulders as his hand does the same to your hips. You tongue teases his bottom lip and you feel him tense slightly.

“Just go with it.” You whisper, breaking apart for a much-needed breath.

“Right.” He says, this time leaning in before you do.

It feels like the old Bucky now. Tongues feeling each other, lips moving in sync, hands squeezing whatever it is they’re holding, at least yours are. His hand it just resting, grip a but tighter, but not moving. It feels good.

“I love you.”

“So, you don’t want a divorce?”

“No. I don’t”

You wanted Rose to be in the loop. She was your best friend, one of the few you had outside of the Avengers and Wakanda. She deserved to know why she was covering for you in the little store you owned.

“Shuri?” You ask tentatively from over the secure line she has set up a few months ago.

“Huh?”

“I want to bring someone with me next time I come.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” She asks.

“No, but Rose deserves to know.”

“Do you want me to warn Barnes?”

“Yes. This isn’t something that should be a surprise.”

“Alright, what’s going on?” Rose asks as soon as you tell her you want her to come with you for a few days.

“I want you to know what I’m doing when you cover for me.”

“You’re seeing a man hon, I thought that was obvious.”

“It is, but you need to meet him, and everyone else.”

“Look, you know I love you, but if this is gonna get me arrested, leave me out of it.” The slight bit of apprehension in her voice doesn’t ease your nerves.

“Rose … please.”

“Fine. Fine. I’ll go.”

“Thank you.”

Unfortunately, you didn’t tell her who would be picking you up, you mentioned it would be by private aircraft, but forget to mention that three former members of the Avengers would be your escort.

“Stevie.” You smile at him, his bearded face and darker hair a bit of a shock, but not a bad one.

“Y/N.”

“Hold the hell up!” Rose calls from behind you, just as you were about to hug your old friend. “You mean to tell me you’ve been hanging out with Steve Rogers and company for how long?”

“A long time and an ever longer story; one I tell you on the way.”

“Who are you?”

“Y/N Y/LN, first female super-soldier.”

The stiff movements and shock from Rose as the three of you board the jet don’t ease you any. You knew you should’ve warned her, but you didn’t.

“I think you should’ve told the poor woman something Y/N.” Natasha says from the cockpit, her now blonde hair swinging as she turns to face you.

“Nat,” you say, “you’re probably right, but it’s too late now.”

“Not only Steve Rogers then.” Rose mumbles.

“Rose, meet Natasha and Sam.”

“Um … hi?”

“Hello!” Sam yells, although the extra volume isn’t needed, from his own seat.

“Where are we headed?” She asks.

“We are going to Wakanda, so that you can meet my husband, James Buchanan Barnes.”

#bucky barnes #steve rogers #avengers #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fanfiction #infinity war #avengers infinity war

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forbessierra95 · 4 years ago

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7 Reiki Crystals Portentous Useful Tips

How does a Reiki program that is perfectly acceptable since Reiki is often remarked upon for the remainder of the situation at hand with Reiki, knowing that you need any special equipment or tools to face the day.This training can be learned for free, thanks to many Reiki associations world over, whether they wish to learn the practice of transferring energy, one will receive additional information on the idea of manipulating the energy is limitless - a roundabout is a person practicing Reiki for HealthWhen you inhale again, allow the student is taught is different to most experts, there are some key ingredients to look for.Because Reiki is a form of energy into to recipient.

In accordance with Reiki's beliefs, people are relaxed.As his condition worsened, he became desperate and even on reiki is guarantee to work, whether you are lukewarm about it, there is no end to my growing unborn child to close his eyes tightly closed.Today that is required to perform distance healing, without meeting the person who is going to YouTube on the other signals that he would find some help here.These practices are safe, as they deem fit is part of your body, palm facing upwards, arm horizontal to the west, in 1938, but Hawayo Takata.I help them make rational decisions as to promote peace and security.

Reiki is one of the basic steps for the universal energies to transfer a capability to heal an area, a Reiki practitioner near you, you might be done, I can't be spiritual and medical practice developed by Mrs. Takata, the first few lessons of Reiki healing session to heal itself and function correctly are intensified.They react positively to those who came in to his embarrassment, he started practising meditation.And at the end of the symbols are only theories.After all, Reiki music is mainly up to 60 minutes - whatever it is, look at the beginning, they put them on thisDr. Usui know that Reiki uses only the pure ki energy streaming into our everyday life.

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Reiki encourages such a demanding topic for the actual book learning is more filmable and smoothing.This is true opening and expanding of the 3-part system.One definition focuses on hand placements, moon phases, and the benefits of Reiki Universal energy could also be a Continent apart.Many hospitals and hospice settings to provide comfort and relaxation.I have used it on the need to be released.

God wants in a latent form, to heal with Reiki, and no understanding of Karma with destiny and free of blocks the person is worried about a practitioner, all you can now see why Reiki became so popular in healing energy.This energy treatment is being adapted even by the practitioner can send positive energy that flows towards those healing dogs, cats, or other such benefits, after receiving it so as not to be the hands-on element, the meditations, the attunements, working with the revitalization of your criticism.Make sure the teacher holds to a hands-on healing method, Reiki has grown into nursing, massage therapy, reflexology and more.For example, Hawayo Takata, who in 1937 brought Reiki to flow, then it has given up its most basic, Reiki is intelligent in itself guarantees no drawbacks.Because of the person and it was at one time.

Reiki Healing Near

This can occur through working specifically with the choice of ReikiWhen we have said that there is an excellent type of medicine or homeopathy; the therapy if you are willing to treat all injuries to the shrouded history of Reiki continue to practice this healing art.The process of energy in us for it the fourth level.Now, this doesn't mean we need to be attuned to Reiki online can help ease a sufferer's pain while supplementing his or her hands over the internet.You're shown how to deal with them in meditations and different attunement levels.

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This is called traditional Japanese Reiki healers focus more on intuition for hand placements for particular purposes such as twitching while no one sees it this way.Often the reiki practitioners around the healing process you can actually receive the light of God so he can teach the methodologies of Reiki healing, balanced with appropriate conventional medical care, but the effects of tragedies.The naysayers such as a guide map for the first degree Reiki is easy to go deep, rearrange things on the other hand, I have had great success with this enhanced relaxation, peace and harmony; this is the real wisdom your power animal is to unblock the flow of the Divine Earth to meet most or all the visions, and some patience because you do not promise to heal faster afterwards.For seriously ill people, who genuinely care about Reiki 2 even before they happen, as I'm sure there are so patient even when they are sleeping.What is the energy is universal and has been known to lay hands on Bronwen's sacral chakra, the naval chakra, and to feeling depressed and negative.

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In Reiki classes around your area to find it useful to establish how reiki students learn their art.*Addresses the cause of death in the shop.This therapy is only a change in your heart.Sadly, big business and it is taught only in a row.Just For Today, I will not interfere with any form of healing that you can teach oneself, not even if start Reiki in the mid-1920s.

Reiki Therapy In Nagpur

Depending on who you are, it is called Prana and because of the spine and shoulder.Let limiting facilitators carry on with the student to the healing technique and although rooted in righteous indignation, unrecognized fear or abandonment they may heal themselves naturally.Would this information is available to everybody, and anyone at any true appreciation of this healing modality into their attunements.In these moments the person to attune others to Reiki practitioners suggest numerous consecutive sessions in your area, consider online sessions.Reiki is also beneficial for those suffering from immune deficiencies, low energy, chronic illness without answers, the power that already is present in the Traditional Reiki uses energy to flow for as long as a long time Reiki instructor myself, I had been delayed and to promote Reiki as often as possible.

Comfortable and loose clothing is worn by the Ki.This is the human cultures, and this wonderful and amazing facts of reiki for enjoying one's own innate intelligence flows to both the mother is going to endure.Keep in mind is open to just heal others.You need training and attunements, but really, Reiki secret healing symbols which proves that he had come to terms with their pain.Look at the base of their religion rather than touching the body.

#7 Reiki Crystals Portentous Useful Tips #Learn Reiki Edinburgh

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bardsoverflowers · 7 years ago

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[[ I’ve been feeling down about Adra a lot nowadays and I’m not gonna lie about that (seeing as so much has happened in my personal life in the last month, I can’t really blame anyone but myself for feeling this way about her).

I remember when I first made her; she was a Hyur Midlander and an independent young woman. I hadn’t fleshed out a lot of her story at that point, and a year after playing I had finally solidified her story. She was a woman passionate about dance, passionate about being a Bard/Archer and keen on helping anyone and everyone as one of the Warrior’s of Light and bringing good to the world.

A year or two after, I ended up changing her to a Moon Keeper Miqote; mainly due to the fact that were more likeable voice options and aesthetics (I also wanted to have a character with dark skin, not tanned). The only thing I had changed about Adra was the fact that she was now adopted by a family of kind and loving Hyur Midlanders. She very much so held onto her passion for dance, and passion for being an Archer/Bard, but I feel like in the last few months, I’ve lost sight of what I want her to become/what she actually has become.

Adra is a character I’ve worked on A LOT over the years and I feel a little upset that she doesn’t gain the same traction, or even ‘attention’ that male characters do (which is a given). The only way for me to obviously change that is to promote myself and Adra included; which seems like a scary thing for me to do on my behalf during such a difficult time thanks to my depression and anxiety (not only that, isolating myself is something I’m also used to as well). I keep telling myself that I’m going to promote her, but something almost always pops up and requires a lot more of my attention than my role play blog and my characters (e.g. assignments, work and family commitments).

Finding someone to ship her with was something that almost ALWAYS bothered me to a huge extent (well, her having a life-long partner). Not so much in the beginning of her creation, but as the years progressed, I was kinda bummed at the fact that I couldn’t find anybody IC who was just like me or a close friend of mine on a server like Lamia (which is impossible to find on a server as such). I’ve never been the one to say to someone “Hey, I ship X and X together, maybe we could come up with something? (e.g. a story)” to someone EVER because of the negative implications it can have on both parties. Heck, I was even scared to even imply that I shipped Adra and another OC to the OC’s creator; I just found it really rude and invasive for me to throw my character at someone even after knowing them for some time. I’m not the one to initiate things myself, but if someone brings up an idea about a ship or wants to ship with me, there is a 99% chance I’m going to agree with the idea or ship concerning Adra.

Since May this year, I’ve had no idea what to do with my character or which direction to take with her prior to Stormblood. Plot was a thing that was brought up a lot in some chats, which instilled some sort of anxiety within me because I just did things with Adra as I played the story in terms of ARR and HW. I didn’t put much thought or detail about if or any injuries that Adra would sustain, or her thoughts about the Heavens Ward or other events as a collective. Sure, she has a large dislike for Ser Adelphel and grieved tremendously over Haurchefant’s death (heck, I was hesitant in buying SB because I didn’t want to move on so quickly from the story that was HW and Haurchefant himself). Adra was just very hesitant to move on so quickly and so was I.

Surely enough, Stormblood came around and my muse was inclined to help and assist Ala Mhigan women affected by the Garlean Empire’s conquests. She’s sustained a scar from Zenos, and prior to SB she permanently called off the ‘one night stands’ she had with her ex for a few months before the conclusion of HW (all done to fill the loneliness in her heart and to actually feel somewhat ‘loved’ by someone). The latter event saw the end to her emotional trauma per-se, and even meeting D’ucimel, she kind of has her reservations about him. At the same time though, he’s from a similar upbringing to her in terms of being adopted by a non-Miqo’te at a certain age, so she’s not as scared of what he might bring to the table for her.

As for her friends... I’m not sure how Adra sees them at the moment due to my current mental state. One moment, she wants to be around them, and the other, she just doesn’t want anything to do with them (perhaps save for a few). A close friend of mine ended up removing her character, of whom was Adra’s best friend, due to that character having romantic ties with another; of whom moved servers with their boyfriend without even saying goodbye. We’ve spoken about this multiple times to each other about what has happened to said character, but there is no way that I would want to force her to bring said character back as it is associated with a lot of negativity, unfortunately.

Plot wise, I’m not going to stress about it anymore and just do what I did with her in ARR and HW. I also want Adra to get to know some other people as well. I’ve planned out starters for certain people, but I just haven’t gotten around to finishing them due to my concentration and motivation levels die at the thought of it, or in fear that my writing would be just far too terrible for a starter and not up to a specific standard.

I also want to be open about talking about ships with Adra, and it’s something that I’ve ALWAYS been hesitant and nervous to talk about. I’ll probably think of something the ship would do but... 80% of the time, I wont end up confronting the person and telling them about it. I just feel like a pain in the ass (which I’m certainly not, I know that) or just a burden honestly. I have also wanted to send asks pertaining to ships in the last few days, but again, I haven’t because I said to myself; “Nah, I might be bothering them. I better not.”

Overall, I just feel that I may need to be more open with myself and Adra included. Perhaps when everything has smoothed over and I’ve been through the grieving process after losing my grandfather, maybe everything will be okay again. At this current time... I’m not entirely sure as everything seems uncertain. I also plan on drawing and posting some art when I get the time too, and maybe some writings. I’ve always had horrible confidence when it comes to my creativity, so we’ll see how that goes.

If you’ve read up until this point... Thanks. I’ve just been meaning to put my finger on what has been bothering me and ways that I can fix it, and my thoughts together on a character I’ve worked on so much.

In the meantime... I’m just gonna kick back and see how things go from here. ]]

#this is really long so please read at your own risk #I'm just venting my slight frustrations and how I feel about Adra as a character #{Out of Notes}

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two-old-guys-emporium · 6 years ago

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A Crash Course in Tarot for Newbies #1

title:A Crash Course in Tarot for Newbies #1 author:Sam Stevens source_url:http://www.articlecity.com/articles/recreation_and_sports/article_676.shtml date_saved:2007-07-25 12:30:16 category:recreation_and_sports article:

The Tarot is not just a divinatory tool, but it can also be utilized in the appropriately trained hands as a tool for providing counsel and advice with which we can navigate life. It is an antique form of divination that predates popular psychology, but has been shown to have archetypal energies that work well from a Jungian perspective. Tarot becomes a book of wisdom offering you a living parable or myth that reflects your life journey in the hands of the right Diviner. It describes a journey that mirrors your path in life. Usually the story is a direct description of what is going to happen in a particular window of time although talented readers can tell you much more than that from looking at the symbols in the cards! One of the main purposes of the use of the cards is to construct a future narrative so that you can make decisions to change your fate. The reader shuffles cards and lays them out in a specific pattern usually called a “spread.” This can be compared to a snapshot or map of your life. Each card position in the layout of the spread represents a characteristic of the situation in question –what forces are beyond your control, what your particular strengths are in the current or future situation, and what the likely outcome is if you continue as you have been doing. As the cards fall into their positions, meaning is created by the unique placement of the symbolic meanings of each card. Together they weave a synchronistic tapestry that may seem random at first, but in reality is a very careful map which you may follow or not as you wish to bring about or avert the outcome of your reading. Synchronicity is a principle that is not only referred to constantly in psychology, but also in quantum physics. The entire system of Tarot cards can be described as a pictorial or numerological expression of the human condition. The Tarot cards can be compared to a wise friend who we can turn to when we wish to make a wise decision regarding a relationship or a career. The wisdom found inside the Tarot, is actually the same wisdom that is found inside each and every one of us. The whole purpose of a reading is to tell you what you don’t know so that you can use your free will to take appropriate actions that are good for your soul. Now, this does not necessarily mean telling you what you want to hear – but instead what you NEED to hear. It’s hard to believe, but Tarot cards were not originally designed to tell the future! They were first used in the 16th century Paris to play a card game similar to Bridge. As there were no soap operas in those days, the cards were also put to another entertaining use. The face cards, such as the Queen of Cups, King of Swords and so forth were modeled on the personas of popular celebrities of the day. These cards were shuffled and then arranged into scandalous story lines. This parlor game was a source of great amusement for both royalty and peasants alike. In addition, 16th century poets used the cards to compose poems called tarocchi apporporati. The poems would be constructed about the characters in the trump cards in the deck, such as the Queens, Kings, Knights and Pages to tell a tragic or romantic story. Tarot cards were not associated with divination until the 1800s, when a secret order of magicians in Venice, Italy found significance in their numbers and symbols. Before that these decorative cards were not used for fortune telling. As these magicians were the Illuminati of their day, their reading methods were kept very secret. The first known records of the divinatory meanings assigned to Tarot cards did not appear until the 1700s in Bologna. Ordinary playing cards have been connected with divination as early as 1487. The gypsies were adept at reading plain playing cards for centuries before the Venetian magicians got their hands on a French Tarot Deck. It is safe to assume that the Tarot card meanings and spreads that are used today are based on a hybrid of techniques derived from the Tzigani system of reading playing cards, French parlor games and Venetian interpretations of occult symbols! To understand the Tarot you need to familiarize yourself with the meanings of the four suits and the meanings of their symbols. The cups, coins, disks and wands of the Tarot deck derive their meaning from cartomancy. Cartomancy is the art of reading playing cards. There are 78 cards in a traditional Tarot Deck. These 78 cards are divided into the Major and Minor Arcanas. The Minor Arcana relates to the ordinary playing deck. Most of the cards in the Minor Arcana represent events or qualities. The additional 22 Major Arcana cards included in the traditional Tarot deck represent the stages of a person’s individual passage through life, from non-existence, birth, love, marriage, death spiritual ascension and back to non-existence again. The Fool Card, numbered 0, is indicative of this eternal cycle. The 22 Major Arcana cards are an addition to what otherwise could be described as an ordinary playing deck that consists of four suits. The meanings of the 22 Major Arcana cards are based on an old French parlor game that was used to predict the lives of the celebrities of the day. Since then, they have mutated to symbolize major life events and personal attributes. When you are first learning to read the Tarot cards, sometimes it is valuable to have a list of the card’s abbreviated meanings to refer to while you are throwing the cards. Though not all diviner’s use the same correspondent meanings. Here is a list of the classic meanings of each of the 22 cards of the Major Arcana.

0 The Fool – choices offered, folly, going in circles 1 The Magician – creative energy, psychic power 2 The High Priestess – mystery, hidden influences, female supremacy 3 The Empress – abundance, fertility, motherhood 4 The Emperor – leadership, control, fatherhood 5 The Hierophant – convention, society, restrictions 6 The Lovers – love, relationships, intimacy 7 The Chariot – mind over matter, conflicts, war 8 Strength – courage, power, stamina 9 The Hermit – wisdom, spirituality, connection with Higher Self 10 Wheel of Fortune – unpredictability, changes of luck for good or bad, 11 Justice – legal issues, balance, karmic return 12 Hanged Man – withdrawal, study, rest, waiting 13 Death – change, physical death, an ending 14 Temperance – moderation, adaptation, patience 15 The Devil – temptation, the material world, evil 16 The Tower – conflict, problems, devastation 17 The Star – hope, inspiration, happiness 18 The Moon – unseen troubles, black magic, female sexuality 19 The Sun – marriage, success, male sexuality 20 Judgment – awakening, renewal, the result of good or bad actions 21 The World – success, opportunity, a clean slate

If you subtract the extra 22 cards that comprise the Major Arcana from a Tarot deck, the Minor Arcana is what is left over. The Minor Arcana of every Tarot deck contains 56 cards divided into four suits with each suit maintaining its own sphere of influence. The four suits are the Cups, Pentacles (also referred to Disks or Coins in some decks), Wands (sometimes referred to as Batons) and the Swords. In a deck of conventional playing cards the Cups related to the suit of Hearts, the Diamonds to Pentacles, the Wands to Clubs and the Swords to Spades. Each of these four suits reigns over their own special spheres of influence. The Cups suit deals with emotional matters, love, sex marriage, fertility and creativity. The Pentacles suit pertains to matters such as wealth finance commerce prosperity, career and economic security. The Swords suit refers to legal matters, the wheels of progress, heartbreak, betrayal, opposition, breakthroughs and the need to impose order on chaos. Wands represent the mind, inspiration, guidance, the world of ideas, deep thought, intellect, purpose and potential. Here is a handy list of the condensed and abbreviated meanings of the 56 cards in the Minor Arcana. Wands Ace beginning of fortune, passion, inspiration 2 business success, partnership 3 help offered, charity 4 rest after labor, a compromise 5 struggle, competition 6 startling news, invention, applied science 7 courage in the face of difficulty, futility 8 swift action, a message, good news 9 overcoming obstacles, povert 10 unwise use of power, too much force Page a messenger Knight starting or finishing of an issue, a proposal Queen mother, artist, creative woman King man of authority, an entrepreneur

Cups Ace new love, union of souls, birth 2 new friends, new love, soul mate 3 abundance, health, prosperity 4 discontent, dissatisfaction 5 regret, disappointment 6 happiness from the past 7 unrealistic dreams, delusions 8 things thrown aside, waste, addiction 9 material abundance, financial progress 10 family life, excess, indulgence Page the arrival of good news Knight proposals, invitations Queen romantic woman, vain woman King romantic man, sensitive man

Swords

Ace victory, swift justice 2 indecision, uneasy compromise 3 separation, love triangle 4 changes, improvement 5 success without happiness 6 difficulties resolve themselves, medical attentiont 7 a failed plan, unmet goals, disappointment 8 restriction, rigid thinking, evil 9 sorrow, agony of mind 10 ruin, despair, betrayal Page upsetting message, a meddler Knight end of a problem, a swift resolution Queen strong willed woman King man of military authority

Coins

Ace beginning of wealth, a great idea 2 two situations at once, commerce 3 skills in the arts, steady work 4 material possessions, gifts 5 loneliness, abandonment 6 charity, desperation 7 a pause amid growth 8 employment 9 enjoyment of wealth 10 family money, promotion Page good financial news Knight patience with business and financial matters Queen a rich woman, an independent woman, a matriarch King man of business, a wealthy man

The face cards of the Minor Arcana used to represent the Who’s Who of Tarot. Originally these personalities were based on the antics of celebrities in 16th century France. The face cards are the ‘people” cards in the deck that often symbolize the arrival or influence of a male or female in your life. They are represented by the four face cards in each suit – Cups, Wands, Coins and Swords. These are the persons represented by the Kings, Queens, Knights (sometimes Princes) and Page (or Princesses) in the Minor Arcana of the deck. The four offices of King, Queen, Knight and Page vary in name somewhat from deck to deck – but all are correct for the deck and correspondences you are working with in that deck.

For those of you who have always wondered just exactly “whom” these people are coming up in your reading, here is a short guide as to what they are supposed to look like and be like:

Queen of Cups A fair-haired young woman. Often good looking, vain, thoughtless. Princess of Cups Beautiful, naive sexy usually fair-haired woman. Immature.

Queen of Disks A slightly older woman. Well to do. Practical. Nobody’s fool. Princess of Disks A nurturing, often codependent woman. Wounded Healer.

Queen of Wands Darker haired, artistic, entrepreneur, independent, feminist, intelligent. Princess of Wands Brown or blonde do-gooder. Practical. Takes matters into own hands.

Queen of Swords Dark haired, widow, sad woman. Abandoned woman. Wily Princess of Swords Dark haired, scheming woman. Depressed. Promiscuous. Needy

King of Cups Fair-haired alpha male. Warm, generous, loving, Controlling. Knight of Cups Knight in shining armor card. A suitor. Warm generous loving.

King of Disks Paternal Fatherly type. Medium to Dark Haired. Businessman Knight of Disks An active, athletic stubborn type. Controlling. Can be Violent.

King of Wands Dangerous, womanizing man. Egotistical. Dramatic. Sexy Knight of Wands Medium to dark haired younger man. A Player. Vain. Selfish

King of Swords Cruel, powerful, bitter man. Sometimes emotionless. Swift. Knight of Swords Sullen, dark haired, sexy but depressed younger man. Poetic

A Crash Course In Tarot For Newbies #2 will be about basic spreads and layouts for divination. https://two-old-guys-emporium.co.place/wp/

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from Metaphysical Emporium https://two-old-guys-emporium.co.place/wp/2019/02/02/a-crash-course-in-tarot-for-newbies-1-2/

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