#that is uncomfortably real to how passive suicidality works. it's like a rut your brain gets stuck in

[metanarrates]

hi. i'm a little bit drunk on wine, but please don't mind me. i found your post in the wild about orv and how it portrays the passive suicidality and i kept thinking about it. i don't really remember the exact chapter, but near the start of the book, when kdj teaches sys to subjugate the beasts and she says, self depracting, how she has no talent for it, and then kdj's inner monologue which goes something like 'if she's not talented, i should just kill myself'. i seriously didn't think nothing of it when i first read it! and that appeared again. and then the deaths happened, his backstory was revealed, the whole OD arc... and i kept thinking about that one throwaway line in the first chapters. GOD

orv does this very neat trick where it reveals kim dokja's suicidality through a slow drip feed. that throwaway line near the start of the novel. a single death or even a handful of deaths. him saying that the novel helped him survive. those are easy to not notice. but as he dies again and again and you learn more and more about him... yeah. it's not a realization that hits you all at once. when you learn that he's attempted suicide in the past, it slots perfectly into the puzzle you've already assembled of him at that point. a man who considers his own death an acceptable solution to most problems is one who has DEFINITELY tried to kill himself before