#that is because they are toxic at best and highly abusive at worst

[anendoandfriendo]

Holy shit.

We can't believe we are lying our way out of lying, what the fuck?

(Context: the mother. Who doesn't know we quit BroadPath probably a year and a half ago by now, still thinks we only work Walmart weekends, and also doesn't know we just got a new job at something else extremely similar to what BroadPath was. We do technically only work weekends now for Walmart and have just told her we are trying to transfer to apparel, which aren't lies, what we haven't told her was the reason for, you know, doing that.)

[cicidarkarts]

In Idrees character bio or something it calls him the grey rat of his family. Do you think you can expand more on his family. I think that he does have an uncle shown in one of scenes with him but I want to know if you think more on idrees actual family. Do you think he had siblings? Did he have any sisters? What influenced him to join the Taliban?

So I have a ton of thoughts on little Idrees and what his home life was like. Before we get into all of that depressing shit, let's see a cute sketch of little Idrees :3

Baby 😭😭 And I'm not going to lie. I don't know what the grey rat of the family means. I'm not very good with Google (some of y'all are wizards) so my results didn't yield much fruit. However, I can make an educated guess by the description of "insignificant and useless", and various other idioms like black sheep and white crow, to mean he's an outcast. Unusual, doesn't fit in, either overlooked in the best case or used as the family scapegoat in the worst case. He was neglected and, imo, very abused. Much more info below the cut tw: child abuse, domestic violence (violence against women and children)

CiCi hand jumpscare. Found this lil dude at a Halloween party and had to have him :3 He sits on my desk now I think Idrees was the only male child in a long line of girls (I think 3 sisters). Because of this, he was held to impossible standards as a child, with particularly toxic male attitudes of what a man "should" be in the highly patriarchal and sexist culture of Afghanistan. But Idrees struggled to be what his father/baba wanted him to be. He was bookish, scrawny, meek, and averse to violence.

"You wasted my time, teaching me things of no worth."

His baba would never be proud of him for book learning. Being intelligent didn't save him from the wrath of his baba's iron fist. That's why I think he made this "teaching me things of no worth" comment. To Idrees, all of the knowledge he accrued amounted to absolutely nothing in the eyes of his baba. I like to think he was actually extremely intelligent, working at grade levels quite above his own, as Idrees would bury himself in studies as a way of escapism. He could get praise and adulation from Nurullah and his other teachers that he couldn't get elsewhere. From a young age, Idrees was witness to his baba's volatile behavior. His baba would fly off the handle at the slightest provocation, very clearly a product of the culture of his own shitty upbringing. He kept Idrees, Idrees' sisters, and his mama under his boot, and would commit violence against Mama jaan, who got the worst and most of it. When Idrees was about 8-years-old, witnessing Baba going off on Mama jaan yet again, he jumped in to help her. This was the first of a long bout of physical abuse he endured (and my headcanon as to how his tooth got chipped). Excerpt of how I think this played out found below.

His lil chipped tooth cute as hell tho

He never did anything right in the eyes of his father. Idrees didn't like to engage in violence and was seen as cowardly. Idrees kept to himself and was seen as weak. If he ever stepped out of line of what boys and men are supposed to do, his father would attempt to demean him by calling him a little girl. He was never allowed to be his authentic self. Eventually this spilled over to the rest of the family. Idrees became a scapegoat, and his family avoided him or joined in on the abuse just to appease their baba. Mama jaan tried to pretend he didn't even exist, as any time she came to Idrees' defense, she would be "put back in her place". It became easier to turn a blackened, blind eye. His baba was a Talib. Of that, I have no doubt. Naturally, Idrees would also join the Taliban, in an effort to prove that he was just as capable, just as much of "a man", as Baba. But the violence often inflicted on civilians and women scared him, and his baba became more and more disgusted with this as time went on. Idrees has never been able to discover who he actually is. As a person. As a man. It seemed no matter what he did, he fucked up. Baba always harped on about how much of a disappointment and a failure Idrees was. And Idrees started to believe it. Since defecting from the Taliban, fleeing the violence and the war and his terrible life, Idrees was left to pick up his pieces. He cut his fingers trying to solve the puzzle. Fear has kept him from finishing it, leaving an incomplete picture with pieces that don't seem to fit, his blood smeared across the rest. Even after the war claimed his father and uncle, their marks and bruises remain, tender to the touch. It's all too easy for Idrees to press on these bruises and feel their sting once again. All too easy for him to believe he deserves it.

Excerpt (~1k words & 4 min reading time; tw: graphic depictions of violence against women and children): With a sick pit in his stomach, Idrees recalled one of the many times his mother had been working to the bone. Their crappy little clay and brick home sweltered through the summer heat. The plain salt and pepper and cumin smells of his mama’s cooking wafted through the thick air, interspersed by his sisters arguing over something he didn't really understand (boys or their shared clothes).

Not that he cared to understand. As a young child, hardly eight years old, he threw himself into his studies. Stacks of books enveloped him as he lay on his stomach in his corner of the room, skimming over the same words he'd been trying to take in all afternoon. The quiet peace of school allowed him to concentrate but the chaos of his home was altogether different—distracting, soul-crushing.

The only refuge was his invisibility. If they ignored him, they didn't yell at him. If they didn't yell at him, he could project himself into his own world for a while. A world that soothed his weary mind with bright blue skies, fresh loam, clean running water, surrounded by people who didn't hate his guts.

That illusion shattered when he smelled burning. His mother cursed aloud; pots and pans banged and scraped. Bile rose up in his throat. He swallowed it down, trying to ease his trembling, sweaty hands as they closed his textbook.

“Baba will be home any minute,” said his eldest sister, voice laden with nerves. “This is all your fault,” his youngest spat.

He watched as his youngest and middle sister fought again over who was to blame. But even as the youngest of all of his siblings, he was well aware that Mama would be the one to catch Baba's ire. All of the bickering halted when the door opened. His sisters backed off as Mama tried to salvage what she could, her arms moving wildly as she stirred and scraped the pot.

Baba's large, imposing form stood in the threshold of the door, blotting out the light of the gleaming sun. His scraggly stubble wriggled alongside his nose as he sniffed the air. Those frigid blue eyes stared like ice into the back of Mama's head.

“Woman,” Baba demanded, slamming the door shut, “can you do nothing right?” “I'm sorry,” Mama pleaded. “I was distracted, I didn't mean to—” “Shut up! Spare me your excuses. I work hard all day and you can’t even have a decent dinner ready for me when I get home.” “I’m sorry,” Mama apologized again—but no matter how many sorrys she chanted, they fell on deaf ears. Baba approached her, his dark eyes sending chills down Idrees’ spine. “You know what happens when I don't come home to a hot meal.”

Idrees and his sisters kept their distance. His sisters hid behind their hijabs, shielding their eyes from what was to come. Idrees normally shut his eyes, too. He would clap his hands over his ears and internally recite words from his textbooks. But today, seeing his mama's defeated, horrified eyes watching his baba, something else bubbled up from deep within him.

Baba hurled a fist into Mama's face. She crumpled to the floor, disoriented, huddling down to protect her stomach. That bubbling thing erupted out of Idrees like a volcano. He threw himself in the way of the second hit, blocking Mama with his body. Baba’s knuckles connected with Idrees’ shoulder, heavy and excruciating like he’d been fighting another man and not his defenseless wife. Idrees flinched but kept himself between them, arms outstretched to keep Baba away from her.

“Stop it, Baba!” he cried. “What do you think you're doing, you little rat?” Baba spat. “Shouldn't you be reading your stupid books?” “Just leave Mama jaan alone!” “Idrees,” Mama cooed, grabbing his shoulder. “You don’t have to—” “No, no,” said Baba with a horrific chuckle. He gazed down at Idrees with his crooked teeth displayed in a malicious smirk. “Let him. If he thinks he can defend women, let him try. Go ahead, boy. Hit me. Be a man for once.”

Idrees’ heart thrashed like a terrified cornered animal in its cage. Baba was huge and plump from Mama's cooking. He stood with his belly exposed, laughing like it was a big joke. Idrees knew he was scrawny and unthreatening, arms like little twigs—something he’d been demeaned and berated for all his life. But he threw back a little fist and bashed it into Baba's gut as hard as he could. Baba let out a grunt behind his clenched teeth.

One of his sister’s gasped, then everyone went silent. The stillness of the house made goosebumps race up Idrees’ arms. His father's nasty, horrible glare burned into his memory—chilling eyes, teeth bared, staring into Idrees’ soul like a wrathful god.

He didn't say another word before slamming his large knuckles into Idrees’ mouth. One of his rings cracked against Idrees’ teeth, sending shocks of pain throughout his skull. Idrees staggered but before he could either fall or catch his balance, another hit battered his eye.

Things went black. His ears rang, muffling Mama begging for Baba to stop. When his senses returned, he was on the floor, his mouth flooded with coppery blood, his left eye swelled shut.

“Let that be a lesson to you, boy,” Baba said as he trudged away to his usual spot. “Women aren't even worth the blood you'll spill.”

He shouted orders at his sisters and demanded his mother get food to him in thirty minutes, “or else”.

Idrees was left to pick up the pieces of himself, his Mama only able to give him a tear-filled look before being forced to work. Idrees quivered to his feet, ears still ringing, mind bleary. Despite the room spinning, he tried to help clear out the burnt food. The second his hand touched a rag, Baba demeaned,

“What do you think you're doing, rat!? Are you a man or are you a little girl!?”

He stumbled away, logical thought slowly dissipating from his disoriented mind. He tried to get to his corner where textbooks and stories awaited him. His legs were so heavy like they were weighed down by boulders. He fell to his knees as pinpricks dotted his peripherals.

Somehow, he was able to cast the weakness aside, crawling toward his turrets of books. He hid himself away and was, by the grace of Allah, ignored for the rest of the night.

[hellsinvestigativereporter]

It has come to my attention that there are those amongst my readers who apparently think my assessment of the doomed relationship that is "Stolitz" is a foolish take. Well... I for one do not shy away from public discourse so let us assess what we know:

First off Let us address the two giant pink elephants in the room reading hamlet shall we?

First we have Blitz, a man who as we all know spent most of his life with a very down trodden version of what can be best described as a Napoleon complex and has gone from thinking everyone hates him to suddenly becoming the toast of the town.

And then we have Stolas, a man who was forced to marry a woman so vile she gives Professor Umbridge a run for her money as the worst karen in history, and has now lost everything because he's so unskilled at being himself I dont think he even has a self to speak of outside of his relationship fantasies of him and Blitz.

And now after all the grief and drama and intensity is over with and things have calmed down they are finally at last together living in the same home. And that is why the relationship is doomed. It was not built on a foundation of stable healthy interactions and mutual respect that was built slowly over time between equals, it was an all of a sudden torrent of BDSM and manslaughter with high running emotional drama and toxic power dynamics everytime they were in a room together. The only thing Stolas knows about love is what he learned from romance novels and spanish soap operas which as we all know is giant romantic gestures and high passion sexual fantasies written by people just as ignorant about relationships as Stolas is. So the horney leading the horney you see.

These things do not a relationship make. Its exhausting to have to constantly do high energy activities like that and if that's all the relationship is it will not survive the quiet mundane routine of simple every day life. And Stolas has never once had a calm mundane day in his life. He's lived a stressful life that probably had his adrenaline constantly pounding through him in a negative way and the moment Blitz came into the picture it went from bad to good and he did not want to turn that good switch off. There is no neutrality in Stolas' life and he's officially crashed and burned now with nothing to show for anything he went through, save his relationship with a man who until recently highly resented him unbeknownst to stolas.

What's worse is he hurt Octavia by 100% confirming that between his life with her and his relationship with Blitz, Blitz is the thing he would run off and give his life for without a second thought meanwhile he forgot about the promise he made to Octavia because his relationship status commanded more of his attention than his own child did.

And then of course there's Blitz and suddenly becoming everyone's hero. The imp who henches for no one but himself. Who was willing to sacrifice himself for his friends. Who was used and abused by the wealthy and powerful but still managed to come out on top. With many people not realizing just how much of a cretin he really is.

He broke into stolas' library to steal something that was not his and probably did not think about how he was going to have to hide it later. He sabotaged every relationship he ever had like Ernest Hemingway did because he refused to be the Dumpee, opting to always be in control by being the dumper, focuses on himself a bit too much when it comes to shared trauma like with Fizz, adopted loona to cure his self inflicted loneliness and also had a very creepy obsession with Mille and Moxie's relationship and probably tried to strike up a relationship with her but she decided she loved moxie more, not that that stopped Blitz from having fantasies anyway. And I'm going to say it, he may be the father of Millie's child. Probably went on a bender with millie and in a moment of inebriation and missing inhibitions during his breakup period with stolas, did something unfortunate because that is sadly Blitz's default setting. How terrible would that be to Loona? To finally feel good about calling him dad only to suddenly realize he may be about to have an actual blood related child and replace her? Cause she clearly has abandonment issues as well. But that's another topic for another day.

So on the one hand we have an emotionally stunted aristocrat whose used to having wealth and luxury to cope with his issues who now has to trade in his mansion and caviar for a cramped one room apartment and who also lost his daughter, and a self absorbed narcissist whose getting the positive attention he's always craved from the public and will no doubt let it go to his head in the other, I ask you dear readers, what conclusions would you draw?

[obsessedtomone]

Unravel Yourself Before Me ⛓️ Chapter 12 - Bystander Effect▸Shigaraki x femReader

Chapter Summary:

◤ Shigaraki places a soft kiss on your temple and groans. “See, you could be so fucking good for me, but you always choose to be a mean little bitch instead.”

You shoot him a contempt-filled glare and he just chuckles in return, slipping his fingers out of your mouth and wiping your drool against the side of your reddened cheeks in order to further humiliate you.

“You’re fucking insane,” is all you can whisper, turning your head to look away, but he just grabs your chin between two fingers and forces your gaze to be back on him.

“Thought we already established that? ◢ Setting: University AU - No quirks (unless degenerate personalities count) Tags: Slow burn, Eventual Smut, Very Unhealthy/Toxic Relationships, Humiliation, Mentally Ill Reader, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to ??? Warning: Dead Dove – Do Not Eat | Mind the tags TW: Implied Su/Self H, Dubcon, Past Child Abuse, Bullying, Reader has a super shitty past like actually, Shigaraki Tomura is his own warning.

AO3 Crosspost | Chain Divider by firefly-graphics

Chapters: One • Two • Three • Four • Five • Six • Seven • Eight • Nine • Ten(ko) • Eleven • Twelve • Thirteen

Chapter 12 - Bystander Effect So far, tonight has only been two things. Boring, and incredibly annoying.

Maybe it’s the lack of alcohol in your system that makes you feel like this plane is crashing, meaning you ought to fix that.

Abandoning the idea of going back to the bar entirely, you head out for the open drinks in the living room, the ones available for anyone to roofie. A bunch of people elbow you on the way, but you’re buzzed enough not to mind anymore, focusing on the music pumping the blood in your veins. 

As much as you hate that asshole, the music that’s been playing so far wasn’t the worst. 

You find a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of coke and you pour those motherfuckers into a big cup, swirling it around while praying you’ll have a well-deserved blackout in the morning. God this party sucks.

The plan wasn’t to get wasted, but you don’t think you can stomach waiting for Taylor without being highly intoxicated anymore. And you’re not about to be the party grinch that cuts their best friend’s fun short over some toxic bitches from high school. They’ll make it up to you though, because they definitely will watch that movie they promised to watch with you tomorrow, when both of you are puking your guts out.

Time eventually passes, allowing the alcohol to properly loosen you up and making dancing seem more appealing than sulking in a corner, bored out of your mind while strangers dry hump each other. You get positively lost in the rhythm, until you eventually get tired enough to pull out your phone and check for any updates from your friend.

Taytay – dd ykn w ur th best [Sent 10:19 PM]

Taytay – I f knig lov u nbitch’;’2134 <5 [Sent 10:23 PM]

The random strings of letters your wasted friend spammed you with, brings warmth to your chest, making you genuinely smile—until someone fucking bumps into you and knocks you away from the dancing mass. 

You glare at the assholes (plural), but they pay you no mind and honestly you didn’t have time to dwell on it for much longer. The crowd parts just enough for you to catch a glimpse of a strangely familiar looking group, hanging out on the couch not too far away from where you stand.

Feeling dizzy, you try to get a better look, inching closer and squinting to see better through the flickering lights—until you realize the person you recognized earlier is… Shigaraki?

You swallow hard. Why is he here?

Next to Shigaraki who is manspreading on the couch sits Dabi, the Dabi, not the budget version this time. You’re now ninety percent convinced Mina’s purple-haired arm candy copy-pasted his style from him. And if that wasn’t just your delusion, you’d say Dabi wore it better.

Neither him nor Shigaraki are sitting by themselves, though.

Some slut is giving Dabi the equivalent of a lap dance, basically all but riding his cock in plain view. But that isn't the issue. No, the issue are the talons gripping Shigaraki’s shoulder, fingertips digging into the fabric of his t-shirt and him just fucking staring at her grip in a daze. She looks exactly like the type of girl you’d speculated he’d be into, back when you only thought of him as a creep.

Something indescribable and ugly courses through your blood, clawing at your heart and twisting it in your chest. You shift your gaze from him to the rest of his group, taking note of three other dudes and the blonde chick that looks a little too young to be here, passing blunts and alcohol around.

They’re all enjoying themselves, it seems, while smoking, drinking, getting high and laughing.

He is laughing.

You’re positive you’ve never seen Shigaraki laugh so freely before and that thought nags at you for some reason.

When the girl’s hand casually starts sliding closer to his chest, he seems to snap out of something. He then grabs the girl’s hand, pulling her into him so hard she almost loses her balance and whispers something into her ear with a creepy smile on his face. You watch the interaction and frown, as Dabi’s hands press her closer into him and he angrily shouts something at Shigaraki in return, but Shigaraki only holds her hand tighter, his signature smile only spreading wider.

It’s not a surprise for you to figure out that you aren’t special. 

But seeing it in front of your drunk fucking eyes ends up burning like acid. So much for that fucking confession huh? 

You can’t handle watching them any longer, so you look away and empty the remaining contents of your plastic cup, crumpling it in the process and missing the look of horror on her gorgeous fucking face as you chuck the offending piece of garbage at the floor.

Why the fuck would he lie to you? Why go through the trouble of confessing to you, of attempting to mend things between the two of you?

And why the fuck do you care who he toys with? Shouldn’t you be happy?!

Your bubbling feeling of betrayal threatens to suffocate you, when you notice someone from the group waving excitedly in your direction.

Huh?

He shouts something at his friends, handing his smoke and drink to the blonde chick while you squint your eyes in an attempt to comprehend what the fuck was going on. You thought you were mistaken, but then six pairs of eyes start scanning the room until their gaze finally lands in your direction.

Shigaraki’s eyes visibly widen the moment he sees you and you look around yourself feeling flustered, counting on a miracle that it isn’t you they’re all fucking looking at.

You quickly realize how morbidly wrong you are, when your arcade friend sets off in a rush to get to you, swerving through the mass of bodies.

Fuck.

It quickly becomes clear to you that you’re not ready for another bout of trouble tonight, so you try getting away before your friend reaches you, hoping—fucking praying—to melt with the crowd and lose them. To pretend like there weren’t two pairs of eyes, angry crimson and amused cerulean, both staring holes through your body.

Unfortunately your hopes for a quick getaway are cut extremely short, when a strong buff arm grabs you by your shoulder, effectively spinning you around and pulling you into a sweaty bear hug.

“Holy fuck!” Shuichi shouts happily through the music before slouching to speak into your ear, “Can’t believe I got to see you here! A-Ah, sorry ‘m still high as fuck. Are you by yourself?”

Your drunk head nods at that, trying to make sense of what was going on, but the greeting is cut short when you spot Shigaraki swiftly cutting through half of the room in the blink of an eye, pushing bodies away from him while his flock hurries to follow behind. Shuichi leans in more, body-blocking your vision and his cheeks are pink while he says something to you. You however can’t focus.

A hand appears on his shoulder and Shigaraki violently shoves his friend to the side, tightened jaw and flared nostrils. He’s absolutely livid.

“Fucking my friends now too, huh? Disgusting fucking whore.” Shigaraki actually spits in front of your feet and you nearly get fucking hit if not for your reflexes. 

You take a step back and scrunch your nose in the process. When you look around, you notice you’re surrounded by a circle of his people. People you’ve only heard of from insane fucking rumors.

Shuichi regains his balance and looks at the two of you bewildered. “Y-You guys… know each other?”

Shigaraki finally breaks the intense eye contact with you and snaps his head to his friend.

“Know each other?” he growls through clenched teeth.

The blonde girl starts jumping excitedly, face contorting into a sort of unsettling manic look. Dabi only smiles at you slyly while his slut is in tow, raising his hand to wave at you, wriggling his fingers playfully before crossing his arms.

A million thoughts run through your head and you close your eyes, rubbing at your forehead.

The fuck? Are all his friends insane? They should know that a fight’s about to break out, right? And knowing Shigaraki, it’s bound to get ugly. Are they not concerned at all? 

Unless…

Unless that’s exactly the kind of thing they’re looking forward to.

A tremor runs through your bones. This is not high school anymore and you aren’t a teen fighting other teenagers anymore. These are possible adult criminals, standing around, waiting for something to happen.

And you cannot take Shigaraki in a real fight. You know that much.

Random people are now also turning their heads, trying to figure out what’s going on and eventually pulling out their phones to either text or film the potential shit-show. 

You now realize how badly you’d fucked up to get drunk.

“Answer me, bitch. Are you fucking my friends?” He grabs the fabric of your clothes and pulls you to him, red eyes full of contempt.

“Don’t blame her boss,” a low rough speaks up before you can and adds, “Met her in the store earlier this week, lookin’ at me all starry eyed,” Dabi coos, sending you a kiss and fueling Shigaraki’s fury for no other reason than to get you into trouble, ignoring the obvious disappointment on his partner for the night. “Lemme take a turn after you. I don’t mind fucking cute ‘lil hoes.”

It works like a fucking charm, because Shigaraki looks at you like he was about to set fire to this entire fucking building together with you in it.

Your head spins fast now, anxiety spiking up. There’s too many voices. Too many people. Too much shit going wrong tonight.

You’re scared, you’re pissed, you wanna go home.

You’re tired, you’re tired, you’re tired. You miss your—

Shigaraki snarls at you with narrowed eyes, saying something you didn’t catch, and you—and you snap.

“Fucking—ENOUGH!” you scream at the top of your lungs and straight into Shigaraki’s face, making him flinch and loosen his grip.

Then you do the only thing your drunk, overwhelmed brain can think of. 

You slap the absolute living shit out of Shigaraki Tomura.

The entire room, including yourself, gasps in unison.

He’s completely frozen, one hand placed on the rapidly reddening cheek as he stares into space. 

You hear his friends giggle and see Dabi toppling over in laughter. 

The only person who’s more unamused than you and the guy you just humiliated in front of an entire party of people, is Shuichi. Not only was he unamused, he was shaking, looking absolutely horrified at what you’ve done. And when you look into his eyes, you realize it’s not just out of concern for his friend.

The music died down completely by now and you unwillingly somehow became the protagonist of this room.

When you step away, your back hits the front of one of Shigaraki’s taller dark-haired friends, who’s sporting the smuggest look. It tells you you’re not fucking going anywhere. 

“Uh oh! Creep’s gonna snap her neck!” some random asshole says in the back of the crowd and you frown.

That seems to wake him up. He suddenly lunges forward, forcefully grabbing your arm and dragging you with him… somewhere, but his plans are cut short when Taylor drunkenly steps in to break up whatever this mess was that you got yourself into.

“Ya, okay, enough of that!” They clap their hands twice like they’re talking to some servant and grab Shigaraki’s arm to get him off of you.

He shoves them out of the way, causing your drunk friend to lose their footing and hit the floor hard.

Your eyes widen and you scream at him, kneeing him in the stomach as hard as you could. He groans, letting go of you in favor of clutching his stomach and finally freeing you.

It takes a moment for your brain to register the blonde chick reaching for something, seeing a glint of familiar shaped metal as you stumble to get to your friend who’s now kneeling on the floor with tears running down their face.

Shigaraki shoots his arm out when he notices his friend stepping in your direction and you belatedly realize she held a knife. The blonde bitch was just about to fucking stab you, had he not stopped her. 

You swallow emptily, feeling yourself beginning to shake, all color draining from your face.

“Don’t—Don’t you fucking dare touch them again, you—you s-sick, depraved—fucking—fucking assholes!” you yell at everyone in the room, struggling to help your friend up.

Why is no one doing anything? Where are all of Taylor’s useless fucking friends to help when they needed them?

You look around but all you can see are cold stares. Nobody lifts a finger.

Nobody dares to cross him.

A bead of sweat rolls down your brow and your eyes snap to the direction of a deranged giggle, only to find red irises filled to the brim with unadulterated glee, staring right back at you.

Tomura felt something going off in his brain, the moment he saw your adorably lost and confused face looking for help.

You’re finally, finally realizing it, aren’t you?

He walks over to you, sinking on one knee and you curse yourself for listening to Taylor and leaving your pepper spray at home in favor of this stupid fucking outfit. You consider your odds in a fight, but one look into his terrifying eyes has you second-guessing yourself long enough that he reaches forward first, fingers splayed.

Shigaraki grabs you by your hair and gets up, forcing you to let go of your friend as you’re dragged to your feet. Taylor whimpers from somewhere beneath you, but his tense grip wouldn’t allow you to turn your head and look.

You’ve never seen him this angry, this fucking savage.

The speechless crowd and his cruel amused friends all split, making way for him, as if it’s Moses himself parting the red fucking sea.

You were too dizzy from the alcohol and too focused on the burning roots of your head, but you think you climbed a few stairs and walked a little longer until he suddenly shoved you into one of the rooms in the house, him being right behind you.

Two strangers were caught in the act, but a quick look of recognition over Shigaraki’s form and a barked order from him was enough for them to fuck off faster than you could ask for help. Not that you had much hope they would.

Because he was right. You did finally realize.

You finally realize why everyone flinched when he passed by. Why they whispered behind his back, but cowered if he were to give them a dirty look. Why there were so many wild rumors surrounding him and his shitty friends.

It’s because those aren’t fucking rumors!

Hearing the telltale click of a door locking behind you has you turning around, hand clutching over your other arm in an attempt to stop it from shaking and willing your brain to sober up. 

He’s still holding the handle to your exit, body facing you completely and his demeanor impossibly calm, compared to earlier. 

It must be a facade you think, because you feel the familiar dread you’d always feel as a kid when adults were about to snap and make you wish you were never born. That’s where your anxiety disorder stems from, now serving as an alarm for you to be careful. He’s dangerous.

You hate this. You hate this so fucking much. You hate that all he has to do is stand there and watch you, for you to freeze the fuck up and be unable to further move. The corner of his mouth lifts, smirking at you like he knows.

“Let’s talk, hm?”

Your breathing accelerates, chest rising and falling as your oxygen intake triples and the corners of your eyes burn. 

“You—you literally said—No! You promised!” you choke out, the shakiness of your hand spreading all the way to your shoulders as you speak to the white-haired devil, “You fucking promised not to do this anymore!” You’re sobbing now, fat fucking tears rolling down your cheeks and leaving dark trails of ruined mascara in their wake. “You promised…”

“So I lied. Now answer my fucking question,” Shigaraki growls at you, letting go of the handle and flexing his fingers at his sides. “Did you think it was fun? Telling me you like me, making me run around like some fucking idiot?”

He steps forward and your brain struggles to understand. 

What is he saying? When did you ever tell him that you—

The phone call.

“What? Are you—Are you joking right now? Y-You can’t do this! You’re ruining any chances of—of fixing things, with every second—” Your voice cracks. “With every fucking second that I’m locked in this fucking room with you, Shigaraki!”

But he just takes another step in your direction.

“That’s okay.” He smiles. “Maybe you’re right, for once.” His fingers reach the back of his neck and he rubs it thoughtfully, humming as he advances in your direction, slowly, like a predator and more self-assured than you’ve ever seen him be. “Maybe I am done playing nice.”

You take a tentative step back, rolling your eyes in faux confidence, unable to smother the growing anxiety. 

“T-That so? A deranged lunatic doing something psychotic? W-Who would’ve thought.”

His smirk breaks into a chilling smile at that, but he doesn’t stop stalking towards you. Until the back of your knees meet the frame of someone’s bed. 

“Still so fucking mouthy.”

You glance behind you nervously. “S-So what now.” You close your eyes, biting your lower lip and frowning before turning to look at him again. He’s right in front of you. “Gonna rape me? Teach me a lesson?”

Shigaraki chuckles, amused by your stupid question.

“Nah.” He clicks his tongue disapprovingly before closing the distance and towering over you, placing a hand squarely against your sternum and effortlessly shoving you back. 

You fall gracelessly on top of the bed, immediately grimacing at the thought of someone’s bare sweaty ass being exactly where your head now lays. Your focus shifts back to the man that’s watching you from above with a raised chin.

He looks ethereal like this, you think. Soft warm yellows coming from the dimly lit bedside lamp, illuminating his features only partially. A beautiful monster.

Shigaraki tilts his head. “Now, we’re going to talk.”

“Yeah? Well you better talk fast, because people—” you stutter, feeling angry, scared and ashamed all at once. “B-Because people… Because Taylor will call the cops on you!”

And the fucking second you finish babbling your empty threats, you hear the party come alive once again, music blaring and vibrating through however many layers of brick separated you from the main room. Nobody’s going to be able to hear you.

You curse under your breath.

“Are they now?”

“Shigaraki, stop.”

“God, you look so fucking adorable when you’re scared of me. Gets me really fucking hard,” he groans, brows pinched as he shamelessly starts palming himself through his jeans.

You can’t help but glance at his hand anxiously, feeling your heart beating faster.

“Stop. Don’t fucking do this to me. Please don’t do this to me,” you beg uselessly, screwing your wet eyes shut, trying to mentally separate yourself from him as much as possible.

But Tomura could only revel at the sound of your desperate pleas.

Yes—fucking yes! At last.

He cracks a wide grin, the only regret on his mind being not picking this path sooner. This is something he was used to. So much more efficient to use terror in order to break you down and make you his. How fucking pathetic of him to attempt something like making you want to be with him.

He could barely hold back his delight. You were so close.

Shigaraki climbs up your legs, effectively straddling you and patiently observing your reaction.

“I said relax, idiot,” he tells you, but the way he reaches his hand out and uses his dry, rough knuckles to slowly brush the side of your cheek, does absolutely nothing to help you relax. His touch feels like warm sandpaper, and you can’t help but squirm under it. “We’re just going to talk.”

His fingers uncurl, exploring the planes of your soft face, pads running gently over the bridge of your nose all the way to your lips. If you didn’t know any better, you would’ve thought he’s admiring you, by the slightly dazed look in his eyes. The same dazed look he gave that whore.

Shigaraki’s gaze falls upon your lips as he pushes his index finger into your mouth. You go ahead and bite it hard enough to leave a deep reddened dent. It doesn’t faze him in the slightest, and instead prompts him to force a second digit in as he smiles at you wickedly.

“Sho fuhkin’ tawk then,” you mumble around his bitter fingers, words coming out all funny while you feel shame burning in your cheeks and at the corner of your eyes. You place both hands firmly against his chest, looking for a semblance of separation. For any sort of false security.

His sinister smile spreads even wider, before he leans in so close to your ear that you feel his breath fanning against it. He huffs wryly before speaking again, his voice taking on a progressively higher note, “Y’know, you’re a pretty low-level boss.” Shigaraki snickers, “Unique character design, shitty confusing puzzles, but a lot of weak exploitable points I can hit. It’s like you’re not even trying.”

He’s biting his lower lip, pulling back just enough for you to look him in the eyes as he tilts his head. 

Gone were the traces of his softness from the time before tonight, all replaced by what looked like honest malice and bitter spite towards you.

The only way you could reply is with a pathetic whimper. He clicks his tongue at that.

“Do you understand how easy it would be to get rid of that flimsy scholarship of yours? Or use your filthy fucking sex tapes, of you letting some lowlife scumbag fuck you—” Shigaraki grimaces, but his scary smile quickly returns to his lips. “And… your past,” he whispers to you with an upward lilt in his tone, taking his fingers out and resting them on top of your lip, allowing for your reaction to his revelation.

“W-What? How did you—”

It’s his unhinged giggles that cut you off. 

“People talk. You’d be surprised how easily they give me what I want, once they feel threatened enough,” he says, voice dark and foreboding.

You wanted to rebuke him, you really did, but the second your mouth opens again, Shigaraki slips his already spit-covered fingers all the way to the back of your throat, the brusqueness of it prompting you to gag ugly.

You try to reach for his wrist, to push it away, but he’s stronger and he’s faster. He shakes his head at your disobedience, using his free grip to grab both of your hands and effortlessly pinning them to the side of your head, twisting your body in an uncomfortably forced position.

Was every time you could push him around just for show? And are you seriously only realizing that now?

Shigaraki waits for your erratic breathing to slow down before he begins tormenting you, pumping his long, bony fingers in and out of your mouth sickeningly slowly. 

The sound of you gagging over and over and the wet sloppy squelches of your mouth echo throughout the room, complemented by dampened party music and sounds of his increasingly labored breathing.

You choke and try struggling again, but he doesn’t let you.

“Shh, I’ve seen you take worse. That’s right. Like that. Fuck,” he purrs, face close to yours, gaze fixated on the way your mouth clings to his fingers. You cringe when you feel him lick a long and disgusting stripe from the bottom of your cheek, all the way to the source of the bitter tears. “Good girl.”

Shigaraki places a soft kiss on your temple and groans. “See, you could be so fucking good for me, but you always choose to be a mean little bitch instead.”

You shoot him a contempt-filled glare and he just chuckles in return, slipping his fingers out of your mouth and wiping your drool against the side of your reddened cheeks in order to further humiliate you.

“You’re fucking insane,” is all you can whisper, turning your head to look away, but he just grabs your chin between two fingers and forces your gaze to be back on him.

“Thought we already established that?

You spit in his face and he flinches.

Catching him off-guard is a privilege you’ll take, so you quickly free yourself from his grip. Before he snaps out of his stun, you grab his shirt and your fist flies towards his face using whatever leverage you have from this awkward position. 

It’s now or fucking never.

“You little—!” Shigaraki growls at you, immediately dropping his entire weight on top of your body before your punch can even connect, causing you to uselessly smack the top part of his shoulder and making you howl in frustration.

He slides his arms to grab each of yours, now using bruising force to truly render them useless at the sides of your head. 

“Are you fucking trying to piss me off today?” he barks at you, gritting his teeth and getting halfway up to shift one of his knees on top of your stomach, pressing his weight into it.

“Urk—” You almost literally vomit in his face from the pressure, but he lets up before you can.

“Gonna behave now and listen to what I have to fucking say, or are you going to keep being difficult?”

Difficult?! You’re being difficult? You could fucking laugh if this wasn’t quickly climbing up the ranks as one of the worst nights of your life. So you just roll your eyes instead, as if you weren’t a quivering mess. As if he wasn’t scaring you.

Tomura’s gaze narrows. 

He thought he was closer to breaking you, but you obviously still have a lot of fight left in you. After all, you’ve been through worse.

So maybe he has to truly outmatch your greatest monsters then. He should start easy.

“Answer my question, slut. Next time you don’t, I’ll have to start punishing you,” Shigaraki grunts but you remain defiantly quiet.

He scoffs, lifting his knee away from your sensitive stomach, earning him a relieved exhale from you. That moment of reprieve quickly turns into alarm the moment he wedges it between your thighs instead, mere inches away from your cunt. 

He smirks at your horrified expression and begins pressing it against your core experimentally, drawing out a pathetic whimper from you.

“Oh?” he breathes into your ear, sending a shiver down your spine as he bends his body to repeat the motion. That, unfortunately, wins him another distressed gasp from you. 

“Fuck. That’s hot,” Shigaraki groans like the depraved fucking virgin he is, momentarily forgetting that this is supposed to be your punishment. 

An idea pops into your head.

You close your eyes and softly grind yourself up against his thigh, pretending it’s involuntary, that you don’t want him to notice. It should be easy, right? You know what you’re doing, after all.

Except it slightly backfires once you start genuinely feeling a little hot, the pressure of him pressing his thigh against you making your face slightly scrunch up in pleasure. You try to even your expression, to seem unaffected.

When you open your eyes, Shigaraki looks a little more disheveled than before, his vindictive demeanor from seconds ago slightly softened. Hope blooms inside your chest.

And for the first time tonight, he throws you a playful look. 

“Thought you didn’t want to fuck me?”

God, he’s such a fucking loser, it makes you snort.

“You call getting myself off on your leg ‘fucking’ you? Pathetic.”

Something dangerous sparks in his red obsessive eyes. It sends a jolt through your spine all the way to your core, making you swallow. Hard. 

“Okay.” He presses his forehead against yours and chuckles darkly.

“Huh?”

Shigaraki repeats the motion, putting more pressure against your heat. “Go ahead, then. Get yourself off.”

“You’re a fucking freak,” you conclude, moving away from him despite the blush spreading on your cheeks and the disgusting warmth that was growing between your legs. 

The only pathetic idiot in this room is you. You and your stupid fucking plan.

“What’s wrong?” He leans in smugly, nose brushing yours and the overwhelming cigarettes and gin in his breath overwhelming your nose. “Done already? Was even gonna let you cum even tho’ you don’t deserve it.”

You roll your eyes and miss the slight disappointment crossing his features. He licks his lips and you glance at his mouth for less than a split second, but he catches it.

“Wanna kiss me?” Shigaraki tilts his head and the grin on his face spreads.

“In your fucking dreams,” you lie. “Enough. I’m tired of this shit, let me go.”

“Really? See now, here’s the thing. My hunch is telling me that you kinda enjoy being put in your place.” His eyes widened for a second before narrowing again. “Isn’t that why you keep being a bitch all the fuckin’ time?”

“Should I help you schedule an eye exam then?”

“Mmm.” Shigaraki dips his head to the junction between your neck and your shoulder, deeply inhaling your scent like the fucking pervert he is. “So mouthy. If you’re still able to snap back like that, it means I’m being too nice.”

He finally lets go of one of your arms, sliding his hand all the way to your neck, spindly fingers wrapping around it and squeezing experimentally.

“Why… why do you act so—” Shigaraki tightens his grip some more, making you struggle to breathe the words out, “fu—fuh—ck’d u-up?”

His mouth falls open, smile dropping as he looks at you in awe. The sight of you made his cock twitch in his pants.

“Because I want you,” he admits completely unapologetically, then leans in to press his dry, cracked lips to the side of your neck, kissing it softly. The rough texture and the contrast of the oddly gentle kiss makes you shiver. Shigaraki whispers, “And I’ve decided that I’m gonna have you.”

You really didn’t mean to, but the audacity makes you burst into hysterical laughter, which he immediately cuts off together with your fucking airway, using the hand that still rested on your neck. You gasp soundlessly.

“Is it that funny?” Blunt teeth graze the sensitive skin on your neck before his voice becomes low and threatening, “Did you fuck Spinner?”

Shigaraki forgets you can’t breathe, holding your neck with so much force that you start seeing black spots forming around your vision.

Only when your chest starts slightly convulsing does he let up.

“Fu-uck.” you cough, cringing away from him and breathing like it’ll be your last time. “W-Who?”

“Don’t act stupid now,” he hisses. “The fucking nerd with long purple hair.”

“Oh… him?” You grin angrily, slightly inclining upwards and touching noses with him. “That’s none of your business.”

—was the wrong thing to say, because Shigaraki punches the bed with brutal fucking force right next to your head, making you jump.

“FUCKING ANSWER ME!” he screams at you and you flinch again.

“N-No, you asshole. I didn’t fuck any of your friends.” 

“Then why—!”

Shigaraki slumps, face remaining hidden from behind white locks of hair.

You’re staring at the ceiling as long-dried tears quickly burn their way back and you feel a familiar tightening in your chest. He then slowly sits up, looking down at you again and your gaze follows him until his whole body weight lifts from you.

Tomura can see the faint red outline of his hand forming your neck. His gaze hardens and he goes back to his stiff, unemotional self.

“Doesn’t matter,” he resolves in a tone so cold, it gives you goosebumps.

“W-What do you mean?”

“I mean, that starting tonight you’ll become my bitch.” He pushes himself off the bed, fixing his clothes. You can’t help but stare at him in disbelief. “You’ll do whatever the fuck I tell you to do, and if you don’t—” He smirks at you sadistically before continuing, “If you don’t, I’ll just destroy everything you’ve ever cared about. That’s a promise.”

He pats down his arms and clothes as if to dust your filthy presence off.

You lie motionless at first, frowning until the words finally register into your alcohol addled brain. So you’re sitting up, face contorting in anger because you’ve had enough of his shit.

“You’re absolutely fucking nuts if you think I’ll—”

A sharp crack echoes in the room and judging by the position of your head and the painful sting in your face, you realize Shigaraki had struck you across the face. Hard.

You can’t hold back the violent sobs that escape you.

“Got your attention?” he growls at you, grabbing you by the roots of your hair and turning your head to him. You vaguely register his clenched jaw. “You’re a pathetic self-destructive little whore,” he hisses through gritted teeth. “And you should’ve killed yourself when you had the chance to, right after I showed that cute little ass to everyone. But you know what?”

The warmth of his breath brushes over your hurting cheek.

“Now you belong to me. So go ahead and fucking try blowing your brains out. Because not only will I make true on everything I fucking told you, but your precious little friend, your coworkers, your manager, even your fucking therapist will regret the day you were fucking born.”

“No…”

“Just like mommy did. That’s why she left your brother to die and shot herself up with heroin until she fucking left you too. Just like your brother, from under his cozy little grav—”

You don’t remember much, but you feel your throat being sore. It’s weird though, because you don’t remember yourself screaming. Or how you landed in the middle of the street, shoes and your jacket long forgotten.

You don’t remember how long you’ve been walking for, or where you were.

You don’t remember, but you can’t seem to stop trembling or crying hysterically and you don’t know what to do.

You don’t know what to do.

YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

— NEW MESSAGES —

Psycho – im acc nice to my toys so ill look past ur little temper tantrum this time [Sent 2:34 AM]

Psycho – u better show 2 class tmr otherwise i promise u really won’t like what will happen if u dont. [Sent 2:35 AM]

Psycho – sweet dreams :) [Sent 2:35 AM]

[growling]

for the ask game (with either raincode or danganronpa) :

👛 your favorite rare pair?

💕a ship you’d defend with your life?

♠️ favorite protagonist?

(from this ask game)

👛 your favorite rare pair?

I don't think much about danganronpa shipping anymore (my brain is now just permanently rotating enoshima, kamukura, komaeda, ouma and kiibo there like rotisserie chickens instead, i am TOO BUSY!!!), so rain code it is: yumayomi/kokohell/the japanese side calls it yumayomi ig and the english side does not call it anything because no one except me and like 2 other people care. yuma & yomi are just so objectively hilarious as a duo and the possibilities of putting them in Situations are fucking endless nobody does it like they do it. every day another yuma and yomi au idea establishes itself in my mind i am running out of storage room i have so many other things i should care about that aren't wacky rain code yaois but guess what i cannot they won't let me

(also fubuyomi honorable mention. I have to mention fubuyomi they also drive me but I have zero words to describe it. oh and worshipper x priest despite me keeping silent about it for a solid few months i did not forget religious serial killer toxic sludge yaoi anyway have you listened to we will commit wolf murder by of montreal for no reason in particular)

💕a ship you’d defend with your life?

zero hesistation ougoku danganronpa like what is you people's PROBLEM??? "it's abusive" jesse what the fuck are you talking about. Ouma did not "manipulate" him Gokuhara knew exactly what he was doing. Ouma explicitly told him his plans for the Insect Meet and Greet in the FTE's right before the event, and Gokuhara got mad at him because he lied about liking bugs, (which Ouma had to do because you've all seen how Gokuhara reacts to people that don't. you've seen it) NOT because he suddenly realized he was being manipulated or something. So many people dismiss the sheer amount of agency Gokuhara actually had in chapter 4, in favour of painting the situation as just "poor stupid baby gonta got tricked into murder by the big bad ouma :((((" while. he is not STUPID (HE IS LITERALLY A SCIENTIST??) he was not COERCED into his crimes, he was a WILLING ACCOMPLICE!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE I'M LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND!!!!! He did it in a misguided attempt at mercy killing his classmates after finding out the world got fucked and everything sucks now. There are multiple pieces of dialogue that highly imply Ouma did in fact also want to mercy kill the class - which also makes sense as it would end the killing game (you know his. main. true. goal.) This would mean that he only started his plan to become the “mastermind” after Gonta told him to not die with him <- this one's quoted from my favourite dr theory blog jacksmusesdrv3 hello hava good day I couldn't find another way to word this myself. "Ouma faked being sad Gokuhara's about to be/got executed in front of him" his reaction literally parallels Kuzuryuu's to Pekoyama's death buddy. buddy. Ouma's entire thing is that he lies about lying about lying about lying WHY are you taking his word at face value why are you believing whAT THE LIAR IS TELLING YOU?????? WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING. PUT ME OUT OF MY FUCKING MISERY I CANNOT TAKE THIS. People treat Gokuhara like he's stupid (which is "funny" (he said through clenched teeth) since isn't that the entire thing everybody ingame severely underestimates him and then. i can't) while he and Ouma are two of some of the smartest people in the game. And! Gokuhara is perfectly capable of lying and having ulterior motives we've all saw him do that right :)))) multiple times right :)))))) Gokuhara even SAYS Ouma didn't trick him BECAUSE HE DIDN'T. HE DID NOT. These two have the some of the most genuine dynamics in dr, and the best in ndrv3, and you dare disrespect them like this. shame on you. SHAME. People always assume the worst in Ouma, and the best in Gokuhara. This is my personal hell. I am not okay.

♠️ favorite protagonist?

Easily Yuma, beating literally all of dr's protags (though dr1 Naegi has second place. I love you Naegi Makoto). Where do I even start? I think I'm too tired after the above rant to articulate myself anymore and I think if I wasn't that essay would take an entire week to finish lmao.

Thanks for the ask anon :3 !!!

[nogoawaytism]

Okay, so I really like the idea of Silver Bull. (And by "like" I mean it's been burning in my veins for months.)

Oh shit, it's long.

Realistically, it would take quite a long time to fully develop of course. There's Adam's racism towards humans combined with Merc's inability to really open up to anyone who isn't named Emerald. And of course there's always the angle of the two being an all-around toxic pairing, much angst. Buttt since I'm just a sinnamon roll and want everyone to be healthy and happy, I'm going to go for the healthy variety.

(By the way, in my au, Adam and Ilia are the same age as most of the cast. I never really saw the point of making them older and younger respectively.)

Initially, when Adam is forced to spend time around Emerald and Mercury (the HORROR), it's the worst day ever. You could write at least one full season's worth of a sitcom. Emerald and Mercury just do stupid shit to intentionally piss him off. To be clear, it isn't 100% out of malice. The two have some desire to see him cut loose in spite of everything. From seeing how he fights, they know just how dangerous he is, especially towards humans, but even from the start, there's this sort of mutual respect from both parties. I think Adam would be the one to feel attraction first, and he's horrified that he's capable of feeling attracted towards a human. Inevitably, the shells crack over time. Adam and Mercury aren't blind to the softness that Fox can bring out of Emerald, one different than the one Mercury can sometimes evoke. At this point, the concept of a human and a faunus together romantically is such a foreign concept to Adam- obviously it was horribly taboo in Atlas, and it would be highly looked down upon in the White Fang to say the least. Eventually Adam's curiosity gets the best of him, and he asks Fox "What do you see in her? She's a human!" Fox replies "She's more like me than she is different." and elaborates on the similarity of their pasts. Fox also tells Adam "I can tell there's something that's hurting you too. It's buried deep inside, but it dictates your every step. And I don't think I want to force it out of your mind." Adam's understandably kind of freaked out over Fox's semblance, but there is some innate trust because he is also a faunus. They develop a friendship- probably Adam's first friend that isn't in the White Fang. They've gone through hard times. Neither has a living family, and Adam was blinded in one eye, while Fox has never had vision in either.

Eventually, Adam and Mercury do reveal their pasts to one another of their own volition. It's a big turning point in Adam's worldview, it's not like he wasn't aware that humans could be abused, but rather it's hearing a firsthand account of an especially horrific case, one that's honestly quite similar to his own. For the first time, Adam is connected to a human via mutual understanding, albiet a fucked up one. And for once... it's like those racial barriers aren't there. It's a pair of two scared little boys, experiencing something NO ONE should ever experience, looking into a mirror, plenty of visible scars, and even more invisible ones. Suddenly, all of that repressed pain from over the years, channeled away into rage and destruction for a cause bigger than they are- the dam breaks.

They cry. How many years has it been since their eyelashes have gotten spiky with tears? Or their heads hurt, is it from crying? The beatings? The mental strain? Losing their humanity, as they feel it draining from them day after day? How long has it been since their faces have been flushed from raw emotions that haven't been channeled into a fight? Do the once-familiar sensations of hot tears streaking down their faces, running into their mouths and leaving a salty aftertaste in their mouths feel foreign now?

Even with the freedom fighter and the assassin's hard facades, there is no shame in everything coming forth, because he knows, the man across from you knows, did anyone? Did you give up on anyone knowing? Or are they dead because you survived and they didn't? You thought you could move on, did you really? It's in your face now, those prosthetic legs, that charred flesh, hidden away under fabric to avoid rude or frightened stares.

Where do we go from here?

[sunsetsandrivers]

What pursuing a Bachelor's degree in my late twenties really feels like :

It's been a journey and a half.

I could never really fit into a box through my school years, which is to say that there were years that I underperformed academically and years that proved me a worthy student. I was always more inclined towards the arts though, because I found it easier to be able to perform to the best of my creative potential rather than a systemic one. My mother, who holds many degrees in the field of education, constantly wondered why that was so she tried to get me to sit for certain psychological tests at a point wherein I was diagnosed with Mild ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder) and the advised solution was to not curb my extracurricular exposure. I'd still say my primary school years were good enough but due to a lot of family disturbances over this phase, I started losing out on my academic performance in middle school, which led my parents to making me repeat a year and help me hone a stronger educational base. Not only was I a reserved child prior to it, I also never had any real close friends except for the kids in my family. So the pressure to outperform my self that particular year was immense and how I did! Senior school seemed comparatively easy thus forth. I became popular amongst friends and began to know the who's who of AISN. The difficulty arose again in life then, due to a couple of miserably toxic relationships that resulted in my lack of interest towards my final board examinations. The first time we were to appear for our tenth grade CBSE exams, our education minister decided to ease the system to our benefit and I aced it with highly above average marks. For my twelfth exams though, my mother left me to the noble guidance of another school teacher for the same and I remember a few distinct months of staying up late nights trying to study but instead being snuck out of home due to the various mental pressures we were facing and even thought of cheating on my exams. But then I just left most of my papers blank in order to stay true to myself. This being my life's biggest mistake because I had planned my college life out for myself right when I entered senior wing - I'd even chosen my stream with absolutely no intervention from anyone else and so I was ready with a game plan for myself. What went wrong though was the shame attached with the outcome of the bare minimum efforts I put in to get there. Even though the board result was around my expectations, the college entrance test result had me tripping balls to the extent that I met with an almost fatal car accident the night before it was to come out. I still reached where I wanted to though albeit with a truckload of emotional baggage, because personal interviews and group discussions were easier to crack for merit lists than the "system".

The real struggle, however,

hadn't begun yet.

College years were extremely cathartic in the sense of the exposure we got to the media industry but living away from my family for three entire years being fully aware of the challenges we were facing at home left me dysfunctional, depressed and distraught more often than not. My attendance became the highlight of 400+ students' lives apart from my own and it became the biggest elephant in the room despite my continued excellence in terms of extracurriculars and projects. I was just too busy living my best life out there for me to have to worry about anything else. Naturally, these years also saw me indulging in substance abuse and falling in and out of the worst companies one could keep before the public eye. That being said, the onslaught of family issues hadn't ceased to exist and right at the nick of my second year in Pune, my parents separated because of my father's work that called out to him in Mumbai offering him a new home, car and driver amongst other luxuries and the position of a CEO at the most popular Indian company for electronic consumer durable goods. My mother stayed put in Noida for another year or so to take care of my brother's education and they shifted in with my father right after. To get to live in the City of Dreams was always what I wanted for myself post college and so despite all odds, I was really happy to have gotten to be part of this opportunity. The only thing faultering here though was my defocused and indisciplined last year wherein I was gradually giving up on my college life. My brother, who passed his board examinations with flying colours, by the way, was made to join an iconic Bombay college where he decided to pursue a degree for his BBA in Finance.

Having to adjust with my family in a new city where homes don't even have balconies even though ours was sea facing, was difficult. Not for any other reason but because it felt like they were slowly moving on from my living away from them. My brother adopted a black labrador in those months : Joy, who was just a month old when he came home. I remember clear as day when my mother came with him to Pune to live with me for a month and help me get back up on my feet with respect to college and how annoyed I used to get seeing him untrained enough to be eating out of garbage bins and chewing on shoes! We all fell in love with him in the two years we got to spend together in Mumbai though. Joy has become an integral part of our lives now. Getting back to my misery though - I would constantly be shuffling between two cities due to fights at home, apart from pending backlogs. And because I was idle in the months that that wasn't going on with an unstable social life to look after thanks to more failing relationships, my parents decided to get me professional help for my mental health as well as pushed me to enroll myself in a different course where I could find something to be better at. I did try to do all of that but still found myself rotting in even more complicated life situations because the need of the hour remained to be incoming financial stability and security versus outgoing financial instability and insecurity.

So I gave up eventually.

On two entire courses of my career.

On two beautiful cities.

On all of the people I ever knew.

On everything that I felt like I could ever do but never know enough.

But mostly just on myself.

My parents had to separate again in life due to it but this time around, I felt like I'd really been the only one to blame all along. What I did next was shift to Pune away from it all, landing myself a decent job and living at a PG accomodation in order to clear some personal dues and try to work until a couple of months later that my mother called me home and we all shifted back to Noida. I tried pursuing another course here which didn't work out for me because it wasn't a bachelor's degree and I completely shred all sense of beauty and grace in my life to overcome my mental health issues or personal struggles. Coming back to town felt disastrous initially because I didn't know anyone other than the people that had known me growing up and my brother's friends had begun to poke fun at my life conditions. So I chose to get back around to meeting people and making friends, falling in and out of the drug trap. My life saw no other escape and seeked no other redemption. Upon applying for a course and dropping out yet again though, my aunt suggested that I pursue a diploma in montessori teacher training and I did so that year but my mental health was in such a flux, especially with my own parents constantly putting it to question that I decided to study psychology and satiate this unknowable curiosity for my own existence and get into rehabilitation for my incurable habits; but then COVID'19 took over and shook the world.

I think I'd be the only person in all of humanity to claim that that secretly made me very happy : being vengefully stuck in a house with no access to sunlight, forced against my will into staying medicated to keep my brain chemicals functioning normally felt atrocious while the rest of the world had to go into lockdown due to a virus that none of them saw coming, felt cathartic.

But that's not it, because I bounced back to find work and a great set of friends and a happy relationship only to see all of it crumbling before me AGAIN with my grandfather passing away while I slipped into using drugs YET AGAIN.

The problem however wasn't anything but my inability to support myself financially or emotionally and surviving my days without falling for another person and another.

So then my elder sister getting married eventually jolted me awake attending that, even though I couldn't see it through and ran away feeling like a failure in life, was healing.

My aunt finally came through the next night and offered me an opportunity that could have changed my life. But I wasn't ready to change just as yet. I wasn't ready to let go of my childhood or my parents or the traumas we had faced thinking I could hold it all together and keep everyone happy.

I seeked rehabilitation once more and stayed inside a facility for six months to work on myself day in and day out and improve to come out clean. Thereafter, I shifted to my aunt's place in Siliguri where she'd been putting up since my senior school years.

This being my life's last attempt at getting myself a Bachelor's degree.

[to be cntd...]

[fandangotales]

Getting Isekai’d with your parent/parents in CULT AU / SAGAU

Warnings: Toxic/abusive parent child relationships mentioned, stereotypical parent child relationships, yandere, disturbing content, description of blood!

Summary: Multiple scenarios in which your parents or parent gets isekai’d with you to Teyvat! GN READER!

REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE VERY APPRECIATED! THANK YOU!

In which the reader is isekai’d with their mom:

The acolytes would love her, especially since she is related to you.

Oh? She mentioned a favorite perfume, or a preferred dish?

Cue your residence being overflown with gifts not only for you, but also for your mother.

Surely gaining her favor would be beneficial to gaining the Creator’s, right?

Mothers typically know a lot about their children, so it wouldn’t be strange for the acolytes to ask her many questions about your life as a child, your preferences, your favorite acolyte, your typical sleeping position-

I’d also watch out for what she might tell them about your childhood, as the acolytes painstakingly record and revere pretty much anything related to your existence.

You got your ears pierced when you were 5?

It is now a religious tradition for a child’s ears to be pierced on their 5th birthday in honor of the Creator.

In general, your mother is not worshiped as a deity, but is highly respected by all in Teyvat. This is mainly due to your relationship and closeness with her.

Disrespecting or upsetting her is unimaginable, as it would be upsetting to you.

In which the reader is isekai’d with their dad:

“You’re not good enough for my child, stay away from them.”

The second the acolytes hear this line, they were about to fall to the floor in devestation, if it wasn’t for your hasty reassurance.

“Dad! You can’t just say that, they are all nice people-” you protested, nervously scanning over the upset faces of the crowd. “Don’t mind him, this is just something he says often!”

…

After that fiasco, many of your worshipers attempted to prove themselves to your father, much to his annoyance.

—————

“Sir, I can assure you that they would be well cared for! The finest of any kind of item would be theirs the second they asked, and I would do my very best to ensure their happiness!” The ginger pleaded, doing his very best to impress the man before him. “I also consider myself a family man, just ask anyone around about how much I value my dear siblings-“

“…and how much did you say that you make a year?” Your dad asked, gruffly staring Childe down.

His dull eyes seemed to light up, sensing an opportunity to sway the man’s favor. He leaned in close to his ear, whispering his… impressive salary. The older man nodded, as he patted the ginger on the back.

“You can take them out to dinner next week. They mentioned wanting to visit Wanmin restaurant to me the other day.”

⚠️ Dark content starts below this line!!! ⚠️

In which the reader is isekai’d with abusive parents:

The Cult AU is the absolute worst AU for those people to be in.

Your followers do not tolerate any disrespect or negativity directed at you, from anybody.

And if they became aware of they way your parents treat you?

Let’s just say that they’ll never bother you again! :D

Of course if you don’t want them… permanently erased from your life, the acolytes will respect your decision. But that doesn’t mean they will be happy about it.

Perhaps if they changed the way they treated you, and genuinely apologized for the suffering you went through because of them, then maybe they would be forgiven by your worshipers.

However, if they did not repent for their sins against you, then their life in Teyvat, (If your mercy allowed them to keep it), would be awful.

Angry glares from anyone they meet, the inability to purchase items from merchants, the constant harassment from your followers…

It would simply be a shame if they weren’t able to live with it.

And if you felt upset over their inevitable death, whether it be by themselves or some unpredictable accident it always coming for them, you could always seek comfort in the arms of your acolytes.

Hold one of them as you sob into their shoulders, as they become the reason for your comfort.

Let your sweet, innocent followers take care of everything, cook all your meals, brush your hair and maintain your body, let them offer themselves to you fully-

You shouldn’t have to lift a single finger. You deserved their utmost adoration and devotion.

Now that they are gone, you can finally be worshiped and loved in the way you always should have been.

They must’ve tainted your mind, made you think you were unworthy.

They must’ve been the reason your expression contorts into one of unease when your acolytes offer sacrifices and perform rituals in your name.

They must be the reason you felt an underlying sense of wrongness, starting with the very first interaction you had with your once beloved characters.

You are no god, you are unsafe, and these “people” are insane.

YOU. NEED. TO. LEAVE.

…

“We will now commence the offering, in honor of The Divine One. As they created a perfect world for us, we will maintain an obedient and thankful following for them. Let these corpses of those who have committed grave sins against Their Grace serve as a reminder for all.”

The once white altar was stained a dark red, as a large pool formed beneath the two mutilated corpses were haphazardly placed upon the smooth rock.

Your throat constricted, as you fought back bile. The oh-so-familiar faces of your parents burned into your eyes.

The priest raised his arms, beginning a prayer with the worshipers. You could feel the eyes of the people around you searing into your skull. Your head began pounding, as their words became more morbid and deranged.

“Oh Creator, we dedicate the bodies of these sinners to you. As your servants we humbly offer this gift to you, as thanks for all you have done and continue to do. With earnest hope, we wish this simple gift to you brings you joy.”

[wasflypaw]

Worst take you say?

Alright, here we go:

Not only is Clingy Duo abusive, but so are Allium Duo and Bee Duo.

Now the first two are more obvious. Tommy is an awfully selfish friend who treated both of them horribly. He also never acknowledged any of the trauma that Tubbo and Ranboo themselves are repressing or actively hiding from him because he's too self-centered to notice any of it and instead he trauma dumped on them on multiple occasions, which is highly manipulative.

Frends are not there to help you after all and expecting otherwise to any degree is extremely toxic.

The third one is a bit more complicated, but Ranboo and Tubbo both got jobs without telling the other. Ranboo is justified in doing so because he's a poor innocent UWU Baby, but Tubbo should have been perfectly contented rotting away alone in Snowchester or, at most, should have joined Ranboo and Wilbur despite being visibly uncomfortable with the idea. We also haven't seen him interact with Michael in a few months so he's also a negletful parent.

Basically Bench trio is abusive and Ranboo deserves better. He should leave them and become best friends with Dream instead.

(God that was painful, also it glitched once, the universe is literally trying to stop me. That said, if it sent twice I'm sorry, and just ignore this one)

LMAO I like this one ill give it an 8/10 for effort

[fireemblems24]

Post Grondor Field AM Analysis

I'm prefacing this by saying that I'm still not sure I can write a good analysis of this scene for two reasons:

1. I don't know what comes after, and

2. I'm very emotionally involved in what happened.

But I tried my best. One thing is for sure though, what happened in Grondor in AM was an incredibly significant turning point for AM and Dimitri and my thoughts and analysis on it will definitely expand as I keep writing about and playing the game.

Part of me is just so happy I got to see Dimitri's supports, have the inevitable turn around, and get to do things like tea and dinner time again that it's hard to be objective about this scene.

And by "this scene," I don't mean that actual fight at Grondor, but everything from Fleche's attack to Byleth's words in the rain later.

It wasn't all about Byleth . . .

Given how poignant Dimitri's character arc has been so far, I had a deep rooted fear player-pandering would ruin it. Byleth, as a concept, isn't bad, but too often the heaps of praise feel underserved and other things (like Claude's intelligence, Edelgard's relationships with everyone else) get ignored to make more room for player-pandering.

Thankfully this did not happen. Byleth, throughout the early chapters of AM's part 2, failed to reach Dimitri. And, honestly, seeing Byleth actually struggle for once has done wonders for how I view her character. Still, I worried that player-pandering-power, rather than something that felt earned, would cause the inevitable eye-opener for Dimitri.

But it wasn't just Byleth. Fleche's vengeance kicked everything off, what veered Dimitri away from his fate in other routes. He accepted his death at her hands, not bothering to defend himself. Rodrigue stepping in the way and his parting words forced Dimitri to confront things he'd ignored. Throughout AM so far, people have posed questions to Dimitri who refused to answer them because he didn't want to face what they asked. But Rodrigue dying for him, spending his final words telling Dimitri to live for himself - combined with Fleche's attack - forced Dimitri to confront things he avoided. It wasn't until after all of that when Byleth steps in.

And Byleth didn't "fix" him either. Dimitri's supports show a young man who's still very much struggling with his mental health, poor self-image, his previous actions, and wondering if he deserves not only to live for himself - but if he even deserves to live. Byleth didn't hand-wave Dimitri's problems away.

Everything about the scene is stronger because it didn't fall back on player-pandering, but more earned, realistic, and dramatic actions and consequences - including Byleth's involvement which felt far more earned than usual because of prior failure.

But I wish Dimitri's friends played a bigger role.

Not everything was perfect though. I wish we got a little more than we did from Dimitri's house mates - especially his childhood friends Sylvain, Ingrid, and extra special mention to Felix and especially, especially Dedue.

Throughout all of AM, none of the above mentioned characters feel utilized to their full potential. This isn't a problem exclusive to AM, and by all means it's far from the biggest offender, but given how close all the ties are in AM, it's felt when it's not there.

I still don't know what exactly I would've done with them. Maybe I'd need to make the game an actual novel to do it, and you can't forget how perma-death has historically held back games at times, limiting major moments to a select few "retreat" candidates.

Still, though, getting a bit more from Ingrid, Sylvain, Felix, and Dedue would've made the scene even more powerful.

I actually really liked the scene in the rain.

I haven't made it a secret that I dislike Byleth. Or maybe disliked is more accurate. Lately I've been rethinking my stance on Byleth, in part because I've heard from people who like her or found ways to make her work and from my own thinking about the game while planning future write ups.

I don't think it's Byleth I really dislike, but the player-pandering. Separating the two isn't easy, but it's easier since I've starting coming around to seeing Byleth as her own character.

There's been a few moments that made me care for Byleth, and this scene in the rain was one of them. Because she didn't just fix everything. She tried and failed for months to reason with Dimitri, and despite everything she never gave up on him or failed to keep offering her hand.

I'm not going to lie. I got all the bubbly, heartwarming, heartbreaking feels the writers wanted me to in this scene. Seeing Byleth reach for something and fail, and then finally, finally get through was rewarding in a way many of Byleth's prior accomplishments aren't because this one felt earned. And by God did she earn it.

Some people will likely disagree with that last point, but I disagree with them. She asked Dimitri hard-hitting questions, forcing him to come to unpleasant conclusions rather than trying to force him into anything. She kept Dimitri from veering to far off course, even at expense to herself when she killed Randolph. She saved Dimitri from Fleche when he refused to save himself. She quietly supported him, coaxing out the good she knew was still there and refused to give up on.

I'd never in a million years say someone in real life should put up with Dimitri's toxic behavior and verbal abuse, even considering his extreme trauma and aggravated mental illness. But seeing someone fuck up so badly still get forgiven, still get supported, still struggle but honestly change for the good, still get loved, start to accept and forgive himself through the power of love and forgiveness from others is very powerful, especially since media so often downplays those "softer" things as weakness in comparison to the "badassery" of ambition and stoicism. Using Byleth, who previously had little experience with feelings, who was encouraged to experience them in healthy ways by Dimitri, return the favor isn't really the worst choice.

It's cliche, but cliches aren't always bad.

The mentor dies. Redemption in the rain. Revenge against the protagonist's actions opens their eyes. Etc . . . This scene was chuck full of cliches, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Tropes serve an important narrative purpose because a writer can rely on them to convey a message to the audience that either saves time or sets them up for something unexpected or even expected. Fire Emblem has always and will always be incredibly cliche and full of tropes. It loves tropes so much there's in-universe ones that make some unit or character discussions sound like a foreign language to people outside of or new to the fandom, talking about "Ests" and calling someone a "Camus."

What matters is if a story pulled something off well, not if it's terribly unique. A mentor dying is powerful because it forces the student to grow. Redemption in the rain is high symbolic of water washing things away + the somber atmosphere rain creates. Someone trying to get revenge against a character provides an eye-opening experience about the ripple effect of their actions. We see these things in fiction all the time because they work.

All the tropes worked like expected in this scene. Using images instead of cut scenes did make less of an impact, but more on that later.

Tl;dr: There's nothing unexpected or terribly unique about what happened. It was honestly painfully predictable, but that doesn't make it bad and is in a series that does this all of the time.

The voice acting carried because those images can't.

A major downside to this scene is that it used vague images instead of a cut scene. I get that budget and time were likely concerns, but many cut scenes from earlier in the game seem rather trivial. Did we really need that dance one? Really? I don't think so.

This was a hugely important, action heavy moment. Using one or two still images to convey everything that's happening and all those emotions, really makes it less than it could've been.

That said, the voice acting saves it. I've raved about how amazing Chris Hackeny is as Dimitri, so nothing new here. Rodrigue's and Fleche's VAs also did a fantastic job. No one oversold or undersold the emotions. Even without the cut scene, you felt what happened thanks to the skill of the actors. This scene would've been so much harder to engage with without them, if this was an older FE game where all you got was text. This is 100% one of the moments highly elevated by the decision to have a fully voiced game and choosing high caliber talent (let's not talk about Radiant Dawn's voice acting).

Questionable support timing.

One issue I had came right after the scene when I viewed Dimitri's supports. The nature of some - like his with Raphael and Alois - didn't quite line up with the character I saw in dialogue right after. I wish they staggered them a bit more or got picker about what you could get in part 1 or 2.

This isn't limited to Dimitri either. In the same support batch, I also got a Marianne B support where she still had no confidence or self-worth. And then like 10 minutes later I talk to her in the monastery and she mentions about how seeing all the death in Grondor made her value her life even more.

In the past, I've also received entirely valid opinions that Dorothea in part 2 is hard to understand because she's cherry and flirty in her supports, and morose and hates the war in her monastery stuff, making her seem inconsistent.

It's a bit jarring. It's not really an issue for characters who don't change much like Edelgard or Raphael, but even for characters with more subtle differences than Dimitri, Marianne, and Dorothea - like, say, Lorenz - you get a lot of weird stuff because of supports. I just think Dimitri's stands out because he's a main character with a really prominent, important turning point for his growth.

[thefage]

As someone who grew up around AA because one of my parents was a recovering alcoholic and now being an adult myself with critical thinking skills and access to various different highly reliable sources, I can see that it is very cult-ish. It gives the people within it a sort of more toxic relationship with not only the substances they're trying to quit but every potentially intoxicating substance. I think the only reason my relationship with drugs and alcohol is so non-toxic is because, while I have seen what happens when someone's life is ruined by it, I've also seen how the lives of others can be ruined by it's stigmatization, I lost a brother because of both. They create a community based on shared success in being able to stay off of substances, while at the same time looking down on those who don't want to get clean and pitying those who are struggling, which can be infuriating. And all this makes sense when you remember that this was originally a christian organization. They treat their program like a one-size-fits-all revolution in the field of addiction treatment when all it is is an outdated example of the worst effects of christianity on society. There are so many different medications that are considered the best treatments for specific mental and physical health conditions that simply aren't available where I live because of the effects of the stigmatization perpetuated by organizations like AA and NA, and these are not just medications people are abusing just because, even though that does happen and is completely unrelated, but medications people need to be able to live fully funtioning lives or that have proven theraputic benefits. The most frustrating part is they take people in their most vulnerable state and brainwash them into thinking that anyone who has read a scientific, peer-reviewed paper that disproves a lot of what they're saying both about the efficacy of their program and the actual effects, both positive and negative, of the substances they're fearmongering about they think those people and the scientists that wrote the papers are influenced by some sort of special interest group that wants the world on drugs. And while I recognize that pharmacutical companies do on occassion pay to promote papers that make them look good and suppress papers that make them look bad, this by no means that actual, valuable scientific work isn't being done and every scientific article should be disbelieved because the scientific community tends to come to a consensus on a lot that can be improved with imperical evidence, and that's the information that prevails in the end

Yes, that should read “low success rate” in the first tweet, but Twitter has no edit button ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But I’m forever done with private probation companies, for-profit treatment centers charging exorbitant rates, and AA and NA being seen as any kind of solutions to substance use disorders.

[brotherslayer]

We need to talk about Claudiana

This is not a callout post but I kinda wanna talk about the darker aspects of claude and diana’s relationship. Even though I think their relationship was probably highly toxic, I’m not trying to invalidate claudiana shippers. I am a firm believer that you are allowed to ship whatever you want.

1.) First of all there’s a huge power imbalance between them: him being an Emperor and her being a commoner.

2.) Second she’s a dancer and Claude was said captivated by her performance. “Enraptured by her beauty and grace, the emperor deflowered Diana and subsequently began courting her.” This is nicely phrased but it just plays into the trope how women who work as entertainers get constantly harrassed by male viewers of their audience, who feel entitled to their bodies cause they paid for the performance. At best it’s dub con at worst it’s rape. 

3.) To make it worse I heard somewhere she was actually a slave and given to Claude as a present.(Someone please confirm or deny that.) Yes, Diana fell in love with him too, but how realistic is it that she was okay to sleep with a stranger on their first night? Maybe it would be realistic if it were modern day au and Diana was already sexually liberated or whatever, but the wiki says he deflowered her, meaning she was a virgin.

I’m leaning myself a bit out of the window but doesn’t this also imply she was underage? Since at that time period, girls got married off when they were of age (if they were commoners) or they happened to be you know what (if they were slaves).

Would an underage, sexually inexperienced girl sleep with a stranger they just met? No, even if he was hot. However if he had a higher status and was known to chop off the heads of the people who disobeyed him...well, that’s another story. I wouldn’t say no because I’d be afraid for my parents life if I didn’t do it.

4. ) Speaking of parents. Diana travelled from Siodonna to Obelia, And Claude never returned her home but decided to keep her instead. Diana probably had parents and friends waiting for her to return. Keeping her in the palace in a foreign country where she’s isolated from everyone she knows is such an asshole move. Especially considering Diana was not used to the toxic power games that regularly happen in the royal palace.

5.) Why the fuck didn’t Claude disband his harem when he fell in love with Diana? Did he still continue to sleep with other women?

6.) I heard the parts with Diana in the novel are from Claude’s POV. How sure are we that he wasn’t just being delusional? I know, I must sound really hostile but if I’d peel all the pretty words away, and boiled their relationship down to the bare essentials it’s basically: abuse of power, slavery (???) i hope not, sexual harrassment at the work place, dub con or non con, kidnapping (?), Hybristophilia , man trying to force his lover into getting an abortation, possible fetishization of a foreign woman (Siodonna seems to be based on the orient). I’m harsh I know but kumbharkarni wrote in her post that part why Claude loved Diana was because she was “external, fantastical” and a “breath of fresh air”, untainted by the “toxic Obelian royality”, which made me suspect that Claude wouldn’t love Diana if she was an Obelian woman. There’s probably lots of more things I can think of.

Also this line in the wiki bothers me: “Athanasia said that Diana liked Claude, too. Claude loves Diana very much.” Why is Diana’s “like” in cursive. Why is it only said she likes him, but he is “ Claude is madly in love with Diana”? There are worlds between liking someone and being obsessed with them.

Short version: I believe canon Claude and Diana truly loved each other, but what we are shown is a rose-tinted version of their relationship. Personally I don’t think it’s realistic that they loved each other healthily or that Diana truly loved him back. No matter how hard the author tries to sell me this as an epic romance. Believing claudiana went from 1 to 100 in a single night “cause true love/ love at first sight” & everything was consentual  requires a huge suspension of belief. It would have been more realistic if this had been just her slave mentality or stockholme syndrome. Or if she liked Claude but didn’t love him back and decided to stay with him anyway in an attempt to do damage control since he was a tyrant. I’m also suspecting that Claude projected alot of his fantasies onto her.

[ruby-whistler]

You know I think a part of the reason the whole Dream/Tommy apologist thing is occurring because people have the (understandable) tendency to always expect the worst from everyone on the internet.

I mean, would you rather believe the other side;

Is full of young, ignorant, pitiful, stupid, or downright terrible people? Victim blames and thinks bad things people do is okay if they’re attractive? Doesn’t understand the source material or purposefully misunderstands it, and spreads misinformation in order to excuse disgusting actions? Hates the actor behind the character you like as well as the character himself? Are some sort of mysterious, dark corner of the community you have a right to avoid and mock?

or

That it’s filled with smart, often genuinely kind people who have gone through dark periods of their life or are simply highly empathetic and relate to the character you dislike? That it’s a community that came together to do accurate and objective analysis of the source material and might have uncovered something you don’t know? That they’re fans just like you who’s opinions are valid and should be listened to, and who don’t deserve harassment or being treated differently for not going with the flow and working hard to consider the scapegoat character’s perspective? That they’re exhausted and disturbed by people dehumanizing someone who has been abandoned and deserves support in their eyes, or downright saying he deserves his human rights being taken away?

Would you rather think of those who disagree with you as;

Children that project too much, think in black and white, and don’t care about the other side of the coin as long as their favorite character isn’t being given consequences for his actions? Aggressive, condescending, unempathetic people who would vote for the first person that gave them a cookie in the street? Fans who deny canon to excuse blaming everything on a character you’re trying to defend? Who are caught up in a single person’s point of view too much to see other characters in the story are hurting as well and don’t deserve it either? People who will never try to understand you and are a lost cause, only to be thought of as immature pricks who would support a dictatorship if fed enough propaganda?

or

People who have genuine emotional attachment to the character? Who have watched him and think he’s often mischaracterized? Who see him being mistreated by the adults around him, and just want him to have some peace in his life for once? Who have seen the hurt and hurt along with him, because they feel sympathy for the trauma he has gone through? Who don’t excuse bad actions, but want it to be acknowledged that the consequences weren’t even close to matching the crimes? Who have made conclusions based on the only evidence they were presented? Who don’t know and are curious about your opinions, but only straight-up deny them because that’s what’s considered the norm?

It’s easy to villainize the other side, because it makes us feel superior. And we naturally want to feel like we’re in the right, like we’re the only ones in the right. We don’t want to feel bad for generalizing, insulting or accusing an entire group of people, and we do that because it’s what expected of us within the community. I think this fact was proven over and over again throughout human history, and even though the Dream SMP fandom isn’t a country or a warzone, the psychology remains the same. We want to feel accepted, and if to do that we have to look down on others, we’ll justify that to ourselves by assuming they’re morally inferior.

I know it might be difficult, especially for the Dream apologists, and those who have tried to believe in the good in the other side but got burnt by condescending responses and emotionally charged insults. But if our attitude becomes an us vs. them mentality, nothing’s ever gonna get better.

I don’t want to sound all preachy and stuff, I know very well there’s always going to be a fierce and toxic minority, but people, this is the norm in our fandom. Dream apologists and Dream apologists alone I’ve witnessed and heard, have been send death threats, insulted, harassed, and things that are too vile for me to list because I don’t want to guilt-trip y’all. All of this for...

What was it again? Relating with a character faced with abandonment and emotional self-isolation? Crying over the fact there’s a traumatized man being dehumanized by the entire fandom, on top of being physically and mentally abused in canon, which some even find justified?

I don’t get defensive over myself, ever. You can say anything and act any way to me and I’m probably going to think I’m in the wrong and apologise to you. But I see a bunch of well-meaning people get demonized over taking a liking to a morally complex character and trying to explain his motivations to people, and something inside of me just stirs in fury.

“Why do there have to be sides anyway?” Because of miscommunication, that’s why. You can’t communicate unless the other side wants to listen though, and the most infuriating thing is when they aren’t.

You guys better look forward to the fandom analysis I’m making. 500 out of a 1000 opinions in the survey have been read, remembered, and categorized. I already see the only way to try and shift this fandom to be a less toxic space is to consider listening to each other for once instead of thinking everyone who disagrees with you is someone who has insufficient or ridiculous reasons. If you villainize the other side they’re only going to get more stubborn, evidenced by the Dream apologists being one of the most tight-knit communities I’ve ever been in. If you want them to understand you, perhaps try to understand them first.

I’m just sorry for the rest who are caught in the crossfire of this garbage. I’m gonna try my best to inform people, because so many have no idea about the other side’s true motivations and it’s hurting people + making the community more divided.

[elemental-daddy-neos]

So a mutual put this on my dash, but I wanted to reblog this version to argue a few things here. Character design is very important, but if anyone actually bases their like/dislike of a character solely on that... That's just kind of dumb. I don't like Syrus, but it's certainly not because of how he looks.

We really need to start putting more words on shelves. Relationships can be bad without them needing to be "toxic" or "abusive". Like yeah, I don't think Syrus was a good friend to Jaden at all, but it's not really that deep. He just sucks. (That's my opinion, you can disagree with it, but it's not changing.)

I don't think it's accurate to say that people put Syrus on a pedestal, because no one was doing that. They certainly did with Jaden, but as for every other character? No one expected great things out of Syrus or acted like he could do no wrong/was some kind of savior. People sure thought highly of Zane because he was actually a great duelist, and yeah, it might suck to be related to someone more successful and feel like you'll never live up to them, but I can't think of a single person who pressured Syrus to try and live up to his brother's legacy other than Syrus.

As far as why I don't like Syrus... Listen. I did like him at one point in time, when I was a kid in middle school and had barely any knowledge of him outside of the handful of GX episodes I caught on tv and fanfiction. When I fully rewatched GX as an adult, I went into it with the expectation that I would like Syrus because I remembered him being written nicely in stories I couldn't remember, but that expectation quickly died. His greatest sin is simply being annoying, and I can safely say that there's no secondhand embarrassment on my part that comes with watching him. He just gets on my nerves for more than one reason.

As far as loyalty... Syrus is about the least loyal person in Jaden's friend group. The very first example is him leaving the red dorm the second he gets the chance to. It wasn't too long ago that Jaden had the same opportunity he did to advance to Ra Yellow, but he stayed in the end because red was where he belonged. You'd think that a loyal friend would at least consider doing the same, but Syrus didn't even hesitate or seem to remember how Jaden had turned down the chance to move up to stay with his friends. First chance he got, he left.

Of course, Syrus did still stick around as a friend, so him moving dorms didn't change much in the end as far as friend dynamics were concerned, and sure, if his goal is to be more like Zane, it'd make sense that he'd want to get to blue dorm eventually. I just think it's very telling how there was never a moment where he thought "What about Jaden?" before accepting the promotion. Even if he's got his reasons, you'd think that someone who considers himself the protagonist's best friend might think about him just a little before committing to Ra Yellow.

This kind of ties in to those comments about how "Syrus cowers in danger", which is a normal response to have, if you're not very brave, and he's definitely not. Those situations started to rub me the wrong way after enough times of watching Syrus continually doubt Jaden in every dangerous situation they found themselves in. I think it's kind of sad when new characters enter the show, become Jaden's friend, and have more faith in him than one of the characters who's been there from the beginning. He never believes in Jaden, he never has the slightest bit of faith in him despite seeing his abilities for himself time and time again, and every time there's a high stakes duel with our beloved protagonist taking place, Syrus is always standing on the sidelines fearing the worst and expecting Jaden to fail. This does not ever change throughout the course of the show, and it really just drives home how accurate that curse mark he received in season 3 was. His defining character trait isn't loyalty, it's doubt.

And for the aniki thing- Jaden never liked that. He was shown to be uncomfortable with Syrus calling him that because he didn't want to be an older brother figure for this guy, he wanted them to be equals. Syrus just didn't listen to him when Jaden said not to call him that, so he ended up letting it slide. It's not exactly a measure of how devoted he is to Jaden, just how eager he is to shove his brother problems onto the first guy that shows him kindness.

I know this is getting really long at this point, so I'll try to wrap it up: Syrus was never a good friend to Jaden. He used him as an emotional crutch for the whole show, leaned on him because he couldn't handle his issues on his own, and never gave anything in return for all the support he received from his best friend. Even as far into the show as season 4, when Jaden was struggling really hard with his depression over the events of season 3, Syrus (and everyone else) essentially ignored him unless they needed Jaden around to solve their problems for him. We never once saw Syrus try to reach out for Jaden or check in on how he was doing, arguably at the time in his life where Jaden needed his friends the most, but what we did see was Jaden still going out of his way to help Syrus. That episode where Syrus had to duel that guy who wanted to challenge Zane? Jaden brought him food to cheer him up. He was going through a hard time, and he still put in the effort to support his friends, and at the end of the day, what I really hate about Syrus is that all the effort Jaden put into being his friend was never returned by him.

Syrus isn’t a bad character, you’re just mean.

The way some gx fans just completely write off Syrus pisses me off more than it should, because you know they wouldn't be doing that if he was a little bit taller and a little bit more attractive. I have legitimately seen people argue that Syrus is an abusive, toxic asshole to everyone when most of the people around him are abusive toxic assholes to HIM. Syrus is just a little guy who was put on a pedestal because his brother managed to be an amazing duelist and all that people see in him is “Zane’s little brother”, completely writing him off and not seeing him as a person beyond that.

Syrus's entire struggle is that he'll never live up to his brother or be a great duelist, or even manage to play the card game he's going to school to study for, and he overcomes that as the seasons go by (ESPECIALLY season 4). Syrus starts off as incredibly cowardly, shy, clingy, and easy bait for stronger students, but he breaks free from that shell as the episodes go by.

I've legitimately seen people justify Tyranno and Chazz's bullying of him because he "deserves it for being a coward", when all he has done is be mildly annoying or a hormone-enraged teenager, as if those things are inherently horrible acts that require Syrus to pay for his sins.

Syrus is by far the most realistically written GX character and I personally believe that people do not like him because Syrus exhibits behaviors that they've done that they're embarrassed to death about. I've seen people get mad because "Syrus cowers in fear whenever there's danger" AS IF THAT ISN'T A NORMAL REACTION???

Syrus watched his teacher's soul get stolen and watched Zane have a heart attack and die right in front of him, give this poor boy a break and spare him of your massive hateboner.

Yes, it is wrong of Syrus to project his insecurities onto Jaden, but in NO way is he a bad friend or quote unquote “abusive”. He was ride or die, absolutely loyal to Jaden, why else do you think in the original japanese sub he called him "Aniki"? Because he cared. Jaden was like a big brother to him, and I hate that the fandom writes that off and claims he was horrible to one of his best friends. People hate Syrus for no reason much to the point people will literally pull shit out of their asses to Argue Syrus is a bad character, and I think thats very unfair.

Sorry for ranting but I just HAD TO.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep7 (part 2)

Toxic kindness (Kureno):

I’ve touched upon this in se02 finale, but kureno’s toxic kindness mirrors the foolish traveler story. The foolish traveler says “ thank you” as he dies. Kureno ignores the knife in the hands of a person whom he saw with his own eyes abuse a number of children repeatedly. Kisa, Isuzu, hatori & yuki bodies testify of being beaten, cut, & bruised. Kyo’s psychological abuse was announced in front of kureno himself before akito summoned him in the beach arc. Akito has strangled her mom & screamed, cried & went manic in front of him. Yet, kureno walks toward her ignoring the knife, hugs her & tells her to press the button of change. Easy, right?

I highly respect the author that Akito didn’t respond positively. I don’t want kureno to be stabbed or want akito to run away & hurt the others.  Also, I hate cheap drama. So, I’ll never support dramatic confrontations just for the sake of it. I want a realistic depiction of trauma & mental illness. The person who lived her entire life entitled to be obeyed, feared & having extreme authority, won’t just change cuz a foolish guy told her to.

-The responsibility of Nurturing children:

Akito’s outburst represent the author’s view on the role of nurturing children properly to teach them to be decent human beings. Akito was raised with extreme views neglect & narcissism. You’re special & must be loved (said her dad), Others MUST obey you (said the old maid), No one truly loves you (said her mom). So, her entire life she craved showcasing her power over these unfortunate zodiacs as it stems from the notion that they live for her sake.

Tohru on the other hand was raised with compassion, love & appreciation of other ppl. Tohru being timid, shy or unable to stand for her self are personal struggles that tohru deals with & not related to nurturing , While her trauma might be caused by a parent, it didn’t prevent tohru from being a kind & compassionate person because she was raised & taught abt these things.

The faults of abusing a child might lead to create faulty mentality & social issues. these kids might even grow to implement similar abuse onto others, while all that is understandable, it will never excuse their behavior. A lot cases of real life abusers were once kids who were abused. It is tragic. It explains why they become the horrible person they are today, but it never excuses the harm of others. The victim is not responsible of your screwed upbringing. Kisa, kyo, yuki, & Isuzu have nothing to do with Akira, Ren or akito’s troubles. They are victims themselves but they didn’t go & inflect harm upon others. Yes, they each developed a faulty coping mechanism &  showed tendencies of rage, withdrawal, misplaced pain, but they were never a harm towards the society, & their peers.

Akito’s outburst paves the path for her redemption. How it will happen? I duno. Will someone once again holds her cheeks, talks her into bettering herself? I duno. She will atone. I can guess that based on the ED. but Will she be rightfully punished for her crimes? I duno. I hope so. Forgiveness is different from punishment. Thus, a type of punishment should be implemented. Abusers, whether victims or not, or atoned or not, must receive it. It is only fair.

- What will happen with tohru/ kyo’s confession/ confrontation? What is the exit from kyoko’s harsh last words! How can Furuba’s best mom hates kyo! My mind goes crazy!

Perhaps the following will happen:

(a) Kyo will confess the past, tohru forgive, kyo relieved, they kiss or whatever (happy ending). This could happen but while I would be happy for them, I’d hate that kyo’s entire trauma goes away with a simple “ I forgive you/ I love you”. Trauma doesn’t have a button you magically shut down. Kyo must unload his burden first! open his lid, then deal with it. Also, How will kyoko’s last words fit here? Are they just kyo’s imagination? really? it seems so anti-climatic. Imagine living with kyoko’s words for two seasons only for it to be in kyo’s mind! I really need kyoko to have bigger role than simple imagination. She’s either a haunting ghost or a holy perfect mother, rarely a real human character. Also, I need to include Akito. In this happy version, Akito gets stopped by shigure or even yuki! .. possible but too light for all the buildup drama & endless cliffhangers! lol

(b) Kyo will confess the past, tohru won’t forgive, kyo hurts himself as he sees her pain (dark ending). This ending is too dark for both. kyo hearing tohru’s words of un-forgivness will echo what he himself believe in he should be. Then where is hope for him? T_T Tohru not being able to forgive is logical since her mom is her world, but it also further ties tohru to her mom. She’ll be stuck again remembering her mom’s tragic words & last moment. Also, tohru will loose another person she loves even more than her mom. Here Akito will interfere somehow. Perhaps tries to kill tohru, then kyo sacrifices himself saving her. I duno.. too dark for furuba! lol

Ok. I give up. Anything I think gets stopped by kyoko’s words. I need kyo to push tohru away cuz this is the only logical progression for his trauma! I refuse to believe that kyo’s trauma was pushed into the climax & was written to embody furuba’s most mature themes of guilt, self-forgiveness, repeated mistakes, depression & others only to be quickly solved. But, tohru’s own issues were quickly presented & addressed in one short ep so..... augh! I want to hope for more from tohru, but I duno.. her growth has been so inconsistent, & I’m tired of being disappointed.

Next ep could either become furuba’s best ep or the worst ever!!! & this scares me so much. 

Side Notes:

Kyo was repeatedly punished for his mistakes & faulty coping mechanism throughout the series, He is yet to be forgiven by someone or forgive himself. But he has been living the punishment of his own trauma.

Why is momiji still speaking German in the dub? I know his curse break is a secret, but He’s still holding on the facade of identifying with a rabbit in his burger, imitating his mom’s accent as he’s still so attached to her. I thought he let go of the past while bravery acknowledging it & moved on. Starting brighter, happier & with more hope. He isn’t still holding on to pain. He is looking forward now. =/

At first, i didnt recognize the room tohru & kyo are eating in! XD. It’s their living room, right? first time seeing it with all doors closed. weird.XD

Seeing Hiro’s curse break further reinforces that there is no logic on its breaking order. It just breaks. that’s all. If there is any reason behind it, then, momoji should be the first. He had always developed outside relationships with others way before tohru & not exclusive to her. Seeing as he has lots of friends playing with him. Also, he has always dealt with his own issues with level headed perspective, never too absorbed in sadness, never too self-focused, he never withdrew or lashed out. He never looked down on kyo, heck! I’ll argue that he even looked up to him!. hiro could've happened earlier too, as he was always protected from trauma & in a loving home, then yuki as he not only opened his lid but told akito in her face that he will forgive her & decided to never be by her side. His curse should have broken right on se02, ep25. You can place anyone afterwards. So, yeah, the curse just breaks, perhaps akito herself has a role as her insecurities increases. duno.

I dont care for the curse itself at all. As far as I’m concerned it is (a) fun gimmick, (b) analogy for abuse & trauma. The later is the core of furuba.

plz let next ep be well-done, well-written & well-direct. plz! T_T

[shamelessllamapeanutthing]

Ships and Feels about them

HUGE self-indulgent post but my brain is frozen and I need to get the juices flowing so I can start studying, because if I don’t get into the college I want I just might have to kill myself and then y’all can say bye-bye to your fav fics by your majesty. 

YoruSoi- status: worSHIPPING (geddit? XD) them like the goddesses they are

I regularly play Wicked Ones by Dorothy and just imagine these two tag-teaming against their opponents, like the crazy, badass, ninja lesbians they are. It fucking gives me goosebumps and makes me blush like I am imagining them rawing each other instead. I am a big time SUCKER for powerful, cut-throat wlw. They make me feel powerful by extension, and my devotion for these two is completely unparalleled. 

VictUuri- status: will protect them with my life  

First of all, I love how layered and interesting they are. I can think about this show and this ship for hours and hours on end ( @feastingonvicturi will vouch for that). I naturally gravitate towards angsty ships and writing (because I am a weird sado-maso cross, what can I say) except for these two fluffy bastards. I had been putting off watching YOI because of the weird things I had read about ‘yaoi’ animes (IK YOI is not yaoi, now) till someone told me how pure and deep their love for each other was and welp, here we are. 

RenRuki- status: comfort ship I’ll defend till death

It was one of my first ships and even as I multi-shipper, I always had a preference for them. Childhood-friends-to-lovers trope tugs on my heartstrings like little else and Renji’s devotion towards Rukia warms my heart. I hear them in nearly every song, imagine them in every scenario I read or write about and even though I have multiple ships I adore involving Rukia and Renji both, the two together is everything to me. (Presently obsessed with the amazing hcs and art by @recurring-polynya you might wanna check them out)

KaiRay- status: heart is taking a break, but remains firmly attached

I got into Beyblade BECAUSE of this ship, because of the moments these two shared in V-Force that I caught glimpses of when my younger siblings were watching the show. I love Kai and Ray’s dynamic and I guess what attracts me the most to this ship is the fact that as a teenager I was exactly like Kai and had my own personal Ray who got me through the worst in life. I love the sense of sweet nostalgia this couple brings me and I believe they are perfect for each other. 

MariahEmily- status: coffee shop AU, anyone? 

I was HUGE on MariahxRay but strong, stylish, kinda bitchy, dumb thot falling for the highly educated and fierce lady boss she doesn’t really know how to approach is another one of my favourite tropes, (see: PansMione, down under). I saw them interact and due to personal reasons my brain rejects petty rivalry between girls (because we’re all tired of that, children, be honest) and immediately tries to fix it in fanon. ( @trashyartz  and her beautiful drawings had a lot to do with fanning these flames.) 

ShunUki- status: want them to adopt me

Need I say more? No, but I wanna. I love the steady, secure vibes of this ship. This is the one ship I physically can’t write angsty shit about because of the level of understanding and sense of comfort these two share. They give me kind and strong dad vibes and I have emotionally been an orphan since I was in my early teens so. 

WolfStar- status: they’re canon, JKR can suck my toes

Fucking TERF 

Listen, listen, have you been listening? I mentioned I am a sucker for angst, right? Are you looking at the angst potential here, cause wow. What originally attracted me to this ship was the Chemistry between the two, cause it’s undeniable. You can NOT imagine Maurauders’ Era without imaging these two pining over each other. It’s impossible. 

PansMione- status: toxic and problematic, but oh so hot

I got on this ship because I was craving some quality wlw ships. You guys’ I can not explain to you how often female characters in shows and books do not pass the Bechdel test and I stumbled on some gorgeous PansMione art and just fell in love. IK this ship is hella problematic, but I am firm on my stance that the baby Slytherins deserve a redemption arc. 

Can you imagine these two after Pansy realises everything she did wrong and vows to be better? I imagine Hermione stumbling on a hurt and confused Pansy in year 8, who can’t stop her tears from flowing and is so ashamed of herself for that. She is feeling guilty and resisting the emotion with everything she possesses because the world she’d always known has crumbled down around her and everything she believed in has now been proven to be wrong. 

She lashes out at Hermione because how dare that smart, gorgeous, courageous girl also be everything Pansy once thought she was? How dare she, a muggleborn, unravel the complicated threads of the wizard world so quickly, so efficiently, and clearly see what Pansy never could? Pansy is hurt and guilty and angry and she hates the fact that fucking Granger of all people has now witnessed her crying. 

She feels lost and her anger only rages louder when Hermione doesn’t gloat or belittle her, she doesn’t say anything. 

(Why is this turning into a ficlet, WHAT) 

Anyways, Pansy gets over herself and she and Hermione get together and oh my god, imagine them then. Smart, powerful, righteous Hermione taking the fucking Wizarding World by a storm every single day with her sexy, vivacious, clever Pansy by her side. They’d be unstoppable and they’d love each other something fierce. It would show in the way they look at each other, with a sense of victory, not only over Voldemort but over the entire Wizarding society that had done everything it could to tear them apart, and ultimately failed. 

(BONUS: Imagine Ron and Harry being utter dorks when they go to Pride parades with Hermione and let the image cleanse your skin and soul. @feastingonvicturi @trashyartz one of you (or both?) needs to collab with me so I can write a fix it fic for these two, please. I will pledge my soul to the devil to be used and abused as per Trashy’s whims in exchange. Taura will do it cause she’s my best friend and loves me more than I deserve to be loved.)

(In conclusion, I adore every single one of these ships and am willing to slice a bitch’s throat to protect their honour. Except for YoruSoi, they are fictional characters IK but I am convinced they do not need anybody’s protection, least of all this dumb fuck’s and just might laugh at the very idea.) 

Also, feel free to reblog or comment with rants about your own ships even if they go directly against mine. More love to you if you expand on the ships I mentioned here myself. Tell me about your poison of choice, go ahead. 

But if any one of you dares to send hate to any of my ships, please know that I am something of a God in my own capacity and will smite you with my preferred weapon of choice i.e. blindness in the face of adorable puppies or kittens (in pictures, videos, art, real life or otherwise). Beware. Let people love what they love.