#that i spent 4digits on genshin while waiting for someone. anyone. to take me seriously
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starting to think im doing worse than i did during thesis hell
#literally all of this couldve been avoided if i hadn't tried to seek treatment/support#elia txts#like it's starting to sink in that i went to the HOSPITAL with a HEART CONDITION because of all this bullshit#that i spent 4digits on genshin while waiting for someone. anyone. to take me seriously#not to mention my entire cringe ass clinic stint i still dont feel like unpacking#only to bang out the whole thesis in the last 3 weeks same as ive always done and still get a near-perfect grade for it#THERE WAS NO NEED FOR ANY OF THIS#and now i am paying the price of the entire last fucking year ruining my health and habits to such a degree. breaking a 10yr hyperfixation#and i cannot find my way back into oc heart because all im trying to do is desperately recreate what i had before but it's all fake#i keep circling the 10goku daimakyou thing the lack of a reaction to it. i am a fraud i am the worst i want 2 die if this is me now#& fundamentally theres no way to recover w/ so much NOISE around me i need to be ALONE i need to not go to japan i need to kmys <3
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