#that i manage to do neither. and let's be real: this is extremely probable

[recurring-polynya]

why do i have poster's disease? i wanted to write a weird little vaguely horny story that i've thought about for a long time but i did so under the pretense that it was 'just for me' and i wasn't going to post it b/c i really do not want put it up for public opinion, but then i wrote it and was like 'what if...ha ha...j/k...unless...?' Part of my problem is that i always think 'what if someone else wrote this and they wouldn't let me see it...i would be so saaaaad...' and then i feel bad for this theoretical lurker me who doesn't even write me fanfic back. Like, I read all these posts where people are like 'no one interacts with fic anymore, i'm going to stop posting my work' and i'm always like 'hmm, i understand your feelings, i have noticed the same' but it could not be me. i will keep posting my unpopular shit and feel bad when it doesn't get much in the way of kudos and have a hundred regrets and then i'll just do it again later. idc. (it's a lie, i very much do care)

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

There's a viral video circulating from the Fort Worth Zoo, of two keepers who ended up in a habitat at the same time as a silverback gorilla. Spoiler for good news: neither the humans nor the gorilla got hurt. It's a bad situation that ended extremely well, and that's why I want to talk about it.

The audio for this video is mostly someone praying loudly, so if you need to turn the audio off to watch it, you won't miss anything relevant. If you don't want to watch it, here's the summary: it starts with a keeper running around the corner into the main exhibit, pursued by a large male gorilla. She is quickly able to get into a doorway at the back of the exhibit, but does not completely close the door because the gorilla is standing across from her, watching. He eventually moves off to the right hand side of the exhibit, where we can see a keeper is trapped in the corner at the front. She was trying to move towards the exit as he moved to the right, and she stops, standing very still behind a tree, while he stays along the far right wall. They stay like that for a minute, and then the gorilla runs to the front right corner, and the keeper is able to run to the door in the back of the exhibit and get to safety.

Let's start with basic information. Even though it's just going viral now, this video is from October of 2023. It was taken not by a guest, but by the zoo security officer responding to the situation. Hmmm, seems like he maybe should have been doing something else during that situation, instead of than taking a phone video. It's going viral now because the guy (who is no longer employed at the zoo) decided to post it on TikTok for his five minutes of fame. This guy immediately started giving all sorts of media interviews, answering questions like "why no tranquilizers" inappropriately, making memes out of his own video, generally distasteful shit.

Zoo spokesperson Avery Elander gave a public statement that "thankfully, there was no physical contact between keepers and gorilla, and all staff and animals are safe." A comment from the zoo has also indicated that the incident was due to keeper error. (As opposed to, for instance, something in the fencing breaking.) According to the guy who posted the video, a lock was left unsecured and the gorilla was able to open the door to the habitat. I don't know if I buy it, and again, this just... is probably why he doesn't have a job anymore. By sharing that detail - real or not - he places a ton of public scrutiny and blame on that keeper team. (If that's what happened, I can promise you it will have been dealt with internally.) He also was nice enough to say he wouldn't name the women in the video... but verified they're still staffers at the zoo... which means they're eminently identifiable! Excuse me while I ragequit for a second.

So there's two reasons I wanted to talk about this. The first is to make sure it is well known that this guy is purposefully and intentionally exploiting the worst day of someone's life for media attention. Their lives were in danger, and he's using it for fame. His name is in the media articles - I'm not going to share it because he doesn't deserve that attention. The second reason, though, is because this video is a masterclass on how to survive if you end up sharing space with a gorilla. Every zoo person I've spoken to or seen comment on the video is so, so impressed with how the keepers handled themselves.

The gorilla in this video is 34-year-old Elmo. All apes in AZA zoos are managed in protected contact, so keepers are supposed to be separated from them by a barrier at all times. The zookeepers were in the habitat putting out a mid-day meal when he got out. Watching the video, you can see he's not actively being aggressive towards them - he's not making threat displays or trying to approach them. Mostly, Elmo seems like he doesn't know what is going on and he's kinda freaked out about it. (This is confirmed in the zoo's press statement, too). The staff stayed calm, and importantly, watched and waited to see how he'd move and act.

The zoo did say one thing, though, that's a bit misleading. In one article, their press person I quote as saying “In general, gorillas are considered the “gentle giants” of the great ape species.” Just because this may be true in comparison to other great ape species doesn't meant gorilla aren't still incredibly dangerous. This type of messaging always worries me, because I think it leads people to misunderstand the risks of being close to megafauna. Gorilla are extremely strong animals, and their social norms/behaviors are very different from that of humans. That's why it's such a big deal any time people end up in gorilla habitats, and why sometimes in those circumstances lethal measures have to be taken to protect human life.

These keepers are incredibly lucky to be unharmed. These women stayed safe specifically because they're trained professionals who knew how to act around gorilla, they knew this particular animal well, and they'd learned the escapes from the exhibit just in case this ever happened. We should applaud them for their cool heads and quick thinking.

As for the guy who posted the video? As a colleague put it, may he always step on a Lego.

[tritoch]

i have seen people be like "if you think what the dawntrail protagonists do in zone six is valid you have to conceded emet's approach/perspective was valid, what you do is basically what he does" and it's like...nah. it's obviously intentionally very similar ("it's like poetry, it rhymes") but there's some key differences:

emet is disgusted by sundered life, which he sees as inhuman, and longs to return to the unrecoverable past. so he does seven(ish) planet-wide genocides. the endless aren't new life, their ability to grow and learn is specifically in question (at the very least they are fundamentally incapable of taking in new sensory experience of certain forms), they're shades from the unrecoverable past, and you are destroying them in favor of those still alive.

also, we aren't disgusted by them nor do we think anything is fundamentally justified if done to them (everyone pretty much no-sells cahciua "we aren't alive so it doesn't matter if you kill us :)," in fact). we don't have like 12,000 years and the most advanced magic known to anyone alive. we are forced by serious exigency to destroy them due to a political impasse with their leadership's policy re: resource extraction. this tonal difference is in fact extremely important.

the endless themselves seem pretty ambivalent about the whole deal. they're bored or they're wary of the way their world keeps shrinking, and it's very explicitly neither a functioning society by any recognizable human terms nor a paradise.

related to the above, basically every named endless turns to the person most relevant to them (cahciua to erenville, krile's parents to her, namikka to wuk lamat, otis to you) and is like, huh, i really appreciate having this moment of grace at the end of my journey to see that it was all worthwhile and to resolve my lasting regrets, but i understand what you're here to do and yeah, it's probably time for us to go. (does the writing put a finger on the scale by doing this? sure, but the writers also designed and built the scales and everything they're weighing on them, so i find it hard to discredit any one aspect for being the writers' invention.)

finally uh no one in the party has kids with the endless or lives a full human lifetime as one of them lol.

it's important to remember that emet was definitely at least somewhat lying about not seeing the sundered as real people. the fact that he has "lived a thousand thousand of your lives . . . broken bread with you, fought with you, grown ill, grown old, sired children and yes, welcomed death’s sweet embrace" makes everything he did soooooo much crazier than what you do. if i managed to convince an endless to fall in love with me and i had a kid with them and i loved that kid so much that their death threw me into a permanent grief spiral then like. yeah i guess i would have to be like "well hats off to emet, folks." but luckily the game doesn't make you do that.

even if you insist everyone in living memory was a full living person that we killed, you're still weighing like a city of people versus 7+ planet-wide mass murders. you do not under any circumstances got to hand it to him.

living memory absolutely is evocative of everything that happens in shadowbringers. but rather than placing us in emet's shoes, it forces us to relive what we already did, to really fully face up to what we have done by promising to remember emet's culture after destroying any chance of its return. after two games going hard on the hope part of the game's central theme of hope arising from grief, now we're doing grief. we are forced to see the past of our memories not as a cold, ghostly art deco cubus-plagued socratic method hellscape but as the most beautiful technicolor theme park where everyone's happy and no one's sad and there's parades every day and your parents are alive and they love you so much. and then the game's conclusion is, yeah, you were still right to let go. in fact, you were and are morally obliged to let go. the living were and are worth more than the dead. our grief in letting go of them may be immense and turns our world to bleak nothingness for a time, and that is important to recognize, but at the end of the day our most pressing duty is to those we can yet save, not those we have lost.

[anjelicawrites]

Keep reading

Paring: Aemond Targaryen x wife!reader

Synopsis: Aemond is being a little shit, his lady wife is done with him. Fill for the prompt “Ugh,baby, I cant- please…” from this prompt list. 

Warnings: blowjob. Wife is older than Aemond but her age is not stated. If you are a minor kindly fuck off. Smut is still going to be here for you to read, but I will not go to prison. Thanks! :)

Aemond is usually extremely mature, most of the time he acts too old for his age; in comparison you, who are older than him, but have always had a bubbly and cheerful disposition, appear to be younger. 

Even behind closed doors your husband acts older than the twenty years old lad that he is. During the first period of your wedding, which had been obviously orchestrated by your two families, he was shy and aloof while you tried your best to make him feel welcomed, even though you didn't know if you would be able to manage a life with him since your engagement had been short and you had met him only once without a real chance to speak with him.

Aemond had been nothing but a gentleman during the whole marriage ceremony and made love to you slowly and gently, a bit clumsily as well, since neither of you had an idea of what you were doing. Even then, when your noses were a hindrance during your kisses, elbows flying everywhere and what? you get cramps during sex?  he didn't laugh. He managed to keep a stern face, while you tried not to giggle and ruin whatever mood you two had managed to create. 

After weeks of painfully slow acquaintance (Aemond’s stiffness didn’t help), you had reached the conclusion that Aemond was a young man with a cunning intelligence, a big heart and a thick wall between himself and the world around him to protect himself from the courtly life of King's Landing. But you liked him and understood that he needed time to show his true colors and decided to give him the space and time. 

He thought your brain worked in mysterious ways, not in the chauvinist sense that women are too different from men to understand, but meaning that he couldn’t always get the twists and turns your mind did to get to a conclusion. That kept him on his toes, but fascinated him at the same time. Your sharp tongue and painfully bright mind made him think his mother had wisely chosen him a good match. Your interest in history gave him something to talk about: he had been afraid you two had nothing in common and was paralyzed by the idea of having to endure a life made of social events and no communication behind closed doors.

He had quickly realized you were trustworthy and loyal, ready to put an united front when in court, all qualities not so easy to find in any daughter of the houses of the Seven Kingdoms. 

You would randomly tell him things about yourself, facts that any other lady would never confess, even under duress but you, in your frank and honest ways, didn’t mind sharing with him, like the fact you had almost ran away with the circus when you were a wee lass and your parents had kept you under strict lock and key up until your wedding day. 

"Would you still go, given the chance?" He had asked you, not surprised by your confession

You told him the truth, that you are too old to pull that kind of stunt, but who knows, if you’ll ever get bored of being a princess, you might just decide to try again. His response was an amused “Hmm” and the request not to do such a thing, or he’d have to send an army after yours truly. You promised you’ll leave him clues, little crumbs for Vhagar to follow. Aemond laughed briefly, surprising you. It is after conversations like this one, that he had let his guard down for you, slowly slowly and gently gently, letting you in, permitting you to discover sides of him he had thought long dead.  

Are you straying from your line of thought? Probably. What were you saying? Ah yes, Aemond is far too mature for his age but sometimes he manages to act like the annoying young man he had never had the chance to be, like he is doing now. 

 It's a slow night. The two of you had dinner alone in your rooms and just the fact that you two didn't have to deal with the political intricacies for a night, had put Aemond in a good mood. Sitting by the fire to read your respective books made him relax; granted, he hasn't lost the broom in his back you are sure he had swallowed when he was a wee lad, but for his standards Aemond is relaxed: he has lost the eyepatch after the servants left for the night, his shirt is partially unbuttoned and his legs are splayed open. The problem is the history book he is reading from; to be more precise, the author Aemond loves and you despise with all your heart. 

Aemond knows this; you have spent more than one night debating about the conceited asshole, your husband defending him and you stating your criticism eloquently and vehemently (Aemond might have started falling for you because of your brilliance. He is not admitting this to himself, so shush!). But tonight your husband thinks it is funny to read random passages out loud, while you are trying to concentrate on your book. 

As previously stated, when Aemond is in a good mood, sometimes he lets his annoying teenager self surface, and the little shit just loves to get a rise out of you; tonight the young asshole even expects you to grumble and go on a tirade, but you are in a pecurial mood yourself tonight. 

Your lord husband wants to read out loud disturbing you? He'll do that to his heart's content. 

You close your book delicately and rise to your feet. Aemond notices your movements without really seeing them. To his trained eye you are not a threat, you are his lady wife who is going to stroke the flames and then go back to her plush armchair; his brain doesn't register you kneeling between his splayed legs until your hands are on his breeches and your are opening the latches. 

"Keep reading" you say freeing his cock

 "What are you doing?" His left hand grabs the armrest while he adjusts himself on the armchair, a hiss escaping his mouth the moment you lazily stroke his cock. 

 "What does it look like, husband of mine? For someone so smart, sometimes you are as dense as a wall of brick" you say and lick the head. 

 Aemond hisses again and his hips move on their own accord, but you stop the movement with a firm hand on his hips

 “Here’s the rules - you say while lightly caressing his cock with the tip of a finger - you keep reading, I keep pleasuring you. You stop, I stop” 

 The black of the iris has already devoured the lilac and his breath is shorter than before. Oh, the power you have on the man who rides the bigger dragon in the Seven Kingdoms: you are not really stroking his cock and he is already painfully hard and ready to go.

 From the way his jaw sets, you know he has accepted your challenge, but his hands are shaking on the leather cover of the book. He tries to school his voice as your hand wraps firmly around his cock and your tongue darts to lick the tip. 

With a firm movement you position his cock so that you can start licking from the base up, long strokes using the flat of your tongue, again and again, until you decide to slowly, oh so slowly, take him into your mouth: you want him to feel every inch of his cock being sucked and worshiped. You can hear him reading on, his voice still controlled but some moans are definitely there and you redouble your efforts sucking your cheeks in to create more friction. This seems to do the trick as he grabs the book tight and lets out a long moan of pleasure, and doesn’t continue with the task, so you stop and stare innocently at him who is bent over, eye closed and breath short. You delicately push him backwards, until is back is again against the plush chair, the way he stares at you would make another person run away in terror, you just laugh in his face and grip his balls gently

 “I’ll make you pay for this” he spits out

“I don’t think your beloved author has written this - you smile and give his head quick kitten lick - you brought this upon yourself, valzȳrys”.

 Aemond grits his teeth and starts again, but this time his voice is not as controlled as before, it breaks with every stroke of your hand and every lick of your tongue. You eye him from your position and you see the white-knuckle hold he has on the old tome and decide to finish him off. You slowly gather him again in your mouth, cheeks hollowing, until he meets the back of your throat; you keep him there, trying to control your gag reflex as he struggles to read on. When he seems to have gained a bit of command over himself, you swallow him down and he screams, his torso smacking violently against the seatback as you keep him there, massaging his shaft with your throat.

You have almost ran out of air when you hear him beg

 “Ugh,baby, I cant- please…” as you release his cock and he comes violently all over your face.

 The book lies long forgotten on the floor as he tries to regain his strength; you stare at him, licking away as much of his seed as your tongue can find. 

 “You shouldn’t have done that” he says as he tries to grab at you, but he is still so fazed that he slips on the floor and you easily straddle him, your hand around his throat, squeezing delicately

“You were saying?” you whisper against his lips as you feel his cock trying valiantly to react.

 Aemond puts one hand in your hair to push you down to his lips, to kiss you passionately.

 This was supposed to be a quiet night in, let’s all say goodbye to that.

[readyplayerhobi]

Because, I Love You | 09

; Genre: Mild angst

; Word Count: 3k

; Synopsis: According to society, Jeon Jungkook should not be with you. He should be with a younger, hotter and thinner girl instead of wasting his time on you. It’s a good thing Jungkook doesn’t care what society thinks then.

; A/N: Sorry it’s taken so long! This one is from JK’s POV...and we’ll get to see his oh so lovely mom once more! Lemme know what you think by leaving a comment or sending an ask, and please reblog this so more people will get the chance to see it. I’d love to know what you think, and thanks for reading!

; Masterlist

-

Jungkook: I love you

Y/N: I love you? Where did that come from?

Jungkook: Just…wanted to say. Trying to remember that I love my mom too

Y/N: Oh dear

Y/N: What's she done?

Jungkook: I'll tell you later

He knew he couldn't tell you that his mom had invited his high school girlfriend to dinner without his knowledge. You might find it funny, but he was protective of you. The last thing Jungkook wanted was for you to feel hurt, which was silly because you were a grown woman who was even older than him. As you’d told him many times previously - you could take care of yourself. But his mom was his family, which made her his problem. Especially when she was so blatantly against him dating you.

It wasn’t something he’d had to consider previously, said high-school girlfriend had been the only one who’d ever met his parents. And, of course, they’d loved her. Probably because they were both young and innocent, with no real risk of him doing what his mom didn’t want, given he’d been only a teenager.

He’d come to dinner today at the request of his mom, and he’d been the one to suggest that you stay home. The last few times you’d both interacted had been enough to give him a headache, and he didn’t want to put you through any more of her snide comments. They weren’t even sly, some of them were just plain rude.

It had been a few months now since he’d moved out of his parent's house, so he’d just assumed that they were missing him a bit. They’d done the same when his older brother had moved out, so he’d agreed to come tonight to appease them. He should have known something was wrong when his mom had looked around him when he’d come in, the frown on her face unexpected.

And then he’d walked into the living room to see Ji-woo, the girl he’d dated throughout high school. His first love. The girl he’d broken up with because they were going to college across the country from each other, and neither wanted to limit the other. They’d made a promise to meet up again after college, and if there was still a spark then they’d try again as adults, older and wiser.

He’d forgotten all about it until his mom had started bringing it up a few weeks ago. Jungkook had ignored her, thinking she was just reminiscing in yet another particularly callous way. Now, he knew why she’d brought it up.

“Is there something wrong, Jungkook? You know I don’t like phones at the table.” His mom tuts, shaking her head at him admonishingly before scooping some spiced rice onto her spoon. If he wasn’t looking closely at her, then he wouldn’t notice the twitching of her left eye. But he is, and he does see it. 

She’s annoyed at him, that he’s texting at the dinner table. No, that’s wrong, it’s not that he’s texting. It’s that she knows who he’s texting.

Sighing deeply, he lets his head fall forward slightly and wonders how it had managed to get to this point. Why was his mom so against you? You were the sweetest, kindest and funniest person he knew. The absolute light of his damn life at the moment. He’d never loved someone so much in his life, he wasn’t even sure if it was normal how much he loved you.

The sight of you made his chest ache sometimes, and the sound of your voice made him smile instantly. You were the love of his life, but also his best friend. He genuinely couldn’t imagine life without you anymore, which might sound a bit extreme. So he was still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, sue him, which made it all the more painful that his mom hated you. 

Why couldn’t she see the beautiful, smart and kind woman that you were? The woman who brightened his day just by existing?

For God’s sake, he’d read enough Reddit threads to know that this type of scenario often broke relationships. He didn’t want to be the mommy’s boy who couldn’t see the damage his mom was doing to his relationship, to his life. But he also didn’t want to cut his mom out of his life.

He loved his mom, too. Even if it was hard to remember that right now.

“Did you know that Ji-woo is in med-school now? She’s aiming to be a paediatrician.” His mom says with a bright smile, looking over at his ex with genuine happiness. Ji-woo looks back with a shy smile, bowing her head to hide her face from his mom’s praise. She’d always been sweet and humble, so it wasn’t surprising that she wasn’t flaunting her achievements right now.

“Oh, that’s cool. Well done, you always said you wanted to be a doctor. I’m glad it’s working out for you.” Jungkook says politely, not wanting to come off as an asshole. He has no ill will towards her, and he certainly doesn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable once she realises that she’s being a pawn in whatever fucked up game his mom is playing. But he also doesn’t want to make it seem like he’s interested.

Because he’s not.

“Thanks, I wasn’t sure I was going to get into med school after college. I came back once I graduated and…well I delayed a year before applying. Took some time to decide what I truly wanted and…here I am.” Ji-woo smiles at him, and he takes a moment to look over her face more carefully. It’s been years since he’s last seen her, and he marvels at how she’s grown into her face and her body in that time.

No doubt it’s the same for her when it comes to him. But there’s a difference between them both. He can practically see the subtle hope in her, that he’ll finally come back and make good on his promise. Jungkook knew that she was interested in him, he’d seen the way she’d looked him up and down, focusing on his tattoos and his face. A new interest - he sincerely doubted she was still in love with him after all this time.

Or, he hoped so anyway.

“Well, I’m glad it’s working out for you.” Jungkook said politely, filling his mouth with curried chicken to avoid having to talk more. Didn’t work, of course.

“Your mom said you’d gone into video games, right? An animator? That’s really cool, you always were really passionate about games.” There’s an awkward pause as Jungkook gives her a neutral smile, before turning his gaze over to his mom. Narrowing his eyes at her, and wondering how long she’d been in contact with his ex.

He didn’t even want to think about what she’d been feeding Ji-woo, and he scowled at his glass of water. Why did she always have to be messing around like this? She was just making his life complicated at this point.

“Yeah, that’s right. Moved companies a few months ago. It’s not nearly as interesting as it looks, trust me. This is really nice, mom. Did you see it on one of those Facebook recipe pages again?” He asks, trying to deflect the conversation away from himself. Jungkook felt awful, but he just didn’t want to talk to Ji-woo, especially about himself.

“Oh, it’s from Ji-woo’s mom! We’ve been talking a lot lately and reminiscing about when you were both teenagers, and how cute you were together. She’s been experimenting with food lately and swore this was something she thought you’d like. I’ll let her know that you enjoyed it, she’ll be so happy.” His mom smiles brightly at him, before looking over at Ji-woo and giving her the same bright smile.

Jungkook just grips his fork even tighter as he internally curses. She was talking with Ji-woo’s mom, and about the past?! For fuck’s sake, he couldn’t deal with this. All this goddamn meddling, was she trying to piss him off and alienate him?

Something about his expression must have given away his feelings, and his dad had obviously picked up on it as he clears his throat. It almost makes Jungkook laugh at how clearly awkward he looks, but he appreciates the attention being taken away from him. His dad knows how tense things are between him and his mom, alongside his mom clearly doesn’t like you. Jungkook feels sorry for how his dad has to feel like he needs to act as an intermediary between everyone, though he is thankful for it.

“It is good, dear. Make sure to eat up, Jungkook, otherwise your mom will chew my ear off later about you not eating well. I’ve put some of the leftovers into a tub for you to take back to Y/N, as well. I’m sure she’ll like it, too.” 

Jungkook swears he can feel the air freeze in the room at his dad’s words. His mom glares at him, her lips pressing together and cheeks flushing slightly. It makes Jungkook’s hands go clammy at the sight, knowing that she’s angry. He never liked it when his mom was angry.

“I will, she’ll love it. Let me just text her and let her know not to make anything for dinner. Thanks, dad.” He smiles at his dad, nodding slightly and noting the slight nod in return. It’s not lost on him that his son’s girlfriend isn’t here and his high school ex-girlfriend is, nor that his wife has been chatting up said ex-girlfriend’s mom.

Glancing back across the table, Ji-woo looks exceptionally awkward as she eats a piece of broccoli slowly. Any sense of pleasure he had at seeing his dad taking his side disappears as he remembers how she’s just being a pawn in his mom’s shitty game. It wasn’t her fault this was happening, and Jungkook felt guilty for her being stuck here.

He looks directly at her and gives her a reassuring smile.

“Sorry, Y/N is my girlfriend. She was busy so couldn’t make it tonight.” He tries to say it in a friendly tone, keeping his voice light to not make it seem like he’s rubbing it in. If his mom is any indication lately, he wouldn’t have put it past her to make up that he was wanting some kind of star-crossed lovers reunion.

Sure enough, Ji-woo looks startled at his words and she glances at his mom. There’s a slight quiver in the hand holding her spoon, and Jungkook remembers her facial expressions well enough to recognise the signs of hurt. Dammit, he didn’t want to hurt her, even if he also didn’t want anything to do with her anymore.

“She wasn’t invited anyway,” His mom says, her voice surprisingly simple compared to her cruel words. “I was hoping this might spur something between you both if I’m being honest. But that’s clearly ruined now.”

“Mom!” Jungkook blurts out, his eyes widening in shock at how blatantly rude she’s being. She ignores him, though, and just glares at his dad. Wincing slightly, Jungkook knows that he’s in for a tough time tonight for ruining her carefully laid plans. Though what she thought was going to happen, is beyond him.

Did she think he’d meet his ex and just break up with you instantly? Maybe she thought that he’d cheat on you or something. Whatever she thought, she was clearly out of her damn mind.

“Mom, stop it,” Jungkook looks over at Ji-woo and gives her a strained smile, shrugging slightly. “I’m really sorry, Ji-woo. I didn’t even know you were gonna be here. I’m so sorry, I can’t even imagine how awkward this must be for you. In case it wasn’t obvious, my mom doesn’t like my girlfriend, though I didn’t think she’d do this.”

Now he looks back at his mom and glares, shaking his head in disgust.

“Seriously? I was willing to leave tonight and just try to forget whatever the hell this was, but not now. Not when you’re being so damn mean. I love you, mom, but I don’t love this version of you.” Standing, Jungkook takes his plate and stalks into the kitchen.

The Tupperware of leftovers that his dad had made was cooling on the side, its lid not fully closed to let it cool quicker. Glaring at it, which was stupid because it wasn’t like it had done anything to him. It’s just the principle of it all, and he needs someone to be angry at right now. Or something, rather.

Scraping the remnants of his dinner into the bin, and cursing the fact that he’d only eaten half of it, he doesn’t even hear the footsteps as they come into the kitchen.

“Jeon Jungkook, you are being very rude right now. There is no need for you to be acting like this, you’re a grown adult. I thought it would be nice for you and Ji-woo to catch up, you were so good together in high school and she’s doing so well in life, right now. Her mom thinks highly of you, too.” His mom has no sense of self-preservation, though he can’t exactly blame her. He’d always been the pinnacle of a good boy whilst growing up, so she’d never really experienced him being angry or annoyed.

Clenching his jaw, he ignores her as he moves past and heads over to the sink. It’s ridiculous that he’s stood here, washing his damn plate whilst his mom gives him whatever version of a self-righteous talk she’s conjured up to justify her behaviour. But he knows that if he just leaves without cleaning the damn thing, then she’ll just use it against him. At least this way, she won’t be able to hold this over his head.

He’s being a good son, even if she’s not being a good mom right now.

“Jungkook! Look at me when I’m talking to you.”

Placing the dish on the drying rack, he wipes his hands clean before letting them rest on the counter and lowers his head. He loves his mom, he does. 

“Mom, please stop. Just…please. I don’t want to argue right now. Hell, I don’t want to argue full stop. Just…I’m going home. Don’t say anything, don’t try to convince me to stay or anything.” Turning around, he looks down at her and shakes his head in disappointment.

“Jungkook, wait.” She reaches out, her palm towards him and he avoids her touch before skirting around her. Grabbing the Tupperware, he locks it before heading out the door and to the hallway. He’s in the process of shoving his feet into his shoes, his jacket already on when Ji-woo shuffles in from the dining room. She looks so awkward that he almost wants to hug her, just to make her feel a bit more comfortable. But that would be a dumb thing to do.

“I’m sorry you’ve been dragged into this. I’m happy you’re doing well, and that you’re in med school and all that, I am. I’m sorry we didn’t keep our promise after college, and I’m sorry for whatever my mom has told you. I don’t know what that is, but I can guess. I have a girlfriend, we’ve been together for over a year and we live together now. My mom doesn’t like her, because…I don’t know. She’s not a bad person, she’s my favourite person and I love her. I’m sorry you’ve ended up in the middle of all this, I can only imagine what my mom was thinking was gonna happen. I hope you don’t take this personally, but as nice as it was to see you…I hope I don’t see you again. Not because I don’t like you, but…it’s too awkward and clearly, my mom will not be able to act normal if we became friends again.” He trails off, feeling unsure of what else to say to get across his feelings.

Jungkook doesn’t want to hurt Ji-woo, but he doesn’t want to give her whatever false hope his mom has been whispering into her ear. She deserves a lot better than whatever shit show was going on here.

For a moment, Ji-woo says nothing. Standing awkwardly with her shoulders hunched and one hand on her elbow, he feels even worse about this whole situation. Which is ridiculous, because he didn’t engineer it.

But then she surprises him by taking a deep breath and straightening her shoulders, tilting her head up and giving him a small smile. Any traces of that teenage girl he’d once loved are gone, and he’s glad to see confidence in her. He did love her at one point, after all.

“It’s okay, I’m sorry for…well, being a part of this. I’m clearly in the middle of something and I don’t want to be. I had no idea you have a girlfriend, and I would never want to try and lead you on. You were always loyal, and I can only imagine how great she is if you’re serious about her. I hope you’re happy.” Moving towards him, she reaches out and rests a hand on his arm. There’s nothing weird about it, and he lets her do it. 

“Thanks…I hope you are too. It was nice, if awkward, to see you again.” He laughs, rubbing the back of his neck before smiling and grabbing the Tupperware.

The sight of his mom coming down the hall makes him rush out the door, unlock his car and jump into it as fast as he can. It’s not lost on him that this is your car, given you’d been blocking him in on the driveway. 

Jungkook wasn’t sure if you were going to laugh at this whole situation when he tells you, or roll your eyes. Maybe you’d even get angry. At the very least, he’s got some curry to bribe you with.

[cosmicjoke]

Part 2 of the Psychological and Emotional Impact of Levi’s Early Childhood:  How Levi’s Years with his mother weren’t Idealic:

So some of the conversations and additions to my post about Levi’s childhood got me thinking and focusing a little more on one, specific aspect of it, that I wanted to delve into here.   

Again, it’s interesting, because, as we know, Kuchel was a loving mother toward Levi.  She clearly loved him and, at risk to herself, wanted and kept him.  Something which undoubtedly made her own life exponentially harder, when obviously it was already incredibly difficult.  I also talked about how this decision had an aspect of selfishness to it, though, as she knowingly brought Levi into a situation in which he would also end up suffering a great deal.  I want to reiterate that this isn’t meant to be taken as a criticism of Kuchel or her love of Levi.  It’s just a stated fact. 

Kuchel clearly struggled to take care of Levi.  The fact that Levi was at death’s door when Kenny found him is testament to this reality.  All the love in the world wouldn’t have been enough to provide the basic necessities a growing child requires.  Levi was in a state of extreme neglect.  He was starving to death.  He was filthy.  He was barefoot and completely alone, with no sign at all of anyone having come by even once to provide help, and no sign that Levi ever left to seek help.  It was pure luck that Kenny came by when he did and was able to rescue him.  If he hadn’t, Levi would have surely died.

So what I wanted to get into here more specifically is what it tells us about Levi’s upbringing with his mother, that he was left in such a state, and why when Kenny found him, it was obvious that Levi was totally isolated, that nobody came by to help him, and that he also, apparently, never left their room to find help.

What that tells me is that Levi likely never had any real social interaction outside of his mother.  That his isolation may have been so extreme, in fact, that nobody outside of their home even knew he existed.  This seems supported by the fact that Levi was socially inept when Kenny first meets him.  He barely speaks, almost to the point of muteness.  When Kenny talks to him, Levi more often than not says nothing, just stares at him with shuttered eyes.  Kenny describes Levi as “cold” or “unfriendly”.  Levi is also constantly looking at Kenny.  He rarely seems to take his eyes off of him, which could indicate a wariness of him, which, given the sort of life his mother was living, and given where they were, the Underground, makes plenty of sense.  Levi would be wary of strange men. 

Given these details, it seems likely to me that Kuchel, in the least, kept Levi as isolated and alone as she could manage, and that she likely did this out of a desire to protect him from the dangers of the Underground.  It seems likely that she kept him in their room and rarely, if ever, let him out.  Again, probably because she wanted to shield him from danger.

But as we see, there was a price to pay for doing something like this.  Not only was Levi maladjusted, but when his mother was dying, and Levi was left to starve to death, Levi seemingly didn’t know how to ask anyone for help.  Now it’s possible Levi might have tried finding help, and nobody listened to him.  I wouldn’t find that surprising either, given the environment they were living in.  The Underground is a cut-throat, dog eat dog place, where very few people can afford to help anyone else, given the general, desperate circumstances most down there find themselves living in. 

Whether Levi sought help and was turned away, or he didn’t seek help because he didn’t realize he could, and also because nobody ever came by to help either of them, either way, this would have, tragically, affirmed for Levi that neither his nor his mother’s lives were worth anything to anyone. 

I assume it took a long time for Kuchel to die.  She was completely wasted away by the time Kenny found her, essentially skeletal in her appearance.  Part of this could have been because her body was decomposing.  But the fact she’d been dying from disease would have obviously ravaged her body, too.  Levi would have had to witness this slow, no doubt agonizing deterioration for who knows how many weeks or months.  That alone would have been horrifically traumatizing for him, especially given his own, general helplessness.  And in all that time, nobody ever once, we can assume, offered them a helping hand, offered them food, offered them money, offered them medical assistance. 

It’s interesting to consider too that Kuchel must have known that she was dying, and that without her, Levi would surely die too.  She had no way of knowing that Kenny would come by when he did, or that he would come by at all.  She hadn’t seen him, I’m assuming, since before she gave birth to Levi, since Kenny didn’t even know Levi’s name when they met.  So what does this tell us?  That Kuchel knew she was dying, and that without her there to take care of him, Levi would die too?

One might think Kuchel, once she realized her case was hopeless, would attempt to hand Levi over to someone else to care for him.  But clearly that didn’t happen.  There could be a million reasons for this.  Mainly, I would think, Kuchel didn’t trust anyone she knew enough to actually care for Levi, or that she simply wasn’t close enough with anyone to feel confident in her ability to ask them to care for her child, and that gives us a pretty good idea of what Kuchel’s relationships with other people in the Underground were like.  We can assume from this that she didn’t have any close friends, and in turn, we can assume that neither did Levi.  I would go so far as to say Levi probably didn’t have any friends.  I don’t think he ever had any real, meaningful interaction with other children, even.  Again, remembering Levi’s social ineptness when Kenny finds him, how withdrawn he was, seems to support this.  So from all of this, I think it’s likely that neither Kuchel or Levi ever got much social interaction, or had any, real social lives to speak of.  I think we can clearly see the ill effects of this in Levi throughout his entire life.  He’s famously very socially awkward.  He doesn’t really know how to express himself in words.  People often mistake him for being apathetic or rude or unfriendly because his face isn’t generally very emotive, and he often speaks in a monotone.  This in itself is it’s own kind of tragedy, because at his core, Levi is actually exceptionally compassionate and kind.  Levi’s social difficulties would also have obviously been terribly exacerbated by the way Kenny raised him after Kuchel died. 

But going back to the way Kuchel raised him, I think it’s fair to say that she kept Levi very isolated, and that she herself was probably very isolated too, and so we have to think about how this bleak reality likely impacted Kuchel’s own ability adequately care for Levi.

Again, going back to the state Kenny found Levi in, it’s obvious that something went very, very wrong in Kuchel’s ability to take care of her son.  It’s obvious that she was struggling severely to provide for him, once again not from lack of effort, but because of the desperate circumstances of their lives.  Food, clothing, shelter, warmth, etc...  We see those things were clearly not being provided to Levi on a consistent basis.  He was dressed in rags, some type of garment that was too large for him, and might be supposed to have belonged to Kuchel herself, meaning she couldn’t afford to buy him anything better.  He was barefoot, meaning she probably couldn’t afford shoes for him.  His hair was uncut and unwashed, as was the rest of his body.  They were living in what appears to be a single room with next to nothing in it.  There’s a single bed which Kuchel occupies, some pots and a pitcher for water I’m guessing, and that’s about it.  We see no toys.  We see no books.  We see nothing of any comfort or luxury.  There’s no other obvious rooms attached to the one they’re in.  No bathroom or washing area.  No doors leading anywhere else but outside.  And finally, Levi clearly hadn’t eaten anything of substance, or any kind of full meal, in a long, long time.   And he was completely alone.  So we see that, in the end, Kuchel, despite her obvious and genuine love for Levi, wasn’t able to take care of him.  Obviously Levi’s deteriorated state when Kenny finds him is a direct result of Kuchel herself falling ill, and she no doubt did her best when she was still able to work to provide for him these basic necessities.  But it’s also still obvious that it was always a struggle.  They had no money, and that’s plain.  They were living, very obviously, in abject poverty.  And already living in such a dangerous, cut-throat environment, where criminals and predators were able to openly roam the streets without consequence, since the above ground authorities rarely ventured down there, a lone mother and her very young child would have struggled all the more to survive.  With such a poor financial situation, their day to day lives must have been incredibly precarious and uncertain. 

But I’m also not just talking about providing the bare life essentials when talking about Kuchel’s struggles to take care of Levi.  Going back to Kuchel’s own seeming lack of social interaction or dependable friends, one has to consider the psychological impact of this on her, and how that in turn would impact her relationship with Levi.  Being a mother is a hard job.  It’s hard enough even in the best of circumstances.  Taking care of a helpless child that is in constant need of love, care and attention is incredibly draining and time consuming.  We often hear people joke about how mother’s should be paid to be mothers alone, because it’s such a consuming job. 

Now, you take the general difficulty of that job, and you amplify it with the sorts of difficulties and bleak realities Kuchel and Levi faced, things like abject impoverishment, a lack of any sort of real social life or friends, constant fear and paranoia of ones surroundings, the ever present reality of being surrounded by criminals, and Kuchel’s own day to day life working as a prostitute, and you start to really realize just how bad and difficult their lives together must have been.

Kuchel wouldn’t have had any sort of outlet, or escape, from the harsh realities of her day to day situation.  If she had no real friends (again, something that seems almost certain when considering everything else), then we have to assume whatever downtime she had from selling her body for money was spent with Levi and Levi alone.  So after hours and hours of being forced to let strangers have their way with her and use her body for sex, which we can pretty much guarantee also involved plenty of physical violence against her, Kuchel would then have to come home and take care of a young child who needed to be fed, clothed, washed, paid attention to, etc, etc...  all things Kuchel was clearly struggling to provide.  I don’t think the mental and emotional toll this sort of existence must have had on her can be exaggerated.  She had to have been exhausted, both physically and mentally.  With no one outside of a young child to talk to or interact with, she must have been deeply depressed and often felt incredibly alone.  Those feelings would have only been worsened by her struggle to provide enough food and shelter and warmth to keep them both alive.  They would have only be worsened further by her need to constantly be vigilant and protect Levi from the many, many dangers of the Underground. 

My point with bringing all this up is to show that it’s unlikely that Kuchel, in these circumstances, would have been able to provide Levi, not just things like food or clothing or warmth, but a healthy social environment.  It’s very, very doubtful that Kuchel would have had the time, or the energy, or even the mental capacity, to be able to give Levi the kind of love and attention she would have under even slightly better circumstances.  Realistically speaking, she was probably simply too tired at the end of each work day to really play with him, or spend time with him in any meaningful way.  She was probably too exhausted to indulge in any sort of wants or needs of his outside of immediate essentials.  Assuming Kuchel was often depressed (which I don’t think is at all a stretch or unlikely, again given her own isolation and the ugly reality of her life), that would have also impacted how she interacted with Levi.  Children aren’t stupid, they’re intuitive, and we know Levi in particular is maybe the most emotionally intelligent character in AoT.  He would have picked up on her depressive moods, and her general unhappiness, I’m sure.  He would have felt that negative energy coming from her. 

Going back to Levi’s maladjustment when Kenny finds him, to his muteness and wariness, his “cold”, “unfriendly” demeanor, I think it’s safe to assume that these problems in Levi were a result of not just the incredibly harsh circumstances of his life with his mother, but also came from Kuchel’s failure to provide Levi with enough stimulation to teach him social skills.  Again, please remember, this isn’t meant as a criticism of Kuchel or her love for Levi.  I don’t want anyone to think I’m trying to cast doubt on those things.  Again, it’s just to highlight and draw attention to the fact that, despite that love, Kuchel still wasn’t, and frankly couldn’t have been, a perfect mother to Levi.  Their situation just simply wouldn’t have allowed for it.  And so I think it’s realistic and fair to assume that Kuchel failed Levi in certain ways. 

Levi wasn’t okay when Kenny found him.  Again, not just based on the fact that he was literally dying and in a state of extreme neglect, but based on the fact that he was clearly a child who had never learned to be social.  He was strange. He didn’t act at all like a normal child his age might.  He was deeply withdrawn, almost mute, he never smiled or laughed, he was wary, probably from having been taught to be afraid of men, listless and resigned.  None of this speaks to a child who is well adjusted or who received a lot of love and attention.  He doesn’t demand attention, the way most children do.  Instead, when Kenny finds him, Levi is curled against a far wall, just waiting to die, quiet and accepting.  Think about this.  He wasn’t crying, he wasn’t making a fuss, he wasn’t even visibly upset in any way over his situation.  He was just resigned to it.  He didn’t beg Kenny for help when he came, or even talk to him, except to tell him his mother was dead, and after being promoted multiple times, to tell him his name.  Levi didn’t demand or seek attention, even from the first person to show up and offer help, likely because Levi was taught through example not to expect attention.  And once again, this isn’t a criticism of Kuchel, but an acknowledgment of the likely reality that she just didn’t have the time, energy or ability to give Levi attention beyond providing for him the bare minimum required to keep him alive. 

Levi���s state when Kenny finds him, not just physical, but his emotional and mental state, suggests a certain amount of neglect in Levi’s life from his mother. 

So again I posit that this general perception in the fandom of Levi being provided plenty of love and care from his mother in the first, few years of his life is idealized in the extreme, and fails to acknowledge the harsh reality of their lives and circumstances, as well as fails to acknowledge the state Levi was in when Kenny found him.

I say all this, and think it’s important to acknowledge, because I don’t think Levi is given enough credit for making himself into the man he would eventually become.  Very often, the credit is solely given to his mother, and sometimes even to Kenny (really don’t get that one), for Levi turning out to be a kind, caring and compassionate human being.  But in my opinion, in the face of everything we know, this belief doesn’t hold water.  It doesn’t account for just how bad off Levi was, not just physically, but mentally, when Kenny took him in. 

There’s always the question of nature vs nurture, and I’m always of the mind that how a person turns out is more a mixture of the two than any, single one.  And certainly, we see parts of Levi’s personality which have been shaped by the way he was raised, both by Kuchel and Kenny.  Levi’s social awkwardness, his blunt, sometimes rude interactions, his anger and violence, his fear and readiness to act in the face of that fear, etc... all these things were no doubt informed by Levi’s experiences growing up.  And yes, I’m sure that part of Levi’s ability to love and be loved came from his mother.  But not all of it did.  Levi, from seeing how his mother was treated, from seeing the negative results of the life she was living, not just on her, but on him, would have been sent the lesson early on in life that neither of their lives were worth very much to anyone but each other.  From Kuchel’s inability to really take care of him, Levi would have undoubtedly questioned his own worth, not because Kuchel didn’t love him, but because he would have picked up on how his existence was a burden to her, how it made her life harder, how she in turn wasn’t always able to provide him with a great deal of warmth or affection, because it was already too much to provide him with basic necessities for staying alive.  Levi knew not to expect a lot of love or attention, and that tells us an awful lot about Levi’s life with his mother.  He doesn’t throw a fit or complain when Kenny takes him in and starts treating him harshly.  He doesn’t whine or demand love when Kenny starts teaching him how to use a knife, or how to “greet people” (ala, beat the shit out of them).  He doesn’t show any expectation from Kenny at all, let alone an expectation for love and affection from him.  Every panel we see of Levi with Kenny shows Levi standing there, mute and listless, simply accepting of his new situation and the new way in which he’s being treated.  He just... takes it.  This isn’t a child who’s been taught that he deserves better.  This isn’t a child who expects to be treated with kindness or respect or gentility.  This isn’t a child who is used to getting his way, or who expects to be paid attention to.  This isn’t a child who expects much of anything at all.  Again, the fact of Levi’s immediate acceptance of the way Kenny treats him tells us a LOT about what his life with his mother was like.  He wasn’t spoiled, he wasn’t treated as special, he wasn’t given an excess of attention or love.  If he had been, that would have made itself evident when Kenny took him in and started treating him the way he did.  And once more I reiterate, this isn’t meant as a knock on Kuchel, or to cast doubt on the love she had for Levi.  It’s just a simple acknowledgment of certain facts.  When Kenny leaves Levi, Levi just accepts that as well, though obviously it hurts him immensely.  He doesn’t chase after Kenny, or beg him to come back.  He just stands there and watches him walk away.  He just accepts that he’s being abandoned.  Again, this isn’t indicative of a child who has a particularly strong sense of self-worth or importance, or a child who was taught to fight for his right to love.  He was taught to fight for his life by Kenny, sure, but he was taught the exact opposite regarding other people’s lives in turn.  And we know, bizarrely, from how resigned he was to his own death after Kuchel died, that Levi’s experiences in the first years of his life with his mother didn’t teach him to fight for or value his own life, though I’m sure that isn’t what Kuchel ever intended. 

And so when we take this all into account, when we take into account that Levi wasn’t ever really taught to value or fight for his own right to love and compassion, or even life, how he wasn’t taught to even expect those things, on top of which, taking into account how he was taught not to value the lives of others through Kenny’s lessons, and then you reflect on how, DESPITE all that, Levi was open enough to make, on his own, his first, real friends in Furlan and Isabel, to form an actual family with them, and to make more friends after they died in Erwin and Hange, how he fights with everything he has to protect the lives and dreams of others, how he has so much deep compassion and care for others, how deeply affected he is by the deaths of others, how hard he tries to keep everyone around him alive, how much he values life, values the lives of others, and their right to life, you realize how remarkable that really is.  You realize that nothing in Levi’s life growing up can really account for that ability to care, or that deep compassion he holds.  It comes down to his nature.  Levi is just an innately caring, kind and compassionate person.  Rather than inheriting that ability from Kuchel’s example, I would rather say Levi inherited that ability from Kuchel’s nature.  He wasn’t taught to be loving and compassionate.  He just was.  And so was his mother.  Both of them maintained that capacity despite their horrible circumstances and experiences, not because of them.  Just like how Levi and Mikasa are innately loyal, Levi I would say is also innately, inherently kind and compassionate.  Some traits of our personalities are just inborn, not taught.

I think Levi deserves so much more credit than he generally receives for being the kind, caring man he is.

[megabuild]

I'm rooting for an etho-gem-scott team personally. mainly because i can't see scott and etho willingly teaming but i can see both of them teaming with gem and i think it'd be really really really funny to see scott have to 'yes, go girlboss' and 'women are never wrong' through teeth clenched so tightly he's about to pop a vein as Gem hangs out with her favorite mormon

this is about the only way i can see it happening yeah, scott and etho are likely not going to team together unless forced, and honestly even with gem in the mix it still feels too much but definitely more likely.

i can't decide if this fucks with my original vision or not though because the entire point of scott-etho team to me is that forcing of a mirror up to itself- scott has no ally to wholly commit himself to and take on a role that he perceived as beneficial because etho is too distant to let that form, and etho has no ally to seek a role from because they're both just feeding into each other asking "what do YOU want?" and the answer is neither of them know, so either they have to force themselves to get really cool about a lot of trauma real fast or just crumble completely.

adding gem into that mix complicates things (full disclosure: i am not a gem analyser yet so if anyone smarter wants to add onto this feel free) because i think she doesn't have that same challenge of identity- she's a character with a lot of deep set anxiety but i think she knows who she is, or what she wants to be, her understanding of that is just inherently flawed. eg. i would say the two people she looks up to the most in life series are etho and pearl, but specifically for both of them she's looking up to a fracture of themselves. her adoration of etho almost comes off as false sometimes with the consistent insistence of being an ethogirl but also switching up and committing to whatever the popular view is (bullying him for being washed up and lame, teasing him for being obsessed, etc.), like she's more interested in the surface level concept of what etho is instead of who he actually is. while with pearl her treatment around scarlet pearl, a persona literally formed through intense trauma, isolation and degradation, flattens it down to "you're so cool go girlboss!". again i don't really know enough about gem to say anything about this (not least because a good chunk of this comes from cc actions and saying whatevers popular and will get laughs and clips- no hate to her irt).

so yeah- cgem not only doesn't have the awareness to notice etho and scott's respective masks, or if she does, she isn't interested in challenging or counting them, but she also provides a base point for the two of them to rely on. as you said scott would fall into his usual go girlboss pattern and probably kill himself at the end with little to no character development. etho might manage to get something out of being in an alliance where he's constantly being fawned over (as in, become extremely uncomfortable and be forced to shed all of his masks in an attempt to push the spotlight off himself- in the same way it could cause fun conflict between him and scott as scott repeatedly tries to drag the spotlight towards himself) but more likely he'd just distance himself entirely. absolute net zero gain of an alliance unless an astronomical level of coincidences force them to actually behave like human beings. fun either way

[chiefbeifongcanrailme]

DVD COMMENTARY (It's Time to Make Time)

“Chief there’s a massive hickey the size of Ba Sing Se on your neck and it’s really hard for all of us to imagine you having a sex life all of a sudden. Just the sight of it paints a very vivid picture of the kind of sex you’re having and the kind of person you’re having it with. Spirits, Chief! It’s purple in color- how are you not in pain? What was he trying to do to you? And no, we know you didn’t sleep well or sleep much last night- because you were having some really wild sex and that mark was not there yesterday and today it’s the first thing anyone can see when they look at you! No but really- what was he- trying to eat and swallow you? Please ask me to stop talking, Lin?” Mako pants. 

Lin gawked at him, thoroughly shocked at his guts to it to her face and even more so that everyone now knew that she was probably involved with someone. 

“Ha-has everyone noticed?” She managed to get out meekly. 

“Yes Chief. Everyone. People are placing bets on who they think you’re sleeping with.” Mako exhales sharply and finally looks her in the eye. 

Have fun!

Ah, It's Time to Make Time, my dearest.

This fic was written to be just a one-shot, and second chapter that followed were also supposed to be one-shot that happened to occur in this universe. The third chapter was just because this fic deserved to be wrapped into that perfect little bow with a cherry on top.

So, coming to the very first chapter where this excerpt is from: I believe I wrote this very early on in my fandom writing carrier- I had all these "need to hide our relationship from Tenzin" ideas for Linumi and I was playing around them.

One such idea, that I borrowed from real life events is- Lin getting caught with a hickey. Canonically, I think Lin would be totally intolerant if a lover left a mark on her- unless, they're in a serious relationship and it was an accident and neither party intended on it/realized it. With Bumi and his nomadic wildness, I can imagine him having a hard time taming himself- especially if he's as in love with and attracted to someone like Lin.

In the backdrop of the plot, Lin is seemingly extremely busy. She's been spreading herself pretty thin and being as sedulous as her, she won't half-ass anything- her job or her "casual" relationship.

I wanted to depict a couple of things here:

From personal experience, I know that being the kind of busy where you don't even have the time to catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror doesn't bode well. Sooner or later, there'll be an eruption. Lin does come across as someone who'd be that kinda busy. There comes a time in everyone's career when they're asked to "take it slow" because of their age and such- and I wanted to show that, irrespective of age, if someone's still kicking, they don't have to slow down for that. They could easily slow down to live their lives on their terms- because they've earned it. I've seen a lot of headcanons that Lin retires because of her injuries, or her age- etc, and knowing Lin, I don't think she'd let things like that hold her back. If she does decide to slow down, it's going to HAVE TO be because she wants to and not because she has to. Establishing both these points were a good two birds with one stone.

Being a woman with power at the workplace. It's really sad when a woman at a higher position is reduced to vapid gossip for having something as basic as a personal life. It's only because people fear Lin that they won't treat her the way that one criminal (Raj) did. Lucky for Lin, her subordinates both respect and love her and so she isn't quite subjected to that- which is something very positive about this phenomenon that I got to portray.

Mako and Lin's friendship. I can draw so many parallels between the two: from being the ever-sacrificing, traumatized older sibling to drowning yourself in work to avoid your personal life. I think Lin sorta sees him as her mini me- and she's both proud of and scared for him. It's one thing for him to emulate good qualities, but she hates that she sees her bad qualities in him too. In coming clean about her personal life to Mako, she's showing him that he need not minimize his life in order to serve. Having love in your life doesn't diminish your power.

Lin handling herself. Lin likes to face her problems head on. Everyone has reached a moment in their lives when they're totally humiliated and it's no different for Lin. She learnt the hard way the price of not accepting things coming your way with grace- that if she tries to fight everything that doesn't go her way, it's going to be her down fall in the end. After reconciling with Tenzin, then Suyin, and then her mother, she realizes that had she just accepted circumstances(Pema, scars and mommy issues) for what they were back when they arose, she wouldn't have had to spend all these decades feeling alone and bitter. She didn't need to isolate herself, and guard her emotions with such high walls if she just accepted the situations(move on, forgive and mommy issues). Having likely being subjected to terrible press in the wake of her breakup with Tenzin, I can see Lin wanting to keep this new relationship- one with Bumi, no less- on the downlow. The last thing she needs to relive is the cruel gossip columns and paparazzi outside her window. So, she decides to take it one step at a time.

Sorry, I kinda got carried away there. Now, coming to excerpt itself: Mako is always a little nervous around Lin. He has very confusing feelings about her- he thinks she's cool and hot and he has that "do I wanna be her or do I wanna be with her?" dilemma. But either way, keeping those feelings at bay, he has a lot of respect for Lin as his mentor and cares for her like family. Lin knows he's the only one who'll give it to her straight- that he could be a confidant of sorts and that he is not to be judged by the company he keeps. She trusts him to the fullest, and we see here how it only substantiates that trust when he's the only one to tell her what's really going on, and return, is the only one to learn of her big secret.

Mako kinda gets lost in his rambling of course, because Lin makes him nervous and the idea of her having a sex life only further escalates the "do I wanna be her or do I wanna be with her" dilemma since he gets to view her in a sexual light for the first time. Either way, Mako's a serious guy, and pointedly conveys his exact thoughts until he realizes, physically, he needs to stop talking.

Lin's shock has more to do with the contents of his ramble as well as some to do with the length of his chatter. She knows he can't look her in the eye, but appreciates when he finally does as he tries to sound more comforting. Lin doesn't do well with feeling embarrassed, and Mako knows that- very few people can sense that about her.

I think it's somewhat in this moment, when Lin makes a decision. Old Lin would've immediately broken up with Bumi, without any explanation and sent him running. But as for new Lin, who 1) cared about Bumi and 2) wanted him to know that she cared him, she had to be better. So she not only admitted to herself that she cares for Bumi, but also to Mako that being in love and having a relationship is not a weakness or a vulnerability.

I hope you enjoyed this commentary!

[bella-rose29]

Not Your Lover - Chapter 6 (18+ version)

This is the 18+ version of Chapter 6.

For the safer version (whether that be because you're under 18 or just don't want to read it), please go here <3 (I tried my best to make it less explicit, so please please please let me know if I need to edit anymore because I wanna make sure that everybody can enjoy reading)

Word count: 4.2k

Warnings: swearing, sex, like really explicit oral I won't lie to you, look away if you're not comfy with that (I'm sorry), davor is still stalking bc he has no life or personality

Tag list: idk who to tag tbh so I've tagged everyone in the safer part and linked this version to it :)

Y/n and Nikolai had settled into a routine within the first two days of staying in the same room, and he was starting to blur the lines in his head of what was real and what was fake.

It was dangerous, walking this line, especially since one wrong move could ruin everything that the two of them had built, but Nikolai knew that he was extremely close to throwing himself fully past reality. They had kept the pillow wall the first night, but when they had woken in roughly the same position as they had the first time that they shared a bed it made sense to forgo the divider completely. Neither of them appeared to be acknowledging it while asleep, and it saved some effort in the evening when they were getting ready for bed.

Work on the building had continued in much the same way as before, although Nikolai noticed that there was a little more tension in the air than usual. None of this was helped by the fact that he couldn't let his demon out at night anymore, and had resorted to staying late at the mansion after Y/n had headed back to the hotel room so that it stopped giving him a headache. Davor was still watching the two of them, following Nikolai around when he tried to go on a late night walk to take his demon fishing, and it was starting to get annoying. He had half a mind to confront the man, but somehow whenever Nikolai actually wanted to see Davor, he wasn't anywhere to be found. Y/n had mentioned that he was doing the same to her, but she didn't seem nearly as bothered about it.

Currently they were working on the floorboards of the first room, having pulled up the old ones and throwing them out, and Nikolai couldn't help but stare at Y/n every now and then as she worked. His demon snickered at him in his head, and Nikolai muttered a quiet "shut up" under his breath.

"Sorry? Did you say something?"

"Huh? No, nothing."

"Oh. Never mind."

They worked in silence again after that, the only sounds being the new floorboards being put down.

By the time sunset came around a few hours later, they'd managed to lay the whole floor, and Nikolai had replaced the windows, letting in the evening sun. He wiped his brow, wishing more than anything that he could take off some layers (but that would mean showing his scars for longer than a few seconds, and he didn't feel like having that conversation with Y/n yet. She'd probably also stab him or something).

"You alright? You look pretty sweaty."

"Yeah, I'm alright. Hopefully this heatwave brings in tourists," he replied, turning to look at her. That was a mistake, apparently, since he couldn't do anything but think about how gorgeous she looked in the golden light streaming in and lighting up her skin, making her look ethereal.

He was so screwed, and he knew that there wasn't any coming back now. He'd very nearly kissed her the other night, when she'd come in crying about her mother and he'd wiped away her tears, but the demon just had to pick that moment to make a noise. Nikolai had scolded it the whole way back to the hotel, and it had the good grace to at least seem sorry for getting in the way.

It had been a little awkward since, neither of them saying anything about the fact that they had very nearly kissed purely because they felt like it, and the tension was starting to kill Nikolai. They kept waking up tangled in each other too, and although he knew he shouldn't, he held on to her a little longer in the mornings, and his touch lingered a moment more when he passed her things. Whether she'd noticed, he had no idea, but at least she hadn't told him to stop being weird yet.

~~~

Nik was being weird.

He kept staring at Y/n, for one, and every now and then he would hold on to her for longer than fake boyfriends probably should. He was staring now, in fact, although why she had no idea. She was covered in dirt and sweat from working all day, both in the bakery and in the mansion, and she definitely needed a bath. Maybe he was staring at her because of that? Yeah, that made more sense. Although when she looked at him (not that she was sneaking glances or anything), she couldn't deny how gorgeous he looked in the light, the sunset making his golden hair glow.

He kept talking to himself too, and Y/n was starting to worry that he was going mad. She'd talked to Gregor about it that morning, and apparently Nik was doing it while he worked in the workshop. Gregor also looked like he knew something else, but despite Y/n's best efforts she couldn't get it out of him. The man was notoriously good at keeping secrets, but if it was about Nik then she wanted to know.

"I'm sure he'll tell you in his own time, Y/n/n," was all he had said, and Y/n had huffed and left not long after.

She snapped herself out of her thoughts, blush rising when she realised that she'd zoned out looking at him, and turned back to the wall that she was painting. They'd done good work today; Nik had managed to get the new windows in with the help of her father, and the three of them had finished off the floor. Y/n had picked out the paint a while ago, and had made a start on covering the walls.

"You know," she started, and out of the corner of her eye she saw Nik turn to face her. "I think we can do this. How long have we got left now, eight days?"

"Yeah, I think so. There's still the two other rooms to do though. I know they're both clear but it's going to be a stretch to get them done on top of this one. It's taken us this long to get this room nearly ready."

"What happened to mister 'we can do it!', huh? I've got a plan, don't worry."

"Is your plan hiring the entirety of Taya? Because I might be an optimist but this is bordering on impossible."

"I thought that nothing was impossible, only improbable," she quipped, mocking his voice.

"Was that... was that meant to be me?"

"I thought it was an excellent impression. Did you have a problem with it? I mean, personally I thought there were two of you for a moment."

Nik laughed, shaking his head. "You're ridiculous," he said, looking at her fondly. Y/n smiled lightly back at him, and they got lost in each others' gazes. Nik suddenly snapped out of it, whipping his head back to the curtain pole he was adjusting. Y/n moved her own attention back to the wall, feeling her face heat up.

Shit.

~~~

An hour or so later, the sun had fully set, and Nikolai had had to turn the chandelier on in the room so that he and Y/n could continue to work. The demon had, for once, helped Nikolai out, since its laughing at Nikolai and Y/n gazing at each other made him realise what he was doing. He'd quickly gone back to what he was doing, and a moment later he heard the brush of the paint on the wall.

Now they were in separate rooms, and Nikolai had looked to check that the demon wouldn't be seen before letting it out.

"No noise, alright? The second you make a noise you're back in, understood?" The demon had nodded and padded off into a corner of the room, starting to use its tail as a brush, collecting the remaining rubbish on the floor. Nikolai felt proud of it once more, seeing it trying to help, and hoped that it had learned something valuable from working hard. Saints, he sounded like the demon's teacher. Nikolai frowned, shuffling furniture around the room. He supposed he was in a way, teaching it how to be nicer. Maybe he'd be able to let it out more if he knew it would behave. He was glad for the distraction of the demon, since it stopped him from thinking too hard about Y/n, and having to keep half an eye on the little bastard was rather entertaining at times. It was a little like having a child, except the child was quite literally a demonic entity of darkness and destruction that enjoyed ripping people's faces off and generally making their lives complete and utter misery. Nikolai suddenly wondered if that was how Baghra had felt about the Darkling, and shuddered at the thought of baby Aleksander. The demon noticed, growling lowly at its creator, and Nikolai called it over softly, careful not to alert Y/n.

"Come here, that's it, there we go," he whispered, settling on the floor as his demon came and rested its head on his lap. It was strange, doing this, but he could sense that his demon was disturbed by Nikolai's thoughts of the Darkling. While the man had been responsible for the separation between Nikolai and his demon, the latter now shared the resentment that Nikolai harboured. No doubt it was remembering the battle with Fjerda too, and the multiple brushes with death. Since then they had only become closer, reaching an agreement that they would die for each other if needed.

"Nik? You alright in there?" Both Nikolai and his demon turned to look at the doorway where Y/n's voice had come from, and they glanced at each other before the demon crept off into the shadows.

"Yep, I'm alright." He pushed himself off of the floor just as Y/n walked in, paint on her trousers.

"I think I'm gonna head out now, I've done what I can on the walls. You coming?"

"Yeah, sure. Let me just grab my things," he smiled, and she returned it, heading back into the front room. He took the demon back in, telling it to stop fussing and hurry up, and followed her out, collecting his jacket from where he'd slung it over one of the armchairs.

~~~

They made it back to the hotel no problem, although Y/n could have sworn that she saw Davor following them when they went round a corner, and when they were up in Nik's room he pulled out a bottle of kvas and two glasses.

"Drink?"

"Sure."

Davor following them wasn't too disturbing for Y/n, given he was a deeply untrusting person and was probably trying to expose Nik and Y/n's relationship for what it was, but Nik seem more concerned. He brought it up as he poured, passing one glass to Y/n and taking his own over to the sofa in front of the fireplace. Despite the heatwave, the hotel room was somehow freezing (Y/n had no idea how the owners managed it), so they'd lit a fire.

"You really aren't worried about him stalking us?"

"No, not really. Why are you so worked up about it?"

"Um... because it's stalking? It's quite literally illegal. Also, what happens if he finds out none of this is real?"

Her heart hurt at his words, but she quickly dismissed it as nothing. "Nobody will believe him if he says anything, because they like us a whole lot more. Everybody knows he likes stirring up trouble for no good reason, and I've got a reputation, hell, you have a reputation now. We'll be fine." She sipped her kvas, grateful for the burn as it went down. It stopped her thinking too hard about Nik.

"If you're sure," he frowned, and Y/n wanted to smooth the lines on his face with her fingertips. He settled into the sofa next to her having finished fiddling with the fire, and it was cramped enough that his thigh brushed against hers. She pulled her legs up, turning so that her back was resting against the arm and she was facing him. Nik angled his body slightly so that he was looking towards her, shifting in his seat in a way that had Y/n hiding behind her glass and trying desperately to not think too hard about his lap. "You alright?" he asked, amusement in his eyes and a smirk on his face, and Saints damn it she was blushing and he fucking knew it.

"Yeah, I'm alright." He hummed, and Y/n felt her cheeks grow even warmer. "What? I am!"

"Okay! You just look a little... flushed," he responded, and she could hear the laughter in his voice, making her glare at him. "There it is! I've missed that glare," he joked, only succeeding in deepening her frown.

"Fuck off," she muttered as she sipped her kvas, and he laughed, loud and bellowing. Saints, she wanted to make him laugh more often.

Sleeping next to Nik tonight would be difficult, she decided as she watched him.

~~~

A few hours and half a bottle of kvas later, Nik and Y/n had loosened up significantly, and were spilling secrets that she would never dare to tell him were she sober.

He'd confessed that he was absolutely terrified of spiders, having been nicknamed 'Nikolai the spider squealer' by his childhood best friend, and was considered a general menace to society as a small boy.

"Oh yeah, I find that so difficult to believe," Y/n giggled sarcastically, and Nik's responding pout only made her laugh harder.

"What is that supposed to mean? I am an absolute delight to have around!" He put on a look of offence, and Y/n nearly spilled her drink when she held her sides from laughing. "Seriously!" He was laughing now, spluttering as he spoke and unable to get words out properly. A few minutes later when they'd calmed down enough (it took a while since whenever they looked at each other they burst out laughing again), he spoke up again. "Go on, your turn. I think it's been my turn the last three times," he frowned, trying to count in his head. Y/n thought for a moment, before coming up with something.

"Saints, I don't know why I'm even gonna tell you this," she laughed, pressing her hand to her forehead. "Okay. So, basically, I've never... I have never... you know." She waved her hand in the general direction of her lower half. Nik's eyes went wide.

"Wait. You've never had an orgasm?"

"No, I haven't!"

"No wonder you're so fucking grumpy all the time, Saints!"

"Oi! It's not exactly my fault! Davor never could and neither can I, I gave up trying to get myself off like six months ago."

"Bet I could," Nik said, sipping his drink.

"...What?"

"I said I bet I could."

They looked at each other, Nik studying her over his glass and Y/n feeling increasingly flustered at the direction their conversation had taken.

"Prove it."

He said nothing, still just looking her, and she was starting to regret her words. "Sorry. Stupid idea. Forget it." She turned her face away, staring into the fire. He was yet to say anything, and the atmosphere turned awkward.

"Are you?" he said, and Saints, why was his voice so low? "Are you sorry?"

"No," she whispered, and she was hyper-aware of the sound of his glass clinking against the side table as he set it down. She turned to look at him, breath leaving her body at the sight of him closer than before, eyes filled with something dangerous. She put her own glass down, nearly spilling it since she hadn't taken her eyes off of Nik. "Why?"

"Because I want to prove it."

Something snapped then, and Y/n surged forward to grab at his shirt with her hands and pull him in for a kiss. He didn't seem to know what to do with himself for a moment, but after barely a second he was responding, wrapping his arms around her waist as he pulled her into his lap, moaning softly, and Saints she wanted him to do it all over again. Her hands moved up to play with his hair the way that she'd wanted to since their first kiss in the square all those days ago, tangling in the locks and tugging every now and then as his hands grasped her hips. She wasn't sure how long they were there for, exploring each other his their hands and tongues, but every second of it was just as good as she'd imagined. He'd moved her hair out of the way to kiss down her neck, alternating between soft kisses and gently biting the skin, drawing sounds out of her that Davor never could. "Nik," she whispered into his hair, not missing the way his grip tightened on her hips. He slowly dragged his head back up, kissing as he went, before he pressed another to her mouth.

"Yeah?" His pupils were blown, the blue of his eyes nearly non-existent, and his lips were slightly swollen from kissing her.

"You gonna prove it or not?" she breathed, and he could only stare at her for a moment before nodding, and then she felt his hands at the top of her trousers, pulling up the fabric of her shirt. He hadn't taken his eyes off of her, silently asking if this was still alright, and they only broke eye contact when her shirt slipped over her head, landing on the floor a second later. He pulled her back in, kisses a little more gentle than before, and Y/n went to take Nik's shirt off. He hesitated slightly, and she paused, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. "This okay? You don't have to, if it's... I just... wanted to feel you, I guess." She blushed at the admission, and he smiled softly at her.

"It's okay, darling," and Saints she'd forgotten how her stomach dipped at the pet name. "I've just... got a lot of scars," he whispered, and Y/n immediately went to reassure him.

"That's okay. You're helping me out, not talking about your scars. but equally if you wanna do that then I'll listen," she said, pressing a kiss to his forehead, and she practically felt him melt under her. He moved back a little, giving himself room to take his clothes off. Nik paused for a moment, looking at his gloves, then made a decision and yanked them off, chucking them on to the side table next to his discarded drink. He glanced back up at her, waiting for her reaction as he settled his hands lightly on top of her thighs. Y/n could only stare at them, reaching out to hold one with her own hand but not quite touching. Most of the veins were black, and his fingers were the same, and as Y/n finally took hold of his hand, lacing their fingers together and turning his arm in her grip she noticed that the black veins continued partway up his forearms. "What..." She didn't finish, not sure where to go from there. Nik was transfixed by their interlocked hands, and his thumb was stroking hers.

"The Darkling," was his only response, and Y/n didn't know what to do other than press a gentle kiss to his mouth, cupping his face with her free hand. She pulled away, resting her forehead against his, and her hand moved down to rest over his heart.

"Does it hurt?"

"No. Not anymore."

She kissed him again, slow and careful, still holding his hand in hers.

"Do you wanna carry on?"

"Yes," he said into her mouth, hands sliding up higher on her thighs, pulling her closer to him, and Saints, he wasn't lying. She moved her hands to his shirt, tugging at the hem and lifting the fabric all the way off. Her fingers traced the lines of his chest, spending extra time on the scars and marks she found, and Nik's hands came up to rest on her back, pulling her flush against him. They kissed again, this time with more hunger, and in a sudden movement Nik had flipped them so that Y/n was lying on the sofa, legs half dangling off the edge as he situated himself between them, never taking his lips off of hers. He bit her lip, and she moaned as he slipped his tongue inside, hands moving over her sides as he shifted his hips into hers. Her grip tightened on his hair, and this time it was his turn to groan as he moved to kiss down her neck again. Nik tugged at the laces of her undershirt, pulling the clothing off a moment later and flinging it to the side. He stopped, sat up and staring down at her chest, and Y/n went to cover herself. Before she could, he'd grabbed her hands, shaking his head at her. "None of that, darling. You're stunning."

He lowered himself back down, nose brushing her chest as he asked for permission. She didn't hesitate, using her hands in his hair to all but shove him further into her, and a brief moment later he was lavishing her with his mouth again. He moved further down her body when he was satisfied he'd done enough, leaving a trail of kisses as he went, and then he was taking off her belt and looking up at her from where he now kneeled on the floor between her thighs.

"This okay, Y/n?"

"Yes," she breathed, helping him to take the rest of her clothes off. Nik kissed his way across her inner thighs, touching her everywhere but where she needed him most, and his hand on her hips was preventing her from pushing up. Annoyingly he was going to prove his point eventually, and Y/n could only begin to imagine how cocky he would be. All thoughts of anything but Nik went out of her head when he suddenly kissed her there, tentative and experimental, and Saints, the smug smirk he had on his face at her responding moan was enough to make her want to go right back to hating him.

She lost all sense of time as Nik touched her, drawing out new sounds with every movement. The hand that wasn't holding her down was helping to bring her closer, and somewhere in the haze of her pleasure Y/n thought about his blackened fingers on her skin and inside her and she gripped his hair tighter (she also had a vague thought that his scalp would hurt after this, but he didn't seem to mind at the moment), urging him to keep going.

He did, never once stopping his actions until he'd pushed her over the edge, hold on her hips getting stronger (she'd have bruises, she was sure) as she shook, and then again when he did it for a second time.

He moved back up her body a while after, having left soft kisses behind as she came down from the high, and when she brought his face down to kiss her it was soft and more loving than it should have been given they weren't actually together.

"You alright?" he asked, nose nudging against her cheek. She could only nod, wiped out. She could feel him smiling, the cheeky fucker, and she half-heartedly slapped his arm, trying to not think too hard about how toned it was. "What?" he smiled, pulling back to look at her.

"Nothing, just, you're a lot more... I don't know," she trailed off, blushing at his stare. "You have very nice arms," she decided on, and Nik's immediate laughter made her flush even more. "Shut up," she mumbled, turning her face to hide in the back of the sofa. She felt Nik's hand cup her chin, bringing her face back towards his as he planted a kiss on her lips, lingering for a while.

"Thank you," he whispered, amused smile still present. "You have very nice tits, if that helps."

"Nik!"

~~~

Nikolai had no idea where the two of them went from here, but he wouldn't take back a single second of it.

He'd helped clean Y/n up, and then had helped her move to the bed, passing her one of his clean shirts to sleep in. He went without the gloves as he got into bed next to her, leaving them sat on the table in front of the fire. He was just pulling his boots off when he felt Y/n's fingers on his back, tracing over the scars from the demon's wings. Her hands flattened on his back, then moved around his torso and under his arms as she pushed herself against him, pulling his head to hers to kiss him. The angle was awkward, so Nikolai shook his boots off and turned around, cupping her cheek to deepen the kiss. He clambered in next to her, breaking away, and pulled the sheets up over them. At Y/n's pout he simply chuckled, and brought her down to lie next to him, and she slung her arm over his chest and her leg over his, falling asleep not long after.

Nikolai stayed awake a while longer, thinking over everything that had happened. He really didn't know where they went from here, but no matter what, he needed to tell her the truth before they got too far in.

Chapter 7

[a-dragons-journal]

How are you reblogging from anti-factkin blogs but you're literally otherkin? Factkin has been reclaimed and is used by people legitimately. I was skeptical as well until I read a story of a factkin whose kintype was actually some nameless Greek lady from centuries ago, and how that person connected with this woman on such a deep level that they realized it was a past life. It isn't always some "I'm actually [some rich and relevant celebrity]!" troll shit. I expected better from someone who is constantly dealing with antikin.

if I had more sense I'd just delete these, and if I had more energy I'd write out a trademark Relentlessly Polite response like usual, but I have neither, so instead you're getting a very blunt response and you're just gonna have to forgive me. so:

a) you guys really are out here assuming I check the blogs of every person I reblog from for Problematique(TM) content huh

b) could you guys do me a favor and at least tell me who you're yelling at me for reblogging from, preferably before you go on your moral tirade at me

c) gonna be real with you getting both of these literally at the same time makes me think this is probably a troll being a troll, but on the fairly significant chance that they're genuine and from separate people,

d) first off, general life and conflict management advice for both of you: if you want to change people's minds you're going to have to be a little nicer about it in most cases. I am typically fairly tolerant of this kind of behavior, although you've caught me at the end of a bad few weeks, but generally speaking, yelling at people right off the bat - especially when there's a significant chance they didn't even know they'd done the thing you're mad about like in this case - is extremely likely to just make the person you're yelling at defensive and make them shut down and not want to listen to you. maybe try politely explaining. de-escalatory language. that kind of thing. something other than being kind of a jackass right off the bat about something that might have been an innocent mistake

e) my factkin tag is openly available for viewing if you want my actual opinions on the subject, though a lot of it is kind of outdated because I don't engage that particular topic very often. the current tl;dr is I have very complex and conflicted feelings on factkin which results in my actual action plan more or less defaulting to "be nice to people and let them do their own thing unless they're actively going out of their way to hurt people" (which factkin generally are not). you could also have asked

f) if you've been following me for literally any length of time you know damn fuckin' well my opinion on KFF and using 'kin as a verb, you limp noodle. it is also worth noting that my opinion is also that sometimes the grammar is less important than the actual thing being said, and there's a time and a place for correction, but there's also a time and a place to let it slide and focus on the more important core of the actual message. have a brain cell.

g) was "cringe" really the best insult you could come up with, my guy? between otherkin, of all people? 0/10, make an effort.

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Super 125

Life comes at you fast.

Man, Vegeta Blue looks way better than Goku Blue. I just want to see Goku get to UI again so we won’t have to put up with this teal color anymore.

Anyway, last time Gohan sacrificed himself to eliminate Dyspo.  Now, on the bench, Beerus gives him an attaboy, and at first he calls him Goku’s son, then he corrects himself and calls Gohan by his name. 

Gohan stands up and bows to Beerus in appreciation.  Everyone stands up an claps for the show of respect... is what I would be saying if this were happening in front of a wrestling crowd.  The Mutal Respect Pop is always a classic.  Well, I’m marking out for Beerus and Gohan, even if this group is just sitting on their hands.

Oh, right, Goku spares a moment to mark out too.  Everyone who says Goku is a bad dad is a big poopie-head.  He’s in the middle of a hellacious battle with an unstoppable opponent for the fate of the universe, and he still can’t help but check out his son getting a compliment. 

Anyway, let’s move on to the real meat of this story, which is Top fighting 17 and Frieza.  Staring off, Top is just fighting 17 alone, and he can’t get past 17′s force field.  It’s interesting, because this arc has done a lot to cement the idea that 17 is a green force field specialist.  It’s not his only trick, but he does this one a lot in the Tournament of Power, and it’s clearly meant to be his unique thing.  Meanwhile, I don’t think we ever see 18 do it, even though a number of video games give her a pink force field, implying that she has the same ability. 

Anyway, 17 returns fire when he gets the chance, and Top can’t get clear without eating a hit.  From the bench, everyone wonders what 17 is up to, since this appears to be a stalemate.  18 suggests that the stalemate might be the point.  17 won’t tire out, so he can literally do this for the rest of of the tournament.  If he can keep Top pinned down, he can run out the clock and Universe 7 will win, since they have four fighters on the stage and U11 only has two. 

This is the first real talk of Universe 7 trying to leverage that advantage.  We never learn for certain if 17 is seriously considering this, although he probably likes the idea of shaving some second off the clock, if nothing else.  After all, Goku tried to ring-out Jiren with misdirection instead of power last episode, so the desperation seems to be setting in with these guys.

But it’s all for naught, as Top manages to see a pattern in 17′s shots and gets clear without being hit.  Then he does something really extreme...

Yeah, drink it in, folks, it’s Top’s mouth.  Not a big fan of this.

Top sets up a beam struggle with 17 and seems to have a clear advantage, until who should happen along but...?

Frieza’s here, and he’s going to enjoy shooting Top in the back while he struggles against 17. It’s an impossible situation for Top, and Frieza’s savoring every moment.

Finally, Top is overwhelmed, and Frieza takes some more time to gloat.  He’s really laying it on thick considering he only met this guy less than an hour ago.  It kind of makes me question all the stuff he said to Vegeta on Namek.  There’s an implication that he was genuinely hurt or at least offended by Vegeta’s betrayal, but now I get the sense that he just plays mindgames with everyone, even when they’re already beaten down.  I’d use Top as an example of this, except...

...Top isn’t down, and he’s far from beaten.

He begins to power up, and it’s so impressive that everyone starts to notice...

Even Jiren is like “So, he’s finally made his choice,” or words to that effect. 

From the bench, Belmod explains everything.  Top isn’t just the leader of the Pride Troopers.  He’s also a God of Destruction-in-training.  This was a weird time to reveal all of this, since up to now the show really hadn’t addressed this process.  Whis and Beerus have occasionally mentioned the notion of Goku or Vegeta replacing Beerus as Destroyer some day, but neither Saiyan wants the job, so it never really goes anywhere.  Top is the first guy to demonstrate this in practice.  So now we see that the Hakaishin aren’t immortal, and they replace their dead with other mortals who have undergone special training to ascend to godhood.  This is why Beerus has an angel guide, Whis.  Once upon a time, Whis must have trained him the same way Top was trained, and then Beerus took the job and continued to need Whis to show him how to do it properly. 

The manga spelled all this out before the Tournament of Power, when Belmod introduced Top as his successor.  Also the manga had Belmod explicitly state that he was planning to retire soon.  I kind of wish the anime would have given us the same information.  As it is, it just seems like Belmod is training other Destroyers for no real reason.  

As far as the timing goes, I can see why the anime chose to wait.  They introduced Top as Kahi’s “bodyguard”, which is a clever way of hiding Top’s true potential to the competition.  Not that they expected Top to pull this off during the tournament, but they were aware of the possibility.  So it’s a great twist.  The problem is that they never explain why Top has been preparing to take the role.  It just sounds like they snuck a god on the team without telling anyone. 

I think the narrative is fairly clear, though.  Whis had said that there were rumors of a mortal defeating one of the Destroyers, and that almost certainly had to be Jiren, who must have beaten Belmod at some point.  And maybe that defeat convinced Belmod that it was time to hang up his clown shoes.  He probably offered the job to Jiren, who must have declined, so he asked Top, who accepted. 

From the way Belmod and Khai describe it, it sounds like Top learned how to tap into this Destroyer power some time ago, but he never truly embraced these abilities until now.  And Top himself declares that he no longer fights for justice, as that concept no longer has any meaning for him.  Instead, Top says he now fights for the survival of his universe, as he has become an arbiter of what shall be and not be.  So it’s kind of like he had to let go of his mortal life as a Pride Trooper to get this power-up. 

It seems like the only one who doesn’t understand the gravity of this development is Frieza.  His ki blasts simply vanish when they hit Top, because he’s wrapped a field of destruction energy around him like armor.   Then Top shoots a big ball of destruction energy at Frieza, and he still laughs it off, because he easily neutralized a similar attack back in Episode 95.  He thinks this will be just as simple.

Yeah, it doesn’t go so well for him.

There’s a big explosion and even the spectators have to shield their eyes.

The sky even changes color, which is great because I was getting sick of that green background.  Actually, this may have nothing to do with Top, since the last time the Null Realm changed color, it was when the tournament was half-over.  This might be another response to the timer.

The blast wrecks a huge chunk of the ring.  I don’t seem to have a good shot of the aftermath, but I’m pretty sure half of it is reduced to rubble.  I guess that doesn’t matter much, since there’s only six people using it.  Half the space is still plenty.

With Frieza MIA, 17 can only try to carry on the fight as best he can. This time when Top uses his Justice Flash, 17′s barrier begins to shatter.  Even his conventional ki attacks are stronger than before.

Fighting back is useless, since energy blasts don’t even slow Top down anymore.  They’re just obliterated against the destruction energy around his body.

Hiding is nearly impossible, since Top can just destroy all the obstacles in the ring and come straight for his target.  It’s suggested that if you tried to punch Top in this state, you might lose your arm. 

But Frieza still comes back to try again.  He’s dropped out of Golden mode, but he still survived the Destruction Energy Top fired at him.  My guess is that Frieza was able to neutralize it like he did in Episode 95, but it took a lot more out of him this time around, which is why whole ring didn’t get annihilated.  And yet he still acts like Top isn’t any big deal.  I don’t know if Frieza is just delusional here or he’s just so used to being like this that he doesn’t know how to be desperate or worried.

Top doesn’t mind taking a moment to show him.

Yeahhhhhhh, crush his dumb little head!  Grape juice for everyone!

Well, actually Top explains that he can’t destroy Frieza, since he would just get disqualified for that.  But when he tries to chuck him out of the ring...

17 spoils the shot, and Frieza lands in some crevice somewhere.  So he’s still in the tournament, for whatever that’s worth.  So is 17, although his prospects are looking mighty dim...

I mean, he was having trouble with this guy at the start of this episode, and now the situation’s only gotten worse for him.  What’s he gonna do now?

Here’s KISS with “Heaven’s on Fire.”

[crystalelemental]

Recent super fun Reddit post about how 1/5 SS Silver is super frustrating and not as good as other PokeFairs got me in some kind of frothing state. Probably because this entire subreddit is a bunch of cowards who are like "the blackout won't do anything, it's just hurting our community," proving once again that Pokemon fans don't deserve rights. Anyway here's 2/5 Silver with his 1/5 grid beating some shit up, including off-typing Lucian.

Look, I'm not going to pretend SS Silver doesn't have flaws. But the notion that SS Silver's flaws are all that extreme is laughable. "He needs two support slots to do his job!" H!Caitlin bro. H!Caitlin gives him literally everything. "But he still needs crit support." If you really want to be greedy on the Buddy move, Aaron exists. At 1/5, you don't need speed buffs, so this checks out. "But why should he need so much support as a PokeFair?" Because they all do? "But look at all the other PokeFairs that came out this year and also SS Hilda." That last one is some serious cherry-picking but sure, let's talk about the others.

Emma needs help topping off Attack and Speed for full effect, and is unreliable at setting her own Poison. Lysandre needs help with special attack. In both scenarios, LA is a nightmare, where Lysandre also needs speed for gauge management, and both nearly require support to reapply their needed status, or their DPS just drops. Woe upon them if the foe is immune. SS Diantha and SS Hau are literally dead without their field effects. If we're talking 1/5, Hau is barely worth discussing, while Diantha can do okay in CS but not LA. For the ones that are super self-sufficient, like Eusine and SS Lana, that self-sufficiency comes with a high price. Eusine's DPS isn't that impressive, and at 1/5 he has none of the sync that distinguishes him from any other Water DPS. SS Lana basically doesn't have a sync, and her single-target DPS, like Eusine's, is pretty bad. That's the tradeoff, they either get to be super self-sufficient, or super powerful but clunky. Take your pick.

SS Hilda is an odd one to bring up because...well yeah, she is insanely powerful and easy to set up. Frankly I'm not sure why they made her so ridiculous. The only real limitation she has is that, at 1/5, her sync sucks ass. My wife has her EX, and it's frankly staggering how bad her sync is without Rising Tide. Even on-type is a bit of a mess.

All this to say...Silver is fairly standard for a PokeFair. If you choose not to invest in him but expect him to perform well as a damage dealer, prepare for disappointment, or to allocate the necessary investment into his success. Aaron is mandatory for a non-3/5 Silver. I can entertain the idea of Lillie, who actually has a fantastic tool in Full Power granting +3 Atk and Sure Crit to make the most of Buddy Move on turn 2, but she's a terrible tank so that was not a fun time. And I can entertain the idea of BP Clemont, but he's Ground weak and that wasn't happening with Bertha. Then again, neither was Lillie who is Poison weak. Basically, a lot of his good tools get specifically bopped this week. It's sad, but also kinda funny. But the point is, traits exist. And when people point them out, and the response is just "Yeah but those are baaaaad," the problem is you. I'm sorry Lillie isn't also a godwall. Not everything gets to be perfect. Figure something out.

Vs. Bertha (Aaron) Aaron does well enough. The main benefit of this kind of team is survival against physical. Masked Royal's debuffs are handy, and Aaron can bulk up provided it's not High Horsepower/Poison Jab at the outset. On-type, even uninvested, Silver's sync does respectable numbers. The real fun is that late-game, provided Aaron's alive, you can flinch with Attack Order and potentially stagger that last turn. I will make the general note that Silver is also frail. So the Earthquake thing was...dire. You really want to make sure the sides are weakened, or that Aaron hits a flinch on them, or it gets bad.

Vs. Bertha (H!Caitlin) Caitlin's hilarious bro. This is so much more consistent than Aaron. The Synchro Heal + shields throwdown is just immaculate. Silver's so much safer here. And you get to run Colress, who is just...so stupid. He's so dumb, I love him.

Vs. Lucian (H!Caitlin) Now here's a fun one. So, off-type this week is usually done with Lucian, because his attacks are the least scary. No natural accuracy buffs, Zen Headbutt and Reuniclus are pretty inaccurate, Colress shenanigans peak on this fight. There is, however, a lot more than bad accuracy rolls that can go wrong. For starters, Silver missing crit on sync. Love when that happens. For another, you will not tank sync without shields, so the rotation is thus:

Caitlin TM, Silver Buddy, Colress Screech.

Caitlin TM, Silver attack center, Colress Screech, Silver sync.

Adrenaline puts you in a better position for three turns later. The goal is spam damage on Lucian, cap Silver's attack if Tricksy didn't MPR, and boost special defense. When Colress has lowered special defense, spam Mirror Shot for evasion. Caitlin takes second sync, just before Lucian gets where he's going. Hope for a quad queue.

At this point, RNG goes haywire, because you need some misses. Hope for Zen Headbutt spam; often Caitlin can take one of those, and they're lower accuracy. Psychic will destroy her. Ideally, Lucian keeps swinging and doesn't use X Accuracy All until later.

From this point, Silver takes every sync. The first will not come anywhere near KOing Lucian, but it puts him in range that you don't need to spam DPS on him. Hit Alakazam once during the interval between third and fourth sync, then sync on Lucian. If his allies dropped...good luck with the quick queue. Provided it works, Lucian will drop. Alakazam is now in range of your new DPS, and the denial prevents Swift from sure-killing your ass. Unfortunately, if both allies are down, you must dodge Psychic. Success here means a two-shot, you win. I'll also note, my 2/5 Silver would have a much easier time of this, thanks to Endurance on grid. It's a good skill, recommend.

This is nowhere near a clean win, but you get the gist. It's possible. Also, if Silver were EX, it'd probably be a hell of a lot easier. But that's the point. It can be done, and the tools are there. It's just clunky. Because he's not 3/5 and EX. That's how it works. Silver's good. Apparently stupid good, since his current solo count is goddamned 9. In a lot of these cases, the problem was less about Silver being clunky, than his supports just being bad for the stage. So like...I dunno what to tell you dude. Skill issue.

[destielshippingnews]

Edvard's Supernatural Guide: 2x07 The Usual Suspects

This analysis is short because I have very little to say about this episode. It is not a bad one, but neither does it especially interest me nor give me much to talk about. It does nothing to advance the overall plot of the series and is not connected to the mythos in any way. My main take-away is wondering what a filler episode of The X-Files is doing in the middle of my Supernatural. I still do not care for a police presence or trouble-with-the-law storylines in my supernatural dramas (Charmed was terrible for that), and I honestly considered skipping this one because it simply does not do much for me. That said, I am glad I chose to watch it because there are some positive aspects to it.

To give a brief summary of the plot, Dean and Sam are arrested in Baltimore after Dean is found with a murdered woman while investigating her husband’s murder. The ghost of a dead woman keeps appearing to people who are soon murdered. One of the policemen leading the case is determined to pin the murder on Dean, while the policewoman has her doubts. Eventually, the policewoman and Sam find out that the real killer is the policeman who was involved with drug and murdered people to cover his tracks. Sam and the policewoman manage to save Dean from becoming the policeman’s scapegoat at the last minute, and the truth finally lets Dean go free.

One of the things I liked most about this episode was the fact that Dean and Sam were both shown as intelligent and competent, and managed to work together as a team to get themselves out of a predicament even though they were separated and had extremely limited means of communication. Furthermore, there was no snarking, bitching, or poisonous behaviour from Sam, and Dean’s jokes about Sam being the ‘red-headed woman’ did not seem like the abused partner in the brotherhood lashing out (although I am not quite sure what the relevance of Scully being a red-haired woman is, but it was probably an American writer’s attempt at a lame ginger joke. By which I mean the joke was lame AND ginger jokes are lame).

If this were the first and only episode of the show I ever watched, I could easily buy into the idea that Dean and Sam are a reasonably healthy, functioning duo who care about each other equally and have each other’s back. Sam’s sole motivation in finding the truth was to exonerate his brother, and in spite of the opportunities given to him, point-blank refused to even consider the notion of betraying Dean to the police. I actually liked Sam in this episode, and I have decided that 2x07!Sam is the only valid Sam.

Add to that the fact that Dean is not once demeaned, embarrassed, or misunderstood by the writer, and I am happy with this episode’s portrayal of the brothers. It gets no complaints from me whatsoever. Little things which some might have missed are the fact that Dean and Sam apparently discuss their alibis together before breaking into buildings, if Diana’s comment that ‘both their stories match’ is to be believed. They also have codes for communicating which take others a while to get if at all, such as Dean’s note to Sam referring to The Great Escape as a cue to escape.

Well done on those counts, Cathryn Humphries. It is just a shame I do not think this episode belongs in Supernatural.

Something worth remembering is that Dean’s rights have been taken away from him through no fault of his own. He was innocent of the killings he was blamed for in 1x06 Skin, being made into the fall-guy partially through a combination of Sam’s stupidity, Sam’s privileged upper-middle class university friend, and of course the shapeshifter. ...whom the police found dead whilst morphed into Dean. How could ‘Dean’ have faked his death when the police had his body? Anyway, because of this, Dean is cut off from participation in normal society due to being held accountable for other people’s actions (which Sam smirked at, remember), and he is at the policeman’s mercy. He is ‘just another scumbag’, another victim rendered powerless to save himself at the end. Being the sacrifice for other people is always Dean’s role, but at least this once he was saved before things got bad, and there was no Bad Ass snark from Sam after rescuing Dean, either. Well done, writer. Well done.

Some of the less good aspects of the episode were a few plot conveniences which stretched my suspension of disbelief. One of these is that Inspector Shady would give the same necklace to the woman he murdered as he did to Diana, especially since the necklace was a rare custom make. It was also strange that Dean did not hear the police enter the house and catch him with the woman’s dead body. The house was silent and Dean is trained to keep his wits about him, so this felt a bit too convenient, especially considering how well he managed to keep himself calm and collected at the sight of the body. He had clearly been in that situation before, so what was different that time?

Also worth pondering is why Claire (the death omen) did not appear to Dean in the van before Inspector Shady tried to kill him. She appeared to everybody Shady killed in advance to try warning them, but not to Dean. Is this a plot hole? I am not sure. Is there any way Claire could have known Dean would not die, and so did not need to warn him? Or was there iron in the van which she could not get through? That did not stop the Woman in White in 1x01 Pilot and it will not stop Tricia Helfer in 2x16 Roadkill, so why would it stop Claire?

That almost finishes things for this analysis (my shortest to date), but before then, there were two moments in this episode which set ADHD bells ringing in my head. The first was Dean making silly noises whilst sitting waiting for Sam to do his research on the computer...

and the second was his attempts at conversation with Inspector Shady in the van at the end. The way the writer intended it was likely Dean trying to be cocky or snarky in the face of death, perhaps to cover up his fear, but the way Jensen delivered his lines did not portray that. I got the nervousness and fear, but no sense of cockiness.

His comment ‘Another pee-break? You might want to get your prostate examined’ sounded like a little ADHD boy (or an autistic boy) who has so many thoughts in his head and is trying to have a conversation with somebody who just is not listening and does not care. The lack of ‘natural’ intonation in his voice while saying it also sounds like a person with ADHD or autism trying to make a joke and failing spectacularly.

As for the confession tape, it was better than any profile I have ever seen on Tinder, Grindr, Gaydar, or Planet Romeo. To be honest, that is a low bar, but praise where praise is due.

One final note before I finish: many have noted that Dean is frequently put in situations usually (or ‘traditionally’) reserved for female characters, i.e. helplessness, disarmed, and in need of being saved. Most of this is due to the fact that the show’s two leads are both male and one of them needs to be in danger sometimes for dramatic purposes, but it is Dean more frequently than Sam, e.g. being a sacrificial offering in 1x11 Scarecrow, being Max’s hostage in 1x14 Nightmare, being ‘bait’ for the vampires in 1x20 Dead Man’s Blood etc. Whilst I am sure more than one person has written several thousand words on ‘deconstructing concepts of masculinity’ or something else which talks about men as if we are animals to be observed in a zoo, I do not think it is much deeper than this: Sam has to be shown to be The HeroTM because he is The Protagonist, and the corollary is that Dean has to be the damsel.

Paula R. Stiles commented on this in her analysis of this same episode, and I quote:

We see again here the show’s tendency to place the macho, hypermasculine male lead in a role normally reserved for a female lead

The reason I raised this is because ‘hypermasculinity’ does not mean what some people seem to think it means, i.e. masculine. Hypermasculinity is an actual term used in sociology and psychology to refer to a certain set of traits in a certain kind of man. Think, for example, of gangsters. The Encyclopaedia Britannica gives the following definition:

hypermasculinity, sociological term denoting exaggerated forms of masculinity, virility, and physicality. Scholars have suggested that there are three distinct characteristics associated with the hypermasculine personality: (1) the view of violence as manly, (2) the perception of danger as exciting and sensational, and (3) callous behavior toward women and a regard toward emotional displays as feminine.

None of those criteria applies to Dean. Dean is not ‘hypermasculine’: he is adept at enacting violence, but he does not view it as ‘manly’; he does not find danger exciting, it is simply a necessary part of his life (except during his self-destructive episodes); he is not ‘callous’ towards women, and he does show emotions other than ‘anger’. ‘Hypermasculine’ is a bad descriptor of Dean: he is masculine. Using words which mean things to refer to things they do not mean. Hypermasculine is gangsters and thugs, it’s not a man acting like a masculine man. They are very different things and I wish people would stop conflating the two.

(For further discussion of Dean and masculinity, you can read my essay entitled Deancrits, don't @ me

Thus concludeth my analyis of 2x07 The Usual Suspects.

One final final thing:

[eimearkuopio]

Mysteries were too frustrating for me as a gifted/undiagnosed AuDHD child. I couldn't interpret the clues correctly, and I would often miss or misinterpret things that were signposted in the text as being just another irrelevant neurotypical detail (not that I would have phrased things that way, but my life was full of incidental details that people around me deemed extremely important, and as long as I could remember the real ones in day-to-day life as "These Are The Rules" and get good grades on my summative assessments, I was seen as successful and there was Definitely Nothing Wrong With Me and I should stop making a fuss and be grateful for the good life that I had).

In particular, my parents and brother loved (a) mysteries and (b) audiobooks, and every summer we would drive to France for a few weeks with piles of books on tape. I would frequently get distracted but didn't get to ask questions because it would interrupt their enjoyment of the story, so the background noise of my summers was random snippets of mystery books that I had no understanding of.

I wasn't allowed to read books while driving because my mother insisted it caused carsickness - to the point that last summer, when I got mild heatstroke at the age of 38 while visiting home, she tried to convince me that my symptoms were at least partially due to my looking at my phone while in the car. Unfortunately, the way I "treated" my ADHD as a child was to read. It works on my brain the way a fidget toy or stimulant does. I would walk to and from school with my nose in a book, decades before people started to bemoan zombies walking the streets staring at their phones.

Last summer, I spent an afternoon at the beach with my mother and aunts, and for the first time in my life I managed to enjoy lying there and relaxing the way they always had. How? Headphones and an audiobook set to 1.25x standard speed, with silences cut out. It's enough to distract my brain so I'm not tormented, and I can actually enjoy whatever else I'm doing - even if it's nothing! And it makes me think of all the boys I knew growing up who couldn't sit still in classes, and especially of the boy who would run around and pull my hair and I was told that I had to allow it and forgive him because he had problems and I didn't. But actually, I probably had the same problems; and I was forced to sit still, to be quiet, to bite my tongue and smile and never ever ever stim. We both needed the same treatment, and neither of us really got it, in that he was allowed to run wild and I was forced to hold everything in; but I probably came through with more social skills than he did. Was it enough to justify everything? I don't know. But let's do better by the next generation. All of them.

Sorry this turned into a thesis instead of a response to a poll on childhood reading.

as always, I'd love to hear your answer in the tags, especially if it's one of the "other" choices!

[novieight]

I posted 192 times in 2022

That's 192 more posts than 2021!

12 posts created (6%)

180 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@istilllikeundertale

@cxra-melty

@tickleblogger

@gomigomipomi

I tagged 25 of my posts in 2022

#novasspeaks - 8 posts

#like - 4 posts

#splatoon - 4 posts

#novaswrites - 2 posts

#hey woah i actually tag for once - 1 post

#splattubers - 1 post

#im gonna bleach my eyes - 1 post

#actually traumatizing - 1 post

#im terrified help me - 1 post

#aaaaa - 1 post

Longest Tag: 82 characters

#like you cannot stop me from creating a whole new version fitted to my preferences

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

okay so apparently ive lost my marbles because like i remember a ending different to the rainmaker ending from splatoon 2???? and no its not the bad ending (if there even is one idk) like

i remember an ending where callie jumps onto the truck and sings the calamari inkantation with marie but in the ending i remember the rainmaker never happened and neither did the riderails like you were fighting with dj octavio the exact same way as before marie sniped callie but like now it was only octavio and not hypnoshades callie (i call hypnoshades callie Hypno, and i call fanmade hypnoshades marie Hazy but thats besides the point)

like i actually thought the rainmaker was an alternate ending??? i specifically remember an ending where sheldon never gave you the rainmaker and the riderails never spawned and it was just a more intense fight with your hero shot

and in this ending i remember you literally just shoot octavio back into the octobot and it explodes the end basically

like i was talking to my friends and they were like “...the rainmaker was always a part of the ending?” and i was like “WHAT NO THATS NOT TRUE”

please im so fuckin confused this has been eating at me all day

1 note - Posted December 6, 2022

#4

i had like the best dream last night

i dreamt that i was in a private battle turf war with jaymoji and a few other splattubers

like i saw etce, i saw hackerling, i saw vulpixie, i think i saw fyrus and failboat too

it was so funny we were just doing random shit but then i think jay switched the mode to rainmaker because i remember diving to grab the rainmaker but hackerling stole it

i wasnt even splatting anyone i was just having fun chasing people around

i would love to write more about this dream but unfortunately being afab sucks and its that time and im in excruciating pain

1 note - Posted December 6, 2022

#3

expect a real post from me tomorrow becuz tomorrow's my birthday and i need to draw myself some bday tks 😤

1 note - Posted November 21, 2022

#2

im absolutely terrified because apparently in my tiny pea brain i saw a bunch of callie and marie pins on pinterest and saved them to my splatoon board because i thought all of the fanart was familial

now my pinterest is full of callie x marie and im scared/srs

3 notes - Posted December 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

im bored so here are some little imagines for myself of some of my f/os

ill probably make multiple posts so this post will include Callie and Marie

Callie is a romantic f/o, while Marie is platonic so please keep that in mind

Marie is more of an older sibling lol

Callie loves to give me kisses and hugs right when i get home from school, she knows its extremely stressful for me but she's proud of me for surviving another day

Marie helps me with my homework, and has not even once ever screamed at me (shes not even gotten mad in the slightest)

once, as a birthday gift, Callie managed to convince Marie into letting me have exactly ONE day wearing the Hypnoshades... it was an interesting experience and it was really fun to battle (though Marie made sure that Octavio didnt hypnotize me as well as Callie, it was more of a mild hypnosis (somehow))

Callie gives tight and energetic hugs, while Marie gives looser and more of sleepy cuddles

one time Callie caught me in my room dancing to Bomb Rush Blush, as i had learned the whole dance from a video of her on YouTube) and surprised me by picking me up from behind and calling me cute names

Marie tried to teach me how to use a squiffer and let me hold her Hero Charger, but took both because she saw me begin shaking out of anxiety

ive been caught a million times singing the Calamari Inkantation, and i wouldnt even notice i was singing until it was pointed out

im really, REALLY short (4'7) so Marie does that thing where she rests her arm on my head jokingly; if i get grumpy about it she'll pick me up and twirl me around to raise my mood again

thats it for now, i wanna go play some chill season

i may make a part two of Squid Sisters at some point but i think next post will be of Off The Hook

4 notes - Posted November 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

fun fact ive had this account for like literally four years and for the longest time i just never ever posted anyting

[trxnchcat]

Bewitched.

➷.Fyodor Dostoyevsky x Fem!Witch! Reader

➷.Cw: none

➷.A/N: this whole thing is purely from my imagination, I don't know if it ever happened in the real SWT. Although, the reader's character is based on Jane Doe from the movie The Autopsy of Jane Doe

➷.Minors DNI!!!

.・。.・゜✭・

. . . PART - I . . .

"Good morning passengers, -"

With a flat face, Dostoyevsky made his way towards his seat. It's not that he hated the idea of this trip, just that he's beyond uninterested. He'd rather be back in the base, making a genius plan to outsmart a certain brunette.

It all started with Gogol's proposal about a 'promising asset' that later on succeeded in getting their leader's attention. The two airheads were already at the top of the moon as they imagine their absolute victory if they could collect this asset. If.

However, Dostoyevsky knew better. He kept his cool and remained rational till the end of the meeting, even though he was the one chosen to do the mission.

Before he went to the airport, Gogol gave him a stack of books and grinned, "Hereee is the information I managed to gather regarding our soon-to-be asset~ Have a fun trip, Dos-kun!"

Taking a glance at the books on his lap, Fyodor let out an exhausted sigh and decided to spend his time reading the books that Gogol had illegally purchased in the black market as he flew to Massachusetts. More precisely, Salem.

He opened the first book. It was old and decaying, probably aged a hundred years or more. He raised his brow when he sees that instead of the usual book introduction, what he found was a sketch of an average-looking man and a beautiful young woman, as well as pages of monologues. 'This book was someone else's journal,' he thought.

He continued to read as the writer degraded himself in the book, clearly feeling unbelievably guilty for something. Fyodor smiled and shook his head lightly, 'What was it that he did that made him feel so guilty? Some people are just overly sensitive.' That was what he thought. All his life, Fyodor had met lots of kinds of people. And he's smart, their whole personalities were analyzed inside his head all over again until a pattern was created. He could basically decode a human's behavior.

But the next pages of that journal were quite . . Extraordinary, he must admit.

The book said that the writer was one of the few authorities who were in charge back in the Salem Witch Trial. But something that was unbeknownst to most was that, before it was legally approved by the upper government, that activity was already done to a few citizens. One of them was a woman, quite close to the writer.

It was in 1689 when they accused her of witchcraft. She was a young botanist that sells herb medicine for a living. Her name was not mentioned in the book and neither was her other personal information. But the writer mentioned that she was a lone orphan.

They went to her house at dawn and captured her. The woman was brought to trial and pleaded guilty, although she refused to confess. "What was there to confess? She was as innocent as a baby lamb." The writer wrote.

The whole day she still refused to confess and kept fighting for her own justice. It raged the authorities.

They brought her to the torturing chamber, the writer said he didn't have enough power to stop anything that was about to happen. And so, they began.

Several acts of extreme violence and malpractices of methods were cast upon the innocent woman. They carved symbols and writings on her skin as a ritual to purify her soul. Stabbed through her meat and scarred her organs. Some of her molars were being broken intentionally. They wrapped it in a holy cloth and force the poor woman to swallow her own tooths. Her pain was beyond unbearable, she kept on struggling violently despite her wrists and ankles being stretched mercilessly with chains.

At some point, she finally reached her breaking point, and she begged for mercy. Pleading to the ruthless group of people that she was an innocent woman. Though, they got tired of her pitiful blabbing and cut her tongue off.

It didn't stop her screams of pain. It's been 6 days and she had been tortured for 5 days straight. Some of the authorities were too disturbed by the cruel activity that they left the room or even went against the leader. But the leader, who was also the writer's father, refused to stop.

It was until the final step of the ritual that they made her swallow a Jimsonweed to paralyze her. The leader made the others prepare for the last event as he had a talk with his child. The writer begged mercy for the woman, his dear friend who he was in love with. But the pleads got into his father's right ear and went out from the left as fast as he blinks.

On Thursday, 2nd of October 1689, 03:00 am, they tied her to a pole and drenched her whole body with gasoline. With the woman still in a hazy state, she couldn't fight for the last time, couldn't beg for mercy, or even struggle against the ropes.

She looked up to the dark, cloudy sky and silently cried. Each of her tears contained her curse for the whole world, her great rage upon the humans, and a promise. A promise to quench her thirst for revenge in the future, she will not let them live in peace until she's satisfied. At last, they burned her alive as the final ritual, her punishment for a crime that the woman did not even commit.

Days after her death, the writer was distressed. He felt unbelievably guilty for the things he did not do. So, he planned his own suicide and mass murder. He wrote that he had already drenched certain spots in his house with gasoline and invited the authorities including his father to join him for dinner.

At the end of the journal, he wrote that he had already paralyzed the others, and the house was starting to burn. He wrote that he would lock the journal in a safe so that someone could read it one day, and uncover the truth behind this event. The date was the 10th of October, 1689.

Fyodor closed the book and exhaled. Now, this asset started to slightly pique his interest. He was amused by the whole ordeal, curious about the other two books.

The second book was just as interesting, it was yet another journal about strange cases of death wherever a certain cadaver of a woman was found. What was more interesting, was that her body remained pristine throughout the years. Autopsy houses, Churches, Citizen houses. Everywhere the body was, death was also there.

It happened from the year 1700s until 10 years ago. The event stopped occurring when her body was brought to a Church in Salem to be sealed. Rituals were once again cast upon her body, of course, this did not go without a fight from the undead woman. Countless nuns were killed along the process, and the priest was left heavily injured at the end. But it was worth it, because ever since then the curse stopped.

How was that she got successfully sealed, you ask? Well, it was because the Priest discovered her name, and made a direct contract.

Fyodor opened the third book, but the content was about how to resurrect a human. Was he supposed to do this? Gogol or his leader never mentioned anything about resurrecting someone, only that he needed to collect the asset alive--

Oh.

Anyway, right after the plane landed he went straight to the place of her sealed body. The man might sometimes look as if he suffers from an acute anemic, but his stamina was something to be praised for, really.

Fyodor strolled along the ruined pavement beneath his feet, humming to himself a Russian lullaby. His cold hand graced the holster that was strapped lowly on his waist. A pair of purple eyes gleamed in the dark night, observing as he entered an old building that kept sealed a beautiful maiden inside it.

"Now, shall we disturb a witch's slumber?"

.

.

.

.

.・✫・゜・。.