#that i look like i'm trying to play a savior role or like i'm virtue signaling
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tittyinfinity · 13 hours ago
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contemplating deleting my blog soon I might make a new blog but idk
#.bdo#i just need to work on some insecurity issues is all. been on a long self journey this year#can't shake the feeling that every time i say anything it's wrong somehow#and there is some reality to that. i have been wrong several times I've even been downright mean to people over misunderstandings#i just haven't been able to break out of the habit of feeling permanently embarrassed about every small mistake I've ever made#& old insecurities from my childhood are resurfacing#like when i was a kid/teen and no one would ever tell me when i was breaking social cues but they'd make fun of me behind my back#i have 3200 followers and most of my posts get 0 notes sometimes i get 1-5 so it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong#i end up deleting a lot of them...#almost every post of mine that's gone viral was just a screenshot or picture saved from somewhere else....#and the times that i have gotten attention over a post that stands up for people who aren't like me it makes me terrified#that i look like i'm trying to play a savior role or like i'm virtue signaling#i have a few good mutuals who i love so much and that's why I'm still here#it's also the only social media i use currently#but it does really hurt when i put a lot of thought into something like spending hours making a funny meme or a thoughtful post#just to find out that the only people who find them interesting is my extremely small circle on here if anyone at all#it's so dumb i shouldn't be feeling like this over fucking numbers....it's not even real#i find a little bit of (petty) solace in the fact that there are people on here who are loudly and repeatedly saying way more embarrassing#shit than I've ever said#but even then when i know someone is absolutely wrong it makes me feel nervous like what if im the next person to fuck up that bad#and i find out through public ridicule#well that actually kinda did happen on here once but not on that scale#last year i sent someone something i thought was funny and they sent back an 'ok'#and then immediately made a huge long post about how you shouldn't talk to strangers like you're already friends#called it parasocial behavior...got tens of thousands of notes and i knew it was about me...#i wholeheartedly agree some people go too far with parasocial behavior but i never fully understood what part of what i said/did was wrong#and i went back to feeling like the kid who never found out they were doing something wrong until they heard that they got made fun of#i don't even attempt to make new friends on my own on here anymore because i'm terrified of that happening again#almost all of the people I've become friends with on here came to me first and i love and appreciate them for that#but even then i feel too nervous to socialize that often bc i never find out/realize that i fuck up until later on
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eldritch-spouse · 2 years ago
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Okay, so we've seen Bello mostly in a submissive role. But I'm achingly curious about his more dominant side. What if he became infatuated with a human captured by the clergy and "saved" them? This lamb is too pure for this place, so sweet and innocent (whether hes delusional about this or not is to be determined) and they need his guidance and protection. How long would it take him to give into carnality when it's with his charge ? Does he get off on having power over someone instead of being the servant for once ?
TW: Manipulation and non-con.
You know, I like the thought of Belo being really, really nasty and taking advantage of someone who's deeply religious (let's say christian) and ends up at The Clergy.
You think you're in Hell. Because there's no explanation for what you're seeing, for such raw evil, untempered, with no consequences, just chaos and blood and disorder. It must be Hell, that's the only thing this establishment can be, Hell trying to mimic the surface and failing miserably.
And Belo, who already felt a deep, intrusive urge to protect you when you were dragged in after fainting of fright, takes advantage of this erroneous illusion by making himself out to be your savior- Your... What did lessers call it? Ah yes, a guardian angel. As if celestials were all assigned to humans, such nonsense. Such heresy! But convenient heresy, in this case.
It's so easy. It's too easy.
He feels dirty.
But he couldn't stop himself from entering your cell, he couldn't shake the sick feeling of pride he felt when you weeped in joy at the sight of what must be an angel. He's here to save you, he's here to protect you, you're so very happy that you throw yourself at Belo like a frightened little animal seeking the safe-haven of its progenitors. He's struck at first, but the warmth, the tingles of satisfaction spreading through his entire frame as you thank him and swear to never be bad again, that you'll never sin- Anything to not have to go through whatever horrid divine punishment would await you- They erase most shreds of doubt from Belo's brain. He grabs you tenderly, so very softly, pushing your head to his chest as he lulls you in a way only an angel can, promising that he's here for you, that you deserve better.
You're a good less- Human. You're an innocent soul, and Belo is here to make it all go away. Now, close your eyes and cover your ears, feel his wings wrap around you while the angel leads you to safety. "Safety" being one of the rented rooms in the upper floors of The Clergy. It's not the outside world, and whenever you mention such to Belo, he appears to fumble a bit before making an excuse as to why you can't be let out yet. You've been tainted by the place, he needs to hold you here until your soul is clean so that you won't unintentionally harm those you love without even knowing! You don't want that, do you cherub? Of course not, so listen to your guardian angel when he tells you to be patient.
It's a virtue, you know? And you're already such an exemplary human, you wouldn't want to prove him wrong, would you? Because that would mean Belo made a mistake, that he saved a very bad human, who didn't deserve that act of selflessness.
You trust him near implicitly, and that leaves Belo within very new circumstances, having someone who looks up to him entirely yet having no directives to act upon. He has to take complete charge, he has total freedom. And while that is usually cause for great distress within the angel, when he consults Krulu about his current situation, about his act of sin, the jaded god only barks out manic laughter. Do what you want, the siadar says, play with your power, taste their trust.
Belo didn't understand then, but as he looms over your slightly nervous frame on the bed, he thinks he does now.
It's addicting, having control over someone else, having someone take your words as nothing but gospel, as law. Is this how gods feel? The angel knows it's the most heinous of blasphemy to think this way, but he envies them. Nevertheless, he's determined to enjoy the moment, to convince himself this isn't a blatant misuse of power. You didn't question Belo when he undressed in front of you, you didn't question him when he straddled you, and it looks like you're not going to question him now-
When he tells you to touch him.
He wants to know what indulging lust is like, he wants his cherub to share temptation with him. Belo lets himself gasp and arch in enthusiasm while you stroke the fur of his chest, drifting down his front. No no, don't stop- There's nothing wrong dearest, this is right, this is meant to be. There is no sin to lying with your savior, this is an act of gratitude, from you for him.
It's only a matter of time before you have your hands wrapped around his cock, something that you didn't even ponder on angels having at all until very recently. You're visibly confused and a little upset by the unfolding events, but Belo's noises of satisfaction paired with his words of gentle praise, with assurances that you're on the right path even as he throbs in your grasp, make you trudge on.
It escalates, naturally. You can't just feed a lion a crumb and expect it to be content with such.
Soon, he's stuffing himself between your thighs. You don't have to look, you can close your eyes if you want, it's okay... Then, the angel's sticking fingers inside you, asking if it feels good, learning everything he can to make you orgasm.
What will happen when you start questioning him anyway? Whatever he does to you will never be half as bad as what some others would
Some "savior" he is...
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