#that i know internally he was judging me hard as hell

[cinnabeat]

that essay i was supposed to write and is 20% of my grade is just not getting done

[lumiambrose]

Sae Itoshi doesn’t dance.

You figured so anyways; it’s not like your boyfriend is the most… expressive.

So when the two of you run into a lively plaza full of locals and tourists alike dancing to romantic music on your vacation, you take the incentive to explore on your own. Twisting and turning through the sea of people as you enjoy the live band, a massive grin on your face.

To no surprise, even if you begged him, Sae wouldn’t join your antics in public. Instead, opting to watch you from a distance. Taking in the way you move to the rhythm as you casually dance with some of the locals. Sae finds it adorable, watching you enjoy yourself so much. If anyone looked at him hard enough, they might even see a small smile play on his lips.

That is until he sees a stranger—a man, grabbing you by the hand, leading you to the center of the plaza, away from him. You seem reluctant, of course you are. Why the hell would you be dancing with a random when you have the Sae Itoshi? The smile once adorning his face quickly fades as he storms through the crowd, pushing the man away from you, growling a few, what you presume to be spanish swear words at him before picking you up and carrying you back to your hotel room.

You arrive home and god, Sae is pissed. That man has no right to you like that. Nervous, you internally prepare to explain the situation to him. That the man caught you by surprise, and it wasn’t that deep. That the stranger didn’t do anything to you.

You open your mouth, but are quickly shushed by him as he seems to be searching for something in the hotel room. Unexpectedly, he pulls out a speaker. Connecting it to his phone and playing a melody, a very similar melody to what you heard at the plaza.

“Give me your hands,” he says in such a casual manner, as if he didn’t adorn the expression of a future murderer less than a minute ago.

You comply, giving him your hands as he helps you up, to then pull you in close, embracing you. His breath hot on your ear as he whispers, “Follow my lead.”

Now… just because Sae Itoshi doesn’t dance, it doesn’t mean he can’t.

Being a professional football player requires good agility and even better footwork, so to him, dancing comes naturally.

You though, are completely taken aback. He doesn’t give you time to process what’s happening as he guides you to the center of your suite, body in sync with the music as he mimics the matching movements to the ones you were dancing earlier.

You compliment him as the two of you bask in the music and each others company. Away from any strangers or creeps. Just you and him, together, as you dance through the early night.

“I didn’t know you could dance,” you giggle, almost teasing him for surprising you with his unexpected skills.

“Bad judge of character, angel,” he replies, even matching your teasing tone before dropping into a more intimate whisper. “Por ti haré cualquier cosa.”

©lumiambrose ─ do not translate, repost, copy any of my works

[hihomeghere]

Dreams | Arthur Morgan/Reader

Word Count : 1.1k Summary : Arthur starts having dreams of starting a family with you Warnings/tags : Cursing, fluff, mention of infidelity, just Arthur being a sweet guy <3

He knows he shouldn’t feel like this. Shouldn’t be having these thoughts, because all they are just dreams. They’re never going to become a reality. Not when they’re constantly on the move, running from place to place. He sees the way it affects Jack, poor kid, not knowing what the hell is going on. And his daddy doesn’t exactly help him understand. 

He can’t even say he would be a better father, he wasn’t before. 

Hell you two ain’t even married yet, and he’s not that much of a fool. Not anymore. His regret for not marrying Eliza weighs heavily on him most days, even if he didn’t love her in that way. Now you on the other hand, he loves you more than anything. More than this stupid gang, more than life itself. He would happily lay down his life if he knew you would be happy, safe. 

When these thoughts enter his head, he can’t say. His days sort of blend together, making it hard to pinpoint. Although seeing you interact with Jack doesn’t help. 

You are so sweet, so motherly, hell you even mother the younger folks in the gang. Soft touches, kind words, but internally strong. You have all the qualities he finds attractive in a woman. Somehow you fell for him just as hard as he fell for you. 

But he ain’t a fool, he knows this ain’t the right time or place. So instead he writes down all these dreams in his journal, his safe place. The place where he can say anything without being judged. He dreams of little girls, he didn’t know how to interact with Isaac. Too afraid of being his own father. Girls seem less daunting, and a little you would be perfect. He already has one angel, what’s one more?

He comes up with the name while north of Brandywine Drop. The bright purple flowers caught his eye just off the trail.

Violet.

Violet Beatrice Morgan.

His heart sings, scribbling the name down in the margins of his journal. He finds himself writing VM in his journal, smiling foolishly to himself. It’s beautiful, his precious flower. 

It’s not like you meant to snoop. You were looking for Arthur, since he was nowhere to be found. You entered his tent, which in reality wasn’t much of a tent at all, finding his journal open. You walked over to it, looking over the worn page. There were the normal doodles he drew, along with his flowing hand writing. But one thing stood out to you, a pair of initials circled by hearts. VM.

You furrowed your brows, you couldn’t think of anyone you knew with the initials VM. Those definitely weren’t your initials either. 

With your curiosity peaked you flipped through a couple more pages. VM was written everywhere, along with those damn little hearts. 

You felt that little green monster grow inside you the further you looked into his journal. Biting your cheek so hard you could taste blood. It did nothing to quench the fire inside of you. 

“Darlin?” Arthur called walking into the so-called tent. You dropped the journal back onto the table, turning to face him. “There you are.” He grinned walking towards you.

“Here I am.” You said forcing a smile.

“Hosea said you were looking for me.” He said softly, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, "Anything you need?”

“Must have forgot.” You said with a noncommittal shrug, “I ought to get back to work.” You nod walking past him. Arthur furrowed his brow at your attitude. Did he say something to offend you?

Then his eyes fall onto his open journal. His stomach drops at the sight. Jesus, you saw. You saw all of it. You were probably thinking the worst, seeing the initial surrounded by hearts. How was he gonna fix this?

You stomped off to the edge of camp, trying to wrack your brain as to who this VM could be. And why was Arthur drawing hearts beside the initials? Maybe you had this all wrong, Arthur would never do anything to hurt you. He was a good man, a man you could trust. Wasn't he?

“Y/n!” He called trailing behind you, a crestfallen expression on his face. You stopped at the tree lining, biting your lip as you turned to face him. “I can explain.”

“I’m sure you can.” You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest.

“I-“ He sighed looking down, pinching the bridge of his nose as he let out a low curse. 

“Who is she?” You asked clenching your jaw. He furrowed his brows looking up at you.

“What?” He asked, his hands settling on his hips.

“VM, the girl you keep drawing hearts around. Who is she?” You were blunt, something he loved so much. Always telling it like it is, never leaving him to guess your feelings. A small smile spread on his face, which only made you more mad. “Seriously, you think this is funny?” You hissed, taking a step towards him. Arthur only had one choice, to tell you the truth. 

“Violet.” He said softly, reaching for you. “Violet Morgan.” You let him wrap his hand around your forearm, pulling you close to his chest.

“Who is Violet Morgan?” You asked, swallowing thickly. He sighed, looking off to the side, wetting his lips.

“She’s uh-“ He shook his head, a nervous smile on his lips. “She’s not exactly real, not yet at least.” He said. 

You shook your head, brows knitted together, “Not real? The hell you mean, not real?”

“I-“ He rubbed the back of his neck looking down, “It’s uh- shit.”

“Spit it out Morgan.” You huff throwing your arms up. 

“I thought of a name,” He explained, “A name for a girl if we- if we have one some day.” He said with a shrug, his cheeks flushed, almost as though he had been in a scuffle. 

Oh.

If we have one some day. 

“Oh Arthur.” You said softly, a smile spreading across your face. Feeling suddenly very foolish for doubting your man. “That's so sweet.” You took a step forward, tilting his face up to look at you. 

“Yeah?” He asked, looping his fingers in his gun belt. 

“Yeah.” You repeated, nodding. “Jesus you had me scared you were gonna tell me you found someone else.” You chuckled, shaking your head.

“Never. There ain’t no one else in this goddamn world that could replace you.” He said his hand reached up to cup your face. “You’re uh- you’re it for me darlin.” His bright blue eyes peered into yours, love and affection pouring out in his expression. 

“When we have our girl.” You said brushing away a stray strand of honey brown hair, “Violet will be a perfect name.” He grinned, wrapping a hand around your waist.

“Guess it’s settled then.” He said as he leaned down to press his lips against yours.

[collaredkittyboy]

Well it's come up multiple times today so I'll make a post about it.

I think the popularization of the word "twink" has ultimately been really bad for people in general.

I know it's hard to track the positive and negative effects of language but I don't think it's hard to see how creating a word for a group of people wherein the most consistent qualifying trait is "being skinny" is healthy for people's self image. Obviously people have lots of ideas about what it means to be a twink- gay, lacking body hair, feminine, beautiful, young, white- but the most consistent descriptor I've seen is "skinny." Hell, it's even a body type on Grindr; the size below "average."

So it kind of functions as a code word in the gay community: anyone can say that they're only interested in twinks and they don't have to look shallow by saying they only like skinny guys. It's such an accepted attitude that no one really bats an eye when they hear it.

I'm not even going to get into how it's become part of the larger issue of people turning "top" and "bottom" into gender roles 2.0, but that is closely related, because people with any internalized homophobia can look at a skinny, feminine man and turn off their fag alarms by viewing him as a woman or not a "real" man, and it makes twinks more acceptable to society at large.

No, ignoring all of that, one of the biggest issues is that gay men are taught by society that they are only attractive while they are skinny. Just having the label "twink" reminds a boy that people are looking at his body and judging it. There were countless times when I was growing up that people would tell me, "You're such a twink," or argue about whether or not I qualified as a twink because I had body hair. People around you, unpromted, judge your body and give you a label based on it, and that label has a large influence on whether or not you're seen as objectively attractive. I know many other gay people who say they wish they were a twink so they could be more attractive to guys.

So think, you have all these kids growing up being told whether or not they qualify as a twink, and then we have the gay community as a whole where it's completely acceptable to say you're only attracted to twinks. I think its because of all of this pressure to be a twink (in other words, to have a below average weight) that many of the gay people that I interact with struggle with a negative body image or eating disorders.

I mean, people talk about "twink death" like it's an actual event that makes a gay man much less attractive, and no one thinks that, maybe, it's harmful to tell a guy that the very day he stops being young and thin and pretty, he will stop being attractive and celebrated?

I'm not qualified to speak on fatphobia in physical queer spaces because I don't have the ability to frequent them where I live, but I can't imagine that these aren't issues at social gatherings as well. I also can't speak on my own experiences with weight discrimination because so far in my life I have had a naturally thin body, but I have experienced a lot of outside pressure to be thin that have caused me to pick up unhealthy eating habits to reduce my weight in fear that I could become fat later on. Thankfully that is something that I've mostly been able to work past. I'm not an expert, but idk, I just wanted to rant on my silly tumblr blog.

Obviously it's impossible for a word to be inherently bad. I'm not trying to imply that saying "twink" is a magic word with evil powers. Obviously the real issues at play here are fatphobia and harmful beauty standards and body shaming. But in my opinion, the popular use of the word twink has made it much easier and acceptable to express fatphobia, etc, in the gay community by turning "skinny person" into a "type of guy that you should try to be so you can be attractive."

[generalsdiary]

if you accept requests, can i request sunday with an express crew reader who has a fake halo ring on their head because they think that is pretty, they first meet him on the express and went to touch his halo ring thinking it is fake too? i know it is quite long and a bit specific so feel free to skip. And your writing is so good! your little analysis on sunday's wing ADORABLE.

(theirs is just plain sparkly rubber band😭)

hi anon! I do accept requests. and seriously don't worry, I LOVE THE IDEA, it is not at all too specific or long; actually the perfect amount for me to work with.

I would've written this yesterday when you sent the ask, but I was caught up painting (Sunday of all people lmao). also, I'm so glad you like my writing, tysm! hope you like this one, I wrote it really quickly, cos I'm still busy but this had caught my attention for sure.

Sunday x gn!reader

warnings: none

word count: 400~

One more check in the mirror, yes, it looks good. You nod at your reflection. The golden halo gives the illusion of realness. At least, that is what you tell yourself. It probably looks ridiculous to actual Halovians. Never mind, you smile at your sight in the mirror and head to the main car to greet guests.

Despite visiting Penacony with the crew, you failed to ever meet the infamous Sunday. And he looks even more beautiful in person, it is almost dazing.

“It is a pleasure to meet you.” you chirp, shaking his hand.

“Likewise” Sunday smiles, you can almost hear a choir singing. He looks like an angel. That halo is perfect. Should you ask him for tips? You reach out with your hand. “Your halo looks amazing, how did you make it so perfectly?” and… your fingers pass through nothing. Feeling a bit surprised, you ponder if it is a gadget with a projector? Doubtful. It takes a few moments before you notice that you stunned the poor man.

Sunday dryly chuckles, “It… it is very real, I assure you.” He takes a small step to the side, making his halo move further away from your touch.

To say you blushed would be an understatement. Hoping the Express would crash at that moment just so you wouldn’t have to deal with this situation, “Uh.. I- I am so sorry- I didn’t mean to-“ you fumble with your words trying to salvage the situation.

“I understand. I can see your… pretend one.“ He smiles. You’re internally cursing at yourself and biting the inside of your cheek, could this be any more embarrassing?

“I just think they’re pretty. Angelic, and wonderfully complimentary on a person.” There’s a proud aura around you, maybe you saved the situation.

“Ah, so you’re a flatterer. Thank you, I do agree they are pretty. Although, they are a genetic part of me.” Sunday smiles. Internal high five, you saved the conversation. Except for the fact Sunday looked at you up and down. Is he checking you out? Or judging the way your halo looks on you? Either way, you avert your gaze, swallowing hard. What a bold man.

“I wasn’t trying to flatter-“ No, you gotta be bolder; match his energy, “I know they’re genetic, as I know that your kind can even influence, some of them, how the halo ends up looking.”

There’s a knowing glint in his eyes and an ever-resting smile. “I’ll happily explain how and why… care to get a drink with me and we can sit by one of the windows?” And there’s no way in hell you say no to him.

[moonlightndaydreams]

Hi love, lowkey highkey obsessed with your writings that i can’t read enough of them. Do you think you’ll ever write something along the lines of Han and Y/n being in a massive argument that ends with him yelling and y/n just leaving the room and after some time Han is coming to apologise and it ends with him giving it to y/n slow and deep?

Just a thought, bearing in mind your writing style ❤️

“Which one would go best with the dress, Ji?” You asked holding up a gold bag in one one hand, a black one in the other.

Jisung looked up from his laptop. “Fuck. I don’t know, babe.” He replied grumpily. It was the seventh outfit and fifth bag you’d showed him. You knew he was reaching the end of his patience.

“Ji.” You whined. “I’m your plus one for your important exhibition tonight. I have to look the part.”

‘Fucking hell, y/n. Who cares what the fuck you wear. No one’s going to be looking at you.” He yelled.

Tears prickled in your eyes. “Wow. Jisung. I only wanted to support you properly. Just go on your own.” You said quietly and left the room.

“Baby! I’m sorry. I didn’t-“

But you’d gone into your shared room and burst into tears.

You knew he was stressed about tonight. You knew he’d been overworking himself. But it wasn’t like him to say something so careless and hurtful.

Maybe he meant it? Maybe he really thought you weren’t worth looking at? Maybe he didn’t want you to go afterall?

You looked at your outfit choices hung on the door of the wardrobe. Nope. You weren’t going to go. He could go by himself, you told yourself and continued to sob.

——-

“Baby?” Jisung knocked on the bedroom door. “Baby, please let me in.” He tried the handle, and when he realised it wasn’t even locked, cracked the door open.

You sat cross legged on the bed in your pyjamas. Your face was puffy and your eyes red from crying.

“Fuck, baby. I’m so sorry.” He was by your side holding you, but you ignored him, remaining stiff and uncompromising.

“I shouldn’t said what I said. It…it came out wrong.”

You met his eyes with a cold look of ‘you’re a prick’.

“It’s just…I’m panicking so bad about tonight. So many people will be looking at me, speaking to me, asking questions. They’ll form opinions of me, judge me…” he rambled desperately, trying to explain himself. “I snapped. I know it was hurtful.”

He started to cry. “Please still come tonight. It really doesn’t matter what you wear because you’ll look stunning no matter what.”

“Ji.” You finally spoke. He looked at you with tear filled boba eyes. “You could have told me how stressed you are babe. Like I knew you were stressed… but your anxiety. I’m here for you, you know that.”

You wiped a tear from his cheek. “But please don’t be mean to me. I don’t deserve it. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know, baby. I know. Please. Let me make it up to you. Show you how much you mean to me.” He bit his lip.

He was so hard to stay mad at, but he didn’t need to know that. “How are you going to show me?” You whispered with desire in your voice. You hadn’t meant for it come out so fucking sultry.

He gently pushed you back until your head was on the pillow, and he leaned over you to take you in a gentle kiss. So soft. So chaste.

“We need to be naked for me to show you.” He purred and tugged at your pyjama pants. You let him do all the work of stripping you bear, then he rid himself of his clothes too.

He was on top of you again, this time kissing you deeply as he ground himself against you. Slowly, he made his way to your neck, kissing you there, trying not to leave any marks. Your dress options for tonight didn’t offer coverage on your neck, and you smiled internally that he was being careful.

You arched you back into him as he sucked a nipple into his mouth. Then he gave attention to the other one, leaving a trail of saliva between your breasts. He loved your tits, and you loved it when he made them a glisten with his saliva.

“Mmm… so fucking perfect baby. I love you so much.” He mumbled as his mouth trailed kisses down your stomach.

“Open your legs for me. Let me see your perfect pussy…fuck… yes… just like that, baby.” He hummed.

“Ji?” You whimpered.

“Yes, baby?” He looked up at you from between your legs.

You cupped his cheek. “I just want you close.” You half sobbed.

Jisung made his way back up your body until he was hovering over you and gazing into your eyes.

“Close like this?” He cupped your cheek and kissed you deeply. You grabbed onto the back of his neck and pulled his closer, letting him push his tongue inside your mouth.

Neither of you broke the kiss as you opened your legs for him and felt his hardness press against your core. With a bit of wriggling and manoeuvring, Jisung’s cock found your entrance, and with a firm push of his hips, he slipped inside you, causing you both to moan.

He fucked you slow and deep. Each drag of his cock against your tight walls felt better than the last.

“Baby,” Jisung peeled his mouth away from yours. “I love you so fucking much.” He panted.

“I love you too Ji.” You choked. “Fuck me deeper. I need to feel you as deep as possible.”

“Yeah?” He smirked. “Here, legs up over my shoulders.” He growled.

With your legs over his shoulders, Jisung pressed himself on top of you, essentially folding you in half, and kissed you sloppily. His thrusts were still slow, but so much deeper than before, and his cockhead would kiss your cervix each time he was fully inside of you.

His brow became sweaty, his fluffy hair plastered to skin, and he started to tremble as though he was using all his self control to hold back.

“You feel so good around my cock, baby. So fucking good. Made for me.”

The pressure was building inside you, you dragged your nails up his back and pulled him against you so he was squashing you. You couldn’t get him close enough. You ground your hips up to meet Jisung with every thrust, until he started to fuck you harder.

So many sounds filled the room, the slapping of skin and the wetness of your cunt. The panting, growling and moaning from Jisung, and the whimpering sobbing mess that was you.

“Jisung…oh… it feels so good. I’m so close.”

“Baby… baby… let’s cum together…”

You felt his cock go even harder, causing your walls to clench around him, and you were both coming hard, mumbling and cursing about how fucking good that felt.

You held each other, him still inside of you, for some time. You hadn’t made love like that in a long time.

“Jisung. We probably should start to get ready for tonight.” You nudged him.

He groaned.

“I’ll make you a deal. Once we get through tonight, I’ll let you eat my pussy. I know you were wanting to before.”

Jisung never got ready for an event as fast as he did that night.

…..

A/n: I’m not fully happy with this piece, but it had been waiting in my inbox, then drafts, for a while.

@channieandhisgoonsquad @itshannjisung @noellllslut @kangnina @weareapackofstrays

[uspdude051]

Hi, can I request a Derek shepherd X male reader? I have an idea you can use, maybe Derek broke up with Meredith after being together for like two months, after one month he starts liking the reader (can the reader be the same level as him? Not an intern) and after one month of Derek trying he and the reader start dating and one day all the interns find them cuddling (can the reader be little spoon pls) and they are in shock and kinda confused

Im sorry if it's a bad idea, I just want a story with him

Sleep and Confusion

A/N: sooo. This person requested this over two years ago and I felt bad….this is once every blue moon lol

TW: Fluff and bad grammar :)

Set in Season 4 when Meredith and Derek Broke up

It has been a few months since I got the job as The New Chief of Cardiothoracic Surgery. You had a job as a Mass Gen as a regular attending, but the Chief of Surgery, Richard Webber, offered you the job and you decided to take the job right away. You liked Seattle even though the constant rain annoyed the hell out of you. Over time you manage to make a few friends. It's mostly the heads of the surgical department and a few residents like Bailey and Callie.

You just finished your shift and decided to hang out at Joe’s, when you got there you sat down at the bar at the far end. When you ordered your usual drink you turned to the left and saw Derek Shepherd, the head of neurosurgery, was drinking alone. You decided to have some small talk since you didn't know him that well. You knew of him, like how his nickname is McDreamy and he had a previous relationship with one of the 1st years.

You went over to sit next to him and asked,” Hey, how are you doing?”

He turned to look at you and was surprised I was talking to him. He answered, “You're doing well, yourself.”

You nodded in response. Joe gave you your drink and the two of you started to have some small talk. It was mostly regarding other interests, what's your favorite sports team, where you go to college, all that stuff.

Then you decided to ask something that would be a little awkward to answer.

“So… what's the deal with you and that one resident?” you asked. You notice that he and Meredith steal glances every chance they get.

He looked at you debating whether or not to answer, “We had a relationship when she was in the 1st year” He paused “We tried to work it out but unfortunately, we couldn’t.”

“Sorry about that, it must have been hard,” you said with sincerity.

He looked down at his drink and replied, “Yeah…..yeah it was, but I'm starting to move on.”

A part of you was relieved that he was getting over the heartbreak that he is experiencing but another part of you made you feel bad for the dude and wondered what you do to help. 

Ever since that night at Joe’s, you and Derek’s friendship has grown even more. You guys talk whenever you have a break. It was a good friendship, a little brotherhood friendship. It was going great until your feelings towards Derek grew to the point where you started to grow romantic feelings. But you decided to act against it for two reasons. 1) you didn't know if he wasn't straight and 2) you were pretty sure he was still hung up with the 2-year resident. You decided to compress those feelings because you didn't want to mess up your newfound friendship with Derek. 

Then one day you and Derek were both alone changing in the attending room after a very long day of back-to-back surgeries. He was leaning against the locker right to yours while you were just finished changing into your regular clothing. You were gonna ask if you wanted to head to Joe's to watch the game. But Derek beat you to the question but the difference was that he asked you something that completely shocked you. 

“Go out with me tomorrow night,” Derek said so subtly.

You slammed the locker door hard and stared into his blue eyes. Your own eyes widened at the question. You normally don't judge a book by its cover, but you would have never thought he was into dudes

“ Are you playing a trick with me or is this some kind of joke?” you asked. You were very wary about the guys you dated because most of the guys you've dated were assholes or straight dudes trying to get a laugh at you.

Derek said quickly “I'm not!!!...it's just you for the past month you were by my side with a lot of you… and I really, REALLY, think we have a connection.” 

As he said that his words started to slow down and started to seem more sincere. You ask him whether or not he was straight. You assumed he was Bi or Pan at least considering he had an ex-wife and his last relationship was Meredith. He explained that he’s bisexual and that he had two boyfriends before he started dating Addison.

You were still hesitant because your last relationship ended with your boyfriend cheating on you with his co-worker. He could tell by your facial expressions that you were very hesitant. He took your hand looked into your eyes and said this

“I promise I'm not gonna be like the other guy, if you want to take things slow that's fine,  all that I'm asking for is one dinner, and that's it.”

You could tell that he was being genuine, again you were a little hesitant. But then again he wasn’t like the other dude. Derek is kind, smart, and charismatic, all of the great qualities in a man that you were into.

So you looked into his dreamy eyes and said, “Yes, I would love to.”

2 months later.

It was a long day In the OR and you wanted to lie down. You went to the call room to get some shut cause you didn't have the energy to drive. You took off your tennis shoes and laid down on the bottom bunk facing the wall. As you are about to shut your eyes you hear the door open and see a bright light illuminated on the wall.

You turned your back to whoever just opened the door and saw Derek who looked just as tired as you are. He shut the door behind him and walked over to you. He lay down next and put his arm around your body holding you in a firm grip never letting you go.

You murmured, “How was your craniotomy on that peds patient?” 

Derek also replied with a murmur” It went great, how did your heart transplant go?”

Seconds passed by without a response. Next thing you know, Derek heard the gentle sound of your snoring. Chuckling quietly to himself, he leaned in and placed a tender kiss on your forehead. Gradually, he too began to drift off to sleep.

THIRD PERSON POV

An hour passed, and the door opened revealing Alex who needed some shut-eye from a surgery he just assisted on. As he was about to select a bed, he paused, noticing Shepherd cuddling with the new cardio attending. His eyes widened in suspicion, suspecting a romantic relationship between the two. Soon after, Lexi and a few other interns entered, their attention immediately drawn to the scene before them. While some were taken aback, Lexi found the sight incredibly endearing.

[onim5]

Invicible Pain

Portgas D. Ace x reader

Warnings: Emotional pain. Swear word.

I believe this is fluff and a little angst.

Gender is never mentioned.

------------------------------------------

"If Gold Roger had a kid, we kill him."

"It be a demon child, we would have the marines execute him, immediately."

"Ha! The Marines made sure no such brat existed."

"The last thing we need is another monster."

"Such a brat doesn't deserve to live."

Boink!

"Aw, frick. What was that for?!" Ace asks, frustrated, looking at you and the book you hit him with.

Boink!

"Hey, stop that!" Ace demands. Holding up his hands so he be ready to defend himself.

"No, not until you stop being stupid." You growl, trying to hit him again with the book.

"The hell did I do now?" Ace whines. He hadn't stolen your food. . . . . yet, and when he does, you don't get this mad. Did he perhaps forget something important?

Boink!

"Oh, come on! At least tell me." Ace hiss.

"You know what you're doing!" You yelled. . . . . Ace looked at you in shock. This was the first time you were actually mad at him, and you yelled. . . . Ace felt how he tensed up. He must have messed up badly, but with what?!

"Y/n, I am really sorry for what I did, and I promise to never do it again."

Boink!

Ace's stomach felt like a heavy bag filled with stones. Whatever he did, he deserves this. He deserves death. . . .

"Now you're doing it again!" You yell, hugging him instead.

"Stop, . . . . Just stop with the self-hatred." You plea, hugging him tight. Ace felt blank. . . . . He didn't move. He couldn't.

"Ace? . . ." You call out as your eyes tried to make contact with his. All you found, though, was an empty space. His gaze was somewhere else internally. He looked hollow, but you knew he was full. Full of emotions others had given and created to him. Emotions he himself had stabilized brick by brick.

Ace eyes finally reached yours, his arms hesitatantly started hugging you back. But he didn't say anything. It was the first time someone had said it out to him. That someone had pointed it out. . . . . He wants to deny it, but he can't.

"How did you know?" Ace whispers, his voice barely adiuoable. You could feel his nails dig into you in a desperate way. He was longing for support but never showed or told anyone he needed it.

"I, I can tell. You get that dark gaze on your expression. Ace, I can feel your invisible pain. It's in your aura." You answer, hugging him more gently, more lovingly.

"I'm see-through? Like glass?" He stutters, a feeling of pathetic and failure dawning on him.

"No, you're not. Your really fucking hard to see through. You're solid with hundreds of walls. But, there's small cracks . . . . And, and I know that there's a door. Please, Ace, let me in."

And that's what he did. In his room, on his bed, he laid a little spoon in your lap. Your fingers caressing his hair with so much care and love? Listening to his story. You never gave him a reaction, just patiently sat and patted him. And so, he accidentally told you everything. About who he was and what he have become.

"I'm a monster." He murrmur, his voice broken and bitter. You didn't say anything, but your hands went to his cheeks and rubbed them gently. Ace can't stop the overwhelming feelings inside. He couldn't stop the quiet tears of pain that covered your loving hands. He couldn't stop . . . . . Finally, he tried to break out of your touch, but both you and a huge part of him stopped it.

"Why, why are you doing this? Why aren't you judging me? I'm a crying man. It's pathetic." He scoffs, once more trying to break out of your touch and love.

"Because your words have been mostly lies. Either your own or someone else's. You're a man, but also a human. you're allowed to cry. It is simply natural." You state, trapping his body in a hug.

"What do you mean?" He asks, his large hand grabbing yours.

"People's feelings have created lies, lies that have reached your ears. Their fear for Roger, a man most actually never met. Has created lies and opinions about you. And you have slowly started agreeing and building up these lies within you. It's time for you to start taking down that huge wall. I don't care if it has to be done brick by brick. Do you know why?" Ace shakes his head, his eyes looking at you.

"Because I love you."

-------------------------------

This was inspired by @captainportgasdace. Thank you. - onim5

Masterlist

[angstywaifu]

The Lost Sister - Part 40.

Synopsis: Xaden is known as an only child due to his sister who 'died' during the Rebellion. Little do they know she didn't die and has been so close this entire time.

Garrick Tavis x OC (Ophelia Riorson)

The Lost Sister Masterlist | Masterlist

”When do you think she will wake up?” A low, familiar voice says, breaking through the fog in my head.

Garrick.

”Hard to say. I’ve never seen a signet like hers before. No one has.” A voice I can’t quite place. But still slightly familiar.

Me. They’re talking about me.

”Do you think the damage it’s caused is permanent?” A gruff female voice asks. Imogen. Definitely her.

Damage? They can’t be talking about the Wyvern I took down. There was nothing left of them. Perishing into a pile of dust as they hit the ground behind Garrick. And Garrick... He seems to be ok. That means they’re talking about me.

”Hard to say till she wakes up. The internal damage looked worse than it was due to the blood she was coughing up. But it will be interesting to see if she can see out of that eye now with the colour its turned.” The voice I still can’t quite place says.

Who was that? Definitely not Bodhi. Liam? No…. I know Liam’s voice. Who the hell was it?

Before I can try to pinpoint it the fog starts to seep back in, pulling me back to its depths.

This time when I break through the fog I’m able to open my eyes. It’s night, the room I’m in cast in an eerie glow from the mage light next to my bed. The familiar sound of wind hitting the cliffs.... Wind hitting the cliffs. A sound I hadn't heard in years. A sound that I would only hear in one place.

Home.

I sit upright, releasing my hand from another's grasp as I survey the room. My room. My room in Aretia. Home. I was back in Aretia. I hardly have time to absorb the surroundings before I am enveloped in a tight hug. The individual's arms press me against their trembling body, their sobs shaking us both. I don't need to turn my head to try and see who embraces me, recognising the familiar scent that fills my nostrils.

Garrick.

I immediately wrap my arms around him as my own tears roll down my cheeks. I was alive somehow. He was alive. We had survived. Something we both hadn’t thought would happen. And yet here we were. Sitting in Aretia of all places.

Garrick finally loosens his grip on me as he pulls back to look at me. Both of us looking over each other to make sure this is real and we’re both ok. It’s then I see the new scar adorning his face, stretching from his temple down to his jaw.

”This is new.” I ask, my voice hoarse and gravelly from not being used for a few days.

He nods slow. “Yeah, I got it after you-”

I watch his eyes gloss over with fresh tears that threaten to spill over as he takes a shaky breath. I’d never seen Garrick like this, and it’s easy to tell what had gone through his mind in that moment. He had thought I was dead. He’d watched as I’d doubled over, coughing up blood before collapsing. And judging by the shadows around his eyes, and his slightly sunken in cheeks, I’d been out for a few days at least.

”I’m here. I’m alive. I’m not going anywhere.” Reaching out to caress his cheek, my fingers tracing lightly over the new scar.

He chuckles darkly, “Forgive me if I don’t quite believe you. I’ve had to go through pretty much losing you twice in my life now.”

Ouch. But he wasn’t wrong. Twice in six years he had to go through thinking I was actually dead and thinking he’d just watched me die.

”Trust me, I’m doing my best to stay alive.” I try to assure him in a joking tone.

Garrick’s eyes harden ever so slightly and I know he hasn’t take my joke lightly. “Then you promise me you’ll never do whatever that was again. What was that?” His voice raising slightly.

”I honestly don’t know.” I start as I look down at my hands where the shadows had come out of. “I just panicked when I saw it direct those Wyvern at you. I just wanted to do anything I could to stop it, to save you and I just remember feeling this surge or power and…”

”And what?”

I take a deep breath before looking back up at him, noting the way his gaze flickers to my left eye.

”Death. It felt like what I’d imagine death to feel like.”

Garrick takes a sharp breath, his gaze locking back on my left eye. “Well that might explain why that happened.”

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, Garrick turning to grab a mirror from the bedside table. He hands it to me, reflective side down. Clearly giving me the choice on if I wanted to see what had happened straight away or ease myself into it. I grasp the handle, turning the mirror towards my face. I’d honestly been expecting a scar or terrible bruising to adorn my face. But there wasn’t a single mark on me. Not a single scar or a bruise. Instead my left eye being a usual bright green, is void of any colour. As if the colour had been drained out of it, and I can’t help but be reminded of the way the colour had been drained from the ground after the Venin had channelled. Almost as if whatever I had done had taken some life out of me to do it. As if I’d drawn something out of me to do that.

”Well good news is I can still see fine.” I try to say positively as I look back over at Garrick, handing the mirror back out to him.

”Least that’s something.” He mutters as he places the mirror back on the bedside table before standing and walking over to the window that over looks Riorson house.

I stand on shakey legs, having to use my bed to steady myself as I stand. Definitely had been a few days I’d been out for then if I can barely stand.

Least you’re alive little one. Not everyone can say that.

I breathe a sigh of relief at hearing her in my head. Also feeling a little guilty I hadn’t reached out to see if she was ok. But if I was alive I knew she was to. But I sense a double meaning in her words.

What do you mean not everyone? I ask, almost snapping at her.

I remember Soleil and Fuil not making it. Something about her tone makes me think we lost more. If it was Xaden, Garrick would have told me.

“Liam and Deigh.” Garrick mumbles from the window, before turning slowly to me.

I shake my head, not wanting to believe his words. But there’s no denying the slight hurt in Garricks eyes. Liam was dead.

Fuck.

I blink back the tears that threaten to fall down my cheeks, a few managing to escape before I quickly rub them away with the back of my hand.

Liam was dead because of the Colonel. Soleil was dead because of the Colonel. All those people in that outpost dead because of him. Because they wouldn’t tell us the truth. Wouldn’t teach us what was really out there.

“Why do you look like you want to kill someone?” Garrick asks, a hint of concern in his voice as he watches me.

“Because I do.” I say sternly as I wobble over and join him at the window, look out over the place I call home. “If they just told us what was really going on out there. If they didn’t lie to us…”

“But they do. And they will continue to do so.”

I snap my head towards him. “And we’re just going to let them?”

“Yes, because if we go back there and start telling everyone what we’ve seen then they will kill us all.” He warns me. “We’ll be lucky if they even let us live when we go back.”

Shit. He was right. As angry as I was. As much as I wanted to fight back and show them as the liars they really are. We couldn’t. They’d kill us all without any hesitation.

“They’ll let us live.” I tell him confidently. “They have no choice but to let us live. If they do, they’d have to explain what we saw. What we fought. They can’t kill us because it will arouse too many questions.”

“I hope you’re right sweetheart, because I can’t have them killing us after this.” He says softly, a slight shake in his voice as he steps back from the window slightly.

No not stepping back. Kneeling. Kneeling down on one knee and holding the box he had placed in my hands at Athebyne out to me. The box he had told me to look after. And now I know why. Inside the box is a ring I had seen countless times growing up. Had seen it every summer when his family had come to stay with us. A beautiful silver band adorned with emeralds. His mother’s ring. Probably the only thing he had left of hers. I look down at Garrick with shock, his familiar cocky smirk on his face as he looks up at me.

“I know you said you’d let me know when you’re ready. But I will be damned if I’m waiting a moment longer to do this. Twice now I’ve thought I’d lost you. Twice I thought I’d lost my chance. Twice I’ve asked for someone’s blessing to marry their daughter and sister.”

Oh gods. This is really happening. And all I can do is stare down at Garrick in shock, just like he’s done when he’d seen me in to rotunda nearly a year ago. Or when I’d approached him near the Parapet on Reunification Day.

“Ophelia Riorson. Will you marry me?”

To Be Continued.....

@riorgail @going-through-shit @fw-gt @bbkissme99 @xceafh @leptitlu @came-to-laugh-but-cried @onthewaytotimbuktu @daardyrnitta @lovemesomevesey @mxtokko @krowiathemythologynerd @callsign-blue @1islessthan3books @side-angel @wolfbc97 @just-an-ace-elf

[v3nusxsky]

114 and 34 🔥 with larissa? i don’t know how it works, i’m sorry it’s my first time here

Sweet girl 18+

*Authors note~ loving the use of the prompt list and a formal apology to anyone waiting for requests im still not in the swing of school yet*

Trigger warnings~ public sex edging mommy kink Praise kink degrading kink fingering oral teasing edging dom larissa sub r fem r punishment spanking

Prompt~ 114 and 34 🔥 with larissa? i don't know how it works, i'm sorry it's my first time here ✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿ "Come in my love and lock the door dear. You'll be here for a while" the principal murmured to you as you entered the room just after the lunch bell. "Rissa, my love, i have class" you whispered hoping to avoid what was ultimately coming your way in the near future. "Now i know my little witch knows that mommy already checked her schedule. Are we trying to escape your well earned punishment?" Judging by the blondes raised eyebrow, you knew you'd added fuel to the fire, "No mommy, i was a brat" you confirmed hanging your head low in shame. "And now you're going to see what mommy dose to sluts who cant follow my rules, kneel" she demanded pointing to the side of her desk chair.

While you repeated the safe word's for her she worked on stripping you of your skirt, tights, and emerald lace underwear. "Good job, now you are getting five, so be good and it will stay that way, misbehave or miscount and we start again with two extra for every mess up, am i clear?" You tapped your index finger against her thigh to show you understood before feeling a hand rest on the small of your back to steady your frame on her lap. "One thank you mommy" you squealed and made sure you took a deep breath before the next strike. You do not want to disappoint the older woman anymore than you did to get yourself in this position. "Five mommy thank you!" you sobbed slightly gasping for some air as the sting began to subside. "Good job darling girl, now tell mommy how to fuck her girl. Rough or gentle?" she purred rubbing your back in a soothing manner. "Rough please mommy" you whimpered as she brought her fingers down to tease your soaked hole. "Hmmm later sweet girl, God I'd fuck you right here if i could, however you haven't earnt the privilege of mommy touching you like that have you love?"

"Please mommy let me earn it. Please! Ill do anything" you pleaded with the principal. That is where she brought out your remote controlled vibrator and instructed you to sit still and not fight her. if you could make it through her meeting she'd fuck you the way you love. Naturally you were ready to do anything to cum for her so she knew you'd let her insert thee toy, fix your skirt and conjure yourself some tights. the joys of dating a powerful witch. You took your place under her desk with her final warning ringing in your ears, "don't make too much noise, you don't wanna get caught now, do you?" The voice of the Mayor filled the room and you internally groaned, this was going to be one hell of a meeting because he talks entirely too much for your liking. it could also be down to his jealousy of Larissa choosing you, an outcast, a witch over little ole boring him. Thankfully for you, your wife also tires of the Mayor quickly and focused on subtly playing with your aching core until you were driven to insanity of being edged to high hell. A constant vibration was currently assaulting you swollen clit when you noticed your wife spreading her legs to reveal her cunt to you. immediately knowing what she wanted you to do you got to work eating her out like your life depended on it. the thrill of getting caught only adding to the fun as you flicked your tongue against her hard puffy clit as you thrusted two fingers into her warm heat and began to curl them just how your mommy had trained you to.

It's a blur really, one minute your lapping up her orgasm and the next she tugging you up from under the table and praising you for what a sweet slut you are and how well you did for her. You'd truly earnt your reward and she was going to make damn sure she spent all night, touching, kissing, sucking, biting your smooth skin as she brought you over the edge and overstimulated your poor pussy until you were nothing more than her dumbed down sweet little girl who had been properly fucked like her slutty heart deserved. There would be no surprise to Larissa if your magic reacted during this, it only happened during heightened emotions like this and you knew she would always listen to your body. Who needs to walk on a Saturday morning anyway?

word count~ 986

Tag list

[moseslikellamas]

♱𖣂 Redfork Menace ♱𖣂 pt.10

Benjicot Blackwood x Bracken!OC

Summary - Martyn begins to suspect his family is using his sister disappearance to further a senseless war. Shanda buckles under pressure while awaiting the trip to riverrun

Warnings - fem!reader, suspense, mentions of violence, depictions of choking, adult language, period typical misogyny, advanced misogyny, condescension, adult language, complicated family dynamics, feud behavior, misplaced rage, feelings of guilt, manipulation, benjicot brainrot, Kieran Burton fancast.

Word count - 2.5k

Shanda in the gold gown the Blackwoods lend her. Listen all I’m gonna say is the advanced misogyny tag is there for a reason. And we stan Martyn, the only character with a good head on his shoulders. If you hear maniacal laughter throughout while reading, thats me I apologize.

“It was her!” Royce insisted. “She was climbing the bank of the river back to the Blackwood side!”

There were murmurs around the room and Martyn had heard enough.

“How do we know you didn’t set the fire? I didn’t see you when it started, nor to help get anyone out.” He felt a prickle of pride when Royce’s face screwed up in an expression of anger.

“That’s ridiculous.” Royce huffed.

“No more ridiculous than you accusing our sister of conspiring to burn our own people!”

“You didn’t see her! Bloody Ben was right beside her, what more proof do you need brother?”

A whole hell of a lot more, Martyn thought.

“Yeah and he’s the same man that just had her sentenced to death Royce. She was probably trying to run away!”

“Enough, both of you.”

Martyn sat at his father’s voice, his brother hesitated a moment before following suit.

“Your loyalty is touching Martyn. But we can’t so easily dispute what your brother mentions. After all, she never told me of any plan to gather Blackwood secrets.”

Martyn groaned internally, he was surrounded by idiots.

“Harold, surely you know our sister wouldn’t conspire this way.”

Harold, another of their brothers, was in his thirties but had spent many days hanging with Martyn and Shanda when they were children.

“I agree with Martyn. Shanda wouldn’t do this.”

“We should wait and judge her behavior in Riverrun.” Responded Gerolt, who was a few years older than Harold and decently liked by Martyn.

Another murmur went through the room at the suggestion.

“Has anyone heard from Normon?” His father asked.

Normon was a brother of theirs who spent his time sailing. Last Martyn heard he was in Oldtown, bothering the citadel. Normon was barred entrance since books had a tendency to go missing in his presence. Shanda had every missing tome hidden in their family library. Silence followed his father’s question.

“That’s too bad. We could use him at Riverrun.” Amos had replied at last.

“What will our defense be?” Gerolt asked the question they were all wondering about.

“We deny it of course.” Their father responded. “We’ll say Shanda is only a woman. She can’t be held responsible for this. The heat got to her fragile mind.”

Martyn knew his father did not really believe this but his hand twitched towards his sword at the words regardless. It was this backwards rhetoric that had made Shanda feel the need to leave in the first place. It made his blood boil. He knew his sister was twice as smart as more than half of this room full of blithering idiots. Said idiots all nodded at his fathers words, lapping it up.

“Then we’ll talk about the Blackwood scum sulling her. Twisting her mind.”

Martyn was wound so tightly he was likely to shatter into a million pieces listening to his father talk about his sister this way.

“Maybe we could work in what you saw Royce. Use it as proof of Blackwood influence.”

That was enough for Martyn who stood harshly shoving his chair back and leaving the room, slamming the large wooden door on his way out. How his own family could sit there scheming ways to pin the blame on Shanda was beyond him. It made him sick. He would make his own petition at the trial separately from his father and brothers. Stalking off to a guard tower, Martyn vowed not to let his sister's name go down without a fight.

***

Shanda never heard any word from her family. If they were writing to her, the Blackwoods were holding the letters back. She missed Martyn horribly and wondered tirelessly why Royce had been so upset the other night. No answers ever came to her though. Benjicot had made it his mission to try and fill the familial hole in her heart. He never left her side, she’d tried everything to get rid of him. Bringing up his responsibilities, cursing him, trying to physically remove him from the premises. But each plan failed and eventually she had just let him be.

He would sit quietly and play with the long strands of her hair while she stared listlessly out the window most of the time. The date had been set for the trial in Riverrun but it was weeks from now. The Tully’s had invited damn near the entire Riverlands to bear witness and as such wanted to give everyone a chance to arrive. Raventree hall and Stone hedge were both only a stone’s throw from Riverrun, so she just had to wait. When she grew desperate to escape his presence she would go find Alysanne. Who seemed perfectly capable of driving her nephew away with only a harsh look. He would raise his hands in surrender and blessedly leave her alone for a few hours.

It was on one of these occasions that she had a peculiar conversation with the heirs aunt.

“He doesn’t like strong women.” She’d stated, frustrated with Benjicot’s attempts to steamroll her into going on a hunt with him.

“He’s always so condescending, talking to me like I’m some stupid child! I don’t know how you can stand to be around him.”

“Benjicot doesn’t dislike strong women. He reacts well to a strong hand. You’ve seen that.” Alysanne had responded, utterly amused by her rising anger.

That had only made her angrier. Did any of the Blackwoods take anything seriously? They were always laughing, as if life were one big joke. It made Shanda yearn for a conversation with Martyn.

“He doesn’t respect them then! Whatever, it doesn’t matter.” She had stormed out of the room her and Alysanne were in and had a guard guide her back to her room.

That was two days ago and luck was on her side. As the annoying heir was still out on the hunt he’d tried to get her to accompany him on. Shanda had no patience for hunting with people she loved, she wasn’t going to have any with her enemies. While he was gone she prayed to the gods that he would snap his leg while out. Or that his horse would throw him, he’d get an arrow to the eye. It couldn’t hurt to merely suggest to the gods that he meet a terrible fate. She knew it was unlikely to happen but it made her feel better for a while. She imagined herself being freed of the growing attraction she had to him. It left a bad taste in her mouth, to imagine going back to her boring life in the library tower. If she did get out of here, she would start seriously trying to leave Stone Hedge. She would miss Martyn but maybe he could come visit her, wherever she ended up. It would get him off of guard duty at the very least.

She had made up her mind to ignore Benjicot when he returned. No matter what he did, she had to remain calm and neutral. It was obvious he enjoyed riling her up, so she needed to be unaffected. That was easier said than done but regardless of how she really felt, she had to reflect nothing on the outside. She just had to wait for the trial and then she could get her life back.

***

Benjicot had abandoned the hunt after the fourth day. He had bagged several animals, including a wolf and decided he was done. Mostly he couldn’t stop thinking about the pretty Bracken stuck inside waiting on him. She would be so bored and lonely without him and it was his job to keep her entertained. Alysanne had sent him a raven yesterday, telling him about the amusing argument she’d had with Shanda. “She thinks you’re a woman hater, nephew. Are you mistreating her? She specifically mentioned condescension, maybe try not being yourself so much.” He’d snorted at that. Then he left after sunset on the fourth day, riding back to join her. He was a wreck of dirt and grass, so he had gone to bathe first when he arrived back. It was late, the ride had taken him well over an hour. She was probably asleep by now. The thought didn’t do anything to discourage him from looking in on her.

He dressed in a loose white shirt, he left the top untied in his rush to get out. His pants were loose and breezy in the humid air. He had dismissed the guard outside first before he slid her door open carefully. He did not want to wake her if she was asleep. Entering her saw her passed out on the bed and he left the door cracked open. He picked one of the wooden chairs from the table and quietly set it beside her bed.

Her chest was rising and falling steadily, her mouth was slightly open, relaxed in the grip of sleep.

He watched her for a tender moment before he decided to wake her up. He knew he shouldn’t but who was going to stop him? Half of the castle was still out in the wilderness, drunk camped around fires under the night sky. He stroked her head, smoothing her hair back from her face. Then he smirked before placing his hand over her mouth and using his thumb and index finger pinched her nose closed, cutting off her air supply.

It didn’t take long for her crystalline eyes to fly open, darting frantically around while she flopped like a fish out of water. He let go of her nose, allowing her to suck air in but didn’t remove his hand right away.

“Shhh. Calm down, it's just me darling.” He calmly stroked her hair while he repeated soothing words to her. When her shoulders relaxed, he removed his hand from her mouth.

“Hello,” he smiled at her. “Did you miss me?” He didn’t stop petting her head and she sleepily rubbed her eyes blinking up at him.

“What are you doing back?” She asked in a small hoarse voice that sent all of the blood rushing away from his brain. Using his free hand he wove their fingers together and rubbed circles with his thumb. He needed to keep his hands busy, to stop himself from doing what he really wanted to. Which was to pull her into his lap and kiss her until she was bright red and panting against him.

“I wanted to see you.” He said simply, staring into her pretty eyes. She turned a dusty shade of pink at his words and he relished in the sight. She was less on guard here, still sleepy and cozy in bed. He tried not to think about how easy it would be to climb in there with her. Instead he turned the question back on her.

“You didn’t answer my question.” He unwound their entwined hands, bringing his hand up to gently cradle her neck. He could feel her pulse pounding under his fingertips. “Did you miss me?” He felt her heart skip a beat at his words and he’d nearly moaned out loud. The old gods had blessed him and now they were testing his resolve. How long could he wait to have her?

She answered so softly he almost hadn’t heard her.

***

Benjicots hand was around her neck, lightly holding her still while he stroked the top of her head. It was ecstasy, she was vibrating on the inside. His was the vision of an angel, decked out in white. His chest was exposed from where he had forgotten to tie his shirt closed and it had sent her spiraling. She wanted to sink her teeth into his exposed skin. She’d been secretly delighted to be woken by him, even if she was momentarily scared out of her mind. When he said he’d wanted to see her as his reason for early return, she couldn’t help the blush that spread across her face.

“Hello, are you paying attention baby? I said, ‘Did you miss me?’” He very lightly squeezed at her pulse point.

In a few minutes he’d managed to make all of the resolve she had built over the last few days crumble. It was pathetic. So pathetically she whispered her answer. “Yes, I did.”

And she had missed him. Alysanne was fine company but Shanda knew she was keeping her from her normal duties. Alysanne seemed to run the entirety of Raventree, barking orders day and night at an army of men. It was admirable, but made their hangouts a bit strained. And she could only stare out the window for so long without going insane. She’d been trapped at home but here she was a prisoner. Unable to freely go wherever she wanted.

“You’re so perfect. Bracken or not, the gods hand made you for me.”

She felt lightheaded at his words. Why couldn’t he have died out in the field? She knew scores of Bracken ancestors were cursing her through the sands of time. But they were dead and she was so, so alive.

“My aunt mentioned that you think I don’t respect women.”

She’d looked at him with her face showing the shadow of betrayal she felt at Alysanne exposing her behind her back. That was on her for trusting a Blackwood though.

“I said you don’t like strong women.” She corrected him, refusing to meet his gaze.

“Oh I like strong women fine enough. You just aren’t one.”

Her stomach dropped into her feet at his words. He squeezed her neck harder, forcing her eyes up to meet his. “You want to be. Desperately trying to fill your mother’s too big shoes.”

She would’ve slapped him if she weren’t running out of oxygen.

“But you’re just a soft, pretty, weak woman.” He eased up on her neck, letting her gasp in some air before he cut it off again. She stared into his eyes, feeling her insides coated in flames. “You need someone to take care of you, tell you what to do.”

He took his hand off of her neck, letting her breathe properly and she sucked in air greedily.

He leaned in to whisper in her ear, his hand holding her by the jaw.

“You can’t admit it to yourself, embarrassed that you aren’t up to the task. But I’m not judging you baby, I like my women soft.”

She felt humiliated and aroused. And she opened and closed her mouth, trying to think of anything to say back to him. To deny the horrible truth he’d laid bare at her feet. But her mind was blank, still reeling. He filled the silence when she failed to answer.

“You don’t have to say anything. I know it's true and so do you. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”

He pulled back from where he was whispering in her ear and she knew her face would be washed blood red. She was trembling, overwhelmed. He looked at her with a soft pitying expression, like she was a wet cat who’d accidentally fallen in the pond.

“It’s late, you should go to sleep.” He didn’t rise to leave though, just went back to stroking her hair. Then he began to hum and slowly her heart stopped trying to escape her chest. She didn’t bother to remind him, he had been the one to wake her up. Instead she drifted off to sleep, her last thought being of how utterly screwed she was.

[sanctuaryroses]

Traits and behaviours abusers look for in victims

what abusers do is entirely their fucking choice. Its a 100% on them. But I do think its important for victims of abuse to actually know what levers an abuser used to even get that far in, how they got past all those defenses. How they managed to manipulate. And what made them sure they could. None of these traits make it inherently easy for you to get abused, its not being aware that some ppl will see them as a possible leeway to abuse you that might make you unequipped to see that kind of threat. Its important to filter ppl who look for these things in you specifically, or seem a little to giddy at these things out.

Weak sense of self or identity, someone that is likely to become who he needs or desires. Bcz its convinient, and also its easy to make you feel like shit if youre insecure in who you are.

People-pleaser. You radiate empathy and kindness, you go the extra mile for people. You tend to sacrifice yourself for others. He knows with a bit of grooming, you can be pushed to sacrifice yourself even harder, this time for him.

He will scan for past a past abuse history, likely feigning sympathy, but hes actually trying to figure out how much this still impacts you today and how he can use it to manipulate you.

He knows you wont tell anyone. He doesnt want someone that has a lot of friends, or a big social circle, or if he will want someone easily isolated. Someone that blames themselves and wont tell others out of fear of being a burden.

Socially anxious or shy, someone that wont cause a ruckus or drama in public should he start being subtly abusive in public.

Someone emotional enough to be emotionally manipulated, but also neglected and self-controlled enough the person will try to keep those emotions inside as not to bother him or anyone else.

People who respond well to lovebombing and easily grow addicted to this sort of attention.

People who direct their anger inwards towards themselves, that wont stand up for themselves directly bcz they think feeling "anger" itself is wrong.

People who crave sexual validation and feel this is their only source of worth. Bcz its extremely easy to exploit you sexually for him then.

People who do have one or two traits that other people might find harder to accept. Be careful of people who are to "accepting" of smth someone else would likely judge you for or atleast be warry of, or have some sort of complex nuanced opinion on. He will hold it against you later, but also use it to tell you why no on else could ever put up with you. Hell, he might even use the shit he told you he accepts abt u that no one else does, as justification for abusing you.

You either trust very easily, which makes you an easy victim in his eyes or..

You find it difficult to trust others but once you do youve truly latched on and find it difficult to let go again. To him that can feel like a interesting challenge with a very high reward.

You look for a "rescuer" or someone who will "guide" you thru life. Which, its okay to desire that, or need to latch onto the idea of that being a thing. But it will make you incredibly vulnerable to this type of person. They will give you the rescuer you dreamt of. And then theyll take that rescuer the played for you from you and make you very hard to get a crumb of it back.

You associate being "strong" with the idea of being capable to put up with difficult, stressful, traumatic situations. He will bank on that. He will lovebomb you over it. Yes youre so strong, yes youre so kind, yes youre so perfect. No one but you would stand by me thru this, I promise ill change. (Hint : He wont.)

You have a guilt-complex. They look for ppl who are prone to feel guilty even over little things. ppl who have been trained to think when smth goes wrong its their fault.

You have abandonment fears. He will use this to dangle that threat over you and manipulate you with it as much as he can.

Resilence & internal strength. Capacity to look put together no matter what is going on. Used to trauma. Used to mask it. Used to show up smiling even though yesterday was hell. He wants someone he can break that never shows it, and never actually does break.

Someone with traits he specifically and individually admires - which can be an array of different possible traits - but feels threatened by, that he will later try to undermine and destroy.

[seramilla]

If / whenever Odette proposes to Verosika— it’s not something big or grand. Instead it’s intimate and quiet when Odette shows the ring to verosika, it’s a beautiful ring— it had probably cost Odette a pretty penny. No one had seen it coming, not even Carmilla—who knows her girls like the palm of her hand.

Odette and Verosika have talked about marriage before. It's to be expected after watching, and participating in, Carmilla and Sera's wedding. Theirs had been an extravagant, social affair, thanks to Zestial and Lucifer, with every blue-blood in Hell who was on good terms with them present. But to the girls, neither really finds those kinds of huge public expressions of love appealing.

Verosika has to put on a show every day, so she'd told Odette, if and when it happens for her, she wants it to be more real. Not during one of her shows, and certainly not on stage; just something small between herself and her beloved. Odette can't say she disagrees. In fact, that's exactly what she'd hoped Verosika would say. Because that's exactly what she'd been planning.

Verosika already has everything a demon could want, and then some. So does Odette, honestly, and while both demons can afford to give each other the world, that's not really what Verosika wants, or what Odette wants, either. She desires to make it special, but also not too over-the-top. She decides to get Ozzie's advice on the right way to approach this. He is, of course, very helpful...but mostly about the honeymoon, and all the fun things that can come after.

He does know the name of a jewelsmith in Greed, though, and after some conversations with them back and forth over the phone, Odette orders a personalized pink diamond in a gold band, fit exactly to Odette's specifications. Not a big one...it's honestly rather small, but still worth a small fortune, she comes to find out. She still thinks it's more than enough to make Verosika happy. Odette hopes so, anyway.

Odette chooses to ask her on a night after Verosika gets back from a tour. They'd already had a date at Ozzie's planned. The king of Lust didn't have any other shows planned, and just reserved a small corner of the showroom for the two of them, allowing the musical stylings of Fizzarolli to complement their dinner of something Odette is too nervous to eat at the moment.

Verosika seems to notice Odette's not eating. Her girlfriend does have a hard time remembering to feed herself sometimes, and she brings it up to Odette, who is quickly shocked out of her state of internalized anxiety.

"Babydoll, you going to eat anything? You look pale."

"Oh! Yes! Sorry! Umm...shit. I was just thinking."

Verosika takes a sip of her wine. They'd only ordered one bottle; Odette wanted to be sober for the events yet to come.

"Thinking about what?"

Verosika reaches across the cozy table to touch Odette's hand. Odette's other hand is fumbling with the small box tucked safely into her pants pocket. Fizz has finished his last musical number, and walks off-stage to take a break. If there's any moment to act, Odette thinks, it's now. Taking a breath, she stands, and moves toward Verosika, before kneeling on one knee at her feet.

"Verosika Mayday...!" Odette starts, pausing more out of anxiety than dramatic effect. She hopes it makes her look cool, and not anxious, at any rate. "Ever since I met you, here, after what seems like a lifetime ago...my world has never been the same. I never imagined a literal pop star would ever look my way, let alone talk to me. You've taught me so much about actually living, and loving...and to never take anything for granted."

Odette pauses again, getting the box ready in her pocket.

"You've also taught me patience, and to love myself, and to never judge a book by its cover. You're my best friend. My confidant. My north star. I want to spend the rest of eternity with you, for however long that lasts. So, um, will you do me the honor of, uh...hold on..."

After a few fumbling attempts and only a little blushing, Odette manages to take the box out of her pocket, and opens in it front of Verosika. The succubus is wide-eyed, the pink of the diamond shining back at Odette through her eyes. Odette finishes her question with only a little bit of a flush on her face. She hopes Verosika will forgive her awkwardness.

"Will you marry me, Verosika?"

Odette doesn't even have to wait for an answer. One minute, she's kneeling at Verosika's feet, and the next, Verosika is lifting her off the ground, and placing her on the table on her back. The rest of their food and drink be damned. It gets everywhere. Odette's glad she's not wearing one of her lab coats, because it's soaking into the black pants suit she wore for the occassion. She puts the ring down on the table, before she drops it.

Verosika kisses her, full and flagrant, forcefully on the lips, and pulls away with a smack! She only lifts from Odette long enough to screech into the room, "Yes! Fuck, Odette, yes! I will!" before she's kissing her again, pushing Odette even more into the table. Odette worries they might be causing a scene. Unfortunately, her fears are confirmed, because Fizzarolli's already making obscene hand gestures behind the stage, grinning with his tongue out the side of his mouth.

So much for being discrete.

Fuck it, Odette thinks. Let him watch. She brings Verosika down further on top of her, and really starts sucking face with her girlfriend -- no, her fiancé -- right there on the table. Ozzie and Fizz give them two pairs of thumbs up, but neither of them notice. They're too busy celebrating, in their own little world, ignoring the captive audience behind them.

[capricorn-writer-kawaii]

That Night in the Hot Springs

Chapter 3/3

Pairing: Enji Todoroki x Reader

Genre: Enji Todoroki X Reader, ⚠️smut⚠️, fluff, angst, age difference, divorced Endeavor, ⚠️anime spoilers⚠️

Words: 3k

Summary: A divorced and hard-working Endeavor allows himself to lose his composure at the desire he feels for his young colleague. Yet, the flame hero did not count on the fact that what seemed to be just one wild night stand in a hot spring would lead him to fall madly in love.

A/N: This idea just kept popping up in my mind. In the end, it came out longer than expected, my bad, but if it's about Enji being soft and in love, I couldn't help but write a little more. Also, I was very excited to write about Endeavor after his wonderful character development. Why not give him a second chance?

🔥Prev. chapter🔥

Chapter 3– Are you ready?

“So, you're not coming back to the agency? It's been a week already." Hawks had invited you to another beer after you told him everything. 

"I don't know, I think it'd be better to find another place to work."

"Gorgeous, you're not gonna like what I have to say, but I think Endeavor was right not to let you go on that mission with that guy."

"Hawks, are you fucking kidding me?"

"Listen to me." He asked putting his hand on your shoulder.

“I heard some nasty rumors about that guy. Some days ago two intern girls left the agency and Endeavor suspected they were harassed by this guy. I don't think he was just acting out of jealousy, I think he was protecting you, in his own way. I mean, if he can't even stand ME teasing you, now imagine how he'd feel knowing you were away with such a person. He's bitter and bad-tempered, and you're right, every visit to Dabi makes it worse, but the big guy has a good heart and you'd have to be an idiot not to realize that he cares so much for you that he wouldn't hesitate to give his life for you.”

"I shouldn't have talked to you." You said covering your face.

“Don't get me wrong, I'm just saying that yes, he's jealous and possessive, but this time he had a point. Although he was a jerk and he shouldn't have offended you. I imagine that it mustn't be easy for him to keep going with this relationship. I mean, his public image has never been the best, he has improved, yes... but after Dabi, it has taken him a lot of work to recover a good name. I guess people will judge him for having a relationship with someone younger and from the same agency as him."

You kept silent listening to what Hawks was saying, it was something you had thought about many times, but when you tried to talk about it with Enji, he brushed it off saying that you didn't have to worry about it.

“Also, he has to deal with all those stupid men behind you. Guys of your age and with whom everything would be easier, Endeavor projects as someone self-confident, but I don't buy it."

That talk with Hawks got you down and worried more than you needed to.

The next day, Endeavor had finished work and was looking out at the city through the windows of his office. He didn't listen a knock on the door or someone entering until he heard Hawks’ voice.

"Looking out that window isn't gonna make her come back." Said the winged hero crossing his arms.

"Get out of here!" Whirling away, Endeavor glared at his colleague; fortunately, Hawks didn't fear him; in fact, he saw Enji as his friend, so he was not affected by his countenance.

“You're famous for acting right on time, why are you taking so long in a job that concerns you and you care?”

"The other jobs have required me to act, I'm not sure this is the case." He responded by looking back out the window. “Sometimes you do more by taking a step back.”

"Pride won't get you anywhere, big boss."

"How the hell do you know so much?" To tell the truth, it didn't seem so farfetched that Hawks knew by being so close to you. "Also, it's not about the discussion, it goes beyond that."

“If you're so sure of your decision, why are you here looking out the window? End things head-on. Since when are you a person who doubts or hides?"

"I don't want to hurt her." Enji accepted. "Fuck, I tried so hard to make things right this time but..."

"And you did, I have no doubts you got it. But you need to make a decision." 

A couple of hours later than Endeavor used to get home, there was a knock on your door. For some reason, the hero hadn't felt free to use his keys and now you were in front of him. He looked more serious than usual, which didn't surprise you given the days had passed without speaking.

"Hi," You didn’t know how to act, you didn't know how sore he was.

"You haven't answered any of my messages or calls." He said as he closed the door behind him; despite his claim, he didn't see him upset, if not especially serious, something that didn't give you a good vibe. You knew how to deal with angry Enji, not this version he was showing you.

"I needed a little time."

“Well, I think enough time has passed. What are you gonna decide, are you still in my agency, or are you leaving?”

"That was what you wanted to know, that's why you're here." You can't help but let out a sad and ironic laugh. How could you think that he was there to talk about you two? He was right, you were a delusional girl.

"I haven't decided yet." You answer by sitting on a sofa. “But no matter what my decision is, I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have made an opinion or judged you. You're right, I'm immature and there are many things I don't know. Dabi's your son, it's logical that you continue to worry about him; after all, you're a good father, whether you believe it or not.”

“Don't apologize for that, I know why you brought it up, I was the one who didn't take it well. It's a sensitive subject. I know you didn't say it to hurt me, you were worried, but you also had the right to be upset, that hadn't been a good day and I took it out on all of you."

There was something in that apology that had you anxious. When Enji made a mistake, his apologies used to be accompanied by a caress, he would at least take your hand and pull you closer to him, but that night he just sat next to you and stared at the table in front.

“Now, although you didn't attack me, I did. I hurt you. I didn't think about it, it just left my lips."

"If it came out like that, it's because you did think like that."

"No," he said firmly. “It's not like you're thinking. I've never thought that you’re immature, your way of seeing things is something that I've always liked and it has made me feel good so many times. I don't know why I said something so different from what I think, I'm not going to excuse myself by saying that I was upset. I'm not used to sharing so much of my life with someone and you mentioning my son put me in a vulnerable spot. I'm sorry, I couldn't handle it."

“It won't happen again, I promise you. If I continue in your agency, I'll be more professional and I'll respect you, you're my boss, I have no right to claim anything from you." Endeavor shook his head negatively, that type of relationship was not something he wanted to have with you. Besides, he wasn't there exclusively to find out about your decision, he had only used that as an excuse.

“If you decide to stay and really want to go on that mission, go. I don't like that guy and I don't like seeing him around you, I won't deny it, but when I forbade you to go, it wasn't out of jealousy.”

Endeavor finally looked up and the first thing he saw was how the ruby he had given you shone on your neck, you never took it off. Later, he noticed your discouraged face, he even saw you thinner. He had arrived at your house convinced of something, or rather, he had forced himself to convince himself that you would be better off without him, but seeing you like this, added to how he truly felt, forced him to doubt everything again. Especially when you reached out and laid your head on his shoulder.

"I've missed you so much, I hate it when we argue, Enji."

"Kid, wait, I'm not done talking." Those words made you feel a cold in your body that didn't go away even by being at Endeavor's side. A few moments passed in which he sighed and for the first time, you saw him defeated. “I have thought a lot about us, and I think it's not fair for you to continue seeing me. What have I offered you so far? A secret affair? A relationship with a guy loaded with issues? You're young, the most beautiful, kind, and talented woman I've ever met. You deserve to have a normal relationship, go on dates, and not have to worry if your boyfriend comes home from jail after visiting his kid. It's not fair that you are wasting these years of your life by my side.”

You didn't lose sight of Endeavor's hands balling into fists and holding the fabric of his pants. You also didn't ignore the dark look on his face as he spoke.

"Enji, do you really want us to break up?" You asked with a lump in your throat.

"It's not about what I want, it's about what's best for you."

“You mean that if I tell you to break up, you're going to take it just like that? If I say yes, won't you care about everything we've been through all this year? Is it so easy for you to just turn the page?”

“Kid, don't make this more difficult! I'm trying to think of you and not me! It's hard enough, don't make it worse. I've been always a damn selfish man and I'm trying to change that because I truly care about you!"

“Do you actually think that the best thing for me is not to see you anymore? Enji, what do you think you mean to me?"

“Have you not seen how all the people who have lived with me have ended up? I don't want that to happen to you, I wouldn't be able to bear it if you ended up hating me."

Before the hero got up, you did, but to sit on his lap and take his face. "Enji, listen to me. I don't want someone my age, I'm not interested in going on dates either, the ones I have with you are wonderful. It worries me when you visit him because it’s so painful to see you suffer and not know how to help you, but if you would let me, I could help you. I'm not looking for what we have to go public either, but when the time comes, and if you feel comfortable too, I'll be happy to brag to everyone that Endeavor’s my boyfriend. Do you frankly want to think about me? So, stay by my side. Now, if what you want is to break up because our relationship puts a lot of pressure on you…”

"No!" He said immediately, he had even put his hands on your hips. "No, no! I don't want that, that's why it took me so long to tell you all this! How can I stop seeing you? At first, I thought that this need to be with you was because you drive me crazy, but it's not just that. I'm happy with you."

"Enji, I love you. No matter how complicated it gets, I promise I'll stay here next to you. If my staying at your agency complicates things for you, I can leave. I'd miss working with you, but I don't want to jeopardize everything you had worked for so hard." 

"Kid, if I did anything right in my life, it was when I gave you my soul by welcoming you into my agency. Don't go." He begged with a sigh, totally in love with you. "And if you don't mind, we could change our plans a bit, let me take you on a date as you deserve."

"You're sure?"

"I never said that I didn't want to do it, when I tried to invite you, you said no."

“I thought you'd feel uncomfortable if people got close.”

"Fuck it, after all, I've never been a charismatic hero." He responded by making you laugh. "I love you too, kid." He finished before kissing you.

A few weeks later, you waited for your boyfriend to finish going through some cases in his office. He called you to ask your opinion about something, but as soon as you walked over to read the papers, Endeavor laughed mischievously and spanked you making you jump.

"Enji!" You said with a red face and still feeling your skin hot from such a spank.

"Let's leave those papers for the assistant, I've already worked a lot for today." Taking you in his arms, he made you giggle as he walked over to the huge sofa he had in his office, he had bought it to have a comfortable place where he could be with you.

Eager to feel your boyfriend closer, you pulled him by the neck of his costume so you could finally kiss him. You loved when you had him on top of you wearing that because you could perfectly feel every muscle in his body. Also, you knew how to make him lose his mind thanks to the fabric that his costume was made of, and you did so when you sat on top of him and began to rub your body against his. Enji spanked you again, but this time with such force that you had to bite his lip to keep from screaming. You bit him so hard that he smirked as he sensed you had broken it and a little blood was coming out.

That night you were so desperate that without expecting anything else, you started to ride him. You didn't even take off his clothes properly neither yours, you just moved what was necessary.

You two were just as passionate, just as wild to make love, which was why Endeavor tipped his head back and ordered you to continue bouncing on top of him. He let you do what you wanted for a while, but his domineering nature led him to put you on your knees and let him take control. That night he particularly became obsessed with your ass and he spanked it so many times you were sure you would have bruises for days. Even so, every time he did it you felt a tingle all over your body announcing that you were close to coming. Endeavor wanted to see your face, so he laid you back down, then positioned himself on top of you, and as soon as he saw your eyes, he smiled. 

“Oh, kid, what have you done to me?” He questioned bringing his forehead closer to yours without stopping moving, not so fast anymore, but deeper than before.

For the first time while making love, you received a hero's kiss on your forehead. However, before you could even process what had happened, Endeavor used the ace up his sleeve, the trick he kept when he wanted to make you reach the highest point of pleasure. He knew you so well that he quickly took covered your mouth with his hand to drown out the cry you gave when you felt how Enji warmed his cock a little more each time until it reached the perfect temperature. You implored him to continue until you felt that incomparable heat in your entire body. There was only one thing that could do it better, and you begged him to do it with your eyes, you asked him to come inside of you and he did it.

Nothing felt better than that heat running down your legs at the same time as you saw Enji's smirk from knowing that he had caused you so much pleasure to the woman he loved. He was also drenched in sweat and never missed the opportunity to look at your legs covered by him.

"You're amazing." You whispered lying on his body and kissing his chin, lips, and cheeks.

“I had something to tell you before you started all your sexual innuendo.”

"Oh, shut up! I didn't do anything, you just called me to help, and like the pervert that you are, you didn't resist." Enji let out a guffaw that rang throughout the office. That rarely happened and you would never tire of hearing him laugh. "Well, what were you going to tell me? "You asked closing your eyes and letting yourself be pampered by the handsome flame hero.

“Would you like to go home for dinner on Friday?” It seemed strange to you that he asked you something so trivial, after all, you always ate at home and you still hadn't agreed on your official date.

"Sure, love, we can prepare something nice." You replied.

“Kid, I mean my house. I talked to the boys and, well…”

"Wait, what?" Very messy and still agitated, you straightened until you were sitting practically on his hip. “Did you tell your kids about me?!”

"Shoto was the first to react and he asked me if it was you I was dating, Fuyumi got quite excited, and Natsuo couldn't believe that you had accepted to give me a chance." He commented with a frown, but you couldn't help but laugh. “I thought it would be more complicated, but they said that after almost 15 years divorced, it was time for me to try again, although they thought it'd never happen. So what do you say, beautiful? Ready to meet them? They don't talk much, but I promise you they are good kids, and they'll treat you well."

Still in shock that Enji was ready to take such a big step, you nodded your head and showed so much excitement, that your boyfriend laughed tenderly.

“Oh! And before I forget it, we have to put one more seat, Hawks threatened to leave the agency if we didn't invite him to dinner. So, I think we'll have a full house."

You immediately hugged your hero again, unable to believe that what started as a passionate night in a hot spring had ended like that. There was still a long way to go, but both were certain that you wanted to be together.

"I love you, kid." He told you again, assuring you that you were not dreaming.

[wetcatspellcaster]

I just re-read the chapter and bro...The way you write Astarion internal monologue with the dissonance between what he believes he deserves for his years of suffering versus his own moral compass about killing all these people is beautifully well made.

When he says, "It's not fair," it hits close to home for me. I understand that anger and bitterness, of having to be the bigger person. It's not fair to have to be the person who "breaks" the cycle, to have to go after understanding and finding ways to deal with the problems that others have caused you. It's something to be angry about, and rightly so, because it's not easy, in fact it's really fucking hard. And this anger comes from the fact that we know we deserved more, that we deserved to be treated better and all that shit they did to us was shitty as hell.

So yes, I understand you Astarion :'( but if I went into therapy you can too <3

I had a recent conversation with my therapist about forgiveness and how I always felt guilty for not forgiving because everyone says forgiveness is how you "get over it", especially my family who are religious. And she had the audacity to respond with, "You owe no one forgiveness. Your anger is yours and no one can tell you when it ends. You are the one who suffered and only you can say how great that pain is, so if you want to die angry of the people who mistreated you then so be it."

I was SILENCED.

It sounds silly, but having confirmation that there is nothing wrong with feeling angry and not wanting to forgive and yet it not affecting my healing path was a surprise.

Ah, therapy is just WOW, right?

Well, thanks again for another chapter, I'm loving the angst <3

ahhh, thank you for writing to me. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, it took me a while to get right :)

To be honest, I think this is also the brutally unfair side of pairing Astarion with someone lawful good. it's my preferred ship dynamic, but I won't pretend it isn't painful. His first chance at freedom, and he's already got someone telling him what to do with it - even worse, he cares about their opinion. Going from having no free will to having it, but also being judged? Pretty unfair to be honest. beyond Act 1, there is no moment of true freedom, because the kind of freedom Astarion wants to indulge in is modelled on what he think Cazador's life has been, and therefore has conseuqences.

Like, in Party Favours, I can romanticise that, bc it's so silly and the hard work takes place off screen. We can laugh about him being 'selfishly good', or good for his own gain, because he's made his peace with it and it's more just a demonstration of affection. the time skip helps me cut out all the messiness, and Astarion 'fixes himself' a lot more on his own steam because he doesn't have a relationship to pressure him into it. Here, in the canon timeline, we have to witness (and I have to write, fml) all the pressure points where that change is both his choice but also forced by his circumstance. Like, yeah, you have freedom - do you want to use it to please someone else? But that person is also the first thing you've wanted - is wanting something a shackle, or a lifeline? Would it be easier to be alone, so that you wouldn't care about how you exercise your new free will on the others around you...

anyway, I think it's neat and I like it a lot, I think it's the crunchiest and most interesting way I can think to do things. But it sucks, ngl. Getting a crash course in caring about other people when no one has ever cared about you is unfair. But I think it just means the transformation is painful because it's quicker, and I believe he ends up happier in the end.

[cuddlyscribe]

Hi! I love your writing so much, and I'm really glad requests are open again. I hope everything is going wonderful! To jump on the Kazuya train, may I request some hcs of him reassuring the reader when they feel insecure?

thank you so much!! that is so kind of you to say 🥺 life is going better for me now, and I hope you're doing great as well! please enjoy~!

[TEKKEN MASTERLIST]

I think Kazuya's first internal reaction is... Why? Because this man thinks the world of you, and believes that there is literally no one else more perfect than you.

In his mind, he can't imagine an angel on earth being insecure about anything because they are simply without flaw. That's how he feels about you.

But I think Kazuya eventually sees it in a more realistic way. Everyone is insecure sometimes, that's the way of the world unfortunately.

That doesn't mean that he's going to let you suffer in silence, however. Far from it.

You know how the man is; something's bothering him, he's sure as hell gonna come out and say something. There's no beating around the bush because he just thinks it's a waste of time!

So when he can tell that something's on your mind and you're upset, he will ask right away what's wrong. Some people might think his tone is brash or accusatory, but you know better. That's how he is, after all! And you love him for all of his gruff, grumpy ways.

Please don't try to sneak this past Kazuya, he will find out what's wrong and he only wants the best for you. So don't be embarrassed sharing how you truly feel; Kazuya would never dream of judging or shaming you.

It will take him a minute to process your words, and in an instant he understands. Even if he himself can't see it, he knows that your feelings are real for you.

Kazuya will hold you close and make sure you know that you are enough and more just the way you are. Everything you do makes him proud, all your hard work and efforts push him to be a better man every day.

He also makes a concerted effort to make sure you are reminded of these things more often. Kazuya isn't exactly the vocal type when it comes to praise or words of affirmation.

But for you? He would do that and more if it meant that you felt more secure in who you are.

So if you start finding little sticky notes with sweet and slightly deadpan compliments or encouraging words, know that Kazuya truly means every single thing he writes and says to you.