#that he had murdered jews with his bare hands and there was the proof

[blunderpuff]

fuck Jonathan Glazer and fuck everyone cheering him on

[eretzyisrael]

“My family were hidden Jews, but not anymore. With this coming of age ritual, I’m proudly reclaiming my Jewish heritage,” said Robert Powell, a 65-year-old Wisconsinite about his recent bar mitzvah at Chabad of Mequon.

Robert’s mother and her sister were raised in Hamburg, Germany. They were fortunate to flee in 1939 shortly before Poland fell to the Nazis, but not before the escalating persecution of Jews was woven into the fabric of their childhood. They experienced things that no children ever should. Anxiety and fear were encoded in their genes and became part of their psyche.

They made a pact to suppress their Jewish identities

With the support of their parents, they made a pact to suppress their Jewish identities. True to their word, they took their secrets to the grave. Discarding all documents and photographs that might reveal the family’s Jewish ties, they refused to discuss their lives prior to arriving at Ellis Island.

Robert grew up knowing literally nothing about Jews and Judaism. His father was an Episcopalian with a heritage tracing back to England and Wales. Before college, he had barely even met a Jew. His cousin David, on the other hand, always felt drawn to the Jewish faith. He felt deep down that he was Jewish; it was in his soul. Discovering that they had relatives in Germany, Argentina and Brazil, he discerned that they were either Nazis or Jews. The more his questions were met with silence and denials from his mother and aunt, the greater the fire in his belly to dig deeper. His yearning for the truth started his search into his genealogy.

Traveling to New York about eight years ago to bring his daughter to college, Robert stayed with David. Before he had a chance to unpack his bags, his cousin proclaimed: “Guess what! We are Jewish!”

Relatives from Germany had visited the week before and brought proof positive from The Stolpersteine Project which remembers the victims of the Holocaust by installing commemorative plaques with their names on stones in front of their last address. They had documented not only Rob’s maternal family tree dating back several generations but a narrative and biographical information to accompany it as well. Robert’s great-grandmother and her sister-in-law were murdered in Auschwitz. Two of her siblings swallowed cyanide capsules like thousands of other Jews in Nazi Germany so as not to suffer the same fate—to preserve their dignity even in the face of death. There was correspondence between relatives expressing how disheartened they were to hear about the pact his mother had made with her sister to conceal their Jewish heritage from their children.

After being kept in the dark for years, it was difficult at first for Robert to grasp the shocking disclosure … how something so evident, like one’s religion and identity became a well-kept family secret.

A year ago, the subject line of an email from Mequon Torah Center caught his eye. A decade earlier, Rob attended the bat mitzvah of one of his daughter’s middle-school friends at Chabad of Mequon and wrote his email address in the guest book. He had been receiving weekly emails from them ever since that went unread. Robert filled out the short survey sent out by my son, Rabbi Doobie Lisker, newly appointed educational director at Mequon Torah Center. Robert noted that he had recently found out that he was Jewish and would like to explore his true self—the Jew he always was.

Intrigued by Rob’s response, Doobie arranged to meet up with him and hear his story. “He has been teaching me about Judaism ever since,” said Rob. “From our first meeting, I just wanted to be like him. He embodies the values that are inherent and central to Torah: morality, meaningful living, kindness, ethics and righteousness. I hold him in the highest esteem.”

With the zeal of an investigative reporter, Doobie reviewed the Stolpersteine Project’s records and researched Rob’s maternal lineage further. Employing the Chabad worldwide network, he contacted Rabbi Teichtel in Berlin, who connected him with an organization where he was able to procure Rob’s grandparents’ Hamburg Jewish tax cards proving that in the Hamburg Jewish community they were known to be Jews. After gathering all the supporting evidence, Doobie consulted with a rabbinical expert in Sydney, Australia, who determined that Robert is indeed a full-fledged, halachically accepted Jew. Next, Doobie arranged for Rob to have a brit milah and he was named Yitzchak.

Judaism resonated with Rob immediately. With Doobie’s guidance, he began to wrap tefillin regularly, and set goals for himself working towards learning more and committing to mitzvot, one at a time. But as he began making the transition back to Judaism, he encountered a variety of personal dilemmas and insecurities.

At times, he felt vulnerable and incomplete because he was not a “fully formed” Jew. He grew up without the embrace of a Jewish community and lacked that essential factor of the Jewish religious practice and experience. He often worried that his (now fellow) Jews wouldn’t want to embrace him because he was a “diluted version” of what was supposed to be Jewish.

Robert knew deep down that he was being disingenuous not only to them but also to himself and his ancestors, whose sacrifice and exceptional courage kept our Jewish legacy alive. And then, with Doobie at his side—with the Rappaports and his newfound community at Chabad of Mequon—a journey of self-love and acceptance began. Slowly but surely, a tremendous burden was lifted. He was living his authentic life with a sense of peace and belonging.

A few months later, Robert began toying with the idea of having a bar mitzvah to confirm his identity. He said that one of Doobie’s famous sayings—‘Never put off a mitzvah’—made him actualize his plans.

A soft white carpet of snow covered the asphalt, and barren boughs of trees coated with ice crystals glistened in the sun on that perfect Thursday afternoon on Jan. 7, 2021. The sanctuary was filled with 10 close friends and family members, while many others joined via livestream due to COVID-19.

Robert,A journey of love and self-acceptance began who had celebrated his 65th birthday the day before when his Jewish and secular birthdays coincided, stepped up to the bimah (pulpit) wearing his tefillin and newly purchased tallit, in addition to a wide and contagious smile not unlike those seen by proud 13-year-old boys celebrating their Jewish milestone.

“For a 13-year-old, a bar mitzvah is a starting point of the teenage and then adult years,” began Rob, “For me, I carry my life on my back—my bar mitzvah is an arrival, an affirmation, a coming home. My bar mitzvah firmly links the past with the present. If we don’t understand where we’ve come from, how do we understand who we really are?

“My ancestors overcame many obstacles, oppression, fear, tyranny. But they persevered, and they did it with dignity, bravery and the determination to keep alive our Jewish heritage. Our legacy. Our Jewishness. It only remains for me to honor them by living fully and openly as the Jews we were and always will be.”

[risthebrave]

day 03; “ophanim”

free-form; angel harry, half-angel and half-demon louis

“In the Bible, there were three spheres of angels,” Harry explains, and Louis rolls his eyes. “The First Sphere contains the angels that serve as the heavenly servants of God the Son incarnated. Seraphim, Cherubim, and the Thrones, or Elders. To the Jews, that included the Ophanim which were seen in Ezekiel’s -”

“I’m sorry,” Louis interrupts loudly, ignoring the irritated look Harry sends him. “Why is this important?”

Harry’s eye twitches, lips flattening into a line as he stops his pacing. He looks awfully grumpy for who Gabriel said was one of their best goodness mentors, arms crossed over his white shirt and stance stiff. His wings are crisp and pure white - bright enough to make Louis’ eyes burn if he stares too long. He’s the only angel Louis has seen so far besides the archangels to actually follow the stereotype and dress in all white and the thought makes him smile. “I’m trying to explain the angel hierarchy so you can understand how things work around here.”

“Then why don’t you get to the important part instead of babbling on about shit that doesn’t matter,” Louis says, arching a brow. “I’m pretty sure I got it anyway. The Order of the Angels are part of the Third Sphere where regular angels report to Seven Archangels as the superiors and the seven report to the Second Sphere and the Second Sphere reports to the First. Really complicated stuff, I’m blown away.”

“How do you even know that?” Harry frowns. “Marla said the others barely got to explain anything to you before you chased them off.”

Louis scoffs. “I’m not dumb. I learned the basic stuff about the system ages ago.”

“The demons taught you about our systems?” Harry frowns, the distaste dripping from his voice undeniable.

“Yeah, they do,” Louis says dryly. “Hierarchies, habits, hundreds of methods of murdering angels…”

He said it in hopes of eliciting a reaction, and he gets exactly what he wants. Harry goes rigid, eyes flashing. ���Don’t joke about things like death and murder,” he says darkly. “Not here.”

“Death is inevitable,” Louis dismisses. “Even for you and me. The demons taught me that too.”

Harry sighs. “This would be so much easier if you just listened,” he says flatly.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Louis asks sweetly, smirking. He swings his legs from where he’s perched in a chair, Harry stood across the room from him.

“If you listen, you can learn,” Harry insists. “Learn how to be an angel and how to maintain goodness.”

“Well, that sounds boring,” Louis says, feeling satisfaction flicker inside him when Harry has to squeeze his eyes shut in exasperation.

“You have to listen,” Harry says firmly. “Those are the conditions. You have to try.”

“But I don’t want to,” Louis says, shrugging.

“How do you know you don’t want to when you haven’t tried once?” Harry asks. “When you haven’t even tried to learn about angels and how -”

“I can’t be what you and Gabriel and the others want me to be,” Louis interrupts flatly, “and I’m sure you’ll see that for yourself eventually. I can’t be an angel or believe in any of the bullshit you’re preaching about me being able to learn something that cannot be taught. I’m not like you and I never will be.” He lets out a harsh, bitter laugh. “None of your lessons in goodness will ever change that.”

For emphasis, he stands up and plants his hands on his hips, letting his wings unfold in proof. Harry’s eyes track them, a grimace curling his lips. He doesn’t even bother to hide his discomfort and it just makes Louis even more mad.

“This unnerves you, doesn’t it?” he says, blood boiling at the sight. “My existence unnerves you because it proves everything you know to be true as wrong.” He ruffles his feathers, blood boiling when Harry averts his gaze. “You can’t even look at them.”

Unlike Harry’s pure white feathers, Louis’ wings are a stark shade of slate, lighter than charcoal and darker than ivory. The perfect shade of gray. And it’s really only fitting, he supposes. He’s the mix of both worlds - half-angel and half-demon. He’s not good or evil - he’s in between.

And that’s what drives both angels and demons completely mad.

Neither side knows what to do with him, knows what to do with the boy who crossed the bridge between both kinds that had for so long been unbridgeable and changed the game forever. He is the product of a forbidden match and the source of chaos that neither demons nor angels know how to deal with but seem to think they have a claim over him anyway. He is a source of conflict.

He tracks the movement of Harry’s jaw as he grits his teeth, frustration radiating from his figure. If Louis weren’t so pissed at him, he’d find the whole irritated facade attractive. He’d find Harry attractive. He is objectively handsome, Louis can admit. All angels are to some extent, but Harry’s looks exceed even that bar - all sharp angles and classically beautiful features. Louis would be lying if he said he didn’t notice it, or if he said his eyes didn’t linger on the angel’s biceps and how nice they look with his arms crossed like that.

But beyond that enticing exterior, Harry is no different than the other angels Louis has met - perhaps, even worse. He doesn’t get it, is the thing. He thinks he can teach Louis about goodness and that eventually his wings will turn white and any remnants of his demon DNA will drain out of him like sweat off his skin. That he can just choose a side even though his blood is woven with strings of both.

That’s what they all think - what the demons thought too when it was their turn to try and convert Louis. Because that had been the decision made when Louis’ parentage had been confirmed two years ago. Two years with the demons. Two years with the angels. And then, on his twenty-fourth birthday, he’ll choose a side.

Louis had been raised on Earth - raised with the humans. He grew up in the system, passed from foster home to foster home until he turned eighteen and was let loose on his own. That’s also when his divinity became too strong to conceal. It hadn’t even been a week since his birthday when he woke up with a searing pain between his shoulder blades - the exact spot where eventually his wings sprouted, tilting his world on its axis and sending him reeling. He remembers the day like it was yesterday, the memory making him feel almost nauseous.

“It doesn’t matter if I can look at them not,” Harry says shortly, breaking him out of his thoughts. “It’s my responsibility to mentor you - to teach you goodness. And that’s what I’m going to do whether you cooperate or not. Because I believe there’s potential in you: potential that you can learn the way of the light as you’ve learned the way of the demons in the last two years. You have a decision to make at the end of all of this, Louis.”

“Like I don’t already know,” Louis snaps, annoyed. Harry’s speaking as if he hasn’t been reminded of his impending choice every day since he grew his wings and was taken by the divine beings, poked and prodded at by demons and angels alike, studied and talked over like an object on auction. He’s well aware of what they decided for his destiny - what was decided for him since never once did either side ask his input. He spent his time with the humans being passed from home to home only to end up with the same fate here.

After two long years with the demons and these tumultuous last couple months with the angels, Louis is tired. He’s tired and he’s weary and he’s angry. He doesn’t give a shit about either side - if anything, he thinks he’s better off with the humans. Earth is a mess, he knows, but it’s also completely gray.

Humans are just like him, a mix of good and evil. They exist in the in-between and it’s allowed. Louis has spent his entire life feeling lonely, but at least in the human world, he hadn’t actually been alone. He hadn’t been the odd one out - he was just one in a sea filled with a million shades of gray.

“You can argue or fight it all you want,” Harry says slowly, brows dipping in the middle. Louis can see the way he tamps down any feelings of annoyance and frustration, determined to be peaceful and saintly like all other angels. All traces of potential anger that Louis had been thriving on have vanished from his tone along with any hopes on Louis’ side that he could truly get to him. He’s truly just the same as everyone else - angel or demon alike. “But you’re here for almost two years before you make your decision. You may think you can’t be one or the other, but you can and you will be whether you like it or not. Neither side will allow any other alternative. It’s my duty to show you our way of life and that’s what I’m going to do whether you let me or not. It’d be much easier, however, if you were cooperative and actually tried to fit in here.”

Louis scoffs. “I can’t fit in. In case you missed it the first thousand times, I’m not an angel.”

“But you could be,” Harry says easily, fixing him an intense stare. “You may think it’s impossible because of your blood, but I know you can. And I intend to prove it.”

“What makes you think you have any chance?” Louis asks, tone bored. “What makes you think you have a chance when the four other angels assigned to teach me couldn’t last longer than a week. It’s only been one day and I’ve gotten to you too, you can’t deny it. How much longer will you endure it?”

“I’m a Paragon,” Harry says calmly, still trying to be peaceful even as Louis tries to goad him. “I’ve worked my entire life helping humans choose the right path and guiding them to happiness and contentment and I’ve surpassed all other angels in my class. I was blessed with this title along with only nine other individuals, because I represent the supreme ideal of goodness. And on the day I ascended, I made a promise that I’d do everything in power to help as many people as I can choose good, including you. And you will not be the black mark on my perfect record.”

Louis’ lips curl, fingers clenching the fabric of his white tunic. “You forget my mother was a Paragon,” he says coldly. When Harry flinches this time, he doesn’t feel an ounce of satisfaction. Riling the angel up these past few days might have been entertaining, but it doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t and will never understand Louis - will never even try. He tries to keep his tone even as he continues, “She ascended like you - was just as good and noble as you to be given that title and yet she still ran off with a demon. She fell in love with and then chose to be with a demon, to reproduce with one and create me - an abomination in your eyes and the eyes of everyone else. Would you call that good? Would you call that ‘perfect’?”

Harry doesn’t respond, rendered silent.

december word prompt challenge 12/03/20

[kymanss2017]

ss gift for officialcartman updated

Sorry, I just noticed a stupid typo in the title. lol. 

Written for the Kyman Secret Santa gift exchange for officialcartman. Takes place during the episode Super Hard PCness.

Eric Cartman’s Fool Proof Plan to Break Up with Heidi Turner     

By: lonegungal17

  Eric Cartman wasn’t afraid of many things. Not spiders, not the dark and not ghosts. Okay, maybe that one a little. But there was one thing that scared him most: his girlfriend, Heidi Turner. Part of him knew he had created this monster. She had been a nice person, down right sweet, until he had got his paws on her. He had changed her, she was now an overweight, ugly, mean bully that demanded the dreaded snuggles at all times.  He had found it funny at first when she had become more like him, but somewhere along the way she had took it too far. She belittled everyone in their social circle, murdered salient creatures and threated him every time he disagreed with her slightly. He might have been a little bad now and then, but she was worst by a long shot. The last straw had been when she had referred to his mom as a whore. Who did that little bitch even think she was?

It was that exchange that had lead him to the front door of the Broflovski residence with a fool proof plan. He just needed one more person to complete it: Kyle. As much as he hated to admit, the Jew was the only one that could keep him in check, the only one not afraid of his dark side. His biggest rival but also his conscience. If he was going to escape Cartman 2.0, he would need Kyle’s help.

Cartman fiddled with the gift bag in his hand before summoning the courage to knock on the door. The door opened to reveal Kyle’s bitch mom. He had to swallow his pride. ‘Why hello Mrs. Broflovski.’

Sheila frowned down at Cartman, before he could continue, and she turned back towards the living room. ‘Kyle, your little friend is here.’

‘Stan?’

‘No, the fat one,’ Sheila answered, smirking at Cartman before walking away.

Cartman balled his fists at his sides and whispered, ‘Bitch.’

‘What do you want, fatass?’ Kyle appeared at the door, leaning against the frame. His red freshly styled hair hanging loose around his face.

Eric’s eyes locked on the Jew’s hair.  ‘Where’s your hat?’ He had to admit, Kyle’s hair looked better than the normal rat’s nest he normally hid under his hat. The new hair cut suited him and his hair looked so soft. Part of him wanted to reach forward and touch it but maybe he’d save that for one of his midnight visits.

‘In the wash. Anything else I can help you with?’

‘You just look so different…  kind of weird without it. Cartman pushed the gift at him. ‘I got a present and a proposition for you.’

Kyle narrowed his eyes, taking the bag from Cartman and looking inside. ‘Chanukah isn’t until tomorrow.’

‘It’s not more gold for your collection but I thought you might like it,’ Cartman shrugged.

Kyle held up the MC Deidel Saves the World game, examining it before placing it back in the bag. ‘Thanks, but not interested in bribes.’ He shoved the bag back into Cartman’s hands. ‘Bye, fatass,’ he said, trying to close the door.

Cartman jumped forward blocking the door from closing with his foot. ‘Wait! Surely, even giving you, a Chanukah present buys me at least five minutes of your time.’

Kyle sighed, grabbing the bag from Cartman’s hand again. ‘Fine, five minutes’ he said, releasing the door and nodding his head towards the stairs.

Cartman removed his hat and smoothed down his hair with his hand as he followed Kyle up to his bedroom. Once inside, Kyle motioned for him to sit at his desk while he sat down on the edge of his own bed.

‘Okay, spill what do you want anyway?’

Cartman looked away. Part of him hadn’t believed his plan would even make it this far. Now he felt ashamed of the favor he needed to ask for. ‘I need your help…’

‘What did you do now, Cartman?’

Cartman pinched his eyebrows together. ‘I…’

‘Spit it out, fatass!’

‘I need you to be my boyfriend,’ Cartman stammered.

Kyle stood up from his bed, his face resembling a tomato. ‘What the hell?’

Cartman stood quickly approaching the Jew. Kyle was definitely going to punch him. He grabbed Kyle’s fist before he could swing at his head. ‘Wait, calm down. Just hear me out first.’

Kyle growled as he tried to wrestle his hand away from Cartman. ‘What is this? Are you seriously trying to ask me out? Cause that is a big fat no. Plus, don’t you remember you’re dating Heidi.’

Cartman held Kyle’s strong arms at his sides. ‘Heidi is why I want to pretend to date you. Pretend, just pretend,’ Cartman shouted. ‘It’s literally my only way out, without her killing me.’

Kyle shook his arms away. ‘The fuck are you talking about?’

Cartman picked up his beanie again, squeezing it tightly into a ball. ‘Heidi won’t break up with me,’ he explained, each word coming out broken. ‘I can’t do it anymore. She’s horrible, Kyle. She bullies everyone, including me.’

‘You made her that way, Cartman. She’s your clone. You two were just finishing each other’s sentences earlier today, calling me my mom.’

Carman shook his head, trying not to laugh. ‘No, Kyle she is far worst then me. She won’t let me go. She said the only way she would break up with me was if I was gay or dead.’

Kyle laughed. ‘Carman, seriously?’

Cartman fell to his knees, hugging Kyle’s legs. ‘You’ve seen her. I can barely hold her off in a fight. I have to pretend I still like her to keep her from kicking my ass, that’s the only time she stops.’

‘Dude, get a hold of yourself. She’s a girl, she isn’t going to hurt you.’

‘Really, Kyle?  Don’t you remember when Wendy kicked my ass? Heidi is like four Wendys with access to her dad’s power tools,’ Cartman shouted.

Kyle laughed.

‘This isn’t a laughing matter, Jew. She’s dangerous and so mean,’ Cartman whined.  ‘She calls me fat, ugly and says my mom is a whore.’

Kyle frowned pulling Cartman to his feet. ‘Come on, dude. Get a hold of yourself.’

Cartman wiped his nose on his sleeve. ‘She really scares me. I’m not brave like you.’

Kyle rolled his eyes. ‘True but why do I need to get involved with you dumping your girlfriend?’

‘She thinks you’re gay, Kyle.’

‘What? I’m not gay,’ Kyle corrected him, his face burning red.’

‘Doesn’t really matter,’ Cartman assured him.

‘I’m not!’ Kyle shouted.

Cartman put his hands on Kyle’s shoulders. ‘Okay, whatever, Jew. You’re as straight as I am.  As I said, it doesn’t matter anyway.’ Kyle glared at him as Cartman continued. ‘I just need someone that is believably gay, so Heidi will give up on me and move onto her next prey.’

‘I’m not gay, fatass,’ Kyle reminded him again. ‘Why don’t you ask Tweek or Craig?’

‘Really? They are a couple. Plus, you’ve never had a girlfriend, you look like a hot little twink and we have this excellent love/ hate thing going on. It’s perfect,’ Cartman explained.

‘That’s because I really do hate you,’ Kyle said, deadpanned.

Cartman rolled his eyes to mask the hurt in his voice. ‘Doesn’t manner. I consider you to be my best friend, Kyle, and I trust you the most.’

‘I’m not your best friend, Kenny is.’

‘That poor piece of trash? Nope, never. You’re the one that looks after me and calls me on my bullshit when I need someone to. Kenny only cares about tits,’ Cartman explained sincerely looking the Jew in his green eyes as he let his hands run down Kyle’s arms to his hands. They were sweaty and warm just like his. ‘So please be my boyfriend, Kyle.’

Kyle paused for a moment to bite his lip, before shaking his head. ‘Sorry, fatass. You’ll have to find someone else to lie to your girlfriend with, cause I’m out.’

‘Fine, you damn Jew,’ Cartman threw his hands in the air. ‘I’ll just keep suffering then until she finally kills me. Thanks for nothing, friend!’ Cartman shouted

Kyle crossed his arms over his chest and turned away as Cartman stormed out of his room, slamming Kyle’s bedroom door on his way downstairs.

He couldn’t believe Kyle had let him down. He frowned pouting at the snow in the Broflovski front yard. Maybe the Jew was right, maybe he should have begged Kenny instead. He sighed, knowing Kyle was the only one of his friends smart enough to master the level of manipulation needed for his plan to work. Kenny, Stan or either of the gays wouldn’t work. Cartman glanced up toward the Jew’s bedroom window, wondering if Kyle would ever consider him a real friend. His phone buzzed in his pocket and for a moment he thought Kyle had changed his mind. He was hit with disappointment as he saw Heidi’s name appear scrolled across the screen. His red eyes lowered, and his body shivered at the thought of speaking to her. He couldn’t deal with her right now. 

***

Cartman hid behind his open locker door, so far so good. Things were looking up today. He had successfully avoided both Heidi and Kyle on the bus this morning by convincing his mom to drive him to school, with a bonus egg McMuffin on the way. He glanced around him before closing his locker door, if he could make it to homeroom, maybe he could avoid her the rest of the morning.

‘Eric Cartman!’

His body tensed at the sound of his name. He turned to find his girlfriend glaring at him with her hands resting on her hips. Her mid-section was peeking out the bottom of her coat, the buttons holding on for dear life. Had she gained another ten pounds over the weekend?

He shook his head trying to ignore her appearance and concentrated on the floor. ‘Hey…babe.’

‘Don’t hey babe me, Eric, where were you last night? I know you saw my text, I told you to come over, so we could watch TV and snuggle. I called three times and heard nothing back from you. You know better than to ignore my calls and texts.’

Cartman grunted but replied with a whispered, ‘Sorry babe, I was busy.’

Heidi shoved him against the lockers. ‘Are you even listening to me? Relationships are a two-way street, Eric. You make me so angry when you ignore me.’

Cartman rubbed his wounded shoulder. ‘Damn it, I said I was sorry, Heidi. Lay off.’

Heidi smacked him across the face. ‘You never show me any respect. I’m the only one that likes you, Eric. Without me, no one would even talk to such a fat loser like you.’ Heidi pushed Cartman back again, pinning him against the lockers. ‘What were you even doing that was so much more important then spending time with your girlfriend?’

Classmates started to gather around them, Cartman’s tried to wiggle free as he glanced around at all the judging faces. He just had to calm her down, so she wouldn’t kick his ass in front of everyone again. ‘Heidi, babe can we go discuss this in private?’

‘No.  Let me guess the train your mom was pulling last night was so big, it blocked the front door?’

Cartman pinched his lips together as he shook with anger as everyone in the hallway broke into laughter. ‘Don’t talk about my mom like that!’

‘Why, everyone already knows she’s a whore?’ Heidi said.

‘He was with me,’ Cartman turned towards the voice in the crowded and was relieved to see the Jew step in front of Heidi.

Heidi loosen her grip on Cartman and sized up Kyle. ‘Eric, if you were desperate for a new mother figure my mom would have baked cookies with you.’

Kyle’s face went red as the crowded chuckled. She really was a bitch. ‘Shut up, Heidi.’

Heidi sneered between Kyle and Cartman. ‘Why would you go to the dumb Jew’s house anyway?’

Cartman sighed and tried to take Heidi’s hand. ‘Babe. I just needed some guy time, Kyle got a new game for Chanukah.

Heidi slapped his hand away. ‘Again? You idiot, you know if you don’t raise your history grade we won’t be able to run for student council next month. What were you thinking?’

 Kyle held his hands up. ‘Sorry Heidi, I just needed another player. I didn’t know he should have been studying. It was just a misunderstanding, so maybe we can all just go to class now?’

‘Can it, mom! No one asked you,’ Heidi said, pushing Kyle away before poking Eric in the chest. ‘We have to keep you away from bad influences like that Jew. I know what’s best for you and you are going to start treating me with the respect I deserve or pay the price.’ Her fingers curled into a ball and she held it against his face.

Cartman could hear the other kids whispering words like pussy, wimp, whipped and loser around him as the cold eyes of his girlfriend glared at him. He could feel his skin heating up and his breathing shuddered as he managed the word, ‘Heidi,’ as he closed his eyes ready for impact.

Instead a warm hand pulled him down the row of lockers. His eyes opened following the hand to Kyle’s pale arm.

‘I think you’re the bad influence, Heidi,’ Kyle said, venom on his tongue. Cartman’s eyes widened as his hand was squeezed firmly by Kyle’s. ‘Cartman deserves better than a bitch like you.’

Heidi rolled her eyes with a chuckle. ‘Really? I think he’s fucking lucky to have me. After all, no one else wants him.’

Cartman’s face fell. She was right.

Kyle looked at Cartman, noticing the tears building in the corners of his eyes. ‘You’re wrong,’ he said, leaning over to kiss Cartman on the lips.

Cartman froze. Even when he had come up with his plan, he hadn’t thought beyond holding hands in the school hallway to get Heidi to dump him. Now the Jew was holding his chin with one hand to keep him at the right angle and pressing his surprising soft lips against his. Kyle was kissing him, like really kissing him. It felt good, better than any kiss he’d had before from Heidi. It was electric and exciting. Yet, warm and relaxing. When the Jew pulled away, Cartman could only stare at Kyle as he whispered, ‘Holy shit.’

Kyle looked away nervously. Trying not to focus on Cartman or his shocked classmates.

‘You kissed me.’

‘Yeah, I guess I did,’ Kyle agreed, struggling to look Cartman in the eye.

‘That was so hot,’ Cartman replied, unable to stop looking at Kyle’s lips.

Kyle turned completely red. ‘Any chance you want a boyfriend?’  He asked, shooting Heidi daggers.  

Cartman laughed, squeezing the other boy’s hand. ‘Hell yeah.’

Kyle motioned his head down the hallway as he tugged on Cartman’s hand. ‘Let’s go, Eric.’

Heidi grabbed Cartman’s other hand. ‘Where do you think you’re going with this freak?’

‘I’m walking my new boyfriend to class,’ Cartman explained.

Heidi looked like she might explode. ‘You’re gay now? Since when?’

Kyle squeezed his hand again as Cartman answered, ‘Since about two minutes ago.’

Heidi frowned. ‘You leave with him and we’re over, Eric. I will never take you back. I’ll find someone better than you.’

Cartman glanced from Kyle to Heidi. ‘Okay. Good riddance, fatty!’ Their classmates laughed as Heidi took off towards the girl’s bathroom.

When the crowd thinned, Cartman turned to Kyle. ‘Thanks, Jew. That was perfect, she’ll never want to date me again.’

Kyle smiled, dropping their linked hands. ‘I’m glad I could help with your plan,’

Cartman looked down at his empty hand before grabbing Kyle’s shoulders so he couldn’t walk away. ‘Umm… Kyle did you mean any of that?’

Kyle looked around nervously. ‘Maybe… some of it.’ He shrugged.

‘In that case, could we stay together a little longer then? Maybe go on some dates and kiss some more,’ Cartman said, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

‘I guess there is no extra harm in that,’ Kyle said leaning into Cartman’s shoulder, ‘but you’re coming to Chanukkah dinner tonight on your best behaviour and if you call my mom a bitch we’re over.’

‘Deal. Anything for you, Jew.’