#that he had murdered jews with his bare hands and there was the proof
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fuck Jonathan Glazer and fuck everyone cheering him on
#self-hating jews are still antisemitic#'i refute my jewishness' okay then bitch! don't make a movie on the backs of 6 million dead jews then!#there are always going to be kapos#and he's one of them#did you know that the actors who had yellow ribbons for the hostages were told to remove those ribbons?#did you know that the red hand print pin that the other actors were wearing are referencing the lynching in ramallah in 2000?#the hand references one of the murderers holding his bloodstained hands out a window to cheer to the crowd outside#that he had murdered jews with his bare hands and there was the proof#the arabs have been using the red hand print as a symbol of palestinian '~*~liberation~*~' (jew murder) since then#glazer just gave permission to every antisemite to tokenize him
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âMy family were hidden Jews, but not anymore. With this coming of age ritual, Iâm proudly reclaiming my Jewish heritage,â said Robert Powell, a 65-year-old Wisconsinite about his recent bar mitzvah at Chabad of Mequon.
Robertâs mother and her sister were raised in Hamburg, Germany. They were fortunate to flee in 1939 shortly before Poland fell to the Nazis, but not before the escalating persecution of Jews was woven into the fabric of their childhood. They experienced things that no children ever should. Anxiety and fear were encoded in their genes and became part of their psyche.
They made a pact to suppress their Jewish identities
With the support of their parents, they made a pact to suppress their Jewish identities. True to their word, they took their secrets to the grave. Discarding all documents and photographs that might reveal the familyâs Jewish ties, they refused to discuss their lives prior to arriving at Ellis Island.
Robert grew up knowing literally nothing about Jews and Judaism. His father was an Episcopalian with a heritage tracing back to England and Wales. Before college, he had barely even met a Jew. His cousin David, on the other hand, always felt drawn to the Jewish faith. He felt deep down that he was Jewish; it was in his soul. Discovering that they had relatives in Germany, Argentina and Brazil, he discerned that they were either Nazis or Jews. The more his questions were met with silence and denials from his mother and aunt, the greater the fire in his belly to dig deeper. His yearning for the truth started his search into his genealogy.
Traveling to New York about eight years ago to bring his daughter to college, Robert stayed with David. Before he had a chance to unpack his bags, his cousin proclaimed: âGuess what! We are Jewish!â
Relatives from Germany had visited the week before and brought proof positive from The Stolpersteine Project which remembers the victims of the Holocaust by installing commemorative plaques with their names on stones in front of their last address. They had documented not only Robâs maternal family tree dating back several generations but a narrative and biographical information to accompany it as well. Robertâs great-grandmother and her sister-in-law were murdered in Auschwitz. Two of her siblings swallowed cyanide capsules like thousands of other Jews in Nazi Germany so as not to suffer the same fateâto preserve their dignity even in the face of death. There was correspondence between relatives expressing how disheartened they were to hear about the pact his mother had made with her sister to conceal their Jewish heritage from their children.
After being kept in the dark for years, it was difficult at first for Robert to grasp the shocking disclosure ⌠how something so evident, like oneâs religion and identity became a well-kept family secret.
A year ago, the subject line of an email from Mequon Torah Center caught his eye. A decade earlier, Rob attended the bat mitzvah of one of his daughterâs middle-school friends at Chabad of Mequon and wrote his email address in the guest book. He had been receiving weekly emails from them ever since that went unread. Robert filled out the short survey sent out by my son, Rabbi Doobie Lisker, newly appointed educational director at Mequon Torah Center. Robert noted that he had recently found out that he was Jewish and would like to explore his true selfâthe Jew he always was.
Intrigued by Robâs response, Doobie arranged to meet up with him and hear his story. âHe has been teaching me about Judaism ever since,â said Rob. âFrom our first meeting, I just wanted to be like him. He embodies the values that are inherent and central to Torah: morality, meaningful living, kindness, ethics and righteousness. I hold him in the highest esteem.â
With the zeal of an investigative reporter, Doobie reviewed the Stolpersteine Projectâs records and researched Robâs maternal lineage further. Employing the Chabad worldwide network, he contacted Rabbi Teichtel in Berlin, who connected him with an organization where he was able to procure Robâs grandparentsâ Hamburg Jewish tax cards proving that in the Hamburg Jewish community they were known to be Jews. After gathering all the supporting evidence, Doobie consulted with a rabbinical expert in Sydney, Australia, who determined that Robert is indeed a full-fledged, halachically accepted Jew. Next, Doobie arranged for Rob to have a brit milah and he was named Yitzchak.
Judaism resonated with Rob immediately. With Doobieâs guidance, he began to wrap tefillin regularly, and set goals for himself working towards learning more and committing to mitzvot, one at a time. But as he began making the transition back to Judaism, he encountered a variety of personal dilemmas and insecurities.
At times, he felt vulnerable and incomplete because he was not a âfully formedâ Jew. He grew up without the embrace of a Jewish community and lacked that essential factor of the Jewish religious practice and experience. He often worried that his (now fellow) Jews wouldnât want to embrace him because he was a âdiluted versionâ of what was supposed to be Jewish.
Robert knew deep down that he was being disingenuous not only to them but also to himself and his ancestors, whose sacrifice and exceptional courage kept our Jewish legacy alive. And then, with Doobie at his sideâwith the Rappaports and his newfound community at Chabad of Mequonâa journey of self-love and acceptance began. Slowly but surely, a tremendous burden was lifted. He was living his authentic life with a sense of peace and belonging.
A few months later, Robert began toying with the idea of having a bar mitzvah to confirm his identity. He said that one of Doobieâs famous sayingsââNever put off a mitzvahââmade him actualize his plans.
A soft white carpet of snow covered the asphalt, and barren boughs of trees coated with ice crystals glistened in the sun on that perfect Thursday afternoon on Jan. 7, 2021. The sanctuary was filled with 10 close friends and family members, while many others joined via livestream due to COVID-19.
Robert,A journey of love and self-acceptance began who had celebrated his 65th birthday the day before when his Jewish and secular birthdays coincided, stepped up to the bimah (pulpit) wearing his tefillin and newly purchased tallit, in addition to a wide and contagious smile not unlike those seen by proud 13-year-old boys celebrating their Jewish milestone.
âFor a 13-year-old, a bar mitzvah is a starting point of the teenage and then adult years,â began Rob, âFor me, I carry my life on my backâmy bar mitzvah is an arrival, an affirmation, a coming home. My bar mitzvah firmly links the past with the present. If we donât understand where weâve come from, how do we understand who we really are?
âMy ancestors overcame many obstacles, oppression, fear, tyranny. But they persevered, and they did it with dignity, bravery and the determination to keep alive our Jewish heritage. Our legacy. Our Jewishness. It only remains for me to honor them by living fully and openly as the Jews we were and always will be.â
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day 03;Â âophanimâ
free-form; angel harry, half-angel and half-demon louis
âIn the Bible, there were three spheres of angels,â Harry explains, and Louis rolls his eyes. âThe First Sphere contains the angels that serve as the heavenly servants of God the Son incarnated. Seraphim, Cherubim, and the Thrones, or Elders. To the Jews, that included the Ophanim which were seen in Ezekielâs -â
âIâm sorry,â Louis interrupts loudly, ignoring the irritated look Harry sends him. âWhy is this important?â
Harryâs eye twitches, lips flattening into a line as he stops his pacing. He looks awfully grumpy for who Gabriel said was one of their best goodness mentors, arms crossed over his white shirt and stance stiff. His wings are crisp and pure white - bright enough to make Louisâ eyes burn if he stares too long. Heâs the only angel Louis has seen so far besides the archangels to actually follow the stereotype and dress in all white and the thought makes him smile. âIâm trying to explain the angel hierarchy so you can understand how things work around here.â
âThen why donât you get to the important part instead of babbling on about shit that doesnât matter,â Louis says, arching a brow. âIâm pretty sure I got it anyway. The Order of the Angels are part of the Third Sphere where regular angels report to Seven Archangels as the superiors and the seven report to the Second Sphere and the Second Sphere reports to the First. Really complicated stuff, Iâm blown away.â
âHow do you even know that?â Harry frowns. âMarla said the others barely got to explain anything to you before you chased them off.â
Louis scoffs. âIâm not dumb. I learned the basic stuff about the system ages ago.â
âThe demons taught you about our systems?â Harry frowns, the distaste dripping from his voice undeniable.
âYeah, they do,â Louis says dryly. âHierarchies, habits, hundreds of methods of murdering angelsâŚâ
He said it in hopes of eliciting a reaction, and he gets exactly what he wants. Harry goes rigid, eyes flashing. ���Donât joke about things like death and murder,â he says darkly. âNot here.â
âDeath is inevitable,â Louis dismisses. âEven for you and me. The demons taught me that too.â
Harry sighs. âThis would be so much easier if you just listened,â he says flatly.
âWhereâs the fun in that?â Louis asks sweetly, smirking. He swings his legs from where heâs perched in a chair, Harry stood across the room from him.
âIf you listen, you can learn,â Harry insists. âLearn how to be an angel and how to maintain goodness.â
âWell, that sounds boring,â Louis says, feeling satisfaction flicker inside him when Harry has to squeeze his eyes shut in exasperation.
âYou have to listen,â Harry says firmly. âThose are the conditions. You have to try.â
âBut I donât want to,â Louis says, shrugging.
âHow do you know you donât want to when you havenât tried once?â Harry asks. âWhen you havenât even tried to learn about angels and how -â
âI canât be what you and Gabriel and the others want me to be,â Louis interrupts flatly, âand Iâm sure youâll see that for yourself eventually. I canât be an angel or believe in any of the bullshit youâre preaching about me being able to learn something that cannot be taught. Iâm not like you and I never will be.â He lets out a harsh, bitter laugh. âNone of your lessons in goodness will ever change that.â
For emphasis, he stands up and plants his hands on his hips, letting his wings unfold in proof. Harryâs eyes track them, a grimace curling his lips. He doesnât even bother to hide his discomfort and it just makes Louis even more mad.
âThis unnerves you, doesnât it?â he says, blood boiling at the sight. âMy existence unnerves you because it proves everything you know to be true as wrong.â He ruffles his feathers, blood boiling when Harry averts his gaze. âYou canât even look at them.â
Unlike Harryâs pure white feathers, Louisâ wings are a stark shade of slate, lighter than charcoal and darker than ivory. The perfect shade of gray. And itâs really only fitting, he supposes. Heâs the mix of both worlds - half-angel and half-demon. Heâs not good or evil - heâs in between.
And thatâs what drives both angels and demons completely mad.
Neither side knows what to do with him, knows what to do with the boy who crossed the bridge between both kinds that had for so long been unbridgeable and changed the game forever. He is the product of a forbidden match and the source of chaos that neither demons nor angels know how to deal with but seem to think they have a claim over him anyway. He is a source of conflict.
He tracks the movement of Harryâs jaw as he grits his teeth, frustration radiating from his figure. If Louis werenât so pissed at him, heâd find the whole irritated facade attractive. Heâd find Harry attractive. He is objectively handsome, Louis can admit. All angels are to some extent, but Harryâs looks exceed even that bar - all sharp angles and classically beautiful features. Louis would be lying if he said he didnât notice it, or if he said his eyes didnât linger on the angelâs biceps and how nice they look with his arms crossed like that.
But beyond that enticing exterior, Harry is no different than the other angels Louis has met - perhaps, even worse. He doesnât get it, is the thing. He thinks he can teach Louis about goodness and that eventually his wings will turn white and any remnants of his demon DNA will drain out of him like sweat off his skin. That he can just choose a side even though his blood is woven with strings of both.
Thatâs what they all think - what the demons thought too when it was their turn to try and convert Louis. Because that had been the decision made when Louisâ parentage had been confirmed two years ago. Two years with the demons. Two years with the angels. And then, on his twenty-fourth birthday, heâll choose a side.
Louis had been raised on Earth - raised with the humans. He grew up in the system, passed from foster home to foster home until he turned eighteen and was let loose on his own. Thatâs also when his divinity became too strong to conceal. It hadnât even been a week since his birthday when he woke up with a searing pain between his shoulder blades - the exact spot where eventually his wings sprouted, tilting his world on its axis and sending him reeling. He remembers the day like it was yesterday, the memory making him feel almost nauseous.
âIt doesnât matter if I can look at them not,â Harry says shortly, breaking him out of his thoughts. âItâs my responsibility to mentor you - to teach you goodness. And thatâs what Iâm going to do whether you cooperate or not. Because I believe thereâs potential in you: potential that you can learn the way of the light as youâve learned the way of the demons in the last two years. You have a decision to make at the end of all of this, Louis.â
âLike I donât already know,â Louis snaps, annoyed. Harryâs speaking as if he hasnât been reminded of his impending choice every day since he grew his wings and was taken by the divine beings, poked and prodded at by demons and angels alike, studied and talked over like an object on auction. Heâs well aware of what they decided for his destiny - what was decided for him since never once did either side ask his input. He spent his time with the humans being passed from home to home only to end up with the same fate here.
After two long years with the demons and these tumultuous last couple months with the angels, Louis is tired. Heâs tired and heâs weary and heâs angry. He doesnât give a shit about either side - if anything, he thinks heâs better off with the humans. Earth is a mess, he knows, but itâs also completely gray.
Humans are just like him, a mix of good and evil. They exist in the in-between and itâs allowed. Louis has spent his entire life feeling lonely, but at least in the human world, he hadnât actually been alone. He hadnât been the odd one out - he was just one in a sea filled with a million shades of gray.
âYou can argue or fight it all you want,â Harry says slowly, brows dipping in the middle. Louis can see the way he tamps down any feelings of annoyance and frustration, determined to be peaceful and saintly like all other angels. All traces of potential anger that Louis had been thriving on have vanished from his tone along with any hopes on Louisâ side that he could truly get to him. Heâs truly just the same as everyone else - angel or demon alike. âBut youâre here for almost two years before you make your decision. You may think you canât be one or the other, but you can and you will be whether you like it or not. Neither side will allow any other alternative. Itâs my duty to show you our way of life and thatâs what Iâm going to do whether you let me or not. Itâd be much easier, however, if you were cooperative and actually tried to fit in here.â
Louis scoffs. âI canât fit in. In case you missed it the first thousand times, Iâm not an angel.â
âBut you could be,â Harry says easily, fixing him an intense stare. âYou may think itâs impossible because of your blood, but I know you can. And I intend to prove it.â
âWhat makes you think you have any chance?â Louis asks, tone bored. âWhat makes you think you have a chance when the four other angels assigned to teach me couldnât last longer than a week. Itâs only been one day and Iâve gotten to you too, you canât deny it. How much longer will you endure it?â
âIâm a Paragon,â Harry says calmly, still trying to be peaceful even as Louis tries to goad him. âIâve worked my entire life helping humans choose the right path and guiding them to happiness and contentment and Iâve surpassed all other angels in my class. I was blessed with this title along with only nine other individuals, because I represent the supreme ideal of goodness. And on the day I ascended, I made a promise that Iâd do everything in power to help as many people as I can choose good, including you. And you will not be the black mark on my perfect record.â
Louisâ lips curl, fingers clenching the fabric of his white tunic. âYou forget my mother was a Paragon,â he says coldly. When Harry flinches this time, he doesnât feel an ounce of satisfaction. Riling the angel up these past few days might have been entertaining, but it doesnât change the fact that he doesnât and will never understand Louis - will never even try. He tries to keep his tone even as he continues, âShe ascended like you - was just as good and noble as you to be given that title and yet she still ran off with a demon. She fell in love with and then chose to be with a demon, to reproduce with one and create me - an abomination in your eyes and the eyes of everyone else. Would you call that good? Would you call that âperfectâ?â
Harry doesnât respond, rendered silent.
december word prompt challenge 12/03/20
#dwpc#freeforms#word prompts#not a wip but#let's call it#angel/demon au#so i can find it#also the way that these keep getting longer and longer...#shout out to lovely jas for saying angel harry is underrated
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ss gift for officialcartman updated
Sorry, I just noticed a stupid typo in the title. lol.Â
Written for the Kyman Secret Santa gift exchange for officialcartman. Takes place during the episode Super Hard PCness.
Eric Cartmanâs Fool Proof Plan to Break Up with Heidi Turner    Â
By: lonegungal17
 Eric Cartman wasnât afraid of many things. Not spiders, not the dark and not ghosts. Okay, maybe that one a little. But there was one thing that scared him most: his girlfriend, Heidi Turner. Part of him knew he had created this monster. She had been a nice person, down right sweet, until he had got his paws on her. He had changed her, she was now an overweight, ugly, mean bully that demanded the dreaded snuggles at all times.  He had found it funny at first when she had become more like him, but somewhere along the way she had took it too far. She belittled everyone in their social circle, murdered salient creatures and threated him every time he disagreed with her slightly. He might have been a little bad now and then, but she was worst by a long shot. The last straw had been when she had referred to his mom as a whore. Who did that little bitch even think she was?
It was that exchange that had lead him to the front door of the Broflovski residence with a fool proof plan. He just needed one more person to complete it: Kyle. As much as he hated to admit, the Jew was the only one that could keep him in check, the only one not afraid of his dark side. His biggest rival but also his conscience. If he was going to escape Cartman 2.0, he would need Kyleâs help.
Cartman fiddled with the gift bag in his hand before summoning the courage to knock on the door. The door opened to reveal Kyleâs bitch mom. He had to swallow his pride. âWhy hello Mrs. Broflovski.â
Sheila frowned down at Cartman, before he could continue, and she turned back towards the living room. âKyle, your little friend is here.â
âStan?â
âNo, the fat one,â Sheila answered, smirking at Cartman before walking away.
Cartman balled his fists at his sides and whispered, âBitch.â
âWhat do you want, fatass?â Kyle appeared at the door, leaning against the frame. His red freshly styled hair hanging loose around his face.
Ericâs eyes locked on the Jewâs hair. Â âWhereâs your hat?â He had to admit, Kyleâs hair looked better than the normal ratâs nest he normally hid under his hat. The new hair cut suited him and his hair looked so soft. Part of him wanted to reach forward and touch it but maybe heâd save that for one of his midnight visits.
âIn the wash. Anything else I can help you with?â
âYou just look so differentâŚÂ kind of weird without it. Cartman pushed the gift at him. âI got a present and a proposition for you.â
Kyle narrowed his eyes, taking the bag from Cartman and looking inside. âChanukah isnât until tomorrow.â
âItâs not more gold for your collection but I thought you might like it,â Cartman shrugged.
Kyle held up the MC Deidel Saves the World game, examining it before placing it back in the bag. âThanks, but not interested in bribes.â He shoved the bag back into Cartmanâs hands. âBye, fatass,â he said, trying to close the door.
Cartman jumped forward blocking the door from closing with his foot. âWait! Surely, even giving you, a Chanukah present buys me at least five minutes of your time.â
Kyle sighed, grabbing the bag from Cartmanâs hand again. âFine, five minutesâ he said, releasing the door and nodding his head towards the stairs.
Cartman removed his hat and smoothed down his hair with his hand as he followed Kyle up to his bedroom. Once inside, Kyle motioned for him to sit at his desk while he sat down on the edge of his own bed.
âOkay, spill what do you want anyway?â
Cartman looked away. Part of him hadnât believed his plan would even make it this far. Now he felt ashamed of the favor he needed to ask for. âI need your helpâŚâ
âWhat did you do now, Cartman?â
Cartman pinched his eyebrows together. âIâŚâ
âSpit it out, fatass!â
âI need you to be my boyfriend,â Cartman stammered.
Kyle stood up from his bed, his face resembling a tomato. âWhat the hell?â
Cartman stood quickly approaching the Jew. Kyle was definitely going to punch him. He grabbed Kyleâs fist before he could swing at his head. âWait, calm down. Just hear me out first.â
Kyle growled as he tried to wrestle his hand away from Cartman. âWhat is this? Are you seriously trying to ask me out? Cause that is a big fat no. Plus, donât you remember youâre dating Heidi.â
Cartman held Kyleâs strong arms at his sides. âHeidi is why I want to pretend to date you. Pretend, just pretend,â Cartman shouted. âItâs literally my only way out, without her killing me.â
Kyle shook his arms away. âThe fuck are you talking about?â
Cartman picked up his beanie again, squeezing it tightly into a ball. âHeidi wonât break up with me,â he explained, each word coming out broken. âI canât do it anymore. Sheâs horrible, Kyle. She bullies everyone, including me.â
âYou made her that way, Cartman. Sheâs your clone. You two were just finishing each otherâs sentences earlier today, calling me my mom.â
Carman shook his head, trying not to laugh. âNo, Kyle she is far worst then me. She wonât let me go. She said the only way she would break up with me was if I was gay or dead.â
Kyle laughed. âCarman, seriously?â
Cartman fell to his knees, hugging Kyleâs legs. âYouâve seen her. I can barely hold her off in a fight. I have to pretend I still like her to keep her from kicking my ass, thatâs the only time she stops.â
âDude, get a hold of yourself. Sheâs a girl, she isnât going to hurt you.â
âReally, Kyle? Â Donât you remember when Wendy kicked my ass? Heidi is like four Wendys with access to her dadâs power tools,â Cartman shouted.
Kyle laughed.
âThis isnât a laughing matter, Jew. Sheâs dangerous and so mean,â Cartman whined. âShe calls me fat, ugly and says my mom is a whore.â
Kyle frowned pulling Cartman to his feet. âCome on, dude. Get a hold of yourself.â
Cartman wiped his nose on his sleeve. âShe really scares me. Iâm not brave like you.â
Kyle rolled his eyes. âTrue but why do I need to get involved with you dumping your girlfriend?â
âShe thinks youâre gay, Kyle.â
âWhat? Iâm not gay,â Kyle corrected him, his face burning red.â
âDoesnât really matter,â Cartman assured him.
âIâm not!â Kyle shouted.
Cartman put his hands on Kyleâs shoulders. âOkay, whatever, Jew. Youâre as straight as I am. Â As I said, it doesnât matter anyway.â Kyle glared at him as Cartman continued. âI just need someone that is believably gay, so Heidi will give up on me and move onto her next prey.â
âIâm not gay, fatass,â Kyle reminded him again. âWhy donât you ask Tweek or Craig?â
âReally? They are a couple. Plus, youâve never had a girlfriend, you look like a hot little twink and we have this excellent love/ hate thing going on. Itâs perfect,â Cartman explained.
âThatâs because I really do hate you,â Kyle said, deadpanned.
Cartman rolled his eyes to mask the hurt in his voice. âDoesnât manner. I consider you to be my best friend, Kyle, and I trust you the most.â
âIâm not your best friend, Kenny is.â
âThat poor piece of trash? Nope, never. Youâre the one that looks after me and calls me on my bullshit when I need someone to. Kenny only cares about tits,â Cartman explained sincerely looking the Jew in his green eyes as he let his hands run down Kyleâs arms to his hands. They were sweaty and warm just like his. âSo please be my boyfriend, Kyle.â
Kyle paused for a moment to bite his lip, before shaking his head. âSorry, fatass. Youâll have to find someone else to lie to your girlfriend with, cause Iâm out.â
âFine, you damn Jew,â Cartman threw his hands in the air. âIâll just keep suffering then until she finally kills me. Thanks for nothing, friend!â Cartman shouted
Kyle crossed his arms over his chest and turned away as Cartman stormed out of his room, slamming Kyleâs bedroom door on his way downstairs.
He couldnât believe Kyle had let him down. He frowned pouting at the snow in the Broflovski front yard. Maybe the Jew was right, maybe he should have begged Kenny instead. He sighed, knowing Kyle was the only one of his friends smart enough to master the level of manipulation needed for his plan to work. Kenny, Stan or either of the gays wouldnât work. Cartman glanced up toward the Jewâs bedroom window, wondering if Kyle would ever consider him a real friend. His phone buzzed in his pocket and for a moment he thought Kyle had changed his mind. He was hit with disappointment as he saw Heidiâs name appear scrolled across the screen. His red eyes lowered, and his body shivered at the thought of speaking to her. He couldnât deal with her right now.Â
***
Cartman hid behind his open locker door, so far so good. Things were looking up today. He had successfully avoided both Heidi and Kyle on the bus this morning by convincing his mom to drive him to school, with a bonus egg McMuffin on the way. He glanced around him before closing his locker door, if he could make it to homeroom, maybe he could avoid her the rest of the morning.
âEric Cartman!â
His body tensed at the sound of his name. He turned to find his girlfriend glaring at him with her hands resting on her hips. Her mid-section was peeking out the bottom of her coat, the buttons holding on for dear life. Had she gained another ten pounds over the weekend?
He shook his head trying to ignore her appearance and concentrated on the floor. âHeyâŚbabe.â
âDonât hey babe me, Eric, where were you last night? I know you saw my text, I told you to come over, so we could watch TV and snuggle. I called three times and heard nothing back from you. You know better than to ignore my calls and texts.â
Cartman grunted but replied with a whispered, âSorry babe, I was busy.â
Heidi shoved him against the lockers. âAre you even listening to me? Relationships are a two-way street, Eric. You make me so angry when you ignore me.â
Cartman rubbed his wounded shoulder. âDamn it, I said I was sorry, Heidi. Lay off.â
Heidi smacked him across the face. âYou never show me any respect. Iâm the only one that likes you, Eric. Without me, no one would even talk to such a fat loser like you.â Heidi pushed Cartman back again, pinning him against the lockers. âWhat were you even doing that was so much more important then spending time with your girlfriend?â
Classmates started to gather around them, Cartmanâs tried to wiggle free as he glanced around at all the judging faces. He just had to calm her down, so she wouldnât kick his ass in front of everyone again. âHeidi, babe can we go discuss this in private?â
âNo. Â Let me guess the train your mom was pulling last night was so big, it blocked the front door?â
Cartman pinched his lips together as he shook with anger as everyone in the hallway broke into laughter. âDonât talk about my mom like that!â
âWhy, everyone already knows sheâs a whore?â Heidi said.
âHe was with me,â Cartman turned towards the voice in the crowded and was relieved to see the Jew step in front of Heidi.
Heidi loosen her grip on Cartman and sized up Kyle. âEric, if you were desperate for a new mother figure my mom would have baked cookies with you.â
Kyleâs face went red as the crowded chuckled. She really was a bitch. âShut up, Heidi.â
Heidi sneered between Kyle and Cartman. âWhy would you go to the dumb Jewâs house anyway?â
Cartman sighed and tried to take Heidiâs hand. âBabe. I just needed some guy time, Kyle got a new game for Chanukah.
Heidi slapped his hand away. âAgain? You idiot, you know if you donât raise your history grade we wonât be able to run for student council next month. What were you thinking?â
 Kyle held his hands up. âSorry Heidi, I just needed another player. I didnât know he should have been studying. It was just a misunderstanding, so maybe we can all just go to class now?â
âCan it, mom! No one asked you,â Heidi said, pushing Kyle away before poking Eric in the chest. âWe have to keep you away from bad influences like that Jew. I know whatâs best for you and you are going to start treating me with the respect I deserve or pay the price.â Her fingers curled into a ball and she held it against his face.
Cartman could hear the other kids whispering words like pussy, wimp, whipped and loser around him as the cold eyes of his girlfriend glared at him. He could feel his skin heating up and his breathing shuddered as he managed the word, âHeidi,â as he closed his eyes ready for impact.
Instead a warm hand pulled him down the row of lockers. His eyes opened following the hand to Kyleâs pale arm.
âI think youâre the bad influence, Heidi,â Kyle said, venom on his tongue. Cartmanâs eyes widened as his hand was squeezed firmly by Kyleâs. âCartman deserves better than a bitch like you.â
Heidi rolled her eyes with a chuckle. âReally? I think heâs fucking lucky to have me. After all, no one else wants him.â
Cartmanâs face fell. She was right.
Kyle looked at Cartman, noticing the tears building in the corners of his eyes. âYouâre wrong,â he said, leaning over to kiss Cartman on the lips.
Cartman froze. Even when he had come up with his plan, he hadnât thought beyond holding hands in the school hallway to get Heidi to dump him. Now the Jew was holding his chin with one hand to keep him at the right angle and pressing his surprising soft lips against his. Kyle was kissing him, like really kissing him. It felt good, better than any kiss heâd had before from Heidi. It was electric and exciting. Yet, warm and relaxing. When the Jew pulled away, Cartman could only stare at Kyle as he whispered, âHoly shit.â
Kyle looked away nervously. Trying not to focus on Cartman or his shocked classmates.
âYou kissed me.â
âYeah, I guess I did,â Kyle agreed, struggling to look Cartman in the eye.
âThat was so hot,â Cartman replied, unable to stop looking at Kyleâs lips.
Kyle turned completely red. âAny chance you want a boyfriend?â Â He asked, shooting Heidi daggers. Â
Cartman laughed, squeezing the other boyâs hand. âHell yeah.â
Kyle motioned his head down the hallway as he tugged on Cartmanâs hand. âLetâs go, Eric.â
Heidi grabbed Cartmanâs other hand. âWhere do you think youâre going with this freak?â
âIâm walking my new boyfriend to class,â Cartman explained.
Heidi looked like she might explode. âYouâre gay now? Since when?â
Kyle squeezed his hand again as Cartman answered, âSince about two minutes ago.â
Heidi frowned. âYou leave with him and weâre over, Eric. I will never take you back. Iâll find someone better than you.â
Cartman glanced from Kyle to Heidi. âOkay. Good riddance, fatty!â Their classmates laughed as Heidi took off towards the girlâs bathroom.
When the crowd thinned, Cartman turned to Kyle. âThanks, Jew. That was perfect, sheâll never want to date me again.â
Kyle smiled, dropping their linked hands. âIâm glad I could help with your plan,â
Cartman looked down at his empty hand before grabbing Kyleâs shoulders so he couldnât walk away. âUmm⌠Kyle did you mean any of that?â
Kyle looked around nervously. âMaybe⌠some of it.â He shrugged.
âIn that case, could we stay together a little longer then? Maybe go on some dates and kiss some more,â Cartman said, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.
âI guess there is no extra harm in that,â Kyle said leaning into Cartmanâs shoulder, âbut youâre coming to Chanukkah dinner tonight on your best behaviour and if you call my mom a bitch weâre over.â
âDeal. Anything for you, Jew.â
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